Headline Help--Please Help Time sensitive llepard

[scbissler]

Definitely go with the number. It is an attention grabber that hopefully will pull folks in to read a fairly long letter.

 

[ronpaulitician]

If you sacrifice attention-grabbing for humility, you deserve neither

Baroomboom.

 

[Cyclone]

Without the number, it looks like a very long, boring ad that some freak put in the paper about Ron Paul. Just another Roniac trying to get attention. With the number, it grabs you, it makes you want to find out why you spent the money. You want to read it. I mean, everyone wants to see the ring that a guy bought a girl for an engagement if they find out he spent 85k on it. Same type of thing here. What is so special about this guy that you spent the money? It asks a question of the reader - why would he spend that money? That makes them want to find out the answer.

Leaving out the dollar figures or watering it down, they can skip over it completely. Oh, I see, just another ad for a political figure, what does this have to do with me? I am busy. What is on sale?

But if you ask the question in the readers' mind, then they are dying to find out the answer.

That is why I like it.

Plus, I think you are a hero to us all, and I can't thank you enough! But that is beside the point.

Hope that made sense.

 

[Cyclone]

I think it (correctly) reads "Why did I spend".

Yes, that is grammatically correct.

 

[Sey.Naci]

To expand on what I said earlier...

That $85,000 is, for many people, ten times their annual income. For people like that (c'est moi), while we know that a full page ad is "a lot," most of us likely had no idea just how much "a lot" actually is.

For this reason and others, it's important to state how much you paid. It doesn't matter that "a rich man" (from the perspective of low-income earners) was able to pay that. It's that such a man who cares "for my family and your family" spent that much money to help save us all.

Remember all the positive responses you've received from Ron Paul revolutionaries? Have any conveyed a sense of jealousy (other than wishing that we could do the same)? I don't think so. They've all been heartfelt expressions of gratitude that not only could you afford to do this, but that you DID do it.

 

[wfd40]

come on llepard... you toned-down the founding fathers ad and it didn't get any main stream play. Enough of this mr. nice guy stuff

Take the gloves off.. be controversial.. trust me, 85k will get people's attentions for better or worse

 

[tanstaafl]

stick with the $85k

I think the figure will be a real shock to many - likely most - people and will really GRAB their attention.

The other lead ins just lack the GRAB and I think the attention grabbing first line is (a) truth (b) your first words (almost always better to use your words, imo) (c) much more impactful. Some few people might somehow be turned off...but I don't think so, not if they read the rest. And the number of additional people who will be captivated will, imo, considerably outweigh any loss by those who are turned off.

 

[Electric Church]

Got feedback from my family over christmas eve dinner.

They believe it sounds like I am bragging. They think I should change the headline....

To address your family's concerns:

Why did I almost go broke purchasing a full page ad to support Presidential Candidate Ron Paul?

 

[ilovemypitbull]

Another vote for leaving it as is. My marketing instincts say it's going to grab a lot more attention. The hook is to find out why you did something so "crazy." If it's the crazy part isn't emphasized enough up front, then the reader won't feel motivated to read it.

 

[Cyclone]

I figured it out. As it stands they don't know what you spent the money ON so they are curious and need to read on to find out. The other titles they don't really care what you like or who you support or why you bought a full page ad, but they are always curious about money.


Once they get into the article, then they find out what you spent it on and by then they are hooked because the writing is so terrific!

Please leave it as it is!

 

[CaptBookbag]

I realize that others have already stated my sentiments, but just to reiterate...

yes, keep the number. I think with the 85k in the ad, the reader's first reaction/thought will be...
'Wow, I can't imagine spending $85,000 of my own money on an ad. What can possibly be so special about Ron Paul?'
And then they will continue to read. ITS PERFECT!!!

If there is no number, there's no connection, nothing to relate to, and the page gets turned.

 

[Nefertiti]

"Why did I spent 85k from my own pocket for a full page ad in support of Ron Paul?"

That demonstrates that you are an individual who was willing to go the extra mile for a candidate you believe in. What is impressive about what you did is that you are one person paying for it, not a corporation or some special interest group.

 

[TexMac]

I like it as is.

 

[FreedomRings]

I'd stick with the original headline. It doesn't sound like bragging at all. If anything, I'd increase the font size of the $85,000 to make it stand out even more. Numbers in headlines are very powerful attention getters... you could even give the actual unrounded number (if it was different from $85,000) to make it more credible. Like $85,283.

The reference to USA Today is a bit confusing though, especially in the fifth column where the average reader might have all but forgotten about "the" USA Today Advertisement you're referring to. Why not make this about the NY Times ad the reader has right in front of him?

 

[Cyclone]

"Why did I spent 85k from my own pocket for a full page ad in support of Ron Paul?"

That demonstrates that you are an individual who was willing to go the extra mile for a candidate you believe in. What is impressive about what you did is that you are one person paying for it, not a corporation or some special interest group.

You lose the whole reason they should read it: because it affects their family. No, it is just right the way it is.

 

[rfbz]

keep it how it was, it doesn't sound like bragging to me at all

 

[LibertyEagle]

Feeling better about it now, Larry?

It's great the way you have it.

 

[kherty]

Leave the number FOR SURE!

I read all three before I even knew what this was about and the first one made me real curious about what you were doing.

$85k is a lot of DOSH!

 

[Bossobass]

In a previous thread, I suggested the header be in the form of a reporter's headline just for this specific reason. The figure needs to be included, but needs to not look like you're bragging. Therefore, I suggested something like:

Ron Paul campaign turns one man's frustration into hope, prompting him to purchase a full page, $85,000.00 national ad in USA Today. Read why he did it in his own words...

Just the way I saw (and see) it.

Great stuff, Larry. You're edging out Josh as my new hero.

Bosso

 

[MsDoodahs]

I have not read the whole thread, just your opening post.

I like the first suggestion from your family best.

JMO.