Post a Joke, Best Joke gets a +Rep!
- Thread starter DamianTV
- Start date
Natural Citizen
Banned
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2012
- Messages
- 16,463
Ah crap. That was funny. You dumb ass. I wasn't even expecting it. But it was the first thing I saw when I clicked on the thread.
Seems like I must spread some rep around first, though. Or so says the bot.
Ronin Truth
Banned
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2013
- Messages
- 22,510
Q: What kind of wood doesn't float?
A: Natalie.
A: Natalie.
Danke
Top Rated Influencer
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2007
- Messages
- 44,644
What is the difference between a woman and a light bulb?
You don't need a coat hanger to unscrew a light bulb.
Anti Federalist
Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 118,684
Anti Federalist
Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 118,684
Anti Federalist
Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 118,684
Anti Federalist
Member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2007
- Messages
- 118,684
Suzanimal
Member
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2012
- Messages
- 33,385
A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends. "What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks the poor man. And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Mercedes." "Why both?" asks the poor man. And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ring she can still enjoy the Mercedes when she returns the ring." And then the rich man asks the poor man "What are you getting your girlfriend?" And the poor man says "I'm buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
acptulsa
Member
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2008
- Messages
- 77,189
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell
him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about"
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell
him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
acptulsa
Member
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2008
- Messages
- 77,189
A hermit who had always been a good and kind man, but had never belonged to any organized religion, died and went to heaven. St. Peter said, 'We're awfully glad to have you here, but I'm in a quandary. I'm not sure where you would best fit in. Let's try with the Judaic sects, the Jews and Christians and Muslims, the people who recognize the names Job and Moses and Abraham, and let you see what you think.'
So the man stayed there a time, and St. Peter came to check on him. 'I love it here,' said the hermit, 'but I don't really feel like I fit in. I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe I should try another group.'
So St. Peter put him in with the Buddhists and Hindus and the Eastern sects. And after a time, he came to check on the hermit. 'It's wonderful here,' he said. 'I have no complaints at all. But I feel maybe I don't fit in even as well as with the other group. Did you say there was a third group? Perhaps I should try that?'
St. Peter hemmed and hawed, and prevaricated a bit, and finally said, 'We can try it if you want. But you must be very scrupulous to go along with the crowd. You must work very hard to fit in and not make waves. And you must never, never, ever tell about the things you've seen so far. I need your solemn vow about this!
'You see,' said the saint, 'the third group is the Baptists, and they think they're the only ones up here.'
So the man stayed there a time, and St. Peter came to check on him. 'I love it here,' said the hermit, 'but I don't really feel like I fit in. I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe I should try another group.'
So St. Peter put him in with the Buddhists and Hindus and the Eastern sects. And after a time, he came to check on the hermit. 'It's wonderful here,' he said. 'I have no complaints at all. But I feel maybe I don't fit in even as well as with the other group. Did you say there was a third group? Perhaps I should try that?'
St. Peter hemmed and hawed, and prevaricated a bit, and finally said, 'We can try it if you want. But you must be very scrupulous to go along with the crowd. You must work very hard to fit in and not make waves. And you must never, never, ever tell about the things you've seen so far. I need your solemn vow about this!
'You see,' said the saint, 'the third group is the Baptists, and they think they're the only ones up here.'
Similar threads
