One True Path to Liberty®

[Occam's Banana]

Why is there only one variety of the Absolutist model?

Thank you for your inquiry! Each model of One True Path to Liberty® serves as a general platform for evincing an unshakeable belief in one and only one proper approach to advancing the cause of liberty.

We realize, however, that our basic models (such as Absolutist) may be somehwat generic for some of our customers' purposes.

In order to enhance your One True Path to Liberty® experience, we are excited to take this opportunity to announce our new line of One True Path to Liberty® extension packs!

Our new extension packs offer a wide variety of options for "fine tuning" your One True Path to Liberty® to suit your particular needs.

Available extension packs include Constitutionalist, Spoonerite, Objectivist, Agorist, Georgist - and many, many more!

Our Customer Service department is standing by to take your order, and would be delighted to hear your suggestions for future extension pack offerings!

Will it really work for me regardless of whether I'm absolutely sure that the One True Path to Liberty is jailing my obese neighbors, or absolutely sure the One True Path to Liberty is bombing randomly selected brown people into oblivion? Is there any chance the One True Path to Liberty could possibly be rude enough to not fit my preconceived notions?

The purpose of each One True Path to Liberty® model is to eliminate any and all doubts regarding (1) the incontrovertible rightness of your selected model's approach to advancing the cause of liberty, and (2) the incontrovertible wrongness of any other approach. As such, it is incumbent upon the customer to select the model of One True Path to Liberty® which best fits his or her preconceived notions. If you do not desire to be insufferably convinced of the exclusive correctness of your preferred approach to advancing the cause of liberty, then we regret to say that One True Path to Liberty® is probably not for you.

 

[FSP-Rebel]

safe to say we're in "off topic" status now

 

[acptulsa]

Any truth to the rumors I've heard that your product may in isolated circumstances cause irritability, insufferability, prickly heat rash, inflexibility, unwanted hair growth in the ears, boorishness, corns, ineffectiveness, hangnails and death?

 

[helmuth_hubener]

Do you have any celebrity endorsements? I am hesitant to buy things without any....

 

[AlexAmore]

Any before and after pics? Thanks.

 

[phill4paul]

Could you please post your pitch in an British or Australian accent? I am conditioned to only believe in products pitched in these accents like my insurance or absorbent towels.

 

[Occam's Banana]

If our guy misses winning the state chair of the MIGOP by 5 votes at the state convention in a few weeks because 6 "pro-liberty" people don't show up, does One True Path to Liberty provide insurance to offset that?

It is the purpose of each One True Path to Liberty® model to allow its users to regard their own approach to the advancement of the cause of liberty as the only efficacious and worthwhile approach.

It is the purpose of each One True Path to Liberty® model to allow its users to reject any other approaches to the advancement of the cause of liberty as useless (or even counter-productive) exercises in pointless futility.

It is the purpose of One True Path to Liberty® to enable its users to rest assured that any failure to achieve liberty objectives is the fault of those who have not purchased the same One True Path to Liberty® model - or those who have not purchased any One True Path to Liberty® model at all.

It is not the purpose of One True Path to Liberty® products to ensure (or even to be of use in) the achievement of liberty in general - or of any liberty-oriented goals in particular.

The above is true of all One True Path to Liberty® models and accessories (including our Liberty Republican and "Take Over the GOP" extension packs).

 

[acptulsa]

Do you have designer editions? Is there a signature John McCain's One True Path to Liberty? Can I have one that looks like this?

 

[Occam's Banana]

Any before and after pics? Thanks.

BEFORE using One True Path to Liberty® (when confronted with any approach to advancing the cause of liberty):

AFTER using One True Path to Liberty® (when confronted with any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty):

 

[Occam's Banana]

Do you have any celebrity endorsements? I am hesitant to buy things without any....

We have acquired the endorsement of 20th-century author Ayn Rand for our Objectivist extension pack to the Absolutist model of One True Path to Liberty®.

The Objectivist extension pack as promoted by Ms. Rand showcases all that One True Path to Liberty® has to offer.

Could you please post your pitch in an British or Australian accent? I am conditioned to only believe in products pitched in these accents like my insurance or absorbent towels.

We hope to retain the services of Hugh Jackman as our product spokesperson ...

 

[acptulsa]

I heartily endorse this thread.

 

[Origanalist]

Your One True Path to Liberty® order has been processed. Delivery to be made via drone within 3 to 5 business days.

I still haven't recieved it. Don't fall for it, it's a scam!

 

[TheTexan]

There's actually many different paths to liberty:

 

[Origanalist]

There's actually many different paths to liberty:

A hearty + rep!

 

[Occam's Banana]

I still haven't recieved it. Don't fall for it, it's a scam!

We are sorry. Our records indicate that the delivery address for your One True Path to Liberty® was changed to an undislosed location in Asia by order of the U.S. Department of Defense.

A notation in our records indicates that any further inquiries regarding this order should be directed to the National Security Agency.

 

[Origanalist]

We are sorry. Our records indicate that the delivery address for your One True Path to Liberty® was changed to an undislosed location in Asia by order of the U.S. Department of Defense.

A notation in our records indicates that any further inquiries regarding this order should be directed to the National Security Agency.

Typical runaround......

 

[Origanalist]

Bump

 

[Barrex]

I thought it is a cult!?.

This group could go either way. Are we "surprise adopting" anyone?

 

[Origanalist]

BEFORE using One True Path to Liberty® (when confronted with any approach to advancing the cause of liberty):

AFTER using One True Path to Liberty® (when confronted with any other approach to advancing the cause of liberty):

Sold a lot of these, did you?

 

[Origanalist]

Bump....