What Do Women Want?

[Acala]

As you like

With respect, I will suggest that both Acala's and asimplegirl's personal ideals for relationships are somewhat Extreme to be passed along with assumed superiority or to be accepted unquestioningly as superior. As guides to forming relationships, we all start out with only whatever we learned -- what we witnessed, what we experienced. There's LOTS of stuff to figger out, 'specially if ya come from a Dysfunctional Family. Which is almost everyone I ever met.

If a relationship is The One, I should think that all this defining and fine tuning IS the process of growing old together.

Like I said before, if you are happy with what you have going on, good on ya bro.

But there is a whole nation full of poor schmucks out there who believe what a woman wants is all the crap they have seen on tv and in the movies and in other fairy tales about equality and showering a woman with adoration and hallmark undying love and surrender crap. And they are out there crying in their beer wondering why the hell all the great women are going with the assholes. I know, because I was one of them. If you aren't one of them, good! Skip to the next page. My goal is to help guys who don't understand why the girls they are attracted to are not attracted to them. And to help the women who are always wondering why they are not attracted to the "nice" guys? Not selling books here, not starting a religion. Just passing on advice. Ignore it at your peril.

A man taking control in a relationship isn't extreme. In fact, it has been the practice in virtually every culture in human history INCLUDING THIS culture until the mass media tried to change it. It only seems extreme to you because you have been brainwashed by a popular culture foisted upon you. If you buy into the radical feminist line that woman have only taken the submissive role in relationships because of the evil oppression of men throughout history, well good luck with that. It isn't true. Look at the animal kingdom. Do you think that we have somehow totally discarded all the built-in behavior patterns of the animal world just because we can talk? We haven't. What we HAVE done is confuse ourselves with a bunch of made-up crap about some kind of abstract equality between men and women in relationships when it has nothing to do with equality and everything to do with animal attraction.

Furthermore, you, and I, and a couple generations of men and women, have been taught to believe that there is something wrong with a woman who is submissive. That it is somehow shameful and weak. It is a completely screwed up, overly "yang" mentality that fails to recognize the equal but opposite power of conquering by submitting. Women know instinctively that the way to conquer a man is not through confrontation and opposing his force. It is by inviting him in and absorbing his force. Men are hard, women are soft. Ever notice that? Men conquer by force in a straight line. Women conquer by surrounding and engulfing. They are equal, if you want to look at it that way, but totally different. One is not better than the other, but they are opposite.

Personally, a woman who tries to control me by direct battle of wills gets beaten every time. But I can be taken easily by the woman who invites me in, accepts me, surrenders to me. It is relationship judo.

The mass-media/feminist/political idea that men are just women with cocks and women are just men with vaginas is BULLSHIT!!!! We are as different as the males and females of any other animal species. Go against that truth and you will have a hard time. Accept it and you will find peace and happiness, as will the women you partner with.

 

[Acala]

Different

I'm pretty sure it's alittle more complicated than that. I mean you don't like just anyone pulling that crap.

Stop trying to understand it from YOUR point of view. Men and women are DIFFERENT!!!!! You are a man. You CANNOT see the world or relationships like a woman. YOU can't understand why anyone would be happy surrendering and submitting. But that is because you are a man. Contrary to what you have been told, women are NOT men!

Yin and yang, male and female, negative and positive, expansion and contraction -THIS is the deep nature of all things. Most women want to be yin. It is their nature. If you try to be yin as well, it ain't going to work. It goes against nature. The pieces won't fit. Accept your role as yang and nature will take its course.

 

[Acala]

Half joking

Ladies, whaddya think? Anyone gettin' that cozy hop-to feelin'?

For that matter, are there any MEN who would like to be approached by ANYONE who has a "hey fool, did you take my beer" look on their face?

As long as you think men and women have the same responses to the opposite sex, you aren't going to get it.

What I suggested here was an extreme example for guys trying to approach women in bars who will not otherwise give them the time of day, as I understood the poster to whom I was responding to be saying.

But if you think the way to give a woman that "cozy hop-to feeling" is to bow and grovel before her, you are going to be wrong most of the time and the times you are not wrong you will end up wishing you had run the other way as you see your nads hanging from her charm bracelet.

 

[cheapseats]

As long as you think men and women have the same responses to the opposite sex, you aren't going to get it.

NOWHERE is where I say I think that men and women have the same responses to the opposite sex. Men and women are NOT the same, I am EXTREMELY clear on that point.

What I AM pointing out -- not suggesting, pointing out -- is that ALL men are not the same, and ALL women are not the same.

What I suggested here was an extreme example for guys trying to approach women in bars who will not otherwise give them the time of day, as I understood the poster to whom I was responding to be saying.

And I suggested that your strategy IS on the extreme side.

But if you think the way to give a woman that "cozy hop-to feeling" is to bow and grovel before her, you are going to be wrong most of the time and the times you are not wrong you will end up wishing you had run the other way as you see your nads hanging from her charm bracelet.

I don't think there's ANYTHING cozy about a hop-to feeling, that would be MY point. I do NOT think that a woman OR MAN is wooed or won by groveling. I DO think that groveling is wrong . . . hence, my constant admonition to my countrymen to get off their fucking knees and respond to this heavy-handed government with like force.

But you are barking orders from a lifetime of experience AND WOUNDS, as though there is only one solution to the puzzle of deep and abiding relationships, and that is false. That young men should be patient while they LEARN, I agree. That people contort themselves to make untenable relationships work, I agree.

But people need to spend time with themselves to figure out who THEY are before they can effectively pit THEIR self against all the OTHER selves who are ALSO bobbing for apples. The take-no-prisoners methodology that you have described is as liable to lose a young man his desires as to gain them, for a young man backs up all that bravado with WHAT? The intensity and outrageousness of some of your advice reminds me of an irate Dad on the sidelines, telling intimidated young 'uns to get in there and start throwing some g.d. elbows under that basket.

OF COURSE, a woman wants to be with a guy who is clear, competent, and confident. Clarity, competence and confidence permit a MATURE man to BE in charge. TAKING charge is another kettle of fish. Except for those whose insecurity incites mean-spiritedness, jealousy and resentment, EVERYONE likes to be around clear, competent, confident people. Clear, competent, confident people are Leaders.

That a couple, like a company, requires a Leader -- with this I also agree.

But discount NOT the significance of age. Instruct not young people with cynicism but with wisdom. BEING in charge and TAKING charge are not the same. BEING in charge is about character. TAKING charge is about control.

My opinion.

 

[cheapseats]

Just meant I wasn't going to hold a door. The way I see it's like, why should I give any effort at all? In my opinion, the men of 50 years ago weren't any better than the ones of today.

PEOPLE are people, no different and yes different than 50 years ago. The body of human knowledge has grown in 50 years, and so have some people.

Men DID hold the door 50 years ago, and some do today. Holding a door for a person is helpful and respectful -- nuthin' wrong with that.

Nothing wrong with courting a person, either.

 

[silverlinkx2]

The biggest mistake that most guys make when they ask "what do women want" is that they ask a woman.

 

[cheapseats]

So this is not about control of her. It is about being in control in my relationship.

Is it not also HER relationship?

In this society, the size of a man's wallet is relevant to the evaluation of fitness as protector and father. So it doesn't surprise or disgust me at all.

It sheds a lot of light, though, on how some of the Assholes in official and corporate America are able to "live with" their actions once they leave the office. Perhaps all those wives are NOT turning a blind eye -- perhaps they are not even allowed to speak.

Since I learned to be a man and take the wheel in my relationships, and not take any shit, my girlfriends have been smarter, better educated, more successful in their careers, funnier, more attractive physically, more numerous, and better in bed. Call them gutless if you want. I think they just like a man who is captain of his own life.

What I would first call THEM is PLURAL.

Perhaps your bull-in-a-china-shop system for TAKING charge is better suited to serial dating than to one deep and abiding relationship?

It is a big wide world full of people. And a whole lot of those people are unhappy in love. I merely offer the map to the road by which I went from unhappy in love to happy in love and made more women happy in the process. For me it was night and day. Your mileage may vary.

Everyone's DOES vary, that'd be my point. I again draw attention to your claim of making MORE women happy. If the woman is so happy, and you are so in charge of the relationship, why isn't one of them The One?

You can't have two captains and it is natural for the man to be captain. When the man doesn't step up to that role, things get screwed up. AND most women will find him sexually unattractive.

You can't have two captains on the same shift, that's for sure. But even captains sleep. Captains get sent off to Iraq. Captains may spend 12 hours per day, or days on end, "out to sea." I suppose your Captain has left explicit instructions for every exigency that may occur in his absence?

A nearly perfect analogy. A good boss takes control of the business. If he does not, the operation is doomed. A good boss uses his control of the operation to take care of his people. A good boss consults his people on his decision but he takes ultimate responsibility for making the decisions. A good boss has the last word. A good boss will not tolerate insubordination or disrespect. He doesn't enslve people, but he runs the business by his rules. If the people don't like the rules, they can leave. That is pretty much exactly what I am saying a man needs to do in a relationship.

Even stipulating "command" of a relationship/enterprise, there are Good Bosses and there are Bad Bosses. There are PLENTY of Bad Bosses currently crawling to Washington with their hands outstretched for freebie billions, men who TOOK control without BEING in control.

 

[Acala]

serial monogamy

Is it not also HER relationship?.

Yup. From HER point of view. And she is free to enter and leave as she wishes in accordance with her terms. From my point of view, it is MY relationship and I will stay or leave in accordance with MY terms. My main point is that if you enter a relationship with a woman on HER term - or what you think are her terms, you are going to be in trouble.


QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]What I would first call THEM is PLURAL.
Perhaps your bull-in-a-china-shop system for TAKING charge is better suited to serial dating than to one deep and abiding relationship?
.[/QUOTE]

My pattern, since you are interested, is to date around until I find someone that I fit with, and then stay with them faithfully for four or five years. Then we break up for a variety of reasons. But I reject your assumption that any relationship that doesn't last forever is a failure. On what do you base that? The wedding vow? Any relationship that provides happiness for the participants for a day, a week, a month, or a lifetime is a success. Nothing lasts forever.

Perhaps you have some experience to share about how you have found everlasting love?


QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]Everyone's DOES vary, that'd be my point. I again draw attention to your claim of making MORE women happy. If the woman is so happy, and you are so in charge of the relationship, why isn't one of them The One?
.[/QUOTE]

I reject the notion of "The One". That is fairy tale stuff. There are millions of people on earth that you could be happy with in a relationship. The idea that somewhere you have a "soul mate" that you will effortlessly adore forever if you can just find her is superstitious nonsense.

QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]You can't have two captains on the same shift, that's for sure. But even captains sleep. Captains get sent off to Iraq. Captains may spend 12 hours per day, or days on end, "out to sea." I suppose your Captain has left explicit instructions for every exigency that may occur in his absence?
.[/QUOTE]

As I said, I am not interested in controlling the other person. I am interested in controlling my own life. If I am asleep or in Iraq or some such thing, I am still in control of my life, which is all I ask for. I don't care to manage my partners. They can do what they want with their own lives. I let them know what I expect with the way they treat me. If they don't like it, they can leave.

QUOTE=cheapseats;1936636]Even stipulating "command" of a relationship/enterprise, there are Good Bosses and there are Bad Bosses. There are PLENTY of Bad Bosses currently crawling to Washington with their hands outstretched for freebie billions, men who TOOK control without BEING in control.[/QUOTE]

With most women, you don't have to TAKE control. They will gladly give it to you. All you have to do is step into that natural role and they will swing with it effortlessly. You make it seem like some kind of unnatural struggle or brutal usurpation when it is, in fact, the most natural thing in the world. It is actually the failure to establish a gentle dominance that creates havoc in a relationship.

 

[cheapseats]

But there is a whole nation full of poor schmucks out there who believe what a woman wants is all the crap they have seen on tv and in the movies and in other fairy tales

We have a whole nation of MEN AND WOMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS who are overly worried about what other people think and whose own thinking is overly influenced by outside, untested sources.

And they are out there crying in their beer wondering why the hell all the great women are going with the assholes.

Partly, no doubt, because there are so MANY Assholes. Then, because CRIME PAYS IN AMERICA, Assholes very often have more money, which breeds confidence which . . . you know the drill.

I know, because I was one of them.

Whether it's how to get sober, how to make a million, how to get the girl, there is a NATURAL tendency to think that whatever worked for me, will work for others. Which is a hop, skip and a jump from whatever is RIGHT for me, is right for others. Here I am, thinking that the whole Resistance movement is to get us AWAY from that sort of Do As I Do.

My goal is to help guys who don't understand why the girls they are attracted to are not attracted to them. And to help the women who are always wondering why they are not attracted to the "nice" guys? Not selling books here, not starting a religion. Just passing on advice. Ignore it at your peril.

Mine, too . . . and I AM lookin' to peddle my take on things.

A man taking control in a relationship isn't extreme.

A Leader BEING in control is not extreme. A person of EITHER gender TAKING control before control gravitates to them by the strength of their character is a different set of sticks. I give you Barack Obama.

What we HAVE done is confuse ourselves with a bunch of made-up crap

Such as Raquel Welch's appearance at age 67.

Furthermore, you, and I, and a couple generations of men and women, have been taught to believe that there is something wrong with a woman who is submissive.

Speak for yourself. I heard that gospel every year, right on schedule. "Wives be submissive to your husbands." Not 'girlfriends be submissive to your boyfriends so you can snag an eligible husband,' by the by.

My siblings and I always got a kick out of "Fathers do not nag your children, lest they lose heart."

That it is somehow shameful and weak.

AMERICANS, men and women, ARE cowering shamefully like weaklings. I have elsewhere argued that the systematic emasculation of the American Male is contributory to an EPIDEMIC of bullying/beating/killing of women by frustrated and impotent men.

It is a completely screwed up

WE are completely screwed up. AMERICA is completely screwed up. And since MEN have been the prevailing power since this country's inception, MEN are more to blame. The colossal societal ills that we are challenged to repair are NOT chiefly attributable to men's failure to TAKE CHARGE of their Significant Others.

On the contrary, some inordinately privileged men doing WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY PLEASE, without the SLIGHTEST regard for how it impacts Relationships, is at the HEART of our trouble.

It is relationship judo.

A relationship is work. If it's a FIGHT, pass. The Marvelettes: Too Many Fish In The Sea.

We are as different as the males and females of any other animal species. Go against that truth and you will have a hard time. Accept it and you will find peace and happiness,

The Truth is usually a simple thing.

as will the women you partner with.

I again draw attention to the PLURAL. For MANY, quote-unquote peace and quote-unquote happiness are found with One.

 

[cheapseats]

I just know that lots of women, most in fact, prefer a confident man that is strong willed, whether they admit it or not.

Strong willed and RIGHTLY willed, right? Nuthin' worse than "often wrong but never in doubt." I give you George Bush.

We are shown how to play games from the time of birth. I don't like those games...

Yep. All the time and emotion expended in the effort? I am here to report that you do NOT get it back.

I wouldn't suggest doing anything else unless you are in a relationship with a women who likes the type of relationship I have. LOL.

Nor another woman doing anything with YOUR husband, I will venture to guess.

If I seemed to be telling people to do things my hubby does, I wasn't and I am glad for you correcting that. Just talking about acting more confident with girls..the other stuff were other questions I was answering, sorry.

I'm planning to drop by for a visit, PLUS I stand apprised of your arsenal and your philosophy about activating it -- you have GOT to know that I am not tryin' to cross you. But, with an eye on the young 'uns and also on my own future, I just can't overemphasize the importance of independent thought and individual solutions.

We have GOT to be able to love our individual ways as the best ways without endeavoring to enjoin our ways on others. (NOT that you are endeavoring to enjoin your ways on others. In light of your ENTHUSIASM, I am only reminding of bona fide alternatives to your decidedly rare circumstances.) Free Will, God's gift along with Mercy and Salvation, mean fuck-all if no one is encouraged or even allowed to go their own way.

Like Gwen Rowland and Calvin Voisin.

 

[silverlinkx2]

www.nomarriage.com
www.americanwomensuck.com

Most American women are vile creatures, drugged up and with multiple partners, who will cheat on you without hesitation and then blame you for it. Even ugly ones and the ones in the church do it. It's part of the Marxist agenda to undermine the nuclear family and replace household male authority with the authority of the state.

While you suckers continue to be heartbroken and chase STD-laden, feminist bot zombie women, I will probably leave this doomed country for a lady who enjoys being a lady abroad.

 

[cheapseats]

Most American women are vile creatures, drugged up and with multiple partners, who will cheat on you without hesitation and then blame you for it.

This is a bigoted and fallacious remark.

I will probably leave this doomed country for a lady who enjoys being a lady abroad.

If Americans will not rally to Resistance, I'm right behind you. Where ya goin'?

 

[amonasro]

While you suckers continue to be heartbroken and chase STD-laden, feminist bot zombie women, I will probably leave this doomed country for a lady who enjoys being a lady abroad.

While you search abroad I will enjoy my awesome American wife, who is nothing like you describe. If that fails, there is always the alternative.

 

[Acala]

Wow

www.nomarriage.com
www.americanwomensuck.com

Most American women are vile creatures, drugged up and with multiple partners, who will cheat on you without hesitation and then blame you for it. Even ugly ones and the ones in the church do it. It's part of the Marxist agenda to undermine the nuclear family and replace household male authority with the authority of the state.

While you suckers continue to be heartbroken and chase STD-laden, feminist bot zombie women, I will probably leave this doomed country for a lady who enjoys being a lady abroad.

Wow! That is a pretty harsh indictment, and one I don't believe is fair. I DO think confusion about gender roles in the last thirty years has caused American women a lot of anxiety. And that has driven them to tranqs and anti-depressants. But American men are just as twisted in their own way.

One of the silver linings I am hoping to see in the coming collapse is a complete revolution in our cultural values. A healing process.

 

[silverlinkx2]

While you search abroad I will enjoy my awesome American wife, who is nothing like you describe. If that fails, there is always the alternative.

The funny thing is that most people who tell me they have awesome wives end up getting divorced. What's the rate now, like 50%?

Anyway, nobody cares. Even so, 50% is an awful bet to make. And the fact that she can take your kids, take you to the cleaners financially and basically make your life hell in divorce court just because she wakes up one day and decides life isn't fulfilling enough is more than enough for me.

 

[SnappleLlama]

www.nomarriage.com
www.americanwomensuck.com

Most American women are vile creatures, drugged up and with multiple partners, who will cheat on you without hesitation and then blame you for it. Even ugly ones and the ones in the church do it. It's part of the Marxist agenda to undermine the nuclear family and replace household male authority with the authority of the state.

While you suckers continue to be heartbroken and chase STD-laden, feminist bot zombie women, I will probably leave this doomed country for a lady who enjoys being a lady abroad.

LOL...now tell us how you REALLY feel!

 

[M House]

WTF, happened to this thread?

 

[asimplegirl]

Wow. You guys have really got a conversation going, huh?

Okay, I saw where someone spoke of the courage it takes and the power you hold when you submit. I want to explain this from my point of view.

Women generally fuss about how men are not the same as they used to be, and how chivalry is dead and such. This is true, but not completely.

Hidden inside of each of us are the animal instincts we are told are wrong, the ones we have over time learned to change, in hopes of being what we are intended to be. Once we become these animal creatures again in action, we can begin to see those we respond to responding back in such matters.

Want to meet a lady? Act like a gentleman. Want your husband to be a gentleman? Act like a lady. Simple as that. To elaborate, I give a personal example:

My husband, though a wonderful man, can do things that aggravate me at times. One of his biggest issues used to helping my with cleaning. The laundry baskets were much too heavy to carry to the living room after being filled with clean laundry for me. I would holler out, "Hey, can you maybe come get this?!"

The response? "what?! Yeah, gimme a minute.", all whilst patiently waiting, and needing to move on as I had MANY things I needed to do. I would fuss, and nag, and eventually end up sullen and having to push it to the living room, as he was too angry to even speak to me afterward.

Now, I get all the help I need. You know how?

"I think it's so amazing how much more men are able to carry than women. What if women had muscles protruding for their arms from all that strength? That would be gross, huh?" and laughing. Then, "Would you mid carrying this for me, hun? It's just way too heavy for me, and you are way stronger, I think you could handle it easier."

It took one time of saying that. Appreciate the very small things that we may not remember often (as in, why exactly did I want him to carry it? Why, he was stronger! Why not tell him that?). Let him know how important his help is.

Afterward, a thank you, a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and appreciative smile, and an I love you, and now I don't even ask. He just does it.

And not because it's what I want. It's because I feed that macho animal instinct feeling inside of him without causing a negative situation to occur. I tell him what I want, tell him why, and appreciate him for it in a nice way. I allow his protective side to have a place in our home.

The biggest issue I take with western women is that we are taught to use sex as a weapon. A healthy sexual appetite is normal in a man, so why do we punish him for it? I feel it my duty to never turn him down unless I am in physical pain. He is my husband. He loves me, and feels a need for me sexually. This is not a bad thing.

I also agree with the fact that we tend to equate a fat wallet with the ability to father and be a good husband and provider. Though we may have little, seeing my husband working on the old truck in the yard with his son, to reach over and pat his back and smile, or to ruffle his hair and laugh because they are enjoying each other's company outside of my kitchen window is one of THE PROUDEST moments in my life. Here is man and child, with an appreciation for each other, and not what they can receive from each other. To have dinner ready and to go and do some other unfinished job, and come back to the table set, and my drink fixed, family waiting is a GREAT feeling. I know then that I matter, that there is a deeper love than a fancy trip, or a diamond ring, or a new car can provide.

To see a tiny picture drawn messily with crayons stuck onto the fridge with "I love you, Dad" scribbled onto the bottom, with messy little hearts when I awake in the morning, from a six year old who isn't engaged 24/7 with the newest toys, the most fashion forward clothes, or the fanciest house... that lets me know that we are doing something right, ya know? To have a young boy of that age proud to go grocery shopping with me so he can grab things off the top shelf (even though he has to climb) so that I don't have to reach an arm, and his dad pushes the cart, and loads up the truck, while the little man runs around to my door shows that they appreciate everything I do for them.

Compare this to the families with everything monetary. Do you see this type of interaction? In these marriages where the women gets everything and acts like a spoiled brat, do they lay their head on the pillow every night and think of how blessed they are, never regretting a moment since she met her husband?

I have seen these types, known them personally. The happiness my husband provides us with little money is more than I could have ever asked for.

If some see it differently...think I should be ashamed to do what I do, wear what I wear, ride in my vehicle, live in my house, that is fine. I just pray they can atleast experience my happiness momentarily, to feel what REALLY being blessed is all about.

 

[Acala]

Hate

WTF, happened to this thread?

Killed by a hater.

 

[asimplegirl]

The funny thing is that most people who tell me they have awesome wives end up getting divorced. What's the rate now, like 50%?

Anyway, nobody cares. Even so, 50% is an awful bet to make. And the fact that she can take your kids, take you to the cleaners financially and basically make your life hell in divorce court just because she wakes up one day and decides life isn't fulfilling enough is more than enough for me.

My hubby and I are married through a church, not through the state, and had a contract drawn up with what things would happen in any situation we could think of.

We felt it best to write it up while we weren't hurt, angry or spiteful, so that we would be doing what is best, and not just trying to hurt the other person.

None of the things you mentioned will happen if our marraige ends. You are merely speaking of the way society thinks things should end, that most women follow, which neither of us agree with.