I have not read the other 9 pages of posts because I don't have time
But I have a personal story that shows how this type of issue affected one person. My ex husband was involved with a german woman for a few years before he and I met. He was young, only 17 to 20 years old during that time period, but the woman he was with (almost 10 years his senior) became pregnant twice during their time together. The first time, she was 8.5 months pregnant when he was sent off on a 3 week training course (military). When he returned, he rushed to her home to see if she had their baby yet and she opened the door with no baby tummy. she told him that the baby was still born. He believed her. It wasn't until he met me that he started to wonder what had really happened. There was no funeral, no death certificate, etc... why not? She was from a catholic family and they had no service for a full term infant? I highly doubt that.... I think she gave the child up for adoption, as she did do with a previous child she bore with a different father. That child was adopted by her distant cousin and she still saw the child (9 yrs old at that time).... he had no say in any of this and was very upset when he realized that he had been duped.
But it happened again when they had been together longer - she became pregnant and even though he was young, he was excited at the prospect of having another chance to be a father again (remember, he thought his first child was still born in the 9th month).... but she had an abortion. She just flippantly told him one evening that she had arranged for an abortion. He was devastated and they split up. He could not believe that his flesh and blood was once, perhaps twice, taken away from him with no input from him. We spoke at length about this several times during our marriage and it still affects him to this day, more than 20 years later. I told him that perhaps having a woman carry your child that obviously does not want to be a mother would be a bad idea anyway - perhaps she would not look after herself and the growing fetus properly and end up causing problems for the child, who knows. He understood that but still felt at a major loss over how this could happen.
Because of all this, he did not want to have another child until he was positive everyone was ready and we were married for 5 years before we had our son. He was with his next girlfriend for almost 10 years before he finally had a child with her almost 2 years ago. I will always wonder if there is a big brother or sister out there for our boys - a child adopted in Germany. Or if they were both aborted instead of just one... I have no idea. No one does, and no one can find out unless his ex tells what REALLY happened. It's very hard that in the end, only one of the parents has the final say in what happens. Unfortunately men cannot carry the child so they cannot control any of that part of things - but I do feel bad that a woman who does not want a child to raise herself will choose abortion over giving that child to the father. She could relinquish her parental rights at the moment of birth and never have to pay child support or have visitation - but some choose not to do that and deny the other parent the chance to raise the child by terminating without needing consent. It's a tough road but one I don't know how we could navigate.
As I said, I dont think that a woman should be forced because any number of things could happen. I am technically pro-choice, I just deep down wish that abortion didnt end up on the table as a choice because I believe that life begins at conception, but I am not going to tell someone else what to do with their lives. It is a personal issue and I do not think the govt should get involved in legislation at all - but even on a personal level men would have to be very careful if they wanted a woman to carry their child and she did not. that is treading on dangerous waters and something could go wrong. She could even try doing something about it herself and that is dangerous too. It's a very sad tough topic but I think it is important to keep the government out of it first and foremost. So it would have to be up to each mother and father to discuss what would happen. A decision has to be made and only one will come out on top, most often the woman I am sure.
