marriage

[BetterCallSaul]

You are not understanding the reason why your spouse should hold a special place in your heart, and you're calling me ignorant?

Correct- I do not understand the idea that Love is something finite and that exists within boundaries.

And by ignorant I mean literally ignoring data, not stupid or something.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Can we talk about the economic conditions that encourage the idea that we are supposed to be dedicated to one person? (scarcity and ruling-class imposed payments and productive structures)

 

[KrokHead]

Which leads me to fear that marriage is a total scam, and that I am doomed.

Oh snap, secret's out!

 

[Schifference]

I have been married 19 years. I Love My Wife. If all the woman in the world were lined up and I could have any woman I would pick my wife. She loves me and I love her. We have 2 wonderful children together. Smartest kids in their schools. We never argue. She can do whatever she wants & I can too. There are no control issues. We understood going into the relationship that each person is an individual and can make their own decisions. I would never cheat on my wife and I am confident that she would never cheat on me. If something happened to her I would not remarry because I don't think that I would ever find anyone that I could get along effortlessly with again. We are soul mates and I love her with my entire being.

 

[Invi]

Perhaps this is presumptive, but you sound like you're wanting to consider a polyamorous lifestyle.

 

[green73]

Men are designed for harems, women too.

 

[danda]

I am skeptical of anything that requires me to register with the state or religious organization. Losing 50% of my assets doesn't seem attractive either.

So why get officially married when two persons (or more, hey why not?) can legally live together and be committed to eachother in their hearts and minds.... and contractually on paper if they so choose.

knee jerk answer: because that's our societal norm, and that's what my girlfriend wants.

think different.

 

[otherone]

I am skeptical of anything that requires me to register with the state or religious organization. Losing 50% of my assets doesn't seem attractive either.

So why get officially married when two persons (or more, hey why not?) can legally live together and be committed to eachother in their hearts and minds.... and contractually on paper if they so choose.

knee jerk answer: because that's our societal norm, and that's what my girlfriend wants.

think different.

lol[/thread]

 

[goRPaul]

Which leads me to fear that marriage is a total scam, and that I am doomed. Not that the wife is anything but lovely, but the institution itself truly feels like a means for the ruling class to farm out enforcement to unpaid agents who are nevertheless invested in my conformity to its dictates.

What do you folks think of it?

YES! 100% correct.

That is not to say that many people haven't truly enjoyed their marriages. Look and Ron and Carol- happily married for 55 years!

Marriage sucks because church and state is involved. I'm no history major, but marriage and monogamy as we know it today has its roots in the Roman Catholic church. It wasn't until the end of the 19th century that America starting passing marriage laws. Now, marriage is typically a bad deal because the divorce rate is over 50% and climbing. People keep doing it out of tradition, dancing to a tune that stopped playing decades ago.

The ultimate question: If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it?

 

[fr33]

I get where BetterCallSaul is coming from on how marriage doesn't seem to work for a lot of people. Quite a few married folks that I know might be better off personally if they divorced.

I'm not qualified to give any advice. My wife was my best friend for a couple of years before we "hooked up" or got married. 12 years in we're now trying to have kids. I hope that doesn't fuck it up.

 

[Uriah]

My grandparents have been married 59 years, 60 in December. It is evident that they love each other. It's also easy to tell they have their differences but they have chosen to live their lives together, to be partners in this life so they will always have someone at their side. It's not always easy but that doesn't make it a sham.



I've been with the love of my life for over 6 years and we got married this summer. I didn't get married for economic or social reasons. I got married because I want to spend the rest of life with my wife. We have had our problems and I know we will in the future. We are individuals after all. But that is not reason to lose faith in the entire institution. I guess you have to truly know your reasons for entering marriage. I know mine but I'm not sure the OP knows his.

 

[Cabal]

From a strictly biological standpoint, are humans designed to be monogamous, or not?

 

[Uriah]

From a strictly biological standpoint, are humans designed to be monogamous, or not?

I don't see any evidence one way or the other.

 

[Cabal]

I don't see any evidence one way or the other.

I can't think of anything at the biological level that supports monogamy. But it seems passing on our genes is a specific reproductive function of our biological design.

 

[Nirvikalpa]

From a strictly biological standpoint, are humans designed to be monogamous, or not?

Numerous biological factors stress that humans are meant to be monogamous. The way the penis bends supports sex face-to-face which is different from nearly every other species, and face-to-face sex establishes emotional bonds. Our oxytocin levels increase the more long-term relationships get. Human females have a menstrual cycle opposed to an estrous cycle, and show no visible signs (to men) when they are ovulating, and can have sex all throughout their cycle, not purely for reproduction (argued by anthropologists that it keeps a man guessing and keeps him by a woman's side). Oxytocin and prolactin surges in newborn's fathers as is does mothers, which facilitates the bond between father and child, and thus father and mother, etc etc

 

[Uriah]

^^^Interesting. I have a new research topic.

 

[Nirvikalpa]

I'm hell-bent on believing some people truly aren't meant to be monogamous though.

 

[otherone]

Numerous biological factors stress that humans are meant to be monogamous. The way the penis bends supports sex face-to-face which is different from nearly every other species, and face-to-face sex establishes emotional bonds.

Desmond Morris (primatologist) postulated that human females have fuller mammary glands than apes to mimic the buttocks, and that lips are fuller on humans to mimic the labia, all with the biological intent to encourage face-to-face copulation rather than from the rear. It was his opinion that the purpose was to reinforce bipedal locomotion rather than on all fours, iirc. Have you read his The Naked Ape?

 

[Nirvikalpa]

Desmond Morris (primatologist) postulated that human females have fuller mammary glands than apes to mimic the buttocks, and that lips are fuller on humans to mimic the labia, all with the biological intent to encourage face-to-face copulation rather than from the rear. It was his opinion that the purpose was to reinforce bipedal locomotion rather than on all fours, iirc. Have you read his The Naked Ape?

I have heard of him, but have not read his book. I will look into it. I really do have to get more into my studies again... thanks

 

[Cabal]

Numerous biological factors stress that humans are meant to be monogamous. The way the penis bends supports sex face-to-face which is different from nearly every other species, and face-to-face sex establishes emotional bonds. Our oxytocin levels increase the more long-term relationships get. Human females have a menstrual cycle opposed to an estrous cycle, and show no visible signs (to men) when they are ovulating, and can have sex all throughout their cycle, not purely for reproduction (argued by anthropologists that it keeps a man guessing and keeps him by a woman's side). Oxytocin and prolactin surges in newborn's fathers as is does mothers, which facilitates the bond between father and child, and thus father and mother, etc etc

I don't think the penis thing is very compelling--reference the many numerous sexual positions that are not face-to-face, including the very common doggy-style position. I don't have any doubts about how monogamy can make a lot of sense at the emotional level. I'm not very familiar with the implications oxytocin may have, so that's something I'll have to look into.