How about some comedy?

[slamminshaun]

YouTube - FDIC Public Service Announcement: "Shoebox" Closed Captioned

 

[torchbearer]

I can't do it. I can't watch this. It may piss me off.

 

[BuddyRey]

LOL!!! Suze Orman is just another Pop Media dumbass arbitrarily crowned as an "expert." She's the Dr. Phil or Michael Trudeau of personal finance.

 

[amonasro]

Oohhhh she works for the government! It all makes sense now.

 

[cheapseats]

Comedy Is In The Eye Of The Oppressed

The Ministry of Communication, having determined by exhaustive and expensive investigation that the term ENTERTAINMENT is associated with such sordid specialties as dogfighting and gambling and such prurient pursuits as getting high and getting laid, has announced that television programming shall henceforth be known in name and in spirit as SOMA (Syndicated Opinion Managed Authoritatively).

I do hereby copyright and submit the following shows for consideration, if the Ladies of Liberty would care to pitch them in a video.


My Favorite Brownshirt: A freshly positive sit-com in which a big-brother-like guardian magically appears whenever the do-goodery of hapless but hilarious suburbanites goes awry. Exhaustive marketing research, subsidized by the Ministry of Re-Education, determined that ‘angel’ is likely to be construed as religious favoritism and that ‘alien’ is twice problematic – first for its allusion to the bugaboo of illegal immigration and then secondly, perhaps more importantly, for its possible interpretation as an expansion of globalism to interplanetary aggression. The “savior” shall not be a single entity, discouraging hero worship, but shall instead be represented by period-dress spirits of well-known historical figures whose quotes may need to be taken out of context to make a point.

Tagline: “OMG, WTF – HELP!”



Lost In Space Saving: This heartwarming series chronicles the daunting but nevertheless uplifting machinations of millions of Americans who are not only downsizing physically, but who are also tackling the Tough Issues of a downgraded future. Executives and Officials concur that recurring themes such as Forgiveness and Turning The Other Cheek, as demonstrated by downtrodden American after downtrodden America, will gel into a spiritual/practical hybrid of Little House On The Prairie and Extreme Makeover. It is expected that a steadily cheerful spirit of “get over it” will exude a welcome calming influence on the proletariat.

Tagline: “Less is more.”



Triple X Lassie: A quote-unquote retired K-9 (by name, TXL) and his ostensibly out-to-pasture handler are far from finished fighting crime on city streets. Marketing and distribution wizards are still dialoguing with officials at the Ministry of Force, the Ministry of Re-Education and the Ministry of Censorship to determine whether a dramatic or comedic series will better serve the common interests of maximum advertising revenue and maximum compliance. The decision will determine the show’s content (world-class operations vs. keystone capers), the show’s location (sleepy hollow vs. fiefdom), the show’s position in the SOMA line-up (after dinner vs. after school), and the lead character’s name (James Bond vs. Goober).

Tagline: “Don’t call us bitches, Bitch.” vs. “Doggone it.”



Father Knows Fuck-All: From refusing to stop for directions (even when someone REALLY needs to pee – lol) to pouring beer on cereal, from road rage to bathroom humor, this household of often-wrong-but-never-in-doubt guy’s guys offers an edgy alternative to milquetoast renditions of “Average America,” while at the same time offering assurance to Holy Rollers that the entire country has not gone gay. This is no-holds-barred Life where Rugged Individuals are poster bozos for DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME – long on shenanigans and longer on consequences. Emergency legislation has authorized use of the offensive word FUCK in the title, to highlight the vulgarity of self-will run rampant.

Tagline: “There’s no such thing as Testosterone Lite.”



My Three Soldiers: This dramatic series follows a family, three sons of which are inspired by Saving Private Ryan to simultaneously enlist in the American Armed Services – but in different branches. To be positioned squarely in prime time, My Three Soldiers will provide an important opportunity to portray several branches of the American Armed Services in a favorable light, week after week after week, and to encourage the unwashed masses to be more like The Giving Tree.

Tagline: “Ask what more you can do for your country.”



VETOED – Tasteless

Petticoat Junctures: Billed not as a nighttime soap opera but as a Mud Opera, this indy production proposed -- by voyeurship and clandestine surveillance -- to expose the homosexual escapades of the High & Mighty. The show’s executive producers have been ordered into retreat, to contemplate the error of their ways at a Government Graft & Golf facility with a state-of-the-art security system and high speed internet. The Minister of Missing People has graciously granted writers a choice between black list or public apology. Mea culpa.

Tagline: “Blow me – Up yours.”




VETOED – Incendiary

Geithner In The Middle: Another indy production would have portrayed the United States Minister of the Treasury as a man torn between his duties as an American citizen and his loyalties to The International Elite. His ideological conundrum encapsulates the country club existentialism of his generation, notably whether ‘tis nobler to be tres hip, filthy rich or uber powerful. His lifetime of financial privilege and sociopolitical well-connectedness render his determination to have all three eminently believable as he brings into stark relief the preeminent and lowest common denominator of his time, Greed. Expatriation of the show’s executive producers intimates that they are all cowards, writers who have not the wherewithal to exile themselves have again been graciously invited by the Minister of Missing Persons to offer public apology. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Tagline: “Lifestyles of the Chosen Few.”



All In The American Family: A small but hard-hitting, slight but mean-spirited, disrespected but feared high-ranking official is appointed Czar of the Ministry of Patriotism. His relentless pursuit of extremists and terrorists – from Islamic fundamentalists to Christian evangelicals, from free thinkers to crabby kids – will drive home the twin realities about the PRICE part of Peace At Any Price and the UNITED part United States.

Tagline: “We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way.”



Leave It To Obama: Loosely modeled on the beloved Leave It To Beaver series, Leave It To Obama tracks the American Idealogue’s good-hearted but whacky escapades that unfailingly, also predictably, generate more problems even as they make existing problems worse. The possibility of his looking foolish, consumer surveys suggest, is much overridden by the charm-factor of incorporating Obama’s American and Kenyan family members into lighthearted but continual “messaging” about the benefits of globalism, welfare, et al. Viewers are sure to cotton to winsome Huxtable Hipness, replete with concluding morals to tirelessly trite stories – fist bumps all around.

Tagline: “I can do it myself.”

 

[No1ButPaul08]

I'm not worried about my money being "safe". I'm worried about it having value!

 

[slamminshaun]

I'm not worried about my money being "safe". I'm worried about it having value!

Exactly. The only thing "guaranteed" is the nominal value of your account. Ironically, their guarantee is based on the Fed's ability to inflate if the FDIC runs out of money, which only guarantees the dollars you get are worth less. The dollar index has gone down almost 15% over the past 3 months alone, but nobody's angry. Do you think people would be angry if the dollar index remained flat but banks charged 15% for the last 3 months you kept your money there? Ouch! Blood in the streets. You have to appreciate the Mandrake Mechanism for its pure genius.

 

[JaylieWoW]

I can't do it. I can't watch this. It may piss me off.

Good idea. Short though it was I am really regretting the seconds I just lost by watching it. Further, I have to agree the lady was a dumbass for putting her money in a shoebox. If she had enough to fill a shoebox she should have bought some silver and gold.

Emergency legislation has authorized use of the offensive word FUCK in the title, to highlight the vulgarity of self-will run rampant.

ROFL. Why does this sound so Pelosi-ish to me?

 

[BuddyRey]

i'm not worried about my money being "safe". I'm worried about it having value!

+1776!

 

[Dieseler]

The Ministry of Communication, having determined by exhaustive and expensive investigation that the term ENTERTAINMENT is associated with such sordid specialties as dogfighting and gambling and such prurient pursuits as getting high and getting laid, has announced that television programming shall henceforth be known in name and in spirit as SOMA (Syndicated Opinion Managed Authoritatively).

I do hereby copyright and submit the following shows for consideration, if the Ladies of Liberty would care to pitch them in a video.


My Favorite Brownshirt: A freshly positive sit-com in which a big-brother-like guardian magically appears whenever the do-goodery of hapless but hilarious suburbanites goes awry. Exhaustive marketing research, subsidized by the Ministry of Re-Education, determined that ‘angel’ is likely to be construed as religious favoritism and that ‘alien’ is twice problematic – first for its allusion to the bugaboo of illegal immigration and then secondly, perhaps more importantly, for its possible interpretation as an expansion of globalism to interplanetary aggression. The “savior” shall not be a single entity, discouraging hero worship, but shall instead be represented by period-dress spirits of well-known historical figures whose quotes may need to be taken out of context to make a point.

Tagline: “OMG, WTF – HELP!”



Lost In Space Saving: This heartwarming series chronicles the daunting but nevertheless uplifting machinations of millions of Americans who are not only downsizing physically, but who are also tackling the Tough Issues of a downgraded future. Executives and Officials concur that recurring themes such as Forgiveness and Turning The Other Cheek, as demonstrated by downtrodden American after downtrodden America, will gel into a spiritual/practical hybrid of Little House On The Prairie and Extreme Makeover. It is expected that a steadily cheerful spirit of “get over it” will exude a welcome calming influence on the proletariat.

Tagline: “Less is more.”



Triple X Lassie: A quote-unquote retired K-9 (by name, TXL) and his ostensibly out-to-pasture handler are far from finished fighting crime on city streets. Marketing and distribution wizards are still dialoguing with officials at the Ministry of Force, the Ministry of Re-Education and the Ministry of Censorship to determine whether a dramatic or comedic series will better serve the common interests of maximum advertising revenue and maximum compliance. The decision will determine the show’s content (world-class operations vs. keystone capers), the show’s location (sleepy hollow vs. fiefdom), the show’s position in the SOMA line-up (after dinner vs. after school), and the lead character’s name (James Bond vs. Goober).

Tagline: “Don’t call us bitches, Bitch.” vs. “Doggone it.”



Father Knows Fuck-All: From refusing to stop for directions (even when someone REALLY needs to pee – lol) to pouring beer on cereal, from road rage to bathroom humor, this household of often-wrong-but-never-in-doubt guy’s guys offers an edgy alternative to milquetoast renditions of “Average America,” while at the same time offering assurance to Holy Rollers that the entire country has not gone gay. This is no-holds-barred Life where Rugged Individuals are poster bozos for DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME – long on shenanigans and longer on consequences. Emergency legislation has authorized use of the offensive word FUCK in the title, to highlight the vulgarity of self-will run rampant.

Tagline: “There’s no such thing as Testosterone Lite.”



My Three Soldiers: This dramatic series follows a family, three sons of which are inspired by Saving Private Ryan to simultaneously enlist in the American Armed Services – but in different branches. To be positioned squarely in prime time, My Three Soldiers will provide an important opportunity to portray several branches of the American Armed Services in a favorable light, week after week after week, and to encourage the unwashed masses to be more like The Giving Tree.

Tagline: “Ask what more you can do for your country.”



VETOED – Tasteless

Petticoat Junctures: Billed not as a nighttime soap opera but as a Mud Opera, this indy production proposed -- by voyeurship and clandestine surveillance -- to expose the homosexual escapades of the High & Mighty. The show’s executive producers have been ordered into retreat, to contemplate the error of their ways at a Government Graft & Golf facility with a state-of-the-art security system and high speed internet. The Minister of Missing People has graciously granted writers a choice between black list or public apology. Mea culpa.

Tagline: “Blow me – Up yours.”




VETOED – Incendiary

Geithner In The Middle: Another indy production would have portrayed the United States Minister of the Treasury as a man torn between his duties as an American citizen and his loyalties to The International Elite. His ideological conundrum encapsulates the country club existentialism of his generation, notably whether ‘tis nobler to be tres hip, filthy rich or uber powerful. His lifetime of financial privilege and sociopolitical well-connectedness render his determination to have all three eminently believable as he brings into stark relief the preeminent and lowest common denominator of his time, Greed. Expatriation of the show’s executive producers intimates that they are all cowards, writers who have not the wherewithal to exile themselves have again been graciously invited by the Minister of Missing Persons to offer public apology. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Tagline: “Lifestyles of the Chosen Few.”



All In The American Family: A small but hard-hitting, slight but mean-spirited, disrespected but feared high-ranking official is appointed Czar of the Ministry of Patriotism. His relentless pursuit of extremists and terrorists – from Islamic fundamentalists to Christian evangelicals, from free thinkers to crabby kids – will drive home the twin realities about the PRICE part of Peace At Any Price and the UNITED part United States.

Tagline: “We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way.”



Leave It To Obama: Loosely modeled on the beloved Leave It To Beaver series, Leave It To Obama tracks the American Idealogue’s good-hearted but whacky escapades that unfailingly, also predictably, generate more problems even as they make existing problems worse. The possibility of his looking foolish, consumer surveys suggest, is much overridden by the charm-factor of incorporating Obama’s American and Kenyan family members into lighthearted but continual “messaging” about the benefits of globalism, welfare, et al. Viewers are sure to cotton to winsome Huxtable Hipness, replete with concluding morals to tirelessly trite stories – fist bumps all around.

Tagline: “I can do it myself.”

If I had your skill with the written word I would be pounding out literature with mad exuberance.

 

[stag15]

Suze looks like one of those plastic people from those battery commercials back in the day. The second lady looks like the chinese character from Mad TV.

 

[cheapseats]

If I had your skill with the written word I would be pounding out literature with mad exuberance.

Aah, but would you betake yourself to exuberantly write literature if Bad Guys were at the helm of your country, robbing the people blind and jeopardizing the entire economy-read-that-prosperity-read-that-stability of the land? Hold the thought, though. I may need you as a reference for 'Potential Earning Power' if partnership negotiations get bogged down.

You're a rare breed . . . the caliber of man that women allude to when they regret that 'all the good ones are taken.' Thank you, and bless you.

 

[HOLLYWOOD]

Sheila Blair, "Visit MY FDIC today... blah blah"

Gesus, the only missing from these 2 clowns on this PSA are their OVERSIZED Red Shoes and a Brass Horn on their Belts...

 

[Dieseler]

Aah, but would you betake yourself to exuberantly write literature if Bad Guys were at the helm of your country, robbing the people blind and jeopardizing the entire economy-read-that-prosperity-read-that-stability of the land? Hold the thought, though. I may need you as a reference for 'Potential Earning Power' if partnership negotiations get bogged down.

You're a rare breed . . . the caliber of man that women allude to when they regret that 'all the good ones are taken.' Thank you, and bless you.

I am floored by the compliment my lady but undeserving to say the least.
Thanks and blessings to you in your work.