Anti Federalist
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Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!
- Thread starter DamianTV
- Start date
Swordsmyth
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So the laws against bigamy are there to protect us from bee-stings?
I never knew that.
Anti Globalist
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Joe Biden
sam1952
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CCTelander
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I really should go on a diet but I've got way too much on my plate right now...
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Danke
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Sex Education
This 16 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!" says the mother.
A few hours later the father comes home and the mother says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why Mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"All right! That's my boy!" says Dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about sixteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting."
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks Dad.
His son replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."
This 16 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."
"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!" says the mother.
A few hours later the father comes home and the mother says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."
Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why Mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.
"All right! That's my boy!" says Dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about sixteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting."
So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks Dad.
His son replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."
Anti Globalist
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What happened to the rancher who lost his cattle?
Nobody's herd.
Nobody's herd.
r3volution 3.0
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Our 3rd grade teacher got us all together one day, and she said: "You show me a tropical fruit, and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala."
...o wait
..that wasn't her
...that was a guy I met in the Army
...I always confuse those two people
...o wait
..that wasn't her
...that was a guy I met in the Army
...I always confuse those two people
Anti Globalist
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What was the dentist doing in Panama?
Looking for a root canal.
Looking for a root canal.
Anti Globalist
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Why did the teacher write on the window?
Because the lesson needed to be clear.
Because the lesson needed to be clear.
shakey1
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Two dogs & a cat were waiting outside the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. St Peter had the day off, so God was minding the store on this day.
God looks to the first dog & says "Why do you deserve to get into my kingdom?".
The dog replies "Well, I've always been a good boy, & I saved two kids from drowning.".
God tells him "Of course, come in & sit beside me."
God looks to the second dog & says "Why do you deserve to get into my kingdom?".
The dog replies "Well, I've always been a good boy... & I didn't save any lives, but I never bit anybody.".
God said "Well... ok, you can come in as well.".
God, then turns his gaze to the cat saying "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?".
The cat looks at him & says "I think you're in my chair".
God looks to the first dog & says "Why do you deserve to get into my kingdom?".
The dog replies "Well, I've always been a good boy, & I saved two kids from drowning.".
God tells him "Of course, come in & sit beside me."
God looks to the second dog & says "Why do you deserve to get into my kingdom?".
The dog replies "Well, I've always been a good boy... & I didn't save any lives, but I never bit anybody.".
God said "Well... ok, you can come in as well.".
God, then turns his gaze to the cat saying "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?".
The cat looks at him & says "I think you're in my chair".
Last edited:
Anti Federalist
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I carved 3.1415969 into a pumpkin for Halloween.
It's now Pumpkin Pi.
After Halloween I'll toss it out the window.
It will then be Pi in the sky.
It's now Pumpkin Pi.
After Halloween I'll toss it out the window.
It will then be Pi in the sky.
Anti Globalist
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Cory Booker
tod evans
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Subject: Beer and the Wheel
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, dentists, physicians, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers.
And there you have it. Just saying!
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men “evolved” into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, dentists, physicians, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers.
And there you have it. Just saying!
Danke
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[FONT="]The Hitchhiker [/FONT]
[FONT="]A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"[/FONT]
Origanalist
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Damn, I thought I was having a bad day.....
Origanalist
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Judy............Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then I pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again..
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"
"No...........I'm a Rabbit in Kansas."
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Judy............Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then I pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again..
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"
"No...........I'm a Rabbit in Kansas."
Anti Globalist
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Bernie Sanders
Danke
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Anti Globalist
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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to smoke.
You're too young to smoke.
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