The official Festivus 2011 thread

[flightlesskiwi]

how about some roast beast:

 

[heavenlyboy34]

That^^ looks pretty good ~licks chops~

 

[heavenlyboy34]

[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”](Sung to 'The Christmas Song -
Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]Grievances airing at a Festivus Party,
Feats of strength, and a bloody nose.
Random miracles make Kramer's day,
As Festivus newcomers come and go.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]Everybody knows of the pole without tinsel,
It's less distracting that way.
Let's play the tapes from Festivus past,
And embarass George til he runs away.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]We all know that Frank Constanza loves this day,
No more fighting over dolls in any way.
It's every crazy fathers true delight,
To challenge his son in a weird Festivus fight![/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]And so we are offering you this simple day,
To people who love crazy things.
It should only be said, in one simple way,
Happy Festivus, to you![/FONT]

 

[flightlesskiwi]

DANG IT!! my boss just sent me a message!!!

 

[heavenlyboy34]

DANG IT!! my boss just sent me a message!!!

OH NOEZ!!!! I hope you'll still have time to participate in Festivus activities.

 

[heavenlyboy34]

[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us.
[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]An aluminum pole, it's tinsel free,
And feats of strength, who can pin me?
[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us.
[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]No raining blows, for sake of a doll,
Just grievances, aired to you all.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]O Festivus, O Festivus,
Costanza's day, for the rest of us![/FONT]

 

[heavenlyboy34]

Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night!!

 

[heavenlyboy34]

DANG IT!! my boss just sent me a message!!!

How are you feeling after working late, dear kiwi? Good morning and happy Festivus!

 

[heavenlyboy34]

This makes for a very happy Festivus :

 

[flightlesskiwi]

How are you feeling after working late, dear kiwi? Good morning and happy Festivus!

man, i'll tell you what. that red dot catching stuff is for the cats.

i just had me some festivus sailor jerry's in some festivus eggnog and i feel grrrrrreat.

discovered this:

 

[heavenlyboy34]

Festivus perfume? Fantabulous!!!

 

[heavenlyboy34]

Happy Festivus to all, and to all a good night!

 

[Anti Federalist]

DOOD!!! NOT a good idea!!

Aye...not a good idea at all sirrah.

 

[John F Kennedy III]

I found some Festivus songs, and I'll post them. Here's one-
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the first day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
A pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the second day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the third day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the fourth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the fifth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the sixth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the seventh day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the eight day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the ninth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the tenth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the eleventh day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
11 Human Fund Donations
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]
[FONT=“Trebuchet MS”]On the twelfth day of Festivus, my Seinfeld gave to me...
12 Years on Strike
11 Human Fund Donations
10 Bucks on Captain Nemo
9 Day-old bagels
8 Blows rained
7 Face changes
6 Shvitz hours
5 Grievances Aired
4 Unexpected newcomers
3 Fake phone numbers
2 Festivus miracles
And a pole that's tinsel free.[/FONT]

REDNECK 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Guy1:Somebody done been to the wal*mart
Guy2:Man this is the stuff I got for christmas
Guy1:You cleaned up, what you get?

Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T

Guy1:You fool!You got jipped! thar's twelve days of Christmas!
Guy2:I know that look over there in the corner.
Guy1:Thats yours too?
Guy2:Yeah

Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T

Guy1:Man these aint normal Christmas presents!
Guy2:Naw they redneck gifts.
Guy1:Redneck gifts?
Guy2:Yeah, like when you buy your wife earrings that double as fishen luers, or if you can burp the entire chorus of jingle bells, or if you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive, or if you've ever miss spelled anything in christmas lights, or if you leave cold beer and pickeled eggs for santa clause.

Guy1:whats wrong with that?
Guy2:i didnt say anything was wrong with it, its hard to beat

Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T

Guy1:Well you know you cant consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitenturary and visit your momma.
Guy2:You're not listenin' to me get the car key out of your ear, that where the nine years probation comes in. im a do it for you again, now listen

Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T

Guy2:Are you cryin'?
Guy1:naw just my allergies
Guy2:Happy Holidays Everybody

 

[heavenlyboy34]

Aye...not a good idea at all sirrah.

I think she was mocking you a bit, dood.

 

[Anti Federalist]

I think she was mocking you a bit, dood.

I am quite sure she was, my friend, thus the Fat Bastard reference.

I'm not above laughing at myself.

 

[heavenlyboy34]

You know what else is great about Festivus? It overlaps with my birthday! I will be 30 years young tomorrow.

 

[heavenlyboy34]

Shit, didn't have time for another feats of strength match today. We'll do that in the morning, I reckon.

 

[heavenlyboy34]

The Festivus Song still makes me lol

 

[John F Kennedy III]

You know what else is great about Festivus? It overlaps with my birthday! I will be 30 years young tomorrow.

I'm going to buy you a wheelchair and adult diapers. You're ancient.