raiha
Member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2007
- Messages
- 3,162
To the Mods and to everyone else too:
Being a lover of words I’ve decided upon a swan song about handling clashes. This means i get to pontificate! Kinda like the Last Supper - i can eat what i like or say what i like!! And I can climb up on my soap box.
Don't suppose i'll be particularly missed given i used to rub most of you up the wrong way and wasn't cubby hole-able. I'm also sorry that i am so close to my 2000th post. Was going to have a party at my place to celebrate ..never mind.
I'm not very useful either. Sigh! There is actually a virtue in being ornamental as well as useful ... someone once said!
My decision to leave was not a kneejerk one. I did go over alot of the stuff in question and found it hard to sleep last night. My problem was not so much Truth Warrior, rather, the principle of the thing.
It is a particular on-going bug-bear of mine (whether it is an American trait or a RPF trait, I am uncertain) where people just want to eliminate difficulty rather than experience it, learn from it, work with it, transcend it. The ultimate way to solve human problems is through non-violence. I'm sure RP would agree with me. What happens in the heart of individual humans plays out on the national and international stage. If someone is experienced as 'problematic' do you tend to see your disagreeable interaction together as your own limitation or a 'fault' of the person with the alleged problem?
If ever a people needs to learn restraint and self-scrutiny to avoid the problem of the proliferation of violence it is your people. A friend of mine says “Better honest collision than dishonest collusion.” It is so easy to blame the ‘other’ person. Often it merely comes down to a refusal to entertain ‘otherness.’ And i have certainly experienced alot of that in my two years of membership here.
In reaching a decision to ban TW, you say you sent private messages warning TW about his behaviour but I wonder did you ever seek to find out where he was coming from? Was it more that he did not adhere to your own ideas of what he‘should’ be and how he ‘should’ conduct himself. As I said in an earlier post, TW was iconoclastic often, which no doubt upsets people. However the iconoclast provides the ordinary person a golden opportunity to understand their own strong, negative emotional reactions and move forward in their thinking and emotional development. Banning someone for challenging the status quo (even if it was quite an uncompromising kind of challenging) indicates an inability to cope with your own unpleasant feelings.
Hopefully some of you may appreciate what the Dalai Lama has to say about conflict. Probably won't... but tough, it's my swan song....
Destructive ways of dealing with conflict include:
Communication cutoff. (this is what happened)
Overlong statements.
Put downs.
You should/shouldn't statements.
Unfair comparisons.
Reacting defensively.
Sarcasm.
Commanding.
Threatening.
Unnecessary apologizing or self-effacing.
Unclear, overly general and nonspecific statements.
Double messages.
Ignoring important messages or feelings of the other person.
Unnecessary interruptions.
Giving in.
None of this is about whether you are right or TW is right. To me both parties could have handled it way better.
The issue is, in my book there is nothing revolutionary in this movement because the problems are all externalised. All 'out there!' True revolution involves awareness and power with responsibility. Without a preparedness to do some self-examination and with too much insistence on blaming the ‘other person” means you relinquish responsibility and become a victim yourself. You can never change another person and neither should you try. You can change your own responses to that other person. That to me is true individuality. Anything less is same old, same old. You end up turning into that which you dislike the most…like Darth Vadar. You should not give up on anyone (apart from the occasional psychopath and a narcissist or two)
It’ll be really hard to not be here any more as I am addicted to the site and even though a lot of people think I am a problem, I feel much friendship and warmth towards most of you here. If anyone is over in NZ, please call me and I could maybe meet you at airport etc.
May the Force Be With You
Anniexxxx
P.S. I'll be a-lurking!
Being a lover of words I’ve decided upon a swan song about handling clashes. This means i get to pontificate! Kinda like the Last Supper - i can eat what i like or say what i like!! And I can climb up on my soap box.
Don't suppose i'll be particularly missed given i used to rub most of you up the wrong way and wasn't cubby hole-able. I'm also sorry that i am so close to my 2000th post. Was going to have a party at my place to celebrate ..never mind.
I'm not very useful either. Sigh! There is actually a virtue in being ornamental as well as useful ... someone once said!
My decision to leave was not a kneejerk one. I did go over alot of the stuff in question and found it hard to sleep last night. My problem was not so much Truth Warrior, rather, the principle of the thing.
It is a particular on-going bug-bear of mine (whether it is an American trait or a RPF trait, I am uncertain) where people just want to eliminate difficulty rather than experience it, learn from it, work with it, transcend it. The ultimate way to solve human problems is through non-violence. I'm sure RP would agree with me. What happens in the heart of individual humans plays out on the national and international stage. If someone is experienced as 'problematic' do you tend to see your disagreeable interaction together as your own limitation or a 'fault' of the person with the alleged problem?
If ever a people needs to learn restraint and self-scrutiny to avoid the problem of the proliferation of violence it is your people. A friend of mine says “Better honest collision than dishonest collusion.” It is so easy to blame the ‘other’ person. Often it merely comes down to a refusal to entertain ‘otherness.’ And i have certainly experienced alot of that in my two years of membership here.
In reaching a decision to ban TW, you say you sent private messages warning TW about his behaviour but I wonder did you ever seek to find out where he was coming from? Was it more that he did not adhere to your own ideas of what he‘should’ be and how he ‘should’ conduct himself. As I said in an earlier post, TW was iconoclastic often, which no doubt upsets people. However the iconoclast provides the ordinary person a golden opportunity to understand their own strong, negative emotional reactions and move forward in their thinking and emotional development. Banning someone for challenging the status quo (even if it was quite an uncompromising kind of challenging) indicates an inability to cope with your own unpleasant feelings.
Hopefully some of you may appreciate what the Dalai Lama has to say about conflict. Probably won't... but tough, it's my swan song....
Destructive ways of dealing with conflict include:
Communication cutoff. (this is what happened)
Overlong statements.
Put downs.
You should/shouldn't statements.
Unfair comparisons.
Reacting defensively.
Sarcasm.
Commanding.
Threatening.
Unnecessary apologizing or self-effacing.
Unclear, overly general and nonspecific statements.
Double messages.
Ignoring important messages or feelings of the other person.
Unnecessary interruptions.
Giving in.
None of this is about whether you are right or TW is right. To me both parties could have handled it way better.
The issue is, in my book there is nothing revolutionary in this movement because the problems are all externalised. All 'out there!' True revolution involves awareness and power with responsibility. Without a preparedness to do some self-examination and with too much insistence on blaming the ‘other person” means you relinquish responsibility and become a victim yourself. You can never change another person and neither should you try. You can change your own responses to that other person. That to me is true individuality. Anything less is same old, same old. You end up turning into that which you dislike the most…like Darth Vadar. You should not give up on anyone (apart from the occasional psychopath and a narcissist or two)
It’ll be really hard to not be here any more as I am addicted to the site and even though a lot of people think I am a problem, I feel much friendship and warmth towards most of you here. If anyone is over in NZ, please call me and I could maybe meet you at airport etc.
May the Force Be With You
Anniexxxx
P.S. I'll be a-lurking!
Last edited:
/mock
