asimplegirl
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What Do Women Want?
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Acala
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Nobody's bidness
Because women are hardwired to be submissive and being raped is the ultimate act of submission. They are accessing primitive natural instincts. You don't understand it because you are not a woman. It is actually a completely understandable fantasy for a woman. And I would speculate that if there was not so much stigma attached to it, even more women would admit to this fantasy.
You have no idea what goes on in Ron Paul's bedroom. And that is as it should be. You think that couples who indulge each others' fantasies are going to somehow appear bizarre to outsiders? On the contrary, they are likely to appear peaceful and content.
I agree that people who are constantly seeking ever more extreme forms of sexual activity in order to be stimulated have a problem. But light bondage, spanking, and simulated rape are very common in people with very healthy, stable, and satisfying sex lives and, in my mind, are just ways of accessing some basic animal instincts.
In my experience, I have never been with a woman who didn't ultimately want - at least once in a while - to be wrestled down and roughly taken. It actually is not my first choice - I prefer a slow drive to madness - but I like to oblige my lover. I have never done the full-on climb through the window role-play thing with a woman. Mostly because it takes too much planning and I am too much of a slacker for that. Some women love a little spanking and some not at all. I think the ones who don't like it at all see it on the same plane as a punch in the face. And that is fine. It is offered up for THEIR pleasure, not mine (except in the sense that giving her pleasure gives me pleasure) and if they don't like it, it ends there.
It is a lover's proper role to help their partner explore their sexuality. Sometimes that means helping them open up to things they have not considered or things they have been afraid to let out in the open. Try a little light bondage with your GF. She might love you for it.
Say WHAT? You want people to regulate what they do in the privacy of their own homes with other consenting adults because somebody somewhere might find it offensive if they heard about it? Um . . . no. If you don't like what I do in my bedroom, don't watch! You weren't invited anyway. Sheesh. Are you a Republican or something?
You are equating murdering people because of your anger problem with consenting adults exploring their sexuality? Are you serious?
Because women are hardwired to be submissive and being raped is the ultimate act of submission. They are accessing primitive natural instincts. You don't understand it because you are not a woman. It is actually a completely understandable fantasy for a woman. And I would speculate that if there was not so much stigma attached to it, even more women would admit to this fantasy.
You have no idea what goes on in Ron Paul's bedroom. And that is as it should be. You think that couples who indulge each others' fantasies are going to somehow appear bizarre to outsiders? On the contrary, they are likely to appear peaceful and content.
I agree that people who are constantly seeking ever more extreme forms of sexual activity in order to be stimulated have a problem. But light bondage, spanking, and simulated rape are very common in people with very healthy, stable, and satisfying sex lives and, in my mind, are just ways of accessing some basic animal instincts.
In my experience, I have never been with a woman who didn't ultimately want - at least once in a while - to be wrestled down and roughly taken. It actually is not my first choice - I prefer a slow drive to madness - but I like to oblige my lover. I have never done the full-on climb through the window role-play thing with a woman. Mostly because it takes too much planning and I am too much of a slacker for that. Some women love a little spanking and some not at all. I think the ones who don't like it at all see it on the same plane as a punch in the face. And that is fine. It is offered up for THEIR pleasure, not mine (except in the sense that giving her pleasure gives me pleasure) and if they don't like it, it ends there.
It is a lover's proper role to help their partner explore their sexuality. Sometimes that means helping them open up to things they have not considered or things they have been afraid to let out in the open. Try a little light bondage with your GF. She might love you for it.
Say WHAT? You want people to regulate what they do in the privacy of their own homes with other consenting adults because somebody somewhere might find it offensive if they heard about it? Um . . . no. If you don't like what I do in my bedroom, don't watch! You weren't invited anyway. Sheesh. Are you a Republican or something?
You are equating murdering people because of your anger problem with consenting adults exploring their sexuality? Are you serious?
I never thought bondage was close to rape. I mean your "submissive" is actually in control of everything. They even get a safe word. Where else in life do you get to dress up in ridiculous outfits and whip eachother? No physical harm is meant to come from it, well most who do it. It's kinda just twisting a bit a of discomfort into a positive experience. Take alook at the restraints and stuff, they are padded leather usually. Then there's the actually violent variety of sexual activities. I always figured simulated rape fit into that. O well, still defies logic to me, I mean I've heard enough about women complaining about sexual assault at college. Pre-arranged sexual assault wasn't something I thought was high on a girl's wish list.
Acala
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Ignore the feminist rant.
When I was in law school, one female student married a professor. She then went on to lead the charge on campus for rules prohibiting fraternizing between students and faculty! And people just went along with it!
To be clear, any NON-CONSENSUAL sex is rightfully prohibited. But college campuses have gone haywire, with rules about flirting and written consent forms and crap like that.
The plain truth is that "No" often does not mean "no". As often as not it means "not yet" or "try again later" or "I can't give in yet or I will feel like a slut". In my case, I don't have time to play those games so I take it as no anyway. But if you do a survey of women - and I have done this - and ask them how many of them have gone out with or slept with a guy after first telling him "no", you will get at LEAST 50% who will admit to it.
Once again, ignore the feminist rant. The feminists no more represent women at large than does Jesse Jackson represent all black people.
asimplegirl
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I have been in that situation- with multiple attackers, when I was gang raped and sodomized in high school, but w\hat someone else does with their lover is NOT my business.
(...if any of you would just read the damn article, you'd see that rape is not the main point!...)
Anyway, interesting observation: attempted rape happens all the time in the animal kingdom. The difference is that most animals don't have the ability to subdue their female counterparts. If any of you have a really sexually active pet then you already know what I mean. The male may try their best to mount the female, but if the female isn't interested she will just walk away. End of story.
Anyway, interesting observation: attempted rape happens all the time in the animal kingdom. The difference is that most animals don't have the ability to subdue their female counterparts. If any of you have a really sexually active pet then you already know what I mean. The male may try their best to mount the female, but if the female isn't interested she will just walk away. End of story.
Technically, rape doesn't work in our species either. Both males and females have rather vulnerable gear. The penis is entirely "hydraulic" in operation. Male gear can break and tear. Women if not aroused aren't very likely to get pregnant. The uterus will be placed poorly and there will be fewer fluids to aid in transit. Their internals are sensitive to damage if not aroused. Thus I'm beginning think we got a case of pseudo rape/assault vs. actual rape going on.
Danke
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I just saw the movie "Teeth" last night...
Sorry, back to "What do Women Want" Carry on.
Well some other mammals actually have bones in their penis. These are bit more useful for the rapist on the go. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baculum
Danke
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cheapseats
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There are statistics that indicate it works entirely TOO well. Re-visit this notion when your daughter turns 16 and wants to borrow your car to go to a party.
Pure, unadulterated nonsense.
Where do you GET this stuff?
cheapseats
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It’s a long one -- not to zero in on you, Acala, but on how different people are and how different are their desires. I’m lookin’ for a Partner, myself, figger here’s as good a place as many and better than some to get started. Feel free to skim or skip it. (Kalifornia-with-a-k, heads up, this is again your cue to steer clear.)
As I have born witness to them, relationships wherein one half of a couple dictates all terms of the relationship are usually pretty crappy for everyone BUT the dude who is doing all the dictating. Someone who is at another's beck and call cannot be spontaneous and is often unreliable even when plans are made in advance. Everything is in pencil -- if The Acala Character is in a Mood, all bets are off.
In consequence, people don't call/include those women so much. That doesn't bother you, of course. As you have said and reiterated, you don't care what she does when you're doin' your thing, so long as she doesn't disrespect you. Sitting home waiting for you would be fine.
She becomes less and less interesting. Maybe she eats while she watches TV, or drinks while she does the housework. Who needs that? You didn't sign on for depression or weight gain.
Adios . . . next!
As a man, you can do that forever -- have kids at 70 if you want, spoil 'em rotten. Society ill treats a woman who does the same.
Yeah, like she might up and suggest that it wouldn't be unreasonable, since you're a COUPLE, to occasionally do together that which SHE particularly enjoys and would enjoy all the more in your company. Gang plank for THAT bossy bitch, eh?
I am not interested in your "pattern," per se – your patterns are your business, yes? But I am interested and surprised that you proclaim your dating pattern-more-of-a-program on a public message board, including your eminent ability to pleasure a range of sexual tastes. I am EXTREMELY interested and concerned that you PROMULGATE your dating pattern-more-of-a-program by speaking authoritatively and judgmentally to men who are young, inexperienced and impressionable.
TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT THE EXTREMELY DEEP SHIT WE ARE IN AS A COUNTRY WHILE DO-EXACTLY-AS-THEY-PLEASE MEN HAVE BEEN AT THE HELM, and tell me again the problem is that men don't know how to TAKE CHARGE of their women.
NOWHERE is where I state that assumption. NEVER has that been my assumption.
Bullshit. According to your terms, you can pack up and take off whenever you FEEL like it, no strings attached, no questions asked. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. The future prospects of a man who elects to live this way ARE NOT THE SAME as the future prospects of serial girlfriends.
Kindly recall that the Roman senators of the United States of America, Barack Obama among them, voted just this past year NO! NOT YET! WOMEN IN AMERICA SHALL NOT BE PAID THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY, EVEN FOR THE SAME JOBS WITH THE SAME TRAINING. Serial girlfriends, those of the endless accommodation, shall fall further and further behind with each break-up until, alas, they shall be Old (and disrespected) Maids whose lives are not even REMOTELY accurately depicted on The Golden Girls television comedy.
Nothing lasts forever in the Ohhhm sense, true. But the collapse of the relationship that you must have once thought would last forever does NOT translate to there being NO partners who settle together oh-so-successfully for life. For worse or God-awful, I give you TWO sets of Bushes. Not you and and not me, but there ARE people who mate for life and who wouldn't trade their marriages for ANYTHING ON EARTH. There ARE people who celebrate 50th and 60th anniversaries, and who very often die within months of one another. One of the most charming sights on earth, TO ME, is a couple of oldsters walking along holding hands, just like they've been doing for the last half century. They FIT together. You remember from when your kid/s were little, how their hand(s) tucked and laced a certain way inside yours? You could pick your own kid out of a hundred in the pitch black if you could just take two steps holding each of their hands.
Naturally, I especially like it when one half of the couple is jabbering away and the other one is listening raptly and nodding sagely, intermittently injecting a pertinent question or a bit of clarification or a flourish of insight to a dialogue that has been percolating basically forever.
One of the etiquette gurus, I forget which one – Dear Abby or Ann Landers, I think – once advised a young ‘un that s/he should marry someone s/he liked to talk to, because conversation would be the principle ingredient of an enduring relationship. That STILL resonates as Truth, even though it hasn’t panned out for me.
I don't have to have five million dollars in a suitcase to know it exists. I'd LIKE to have five million dollars in a suitcase...who wouldn't? But I don't NEED five million dollars in a suitcase.
Alas, it hasn’t happened for me, but I expect you’ll join me in testifying that the School of Hard Knocks is a veritable TREASURE TROVE of information. Trial & Error is the springboard of many an accomplishment, and I personally believe that mating happily and going the distance is a major accomplishment. I believe that running a marathon is a major accomplishment, too – it doesn't mean that I can DO it. But my being unable to do it doesn’t detract from the accomplishment.
QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]Everyone's DOES vary, that'd be my point. I again draw attention to your claim of making MORE women happy. If the woman is so happy, and you are so in charge of the relationship, why isn't one of them The One?
.[/QUOTE]
You have rejected it for yourself because the relationship you THOUGHT was The One, wasn't. Or because you grew up or changed or whatever. It is completely understandable that you feel as you do, for you. What I’m saying is that you ought not to judge ALL women by your experience with your Ex and, further, that you oughtn’t to imply to young 'uns who don't follow in your defensive foot steps that they are somehow unmanly.
You allude to yoga and meditation -- you know very well that everyone's Path is not identical.
I'm not saying that you are a Bully. I AM saying that the extremity of your pain/disappointment/reorganization is wrongly coloring the advice you are giving to impressionable people. (It IS a hallmark of bullies to thrive on the approval of others, but THAT'S a conversation to have with Kalifornia-with-a-k.)
NOWHERE is where I say that a deep and abiding relationship is effortless. I am quite clear that a deep and abiding relationship . . . a relationship that goes the distance rather than serving the short-term fancies . . . features some compromise. I’m not HAPPY about that, and I’m obviously not prepared to make very many of ‘em, but SOME concessions? Don’t leave home without ‘em.
I also don't believe there's one right person, or "soul mate.” I believe that there are any number of people with whom I could be reasonably happy and no one on earth with whom I would be entirely content. It is not in my nature to be completely happy. Completely happy people kinda irritate me, and perky ones send me around the bend.
Here's MY theory on the multiplicity of suitable partners. Consider life as a jigsaw puzzle, with your ideal mate being more than one of the other puzzle pieces even if you’re a Corner Type. But then consider millions of identically cut jigsaw puzzles, all of which are emptied into the same space. You become part of a different picture, depending which puzzle you hook up in, but now there are multiples of multiple possible matches. There are way more pieces/people to sift through, but there is more opportunity for a good fit. From where I sit, people very often force the puzzle pieces. You know the drill – you CAN, but something is always wrong with the picture.
What it “sounds” like is that you don’t much care about your partner, period. If I understand you correctly, you don't give a shit what they do in your absence so long as it doesn't disrespect you and so long as, when you ARE present, they willingly if not downright cheerfully do every single thing exactly according to your preferences. I again draw attention to the plural and ask, what's in it for her? Do you pay the bills?
That's my experience. Whoever foots the bills calls the shots.
'Cept for weenie Americans, who are throwing good money after bad in order to be bossed around, fined, insulted and abused.
As ever, there are greater chances of being misunderstood and greater challenges to clarification when communicating by letter rather than speech -- if I misunderstood, I apologize. But this is the very argument I am MAKING, i.e. that YOU make it seem like conquest, with the kicker of capricious termination of services and no pension.
If you're not that way, you're not that way. But TO ME, you sound that way. Ordinarily, I wouldn't remark on that. Who cares what I think about the way you sound? I don’t suffer from whatever compels Kalifornia-with-a-k to publicly announce his distaste for me.
Different strokes for different folks, that's bedrock with Libertarianism.
The reason I am piping up is not because I am interested in your dating behavior – again, so there’s no misunderstanding or insult – but because I sense that you are championing rather than merely presently trauma-based advise.
As I have born witness to them, relationships wherein one half of a couple dictates all terms of the relationship are usually pretty crappy for everyone BUT the dude who is doing all the dictating. Someone who is at another's beck and call cannot be spontaneous and is often unreliable even when plans are made in advance. Everything is in pencil -- if The Acala Character is in a Mood, all bets are off.
In consequence, people don't call/include those women so much. That doesn't bother you, of course. As you have said and reiterated, you don't care what she does when you're doin' your thing, so long as she doesn't disrespect you. Sitting home waiting for you would be fine.
She becomes less and less interesting. Maybe she eats while she watches TV, or drinks while she does the housework. Who needs that? You didn't sign on for depression or weight gain.
Adios . . . next!
As a man, you can do that forever -- have kids at 70 if you want, spoil 'em rotten. Society ill treats a woman who does the same.
Yeah, like she might up and suggest that it wouldn't be unreasonable, since you're a COUPLE, to occasionally do together that which SHE particularly enjoys and would enjoy all the more in your company. Gang plank for THAT bossy bitch, eh?
I am not interested in your "pattern," per se – your patterns are your business, yes? But I am interested and surprised that you proclaim your dating pattern-more-of-a-program on a public message board, including your eminent ability to pleasure a range of sexual tastes. I am EXTREMELY interested and concerned that you PROMULGATE your dating pattern-more-of-a-program by speaking authoritatively and judgmentally to men who are young, inexperienced and impressionable.
TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT THE EXTREMELY DEEP SHIT WE ARE IN AS A COUNTRY WHILE DO-EXACTLY-AS-THEY-PLEASE MEN HAVE BEEN AT THE HELM, and tell me again the problem is that men don't know how to TAKE CHARGE of their women.
NOWHERE is where I state that assumption. NEVER has that been my assumption.
Bullshit. According to your terms, you can pack up and take off whenever you FEEL like it, no strings attached, no questions asked. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. The future prospects of a man who elects to live this way ARE NOT THE SAME as the future prospects of serial girlfriends.
Kindly recall that the Roman senators of the United States of America, Barack Obama among them, voted just this past year NO! NOT YET! WOMEN IN AMERICA SHALL NOT BE PAID THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY, EVEN FOR THE SAME JOBS WITH THE SAME TRAINING. Serial girlfriends, those of the endless accommodation, shall fall further and further behind with each break-up until, alas, they shall be Old (and disrespected) Maids whose lives are not even REMOTELY accurately depicted on The Golden Girls television comedy.
Nothing lasts forever in the Ohhhm sense, true. But the collapse of the relationship that you must have once thought would last forever does NOT translate to there being NO partners who settle together oh-so-successfully for life. For worse or God-awful, I give you TWO sets of Bushes. Not you and and not me, but there ARE people who mate for life and who wouldn't trade their marriages for ANYTHING ON EARTH. There ARE people who celebrate 50th and 60th anniversaries, and who very often die within months of one another. One of the most charming sights on earth, TO ME, is a couple of oldsters walking along holding hands, just like they've been doing for the last half century. They FIT together. You remember from when your kid/s were little, how their hand(s) tucked and laced a certain way inside yours? You could pick your own kid out of a hundred in the pitch black if you could just take two steps holding each of their hands.
Naturally, I especially like it when one half of the couple is jabbering away and the other one is listening raptly and nodding sagely, intermittently injecting a pertinent question or a bit of clarification or a flourish of insight to a dialogue that has been percolating basically forever.
One of the etiquette gurus, I forget which one – Dear Abby or Ann Landers, I think – once advised a young ‘un that s/he should marry someone s/he liked to talk to, because conversation would be the principle ingredient of an enduring relationship. That STILL resonates as Truth, even though it hasn’t panned out for me.
I don't have to have five million dollars in a suitcase to know it exists. I'd LIKE to have five million dollars in a suitcase...who wouldn't? But I don't NEED five million dollars in a suitcase.
Alas, it hasn’t happened for me, but I expect you’ll join me in testifying that the School of Hard Knocks is a veritable TREASURE TROVE of information. Trial & Error is the springboard of many an accomplishment, and I personally believe that mating happily and going the distance is a major accomplishment. I believe that running a marathon is a major accomplishment, too – it doesn't mean that I can DO it. But my being unable to do it doesn’t detract from the accomplishment.
QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]Everyone's DOES vary, that'd be my point. I again draw attention to your claim of making MORE women happy. If the woman is so happy, and you are so in charge of the relationship, why isn't one of them The One?
.[/QUOTE]
You have rejected it for yourself because the relationship you THOUGHT was The One, wasn't. Or because you grew up or changed or whatever. It is completely understandable that you feel as you do, for you. What I’m saying is that you ought not to judge ALL women by your experience with your Ex and, further, that you oughtn’t to imply to young 'uns who don't follow in your defensive foot steps that they are somehow unmanly.
You allude to yoga and meditation -- you know very well that everyone's Path is not identical.
I'm not saying that you are a Bully. I AM saying that the extremity of your pain/disappointment/reorganization is wrongly coloring the advice you are giving to impressionable people. (It IS a hallmark of bullies to thrive on the approval of others, but THAT'S a conversation to have with Kalifornia-with-a-k.)
NOWHERE is where I say that a deep and abiding relationship is effortless. I am quite clear that a deep and abiding relationship . . . a relationship that goes the distance rather than serving the short-term fancies . . . features some compromise. I’m not HAPPY about that, and I’m obviously not prepared to make very many of ‘em, but SOME concessions? Don’t leave home without ‘em.
I also don't believe there's one right person, or "soul mate.” I believe that there are any number of people with whom I could be reasonably happy and no one on earth with whom I would be entirely content. It is not in my nature to be completely happy. Completely happy people kinda irritate me, and perky ones send me around the bend.
Here's MY theory on the multiplicity of suitable partners. Consider life as a jigsaw puzzle, with your ideal mate being more than one of the other puzzle pieces even if you’re a Corner Type. But then consider millions of identically cut jigsaw puzzles, all of which are emptied into the same space. You become part of a different picture, depending which puzzle you hook up in, but now there are multiples of multiple possible matches. There are way more pieces/people to sift through, but there is more opportunity for a good fit. From where I sit, people very often force the puzzle pieces. You know the drill – you CAN, but something is always wrong with the picture.
What it “sounds” like is that you don’t much care about your partner, period. If I understand you correctly, you don't give a shit what they do in your absence so long as it doesn't disrespect you and so long as, when you ARE present, they willingly if not downright cheerfully do every single thing exactly according to your preferences. I again draw attention to the plural and ask, what's in it for her? Do you pay the bills?
That's my experience. Whoever foots the bills calls the shots.
'Cept for weenie Americans, who are throwing good money after bad in order to be bossed around, fined, insulted and abused.
As ever, there are greater chances of being misunderstood and greater challenges to clarification when communicating by letter rather than speech -- if I misunderstood, I apologize. But this is the very argument I am MAKING, i.e. that YOU make it seem like conquest, with the kicker of capricious termination of services and no pension.
If you're not that way, you're not that way. But TO ME, you sound that way. Ordinarily, I wouldn't remark on that. Who cares what I think about the way you sound? I don’t suffer from whatever compels Kalifornia-with-a-k to publicly announce his distaste for me.
Different strokes for different folks, that's bedrock with Libertarianism.
The reason I am piping up is not because I am interested in your dating behavior – again, so there’s no misunderstanding or insult – but because I sense that you are championing rather than merely presently trauma-based advise.
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asimplegirl
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Okay, I *MUST* come in at this point.
For some, "the one" doesn't exist. There may be a few, a couple, or none to whom their lives are supposed to touch.
For me, my life has led to a point that ended with this beautiful man at my side. It is not something that happens without work, but it *is* the easiest thing I have ever done.
Even if we were to end tomorrow, I would still know that he was *the* one. The one person who taught me the truth about love. The one person I would have never thought myself to end up with. The one person, I respect more than anything, even in his failures, because of the sheer heart he puts in every endeavor.
My parents were married for 25 years before they divorced. My mother was a horrible wife, and my father a hopeless loser for her. They still are best friends. They still claim the other was the one. They can't have a happy moment without wishing the other could have experienced it. They can't think of their futures without seeing the other in it. They are a pair. As unlikely as it seems, some people do find one person that it just *works* with better than anyone else. Someone that fits the needs they have, gives them the characteristics their own personality lacks, and maybe even strengths to the faults they don't know they have.
For some, "the one" doesn't exist. There may be a few, a couple, or none to whom their lives are supposed to touch.
For me, my life has led to a point that ended with this beautiful man at my side. It is not something that happens without work, but it *is* the easiest thing I have ever done.
Even if we were to end tomorrow, I would still know that he was *the* one. The one person who taught me the truth about love. The one person I would have never thought myself to end up with. The one person, I respect more than anything, even in his failures, because of the sheer heart he puts in every endeavor.
My parents were married for 25 years before they divorced. My mother was a horrible wife, and my father a hopeless loser for her. They still are best friends. They still claim the other was the one. They can't have a happy moment without wishing the other could have experienced it. They can't think of their futures without seeing the other in it. They are a pair. As unlikely as it seems, some people do find one person that it just *works* with better than anyone else. Someone that fits the needs they have, gives them the characteristics their own personality lacks, and maybe even strengths to the faults they don't know they have.
Um it's just biology and anatomy. U can check up some of this type on the internet. Teach your daughter to respect herself not get drunk and be complacent in a forced sex situation, that's all you can hope for. Far as I'm concerned the rape victim should and ought to use whatever force she wishes to make the attacker stop. She can inflict grievous injury in such situations. Most people are raped by people, they know and trust actually so I'm sure this factors in the response. Not comforting to realize, you're most likely to be raped by people u know.
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