HELP!!! Drafting the first mass MySpace message.

TechnoGuyRob

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Joined
Sep 26, 2007
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Hi everyone. I need your help. I'm drafting the first mass MySpace message. The effort will commence tomorrow. Please give me your suggestions and comments as to how to make this better. If you only read the parts in bold, the message will make perfect sense, as well.


Subject: OUR FRIEND RON PAUL'S LAST CHANCE
Body:
Hi, fellow supporter! On November 5th, 2007 Ron Paul raised $4.3 million, the largest one-day fundraiser by a Republican in a primary race. On December 16th, the 234th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, Ron Paul will raise $10 million in one day, the largest one-day political fundraiser in history (Hillary Clinton holds the record at $6.1 million).

However, this will not happen without your help. Join us on December 16th for the Tea Party 07:




The Tea Party already has more subscribers than November 5th! If you can give $100, please sign up so we know where we stand. If you can't, please mark your calendar and don't forget to scrape up as much as you can on December 16th!

We need your every single ounce of effort on this one. This will be Ron Paul's last chance. When the Tea Party succeeds, we will be the frontrunner in fundraising out of ALL the political candidates, Republican or Democratic. The media attention will be stupendous, and Ron Paul will finally have the means to run a truly national campaign. This is essential, because the primaries are only a few weeks away, and only 30% of primary goers have even HEARD of Ron Paul. This is good news, because Ron Paul is already registering at almost 10%, meaning one-third of the people who have even heard his name will be voting for him!

Ron Paul needs the media exposure from having the largest fundraiser in history, as well as the actual money it will bring in.

Please tell all friends, family, and liberty-loving individuals that this is the last chance to restore America to its Constitutional basis; to end the war, to stop corruption of our liberties and rights, and to make sure in 2008 your ballot isn't "Clinton or Giuliani". If you know people who haven't heard about Ron Paul, tell them about this amazing individual:

RonPaulIsHope.com

If they're a Democrat concerned about the war, point them to RonPaulIsPeace.com and note that even Clinton and Obama have refused to commit to be out of Iraq by 2013.

This is truly our last chance. However, with your help, it won't be our last "chance"; it will be our first certainty.

TO VICTORY!

===

You are receiving this message because you are a friend of Ron Paul on MySpace.
 
The message to Ron Paul supporters is fine, it needs to be shorter though.

Most people will not read the entire message because it is too long.
 
Hi, Fellow supporter! On November 5th we raised $4.3 million for Ron Paul we are planning to raise even more money on December 16th. Our past success is not a guarantee of future success, we need your help! If you have not already done so visit the <a href="http://www.teaparty07.com" target="_blank"> Ron Paul Tea Party 07</a> website and make your pledge of $100. If you are not able to pledge $100 on December 16th you can make a donation of any amount today at <a href="http://www.ronpaul2008.com">www.ronpaul2008.com</a>.
 
I think the message becomes confusing when you introduce the reader to too much information. Some of the information detracts from the greater message of Tea Party 07. Perhaps you could introduce people to the additional informational websites at a later time.

Just my two cents, hope you take it the right way!
 
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