Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!

[Danke]

Damn, I thought I was having a bad day.....

 

[Origanalist]

View attachment 7386

Oh damn, I am now forever grateful.

 

[Schifference]

View attachment 7386

That guy is on top of the world. She is gone away from home often. When she is home she is drunk. She is mostly incoherent and she has lots of money. Mr. Polosi loves Nancy very much.

 

[Danke]

I was having sex with my gf the other night. I decided to pull out and put it in her vagina, wow, it fits like a glove.

 

[Anti Globalist]

I was having sex with my gf the other night. I decided to pull out and put it in her vagina, wow, it fits like a glove.

Where were you putting it before?

 

[Danke]

[FONT=&quot]Curly was pretty worried. His girl friend was pregnant and he was going to have to take a blood test to see if he was the father. He was scared shitless when he went in to take the test but when he came out he was all smiles.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Can they prove you're the father?" asked his buddy Larry.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Ain't no way," replied Curly, "the dumb-ass nurse took the blood sample from my finger!"[/FONT]

 

[tod evans]

HERE IS WHY PEOPLE IN CALIFORNIA APPEAR CONFUSED

Chief Heather Fong is the first SFPD female, lesbian chief of police.
Theresa Sparks, a former male, is president of the San Francisco Police Commission,
and CEO of a multi-million dollar sex toy retailer, and a transgender woman.
Sgt. Stephan Thorne, a former female, is the first transgender male SFPD police officer.

Where else are you going to find an Asian lesbian police chief, one deputy chief who is a woman who was a man, another deputy chief who is a man who was a woman, and a police commissioner who was a man is now a woman and whose full-time job is running a dildo store.
勞
Their Representative in Congress is Nancy Pelosi.

 

[Anti Globalist]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

 

[Anti Globalist]

What is Moby Dick's dad's name?

Papa Boner.

 

[tod evans]

LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA - CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS MAY APPLY

"Lemon Pickers Needed" read the ad in the newspaper


Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs, Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job. She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master's degree in Agriculture from Michigan State University. For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.

The foreman studied her application, frowned, and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume.

"However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"



"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said. "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary."



She started work yesterday.

 

[Anti Globalist]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breath out of that thing?

 

[tod evans]

CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.” At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.

 

[Anti Globalist]

Why don't witches wear underwear?

To get a better grip on their broom.

 

[Anti Globalist]

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

 

[Valli6]

https://cdn.quotesgram.com/small/48/42/1050120435-a496073b7520110969f36c59ed26624b.jpg

 

[Anti Globalist]

What does a perverted frog say?

Rub-it.

 

[PursuePeace]

What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

I think I'm coming down with something.

 

[NorthCarolinaLiberty]

Q: Why is so much toilet paper being sold?

A: Because when someone sneezes, a hundred progs shit themselves.

 

[Anti Globalist]

Why do women have boobs?

So you got something to look at while you're talking to them.

 

[Suzanimal]

What does a farmer say when he can't find his tractor?

 

"Where's my tractor?"