The problem is that when the Southern States did it, they got co-opted into a new "union" that was just as bad as the one they left, which inflated currency and obligated them into a war that they lost.
I think if individual States had seceded, and stayed separate from other states, resolving their individual gripes with Congress they probably would have all found their way voluntarily back in to the Union pretty quickly since there were so many incentives for both sides to do so. Also, had the southern states stayed separate and only defended themselves then the public opinion battle surrounding the military efforts to force these states back into the Union would have had a very different result. Because they formed a "counter-union" and actually became militarily aggressive, they played right into the Northern industrialists hands and allowed the conflict to be characterized as a great moral struggle.
There were States which seceded but then did not join the confederacy, as well as States in the Union that did not join the war.
In these ways, the Civil War was a product of a conflict between two competing strong, centralized Nationalistic governments (the Union and the Confederacy), and not a product of secession at all. There was no foregone conclusion that secession had to result in war, but the actions of both of these nationalistic Unions in the aftermath is what brought about the war.