marriage

[Danke]

Find a virgin. And convince her to stay with you while all the outside pressures try to work on her. You'll both be happy in the long run.

 

[otherone]

I'm not very familiar with the implications oxytocin may have, so that's something I'll have to look into.

Oxytocin has been called the "cuddle drug". It's released in order to bond family. Women create it when they suckle their children, or even hold hands with a paramour. Men create it when they are sexually aroused. It goes along way to explain how men become fixated on objects of their desire.

 

[otherone]

I have heard of him, but have not read his book. I will look into it. I really do have to get more into my studies again... thanks

y/w.
I love this stuff. I read Morris in HS and it changed my life. It is so much easier understanding politics when you realize it's simply primate behavior.
Morris was controversial in that he was a primatologist evaluating human behavior rather than an anthropologist studying primates. Give it a read!

 

[2young2vote]

Marriage is a deep topic. I could write for hours and hours about my opinions of the idea, but it essentially boils down to how we raise a family and children in this society that was created by consciousness and logic rather than simply emotion. It's the difference between humanity and animality. We are split partially between being no different than animals and having something more that allows us to make conscious and logical decisions and that split creates hard questions about what is right and what is wrong in the world we created. I believe marriage was created thousands of years ago to form some sort of structure for our newly logical society. When we stopped being a bunch of wild apes we created more advanced societies which required new behaviors in order to be successful.

There are several reasons marriage came into existence. I think one of them was financial. As money and trade became more important to humans, structure was needed for survival. A small group of people working together can be alot more productive than just one - thus the family unit was created. In order for a family unit to be stable they required a tight bond between the leaders and creators of it which are the mother and father.

Now, there is another reason and that is one that is more natural - Jealousy. Why do people get emotionally upset when their significant other is cheating on them? Who cares? Thats just what happens. Lets say instead of a family unit there was a community unit that consisted of unrelated people. Instead of a child being raised in a biological family unit they are raised by this community and the men and women screw around without any care at all to who the mother or father is. Well, there is that natural urge to want to keep your mate for yourself. We see it cause problems today, people fight and even kill each other for their relationship, and it would certainly have been a problem in this community unit. This is another reason for the family unit.

And there are more reasons such as moral, safety, and the desire to pass on your heritage.

I personally think that people get too caught up in what they call love. Truth is, what many people think is love is nothing more than some animal emotion and the danger in that is when you act on animal emotion rather than logic you can create situations that are not good, such as getting married to someone who isn't right for you. For example, my cousin got married to someone who was an absolute loser who did drugs, flunked school, didn't care about his job (when he had one) and overall just didn't care at all about anything but satisfying his animal urges. My cousin married him and of course he cheated on her and dumped her after he got her pregnant. She was the only person in my entire family who liked him and thats because she wasn't looking at him objectively - she was "blinded by love" aka some emotion carried over from when we were pure animals. If she had looked at him objectively she would have realized he was a loser and moved on. There are too many people who are just like her though, people who don't care about important aspects of a person. All they think is "I feel it therefore I want it and I will take it."

What this means is you should KNOW the person is good for you before you FEEL it. You have to have some kind of respect for the person and their abilities if you want to have a successful marriage. That is why you cannot base your decision on who you want to spend your life with on things that change such as looks (the number one reason people even get together in the first place. people often fool themselves into thinking they love a person for other reasons in the truth is they just want to screw them) and Personality (which changes over the years, especially within the first 10). It needs to be based on things that cannot change over time such as integrity.



TL;DR

IMO

The actual physical act of walking down an aisle is pointless and doesn't do anything, but the family unit and "monogamy" are not.

Anyways, this is all just a little bit of my opinion. You can take it for what you want.

 

[angelatc]

I was married for twenty years, I've been divorced for 7. IMO, the above advice is nonsense. Women aren't prizes, they're people. If you put yourself in a subordinate position by constantly trying to "win her", she will lose all respect for you. A marriage takes TWO people deeply committed. If your spouse isn't into it as much as you, your marriage is destined to fail. Mine did, for what it's worth. And no, there was no infidelity.

I think one person always loves the other one more.

 

[oyarde]

It is a disposable world , was not meant to be , just is .There are about three types of scenarios that matter in the higher percentiles I guess. 1.) One person loves the other very , very deeply, the other one loves them back , sort of,most of the time . 2.) Both love one another very much, love may be somewhat differently defined for the two . 3.)One loves the other , the other no longer really feels that way . Now ,what you will see mostly in modern times is a bunch of # 1 and # 3 . If you were fortunate enough to get lucky , get it right , you will arrive at #2 which will have a high rate of success , the others , low rate . Normally I charge a case of beer for this , on the house for you ........... there are different ways to look at it, I can see them all..... You can be happy about most of the time, be alone, somewhat lonley .You can go the other way and share your life with someone and it can be good , or at least the good outweighs the bad , or it can be where one or both would just rather not. You see , most people cannot just be honorable and content anymore , because it is a world of discontent and that is now acceptable to most . The greatest gift my Father gave me as a youngster was to learn to be content .I tried in turn to pass this to my Children and Grandchildren . You must be able to be happy yourself , others cannot provide that , and you must have another with you who is the same . I am a happily married old drunk guy , who has seen the world and all of its evils.My Gal has not seen this nor could she , but seems to understand how it has affected me and accepts it . If she chose not to , honestly , I would be ok with that too , I love her dearly and know I have the greatest gal , but I am ok being alone too . When you have experienced enough loss , there comes a time when you are able to just accept it and move on in some sort of positive manner , that is not easy when you are getting started .

 

[oyarde]

If one person makes an enormous effort and the other makes little , that shit is doomed to fail ,most of the time, nowadays .

 

[Cleaner44]

I have been married for over 21 years and we couldn't be any happier. Everyday we are amazed that we are so lucky. Not that everyday was easy, but things are great now and have been for a long time. It seems that our relationship is better and stronger ever day. I wish most people have what we do, but sadly it seems to be abnormal. I think the key is to start with someone you like, lust and love, these things are quite different, and then don't give up just because things get tough sometimes. We took some vows that said something about sticking together for better and for worse, sickness and health and all of that, so we take it seriously. Marriage works for us.

 

[otherone]

I think one person always loves the other one more.

I agree. But the difference between being married and not married is the vow. I guess a better indicator of whether a person is marriage material is not how deeply they feel now, but what their integrity is like in general. A person who blows off their family or friends, or treats promises lightly, or is habitually late, when the going gets tough, might nor stick around. This goes hand in hand with what Nirvikalpa says.

 

[Nirvikalpa]

I don't think the penis thing is very compelling--reference the many numerous sexual positions that are not face-to-face, including the very common doggy-style position. I don't have any doubts about how monogamy can make a lot of sense at the emotional level. I'm not very familiar with the implications oxytocin may have, so that's something I'll have to look into.

The penis thing is very compelling, but you have to really research it I suppose, to really appreciate it. And also research human anatomy at a whole. Human testes are very small compared even to our closest animal ancestors, yet human males have one of the largest penes in relation to body size of the animal kingdom. My anthropology professors (a cultural and physical anthropologist [male and female]) were gung-ho that although we all know men can spread their seed far and wide even with small testes, the biological fact that a human penis is so large is a testament to how humans have evolved to enjoy sex and have it for more than reproductive purposes - however - that that enabled the female of the species to enjoy it too, and gave men something that would hopefully keep women around outside of their ovulatory schedules (it also kept the men around us when we were out of our ovulatory schedules )

 

[Roxi]

If it isn't broke....


You're right. Marriage is a scam. The piece of paper is meaningless, the title is meaningless, the ring is meaningless. The only thing that matters is that you're spending your days with someone you care about, who cares about you, and that you enjoy spending time with. Someone who cares about you being the best of yourself. The 'meaning' of it all doesn't matter. If you're not having actual issues with your spouse, then quit worrying about it. Don't create trouble where there isn't any.

 

[ManOfSteel]

thanks but not at all...

You read the whole thing in seven minutes? I don't believe you.

 

[angelatc]

I agree. But the difference between being married and not married is the vow. I guess a better indicator of whether a person is marriage material is not how deeply they feel now, but what their integrity is like in general. A person who blows off their family or friends, or treats promises lightly, or is habitually late, when the going gets tough, might nor stick around. This goes hand in hand with what Nirvikalpa says.

Yeas, I agree. I think my husband loves me more. He is always there for me 100% all the time, but I can't always find it in me to reciprocate. Not that I don't try, but my heart is less likely to be in it sometimes. And I'm not talking about anything especially personal, just mundane things. Like, I was thinking about a girls' night out with a fellow RPF woman, and he was all set to get me a room in the same hotel so that I wouldn't have to worry about driving back, and he was going to rent me a car so that I wouldn't have to worry about my POS breaking down.

I had to remind myself, literally, what a nice guy he is, because my gut instinct was to complain about how much all that would cost. He, on the other hand, would spare no expense for my pleasure.

I have no doubt that he loves me more. But I would be hard pressed to ever find a better mate, and I do love him passionately. But I just can't even hope to live up to his level of caring.

 

[ManOfSteel]

From a strictly biological standpoint, are humans designed to be monogamous, or not?

Question is flawed in that it assumes men and women are designed the same way, which is false.

Men are designed to be polygamous, women are designed to be hypergamous.

 

[ManOfSteel]

Here's a blog you might benefit from reading:

Dalrock: Thoughts from a happily married father on a post feminist world.

 

[Czolgosz]

A license to be married, from the State?

An arrangement where one person get's 50% of the assets and a payoff for years after, enforced by the State? No fault?

Just as welfare encourages bad behavior, so does the aforementioned.

I'd guess 50% of marriages that don't end up in divorce are likely in some state where the person who gets fucked (the male) is on pins and needles and just figures he'll put up w/ the shit. The other half are people who can make a commitment, through thick and thin, and stick together.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Numerous biological factors stress that humans are meant to be monogamous. The way the penis bends supports sex face-to-face which is different from nearly every other species, and face-to-face sex establishes emotional bonds. Our oxytocin levels increase the more long-term relationships get. Human females have a menstrual cycle opposed to an estrous cycle, and show no visible signs (to men) when they are ovulating, and can have sex all throughout their cycle, not purely for reproduction (argued by anthropologists that it keeps a man guessing and keeps him by a woman's side). Oxytocin and prolactin surges in newborn's fathers as is does mothers, which facilitates the bond between father and child, and thus father and mother, etc etc

I wrote a paper on that in college; on all of the evolutionary adaptations that humans have that point toward the couple as a nucleus of human social organization.

But now I no longer understand why I ever thought that any of those adaptations mean, "couple" and not "people in love." Why can't all of that chemistry work in a relation with 4 people?

 

[angelatc]

I wrote a paper on that in college; on all of the evolutionary adaptations that humans have that point toward the couple as a nucleus of human social organization.

But now I no longer understand why I ever thought that any of those adaptations mean, "couple" and not "people in love." Why can't all of that chemistry work in a relation with 4 people?

Is this why your marriage is in trouble - you torn between 2 women, and can't understand why your wife doesn't love your girlfriend? And I'm not saying that to be mean.

 

[brooks009]

I would give up anything in this world except my wife. She is the most important thing to me.

All, I can say is everyone is different so no advice will help you because its not the same situation. If marriage is not for you then don't get married. Follow you heart and do what make you happy. My wife makes me happy.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Is this why your marriage is in trouble - you torn between 2 women, and can't understand why your wife doesn't love your girlfriend? And I'm not saying that to be mean.

Something like this maybe.

First of all, again let me clarify- my marriage is not in trouble. I love my wife and look forward to most moments with her, and it seems to be the same on her end. I just meant that the concept of marriage is in danger to me, like in my own mind- none of the things that might sustain it mean anything to me anymore.



Once not too long ago, maybe 2 years ago, my wife fought me for an entire week because, when passing sheep in a car, I said, "Whoa that's hot." (they looked like ass-cheeks and fat rolls the way they were huddled together- it was like girl flesh pile). I have a friend from college, a female, that my wife hates with an undying bitterness, because once she saw that girl talking to me while reclining in a sexual pose.

She is an alpha-female, if there is a common understanding of what such a thing is- like she loves status competition and being the dominant woman (not in a sexual way, like in terms of status relationships and attractiveness rating).

But this girl that I have been hanging around with, she is always cool about- usually if I mention a girl's name in conversation, my wife's ears go back, her head dips, her jaw and chest tightens, and I can hear the fangs coming out. It's like lycanthropy. In the case of this girl though, she is always all smiles and encouragement and genuine good will. I even ditched the wife last week on her day off (which is sacred to her and she regularly demands of me my presence throughout the day for all manner of innane recreation), she was cool about it and encouraged me.

It's already a joke between me and my friends, how terrifying and suspicious such behavior is.