FOR LIBERTARIAN VP
https://verminsupreme2020.com/spike/
PLATFORM
My name is Spike Cohen, and I’m running for the Libertarian nomination for Vice President. My beliefs lines up solidly with the Libertarian Party Platform, with the only exceptions being when I think it doesn’t go quite far enough in promoting maximum freedom. I understand that the Platform is an attempt to compromise between different positions and I completely respect that, but as an individual candidate my policy is anarchy.
With that said, I realize as that as Vice President I will not be able to simply snap my fingers and make government go away. For that reason, I am willing and eager to compromise as hard as I absolutely need to in order to change government from the inside. As we all know, compromising on principle with sociopaths who want to enslave the world is a surefire way to achieve positive change.
To that end, I am unleashing my Verbal Agreement For An Even Better America, which builds upon Vermin’s 4 Point Platform of Free Ponies, Mandatory Tooth Brushing, Zombie Power and Killing Baby Hitler to create the greatest world any of us could possibly imagine.
I pledge that all of these things will happen in the first 100 days of our administration, or else I will resign and be replaced with Baby Yoda:
HOBBIES
Full legalization of recreational plutonium. (this one is serious)
BREAD
Free cheesy bread with the purchase of any Federal Explosives Permit.
HISTORY
Also going back in time to kill Baby Woodrow Wilson, which ultimately makes killing Hitler unnecessary but we’re still going to do that too.
TAXES
Replacing the income tax with a lottery, where the winner gets to sign the constitution and/or the face of any politician of their choice.
DEFENSE
Retrofitting the ponies of any willing owners with 20mm vulcan cannons.
BADGER
Literally just a badger.
LATE NIGHTS
Waffle Houses on every corner. (this policy is a blatant act of cronyism to the Libertarian Party Waffle House Caucus for purely political purposes)
SUPREME
Impeaching every member of the Supreme Court, and replacing them with the janitor. His name is Reginald, and he will be our King. #AllHailReginald
BIO
Spike Cohen was born Jeremy Cohen at an extremely young age in 1982. At the age of 3, Jeremy went to the theater with his family to watch the My Little Pony movie. After witnessing the heroism and bravery of Spike the purple dragon, he informed his family that Jeremy was in fact dead, and he was now Spike. This bit of information proved to be a strong indicator of how Spike would conduct himself for the rest of his life.
At the age of 16, Spike was informed that he couldn’t simply do drugs his entire life, and that he either needed to start a career or go to university. Spike decided to learn how to do web design, and within a couple of years he had a successful business. Spike credits the lack of occupational licensing requirements for his ability to go into business with minimal barrier to entry.
Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Spike had a growing business, a beautiful and loving wife, lots of friends and much more. But yet he felt unfulfilled by life. But that was all about to change.
In 2016 at the age of 33, Spike was diagnosed with MS. In that moment, he realized that he needed to make drastic changes. He retired from web design, took a nearly 2 year long hiatus and decided to refocus his life on what he truly loved: spreading the message of liberty, self-ownership and nonaggression.
In 2018, Spike became the co-owner of Muddied Waters Media, the co-host of The Muddied Waters of Freedom (with his partner Matt Wright) and host of his own show, (((My Fellow Americans))). He has found tremendous, seemingly endless joy and purpose in sharing freedom with everyone he possibly can.
It is with that same joy that Spike has accepted Vermin Supreme’s request to be his running mate for President and Vice President of the United States of America.
If you vote for us, Spike will kiss you on the forehead.
