Spanking

[dannno]

Why are kids any different? Just because they are your children does not mean that they are your property.

This country was built on kids helping out on the farm and having chores, etc.

In fact, summer vacation in school was specifically designed for kids who worked on farms so they could go home and help harvest.

What is your opinion about that?

I'm pretty big on giving kids rights and whatnot, but I still think there is a great amount of responsibility and authority assumed by the parent.

 

[angelatc]

I've done the stepdad thing with abused kids. If you pay attention to them when they're good and ignore them or reason with them when they aren't (No, I'm not going to spank you--I want you to stop doing this dangerous thing because I don't want you to get hurt) you find that, one, they act up because it's the only way to get attention, and two, you're their new hero.

That's a bunch of crap right there. Kids don't act up to get attention, they do things they aren't supposed to do because they want to.

My kids had plenty of attention. I was a work at home Mom then a stay-home Mom who didn't even do preschool.

Like I said, I was never interested in explaining myself to my kids. I am the Mom, and therefore the boss. "Why" is not really the concern of toddlers.

 

[Dr.3D]

Well, if a near consensus in the APA is just a bunch of liberal idiots then yeah. The problem with spanking is it doesn't teach the child what he/she did was wrong, it teaches them not to get caught next time. Only reason actually places in moral values. Spanking also teaches that violence is an effective solution to any problem you may have with someone smaller/weaker than yourself.

And all along, I thought a parent would explain to the child why it was being spanked. It is not a punishment, but rather a form of discipline, where the child learns that their actions bring about other actions.

This whole anti-spanking crap came along when a fellow named Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote a stupid book about raising children. After many years and the ruining of a nation, Dr. Spock finally recognized he had been wrong about spanking and without it we will end up with a lot of problems in the future.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Spock

The big problem now is so many of those books were sold and so many people followed his bad advise, there is still a following of uninformed people who don't know he changed his mind.

Edit: Another very good site to read.
http://www.goodparent.org/articles/spankingcomeback.htm

 

[phill4paul]

I've done the stepdad thing with abused kids. If you pay attention to them when they're good and ignore them or reason with them when they aren't (No, I'm not going to spank you--I want you to stop doing this dangerous thing because I don't want you to get hurt) you find that, one, they act up because it's the only way to get attention, and two, you're their new hero.

Special case, I admit. Certainly it's undeniable that someone had already 'gotten their attention' so I didn't have to.

One hell of a fine pair of young gentlemen. Hope they're still o.k.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, punishment must be just. You have to have a reason and you have to explain it. Spoiled kids and abused kids have variations of the same problem. One thinks there's no such thing as consequences, the other thinks consequences come no matter what. Neither learn what they need to know--that actions have consequences.

That's a bunch of crap right there. Kids don't act up to get attention, they do things they aren't supposed to do because they want to.

My kids had plenty of attention. I was a work at home Mom then a stay-home Mom who didn't even do preschool.

Like I said, I was never interested in explaining myself to my kids. I am the Mom, and therefore the boss. "Why" is not really the concern of toddlers.

LOL I love it when people call others life experience "crap". Your domestic situation seems to have worked for you. His for him. Mine for mine. Of the three which seems to be out of sorts?

 

[M House]

I kinda think it's a misconception that spanking has anything to do with results you achieve. I think there was study that looked into prisons. I'll have to look it up again but I think nearly everyone there in the study had some form of spanking or other physical punishment as a child.

After working at a summer camp, I kinda think the best way to remove behavior issues is to look at the attention aspect. Simply interacting with the children who weren't acting like idiots and ignoring those that did, had the most dramatic effect on anything. I don't think the majority of adults spend anywhere near the amount of time necessary to mentally engage an develop a child, fully. People will commit all sorts of destructive behaviors when bored, and your own child doesn't intrinsically want to irritate and piss you off. Give them a reason to thru hostility and punishment or ignoring their attempts at peaceful engagement, you will have a problem.

 

[revolutionist]

This country was built on kids helping out on the farm and having chores, etc.

In fact, summer vacation in school was specifically designed for kids who worked on farms so they could go home and help harvest.

What is your opinion about that?

I'm pretty big on giving kids rights and whatnot, but I still think there is a great amount of responsibility and authority assumed by the parent.

True, but that doesn't justify assault.

 

[Kilrain]

I was spanked as a kid and turned out okay.

I was not spanked as a kid and I turned into a Ron Paul supporter.

Anyway, it's not really for me to say. If spanking is used in an abusive way or if you actually hurt the child, not the temporary kind of hurt that goes away in two minutes, it should be just as illegal as taking a swing at an adult, but when it comes to "minor spanking", what you do in your family is none of my business.

And yes, I know that there's probably a fine line between "abusive spanking" and "minor spanking".

 

[Dr.3D]

I was not spanked as a kid and I turned into a Ron Paul supporter.

I was spanked as a kid by both my parents and the teachers at school and I turned into a Ron Paul supporter. Guess being spanked as a kid doesn't make a difference about whether you like freedom or not.

 

[Kilrain]

I was spanked as a kid by both my parents and the teachers at school and I turned into a Ron Paul supporter. Guess being spanked as a kid doesn't make a difference about whether you like freedom or not.

I wrote that with a twinkle in my eye, if you know what I mean.

 

[wizardwatson]

I don't like to use physical force on my kid. When he does something wrong, generally I'll use some type of timeout, or grounding, or stern talking, or privilege confiscation, or guilt trip, etc.

But...

When he is being dangerous or violent or is doing something that could seriously hurt himself or others I will use spanking or hand slapping.

Just a couple weeks ago he thought it was funny knocking metal pans off the overhead hooks and nearly hit his grandmother in the head with one. He's only 5 but still, I think sometimes when you want to make a point that something absolutely will not be tolerated, not only for the good of others but for his own good, spanking has its place.

And I can't believe some people on here are trying to say spanking your kid is assault. Is it assault when my kid comes up and punches me in the gut for shits and giggles, which he does quite frequently? No, because there's no criminal intent. Just like there's no criminal intent when you spank your kid.

And children should always have the right to run away if they want.

 

[mediahasyou]

Only if there is consent.

 

[Freedom 4 all]

And all along, I thought a parent would explain to the child why it was being spanked. It is not a punishment, but rather a form of discipline, where the child learns that their actions bring about other actions.

This whole anti-spanking crap came along when a fellow named Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote a stupid book about raising children. After many years and the ruining of a nation, Dr. Spock finally recognized he had been wrong about spanking and without it we will end up with a lot of problems in the future.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Spock

The big problem now is so many of those books were sold and so many people followed his bad advise, there is still a following of uninformed people who don't know he changed his mind.

Edit: Another very good site to read.
http://www.goodparent.org/articles/spankingcomeback.htm

Dr. Dobson, James freaking Dobson from Focus on Facism? You're going to take what HE says seriously. Come on, the dude is living back in the middle ages and knows jack about child psychology. Also I don't see anywhere where Dr. "real doctor" Spock ever took back his position on spanking.

 

[M House]

I don't get what's the hate on Dr. Spock for being lax or something, he says you should ignore your whining brat and put them on a rigid feeding schedule. Seems he's baffled too just looking at his quote on the wiki article.

 

[acptulsa]

That's a bunch of crap right there. Kids don't act up to get attention...

If this is true of your kids, congratulations. You aren't raising abused kids.

But you might try dealing with some before you call my statement crap. Just sayin'...

If kids were all the same, we'd also all be the same, and liberty would be much less necessary. Wouldn't it?

 

[Time for Change]

spare the rod, spoil the child

 

[TinyMachines]

spare the rod, spoil the child

already stated.

 

[Time for Change]

already stated.

it needed to be said again!

 

[TinyMachines]

Not really. We hear cliches everyday. They stop people from thinking. This one has especially done a good job of that.

 

[satchelmcqueen]

I don't have kids, but I've been a kid. If you're good at psychology, you don't need to spank, IMHO. I don't have the solution, but I'm sure we have some psychologists here that do.

My sis was spanked, but she still turned out to be a brat, so your evidence is pretty weak.

btw, some resources for you-
http://cc.msnscache.com/cache.aspx?...3&mkt=en-US&setlang=en-US&w=8bdbb595,2271649c

whats up green bunchie?

if you ever do have kids, please post an update after the child moves out.

 

[Original_Intent]

I didn't like any of the options.

I don't think it is a great way to discipline a child, but there are times that it is called for and really depends on the child.

My personal feeling is it should never be done while you are angry.

My oldest I only ever spanked a couple of times, and never when angry.

My youngest I spanked a few more times and spanked while I was angry ONCE. That was a bad experience for both of us, I spanked him too hard that time.

After that I would always say,

"Do that again, and you are getting spanked." (this after several other attempts to get him to behave)

Then when he did it again - "OK you are getting spanked in 15 minutes. Go to your room and think about what you did and why you are getting a spank."

And I always delivered, but it gave me time to make sure I was cooled down, and honestly I think the 15 minutes of thinking about being spanked was more effective than the spank.

I do think that spanking should be a last resort, and also only if it was a pretty major offense that could get someone hurt. (i.e. playing with the stove, playing in the street, hitting brother with pool cue...)

Both teenagers now so no more spanks - yay!