Fourth Draft of USA Today Ad -- Almost final!!

[joenaab]

I also liked the term debt slave.

I very much liked the term "debt slave" from an earlier draft, too.

 

[spiteface]

I think castor's post on page one has some good points to think about.

 

[Mark]

I'll put up a page for people without 19 inch monitors..

Draft 4:

http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d4.htm

.

 

[RobotJaxxon]

It's also important to keep in mind that there are three types of readers
that will be viewing this: "the 30-second reader" who just looks at graphics
and headlines, "the 3-minute reader" who reads a couple paragraphs here and
there, and "the 30-minute reader" who actually reads everything on the page.
To get the word out and utilize the immense reach of a medium like USA Today
you MUST tailor to all of these types.

-For the statements about Ron Paul after "...warned:" in addition to bold
face, I might try bumping up the size of the font by one point or half a
point, if possible, for those "30-second readers" who will only be reading
the bold face. (Although I know it's tricky trying to fit everything onto
one page.)

Agreed. I posted a couple comments in the 3rd draft thread regarding this, but the changes made don't address this enough IMO.

Ron Paul's stances on the issues should stand out much more from the rest of the text in order to reach the 30-second reader.

An example of what I mean is here, post #90:

http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=37186&page=9

 

[tsetsefly]

I like this one much better than the first, lets not forget the target audience....

 

[Mark]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Menthol Patch
I also liked the term debt slave.

I very much liked the term "debt slave" from an earlier draft, too.

Thank God, that was taken out.

 

[paradoxalist]

The bottom of the ad looks very good, less cluttered.

I also agree with others to scale down the images of the Founders, and enlarge Ron Paul's image.

Having "Ron Paul will..." in parenthesis looks weird to me. I think one of the dissenters on changing the add noted this is implied anyways, why have it in there?

Oh well, this is going to be awesome no matter what!

Adam

 

[SgtBulldog]

I love it. The only thing that might make it look visually more cohesive is changing the portraits to either all look inward or outward as mentioned previously.

Great job and thanks so much for your dedication and generosity to freedom llepard!

 

[JoeTB]

Draft 4:

http://www.revmark.org/forumfiles/d4.htm

.

some of the extreme comments could rightfully subtract from the credibility, such as "Ron Paul will end illegal immigration"... something about get us out of all alliances?

 

[JMO]

You still have the words Ron Paul never takes money from special interest groups. someone on here earlier showed money given to each candidate via PACS and the leader for Ron Paul was google who had given 22k. I wouldn't suggest putting something in the add that can be proven to be false.

 

[blamx8]

Help us make December 16th, the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, the largest....

We don't want people to think this is some alice in wonderland gathering.

Please notice this. If you didn't know what the tea party referred to and simply saw a link named teaparty.com what would you think it would be about? Little girls, dolls, and teddybears. Help people who see it make the connection.

 

[mkrfctr]

Haven't bothered to comment on those giant threads but since im in early here you are:

More minors stuff on layout and such, no comments on overall theme or layout - though I do feel it to be cluttered and a big mishmash of inconsisitency and repetition.

I would like a larger pic of ron
Are we going with "in 1776" because that's a date people recognize knowing it's not particularly accurate historically as to when they "risked their lives fortunes and sacred honor" and that fighting had already begun... ?
Eliminate the "we" from "We the founding fathers" - the format has changed, and that no longer fits as a first-person theme, when the rest is isn't now.
I don't like the () around what RP will do - keep with the theme and use the stars instead
Isn't the 877 number now 1-877-Ron-Paul ?
Typos: extra space before " a concerned American." appears as if missing spaces right side lower "never receives money_from lobyists or_special interest groups"
Does the very bottom gfx design and original concept credits need to be in there? - Cannot we just get permission to run it without that?

 

[Drknows]

The more and more i look at..... is the background suppose to look like a headstone/gravestone ?


Yeah looks good though id like to see Ron Paul stand out more.

Really anything is ok with me. Its getting Ron Pauls name out in the main stream and that's what matters , thanks again llepard!

 

[joenaab]

Of Castor's comments, I particularly agree that:

1. Ron Paul's name and image need to be much larger, larger than those of the founding fathers.

2. The perspective of the Founding Fathers talking to us doesn't work with me. I think it can be easily modified to read "The Founding Fathers" instead of "We The Founding Fathers", and then change the beginning of each sentence to correspond with the change, such as changing "warned you" to "warned us". The use of "Warned You" comes off as an attack on the reader.

3. That Ron Paul should be mentioned somehow further up in the ad.

 

[bolidew]

Typo: "Ron Paul will restore the Founder's vision..." (needs possessive apostrophe)

Typo: 3rd checked item on left side, - there needs to be a comma after "Instead" and a period at the end of the sentence to be consistent with the other sentences.

Bold for you.

 

[krott5333]

make all the founders face front and center

 

[speciallyblend]

Looks Great overall,always hard to take everyones suggestions,but some do make sense GREAT WORK PEOPLE LOOKS GREAT and will get alot of attention by average americans.

 

[bolidew]

"RonPaul will put America and Americans first" appears TWICE closely.
That is simply redundant.

 

[LibertyEagle]

Typo

Llepard,

There is a period missing at the end of the 3rd check-marked line. The one that ends with 9/11.

 

[Ron Paul Fan]

Run it. Hurry! We're running out of time and you'll never please everyone! It isn't the people on here we want to convince, it's the millions of USA Today readers who will see this ad and be convinced that Ron Paul is their man. I agree with the faces thing so that the eyes are looking right at you. People like eye contact, even from dead people. Just think how big of a smash The Sixth Sense was, so get that done and run it already!