Dear Ignorant People, Please Don’t Vote Today
Dear Ignorant People,
Please don’t vote today. Don’t exercise your rights today. Don’t participate in the sacred democratic ritual. Just sit on your couch and watch reruns on Bravo, or whatever it is you do with your time. But please don’t vote. Please, dear God, I beg you. Don’t vote.
And realize, friends, that I am not insulting you. The word ‘ignorant’ simply means ‘lacking knowledge and awareness.’ It doesn’t necessarily mean stupid or idiotic. It doesn’t mean bad or evil. It just means that you do not have all of the necessary information to make a considered and thoughtful decision. That’s OK, really. Maybe there’s even something to be said for it. But it doesn’t belong in the ballot box. Not now. Not when there’s so much at stake.
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I wish there was an easier way of doing this. Maybe in the future they’ll invent some kind of Ignorance Test — kind of like the pregnancy kind — where you pee on a stick and it comes up either “+This person has a clue” or “-This dude has no freaking idea what’s going on.”
Until such a thing exists, there needs to be at least some sort of filtration system. We must erect barriers to guard against the Walking Discombobulated, who wish to pounce upon our Democratic System and devour its guts while it screams in helpless agony.
Alas, there is nothing to protect it. We are exposed and vulnerable. They are all invited in: the perplexed, the uninitiated, the illiterate, the obtuse and the benighted. The gates are opened and they stream in by the thousand to eat our country’s soul and take Election Day selfies.
Indeed, we don’t just make it possible for ignorant people to vote, we encourage it.
The idea has taken hold that voting should be the easiest, most comfortable, most uncumbersome thing you do all year. The future and fate of our entire nation hangs in the balance and we think it ought to be decided with the same energy and effort it takes to soil your underpants. If any semblance of purpose or competence is required of this apathetic mass known as the American electorate, we stomp our feet and shout that a great injustice has taken place.
Maybe it is an injustice. Maybe every single human being, no matter how willfully dense and repulsively complacent, should have the exact same power and responsibility as even the most in-tuned, eager, and knowledgeable citizen. Maybe a man who pays attention, pays his bills, and pays his taxes ought to be weighed precisely the same as a man who has never in his life paid any of those things. Maybe that’s ‘fair.’ I don’t know.
But what I do know is that it’s not how any Democratic system, including our own, was ever meant to function. And I do know that it leads invariably to disaster and ruin.
It’s not your responsibility to vote just for the sake of voting. It’s your responsibility to stay engaged and apprized of the national situation — and then vote. If you haven’t completed the first step, do not proceed to the second. Dear God, please, do not proceed to the second.
This is a conspiracy, don’t you see it? A conspiracy. An honest-to-goodness conspiracy. The Powers That Be know that active and enlightened voters are the greatest threat to their oligarchy. They also know that they cannot (yet) physically prevent those primed and savvy individuals from casting a ballot, so instead they drown the informed votes in a sea of bewildered ignorance.
They carry in the Oblivious and the Self-Satisfied, and pour their incomprehension all over our nation’s polling places until the smart votes are sufficiently diluted. It is a brilliant scheme, and it has paid dividends for them.
That’s why the elites in government love “get out the vote” campaigns like this one, starring a rapper and a B-list feminist celebrity.
If you need Lil John and Lena Dunham to tell you to vote, then you shouldn’t.
As a matter of fact, if you are even a fan of either person, then you shouldn’t (remind me later because that needs to go on the entrance exam).
Ignorant People, the greatest service you can provide today is staying as far away from a voting booth as possible. Your nation is calling on you, Ignorant People. It needs you, in this moment of great consequence, to do the right thing. And, in this case, the right thing is nothing.
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More:
http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/dear-ignorant-people-please-dont-vote-today/