I'll give you my two cents, bought through hard experience.
No woman worth having wants a man she can push around. Simple as that. That means women are attracted to men that are confident, a little indifferent to the woman (especially at the seduction phase), even a bit scary physically, intellectually, and emotionally. They are not attracted to a man they think they have in the bag. They should never doubt they can lose you if they don't treat you right.
Want to turn a woman off instantly? Let her think she has you wrapped around her finger. Want to turn her on? Let her know in no uncertain terms that you will not stand for the slightest disrespect from her. Insist on holding your own reigns and let her know she can take a hike if she doesn't like it.
The real essence of it is this, a man must prefer to be alone the rest of his life than spend one minute with a woman who wants to be his boss or treats him disrespectfully. And why would you want to be with such a woman anyway? Once you really have that attitude and LIVE it, you will have all the women you want. It is one of those paradoxes in life - the second you realize you can be happy without a woman, you don't have to be.
This doesn't mean you need to be a dick, although every guy knows that the guys who got most of the girls in high school WERE dicks. It DOES mean that you have to be ready to say "fuck off" to ANY woman who does not treat you properly and the second you can't, you are hosed.
The rape fantasy is simply an expression of a woman's erotic attraction to men who take control. So take control. Not with a knife, fool, with your attitude. Don't be a selfish asshole or an abusive jerk. But take control. Be decisive. And then look out for her interests.
Most women will be turned on by a guy who takes control and then uses his power in the relationship to take care of her. You are doing her a favor by being a confident, dominant man.
This paradox is ridiculous. Here's my perspective:
Any woman who
would take advantage of me, or who
would leave me simply because taking advantage of me would be easy to do (and she wants someone "tougher"), is simply too cold and heartless to really deserve my attention in the first place. I can't be the confident, almost "indifferent" manly man all the time, because what good is a relationship if you're not allowed to actually open up emotionally, be human, and above all, actually be honest about your own feelings instead of playing childish, selfish, and manipulative games revolving around power and dominance?
I don't want anything to do with the kind of shallow woman who wants the perfect, dominant caricature of a man with unassailable confidence and no emotional needs or vulnerabilities. Of course, if I make my view clear and treat women that way right from the start - as if I wouldn't really go out of my way for them and as if they don't really mean that much to me (or that the relationship doesn't) - then I'll instantly become desirable to them...however, that's exactly what I don't want! You said,
"Once you really have that attitude and LIVE it, you will have all the women you want. It is one of those paradoxes in life - the second you realize you can be happy without a woman, you don't have to be." I can't help but think the sentence continues,
"...because from that point forward, all of the wrong kind of women will be showering you with attention!"
Deep down, at least as far as long-term relationship material goes, I
want to turn off those kinds of women, precisely because they're not worth my time, and I'd be miserable with them, constantly having to act like someone I'm not...plus, acting that way would turn off the kind of women who I
am interested in: I'm interested in the kind of women who actually view men as equal human beings and treat them with consideration by default - not just because the man is tough and assertive enough not to ever put up with shit, but because the woman is too good of a person to ever try it in the first place. I don't want a woman who will walk all over me or leave me in "disgust" at some vulnerable moment or during a rough time; I want the kind of woman who will be there for me during those times (especially considering rough times are already, by definition, rough),
just like I would be there for her when she needs it. She should do this not just because I'm dominant enough that she'd be afraid to do anything else (lest she lose me), but because it's
just the right thing to do...and that's on top of the whole idea that
she should care about me in the first place, just as I presumably would care about her.
Still, I can't trust someone who wouldn't take advantage of me just because of who I am or how I act with them, or even because they care about me specifically (although that part helps a lot); I can only trust someone who wouldn't purposely hurt anyone at all, simply because they're too good of a person to do so. Deep down, it's an absolute requirement for me that I be with a compassionate, morally consistent person...and it's unfortunate that you can't really figure out if someone measures up until long after you develop feelings for her that are hard to let go of, no matter how much you want to or know you should.
This is different from the confidence aspect, but there's a parallel: I wear decent clothes when I go out, but I don't obsess over it. My sister asked me recently why I don't care about dressing fashionably and keeping up with the latest trends...the answer is, while I care about looking moderately attractive, I purposely want to avoid the shallow kinds of women who will write off a guy just because he's not cosmopolitan or trendy enough. It's a different situation, but it's the same idea...I'm "supposed" to dress/act in a certain way to be desirable, but if I did, I'd attract the wrong kind of women.
Back to the main topic though:
I'm always hearing women say something to the effect of, "Women want confident guys who are strong and dominant and who aren't easy to walk all over." You know what men like me want?
Men like me just want women who are completely above playing manipulative emotional games in relationships. Sadly, it seems like those kind of women are quite rare...so that means I'll either get lucky and end up with one, or I'll end up lonely after a string of disappointments. I've been single for quite a while now (years), so at this particular moment I can't really be bothered to care all that much...but I imagine a lot of guys feel the same way in terms of what kind of woman they're looking for and unable to find.
that chick is whack. However she seemed perfectly normal in all other respects.
