Second Draft of USA Today Ad

[c0unterph0bia]

Very Professional

 

[manny]

And about the debate over which websites to include I think his official one and the ronpaullibrary are the essentials. Other than that it's a personal preference. Giving the official site is important since it contains the basics - remember this is aimed at people who know nothing/little about RP - and links to the youtube page, meetup page/forum, eventful, shows donations etc.

(Only other thing - do the guys running ronpaullibrary.org and ronpaulstopdreaming.com (well I mean the re-directing thing on the latter) know their address is going nationwide in case they need to change anything to cope with extra traffic?)

I can't stop looking at the ad and smiling

 

[Ridiculous]

Oh, here's a big one. At least to me. PLEASE do not reference Ron Paul Forums on this ad.

Do we want people coming here who don't know squat about Ron Paul? You know as well as I do, that this is not the place for people just trying to find out more about his stances.

PLEASE do not do this.

I agree with this.

A side note: It is very clear that the media is lurking here. So remember that when you are typing.

 

[adwads]

Great Ad! Make sure you check the phone number of where to donate. Instead of keep us out of entangling alliances I would say, as suggested above, keep us out of no-win wars or something like that.

 

[Johnnybags]

llepard, I hope you have a statement ready

when they interview you, lol. I volunteer as your press release writer. No words can describe the effort you are making so I will not try. Maybe Superstupendous, an new word.

 

[HankScorpio]

I would organize the bullet points on the bottom let of the ad. First list Paul's voting record and then follow with his plans for change. Right now everything is jumbled and doesn't flow.

 

[Conza88]

When Ron Paul supporters raised $4.3 million in one day (more than any other GOP candidate) that got their attention.

Now its time to WIN!

Help us make December 16th the largest ever, one-day fund-raiser for any political candidate in history.

Perfect in general!!! AWESOME! - we are all nit picking now I think, besides a few valid stuff like not having rp forums up there. Also correct the few mistakes, phone no. etc

But as for this section I quoted; I think the sentence needs work. (It's in black background, so its more prominent) You need to remove the "When", plus who is "their" attention? - to;

Ron Paul supporters recently raised $4.3 million in one day. More than any other GOP candidate in history! The mainstream media is beginning to pay attention.

Now, it's time to WIN!

Help us make December 16th, in commemoration of the Boston Tea Party, the largest ever, one-day fund-raiser for any political candidate in history.... etc

Better sentence structure I think... didn't flow well. Plus Dec the 16th, is automatically associated with the Boston tea party? I added the words in there, to make it more obvious as TO WHY the 16th...

 

[Conza88]

Great Ad! Make sure you check the phone number of where to donate. Instead of keep us out of entangling alliances I would say, as suggested above, keep us out of no-win wars or something like that.

So... do win wars? Thats not RP... he's against entangling alliances, its perfect imo.

 

[rrcamp]

Amazing. I can never thank you guys enough!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ozwest]

The B&W format works perfectly with the pencil-like drawings of the Founding Forefathers, and the oval sphere at the top part of the page match well with frames surrounding the Colonialists... Although the bottom half of the page is more conventional and modern, it blends with the top half, and is pleasing to the eye... Congratulations on not only producing an informative and thought-provoking advertisement for the campaign, but also a memorable piece of political art.

 

[MadOdorMachine]

That's leaps and bounds better than the original. Good job!

 

[DrNoZone]

Wow, I'm so impressed! The changes made make a HUGE difference. I'm so glad that llepard and those responsible listened to the constructive criticism.

 

[deedles]

I wish I could see it

Blocked at work, too.

 

[Mark Rushmore]

I wish I could see it

Blocked at work, too.

Check PM.

 

[Janet0116]

Amazing, wonderful, I LOVE IT! Thank you so much for doing this, you are a true patriot!

 

[troyd1]

My 2 cents.
"Ron Paul will bring the troops him now" is not accurate and scares the hell out of a lot of people. For one, he will not do this until he is elected and now means today. Also he did not say the first day in office he will bring the troops home, he said he will remove the troops as soon as possible in an orderly fashion. We cannot just pull out in one day which that conveys.

something like:
"When elected, Ron Paul will judiciously bring the troops home in an expedient manner"

In the dangers of overspending section it says we are $9 trillion in debt. I think there should also be a statement about what our government owes in unpaid ssi, pension and whatever other commitments. I think the last I seen was like $25 trillion.

On the illegal immigrant line I too agree millions would be better than legions.

"Now we are servants" should probably read "We are now servants"

Under "IF not now, When?" or somewhere there should be the phrase "Join us and take back our country!"

Also as far as looks, the text should be justify(block) aligned. It makes it look much cleaner. If anyone is not familiar with this in word it is the justify that is even on both side.

Overall this is incredible.

 

[JJ2K1]

I see a lot of open room to make "For these reasons we the people support Ron Paul for President" bigger. I say try to fill in the paper as much as you can. Bottom and Top look good though.

 

[Mark Rushmore]

"Now we are servants" should probably read "We are now servants".

Either one I think should be change the "to" following it to "of", the repetition of "to" "to" coming so soon is awkward.

"servants of a government to which"

rather than:
"servants to a government to which"

 

[deedles]

The ad is beautiful. Changes made all the difference between good and great!

(Still think the founders pics should face each other towards the center of the page.)

llepard, you are a patriot. What a wonderful thing this is.

Thank you!

 

[Ninja Homer]

This is an awesome ad! My only suggestion is a visual one. Change the placement of the oval pics and it will give it a lot more balance and a more unified feel. I know this has been suggested in the other thread, but here's an example just so you can see the difference: