Deborah K
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Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!
- Thread starter DamianTV
- Start date
I used to be a Jehovah's witness, so I'll tell this one.
The Jehovah's witnesses headquarters is in Brooklyn, New York, and it is called The Watchtower and Bible Tract Society.
Anyways, one of the brothers working at the Society's headquarters approaches another brother and says "I've good some incredibly good news and some bad news! What do you want to hear first?
"The good news", said the other brother.
"Your not going to believe this, but Jesus himself called the Watchtower headquarters!!"
"Oh!! That is absolutely fantastic!!", said the other brother. "So, what is the bad news?"
"He called from Salt Lake City."
The Jehovah's witnesses headquarters is in Brooklyn, New York, and it is called The Watchtower and Bible Tract Society.
Anyways, one of the brothers working at the Society's headquarters approaches another brother and says "I've good some incredibly good news and some bad news! What do you want to hear first?
"The good news", said the other brother.
"Your not going to believe this, but Jesus himself called the Watchtower headquarters!!"
"Oh!! That is absolutely fantastic!!", said the other brother. "So, what is the bad news?"
"He called from Salt Lake City."
dannno
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Dreamofunity
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Why are there so many beastiality jokes...
heavenlyboy34
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Best joke of the thread-the waiter joke
Fox McCloud
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This is an economist's joke, so, if you guys don't get it, that's fine.
A plane crashes on route to an island---the only three survivors are an economist, physicist, and chemist--they all manage to make it to shore along with a number of large boxes of food.
Upon setting up a shelter and fire, they open the crates only to find that all the food is in tin cans. Immediately they begin discussing and debating the proper way to open it. The physicist says "we hurl the cans down from a peak on the island approximately one-hundred foot tall; the force of the blow, once it hits the ground, should break the cans open". The chemist protested that it was an inferior and work intensive method, to which he stated "if we merely heat the cans to boiling point, it will generate enough steam to cause the cans to expand, and thus, rupture, allowing access to the contents inside."
After a few more minutes, the physicist and chemist pause, then one asks the economist "how would you open the tin cans?"
The economist thinks for a moment, then lifts a finger and says "Assume a can opener".
A plane crashes on route to an island---the only three survivors are an economist, physicist, and chemist--they all manage to make it to shore along with a number of large boxes of food.
Upon setting up a shelter and fire, they open the crates only to find that all the food is in tin cans. Immediately they begin discussing and debating the proper way to open it. The physicist says "we hurl the cans down from a peak on the island approximately one-hundred foot tall; the force of the blow, once it hits the ground, should break the cans open". The chemist protested that it was an inferior and work intensive method, to which he stated "if we merely heat the cans to boiling point, it will generate enough steam to cause the cans to expand, and thus, rupture, allowing access to the contents inside."
After a few more minutes, the physicist and chemist pause, then one asks the economist "how would you open the tin cans?"
The economist thinks for a moment, then lifts a finger and says "Assume a can opener".
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polomertz
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A man lost in the countryside finds himself upon a farmhouse. Inside he finds a family just sitting down for dinner. The father welcomes the weary traveler to the table and says he can stay the night. While eating the man notices a pig with a peg leg wandering the farm. "What's with that pig with the peg leg?" the man asked. The farmer replied, "oh that's one special pig... One day we fell through the ice on that pond over there and that little pig came running with ropes and a sled and got us all out of there."
"but how'd he get that peg leg?" the man asked again.
"that pig is one helluva animal!" the farmer exclaimed, "my boy fell in the well and that pig pulled him right out, no problem!"
"the leg sir, what about the leg?". The farmer again went on about the pig, "one day the barn caught on fire and he came pulling buckets of water and put it out before losing any of our animals!". One last time the man asked, "so how'd he get that peg leg?"
To which the farmer replied, "oh, such a great pig like that, you just can't eat all at once."
"but how'd he get that peg leg?" the man asked again.
"that pig is one helluva animal!" the farmer exclaimed, "my boy fell in the well and that pig pulled him right out, no problem!"
"the leg sir, what about the leg?". The farmer again went on about the pig, "one day the barn caught on fire and he came pulling buckets of water and put it out before losing any of our animals!". One last time the man asked, "so how'd he get that peg leg?"
To which the farmer replied, "oh, such a great pig like that, you just can't eat all at once."
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Danke
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Dr.3D
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I dunno, why are there so many bestiality jokes? Waits for the punch line.
teacherone
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Ala John Stewart
What's the difference between the New York Times and Barack Obama?
One's black and white and full of lies and the other's a news publication I've never read.
What's the difference between the New York Times and Barack Obama?
One's black and white and full of lies and the other's a news publication I've never read.
Acala
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A guy walks into his lawyer's office and his lawyer says "Sit down Bill. I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
"Let's have the bad stuff first, Tom."
"Well, I have reviewed the contract and the complaint in this matter and my opinion is that you don't have any defense. You are going to lose your business. And, because you didn't incorporate like I told you to, you are also going to lose your home and all your savings."
Bill puts his face in his hands and burst out sobbing. After a minute he suddenly looks up and says "Wait a minute . . . what's the good news?"
"Well" says the lawyer "did you see that new blonde receptionist out there? I fucked her last night"
"Let's have the bad stuff first, Tom."
"Well, I have reviewed the contract and the complaint in this matter and my opinion is that you don't have any defense. You are going to lose your business. And, because you didn't incorporate like I told you to, you are also going to lose your home and all your savings."
Bill puts his face in his hands and burst out sobbing. After a minute he suddenly looks up and says "Wait a minute . . . what's the good news?"
"Well" says the lawyer "did you see that new blonde receptionist out there? I fucked her last night"
Acala
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A guy walks into his doctor's office and the doctor says "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr. Johnson, but you have cancer and alzheimer's disease." Johnson looks distressed for a minute and then brightens up and says "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Acala
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An old man totters into the pharmacy and wanders around for a while. Finally the pharmacist says "can I help you?"
The old man says "I suppose you might. Where do you keep the condoms?"
"On that end cap over there, sir" And then, being a curious sort, the pharmacist says "Are those for your use sir?"
The old man says "well, I don't see how that is your business, but yes they are."
Now the pharmacist is really curious. "If you don't mind me asking, sir, how old is your wife?"
"Who said she's my wife?"
"Pardon me. How old is your girlfriend?"
"She's 78, same as me, Mr. Nosy."
Now the pharmacist is really perplexed. "Well, sir, at her age there is no way she could conceive. You don't need those."
The old man shoots back "Well I KNOW that ya durn fool! She just likes the smell of burning rubber!"
The old man says "I suppose you might. Where do you keep the condoms?"
"On that end cap over there, sir" And then, being a curious sort, the pharmacist says "Are those for your use sir?"
The old man says "well, I don't see how that is your business, but yes they are."
Now the pharmacist is really curious. "If you don't mind me asking, sir, how old is your wife?"
"Who said she's my wife?"
"Pardon me. How old is your girlfriend?"
"She's 78, same as me, Mr. Nosy."
Now the pharmacist is really perplexed. "Well, sir, at her age there is no way she could conceive. You don't need those."
The old man shoots back "Well I KNOW that ya durn fool! She just likes the smell of burning rubber!"
Acala
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last one
A woman goes to see her lawyer. After they were together in his office for a few minutes she says "Please kiss me!"
The lawyer says "You know I can't do that."
After a few more minutes the woman pleads more passionately "Oh, please kiss me!!!"
Again the lawyer says "I've told you a dozen times that I can't do that!"
A few more minutes pass and the woman says "Oh, why can't you kiss me?
The lawyer responds "I can't kiss you because it would be unethical. I shouldn't even be having sex with you."
A woman goes to see her lawyer. After they were together in his office for a few minutes she says "Please kiss me!"
The lawyer says "You know I can't do that."
After a few more minutes the woman pleads more passionately "Oh, please kiss me!!!"
Again the lawyer says "I've told you a dozen times that I can't do that!"
A few more minutes pass and the woman says "Oh, why can't you kiss me?
The lawyer responds "I can't kiss you because it would be unethical. I shouldn't even be having sex with you."
MN Patriot
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A frog???
You totally screwed that one up. Better let a pro handle this one.Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
Because he was stapled to a chicken.
Another one I almost killed a guy with:
Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can.
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