US military strikes 4 boats in the Pacific, killing 14, in ramp-up of campaign against alleged drug trafficking
On the morning tide of 27OCT2025, the Pentagon’s gallant armada, Carrier Strike Group 12 (consisting of the aircraft carrier Gerald R. Ford and four guided missile destroyers), did unleash a feat so mythic it demands embroidery on the national quilt: a single strike, two fishing boats, fourteen souls, one survivor, and zero judicial review. The Secretary of Defense, Sir Pete of Hegseth, proclaimed the deed with the solemnity of a bard recounting dragon-slayings - though the dragons were wooden, the waters international, and the combatants designated by secret scroll.
“Two boats at once,” he declared, as if recounting the tale of the tailor who slew seven with one blow - though in that fable, the slain were flies, and the tailor stitched satire into legend. Here, the stitching is classified.
The Ballad of the Narco-Knights:
“Eight aboard the first, four on the second, three on the third,” sang the Defense Ministry’s scroll. Arithmetic as invocation. Geography as absolution. Intelligence as oracle.
The survivor, now a diplomatic riddle, floats between Mexico’s Navy and America’s legal fog, a lone witness to the Monday miracle: the strike that multitasked.
In the Court of Maritime Valor: Let it be known that on this day, the United States did not merely strike boats - it struck a pose. A pose of righteous simultaneity. A pose of mythic escalation. A pose worthy of tapestry, if not treaty.
And so the folk refrain begins:
“Two boats with one blow!” cried the knight.
“Were they flies?” asked the scribe.
“No,” said the wind. “They were vessels of fate.”