New Re-cut "FOR LIBERTY" artwork, critique needed

[AdamT]

I see what you mean. I guess I am just really digging that blue on the back cover.

How about that color blue Ron Paul 2012 yard sign(like you have on the inside) on the right side of the hill getting hit by the sunlight... that could do the trick or it might just clutter up the front? I vaguely remember that being an option on the original cover.

Anyway, you have a keen eye for this stuff so trust your instincts.

Yeah I can remember playing around with the sign jammed in the hill for the original cover. I think it's a great idea in theory, but it ended up looking kind of goofy and out of place.

 

[AdamT]

Updated image with some suggested changes. For the Constitution section, need a good last line in place of "why do American put up with this?".

Also, what do you guys think about having DP and the Forums listed on there under Grassroots websites? Would the average voter get scared off if they visited grassroots sites? Have heard this from both sides, so I'm not really sure what to do.

 

[Romulus]

Adam, The graphics look great!

One thing I would tweak: One the cover where is says 'The Ron Paul R3VOLution'. I would use the correct stencil font and R3VOLution logo there.

 

[dannno]

Also, what do you guys think about having DP and the Forums listed on there under Grassroots websites? Would the average voter get scared off if they visited grassroots sites? Have heard this from both sides, so I'm not really sure what to do.

If someone new comes to this site, they have the front page with blogs/stories and all the sub sections. They probably won't figure out the new posts function, IF they register, for some time. So they will probably end up on the general politics or one of the other main forum sections or their particular forum section of interest.

The forums are also covered extensively in the film, so it doesn't make much sense to try and cover it up on the back cover.

 

[AdamT]

If someone new comes to this site, they have the front page with blogs/stories and all the sub sections. They probably won't figure out the new posts function, IF they register, for some time. So they will probably end up on the general politics or one of the other main forum sections or their particular forum section of interest.

The forums are also covered extensively in the film, so it doesn't make much sense to try and cover it up on the back cover.

That is my view as well.

Could use some more critique on the updated copy.

 

[Nate-ForLiberty]

That is my view as well.

Could use some more critique on the updated copy.

What about adding RonPaulFlix.com?

 

[AdamT]

bump for input

 

[MelissaWV]

Great suggestions so far, and I have a few to add.

1. You need to settle on whether or not you are going to capitalize "grassroots." You have instances where it is capitalized, and instances where it is not. Perhaps you mean the capitalized one to be a proper noun because it is short for "the Ron Paul Movement Grassroots," but the way it is now seems a bit inconsistent to me.

2. You are worried about space, so I have some suggestions to parse down your verbiage.

Consider changing...

What is it about 2012 presidential candidate Ron Paul that prompts so much excitement from such a diverse range of people, while at the same time draws ire from the Establishment media and political machines? This 60 minute documentary traces the history of the “Ron Paul Movement”, and showcases the unique and groundbreak-ing projects created by everyday grassroots supporters in search of smaller government and personal Liberty.

...to...

What is it about 2012 presidential candidate Ron Paul that inspires such enthusiasm from such a diverse range of people, yet draws ire from the media and political figureheads? This 60-minute documentary traces the history of the "Ron Paul Movement," and showcases the unique, groundbreaking projects created by grassroots supporters in search of smaller government and greater liberty.

Please note that there were some cosmetic changes (removing the line break in “groundbreaking” and moving the comma to the inside of the quotation marks around “Ron Paul Movement,” etc.) but there were also deliberate content changes. The only capitalized words are now Ron’s name and the word “Movement,” with the obvious exception of the first words in each sentence. Words like “Establishment” and even “Liberty” should not have been capitalized in their current context. The only way I could see getting around this is making “liberty” another color or font, at which point I believe it would get way too busy.

To be strictly accurate, “PATRIOT Act” should be CAPs as it stands for the sinister sum of its parts. I can understand leaving this out in order to save space. I would also wash those questions of some of the more suggestive words if the goal is really to get people to think and then read. Words like “invasive” tend to give the answer away.

“Why is the U.S. the ‘policeman of the world’ when it’s bankrupting our nation with overseas wars?” could use a rewrite. It’s also a dangerous way to phrase this question. It makes it sound like, if the nation suddenly got a few trillion extra dollars, it would be a good idea to go to war. Consider “Why is the USA engaged in unconstitutional wars that bankrupt our nation yet make us no safer?” or some variety of that sentiment.

The last question needs that apostrophe removed. Every other question begins with the contraction spelled out, but that last one got lazy and it looks out of place. I take issue with the use of “Establishment” again, and would rather it looked something more like “What is so important about having a grassroots candidate for president in 2012?”

RonPaulFilm.com is no longer a valid site. Make sure it is before you go printing more of these things.

I agree that the front should get the rEVOLution logo right. There seems to be no reason not to. I would also consider making “recut” large enough to read without squinting.

Moving along to the inside…

Strictly speaking, starting off with a number is a poor way to start a paragraph. You also do not need “U.S.” before “Congressman” as it’s implied, and you have “(R-Texas)” there just to back it up. Once again I offer a rewrite:

Congressman Ron Paul (R-Texas) is the leading advocate for freedom and limited government in our nation’s capital, earning him a national following winning him eleven elections. Dr. Paul’s record for upholding his oath to support and defend the Constitution is unmatched by any modern politician. He served honorably as a flight surgeon in the Air Force, and as a pro-life Ob/Gyn has delivered over 4,000 babies. In 1976, he was one of four congressmen to endorse Ronald Reagan --- and the only one to receive President’s Reagan’s endorsement in return [*** Fact check needed ***]. He and his wife Carol have been married for over 50 years, and their eldest son Rand Paul has been elected to serve as U.S. Senator in Kentucky.

I would not list particular liberty websites here. His official website, the Facebook, Twitter, and whatever else that relates directly to the campaign should stay, together with the RonPaulFilm information, if that site is made valid.

(to be continued)

* I have a massive migraine. If I missed something, or did something wrong, I am hoping someone will pick up on it.

 

[KramerDSP]

bump for input

A few thoughts when I saw the cover designs. The way everything is worded, it seems like this recut will be more of a campaign tool, whereas the original version was more of a documentary. I'm sure that was the intention here, but I just wanted to point out that if I were a complete stranger who got this DVD in the mail, I would think it came from the Ron Paul 2012 campaign themselves.

I like DVD covers that are less busy than what you have, but then again, if this is a campaign tool, then it makes sense to try and cover as much space as possible for education purposes. Finally, I think the DVD should stand on it's own. People are savvy enough (I hope) to search ""Ron Paul" + message board/forum" if they like what they see so far with the movie.

By the way, I can't wait for this to come out. This could be a massive game-changer, especially if this gets out before July comes around and is sent to every person in Iowa and NH via some Grassroots chip-in.

 

[MelissaWV]

This part needs its own post.

Please consider parsing down the inside of the case considerably. There is a giant wall of text there, and if it is actual size when I enlarged it (yep; about the size of a DVD case) then the print is small and unnecessarily difficult to read against that background.

It’s also a little inaccurate to say the Fed prints money. It’s likely you will get taken to task on that one. You might want to get rid of the “at taxpayer expense,” too. It’s counterintuitive but leaving that there does more harm than good. You have used “it’s” where you wanted to use “its.” You have gone a little didactic in your explanation of hyperinflation. This whole series of sections should read like a rallying cry… and it sort of reads like a textbook? I wonder what the old one was like. I haven’t read it, so maybe these errors were present, and this is the style they went with.

The Dollar, Bailouts & The Federal Reserve
In 1913, a privately-owned banking institution called the Federal Reserve began helping the U.S. Congress borrow endlessly with little accountability. Money has been printed out of thin air to fund overseas wars, and bail out the Federal Reserve’s friends on Wall Street. Meanwhile, the purchasing power of the once-mighty dollar goes down, and the average American pays the price together with generations to come.

Ron Paul, chairman of the House Financial Subcommittee on Domestic Policy, wants to audit and eventually end the Fed, restoring sound money in America.

Personal Freedom & Liberties
Our Founders warned “those willing to trade freedom for security deserve neither and will lose both.” [Note: You might want to pick a founder, there ] Unconstitutional Federal agencies are on the rise in a post-9/11 world. Whether it is the TSA groping and embarrassing people at airports, Homeland Security setting up random checkpoints in your neighborhood, our tradition of privacy is being traded for a warped sense of “safety.”

Ron Paul has been a consistent voice against all legislation that violates our Constitutional rights, often standing as the lone dissenting vote among his colleagues and earning him the nickname of “Dr. No.”
A Strong Foreign Policy vs. U.S. Empire
With few restrictions on the printing of money, our current policy of foreign intervention is free to continue. By imposing our will on other nations and their people, we encourage blowback and hatred against our country, and hasten our collapse.

Ron Paul acknowledges the wisdom of the Founders when they warned against nation-building. He would bring the troops home, end unnecessary wars, and ensure that any future conflicts follow the letter of the Constitution.

Again, these are just suggestions If you'll notice, though, there are still some basic errors that were corrected. If you are going to stick with the Eisenhower quote, you should make it "warned of."

 

[MelissaWV]

Okay, the second column deserves its own post as well…

Taxes & Government Spending
Taxes, regulations, and restrictions are draining the life out of the economy as it struggles to recover from what some call “the Great Recession.” Allowing hard-working Americans to keep more of the money they earn would allow the economy to recover, jobs to return, and our country to thrive again.

While serving for over 20 years in Congress, Ron Paul has never once voted to raise taxes, and works to shrink our bloated Government one agency at a time. He has famously said he wants to abolish the IRS and replace it with nothing!

The United States Constitution
Dr. Paul has been called “The Champion of the Constitution” for his unwavering support of our Founding document. The Federal Government routinely violates virtually every clause of the Constitution on a routine basis. Why do Americans continue to stand for it?

ObamaCare = RomneyCare
Our healthcare system is broken. Over a century of regulations and bureaucratic “fixes” have pushed up care costs, but forcing people to pay for further “solutions” is not the answer, and this kind of involuntary charity has no place in a Constitutional Republic.

As a physician, Ron Paul would work to repeal all ObamaCare legislation and eliminate overregulation so that free market solutions can thrive.

The Tea Party Movement
On December 16, 2007, Ron Paul’s supporters set a record by raising $6.2 million for his campaign. It was the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, and people took to the streets around the nation spreading the message of liberty.

Following Obama’s win, national protests continued and became widely known as the “Tea Party,” driven by the growing mainstream distrust in government and its reckless spending.

There is another instance of mixing up "its" and "it's" in this column as well. Please be careful of that! It's a common mistake, and electronic spelling programs will miss it every time.

I think that about covers it?

 

[Warrior_of_Freedom]

shouldn't the love be red?

 

[R3volutionJedi]

Really good! I cannot wait to get one of these in my hands. and let my friends borrow, etc;... Will they be $10??

 

[AdamT]

Really good! I cannot wait to get one of these in my hands. and let my friends borrow, etc;... Will they be $10??

We're still analyzing pricing, but for sure will be maximum $.95/ea at lesser quantities and cheaper for larger. In other words, will be cheap

 

[sarahdeez]

Technically OB/GYN is capitalized. It doesnt matter to me. Not sure if it would matter to anyone. Maybe just OB/GYN's and medical transcriptionists.

I would reconsider deleting 11 term with the whole 'fire all incumbents" movement. I think just Congressman would be fine there.

I would consider changing served in the air force as a flight surgeon to served his country as a US Air force flight surgeon.

The sky seems a little stormy is that what you were going for?

Seemed like I saw a few extra commas. I will have to print it and reread it.

 

[AdamT]

Okay, the second column deserves its own post as well…



There is another instance of mixing up "its" and "it's" in this column as well. Please be careful of that! It's a common mistake, and electronic spelling programs will miss it every time.

I think that about covers it?

+rep made some (most) of these changes.

 

[AdamT]

Technically OB/GYN is capitalized. It doesnt matter to me. Not sure if it would matter to anyone. Maybe just OB/GYN's and medical transcriptionists.

I would reconsider deleting 11 term with the whole 'fire all incumbents" movement. I think just Congressman would be fine there.

I would consider changing served in the air force as a flight surgeon to served his country as a US Air force flight surgeon.

The sky seems a little stormy is that what you were going for?

Seemed like I saw a few extra commas. I will have to print it and reread it.

Haha I love to use commas! Maybe too much. If anything's really bothering you please point it out. I think spelling out the 11-term thing gives him credibility and shows he has experience.

 

[Romulus]

shouldn't the love be red?

Thats what I was saying.. I think the logo should be correct, but I'm anal when it comes to graphic consistency.

 

[AdamT]

Adam, The graphics look great!

One thing I would tweak: One the cover where is says 'The Ron Paul R3VOLution'. I would use the correct stencil font and R3VOLution logo there.

Thanks! That original stencil font is good for signs, but I don't care for the hard edges and gaps making up the letters in the cover artwork. The lettering we used is similar in shape to the original stencil but a little less "in your face".

 

[AdamT]

A few thoughts when I saw the cover designs. The way everything is worded, it seems like this recut will be more of a campaign tool, whereas the original version was more of a documentary. I'm sure that was the intention here, but I just wanted to point out that if I were a complete stranger who got this DVD in the mail, I would think it came from the Ron Paul 2012 campaign themselves.

I like DVD covers that are less busy than what you have, but then again, if this is a campaign tool, then it makes sense to try and cover as much space as possible for education purposes. Finally, I think the DVD should stand on it's own. People are savvy enough (I hope) to search ""Ron Paul" + message board/forum" if they like what they see so far with the movie.

By the way, I can't wait for this to come out. This could be a massive game-changer, especially if this gets out before July comes around and is sent to every person in Iowa and NH via some Grassroots chip-in.

Yes, this is meant to be less of a documentary (even though it technically is) and more of a campaign/educational tool for the general public to learn more about Ron Paul. There will be a "not endorsed by the official campaign" somewhere on the artwork before it goes to press. Haven't added that in yet.

Unfortunately it's unlikely we will have copies in time for the 4th of July but we are trying! However, it will be out in time to spread prior the IA Straw Poll, etc. It's up to Iowa supporters to organize Chipins if they want to use our material as lit. But we would definitely welcome that, and help in any way we can. Same goes for NH folks.