Lady Liberty answers your questions about love and life

[Dear Lady Liberty]

You know what this movement has been missing? An advice columnist!

I have responded to market forces and the pity I have felt reading so many heartrending posts on various Ron Paul Forums and am here to help.

Are relationship struggles eating up time and energy that you could be using in support of Freedom? Do you wonder how you can remain true to Ron Paul and not estrange women or lose your job? Do you keep finding yourself Google-ing "Ron Paul" instead of "Do women like men who clip their toenails"? Do you struggle to come up with a date night conversation lighter than fractional reserve banking?

If so, you've come to the right place. Ask Lady Liberty for answers to your questions. Questions submitted via private message may be made public but all names/places will be changed to protect your identity.

P.S. No graphic sexual problems. I'm not Dr. Ruth, I'm Lady Liberty.

 

[wistfulthinker]

Dear Lady Liberty,

I'm perplexed. On Mother's Day morning as my husband and I stretched in bed, he asked me what I'd like to do with the day. He wiggled his bushy eyebrows and said, "I will ensure that your Mother's Day is pleasure filled from dawn 'til dusk."

I immediately chirped, "Oh, you know what I'd love is for the whole family to go around the neighborhood passing our Ron Paul brochures! I bounced out of bed excited by the notion. As the day progressed, I realized I'd completely misread his offer and was putting Paul door hangers before physical passion.

This isn't like me. What has happened? How can I fix this?

Signed,
Perplexed

 

[GRNBO]

Dear Lady Liberty,

Should individualism be sacrificed for the sake of unity? And where is the line we should hold in order to achieve a utopian society?

 

[Noble Savage]

 

[pcosmar]

I am working my way down to owning nothing but what I carry I am down to less than 500 lbs... maybe I could teach you something

I have had it down to a backpack,, and was never freer.
However,, met a girl,, got involved.. Stuff accumulates..

SHTF, I'm back to the pack with no regrets.

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Are you included in that 500lb? If so I am truly impressed.

 

[JoshLowry]

Columnists should be verified. Pics or shens.

 

[Indy Vidual]

Someone told me it's possible to be happy all the time, how do I do it?

Signed,
Half-way Where

 

[Nirvikalpa]

Columnists should be verified. Pics or shens.

Check the IP

 

[JoshLowry]

Lady Liberty is verified!

Continue anonymously if you wish.

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Dear Perplexed,

I know this might hurt but you have moved from merely being obsessed with Ron Paul to having an emotional affair with him. I bet if Ron Paul said "blowback" and waggled his truly epic eyebrows you would have known exactly what he meant. For you hanging brochures on doorknobs for Ron Paul is a new source of physical passion. This is an unrequited love and the relationship is going nowhere. You should know by now that the Constitution is Ron Paul's only love besides Carol and unless you are an old piece of parchment signed by our country's founders or an Austrian economic theory your chances are nil.

The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem and I commend you for having made it here. Now you need to work on distancing yourself enough from Ron Paul that he isn't on your mind during every waking moment. Try meditating for a few minutes every day on something far removed from Ron Paul, like a pretty flower or a cloud in the sky (no that's not a chemtrail, get back to thinking about the puffiness). Then when you are in a personal situation use your happy non-Ron Paul place to drag yourself away from him and then quickly make eye contact with your husband (or another person who you want to engage with) before that intelligent, freedom loving, looks so good with that bike in his military uniform Ron Paul steals your mind back away.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Dear Lady Liberty,

I'm perplexed. On Mother's Day morning as my husband and I stretched in bed, he asked me what I'd like to do with the day. He wiggled his bushy eyebrows and said, "I will ensure that your Mother's Day is pleasure filled from dawn 'til dusk."

I immediately chirped, "Oh, you know what I'd love is for the whole family to go around the neighborhood passing our Ron Paul brochures! I bounced out of bed excited by the notion. As the day progressed, I realized I'd completely misread his offer and was putting Paul door hangers before physical passion.

This isn't like me. What has happened? How can I fix this?

Signed,
Perplexed

 

[shane77m]

Dear Lady Liberty

A couple of months ago a stray yellow lab mix started hanging around my house. My little brother seen him and was instantly attached to the dog. They became really good friends. One day my little brother, mother, and the dog were working in the garden when a rabid wolf came around. So the dog fought the wolf but now the yellow dog has rabies as well. We currently have him locked up in the garden shed in the back yard. What should we do with him?

 

[Noble Savage]

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Dear Greenbo (can I call you that since it's easier to pronounce and I like to talk to myself while I write?),

To your first question, yes and no. If you give up too much of your individualism people who were drawn to you because of who you are will be disappointed and you will become dissatisfied and lose your passion for life. On the other hand compromising with others in areas that are not central to your identity can be a very positive move that allows for increased intimacy, or in the case of long green toenails, allows the other party to contemplate intimacy.

If you're having trouble wrapping your head around this make a list of your absolute non-negotiables, the things you wouldn't give up for anyone or any amount of money. These are the areas in which you would be ill advised to compromise unless you have a true change of heart on the issue itself. Everything else should be negotiable and the more you care about the person, job, goal, etc. at hand the more willing you should be to compromise, or at the very least keep your opinion to yourself.

My answer to your second question is more disappointing, there is no earthly line that will create a utopian society. Thankfully Ron Paul supporters have come up with a plan to replace the flouride in drinking water with THC and that, along with personal liberty, should go a long ways towards making most people feel that they are living in a utopian society.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Dear Lady Liberty,

Should individualism be sacrificed for the sake of unity? And where is the line we should hold in order to achieve a utopian society?

 

[Noble Savage]

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Dear Half-Way Where,

It's a Trap! Whoever told you that obviously wants you to stop supporting Ron Paul. After exhausting all of their empty rhetoric many naysayers find themselves stooping to lows, like punching Ron Paul delegates to their state convention, pretending to have technical difficulties, or in your case trying to distract you from freedom by convincing you that perpetual happiness is a possibility. It isn't. Life is painful but if you do the right thing and fight for freedom you can be joyful all the time even in the face of adversity.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Someone told me it's possible to be happy all the time, how do I do it?

Signed,
Half-way Where

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Thank you Señor Administrator!

Lady Liberty is verified!

Continue anonymously if you wish.

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Dear Frothy,

I see that you're trying to be sneaky and mooch off the Ron Paul supporter's advice column to get anonymous assistance and I pity you. I do admire your attempt at allegory though.

You, the yellow dog who had been cut free from Pennsylvania because you were a crap Senator and a sell out were wandering around looking for food until your brother the GOP came along and fed you some lies about how you would make a good presidential candidate. Then one day when your brother was working in the garden with his mama, Lindsay Lohan, the rabid wolf of your voting record came along. You tried to fight it but it was too strong and when you turned away for a moment to take a picture of Lindsay it bit you. Now you've been locked away so you can't hurt people. The good news is that once you're frothy from rabies you usually only live for a week. I recommend you beg for kibbles and pray. You'll be home soon.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

Dear Lady Liberty

A couple of months ago a stray yellow lab mix started hanging around my house. My little brother seen him and was instantly attached to the dog. They became really good friends. One day my little brother, mother, and the dog were working in the garden when a rabid wolf came around. So the dog fought the wolf but now the yellow dog has rabies as well. We currently have him locked up in the garden shed in the back yard. What should we do with him?

 

[Dear Lady Liberty]

Dear Behind Bars,

Before I can answer your pictoral question about your imprisonment I need to know what you are in there for.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

 

[BuddyRey]

Dear Lady Liberty,

My name is Prince William. I reside in the sublime hamlet of West Philadelphia and spend most of my time in local fields and courtyards, enjoying calm meditation and playful recreation, shooting the occasional game of baskets and generally being at ease. But recently, this all changed when I was accosted by a small band of town ruffians who seemed intent on disturbing the calm serenity of the village. I took umbrage, and the hooligans and I eventually came to blows.

My mother, once informed of this incident, went into fits of of hysteria and announced her desire to send me far, far away, to the manor of my dear aunt and uncle, the Duchess and Duke of Belair. But I find taxicabs to be crude monstrosities, offensive to my olfactory receptors and epicurean sensibilities, so I don't wish to make the journey. Should I be a good son and acquiesce to my mother's whim (as frivolous as it may be), or should I make my objections known to her, and, if necessary, insist on remaining at my childhood home? I'm not even sure I would like living at this...Belair.

yours truly, the Fresh Prince