Dr.3D
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The way I heard that, it was like this.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Give it a bust in the mouth.
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- Thread starter DamianTV
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The way I heard that, it was like this.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Give it a bust in the mouth.
Danke
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[FONT="]A guy walks into a bar smiling.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He looks way too happy. He buys everyone a drink. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The bar tender notices all this and asks, "Hey man whats got you in such a good mood?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy says, "Well I was at work, and I did this girl's hair and makeup, and one thing led to another, and we ended up fucking!" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The bartender is like "oh cool! what salon do you work at?" the guy says,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"I work at a funeral home."[/FONT]
[FONT="]He looks way too happy. He buys everyone a drink. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The bar tender notices all this and asks, "Hey man whats got you in such a good mood?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy says, "Well I was at work, and I did this girl's hair and makeup, and one thing led to another, and we ended up fucking!" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The bartender is like "oh cool! what salon do you work at?" the guy says,[/FONT]
[FONT="]"I work at a funeral home."[/FONT]
specsaregood
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What kind of dinosaur keeps you awake all night?
Anti Globalist
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Why did the skateboarder pick up so much speed going downhill?
He was inclined to go faster.
He was inclined to go faster.
Danke
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GRAMMAR LESSON
Is it Complete, Finished or Completely Finished ?
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words- "Complete or Finished" ?
In a recent linguistic competition held in London, and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: "How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand"?
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED....
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE". "When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED". "And when the right one catches you with the wrong one....you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world, and a case of 25 year old Scotch.
Is it Complete, Finished or Completely Finished ?
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words- "Complete or Finished" ?
In a recent linguistic competition held in London, and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: "How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand"?
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED....
Here is his astute answer:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE". "When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED". "And when the right one catches you with the wrong one....you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"
He won a trip around the world, and a case of 25 year old Scotch.
Anti Globalist
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When is a door not a door?
When it is a-jar.
When it is a-jar.
Warrior_of_Freedom
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Elizabeth Warren
Suzanimal
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Three people are hanging out together. One is Puerto Rican, one is a vegan, and the last one does crossfit. How do you know which is which?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
TRUTH! I work with three Puerto Ricans and they mention it at least once in every conversation. I get it - you're Puerto Rican and in case I forget, I see the little flag hanging from your rear view mirror when I leave work.
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
TRUTH! I work with three Puerto Ricans and they mention it at least once in every conversation. I get it - you're Puerto Rican and in case I forget, I see the little flag hanging from your rear view mirror when I leave work.
Anti Globalist
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How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Anti Federalist
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I was in my office getting a book the other day.
It fell off and hit me in the head.
I blame my shelf.
It fell off and hit me in the head.
I blame my shelf.
Anti Globalist
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How does a dentist prepare for a roller coaster?
He braces himself.
He braces himself.
Anti Globalist
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What does a cowboy with bad gas say?
Darm tootin'!
Darm tootin'!
Danke
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I [FONT="] was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."[/FONT]
[FONT="]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?[/FONT]
[FONT="]I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."[/FONT]
Anti Globalist
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Did you ever hear of the nut cracker who had no nuts to crack?
Suzanimal
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After getting stagger drunk at the bar the guy says to the bartender "Do you know where I can get f*cked?"
The barkeep says "Yeah. Go across the street to the hotel and knock on the door of room 101."
So the drunk staggers across the street and knocks on the door of room 101.
A voice from inside says "Yeah, what to you want?"
The drunk says "I wanna get f*cked".
The voice from inside says "OK. Slip a 50 under the door".
So the drunk slips a 50 under the door.
After 5 minutes waiting, the drunk knocks on the door again.
The voice from inside says "Yeah, what do you want?"
The drunk says "I wanna get f*cked!"
The voice from inside says "What? Again?"
The barkeep says "Yeah. Go across the street to the hotel and knock on the door of room 101."
So the drunk staggers across the street and knocks on the door of room 101.
A voice from inside says "Yeah, what to you want?"
The drunk says "I wanna get f*cked".
The voice from inside says "OK. Slip a 50 under the door".
So the drunk slips a 50 under the door.
After 5 minutes waiting, the drunk knocks on the door again.
The voice from inside says "Yeah, what do you want?"
The drunk says "I wanna get f*cked!"
The voice from inside says "What? Again?"
Guy wants to buy a horse so he finds this Mexican who has one for sale.
But when the guy shows up, the Mexican tells him "Senior, the horse, she no look too good".
Guy says "She looks fine to me. I'll take her."
Two days later he brings the horse back and says "What's the matter with you? You sold me a blind horse."
"I told you Senior, the horse, she no look too good."
But when the guy shows up, the Mexican tells him "Senior, the horse, she no look too good".
Guy says "She looks fine to me. I'll take her."
Two days later he brings the horse back and says "What's the matter with you? You sold me a blind horse."
"I told you Senior, the horse, she no look too good."
Anti Globalist
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Why did the alien throw beef on the asteroid?
He wanted to make it to be meaty-or.
He wanted to make it to be meaty-or.
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