The **official** Remy thread

[Occam's Banana]

FROM THREAD: Toxic mine water accidentally released by EPA in Colorado river flows south

“Gold Mine Colossal Mess” (A Cautionary Carol About EPA Incompetence We Hope Yule Love)
On the morning of August 5, 2015, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) breached the Gold King Mine in Silverton, CO without taking proper precautions. Within minutes EPA triggered a massive blowout that released toxic sludge onto the private property below and into the waterways downstream. Shortly after EPA's deliberate environmental disaster, they constructed a $2.3 million dollar water treatment facility on a concrete slab of Todd Hennis’s property refusing to pay him anything for the privilege.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CTNdleabDQ

 

[Anti Federalist]

“Gold Mine Colossal Mess” (A Cautionary Carol About EPA Incompetence We Hope Yule Love)
On the morning of August 5, 2015, the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) breached the Gold King Mine in Silverton, CO without taking proper precautions. Within minutes EPA triggered a massive blowout that released toxic sludge onto the private property below and into the waterways downstream. Shortly after EPA's deliberate environmental disaster, they constructed a $2.3 million dollar water treatment facility on a concrete slab of Todd Hennis’s property refusing to pay him anything for the privilege.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CTNdleabDQ

I love Remy's parodies.

Is he no longer with (T)Reason mag?

 

[Occam's Banana]

I love Remy's parodies.

Is he no longer with (T)Reason mag?

Yeah, he's still doing stuff for them, too.

Here's one that was released just last week:

 

[CaptUSA]

FROM THREAD: USAF shoots down 'high-altitude' unidentified object over Alaska

 

[Matt Collins]

FROM THREAD: U.S. waives Jones Act to help get fuel to Northeast

(also in: Let's straighten out this Jones Act thing)​

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9-qPrOE_VM

 

[Matt Collins]

Merry Christmas from TSA!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrof3Rf3_L8​

 

[Occam's Banana]

TIL Remy has an entire YouTube channel devoted just to Magic: The Gathering parody songs and skits/sketches.

MTG: The Rap (2012)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l1dN6SEZEE
{MTGRemy | 24 June 2020}

Lyrics:

 

I got my black backpack
and I'm ready to roll
with my crew, everybody
yeah, it's out of control

got an itch, I'm-a scratch it
it's gonna be tragic
I got a big ol' hankering
aw yeah, for playing some Magic

so I'm busting out my cards
gonna make me some decks
You gonna pack them full of spells?
Baby, what you expect??

Got my dice, got my sleeves
got my life count meter
you talk to any girls today? No.
Me neither

I'm a Planeswalker
oh, a master of sorcery
a Lightning Bolt to the dome
if you ever come close to me

try me in a battle
and I won't be worse
you're messing with
the baddest mother in the multiverse

Mono red, mono black
blue control, stompy greeny
gonna take you down
my strategy's white weenie

tapping all my mana
I pay the entwine
you've never seen a mystic wizard
casting spells sweet as mine

but I only tap plains
ain't nobody can touch me
I like white weenie so much
they call me Jerry Sandusky

you fellas want to
play this other game
the cards are kinda smaller,
I can grab it?

Nah, son!
we're playing Magic!

up at work
man, I'm clamoring
when I'm speakin' in my sleep
and when I'm stammering

when I'm thinkin' in the sink
and when I'm lathering
all I'm thinking about is playing
Magic the Gathering!

starting up a new game
I'm a roll my D20
gonna play first, aw yeah
it's gonna be money

Draw seven cards
and I look at my hand
I'm like a Palestinian
I ain't got no land!

Peel six cards
hand looks alright
look at Carl Icahn
looking for a proxy fight

What, I can't use proxies?
No, you can't. Well why can't I?
Because unlike the state of Georgia
you ain't got a Savannah

Rampant Growth, Rampant Growth
dropping lands like a fool
accelerating into trees
like Oksana Bayoul

because my deck straight features
big fat creatures
turn them sideways and then
I'm gonna beat ya

What you playing? Tribal Cats.
Man, that deck's lookin' stupid
you should call it kitty litter--
all you're doing is scooping

Switching to Fish
you're about to get bent
I thought you only played white, Remy
yeah, but it's Lent

Looking to buy?
Well then guy, I be your man
I'm your one stop shop
when it comes to contraband

collectible foils
best check on your eyelids
so many $10 cards
you'd think that this was Papyrus

Got any Standard rares?
Give this a quality good look
it's got more Type II
than a Paula Dean cookbook

I don't see any counterspells
my supplies are scary
need so much permission, man
you'd think I was married

Attack phase!
I'm using the stack and
go 187
all up on your dragon

Attacking!
Wait, how'd that dude get bigger?
You're like Plaxico Burress--
you don't understand triggers

Think I'll be defeated?
Better check your sobriety
The only thing that I ain't beaten
is my social anxiety

Drop a Serra Angel
and I'm moving fast
Tap my mana
THEN I TAP DA--oh wait.
It's Vigilant.
Sorry.

8,675,309 (MTG Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKAgGQbX8Gw
{MTGRemy | 08 April 2020}

Lyrics:

 

Kenny, Kenny, it is my turn two
A tiny creature’s all I have to hold on to
But this 1/1’s not like the others before
cuz it’s Electrostatic Pummeler

Kenny, I got this number
Energy? 69
So how much damage am I taking?

8,675,309
8,675,309?
8,675,309
8,675,309

Penny/Penny, you’re the card for me
You’re just a 1/1 but you make me so happy
I had you in hand before but I lost my nerve
I tried to hard-cast you later but I was Abjured

Kenny, I got this number
Energy? 69
I can block this time!
Fling?
Shoot.

8,675,309
8,675,309?
8,675,309
8,675,309

Wake Me Up Before You Combo (MTG Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nwtHai3fMc
{MTGRemy | 20 May 2020}

Lyrics:

 

8 o’clock…9 o’clock…
10 o’clock… 11 o’clock…

You put the trigger onto the stack
You keep priority, you don’t go to attacks
Your draw step goes on for days
I watched an episode of Friends in your pre-combat main phase

Teferi’s bothering me, something’s not right
I ain’t played a card since what seems like last night
I should be scooping, probably dead
But you might not have it, so how about instead?

Wake me up before you combo
I just need to know that it’s not a nonbo
Wake me up before you combo
I hope I’m still alive when I die

Wake me up before you combo
Because you just found a cure for insomnia
Wake me up before you combo
Wake me up when I die
Wait, I forgot to scry

I want to jump off that balcony
Yeah those tendrils ain’t the only ones in agony
Manamorphose, I get the gist
You got more Gifts Ungiven than the naughty list

Your turn’s so long, wish it went way faster
You Sneak and Show like a subway flasher
Your storm count’s ticking up so high
An Hour of Eternity? That sounds about right…

Wake me up before you combo
I just need to make sure it’s not a nonbo
Wake me up before you combo
I hope I’m still alive when I die

Wake me up before you combo
Because you just found a cure for insomnia
Wake me up before you combo
Wake me up when I die
And also please subscribe…

I'm a B*tch (MTG Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVVMq02cGB8
{MTGRemy | 27 July 2022}

Lyrics:

 

Victim of Night your creature
It’s a Changeling
Huh?

You hate the world today
You tried to target me but guess what?
I can change (Your cards talk?)

I can understand how you’d be so confused
I’m a blue creature, it’s true
But I’m a little bit of everything all rolled into one

I’m a witch, I’m a soldier
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sliver I’m a saint
Changelings are everything

I’m an elf, an efreet
And a vampire too, it seems
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way

So here’s a heart-to-heart
Before you target me maybe re-read the card
Cuz when you’re playing all those sorceries and instants
And you’re building up your Thing
When you finally get to flip it
The effect won’t do a thing

Cuz I’m a fish, I’m a dragon
I’m a nymph, I’m a wagon
I’m a dingus, I’m a drake
Both hatched and an egg

I’m an elk, I’m a leech
Everything in between
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way

Just when you think you’ve got me figured out
My subtype’s already changing
I could be a bee, could be a rose
Yes, I pollenate me

I’m a beast, I’m a bringer
I’m a priest, I’m a stinger
I’m a spirit, I’m a geese
A cleric and deceased

I’m a djinn, a faerie
You won’t be tapping me
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way

I’m an imp
I’m a tree
An enchantress on some leaves
Maybe you should use another
I’m an angel undercover

How about a big board wipe?
I’m no longer alive
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way

We Didn't Start the Fire (MTG Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaiUUitZbns
{MTGRemy | 15 March 2023}

Lyrics:

 

Lighting Bolt, Reckless Rage, Tarfire, Aggravate
Flash Conscription, Lightning Riddle, Roast and Vertigo
Kaminari, this Ignition, Fiery Temper, Burn from Within
Pyrotechnics, Pyrohelix, Char and Demon Bolt

Voltage Surge, Grapeshot, Burn Away, Chaos Charm
Bring Low, the Fling and I, Shrapnel Blast, Artillerize
Meteor Shower, Browbeat, Strangle and Unholy Heat
Blazing Salvo, Lightning Volley, Spikefield Hazzard, Thud, Fry

We got a lot of fire
It’s a lot of burning and a bit concerning
We got a lot of fire
Your cards could be flaming if we get to trading

Boulderfall and Aftershock, Outnumber and Lava Dart
Bombard, Swelter, Unleash Shell and Sizzling Barrage
Flame Cone, Firestorm, Beacon of Destruction
Skred, Melt Through, Brawl, Rock Slide, Char and Shock

Fry, Mindblaze, these, Scorching Lava, Cleansing Screech
Blazing Volley, this Command, Fires of Victory (that’s a land…)
Salvo, Start from Scratch, Chain of Plasma, Soul Blast
Blur of Blades, Conflagrate, Doublecast for two Skreds

We got a lot of fire
I am hooked on lightning that’s what I’m confiding
We got a lot of fire
Your cards could be flaming if we get to trading

Welding Sparks, Staggershock, Pyrrhic Blast and Scattershot
Judgement, Carbonize, Singe and Electrify
Firestorm, Fireball, Zap, Disintegrate, Brawl
Dark Temper, Lava Spike, I can’t fit this one inside

Brimstone Volley, Unforge, Blaze, Mugging, Voltage Surge
Heartfire too, Spark Jolt, Fateful End and Forked Bolt
Kaboom!, Shard Volley, Spark of Creativity
Last Ditch Effort, Strangle, Gaze of Adamaro

We got a lot of fire
All this burn spell seizing’s why my wife is leaving
We got a lot of fire
Your cards could be flaming if we get to trading

Hungry Flames, Lightning Javelin, a strange land
Singe and Feint and Fated Conflagration
Flames of the Raze-Boar-ia, Tail Slash, Pyrophobia
Ol’ Rift, Stomp and Cleansing Beam, Avacyn’s
Judgment, Magma Jet, Skred, Electrodominance

Massive Raid, Stoke the Flames
What else could I have to trade?

We got a lot of fire
They are burn spells only, I’m profoundly lonely
We got a lot of fire
Your cards could be flaming if we get to trading

Puncture Bolt, Offering, this Ignition back again
Dual Shot, Death Spark, Surging Flame, Gut Shot
Strafe, Abrade and Play with Fire, maybe don’t go in that mine
A Flames of the Firebrand and Barrel Down Sokenzan

Wizard’s Lightning, Dragon’s Fire, Roast, Earth Tremor, Harvest Pyre
Foreign Jets, Molten Blast, Skullcrack, Spawning Breath
Pyromatics, Comet Storm, Jaya’s real big Inferno
Jaws of Stone, Provoke the Trolls, I do not have any more

We got a lot of fire
Oh I love these spells, this is a cry for help, please help me
We got a lot of fire
Your cards could be flaming if we get to trading

​

 

[fedupinmo]

The closed captioning is distracting, he should ditch that.

 

[Occam's Banana]

Remy: It's Raining Men (Boeing Parody)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf8LkBWEEQ8
{Remy Music Videos | 29 March 2024}

Boeing throws conventional wisdom out the window, among other things.

//

 

[Occam's Banana]

bump for Awning Safety Act (HR 6132)

FROM THREAD: You just want people to die

My Honorable Senator from North Carolina, The Republican Max Hyperbole made the video:

 

[Matt Collins]

"Because the Dollar Got High" - Afroman Parody

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ipw68F0pEM​

 

[Occam's Banana]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ipw68F0pEM

THREAD: Rap artist Afroman sued by officers who raided his home

https://twitter.com/BehizyTweets/status/1784796822709420426

 

[Occam's Banana]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5W6ai8tGR8

//

 

[Occam's Banana]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbhra_AQqGI

//

 

[jmdrake]

FROM THREAD: Remy: Bitcoin Billionaire



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynO-bqU6tUk

Well I just found out about Remy and was about to post ^this.

 

[Occam's Banana]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n92GyjRa3WY

//

 

[Occam's Banana]

Post in thread 'CO-Shouting "Free Palestine!" Islamic illegal invader from Egypt attacks Jewish function with Molotov cocktails.'

Jun 2, 2025

The First Rule of Partisan Football: Pass interference is only possible when the other team does it.

• CaptUSA

• 

 

[Occam's Banana]

"We'll just blame Thomas Massie."

Remy: I Need a Boat (GOP Spending Version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g627wgcgEdI
{Reason TV | 22 July 2025}

You can't torpedo spending if you're torpedo spending.

Parody of Margan Wallen's "Need A Boat," written and performed by Remy. Music tracks mastered by Ben Karlstrom.

LYRICS
This draft bill don't look fine right now
And it ain't doing the trick (No…)
We're so dangerously indebted now
And this adds to the debt.

It adds one, two trillion, that's not great.
But what if we add something manufactured in your state?
Would a bridge change your mind? No, but if anything can
It'd be me on a dock pushing off of dry land.

I need a lake, a ship built in my state.
I'd even take a fleet.
Can one of them be named for me?
Sir, we're running out!
Yeah, what I need right now…

Are some real high ceilings
New-ship feeling
Me on the deck just-a sipping on Darjeeling
Don't need no sad song on my Spotify
Crying "he lost an election to a punk guy"

I need a boat.
I need a boat.

Can you talk some sense into him?

Don't care if it's a pontoon, brand-new, been used
Long as it's got bombs (Yes…)
Just wanna cast it out yonder, let that thing wander
To Iraq or to Iran.

I'm tired of running into all my friends'
Faces they put on a post office
A bit more inflation never hurt no one—
How's that make you feel? Nauseous.

I need a lake, a ship built in my state.
I'd even take a pond
Provided there are extra bombs.
Sir, we're running out!
Yeah, what I need right now…

Is a boat so brassy
Missiles classy
And if the bill doesn't pass? We'll just blame Thomas Massie.
Don't need no sad song on my Spotify
Crying "he lost an election to a punk guy"

I need a boat. I need a boat.
I need a boat. I need a boat.
Real, real bad.