Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

[DamianTV]

Just finish this line:

"A guy walks into a bar..."

I'll give whoever puts who I think has the funniest joke a +Rep!

(I just need some good new jokes, getting sick of recycling the same old crap)

 

[pcosmar]

Who put that there?

 

[Bruno]

I'll try to clean it up a little:

A guy walks into a bar with a small box, sets it on the bar, and orders a drink. The barfly at the end of the bar gets curious, walks up to him, and asks what's in the box.

"This is the world's most amazing frog", he says.

"What so amazing about it?" says the barfly.

"This is the only frog in the world that can perform incredible oral sex on a woman."

She slaps him across the face and walks back to her drink. After a few more shots, curiosity get the best of her again.

"Ok," she slurs, "if this frog can perform oral sex, prove it!"

"All right, let's go back to my place", he says.

She proceeds to take off all her clothes and lays down on the bed. The man places the frog between her legs. Nothing. It just sits there.

"Hey, is this frog going to do me, or what?!?", she demands.

"I just don't get it", he says, as he moves the frog to the side of the bed.

Pointing at the frog sternly, he says, "Alright, now pay attention, I'm going to show you just ONE MORE TIME!"

 

[YumYum]

"A guy walks into a bar..."

and ends up in rehab.

 

[Wesker1982]

Two old women are standing in an endless line-up to buy bread. One says to the other: “What a terribly long line!” The other replies: “Yes, but just imagine – in the capitalist countries, the government doesn’t even distribute the bread!”

 

[jmhudak17]

A guy walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, and it is destroying his family.

 

[Kludge]

A guy walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, and it is destroying his family.

Hold on - I can beat that.

A guy with a wife (who stays at home out of necessity) and five kids (all of who are handicapped) walks into a bar... but it's after 2am so he can't legally purchase any alcohol. After a half-hour of boredom, he leaves, only to be hit and killed on the road by a drunk driver.

 

[Bruno]

Hold on - I can beat that.

A guy with a wife (who stays at home out of necessity) and five kids (all of who are handicapped) walks into a bar... but it's after 2am so he can't legally purchase any alcohol. After a half-hour of boredom, he leaves, only to be hit and killed on the road by a drunk driver in a clown suit..

fixed

 

[pcosmar]

"A guy walks into a bar..."

and ends up in rehab.

Rehab is for quitters.

 

[pcosmar]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns ?


They taste funny

 

[dannno]

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex..






















































I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

 

[Bruno]

lmao, good one!

 

[Icymudpuppy]

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex..

I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Contrary to what you may have seen on porn sites, real lesbians aren't attractive. I get hired by lesbians ALL the time to solve their pest problems. The best looking of them so far looked a bit like Susan B Anthony, which is to say that while they might have been attractive as teenagers, and while they have kept their figures, their bitterness at the world has turned their features harsh.

The cheerful lesbians are all fat and rather manly looking.

The lesbians in your porn shows are really hetero, who do girl on girl scenes for the money. A few of them may be bi-curious, but they aren't full on lesbian.

 

[Icymudpuppy]

As god breathed life into Adam, Adam awoke, and God asked "Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?"

Adam said, "Let's have the good news."

God replied, "I have seen fit to give you both a brain and a penis."

Adam was ecstatic, "WOW! That's GREAT news! What could possibly be bad after that?"

God answered, "Unfortunately, you can only operate one at a time."

 

[PeacePlan]

What do you call an anorexic women with a yeast infection?





































Quarter Pounder with cheese...

 

[dannno]

Contrary to what you may have seen on porn sites, real lesbians aren't attractive. I get hired by lesbians ALL the time to solve their pest problems. The best looking of them so far looked a bit like Susan B Anthony, which is to say that while they might have been attractive as teenagers, and while they have kept their figures, their bitterness at the world has turned their features harsh.

The cheerful lesbians are all fat and rather manly looking.

The lesbians in your porn shows are really hetero, who do girl on girl scenes for the money. A few of them may be bi-curious, but they aren't full on lesbian.

Wow, you think my sole experience with girls who are attracted to each other is from porn sites?? I live in CA.. there are a lot of girls who are a lot more than bi-curious who are really hot.. it is harder to find really hot girls who are just straight lesbian, but there were quite a few at my college a few years ago.

In fact there is girl on girl action that occurs in my very house almost on a weekly basis.. both girls are bi and very attractive. But the point is a 'bi' girl can decide to date a lesbian or another 'bi' girl and effectively be my lesbian neighbors.

 

[Deborah K]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a

conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said
" So why are you here ? "

The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the
curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed
in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, " So what?s the vet going to do ? "

" Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the yellow Lab.
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked " why are you here ?"

The Black Lab said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.
But

I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners'
couch."

" So what are they going to do to you ? " the Yellow Lab inquired.
" Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here?
" I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a

pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry
her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and
started hammering away."
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, " So,
it's nutsoff for you too, huh ?"

The Great Dane said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped !

 

[Guitarzan]

In fact there is girl on girl action that occurs in my very house almost on a weekly basis.. both girls are bi and very attractive. But the point is a 'bi' girl can decide to date a lesbian or another 'bi' girl and effectively be my lesbian neighbors.

Best joke of thread thus far!

 

[nayjevin]

Why did the frog cross the road?






because he was stapled to the chicken.



--


Knock knock.

Who's there?

Smartburglars.

Smartburglars who?

Smartburglars dont knock.

 

[Danke]

A guy walks into a bar and sees some chimpanzees telling a joke: