CHARLESTON — After intense consultation with a wide range of evangelical Protestant ministers, Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum has announced that he will no longer wear his trademark sweater vests, as they go against several Biblical injunctions.
The former Pennsylvania Senator has become known for the unique sartorial choice during the Iowa caucuses, inviting much commentary from political pundits.
Santorum called a press conference in Charleston, South Carolina, to explain how his treasured sweater vests go against the Bible. Specifically, they violate Leviticus 19:19, which commands that “neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee.” Santorum’s vests, made by Dockers and purchased at JC Penny, are a mix of cotton, rayon and other artificial fibers.
“I hold the Bible up as the ultimate guide to life, the universe and everything,” said Santorum. “The Good Book is clear on not allowing mixed fiber clothes, so I regretfully must retire my array of sweater vests.”
Biblical laws and principles have previously served as the basis for Santorum’s beliefs and policy positions. As previously reported by The Fancy, just before the Iowa caucuses, Santorum came out against divorce and women’s suffrage citing Biblical teachings.
It is unclear what item of clothing will replace Santorum’s sweater vests on the campaign trail. Some advisers are pushing for a chain-restaurant themed natural fiber vest festooned with buttons, while others are lobbying for a nice scarf. Pundits say, however, that no gay men will be involved in the decision, since Santorum objects to their presence around him in public. RuPaul commented, “If he had ever asked our advice, we never would have let him wear some cheap cotton-poly blend to begin with.”
