What did you do today at noon?

[Mitt Romneys sideburns]

I ate a sandwich

 

[Kludge]

Watched the inauguration and then wandered hallways.

For my next hour, I became bored of just sitting (I already finished my own personal work from home I brought to keep me somewhat busy) and read a book.

Tax dollars at work.

 

[ronpaulblogsdotcom]

I used 43 funny pictures of President Bush to give hime a proper send off:

http://ronpaulblogs.com/george-bush/43-funniest-pics-of-the-43rd-president-george-bush/

 

[Spider-Man]

I too ate a sandwich. Turkey swiss on dark rye w/ lettuce, tomato, onion, and brown mustard.

 

[Roxi]

as professed earlier, I took a poo

 

[Spider-Man]

as professed earlier, I took a poo

did it float?

 

[ronpaulblogsdotcom]

did it float?

They float if you are passing a lot of fat. Usually from eating greasy food.

 

[Spider-Man]

They float if you are passing a lot of fat. Usually from eating greasy food.

Della asks:

What happens if your poop floats? Does that mean something?
Dear Della,

Judging by the number of times it is asked, this question is a source of great concern to the masses. The Floaters versus Sinkers controversy (hey, wouldn't those be great names for PoopReport basketball teams?) has been raging since time began... OK, since the Internet began... OK, since this morning.


WHAT MAKES POOP FLOAT?

Surprisingly, not what you might think.

Conventional medical wisdom attributes Floaters to the amount of fat in your poop. While this IS true for certain diseases (cystic fibrosis, celiac disease, biliary atresia, abetalipoprotenimia and a few other weird sounding illnesses), it is NOT true for your run-of-the-mill healthy person.

Vegetarians would have you believe that the "perfect" stool (that is, one uncontaminated by the consumption of animal parts) is the Floater. Many vegetarians have spent their entire lives in the quest to produce perfection -- when in fact no particular diet can reliably produce Floaters. The vast majority of us bring forth Sinkers.

Sinkers really need a good P.R. person -- they have gotten a bad rap over the ages. Sure, Floaters are cute and all, but a good solid Sinker will never let you down.


BACK TO WHAT MAKES POOP FLOAT...

Actually, it is gas that does it. Increased levels of air and gas in the poop make it less dense, and cause it to float. Simple as that. Dietary changes can lead to an increase in the amount of gas produced by the bacteria that live in the gut, which is probably what the vegetarians are basing their whole "perfect stool" theory on. I don't know -- the whole time I was vegan I never consistently produced Floaters.

Then, after a couple of years, I grew disenchanted and yearned for a hamburger. And that was the end of Poonurse the Vegetarian.


WHY DOES IT MATTER?

Well, I'm a little unclear on that. It must matter greatly to a lot of people, or else they wouldn't take so much time to write to me about it. I guess it could matter if you are worried that you are sick or something.

If you have diarrheal-esque Floaters for more than two weeks, you may have a malabsorption problem -- a dysfunction of the GI tract that affects the body's ability to digest and absorb fat. Acute gastrointestinal infections can also result in increased gas content in the intestines, due to rapid movement of stool through the GI tract.


SO WHAT?

So I am forced to assume that Floaters are NOT the most desirable of all stools. Sinkers are by far more common. Don't spend your life chowing down on tofu burgers just because you think you are being cheated out of a Floater. Neither tofu burgers nor Floaters are worth the trouble. Sinkers are our destiny.

Thanks for asking Poonurse!

http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Content/float.html

 

[Time for Change]

I quietly sat behind a monitor and blocked streaming media from the network

What a hoot.

Is that wrong?
Cause it WAS funny

 

[satchelmcqueen]

i was getting very irate and pissy towards my insurance company.

 

[hypnagogue]

Was asleep.

 

[wowabunga]

I quietly sat behind a monitor and blocked streaming media from the network

Not having a TV, but I do have Hugesnet Internet Sat service... I got curious and found a live AP low bandwidth feed. Missed the pomp and circumstance where he glosses over the part about protecting a old piece of paper.

But I did see Bush fly off into the sunset. I waved my lone finger at him. Was he headed to South America ? The AP feed had no voice overs.

-Ramblin Randy

 

[Isaac Bickerstaff]

I was shocked and amazed that W. had moved up to second worst president ever.

I stopped by Circuit city to try to snag a deal on a new monitor (fail) and noticed that every single business in that strip mall was liquidating everything. It struck me how truly racist the king makers are to appoint a man that they can call black to oversee the ghetto-ification of America.
Disgusting. ;@~

 

[asimplegirl]

I was watchin a man on a track hoe dig a pond for turds to float in in my back yard FINALLY.

 

[M House]

I wanted to be home drinking a beer and looking at porn to kill the brain pain. I had to be at school however and ended up watching the inauguration.

 

[wizardwatson]

I sacrificed an infant child for Lord Obama.

 

[M House]

I sacrificed an infant child for Lord Obama.

U know you could've just used a goat and drank the blood.

 

[wizardwatson]

U know you could've just used a goat and drank the blood.

Lord Obama specifically requested that screams of innocent infant babies should fill the air, and innocent baby blood should soak the ground at the hour of his inauguration.

I'm just doing my part. Stop being so racist.

 

[Rael]

Was asleep.

+1

 

[Kotin]

I was watching Mr.Show in the dark.