# Lifestyles & Discussion > Open Discussion >  The Week That Perished

## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-26/

by Takimag  

February 17, 2019

The Week That Perished

The Weeks Toniest, Stoniest, and Phoniest Headlines

TRUMP SIGNS IMMIGRATION BILL, THEN ROLLS IT UP AND STABS SUPPORTERS IN THE BACK WITH IT
The main promise of Donald Trumps 2016s presidential campaign, the gleaming white carnation on his tailored suitWere going to build a wall, and Mexico is going to pay for itwill never come true. On Friday, Trump made sure of it.

After a belligerent Friday morning press conference in which the president declared a state of emergency in order to allocate funds to build the wall, on Friday afternoon Trump signed an omnibus bill that ensured the wall would never be built. Not only that, the bill ensures the country will be flooded with more illegal aliens than ever.

Regarding the wall for which Trump had originally demanded $25 billion before backpedaling down to $5.6 billion, the bill doesnt even deliver what the Democrats had agreed to, which was a puny $1.6 billion. It only allocates $1.375 billionenough to build about 55 miles of bollard fencing rather than a concrete walland it limits construction strictly to the Rio Grande Valley section of the border. And even within that section, construction is prohibited on federal and state lands. Regarding the rest, it requires local authoritieswhich in South Texas are uniformly Democratic and largely controlled by Mexican drug cartelsto agree to the walls construction, which is like asking black people to agree that slavery benefited them. It will never happen.

Section 224(a) of the bill prohibits any illegal alien who is sponsoring an unaccompanied minor illegalor who claims they may, you know, one day sponsor oneor who currently lives with an unaccompanied minor illegalfrom being deported. This provides a massive incentive for illegal aliens currently bleeding the public coffers to call up minors from south of the border as little baby human shields against deportation.

The bill Trump signed also allocates a record $3.4 billion for refugee resettlement. It doubles the permissible number of unskilled seasonal workers who can apply for H-2B non-agricultural visas. It reduces the number of border detention beds by 18%. It adds $40 million to a program that moves asylum seekers from the border to the countrys interior, where they are almost always released.

Goodbye, America.

BLOGGER SUES TWITTER AFTER BEING BANNED FOR DECLARING THAT MEN ARE NOT WOMEN
A mere ten years ago, publicly declaring that men arent women and that women dont have penises would have been an affirmation that one was sane. But oh, how time flies when you let the fruit flies run the asylum.

Meghan Murphy is a Canadian blogger who identifies as a leftist feminist and socialist, but apparently that is no longer sufficient to prevent the Egalitotalitarian Ban-Hammer from crushing your skull these days.

It took only two tweets for Twitterwhose CEO, Jack Dorsey, recently admitted on a podcast that he doesnt believe his website needs to optimize for neutrality when choosing whom to banto deplatform Murphy.

 The first offending tweet involved a simple question:

How are transwomen not men? What is the difference between a man and a transwoman?

According to the diktats of Newspeak, transwoman is a term that proclaims, against all chromosomal evidence, that a man who claims hes a woman is actually a woman. A mere decade ago, these delusional people were known as transvestites.

Oh, how time flies when you let the fruit flies run the asylum.
But the tweet that got Murphy unpersoned on Twitter involved her using the word him to describe a man who claims hes a woman. The man in question was involved in some sort of kerfuffle over genital waxing at beauty salons.

On Monday, Murphy filed a lawsuit against Twitter Inc. in a California court, claiming that she was discriminated against for expressing a belief that the majority of Americans still sharei.e., that ones gender is determined by ones genitals at birth. Murphy also showed some solidarity with the Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (TERF) contingent by expressing that the entire trans delusion may be an impediment to feminism:

The whole situation destroys womens rights. I dont even see how we can uphold womens rights if there is no cohesive definition for women.

Feminists are annoying and delusional as it is, but they cant compete with trannies in either category. As much as it pains us to say it, well side with the feminists on this one.

In similarly depressing and soul-laceratingly ironic news from the UK, a university student has been banned from a free speech debate for intrepidly declaring that women dont have penises.

MAJORITY OF CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS WANT TO LEAVE THEIR HIGHLY DIVERSE STATE
At some point in the 1940s or 1950s, California must have been a wonderful place to live. But whereas its population was under 10 million at the end of World War II, the Golden State is now crammed with 40 million people, and thats assuming theyre counting illegals, which is doubtful. The states quotient of whites is now only half of what it was in 1970; Hispanics now outnumber Caucasians by more than 50%. It is currently the nations most ethnically diverse state, and how you feel about that says a lot about you.

Despite the fact that it postures as a socially egalitarian paradise, California is saddled with the nations fifth-highest rate of wealth inequality. Its basically a handful of billionaires and their Mexican servants.

A new poll conducted in January by Edelman Intelligence has found that 53% of the states residents are considering leaving California due to high taxes and the exorbitant cost of living. The poll also found that 62% of respondents said that Californias best days are over.

Of course Californias best days are over. First we were agreeing with feminists, and now were agreeing with Californians. Somebody please call a doctor.

RUSSIAN OFFICIALS PONDER THE JAPANESE MODEL FOR REDUCING OBESITY
In 2008 the dying nation of Japan enacted a law designed to curb obesity among adults over 40, colloquially known as the Metabo-law, which would subject people to weight counseling and ultimate reeducation if their waistlines measured above a certain level33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women.

Now Russian authorities, in their quest to make their entire noble nation as fit and sexy as President Vladimir Putin, are studying the Japanese model. Anna Popova, Chief State Sanitary Officer of the Russian Federation, expounds on the Metabo-law:

If during the annual inspection a citizen is found with a waist size exceeding the norm, the government imposes restrictions according to which he is obliged to attend regular counseling sessions. Fines for companies that do not care about the health of workers, can reach $19 million.

Popova says that the Russian Federation has also scrutinized a New Zealand law that requires potential immigrants to present certification that they have a body mass index of 35 or lower.

Were not big on laws, but we admire any effort to make the world less fat. Nearly four out of ten adults globally are overweight. This worldwide epidemic of unbridled gluttony must stand no more!

MULATTO PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE CAUGHT FIBBING ABOUT HIP-HOP
Although very few people are aware of it, a black pro wrestler who masqueraded as a war paint-wearing Ugandan headhunter named Kamala was born as James Harris. So he was the original Kamala Harris.

The new pretender to the Kamala Harris throne is a California Senator whos the daughter of a black Jamaican man and an Indian woman who seeks to become our nations second mulatto president. Her light skin, verbal erudition, and the fact that she married a white man have many people questioning her blackness.

On a radio show last Monday, Harris sought to firmly establish her blackness by claiming that in college, she smoked weed while listening to the music of convicted rapist Tupac Shakur and suspected murderer Snoop Dogg.

Harris graduated from Howard University in 1986 and from law school in 1989.

Tupac Shakurs first album came out in 1991; Snoop Doggs debut was in 1993.

Her blackness remains in question. Well stick with Kamala the wrestler.

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## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-27/

by Takimag  

February 24, 2019

The Week That Perished
photo credit: YouTube
Nick Sandmann

The Week’s Most Surly, Squirrely, and Girly Headlines

COVINGTON KID SUES WASHINGTON POST FOR $250 MILLION
Until it was buried under the avalanche of publicity surrounding the fabulist gay black/Jewish actor Jessie Smollett, the Covington Kids story was the most publicized hate-crime hoax so far this year. The major media jumped on a false narrative about Trump-supporting high-school kids bullying a Native American man until the true story was revealed—namely, that some Black Hebrew Israelites and the Native American man were bullying the kids.

Now comes news that Nicholas Sandmann—into whose face the dishonest Injun Nathan Phillips banged a drum—is suing the Washington Post for $250 million—the exact sum that Jeff Bezos paid to purchase the paper.

The defamation lawsuit, which was filed in Kentucky last Tuesday, refers to Nathan Phillips as a “phony war hero” who was “too intimidated” by the Black Hebrew Israelites—who’d been lobbing slurs at the Native American group as well as calling the Covington Boys “future school shooters,” “incest babies,” and “dirty ass crackers”—so he targeted the boys instead:

Rather than focusing their attention on the Hebrew Israelites, who had been relentlessly insulting both the teenagers for almost an hour and the Native Americans attending the Indigenous Peoples March before that, Phillips and his activist companions approached the CovCath students from a distance while beating drums, singing, dancing, and carrying cameras to capture the confrontation on video….Apparently, Phillips, a phony war hero, was too intimidated by the unruly Hebrew Israelites to approach them, the true troublemakers, and instead chose to focus on a group of innocent children – a much safer endeavor for activist tactics of intimidation.

The suit goes into extensive detail chronicling exactly what happened, proving that the only people who weren’t aggressors in the debacle were the white Catholic teens that the media smeared. It alleges that the Post published seven “false and defamatory” articles about Sandmann from January 19 to 21 knowing that they were false.

It is our fondest wish that Nick Sandmann does to the Washington Post what Hulk Hogan did to Gawker.

STUDY: AMERICANS DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT AMERICA
A recent survey published by the Woodrow Wilson Foundation confirms that American voters may fall below the global average when it comes to being uninformed.

When administered, a “multiple-choice version of the test given to immigrants seeking citizenship,” only 38% of naturalized American citizens passed the exam. Under age 45, only 27% passed.

What’s worse, the only state where a majority of the citizens was the snow-white state of Vermont—and even then, they only squeaked by with 53%.

Other depressing findings from the study:

• A mere 15% of Americans knew what year the Constitution was written.

• A quarter of Americans were unaware that the First Amendment guarantees free speech.

• Fifty-seven percent of Americans did not know that Woodrow Wilson was president during World War I.

“The best argument against democracy,” Winston Churchill famously quipped, “is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” And this study confirms it.

LESBIAN TENNIS HERO SHUNNED FOR SAYING MEN AREN’T WOMEN
Martina Navratilova is the pelican-faced lesbian whom many consider to be the greatest female tennis player of all time. She has openly declared her lesbianity and has actively agitated for all manner of lesbianic causes.

Still, it’s not enough these days.

“It is our fondest wish that Nick Sandmann does to the Washington Post what Hulk Hogan did to Gawker.”
An LGBT—which stands for “lettuce, garlic, bacon, and tomatoes”—group called Athlete Ally has removed the tennis great from their advisory board after she made some comments alleging that it’s unfair to female athletes to have male-to-female trannies competing against them:

Martina Navratilova’s recent comments on trans athletes are transphobic, based on a false understanding of science and data, and perpetuate dangerous myths that lead to the ongoing targeting of trans people through discriminatory laws, hateful stereotypes and disproportionate violence.

Here is a sampling of the hateful and totally unacceptable comments in question:

You can’t just proclaim yourself a female and be able to compete against women….There must be some standards, and having a penis and competing as a woman would not fit that standard….The rules on trans athletes reward cheats and punish the innocent….Letting men compete as women simply if they change their name and take hormones is unfair — no matter how those athletes may throw their weight around….It’s insane and it’s cheating.

The only positive to come out of this involves speculating which identity-based group of freaks will start calling trannies hateful and out of touch. Pedophiles? Practitioners of bestiality? Otherkin? We can hardly wait.

HATE-CRIME HOAXER JUSSIE SMOLLETT ARRESTED
After weeks of unbridled public outrage from politicians, celebs, and media morons about the idea that a gay black actor was accosted in subzero temperatures by two rednecks who punched him, threw bleach on him, wrapped a noose around his neck, called him the “F” word and the “N” word, and then yelled “This is MAGA country!,” Chicago police finally arrested Jussie Smollett last week and charged him with felony disorderly conduct for filing a false police report.

If convicted, Smollett, who pled no contest to providing false information to police back in 2007, could face up to three years in prison.

The day after his arrest, Fox TV announced that they were dropping Smollett from the last two episodes of their hit show Empire.

And last Tuesday, a conservative student at UC Berkeley was punched in the face and threatened with being shot for daring to suggest that hate-crime hoaxes happen.

GIRL CHEATS ON BOYFRIEND, FEELS GUILTY, ACCUSES GUY SHE CHEATED WITH OF RAPE, HAS HIM BEATEN
As everyone is well aware, the idea that women falsely accuse men of rape is a discredited trope that only serves to fuel misogynist hatred in a culture that encourages rape at every turn.

 That’s why it is with great skepticism that we approach a story in the Daily Mail which claims that a 24-year-old university student in China, stricken with guilt for cheating on her boyfriend, accused the man she cheated with of raping her and persuaded her boyfriend to throw chili pepper in his eyes, smash a jar over his head, and kick him in the testicles repeatedly. We also don’t believe that the girl demanded the boy she slept with to write an apology not only to her boyfriend, but to his girlfriend. Neither do we buy the idea that she tried to extort her one-time lover to the tune of $5,000 “in exchange for his future.”

Anyone who’s spent any time around women knows that women would never do that. And if you say that we’re lying, we have no other choice but to falsely accuse you of rape.

FRANCE SEEKS TO CRIMINALIZE ANTI-ZIONISM
French President Emmanuel Macron has made it quite clear that he opposes all forms of nationalism, calling it a “betrayal of patriotism.”

This is why we find it highly confusing that he is in favor of a new resolution being discussed in the French Parliament that would criminalize anti-Zionism by conflating it with anti-Semitism.

According to Dr. Moshe Kantor, president of the European Jewish Congress, criticizing Zionism is what cowards do when they really want to express all the irrational hatred they harbor toward innocent Jews:

[I] absolutely welcome this discussion and hope to see it leads to concrete action because it is clear that the overwhelming majority of those who claim to be anti-Zionist use it merely as a cover for their antisemitism…anti-Zionists never claim that any other nation on earth, apart from the Jewish state, should be dismantled or is illegitimate so it is clear that this meets any standard of delegitimization, demonization and double-standards.

That’s funny—the only double standard we see is the fact that Israel is an ethnostate with a border wall, and we can’t think of a single other nation of Earth that can claim that. Strike it up to our unconscious anti-Semitism.

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## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-28/

by Takimag  

March 03, 2019

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Sleepiest, Weepiest, and Creepiest Headlines

TAKE AMERICA’S HATS AGAIN
In a national epidemic of “soft lynching” that seems designed to degrade and humiliate, people wearing “Make America Great Again” hats are being attacked by illiterate cretins who’s minuscule brains have been programmed to believe that Donald Trump is a bigger threat to national security than Kim Kardashian, Facebook, and herpes. This trend is being referred to as “hat crimes.”

This week brings three stories of three white Americans being assaulted by three nonwhites—one of whom has overstayed her visa since frickin’ 1994—whose primitive reptile brains were triggered at the site of the red “MAGA” cap like a retarded bull is driven into a meaningless rage by a matador’s cape.

Forty-one-year-old Rosiane Santos of Falmouth, MA, has been arrested and charged with assault, battery, and disorderly conducted after yanking a MAGA hat off the Caucasian cabeza of a 23-year-old Trumper named Bryton Turner. According to the alleged victim, he grew so annoyed at the heckling of Santos—who apparently drinks on the job—that he began recording her as she taunted him for daring to be such an antisocial psychoapth that he wore a hat honoring the nation’s president.

According to a police report, when cops arrived, Santos explained that a MAGA hat has no place in a Mexican restaurant. As they carried her off to jail, she again tried to remove the hat from Turner’s head.

When contacted by a reporter, Santos offered the following apologia:

I had a little bit to drink maybe that’s the reason that I couldn’t walk away but being discriminated for so many times in my life, I just had to stand up for myself. He’s not a victim. I am the victim. I have been bullied, OK?

Santos has reportedly been taken into custody by ICE officials and will likely be sent back to Brazil.

In the breathtakingly scenic state of New Jersey, a 19-year-old black teen has been arrested for allegedly attacking an 81-year-old MAGA-hat-wearing man in a grocery store. According to the victim, the youth verbally taunted him as he attempted to leave the store. Then he grabbed his hat, seized his arm, tossed him to the ground, and knocked over his cart of groceries.

Video footage from Oklahoma shows a white student who’s wearing a MAGA hat and toting a Trump flag being taunted by an 18-year-old black male who knocks the hat off his head, grabs his flag, and, ironically, calls him “niggger.”

If you haven’t heard any of these stories in the mainstream press, it’s no coincidence.

TEACHING BLACK KIDS TO PICK COTTON
It was only a few weeks ago that Virginia Governor Ralph Northam faced the soul-scalding experience of being called a “racist” due to some yearbook photos that either depict him in a Klansman’s outfit or in blackface—it’s hard to tell, because there were two people in the picture. Northam denied that either one was him, although he admitted he once dressed up in blackface to portray Michael Jackson in a dance contest.

Northam held onto his job by pledging to devote the remaining three years of his term to groveling before blacks and fellating the very idea of blackness.

Then his wife goes and mucks up the program by asking some black students to hold cotton bolls and imagine what it was like to be slaves.

Apparently Virginia First Lady Pam Northam is involved in some tour where she takes students to some vintage cottage and tells them to hold samples of cotton and tobacco so they can imagine how much it must have sucked to be a slave. Her error here was to hold out the cotton for some black students to touch—in the year 2019, for Pete’s sake!

According to a black woman named Leah Dozier Walker, who actually has a job in something called the Office of Equity and Community Engagement at the State Department of Education, Mrs. Northam effectively whipped and raped the students:

The Governor and Mrs. Northam have asked the residents of the Commonwealth to forgive them for their racially insensitive past.…But the actions of Mrs. Northam, just last week, do not lead me to believe that this Governor’s office has taken seriously the harm and hurt they have caused African Americans in Virginia or that they are deserving of our forgiveness.

Del. Marcia Price, a black woman who’s a member of the state’s black caucus—sensing a pattern here?—scolded and shamed and remonstrated Mrs. Northam:

The cotton itself is a symbol of murder, rape, displacement and the radiating effects of the trans-Atlantic slave trade that black Virginians are still experiencing today….I don’t know that you have to have actual cotton handed to the children to understand slavery was bad.

In South Carolina, a black mother is distraught and upset and triggered and traumatized by the fact that her 10-year-old son was told to pick cotton and sing a “slave song” as part of a school project about…the Great Depression.

Don’t ask us to make sense of this. We’d rather stick knitting needles in our eyeballs.

HATE-CRIME HOAXES DU JOUR
Nikki Joly is an aggressively ugly, short and dumpy woman who claims she’s a man, possibly because by all known metrics, she fails as a woman. A local paper in her hometown of Jackson, MI named her “Citizen of the Year” after her efforts to open a gay community center, organize a gay festival, and pass an ordinance that forbids anti-gay discrimination.

Joly’s house burned down in 2017, killing the three cats and two German Shepherds that were inside. After the fire, she posted on Facebook, “Yes, be angry, be very angry. Use that anger to force good! Use that anger to make change.”

Now she has been arrested and charged with setting the blaze, allegedly because “he [sic] had been frustrated the controversy over gay rights had died down with the passage of the nondiscrimination law.” You heard that correctly—according to rumor, Joly killed all five of her pets because she was frustrated that the town wasn’t supplying her with an adequate dosage of hatred.

A black woman named Darnell Byrd-McPherson is the mayor of the itty-bitty, teeny-weenie town of Lamar, SC. Last month she claimed to be the victim of a savage hate crime when it appeared that someone had sprayed a yellow substance on her car. In the wake of this heinous incident, she told a TV reporter:

We are grateful the person or persons did not try to take our lives but the culprits will be identified and prosecuted….Love conquers hate and my husband and I refuse to be intimidated by those who perpetrated this act of vandalism which I classify as an act of hatred.

Unfortunately for Mizz Mayor, investigators discovered that the mysterious yellow substance was merely pollen.

What kind of country to we live in where even pollen hates black people?

MALE STUDENT TOO DRUNK TO CONSENT TO SEX
After more than four years of having his name dragged through the mud on bogus rape allegations, a former student at Miami University of Ohio—which is the Ruth’s Chris Steak House of colleges—has been vindicated. Identified in court documents only as John Doe, he was suspended after a female acquaintance accused him of sexually assaulting her despite the fact that the school acknowledged that the girl had initiated contact and John Doe was too inebriated to consent. John Doe sued after his suspension, and a judge ruled that the school had been unfair in its kangaroo-court treatment of him. Doe and the school have agreed to a private settlement for an undisclosed sum, which should at least keep him awash in beer and hookers until he settles down with a gal who isn’t prone to false rape allegations.

FROM TRANSGENDER TO TRANSALIEN
Jareth Nebula—without even researching, we are convinced beyond the pubic-hair-sized wisp of a doubt that her parents didn’t name her that—is a female-to-male transsexual who describes herself on Facebook as “Trans/Agender, Demisexual/Graysexual, Blue Alien, MisfitGoth, Body Mods, Disabled, J-Fashion, Potato.”

If that isn’t enough to make you want to kick her in her nonexistent nuts, Nebula now claims she has grown tired of being transgender and wants to transcend it by becoming a “transalien” and wants to have her nipples surgically removed so she feels less human:

I know I’m stuck in a human form and that’s how I’m perceived by others – but to me, I’m an alien with no gender….After coming out as transgender and believing I had finally found myself, I realized I was wrong – I wasn’t male or female, or even human….I don’t think or feel like humans. I can’t really explain it to others – I’m simply otherworldly….I didn’t feel comfortable as either gender or even anything in between….I know I’m stuck in a human form and that’s how I’m perceived by others – but to me, I’m an alien with no gender.

Nah, you’re just a severely messed-up chick.

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## DamianTV

Easy way to tell what the truth is.  Watch the news, and believe the exact opposite of what they tell you.

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## Danke

These belong in one of AF's threads:

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## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-29/

by Takimag  

March 10, 2019

The Week’s Most Divided, Misguided, and Lopsided Headlines

*BIDEN’S PAST BITES HIM IN THE ASS*

Joe Biden is an unnecessary politician from an unnecessary place named Delaware—a grim, postage-stamp-sized patch of land which became the nation’s first state and then gave up. Through extensive and often gory plastic surgery, as well as a hardline regimen of teeth-whitening that borders on the carcinogenic, he often manages to convince people he is less than 900 years old.

Polls show that, as a white man among a ragtag gaggle of one-eyed communist Muslim lesbian competitors, Biden has the best shot at winning 2020’s Democratic nomination for president.

But there’s one problem besides his personality: He wasn’t always as fond of Negroes as he now pretends to be. Yes, we realize he was Barack Obama’s deferential Chattanooga Shoe Shine Boy and that he once marveled that, for a black man, Obama was amazingly “clean” and “articulate,” but no amount of groveling these days can atone for once, a long, long time ago, saying things that imply that black folks are anything less than gods among humans.

Comments have recently emerged from a 1975 interview Biden gave to some local Delaware publication that nobody has ever heard about—not even in Delaware. In a political climate where one may be forgiven for raping children but never for saying bad things about The Blacks, these comments threaten to cast a Grim Reaper-sized shadow over Biden’s looming candidacy:

_I do not buy the concept, popular in the ’60s, which said, “We have suppressed the black man for 300 years and the white man is now far ahead in the race for everything our society offers. In order to even the score, we must now give the black man a head start, or even hold the white man back, to even the race.” I don’t buy that…. I don’t feel responsible for the sins of my father and grandfather. I feel responsible for what the situation is today, for the sins of my own generation. And I’ll be damned if I feel responsible to pay for what happened 300 years ago….

We’ve lost our bearings since the 1954 Brown vs. School Board desegregation case. To “desegregate” is different than to “integrate.”… I am philosophically opposed to quota systems. They insure mediocrity….

It is one thing to say that you cannot keep a black man from using this bathroom, and something quite different to say that one out of every five people who use this bathroom must be black.

I oppose busing. It’s an asinine concept, the utility of which has never been proven to me._

Biden’s handlers are scurrying to reassure us that when he was young—which would have been sometime around the Civil War—Biden fought to desegregate a movie theater and thus force whites to miss all the dialogue because blacks like to scream at the movie screen. They also tell us that he was once the only white employee at a black swimming pool, which surprised us because we were unaware that black people are able to swim.

However, we are glad that these 1975 comments have been made widely available to the public. We had no idea that Joe Biden was so cool, and we plan to vote for him in 2020.

*WALKING WHITE MEN ON LEASHES*

It comes as no surprise to anyone with two brain cells to rub together like a cricket rubs its legs that the main reason Donald Trump and all his supporters are inhuman is because they see others as inhuman. You don’t even have to be “woke” to realize that. Basically, you simply don’t have to be in a coma to realize that it’s wrong to dehumanize others, which is why Trump and his supporters all need to be dehumanized—constantly.

“Indecline” is a group of righteous freaks who are so firmly on the right side of history that they are in danger of falling off the planet. They gained some notoriety for installing naked statues of Donald Trump all across the country as if they weren’t secretly jealous that he gets more tail in one week than all of them do in a lifetime combined.

Their most recent project, which was unveiled to a gasping public of junkies and tourists last Sunday, was called “Hate Breed,” and it involved placing dog collars on 20 white men dressed in white T-shirts and MAGA hats, then walking them with leashes on all fours to visit Donald Trump’s star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Each self-loathing white beta who volunteered to be part of this conceptual abortion also wore a dog tag bearing the name of someone the group considers to be racist—Ann Coulter, Steve Bannon, David Duke, and Richard Spencer all received personal dog tags.

A press release from Indecline attempts to make sense of this live-action chemical spill:

_The project, entitled “Hate Breed”, speaks to race relations in America, specifically the patience exhibited by those most affected by racism and bigotry and their willingness, despite having the greatest right to anger, to walk their attackers down a path to empathy….

Even though those afflicted by hate have the greatest right to anger, often it is only through their kindness or sacrifice that we are able to walk down ignorance until it’s worn out enough to debate in earnest._

Protip: If you’re seeking empathy and earnest debate, don’t treat people like dogs.

*NAZI PARTIES AROUND THE WORLD*

All over the world, it seems like people wanna party like it’s 1939.

A furor of righteous outrage has spread like wildfire throughout the Southern California town of Newport Beach, inflaming the loins of decent locals who can’t wrap their innocent brains around why a group of kids suspected to be either current students or recent graduates of a local high school would dare to arrange red plastic cups to form a swastika at a recent weekend party.

Thankfully, officials at the Newport-Mesa Unified School District polished their good-guy badges and sent a letter to reassure local parents that they were not in any way, shape, or form, cool with forming swastikas out of red plastic drinking cups:

_We were recently made aware of social media postings involving some students who created inappropriate anti-semitic [sic] symbols, and possible underage drinking. While these actions did not occur on any school campus or school function, we condemn all acts of anti-semitism [sic] and hate in all their forms._

Notice how they’re far less concerned with the “possible underage drinking” than they are with the swastika? Underage drinking kills over 4,300 American youths yearly. When was the last time a swastika killed anyone?

…yeah, OK, but that was a long time ago and as the saying goes, swastikas don’t kill people, but people wearing swastikas sometimes killed people.

In Washington, DC, students at the super-posh Sidwell Friends School—a Quaker joint where the yearly tuition is $42,000 and where Barack Obama sent both of his daughters—recently caused an anti-Hebraic kerfuffle when they disrupted a public presentation by flashing usernames that included swastikas onto a large projection screen, causing heartache and heartburn throughout the school and several local communities.

Once more, the school’s headmaster sent out a letter to the parents, reassuring them yet again that he was not “down” with Hitler:

_I am disappointed, dismayed, and deeply sorry that such an incident could take place at our School. Racism and anti-Semitism will not be tolerated in this community._

 What really sucks is that this is 2019 and people still need to say these things. What sucks even worse is that they seem to feel like they need to say these things every five minutes.

In Belgium, as reported by a journalist named Cnaan Liphshiz, the president of the Belgian League Against Anti-Semitism, Joel Rubinfeld, is kvetching about an anti-Semitic parade float that his fellow tribesperson Mr. Liphzhiz described thusly:

_The display features two giant puppets with streimels, hats favored by some Orthodox Jews, in pink suits. They both have sidelocks. One of the puppets is grinning while smoking a cigar and extending a hand, presumably to collect money. That puppet has a white rat on his right shoulder. Both puppets are standing on gold coins and have money bags at their feet._

All along the parade route, the puppets danced to a song about “bulging coffers” that had “Jews getting extra fat.”

“Prices are rising, so who do they blame?” Rubinfeld asked and then answered before giving anyone else a chance: “The fat, greedy Jew.”

Further outrage was engendered when Belgian carnival enthusiasts on Faebook described Jews as “dick cutters” and “whiners with sausages for ears and woolly curls on their heads.”

OK, now we’re offended.

*PUTTING SAUDI ARABIA FIRST*

As the desert kingdom of Saudi Arabia stretches, yawns, and wipes the sand from its eyes to face the modern world, a new wave of nationalism threatens to supplant the old wave of theocratic religious psychosis.

Although the Saudis are making sensible moves such as curtailing the power of the nation’s religious police, they are also doing absolutely insane things such as allowing women to drive.

Whereas “infidel” used to be the social-shaming epithet of choice, it is being replaced by “traitor.” And ordinary, poor-as-dirt Saudi citizens are being urged to go on witch hunts against anyone perceived as less than 108.9% loyal to their homeland:

Accusations of betrayal are lobbed online, printed on threatening notes and trumpeted in red letters on newspaper front pages. Anyone perceived as showing the kingdom in a bad light can be targeted, even comedians poking fun at its idiosyncrasies.

Most people, sadly, can’t seem to breathe without feeling entitled to abuse others, whether in God’s name or that of the almighty state. Under such circumstances, being an impenitent sociopath is clearly the only moral choice.

*BILLIONAIRE DIAMOND TRADER DIES DURING PENIS ENLARGEMENT*

If it isn’t emasculating enough to require penis-enlargement surgery, how much more horrific is it to die during the surgery, only to be carted off to heaven by guardian angels who are laughing at you?

Thus was the fate of bloodthirsty diamond merchant Ehud Arye Laniado, who suffered a fatal heart attack after having his penis injected with an unidentified substance during a doomed quest to have his diminutive _schvanz_ match his bank account in size.

It was a mere four years ago that Laniado sold the world’s most expensive diamond to a Chinese businessman whose last name, ominously, was “Hung.”

----------


## Anti Globalist

> Easy way to tell what the truth is.  Watch the news, and believe the exact opposite of what they tell you.


Thats pretty much what I always do.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/%e2%...that-perished/

by Takimag  

March 17, 2019

The Week’s Most Bathetic, Emetic, and Splenetic Headlines

*AS YOUNG AMERICANS EMBRACE SOCIALISM, BERNIE SANDERS WALKS INTO A GLASS SHOWER DOOR, REQUIRING STITCHES*

An exclusive Harris poll reveals that Generation Z—a cohort that comprises a quarter of the American population and consists of people who were born in the mid-1990s or afterward and have never known a world without the Internet and are effectively mental retards with a maximum attention span of three seconds—prefers socialism to capitalism, although they’d probably be incapable of defining either term without using at least one “LOL” and three emojis.

The poll also found that the top three voting issues for these wet-behind-the-ears whippersnappers are “mass shootings, racial equality, and immigration policy and treatment of immigrants,” which suggest that Gen Z is as easily brainwashed by popular media as any prior generation, with the stark difference being that this is the first generation in history that seems to think that committing suicide is a virtue.

While historically illiterate young voters were busy embracing the sort of socialism you can put on a T-shirt, 77-year-old sclerotic nebbish 
Bernie Sanders, who never even had a job until he was 40 and thus has no idea what it’s like to be a member of the working class, walked head-on into the side of a glass shower door, busting his wrinkled head and requiring seven stitches. His campaign rushed to assure everyone that Mr. Sanders, who seems ready to burst an artery from a rage-induced stroke at any moment, did not actually fall—he simply walked head-on into a shower door, as if that makes it any better.

*JEWS IN THE NEWS*

It was not a good week for Jews—even though if it had been a good week, they tend to kvetch so much, you couldn’t tell the difference, anyway. What’s the sense of being happy if you’re always going to complain?

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who to our knowledge is suspiciously non-Jewish, dodged questions at a White House press conference last Monday as to whether Donald Trump actually said “Democrats hate Jewish people” during an RNC fundraiser at his Mar-a-Lago resort. Sanders made clear, however, that she and Donald Trump absolutely adore Jews—far more than the Democrats, who have had multiple opportunities to disavow, condemn, shun, ostracize, and torture members of their party who don’t make huge public displays of Jew-lovin’ like the Republicans do.

In New York City—lotta Jews there—the NYPD’s hate-crimes unit is investigating the horrifying defacement of a Brooklyn subway-stop poster of octogenarian Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. The word “DIE” was written on her forehead, “JEW” was scribbled across her glasses, and a swastika was drawn over her mouth.

As luck would have it, Ginsburg is Jewish.

“There is no room for hate in NYC,” the NYPD tweeted.

Are we talking about New York City? There’s more hate there in a square mile than there is in all the land south of the Potomac.

Polish Jews are shvitzing over the fact that a newspaper called Only Poland has an article on its front page called “How to Recognize a Jew.” Individual Jew-markers include “Names, anthropological features, expressions, appearances, character traits, methods of operation, ” and “disinformation activities.” The paper also asks, quite ominously, “How to defeat them? This cannot go on!”

Leszek Bubl, the paper’s publisher, is described as “a fringe nationalist political candidate and sometime musician who has sung about ‘rabid’ rabbis.”

And finally, the Southern Poverty Law Center, the nation’s premier Stalinist witch-hunting organization, has fired co-founder Morris Dees for undisclosed reasons, but if we had to guess, he probably made a fart joke in front of a female employee. Either that, or they finally realized he’s not Jewish.

*RACIAL HEALING WORKSHOP OFFERED FOR WOUNDED MINORITIES*

Are you a poor-and-oppressed minority living in Southern California who for some reason is depressed that you aren’t living in Zimbabwe?

Fret no more, sweet dusky ally—San Diego State University is offering a “Racial Healing Workshop,” a safe space free of white people that is designed to make Dark Students feel a tiny bit better at the fact that their low SATs and low grades in no way mean that they are inferior students.

The workshop will be hosted by Dr. Cheryl E. Matias, who describes herself as an “Assistant Professor & Motherscholar, Ph.D. in Race and Gender Studies in Education, Studies in the Emotionality and Psychoanalytics of Whiteness,” and we swear that she doesn’t sound like a complete idiot.
 
*IS THIS BLACK TRANNY PEPPER-SPRAY HATE CRIME LEGIT?* 

With all of the hoopla and hullabaloo over the recent Jussie Smollett hate-crime hoax, we have cautioned our readers to approach every lurid and overhyped story of Hate Gone Wild as “false until proven true.”

Thankfully, the following story, although lurid, was not hyped at all, so we will assume it’s true.

Last Friday and Saturday in Upper Manhattan and the Bronx, a total of 11 white New Yorkers were approached by a black man who thinks he’s a woman and then pepper-sprayed in the face. The delusional dude allegedly approached a white couple in the Bronx and reportedly said something about how much he hates white people. 

According to a police report of the incident:

They were approached by the defendant who kicked both victims and sprayed a substance in their face….The defendant approached a 30-year-old male and a 24-year-old female, asked them if they were white and displayed a sharp object causing fear. The female victim was sprayed in the face with an unknown substance causing redness, burning and discomfort.

News reports are referring to the suspect, 37-year-old Thomas Heard, as a “transgender woman,” which is a polysyllabic way of saying “man.” Mr. Heard, who calls himself “Tasha” when he’s feeling feminine, has been charged with assault and menacing as a hate crime.

*THE “HIV HAIRDRESSER” AND HIS REIGN OF REVENGE INFECTIONS*

Darryl Rowe is a Scotsman who was jailed for life in 2018 after it emerged that the HIV-positive homosexual went on a deliberate campaign to infect other men after learning of his positive status. He is now the antihero of a new BBC documentary called The Man Who Used HIV As a Weapon.

Over eighteen months of random hookups via the gay dating app Grindr, Rowe interacted with hundreds of men; he is confirmed to have infected at least five of them with HIV. His MO was the same: Either he’d insist on having unprotected sex or he’d snip a hole in a condom and deliberately shoot his toxic seed up the rectums of unsuspecting partners. Then he’d wait at least a few days—long enough to render any retroviral cocktails worthless—before taunting his prey via text message that he’d infected them. Some of his sample texts include:

Maybe you have the fever. I came inside you and I have HIV LOL. Oops!

You have HIV. Lol.

You can’t get rid of me. You’re gonna burn. I ripped the condom. You’re stupid. I got you.

You’re a $#@!ing revolting jackass. Ha Ha Ha Ha. I’d taken the condom off.

I hope you enjoyed four of my loads. I have HIV.

Charming!

While handing down his life sentence, Judge Christine Henson accused Rowe of conducting a “determined hateful campaign of sly violence”:

You are the first individual to be sentenced for Section 18 offences in the context of infecting others with HIV. With the full knowledge of the risk you posed to others and the legal implications of engaging in risky sexual practices, you embarked on a deliberate campaign to infect other men with the HIV virus….Unfortunately for five of the men you met your campaign was successful.

To this day, despite the keening sadism of his text messages, Rowe denies knowing that he was HIV-positive, claiming that he was certain that he had been cured by drinking his own urine.

*OLD FAT POTHEAD LESBIANS WARM HEARTS*

We don’t hate all lesbians, only the ones who hate everyone who isn’t a lesbian—which, when you think about it, is nearly all of them.

However, we found enough room in our shriveled little hearts to generate three or four calories worth of warmth for a pair of aging lezzies named Lee and Sue—they refuse to give their last names and won’t pinpoint their age beyond describing themselves as being in the “third trimester” of life—who have carved out an adipose little wheezing niche for themselves online as perhaps the world’s preeminent pair of old, fat, weed-smoking lesbians.

Whatever your feelings about weed—it’s not the drug itself which is nearly as annoying as its users—Lee and Sue rightly point out that marijuana is a far safer and effective way to deal with pain than opioids, which are ravaging their home state of Maine as brutally as they’re ripping apart predominantly white rural areas throughout the country.

Look at us, approving of lesbians. But that’s how bad the Great White Death has become—we’ll tolerate a gassy duo of old weed-puffing clam-diggers if it means one less corpse due to the Sackler family’s Oxycontin.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-30/

by Takimag  

March 24, 2019

The Week’s Most Grueling, Mewling, and Befooling Headlines

*TROUBLE AT THE POVERTY PALACE*

The Southern Poverty Law Center is misnamed for the following reasons:

1) SOUTHERN: Despite the fact that its headquarters are located in Alabama, it is aggressively anti-Southern by dint of the fact that it views Southern history as one giant stain against all things good;

2) POVERTY: Its endowment is close to a half-billion dollars, dwarfing that of the NRA and even the ACLU;

3) LAW: It is very selective in what laws it deems worthy of defending: For example, it equates the enforcement of current immigration laws with “hate.”

Despite its relentless posturing as an anti-“hate” organization, it seems propelled by a cancerous hatred toward all things white and male. And most disturbingly for anyone who believes that objective journalism is not only desirable but somewhat achievable, the mainstream press unquestioningly reprints SPLC press releases as if they were gospel truth. The SPLC also advises huge tech companies on exactly what constitutes “hate” and why it should be banned.

But despite its leaders’ savviness regarding how to make millions by exploiting modern taboos, they seem unaware that there is no end to “social justice” and that merely by having light skin and being male, their own witch-hunting would ultimately turn the witches on them, too.

On March 13, the SPLC—which has been linked to at least two terrorist shootings—announced that it had fired its co-founder Morris Dees, a lawyer and direct-marketing millionaire who once campaigned on behalf of George Wallace and received money from the KKK to defend people who’d assaulted Freedom Riders at a bus station in Montgomery, AL. It would also surprise the SPLC’s seemingly endless pool of gullible donors to learn that as recently as 1994, Dees—by then a multi-millionaire—claimed, “probably the most discriminated people in America today are white men when it comes to jobs.”

According to Dees’s divorce papers, his stepdaughter Holly accused him of trying to molest her with a sex toy when she was 18:

He was in his underwear and he sat on the bed where Holly was lying on her stomach facing away from the door. He touched her on the back and woke her up. He told her that he had brough [sic] her a present, and he presented her with a vibrator. He plugged it in and said he had brought it to her. He proceeded to rub it on her back and said ‘Let me show you how to use it.’…[H]e started to place it between he [sic] legs when she raised her voice and said no loudly….About two hours later, she had fallen back asleep and he came back in….He brought the vibrator with him, plugged it in and said again, ‘Let me show you how to use it.’ He tried to show her again by putting it between her legs, but she raised her voice again and he stopped. He took it and left.

One day after Dees was fired, the Los Angeles Times reported that two dozen SPLC staffers had signed a letter protesting “mistreatment, sexual harassment, gender discrimination, and racism” at the organization. Hilarious!

On Friday, SPLC president Richard Cohen resigned his position “in order to give the organization the best chance to heal.”

Last Wednesday—published before Cohen’s resignation and possibly a contributing factor to it—the New Yorker ran an essay by former SPLC staffer Bob Moser that did a bang-up job of shaming the shamers at their own shame game:

For those of us who’ve worked in the Poverty Palace, putting it all into perspective isn’t easy, even to ourselves. We were working with a group of dedicated and talented people, fighting all kinds of good fights, making life miserable for the bad guys. And yet, all the time, dark shadows hung over everything: the racial and gender disparities, the whispers about sexual harassment, the abuses that stemmed from the top-down management, and the guilt you couldn’t help feeling about the legions of donors who believed that their money was being used, faithfully and well, to do the Lord’s work in the heart of Dixie. We were part of the con, and we knew it.

Incoming female staffers were additionally warned by their new colleagues about Dees’s reputation for hitting on young women….The work could be meaningful and gratifying. But it was hard, for many of us, not to feel like we’d become pawns in what was, in many respects, a highly profitable scam….

Outside of work, we spent a lot of time drinking and dishing in Montgomery bars and restaurants about the oppressive security regime, the hyperbolic fund-raising appeals, and the fact that, though the center claimed to be effective in fighting extremism, “hate” always continued to be on the rise, more dangerous than ever, with each year’s report on hate groups. “The S.P.L.C.—making hate pay,” we’d say.

We pray for the day when, due to the relentlessly reduction ad absurdum nature of the “social justice” biz, the only person left working at the SPLC is a cancer-stricken, one-limbed, polysexual transgender mulatto Jewish dwarf infected with all known strains of HIV. Then, and only then, will justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

*BARACK OBAMA’S BROTHER ASKS IF MICHELLE IS A TRANNY*

It’s truly none of our business whether or not Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel used to frequent a gay bath house in Chicago, nor should it matter to use whether or not his alleged wife Michelle is actually a man.

Regarding the latter contention, Joan Rivers floated the idea that Michelle is a man, and according to Alex Jones, she may have been murdered by Michelle for spilling the beans.

Now comes word that Obama’s half-brother Malik—who wears a MAGA hat, once promised that Barack would “be a good president for the Jewish people, despite his Muslim background,” and in 2017 tweeted an image of what is reputedly Barack Obama’s real birth certificate from Kenya—asked the following pointed question on Twitter:

Is Michelle Michael?

We have no desire to examine Ms. Obama’s genitals for a definitive answer. All we know is that Barack Obama has referred to her as “Michael” at least twice.

*BARBARA STREISAND: MICHAEL JACKSON’S “SEXUAL NEEDS WERE HIS SEXUAL NEEDS”*

Barbra “The Anteater” Streisand, recently released from her cryogenic chamber while it receives a spring cleaning,defended dead King of Pop Michael Jackson not specifically against sexual abuse allegations, but about whether what he was accused of doing was bad. 

Interesting angle there, Babs.

In an interview with The Times, the chanteuse who has a bigger proboscis than any other female singer in history said that his accusers are “absolutely” telling the truth, but what’s the big dillio?:

His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say ‘molested,’ but those children, as you heard say, they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them….I feel bad for the children. I feel bad for him. I blame, I guess, the parents, who would allow their children to sleep with him. Why would Michael need these little children dressed like him and in the shoes and the dancing and the hats?

Wait a minute—the hats? We didn’t know about the hats. He’s lucky he died when he did, because if we’d known about the hats, we would have killed him.

* BLACK SEMINARIANS AT PRINCETON SEEK REPARATIONS*

We’re not certain whether or not Princeton Theological Seminary uses the same racial handicapping system regarding admissions as Princeton University does, but if so, black students they are already rewarded 280 SAT bonus points compared to Asians and 230 points vis-à-vis whites.

Still, obviously much more needs to be done and countless more boatloads of dollars need to be spent if we ever hope to see black students and Asian students reaching intellectual parity at Princeton—or anywhere else, for that matter. (A recent racial scandal erupted when it was revealed that New York City’s most elite high school, operating on a merit-based system regarding student selection, is 74% Asian and only 1% black.)

Black students at Princeton Theological Seminary, alarmed to learn that since Princeton was founded long before the Civil War and some of its benefactors owned slaves way back then, are demanding that the school set aside over $5 million yearly to help “make amends” for things that happened at least 154 years ago.

Prediction: They could toss $10 trillion yearly on scholarships for blacks, and 154 years from now, Asian students would outperform them to the same degree that blacks currently outperform Asians in the NBA.

Another prediction: Within 154 years, Asian scientists will be able to graft detachable and machine-washable 10-foot legs onto Asian humans, enabling them to outperform blacks in the NBA.

*WHITE MEN REMOVED FROM “AMERICAN POLITICAL THOUGHT” SYLLABUS*

Imagine teaching a course on “German Folklore” that excludes German folklorists. Or picture a class on “Lesbian Flemish Painters” that covered everything but lesbians, Flemish people, and painters.

A course called “American Political Thought” at the University of Colorado purposely ignores every white male who ever had a political thought. According to the syllabus provided by instructor Chad Shomura—who is possibly male but is definitely not white:

This course aims to develop an understanding of American political life from the margins. Rather than surveying traditional figures of American political thought, it attends to historically marginalized voices at the crossings of race, gender, sexuality, and nation. It explores issues such as intersectionality, antiblack racism and the American Dream, ordinary life, borderlands and migration, public feelings, mental health, and settler colonialism. The materials we examine also exceed the usual genres of American Political Thought. They include, among other things, poems, an ethnography, academic articles, a novel, and a hacked tarot card set.

There is no mention of the Founding Fathers or any of the presidents, at least not all the white ones.

*It’s obvious that white males need to secede from America.*

----------


## Warrior_of_Freedom

I've been lolling at "hat crimes" for a good 20 min now

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-31/

by Takimag  

March 31, 2019

The Week’s Most Screwy, Gooey, and Jewy Headlines

*BLACK/GAY/JEWISH HATE-CRIME HOAXER WALKS FREE*

Just when you thought the arc of the moral universe was bending toward justice in the case of fabulist actor/hate-crime hoaxer Jussie Smollett, that arc bent over, grabbed its ankles, and was forcibly sodomized without lubrication.

Last Tuesday, the Illinois state’s attorney’s office abruptly announced that it was dropping all 16 felony charges against the disgraced actor who staged a fake hate crime against himself in a story that had more gaping holes than his body does. Mind you, there was no announcement that he had been found innocent—in fact, Joseph Magats, the Cook County attorney handling the case, said that he believed Smollett was guilty—but, hey, it’s time to heal and Mr. Smollett had no criminal record and should be set free to spread his ebony butterfly wings and continue flitting about the world even though his actions could have sparked a nationwide race war.

Magats had taken over the case after Kimberly Foxx—a state’s attorney who admitted she’d told Smollett’s family that she was trying to get Chicago authorities to drop this hot potato of a case and hand it over to the feds—recused herself after essentially committing a crime and walking free in this land of horrid white supremacy.

Their hides chafing, Chicago’s Fraternal Order of Police issued the following statement in the wake of the prosecutor’s giant puss-out:

The FOP is outraged by the decision to drop charges against Smollett, but not surprised….Since Kimberly Foxx has taken office, she has transformed the prosecutor’s office to a political arm of the anti-police movement. We renew our call for a federal investigation of her role in this case and expect the media to conduct a thorough investigation.

Tiny-fingered Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, in a possible act of sincere bravery or—which is much more likely—a cold political calculation—chastised the decision as well:

This is a whitewash of justice. It’s Mr. Smollett who committed this hoax. He’s still saying he’s innocent, still running down the Chicago Police Department. How dare he? How dare he? It is wrong. Full stop.

Er, we’re not sure that “whitewash” is the proper term here.

The City of Chicago sent Smollett a letter demanding that Smollett pay restitution of $130,106.15 for their costs incurred in the investigation of the bogus hate crime, adding:

Ultimately, the Chicago police investigation revealed that you knowingly filed a false police report and had in fact orchestrated your own attack….If the amount is not timely paid, the Department of Law may prosecute you for making a false statement to the City.

Wait just a cotton-pickin’ second: Didn’t they just drop 16 felony charges related to him making a false statement to the city? Do they think we’re gullible enough to believe they’d prosecute him for making a false statement regarding a promise to pay restitution for making a false statement in the first place?

Apparently so.

For his part, Smollett is claiming that the dropped charges represent a total exoneration and that his mama didn’t raise no liar, oh, no, she di’n’t.

Our hope is that the feds pick up the case and prosecute him for that thing he did where he mailed a letter to his office that contained white powder and a death threat. As far as we know, that’s against da law.

*FACEBOOK BANS WHITE NATIONALISM*

First they came for the white supremacists—all three of them—and you said nothing.

Now Facebook has announced that it is banning all iterations of “white nationalism” and “white separatism” because there’s really no difference between those things and “white supremacy,” despite the fact that there are clear distinctions between all three terms, because even though supporters of these ideologies hardly ever encourage violence, that’s what they’re really gunning for, and if we don’t silence them and put them in camps, who knows when they’re going to start gunning down poor old black ladies in wheelchairs and innocent Muslim chemo patients riding shotgun on those wheelchairs?

Equating white nationalism with “hate”—as these $#@!s are wont to do while expecting we can’t tell the difference—Facebook’s wormy spokespeeps explained:

Today we’re announcing a ban on praise, support and representation of white nationalism and white separatism on Facebook and Instagram….It’s clear that these concepts are deeply linked to organized hate groups and have no place on our services…over the past three months our conversations with members of civil society and academics who are experts in race relations around the world have confirmed that white nationalism and white separatism cannot be meaningfully separated from white supremacy and organized hate groups….People searching for these terms will be directed to Life After Hate, an organization founded by former violent extremists that provides crisis intervention, education, support groups and outreach.

Black nationalism? Not a problem.

Asian nationalism? It’s only natural.

Jewish nationalism? _De rigueur._

White nationalism? Get the $#@! outta here.

Slowly, we began to hate Facebook.

*THE WANG OF YANG*

Just because the average erect penis size of North Koreans is 3.8 inches and 4.3 inches for Chinamen doesn’t mean it’s OK to mock Mother Nature’s cruel underendowment of Oriental males.

It’s funny as all get-out, but that doesn’t make it OK.

The Washington Examiner just ran the following headline about Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang, and if there’s a funnier headline from now until Election Eve 2020, we’ll eat a box of condoms on live TV:

Andrew Yang ‘self-conscious’ about his wang

Last year in his book The War on Normal People, Yang recalled being taunted by non-Asian bullies in school about the astronomically high statistical possibility that he was packing a tampon between his legs:

‘Hey, Yang, what’s it like having such a small dick? Everyone knows Chinese guys have small dicks.’…I became quite self-conscious. I started wondering if I did indeed have a small dick.

He wondered? There’s only one way to find out. We thought Asians were good with things such as numbers and measurements.

*BLACKS-ONLY POLITICAL EVENT IN GEORGIA*

Because we are a nation driven apart by division and separatism and difference and disunity, we all need to come together as one, and in order to achieve this, we need to keep all the white people out, and if you don’t understand this, we’re going to report you to Facebook for being a white separatist.

Last week in the beautiful but crime-ridden coastal Georgia town of Savannah, a black church held a black meeting with black politicians and posted a “Black press only” sign on their welcoming doors of inclusion. According to the black people who attended, there was talk of inclusion and unity, but if you have a problem with excluding white people, you don’t realize that this country guarantees freedom of association for everyone but white people, you whitey-white bigot.

*NON-OBESE MEN URGED TO CUDDLE WITH EACH OTHER WITHOUT ACHIEVING ERECTIONS*

In order for men to shed their toxic veneer of masculinity like a bunch of snakes molting their skin in a serpentine circle jerk, they must come together and cuddle one another so long as they don’t have back problems, aren’t fat, and promise that they won’t get boners in the process.

This is the goal of the Men’s Therapeutic Cuddle Group, some squirrelly weekly get-together in suburban Philly designed “to provide a safe, structured, and platonic environment for men to experience ‘the three As’: Acceptance, Affirmation and Affection.” As long as you have a penis, they don’t care if you’re black, white, yellow, brown, or teal, but they warn that “men with back or knee injuries, or those suffering from obesity may find it difficult to fully participate.”

The group insists that all cuddling be nonsexual in nature and demands that all men shower before attending. However, they note that “most men experience some level or arousal during cuddling. This is completely normal…we’re all guys. We just ignore it. There is no shame here!”

That’s precisely the problem—there is no shame there. There should be.

*VIBRANT IMMIGRANT SUSPECTED OF DISMEMBERING A WOMAN WHILE SHE WAS ALIVE*

Because diversity is our strength and because illiterate Nigerian savages need to be imported to do the dismembering that Italians won’t do, it is no surprise that a Nigerian drug dealer with the hyper-ironic name of Innocent Oseghale is currently on trial for the murder of an 18-year-old Italian girl whom he also allegedly dismembered—while she was alive.

According to a witness in Mr. Innocent’s trial, the accused began stabbing indigenous Italian Pamela Mastropietro immediately after raping her and then, assuming she was dead, he left the scene to summon help in dismembering her. After they returned and started severing her foot, she allegedly cried out for help, spurring the vibrant migrants to stab her until she shut up forever.

If this is progress, we’d rather live in the Stone Age. People seemed more considerate back then.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-32/

by Takimag  

April 07, 2019

The Week’s Most Wheezing, Teasing, and Displeasing Headlines

*AMERICA LOSES ITS RELIGION*

According to the recently released General Social Survey, Americans who identify with no religion now edge out Catholics and Evangelicals, and all three groups leave mainline Protestants in the dust.

The survey found that people with no religion—identified as “nones”—accounted for 23.1% of the population in 2018, beating Catholics by a razor-thin one-tenth of a percent and Evangelicals by six-tenths of a percent. Mainline Protestants, whose numbers have seen a 62.5% decline since the early 1980s, run a distant fourth with a mere 10.8%, but at least they can take slim comfort that they still outnumber the Jains and Hare Krishnas.

The survey finds that over the past three decades, the quotient of Americans who say you can take your organized religion and stuff it up your hellhole has ballooned by 266%. A concept known as “secularization theory” argues that “as countries become more industrialized and prosperous then the throwing off of religion becomes more normalized.”

This should come as no surprise, though. Studies have consistently shown that religious belief is negatively correlated with intelligence. And across the globe, religious faith is most intense in places such as turd-infested dummy zones such as Africa and the Middle East.

*BLACK WOMAN SAYS WHITE PEOPLE “OWN TIME”*

Brittney Cooper is “an associate professor of women’s and gender studies and Africana studies,” which sounds about as intellectually challenging as swatting at tsetse flies.

She says that the concept of time is a white thang.

From a TED talk she delivered:

_Typically, we talk about race in terms of black and white issues. In the African-American communities from which I come, we have a long-standing multigenerational joke about what we call CP time or colored people time. Now, we no longer refer to African-Americans as colored. But this long-standing joke about our perpetual lateness to church, to cookouts, to family events and even to our own funerals remains. I personally am a stickler for time. It’s almost as if my mother, when I was growing up, said, we will not be those black people. So we typically arrive to events 30 minutes early. But today I want to talk to you more about the political nature of time; for if time had a race, it would be white. White people own time._

So THAT’S why black people are always late!

She also says that the concept of time has “a political history bound up with the plunder of indigenous lands, the genocide of indigenous people and the stealing of Africans from their homeland.”

That sucks!

You know who doesn’t have a concept of time? The Australian aborigines, and look how well that worked out for them. Maybe white people are onto something with this whole “time” thing.

*MIDDLE EASTERNERS RESENT BEING CALLED WHITE*

To be fair for once in our friggin’ lives, we’ve never considered Middle Easterners to be white. Anyone with a functional pair of peepers knows that they tend to range in hue from mocha cappuccino to the color of goat urine.

Americans of Middle Eastern origin are starting to also notice that they aren’t white, because they aren’t getting any of the handouts that nonwhites are entitled to in this rampagingly white-supremacist country.

Sarah Shabbar, whose ancestors were Jordanian, says that she didn’t have a big deal with being considered white until she got to college and realize that there was no special free money set aside for Arabs.

David Shams, an Iranian, likens officially being considered white to a stigma:

_It makes me feel unheard, like I’m shouting into this void saying that we’re not white and no one is listening….Having the federal government label us as white, while our social status is anything but, further stigmatizes our position in society….We have no recourse. We have no way to talk about diversity or discrimination because if we’re white, we can’t be discriminated against based on race. And so we’re left in this gray area_.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of all ingrate intruders.

*NEW WAVE OF CHURCH DESECRATIONS IN FRANCE*

France, a country that some Taki’s Mag staffers aren’t exactly fond of, is experiencing a wave of burglaries and desecrations in Catholic churches across the country.

Such blasphemies include feces smeared in the form of a cross on a church wall, teenagers urinating in holy water fonts, graffiti of satanic symbols, Virgin Mary statues shattered and lying in pieces, Jesus statues decapitated, and consecrated eucharists spread randomly on the floor.

A sociologist with the gay-sounding name of Phillipe Poiter seems to finger Muslims rather than Satanists for the crimes: “Part of the population has not been socialized as Christians and does not realize what these attacks on the sacred can mean.”

We think he’s wrong—not about who’s committing the crimes, but about whether they realize what these attacks symbolize. We believe they’re fully aware of what they’re doing.

*GROWN MAN TRANSITIONS INTO “HUMAN PUP”* 

Kaz James is a 37-year-old Englishman who, due to some quirk of either neurology or personality, believes that he is a dog.

The store manager from Greater Manchester eats out of a dog bowl and wears a £2,000 fur suit that makes him look like a dog, and when you really think about it, if he was actually a dog like he claims he is, he wouldn’t need that suit.

Kaz attempts to explain why he’s so weird:
_
I didn’t ever feel like a human, I always felt like a dog that was really out of place. I never really had a name for it, being a pup wasn’t a thing I knew about. When I met other people like me I felt I could be myself. I was known by my friends for saying hello to them by grabbing hold of the collar of their shirt in my teeth and biting or licking them, very canine-type behaviors. It was always how I was. The first time I heard the term of being a pup was through a pup I met online, he was the first person I met who was like me. Through him, I knew other pups and learned a whole new language of this other world that I didn’t know about with a whole bunch of other people who were like me. It was a liberating moment knowing there were other people like me, having felt properly weird for the longest time._

Woof woof.

*HATE-CRIME HOAX OF THE WEEK*

Forty-seven-year-old Andrew McClinton is a black man who lives in Jackson, MS, a town which is 80% black and really should be enough for him to feel comfortable and calm down about the phantom demon of “racism.” If anyone’s kicking anyone’s ass for racial reasons in Jackson, MS, we have a strong suspicion that they aren’t melanin-impaired.

McClinton recently pleaded guilty to burning down the Missionary Baptist Church in Greenville, MS, a week before the election and spray-painting VOTE TRUMP on the church’s charred remains.

Errick D. Simmons, the mayor of Greenville and therefore a man who should at least know how to spell “Eric,” mentioned something about “the past and history” and how we should focus on bad things that happened to black people decades and centuries ago rather than bad things that black people are actually doing today.

*FALSE RAPE ACCUSATION OF THE WEEK*

In 2014, an Australian woman named Sarah Jane Parkinson accused her fiancée of rape and assault after what was, as luck would have it, the day she’d embarked on another relationship with a new man. When police arrived at her house, she’d gone to the trouble of undoing her jeans and giving herself a head injury that she blamed on hapless fiancée Daniel Jones.

Jones was tried, convicted, and spent five months in a creepy, moldy (we made that part up) Australian prison until investigators concluded that Parkinson was full of beans. 

Upon his release, Jones lamented:

_I thought she was the love of my life….I’d just built a house and she’d moved in with me, everything was going well. I had everything going right… and in that instant, everything just went to $#@!…. There were times when I considered ending it all….[She is] a lying, vindictive, cancerous woman._

The lyin’ Aussie hussy has been convicted of filing a false police report and will now have to spend three years in a creepy, moldy Australian prison.

----------


## Swordsmyth

> May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the armpits of all ingrate intruders.


LOL

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-33/

by Takimag  

April 14, 2019

The Week’s Stingiest, Mingiest, and Whingiest Headlines

*JULIAN ASSANGE ARRESTED*

Master hacker and exotic dancer Julian Assange has been holed up in London’s Ecuadorian Embassy since 2012 when they offered him refuge from some rather flimsy rape charges regarding a 2010 incident in Sweden.

Now the Ecuadorians have sent him kicking and screaming into the hands of police officers who hauled him into court to face charges for skipping bail in the UK. He was then slapped with a US extradition request for hacking an estimated 750,000 classified documents. He is expected to face further charges in the US for espionage, a crime that carries a potential 20-year sentence.

As fate would have it, his arrest came one day after Assange’s Wikileaks website released a trove of documents accusing Ecuador of an “extensive spying operation” and a month after the IMF approved a $4.2 billion aid package from Washington to Ecuador. Officials accused Assange of being a stinky and combative tenant who was prone to smearing feces on the walls. To be fair to the Ecuadorians, Assange does look like he’s aged 40 years since being holed up in their Embassy and bears the appearance of a man who smells terrible.

Airheaded tit monster Pamela Anderson, who claims to have had a sexual relationship with Assange while he was in captivity, went on Twitter to accuse Ecuador of expelling Assange because he “exposed” them. She also accused the UK of being “America’s bitch” and that they “need a diversion from your idiotic Brexit bull$#@!.”

You may want to take it down a notch, Pam. You’re not helping.

*THOSE WACKY RAPPERS AND THEIR KOOKY DEATH THREATS*

A long time ago, Chuck D from black nationalist hip-hop group Public Enemy said that “rap is black America’s CNN,” which would make sense if CNN anchors were constantly threatening to slit bitches’ throats and shoot people between the eyes over the slightest sign of disrespect.

A 26-year-old Florida rapper named Christopher Maurice McCallum—he really needs to work on the name there if he ever wants to sell records—has been arrested and charged with threatening a mass shooting after he posted lyrics on Facebook threatening to “catch you at a Gator game and shoot the whole campus up.”

Other rappers are throwing their support behind the legal appeals process for Mayhem Mal, née Jamal Knox, who was arrested in 2012 after police found a loaded gun and fifteen bags of heroin in his car. Shortly after his arrest, Mr. Mal released a rap track threatening the two officers who’d busted him—and naming them in his song. He was subsequently jailed for making terroristic threats. His defenders claim the legal system and “society” simply don’t understand hip-hop and that the lyrics aren’t meant to be taken seriously, even though, you know, he mentioned the two cops by name.

French rapper Nick Conrad has been punished—if you could call it that—with a suspended fine for a video he made called “Hang White People” that shows Conrad kidnapping, torturing, and hanging a white man. It also contains the lyrics “I go to the nurseries, I kill the white babies. Catch them quick and hang their parents!” As with Mayhem Mal, Conrad and his supporters are claiming that white people are taking it all way too seriously because they are racists who don’t understand or even attempt to appreciate the deep nuances and complexities of black culture.

*NHS STAFFERS QUIT OVER TRANNY-KID PROGRAM*

In 2010, 94 British children were referred to the Gender Identity Development Service clinic for possible counseling as to how to poison themselves with hormones and delude themselves that they are anything other than the gender in which they were born.

Last year, over 2,500 children were referred, and at least five clinicians have resigned, claiming that gender conversion therapy for children is scientifically untested and potentially dangerous. According to one of the clinicians, all of whom are unnamed:

I felt for the last two years what kept me in the job was the sense there was a huge number of children in danger. I was there to protect children from being damaged….This experimental treatment is being done on not only children, but very vulnerable children.

Carl Heneghan of the University of Oxford underlines the idea that none of this gender voodoo has been established as safe or even efficient:

Given paucity of evidence, the off-label use of drugs in gender dysphoria treatment largely means an unregulated live experiment on children.

The message is clear: The only reason one would object to using children as sexual guinea pigs is because one is blinded by irrational hatred.

*TEACHER SUSPENDED FOR READING JAMES BALDWIN ALOUD*

Philip Adamo is a professor at Augsburg University in Minneapolis. He was recently suspended for reading the following sentence from James Baldwin’s _The Fire Next Time_ aloud in class:

You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a niggger.

Pardon our unbearable whiteness, but that sounds harsher toward white people than toward The Blacks.

Regardless, word spread like racial wildfire among students that Adamo had said the “N” word in class. The next day, students requested that Adamo leave the class, which he did while additional students filled the classroom. Adamo tried to justify his behavior via emails, but it was too late. He was suspended.

He has subsequently apologized and pretended that even mentioning the word causes “harm,” but as anyone who is familiar with leftist totalitarianism knows, attempting to compromise or apologize will only make them sink in their talons deeper.

*MAN FINED FOR REFERRING TO A MALE AS A “MALE*

A Canadian Christian preacher who is so blinded by hate that he actually thinks that men are men and women are women has been fined $55,000 for referring to a biological male as a “biological male.”

Last month, a woman in England received a knock on the door by police after she identified a child based on the, er, gender it was assigned at birth. This sort of thing happens again and again on that tiny soggy island that ruled the planet a mere century ago.

Starting in 2015, New York City legalized fines of up to a quarter-million dollars for the crime of calling a boy a boy. In Oregon, a teacher received a $60,000 settlement in 2016 after accusing his/her/its associates of refusing to submit to the delusion that it somehow had swapped out the gender that Mother Nature had given it.

Are you starting to feel that they’re just messing with our heads?

*LESBIANS SEEK SPLIT FROM OTHER QUEEER GROUPS*

Everyone knows that lesbians are the most unpleasant people in the world and that if they truly enjoyed being with other women, they’d smile every once in a while.

As further proof that they can’t get along with anyone, some especially mouthy carpet-munchers are now urging their muff-lickin’ sistas to reject the rest of the “LGBT” community. A self-described “lesbian feminist activist” who has given herself the edgy name of “Angela Wild” rails against the gays, the bisexuals, and the trannies in a rant called “Lesbians need to get the L out of the LGBT+ community.” She claims that the male-to-female trannies, sometimes with penises intact and pointed in her direction, are forcing her to have sex with them under the ruse that it is authentic lesbianism:

Our research findings show that lesbians are under huge pressure within their LGBT+ groups to accept transwomen as sexual partners so as not to be labelled as trans-exclusionary radical feminists – or Terfs – and subsequently excluded by their GBT groups.

Lesbians who responded to our survey also reported experiencing sexual violence from transwomen ranging from online grooming, domestic and sexual violence as part of a relationship, sexual harassment, sexual assault (including in women’s toilets), coercion and rape.

Ms. Wild also claims that lesbos who refuse to have sex with trannies are being called “transphobic bigots” and “Nazis” who should be “dragged out by our saggy tits.”

We have no comment. We just want these dizzy broads to keep catfighting.

*STUDY: SEXY WOMEN MAKE OTHER WOMEN VIOLENT*

Living in a white supremacist patriarchy as we do, we are endlessly sold the debunked trope that women are something less than innocent goddesses and that they are often manipulative and malicious, especially toward one another.

A recently published study called “Aggression Toward Sexualized Women Is Mediated by Decreased Perceptions of Humanness” only serves to perpetuate such destructive myths:

Researchers have argued that the regulation of female sexuality is a major catalyst for women’s intrasexual aggression….Results showed that women rated another woman lower on uniquely human personality traits when she was dressed in a sexualized (vs. conventional) manner. Lower humanness ratings subsequently predicted increased aggression toward her in a behavioral measure of aggression. This effect was moderated by trait intrasexual competitiveness; lower humanness ratings translated into more aggression, but only for women scoring relatively high on intrasexual competition.

In other words, if women encounter another woman whom they suspect may be sexually attractive to men, they will dehumanize her in order to feel completely righteous about clawing out her eyeballs.

H. L. Mencken once defined a misogynist as “a man who hates women as much as women hate one another,” but his views can be discounted because he was not only a confirmed misogynist but also a card-carrying anti-Semite.

----------


## Swordsmyth

> A long time ago, Chuck D from black nationalist hip-hop group Public  Enemy said that “rap is black America’s CNN,” which would make sense if  CNN anchors were constantly threatening to slit bitches’ throats and  shoot people between the eyes over the slightest sign of disrespect.


Give it a few more years and replace "bitches" with "MAGA hat wearers".

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-34/

by Takimag  

April 21, 2019

The Week’s Most Defamatory, Inflammatory, and Confirmatory Headlines

*IS FRANCE BURNING?*

One needed the sentience of a rock to be able to ignore the deep symbolism behind the specter of the Notre Dame Cathedral burning last Monday in Paris—here was a presumably ineffable symbol of France, of Europe, and of Christendom that was nearly 1,000 years old, and it was immolating before the world’s eyes. Pundits are straining with every last sphincter muscle to throw cold water on any speculation that the blaze was the result of arson, especially at the hands of Islamists.

What almost escaped notice entirely is the fact 875 churches were vandalized last year in France, and over 1,000 the year before amid a wave of what’s being dubbed “militant secularism,” possibly because newsmen choke on the words “Islamic extremism.” According to Republicans MP Valerie Boyer, “Every day, at least two churches are profaned.” This includes burglaries and graffiti and smashed glass and feces smeared on walls.

 Still, we are counseled not to focus on these anti-Christian attacks because to do so would steal some of the thunder from Jewish victims of all the alleged anti-Semitic attacks raging through France, many of which are presumed not to have actually been committed by Jews.

And we must never forget the rancid stench of Islamophobia that pervades Paris and which led to such atrocities as the Charlie Hebdo massacre and the Bataclan theater attack. Nothing causes Muslims to go on shooting sprees like the idea that Muslims go on shooting sprees.

If anyone is to be blamed for the fire, it is obviously France’s Christians. In a series of interviews given for Rolling Stone, one reputed expert of something-or-other called the cathedral “a deep-seated symbol of resentment” whose renovation must “be dealt with critically” in order to more adequately represent a “divided France.”

In fact, a prominent Israeli rabbi blames the fire squarely at the Christians who helped build Notre Dame. Taking it upon himself to speak for all Jews, Shlomo Aviner explains that Christianity “is our number one enemy throughout history. [They] tried to convert us by arguments and by force, carried out an inquisition against us, burned the Talmud, expulsions, pogroms. Western anti-Semitism draws from Christianity’s hatred of the ‘murderers of God.’ It also had a role in the Holocaust.” Aviner suggests that God waited nearly 800 years after Christians staged a mass burning of Talmuds to strike back and avenge his Jewish children in his inimitably wrathful way.

*BRET EASTON ELLIS SAYS YOU’RE A BIG BABY WHO NEEDS TO GET OVER IT*

Bret Easton Ellis is a gay author who gets away with saying things that gay people aren’t supposed to say, because then if they call him a “******,” they’re the ones who look bad and he’s a victim and the whole sick cycle starts again and everybody winds up with AIDS.

In a recent interview, Ellis related how he had to tell his boyfriend to shut the hell up about Donald Trump and get the frick over it or he’d have to eat his Hot Pockets without the mayo and red pepper on them like he likes them.

Ellis says that the millennial generation, which he refers to as “Generation Wuss,” suffers from “childlike fascism” and “demented narcissism” that lead to “oversensitivity, their sense of entitlement, their insistence they were always right despite sometimes overwhelming proof to the contrary, their joint tendencies of overreaction and passive-aggressive possibility.”

He also describes his internal dialogue when listening to someone spew out the same moldy old Trump Derangement System they’ve been vomiting since June of 2015. See if it doesn’t sound exactly like what’s going on in your head when you hear one of these loons start howling at Venus:

_[I’d] stare at them while a tiny voice in the back of my head started sighing, You are the biggest $#@!ing baby I’ve ever $#@!ing heard in my entire $#@!ing life and please you’ve got to $#@!ing calm the $#@! down — I get it, I get it, you don’t like $#@!ing Trump but for $#@!’s sake enough already for $#@!’s sake._

What he said—you really need to calm the heck down.

*CHASE BANK SHUTTING DOWN “ALT-RIGHT” ACCOUNTS*

In case you were naïve and stupid and gullible and weak-brained enough to think that Donald Trump’s election would ease pressure on publishers of dissident-right materials, think again, Beaver Cleaver, because we might as well have elected Stalin.

If they aren’t banning you from social media and deplatforming all of your publications, they’re making it impossible for you to feed yourself. Now comes word that Chase Bank is suspending the bank accounts of anyone they consider “Alt-Right,” which from a recent phone conversation with a Chase representative appears to be anyone who ever thought a kind thing about Donald Trump. Chase recently suspended the account of a black male leader of Gavin McInnes’s Proud Boys organization, which goes out of its way to distance itself from the slightest whiff of “racism” or “anti-Semitism” but winds up getting written down on Nazi and terror lists anyway.

It should be illegal for banks to refuse service to anyone based on their beliefs. Until it is illegal, we wish for all bankers to suffer from acute insomnia with a side dash of painful rectal itch.

*HATRED AGAINST JOURNALISTS ON THE RISE: BAD NEWS?*

The problem with stories by journalists about how journalists are facing an unprecedented and entirely inexplicable wave of hatred is that journalists, by definition, are congenitally incapable of ever pondering why anyone might hate them.

A recent story by a “media watchdog” called Reporters Without Borders claims that all this baseless and irrational hatred is being whipped up by populist tinhorns who’ve created a climate where journalists, like everyone else on the planet, need to be concerned for their safety.

After all, it’s not as if almost the entire American media-industrial complex just finished a two-year run of nonstop lying about Trump and Russia, so why the hell is everyone getting paranoid about the good men and women of the fifth estate?

A good rule to live by: If you have to wonder why people hate you, it’s probably too late to change their minds.

*ONLINE ACTIVISTS HARASS MEDICAL RESEARCHERS INTO SILENCE*

A generation or two ago, the term “Do It Yourself” was popularized in the indie-music scene. It seemed like a nice creed until one pondered the ugly fact that hardly any of the “yourselves” that were “doing it” had a lick of talent.

The same thing applies to social media—everyone has an opinion. But everyone also has an anus, and almost without exception, it is better formed than their opinion is.

Medical researchers are now finding it increasingly difficult to conduct their studies due to the fact that social media is awash with fanatics who wish to kill you if you dare to, oh, suggest that their physical ailment might have a psychological cause. A recent article from Reuters details the travails of researchers into chronic fatigue syndrome who are endlessly buffeted by patients who blanch at the idea that it’s all in their heads and therefore retaliate with volleys of calumny and abuse.

Simon Wessely, a professor of psychological medicine at King’s College London, says that even though he stopped conducting online research into chronic fatigue syndrome years ago, he is still subjected to “relentless internet stalking,” accused of playing “pathetic ego driven games,” and is charged with killing patients due to his insistence that there may be a psychological cause of the ailment.

The least that can be learned from this is that chronic fatigue syndrome is caused by online trolls.

*MURAL REMOVED BECAUSE IT FEATURES ALL WHITE CHILDREN*

When one takes into account the fact that in 1930 the USA’s population was 90% white, it doesn’t seem all too scandalous to consider that a WPA mural painted during the Great Depression would feature an entirely white group of children playing outside in the winter. After all, the nation was almost completely white at the time, and everyone knows that black people are terrified of snow.

Still, the principal at a Chicago middle school recently removed the mural after self-appointed representatives of the institution’s 45-percent-nonwhite student population complained that the painting didn’t show people who looked like them, and if they can’t see paintings of people who look like them, how are they going to perform well on math tests, even though, if you want to get all technical, Asian students don’t need to be adequately represented in pictorials in order to score well in math, so maybe you should quit blaming your innate evolutionary cognitive deficiencies on racist paintings.

*BOY TOSSED THREE FLOORS FROM MALL RAILING*

The national news made hardly a peep at the ghastly story of a five-year-old boy being tossed from the third-floor balcony at Mall of America in Minneapolis.

Even after falling forty feet, the boy, Landon Hoffman, survived. His friends and family have raised over a quarter-million dollars toward his medical bills.

Twenty-four-year-old Emmanuel Deshawn Aranda, a Minneapolis resident with a long history of arrests, has been charged with attempted homicide regarding the incident.

We find no need to list the race of the victim and perpetrator. The fact that you haven’t heard about this story tells you all you need to know.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-35/

by Takimag  

April 28, 2019

The Week’s Most Perverted, Diverted, and Disconcerted Headlines

*SPORTS TEAMS BAN KATE SMITH FOR “PICKANINNY” AND “DARKIES” SONGS*

Kate Smith was a fat white woman beloved for decades by Americans for her rendition of “God Bless America,” which she belted out with the gusto of a woman who can swallow a dozen donuts in one bite and still have room for a sip of milk. Her version received heavy play at sporting events across the fruited plains, most notably during the seventh-inning stretch at New York Yankees games and during Philadelphia Flyers hockey games.

But because it has become increasingly evident that every white American born before 1985 was a coon-baiting Nazi, both teams have decided that La Smith has to go.

Smith, you see, will remain eternally guilty of being the chanteuse behind 1933’s song “Pickaninny Heaven,” which includes horrifying lyrics about “colored children” who are accused of enjoying “great big watermelons.” Not having been beaten or shot to death for that crime against humanity, she brazenly went on to record 1939’s “That’s Why Darkies Were Born,” which explained that African Americans were born to pick cotton. She also endorsed a “Mammy Doll” the same year. The doll was apparently offensive because it encouraged children to hug and show affection to a simulacrum of a black woman.

Neither the Yankees nor the Flyers will be playing “God Bless America” at games anymore, despite the fact that the song doesn’t mention darkies or coons or pickaninnies or eggplants or toads or bones or any of the other terrifying terms that white Americans have used to oppress black people for centuries, names that have been proved to prevent black Americans from averaging anywhere close to 100 on IQ tests. The Flyers have taken it one step further and have removed a Kate Smith statue that stood outside their arena.

These people will never be happy until everyone is as unhappy as they are.

*WORLD: 100+ CHURCHES ATTACKED MONTHLY*

No matter your feelings about Christianity, it’s hard to deny that the Western press is far less sympathetic toward attacks on Christians than they are toward even the slightest disparaging comment about Muslims and Jews.

According to a website called Open Doors USA, slightly over 100 churches and Christian buildings are burned or attacked monthly worldwide. Nearly 350 Christians are murdered for their faith every month as well.

Other findings from Open Doors USA’s research:

• nearly a quarter-billion Christians worldwide—or one in nine—“experience high levels of persecution.”

• North Korea is the most dangerous country on earth for Christians.

• In 8 of the top 10 countries for persecution of Christians, the animus is fueled by Islam.

• In many of these countries, Christian women experience “double persecution”—one for being Christian and one for being women, which, well, can be understandable given the way so many of them act.

We suspect that the press looks the other way regarding these global atrocities not so much because they hate Christians but because, despite global demographic trends, they still tend to see “Christendom” as synonymous with “whiteness.”

*STARBUCKS PROVIDES A SAFE SPACE FOR JUNKIES*

Ever since a pair of impertinent and (we’re assuming) malodorous black males caused a huge stink at a Philadelphia Starbucks last year because they insisted on loitering and using the bathroom despite having refused to purchase anything, the massively and undeservedly successful bitter-coffee chain has opened its bathrooms to anyone who desires to befoul them, all of it, naturally, in the name of “inclusiveness.”

Because everyone is equal and there is no difference between a billionaire inventor who wishes to pee-pee in a Starbucks bathroom and a strung-out homeless junkie who desires to shoot up in a Starbucks bathroom, any murmurs that there is a difference between the two will be countered with violence and endless shaming, and you don’t want that, although we secretly do. However, one California Starbucks manager—and believe us, we’re desperately trying to identify him and get him fired:

I think the bathroom policy has definitely changed the store’s environment. It’s great that Starbucks wants to try and include everyone, but that means that they include absolutely everyone.

Now comes word that in order to make the world a safer place for the poor underpaid Starbucks employees who risk getting infected with Hep-C or HIV by getting pricked with a used needle while merely taking out the trash, Starbucks has installed needle-disposal boxes in 25 US markets.

What kind of person does heroin in a coffee shop, anyway? We don’t seem to ever recall anyone sipping a cappuccino in an opium den.

*BAR THAT IMPOSED 18% “GENDER SURCHARGE” ON MEN CLOSES DOWN*

Although many feminists claim that they only seek equality and don’t hate men, you can’t trust these fem nazis as far as they can spit.

A café in Australia that caters to vegan feminists—an amalgamation of two of the most supremely unpleasant identity groups in the galaxy—made headlines back in 2017 when it announced that it would impose an 18% “gender surcharge” against men due to some illusory “wage gap” that is said to exist in Australia as well. What they never tell you about these “wage gaps” is that if women were actually willing to accept wages that were 18% lower than men, not a single man would be employed. They also never seem to tell you that women may not make as much money as men, but all studies prove they spend more money than men. They also never dare to mention that at least in the USA, women control more personal wealth than men do.

That’s why it is with sadistic glee that we announce the Handsome Her café in Melbourne—which levied this oppressive 18% surcharge on male customers—is closing down today!

It’s a good day to be a man in Australia.

*“FAT SEX THERAPIST” SAYS FITNESS IS FOR NAZIS*

Sonalee Rashatwar is a morbidly obese urine-colored woman who diverts her natural shame for being fat and ugly into convoluted Critical Theory gibberish about how “Thinness is a white supremacist beauty ideal.”

The self-described “Fat Sex Therapist” was recently able to be forklifted out of bed in order to give a lecture about “radical fat liberation” where she claimed that it made sense that the man who shot up two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand was a fitness instructor because Nazis were into fitness and likely would have punched anyone who used the phrase “radical fat liberation” non-ironically:

…the man who shot up Christchurch, New Zealand was also a fitness instructor…[because] Nazis really love this idea of an idealized body….It makes a lot of sense to me that a fitness instructor…might also think about an idealized body in this thin white supremacist way.

It also makes sense that a disgustingly fat woman would concoct absurd philosophical defenses of her physical repulsiveness because it’s easier than doing the roughly 20 million sit-ups it would require for someone such as Sonalee Rashatwar to become remotely desirable to men.

*JEWISH FAMILY ACCUSED OF PAINTING SWASTIKAS ON THEIR OWN BUSINESS*

After the Holocaust and Christ’s crucifixion and the stereotypes in that one Spike Lee movie and all those Henry Ford newspaper columns, it is undeniable to everyone except foaming-at-the-mouth anti-Semites that Jews have suffered more persecution than any other group in history combined. This is why it is especially horrific and saddening when Jews persecute themselves.

Three Jewish family members in Winnipeg—that’s in Canada, we think—are being charged with public mischief after allegedly painting swastikas on the walls of a café they owned.

When news first broke of the alleged hate crime, the executive director of the Jewish Heritage Centre of Western Canada proclaimed in a loud, honking voice:

I think that the attack on the BerMax Caffe is the most violent and vicious anti-Semitic attack [in Winnipeg] and certainly in recent memory.

Not to be outdone, the Jewish Federation of Winnipeg called the incident “’the most brazen act of anti-Semitism that we’ve seen in our community, and perhaps ever.”

But alas, it appears to have been wishful thinking on their part. According to Winnipeg police chief Danny Smyth:

We found evidence of a crime. It just wasn’t a hate crime. I am hugely disappointed and, frankly, angry that this family has used hate and racism in such a disingenuous way.

We, however, are neither disappointed nor angry. We aren’t even surprised.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-36/

by Takimag  

May 05, 2019

The Week’s Most Dissipated, Obliterated, and Eviscerated Headlines

*GEORGE WASHINGTON MURAL TRAUMATIZES STUDENTS*

Nonwhite children at George Washington High School in San Francisco were horrified to encounter a 1936 mural that depicts, as fate would have it, George Washington, who just so happens to be the school’s namesake, as we’ve already mentioned. In one image, Washington appears to be walking past some dead Injuns. In another, he stands near some slaves who are, as luck would have it, performing slave labor.

Some half-assed and totally unnecessary panel of witch hunters who call themselves the “Reflection and Action Group” have determined that the mural “traumatizes students and community members” and have urged that it be wiped out—*just like the white man tried to do with the Injuns and blacks, although as we all know, he failed miserably, or we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.* 

(I laughed so hard at that I hurt myself - AF)

According to the group’s conclusion:

"We come to these recommendations due to the continued historical and current trauma of Native Americans and African Americans with these depictions in the mural that glorifies slavery, genocide, colonization, manifest destiny, white supremacy, oppression, etc. This mural doesn’t represent SFUSD [San Francisco Unified School District] values of social justice, diversity, united, student-centered."

It’s miraculous, but these types have a way of almost making slavery and oppression sound fun by comparison.

*LET’S DUMP TRASH ON THE WHITE GUY*

Ever since a 2006 Southern Poverty Law Center smear piece attempted to argue that pro-white Atlanta-based lawyer Sam Dickson somehow oppresses black people merely by buying and selling real estate for a profit, Dickson has faced increasing scorn and harassment in the ATL, which is easily the most pro-black major city in the USA.

Dickson—who, it must be admitted, is often seen photographed with other white people who say that it’s OK to be white—was recently targeted by anonymous antifascists who called him a “white supremacist” and backhandedly urged people to dump trash on his properties. Around 80 flyers, designed to appear as if they were officially issued by the City of Atlanta—which has been denied by both Dickson and the city’s black female mayor—were posted in the city’s Lakewood Heights section and read thusly:

City of Atlanta Public Notice: Please

Do Not Dump Trash on White Supremacist Leaders’ Properties

People have been dumping trash on the properties of well-known white nationalists Sam Dickson and Evan Anderson. Dickson has said that this dumping is a financial hardship, and it interferes with his plans of gentrifying the Lakewood area and forcing out people of color.  He and Anderson are very busy organizing with other white supremacists, including attending white pride rallies and providing violent white supremacists with material support. It has been too costly for them to hire security at each of these properties, and it is not possible for police to watch them at all times. So we are relying on your honor and goodwill to refrain from dumping garbage or doing other property damage to these locations, such as breaking windows and spray painting ‘Nazis get out’. If the dumping continues, Dickson and Anderson may even be forced to sell the properties at a loss. Here is a list of Sam Dickson’s and Evan Anderson’s properties to please not dump any trash on.

The fact that these creeps haven’t been beaten bloody and retarded in the streets is proof that white supremacists—if they exist at all—have no power in Atlanta. The city hasn’t had a white mayor in 45 years.

*NEW YORK TIMES FLOGS ITSELF OVER “ANTI-SEMITIC” CARTOON*

What’s the deal with Jews and cartoons, anyway? Why are people always drawing cartoons of them? Don’t they know the Jews will get upset? Or maybe that’s the purpose?

We’ll bet you didn’t realize that The New York Times was an anti-Semitic newspaper, a fact rendered even more horrific by the fact that Jews own it.

CNN.com recently ran an article that went on for several thousand unnecessary words about a cartoon featured in an offshore version of the Times that depicts a blind, yarmulke-wearing Donald Trump holding a leash behind Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who just so happens to be rendered as a dog.

OK, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Normally it would mean that Trump is controlling Netanyahu, right? After all, he’s the one who has him on a leash. Then again, why is Trump blind? Even so, why is he wearing one of those little Jewish hats? This cartoon doesn’t make us hate Jews so much as it makes us despise cartoonists whose messages are hopelessly vague.

Nevertheless, several Jews and the blind people that lead them around on leashes were so upset that they stood outside the Times building last Monday, waving Israeli flags and shouting “Shame on you!” in what we will presume were very caustic accents that tend to mimic the sound of barnacles being forcibly scraped off a rusty battleship.

Numerous spokesmen for countless Jewish groups said that the cartoon reminded them of vintage-era Nazi propaganda and they can’t wrap their heads around the fact that in this day and age, after two World Wars and all of the TV movies, people are so blindly hateful to suggest that Israel and Jewish people have any power or influence whatsoever over world events. High-ranking officials at the Times vowed to more thoroughly vet their editorial process so that it completely eliminates any suggestion that Jews are a highly successful group who use that success to their advantage.

António Moreira Antunes, the Portuguese cartoonist who created the vile anti-Semitic graphic monstrosity, simply shrugged happily as folds of fat giddily jiggled throughout his body. He said that Jews shouldn’t be “above criticism, adding that the hysteria was “made through the Jewish propaganda machine, which is, anytime there’s criticism it’s because there’s someone anti-Semitic on the other side, and that’s not the case.”

He sounds like a cool dude.

*A SUPPOSITORY CURE FOR HOMOSEXUALITY?* 

Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel, who wears one of those weird Muslim lady head scarves and is described as an “anti-gay and anti-lesbian researcher,” claims she has developed an anal suppository that can take “the gay” out of The Gays. She recently told a TV reporter in Kuwait City that all these ***** need to do is stick one of her suppositories up their poop chute, and it will kill the worms:

"I discovered therapeutic suppositories that curb the sexual urges of boys of the third gender as well as the fourth gender, which is butch lesbians. They have excessive sexual urges….This is science, and there is nothing to be ashamed of…the sexual urge develops when a person is sexually attacked, and afterward it persists because there is an anal worm that feeds on semen….[My treatment] cures those urges by exterminating the worm that feeds on the semen… the ingredients [for the cure] are the same (for both sexes) but I made them into different colors."

From here on out, no one has any excuse to be gay. Problem solved.

*RECENT MUSLIM CONVERT ARRESTED IN ANTI-WHITE-NATIONALIST BOMB PLOT* 

All we seem to hear about these days are all these “white nationalists” and how they’re always bombing and killing people—and when they aren’t, they’re actively plotting to bomb and kill them. Why? Because they’re filled with irrational hatred and therefore must be euthanized like the rabid dogs they are.

Anyway, everyone knows that a “white nationalist” is basically anyone who isn’t a communist, and that that’s why even people who hold rallies touting the very vague and rather bland concept of “freedom” are accused of plotting to hold storm-trooping white nationalist hate-fests where everyone screams and stomps their little leather baby booties about how it’s cool to bomb and kill nonwhites.

Naturally, the only sane and moral thing to do would be to kill and bomb the white nationalists before they get a chance to kill and bomb others.

Last week, FBI agents arrested a 26-year-old Afghan war vet named Mark Steven Domingo and charged him with plotting to detonate a series of nail bombs at the above-linked “freedom” rally, which, as God’s cruel humor wound up dictating, never even happened. Domingo, a recent convert to Islam, had allegedly left comments in online chatrooms calling for “retribution” after the anti-Muslim Christchurch shooting.

This world isn’t going to get better anytime soon, is it?

*BORDER PATROL DOING ITS BEST TO HELP SPREAD TUBERCULOSIS THROUGHOUT THE NATION*

Immigrants from our Southern border come here to bring hope and determination and soulfulness and color and vibrancy and nachos and tuberculosis.

We’re talking about the illegal ones, of course, but at this point we’ve sort of thrown up our hands and have assumed they’re all illegal.

Legally, an immigrant applying for US citizenship needs to be screened for having been inoculated against “vaccine-preventable diseases,” but because illegal immigrants are dirty stinking scofflaws who engage in wanton public defecation and the live ritual decapitation of chickens, we don’t expect them to follow the law, now, do we?

When a person with TB sneezes, thousands of potentially infectious particulates are spread into the air like so many dandelion petals fluttering in the spring breeze—or, to put a sharper point on it, like so many illegal aliens released into the American heartland while ICE looks the other way.

*MAN SMASHES MULTIPLE WOMEN’S WEIGHTLIFTING RECORDS*

Mary Gregory is some dude who claims he’s a chick. He looks so much like a dude, we never would have assumed he’s a chick until we were informed so. We would have been more likely to assume he’s a white-male offensive tackle for the Detroit Lions. But because we live in an upside-down world where dudes who claim they’re chicks are taken at their word, he was recently able to break four women’s world powerlifting records.

He then went onto Instagram to rub it in the noses of all those legitimately freakish legitimate females who for some reason would rather lift weights than suckle infants:

What a day, 9 for 9! Masters world squat record, open world bench record, masters world dl [deadlift] record, and masters world total record!…A huge thank you to [RAW Powerlifting Federation], from the bottom of my heart! As a transgender lifter I was unsure what to expect going into this meet and everyone — all the spotters, loaders, referees, staff, meet director, all made me welcome and treated me as just another female lifter — thank you!

“Just another female lifter.” WOW, what a jerk!

*STUDY: WHITE MEN ARE THE ONLY GROUP WHO REALIZES THE WORLD IS MORE DANGEROUS FOR MEN THAN IT IS FOR WOMEN*

The USA is a country where even black women outlive white men and where the law is prejudiced against men in everything from criminal sentencing to domestic disputes of every stripe, but because male homosexuals and butch lesbians control the entertainment industry that has been pushing this nonstop anti-penis rape-o-rama agitprop for years now, some people have been hoodwinked into believing that the world is far more dangerous for men that it is for women.

It’s not. But that’s what everyone except white men seems to feel.

According to a recent YouGov poll, the only people who embrace the truth of the matter are white men.

By a five-point margin (37-32), white men were more likely to agree with the statement “it is a dangerous time to be a man in America” than they were “it is a dangerous time to be a woman in America.” By very slim margins, both black and Hispanic men said it was more dangerous to be a woman.

By gigantic margins, but of course, all races of women agreed that it’s far more dangerous to be a woman. White women led the pack.

The only thing this survey shows is that women have an inflated sense of how much danger they are in compared to men.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-37/

by Takimag  

May 12, 2019

The Week’s Most Curious, Furious, and Spurious Headlines

*LAURA LOOMER CRIES SO HARD ABOUT HER SOCIAL-MEDIA BAN, HER NEW NOSE ALMOST FALLS OFF*

Whiny Alt-Lite yenta Laura Loomer—best known for staging a hoax about her tires being slashed, interrupting theatrical events in classic SJW style, enthusing about her upcoming nose job on Instagram, and gleefully trying to dox and deplatform people to the right of her—was recently divested of her Facebook and Instagram accounts in a purge that also included the hilarious Louis Farrakhan.

Because she has no ideology of her own and is essentially a howling windbag of attention-seeking, she recently appeared on The Alex Jones Show to cry foul and claim what a hard fighter she is, even though hard fighters don’t traditionally throw tantrums and burst into tears because they can’t access Facebook anymore:

My life is ruined! Does anybody understand how ruined my life is?! I’m sick of it! I don’t want to listen to people tell me that I’m a conspiracy theorist.  They don’t know what it’s like to be me! And I’m sick of it. I’m fighting harder than most conservatives. I’m fighting harder than anybody and I’m being destroyed and they mock me. These people don’t understand like my life is unlivable at this point in time.  Like what is the point?

The point is that we get to see you losing your mind in real time, you shallow, shrill, two-faced, two-nosed harpy.

*FARRAKHAN BLAMES “SATANIC JEWS” FOR HIS SOCIAL-MEDIA BAN*

In stark contrast to Laura Loomer—it’s almost like the difference between black and white—the Right Honorable Spectacular Glimmering Louis Farrakhan did not stomp and wail like a diaper-pooping infant about his social-media ban.

Rather, he did what he always does—he blamed the Jews.

Speaking on Thursday night at St. Sabina’s Catholic Church in Chicago, Farrakhan was careful to distinguish between good ol’ bagel-butterin’ regular Jews and the Satanic ones:
_
I’m here to separate the good Jews from the Satanic Jews….I have not said one word of hate. I do not hate Jewish people. Not one that is with me has ever committed a crime against the Jewish people, black people, white people. As long as you don’t attack us, we won’t bother you._

We don’t view these comments as anti-Semitic as much as they’re anti-Satanic, and nobody ever complains about all the anti-Satanism that runs rampant in this culture.

*MAN CHOPS OFF HIS GENITALS, SAYS HE FEELS HAPPIER, HAS BETTER ORGASMS*

In the wild, wacky, whimsical, whirlwind world that is gender confusion, it gets harder and harder to keep up with all the new terms these freaks keep inventing. We’d be happier—and we presume they would, too—if they merely accepted that there are two genders and stopped hacking at their genitals.

For example, we bet you don’t know what a “nullo” is, do you? If you don’t, that works in your favor. But a “nullo”—AKA a “smoothie”—is someone who feels so intensely asexual that they feel the need to remove their genitals and sometimes even their nipples so that no evidence remains that they were actually born to procreate just like everyone else.

Trent Gates is a 23-year-old man from Washington, DC, who in 2017 hacked off his penis and testicles in two bursts of insanity over a 16-hour period. He says he used a ceramic blade rather than a steel one because it involves “less ripping and tearing.”

After slicing off his penis, he rushed to a hospital emergency room, where medical officials reprimanded him for being so foolhardy. Sixteen hours later, the same officials reprimanded him again.

He says that he inserted a catheter into the newly carved gashes in his crotch to help himself urinate for weeks after the self-performed castrations. He also claims that he feels “happier” and “freer in a sense” now that he’s no longer burdened by his meat and two veggies. He also, apparently without being asked, offered that sex with his boyfriend is now more “intense” and that his first orgasm after the operation was so powerful that it left him “shaking for hours.”

*Why does it never occur to these people to cut off their own heads?*

*HUNTING ALBINOS IN MALAWI*

Africa is an intensely amazing and colorful place where people often live to be 30 and car thieves transform into goats.

It’s also a very spiritual place as evidenced by the fact that its inhabitants are the most intensely religious in the world. Because they are wise and deep and intuitive, they realize things that effete capitalist Westerners—with their Waterpiks and garbage disposals—are unable to see, like the fact that body parts from dead albinos can bring you good luck.

The wonderful country of Malawi—where the nominal per-capita GDP is less than a dollar a day and one in every ten adults is HIV-positive—has seen the murder of 25 albinos since its last election in 2014. To help make the nation’s albinos feel more secure, the country has supplied 1,600 of them with electronic alarms that notify local police stations in the event that anyone should start killing them.

We wish Malawi’s albinos good luck and hope that they don’t mistake the alarms for food and eat them.

*POLL: DANISH WOMEN WOULD RATHER BE WOLF-WHISTLED THAN CALLED A FEMINIST*

A recent YouGov/Cambridge Globalism Project poll of people in 23 countries revealed that Denmark just might be the world’s “least feminist nation”:

• A mere one in six Danes considers themselves to be a feminist; this includes only one in four Danish dames.

• A scant 4% of Danish men and a half-as-scant 8% of Danish women have a “very favorable” view of the #MeToo movement and its encouragement of women to bask in their victimization, whether real or imagined.

• A third of Danish women say they are happier being wolf-whistled than they are being called a feminist, a higher quotient than women in any other country than Nigeria.

That’s it—we’re moving to Copenhagen. Or Lagos.

*STUDY: UNIVERSAL BASIC INCOME DOESN’T WORK*

Since automation will prove to be the death of the working class and there is no way around this fact unless we decided to blow up everything and go full Luddite, many have proposed that the only way to keep the _lumpenproles_ from rioting is to throw free money at them—what is known as “universal basic income” or UBI.

A recent study from the New Economics Foundation says that UBI doesn’t work:

_There is no evidence that any version of UBI can be affordable, inclusive, sufficient and sustainable at the same time….the money needed to pay for an adequate UBI scheme would be better spent on reforming social protection systems, and building more and better quality public services._

We always knew the Yang Gang was retarded.

*TENNESSEE JUDGE REPRIMANDED FOR QUOTING TAKI’S MAG WRITER*

Jim Lammey is a Tennessee judge who works at a criminal court. We’re not sure why his job requires him to love Jews, because as far as we know, if there are Jews in a courtroom, they are there as lawyers and not as criminal defendants.

It was recently made public that on Facebook, Lammey linked to an article by Taki’s Mag columnist David Cole that suggested certain West-antagonizing Jews should “get the $#@! over the Holocaust.”

Lammey has been censured and derided and reprimanded by the apparent six million or so Jewish-identity organizations in Tennessee. In his defense, Lammey said he’s not a racist because he has Jewish and black friends.

It does bring up an interesting question, though: Would there be more or less anti-Jewish sentiment in the West if Jews were to drop the idea that their suffering is uniquely untouchable? Until next week, chew on that question.

----------


## Danke



----------


## Swordsmyth

> *DANISH WOMEN WOULD RATHER BE WOLF-WHISTLED THAN CALLED A FEMINIST*


There is hope for Denmark yet.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-38/

by Takimag  

May 19, 2019

The Week’s Most Global, Immobile, and Ignoble Headlines

*YOUTUBE’S 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL COMEDIC GENIUS TAUNTS YOUTUBE EXEC*

If BuzzFeed’s supremely wormy Joseph Bernstein has a problem with you, then you are clearly talented and are doing something right.

As the astronomically banal website’s chief witch hunter, Bernstein spends his days getting offended and his nights attempting to destroy the lives of those who’ve offended him. In the past he’s attempted to expose the identity of cartoonist A. Wyatt Mann and successfully got comedian Sam Hyde fired from a lucrative, high-profile job at the Cartoon Network.

Bernstein’s latest target for extermination—although at present, his attempts seem to be backfiring—is 14-year-old Sarah Connor, a high-school freshman from the Bay Area whose YouTube handle is “Soph.”

In typical pearl-clutching, smelling-salt-sniffing fashion, Bernstein’s hit piece on Soph describes her shtick as a “mix of hatred toward Muslims, anti-black racism, Byzantine fearmongering about pedophilia, tissue-thin incel evolutionary psychology, and reflexive misanthropy.” We will assume that Soph has never said anything untoward about Jews, because if anyone in the world would have made a big screaming stink about it, Bernstein would be the guy.

He quotes a passage from a recent video Soph made called “Be Not Afraid”:

_I’ve become a devout follower of the Prophet Muhammad. Suffice to say, I’ve been having a $#@! ton of fun. Of course, I get raped by my 40-year-old husband every so often and I have to worship a black cube to indirectly please an ancient Canaanite god — but at least I get to go to San Fran and stone the $#@! out of some gays, and the cops can’t do anything about it because California is a crypto-caliphate._

OK, well, she’s gained at least one new fan!

Bernstein also quotes from a video Soph made where she threatens YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki:

_Susan, I’ve known your address since last summer. I’ve got a Luger and a mitochondrial disease. I don’t care if I live. Why should I care if you live or your children? I just called an Uber. You’ve got about seven minutes to draft up a will….I’m coming for you, and it ain’t gonna be pretty._

At the time Bernstein’s article appeared, Soph had slightly over 800,000 followers on YouTube. As this is being typed, she has 959,000 followers.

Good job, Joe!

*WILL PC BE THE DEATH OF ENTERTAINMENT?* 

As the sage Ted Kaczynski noted in his magnum opus, although leftists posture as being motivated by compassion, hostility and the insatiable drive for control are too prominent in their behavior for this to be true. Although they speak out of one side of their mouths about tolerance, with the other side they attempt to shout down and destroy anyone who deviates even one micron from their orthodoxy.

We’ve previously written about how the _Kulturkampf_ vultures have aggressively sought to erase the memory of American icons such as John Wayne and Kate Smith. In 2017, a Memphis theater canceled a screening of Gone With the Wind—which, when adjusted for inflation, is still the highest-grossing film of all time—because the new Wrongthink Czars have adjudged it as “insensitive.”

But now it’s getting to the point where the work in question need not be the tiniest bit “insensitive” so long as its creator has done something insensitive in the past. After Bill Cosby was convicted of rape, Bounce TV canceled all reruns of The Cosby Show, a show so wholesome that it makes angels vomit. Netflix refused to air Woody Allen’s most recent film due to ancient and unproved sexual-assault allegations against him. And after comedian Louis CK admitted to masturbating in front of women who hadn’t specifically requested him to do so, HBO axed all of his content.

In the future, we predict that there will be only one TV station on Earth, and its programming will consist of a Simon Wiesenthal hologram saying “Nazis are bad” forever and ever.

*STUDY: FOREIGN-BORN US WORKERS DRIVE DOWN WAGES FOR NATIVE-BORN WORKERS (DUH!)*

Diversity is our greatest strength—unless you’re an American-born worker.

Citing Department of Labor data, a recent Wall Street Journal piece tosses the following rotten tomatoes at the American worker’s face:

• Foreign-born workers now comprise 17.5% of the American workforce, up from around 10.5% in 1996.

• Nearly half of foreign-born American workers are Hispanic and a quarter are Asian.

• Part of their attractiveness to employers is the fact that foreign-born workers will accept an average weekly income only 83% that of American-born workers.

• Foreign-born workers currently enjoy a lower unemployment rate than native-born workers.

• Nearly half a trillion dollars yearly are redistributed from middle-class and working-class Americans to large employers and freshly arrived immigrants.

*We have been saying this for years and will keep screaming it until you go deaf—all this noise about “racism” is merely a form of psychological conditioning to scare people from daring to speak about the fact that they are being economically displaced.*

*GERMAN COURT GREENLIGHTS “NAZI” PARTY ADVERTISEMENT*

Have you noticed that there are currently more “Nazis” in the world than there were in the 1930s? This is because any European who dares to notice that Europeans are being systematically replaced and demeaned is smeared as a “Nazi.”

Because German’s National Democratic Party (NPD) believes that Germany should have a political party that serves the interests of Germans—a radically extreme idea, we know—Reuters feels obligated to call it a “neo-Nazi party.”

But to its credit, Germany’s top court recently rejected an attempt to block a political ad for the NPD from Germany’s airwaves. In the ad, a narrator intones:

Since the arbitrary opening of the border in 2015 and the uncontrolled mass migration that followed, Germans have become almost daily victims.

The ad shows images of crime scenes and German murder victims.

We do not see what’s Nazi about that. We do not see it. Not see.

*FEMALE-TO-MALE TRANNY MISDIAGNOSED BY HOSPITAL WORKERS AS OBESE, THEN OUT POPS A STILLBORN BABY FROM “HIS” VAGINA*

What has the world come to when hospital workers actually believe that a pregnant female-to-male tranny who’s complaining of abdominal pain is nothing more than a fat male with digestive issues?

The New England Journal of Medicine reports of an unidentified “pregnant transgender man” who showed up at an unnamed hospital, only for a nurse to misdiagnose “his” problem as intestinal rather than vaginal.

The fat “man” in question was actually a pregnant woman who’d been polluting her bloodstream with testosterone, yet she still remained so resolutely female that she became pregnant. Shortly after the misdiagnosis, out plopped a stillborn infant from the “man’s” vagina.

It’s uncertain whether the fetus was already dead when this sad, sad lady went to the hospital, but if not, the Transgender Delusion just killed a baby.

*REPORT: OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY PHYSICIAN SEXUALLY ABUSED AT LEAST 177 MALE STUDENTS*

In 2005, former Ohio State University athletic physician Dr. Richard Strauss committed suicide, so he cannot be tried for serial molestation and then sent to prison where he would’ve had every last tooth knocked out of his mouth.

Strauss worked for USU between 1978 and 1998. Only a year after he started, rumors emerged that he was overly friendly during his physical exams of male students to the point where his unsolicited sexual overtures became an “open secret.” Even though two other students had made allegations against Strauss in 1995, it wasn’t until the next year when “Student C” filed a formal complaint about Strauss’s behavior during an exam for a urinary tract infection that the school finally squeezed him out. According to CNN:

Student C reported that during the appointment, Strauss began pressing, caressing, and fondling his genitals. Despite Student C telling Strauss he felt uncomfortable, Strauss told him it was a necessary part of the exam.

Strauss continued to fondle him, until Student C experienced an erection and subsequent ejaculation. Student C said he grew increasingly upset about what happened and told Strauss he should not have done that. Student C says Strauss responded by saying “it didn’t seem like it was wrong” and that “it seemed like (C) kind of enjoyed it,” according to the report.

According to an independent report from the law firm Perkins Coie, Strauss abused “at least 177 male student-patients” and was often spotted loitering around locker rooms and showers.

If you ask us, dude sounds like he was a wee bit of a weirdo.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-39/

by Takimag  

May 26, 2019

The Weeks Most Busted, Disgusted, and Maladjusted Headlines

*PICKUP ARTIST SWALLOWS THE GOD PILL*

Daryush Valizadehdont ask us to pronounce it, because we dont know, eitheris an American-born writer of Persian and Armenian ancestry who is better known as Roosh V. Since early in this millennium, he has carved a niche for himself as the most high-profile blogger in the manosphere, which initially emerged as a reaction to radical feminism and its devastating effects on gender relations. Roosh has written several travelogues about how to use gamei.e., manipulating female psychology in order to bang them. His audience seems to consist almost exclusively of young males who are apparently clueless about how to seduce women and therefore hang around with other young males in order to accuse one another of being ****.

More recently Roosh has amped up the ***-bashing to the point where he claims that our degenerate society is forcing men to become fixated on the female posterior in order to make men gay. He also claimed that Listerine mouthwash has become gay.

If theres anything gayer than seeing gayness in everything, we are unaware of it.

Now, like so many others in the dissident right, Roosh has repented and is pretending that he found God.

He claims that the recent death of his sister from cancer combined with his own experiences with hedonism, as well as an alleged message he received while on psychedelic mushrooms, has forced him to reject the red pill in favor of the God pill. He also claims he has started reading the work of E. Michael Jones, a race-denier who recently tweeted that if it were not for the Catholic Church, Europe would be as destitute as Africa.

Whereas Roosh used to posture as someone with an intimate knowledge of female psychology, he remains single and unmarried at forty and has apparently given up the whole game game and is blaming his lack of success with females ondrum roll, pleaseSATAN:

_Modern women are influenced by Satanic influences that control how their sexuality is displayed. Therefore when you are immediately aroused by a womans body in public, and drop all rational to desire her intensely, you are being tempted by Satan. She is merely the conduit._

Last week he also announced that his online forumwhich used to consist almost exclusively of discussions about fornication and premarital sexual activityis now banning those discussions because they apparently vex God grievously:

_Due to my recent return to faith, my sense of morality is becoming based on the Bible. Ive stopped a lot of behaviors that Ive used to do and am in the process of making other changes. Ive also realized that the majority of my published materials and online platforms lead men into sin or enable them to partake in sin. I no longer want this to occur, so I am implementing two new rules on this forum that are effective on June 1, 2019.You can no longer discuss fornication or pre-marital sexual activity._

Good luck with the whole neo-Amish thing. Were absolutely certain that the way to win the hearts and minds of our youth is to forbid them from having any fun.

*FALSE RAPE ACCUSATION LED TO MANS STABBING DEATH*

Brittany Sorey is a 30-year-old mother of six in Florida who was recently charged with filing a false police report and released on a $216 bondall as punishment for making a false rape accusation that led to a mans death.

In late March, Soreys husband was arrested after she accused him of menacing her with a Glock handgun and shoving her to the ground during a domestic dispute over infidelity allegations.

Last month she told police in Largo, FL that an unidentified Hispanic man forcibly entered her apartment and battered her and vaginally penetrated her with a broken broom handle and a box cutter. 

She made the same claim when grilled by detectives.

Sorey and her brood later vacated the apartment but let a friend named Timothy Hignite stay there. According to court papers, on May 10 a neighbor, 60-year-old Michael Peterson, knocked on the apartment door demanding repayment of a loan hed made to Ms. Sorey. Peterson was allegedly drunk and belligerent, and when Hignite called Sorey to tell her what was going on, she reportedly told him that the man who was screaming in the background sounded like the man she claimed had raped her in March.

When Hignite attempted to go outside, he was allegedly attacked by Peterson. He stabbed Peterson to death but is not being charged because police ruled it was in self-defense.

After Petersons stabbing death, Sorey reportedly told police that she had fabricated the entire report of sexual battery and that it never happened.

A warning to Ms. Sorey: Next time a man gets killed because you falsely accused him of rape, you will also be charged $216, so hold your tongue next time.

*FROM WATER BOTTLES TO WATERMELONS, EVERYTHING IS RACIST*

The Boston Museum of Fine Arts recently apologized for something about which they apparently didnt need to apologize, but no one wants to make the black kids and their black teacher angry, now, do they?

According to middle-school teacher Marvelyne Lamy, when she attempted to take her black students to the museum, a staff member told her group:

_"No food, no drink, and no watermelon."_

A museum spokesperson responded that the staff member actually had said:

_"No food, no drink, and no water bottles."_

Museum officials apologized for basically enslaving and whipping the children again, dredging up centuries-old traumas. They also promised to torture their staff with sensitivity training. Hopefully they will also train their employees to meticulously enunciate the term water bottles in the future.

*BLACK-ONLY GRADUATION CEREMONIES AT 75 AMERICAN COLLEGES*

A recent study by the National Association of Scholars finds that American colleges are becoming more segregated than at any time since the Jim Crow Era. This only applies to blacks segregating themselves, because as we all know, there is nothing more supremely evil on Earth than when white people do it.

Surveying 173 colleges, the study found that 80 of them (46%) segregate orientation programs; 75 (43%) allow for black-only residential arrangements; and 125 (a robust 72%) allow for all-black graduation ceremonies. Slightly over two-thirds of colleges in the survey provide for Diversity Fly-Ins, in which nonwhite students receive an all-expenses-paid trip to visit the campus before deciding to enroll.

Although these race-based programs are ostensibly designed to protect nonwhite students from all the alleged racism constantly foisted upon them by the whites, we suspect they may actually be intended to make black students feel less ashamed about suffering a graduation rate that is 20% lower than for white and Asian students as well as SAT scores that are, on average, 177 points lower than those of white students.

*GAY WHITE JOURNALIST WHO OPPOSED WHITENESS KILLS HIS WHITE SELF*

(Hey, how about that, some good news at last. May this become a trend. - AF)

Pieter Bosch Botha, AKA Pieter Howes, was a gay white journalist, actor and director who made his bones on Twitter by taunting President Trump and bashing the very notion of whiteness. He stated that all white peopleeven the good onesare racists.

In an article titled On South Africas White Genocide Myth And How Right-Wing Afrikaners Are Dividing The Nation, Howes wrote:

_White South Africans have never apologized for Apartheid and colonialism. A few feeble and wholly inadequate acknowledgments have been attempted by some whites. However, the historical pain that weighs heavily on the shoulders of black people has never been compassionately and unequivocally recognized.Now, repeat after me: There is no white genocide taking place. Again. There is no white genocide taking place._

Early in May, Botha killed himself.

*Repeat after us: If there is to be a white genocide taking place, wed prefer it to be an auto-genocide by white people who hate their own skin.*

*STUDY: CONFIDENCE MORE IMPORTANT THAN CONFIDENCE*

Writing in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, scientists from Stanford University and the U. of Virginia have concluded that when it comes to success, confidence is more important than ability.

The researchers pored over 150,000 applicants for small business loans in Mexico as well as 250 American college undergraduates performing mock job interviews and found that, according to the Times, the most reliable predictor of successwas not ability, but overconfidence.

This tends to contradict earlier studies that claim self-esteem and performance may actually be inversely correlated.

But if the new study is true, we finally have empirical evidence that Dunning-Kruger effect is a blessing rather than a disability.

----------


## Danke



----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-40/

by Takimag  

June 02, 2019

The Week’s Wormiest, Germiest, and Spermiest Headlines

*JOHN CLEESE SAYS LONDON IS NO LONGER AN ENGLISH CITY*

Like everyone who states the obvious these days, Monty Python founder John Cleese is being pounded on social media. His crime was simply to observe that London is no longer an English city.

Chief among the British comedian’s critics is London Mayor Sadiq Khan, who, although London-born, carries not a drop of Anglo blood in his entire 5’5” swarthy body—which is a full foot shorter than Cleese is.

Cleese, who abandoned his ancestral homeland last year to live in the Caribbean island of Nevis, took to Twitter to proclaim:

_Some years ago I opined that London was not really an English city any more

Since then, virtually all my friends from abroad have confirmed my observation

So there must be some truth in it…

I note also that London was the UK city that voted most strongly to remain in the EU_

Cleese was referring to a 2011 interview in which he stated:

_I’m not sure what’s going on in Britain. Or, let me say this – I don’t know what’s going on in London, because London is no longer an English city.

That’s how we got the Olympics. 

They said we were the most cosmopolitan city on Earth. But it doesn’t feel English. I had a Californian friend come over two months ago, walk down the King’s Road and say, “Where are all the English people?” I mean, I love having different cultures around. But when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you’re left thinking, “Well, what’s going on?”_

What’s going on, Mr. Cleese, *is that you’re being replaced*, but unlike the average working-class London yobbo, you had the wherewithal to flee the country before being eaten alive.

After being smeared and bullied and demeaned and dehumanized and called a “racist” at least 10,000 times, Cleese refused to apologize:

_I suspect I should apologise for my affection for the Englishness of my upbringing, but in some ways I found it calmer, more polite, more humorous, less tabloid, and less money-oriented than the one that is replacing i_t

Facing ever more scorn, Cleese quadrupled down and revealed a set of balls the size of Stonehenge’s rock slabs by dredging up the specter of female genital mutilation:

_I think it’s legitimate to prefer one culture to another

For example, I prefer cultures that do not tolerate female genital mutilation.

Will this be considered racist by all those who hover, eagerly hoping that someone will offend them – on someone else’s behalf, naturally
_
Bless you, Mr. Cleese. Except for Peter Cook, you were the most brilliant British comic of the past couple generations.

*MERYL STREEP SAYS THE TERM “TOXIC MASCULINITY” IGNORES THE FACT THAT “WOMEN CAN BE PRETTY $#@!ING TOXIC”*

Despite the fact that she has a face that looks like a garden shovel and suffers an incurable case of Trump Derangement Syndrome, actress Meryl Streep recently redeemed herself just a tad by rightly observing that the term “toxic masculinity” is demeaning toward males. During a recent interview, she showed an empathy for maleness that is all but extinct in modern Hollywood:

_Sometimes I think we’re hurt. We hurt our boys by calling something toxic masculinity. I do. And I don’t find [that] putting those two words together…because women can be pretty $#@!ing toxic. It’s toxic people. We have our good angles and we have our bad ones._

It’s odd to live in a world where the mere act of denying that half of the population is subhuman is considered hate speech. Ms. Streep, you are now forgiven for Sophie’s Choice.

*AUTHOR: MARTIN LUTHER KING LAUGHED WHILE A FRIEND RAPED A WOMAN*

An eternal problem with portraying people as saints is that it’s never true. Not only did Nelson Mandela have some terrifying skeletons in his closet, so did Martin Luther King, who, along with Jesus Christ, is the only person who has an American national holiday in their honor.

Author David Garrow won a Pulitzer Prize for his 1987 hagiography of MLK, Bearing the Cross. But now, after apparently being privy to notes regarding secret FBI recordings of King from a Washington, DC motel room in January 1964, he says that it may be time to reconsider MLK’s entire legacy.

The tapes accuse MLK of carrying on extramarital affairs with “40 to 45 women” and for joking that he was founder of the “International Association for the Advancement of Pussy-Eaters.” Most disturbing, though, is the allegation that during a discussion between King and Pastor Logan Kearse, they “discussed which women among the parishioners would be suitable for natural and unnatural sex acts.” Then, when “one of the women protested that she did not approve, the Baptist minister immediately and forcefully raped her.” It says that King “’looked on, laugh [sic] and offered advice” during the sexual assault.

Almighty God, please see to it that MLK suffers the #MeToo treatment.

*FILM COMPANIES PONDER LEAVING GEORGIA DUE TO NEW ABORTION LAW*

In early May, Georgia’s governor signed a bill that banned abortions as early as six weeks into pregnancy.

The abortion-crazy harpies in Hollywood, though, are grievously displeased and are threatening to cease filming in the state. Due to the fact that Georgia offers tax credits of up to 30 percent to film production companies, the Peach State is third only to New York and Los Angeles as a film-production hub, earning it the nickname “Y’allywood.”

So far entertainment-biz monoliths such as WarnerMedia, Sony Pictures, NBCUniversal, Sony Pictures Entertainment, and AMC Networks are threatening to cancel all further filming in the state that once voted Lester Maddox as its governor. Last year alone, the film industry allegedly brought over $9 billion in revenue and provided nearly 100,000 jobs in the state that still hasn’t burned down Wildman’s Civil War Surplus store.

Since abortions related to incest or rape are a mere one percent of the total, this seems like quite an overreaction on behalf of women who are either too stupid or too sloppy to consider that having unprotected intercourse can lead to pregnancy.

*FLORIDA GOVERNOR SIGNS ANTI-“ANTI-SEMITISM” BILL*

Before hopping on a plane bound for Israel last Wednesday, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a bill that “prohibits discrimination” against Jews in the state’s public school system. It actually attempts to define the evil demon phantom virus of “anti-Semitism” thusly:

_For purposes of this section, the term “anti-Semitism” includes a certain perception of the Jewish people, which may be expressed as hatred toward Jewish people, rhetorical and physical manifestations of anti-Semitism directed toward a person, his or her property, or toward Jewish community institutions or religious facilities.

(a) Examples of anti-Semitism include:

1. Calling for, aiding, or justifying the killing or harming of Jews, often in the name of a radical ideology or an extremist view of religion.

2. Making mendacious, dehumanizing, demonizing, or stereotypical allegations about Jews as such or the power of Jews as a collective, especially, but not exclusively, the myth about a world Jewish conspiracy or of Jews controlling the media, economy, government or other societal institutions.

3. Accusing Jews as a people of being responsible for real or imagined wrongdoing committed by a single Jewish person or group, the State of Israel, or even for acts committed by non-Jews.

4. Accusing Jews as a people or the State of Israel of inventing or exaggerating the Holocaust.

5. Accusing Jewish citizens of being more loyal to Israel, or the alleged priorities of Jews worldwide, than to the interest of their own nations._

Clearly, anyone who suggests that Jews wield disproportionate power in this country is insane. Only powerless groups can push through legislation that forbids criticism of them.

*NONWHITE WOMEN INVITE WHITE WOMEN TO ATTEND DINNERS WHERE THEY WILL BE VERBALLY ABUSED*

Regina Jackson and Saira Rao are two Women of Color who have absolutely had it up to HERE with white women and their unearned privilege.

To make themselves feel better and white women feel worse about whiteness, they have started a program called “Race 2 Dinner” where white women attend dinner—and presumably pay for everyone—while the two colored ladies guilt-trip them into brokenness and, hopefully, a deep and everlasting bout of self-hatred:

_Dear white women, you have caused immeasurable pain and damage to Brown and Black women. We are here to sit down with you to candidly explain how you caused this pain and damage.

We are not here to change anything. We are here to express the pain you have caused, white women. What you do after you leave the dinner is up to you. WE don’t care about your feelings. SIT WITH THAT FOR A MINUTE. Your feelings pale in comparison to the violence you have caused Black and Brown women._

Would it be wrong to wish that any white woman who shows up for this nonsense would choke to death on a chicken bone?

*STUDY: THE CONCEPT OF “WHITE PRIVILEGE” MAKES PEOPLE FEEL LESS SYMPATHETIC TOWARD LOWER-CLASS WHITES*

A new study published by the American Psychological Association says what we’ve been saying for years: The very concept of “white privilege” leads liberals to show no compassion for even the most poor and destitute white people living on barren hills in Appalachia because, hey, they’re white and privileged, so they must be $#@!ups who deserve their plight.

Test subjects were forced to read an essay about white privilege and then suggest at least two ways in which whites were privileged. Then they were told the story of someone named “Kevin” who was raised in New York City by a single mom and who felt he didn’t have the skills to get a job. Half of the subjects were told Kevin was white; the other half were told he was black.

Respondents who identified as conservative were equally sympathetic to Kevin regardless of his color. But liberals, surprisingly showed less empathy toward Black Kevin than conservatives did; even worse, they were less sympathetic toward White Kevin than toward Black Kevin.

According to study coauthor Erin Cooley:

_What we found startling was that white privilege lessons didn’t increase liberals’ sympathy for poor Black people. Instead, these lessons decreased liberals’ sympathy for poor white people, which led them to blame white people more for their own poverty. They seemed to think that if a person is poor despite all the privileges of being white, there must really be something wrong with them._

Does their hypocrisy know no bounds? Just like modern progressives hate free-market capitalism and corporations unless those corporations are silencing right-wingers, they hate the idea of meritocracy unless it can be applied to destitute whites.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-41/

June 09, 2019

The Weeks Most Acidic, Hasidic, and Druidic Headlines

*NEW YORK STATE GIVES FREE VIAGRA TO SEX OFFENDERS*

If you are a convicted rapist living in New York State whos having trouble achieving and maintaining an erection in order to give a new victim a right proper coercive rogering, take heartthe states Medicaid program will provide you with erectile dysfunction medicine at no cost!

State law prohibits using Medicaid for any sexual treatments, whether youre a sex offender or not. But according to an audit released last Wednesday by state Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli, the state doled out nearly $1 million in boner pills and other performance-enhancing treatments between 2012 and 2018. This includes $63,000 for 47 convicted sex offenders.

Although Viagra and other erectile-dysfunction drugs are used to treat other conditions such as prostate problems, the state audit noted that none of the 47 sexual assailants had received any such diagnoses.

While needing a little blue pep pill in order to commit rape is one of the saddest things weve ever heard, it is hard to feel pity for these sexual misfits who have trouble getting hard.

*LAID-OFF REPORTERS LAUNCH EFFORT TO SAVE JOURNALISM*

A former BuzzFeed News Washington bureau chief and a former political reporter at the Huffington Postwith emphasis on the former, because both of them were laid off as part of the ongoing nationwide purge of journalists due to a failing and thankfully downsizing mass mediahave joined forces to save journalism, although its doubtful that either one ever practiced legitimate journalism, seeing as how they worked at BuzzFeed and Huffington Post.

According to stats these alleged reporters have compiled, Big Tech is in the process of murdering legitimate journalisma profession whose practitioners pride themselves in being capable of saving democracyby nearly monopolizing online ad revenue:

 In the year to date, over 2,400 journalists have lost their jobs.

 Over 32,000 newsroom employees have lost their jobs in the past decade.

 60% of counties in the USA have no daily newspapers.

 Nearly two-thirds of all online ad revenue is controlled by Google and Facebook, with an additional 12% gobbled up by Amazon, Twitter, SnapChat, and Microsoft.

 This leaves a mere quarter of all online ad revenue being generated by other publishers, including news organizations.

 90% of all new ad revenue every year is snapped up by Google and Facebook.

These stats are all highly disturbing, especially in light of the fact that Big Tech is actively stamping out all discourse that does not align perfectly with the globalist homosexual agenda. The problem, though, is that these two bold reporters offer no suggestions for how they intend to save journalism beyond whining about Big Tech.

Maybe they should learn to code.

*YOUTUBE KEEPS CHIPPING AWAY AT HATE* 

Last Wednesday, YouTubewhich is owned by Google, which is owned by Satanannounced that it is fed up, sick and tired, and has had it up to HERE with all the hateful and supremacist videos that are clogging its servers. YouTube boldly announced that it intends to round up all those videos and send them on a train to the death camps.

Not only is it kicking hate in the balls, YouTube will also be exterminating anything that questions the official narrative about the Sandy Hook shooting and something called the Holocaust.

According to a statement by the company that we presume was written by a bisexual dragonkin from India:

_Today, were taking another step in our hate speech policy by specifically prohibiting videos alleging that a group is superior in order to justify discrimination, segregation or exclusion based on qualities like age, gender, race, caste, religion, sexual orientation or veteran status.Channels that repeatedly brush up against our hate speech policies will be suspended from the YouTube Partner program, meaning they cant run ads on their channel or use other monetization features._
 
Perhaps the most high-profile YouTuber to be demonetized and rendered a freshly shaven digital eunuch last week was Steven Crowder, who allegedly called some ***** a *****.

To show that they arent merely horsing around, YouTube also banned Leni Riefenstahls 1935 masterpiece Triumph of the Will because it made Adolf Hitler look like something greater than the piece of wormy dog$#@! weve been told he is since nursery school.

We predict that the next film to get the YouTube ban-hammer will be Gone With the Wind for daring to depict Southerners as human.

*PROGRESSIVE TECH JOURNALIST ARRESTED FOR CHILD SOLICITATION*

If it seems as if 95% of modern male progressives are fat, bearded, balding, and bespectacled, thats because they are.

Peter Bright also rocks that most hideous of anti-styles, with the added touch of being an alleged pedophile. Bright is a tech blogger who, like most modern tech bloggers, has been brainwashed into thinking that Donald Trump is the evilest man who ever lived except for maybe Adolf Hitler, and only maybe. On Twitter, Brightwho describes himself as pervyonce suggested that Trump is an incestuous perv:

its unacceptable to call trump a motherfucker. As we all know, its one of his daughters he wants to $#@!, not his mother.

Bright was recently ensnared by an FBI sting operation and is being charged with Attempted Enticement of a Minor to Engage in Illegal Sexual Activity after failing to realize that the person he was talking with online was not, in fact, a sexually deranged mother who wished for him to teach her seven-year-old daughter and nine-year-old son about the birds and the bees but was rather a federal agent.

After Bright asked the mother whether her seven-year-old daughter was a virgin, the agent wrote, She has had the tip inside but not the whole cock  Does that excite you lol?, Bright responded, Yes. But I think the tip might be all I can manage.

Bright also claimed that he was sexually mentoring an 11-year-old Bronx girl in the ways of the flesh. He reportedly sent the agent pictures of his penis as well as a recent document claiming that he was STD-free. He also said he wanted to molest both children and rape the seven-year-old girl.

Mr. Bright aint too bright.

*BOSTON MAN PLANS STRAIGHT PRIDE PARADE* 

As the sweltering summer sun beats down on the cobblestone streets of Boston, one wonders what Paul Revere would have thought about the citys current mayor openly touting a Gay Pride Parade but having severe reservations about issuing a permit to a man who has applied to have a Straight Pride Parade.

We suspect he would rise from his grave, sigh, say, What a bunch of ****, and then crawl underground again. Either that, or he would have mounted a horse and galloped through the streets screaming, The ***** are coming! The ***** are coming!

John Hugo is a rather lumpy middle-aged man who helms something called Super Happy Fun America and explains his desire to have a Straight Pride Parade thusly:

_We want people to be aware that there is not only one side of things. Theres a lot of people that are uncomfortable with a lot of things that are going on in our country and theyre afraid to speak up._

Hugo has selected Milo Dangerous ****** Yiannopoulos as the parades Grand Marshal.

Boston Mayor Marty Walsh, while not outright denying the parade permitat least not yethas said that such a parade would not reflect Bostons values, and we are left to presume that Boston wants everyone to be gay.

*HUFFINGTON POST SAYS MEN CAN GET ABORTIONS*

We didnt know that men could get abortions, and we bet you didnt know that, either. However, since it is smarter, wiser, and morally superior to us, the Huffington Post recently published an article claiming that Women Arent The Only People Who Get Abortions.

The article, written by someone with the suspiciously fake-sounding name of Alanna Vagianos, profiles two colored chicks who think theyre dudes. One of them, a certain Cazembe Murphy Jackson, is a scowling man who looks like Notorious B.I.G. and got knocked up in college after he was raped. In between bites of curly fries dipped in ranch sauce (we made that up), Jackson explained:

_For me, abortion can be a womens issue. You can talk about women power and all of that. But that means a few things: One, youve got to include trans women in the conversation because trans women are also women. And, two, you have to include trans men and nonbinary folks because we are also affected by this._

We dont have to include anyone, you sexually confused bucket of lard, and we want to know that you will not under any circumstances be receiving a Christmas card from us this year.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-42/

by Takimag  

June 16, 2019

The Weeks Most Retarded, Discarded, and Disregarded Headlines

*OPPRESSION THROUGH DODGEBALL, REDEMPTION THROUGH YOGA*

Its highly likely that you are entirely unaware that team sports such as dodgeball and physical disciplines such as yoga are highly political activities whereby one can either reinforce structures of oppression or liberate oneself from oppressions poisonous shackles. At the risk of sounding mildly hostile, the reason you are unaware of this is because you are obviously part of the problem and need to actively and publicly repent for the rest of your life.

A group of Canadian professors who call themselves researchers but appear to be nothing more than propagandists recently informed the Congress of Humanities and Social Sciences that dodgeball reinforces oppression and instructs students to dehumanize and other their peers.

Dr. Joy Butler is a professor at the University of British Columbia who specializes in pedagogy and sort of looks like the bastard love child of Martina Navratilova and an HIV-positive pelican. Spewing pseudo-academic malarkey, Joy joylessly informs us that dodgeball carries no enjoyment:

_When youre setting up the environment for students to learn, and you introduce the idea that its okay to slam the ball at whomever you like, even if its with a soft ball, the intention is there.The message is that its okay to hurt or dehumanize the other. The competition is about annihilating ones opponent, and the true definition of competition is between two evenly matched teams. Well, kids stack their teams, and they really enjoy beating the other team. Whats the enjoyment of that?_

One might be forgiven for thinking there would be far more enjoyment in hurling a dodgeball at Joy Butlers face than there would ever be in looking at her face.

Speaking of unpleasant faces, Laura Humpf is an aggressively uncomely Seattle yoga teacher in her late 30s who appears to wish that Lord Vishnu would grant her the ability to crawl out of her white skin. She made headlines in 2015 by announcing that she would be hosting a yoga class exclusively for people of colorexcept, of course, for the color-deprived instructor.

This time around, Humpf, who says she spends much of her waking hours interrogating her own whiteness, is hosting a yoga class called Undoing Whiteness that aims to make the Emerald Citys perpetually uptight whites even more uncomfortable and guilt-addled than they already are. Its almost as if she wants white people to be paralyzed by their own whiteness:

_Are you a white person wanting to unpack the harmful ways white supremacy is embedded in your body, mind and heart?
Are you looking for an embodied approach to racial and social justice? Are you craving a spiritual community where oppression and privilege can be addressed with compassion and honesty?_

The only correct answer to all three questions is no.

*NEW MUSIC VIDEO SHOWS WHITE KIDS IN CAGES AND DRINKING TOILET WATER*

Vic Mensa is a mulatto musical performer from Chicago who almost certainly would not qualify as a member of MENSA.

Vics angry, mocha-colored thighs were apparently chafed by a comment from ICE director Matthew Albence comparing detention centers for illegal immigrant children to summer camps. So Mensa did the only logical thinghe recorded a music video called Camp America that shows white children joyously drinking water from toilets and dancing like urban chimps inside cages. Lyrics include:

_Well be living it up, not giving a $#@!
Splitting you up, then we put you in cuffs
Then we shipping you off
Yeah, you could get lost at Camp America._

Mr. Mensa attempts to justify the video thusly:

_My intention for using white kids as opposed to minority children is to point out the blatantly obvious fact that this would never happen to white kids in this country or maybe anywhere on this earth._

He sidesteps the blatantly obvious fact that nowhere on earth are white parents feloniously endangering their children by dragging them into nonwhite countries and insisting it has something to do with the phantom demon that morons refer to as justice.

*WILL EBOLA COME TO THE ALAMO?*

The Democratic Republic of the Congo is currently in the throes of the second-worst Ebola outbreak in world history, with over 2,000 cases reported. The nations nominal per-capital GDP is an appallingly low $501 per annum, and its mean IQ is a pathetic 78, so of course we need more Congolese people in these here United States.

The city of San Antonio, TX is perhaps best known for the Battle of the Alamo, which marked one of the only instances in world history where Mexicans got the better of Europeans. It is now a Ground Zero dumping ground for hundreds of Congolese illegal aliens who started arriving last Tuesday and are marked for redistribution throughout the United States despite the fact that their very entry into the country is a violation of US law.

Ebola is highly contagious and deadly in 90% of cases. Vomiting blood is one of its many horrific symptoms, but we can all agree that its better than being called a xenophobe.

*USAS SUICIDE AND OVERDOSE DEATHS ARE HIGHER THAN EVER*

A report issued last Wednesday by something called the Commonwealth Fund claims that suicide rates and overdose deaths have reached an all-time high in the United States. It examined 47 different factors that contribute to health outcomes, among them insurance coverage, smoking, obesity, suicide, and tooth loss.

It found that the perpetually benighted state of West Virginia suffers from the nations highest rate of drug overdose deaths, rising a staggering 450% between 2006 and 2017. Compared to the rest of the country, opioid overdoses were highest in a geographical cluster running from West Virginia to Ohio, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, the District of Columbia, and the perpetually unnecessary state of Delaware.

In contrast, deaths from suicide and alcohol were more common in Western states such as Montana, Oregon, and Wyoming, along with super-bleak Plains states such as Nebraska and the Dakotas.

*LESBIAN COUPLE CASTRATES, MURDERS, AND DISMEMBERS THEIR NINE-YEAR-OLD SON*

Rosana Candido and Kacyla Pessoa are a pair of Brazilian sapphites who are built like linebackers and make stegosauruses look attractive by comparison. They have reportedly confessed to a crime that is the ghastliest weve heard so far this year.

A year or so ago, Candido and Pessoa allegedly used rudimentary tools to rip off the penis of Candidos nine-year-old son Rhuan, claiming he wanted to become a girl. According to a local newspaper report:

_After removing his penis, the women said they sewed an improvised version of the female organ onto the mutilated area._

Sources claim that the dykey duo routinely tortured and raped Rhuan. On May 31, they stabbed him to death while he slept, ripped his skin off his face, decapitated him, gouged out his eyeballs, chopped him into pieces, and attempted to immolate him on a barbecue grill. When the immolation failed, they stuffed his body parts into a suitcase and dumped it in a sewer. Candido allegedly told police that she murdered her son because he reminded her of his father.

Misogyny is a disease that you catch from women such as this.

*13 WHITE SAN FRANCISCO COPS SUE CITY FOR RACIAL DISCRIMINATION*

Last Tuesday, a group of 13 white San Francisco police officerstwelve of them male and one a lesbianfiled a discrimination suit in federal court, claiming that an outdated 1979 consent decree caused them to be passed over for promotions in favor of nonwhite officers who scored lower than they did on examinations.

The original consent decree was an affirmative-action scam first implemented in 1979 as the result of a 1973 lawsuit filed by black officers. Although the decree was officially discontinued in 1998, the new lawsuit claims that the decree represented an obscure and biased promotional process and that it is no longer a proper rationale for race-conscious promotions.

We have a dream that police officers will live in a nation where they are not promoted by the color of their skin, but by their test scores.

*BAKERY WINS $11-MILLION DEFAMATION LAWSUIT AGAINST OBERLIN COLLEGE*

Oberlin College has gained a reputation as one of the nations most insanely progressive institutions of higher learning, and it appears that its totalitarian bloodlust and insatiable drive to torture ideological opponents may finally prove to be its undoing.

In November 2016, three black Oberlin students were arrested after one of them used a fake ID and shoplifted from Gibsons Bakery in nearby Elyria, OH. The owners son, a white man named Allyn Gibson, followed the students out of the bakery and engaged in a physical altercation with them. As part of a subsequent plea deal, the black students pled guilty and signed statements declaring that the altercation was not racially motivated.

Naturally, none of this stopped Oberlins students, nor some of its faculty, from insisting that the event was racially motivated. Egged on by an unforgivably ugly white female teacher named Meredith Raimondo, the bakery became the site of ceaseless public conniptions about white supremacist croissants or some such hysterical nonsense. Raimondo reportedly belched loudly from a megaphone during the protests and distributed flyers calling the bakery racist. The public conniptions became so unruly that Oberlins police chief reportedly said he considered calling in the countys riot squad to quell the unrest.

The bakerys owners filed a defamation lawsuit, and last week a jury ruled in their favor to the tune of $11 millionwhich will potentially be tripled after a hearing on Tuesday regarding punitive damages. The jury found Oberlin and Ms. Raimondo guilty of defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

It is our fondest desire that this case sets a precedent and becomes part of a never-ending trend. These disgruntled and maladjusted freaks need to crawl back into their holes.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-43/

by Takimag  

June 23, 2019

*OH, PLEASE, NOT THIS “REPARATIONS” NONSENSE AGAIN!*

Many black Americans see fit to get all sourpussed about the fact that they don’t make as much money as white Americans do—ignore the fact, if you find it at all possible, that white Americans don’t make nearly as much money as Indian, Asian, and Jewish Americans do—and insist that even though welfare payouts since the 1950s have exceeded even the most lavish estimates for how much money was supposedly “stolen” from them for picking cotton, there won’t be justice until they all make at least as much money as white Americans do, and if justice doesn’t come, they just may have to burn cities and rape your daughters, and no one except lonely, fat white women wants that to happen.

Last Wednesday, a nearly all-black panel—the lone exception was white filmmaker Katrina Browne, who is apparently guilt-ridden that her ancestors traded slaves, but not so guilt-ridden that she seems willing to give all of her wealth away, because clearly this is someone else’s fault—attended a Judiciary Committee hearing in D.C. to discuss Resolution 40, a pro-reparations bill that would allocate $12 million to study exactly how to bleed more money from white taxpayers in order to prevent black people from rioting again.

Resolution 40 is named in honor of the failed post-Civil War promise to provide freed slaves with “40 acres and a mule.” A little-known fact is that the mule in question was black academic Cornel West.

Since there are apparently no white Republicans who are brave enough to “go there” and say they oppose reparations, two token Negroes took up the fight before being given cookies and warm milk by their masters.

Senator Cory Booker, a black Democratic presidential candidate who is rumored to engage in carnal relations with men, proposed issuing “baby bonds” whereby $1,000 would be placed in a special account for every baby born in America, with additional deposits until they reach 18. Naturally, poor black children would receive larger deposits.

Texas Congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee—who infamously claimed that the US Constitution is 400 years old, that Neil Armstrong planted a flag on Mars, and complained that hurricane names are too “lily-white”—added her two cents worth of brain cells by commenting that “the percentage of black children living in poverty is more than 150%.”

Despite her egregious dunderheadedness and savage ingratitude, Ms. Jackson-Lee has an estimated net worth of anywhere from $1 million to $3.5 million. If there were ever a persuasive argument against reparations, it is that Sheila Jackson-Lee is a millionaire.

Then again, if we don’t hurry up and pay them whatever they demand, they may keep raping women and blaming it on slavery. A black parolee was arrested last week and is charged with a brutal rooftop rape in the Bronx of a 20-year-old white woman that he left with a broken nose, broken teeth, and vomiting blood.

*According to a witness, 23-year-old rape suspect Temar Bishop justified the rape thusly:

She was a white girl. She deserved it because us minorities have been through slavery.…This is what they used to do to us. This is what they did to us during slavery. They used to beat us and whip us.

Did anyone ever consider that maybe the Emancipation Proclamation wouldn’t end well?*

*CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR PREDICTS G.O.P. IS HEADED TO THE “WASTE BIN OF HISTORY”*

Although California Governor Gavin Newsom isn’t officially gay, he sure looks and acts that way.

Newsom, like so many others who simultaneously deny that white genocide is occurring while cheering it along with all his might, recently gloated that the utter collapse of the GOP in California over the past few decades.will be writ large across the nation in the coming years. Acting really gay, he said:

_America in 2019 is California in the 1990s. The xenophobia, the nativism, the fear of ‘the other.’ Scapegoating. Talking down or past people. The hysteria. And so, we’re not going to put up with that. We are going to push back….What we’re doing is working … I think Democrats are winning right now….[the GOP is headed] into the waste bin of history._

We wonder if Newsom would have said the same thing to the Cherokee in the early 1800s. Probably not, unless he was a Cherokee.

Newsom is wrong that it has anything to do with irrational phobias, though—it’s the demographics, baby. In 1970, California was nearly 80% white. Now it’s hovering at around a third of the total state population and teetering badly.

*TRUMP ACCUSES NEW YORK TIMES OF TREASON, THREATENS REPORTER, ALMOST BOMBS IRAN*

For our ultra-Zionist president, it was a chaotic week even by his own standards. After The New York Times printed an article quoting government sources who allege that the US is launching cyberattacks on Russia’s power grid, he said the paper had committed “virtual treason”:

Do you believe that the Failing New York Times just did a story stating that the United States is substantially increasing Cyber Attacks on Russia. This is a virtual act of Treason by a once great paper so desperate for a story, any story, even if bad for our Country…Anything goes with our Corrupt News Media today…They will do, or say, whatever it takes, with not even the slightest thought of consequence! These are true cowards and without doubt, THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!

Using The Wall Street Journal as his sounding board, New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzburger called Trump’s comments “irresponsible and wrong,” alleging that he had crossed that “line” we keep hearing about.

Writing for The Daily Beast in a vituperatively unhinged and foul-mouthed manner, elephant-eared serial dweeb Rick Wilson accused every member of Trump’s team of treason. That’ll show them!

Also last week, Trump allegedly threatened a reporter with prison time for attempting to snap a photograph of a letter that North Korean tinpot dictator and international sex symbol Kim Jong Un had sent him.

Late last week, Trump canceled an airstrike against Iran at the last minute, forestalling the ultimate destruction of the USA for a least a little while.

*DEFACING CONFEDERATE STATUES, CONT.*

In their ongoing quest to destroy every last remnant of white people acting whitely, disgruntled and presumably smelly activists have been vandalizing Confederate statues throughout the American South.

The year is not yet half-over, yet over a dozen Confederate statues have been vandalized so far. These incidents include:

• Last Monday, “THEY WERE RACISTS” was smeared in red paint on a Confederate monument in Nashville.

• A “red paint-like substance” was splattered on the Confederate Defenders of Charleston Monument in South Carolina.

• The words “murderer” and “coward” were spray-painted in pink on a monument outside North Carolina’s Rutherford County Courthouse.

• Paint was thrown in May on the statue of a Confederate soldier in Louisville, KY—the fifth time in two years the monument has been defaced.

Although the South was burned to the ground and beaten into submission over 150 years ago, it will apparently never be forgiven.

*QUOTE MISATTRIBUTED TO HITLER USED IN GRADE 8 GRADUATION DISPLAY*

Graduation is supposed to be a time of happiness, of wistful remembrance, of shared aspirations and bright futures. The LAST person you want at your graduation is Adolf Hitler.

Sadly—no, make that tragically—Hitler refuses to die, as is evidenced by his appearance on a quote in a Grade 8 graduation picture display at Holy Rosary Catholic School in Toronto.

A group of basketball players saw the quote, were triggered, and reported it. The quote read:

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. (Adolf Hitler)

The student who posted the quote was unaware that the quote did not originate from Hitler. Its true source remains unknown, but it has more feasibly been attributed in the past to Dr. Seuss.

The Toronto Catholic District School Board apologized profusely, but for a certain Avi Benlolo, president and CEO of Friends of Simon Wiesenthal Center for Holocaust Studies, it wasn’t enough. He said it shows that people still need even more education in the Holocaust.

Boy, when they said “never forget,” they weren’t kiddin’!

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-44/

by Takimag  

June 30, 2019

The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines

*PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE*

There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the world’s sexiest men, with not only a net worth that dwarfs that of Donald Trump but also the raw physical fighting acumen that would permit him to tear Trump to pieces should the two world leaders ever decide to go _mano a mano_.

Proof that he may be the coolest guy on Earth is the fact that when topless female protesters attempt to shock him, he merely flashes a look that says, “Whoa—nice cans, babe!”

In an interview with Financial Times in the Kremlin shortly before the G20 summit, Putin revealed yet again why 100 million replicas of him should be cloned and shipped promptly to the USA:

_[Liberals] cannot simply dictate anything to anyone just like they have been attempting to do over the recent decades….This liberal idea presupposes that nothing needs to be done. That migrants can kill, plunder and rape with impunity because their rights as migrants have to be protected. Every crime must have its punishment. The liberal idea has become obsolete. It has come into conflict with the interests of the overwhelming majority of the population….I am not trying to insult anyone because we have been condemned for our alleged homophobia. But we have no problem with LGBT persons. God forbid, let them live as they wish. But some things do appear excessive to us. They claim now that children can play five or six gender roles. Let everyone be happy, we have no problem with that. But this must not be allowed to overshadow the culture, traditions and traditional family values of millions of people making up the core population._

All we can say to that is ,“Da, da, and a thousand times, da!”

*AUTHOR: FEWER THAN ONE IN THREE “HATE CRIME” ACCUSATIONS IS GENUINE*

Wilfred Reilly is a black professor of political science who has published a book called Hate Crime Hoax which purportedly details around 400 hate-crime allegations between 2010 and 2017 that were confirmed to be false.

According to his research, he has concluded that fewer than one in every three such accusations is legitimate.

Regarding the eternally unspooling Jussie Smollett debacle, Reilly refers to it as:

_…the archetype of a hate crime hoax. It’s one of the most flamboyant examples of the genre. It was a situation so extreme and bizarre that I think we would have had to look at how much racial progress the U.S. had actually made had it really occurred…but will we see the same amount of coverage when the hoax involves a less famous person?…In the mainstream media we hear almost constant talk about scary new forms of racism: “white privilege,” “cultural appropriation,” and “subtle bigotry”…[yet] a huge percentage of the horrific hate crimes cited as evidence of contemporary bigotry are fakes_.

Mr. Reilly, thanks for being black and brave at the same time. It’s not like you could help being black, but thanks, anyway.

*ANTIDEPRESSANTS INCREASE SUICIDE RISK 2.5X MORE THAN PLACEBO DOES*

Although he is generally considered insane for his unkempt appearance, reclusive lifestyle, and the fact that he blew up a few people, Ted “The Unabomber” Kaczysnki remains the sanest voice of all regarding why the mass dosing of the public with antidepressants is insane:

_Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction It is already happening to some extent in our own society. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual’s internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable.

A new study of nearly 32,000 people conducted by Dr. Michael Hengartner of Zurich University in Switzerland examined the use of antidepressants in England—where Prozac use was so rampant that in 2004 traces of the SSRI drug were found in the nation’s drinking water—revealed that compared to a control group of depressed patients who were administered a placebo, patients taking a variety of antidepressants were 2.5 times more likely to commit suicide._

According to Hengartner:

_Our study signals a rare but serious risk that needs to be brought to the attention of practitioners, particularly when starting or stopping antidepressants….It is known that antidepressants increase the risk of suicide among young people and adolescents, and for this reason their use is restricted among these patient groups….We can be confident that these drugs are producing an excess rate of suicides, beyond the depression itself. There is no doubt that this must be a response to the pharmacological effect of the drugs themselves. I’m not saying no one should be given antidepressants, but doctors should be much more conservative about how they use them. One in six adults being given antidepressants like in the UK—that is alarming._

Antidepressants are poison, and “depression” is a mood rather than a medical condition. If you’re depressed, the cure is to either adapt to or fix the situation that is making you sad.

*DALAI LAMA: SEND MIGRANTS BACK, OR EUROPE BECOMES “MUSLIM OR AFRICAN”*

Although to our knowledge, the Dalai Lama has never said, “Grab ‘em by the pussy,” he did utter the unforgivably sexist comment in 2015 that if there were ever a female Dalai Lama, she would need to be sexually attractive.

But his recent comments about immigration and Europe’s right to be European go much further than anything we’ve ever heard Donald Trump say.

In an interview with the BBC regarding Europe’s entirely manufactured refugee crisis, he opined:

_European countries should take these refugees and give them education and training, and the aim is—return to their own land with certain skills.…A limited number is OK. But the whole of Europe [will] eventually become Muslim country—impossible. Or African country, also impossible….For example, we Tibetans took shelter in India, but most Tibetans want to return to Tibet when the situation there has changed. Each country has its own culture, language, way of life, and it is better for people to live in their own country. That is my view….They themselves, I think [are] better in their own land. Better [to] keep Europe for Europeans._

As long as the Dalai Lama stays the HELL out of Europe, he’s A-OK with us.

*WOMAN SAYS HER PERFECT “FEMINIST” HUSBAND IS BORING, WISHES HE WOULD CHEAT*

On a scale of 1 to 10, Clare O’Reilly is, to be quite generous, a 5, but she was fortunate enough to marry a 4 who is also a dutiful male feminist. Clare now finds herself so bored by her “good guy,” she is publicly wishing that he would cheat on her.

Writing for The Sun in England, O’Reilly whinges:

_Simply put, I’m bored of being married to a paragon of virtue….

Don’t get me wrong, I love him and this year we celebrated 17 years together — 13 of them married — but I wish he’d lie, cheat, defame or slander just once, so that I could feel better about my own less-than-perfect character….

But it is not just his general decency that’s hard to stomach….He is selfless to the same degree I’m selfish, which according to the research, can sometimes work. The worst part is that I’m constantly around a level of virtue that is completely unattainable in my own life.

By doing absolutely nothing other than being himself, Jon constantly makes me look at where I’m falling short and what I’m doing wrong without so much of an utterance. 

It is infuriating._

None of this should come as a surprise to anyone who understands rudimentary female psychology. A 2018 study found that women prefer sexist males, “especially in mating contexts,” and a 2012 study revealed that men who help around the house get laid less often than their sexist pig counterparts. The cold, hard truth is that Mother Nature loves bad boys.

*FEWER THAN HALF OF CHILDREN UNDER 15 IN USA ARE WHITE*

In case you haven’t noticed, we’ve been noticing it on your behalf daily: We currently groan under the lash of a media/financial/educational complex which on one hand says that “white genocide” is merely a paranoid myth while on the other hand celebrating white demographic decline as if it was the best thing since Mike and Carol Brady got married and ensured that their six children (and their presumably lesbian maid Alice) would not live a life of penury, opiate addiction, and bus-station prostitution with all of its attendant diseases and skin disorders.

Juggling data from the U.S. Census Bureau, it has become apparent that 2018 marked the first time in the history of this sad, dying republic that the majority of children under 15 are not honkies.

In 2017, blacks, Hispanics, Asians, mulattos, and “misc.” accounted for 49.8% of America’s under-15 population. There was a slight chance that year that if members of the Van Patten theatrical family began prodigiously breeding again, we may have staved off minority status for at least another generation. But no—in 2018, the nonwhite quotient of under-15 Americans reached 50.1%, and we might as well all pack our bags and take the next bus to the reservations they are undoubtedly preparing for us.

*AMERICANS VASTLY OVERESTIMATE THE QUOTIENT OF FUDGE-PACKERS AND CLAM-DIGGERS IN POPULATION*

In the past, polls of Europeans have revealed that due to their exposure to American media, they believe the USA is roughly 50% black, when the truth is that the nappy-headed, blue-gummed, banjo-pluckin’ coon-doggies comprise a mere 13% of the population.

Now a recent poll of Americans shows that they overestimate the percentage of this nation’s gay population by a factor greater than five: Whereas most polls show that sodomites and sodomettes comprise about 4.5% of our country’s total, Americans believe they account for 23.6% of us, which is far gayer than we are willing to swallow.

Women estimated that 29.7% of Americans are gay, whereas men pegged it at only 17.4%, most likely because men are terrified of being called **** and want it made clear that they are in NO WAY homosexuals and wish that nobody else was, either, because it would make it far less tempting. Similar disparities were noted among those over 65 (who estimated that 17.5% of Americans are gay) and those from ages 18-29, who peg American life to be as fruity as Carmen Miranda’s headdress at a robustly faggy 28.5%.

In news that will stoke the embers of the flamers’ persecution complexes, a study from GLAAD shows that in the past year alone, the percentage of Americans aged 18-34 who said they were “very” or “somewhat” comfortable with rump-wranglers and carpet-munchers plummeted from 53% to 45%.

This shouldn’t come as bad news, though, because it has always been our suspicion that a primary thrill of being gay was the possibility of being ***-bashed at any moment.

*DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION: ASIANS OUTPERFORM WHITES DUE TO “WHITE PRIVILEGE”*

A panel composed of members of some unnecessary thing called the Center for Racial Justice Education, which bleeds tax money out of your hard-working and underappreciated arteries via the Department of Education, is claiming, against all that is decent, good, and logical, that the reason Asian students consistently outperform white students on SAT tests and Asian adults average over $13,000 more than white adults in per-capita income is because Asian students “benefit from white supremacy…[and] proximity to white privilege.”

Got that? If someone performs in a superior manner to whites, it is only due to the evil demon virus known as white supremacy. Clearly, the only sane and humane thing to do is eliminate white supremacy, and whites will finally be superior again.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-45/

by Takimag  

July 07, 2019

The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines

*BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES*

When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the angry, big-nosed mulatto known as Colin Kaepernick likes to ignore his personal fortune of $20 million and pretend that America is a horrible place to be black.

In 2016 while he was leading the San Francisco 49ers to an abysmal season of only two wins amid 14 losses, Kaepernick gained tons of undue attention for taking a knee during the playing of the National Anthem to protest the false notion that racist police are out randomly shooting black people to death on America’s streets.

Last year the sporting-apparel colossus Nike—which is based in Oregon, an extremely white state that is extremely displeased with the fact that it is extremely white and will hopefully get what it’s wishing for good and hard—made Kaepernick’s aggressively ugly mug the face of its ad campaign, which had something or other to do with “risking everything” but wound up increasing the company’s value by nearly $1 billion.

Now, just in time to take a poop in everyone’s punchbowl for July 4, Kaepernick and an unnamed posse of undoubtedly disgruntled social activists who likely have never experienced a full minute of being perfectly gruntled in their lives have successfully petitioned Nike to yank a sneaker emblazoned with the flag of the original 13 American colonies. The flag, which is like the modern American flag except for the fact that it features 13 stars in a circular pattern, is often referred to as the “Betsy Ross” flag, although there is scant historical evidence that Ms. Ross had anything to do with its design.

According to “sources,” the Betsy Ross flag is a toxic and cancerous symbol not only of the slave era, but of white supremacy, right-wing extremism, lynching, the Tuskegee Experiment, police brutality, income inequality, redlining, and that horrible joke about how it takes black women nine months to defecate.

Although Nike had already sent out shipments of the sneakers—which bore the transparently white-nationalist moniker of “Air Max 1 Quick Strike Fourth of July”—to stores in time for a July 4 arrival, it buckled under Kaepernick’s disapproval and recalled them.

In response to the recall, Arizona Governor Doug Ducey, who is guilty of both being a Republican and a Caucasian-American and whose state had promised Nike subsidies to open a new plant near Phoenix, wrote:

_Instead of celebrating American history the week of our nation’s independence, Nike has apparently decided that Betsy Ross is unworthy, and has bowed to the current onslaught of political correctness and historical revisionism….Nike has made its decision, and now we’re making ours. I’ve ordered the Arizona Commerce Authority to withdraw all financial incentive dollars under their discretion that the State was providing for the company to locate here. Arizona’s economy is doing just fine without Nike. We don’t need to suck up to companies that consciously denigrate our nation’s history._

Interesting that he would use the term “denigrate,” since it contains the word “nigr.”

*THOMAS JEFFERSON DOES NOT REFLECT VIRGINIA’S VALUES*

The City of Charlottesville, VA used to be known as the stomping grounds of Thomas Jefferson, one of America’s Founding Fathers who planted the evil demon seeds of racism, white supremacy, white hegemony, and White Castle hamburger restaurants like so many demonic zygotes in this once just and prosperous land.

Charlottesville gained notoriety two years ago when a peaceful protest was interrupted by tiki-torch-bearing Nazis who set about murdering and slurring everyone in sight.

*To rectify this situation, the town’s city council voted last week to no longer celebrate Jefferson’s birthday (April 13) as a city holiday. To further shove this rectification up your rectum, they will now celebrate March 3—the day that Union forces arrived in Virginia in 1865 to destroy the South—as “Liberation and Freedom Day.”*

No, Virginia, there is no Jefferson. And if Santa Claus was white, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus, either.

*ESKIMOS GONE WILD!*

The humble and overweight Inuit people of Alaska used to be known as “Eskimos,” a term which we find much more adorable and pronounceable than “Inuit” but that somehow has been declared offensive, which is precisely why we’re using it.

Betcha didn’t know that Alaska has the country’s highest per-capita crime rate, much of it clustered in remote Eskimo villages accessible only by boat or plane where you thought they were gently chewing whale blubber in igloos. A reported third of Alaska’s communities, nearly all of them glutted primarily with Eskimos, has no local police force and are havens of meth, heroin, and rape.

US Attorney General William Barr, obviously embarrassed by this situation and what it says about the ability of indigenous peoples to take care of themselves, announced last Friday that the Department of Justice will allocate $10 million in emergency funds to provide at least one policeman for each of these villages. Reports did not specify how much of this $10 million would be set aside for extra-large handcuffs to handle Eskimos’ legendarily chubby wrists.

*ANTI-ENGLISH STABBING SPREE IN LONDON*

When British soldiers fought the Nazis in World War II on behalf of the Rothschild banking family, they were probably unaware that seventy years later, Afghan asylum seekers would be quizzing indigenous Britons about their ethnicity and then stabbing them with a ten-inch knife if they confirmed that they were ethnically British, but as Adolf Hitler used to say, “them’s the breaks.”

Thirty-two-year-old Samiulahaq Akbari, who is allegedly claiming he was “too drunk to intend to kill anyone,” stands accused of swinging the giant blade at three different Britons over a 10-minute span this past January.

According to prosecutor Heidi Stonecliffe:

_This defendant had set out deliberately to threaten, harm and kill members of the public by virtue of their nationality, or what Mr Akbari perceived to be their nationality – they were English._

In court, Stonecliffe read transcripts from an emergency phone call Akbari’s cousin made the following statements:

_He said he wants to kill the English people. I can see his eyes, he’s serious….He will do it. He’s trying to run and he will kill someone. Please come quickly._

*What do you call someone who seeks asylum in a country where they also seek to kill the inhabitants of that country? We believe the only suitable term for such a person is “jerk.”*

(You call them an *invader*, and if you have not been so poisoned against your own people and heritage so as to be helpless, you throw the scumbag out of the country - AF)

*PRIDE PARADE TOO “CORPORATE” FOR SOME FAGGS*

Gay pride is the idea that stuffing one’s face with the genitals of a same-sex person is not merely an act or a preference—it’s something you need to bark at the world until they all submit and accept you. It has nothing to do with insecurity of the methinks-the-lady-doth-protest-too-much sort.

Just like some hommos were unhappy that the wholesomely gay presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg made a point of declaring that he did not meet his husband on the AIDS cesspool that is the gay dating app Grindr, now many radical homosexuals are unhappy that the corporate world aggressively accepts them—although they’d be just as unhappy or perhaps even less “gay” if the corporate world rejected them.

In defiance of New York’s official “Pride” parade, terminally un-gay gay activists strutted down the streets of NYC only a few blocks away with something they called the “Queeer Liberation March” in which they staged a “die-in” wherein everyone supposedly honored dead AIDS victims by lying down in the street and pretending they, too, had died of AIDS. They also chanted snappy slogans such as “Every gender, every race! Punch a Nazi in the face!”

These extremist hommos kept reminding everyone that Stonewall was a riot rather than a parade. A marcher by the name of Jo Macellaro held a sign that said REVOLTING LESBIANS and announced, presumably with a bitter, lemon-sucking expression on her puss, that “We’re here today because we are tired of the police and corporations taking over Pride.”

We liked you guys better when you were tired of police beating you up.

*SEMI-RETARDED CONGRESSWOMAN IN GOOFY COWBOY HAT SAYS IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO MAKE FUN OF HER*

Although she has likely never roped a doggie nor branded a bull, Democratic Florida Representative Frederica Wilson wears extremely goofy DayGlo-colored cowboy hats and says that Donald Trump suffers from a “brain disorder.”

Last week she openly called for the criminal prosecution of people who mocked her on the Internet:

_Those people who are online making fun of members of congress are a disgrace, and there is no need for anyone to think that is unacceptable [sic]. We’re gonna shut them down and work with whoever it is to shut them down, and they should be prosecuted. You cannot intimidate members of congress, threaten members of congress, it’s against the law and it is a shame in this United States of America._

We now inhabit a world that demonizes Thomas Jefferson and elevates Frederica Wilson. 

*Is there any way out of this mess that doesn’t involve a spaceship?*

*WOMAN TRIES FRAMING HUSBAND FOR CHILD PORN, FAILS*

Because women never lie about rape, we are finding it hard to believe a story out of Bentonville, AR regarding a certain Cherie Renee Bolton, who has just been convicted and sentenced to an extremely punishing six-year sentence of, um, probation for downloading kiddie porn on her husband’s phone and falsely accusing him of beating her and raping a child.

After getting in an argument with her hapless hubby in which he wound up kicking her out of the house, Bolton was able to download three images of child porn on her betrothed’s phone before calling police, informing them of the images, claiming he’d bruised her ribs, and accusing him of raping a local 13-year-old girl.

After police determined that it was Ms. Cherie who’d downloaded the images, she claimed she did so because her husband had prevented her from seeing the kids; that, plus she had been high on meth and therefore obviously wasn’t responsible. She also said that after being booted out of the house, she met a man on Craigslist, hooked up with him in a motel where they did more meth, and then got into an argument with that man, who kicked her out of his motel room.

Regardlesss, you should always believe women—at least if you don’t want to wind up being falsely accused of rape.

----------


## Danke

*WOMAN TRIES FRAMING HUSBAND FOR CHILD PORN, FAILS

Because women never lie about rape, we are finding it hard to believe a story out of Bentonville, AR regarding a certain Cherie Renee Bolton, who has just been convicted and sentenced to an extremely punishing six-year sentence of, um, probation for downloading kiddie porn on her husband’s phone and falsely accusing him of beating her and raping a child.

After getting in an argument with her hapless hubby in which he wound up kicking her out of the house, Bolton was able to download three images of child porn on her betrothed’s phone before calling police, informing them of the images, claiming he’d bruised her ribs, and accusing him of raping a local 13-year-old girl.

After police determined that it was Ms. Cherie who’d downloaded the images, she claimed she did so because her husband had prevented her from seeing the kids; that, plus she had been high on meth and therefore obviously wasn’t responsible. She also said that after being booted out of the house, she met a man on Craigslist, hooked up with him in a motel where they did more meth, and then got into an argument with that man, who kicked her out of his motel room.

Regardlesss, you should always believe women—at least if you don’t want to wind up being falsely accused of rape.
*

----------


## Danke



----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-46/

by Takimag  

July 14, 2019

The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines

*FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS”*

Because violence isn’t violence so long as it’s directed at someone who’s evil, Facebook recently updated its Community Standards section to prohibit death threats “and other forms of high-severity violence” with the exception of anyone that the digital behemoth has deemed to be a “dangerous” individual or who is affiliated with a “dangerous” organization:

_Do not post: Threats that could lead to death (and other forms of high-severity violence) of any target(s) where threat is defined as any of the following: Statements of intent to commit high-severity violence; or Calls for high-severity violence (unless the target is an organization or individual covered in the Dangerous Individuals and Organizations policy, or is described as having carried out violent crimes or sexual offenses, wherein criminal/predator status has been established by media reports, market knowledge of news event, etc.)_

Since around ten dozen Antifa groups are currently allowed to flourish on Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and all his little Cuckerbergs do not consider these violent and frankly insane totalitarians to be a dangerous organization. After all, Facebook let slide the following psycho-warning from a group called Smash Racism DC, the same noble organization which late last year stormed Tucker Carlson’s home and terrorized his wife:

_This is a message to Ted Cruz, Bret Kavanaugh, Donald Trump and the rest of the racist, sexist, transphobic, and homophobic right-wing scum: You are not safe. We will find you. We will expose you. We will take from you the peace you have taken from so many others._

Sounds kinda dangerous.

On the other hand, Facebook has tagged a total of six individuals as officially “dangerous”: Alex Jones, Gavin McInnes, Laura Loomer, Milo Yiannapoulos, Paul Joseph Watson, and Minister Louis Farrakhan, who is, was, and always will be one of the funniest Americans ever to wear a bow tie.

Five of those six individuals can be roughly categorized as “Alt-Lite” and wouldn’t hurt a fly, except for possibly Gavin when he’s been drinking too much. OK, and Alex Jones whenever he takes off his shirt.

In addition to officially “Dangerous Individuals,” Facebook also categorizes people who don’t genuflect before the Globalist Reality Script as “Hate Agents.” These include the boring black conservative Candace Owens and Carl “Sargon of Akkad” Benjamin, who, sadly, seems about as capable of generating legitimate hatred as he does of losing weight.

At the very last moment, just as we were going to press with this shocking yet exciting story, Facebook backpedaled and removed its “Dangerous Individuals” exception and now is pretending that it doesn’t think it’s cool to physically threaten any human being, no matter if they’re a Dangerous Individual or a Hate Agent.

*SIXTY TEENS LOOT PHILLY WALGREENS TO CELEBRATE JULY 4*

When our Founding Fathers gathered in Philadelphia to draft and sign the Declaration of Independence oh, so many moons ago, we doubt that they could have foreseen that 243 years later, a group of sixty or so “teens”—a term the press uses to describe young people who are roughly the color of a Hershey’s bar—would commemorate this crowning achievement for freedom and human dignity by crashing a Walgreens story only a couple miles away and looting everything their dusky paws could grab.

According to police, the group of teens had gathered down near the Delaware River—although it is certain they weren’t swimming in it, because as we all know, teens are unable to swim—and began moving westward along South Street, gaining numbers and beating up any non-teen who dared get in their way. In the words of Myles Burke, an extremely gay-acting white man, police told him they were too overwhelmed by the number of teens to intervene while a man was being beaten at 11th and South Streets:

_He was bloodied. He was being punched and kicked. I was standing right over him on my balcony. I was yelling to the police for them to stop it. They were saying they couldn’t stop what was going on, there was too much for them to handle._

As the joyous group of celebrants moved westward for several more blocks along South Street, Captain Sekou Kinebrew of the Philadelphia Police Department—we’ll just say that none of his ancestors were on the Mayflower and leave it at that—says the group of youths finally decided to crash a Walgreens:

_About 60 juveniles walked into the establishment and began removing things from the shelves, destroying property inside the store. The cashier attempted to intervene and some heavy item – I believe it was a bottle – was thrown at him, striking him in the head._

Doesn’t he realize that the term “juveniles” is racist?

Near midnight on the Sunday before July 4 in North Philadelphia—which for decades has been one of the bleakest and most horrifying urban landscapes in the nation—an estimated 800 to 1000 “teens” gathered for a cookout that culminated in a near-riot in which four police cars were attacked.

No arrests were made.

What would Rocky Balboa think of all this? How many teens would one man be able to handle?

*COPS BOOTED FROM STARBUCKS FOR MAKING GIRL FEEL UNSAFE*

Since Starbucks coffee tastes as if was brewed through a woman’s uterus, we don’t know why anyone would want to drink it.

Having said that, we will remind the readers that last year, two obstinate black men entered a Starbucks in Philadelphia and refused to buy anything while insisting upon the right to use the bathroom to do God knows what in there. After police were called and yet another ridiculous orgy of nationwide guilt-tripping ensued, the chain closed all 8,000 of its stores for one day and forced its workers to endure a struggle session they called “racial bias training.”

Now comes word that on July 4 at a Starbucks in Arizona—a state that is only one-tenth as black as the City of Philadelphia—five police officers were booted after a barista approached them and said a customer whined that she “didn’t feel safe” with them there. It is alleged that the employee told the cops they had a choice: Either leave, or at least get out of the customer’s line of sight so that she felt a squib safer.

Rob Ferraro, president of the local policeman’s union, bemoaned the fact that police are now seen as a threat to public safety rather than its defenders.

*NEGROIDAL MUSICAL FESTIVAL CHARGES DOUBLE TO “NON-PEOPLE OF COLOUR”*

Hey, are you as excited as we are about the upcoming AfroFuture Fest in Detroit on August 3 and 4?

Were you lucky enough to be a colored person who snapped up one of the limited-edition free tickets exclusively for people of color before they were gone?

If not, what did you pay for your ticket—$10 or $20?

If it was $10, you are a person of color, or as they apparently spell it in Detroit, of “colour.” If it was $20, you are white and by definition a racist.

On their website, the organizers of this music festival explained why they were charging white people twice as much:

_Why do we have POC (people of colour) and Non-POC (white people) tickets? I’m glad you asked! Equality means treating everyone the same.

Equity is insuring [sic] everyone has what they need to be successful. Our ticket structure was built to insure [sic] that the most marginalised communities (people of colour) are provided with an equitable chance at enjoying events in their own community (black Detroit)._

A mulatto female rapper and Detroit native who goes by the stage name “Tiny Jag” and who’d been scheduled to perform at AfroFuture Fest was infuriated by the double standard:

_I was immediately enraged just because I am biracial. I have family members that would have, under those circumstances, been subjected to something that I would not ever want them to be in … especially not because of anything that I have going on….It’s non-progressive and it’s not solution-focused in my eyes….It seems almost like it has spite, and unfortunately with spite comes hate, and that’s just not obviously going to be a good direction for us to go if we’re looking for positive change._

The event’s organizers ultimately backpedaled and charged everyone the White Person’s Rate, blaming it on “white supremacists”:

_For the safety of our community, family, elders who received threats from white supremacists,& youth who were subjected to seeing racist comments on our IG pg,Afrofuture Fest has changed our ticketing model to $20 General Admission & suggested donation for nonPOC on @eventbrite_

We think they made a mistake. Any white person who wants to attend something called AfroFuture Fest in Detroit should be charged $10,000 minimum.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-47/

by Takimag  

July 21, 2019

The Weeks Most Candid, Underhanded, and Reprimanded Headlines

*TRUMP GOES FULL PIRANHA AGAINST COLORED CONGRESSWOMEN*

Despite the fact that hes raised the debt and failed to build a wall and has proved to be Israels bitch, Donald Trump will occasionally do something that reminds us of why we fell deeply in love with him.

Being the manipulative and possibly sinister wizard of human psychology that he is, Trump recently seized upon the civil-war interracial catfight brewing in the Democratic Party between hysterical white women such as Nancy Pelosi and even more hysterical colored women such as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to drive a wedge between them the size of Oprah Winfreys ass.

Last weekend he tweeted:

_So interesting to see Progressive Democrat Congresswomen, who originally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe, the worst, most corrupt and inept anywhere in the world (if they even have a functioning government at all), now loudlyand viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful Nation on earth, how our government is to be run. Why dont they go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came. Then come back and show us how.it is done. These places need your help badly, you cant leave fast enough. Im sure that Nancy Pelosi would be very happy to quickly work out free travel arrangements!_

Although he named no one, it was assumed he was referring to the dusky quartet of freshmen congressladies known as The Squad: the ragheaded Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.), Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.),  Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.), and the aforementioned mule-toothed Cortez, all of whom Pelosi had recently reprimanded for spending too much time on Twitter and not enough time orally servicing Pelosi.

Of these four, the only one born out of the country was Omar, an accused bigamist and practitioner of incest.

Omar, who may or may not have had her clitoris removed, fired back by calling Trump a hateful bigot who foments bigoted hatefulness:

_Mr. President,

As Members of Congress, the only country we swear an oath to is the United States.

Which is why we are fighting to protect it from the worst, most corrupt and inept president we have ever seen.

You are stoking white nationalism bc you are angry that people like us are serving in Congress and fighting against your hate-filled agenda._

On Monday Trump refused to give an inch and referred to The Squad as communists:

_We all know that AOC and this crowd are a bunch of Communists, they hate Israel, they hate our own Country, theyre calling the guards along our Border (the Border Patrol Agents) Concentration Camp Guards, they accuse people who support Israel as doing it for the Benjamins_

Wait a minutethey hate Israel? We may have to rethink this whole thing.

*ANTIFA RADICAL SHOT DEAD AFTER FIREBOMBING ICE FACILITY*

In a story that is gaining zero traction with the mainstream press for obvious reasons, a 69-year-old self-identified member of Antifa named Willem Van Spronsen was shot dead by police after tossing Molotov cocktails at an ICE detention facility in the dingy and depressing town of Tacoma, WA, AKA Seattles Toilet. According to police, he caused a vehicle to catch fire and also tried to set a propane tank and multiple buildings ablaze. In addition to the incendiary devices, he was armed with an AR-15 rifle.

In 2018, Van Spronsen pleaded guilty to a gross misdemeanor for obstructing a police officer during some half-assed protest that missed the point about everything, as half-assed protests by the mentally unstable are wont to do.

According to a friend of Van Spronsens named Deb Bartley, the dearly departed lunatic was an anarchist and antifascist and probably intended to leave this vale of tears via suicide by cop:

_He was ready to end it. I think this was a suicide. But then he was able to kind of do it in a way that spoke to his political beliefsI know he went down there knowing he was going to die._

He also bequeathed upon the world a manifesto:

_I am antifa. I stand with comrades around the world who act from the love of life in every permutation. Comrades who understand that freedom means real freedom for all and a life worth living.

Keep the faith!

All power to the people!

Bella ciao._

We wont miss him.

*AMERICAS FIRST BLACK BILLIONAIRE: DEMOCRATS HAVE MOVED TOO FAR TO THE LEFT*

You may not have heard of Bob Johnsonor since the name is so generically bland, you may have heard of a billion Bob Johnsons and cant tell them apartbut the one were talking about founded the cable network BET and as a result became the nations first black billionaire.

Although a vocal supporter of Hillary Clinton during the 2016 election, Johnson recently went full Uncle Tom. He not only criticized the Democratic Party, he said nice things about Donald Trump. In an interview with CNBC, Johnson opined:

_The [Democratic] party in my opinion, for me personally, has moved too far to the leftAnd for that reason, I dont have a particular candidate (Im supporting) in the party at this time.I think at the end of the day, if a Democrat is going to beat Trump, then that person, he or she, will have to move to the center and you cant wait too long to do that.I think the economy is doing great, and its reaching populations that heretofore had very bad problems in terms of jobs and employments and the opportunities that come with employment  so African-American unemployment is at its lowest level.I give the president a lot of credit for moving the economy in a positive direction thats benefiting a large amount of Americans._

Congratulations for stepping off the plantation, Bob. Now fetch us some cornbread and lemonade.

*COLOMBIAN BISHOP PLANS TO EXORCISE CRIME-PLAGUED CITY BY SPRINKLING HOLY WATER FROM A HELICOPTER*

Monsignor Rubén Darío Jaramillo Montoya is the bishop of the Colombian port city of Buenaventura, and if we may be so blunt, his name is really a mouthful.

The city was named Colombias most violentwhich, again, is saying a mouthfuland according to Human Rights Watch, its neighbourhoods are dominated by powerful criminal groups that commit widespread abuses, including abducting and dismembering people, sometimes while still alive, then dumping them in the sea. The groups maintain chop-up houses (casas de pique) where they slaughter victims, according to witnesses, residents, the local Catholic church and some officials.

To combat such evils, Monsignor Montoya plans to ride in a helicopter and do what any sane person would do: Hes going to sprinkle holy water over the city and drive the demons out:

We have to drive the devil out of Buenaventura, to see if we can restore the peace and tranquility that our city has lost due to so many crimes, acts of corruption and with so much evil and drug trafficking that invades our portWe want to go around the whole of Buenaventura, from the air, and pour holy water on to it to see if we exorcise and get out all those demons that are destroying our port, so that Gods blessing comes and gets rid of all the wickedness that is in our streets.

We wish him all the luck in the world, assuming that luck isnt satanic. If it is, we dont wish him any luck at all.

*WASHINGTON POST CALLS LION KING MOVIE FASCIST*

As everyone knows, Walt Disney was a virulent Jew-hating bigot, so even though hes been dead for more than 50 years, its no surprise that his namesake media corporation continues to churn out endless propaganda that lionizes Hitler and crushes the weak under its iron bootheels.

We should therefore be thankful to the point of soiling our diapers and doubling our antidepressant dosage that Utrecht University media studies professor Dan Hassler-Forest, a man with a face that no woman has ever lubricated over, is brave enough to call out Disney in a wonderful and insightful new essay for the Washington Post.

Because Hollywood hasnt had any new ideas in a couple generations, there is a new Lion King movie, and Hassler-Forest takes it to task for essentially being a remake of Triumph of the Will, one of the few movies which actually hasnt had a remake or a sequel:

_The Lion King is a fascistic story. No remake can change that.No matter how you look at it, this is a film that introduces us to a society where the weak have learned to worship at the feet of the strongit places the audiences point of view squarely with the autocratic lions, whose Pride Rock literally looks down upon all of societys weaker groups  a kind of Trump Tower of the African savanna.With the lions standing in for the ruling class, and the good herbivores embodying societys decent, law-abiding citizens, the hyenas transparently represent the black, brown and disabled bodies that are forcefully excluded from this hierarchical society._

What our society actually needs is a sequel of the Nuremberg Trials for anyone who has ever enjoyed a Disney movie.

*STUDY: PSYCH DIAGNOSES ARE SCIENTIFICALLY MEANINGLESS* 

To our knowledge, there is no blood test that can quantify alleged mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. But when someone gets diagnosed as having any of these phantom diseases, many people act as if its as real as if have they actual diseases such as leukemia or genital warts. In reality, mental-illness diagnoses are based solely on the self-reports of troubled individuals who may be either delusional or prone to lying, combined with the subjective observations of indoctrinated quacks who may or may not be full of $#@!. Weve been saying this for years.

From our own unscientific observations, psychiatrists are merely playing a guessing game in the service of shoving pills down patients throats.

A new study from the University of Liverpool tends to agree with us.

Perhaps it is time we stopped pretending that medical-sounding labels contribute anything to our understanding of the complex causes of human distress or of what kind of help we need when distressed.Although diagnostic labels create the illusion of an explanation they are scientifically meaningless and can create stigma and prejudice. I hope these findings will encourage mental health professionals to think beyond diagnoses and consider other explanations of mental distress, such as trauma and other adverse life experiences.

If you dont agree with that 100%, you are obviously some kind of psycho.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-48/

by Takimag  

July 28, 2019

The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines

*FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!”*

Erica Thomas is an aggressively dumb and juvenile black woman in Georgia with peroxided hair that’s only a quarter of an inch long, so of course she’s a member of the State House of Representatives.

The 31-year-old mentally challenged Democrat, apparently seething with jealousy that Jussie Smollett has hogged most of this year’s hate-hoax headlines, staged her own fake racial victimization at a Publix supermarket in the Atlanta suburb of Mableton on July 20. After pretending to be racially victimized by a white man who is a full head shorter and likely 100 pounds lighter then she is, Thomas recorded a video that depicts her sobbing and gasping for breath at the fact that, despite this being 2019 and all, the KKK clearly still rules America:

_I decided to go live because I’m upset that people are really getting out of control with this, with this white privilege. So, I’m at the grocery store, and I’m in the ten aisle, that aisle that says ten items or less, yes, I had fifteen items, but I’m nine months pregnant and I can’t stand up for long and this white man comes up to me and said, “You lazy son of a bitch.” He said, “You lazy son of a bitch, You need to go back where you came from.” And he says that, and I said, “Sir, you don’t even know me. I’m not lazy. I’m nine months pregnant.” He says, “You’re ignorant. You’re ignorant.” And it hurt me so bad….And I couldn’t get anything out, I could just tell him, “please leave me alone…”_

As anyone who’s ever had an unpleasant encounter with a black woman in public knows, the LAST thing they do is say, “Please leave me alone.” Surveillance video from the supermarket shows the white man entering from stage left and pointing to a sign, then quickly retreating out of the frame as Thomas goes full water-buffalo on him, wagging her finger and swiveling her head in the inimitable way that loud and enraged women of color are wont to do.

But while black women were wantonly aborting their babies and black gangsters were slaughtering one another in the streets nationwide, no one paid attention to it: Instead, Thomas’s tale of woe was the one to gain traction on social media. Beto O’Rourke, who may be the dumbest person ever to think he has a chance at being president, tweeted thusly:

_These are the consequences of a president who foments hate every day—and sees our diversity not as a strength but as a weakness. Erica, thank you for serving your state and thanks to your husband for serving our country. We are better than this, and together, we will prove it._

The next day, Ms. Thomas mustered the strength to stand up for a really long time outside the grocery store where the near-lynching occurred as bloodthirsty members of the press threw peanuts in her mouth. Unluckily for her narrative, the alleged white hatemonger showed up, too—a certain Eric Sparkes, who made a point that despite his obvious Caucasianity, he was not white but was instead Cuban. And not only that, he insisted that he was a Democrat who hates Donald Trump. Sparkes promptly set about accusing Thomas of being a big fat liar, although he admitted to calling her a bitch:

_I did say that. That’s all I said after that, and I walked out of Publix. Her words stating on Twitter, and her video, stating I told her she needs to go back where she came from are untrue….Everyone that knows me knows that I am anti-hate, anti-bigot and anti-racism….Sadly, too much of media isn’t fact-checking items or they are just taking the word of a politician when they do a live Facebook or a Twitter post._

An employee at Publix then hammered another nail in the casket containing Thomas’s narrative, stating that they heard THOMAS “continuously tell Eric Sparkes to ‘Go back where you came from!’”

The prevaricating Negress later reneged—at least partially—when she told a TV reporter:

_I don’t know if he said “go back,” or those types of words….I don’t know if he said “go back to your country” or “go back to where you came from,” but he was making those types of references is what I remember…. But I know it was “go back” because I know I told him to “go back.”_

Aunt Jemima weeps. So does Mrs. Butterworth.

*DID JEFFREY EPSTEIN TRY TO KILL HIMSELF?* 

Serial pervert Jeffrey Epstein—whose wealth and possible incriminating knowledge regarding pedophilia among the high and mighty enabled him to scoot away smoothly with a cushy 13-month jail sentence when the FBI had compiled evidence that he’d victimized at least three dozen girls—continued to openly parade his ephebophilic lifestyle after his release from confinement, according to a new Vanity Fair profile.

An unidentified employee at the airstrip on St. Thomas where Epstein would fly in underage girls on his “Lolita Express” for the purposes of defiling them on his privately owned “Pedophile Island” says that Epstein made no attempts to hide what he was doing, and it didn’t appear as if local authorities in the Virgin Island paid him any mind:

_The fact that young girls were getting out of his helicopter and getting into his plane, it was like he was flaunting it. But it was said that he always tipped really well, so everyone overlooked it….My colleagues and I definitely talked about how we didn’t understand how this guy was still allowed to be around children._

According to an air traffic controller at the same airstrip:

_On multiple occasions I saw Epstein exit his helicopter, stand on the tarmac in full view of my tower, and board his private jet with children—female children….One incident in particular really stands out in my mind, because the girls were just so young….I could see him with my own eyes. I compared it to seeing a serial killer in broad daylight. I called it the face of evil._

Epstein, who was arrested by federal authorities on July 6 as he returned to the USA on a flight from France and is facing a potential 45 years in prison, was found last week “injured and in a fetal position” on the floor of his New York jail cell. Marks were found on his neck, which suggests that he attempted to hang himself…

…or maybe it suggests that his cellmate, a 49-year-old former cop named Nicholas Tartaglione who is facing charges for killing four men and burying them in his yard, attempted to strangle him to death.

After Epstein’s recent arrest, representatives for Bill Clinton released a statement that Clinton had taken “a total of four trips on Jeffrey Epstein’s airplane,” although flight records show that he flew on Epstein’s plane at least two dozen times.

What’s inarguable is that even if Jeffrey Epstein doesn’t want to die, several people would breathe more easily if he were to have a little accident in jail.

*THOSE TEENS ARE AT IT AGAIN*

Surveillance footage from outside the Washington, DC hotel where Ronald Reagan was shot in 1981 shows two paunchy white men being attacked by a group of about fifteen “teens,” which is a dog whistle for “youths,” which is coded racist speech for “youngsters.”

The attack occurred at about 1AM on July 14 right outside the hotel entrance as the teens swarm like African killer bees and punch one of the males while bum-rushing the other one into apparent unconsciousness, punching and punching and kicking and kicking and kicking him one last time just to make sure he’s out cold. The teens consisted of both males and females, and one female teen is shown returning to the immobile white male merely to spit on him.

One of the men was left with a swollen eye, while the other suffered injuries to his head and left eye socket.

D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser—who, despite rumors, has never been a member of 1950s nostalgia act Sha Na Na—warned that “this is not a game” and that the teens need to know that it wasn’t a “schoolyard prank,” either.

*MARIANNE WILLIAMSON GETS SOMETHING RIGHT*

Democratic presidential candidate Marianne Williamson is a confirmed witch who is nuttier than a bucket of macadamias. She threatens to unseat Donald Trump by the sheer force of her all-swallowing, sharp-fanged yoni and the vague promise that “love” is all we need, although that notion didn’t do much for John Lennon in the long run, now, did it?

But in a recent interview with the esteemed journalists at Buzzfeed News, Williamson’s chakras perfectly aligned to deliver some wisdom that was so pure, we’re tempted to send her a crystal necklace via Amazon:

_The twenties can be very hard. They’re not a mental illness. Divorce can be very difficult, losing a loved one, someone that you know died, someone left in a relationship and you’re heartbroken — that’s very painful, but it’s not a mental illness. You had a professional failure, you lost your job, you went bankrupt. Those things are very difficult, but they’re not a mental illness._

Instead, Williamson referred to what pill-pushers term “clinical depression” as “normal human despair.” She has also suggested that antidepressants may cause as many suicides as they prevent.

In the past, she has also suggested that sadness is a “spiritual disease” rather than a medical one, and this is where she starts to lose us. Sadness is a human problem. The belief that spirits exist is also a human problem.

*STUDY: WHITE COPS NOT MORE LIKELY TO SHOOT MINORITIES THAN ARE NONWHITE COPS*

Contradicting and undermining just about everything you’ve heard trumped and tuba-blasted from the media and academia for at least the past generation, a new study says that white police officers are not more likely to shoot nonwhites than are nonwhite cops.

Published last Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the study examined over 900 fatal police-involved shootings and concluded:

_We find no evidence of anti-Black or anti-Hispanic disparities across shootings, and White officers are not more likely to shoot minority civilians than non-White officers_.

It also found that in the overwhelming majority of fatal shootings, the victim had been armed.

But sure, burn another city or two to the ground anyway.

*BLACK RAG DOLLS TARGETED FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE*

Despite all the hate-crime hoaxes and fake racism that is constantly clogging our brain capillaries, it genuinely saddens us to announce that in this day and age, even after the Civil War and the assassination of MLK, three bargain-bin stores called the One Dollar Zone in the industrial wastelands of northern NJ thought it was OK to sell black rag dolls that carry the following message emblazoned on their chests:

_Whenever things don’t go well/ and you want to hit the wall and yell, / here’s a little “feel better doll” / that you just will not do without./ Just grab it firmly by the legs and find a / wall to slam the doll, and as you wack / the “feel good doll” do not forget to yell / I FEEL GOOD, I FEEL GOOD_

Bayonne, NJ Assemblywoman Angela McKnight—who sees nothing “racist” about shilling for a website called SHOPPE BLACK (“Your Trusted Source For All Things Black Owned, Globally”)—snorted her keening dismay at these dusky little punching bags:

_This doll is offensive and disturbing on so many levels. It is clearly made in an inappropriate representation of a black person and instructs people to ‘slam’ and ‘whack’ her. Racism has no place in the world and I will not tolerate it, especially not in this district._

Can we have ONE WEEK where people don’t freak the hell out over racial issues, or is that asking too much?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-49/

by Takimag  

August 04, 2019

The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines

*SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ*

According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what the world needs now is love, sweet love; according to astronomically wealthy pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, what the world needs now is more astronomically wealthy pedophiles.

According to an msn.com article, “four people familiar with his thinking” claim that Epstein “hoped to seed the human race with his DNA” by impregnating twenty women at a time at his 33,000-square-foot ranch outside Santa Fe, NM—which, all things considered, provides a pretty backdrop for seeding the earth with pedophilic babies if that’s your bag.

Jaron Lanier, dreadlock-besotted author and virtual-reality pioneer, says that Epstein got his baby-ranch idea from the Repository for Germinal Choice, a sperm bank that operated from 1980 to 1999 founded ostensibly to stock the jizz of Nobel laureates with the hope of creating a master race of genius babies.

Epstein, who is childless at 66, will likely either die or be killed in prison. As things stand, he fathered no children but apparently had sex with quite a few of them.

*OH LORD, IT’S HARD TO BE A PROUD BOY*

Although federal authorities arrested 234 alleged “anti-fascists” who tried burning down Washington, DC during Donald Trump’s inauguration, they promptly dropped all criminal charges against them.

The Proud Boys, a pro-West fraternal order founded by former Taki’s Mag contributor Gavin McInnes, haven’t been nearly so lucky. Despite the fact that the innumerable street clashes they’ve had across with country with Antifa always seem to have been instigated by Antifa, and regardless of the fact that they took great pains to distance themselves from “racists,” the SPLC has designated them as a “hate group.”

An event last October after McInnes gave a speech on the Upper West Side followed the pattern: As Proud Boys exited the event, they were surrounded on all sides by masked, screaming, obviously premenstrual Antifa members. In one street clash with four Antifa members, about ten Proud Boys clearly got the upper hand, and the State of New York appears unwilling to forgive them. Immediately after the event, two high-ranking Guidos named De Blasio and Cuomo publicly condemned the Proud Boys but uttered not a peep about Antifa.

The four Antifa members, to their credit, did not press charges nor so much as identify themselves to police. They are identified in official document only as Shaved Head, Ponytail, Khaki, and Spiky Belt. Because the alleged victims were unwilling to press charges, prosecutors were unable to charge the Proud Boys with assault; and because Antifa is clearly in the pocket of New York authorities, no one apparently even considered charging them with any crimes, regardless of the fact that they were filmed on camera throwing bottles at the Proud Boys, which was a crime the last time we checked. Instead, the Proud Boys were charged with attempted assault, disorderly conduct, and rioting, crimes which don’t require witnesses to obtain a conviction.

Five of the ten defendants have already pleaded guilty to these crimes. Another pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, while a seventh pleaded guilty to riot and attempted assault.

But last week, two defendants went on trial in a Manhattan courtroom, while a third is expected to go to trial in the fall.

Justice is clearly not blind in New York. It looks at your political beliefs as if they were gang colors, and at the moment, the Proud Boys might as well be Bloods in a state that’s run by the Crips.

*BLACK TEEN SAYS HE DOESN’T LIKE WHITE PEOPLE, THEN SHOOTS AT WHITE PEOPLE*

When a black mother names her son “Devonta,” is she sentencing him to prison straight from her dusky, swampy womb?

In a story that has gained no traction with the press for the usual reasons, 18-year-old Devonta Allen of Cincinnati allegedly fired multiple shots at four people who were riding in two separate cars while Allen shouted, “I don’t like white people in my hood.” (In case you were unaware, “hood” is a charming sort of urban shorthand for “neighborhood.”)

Three of the intended victims were white, while one was black. It is uncertain that Allen was aware that one of them was black.

According to authorities, Allen turned himself in and admitted to the shooting but claimed that the white people started it by firing at him first. Police say that Allen’s story is a big steaming pile of bull cookies.

Allen’s attorney says that his client has no “adult record,” which isn’t unusual for an 18-year-old. He did not mention whether Allen has a juvenile record as long and winding as the mighty Ohio River.

*AFRICAN IMMIGRANT SHOVES BOY IN FRONT OF TRAIN IN GERMANY, KILLING HIM*

German authorities claim that last week in Frankfurt, a 40-year-old migrant from Eritrea shoved an eight-year-old boy and his mother in front of a train, killing the boy while the mother was able to roll away between two tracks and survive. They also claim that he’d tried and failed to kill a 78-year-old woman using the same method at the same station. They also say that he was on the lam from Swiss police after an alleged incident where he threatened a neighbor with a knife while locking up his own wife and three children.

German prosecutors are suggesting that the suspect was suffering from a “mental disorder” rather than “racial hatred.” Instead, at a memorial ceremony, a German authority cautioned indigenous Germans not to let this senseless slaughter lead them into committing the sin of racial hatred.

Note to anyone who wishes to engage in warfare: Don’t ever lose, or you will never be forgiven for it.

*ECUMENICAL CHRISTIAN GROUPS WARN AGAINST “CHRISTIAN NATIONALISM”* 

Even though Jesus claimed in the Gospels that he was the only way to salvation, many Christians worldwide have been convinced to honor and cherish other religions and pretend that they aren’t going to be howling for mercy in the Lake of Fire for all eternity.

Some weird-ass coalition of soft-brained globalist dupes calling themselves “Christians Against Christian Nationalism” are warning that a sinister cabal of theocratic Christians threaten to undermine our democracy and force all heretics into camps where they will be forced to poop their pants without toilet paper:

_Today, we are concerned about a persistent threat to both our religious communities and our democracy — Christian nationalism….Christian nationalism seeks to merge Christian and American identities, distorting both the Christian faith and America’s constitutional democracy. Christian nationalism demands Christianity be privileged by the State and implies that to be a good American, one must be Christian. It often overlaps with and provides cover for white supremacy and racial subjugation….Whether we worship at a church, mosque, synagogue, or temple, America has no second-class faiths. All are equal under the U.S. Constitution._

Yeah, but they’re not equal under The Bible, which is supposed to be your guidebook, right? If you insist on being a Christian, be a freakin’ Christian, not a half-assed Christian, because the Lord above created you with a full ass and it’s blasphemous to cast aside one half of your ass simply to appease the globalists.

*SECRET TAPES REVEAL RONALD REAGAN CALLED AFRICANS “MONKEYS” AS NIXON LAUGHED*

A secretly taped White House phone call between future President Ronald Reagan and then-president Richard Nixon from October 1971 involved the spectacle of shoeless Tanzanian delegates at the UN dancing around like barefooted primates after the globalist organization voted to recognize the People’s Republic of China.

On the tape, the normally stodgy Nixon is heard guffawing while Reagan makes the following lament:

_Last night, I tell you, to watch that thing on television as I did…To see those, those monkeys from those African countries—damn them, they’re still uncomfortable wearing shoes!_

The next day, Nixon said the following in a taped phone call with Secretary of State William Rogers:

_Reagan called me last night, and I didn’t talk to him until this morning, but he is, of course, outraged. And I found out what outraged him, and I find this is typical of a lot of people: They saw it on television and, he said, ‘These cannibals jumping up and down and all that.’ And apparently it was a pretty grotesque picture…He practically got sick at his stomach, and that’s why he called. And he said, ‘It was a terrible scene.’ And that sort of thing will have an emotional effect on people … as [Reagan] said, ‘This bunch of people who don’t even wear shoes yet, to be kicking the United States in the teeth’ … It was a terrible thing, they thought._

On another taped phone call later that month Nixon’s BFF Bebe Rebozo said:

_That reaction on television was, it proves how they ought to be still hanging from the trees by their tails._

Nixon laughed at that, too. According to insiders, Nixon believed in racial differences in intelligence but wasn’t using this notion to exterminate blacks; instead, he was seeking to justify welfare handouts to them.

In the long run, is being called a monkey such a bad thing if you get a free check?

*FBI: CONSPIRACY THEORIES = TERRORISM*

It is far better to be “paranoid” than gullible, and anyone who doubts that those who are in power conspire to maintain that power are as gullible as the Norwegian winter is long.

The FBI recently released a document equating the belief in “conspiracy theories”—a loaded term apparently intended to gaslight anyone who questions authority—with domestic terrorism.

It also makes the false assumption that ideas lead to violence, which is only true for people who can’t handle ideas and choose to be violent anyway:

The FBI assesses these conspiracy theories very likely will emerge, spread, and evolve in the modern information marketplace, occasionally driving both groups and individual extremists to carry out criminal or violent acts.

According to former FBI agent Michael German, the FBI is merely peddling “radicalization theory” in order to excuse their lust for power:

_It’s part of the radicalization theory the FBI has promoted despite empirical studies that show it’s bogus….They like the radicalization theory because it justifies mass surveillance._

Muhammad Ali once said it’s not bragging if it’s true, so is it really a paranoid conspiracy theory if they’re actually conspiring?

*FEMALE MODEL INSULTS TRANNIES, THEN LIES AND SAYS SHE’S A TRANNY, THEN APOLOGIZES FOR LYING*

Carissa Pinkston is a freckled mulatto 20-year-old female model who just got herself into a heap o’ trouble for daring to question the sanctity of the transgender community.

In May, she wrote this on Facebook:

_Being Transgender does NOT make you a woman. It makes you simply Transgender…This is how they want to be perceived. In a biological context, there are Females and Males. This is the world in 2019._

Then, after being attacked by the Tranny Mobs and fired from her modeling agency, she wrote this:

_I wasn’t ready to come out about it yet, but today I got fired and I’ve been receiving hate mail and death threats ever since, so I’m being forced to tell the truth. I’m Transgender….I transitioned at a very young age and I’ve lived my Life as a Female ever since. It’s been very hard to keep this secret but what I said about Trans-Women is a direct reflection of my inner insecurities and I have since come to realize that I am a Woman…WE ALL ARE!_

Then, after a tranny model who knows Pinkston accused her on Twitter of lying about being a tranny, Pinkston sought to save face yet again after her initial attempt at face-saving imploded:

_I apologize for any transphobic remark I’ve ever made towards the Trans community. I panicked and I thought if I came out as Trans that I could somehow make things better for myself, but it appears I’ve only made things worse….I’m truly sorry. I’m only 20 and I’m human. I make mistakes but I refuse to let them define me. I hope you all can forgive me and move on from this because I’m so much more than this incident and I’m not a coward._

Of course you’re a coward. Or at least you became one shortly after being brave enough to speak the truth.

*STUDY: PEOPLE HATE BLACK ROBOTS*

According to a study called “Robots and Racism” conducted by New Zealand’s Human Interface Technology Laboratory, racists don’t only favor white humans over black ones—they extend their unfounded hatred into the cybernetic world.

According to lead researcher Christoph Bartneck:

_The bias against black robots is a result of bias against African-Americans….It is amazing to see how people who had no prior interaction with robots show racial bias towards them….Imagine a world in which all Barbie dolls are white. Imagine a world in which all the robots working in Africa or India are white. Further imagine that these robots take over roles that involve authority. Clearly, this would raise concerns about imperialism and white supremacy._

To a brainwashed lunatic it might raise concerns, but it wasn’t too long ago that all the world’s Barbie dolls were white, and it seemed like heaven compared to today.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-50/

by Takimag  

August 11, 2019

The Week’s Most Imbecilic, Coprophilic, and Pedophilic Headlines

*BOY SCOUTS: A NEST OF PEDOS?* 

The Boy Scouts of America are involved in a decades-long attempt to conceal a “pedophilia epidemic within their organization,” according to a group of lawyers who filed a suit Tuesday against the group.

Representing a group with the catchy name “Abused in Scouting,” the lawyers claim that their dogged research has uncovered 350 predator scoutmasters who diddled and fiddled with approximately 800 victims who in no way, shape, or form expected to become rape victims when they strapped on their neckerchiefs and took an oath to be prepared.

According to attorney Andrew Van Arsdale:

_Many of the victims can still recall the smell of the man who crawled into their bag._

Too much information!

In response, the Boy Scouts of America admitted that they’ve kept files on “ineligible volunteers”—i.e., boy-touchers—since at least the 1920s.

The group also is allegedly considering filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in wake of all the lawsuits being launched against it accusing scoutmasters of taking illicit carnal liberties with boys entrusted in their care.

Protip: If you don’t want to attract pedophiles, maybe it’s a good idea not to make “Boy” the first word in your organization’s name.

*HORSE-RIDING TEXAS COPS PARADE BLACK MAN THROUGH STREETS ON A ROPE*

Donald Neely is a 43-year-old homeless man in Galveston, Texas who is described by his sister as “mentally ill” and prone to jumping out of moving cars when you merely try rescuing him from the streets and taking him back home again.

He is also the father of eight children, none of whom he sees or cares for because he’s too busy wandering around downtown Galveston wearing a welding mask.

Still, does that justify a pair of white cops on horses parading him on the streets with a rope attached to his handcuffs as they transport him from one police facility to the next?

Not according to Terrie Cotton, who is identified as the mother of one of his eight children and wrote the following after pictures were posted online showing her former mating partner being led around on a rope as if he were a common donkey:

_I may not speak to him daily .Hell its [sic] been years since I have .But he is still my child’s father and this has broke [sic] my heart .He is not a threat to any he is very kind hearted [sic] and would help anyone.No [sic] on [sic] deserve [sic] to b [sic] threaten [sic] in this manner.He [sic] is not a dog r [sic] slave they have went [sic] to [sic] far .I pray he is ok and the police that did this r [sic] fired._

Did it ever occur to this subliterate baby mama that the police may be the least of her problems?

Galveston police say that Neely was trespassing and had been warned multiple times to knock it off before they pulled the rope trick on him. Galveston’s police chief, a black man, says that the rope trick is a legal procedure while acknowledging that it is perhaps bad optics, although he likely didn’t use the term “bad optics” and probably doesn’t even know what it means.

*DAYTON SHOOTER LOVED SATAN AND KARL MARX*

There were two mass shootings last weekend within 13 hours of one another—the first was at a Walmart in El Paso that left, at last count, 22 dead; the second was in Dayton, OH that left nine dead. You’ve likely heard a lot more about the first than the second shooting, and probably not so much because of the body count but because the first shooter expressed concern for declining white demographics and support for Donald Trump.

As details emerge about the Dayton shooter, 24-year-old Connor Betts, the press is keeping relatively mum. While much of the nation is wailing and gnashing its teeth about whiteness and white terrorism and white supremacy, it’s not shouting nearly so loudly about socialism, Satanism, support for Antifa, and porno.

It doesn’t seem to matter that Betts—who was shot dead by police who arrived at the scene 30 seconds after he began shooting up a bar and killing a half-dozen blacks in the process—killed his own sister and her boyfriend before attacking random blacks at a bar.

It doesn’t irk them that he described himself as a “leftist” who supported Elizabeth Warren and tweeted “Kill every fascist” in the wake of 2017’s debacle in Charlottesville, VA.

It doesn’t bug them in the slightest that he was reportedly suspended from high school after scrawling a “hit list” in the bathroom detailing everyone he wanted to kill.

The media has barely bothered to mention the strange paradox that Betts was vocally anti-gun yet killed nine people.

Forgive us, if you can, for suggesting the reason that none of this seems to bother them because, apart from the whole killing-nine-people thing, Connor Betts was one of them.

*URUGUAY ISSUES TRAVEL ALERT FOR CITIZENS TRAVELING TO USA*

Last Friday, the US State Department issued a travel advisory warning for Uruguay due to a spike in violent crime in the tiny South American country that everyone and their brother confuses with Paraguay.

In an apparent stroke of spiteful retaliation, on Monday Uruguay issued a travel advisory warning for citizens traveling to the United States in wake of the two mass shootings that transpired over the weekend.

In a press release posted on the website of Uruguayan President Tabare Vazquez, travelers considering a jaunt to the USA were urged to gird themselves against danger “in the face of growing indiscriminate violence, mostly for hate crimes, including racism and discrimination, which cost the lives of more than 250 people in the first seven months of this year

Wait just a minute—how can the violence be “indiscriminate” and reflect “discrimination” at the same time, Pancho?

The press release advised Uruguayans to especially avoid cities such as Detroit (39.8 intentional homicides per 100,000 inhabitants), Baltimore (55.77), and, for some reason, Albuquerque, which lags far behind the other two not only in its intentional-homicide rate (12.47), but in its quotient of black people. Albuquerque is less than three percent black, whereas Detroit (82%) and Baltimore (63%) are no slackers in the realm of Negroidics. By contrast, Uruguay’s principal city Montevideo boasts a modest intentional-homicide rate of a piddling 11.6 victims per 100,000 residents.

*THE DEATH OF 8CHAN?* 

Since March of this year, the shadowy internet message forum 8chan has been “linked” to three “racist” mass shootings—in Christchurch, New Zealand (where 51 Muslims were gunned down); Poway, CA (at a synagogue where the gunman only managed to kill one Jew); and in El Paso last week, where at last count twenty-two mostly brown people bit the dust.

Prior to the Christchurch massacre at Linwood Islamic Center in March, shooter Brenton Tarrant posted links on 8chan to his Facebook livestream of his shooting only moments before at the Al Noor Mosque. He also posted a link to his manifesto, The Great Replacement. Strangely, web colossus Facebook—which was the only site that hosted the killings in vivid video as they happened—didn’t get blamed like 8chan did.

Prior to April’s synagogue shooting in Cali, alleged gunman John T. Earnest posted “what I’ve learned here [on 8chan] has been priceless.”

And as we reported last week, prior to the El Paso massacre, alleged shooter Patrick Crusius posted a manifesto on 8chan that identified the rifle that would be used in his killing spree.

In reaction, Cloudflare—a web service with nearly 20 million clients which it protects from DDoS attacks—dropped their protection of 8Chan. In a press release, Cloudflare CEO Matthew Prince justified their decision by referring to 8Chan as a “cesspool of hate.”

After a brief spell offline, 8Chan reemerged with protection from a similar service called BitMitigate, which promptly dropped them after its parent company stated that “We do not tolerate hate speech in any form.”

On Tuesday, the House Committee on Homeland Security summoned 8Chan’s owner Jim Watkins to appear before them to testify about the board’s links to mass shootings. However, it was unable to find a home address for Watkins, who has reportedly lived on a pig farm in the Philippines since 2004. Last April, in response for similar calls for 8Chan to be shut down, Watkins’s son tweeted that it apparently wasn’t enough for the censors-that-be that the site routinely deleted pro-violence posts within minutes.

*ROSANNA ARQUETTE REVEALS HER INTENSE SHAME AT BEING “WHITE”* 

Rosanna Arquette is described in the first line of her Wikipedia profile as a “Jewish American actress.”

Despite this, and in keeping with the “fellow white people” meme, she tweeted on Tuesday how much it rips her soul to pieces to have been born Caucasian:

I’m sorry I was born white and privileged. It disgusts me. And I feel so much shame.

Well, it disgusts us that you’re disgusted. How ’bout them apples?

In the face of a backlash that Arquette claims further ripped the remaining shreds of her soul to pieces, she made her Twitter account private at what she says was the urging of the FBI.

Doubling down on her prideful feelings of shame, she told The Wrap:

_I said yesterday that I am ashamed of the color of my skin. I am privileged just because I’m white. I feel shame. Because of all the violence that is happening in America and other racist countries._

Put a cork in it lady. Either that, or go be disgusted with your skin color in a less “racist” country, provided you can find one.

----------


## Anti Globalist

Clown world.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-51/

by Takimag  

August 18, 2019

The Week’s Sweatiest, Pettiest, and Readiest Headlines

*WHY CHRIS CUOMO NEEDS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO “FREDO”* 

In perhaps what is the most significant event for the Italian-American community since Sylvester Stallone decided to sing the theme song to Paradise Alley, CNN anchor Chris Cuomo was caught on camera acting like a stereotypical NYC Dago douchebag last Sunday evening.

At press time it remains unclear whether the person who called him “Fredo”—a reference to the weak Corleone brother in the Godfather movies—was purposely taunting him or sincerely believed that was his name, as he claims. The unidentified victim of Cuomo’s greasy outburst says he only knew of Cuomo through Rush Limbaugh, who purposely belittles the oily CNN anchor because, all things considered, both his brother Andrew Cuomo and father Mario Cuomo ascended to the governorship of New York, while little Chris is left reading the news.

A surreptitiously filmed video that looks upward at Cuomo’s nostrils sees him vituperating thusly:

_Punk-ass bitches from the right call me Fredo. My name is Chris Cuomo. I’m an anchor on CNN. Fredo is from The Godfather. He was a weak brother and the use of it to an Italian is disparaging ….They use it as an Italian aspersion. Any of you Italian?…it’s an insult to your $#@!ing people. It’s like the N-word for us….I’ll $#@!ing ruin your $#@!. I’ll $#@!ing throw you down these stairs like a $#@!ing punk._

It’s not an “Italian aspersion,” you dumb meatball, it’s a specific reference to the weakest brother in a powerful family. And to say it’s “like the N-word” is not only hyperbolic, it proves that, amid all your steroidal, cologne-addled bluster, you’re scared to death of saying the N-word.

Never mind that Cuomo once referred to himself as “Fredo” in a radio interview with Curtis Sliwa, founder of the anti-crime street-sweeping Guardian Angels attack squad and, apparently, erstwhile radio host.

CNN issued a statement defending Cuomo from acting like a ball-tugging Sicilian ape by stating “he was verbally attacked with the use of an ethnic slur.”

Would Cuomo have reacted the same if a nonwhite person called him “white boy”? And would CNN have had his back if he threatened violence against his antagonist? 

_Non è molto probabile._

The bigger problem, however, is the “Streisand Effect.” By flipping out publicly about being called “Fredo,” Chris Cuomo has let the world know that having it publicly acknowledged that he is the failed son of his family pushes him to the brink of violence, every anonymous keyboard sadist on the Internet will get their jollies calling him “Fredo” every day for the rest of his life. If he had any smarts and merely wasn’t just a stupid eggplant on hairy legs, he’d change his name to Fredo Cuomo and pretend it still doesn’t sting inside.

*E.U. MAY SLAP WARNING LABELS ON IMPORTED JEWISH-MADE GOODS*

In a move that is reminding many Jews of the Holocaust—which isn’t to say that many things remind many Jews of the Holocaust all the time—the European Union appears ready to pass a law mandating that all consumer goods made by Jews in occupied Palestinian territories be labeled as coming from “settlements” and “Israeli colonies.” 

Items made by Muslims in the same area will receive the more benign-sounding label of “Palestine.”

The law follows on the heels of a similar law in France, which, as it so happens, is being overrun with Muslims.

According to Yohan Benizri, a lawyer with an extremely Jewish-sounding name who represents a winery that would be affected by the new law, Jews are hypocritically being singled out for scorn:

_Can you imagine a situation where plastic cups imported from China must be labeled ‘this country has a one-child policy,’ or gas from Russia must be labeled, ‘This is gas from a country that illegally occupies Crimea,’ or products from the United States require the labeling ‘the U.S. engages in capital punishment and is building an illegal border wall?’ Product labels will have become political billboards depending on the whims of EU politicians, and every EU importer will shoulder a liability for not complying with arbitrary labeling laws._

He has a point. No wonder so many of them are lawyers.

*FORCED STERILIZATION AT CHINESE “RE-EDUCATION” CAMPS FOR “EXTREMIST” WOMEN*

The main reason you don’t hear too many horror stories coming from China is because China owns the USA and can sell us all into slavery at the wink of one of their slanted eyes.

But women who’ve survived China’s “re-education” camps—where you can be sent without committing any crime and jailed without trial merely for being suspected of “extremism”—now say that they were unwittingly sterilized at the camps. Since so many of these women are Uyghur Muslims—who comprise less than 1% of China’s population and have been targeted by the majority population for “re-education”—some suspect it’s part of a deliberate attempt to commit genocide against this pesky non-Chinese minority group.

One 54-year-old female former detainee told France 24:

_We had to stick our arms out through a small opening in the door. We soon realized that after our injections that we didn’t get our periods anymore._

Another woman says she was “tired for about a week, lost my memories and felt depressed” after being injected with unidentified drugs at a Chinese detention camp in 2017. After she made her way to the United States recently, doctors informed her that she’d been sterilized.

*This is why we laugh bitterly when it’s suggested the Chinese takeover of Africa will be much kinder and more benign than European rule was on the Dark Continent. 

Unlike Europeans, Asians only seem to feel guilt for betraying themselves.*

(Can't happen fast enough as far as I'm concerned. Let *them* take up the "White Man's Burden" and manage that upside down mess of a continent for the next century or two. - AF)

*SHOULD MEMBERS OF THE “FAR RIGHT” BE ALLOWED TO MAKE CA$H ON YOUTUBE?* 

It’s hard to believe that in this day and age, after Hitler and the KKK and that kid who shot up the Walmart, people still think that other people have a right to make money expressing their opinions.

A recent article in The Times fairly gasps for air with indignation that Mark Collett, a former member of the British National Party who has said nice things about Adolf Hitler and mean things about refugees, is allowed to take cash donations from willing donors who contribute “Super Chat” money to his YouTube livestreams.

Last month, Collett even had the audacity to declare:

_“Jews have been thrown out of countries so many times for the things they’ve done.”_

As anyone who’s virtuous, intelligent, and sane knows, Jews have been thrown out of countries so many times because of anti-Semitism.

By the end of the article, though, one realizes that YouTube has already stripped Collett of the right to make money through his hatemongering videos, so we’re not entirely sure why the article exists in the first place.

*WHITE FLORIDA MAN REFUSES TO PLAY “SLAVE AND SLAVER” WITH HIS BLACK GIRLFRIEND, FIGHT ENSUES* 

Kenneth Atkins is a white man with a criminal record. Ashley Edwards is a black woman with a criminal record. They are lovers and live together in Florida. What could go wrong?

According to police in the town of Bradenton, Edwards asked her ofay beau to play a game of “slave and slaver” as part of their sexy time, causing Atkins to spit in her face in indignation—even though, if you really think about it, spitting in a black woman’s face is the kind of thing a slave-master would do.

Their spitting spat apparently caught the attention of neighbors, and police were called. Edwards said she didn’t want her lover boy to go to jail, which is sort of bittersweet in a way. According to the police report:

_Ashley stated she wanted to play slave and slaver because she is African American and he is Caucasian….Kenneth did not wish to partake and became verbally aggressive…[and] spat in her face._

If Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder can get along, we have hope for Kenneth Atkins and Ashley Edwards. If they can’t, that loogie he hocked on her face may very well become the Ft. Sumter of the Global Race War.

*ANDERSON COOPER SAYS THE GREAT REPLACEMENT IS “EXCITING”*

Anderson Cooper is the gay son of a fashion heiress. His brother committed suicide. We don’t know much else about him, because we don’t watch CNN.

In an interview last week with Jorge Ramos of Univision—who is obsessed with demographics and exults in the fact that whites will soon be a minority in the nation they founded—Cooper said that the idea of inevitable and irreversible white demographic decline is “exciting” to him:

_The idea that, you know, whites will not be the majority, I mean, that’s — it’s an exciting transformation of the country, it’s an exciting evolution. And, you know, progress of our country in many different ways. Clearly there’s, you know, among white supremacists, white nationalists that is viewed as a horrific event._

Perhaps he has a point. Any world in which a mediocrity such as Anderson Cooper can achieve such prominence may in fact be tilted unfairly in favor of white people who’ve been spoiled from birth.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/%e2%...that-perished/

by Takimag  

August 25, 2019

The Weeks Most Hedonic, Demonic, and Sardonic Headlines

*NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES SWITCH OF EDITORIAL FOCUS FROM RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX TO WHITE SUPREMACY HOAX*

Were not even going to check his Wikipedia page to verify ethnicity, but from what we can tell, The New York Times executive editor Dean Baquetpronounced like bouquet but with a buh instead of a booappears to be about seven or eight percent black. Were also going to assume its that magical voodoo seven percent of pure chocolatey blackness that landed him such a formerly prestigious position, because he is neither attractive nor talented, nor does he appear to be very intelligent. Were not saying that because hes black, because nerdy black guys who look like he does tend to skew more intelligent, but once this guy opens his mouth, its immediately apparent that he goes against this stereotype, which may be part of his brilliance.

So what you have here is a partially black manlets go extremely partially black as well as partially manlymaking decisions about what stories to cover and which ones to bury. As we all know but are secretly afraid to articulate, black people have a chip on their shoulder and its best not to upset them.

In leaked transcripts from an internal town hall between and other Times staffers, this only slightly black man congratulates his presumably much less black cohorts for a job well done in stretching out the ridiculous conspiracy theory that Donald Trump colluded with Russia to steal the presidency for TWO SHAMELESS YEARS.

But since, you know, Robert Mueller failed to lead Trump and his entire family off to prison in handcuffs, Baquet says its time to regroup, recharge, and hell, even renegebut lets get rid of Russia scare and go straight for a white supremacy scare.

This isnt to say that most of pop culture for the past couple generations hasnt been an escalating white supremacy scare, only that the executive editor of The New York Times, who from the looks of things possesses a wee bit of melanin, wants to pivot away from Russia and take the white supremacy thing straight to the hoop, as his brothers on the streets are fond of saying.

Did any of these alleged journalists ever consider coming at the news from no predetermined angle and with no carefully dictated narrative?

*PROUD BOYS CONVICTED OF ASSAULT, FACE UP TO 15 YEARS* 

If youve been following the news since 2015 with even a hamsters level of mental acuity, youd realize that by and large, the left wing is violent and psychotic and routinely attempts to disrupt any public gathering by anyone who disagrees with them on even the tiniest of policy matters. For a primer in this very basic social fact, look at footage outside Trump rallies in 2016 and compare them to footage from outside Sanders and Clinton rallies from 2016.

These days, people who identify with the political right dont make it a pointmuch less a lifestyleto show up at events where people are going to express viewpoints that they disagree with and attempt to shame, silence, ostracize, and physically attack them. They may have been far more boisterous in the distant past, but they also had much more social power and public sympathy in the distant past.

We are unaware of any Antifa members going to prison for an assault against a perceived anti-leftist during the past four yearsnot that it hasnt happened, but the application of justice seems fatally lopsided these days.

Last October when members of Gavin McInness Proud Boys got into a street dustup with black-clad, mask-wearing counter-protestors, both New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Andrew Cuomo rushed to condemn the Proud Boys and all the hate and extremism and bigotry and nastiness and not-too-nice-at-all-ness that they represent.

Last Monday two Proud Boys involved in that altercation were convicted of attempted gang assault, attempted assault, and riot. They face a maximum of fifteen years in prison each.

According to Manhattan DA Cyrus Vance, Jr.:

As extremism rises in America, a Manhattan jury has declared in one voice that New Yorkers will not tolerate mob violence in our backyard. These defendants transformed a quiet, residential street into the site of a battle-royale, kicking and beating four individuals in a brutal act of political violence.

Yeah, but why were those four individuals wearing masks and throwing bottles?

*SPINNING SWASTIKA RIDE IN GERMAN AMUSEMENT PARK DEEMED TOO CONTROVERSIAL*

Too soon?

Even though World War II ended, like, a really really really long time ago, some people still get upset about it for God knows what reason.

You see, there was this guy named Hitler, and the logo he gave out on his business cards was this thing called the swastika, and an amusement park in Germany recently caught heat for featuring a spinning carousel called Eagle Fly that starts off on the ground appearing to be four jet planes but suddenly unspool into four spinning swastikas once airborne.

The manager of Tatzmania theme park, a man with the aggressively Teutonic name of Rüdiger Braun, coyly denies all knowledge that he was hosting a Nazi-flavored theme ride:

I want to apologize to everyone who felt disturbed or offended by our design. We hadnt noticed the form and it wasnt recognizable on the manufacturers blueprints. We are aware of Germanys special historical responsibility and we didnt want to offend anyone.

Although its a minority opinion, we liked the Germans better when they didnt care about offending anyone.

*ATTACK OF THE GAY-BASHING ORTHODOX BISHOPS*

Bishop Amvrosios, an 81-year-old Greek Orthodox prelate whose real name is Athanassios Lenis, is stepping down after 41 years of service in the wake of controversy that erupted after 2015 remarks in which he called gay people the dregs of society and encouraged believers to spit on them.

In Cyprus, police are investigating a Greek Cypriot Orthodox bishop who goes by the mysterious moniker Neophytos on suspicion of hate speech after he suggested that homosexuality is acquired from the mother if she has anal sex while pregnant. He also said that gay men could be sniffed out of any crowd because they possess a particular odor, although he did not elaborate on the scents and notes of that odor, even though we wish he really had. When challenged on his comments, Neophytos surrendered not one pink inch: I expressed the position of the church and the position of the saints.

These bishops really need to go on a standup comedy tour. Wed pay good money to see that.

*ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY FOR BIGOTS*

Years ago we wrote of how pseudoscientists were developing a pill to cure bigotry, so it was inevitable that some totalitarian psychopath would dredge up the brain-scalding barbarities of electroconvulsive therapy and suggest using it to keep racists in line.

Maddalena Marini is a researcher at the Italian Institute of Technology who grouses that racist stereotypes are so deeply embedded in the human mind, you basically need to use the electrical equivalent of Roto-Rooter to go in there and get the pipes clean:

the only way to change [stereotypes] is to change the biological mechanisms of the brain responsible for generating and controlling these stereotypes.[science] has shown that our mind contains stereotypes and prejudices that are linked to the different social characteristics of individuals, such as, for example, ethnicity, skin color, weight, gender, age, sexual, political, or religious orientation, disability and physical or mental illness.

According to Marini, a well-placed blast of electricity can scrub the mind clean of such stereotypes.

But what if theyre not stereotypes at all and are more properly described as instincts? What if theyre so universal in the human consciousness and so stubbornly resistant to eradication for perfectly natural and healthy reasons? What if all these allegedly destructive stereotypes were merely a form of mental shorthand to help navigate the world?

Disregard all these questions. After all, were dealing here with people who think racism exists and electroshock therapy is good.

*CORY BOOKER SAYS HIS RAGING JUNGLE TESTOSTERONE MAKES HIM WANT TO PUNCH DONALD TRUMP*

Although we had always taken New Jerseys favorite son Cory Booker for a gay Martian, word from the oddsmakers in Vegas is that hes partially black. Much of his campaigning has centered on the fact that, as a black man, he blackly experiences events blackishly and through certain modalities of black understanding that the nonblack cant quite seem to ever get right.

Also, Booker has that haunted look in his eyes that seems to be worrying whether or not the entire world can tell he has AIDS.

Capitalizing on the rich American folkloric tradition of the testosterone-addled Mandingo buck casting off his rusty shackles and slaying his slave master, Booker claimed in a recent interview that my testosterone sometimes makes me want to feel like punching Donald Trump, even though Trump is a physically weak specimen and even one punch from the Booker Express would be bad for the elderly, out of shape man that he is.

Then, moments after thoroughly body-shaming the president, Booker said,

Hes the body shamer. Hes the guy thattries to drag people in the gutter.This is a moral moment in America, and to me, what we need from our next leader, especially after the time of moral vandalism that were in right now, isa leader thats not going to call us to the worst of who we are but call us to the best of who we are.

Then he said something about the worst coming from negativity and the best coming from positivitywe might not be getting it exactly right, but it was something along those lines. After he lets his black testosterone enable him to physically pummel the out-of-shape elderly white man, hes going to focus on the positive.

----------


## Danke



----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-52/

by Takimag

September 01, 2019

The Week’s Most Unnecessary, Involuntary, and Unsanitary Headlines

*TUCKER CARLSON’S RATINGS REMAIN STRONG AFTER HE CALLED WHITE SUPREMACY A “HOAX”*

Tucker Carlson is the only cable news host we can think of without wanting to immediately vomit. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Chris “Fredo” Cuomo, Rachel “Dyko” Maddow, or any of the indistinguishable Nordic female mannequins at Fox, we hate them all and would rather listen to the political opinions of a Puerto Rican shoeshine boy at Grand Central Station.

In the aftermath of the El Paso massacre and the subsequent media panic about “white supremacist terrorism,” Carlson flatly announced on his show that this whole “white supremacy” thing was a “hoax.”

Of course it’s a hoax. If this was a white-supremacist nation, nobody—especially white people—could get away with all the nasty things that are said about white people.

A few advertisers pulled out and Carlson took a brief and abrupt vacation, but as the ratings for August roll in, he remains the #2-rated personality on cable news, behind only that blockhead Sean Hannity. His ratings only dipped 1.3% over the month, and allow us to suggest that if he goes back to the bowtie in September, he’ll make up for all lost ground.

*SAN FRANCISCO BOARD OF SUPERVISORS RECOMMENDS REFERRING TO CONVICTED FELONS AS “JUSTICE-INVOLVED PERSONS”*

In foggy ol’ San Francisco—where the $#@! flows as freely through the streets as flower petals flowed through the air on Haight Street in 1967—the Board of Supervisors recently issued non-binding recommendations to change the terminology used to describe malefactors and ne’er-do-wells to something that sounds less mean and abusive. For example:

• Convicted felons and people recently released from jail should instead be referred to as “justice-involved persons,” “formerly incarcerated persons,” or, mildest of all, “returning residents.”

• Drug addicts and alcoholic derelicts will be called “persons with a history of substance abuse” instead.

• Young criminals and juvenile delinquents will heretofore be known as “young persons with justice system involvement” or “young persons impacted by the juvenile justice system,” which almost makes them sound like assault victims.

We recommend that San Franciscans be referred to as “persons who are not welcome anywhere else in the rest of the country.”

*FEDERAL COURT: IDAHO MUST PAY FOR TRANNY’S SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT SURGERY*

Adree Elmo has a jaw and chin that could swallow Jay Leno’s jaw and chin, yet he wants us to think he’s a chick. The convicted sex offender was diagnosed with gender dysmorphia—which is still, blessed be, at least considered a mental illness—in 2012. He’s getting out of prison in 2021 but insists that if the state of Idaho doesn’t allow him to mutilate his genitals and basically leave his nether regions a mottled car crash, he will be suffering punishment that is cruel and unusual compared to whatever eternal mind-$#@! he put his sexual assault victim through. And, what’s even worse, a federal appeals court agrees with him—they say the taxpayers of Idaho have to foot the bill for the genital-mutilation surgery. According to Edmo’s lawyer:

    They certainly would treat a prisoner with cancer, they treat a prisoner with diabetes, or other chronic conditions. So, we have a medically recognized condition that’s very treatable and we have been trying to get her the treatment that she very much needs.

What “she” very much needs is to stop referring to himself as a woman.

In other tranny news, some transgender vandals nailed a rat to the door of a rape crisis center in Vancouver, WA, claiming that the shelter’s women-only policy discriminated against them. In the tranny community, feminist females who don’t crumble to nonreality and say that human beings with penises are women are known as “TERFS,” AKA “Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists,” and there’s been a years-long cultural civil war between old-school feminists who believe women’s spaces should be for women and new-school tranny militants who insist that women should accept men who claim they’re women or risk having rats nailed to their doors.

*MICHIGAN CANDIDATE DROPS OUT OF RACE AFTER VOWING TO KEEP CITY AS WHITE AS POSSIBLE*

Jean Cramer is a 67-year-old woman in Marysville, MI who looks as if Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Phil Spector, and Estelle Getty all had a baby. Marysville has nearly 10,000 residents, over 90% of whom are white. Marysville is perched a mere fifty miles north of Detroit, whose 700,000+ residents are nearly 90% of Negroidal origin.

While running for City Council, Cramer announced that she wanted to keep Marysville white:

    Keep Marysville a white community as much as possible. White. Seriously. In other words, no foreign-born, no foreign people. Husband and wife need to be the same race. Same thing with kids. That’s how it’s been from the beginning of, how can I say, when God created the heaven and the Earth. As far as I know, as long as we’ve been here, Marysville has been a white community, a white city.

While she refused to disavow her comments, Cramer dropped out of the race shortly after making them. She should have realized that for any woman to have a political career in Michigan, she should be black and run on a promise of keeping Detroit black.

*BLACK WRITER SHARES ANGUISH OVER “EATING WATERMELON IN FRONT OF WHITE PEOPLE”*

Cynthia Greenlee is a black female writer for Vox who doesn’t post a lot of pictures of herself online, which forces us to suspect that she’s overweight. She recently penned a potent, lacerating, culturally incisive, and soul-chilling essay titled “On eating watermelon in front of white people: ‘I’m not as free as I thought.’” Recalling a recent traumatic experience at some business seminar where they apparently allow overweight black women to attend, Greenlee tells of how a white person did absolutely nothing besides walk up to her near the fruit tray, yet it triggered a tidal wave of racial trauma to roll over the presumably adipose body of this innocent black women whose only crime was to desire a slice of watermelon:

    My hand hovered over the fruit tray, about to spear a chunk of watermelon, when a white person walked up. I paused…. I moved my fork carefully away from the watermelon, grazing over the pineapple, and picked strawberries instead….Safer territory, I thought. Safer fruit….I didn’t want to be an updated version of that Sambo figure, tap-dancing and braying in joy at a succulent watermelon wedge.

    I couldn’t remember when this watermelon-shame seeped into my eating.

Greenlee goes on to speculate that perhaps it was during the Obama era—when the nation was supposedly deluged with hateful images of watermelons and bananas and monkeys—which is, oddly, not like we recall it at all, because it seemed like one eternal creepily religious worship session of Barack Obama—that induced her watermelon-related self-loathing. At the end of the essay, she boldly announces that she will eat watermelon in public—that’s right, in front of white people—and she will refuse to feel shame for it, not that any white people were even thinking about shaming her for it in the first place.

*NEW JERSEY NAACP PRESIDENT BLAMES JEWS, THEN BLAMES “JEWISH MEDIA” FOR NOTICING*

Jeffrey Dye is the president of the Passaic, NJ chapter of the NAACP. He has a shiny forehead and a big flat nose, almost like a garden shovel. According to an article in the New Jersey Globe, he was very curt to a reporter when contacted by phone: “I don’t talk to $#@!ing Jews. Get the $#@! out of here.”

Outraged by what he’s saying is a gross misrepresentation of his beliefs, Dye took to Facebook and churned out what we must say is the most breathtakingly anti-Semitic tirade of the year thus far. Because reading the entire thing is the closest you will ever come to knowing what it feels like to sit around smoking crack and blaming Jews—without actually, you know, sitting around smoking crack while blaming Jews—we felt compelled to present his entire Facebook post with neither a jot nor tittle changed, all the way down to The Whole Initial Caps Thing:

    Ok To Everyone Looking At This Racist Bull$#@! I Want You To Be Clear, The Statement ( “I Don’t Talk To $#@!ing Jews” ) Is Simply A Lie By David Wallstien [sic—it’s Wildstein] Who Is A Jewish Reporter For The New Jersey Globe. Now Tell David Wallstien [sic] To Let You Hear The Tape Which I Know Damn Well They Was Recording & I Promise You In Fact I Will Give That Person Who Has That On Tape $5,000.00 Dollars. What You Are Seriously Watching Here Is ( “COINTELPRO & JEWISH MEDIA PROPAGANDA ASSASSINATION HIT TEAM” ) At Work & It’s That Racist Gary Schaer Behind It All & He Is Using The Jewish Media To Get Me Fired From A Job “Which He Did For Me Telling The Truth About Israel & The Killing & Murder Of The Palestinian People & The Enslavement Of African People” I Want You All To Know This Isn’t Really About Jeffrey Dye This Is About Them Working Together To Use Me Against Our Governor Phil Murphy Who They Are Really After & Their Using Me & Others Like Me To Tarnish Our Governor Phil Murphy So He’s Not Successful In His Re-Election & ( “Gary Schaer & Hector Lora Who Are Both Former Republicans Are Using Both Parties To Get Rid Of Governor Phil Murphy. Why Do You Think They Was So Close To Former Governor Chris Christie” ) And They Want To Disrupt & Dismantle & Get Rid Of The Passaic NAACP And Me The President. When You Have Any Real Activist That Speaks Like I Do He’s A Threat & Dangerous To Any Racist That’s Trying To Destroy Black & Latino People To Advance Their Cause To Dictate & Control This World.

We would like to see more of this, both from Jeffrey Dye and from the Jews who are noticing him.

*KKK HOSTS SECOND INDIANA “KOOKOUT”*

Hey, if you and the rest of your family are members of the Knights of the Invisible Empire and were just itchin’ to share some fellowship, good eats, and Indiana sunshine with the rest of the Klan, we hate to disappoint you, but you done missed out on the KKK’s second annual “Kookout” in Madison, IN, which was held yesterday from 1-3PM in Jaycee Park. According to a flyer advertising the shindig:

    Make America Safe! Make America Drug Free! Make America White! Make America Great! Take a Stand!!! Join the Klan….Never! Never! Apologize for Being White!

Powerful message, if a bit cheapened by the excessive use of exclamation points.

A spokesperson for the Klan said that the City of Madison had made it difficult for them to reserve the park “due to our beliefs” and accused the city fathers of unlawfully denying a reservation “simply to allow us to have a family Kookout.”

What’s this country coming to when the KKK can’t have a simple, good-old fashioned family barbecue in an Indiana park on a late-summer afternoon? It almost tempts a person to think that the Klan doesn’t have any power, but that’s crazy talk.

----------


## Anti Federalist

> 


I've been culturally enriched.

----------


## Occam's Banana

> *NEW JERSEY NAACP PRESIDENT BLAMES JEWS, THEN BLAMES “JEWISH MEDIA” FOR NOTICING*
> 
> [...W]e felt compelled to present [Jeffrey Dye's] entire Facebook post with neither a jot nor tittle changed, all the way down to The Whole Initial Caps Thing:
> 
>     Ok To Everyone Looking At This Racist Bull$#@! I Want You To Be Clear, The Statement ( “I Don’t Talk To $#@!ing Jews” ) Is Simply A Lie By David Wallstien [sic—it’s Wildstein] Who Is A Jewish Reporter For The New Jersey Globe. Now Tell David Wallstien [sic] To Let You Hear The Tape Which I Know Damn Well They Was Recording & I Promise You In Fact I Will Give That Person Who Has That On Tape $5,000.00 Dollars. What You Are Seriously Watching Here Is ( “COINTELPRO & JEWISH MEDIA PROPAGANDA ASSASSINATION HIT TEAM” ) At Work & It’s That Racist Gary Schaer Behind It All & He Is Using The Jewish Media To Get Me Fired From A Job “Which He Did For Me Telling The Truth About Israel & The Killing & Murder Of The Palestinian People & The Enslavement Of African People” I Want You All To Know This Isn’t Really About Jeffrey Dye This Is About Them Working Together To Use Me Against Our Governor Phil Murphy Who They Are Really After & Their Using Me & Others Like Me To Tarnish Our Governor Phil Murphy So He’s Not Successful In His Re-Election & ( “Gary Schaer & Hector Lora Who Are Both Former Republicans Are Using Both Parties To Get Rid Of Governor Phil Murphy. Why Do You Think They Was So Close To Former Governor Chris Christie” ) And They Want To Disrupt & Dismantle & Get Rid Of The Passaic NAACP And Me The President. When You Have Any Real Activist That Speaks Like I Do He’s A Threat & Dangerous To Any Racist That’s Trying To Destroy Black & Latino People To Advance Their Cause To Dictate & Control This World.
> 
> [...]
> 
> *KKK HOSTS SECOND INDIANA “KOOKOUT”*
> ...


Looks like the KKK have The Whole Initial Caps Thing down, too.

Maybe Jeffrey Dye could borrow some of their exclamation points ...


(And is it just me, or does anyone else read "kookout" as "*kook*-out" ... ?)

----------


## Swordsmyth

> (And is it just me, or does anyone else read "kookout" as "*kook*-out" ... ?)


That's how I read it.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-53/

by Takimag  

September 08, 2019

The Weeks Most Solid, Stolid, and Squalid Headlines

*JACK GETS HACKED: TWITTER CEOS ACCOUNT PRAISES HITLER, DROPS N-BOMB*

Jack Dorsey is the CEO of the well-past-its-prime social-media titan Twitter. He does things such as meditating in caves and sporting a beard that makes him look like a homosexual leprechaun.

On August 30 for about 20 minutes, Jack seemed to suddenly find a sense of humor, spewing forth the following hilariously offensive tweets like so many gleeful, inhibition-free bullets of hatred:

_Hitler is innocent go follow @taytaylov3r if you want every Jew gassed

Intel is theres a bomb at Twitter HQ #ChucklingHella #ChucklingSquad

#niggger_

Alas, though, Jack had not decided to lighten up and start being funny. His account had been hacked by a group calling itself the Chuckling Squad. It was the most impressive case of racist hacking since Microsofts AI robot Tay was turned into a neo-Nazi sexbot in 2016.

Either way, Jack has committed multiple hate crimes and clearly needs to be perma-banned from Twitter.

*#METOO OFFICE BLOWBACK: MEN NOW LESS LIKELY TO HIRE WOMEN AND ASSOCIATE WITH THEM AT WORK*

In comedian Dave Chappelles new standup special, he laments that women are giving him a #MeToo headache, and apparently hes not the only guy who feels this way.

What was once intended as a bold and sexually revolutionary movement empowering women to cast aside the rusty shackles of sexual slavery, unsavory male body odor, and inappropriate comments of a lascivious nature has now backfired and threatens to render womenespecially the attractive onesunemployed and turning tricks inside the dumpster behind the local Wendys.

Thats righta recent study from researchers at the University of Houston surveyed 152 men and 303 women about their feelings regarding workplace sexual harassment, which kind of makes you wonder if the researchers werent a little bit kinky themselves. It found that in the frigid aftermath of #MeToo, three out of five men said their fears of being falsely accused of sexual assault had increased. One in five men said they were now more reluctant to hire attractive womenespecially for jobs involving close interaction, such as traveling togetherand nearly one in three said they avoided one-on-one meetings with female coworkers.

*Great job, ladies. In the name of progress, youve created a world where everyone is horny and celibate and psychotic.*

*AUSSIE CARNIVORES PLAN MASSIVE BARBECUE TO TAUNT MEDDLESOME VEGAN*

For all we know, a vegan lady from Perth, Australia named Cilla Carden is not a witch, but we will note that she has the sort of nose that witches are often depicted as having in fictional accounts, so were just throwing that out there.

If vegans arent all witches, can we meat-eaters at least all agree that theyre annoying? Carden recently took two of her neighbors to Australias Supreme Court in an attempt to make them stop cooking barbecues and infecting her nostrils with the holocausted flesh of unfairly murdered animals.

Carden, a massage therapist who also complains that her neighbors smoke cigarettes and play basketball, seems especially vexed/aroused by the smell of fish:

_Theyve put it there so I smell fish, all I can smell is fish. I cant enjoy my backyard, I cant go out thereIts been devastating, its been turmoil, its been unrest, I havent been able to sleep._

Just to be jerks, a group of local meat-eaters organized a Facebook event called Community BBQ for Cilla Carden in which they plan to assemble outside her abode en masseat last count, more than 3,000 people said they planned to attendand barbecue the $#@! out of every kind of meat and poultry and fish they can seize with their sunburned claws.

According to the event description:

_Dont let Cilla destroy a good old Aussie tradition, join us for a community BBQ, and help Cilla Carden GET SOME PORK ON HER FORK._

This is going to be worse than a free-for-all between Antifa and the KKK. There will be blood.

*JOE BIDENS OL BLOODY EYEBALL*

Last week we covered in a lurid and frankly sadistic fashion the fact that Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden is losing his mind. This week he has to go and top himself by having an eyeball half-explode while he was trying to stammer his way through some kind of marathon climate-change townhall meeting which sounded like such a good time, we will forever regret not being able to attend.

While saying somethin-somethin about how all white American males need to submit to permanent unemployment to help lower the rate of respiratory disorders among homeless Burmese children, the white of Bidens left eye suddenly became lobster-red, and it was roughly as pathetic as that time Hillary Clinton fainted from the brutal New York City heat that clocked somewhere in the low 80s.

Without apparently even one red blood cells worth of irony, Biden tweeted the following after the debate:

_We cant turn a blind eye to the way in which environmental burdens are distributed unevenly along racial and socioeconomic lines._

Please, if theres a God somewhere thats half as sadistic as we suspect he would be, let one of Bidens ears suddenly fall off during the next debate. We will not publicly wish for him to die during the next debate, although few of us could deny it would be interesting. Or maybe both eyes fill with blood next time, then the time after that he also gets a nosebleed

*GROUP OF HUNGRY DINERS STORMS TEXAS POPEYES, DEMANDING CHICKEN SANDWICHES*

Houston is a giant, disgusting metropolis filled with cockroaches, crack pipes, AIDS, and several reasonably priced Vietnamese restaurants. At a Popeyes chicken franchise last Monday night in southeast Houston, a group of prospective dinersone of whom was brandishing a gunallegedly attempted to storm into the restaurant after being informed that they had sold out of their popular chicken sandwich. The man brandishing the gun was described as having small dreadlocks. The group consisted of two women and three men, all of whom left a baby unattended in the back seat of a blue SUV, which suggests that the baby may be affiliated with the Crips street gang.

Since its preposterously successful launch on August 12, Popeyes chicken sandwich has allegedly been the flashpoint for several brawls and altercations nationwide as hungry, chicken-seeking customers vie for an increasingly dwindling supply of the much beloved sandwich.

*WELSH DIRECTOR URGES MORE SCREEN TIME FOR ELDERLY DYKES*

Rachel Dax is a handsome Welsh woman from Cardiff, Wales who has just released some kind of movie about two eighty-something lesbians, and weve already lost interest from the description alone.

Still, Dax says that elderly Sapphites, what with their fused-together labia and skin hanging off their bones like melted cheese, need higher representation in movies.

*We disagree, and thats all the space were going to give the topic.*

(  @Danke I await comment - AF)

*MISSISSIPPI WEDDING HALL REFUSES INTERRACIAL COUPLE BECAUSE OF OUR CHRISTIAN RACE*

It would seem obvious to any mixed-race couple seeking to get married in Mississippi that you dont plan the event at Boones Camp Event Hall, because even the name of that place sounds racist.

A woman named LaKambria Welchno cash prizes for guessing her racedrove down to Boones Camp Event Hall after her brother informed her that the owners refused to join him and his white fiancée in the bonds of holy matrimony. While filming with her phonein case you havent noticed, black people do that a lot when interacting with white people these daysshe asked a woman why they wouldnt marry her Negroidal brother to his Caucasoid betrothed. On camera, a woman with a beer belly is heard saying:

_First of all, we dont do gay weddings or mixed race, because of our Christian race  I mean, our Christian beliefs._

Once the video went viral, church officials went through a cycle of apologizing and then apologizing more and then deleting the second apology to issue a third apology.

*WHITE PEOPLE CALL OUT OTHER WHITE PEOPLE ON THE URGENT WHITE-PEOPLE PROBLEM OF HOW TO STOP WHITE PEOPLE*

In case you were worried whether white people had given up on giving up on white people, fret ye notwhite people want it to be known far and wide that they are NOT cool with white people.

USA Today recently featured a letters column with the header, White people, what are we going to do to stop white nationalism?: Readers sound off. 

And The New York Times ran an emotionally resonant and deeply moral feature about how white filmmakers are struggling to address whiteness on movie screens that are, to be frank, overwhelmingly white.

*AFFIRMATIVE ACTION FOR BLACK WEED DEALERS*

A Massachusetts group of aspirant black weed dealershey, its better than aspiring rapperscalling itself Real Action for Cannabis Equity, aka RACE, claims that only two out of the 184 marijuana business licenses the state has issued have gone to black vendors. RACE cofounder Richard Harding compares the situation to Jim Crow laws or civil rights struggles of the past, and we want some of whatever this guy is smoking.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-54/

by Takimag  

September 15, 2019

The Week’s Most Accidental, Detrimental, and Unsentimental Headlines

*LESBIAN PENGUINS IN LONDON ACCUSED OF RAISING A GENDER-NEUTRAL CHICK*

As we all know—under threat of death or castration—gender is a meaningless social construct, whereas sexual orientation is spot-welded into your DNA. Although it might seem like many lesbians may have been shunted down that lonely highway because they are fat, plain, and fundamentally unappealing to men, they were born lesbians, even though the fact that they were also born with vaginas doesn’t mean that one day they can switch teams and suddenly decide that they’re men.

Rocky and Marama are the names of two lesbian penguins at the Sea Life London Aquarium who have been assigned to raise a penguin chick whose gender has not been released to the press. Headline after headline—such as “This Lesbian Penguin Couple Is Raising a ‘Genderless’ Chick”—seems to imply that the dyke lezzie couple is consciously refusing to assign a gender to the baby penguin, but it must be understood that this is simple anthropomorphism from people who seem to think that penguins are remotely as capable of being insane as human beings are.

According to a statement from the aquarium, the chick will not be tagged with a gender-specific name and is the first in its history “not to be characterized as male or female.” According to General Manager Graham McGrath, “It is completely natural for penguins to develop genderless identities as they grow into mature adults.”

In Berlin—which is where the Nazis had a PO box and the Alt-Right was basically invented back in the 1930s—two male homosexual penguins tried and failed to hatch an egg, which is all the evidence anyone should ever need that sodomy is an abomination before God and will be punished with barrenness and shame and endless sadistic torture.

*NRA SUES SAN FRANCISCO FOR DECLARING THEM A “DOMESTIC TERRORIST ORGANIZATION”*

San Francisco is a city in California where everyone has AIDS and wantonly defecates in the streets. Last week, the city’s Board of Supervisors—which we assume features at least one quadriplegic gender***** ballerina with Cherokee ancestry—declared that the National Rifle Association, which used to be helmed by a guy with the extremely gay-sounding name of Wayne LaPierre, is a “domestic terrorist organization.” But rather than storming into City Hall and blasting all the members of the Board of Supervisors—which is what you’d expect terrorists to do—the NRA merely filed a lawsuit against the city for violating its free-speech rights. Early reports that the Board of Supervisors retaliated by wantonly defecating on NRA members could not be verified at press time.

*INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM IS BEING THREATENED BY INDEPENDENT JOURNALISTS*

A recent article on The Hill notes that the “independent journalists” at huge media outlets such as The New York Times have vocalized their creeping anxiety that “independent journalism” is being threatened by the likes of the actual independent journalists with no corporate sponsors and who often work for free because those independent journalists are using the same sort of tactics to shame and destroy workers at The New York Times that Times workers have used to shame and destroy others for decades now.

To make a long story short, someone at the Times was targeted by someone who dredged up ancient “anti-Semitic” tweets the Times writer had written, which led to the Times frantically attempting to explain that they were noble standard-bearers of a sanctified profession where they, and they alone, had the right and glorious power to destroy others based on things they’ve said or done in the distant past:

_[U]sing journalistic techniques to target journalists and news organizations … is fundamentally different from the well-established role of the news media in scrutinizing people in positions of power.
_
It is typically blind of a Times writer to see themselves as anything but a person in a position of power. Yea, let them all be hoisted on their own petards.

*FEMALE STUDENTS BANNED FOR WEARING SKIRTS BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT “GENDER-NEUTRAL”* 

It’s important that transgender schoolchildren not be viewed as weird and icky, despite how weird and icky everyone knows they are. But as anyone with the merest understanding of what is meant by “rights” knows, one’s rights only come at someone else’s expense. A school in the British town of Lewes recently forbade its girls from wearing their traditional regulation grey pleated skirts and instead demanded they wear “gender-neutral” slacks along with all the boys and the one or possibly fewer transgender students at school.

Demanding their Goddess-given right to display their thighs, at least 50 girls showed up on the first day of school wearing skirts, only to be turned away by school officials and to have the police summoned to behave “like bouncers.” If there were any “transgender” students at the school, it is more statistically likely that their mind was occupied with thoughts of suicide rather than the skirts/slacks war.

*NIGERIAN-BORN RAPPER ENDORSES THE MURDER OF WHITES AND THE COVETING OF THEIR BITCHES*

Swedish rapper Jesse Ekene Nweke Conable was born in Nigeria and sure as hell looks like it. Even though he found Nigeria so undesirable that he fled to Sweden in 2008 and begged them for a citizenship that they foolishly granted him, the gibberish-spewing ingrate says he hates white people and wants to kill them. In comments from a private message forum called “Blacks Only” that were leaked to the press, Conable makes it really, really clear that he’s got some issues with the whites:

_We, blacks [will] become number one and take over these whites. Like these whites took us as slaves we should take them as slaves and treat them even worse….We’ll take their bitches and we’ll take their money. To be perfectly honest, we will be the best race ever. We are African warriors, they are not on our level. This is just the beginning, black power….If any white guy or white girl is trying to talk $#@! about you, shoot them! If they talk $#@! about your family, shoot them!…You cannot be racist if you are not white._

When informed that his comments had been leaked to the public, Conable—who has over a quarter-million YouTube subscribers—threatened to “delete” the “snitch.”

Clearly, this bright young boy has some anger issues.

*STUDY: 96% OF AMERICAN COUNTIES BECAME LESS WHITE SINCE 201*0

A statistical analysis by Brookings Institution demographer Bill Frey reveals some sobering facts if you’re one of those racist white supremacists who isn’t cheering for white extinction:

• Since 2010, 96% of counties in America have seen a decline in its share of whites.

• Over the same time period, the number of whites in America has only grown one tenth of one percent and will begin an actual decline in raw numbers over the next five to six years.

• In 10 years, America’s 20-something population will be majority nonwhite.

• Millennials and Zoomers are much more enthusiastic about white decline than those oft-maligned GenXers and Baby Boomers.

Just remember: You’re crazy if you think it’s happening, even though we’re going to laugh at the fact that you’re powerless to stop it from happening.

*GENDER BIAS AMONG STUFFED ANIMALS IN MUSEUMS*

Attention, all ye woolly mammoths and stuffed bison that populate museums across the world—your patriarchal grip is weakening. A team of scientists from the University of Copenhagen who all apparently share a fetish for examining the genitals of taxidermied animals in museums studied the databases of museums of natural history across the globe and concluded that the dead animals who were stuffed and mounted in their dusty hallways were disproportionately male. Sixty-four percent of dead-’n’-stuffed bear carcasses were male, which paled in comparison to the robust three-quarters of stuffed bison with noticeably male genitalia. Armadillos and bats were also suffocatingly and toxically male. Clearly the only path to gender justice is to go out into the wild and wantonly begin slaughtering female animals.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-55/

by Takimag  

September 22, 2019

The Week’s Pearliest, Whirliest, and Churliest Headlines

*NEW YORK TIMES: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NO BIG DEAL* 

In a move that will shock and traumatize those who have been victimized by sexual assault—as well as all those who pretend to have been thusly victimized—The New York Times recently tweeted that having someone shove their penis in your face at a party is something about which only a sissy-baby would complain. As ancient complaints about newly minted Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh sticking his wee-wee in a pretty girl’s face were dredged up yet again, whoever manages the Twitter page for the Times’s opinion section thought it would be a good idea to post the following:

Having a penis thrust in your face at a drunken dorm party may seem like harmless fun…

Maybe if you’re some kind of psychotic masochist, it might. Or, even worse, maybe it seems like “harmless fun” to some kind of weirdo who tweets for The New York Times when they aren’t busy shoving their penis in girls’ faces at drunken dorm parties.

In the classic fashion of a predator seeking to avoid a long prison term for their innumerable sex crimes, the Times quickly deleted the tweet and issued a statement that sexual assault was wrong.

*WEALTHY WEST HOLLYWOOD SEX FIEND FINALLY ARRESTED AFTER THIRD MAN OVERDOSES*

West Hollywood is an independent city in Los Angeles County that was specially hand-crafted for men who enjoy trading the most intimate of bodily fluids with other men.

Ed Buck is described as an “animal-rights and LGBTQ activist who has donated to Democratic politicians and once ran for West Hollywood City Council.”

Oh—and last week he was finally arrested after a third man overdosed at his West Hollywood home. Court documents say that on September 4, Buck shot up the victim with a massive injection of methamphetamines that had him fleeing Buck’s cabana and seeking medical help. An apparent glutton for punishment, the man returned a week later, received two more injections, and overdosed before regaining consciousness, fleeing the meth cabana yet again, and calling authorities from a local gas station.

Buck is being charged with three counts of battery causing serious injury, administering methamphetamine and maintaining a drug house. The official filing describes Buck as a “violent, dangerous sexual predator” who “manipulates [victims] into participating in his sexual fetishes.” In a press release, the LA County DA’s office called Buck’s West Hollywood Apartment a “drug den.”

Luckily for himself but unluckily for Buck, the latest victim was the first out of the three to survive.

The first, 26-year-old Gemmel Moore, died in July 2017 of what was ultimately ruled to be an accidental overdose.

The second, 55-year-old Timothy Dean, died of methamphetamine and alcohol toxicity in January of this year. His autopsy report says that he died at least 15 minutes before anyone called 911. His death, too was ruled accidental.

Like the first two alleged victims, Buck’s latest victim is also black, while Buck is white. Buck should have realized that interracial sex is the first step on the long road to perdition. There are plenty of nice white gay boys who would die for the chance for a wealthy Democratic donor to spike them with meth.

*A DARKIES-ONLY SYMPOSIUM ON SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY*

If it ever seems as if white people invented almost everything, that is because white people are racist and kept other races down from inventing things.

To help rectify this—and in case you were wondering, rectification has nothing to do with what is classically known as “sodomy”—the private Massachusetts-based liberal-arts academy known as Williams College is hosting a science and technology symposium that is open only to students of color. The event’s official call for papers has invited scholars to submit only if they come from a “historically underrepresented group,” which they go on to explain covers the following clusters of poor and huddled masses:

_African Americans, Alaska Natives, Arab Americans, Asian Americans, Latinx, Native Americans, Native Hawaiians, and other Pacific Islanders._

What the hell is a “Latinx,” and why should we prefer any of them taking a gander at our esophagus compared to a completely normal and wholesome white doctor?

The school also announced that “we aim to create an inclusive, intellectually enriching experience for all involved, including the visiting speakers and the faculty and students of Williams.”

If you don’t know what “inclusive” means, it’s a word that signifies anything that excludes white people.

*EX-NFL PLAYER ACCUSED OF STAGING HATE CRIME AGAINST HIMSELF*

Edawn Louis Coughman is a black man whose mother condemned him to a life of crime by naming him “Edawn.” He is also a former NFL player who bounced around between three different teams from 2012 to 2016.

Last week a pizza parlor and ice-cream shop that Coughman owns in suburban Atlanta was burglarized. TVs were ripped from the walls and horrible words such as “niggger,” “monkey,” and “MAGA” were spray-painted in their place.

Coughman was arrested near the crime scene, and fresh black paint on his hands allegedly matched that of the paint used to write those awful and frankly unacceptable words.

A mug shot of Coughman shows that although he has long, silky, billowing waves of black hair, he is severely balding on top.

*WOMAN FALSELY ACCUSES BLACK MEN OF GANG RAPE TO “GET HER BOYFRIEND’S ATTENTION”* 

As if black men don’t have enough problems simply by dint of being black men, a woman on Spain’s Costa del Sol had to up and falsely accuse a bunch of them of raping her. But now she’s been arrested and charged with filing a false complaint. She told police that after being dropped off by a taxi driver in a sketchy part of town, one “dark skinned” man raped her while two other “dark skinned” men watched. But after a brief investigation, it was concluded that she knew the taxi driver, was allegedly in love with him, and fabricated the entire story simply to get his attention in the manner of a petulant, bubble-gum-snapping, false-rape-accusing child.

Chicks!

*OBESITY: 754 TIMES DEADLIER THAN MASS SHOOTINGS*

Although he’s only three feet tall and has a nose that could fit a pound of smuggled cocaine, talk-show host Bill Maher is universally recognized as an elderly Hebrew sage and a healer of hearts. He recently said the following on whatever he’s calling his TV show these days:

_In August, 53 Americans died from mass shootings. Terrible, right? Do you know how many died from obesity? Forty-thousand._

Maher was citing statistics that show obesity levels in many parts of the country have reached a heart-clogging forty percent. He also said that rather than being banned, fat-shaming should be brought back on a large and terrifying scale.

For once, we agree with him. Fat people need to be humiliated again. They’re disgusting.

*FIRST SHOTS FIRED IN THE WAR ON DICK PICS*

If you’re a woman who’s ever received an unsolicited photograph of a man’s hairy, misshapen excuse for a penis, take hope—web developers and law-enforcement officials are galloping to your rescue.

Web developer Kelsey Bressler is the rare woman who publicly solicited men to send her some dick pics, but not for the reasons you might think…but because she’s trying to develop an app that automatically screens out any dick pics from someone’s inbox. To accomplish her mission, she set up a Twitter account called @ShowYoDiq. She then intends to feed the countless dick pics through an artificial-intelligence program that slowly learns the difference between a human penis and an eggplant emoji.

And across this great nation of ours, where unsolicited dick pics were a rarity until the advent of smartphones, law-enforcement officials are scurrying around like righteous hamsters attempting to classify the sending of unsolicited dick pics as criminal sexual harassment.

Then again, if your penis is so unattractive that it would impel someone to call the police and send you to jail merely for forcing them to look at it, you might want to consider genital cosmetic surgery before sending your next dick pic.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-56/

by Takimag  

September 29, 2019

The Week’s Most Shocking, Rocking, and Cock-Blocking Headlines

*BLACK-POWER-FIST-RAISING OLYMPIC ATHLETES FINALLY ADMITTED INTO HALL OF FAME*

One of the most iconic—don’t you hate that word?—Olympics images in history is that of two black American runners named Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising their fists in defiance as they begrudgingly and rather petulantly accepted their gold and bronze medals for the 200M sprint in Mexico City in the summer of 1968.

At the time, many Americans perceived Smith and Carlos as a bunch of uppity would-be janitors who were disrespecting the Stars and Stripes and the mighty righteous global military empire that tattered-and-blood-splattered flag represented.

In the grand scheme of things, the only difference we see between a black-power fist and a Sieg Heil is that the latter is open-handed and light-skinned. Otherwise, it’s the racial equivalent of a full-armed middle finger. As they stood their flashing the world their big racial “$#@! you,” they also wore black socks with no shoes because this somehow symbolized black poverty.

As punishment, Smith and Carlos were banished from the team and sent home prematurely. The controversial nature of their protest also prevented them from landing the lucrative advertising deals they would have snagged if they’d just kept quiet and pretended they actually liked white people. They also were never inducted into the US Olympic Committee’s Hall of Fame…until now.

Brothers and sisters, the times, they have a-changed, and now being a septuagenarian black radical former sprinter is just about the coolest thing this side of toasted keto bread with sliced avocado. Smith and Carlos are now in the Olympic Hall of Fame, and everyone’s saying that yes, we were wrong and those two upstanding young black men were right, and it’s good to finally be on the right side of history, and everyone wants to pretend that they were secretly on Smith and Carlos’s side the whole time, and what the hell were we thinking back then, and although we’ve made progress there is still much more progress and racial shaming to be done, and Mein Gott if we don’t get over this endless guilt-tripping soon there’s a strong possibility that every last one of us is going to snap simultaneously.

*MR. CHINAMAN, HE NO LIKEY THE MUSLIMS*

About 22 million Muslims—imagine the smell—are currently huddled in China, a country of 1.4 billion Chinamen and Chinawomen. And because Islam has a special appeal for low-IQ inbreds and those whose limited cognitive functioning and lack of an ethical core make them vulnerable to fanaticism and collective acts of senseless violence, Chinese authorities are slapping Muslims on the wrist across the country.

Maybe that’s a bit harsh—what’s actually going on is that Islam poses a threat to the authoritarian fanaticism of Chinese communism, and so it must be crushed wherever it threatens to take root.

Not content with merely persecuting the Uighurs, Chinese officials are now taking pokes at the Hui, China’s largest Muslim ethnic minority.

In 2015, Chinese General Secretary Xi Jinping promoted what he called the “Sinicization of Islam,” urging that all ideologies and cultural influences should submit to Chinese culture and the Communist Party. A directive was issued prohibiting the use of the Islamic financial system, forbidding Arabic-language schools from teaching religion, and banning the traditional call to prayer. In extreme instances, minarets and domes have been ripped off of mosques in what must certainly be an emasculating sight for your average hapless minority Muslim living in China.

We have no dog in this fight. There are roughly as many Muslims on this planet as there are ethnic Chinese people, so let them have at each other, and may the most hygienic group win!

*IS GRETA THUNBERG A PAWN, OR ARE WE?* 

Greta Thunberg is a 16-year-old Swedish girl who braids her hair, has been diagnosed with (at last count) three mental disorders, and has emerged from nowhere to become the Howard Beale of climate alarmism.

She first shot to fame after encouraging students worldwide to play hooky on Fridays as some sort of vague protest about environmental degradation but was instead an ingenious way to exploit children’s innate hatred of school and tendency toward laziness and delinquency.

She has handed out leaflets that say, “I am doing this because you adults are $#@!ting on my future.” She says that global warming is the greatest crisis in human history—even greater than the international emergency that erupted after David Lee Roth left Van Halen—and that everyone should panic and freak out and scream at corporations and politicians and listen to the scientists and a 16-year-old mentally ill girl unless you all want to boil in lava while being tormented by the hauntingly shrill condemnation of dead souls whispering “shame on you” into your ears.

Some people are suggesting that Greta might not be the best PR person for the environmental movement. Others suggest that she perfectly represents radical environmentalism’s youthfully naïve tantrum-throwing and that the movement couldn’t have found a better spokes-teen.

Whether or not the climate actually changes, we are certain that most people will remain stubbornly annoying.

*BOWL HAIRCUTS AND “OK” SIGN ADDED TO A.D.L.’S HIGHLY ENTERTAINING HATE-SYMBOL DATABASE*

The Anti-Defamation League is a nonprofit organization designed to fight evil on behalf of good. As long as you understand that and don’t ask any questions, nobody will enter your bedroom at night and kill you in your sleep. The ADL maintains a database of hate symbols that is best enjoyed if one pretends that it’s a T-shirt catalogue.

This year the ADL has added 36 new entries to its hate database, including:

• The “OK” hand symbol , which was never simply a mild affirmation but instead a sinister gang sign which forms the letters “WP,” i.e., “White Power.”

• The “Happy Merchant” cartoon, a universally beloved anti-Semitic caricature of a big-beaked man in a yarmulke gleefully rubbing his hands together.

• The bowl haircut, worn by such well-known white-supremacist mass shooters as Dylann Roof, Ringo Starr, and Moe Howard.

• McDonald’s “Mac Tonight” moon-man character, which has been shamelessly appropriated by white supremacists who think it’s cute to record violently racist hip-hop songs.

As always, we thank the ADL for keeping us safe from bad people, bad hand symbols, bad cartoons, bad haircuts, and bad McDonald’s characters.

*THIS WEEK’S BRUTAL STREET ATTACKS THAT KINDA SEEM AT LEAST A WEE BIT RACIAL*

Dozens of people across the Anglosphere began to doubt that this whole “multiculturalism” thing was all it was cracked up to be after a string of violent black-on-white attacks subverted The Narrative and made all the egalitarians seem like the drooling dupes that they are.

Minneapolis police have charged 18 suspects ranging in age from 15 to 27 in connection with a pair of vicious black-on-white robberies that were captured on video. One clip shows 24-year-old victim Brendan O’Brien being beaten unconscious. According to O’Brien, who says he suffered a concussion and now lives in constant fear:

_I didn’t realize how hard I’d been kicked in the face. It was much more brutal than I thought it was going to be. I assumed that they hit me a couple of times and I gave up and they went on their way but I was knocked unconscious…I don’t feel as safe as I used to. I think that’s the best way of putting it is that something like this kind of takes a part away from you and I don’t know if I’m gonna get that back._

In Maryland, a pair of black brothers aged 15 and 16 have been arrested in connection with an attack on a 59-year-old white man at a local fair that left the man dead. The teens were reportedly angry that the man refused to give them a dollar as requested. The boys’ father says that the son who allegedly landed the fatal punch “made a mistake” but is “not an animal.”

In London’s Finsbury Park, a group of 16 youths or teens or whatever euphemism they’re using over there these days allegedly attacked a group of six males who were leaving a gym. According to Dynamic Sports Academy coach Adrian Klemens:

They were being tailed by one of them on a bike. Then there were 16 of them. They circled them and picked one off to the side and said: ‘Give me your phone or I will stab you – put in your Apple Pay password.’…Out of our group three were white and three were black and they said to the black guys: ‘You’re good,’ and just attacked the white guys.

Pardon us for thinking that sounds a little discriminatory.

*STUDY: WHITE WORKING CLASS SHRINKING INTO OBLIVION*

According to a study released by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis—which we thought was involved in the business of printing worthless currency rather than statistical analyses of American demographic trends, but what do we know?—the white working class now accounts for a paltry 40% of the country’s entire population. This is in contrast to 1975, when it accounted for 70% of the country’s population. Although white workers still represent the nation’s largest single racial/class demographic, researchers predict they will be overtaken by someone else in around 15 years—but they aren’t sure exactly whom.

Whether or not the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965 was intended to neuter America’s white working class, that has been the end result. But as long as they don’t publicly complain about what’s being done to them, we should all get along just fine.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-57/

by Takimag  

October 06, 2019

The Week’s Sleaziest, Cheesiest, and Queasiest Headlines

*BERNIE SANDERS FINALLY BLOWS A GASKET*

It has long been an established fact that not only is Bernie Sanders the angriest man in politics—he may be the angriest man who ever lived. For all the jibber-jabber you hear about how Donald Trump is seething with anger and hatred, anyone with an open heart and a functioning set of eyeballs could tell that at any given moment, Bernie Sanders was a mere fidgety “OY!” away from a debilitating stroke.

Last week, while Joe Biden was once again forgetting his own name and swallowing his dentures, the 78-year-old Sanders—who, if you recall, is so far into his dotage that he smashed his head on a shower door in the spring which necessitated a huge, embarrassing bandage on his head—finally succumbed to his own self-directed lifelong path of impotent rage and had some sort of cardiac event that landed his wrinkled, pickled ass in a Las Vegas hospital for surgery on a blocked artery.

From his hospital bed, the crabby, doddering socialist—who wants us to believe that a man who can’t even keep two screaming hippos in check is qualified to sit on our nuclear arsenal—exploited his own near-death experience to make some political point about “Medicare for All.”

Senator Sanders, you are only a victim of your own hatred and envy. We shed not a tear for you and hope that you’ve learned your lesson.

*NEW YORK MAKES IT ILLEGAL TO SAY “ILLEGAL ALIEN”* 

In New York City—where you can already be fined a cool quarter-mil merely for stating the fact that a man who claims he’s a woman is still a man—you can now be fined an additional $250,000 for stating the simple fact that an illegal alien is an illegal alien, provided that the authorities are able to determine that your weird obsession with the truth was spawned from a deep-seated inner hatred.

According to a 29-page directive issued by City Hall’s Commission on Human Rights—which apparently exists to sue you into pauperdom if you exercise the basic human right of free speech—not only are you forbidden from calling a spade a spade, you are even forbidden from threatening to call authorities and tell them that someone has committed a crime by being in this nation unlawfully.

The directive explains why the term “alien” is hurtful and is thus deserving of harsh, exacting, painful punishment:

_‘Alien’ — used in many laws to refer to a ‘noncitizen’ person — is a term that may carry negative connotations and dehumanize immigrants, marking them as ‘other.’ The use of certain language, including ‘illegal alien’ and ‘illegals,’ with the intent to demean, humiliate, or offend a person or persons constitutes discrimination._

It then goes on to propose several potential scenarios in which the sin of hate can be committed:

_A hotel prohibits its housekeepers from speaking Spanish while cleaning because it would ‘offend’ hotel guests or make them uncomfortable….An Indian immigrant family complains to their landlord about mold and cockroaches in their unit. The landlord tells them to ‘just deal with it’ and threatens to call ICE if they file a complaint in housing court….A store owner tells two friends who are speaking Thai while shopping in his store to ‘speak English’ and ‘go back to your country.’_

Even the simple basic human act of making fun of someone’s accent can now burden you to the tune of $250,000.

Why do people think that overpriced, overcrowded, open-air mental hospital is a great place to live again?

*MIGRANTS RAISIN’ HELL IN GREECE*

It seems as if nothing good ever comes from Lesbos.

Ungrateful Afghan migrants on the Isle of Lesbos have been raising a stink in protest of overcrowded camps, a problem they could have avoided merely by staying in their sparsely populated and prehistoric homeland.

But no, just like all modern migrants, they need to poop where they eat and make their hosts regret ever being nice to them. On the Sunday before last, spoiled and petulant migrants set fire to an olive grove outside their camp, killing a mother and her child. In a separate incident, the Greek driver of a speeding car carrying 12 Afghan migrants—some of them huddled in the trunk as if they were common Mexicans—ran a red light and was killed. One migrant was seriously injured and three others slightly injured. But that speeding car is a metaphor for Greece—killing itself while trying to save others.

*ILLINOIS: ABORTION CAPITAL OF THE MIDWEST*

If you’re a woman who lives in Missouri and are so irresponsible that you spread open your legs like the Jaws of Life and allowed a man to shoot his filthy seed inside you without contraception but seek to murder the tiny life growing inside your body, you may be chagrined to realize that the entire state harbors only a single abortion clinic—and one that is fighting constant legal attempts to shut it down.

Illinois, on the other hand, is one giant fetal meat-grinder, which has pregnant woman from across the barren and ugly Midwest flocking there to rid themselves of their unwanted spawn. And since August of 2018, Planned Parenthood has been building a super-secret mega-clinic in Illinois a mere 13 miles from Missouri’s only abortion facility, one that will sate the feticidal cravings of 11,000 women every year. It’ll be like one giant, airplane hangar-sized homicidal vacuum cleaner chewing up fetuses before they ever have a chance to smell a flower or see the sunshine. And if you find that remotely distasteful, it’s because you hate women and fear their vaginas.

*LATEST PRETEEN DREADLOCK-CHOPPING HATE-CRIME HOAX SENDS NATION INTO SPIRAL OF DESPAIR*

If there’s anything that will set race relations in the USA back 400 years, it’s the tendency of certain Peeps of Color to fabricate violent acts of hatred against themselves because they are either unable or unwilling to conceive of a world in which white people aren’t constantly boiling over with hatred for them.

Amari Allen is a 12-year-old black girl who attends Immanuel Bible Church in northern Virginia. She recently garnered national headlines after claiming that three white boys at the church held her down, called her ugly, and chopped off her dreadlocks in a searing act of racial hatred.

The press naturally ran with the story like Jesse Owens running from German Shepherds until Allen admitted she’d made the whole thing up. The New York Times, which should be dragged before an international tribunal for denying the Holodomor, made a point of noting the accuser’s race and that of her alleged assailants when the story broke, while it magically scrubbed their races in the headline to the follow-up story.

The church pastor publicly apologized for the fact that little Amari smeared their reputation but felt the need to insist that “our nation was sewn from the fabric of racism,” and even if young black girls are exploiting that fact now, we must always keep our eyes on the prize and never forget all the evil that was done long before any of us was born.

*PORTLAND’S GREAT $195 MILLION GENDER-NEUTRAL URINAL-REMOVAL SWINDLE*

The city of Portland, OR is an overwhelmingly white place that simply can’t stand overwhelmingly white places.

It also can’t stand the biological reality of sexual dimorphism, which is why it recently voted to bleed taxpayers to the tune of $195 million merely to remove all urinals from the Portland Municipal Building. That amount of money could be used to cut every single homeless person in Portland a check for $14,000, but no—the City Matriarchs decided it was more important to spare the one-tenth of one percent of the population that identifies as a gender different from the one they were correctly assigned at birth the extreme discomfort of seeing a urinal and being reminded that we are born with anatomic differences that make it impossible for women to void their bladders in urinals.

Portland, will you please do the right thing and secede?

*HILLARY CLINTON: DEALING WITH BILL WAS LIKE TAKING CARE OF A TRANSGENDER CHILD*

World-famous husband-batterer Hillary Clinton—who, for all we know might have a huge penis and a pair of testicles the size of avocados—recently used a disturbing simile to explain why she decided to stay by her husband Bill’s side even after he humiliated her by getting humjobs from a chubby female intern half her age.

She likened it to an experience she had with a friend whose little girl claimed she wanted to be a boy. They all researched the topic of transgenderism and offered the helpful advice that, sure, it won’t mess up your child’s mind to indulge their delusion, because it’s not as if, hey, nearly half of all “transgender” people attempt suicide or anything.

But yes, she actually said that sticking with Bill was a noble and “gutsy” move akin to avoiding the sin of transphobia with a deluded young child, rather than a cunning and ice-cold power move from a woman who makes robots look compassionate.

*KANSAS CITY MAN RAPES AND KILLS HIS DAUGHTER, BLAMES SLAVERY*

Jerry Bausby is a 43-year-old black man from Kansas City, MO, who was recently sentenced to consecutive life sentences for raping and murdering his daughter, whom he cursed from birth by naming her “Daizsa.”

According to a prosecutor, Bausby only mentioned his daughter once in a 45-minute speech at his sentencing, instead focusing on “racism and what he viewed as slavery in modern America as forming him into what he was.”

Funny—as far as we can recall, slaveowners discouraged slaves from murdering their children because it cut into the profit margin.

*STUDY: WHITES LEAST LIKELY TO USE “HATE SPEECH” ON TWITTER*

It’s always a treat when “anti-racist” technology that is constructed solely to depict whites as irredeemable agents of hatred winds up proving quite the opposite. A recent study at the University of Cornell in which artificial intelligence was programmed to detect “hate speech” and “offensive content” found that on Twitter, “tweets written in African-American English are abusive at substantially higher rates.” It also concluded that “black-aligned tweets” are “sexist at almost twice the rate of white-aligned tweets.

What’s depressing is that they apparently needed a robot to tell them this. Have they been sleeping under a rock for the past generation?

----------


## Anti Federalist

The Week That Perished

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-58/

by Takimag  

October 13, 2019

The Week’s Swankest, Rankest, and Blankest Headlines

*IT’S OFFICIAL: THE CHINKS RULE AMERICA*

The NBA is composed of about 450 extremely tall men, most of them black—not that this matters, unless you’re some sort of a racist. Since the average NBA player is 6’7”, if you stacked them all on top of one another, the entire NBA would be nearly 3,000 feet tall.

That’s impressive.

In contrast, the height of a Chinaman or Chinawoman is, all things considered, about 5’4” on a good day. Then again, there are currently 1.386 billion men and women in Chinky-Chinky Chinaland, and if you were so bold as to stack them all atop one other, that’s over seven billion feet tall.

This is why the NBA, in the person of its severely alien-looking head honcho Adam Silver—who looks like Jiminy Cricket had sex with an AIDS-infected bagel, and they had a baby—recently bowed and apologized to China.

Last week, Silver said he was sorry to the People’s Republic of China for the thoughtless and counterrevolutionary tweet by Houston Rockets General Manager Daryl Morey in support of whatever those crazy slants in Hong Kong are doing to protest the mainland Chinese government. Horrified that his own boss had been so reckless as to express a political opinion—and possibly petrified at the thought of all those sales of tiny jerseys and hats to a market of nearly 1.5 billion—Rockets star James Harden made his own apology to the entire nation of China.

Five-time NBA Championship-winning coach Gregg Popovich of the San Antonio Spurs—a white man with severely bad acne scars who’s spent his entire life basking in the sweat of black men—criticized President Donald Trump even though it apparently had nothing to do with basketball or Hong Kong, then praised that weird pink kosher praying mantis named Adam Silver for riding on a float during some gay-ass Pride parade:

A couple years…I was walking the streets of New York City during the Gay Pride parade, and I turned around and here comes a float and Adam’s standing on the float with a big sign in support of LGBTQ and I felt great again…

What the hell does that have to do with the price of an NBA ticket in China?

In further retaliation against Daryl Morey’s inflammatory tweet supporting the Hong Kong protestors, the billionaire owner of the New Jersey Nets—some guy named Joseph Tsai who can’t seem to stop squinting—accused his rival owner’s tweet of being “damaging to the relationship with our fans in China” and predicted that “the hurt that this incident has caused will take a long time to repair.”

Oh, get over yourself, Dragon Lady.

In Philly—where the 76ers haven’t won a championship since 1983—a fan says he was booted from a preseason game after holding up a “FREE HONG KONG” sign during the game.

ChiCom propaganda outlet China Daily issued a solemn economic warning to any NBA owners foolhardy enough to insult their nation’s integrity in the future:

The big Chinese market is open to the world, but those who challenge China’s core interests and hurt Chinese people’s feelings cannot make any profit from it.

Via educational propaganda centers called Confucius Institutes, the Chinese government pumps its totalitarian newspeak into college students’ ears in 89 campuses across America.

It’s well-known that Hollywood routinely censors its films to make them more palatable for the massive Chinese market.

No single country on Earth owns more of America’s national debt than China.

It is quite possible that the endless hurricane of poo that’s been flung at Donald Trump since the day he declared he was running for president is because he was vocally critical of the way Chinese officials are outsmarting American politicians.

*KANYE WEST SAYS THE USA GIVES HIM THE RIGHT TO BE A COON*

Mentally handicapped Grammy-winning entertainer Kanye West is also a Christian who frequently hosts worship services and whose new gospel album is called Jesus is King: A Kanye West Experience.

At a recent hootenanny in Salt Lake City—we didn’t even know they allowed black people there!—West gave a meandering sermon praising Abraham Lincoln, accusing the media of being “mind controllers,” and using one of our favorite words in, like, the entire world:

People call me a coon, because I chose my right – in America we got the right, right? We got the right to our own opinion. They try to tell me because of my color who I’m supposed to pick as the president. ‘You’re black, so you can’t like Trump.’ I ain’t never made a decision only based off my color. That’s a form of slavery, mental slavery.

West was also criticized recently by some group of homosexual weirdos for his brilliant new song called “Closed on Sundays” because it gives a friendly shout-out to gay-bashing fast-food chain Chik-Fil-A:

Closed on Sunday, you my Chik-Fil-A  Closed on Sunday, you my Chik-Fil-A  Hold the selfies, put the ’Gram away Get your family, y’all hold hands and pray… Follow Jesus, listen and obey  No more livin’ for the culture, we nobody’s slave

We love when black people mention chicken and slavery in the same song.

*FBI: AMERICA’S MOST PROLIFIC SERIAL KILLER IS…[DRUM ROLL] A BLACK MAN!*

A mere three years ago, Samuel Little was an unknown killer serving a life sentence in the California desert for three murders. Then, based on the hunches of a Texas Ranger named James Holland who is apparently a wizard at gaining the confidence of psychopaths and making them spill the beans, Little confessed in graphic detail to committing 90 additional murders from 1970-2005.

The FBI has already confirmed 50 of those murders, meaning Samuel Little has slaughtered more people than any other serial killer in American history. Nearly all of his victims were female, and most of them were black.

Oh—and he’s black, too.

Holland interviewed Little for over 700 hours over 48 straight days in 2018. He recalls watching Little scan his memory banks to remember a specific victim:

With Sammy, there’s indications of visualization, of when he’s thinking about a crime scene. He’ll start stroking his face. And as he’s starting to picture a victim, you’ll see him look out and up. And you can tell he has this revolving carousel of victims, and it’s just spinning, and he’s waiting for it to stop at the one that he wants to talk about.

We hate when black people don’t get their due. It ruins the self-esteem of young black males and leads them on a path of petty crime that ultimately ends in serial murder. We also live in a society that constantly accuses young black males of being underachievers when it comes to serial murder, when the fact is that they’re great at it.

*WOMAN SLASHES MAN’S THROAT FOR ARGUING WITH HER AT TACO BELL*

Caley Mason is a 22-year-old mushroom-shaped Oregon woman with ancestral roots on the Dark Continent and a boyfriend who doesn’t appear to be entirely human. She was recently sentenced to seven years in prison after being found guilty of slashing a man in the throat who apparently had gotten too uppity with her as they were standing in line at a Taco Bell restaurant waiting to be served what passes as food there.

After a brief volley of tense words between the two, Caley exited the Taco Bell to retrieve a knife. Upon her return, she ran up to 48-year-old Jason Luczkow and sliced him straight across the throat, requiring 100 stitches and missing his jugular vein by “just millimeters.”

After the vicious attack, Caley fled the restaurant in her car, along with her husband and two children, aged two and four. She removed the blonde wig shown in the video of the attack, but police later found it “in [her] boyfriend’s pants.”

It’s a shame this happened, because they seem like a nice family.

*STANDARDIZED TESTS PROVE CALIFORNIA STILL HATES BLACK PEOPLE*

Year after year, the State of California fails to account for why it rigs its standardized tests for English and math so that Asians outperform everyone else while black students lag behind like a three-legged racehorse.

It’s bad enough that only about half of students in Cali—don’t you hate when people say “Cali”?—can meet basic English standards, while only four in ten can squeak by on math.

But now the California Department of Education tells us that only one in three black students get a passing grade in English; in math, it’s a pathetic one in five.

Why does the State of California hate black people, and what can we do to stop it?

*TEENS HONOR MAN’S REQUEST TO STOP USING A RACIAL SLUR, SHOOT HIM 9 TIMES INSTEAD*

Last month in Phoenix, an unnamed black photographer was shot nine times, mostly from behind, yet he survived, which doesn’t speak very well of the marksmanship of Arizona’s Hispanic gangbangers, who really need to step up their game if they hope to compete in next year’s Nationals at Lake Tahoe.

According to the photographer, he was taking pictures of the gang members in a public park—that was his first mistake—when they started calling him a racial slur. When he asked them to stop, they complied and began shooting instead.

Three teens with Hispanic surnames have been arrested in connection with the shooting. When asked about the specific racial slur they used, all three shrugged in unison and said, “Me no speak-a the English.”

*GAY MAN ATTACKED WITH HIS OWN ANTI-HOMOPHOBIA SIGN*

In a story that would be hilarious if it weren’t so tragic, a gay man holding a sign that protests homophobia was attacked with that very sign in a homophobic hate crime.

Anthony Dolci pretends as if it wasn’t a blatant act of provocation to mince around with a sign that said “MAKE DONALD TRUMP GAY AGAIN” and that he didn’t actually deserve for a man to hit him with the sign and use “several bad language words” to describe the fact that Dolci likes nuzzling up to penises like a kitten likes nuzzling up to a ball of yarn.

But do we really need the signs? Do what you want behind closed doors, but we have a problem with the signs. How about we make a deal—you don’t carry around the gay signs, and we don’t hit you with them?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-59/

by Takimag  

October 20, 2019

The Weeks Most Twisted, Tightfisted, and Blacklisted Headlines

*CHELSEA CLINTON SAYS WOMEN CAN HAVE BEARDS AND PENISES*

Chelsea Clinton is celebrated around the world as giving Amy Carter a run for her money as the homeliest First Daughter in presidential history.

She has never accomplished a thing in her life and has never hatched an original thought from her brain. She recently published a book called Gutsy Women with her mother, the universally feared carpet-muncher and husband-batterer Hillary Clinton, and we can already tell its more full of $#@! than a Port-A-Potty.

While being interviewed by The Sunday Times about women and their guts, though, the mother/daughter tag team showed that they still bear their respective generations biases about whether its possible for women to have beards and penises.

Chelsea says yep. Hillarywho is rumored to have a clitoris over twelve inches longsays nope:

_Errr. Im just learning about this. Its a very big generational discussion, because this is not something I grew up with or ever saw. Its going to take a lot more time and effort to understand what it means to be defining yourself differently.I think youve got to be sensitive to how difficult this is. There are women whod say [to a trans woman], You know what, youve never had the kind of life experiences that Ive had. So I respect who you are, but dont tell me youre the same as me. I hear that conversation all the time.
_
Chelsea disagreed, saying she encourages men with rippling muscles and testosterone levels over 1,200 to compete in womens sports and batter them unconsciousso long as the deluded mens feelings are spared.

It marked a stark and irreconcilable difference between the two gals, seeing as how Hillary Clinton has never cared about mens feelings in her life.

*AIR CANADA GOES GENDER-NEUTRAL*

If you live in Canada, you have our sympathies. Not only do you inhabit a meat locker, you live in a country that has contributed zero to world culture and is about 15 years further down the psycho-progresso rabbit hole compared to the USA.

In honor of gender fluiditywhich exists only in peoples minds and not in nature, which is firmly dimorphicAir Canada has vowed to make its employees100% of whom were born with either a penis or a vaginato stop announcing ladies and gentlemen and instead refer to them with a simple everybody. For its dirty and feral French-speaking citizens, Air Canada will jettison mesdames et messieurs in favor of a nondescript tout le monde.

The measure is intended to guard the absurdly fragile feelings of the one in every thousand people who are in a constant state of denial about the genitals they were awarded at birth. Pay no mind to whether it makes the other 999 people feel uneasy or even queasy.

It is illegal in Canada to discriminate against someone based on their gender delusions, while it is encouraged to club white men over the head as if they were baby seals.

*BRATTY YOUNG WHITE GIRL LOSES NOBEL PEACE PRIZE TO NOBLE BLACK MAN*

Greta Thunberg is an annoying young Swedish girl who refuses to acknowledge her white privilege and scoffs at the idea of letting a young Somalian or Bangladeshi female take up the banner of Climate Change Hysteria in her stead. She seems to think shes really cool and that everyone should listen to her, when in reality shes just an uppity poopy-head who needs a new haircut.

In Vegas, the odds were that Thunberg would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for suggesting that the United States should become a Third World Country and let India and China stomp us into extinction because, um, the climate is changing or something.

Sorry, you snot-nosed little white girlthe Peace Prize has instead been awarded to Ethiopias Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed for actually, you know, bringing peace upon the earth by engineering an end to the 20-year-old Eritrean conflict, which started years before Greta Thunberg was even born.

Vladimir Putin, bless his beefy pectoral muscles, called Thunberg poorly informed:

_No one has explained to Greta that the modern world is complex and different andpeople in Africa or in many Asian countries want to live at the same wealth level as in Sweden. Go and explain to developing countries why they should continue living in poverty and not be like Sweden. Im sure that Greta is a kind and very sincere girl. But adults must do everything not to bring teenagers and children into some extreme situations._

Is there any way we can make him our next president?

*SOUTH AFRICAN HATE CRIME PSYCHOLOGIST BUTCHERED TO DEATH IN HER HOME*

In yet another example of virtue-signaling yourself to death, a South African female psychologist who has posed for years as an expert on hate crimes has been stabbed to death and had her throat slit by a group of black armed robbers who broke into her house through the ceiling after ensuring that her husband had left to attend synagogue.

Miriam Wilks, 69, received a Ph.D. in Hate Crimesyes, theres actually a doctorate for thatfrom the University of South Africa last year. She was born in Israel, moved to Australia, and finally landed in South Africa, where her arduous efforts in attempting to understand how hate works revealed that she didnt understand the first thing about it.

Her husband Frank returned from synagogue to find his wife of 45 years lifeless and soaked in her own blood. 

If hed returned from *church*, you probably never would have heard this story.

*FIGHTING RACISM IN THE MIDWEST*

The city of Madison, WI, boasts a black population of only 7%, which is barely half the national average. Just like so many other places that are understocked with black people, Madison sends itself into conniptions over this thing called racismsomething that usually only occurs in the presence of more than one race.

Madison recently declared that racism is a public health crisis based on the fact that blacks apparently have health problems that the city fathers have concluded are entirely unrelated to their personal habits and despite the fact that black women outlive white men in America. They also mentioned something about the shooting of unarmed black people but failed to note that 93% of cases, its another black person shooting them.

In Oak Park, Illinois, a white woman named Susan Buchananwho is a dead ringer for legendary college hoops coach Bob Knightrecently went on a tirade against all the citys other elected officials for being a bunch of ignorant white male oppressorseven the mayor, who is a Palestinian immigrant but whom she scolded because his skin is light enough:

_I am so tired of hearing two white men tell us what systems of oppression are. You have been white from birth. Why are you arguing what is a system of oppression? Youve never experienced it, so shut up! I dont want to hear from you!You are not oppressed people and people in Oak Park are and we are trying to recognize that as a community.This mayor and this board is obviously not willing to face history. We have a chance to make history. It is time for this community to face equity. Enough!You are a white male! You stop it, you are a white male!_

It is quite clear that anyone who has had to spend five minutes in this womans presence has experienced oppression.

*ILLEGALS IN AMERICA: 11 MILLION OR 22 MILLION?* 

For years now weve heard that there are 12 million illegal aliens in America, and they just keep coming.

Despite the fact that they just keep coming, some sly dog downgraded the total to 11 million, and that number has stuck in the public consciousness.

 *But citing a study by MIT, immigration official Ken Cuccinelliwhom some suspect is being groomed as Donald Trumps Secretary of Homeland Securitysays the number is closer to 22 million.* 

We need to send them back to do all the jobs Mexicans wont do.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-60/

by Takimag  

October 27, 2019

The Weeks Cloudiest, Dowdiest, and Rowdiest Headlines

*POPE FRANCIS FAT-SHAMES THE WORLD*

Since you never see him wearing yoga pants, its impossible to tell whether or not Pope Francis is in good shape. Not only do the official church vestments make a man look holythey cover over a possible lifetime of dietary sins.

But it is not our role to judge. Whether or not hes being hypocritical, Pope Francis recently agreedin spirit, at leastwith a recent Takis Magazine editorial which plainly stated that Fat People Are Killing Us.

While addressing some guy with an unpronounceable Asian name who works on food policy for the UN, the pope noted that nearly as many humans are obese worldwide as are chronically hungrythere are 700 million Mr. Fatty Fatpants globally compared to 820 million belly-bloated stick bugsand said that food is ceasing to be a means of subsistence and turning into an avenue of personal destruction.

(On a side note, Avenue of Personal Destruction will always be our favorite Guns N Roses album.)

But instead of doing the sensible thingi.e., telling all the obese people to hand over their sandwiches to the malnourishedthe pope had to immediately go full-blown Chapo Trap House hipster communist again:

_The battle against hunger and malnutrition will not end as long as the logic of the market prevails and profit is sought at any cost, with the result that food is relegated to a mere commercial product subject to financial speculation and with little regard for its cultural, social and indeed symbolic importance.It is a cruel, unjust and paradoxical reality that, today, there is food for everyone and yet not everyone has access to it, and that in some areas of the world food is wasted, discarded and consumed in excess. To escape from this spiral, we need to promote economic institutions and social initiatives which can give the poor regular access to basic resources._

Or maybe we could start taxing the churches. You cant have social initiatives without taxes, right?

*HUNGARY THREATENS TO USE FORCE AGAINST UNWANTED REFUGEES*

Speaking of hungeroh, sorry, HungaryPrime Minister Viktor Orban recently got into a penile staring contest with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, and only history will tell whose penis blinked first.

In what was basically a promise to wage race war, Erdogan threatened to open the gates and flood Europe with 3.6 million refugees if Europeans persisted in criticizing his recent decision to stick his toes into Syria:

Hey EU, wake up. I say it again: if you try to frame our operation there as an invasion, our task is simple: we will open the doors and send 3.6 million migrants to you.

Flexing his pecs and puffing up his lats, Orban told Erdogan to kick rocks:

_If Turkey sets off further hundreds of thousands (on top of those it has already), then we will need to use force to protect the Hungarian border and the Serbian-Hungarian frontier and I do not wish for anyone that we should need to resort to that._

Erdogan is headed to Budapest next month for a powwow with Orban. Wed take Orban in a traditional wrestling matchand Erdogan if they were to compete in oil wrestling.

*ENGLISH POLICE LET MALE RAPISTS DESIGNATE THEMSELVES AS FEMALES*

Despite the fact that by now, everyoneincluding and maybe even especially the tranniesrealizes that this whole tranny thing is merely a government psyops program to break us psychologically and force us to admit that apples are oranges so long as you please shut up about it, they are never going to shut up about it no matter how pathetically and abjectly we capitulate.

Six different English police forces are now allowing male rapistsand in English law, a penis is necessary to commit rape, so male rapist would sound redundant if we werent living in an insane asylumto register their gender as female.

For Nicola Williams, the director of a group called Fair Play for Women who has that perma-trauma look on her face that suggests she might have actually been raped at least once and perhaps serially, this is yet another slap in the face. If youre gonna be raped, she argues, for heavens sake at least let it be by a man with a traditional male organ:

_You cant get much more of a male crime than rape. It would be highly offensive to a woman who was raped to have it written down that her attacker was a female when clearly that was a male with a penis._

Its also counterfactual and counterintuitive to allege that woman can rape women. As everyone knows, if you get a couple drinks in them and they start making out, theyll hop in the sack faster than you can say, Billie Jean King.

*THE EPIDEMIC OF RACISM IN NORTH AMERICAN PARKING LOTS*

Parking lots should be a place where all groups, creeds, races, genders, gender identities, sexual preferences, disabilities, accents, and heights can come together to park their cars.

Too often, however, they resemble Klan meetings or beer halls in Nazi Germany.

In Canadaits this country to the north of the United States that no one ever thinks abouta simple parking dispute has turned into a mini race war. In British Columbia last August, a Chinese lady named Amy Xu began filming a parking dispute with a woman who appeared to be white and who had obviously not only committed a violation by occupying part of the China ladys parking space, she also slammed her own door into another car while trying to avoid Chinese street justice.

In the film, which of course went viral because its hilarious, a woman subsequently identified as Carla Waldman blows raspberries at the Chinese woman and begins chanting Chinky Chinky China Lady, which we must admit is the dadgum catchiest racial slur weve heard in a coons age. She also tells her, Go back to China where you belong, ya $#@!in $#@!.You give the people a bad name here. We hate you people.

It turns out that Waldman is Jewish and an active campaigner against anti-Semitism.

Jewy, Jewyoh, forget it.

In Connecticut, two college students who are described as white but appear swarthy and whose surnames are Albanian and Turkish have been arrested

thats rightarrested and charged with a crime

after a surreptitious video revealed them walking in a campus parking lot and gigglingly saying the word nigger.

Campus police arrested U. of Connecticut students Jarred Karal and Ryan Mucaj last Monday and charged them with violating a new state law that makes it a crime to ridicule any person or class of people on account of creed, religion, color, denomination, nationality, or race.

During a campus protest Monday afternoon, hundreds of students allegedly marched in horror at the thought of the N-word being uttered at their school, chanting, Its more than just a word.

No, its not. Its just a word. When you think its more than just a word? Thats when you start screwing up everything.

A third person seen in the video was not charged, and well assume its because he was an N-word.

*FESTIVE SEASONAL BLACK-O-LANTERNS LEAD TO OUTRAGE, DISGUST*

Due to public outrage and the looming threat of yet another global race war, a Bed, Bath & Beyond store in Nyack, NY was forced to pull its controversial black jack-o-lanterns after an extremely fat and unpleasant-looking black man named Wilbur Aldridge, director of the regional NAACP, threatened to shame them and shame them and keep shaming them.

The black-o-lanterns initially caused a stir after a local law firm proudly displayed them outside their offices. In the ensuing hurricane of invective, a spokes-lawyer issued a statement insisting they had no idea that people would be offended by the black pumpkins and that they actually hate racism as much as the next guyand the next guy hates racism a lot.

*These people arent going to stop until something bad happens, are they?*

*HIV-POSITIVE WHITE DJ ACCUSED OF PIMPING OUT NEARLY 700 BLACK GIRLS, NO JOKE*

Its not often that you hear of a white pimp who traffics in black girlsits usually the other way around, and to be frank, its truly one of the rare entrepreneurial endeavors in which black males excel.

However, a white DJ in South Carolina named Jason Roger Popea blank-faced wigger who appears incapable of expressing any emotion on his mug whatsoeverwas arrested in August and charged with sex crimes and human trafficking. Arrest warrants state that between July 2017 and July 2019, Pope forced four underage black girls to have sex with him at his home. The youngest was 13.

OhPope is HIV-positive, too. Figured it was time to throw that golden McNugget into the stew.

He is suspected of luring nearly 700 black girls into a life of prostitution. He has a Facebook photo gallery called DJ Kid (Parties & Girls) that shows him cavortingagain, each time with absolutely no expression on his facewith more than 100 ladies of Negroidal ancestry.

Jason, if what they say about you is true, what youve done is not cool at allat ALL. But wed be lying if we said it wasnt impressive.

*GOOGLE BANS FAGGGOTS FROM ITS ADS*

Like everybody else, we figured that Google was a woke and tolerant corporation. We also assumed that everyone who runs it is gay, just like they are at all the other tech titans.

Boy, were we wrong!

An English restaurant called Fannys Rest Stop Caféfor you Americans, that translates as Vaginas Rest Stop Caférecently had an ad pulled for its ******s and peas dish because Googles homophobic algorithmic wizards classified it as inappropriate and offensive content.

Wait a minutewhats wrong with peas?

You dont have to love the gays, Google. But we thought you accepted them. To hear that you banned them, though, makes us feel like were living in Germany in the early 1930s.

----------


## jmdrake

> *The Week That Perished*
> 
> Section 224(a) of the bill prohibits any illegal alien who is sponsoring an unaccompanied minor illegalor who claims they may, you know, one day sponsor oneor who currently lives with an unaccompanied minor illegalfrom being deported. This provides a massive incentive for illegal aliens currently bleeding the public coffers to call up minors from south of the border as little baby human shields against deportation.


LOL.  I don't know how I missed this the first time!  I wish there was a way to "subscribe" to certain posters like you can on YouTube.  This is *huge!*  For the record Obama deported dreamer parents and was unapologetic about it.  I've been telling people from jump that Trump was promising things that he had no intention to deliver but nobody would listen.  ROFLMAO!




Suckers!

----------


## Anti Globalist

> 


This video has completely changed my view on Baltimore.  I'll definitely be making a trip down there in the foreseeable future.

----------


## Swordsmyth

> LOL.  I don't know how I missed this the first time!  I wish there was a way to "subscribe" to certain posters like you can on YouTube.  This is *huge!*  For the record Obama deported dreamer parents and was unapologetic about it.  I've been telling people from jump that Trump was promising things that he had no intention to deliver but nobody would listen.  ROFLMAO!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Suckers!


That ‘amnesty’ claim is based on section 224 of the budget -- which    appears, on first glance, to block the deportation of many people who    are illegally in the U.S. 
That’s because it states that no funds  may be used to detain or deport  any "sponsor" or "potential sponsor" of  an "unaccompanied alien child."  It adds that even any "member of a  household" of a "potential sponsor"  is now immune from deportation.
But  a DHS official told Fox News that terms like "potential sponsor"   have  precise meanings in Department of Homeland Security regulations  --   meanings that severely limit the number of people the budget keeps   safe  from deportation.


For example, to be a "potential sponsor"  according to the DHS   regulations, one must file significant paperwork  -- such as showing ID   (U.S. or foreign) and proof of residency. The  adult applying must also   submit documents about the child.
Further, because the bill only  applies to kids who are unaccompanied,  it does not provide protection  for those bringing kids into the US.
That would significantly limit the number of people to whom the no-deportation provision applies.


Chris Chmielenski, the deputy director of NumbersUSA, which fights  for   lower immigration levels and which urged President Trump to veto the    budget, told Fox News that the provision is still problematic despite    DHS’s clarifications.
“We still have some serious concerns about  the provision,” Chmielenski   told Fox News. “It still protects these  sponsors and/or relatives who   make it into the US. That’s not a  precedent we should be setting.”
He noted that, despite the  paperwork DHS demands of someone to become a  “potential sponsor,”  some  might still try to game the system and that  it could still  encourage  “unaccompanied” kids to be sent over the  border.


“We would prefer this wasn't in there. We would also hope this is something that expires at the end of fiscal year,” he said.
The provision in the budget will be replaced by whatever the next budget says.
Another  major alleged “poison pill” that may be misunderstood is a   clause  requiring the federal government to "confer and seek to reach   mutual  agreement" with local governments before building any wall.
The  Center for Immigration Studies, which favors lower immigration   levels,  tweeted that “the spending bill would give local governments in   the Rio  Grande (all of which are *heavily* Democratic) the ability to   veto the  fence. If those blue municipalities don't agree with DHS,  the  fence  can't get built.”
But the DHS official told Fox News on background  that the exact   language in the budget -- "confer and seek to reach  mutual agreement" –   nowhere requires the federal government to actually  reach an  agreement  before building fences.
Rather, it just requires DHS to consult with local governments – something DHS already generally does, the official noted.

Trump allies say that the information from DHS shines light on why    Trump ultimately signed the bill after reviewing it. Some warned about    “disinformation” on Thursday.
“Just spoke with the White House.  There will be NO Amnesty and NO path   to citizenship,” Sebastian Gorka, a  former deputy assistant to   President Trump and a Fox News contributor,  tweeted Thursday.
Other  criticisms of the budget Trump signed include that it allows the    Department of Homeland Security to more than double the number of  guest   worker visas, from 65,000 to 135,000. However, the law merely  allows  the  Secretary of Homeland Security to make such an increase; it  would  only  happen if the secretary authorizes it.
Another matter of  contention is that the budget authorizes 45,000 ICE   detention beds; an  increase from the past budget which paid for 40,520   beds, but less than  the number of detention beds ICE actually has.
However, the number  of beds authorized by Congress does not actually   force ICE to reduce  its number of beds, as they can use money from   other parts of the  budget.
Gorka says the claims of the sky falling are overblown,  and also told   Fox News that it was silly to call anything in the budget  “amnesty”   because it’s just an annual budget.
“How is a funding  bill that expires before the end of the fiscal year   able to create  conditions for a lasting ‘amnesty?’” Gorka said.

More at: https://www.foxnews.com/politics/dhs...y-poison-pills

----------


## jmdrake

So and adult with child gets within visual sight of the border, tells the child to walk up to border agents by him/herself as to appear "unaccompanied", the person then goes across the border alone, jumps through some hopes to become an official sponsor of this "unaccompanied minor" and gets immunity from deportation.  Explain to me why I am wrong.




> That ‘amnesty’ claim is based on section 224 of the budget -- which    appears, on first glance, to block the deportation of many people who    are illegally in the U.S. 
> That’s because it states that no funds  may be used to detain or deport  any "sponsor" or "potential sponsor" of  an "unaccompanied alien child."  It adds that even any "member of a  household" of a "potential sponsor"  is now immune from deportation.
> But  a DHS official told Fox News that terms like "potential sponsor"   have  precise meanings in Department of Homeland Security regulations  --   meanings that severely limit the number of people the budget keeps   safe  from deportation.
> 
> 
> For example, to be a "potential sponsor"  according to the DHS   regulations, one must file significant paperwork  -- such as showing ID   (U.S. or foreign) and proof of residency. The  adult applying must also   submit documents about the child.
> Further, because the bill only  applies to kids who are unaccompanied,  it does not provide protection  for those bringing kids into the US.
> That would significantly limit the number of people to whom the no-deportation provision applies.
> 
> ...

----------


## Swordsmyth

> So and adult with child gets within visual sight of the border, tells the child to walk up to border agents by him/herself as to appear "unaccompanied", the person then goes across the border alone, jumps through some hopes to become an official sponsor of this "unaccompanied minor" and gets immunity from deportation.  Explain to me why I am wrong.


Because they will be made to remain in Mexico or be sent to the safe third countries that Trump has arranged for.

----------


## jmdrake

> Because they will be made to remain in Mexico or be sent to the safe third countries that Trump has arranged for.


Except....that's not at all what's been happening.

Edit: Nevermind.  I saw this.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/12/w...m-seekers.html

----------


## Swordsmyth

> Except....that's not at all what's been happening.


Except it is.

*POTUS to pursue an aggressive executive crackdown on immigration*

----------


## jmdrake

> Except it is.
> 
> *POTUS to pursue an aggressive executive crackdown on immigration*


Yeah.  I posted an edit while you were responding.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-61/

by Takimag  

November 03, 2019

The Weeks Most Hateful, Fateful, and Ungrateful Headlines

*MICHELLE OBAMA CONDEMNS WHITE FLIGHT FROM CHICAGO AFTER FLEEING CHICAGO TO LIVE ON A NEARLY ALL-WHITE ISLAND*

Whether or not Michelle Obama has a penis or represents some sort of evolutionary missing link is beyond the purview of this discussion. Those are both legitimate topics that deserve some journalistic deep-diving, but thats not the topic of our discussion today.

The topic is that this former First Lady with a posterior on which you could comfortably rest a table lamp appears to be a hypocrite of the highest order.

At the Obama Foundation Summityeah, apparently thats a thingshe decried white flight in Chicago, which apparently started around the time she and her parents moved into a mostly white neighborhood and people started vamoosing in alarm because they didnt want to become sacrificial lambs that the elites had offered up to appease black peoples resentment for crimes that were almost exclusively perpetrated by the elites:

_There were no gang fights; there were no territorial battles. Yet one by one, they packed their bags, and they ran from us. And they left communities in shambles.Yall were running from us, and youre still running, because were no different than the immigrant families that are moving in, the families in Pilsen, the families that are coming from other places to try to do better._

So what youre trying to say is that the gang fights only started after the white people left, but somehow this is white peoples fault?

Both Barack and Michelle Obama have spent most of their lives in Chicagospecifically, the South Side. In early September, it was announced that they were buying a $15-million dollar estate on Marthas Vineyard.

Chicagos South Side is 93% black. Marthas Vineyard is 3.7% black and 88.1% white.

No further questions, Your Honor.

*GREEK PEASANTS TOSS ROCKS AT SMELLY MIGRANTS*

We assume that the lions share of migrants across the globe have tremendous body odor. This may be bigoted, but wed rather be called bigoted than have to smell a single migrants armpits.

Greece, the alleged cradle of Western Civilization, is becoming one of the Third Worlds primary dumpsters. The country currently suffers a backlog of roughly 70,000 asylum claims. Its legendarily beautiful islands are in danger of capsizing due to the weight of an estimated 20,000 illegal migrants.

As officials were quietly and perhaps stealthily trying to bus nearly 400 migrants into the town of Nea Vrasna recently, they were impeded by dozens of villagers who formed a human shield and blocked the road, hurling rocks at buses and shouting unconscionable and deeply unmindful things such as close the border and throw out illegal migrants.

If anyone has video footage of this event, please let us know. Wed like to combine it with a soundtrack of that song where Bob Dylan sings, Everybody must get stoned.

*COP GETS $19 MILLION FOR BEING TOLD TO TONE DOWN YOUR GAYNESS* 

In a purely professional sense, is it possible to be too gay?

According to St. Louis Police Sgt. Keith Wildhaber, several officers in his department seem to think so. He claims that after applying for a promotion in 2014, a member of the Board of Police Commissioners told him that if really wanted the job, he would need to tone down your gayness.

Wildhaber, who has really big and floppy ears, just walked away $19 million dollars richer and not even a smidgen less gay after suing St. Louis County for discrimination.

During the trial, one witness alleged theres a virulent outbreak of homophobia in the department because one policeman said that the Bible claims homosexuality is an abomination.

But thats exactly what the Bible says. And not only thatit mandates the death penalty for *****.

Nineteen million dollars is quite a pretty penny for being called a fagg. Hell, for a mere thousand semolians, well do the best Rip Taylor impression youve ever seen.

*TENNESSEE POL CALLS MAYOR BUTTPLUG A QUEEER RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT* 

Speaking of faggs, one of them is running for president and is currently out-polling every other Democratic candidate besides Elizabeth Warren in Iowa.

This apparently chafes the thermal underwear of a certain Warren Hurst, a Commissioner in Sevier County, TN, home of Dollywood. Hurst looks like the type of guy who lives in the Tennessee mountains and hates sodomites while sitting on the porch and whittling wooden toys for his grandkids.

At a recent commission meeting, Hurst said:

_Its time we wake up people, its time, its past time. We got a queeer running for president, if that aint about as ugly as you can get._

To be fair, Hubert Humphrey might have been uglier. And Abraham Lincolns face was known to scare horses, especially when he was clean-shaven.

*WHY TRANNY ATHLETES WILL DESTROY THE TRANSGENDER MOVEMENT*

The world of sports, like the realm of intelligence testing, is a direct threat to the worldwide egalitotalitarian agenda because just like IQ tests, sports give lie to the idea that were all equal. 

Men routinely crush women in every athletic endeavor.

Trans Athletes Are Posting Victories and Shaking Up Sports, ululated a headline on wired.com last week as if it was a good thingand it is, but not in the way they seem to have intended:

_Transgender athletes are having a moment. But as more transgender athletes rise to the top of their fields, some vocal opponents are also expressing outrage at what they see as transgender athletes ruining sports for cisgendered girls and women._

No serious journalist uses the word cisgendered, but plenty of silly hired propagandists do.

But male-to-female trannies are to sports what Asians are to intelligence testing. The University of California system awards admissions based on academic merit. The state is only 12% Asian, but Asians account for a robust 40% of enrollments. The playing field is equal, but the players obviously arent.

Same applies to men who think theyre women and compete in womens sports. While pretending that men are actually women because to think otherwise is to risk career suicide, the International Olympic Committee shows its hand and admits that gender is more than a social construct by imposing mandatory upper limits for testosterone levels among MTF athletes.

Beyond that, women seem to have an innate need to feel that theyre special and deserve special treatment and extra attention, so dont expect them to sit by placidly forever as she-males snatch all the gold medals and the glory.

Combine the insatiable biological need of females for attention with the biological fact that the male hormone testosterone leads to superior athletic performance, and its only a matter of time before an army of shrieking women send all these trans athletes back to the drag-club runway.

*WHY AMERICA DOESNT NEED THE WASHINGTON POST*

Richard Stengel is a former editor of TIME magazine. We had never heard of him until we ran across a recent Washington Post OpEd he did called Why America needs a hate speech law, and it immediately caused us to hate him.

_Yes, the First Amendment protects the thought that we hate, but it should not protect hateful speech that can cause violence by one group against another. Speech doesnt pull the trigger, but does anyone seriously doubt that such hateful speech creates a climate where such acts are more likely?_

Yes. We seriously doubt it. You know what causes violence? The conscious decision to act violently. Words do not. This is the first thing they teach you in anger-management class.

Therefore, we recommend that Richard Stengel be sentenced to ten years of anger management.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-62/ 

November 10, 2019

*TO HELP SAVE THE PLANET, SCIENTISTS ENCOURAGE BILLIONS TO DIE* 

Anyone with a wooden nickel and two brain cells to rub together has known that this whole “environmental movement” shtick is simply another power grab designed to slake the elites’ endless thirst for _Lebensraum_ and mass murder.

Sure, they may prattle on about climate change or CO2 or global warming, but their main goal always has, and always will be, the bloody and merciless elimination of the world’s _lumpenproletariat_.

A group of 11,000 alleged scientific “experts”—beware of anyone who calls themselves an “expert,” because they’re usually some snake-peddlin’ jerk—have published a warning in the journal BioScience that not only do we need to use environmentally friendly beverage containers, quit driving our cars, and stop eating meat in exchange for eating insects, we need to start killing people.

Mind you, they didn’t come out and say “We need to start killing people,” because not only would that be extremely rude, it would also be illegal. But they said we need fewer people on the planet, and it sure sounds like they’re in a rush:

_We declare, with more than 11,000 scientist signatories from around the world, clearly and unequivocally that planet Earth is facing a climate emergency….Governmental bodies are making climate emergency declarations. Schoolchildren are striking. Ecocide lawsuits are proceeding in the courts. Grassroots citizen movements are demanding change, and many countries, states and provinces, cities, and businesses are responding._

These 11,000 so-called “scientists” also threaten that the fat and lazy citizens of Planet Earth—many of them most likely Baby Boomers, although they didn’t come right out and say it—have squandered so many opportunities to save this big blue marble that it’s time for people-reduction. They say the global population “must be stabilized—and, ideally gradually reduced—within a framework that ensures social integrity.”

We agree with them 100%. What it comes down to, though, is the bloody battle over who exactly gets to define “social integrity.”

*THE DARK HISTORY OF THE MORMON FAMILY WHO WERE MASSACRED IN MEXICO*

In addition to untold millions of unwanted illegals, Mexico has given us many things. Actually, that’s not really true—we investigated, and all they’ve been able to cough up is the nacho.

Last week the horrific murder of nine US citizens—three mothers and six children—who were all identified in the press as members of the same “Mormon family” were killed after being ambushed by cartel members in the border state of Sonora.

Christina Johnson saved her infant daughter’s life by tossing her onto the SUV’s floor after gunfire erupted. Thirteen-year-old Devin Langford hid some of his siblings in bushes to protect them from the onslaught, then walked 13 miles back to their Mormon community to alert relatives, or kinsmen, or whatever Mormons call each other.

President Donald Trump tweeted that it was time to declare open war on the cartels. Failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney said that although he didn’t know the slain Mormons personally, it really sucks to see Mormons getting slaughtered like that.

What received very little attention in the press is that the Mormon family in question—the LeBarons—have a murderous history of their own.

They are members of a splinter sect of Mormons who initially split from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints after the Church outlawed polygamy. In a power battled during the early 1970s, Ervil LeBaron had his brother Joel killed. He was imprisoned in Mexico and wrote a 400-page instructional manual on how to kill disobedient sect members, complete with a hit list of names. Although he died in 1981, seven years later a handful of his family members carried out the “four o’clock murders” in Texas, killing an eight-year-old child and three former sect members.

Is this the dawn of a murderous turf war between Mexican drug cartels and polyamorous heretic Mormons? Grab the popcorn!

*FATAL STABBING AT POPEYES SPURS NATIONAL CONVERSATION ABOUT CHICKEN-RELATED HATE CRIMES*

Whether or not our nation’s fast-food chicken joints are mere pawns of a sinister CIA/CFR conspiracy to sterilize young black males is far beyond this article’s purview. We will note, however, that black males seem to keep dying at them.

Just as is the case whenever there is a new release of an urban-oriented line of sunglasses or athletic footwear, waves of violence greeted the summer release of Popeyes chicken sandwich, which is rumored to taste good although we aren’t willing to risk getting stabbed to death in order to find out. The poultry-based item sated the appetites of so many impoverished and downtrodden palates upon its release that it almost instantly sold out…only to be resurrected a week or so ago.

According to an eyewitness of the fatal stabbing at a Popeyes facility in Oxon Hill, MD, the tragedy started when “dude cut in line”—chicken-sandwich-eaters tend to do that—and then “went outside” with their sandwich, only to be stabbed to death in the parking lot by someone who apparently lost their place in line after dude cut in line.

So many wasted lives. So many wasted chicken sandwiches.

According to a police spokeswoman who is black but appears to have a considerable bit of cream in her coffee:

_Our homicide detectives are hard at work on this one, but we have been able to determine preliminarily that this is related to the release of the sandwich here at this restaurant._

If you’ll notice—we did—she carefully left out the word “chicken” in her official statement, although the murder was undeniably chicken-related.

They say guns don’t kill people, but maybe chicken sandwiches do. It’s a documented fact that whenever a new designer chicken sandwich is released in an urban area and the demand exceeds the supply, violence inevitably erupts.

People, it’s time we had a discussion about this.

*FORMER PHILLY STARBUCKS MANAGER FILES SUIT CLAIMING ANTI-WHITE DISCRIMINATION REGARDING 2018 RESTROOM SCANDAL*

You may recall a little incident last year at a Starbucks in Philly where a pair of black men seemed to presume that 400 years of persecution allowed them to pee and poop with impunity in the restroom and just linger around, their oniony body odor wafting through the establishment, without having to buy anything. The event actually led to some nationwide Struggle Session with Starbucks employees where they were apparently instructed to be very afraid of black people and let them do whatever they want at all times. It even led to insane headlines that start off with the phrase “Black Coffee and White Fear” without pausing to consider how ridiculous that sounds.

To poison your mind’s well about who the actual guilty parties were in that incident, the two black dudes’ names were Rashon and Dante.

Now a white woman with the perfectly acceptable name of Shannon Phillips is suing Starbucks for discriminating against her glistening and pearly white skin. Her lawsuit argues that she was offered up as a little sacrificial white lamb merely to appease the bloodthirsty hordes waiting outside the gates and threatening to loiter forever.

Good luck to in your lawsuit, Shannon Phillips. You sound like a nice white lady.

*HEAVY-METAL DRUMMER SAYS HE’S “SICK” OF SEEING INTERRACIAL COUPLES IN COMMERCIALS*

James Kottak used to drum with heavy metal band The Scorpions of “Rock You Like a Hurricane” fame after he was unceremoniously booted out—and mind you, heavy-metal boots are not only hard, they’re very pointy—a few years back for being a lush.

He now drums with the band Kingdom Come, which is a little sad when you consider that he’s in his fifties and that there’s not much “metal” about arthritis.

He recently tweeted that he felt modern advertisements were pushing an agenda of miscegenation that reflected nothing he’d ever seen out here in the real world with his bloodshot eyes:

_You know I am sick of every other commercial having inter racial couples…this is not reality. It is Hollywood shoving it down our throat. I don’t have one friend or friends who live in this category…just saying_

It’s a good point. The advertising industry pushes “the swirl” in everything, not only when it comes to portraying couples. Have you ever hung around with “the guys” on a Sunday afternoon watching football, eating guacamole, and drinking beer? Did your group ever include that one black guy you see in all the commercials? No, right? Weird.

*HITLER COSTUMES MAR AN OTHERWISE WONDERFUL HALLOWEEN*

Even after slavery and the Civil Rights Era and the Rodney King and Trayvon Martin incidents, it astounds us that racism in America continues to reach new heights of “completely not cool.”

Halloween is usually a time when the nights are getting longer and the air is getting crisper and the children dress in joyous costumes and, if they’re lucky, their Reese’s Cups aren’t loaded with cyanide.

A souvenir shop in Prague—we’re not sure if it’s Halloween-related, but we’re squeezing it in anyway because it happened recently and unless we mentioned it like we just did, you probably wouldn’t even have noticed—recently endured a well-deserved backlash after featuring a rubber mask of totally evil Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler in its front window. The Israeli ambassador to the Czech Republic called the masks an “affront to Holocaust survivors.”

In Kaysville, UT, a school principal and teacher have been put on leave after a boy appeared in a Halloween parade dressed in an “apparent Adolf Hitler costume…a red swastika on the sleeve of a dark brown, long-sleeve shirt…”

Jay Jacobson of the United Jewish Federation of Utah, an organization designed to defend and protect Utah’s half-dozen or so Jews, sharply condemned the incident:

_This is something that offended a number of people, frightened people, traumatized people to see it. I’m hoping it wasn’t intentional._

The school district likewise said that Hitler costumes in Halloween parades are just not in any way cool whatsoever:

_The district is taking the matter very seriously and is investigating every aspect of the situation. It does not tolerate speech, images or conduct that portray or promote hate in any form._

All we’ll say about Adolf Hitler is that if he came a-knockin’ on our door looking for some Halloween candy, we’d slam it in his face so hard, that stupid little mustache of his would fly off.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-63/ 

November 17, 2019

The Week’s Wiggliest, Squiggliest, and Giggliest Headlines

*GLOBAL CRACKDOWN ON *****: CHRISTIANS AND MUSLIMS SAY, “ENOUGH WITH THE FRUITS!”*

As rainbow flags unfurl and flap freely throughout the world as a tribal emblem of people who take pride in the fact that they find the opposite sex unattractive, a countermovement is erupting like welts on the back of a freshly whipped slave. People who only a generation ago agreed that what two adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody’s business but their own have now had it up to HERE with that fact that while they were minding their own business, the Global Sodomitical Mafia moved the goalposts and dragged everyone into gay people’s sex dungeons and are forcing them to watch with their eyes held open Clockwork Orange-style.

Both the Holy Bible and the Quran state that when people of the same sex disrupt nature’s holy plan and waste their reproductive energies and fluids on one another, God gets so upset that you almost want to offer him a Vicodin.

In the Republic of Georgia, a heavily Orthodox nation which straddles Europe and Asia and is thus liable to being penetrated from either direction, “an Oscar-nominated Swedish-Georgian gay-themed film” with the severely and almost incurably gay title of And Then We Danced premiered in the capital city of Tbilisi “amid a heavy police presence” because your average Georgian hates ***** so much that you start to think they may be compensating for some deep-rooted insecurities of their own.

A mob of “far-right activists” torched a rainbow flag and screamed “SHAME!” at the thought of a film that not only refrained from saying homosexuals should be sodomized with hot pokers, but that seemed to actually celebrate this deviant and generally icky lifestyle.

Earlier in the week, a member of the nationalist Georgian March party said he would not allow the film, which he condemned as “propaganda of sodomy.” A Georgia businessman “with links to Russia’s anti-Western and far-right groups” vowed that he and his henchmen would “enter screening rooms in six cinemas in Tbilisi and turn off the projectors…[and] shove back police if need be.”

Georgia decriminalized homosexuality in 2000. By comparison, Saudi Arabia mandates the death penalty for both homosexuality and atheism. A new promotional video by the state’s security agency depicts atheism, homosexuality, and feminism as “extremist ideas” that deserve derision, scorn, shunning, humiliation, torture, and, what the hell, decapitation.

Christians and Muslims have common ground in their full-throated ***-bashing, although the Christians still have quite a bit of catching up to do.

*WHITE SOUTH CAROLINA RESTAURANT OWNER ACCUSED OF ENSLAVING BLACK EMPLOYEE*

Most of the civilized world realizes that not only is Abraham Lincoln one of the ugliest gents ever to live, he also freed the slaves in 1863 because he loved black people and really didn’t say any of the nasty things he is documented to have said about them.

Apparently Bobby Paul Edwards didn’t get the memo.

A white South Carolina man who insists on always using his middle name like most white Southern men seem to do, Bobby Paul Edwards, has been sentenced to 10 years for keeping a mentally deficient black man as a virtual slave at his J&J Cafeteria.

The black man, John Christopher Smith, started working for Edwards in 1990 at age 12 and never stopped until the law intervened. According to the Department of Justice, he “dipped metal tongs into hot grease and burned the victim’s neck,” beat him with a belt, hit him with pans, punched him, and—worst of all, we can all agree—called him racial slurs. He also threatened to “stomp” him and beat him into unrecognizability. Smith will also receive $500,000 in damages from Edwards, including $272,000 in back pay he never received while Edwards employed him. Demonstrating that he indeed suffers from a mental deficiency, Smith said he can’t wait until Edwards goes to prison and that “I want to be there when he go [sic].”

Shame on you, Bobby Paul Edwards. It’s people like you who give a bad name to millions of good, clean-living, white Southern racists.

*IDAHO CANDIDATE: BUILD A WALL TO KEEP CALIFORNIANS OUT*

Few people realize that Idaho is a beautiful and unspoiled state that has been lionized by some of the world’s most distinguished travel writers. It is also one of the nation’s whitest states, with around 80% of its residents claiming heritage back to Mama Europa.

By contrast, California is less than 40% white, although many of its rich white folks are fleeing to Idaho.

Although he only garnered 2% of the votes in a recent Boise mayoral election, Wayne Richey struck a nerve with local Idahoans by noting that invading Californians were driving up the cost of living and potentially forcing natives to move to other states. When asked at a candidate forum what he would do to improve Boise if he were king for a day, he said he’d build a $26-billion wall around Idaho to keep the Californians out:

_It’s really, really hard to swallow when somebody sells their house in California for $700,000, comes here, buys any house they want in cash and still has money in the bank. Their kids get to go to college. They drive nice cars. And they get to enjoy everything we built over the years. We don’t get to enjoy it, because we’re working 40 hours a week and doing craft shows and doing yard sales._

How long has the rest of the nation been waiting for California to fall into the ocean? Is there any way we could expedite the process and shove it into the ocean?

*CHRISTO-FASCIST COUP IN BOLIVIA*

Although the story has yet to gain much traction in the American press, a far-right Christo-fascist group assumed power in Bolivia last week, exiling socialist President Evo Morales, the first indigenous leader of a nation whose inhabitants are two-thirds indigenous.

Multi-millionaire populist leader Luis Fernando Camacho invaded the presidential palace only hours after Morales fled to Mexico. With a Bible in one hand, he vowed that the natives’ indigenous religion was no longer welcome in Bolivia’s halls of power: “[I will] return God to the burned palace…Pachamama [a Bolivian earth-mother goddess] will never return to the palace. Bolivia belongs to Christ.”

In the ensuing days, opposition senator Jeanine Áñez—another Christo-Fascist who says the indigenous masses have no place in Bolivia’s government—became the nation’s interim president. Back in 2014, Áñez tweeted:

_I dream of a #Bolivia free of indigenous satanic rites, the city is not for ‘Indians,’ they better go to the highlands…_

Spanish Christians crushed the great Incan empire 500 years ago but apparently they didn’t finish the job, so they’re back in Crush Mode again.

*“PERFECT FAMILY” FALLS APART AFTER DAD DECAPITATES MOM, SLITS DAUGHTER’S THROAT, KILLS SELF*

Neighbors in Harlem described Ethiopian immigrant Yonathan Tedla, his Jewish wife Jennifer Schlecht, and their young daughter Abaynesh as the perfect family” up until the point that Yonathan killed all three of them.

Police who arrived at the scene found all three members of the perfect family in three separate rooms: Jennifer had been decapitated with her head placed in her lap, five-year-old Abeysha’s throat had been slit so deeply that her head was nearly severed, and Jonathan was found hanging from a rope he’d tied to a bedroom door.

Apparently the couple’s relationship had soured since their daughter was born and they were in the midst of divorce proceedings. However, Jennifer said that she decided to keep living with him because she didn’t want her daughter to grow up without a father.

No chance of that happening. Now her daughter won’t grow up at all.

*BEN SHAPIRO’S EDITOR: “JEW-HATRED IS INHERENT IN THE EUROPEAN DNA”*

Josh Hammer is the extremely gay-looking Editor-at-Large of the Daily Wire, a site established by five-foot-tall surly Zionist Ben Shapiro. Like Shapiro, he has no problem talking about ethnostates and his “people” so long as they are Jewish. Also like Shapiro, he condemns the idea that white people so much as deserve a collective identity, much less their own ethnostate.

Last Tuesday, Hammer tweeted the following statement:

Jew-hatred is inherent in the European DNA.

Ooh, let’s unpack that big fat matzo ball right there.

Not only does it imply that the impenitent Ziocon Hammer believes that race has a biological component—race realism is verboten in both major American political parties—it also implies he believes that anti-Semitism flows naturally throughout European blood. This is a shockingly racist, horrific, problematic, and unacceptable comment.

First off, what kind of last name is “Hammer”? Aren’t those people forbidden from eating ham? Something stinks about this, and it stinks bad. We have no other choice but to conclude that this “Josh Hammer” guy is actually an Aryan agent planted by Donald Trump’s anti-Semitic Deep State to make Our Greatest Ally look bad.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-64/

November 24, 2019

The Week’s Most Laconic, Tectonic, and Cyclonic Headlines

*NORTH KOREA: JOE BIDEN SHOULD BE “BEATEN TO DEATH WITH A STICK”*

The combination of Donald Trump and pint-sized Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is a classic comedic pairing along the lines of Abbott and Costello or Dick Van Dyke and Morey Amsterdam. Both are skilled at dropping vulgarities on their enemies like so many nuclear bombs. The deep mutual affection that Don and Kim have for one another is like a light unto the nations.

Our greatest ally in Asia does not feel nearly as warm about Joe Biden and his shiny fake teeth, though. Last May, North Korea’s official news agency demeaned Biden as a “low IQ individual…seized by ambition for power.”

Where’s the lie?

Last week, North Korea’s official news agency did itself one better and called Biden a “rabid dog” who is in “the final stage of dementia.” It declared that the “time has come for him to depart his life”:

_Rabid dogs like Baiden [sic] can hurt lots of people if they are allowed to run about….They must be beaten to death with a stick, before it is too late._

We love you, North Korea. Please don’t ever change.

*DEPORTATIONS: TRUMP LAGGING BEHIND OBAMA AT THE SAME POINT IN HIS PRESIDENCY*

Even though Donald Trump built his campaign and scored a soul-stirring and breathtaking surprise electoral victory by promising that he would build a wall that reached to the sun, place all the journalists in work camps, and kick all the wetbacks and Muzzies out of our great and noble nation, he’s basically done nothing more than deliver political handjobs to whomever is pulling his son-in-law’s brittle marionette strings.

At this stage in his presidency, Barack Hussein Obama had deported 1.18 illegal aliens; Trump has yet to crack the 800,000 barrier.

In 2012, Obama oversaw the deportation of 409,849 people who had no gosh-darned right to be in this country and were selfishly slurping away on the public teat.

Although Trump promised to deport “millions” of immigrants, he hasn’t even cracked 260,000 deportations in a single year.

Oh, and how’s that wall coming along?

Mr. Trump, we thought you hated the illegals as much as we did. The fact that you don’t makes us love you just a little bit less.

*REPORT: MUSLIM POLITICIANS ARE SOMETIMES CALLED MEAN NAMES*

You’d figure that after all the terrorist bombings and the genocidal actions toward Christians in the Middle East and all the threats to destroy the decadent infidel West and swallow it whole, people would realize that Muslims are their friends and that Islamophobia is worse than herpes.

According to Niraj Warikoo—a swarthy-looking writer with a set of dark-brown “anus eyes”— “Muslim candidates faced hatred in 2018 political races.”

It’s always sad when people are forced to face hatred, especially when hatred is so cowardly that it doesn’t show its face. How can you face a hatred that won’t face you? 

Imagine coming to this country, refusing to assimilate, and displaying open hostility toward your host to a degree that signals an ultimate plan of genocidal replacement…and then only being greeted with hatred.

Mr. Warikoo cites a 97-page study from scholars at four universities titled “#Islamophobia, Stoking Fear and Prejudice in the 2018 Midterms” which allegedly “details the hatred that 166 Muslim political candidates in the U.S. endured during the midterm elections”:

While many Muslim candidates reported limited encounters with Islamophobia among their constituents, we found a social media narrative of manufactured outrage that was disproportionately Islamophobic, xenophobic, racist, and misogynistic. It was heavily influenced by a small number of agents provocateurs, whose hate-filled messages and disinformation were amplified by networks of accounts operating on a scale that signals the involvement of organized networks.

Actually, that sounds kind of cool and dangerous. We’re always looking for exciting new ways to indulge our Islamophobia.

*SOUTH DAKOTA’S WACKY NEW ANTI-DRUG SLOGAN: “METH: WE’RE ON IT”*

The best thing about South Dakota is that it’s not North Dakota.

The second-best thing is that someone in the state government thought it would be a good idea to run an anti-meth campaign with the slogan “METH: WE’RE ON IT.”

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attempted to justify the slogan but only managed to make things worse:

_This campaign is going to be about solutions and hope and how every single one of us in South Dakota can partner to be ‘on meth.’ Really the tagline is, ‘I’m on meth,’ and what it’s talking about is each one of us, no matter who we are, that we’re on the case of meth—that we’re protecting our family, we’re protecting our friends, we’re protecting our communities from this epidemic that we see,” the governor said._ 

Oh, OK. That makes sense. So you’re not “on” it; you’re on it. It’s like if you said “Get the clap,” but didn’t actually mean get the clap.

They must be making some Grade-A meth up there in South Dakota these days.

*MEXICAN CARTEL HITWOMAN CLAIMS SHE HAD SEX WITH DECAPITATED CORPSES AND DRANK THEIR BLOOD*

A 28-year-old woman named “Juana” caught our attention because she sounds like an interesting chick.

Sitting in a cell in Baja, California, Juana—AKA “La Peque” (the Little One)—is a former hitwoman for the Zetas drug cartel who humblebrags that “Ever since I was a little girl I was a rebel, and then became a drug addict and an alcoholic.”

To finance her illicit lifestyle and support her illegitimate child, she first worked as a prostitute and then moved on to more wholesome employment as a lookout for the cartel who, whenever she botched her job, would be bound with rope and fed only one taco per day.

Juana says that the cartel’s mind-peeling violence was a turnoff for her at first. She says she felt sad after witnessing someone’s face get crushed with a mace, but over time, she claims she developed quite the taste for the old ultraviolence herself.

A minor Mexican news site called Denuncias quotes Juana as saying she began to “feel excited by [blood], rubbing myself in it and bathing in it after killing a victim. I even drank it when it was still warm.” The site also says Juana “insinuated” she’d “had sex with the cadavers of those decapitated, using the severed heads as well as the rest of their bodies to pleasure herself.”

Again, not the type of gal you’d find on eHarmony.com. Maybe Plenty of Fish, but definitely not eHarmony.

*STARVED FOR ATTENTION, GAY MAN FALSELY ACCUSES HIS BOYFRIEND OF RAPING HIM*

When men falsely accuse other men of raping them, all men suffer.

Not only does it foster distrust in the male community, it breaks the sacred bond that exist between both straight and gay men, who are united in the realization that women can often be very annoying and even malicious.

Therefore, let’s toss a stinking tuna bucket of shame on the head of a 34-year-old Indonesian gaybird named Fredy Kosman Wee, who called police three times claiming his 50-year-old “partner” Lui Cheng Kiat force-fed him a sleeping pill and then raped him after he fell unconscious.

When police became suspicious about his account, Kwee folded like the little sissy-baby he is and said he made the false claim because he was angry his boyfriend wasn’t giving him all the attention he felt he needed due to the fact that he has some sort of terminal medical condition that we will assume is AIDS because that’s the likeliest suspect.

*“SLAVE FOR SALE”: TEEN FACES HATE-CRIME CHARGES OVER CRAIGSLIST AD*

Was it one of the most horrifying hate crimes to strike an Illinois high school in recent years, or was it a simple joke between friends that shows how horrifyingly hysterical American society has become over its guilt complex regarding the long-gone slave era?

An unnamed 14-year-old white boy in Naperville, IL—which recently endured another ridiculous scandal when it was reported that a white patron didn’t want to sit next to black people at a local chicken-wings restaurant—is now facing two felony hate-crime charges and one count of misdemeanor disorderly conduct after posting an ad on Craiglist with the following header:

_Slave for sale (Naperville). Hardworkin thick nigga slave_

The ad featured a picture of a black teen at a lunch table.

According to the accused’s lawyer, it was a simple prank between friends.

How far has our country fallen when a pair of teen boys who’ve flouted societal taboos and become friends despite the fact that they come from opposite races can’t even pretend to reenact their ancestors’ master/slave dynamic without being punished rather than applauded?

*WELSH METEOROLOGIST APOLOGIZES FOR REFERRING TO TRAFFIC JAM AS A ‘HOLOCAUST’*

Sian Lloyd is a former TV weather presenter in Wales who recently came under fire for referring to a traffic jam in her hometown of Swansea as a “holocaust.”

When people started screaming at her for daring to liken a mere traffic inconvenience to The Worst Thing That Ever Happened in History, she noted that she purposely spelled the word with a lower-case “h” and that holy heck, she’s half-Jewish anyways:

_Hey guys, it’s the noun with a small h. I’m half Jewish myself. Would never want to cause offence. Huge apology if I did….I did not do that [compare traffic to the holocaust]. And would never do so. It’s the noun with a small h, which is a bona fida [sic] word. Not the historical one with a big H. But clearly a bad choice. Big apologies….I meant the noun with a small h. I so did not mean it in the historical way, with the big H. Big sorry if iit [sic] caused offence. Obvs the wrong word to use. So sorry….I’ve been [to Auschwitz] & I’m half Jewish….A big mistake to have used the noun. So sorry to have offended folk._

“Folk?” You know who else used that word? Adolf Hitler, that’s who.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-65/

December 01, 2019

The Week’s Most Avaricious, Repetitious, and Meretricious Headlines

*“BORAT” ACTOR: THROW THE HATERS DOWN THE WELL*

It is said that comedic actor and satirist Sacha Baron Cohen makes fun of everyone, including Jews, but if you pay attention, he makes fun of people who hate Jews and almost everyone else—except for Jews, which may be related to the fact that making fun of them would represent a professional conflict of interest.

With a net worth of $130 million, Cohen obviously lives in a tiny little insulated and temperature-controlled bubble which has led him down a path of delusion to the point where he believes that Big Tech actively promotes white supremacy and anti-Semitism—and he’s not joking.

Without even the slightest wisp of irony, the alleged satirist accepted an award from the Anti-Defamation League—a group which holds social media in a headlock and destroys anyone who strays an inch from the orthodoxies they mandate—to allege that social media is a viper’s nest of Nazis and Aryan supremacists and hatemongers and racial chauvinists and people whom God clearly did not choose.

Cohen called out the “Silicon Six”—a half-dozen billionaires who rule the tech industry—accusing them of running “the greatest propaganda machine in history” and caring “more about boosting their share price than about protecting democracy”:

This is ideological imperialism — six unelected individuals in Silicon Valley imposing their vision on the rest of the world, unaccountable to any government and acting like they’re above the reach of law. It’s like we’re living in the Roman Empire, and Mark Zuckerberg is Caesar.  At least that would explain his haircut.

It bears noting that four of those six billionaires—Mark Zuckerberg, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, and Susan Wojcicki—are co-ethnics with Cohen and everyone who runs the ADL.

He even said that Facebook would have eagerly partnered with Adolf Hitler, which is the funniest thing he’s ever said.

*EXACTLY HOW MUCH OF A CRACKHEAD IS JOE BIDEN’S SON?*

Joe Biden’s son Hunter—the one who didn’t die—has been in and out of rehab a half-dozen times and acknowledged that he repeatedly bought crack cocaine from homeless people in LA. After his brother Beau died of cancer, Hunter started banging Beau’s widow, causing his own wife to divorce him and leading to a new marriage with a woman he’d known for less than a week. He’s also involved in a paternity suit with some skank from Arkansas.

Despite all the attempts at rehabilitation that started years ago, as late as last year, Mr. Biden was spotted dropping “thousands of dollars” at a DC strip club and forcing workers to warn him to maybe smoke his crack somewhere else. According to a former manager of Archibald’s Gentlemen’s Club in DC:

_There was a smell of burning Styrofoam in the VIP room. We told him nothing illegal can go on here. We didn’t see anything illegal. After he was spoken to, the smell stopped. VIP employees suspected it was crack._

As everyone knows, burning crack smells like Styrofoam, whereas burning Styrofoam smells like crack. So he obviously was smoking crack. So now, simply because Biden’s crack-smoking and manwhoring son was involved in some dodgy deal with Ukrainian businessmen, Donald Trump may be impeached.

If that sounds like justice to you, forget about getting a Christmas card from us.

*WOMAN ARRESTED, CHARGED WITH SEX CRIMES FOR BEING TOPLESS AT HOME*

Tilli Buchanan is a self-described feminist in her late 20s who lives in Utah. Her face is nothing to write home about—in fact, it could probably keep an entire flock of crows off a cornfield—but since this is about her breasts, they seem reasonable to us.

Late in 2017 or early in 2018, Tilli and her husband were hanging drywall in their garage. They were both topless because they say they didn’t want their clothes to get dusty—apparently neither one of them has a problem with their nipples getting dusty, though. At some point while they were letting their jugs flap in the wind, three of her husband’s children from a previous marriage walked into their garage.

The children ranged in age from 9 to 13 and apparently ran and tattled to their biological mom, who said she became “alarmed” and called the police, and it obviously had nothing to do with jealousy that her ex-beau was with a new woman, because it’s a biological fact that women never use the law to punish men who no longer find them desirable.

In February, Buchanan was charged with three misdemeanor accounts of lewdness involving a child. If convicted, she faces possible jail time and could be forced to register as a sex offender for ten years.

She says she’s being unconstitutionally prosecuted because her husband was not arrested for flashing his nips in front of the kids. Even though she might be a drunken slut, we’re going to take her side on this because there is no question that male nipples are objectively more distasteful than female nipples.

*THE TERF/TRANNY WARS, CONT.*

“TERF” is an acronym for “Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist,” a term of derogation used to describe a woman who says that women’s issues are exclusive to biological women and that men who pretend they’re women are party-crashers and genital-appropriators who want all of the pity that comes with being a woman without any of the suffering, especially the monthly bleeding.

Rachel Ara is a woman that many would mistake for a very ugly man. She claims she has been “openly gay for 35 years,” but one look at her mug makes us think that lesbianism is not her sexual preference as much as it is an island of last resort for a lousy female specimen who kills the mating drive in every male who beholds her unfortunate visage.

Even though she apparently lacks even a droplet of charisma, Miz Ara was slated to give a speech about, oh, vaginas and art or something at Oxford Brookes University until some perpetually aggrieved casualty of gender dysphoria caught wind of the fact that Ara might as well be Hitler for embracing such a debunked, hateful, and dangerous idea as “women are women.” 

According to a letter pecked out by the weirdos at the local LGBTQ+ society:

_Rachel Ara is a trans exclusionary radical feminist who frequently shares transphobic discourse on her social media. She has openly showed support for the ‘LGB Alliance’, which is openly transphobic and seeks to isolate trans people within the LGBTQ+ movement. While this speaker may be invited under the pretence of academic freedom, we firmly believe that inviting such speakers infringes upon academic freedom at Oxford Brookes._

Serious question: All other things being equal, would your average tranny or your average TERF win a mud-wrestling match?

*39 DEAD IN FOILED MIGRANT-SMUGGLING SCHEME*

Although American media has been almost entirely silent about the story, one would think that the real-life saga of 39 impoverished Vietnamese migrants seeking a better life in England—only to suffocate en masse in the back of a truck trailer en route to their final destination—would be a big news story.

After all, even John Wayne Gacy didn’t kill 39 people.

It’s certainly more people than the KKK has killed in the past few generations.

And it’s more people dead in one shot than there are unarmed black people being shot dead by police in America every year, and we’re all aware of what a huge fuss people make about that.

In late October, an Irish truck driver named Maurice Robinson reportedly passed out when he opened the back of his truck’s refrigerated trailer to find 39 frozen corpses.As detectives began piecing the saga together, it became apparent that Robinson was part of an Irish criminal syndicate that was working in cahoots with Vietnamese criminals to smuggle migrants into the UK.

Why isn’t this a bigger story? 

Because according to The Narrative, immigration is good for everyone and this sort of thing never happens.

*TELEVANGELIST: IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS ARE A “JEW COUP”*

Christian TV pastor Rick Wiles is different from most modern televangelists in the sense that he doesn’t worship the Zionist state and realizes that all the love evangelicals have for Israel is entirely unrequited.

During a recent monologue, Wiles blamed the current impeachment proceedings against Donald Trump on—you guessed it—da Jews!:

_That’s the way the Jews work, they are deceivers, they plot, they lie, they do whatever they have to do to accomplish their political agenda. This ‘impeach Trump’ effort is a Jew coup and the American people better wake up to it really fast because this thing is moving now toward a vote in the House and then a trial in the Senate….People are going to be forced, possibly by this Christmas, to take a stand because of this Jew coup in the United States. This is a coup led by Jews to overthrow the constitutionally elected president of the United States and it’s beyond removing Donald Trump, it’s removing you and me. That’s what’s at the heart of it. You have been taken over by a Jewish cabal….There will be a purge. That’s the next thing that happens when Jews take over a country, they kill millions of Christians._

A Jew coup? Who knew? Sounds cuckoo.

*BLACK NBA STAR REFERS TO BLACK WOMEN AS “BULLDOGS”* 

Patrick Patterson is a power forward with the NBA’s Los Angeles Clippers. 

Like many successful black athletes, he married a white woman who is at least three feet shorter than he is while insisting it had nothing to do with racial status-signaling.

When someone on social media recently taunted Patterson that if he was not a millionaire athlete he’d probably be stuck with some nappy hood rat, he defended his wife’s valor while taking a swipe at all black women:

_So I should settle for a bulldog and act like I’m happy with my life and preach ‘keep it in your race’ to the world as if Dr. King didn’t fight/die for equality, acceptance, all cultures loving one another, and no hate? No thanks. That maybe [sic] your life but I don’t want that for mine or my family. Color doesn’t matter. Wake up._

After the predictable furor erupted in the wake of his comments, Patterson apologized—*but not to bulldogs.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-66/

Takimag  

December 08, 2019

The Week’s Most Seductive, Obstructive, and Destructive Headlines

*VIEWERS: RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER WAS TRAPPED IN A TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT*

Monday night at 8PM EST, for the umpteenth-plus-fourscore time, CBS will rerun 1964’s classic animated special Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Because it’s 2019, people are naturally looking for ways to depict Santa and his elves as Hitler and the SS.

We’ve all been able to read between the lines and realize that when Rudolph is forced to put on a “black” nose to hide his “red” nose, what the screenwriters are secretly trying to tell us is that he’s a “black” man trying not to get lynched in a “white” man’s world.

Twitter $#@!s also took Santa Claus—the ultimate Old White Boomer Male—to task for running a sweatshop and exploiting the labor of hardworking reindeer and the strange and presumably sexually insatiable undersized human genetic mutants known as elves:

Ultimately, you have to blame Santa for the bullying culture at the North Pole. Donner is just middle management. Santa put pressure on his reindeer, so they felt like they had to have the perfect children.

Between Rudolph and Hermie…The North Pole seems like the most toxic work environment to ever exist. Ruthless bullying and then banishment to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Did you ever get in one of those moods where the only people you truly wish to bully are people who complain about bullying?

*THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS CONTINUES: AMAZON REMOVES AUSCHWITZ-THEMED TREE ORNAMENTS*

Everyone knows that the Holocaust was the worst thing that ever happened, the worst thing that ever will happen, and the worst thing that could possibly ever happen, case closed, period, stick a fork in it and throw it in the trash because it’s done.

That’s why making light of the Holocaust may even be worse than the Holocaust itself.

The entire Jewish World and all of its satellite possessions exploded in perfectly understandable outrage when it learned that Amazon.com was selling tasteless memorabilia related to the persecution and destruction of precisely 6,000,000 Jews in World War II.

One such item was a bell-shaped tree ornament featuring a photo of the Auschwitz death camp in Poland, which some anonymous joker apparently thought was downright hilarious.

Another was a magnetic bottle opener with a photo of Auschwitz that misidentified the camp as “the former Jewish district in Krakow,” which, again, some faceless coward seemed to think was the funniest thing in the whole darned universe.

The Auschwitz Museum—have you ever wondered whether they sell snacks and beverages there?—expressed its stern and morally unimpeachable disapproval of the death-camp-themed tchotchkes:

_Selling Christmas ornaments with images of Auschwitz does not seem appropriate. Auschwitz on a bottle opener is rather disturbing and disrespectful._

Depending on how you look at the Holocaust—and if you don’t look at it in the officially approved way, we’re calling the cops on you—executives at Amazon either saw the error of their ways, buckled to public pressure, or kissed the rabbi’s ring and begged the rabbi not to hurt them. They promptly removed the tacky genocidal kitsch and issued an effusive and likely insincere apology.

*COLIN KAEPERNICK SAYS WE MUST “HONOR OUR ELDERS,” CONTINUES SHAMING HIS PARENTS*

In world history, has there ever been a black baby adopted by white parents who turns out to be even the tiniest bit grateful? Or do they all turn into insufferable Black Power Guerrilla Mafia retards?

If mid-grade quarterback turned boring social-justice activist Colin Kaepernick looks a little strange to you, that’s because he’s of mixed racial origins: part African human being and part exotic jungle tapir.

The white parents who adopted him say they’re OK with all his “I’m black, y’all” jibbety-jabber he’s been making ever since his athletic skills began their slow decline, but their eyes tell a different story. Their eyes tell a sad tale of heartache and betrayal and self-abasement and racial vengeance from the boy with the massive, banana-shaped proboscis that they lovingly took under their gentle white wings.

On Thanksgiving, Kaepernick went out to Alcatraz and spoke at some Native American “Un-Thanksgiving Day,” which is some annual shindig where Injun-Americans show their gratitude for the fact that their European conquerors didn’t commit genocide against them by accusing their European conquerors of committing genocide against them, anyway, even if they actually had committed genocide against them, they wouldn’t be out there on Alcatraz accusing them of it because they’d all be dead.

Kaepernick, worth an estimated $20 million, said something about “indigenous struggles.” He also stressed the need to “honor our ancestors and honor our elders,” even though we suspect that his actions are making his adoptive parents die a little bit inside each day. Later in the day he tweeted some gibberish about “white fears of Black equality.”

Brothers and sisters, we will never have true equality until we all follow the same capitalization scheme. It’s either “white and black” or “White and Black.” You can’t have it both ways. That’s what leads to slavery—and always for the group that’s not getting capitalized.

We actually believe that if black people can commit themselves to learning and practicing good and consistent grammar, Rodney King’s dream of us all getting along will one day come true.

*DAD SUSPECTS SON MIGHT BE GAY, LEAVES HIM ON SIDE OF ROAD*

If we were going to write a screenplay about a homophobic black father who becomes so enraged at seeing gay porn on his preteen son’s cellphone that he drops him off outside a police station and speeds away, we couldn’t think of a better name for the villain than Evenaud Julmeus.

But some wise black couple who were already blessed with the surname “Julmeus” beat us to the punch by naming their little boy Evenaud.

Evenaud Julmeus is a 30-year-old black man who lives in Haines City, FL who allegedly did everything we outlined in our screenplay idea above. He left his preteen boy—who has not been publicly named but whom we would like to believe is named Evenaud Julmeus, Jr.—with a duffel bag containing clothing but no money or food or phone.

In the end, Evenaud Julmeus did the right thing—he turned himself in and is facing charges of negligent child abuse without bodily harm.

We sincerely hope that little Evenaud Julmeus, Jr.—or Jayvon Julmeus or Geronimo Julmeus or Jehosophat Julmeus or whatever this young black boy’s name happens to be, not that it matters—is OK.

*“MUHAMMAD” BECOMES ONE OF USA’S TOP 10 BABY BOY NAMES*

Whereas fifty years ago, the only person in the USA named “Muhammad” was Muhammad Ali (we made that up, but cut us some slack), the name “Muhammad” and all its variant spellings has finally crept up into the top ten names for baby boys in these here United States.

1. Liam
2. Jackson
3. Noah
4. Aiden
5. Grayson
6. Caden
7. Lucas
8. Elijah
9. Oliver
10. Muhammad

While nearly all of those names are absolutely repulsive, “Muhammad” is by far the most troubling, for obvious reasons—we don’t like Muslims because they’re sneaky. It is also the most overused boy’s name in the world, with an estimated 150 million Muhammads walking around the planet, nearly all of them with tremendous body odor.

On the girls’ side, the Arabic name “Aaliyah” crept into the top ten as well, hovering there at the bottom of the list just like Muhammad but waiting to rise, rise, rise.

File this story under “not cool at all.”

*YET ANOTHER STUDY SAYS DIVERSITY IS A WEAKNESS, NOT A STRENGTH*

Diversity researcher Robert Putnam has been saying this for years until someone apparently dragged him into a dark room and scared him, because now we hear he’s been backtracking and saying that all the different takeout menus and spicy cuisines are a good thing, but DIVERSITY IS NOT A STRENGTH. The very word “diversity” had severely negative connotations until its rebranding in the early 1990s.

*A new university study from Denmark confirms Putnam’s findings as well as those of any others who bothered to soberly examine the subject: There is a “statistically significant negative relationship between ethnic diversity and social trust across all studies.”*

The study, a “meta-analysis of 1,001 estimates from 87 studies from Western countries” led researcher Peter Thisted Dinesen to conclude:

To be clear, the overall negative relationship between residential ethnic diversity and social trust is statistically significant and holds up when conditioning on a range of potential confounders and moderators….Extant studies have relatively consistently reported a significant negative relationship between neighborhood-level ethnic diversity and various forms of social trust.

The study’s findings were supported by professor Erick Kaufmann at Birbeck University of London:

Higher diversity is significantly associated with lower trust in communities, even when controlling for deprivation.

Yeah, sure, whatever, but we still get all those different takeout menus.

*YOUNG ENGLISHMAN “DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO HELPING OTHERS,” GETS STABBED TO DEATH BY ONE OF THE OTHERS*

Jack Merritt was a 25-year-old University of Cambridge graduate who was stabbed to death on London Bridge last Friday afternoon by a convicted Muslim terrorist who was released from prison last year after serving only six years of a 16-year sentence.

Jack earned a Master’s degree in criminology with a dissertation titled “A Critical Analysis of Over-Representation of Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic Males Aged 18-21 in the British Prison System.”

Hours before he got stabbed, Jack gave a lecture at a conference on prisoner rehabilitation. The ex-con Muslim terrorist who would later kill him had attended the conference and was thrown out for unruly behavior.

While his son’s blood had barely dried from a high-profile murder, Jack’s father warned us that to notice the irony in any of this would be to push an agenda of “hate.”

*This caused us to immediately hate Jack’s father.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-67/

Takimag 

December 15, 2019

*GRETA THUNBERG: BRATTY AND ILL-INFORMED YOUNG GIRL WITH ANGER-MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS SELECTED TIME PERSON OF THE YEAR*

Have you noticed that the climate this morning was a little bit different than it was a week ago? Based on prior experiences, do you suspect that in a week, it’ll probably be different than it is right now?

It keeps changing, right? No one is arguing that the climate never changes.

Therefore, the only thing that the little sour-pussed Swedish “activist” Greta Thunberg has ever accomplished in her 16 years is to encourage mass truancy among students on Fridays, which probably leads to them being dumber, and no one would argue that stupidity doesn’t make the climate worse.

Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro called Greta a “brat.”

Extending a wee bit more charity, Vladimir Putin referred to her as a “kind but poorly informed teenager.”

In reaction to the fact that she just edged out Donald Trump as the TIME Person of the Year for 2019, the prez tweeted that Greta has an anger-management problem.

We agree with all of this. We also think her personality is just as disagreeable as her face. She speaks very disrespectfully to her elders and should probably learn how to put on makeup at this point in her life.

Edward Felsenthal is some guy who claims to be some sort of big-shot editor over at TIME, even though he looks like a lecherous woodchuck. He explains why the mag chose Greta to “become the youngest figure to ever be named TIME’s Person of the Year in the 92-year history of the distinction”:

_That Thunberg is the youngest individual ever named TIME’s Person of the Year says as much about the moment as it does about her. The 92-year-old franchise is rooted in the so-called Great Man theory of history, the notion that powerful individuals shape the world. Historically that has meant people who worked their way up the ladders of major organizations and were at home in the corridors of power. But in this moment when so many traditional institutions seem to be failing us, amid staggering inequality and social upheaval and political paralysis, we are seeing new kinds of influence take hold. It is wielded by people like Thunberg, leaders with a cause and a phone who don’t fit the old rubrics but who connect with us in ways that institutions can’t and perhaps never could_.

Someone open a window. The climate in here is beginning to stink.

*NIKE’S EXCITING NEW LINE OF ISLAMIC HEADGEAR FOR CHICK ATHLETES*

It didn’t occur to us until very recently—like, within the last three minutes—that you don’t really see Islamic female athletes too much on the TV set, and this is troublesome and problematic for both our future as a nation and our self-perception as individuals.

Nike is a company that manufactures athletic gear, in case you’ve been living under a rock and smoking angel dust for the past thirty years. The company’s net value is around $30 billion, so naturally they identify with the struggles of the oppressed.

The company recently unveiled its new Pro Hijab for female Muslim athletes who want to stay true to the Quran while they are running the 100-meter dash, swimming the butterfly stroke, grunting very loudly while whacking a tennis ball, and beating the snot out of infidels in boxing competitions. It is aerodynamic and allows for ease of movement while proclaiming to the world that you believe in a God who hates your guts and wants rocks thrown at you if you get raped and who provides your husband with 72 virgins when he dies no matter how pathetically obsequious you act toward him.

If that isn’t progress, we don’t know the meaning of the word.

*CANADIAN MAN CLAIMS THAT BANK REFUSED TO PROMOTE HIM BECAUSE HE’S NOT A HOMMO*

Aaren Jagadeesh is a man who lives in Canada even though, judging by his name, he probably shouldn’t. As if it wasn’t already annoying enough that he misspells his first name, we suspect that his surname means something derogatory in some exotic Middle Eastern tongue—“That guy’s a real jagadeesh; ignore him.”

Even though it’s kind of gay and effeminate, Aaren went mincing to the Canadian Human Rights Commission a little while back complaining that he was unable to climb the corporate ladder at the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce because he is not a homosexual. He even says that his boss, whom we presume is a turd-burglar or at the very least a pole-smoker, informed Aaren that he had “no hope” of being promoted unless he joined their little gay “group” of men who lie down with men as if they were women.

Aaren filed a discrimination suit with the Canadian Human Rights Commission, who laughed it away because they were too busy doing things like destroying the lives of standup comics who heckle back when drunk lesbians heckle them.

But now a higher court has ruled that the CHRC has to review the lawsuit again, but they’ll probably laugh at Aaren again because even though he’s probably not a white male, he’s not gay, either, and that can’t be tolerated in the New Canada.

*MILLIONS OF ARMED SOCIALISTS ROAM VENEZUELA’S STREETS, SCARING THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF PEOPLE*

“Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun,” quoth Chinese communist leader Mao Zedong, but dude was weird-looking with hair that stuck out in little puffballs on either side like Mouseketeer ears.

Even though Venezuela’s National Assembly declared back in January that some guy with really big teeth named Juan Guaidó was the nation’s interim president, Nicolás Maduro—who sort of looks like the bastard love child of Saddam Hussein and Cenk Uygur—has been the country’s president since 2013 and refuses to relinquish power.

Maduro still largely has the military on his side, but to cement power he has been handing out free guns to form citizen militias across the country who harass normal citizens and threaten to blow their tiny brown coconut-shaped heads off their scrawny spines if they don’t straighten up, fly right, and act like good socialists who are happy to be living on three shelled peanuts and four grains of uncooked rice a day. He says he aims to form an illegal citizen army that’s four million strong in a country of only 28 million.

Venezuela seems hopeless. The only thing that could possibly save it would be if Greta Thunberg came down and gave a speech.

*STUDY: NEARLY EVERYONE GETS MURDERED MORE OFTEN THAN TRANNIES*

What do you get when you combine the most annoying things about gay guys with the most annoying things about women?

You get a tranny!

And just like gay guys and women, they tend to complain so much that you almost suspect it gives them sexual pleasure to do so. We’ve heard for years now about how America’s streets are the killing fields for the transgender community, with hate-filled transphobes lurking around every corner just itchin’ to murder a guy who says his name is Marie.

We recently heard about some alleged “epidemic” of tranny murders in the USA.

*But Wilfred Reilly—a black fellow who released a book about hate-crime hoaxes earlier this year—crunched the numbers and found that nearly everyone else except real women gets murdered at a higher per-capita rate than do the delusional sad sacks that comprise the bulk of the transgender community.

Reilly compared recent death tolls for trannies nationwide—usually about a couple dozen every year, most of them black trannies and most of them killed by black guys, many if not most of whom thought they’d gone home with a woman that night—against a common estimated quotient of the population, which is around six-tenths of one percent, and found that the overall population gets murdered at nearly three times the rate of trannies, that men get slaughtered at nearly five times the rate, and black people at over ten times the rate:

All of these large groups — blacks, poor whites, Latinos, men — have a murder rate that’s an order of magnitude higher than the transgender murder rate. That’s what I found. The transgender murder rate seems to be remarkably low.*

We always enjoy when black men use the word “remarkably,” because it makes them sound intelligent.

*TRUMP DANCES THE “HAVA NAGILAH” AND SPINS THE DREIDEL FOR THRILLED ONLOOKERS*

It was a busy week for President Trump and the Jewish community.

Speaking at the National Summit of Sheldon and Miriam Adelson’s Israeli-American Council, an organization that clearly wants to put America first even though it doesn’t even put America first in its own name, Trump told many members of the audience that even though he knew they were “brutal killers,” they were going to vote for him anyway because “Pocahontas” would take all of their money.

He also said that Americans, and American Jews in general, aren’t fanatically Zionistic enough:

_We have to get the people of our country, of this country, to love Israel more….You have people who are Jewish people, that are great people – they don’t love Israel enough. You know that. You know that._

Actually, we didn’t know that.

Last Wednesday, Trump signed an executive order allowing for federal funds to be withheld from any university that fosters a climate of “anti-semitism” on its campus.

Where are all these campuses, anyway?

*STUDY: MEN AND WHITES SAY MEDIA IS GETTING WORSE; OTHERS SAY IT’S GETTING BETTER*

A new study from RAND—which, due to the very impersonal name and capitalization scheme, we always assumed to be some giant metallic robot—finds that men and white people say the media is less trustworthy than it used to be.

We suspect they started developing these attitudes around the time that the media started endlessly bleating that white males were evil and need to be exterminated, but it’s nothing more than a hunch.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-68/

Takimag  

December 21, 2019

The Week’s Most Vivacious, Flirtatious, and Salacious Headlines

*TRUMP GETS IMPEACHED—WE THINK*

Approximately two seconds after Donald Trump was declared the winner of 2016’s presidential election, a group of disgruntled malcontents became galvanized around the idea that his victory was a crime against humanity on the scale of the Soviet gulags or the NBC action series Manimal.

They started screaming about miscounted votes, but when the votes were recounted, he had still won. Then, for two solid years without even a hiccup-length pause, they assured us that Russia had bought the election by, we’re not really sure, paying for some Facebook ads and watching Trump pee on hookers or something. Shortly after that whole foiled plot fell through, they acted as if Trump inquiring whether Joseph Biden and his son had committed any crimes was the real crime and that this will finally be the way that American democracy is restored—by ousting a legally elected president after spending three years doing the equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and chanting loudly.

Last Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted to impeach Trump on two articles—obstruction of Congress and abuse of power—but since the articles have yet to be handed over to the Senate, he technically hasn’t been impeached yet. He joins Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton among presidents whom the House has voted to impeach, but as of this writing, the Senate has never delivered a conviction through trial.

Whether he stays or goes—he’ll probably stay and get reelected—the childish tantrums his opponents have been throwing ever since his election, combined with the fact that we can’t think of a single promise he made on which he has delivered, have combined to give us a case of Democracy Fatigue that’s so severe, it almost feels fatal.

*NERD: THE NEW N-WORD?*

Sonja Falck is a psychotherapist who, judging from the crooked smile in that picture, seems at least a tiny bit unbalanced. While appearing on Good Morning Britain to plug her new book, Extreme Intelligence: Development, Predicaments, Implications, she stated that using terms such as “nerd” and “geek” to disparage intelligent people constitutes hate speech on the level of that other N-word that no one besides the “N-words” whom it targets is allowed to say:

_I think people find it startling because very high IQ people are a minority group in society who are very much ignored, they’re not understood and largely neglected….It’s the case that very high IQ people are bullied at school for example, they’re a target for being bullied quite viciously. Things are changing, words do evolve after time, but there are many words like brainiac, egghead, nerd, that mean socially awkward and contemptible….Hate crime is simply about somebody being targeted in a negative way for who they are. A person with a very high IQ who comes across in a different way often is targeted in that way._

On Twitter, someone said that Dr. Falck’s comments were “an insult…to your viewers who experience hate crime on a daily basis.”

What’s truly inspirational is that here we have a brave soul who is victimized by hate crimes every day, yet still has time to tweet. The resilience of the human spirit makes us crash to the ground bawling multiple times every day.

*OPIOID-PEDDLING SACKLER FAMILY NOW PEDDLES HANDY OPIOID OVERDOSE ANTIDOTE*

The Sackler Family, which owns Purdue Pharma, has breathlessly racked up a net worth of $14 billion merely by peddling the painkiller Oxycontin. Pay no mind that since the opioid crisis began, painkillers have killed an estimated 400,000 Americans. That’s more than the total deaths either side suffered in the Civil War. It equals the average total number of people murdered in the USA over a 30-year span.

Now, as luck would have it, the Sacklers are rushing to the rescue of America’s hapless millions of opioid addicts by selling an overdose antidote! The circle is complete! The cycle of profit is whole!

Through their overseas company Mundipharma, the Sacklers have now received approval to peddle a nasal spray containing the overdose antidote naloxone, which previously has only been available via injection and is thus _tres inconvenient_ when you’re in the throes of an impromptu OD. The product is called Nyxoid and has been approved for use in New Zealand, Australia, and Europe.

In legal documents filed against Purdue Pharma, it is alleged that the company manufactured the opioid crisis for the express purpose of then marketing a second drug that could pull addicts from the brink of death. The company balanced “pain treatment” against “opioid addiction treatment” and noted that 40-60% of users relapse after only one treatment, opening up the potential for further profits. The company allegedly referred to naloxone as a “strategic fit” and a “complementary” product for Oxycontin:

It is an attractive market. Large unmet need for vulnerable, underserved and stigmatized patient population suffering from substance abuse, dependence and addiction.

Let’s develop a pill that will cure the Sackler family of their addiction to money.

*SAN FRANCISCANS MOVE THE DEFECATION INDOORS…AND ONTO THE FLOORS*

Once an epicenter of such exciting cultural phenomena as the AIDS crisis and the “Doodler” serial killer, San Francisco has taken a bit of a tumble and is only snatching headlines these days due to the fact that everyone’s pooping in the streets.

Now comes word from this misty little trend-setting city that at least one San Franciscan has decided to begin defecating in grocery-store aisles, too.

The perp is a white male with pasty thighs who decided it’d be a good idea to pull his pants down at a local Safeway supermarket, lay some cable on the floor, and then take the time to wipe himself. This implies that he at least had enough time to steal some toilet tissue before “sharing” this intimate slab of his insides with the world. Observers also confirmed that the bathrooms in the store were open, but the foul beast who passes as human decided to avail himself of the floor instead.

Don’t expect the city’s new DA to reverse this trend, either. Chesa Boudin is a gap-toothed weirdo who was raised by members of the Weather Underground. He was elected DA based on a promise not to prosecute “quality of life crimes” such as doing one’s doo-das on a supermarket floor.

Remember this lest you ever forget that City Hall is behind the literal $#@! show that San Francisco has become.

*FLASHING MEME GIVES JOURNALIST SEIZURE; NOW HE SEEKS TO SEIZE PERP’S ASSETS*

Kurt Eichenwald is a lumpy, grumpy, potato-shaped shlub who gets paid to express his opinions, even though they are dull and unoriginal. He is also an epileptic, but so are some of our generation’s greatest writers.

Back in late 2016, after Eichenwald made some untoward comment about President-Elect Donald Trump being some kind of big bad mean awful person, he became the target of a certain Texas man named John Rayne Rivello, who made the following comments to other Twitter users in private using his account “@jew_goldstein”:

_[Eichenwald] deserves to have his liver pecked out by a pack of emus.

I hope this sends him into a seizure.

Let’s see if he dies.

I know he has epilepsy._

On December 15, 2016, Rivello sent Eichenwald a “GIF that strobed violently across his computer screen, flashing a red, yellow and blue geometric pattern behind the words ‘YOU DESERVE A SEIZURE FOR YOUR POSTS.’”

Eichenwald had a seizure and claims he would have died if his wife hadn’t discovered his unconscious bulk only moments later.

The FBI also found screenshots where Rivello had altered Eichenwald’s Wikipedia page to where the date of his death was the day he received the strobe-lit meme.

According to a brief filed on Eichenwald’s behalf:

A brawler who tattoos a message onto his knuckles does not throw every punch with the weight of First Amendment protection behind him. Conduct like this does not constitute speech, nor should it. A deliberate attempt to cause physical injury to someone does not come close to the expression which the First Amendment is designed to protect.

On January 31, Rivello is expected to plead guilty to aggravated assault. It’s probably the right thing to do, even though we find it physically impossible to feel bad for Kurt Eichenwald.

*ANTI-RACIST POTTY TRAINING IN COLORADO*

Racism can be conscious and unconscious. Anti-racist lecturers want to talk about your unconscious racism, because, unlike you, they’re conscious about it. The racist things that go on in your unconscious are sickening to them, and they’re here to make you feel ashamed about them—even though you’re unaware of them.

Coloradans apparently are guilt-stricken that their state is only 4.1% black—less than a third of the national average—and we are certain there are people in states all across this land who’d be willing to help Coloradans assuage their guilt by sending their black people there.

Regan Byrd is an “anti-oppression consultant” based in Denver. In case you haven’t guessed, she is extremely fat and black and wouldn’t be pretty even if she lost a lot of weight.

Regan—seriously, is there a whiter girl’s name than that?—seems to make quite a pretty penny browbeating people in this predominantly white state about racism, specifically about how they’re racist even if they don’t know it, and even if they are willing to be scolded about how racist they are, they’ll probably $#@! it up anyway because they’re white and can’t possibly have an idea what it’s like to live in this racist society:

_Being non-racist only exists under this individual-character status. Being anti-racist is, ‘I understand how racism works as an oppressive system and I’m actively working against that.’ And another distinction: You can be non-racist and contribute to a racist system. Because being neutral as a system rolls along means you’re contributing….I always like to say that some of the hardest work in anti-racism is convincing people who don’t think this is a problem that it is an issue. ‘Oh, I don’t talk to my racist uncle anymore.’ Doing that is not helping the work. White folks listen to white folks differently; that’s why allyship is important._

She seriously didn’t just pretend that “allyship” is a word, did she? Suddenly, after all these years, we’re becoming fully conscious of our racism—and we blame Megan Byrd.

----------


## Swordsmyth

> the fact that we can’t think of a single promise he made on which he has delivered

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthr...=Week+Perished

Takimag

December 29, 2019

The Week’s Crustiest, Rustiest, and Mustiest Headlines

*ROBERT DE NIRO EXPRESSES WEIRD SCATOLOGICAL SEXUAL FANTASY ABOUT DONALD TRUMP*

Robert De Niro is a formerly great actor who, alas, has gone paunchy and senile.

Along with everyone else in the entertainment industry, De Niro received the memo that if he ever wants to eat lunch in Hollywood again, he must flail about flapping his arms like one of those weird inflatable puppets you see on used-car lots about how Donald Trump is the most evil thing ever to happen to our galaxy and if we don’t neutralize him immediately, our planet will explode and Satan will win.

De Niro has formerly said that he would like to punch Trump in the face. All we’ll say about that is that he’ll have to aim high, seeing as Trump is four inches taller than the scrappy Sicilian half-pint.

He has also called Trump a “monster.” And a “pig.” And a “punk.” He also said Trump is “too stupid to even know he is evil.”

From all appearances, Robert De Niro is very upset with Trump—that is, unless he’s acting.

In a sit-down interview with that seeping tub of suet named Michael Moore, De Niro expressed a desire to see feces—whether human or animal, he didn’t specify—smeared across our one and only president’s face:

_    There has not been one thing about this person that has been redeeming, as far as I can see….I’d like to see a bag of $#@! right in his face. Hit him right in the face like that, and let the picture go all over the world. He needs to be humiliated. He needs to be confronted and humiliated by whoever his opponent is….They have to stand up to him, they don’t have to do it in an obvious physical way, but they have to have the formidability to confront him and to put him in his place, because the people have to see that, to see him be humiliated._

Neither Travis Bickle nor Rupert Pupkin ever sounded that crazy. Suddenly it becomes clear that Robert De Niro has never acted a day in his life—he’s simply a mental defective behaving naturally.

*MAN SENTENCED TO 16 YEARS FOR SETTING RAINBOW *** FLAG ON FIRE*

Ignorance leads to fear, which leads to hate. Hate then leads to more ignorance, which is scary. Scary ignorance then leads to more hate, which always ends in violence. If there’s anything worth hating and fearing, it’s ignorance. And for all the ignorant people out there, don’t be hatin’ on what I just said. It just shows that you’re afraid.

Adolfo Martinez’s mother probably cursed him from birth by naming him after Hitler. Actually, we’re not certain that’s why she named him “Adolfo,” but c’mon, lady, your son was born a mere 30 years ago at a time when everyone knew that Hitler’s unforgivable sins had rendered both his name and his mustache off-limits for eternity.

Not to knock his mom too much, but either she didn’t tell him not to hate ***** or Li’l Adolfo didn’t listen to her. The homophobic Hispanic from Iowa just received a 16-year sentence for stealing an LGBTQ flag that was hanging outside Ames United Church of Christ and burning it outside Dangerous Curves Gentleman’s Club on June 11.

Has anyone ever seen a gentleman at a “gentleman’s club”?

Martinez received his harsh sentence not completely because homosexuals’ feelings are so sacred that we must protect them no matter how insanely sadistic the punishment is, but because he’s a habitual offender. But make no mistake—the fact that he will spend 16 revolutions around the sun while trapped in a cage is intended to send a message to anyone foolhardy enough to set flame to something that is sacred to the flamers.

*PEAK TRANS: TRANSGENDER WOMAN ACCUSED OF TRANSPHOBIC HATE SPEECH*

What kind of world do we live in where a man can pretend to be a woman so long as he doesn’t break character and say, “OK, I’m only pretending”?

Debbie Hayton is a physics teacher in England’s dreary Midlands. Debbie’s parents probably named Debbie something like “Jack” or Nigel,” but we don’t want to “deadname” Debbie and get put on some hit list. At some point in recent years, Debbie legally changed Debbie’s name and received hormone treatment and sex-assignment therapy.

Whew. At least we were able to get through that entire paragraph without saying “her.”

At some event organized by a group of killjoys called Fair Play for Women, Debbie committed the self-hate crime of wearing a T-shirt that said:

_    Trans women are men. Get over it!_

Debbie is facing expulsion from the LGBT committee of the Trades Union Congress for not only wearing the shirt, but for opining thusly in a published essay:

_    Trans women are biologically male — in fact, being male is the sole qualifying criterion to be a trans woman_

Where’s the lie? In fact, the only lie we could spot is that this creatures calls itself “Debbie” and wants us to lie and say he’s a chick.

According to Maria Exall, who looks like she could be Tucker Carlson’s younger, underachieving brother, Debbie’s comments crossed that “line” we keep hearing about**:

_    [Debbie has] gone beyond discourse, and the expression of alternative viewpoints, and is now propagating hate speech against the trans community._

But that’s simply not true. And neither is the fact that Debbie is really a “Debbie.”

This is all one eternally spiraling headache. Does anyone have any aspirin—like, five or six of them?

*RUDY GIULIANI CHALLENGES GEORGE SOROS TO A JEW-OFF*

We always considered ex-New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani to be a devout and likely Mob-connected Catholic, so it comes as a wee bit of a shock to hear him say that when it comes to Jewishness, he can out-Jew George Soros any day of the week.

Responding to the allegation that any criticism of George Soros is rooted in anti-Semitism, Giuliani dismissed such meshugga goy talk:

_    Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him….Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is. I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States. He’s a horrible human being._

When a reporter later asked Giuliani how any Catholic could out-Jew any Jew, much less one as prominent as Soros, he said, “I’m more Jewish than half my friends.”

Yeah, but what if half of his friends aren’t Jewish? And how is he measuring Jewishness, anyway? We’ll believe him when we see notarized test results proving that he has a serum blood level of at least 2.3 Jewtrons or higher.

*“SEX OFFENDER EXPERT” CHARGED WITH SEX OFFENSES*

If you were writing a short story and wanted to make one of the characters a sex offender, it’s hard to go wrong with a name like “Kurt M. Bumby.” The guy just sounds like a deviant.

Bumby, 50, is a Missouri-based “forensic psychologist and national leader in the field of sex offender management.” For two decades he’s been advising governmental agencies across the country in the fine art of “sex offender management.” Just last month he was paid a staggering $280,000 merely for delivering a report to the Arizona Supreme Court about how to better manage sex offenders and, we dunno, make them less sexually offensive.

Now he is facing charges in both St. Louis County and Columbia County, MO for child sex crimes against two separate children. The St. Louis case involves molestation charges from 1988 to 1994 while Bumby was in college. The alleged victim was the member of a family Bumby had befriended and would visit on weekends. The Boone County charges allege that Bumby sodomized yet another child of a family friend between 2008 and 2015.

You always have to keep an eye on the do-gooders. Always. More often than not, they’re the worst.

*NIGERIAN MALES RISE UP AGAINST THE MISANDRIST PLAGUE!*

In a climate where it often feels like the entire Western media is trying to gaslight you, we find solace and comfort in the magical world of African journalism.

Olatunji Ololade is one of our favorite African journalists, and we only say that because we aren’t aware of many African journalists. But he has a very lyrical name that rolls off the tongue almost as if one were practicing cunnilingus. He recently penned a diatribe for Nigeria’s The Nation which hints that African males are dealing with the same problems that besiege Western males:

_   ‘Toxic masculinity’ is the new rage. It connotes everything supposedly wrong with Nigeria’s male folk. Coined in Western feminist circuits, an obsession with it at the homefront highlights the workings of the misandrist mind. Yea, most of Nigerian feminists are misandrists or closet man-haters….
    By chanting the sins of toxic maleness, they seek to force men on a defensive swerve. With delusional certitude, they aim to usurp the patriarchy and seize control of society. But like all things novel, they will enjoy their seasons of anomie and pretension to sentience. They will seem to ‘run things,’ until their sand castles come tumbling down….
    The Nigerian man must, however, live to thwart the onset of feminist dystopia. Right now, he manifests as a lost cause. Having strayed in the maze of perverse feminist plots and literature, he navigates manhood, answering to name-plates forged by his nemesis….
    By remoulding him into a demon, a doormat and social affliction, feral feminists or Feminazis, if you like, have gained an edge over him. The exploitative nature of rapists, murderers, looters, assassins, paedophiles, and tyrants among men further affirms misandrist claims against the Nigerian man…._

Is there any way we can hire this man to write a weekly column?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-69/

Takimag

January 05, 2020

The Week’s Most Obscure, Impure, and Insecure Headlines

*A NEW DECADE, A NEW WORLD WAR!*

Years before he declared his candidacy for the presidency, Donald Trump made the following tweets:
_
    In order to get elected, @BarackObama will start a war with Iran. (11/29/11)

    @Barack Obama will attack Iran in order to get re-elected. (1/17/12)

    I predict that President Obama will at some point attack Iran in order to save face! (9/16/13)

    Remember that I predicted a long time ago that President Obama will attack Iran because of his inability to negotiate properly-not skilled! (11/10/13)_

On Thursday, the Pentagon declared that a US missile had ripped Iranian General Qassem Soleimani to shreds. Soleimani had been a member of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps since 1988 and was the head of an elite military division known as the Quds Force. He was killed in Iraq, which has never come close to recovering after US military actions ousted Saddam Hussein and rendered the country an anarchic mess.

There were unconfirmed reports that after the assassination, US Marines in Baghdad were actively arresting any Iraqi politician who declared an intent to democratically vote US forces out of their country.

Iranian officials have announced that they will allow the nation to mourn for three days before striking back.

During his presidential campaign, Trump had insisted repeatedly that American military involvement in the Middle East was ill-advised and disastrous.

And now he may have started World War III.

*MAYOR BUTTPLUG: LEGALIZE ALL DRUGS*

As annoying as Pete Buttigieg is, and as much as he supports insane policies such as decriminalizing the act of having unprotected sex with someone without informing them you’re HIV-positive, every once in a pink moon the smarmy little gerbil-stuffer will adopt a policy that doesn’t sound completely fake and gay.

In a pre-Christmas interview with the Des Moines Register, Buttigieg says he supports the decriminalization of all illegal drugs, which is not the same as legalizing them—violators would still be subject to fines and mandatory drug counseling, but they wouldn’t be locked away for years in the Stony Lonesome, nursing a cancerous grudge against a society so stupid that they think torturing someone will make them better:

_ The idea that you can criminalize addiction or the idea that incarceration is the right way to handle possession—I think has been disproven by American experience over the course of my lifetime….

    I would not have said even five years ago what I believe now, which is that incarceration should not even be a response to drug possession.

    But what I’ve seen is—while there continue to be all kinds of harms associated with drug possession and use—it’s also the case that we have created, in an effort to deal with what amounts to a public health problem, we have created a bigger problem, a justice problem, and its own form of a health problem, if you think about the impact on a child._

We are no fans of addicts. A good case can be made that a chronic alcoholic or drug addict can cause more systemic damage and suffering to those around them than someone who gets violent every ten years.

But has society benefited from the effective legalization of opiates through the mass-marketing of drugs such as Oxycontin? Are we any better off that children are being force-fed legal speed in the form of Adderall and Ritalin? We don’t have Prohibition anymore, but we still have 88,000 alcohol-related deaths annually.

There’s no easy answer. Drug overdose deaths from illegal substances and prescription pills appear to be at an all-time high. 

*Clearly we live in a society that makes people want to escape from it.*

*“WOMAN” DONATES SPERM SO THAT “MAN” CAN GIVE BIRTH*

The headline in The Sun read, “Transgender man gives birth to non-binary partner’s baby with sperm donated by transgender woman,” a sentence that is crammed with so much unreality, it makes us dizzy.

We now live in a world where men give birth to babies who were conceived with female sperm.

The story expects us to celebrate the sordid little saga of 39-year-old Reuben Sharpe, who was born a woman, just gave birth to a baby about three months ago, and is still genetically a woman—don’t let the beard fool you.

Reuben’s “partner” is a “non-binary” person named Jay. Reuben was impregnated via sperm donated by a “transgender woman” and was inserted into his male womb by a transgender doctor.

We feel pity for the baby and contempt for everyone else involved.

*POSH SCHOOLS NIX SCHOLARSHIPS FOR POOR WHITE BOYS*

Last year, a black British rap star named Stormzy established a scholarship fund at Cambridge University exclusively for black students. He felt the need to explain that his motives were pro-black and not anti-white.

However, two elite British schools—Winchester College and Dulwich College—have decided not to accept a total of 1.2 million pounds in scholarships targeted for low-income white boys offered by a 96-year-old philanthropist named Sir Bryan Thwaites.

He argued that since poverty-stricken British white boys tend to perform worse at school than boys from other backgrounds, the scholarship was designed to help the disadvantaged. Boys in the British school system score an average of seven points lower than girls in math and English at grade 5. Only about a third of poor white students of both sexes score passing grades in math and English.

After both schools rejected the scholarship offer, Sir Bryan said:

_  If Cambridge University can accept a much larger donation in support of black students, why cannot I do the same for underprivileged white British? Winchester said it would harm its reputation by accepting my bequest, but in my opinion it would gain enormously by being seen to address what is the severe national problem of the underperforming white cohort in schools._

Please remember that race is only a social construct—*unless white people are being ordered to pay reparations or are being denied rewards. In those cases, everyone can identify a white person in under a minute.*

*MUSLIM DEMON TELLS LESBIAN TO MURDER HER DAUGHTER VIA TEXT MESSAGE*

Is it even possible to be a lesbian Muslim? Doesn’t their religion forbid the eating of shellfish?

An elderly-looking Muslim woman in England named Kiki Muddar somehow hypnotized Polly Chowdhury into taking her young daughter Ayesha and leaving her husband by pulling dirty online tricks such as posing on Facebook as a male lover named “Jimmy.” She even pretended to channel Jimmy’s voice while having lesbian sex with Polly.

Via text message, Muddar used a mythical Islamic demonic entity called “Skyman” to convince Chowdhury that little Ayesha was “evil” and a “witch” who needed to be murdered. Eight-year-old Ayesha’s tortured screams were often heard by neighbors, who also reported that they heard her promising not to be bad. She was subjected to a session of “lengthy torture” before finally being murdered via a blow to the head. She was found with over 50 injuries.

When paramedics found Ayesha’s body, Muddar reportedly told them: “Ayesha is always naughty. She was a naughty child and her mum thought she was possessed by the devil.”

Surely there are Muslim lesbians who are smarter criminals than this?

After the murderous lesbos were convicted, Ayesha’s father told reporters:

_    It is impossible for me to sum up what has happened in the last couple of years….Our world fell apart. Everything that had happened over the past few years collapsed in a blink of an eye. Our world crumbled right in front of us…For moments in my life I block the world out completely and I try to only think about Ayesha, my princess, her smile, her presence, her words and her kisses….In my heart our princess Ayesha shall forever remain._

The year is young, but that’s the saddest thing we’ve read all year.

*A DEAD END FOR DIXIE HIGHWAY?*

Sabrina Javellana is a precocious 22-year-old Vice Mayor of Hallandale Beach, FL, and it appears that she will not rest at night until Dixie Highway—which passes through much of Florida—is renamed something like “Freedom Highway,” or at least the part that passes through her town:

_Dixie was the term for the South during the Civil War. It was also a song that became the anthem of the Confederacy, with lyrics that were painting a positive imagery of slavery, talking positively of picking cotton. It’s not reflective of the times we’re in._

A similar proposal was tendered in 2017 by a certain Rep. Shevrin Jones of Hollywood, FL, who suggested that the highway be renamed after either Harriet Tubman or Barack Obama.

We suggest they rename it Suck My Dixie Highway and deal with Florida’s innumerable real-life problems. That place is horrifying top to bottom in the present moment, so they need to quit worrying about things that happened 155 years ago.

*THE INCEL PLASTIC SURGERY GENOCIDE CONSPIRACY*

For the longest time—in other words, the entirety of human history up until about five minutes ago—males considered the inability to find an attractive female mate to be a source of fundamental and crippling shame.

But for many incels—a portmanteau of “involuntary celibates”—the fact that no woman on earth will lubricate them is not their genetic bad luck so much as they are the innocent victims of a conspiracy between government agents, virile males, and, of course, “the feminists.”

On a forum called “Incels.co,” a commenter called Metabuxx—unless he’s a really funny troll—quite seriously suggested that governments refuse to provide plastic surgery—which he calls “looksmaxing”—to low-status males as part of a plan to commit genocide against the poor male beasts with whom no women wish to copulate [republished with typos intact]:

_  The biggest problem most nations face today is overpopulation and there are very few ways to control it. First one is genocide of subhuman beta males as we are nothing more than biological wastes and our deaths won’t affect the economies of nations at all. …

    Government wants the new generation of men to be the descendants of Chads and Tyrones solely and since only 5% of men will be breeding with 100% of foids [slang for “femoids,” AKA “females”], the population is bound to decrease.…

    And the government extending its full support to the feminist movement whose primary purpose to put an end to the practices of women cohabiting with beta males further supports my theory. This is the reason why feminists glorify cheating, polyamory, abortions, hookup culture and women who do these things are labeled as empowered and independent….

    The reason why governments won’t fund looksmaxing surgeries is because if we get it, we’ll be as good as Chads and foids won’t be able to spot the difference between us and natural Chads. And if some foid mistakenly bred with us our subhuman genes won’t be exterminated from the genepool, which is not what the government wants…._

He sounds like a really sexy and well-adjusted young lad. It’s a mystery why women don’t want him.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-70/

Takimag  

January 12, 2020

The Week’s Most Insurgent, Convergent, and Divergent Headlines

*BEANER COMEDIAN OFFERS TO KILL TRUMP FOR $40 MILLION*

So-called “comedian” George Lopez must have had a near-fatal case of acne as a teenager, seeing as how his skin looks like a strip of beef jerky after withstanding aggressive mortar fire. Even though he was born in Los Angeles, he acts like he not only deserves to live in America, but that all the other tiny brown people of Mexican descent actually have something to offer American culture when their accomplishments are considered as a whole.

Lopez’s “jokes” consist of nothing beyond the supremely stale “Did you ever notice that white guys do this when they’re standing at urinals?” routines that should properly be classified as felonious hate speech and should have seen Lopez deported at the very least.

Responding to rumors that Iran had put a$80-million bounty on Donald Trump’s head as revenge for America’s targeted assassination of Iranian Major General Qassem Soleimani, Lopez used his greasy and stubby brownish fingers to type:

_We’ll do it for half._

This is clearly a direct threat to the life of the President of These Right Here United States, and in a simpler and saner time it would have led to Lopez’s immediate arrest and lifelong public humiliation leading to premature cancer and a howlingly painful death.

When “conservatives” online noticed this, “liberals” said something along the lines of, “Well, when your boy Ted Nugent told Barack Obama to suck on his machine gun all those years ago, we didn’t make a big stink about it,” although in reality they made such a big stink that it would have killed everyone, assuming that smells are able to kill.

At press time, Lopez has not been arrested by the FBI; neither has anyone offered him $40 million to kill the president, simply because Mexicans don’t have that kind of dough.

*RICKY GERVAIS TELLS “WOKE” HOLLYWOOD TO GO BACK TO SLEEP*

Ricky Gervais is a British comedian who strikes us as effeminate, but that might be because all British males strike us as effeminate.

While hosting the Golden Globes for like the dozenth time last week as if anyone ever cared about the Golden Globes, Gervais saw fit to give Hollywood a tongue-lashing for its tendency to support serial sex pests such as Harvey Weinstein so long as they spew the acceptable platitudes about women and racism and Donald Trump. In the midst of insinuating that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself, Gervais also lambasted the crowd of insufferable finger-pointers for causing human suffering with all their finger-pointing:

_If you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg. If you win, thank your agent, thank your god, and $#@! off._

In a sane world, George Lopez would be Ricky Gervais’s gardener.

*ONLY A QUARTER OF REGISTERED VOTERS CAN FIND IRAN ON A MAP; WOMEN TWICE AS DUMB AS MEN*

We all know Americans are dumb, although we don’t like to admit it; we also don’t like to admit that most Americans are so dumb that they don’t even know they’re dumb.

As the Zio-corporate-banking-pedohomo elite try to rally America’s masses to get excited about yet another tedious and likely endless war in the Middle East, only 28% of Americans are even able to “point out Iran on a zoomed-in map of the region.” Men were about twice as likely as women to correctly point out Iran on maps, but that’s because everyone knows that women can’t read maps and are far happier being barefoot in the kitchen with one baby in the oven and another hanging off her teat.

*EPSTEIN SUICIDE SURVEILLANCE VIDEO MAGICALLY DISAPPEARS*

In case you were some kind of paranoid conspiracy theorist who doesn’t actually believe Jeffrey Epstein killed himself last summer, officials from New York’s Metropolitan Correctional Center have a handy explanation for why there is no video evidence from right outside his cell at the time of his death:

After reviewing the video, it appeared to the government that the footage contained on the preserved video was for the correct date and time, but captured a different tier than the one where [the cell housing Epstein and his cellmate] was located because the preserved video did not show corrections officers responding to any of the cells seen on the video.

Gosh, what are the odds? Well, at least that explains it.

*CHAUNCY DEVONTE LUMP: IN TROUBLE AGAIN*

The moment that Mrs. Lump made the decision to name her little baby boy “Chauncy Devonte,” she was dooming him to a life of crime. It’s bad enough when your last name is “Lump,” and the mere addition of “Chauncy” makes it so much worse. However, tacking on a “Devonte” will automatically make any jury member think “guilty.” The name “Devonte” should only be used sparingly, if at all.

Baby Lump, who uses the name “BlackMan vs. America” on Facebook, is now jailed in Florida on a $100,000 bond for threatening to kill Donald Trump in retaliation for the recent assassination of Iranian military leader Abu Jabu-Jabibi or whatever his name was.

Lump, who recorded the video less than an hour’s drive from Trump’s home at Mar-a-Lago club, wielded an AK-47 on the video and said that if no one could help him find and shoot Trump, he would have no other choice but to blow up all of Broward County, FL. Even if he were to do so, that would leave 66 counties in Florida, which still seems excessive.

Not that we’re suggesting he do anything illegal, but the world could always do with less Florida.

*BLACKFACE MUMMER SAYS HE “AIN’T RACIST”*

Philadelphia is a wonderfully crass and horrifically decaying urban colossus that, unlike most American cities, has its own cuisine, accent, and annual New Year’s Parade where a bunch of banjo-playing drunks dressed like glam-era Elton John strut down Broad Street to the delight of the rest of the city’s drunks.

It’s called the Mummers Parade, and like so many other things about Philly, there’s truly nothing like it anywhere else in the world.

Because the Mummers are primarily composed of drunk white guys who play banjos, they tend to be insensitive to modern pieties. The 2016 parade saw two separate scandals involving the sin of mocking Caitlyn Jenner paired with the sin of dressing up as tacos and painting their faces brown. The 2019 installment featured one of the brigades showcasing a black man leading a white man on a leash.

This year, a Mummers group called Froggy Carr faced backlash when one of its members, a certain Kevin Kinkel, wore blackface to honor a recently deceased friend who also had a habit of wearing blackface.

Kinkel also said that he has, on occasion, actually spoken with real-life black people, who fail to see what the big dillio is:

_I talk to black people. They told me, ‘What are you talking about? You can wear whatever you want. That ain’t discriminating me. That ain’t racist to me.’ That’s what they tell me….I don’t do this a lot. My friend, he passed away. He wore blackface, so I’m doing this for him. I’ll be done with it after this year. But we ain’t racist and we don’t look for trouble._

It’s a sad state of affairs in America when you can’t even wear blackface to honor a dead friend.

*MORE LESBIANS, MORE PROBLEMS*

Lesbians are so annoying that we are seriously thinking they should be taxed more than everyone else.

Their divorce rate is twice as high as the gay divorce rate, mainly because women hate one another more than any man could ever possibly hate them.

Lesbian ministers will do obnoxious things such as mock the very name of Jesus Christ by claiming they are in an open sexual relationship with him. But if you dare to mock their lifestyle, they will cast you into the pit of hell—metaphorically speaking, of course. In the real world, God doesn’t even speak to lesbians, much less let them decide who receives eternal damnation.

Lesbian teenagers will do sneaky things such as wear baseball caps, pose as male, and thereby seduce unwitting girls into sexual relationships under false pretenses of actually having a functional penis able to stimulate her insides to the point of climax.

Lesbians—you just can’t trust ’em.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-71/

Takimag  

January 19, 2020

The Week’s Most Pointed, Anointed, and Disjointed Headlines

*VINCE VAUGHN CRUCIFIED FOR NOT KILLING THE PRESIDENT WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE*

Standing a mere inch or two shy of eight feet tall, Vince Vaughn is a mediocre actor who has never been in a great film. He has starred in a string of anemic and mildly retarded Hollywood comedies which in a generation will be more forgotten than Orson Bean’s valet or Edward Everett Horton’s podiatrist.

Like actors such as Jon Voight, Mel Gibson, and Clint Eastwood, though, Vaughn differs from most of Hollywood in that he doesn’t take his marching orders from some vaginismus-afflicted, man-castrating, gleefully baby-aborting Democratic Party apparatchik. He claims to be a “conservative,” an essentially meaningless stance that only becomes brave when one considers that in Hollywood, it’s an act of career suicide.

Last Monday night at the College Football National Championship, Vaughn did the Hollywood equivalent of blowing out his brains on live television—he took a moment to speak cordially with President Trump. From all appearances, it was a friendly conversation.

Seeing as how Trump has openly encouraged a nihilist wave of right-wing white-nationalist violence that threatens to become another Holocaust even though nothing we just said is remotely true, Vaughn’s Hollywood cohorts lambasted and demonized and ostracized and tut-tutted him.

The climate is such that it’s controversial for a major Hollywood star to be friendly with the president.

There were recriminations, death threats, and murmurs about a second Civil War. Triggered people accused the people who triggered them of being snowflakes, who in turn mocked them for being triggered. The left said the right was intolerant. The right said, no, that’s you who are the intolerant ones. People stopped talking to one another. Then everyone went home. Some of them ate a sandwich. Others, quite likely, stayed up all night and tweeted. Perhaps even one of them killed themselves, and as things currently stand, Vaughn might be the only sane one in the bunch.

Mind you, we’re not encouraging anyone to kill themselves. But the way things are, we can understand the temptation.

*NYC SANCTUARY LAW ENABLED DUSKY ALIEN TO RAPE AND MURDER 92-YEAR-OLD WOMAN*

Reeaz Khan is a 21-year-old illegal immigrant from a backwards country called Guyana. The fact that he’s an illegal alien and is still in our country is evidence that our country is broken.

Even though we’re pretty sure the War Between the States was fought because the South disobeyed the federal government, we’re not sure how that’s different from several progressive mayors’ current practice of declaring one’s city to be a safe sanctuary for illegal immigrants to flout federal law. Isn’t there already some kind of law against saying, “Hey, you—that’s right, you—please come to my city and break the law”?

As already implied, this “Khan” dude—who has that sort of atavistic indigenous South American tree-swinger look as if Dee Dee Ramone and Mowgli from the Jungle Book cartoon had a baby—should have been ejected from this country merely for being here without permission. But he was freed without bail in November for assault and gun charges. And despite an ICE request to hold him for deportation, he was released.

Surveillance footage suggests that it was Khan who raped and murdered 92-year-old Maria Fuertes late at night January 6 on a street in Queens. The woman, known to locals as “Grandma,” had ventured out into the bracing cold to buy cat food. Police say Khan attacked her and dragged her to the ground during a struggle, whereupon he raped her and left her lying “incoherent” on the street with a broken spine and rib fractures.

Fuertes died later at the hospital.

Khan, showing the sort of stupidity that serves as a further argument why he should never have been let into this country, told detectives that, yes, he was present at the crime scene but, no, he did not attack her. He said he chanced upon the woman lying on the ground and was trying to help her up when suddenly “he fell down, his belt broke, his pants fell down and his penis fell near her vagina.” He reportedly confessed to detectives that he suffers from “uncontrollable urges” and that “something came over him,” at which point he “’lifted up Fuertes’s skirt and [tried] to put his penis inside of her.”

A few days later in an interview with the New York Daily News, Khan scoffed at the idea that he would ever need to rape a 92-year-old woman, noting that he had a girlfriend and had, in the past, engaged in sexual relations with other women who weren’t nonagenarians.

*BERNIE BRO SAYS HE WANTS TO PUT “NAZIS” IN CAMPS*

Kyle Jurek is a scruffy communist with a ridiculous beard who encourages a violent overthrow of the billionaire class on behalf of the international workers’ movement. Judging from our extensive experience observing such characters, we’d bet anything that he inherited a huge trust fund and has never toiled at an honest working-class job in his life.

Jurek is also a paid staffer on the presidential campaign of the eternally appopleptic Bernie Sanders, whom we thought had been permanently derailed by a heart attack only a few weeks ago.

In a recent filmed interview with the undercover rascals of Project Veritas, Jurek spouted the same insane totalitarian and fact-free mind-reading nonsense about how everyone who opposes Bernie is a “fascist” who openly encourages the literal genocide of everyone who doesn’t match their racial phenotype and therefore must be greeted with a terrifying wave of preemptive violence if we don’t want another Holocaust and all the endless movies that a second Holocaust would necessitate:

_The only thing that works, the only thing that fascists understand is violence. So, the only way you can confront them is with violence….I mean, we gotta try, so like, in Nazi Germany after the fall of the Nazi party there was a $#@!-ton of the populace that was $#@!ing Nazified. Germany had to spend billions of dollars re-educating their $#@!ing people to not be Nazis. Like, we’re probably going to have to do the same $#@!ing thing here. That’s kind of what Bernie’s whole $#@!ing like, ‘hey, free education for everybody!’ because we’re going to have to teach you to not be a $#@!ing Nazi….If Bernie doesn’t get the nomination or it goes to a second round at the DNC convention, $#@!ing Milwaukee will burn….We’re gonna make 1978 [1968] look like a $#@!ing girl scout $#@!ing cookout. Remember what happened when McGovern [McCarthy] got $#@!ed in Chicago in 1978 [1968]? Riots. $#@!ing people getting beaten by the cops. The cops are gonna be the ones that are getting $#@!ing beaten in Milwaukee. They’re gonna call up the National Guard for that $#@!. I promise you that. If Bernie doesn’t, if they $#@!ing take Bernie from us, then we have nothing else left to lose._

$#@!in’ $#@! $#@! $#@!-ton of $#@!in’ $#@! revolution and murder and $#@!.

This idiot thinks the DNC riots in Chicago happened in 1978 and had something to do with George McGovern. He’s also advocating violence and riots against “Nazis” while pretending that “Nazis” run America.

He needs to be shorn of his beard on national television. If we were the violence-advocating type, we would also say he needs to be shorn of his head, but that would make us as bad as him—and that’s the last thing we want.

*BALTIMORE WINS THE S.T.D. AWARD; PEORIA MAKES THE TOP 20*

If you are one of those small-minded people who thinks that Baltimore only excels in murder, rioting, racial segregation, and rodent infestations, you need to broaden your horizons—CDC data says that Charm City has the highest rate of STD infections in the entire nation!

In raw numbers, Los Angeles takes the cake, with over 90,000 reported cases of people who wound up with an unwanted affliction after an amorous encounter. Then come, in order, Chicago, Houston, Phoenix, and Philly. Of the 50 states, California had the highest total number of infections, followed by Ohio and Texas.

Ohio?

But as far as per-capita infections go, Baltimore stands proudly alone as the only American city of 150,000 or more people with more than 2,000 STD cases per 100K in population. Other cities that made the Top 20 include San Francisco (of course), Milwaukee, and Peoria, which suddenly sounds more interesting to us.

Half of the cities in the Top 20 were in the South, which is to be expected. There isn’t much to do down there besides having sex.

*GAY DATING APP ENABLES MURDER AND TESTICULAR CANNIBALISM*

Grindr is a smartphone app that encourages lonely homosexuals to meet under mysterious and anonymous circumstances in order to swap bodily fluids containing deadly viruses.

But sometimes, there’s a dark side.

After using Grindr to arrange a casual sexual hookup, a bald and obese 25-year-old Michigan hairstylist named Kevin Bacon—no, not that Kevin Bacon—was “found hanging upside down with his testicles cut off” at the residence of Mark Latunski, a man who vaguely resembles Rasputin, on Devember 28. Authorities suspect that Latunski had also cooked and eaten Bacon’s balls.

Grindr is clearly a symptom of a sick society. We need to return to a traditionalist framework in which homosexuals meet one another at church.

*VDARE’S PETER BRIMELOW SUES NEW YORK TIMES FOR CALLING HIM A WHITE NATIONALIST*

Peter Brimelow is the author of the anti-immigration classic Alien Nation and the publisher of the anti-immigration site VDARE.com.

Brimelow is an affable fellow with a thick British accent that requires subtitles. Although well into his 70s, his leonine mane of hair makes him look like he could be singing for Herman’s Hermits in Vegas.

He recently made the extremely wise move of suing The New York Times to the tune of $5 million for labeling him an “open white nationalist.”

If the Times actually practiced journalism instead of peddling ideology, they would realize that to qualify as a “white nationalist,” much less an “open” one, someone would have had to have said, at least once in their 70+ years, something along the lines of “I desire an all-white nation.”

Brimelow has never done this. Then again, hardly any of the people whom the press routinely smear as “white supremacists”—and in this day and age, it’s a smear on the level of “child molester”—ever come close to fitting the dictionary definition of a white supremacist.

We wish Brimelow good fortune in his lawsuit. In the event that he wins, we hope it sets a precedent. They can’t keep getting away with this.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-72/

Takimag  

January 26, 2020

The Week’s Most Degraded, Debated, and Denigrated Headlines

*BIDEN ’N’ BLOOMBERG GO BLACK*

Joseph Biden is 77 years old, which is exactly how much time it would take to spend all of Michael Bloomberg’s money.

Both are running for president, and neither one of them has an Italian water ice’s chance in hell.

Both of them, since they’re Democrats, are making direct appeals to black voters by reminding them of how horrible white people have been to black people. Subtly, they also conveyed the message that we now live in a world where all serious politicians are forbidden from making direct racial appeals to white people no matter how many times they directly address black people.

Biden appeared at a black church, told them that black laughter and group hugging is “contagious,” and insinuated that Donald Trump was in cahoots with the KKK and that their entire agenda consisted of “hate”:

_This president and his — the Ku Klux Klans and the rest of them, they think they’ve beaten us again. But they have no idea — we’re just coming back….I thought you could defeat hate. But hate only hides. It never fully goes away….Dr. King didn’t give up on the dream, and I’m asking you all, don’t give up on it. We can defeat this moment of hate._

Campaigning in Tulsa, OK, Bloomberg recalled not only the race riot that occurred there a century ago but other white mob attacks in other states which, as we’ve already noted, occurred long before any of us was alive, so it’s a little weird for him to be bringing this up now unless he’s trying to rekindle some kind of race war or something:

_In just that short period, from 1917 to 1923, more than 1,000 black Americans were killed by white mobs in cities and towns all across the country. But the truth is: What happened during that period was part of a continuum of violence that black Americans faced even after the end of slavery — violence that denied them their lives, their liberty and their pursuit of happiness._

Bloomberg further stuck his proboscis up the black community’s posterior by admitting that his “story might have turned out very differently if I had been black.”

Hmm…how might that have gone?

He was born Quantrelle Bloomberg to an unwed mother in East Harlem…During an infamous 1951 incident, young Quantrelle Bloomberg was bicycling when he was injured by a member of Chabad who’d lost control of his vehicle. When a private ambulance agency showed up and took the Chabad driver to the hospital first, riots erupted for days….

*A TRUMP-RELATED STABBING MURDER?*

Mason Trever Toney is a scruffy, chubby construction worker whose parents clearly didn’t know how to spell “Trevor” or “Tony.”

Toney, 28, is described as a man with anti-government beliefs. He has been charged in Orlando, FL, with murdering his boss William Knight, also 28, by stabbing him with a trowel on a construction site, draping an American flag over his corpse, and escaping in a vehicle while shouting that onlookers were “terrorists.”

Knight has been described as a supporter of Donald Trump.

As we go to press, that’s the only “evidence” that the stabbing had anything to do with Donald Trump, but aye, the press be one bloodthirsty beast.

*TRANNY DOLL FOR KIDS DEBUTS IN RUSSIA (MAYBE)*

If you were to describe Russia as a ***-friendly country, you’d be incorrect.

That’s why the appearance of what is thought to be the world’s first transgender doll in a Siberian toy shop has led to outrage, consternation, befuddlement, and the torrential unleashing of repressed desire in this resolutely ****-hostile nation.

The doll looks sort of like the ugly young blonde girl in Family Ties, yet jutting out from under her dress like a sore thumb is a penis.

Some have suggested this is merely a manufacturing blunder, but for those weirdlings who think what the world really needs is female children’s dolls that have dicks, this is a milestone.

*HILLARY POOPS ON BERNIE: “NOBODY LIKES HIM”*

Hillary Clinton is an almost assuredly lesbian sociopath who failed to win the presidency not because Americans don’t like women, but because nobody likes Hillary Clinton.

In a four-hour biographical documentary on Hillary with the clever and catchy title Hillary, Clinton decides to open up her moldy womb once more and fire vaginal flame-darts at Bernie Sanders:

_He was in Congress for years. He had one senator support him. Nobody likes him, nobody wants to work with him, he got nothing done. He was a career politician. It’s all just baloney and I feel so bad that people got sucked into it._

She also seriously said this:

_We do have some well-off people who support Democratic candidates, there’s no doubt about that, but they’ve never bought a TV station. They’ve never gobbled up radio stations. They’ve never created newspapers in local communities to put out propaganda._

Did you ever get the sense that half of the world sees a completely different world than you do?

*UNDERAGE MEXICAN MIGRANTS GET STRANDED IN TIJUANA, AND NOBODY SEEMS TO CARE*

The sleepy Mexican border town of Tijuana, home of cheap sombreros and even cheaper donkey shows, currently boasts the world’s highest homicide rate.

Experts—apparently somebody employs bean-counters to tally mini-beaners as they cross from Mexico into America—say that recent years have seen an upsurge in underage Mexican minors attempting to find employment at a Hardee’s restaurant somewhere in Los Estados Unidos.

However, many of these aspirant service-industry workers only get bounced back to Tijuana, where they are subject to the predatory wiles of pimps and pushers.

Nicole Ramos is a migrants’ advocate who claims that American and Mexican authorities are doing nothing to improve the situation:

_Under the Trafficking Victim Protection Act and the Convention on the Rights of the Child, an unaccompanied minor has the right to present themselves directly to U.S. immigration authorities. The idea that Mexican and U.S. officials are collaborating to prevent human trafficking is not credible in the slightest. If that were actually true, U.S. immigration officials would not turn unaccompanied minors away from the port of entry in violation of U.S. and international law and back to the streets of Tijuana, one of the most dangerous cities in the world, and the site for epic levels of human trafficking, particularly the sexual exploitation of children._

All we can say about these kids is that it must suck to be them.

*MICHAEL MOORE: WHITE PEOPLE “ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE”*

Michael Moore is a stupid white man who wrote a book called Stupid White Men. Like so many people, he seems to find some virtue in finding no virtue in his people.

He recently did a podcast for the music-journalism dinosaur Rolling Stone where he pulled a reverse Jesse Jackson and says he actually gets scared rather than relieved when he sees white people walking down the street:

_[Whites] are not good people….I refuse to participate in post-racial America. I refuse to say because we elected Obama that suddenly that means everything is okay, white people have changed. White people have not changed….Two-thirds of all white guys voted for Trump. That means anytime you see three white guys walking at you, down the street toward you, two of them voted for Trump. You need to move over to the other sidewalk because these are not good people that are walking toward you. You should be afraid of them._

If that’s the case, why did he until very recently live in a lake house in a small Michigan village that’s 95% white and 0% black?

Something smells here, and we think it’s Michael Moore’s gunt.

*MEN DON’T GET PERIODS—PERIOD!*

Kenny Jones is a “male model” despite the fact that he menstruates, which strongly suggests that he is not a male at all.

He is now the star of a film called Pandora’s Box: Lifting the Lid on Menstruation, which seeks to uplift and not disgust us by peddling the idea that males are able to menstruate. The film is directed by a certain Rebecca Snow, who did some sort of movie about Hitler and the Holocaust that sounds like really groundbreaking work.

Riddle me this, though, $#@!man: If gender is only a social construct and males can menstruate, how come it’s only females who menstruate throughout the rest of the animal kingdom?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-73/

Takimag  

February 02, 2020

The Week’s Most Frustrating, Irritating, and Infuriating Headlines

*DIDDY ACCEPTS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FROM PEOPLE HE SAYS DON’T RESPECT BLACK PEOPLE—WHICH IS A LITTLE DISRESPECTFUL*

Diddy is a black musical artist who used to call himself P. Diddy. Before that, it was Puff Daddy. Before that, it was Sean “Puffy” Combs. Before that, it was Sean John Combs. He named his son King Combs.

Instead of punishing him for such outrageous behavior, society has instead rewarded him. His estimated net worth is around $855 million. We’re not sure exactly how much of that can reasonably be considered as reparations for slavery.

At a pre-Grammy Gala in LA while surrounded by overpaid and undertalented black entertainers with equally outrageous names such as Jay-Z, Beyonce, Cardi B, Ma$e, and Lil’ Kim, Diddy was again unfairly rewarded by society with some kind of meaningless Salute to Industry Icons award.

He diddled and daddled aimlessly for a total of about 50 minutes, and 40 minutes into it he decided to accuse an industry which lavishly rewards talentless black entertainers who have ridiculous names of being racist against black people:

_There’s something that I need to say to the Grammys — and I say this with love. Every year y’all be killing us. I’m speaking for all the artists and executives: in the great words of Erykah Badu, “We are artists and we are sensitive about our $#@!.” For most of us, this is all we’ve got. This is our only hope. Truth be told, hip-hop has never been respected by the Grammys. Black music has never been respected by the Grammys._

As the disproportionately black crowd roared with approval, Diddy cracked his whip and ordered his elderly white chauffeur to drive him back to his underwater mansion in his golden nuclear submarine.

*BURNED BY HIS OWN DNA TEST, HUNTER BIDEN FORCED TO FORK OVER CHILD SUPPORT TO ARKANSAS STRIPPER*

Last year, Joe Biden made history when he declared his candidacy to become the only person over 100 years old to seriously campaign for president. Then his son Hunter—who allegedly does a lot of drugs and bangs a lot of hos and has that heavy-lidded look that suggests low cognitive functioning—sat on some Ukrainian executive board and now Donald Trump is getting impeached or maybe not or something.

An Arkansas court recently ordered Young Mr. Biden to make child support payments to former stripper Lunden Alexis Roberts, a blonde Southerner who, if you want us to be absolutely brutal, is a little bit too much with both the nose and the teeth there. Although Biden had denied this human pelican’s one-year-old baby is his, the DNA results called him a liar. Although he has pled poverty, he is often spotted driving Porsches around Beverly Hills.

We have a strong feeling that this turn of events will lead to a spiral of recriminations, false accusations, revenge plots, and extortion schemes for a man who is already under tremendous stress due to the fact that he has to change his father’s diapers every six hours.

*AUSTRALIAN WOMAN DIES IN CAKE-EATING CONTEST; EXPERTS WORRY IF THIS WILL LEAD TO ANTI-CAKIST VIOLENCE*

A sweet and mercifully unnamed 60-year-old Australian woman suffered a seizure and died after she “shoveled a lamington into her mouth” during a cake and meat pie-eating contest at the Beach House Hotel to honor Australia Day.

In case you’ve never eaten one, a lamington is an Australian confection made of little sponge cakes ranging in size from a large sugar cube to a Twinkie. They are typically slathered in chocolate, strawberry, or lemon sauce and sprinkled with grated coconut.

The unnamed author of this column has been to Australia and, yes, in case you were wondering, he has eaten lamingtons before. He can’t understand how these tiny treats could kill anyone. They’re too soft and small. So it clearly wasn’t the cake. It was the shoveling. If you want to get technical, it was the woman’s fault. Yes, it’s a tragedy, but without the shoveling, she’d still be alive. The cake itself couldn’t have killed her.

All the experts we consulted showed absolutely no regard for the woman who died, even though, as we’ve already demonstrated, it was really her fault. Instead, in unison they expressed concern that this tragedy would lead to an outbreak of anti-cake hate speech and a nationwide outbreak of bakery bombings.

*BRITISH DETECTIVE TOLD THEY WERE INSTRUCTED TO LOOK AWAY FROM ASIAN GROOMING GANGS, “GET OTHER ETHNICITIES” INSTEAD*

A report based on a two-year inquiry commissioned by the Greater Manchester mayor to investigate “the historic failings of police and social workers” regarding the sexual exploitation of children concluded that girls were groomed and abused “in plain sight.” According to an unnamed detective, investigators were told to ignore the fact that most of the perpetrators were Asian:

_What had a massive input was the offending target group were predominantly Asian males and we were told to try and get other ethnicities._

*So they were essentially told to look the other way while indigenous British girls were being raped, because the larger public interest involves protecting the feelings of Muslim rape gangs because of “sensitive community issues” or other such balderdash.*

Police suspect that at least 57 girls were groomed and raped by an estimated 100 perpetrators. In one case, a 50-year-old man injected a 15-year-old girl with heroin, causing her death.

Why didn’t that case alone lead to torch mobs and looting? Not sensitive enough.

*TRUMP’S SPIRITUAL ADVISER DEFENDS “SATANIC WOMBS” COMMENT*

President Trump has an official spiritual adviser named Paula White, who, eh, apparently advises him on spiritual matters. We have no idea what sort of spiritual dilemmas Mr. Trump finds himself in, but we’d love to be a fly on the wall during one of his spiritual conversations with this woman whom we will assume he is also banging.

During some old-time-religion whoopin’-and-hollerin’ style spiritual hootenanny at the City of Destiny church in an Orlando suburb on January 5, White was filmed herkin’ and jerkin’ and tellin’ the Devil to take a hike:

_In the name of Jesus, we command all satanic pregnancies to miscarry right now. We declare that anything that’s been conceived in satanic wombs that it’ll miscarry, it will not be able to carry forth any plan of destruction, any plan of harm._

Sounds a little controlling. At press time, none of the satanic pregnancies could be reached for comment on whether they followed her command and self-aborted.

Some found her comments strange, seeing as they seem to clash with the whole “abortion is Satanic” line that these types have been peddling ever since Roe v. Wade.

When asked to explain her comments, White said she was talking about demonic fetuses, not human ones. She also accused her detractors of taking her comments “out of context” for “political gain.”

She didn’t appear to realize that her detractors will use the fact that she believes in demonic fetuses against her for political gain for the rest of her life. Mr. Trump, despite how good she might be at oral, you need to fire this daffy dame right now.

*DIAGNOSING WHITENESS*

Anti-whiteness gives people of all races an excuse to be racist in the name of anti-racism. It’s truly that warped.

Increasingly—even though race doesn’t exist—whiteness is being portrayed not only as a spiritual shortcoming, but also as a psychological and physical ailment.

“On Having Whiteness” is the name of a two-credit course at New York’s Center for Modern Psychoanalytic Studies. It is taught by Donald Moss, author of a book called At War with the Obvious.

Donald Moss will discuss whiteness as a condition one first acquires and then one has–a malignant, parasitic-like condition to which “white” people have a particular susceptibility. He describes the condition as being foundational, generating characteristic ways of being in one’s body, in one’s mind, and in one’s world: Parasitic whiteness renders its hosts’ appetites voracious, insatiable, and perverse; these deformed appetites particularly target non-white people; and, once established, these appetites are nearly impossible to eliminate. Effective treatment requires a combination of psychological and social-historical interventions, which can reasonably aim only to reshape whiteness’ infiltrated appetites – to reduce their intensities, to redistribute their aims, and to occasionally turn those aims toward the work of reparation….There is not yet a permanent cure.

What seems obvious to everyone except Donald Moss is that his language is genocidal, despite how it cloaks itself in a veneer of anti-racism that’s as thin and transparent as onionskin.

A book review in British journal The Lancet—which until now we thought was a medical periodical rather than a propaganda mouthpiece—uses similar genocidal language:

For humans to use whiteness to manufacture access and privilege, they must engineer scarcity and loss. This entanglement between access and scarcity, privilege and loss, means white people’s unearned advantages have always been tethered to a legacy of untold deaths. This is not the result of an emotional positioning, but a structural one. In Dying of Whiteness, Metzl intricately outlines this structural framework but too often anchors it to an emotional foundation his analysis both critiques and depends on. This is perhaps why his conclusion is to “Promote more healthy and self-reflective frameworks…of structural whiteness” when the only solution is to eliminate whiteness all together. [sic]

*It’s a lonely feeling being sane when most of the world has gone crazy.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-74/

Takimag

February 09, 2020

The Week’s Most Abusive, Elusive, and Intrusive Headlines

*LEAKED TAPES REVEAL AMBER HEARD, NOT JOHNNY DEPP, WAS THE VIOLENT ONE*

Johnny Depp was an actor who, until he overdid it with the booze and drugs, was considered by women across the world to be an absolute cutie-pie.

His ex-wife Amber Heard is a fire-crotch bisexual who has gained most of her fame by accusing Johnny of beating her.

They married in 2015 and got divorced 15 months later amid accusations of domestic abuse. In August 2016, Heard agreed to an out-of-court settlement to the tune of $7 million with the understanding that she’d shut the hell up about being a poor battered woman.

In December 2018, Heard broke the agreement by writing an OpEd in the Washington Post claiming to be the victim of horrid domestic abuse by a man she did not name but whom everyone assumed was Depp.

In May of 2019, Depp slammed his ex with a $50-million defamation lawsuit, claiming he was axed from his role as Captain Jack Sparrow in those dumb pirate movies because of her insinuation that he’d smacked around the half-lesbian during their marriage. The suit stated that Heard, not Depp, was the violent one of the pair:

_    …while mixing prescription amphetamines and non-prescription drugs with alcohol, [Amber Heard] hit, punched and kicked me. She also repeatedly and frequently threw objects into my body and head, including heavy bottles, soda cans, burning candles, television remote controls and paint thinner cans, which severely injured me._

Because we’ve been trained to believe and sympathize with women in any dispute she may pick with a man, most people believed Heard and stigmatized Depp.

Then last week the Daily Mail released a recording from October 2015—while the pair were married but for some reason were recording themselves arguing over exactly who was abusing whom. In the recording, Amber not only admits to hitting Depp—she says she’d thrown vases, pans, and pots at him the night before:

_    I’m sorry that I didn’t, uh, uh, hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched….I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you….I can’t promise you I won’t get physical again….God, I $#@!ing sometimes get so mad I lose it. I $#@!ing promise you I can do everything to change._

The leak came hot on the heels of another recording of a conversation the pair recorded sometime between separating and the divorce settlement. They are discussing an event that happened in Australia shortly after they were married in which, according to Depp, Heard “went berserk” after he asked her to sign a “postnup,” leading her to throw a bottle at him which shattered and ripped off his fingertip. Depp is calm throughout the call, while Heard sounds like a shrieking violent dyke:

_    You can please tell people that it was a fair fight, and see what the jury and judge thinks. Tell the world Johnny, tell them Johnny Depp, I Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence….And I, you know, it’s a fair fight. And see how many people believe or side with you…. Have I ever been able to knock you off of your feet? Or knock you off balance?… You’re going to get up on the stand, Johnny, and say, ‘she started it’? Really?_

Naturally, Heard’s supporters, enablers, and legal counsel are in full Gaslight Mode, saying that Depp is merely practicing the sort of evil manipulation so common to abusers: 

_He is projecting his own guilt and violence onto a fragile, innocent victim_.

Too bad anyone who hears those tapes can instantly tell in their guts who was malicious and who was trying to keep the peace.

When the lid finally goes back on top of Pandora’s Box, we need to weld it shut this time.

_CAMP R.A.T.T.: A WHOLE TOWN FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE!_

If you thought homeless people were just a bunch of mentally unstable, genetically deficient and ethically repugnant drug addicts, sex perverts, and layabouts, we agree with you.

But in a tent city that sits in an empty cement lot off US 183 in East Austin, TX, a gaggle of hobos has declared their little patch of concrete a sovereign village called “Camp R.A.T.T.: Responsible Adult Transition Town.”

Let’s not mention the highly sensitive fact that, if these bums were remotely responsible, they wouldn’t be in this position well into adulthood. According to the R.A.T.T. secretary Cori Roberts:

_    We give everybody a chance. We don’t judge your past history or nothing like that….We wanted to show people that we’re not just criminals, drug addicts, slobs, bums off the street…That we’re actually just like anybody else in this community, just without a house._

Well, without a job, too. And without many teeth. And definitely without soap. If you want us to treat you like humans, you’ll have to come up with something better than this.

*MISSOURI BILL WOULD JAIL LIBRARIANS FOR LOANING SEXY BOOKS TO MINORS*

Many civil libertarians and right-leaning activists concerned with free speech and the deplatforming of political dissidents sounded alarums last week at a proposed Missouri bill that would potentially jail librarians for loaning out “inappropriate” reading material.

It’s a moral panic, though—the bill was restricted to “age-inappropriate sexual material” that may fall in the hands of children. And as many have stated, there are already laws against showing wee-wees and boobies to kids as well as books that describe explicit acts involving wee-wees and boobies.

Meanwhile, on social media, anyone with politically inappropriate opinions is being silenced. That’s not a moral panic. That’s actually happening. Thoughtcrimes are the new child porn.

*MUSLIM FATHER IN ENGLAND WOULD RATHER GO TO JAIL THAN HAVE HIS SON LEARN ABOUT TRANS ACCEPTANCE IN SCHOOL*

Jabar Hussain is a burly 51-year-old Muslim father who lives in Birmingham, England, but for now we won’t call for his deportation or enslavement.

After withdrawing his nine-year-old son Amin from school—again, we’ll deal with the fact that there are nine-year-olds named “Amin” in British schools at some point in the indeterminate future—over the fact that he was being forced to read books such as And Tango Makes Three—an illustrated fable about two gay penguins who adopt a baby—and Introducing Teddy, which is about a male teddy bear who feels in his heart that he’s a girl, Hussain was informed that he may be liable to arrest and imprisonment.

He says he is willing to be jailed to protect his son from growing up gender-confused.

If only indigenous Britons were as principled over the fact that people named “Jabar” and “Amin” are now living in Britain, they might still have a country over there.

*MINISTER ANNOUNCES “FAGGGOTS ARE MAGGOTS” TOUR*

Michael Heath is a “long-time anti-LGBTQ activist in Maine” who is obsessed with hommos to the point where you’re forced to wonder why he just doesn’t turn around and look away.

On a recent livestream with some other fagg-bashin’ Christian, he said that Donald Trump’s irreverent fearlessness has inspired him to embark upon a “Fagggots Are Maggots World Tour”:

_    I’m going to do a world tour.  The theme is “Fagggots are Maggots.”  The tour is inspired by the work of Donald Trump.  This isn’t satire.  I’m serious. I started supporting Donald Trump early in the 2016 primary for one reason.  He insults his enemies.  He makes things personal that deserve to be personal.  The decades of Leftists being the only ones allowed to make everything personal are over.  It’s long past time for WASP manners to take a back seat to the truth.  Long past time….Fagggots are … indeed … maggots.  Maggots consume the rancid flesh of rotting dead things.  Fagggots are no different…I am beyond sick and tired of being told that I can’t call sodomites fagggots._

Heath has yet to announce tour dates, but if there are any investors out there willing to finance a documentary about the whole “Fagggots Are Maggots” experience, shoot us an email.

*HARMLESS-SOUNDING PHRASES YOU DIDN’T REALIZE ARE STEEPED IN RACISM*

A helpful article in the South Tampa version of annoying-community-networking website patch.com warns us not to use “Common Words That Are Actually Racial, Ethnic Slurs.”

You see, it’s not the usual racist words that we all know—the “N” word, the “J” word, um, “wetback” and “Frog” and all those other horrible words—that cause hurt feelings, declining health, social chaos, and, inevitably, every single freaking time, mass violence leading to genocide.

Next time you’re leading a chant of “hip hip hooray” at a coworker’s birthday party you should know that it’s a bastardization of the term “hep hep,” which was “once shouted by German Anti-Semites” and culminated in the Hep Hep Riots of 1919.

If someone betrays you, don’t dare say that you were “sold down the river,” because black slaves were also sold down the river, and for you to compare yourself to black slaves pretty much means that you’re David Duke.

Oh, you just told the people in the “peanut gallery” to be quiet? Don’t tell me you were unaware that back in the segregation era, rich theater-goers would often eat peanuts and toss the shells down into the cheap seats—the only ones that poor blacks could afford. So when you tell the peanut gallery to be quiet, it’s no different than shouting, “Shut UP, [N-word]!”

Finally, you may think you’re being cordial when you meet up with an old chum and say, “Long time, no see.” Instead, you’re celebrating Manifest Destiny’s genocide of Native Americans, since in a 1901 book, the Injun character greets a paleface by saying “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

At this point, it’s safer never to open your mouth. Just let everyone else yell at you, and we’ll all live happily ever after.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-75/

Takimag

February 16, 2020

The Week’s Most Enjoyable, Destroyable, and Unemployable Headlines

*SELF-HELP GURU CAN’T HELP HIMSELF: JORDAN PETERSON’S RUSSIAN-REHAB NIGHTMARE*

Despite a voice that sounds like Kermit the Frog and a tendency to cry uncontrollably on camera as if he’s had PMS for the past 40 years, Canadian academic Jordan Peterson was able to become internationally wealthy and famous because hordes of young men gullibly swallow his self-help advice like a gaggle of ducks gobbling down arsenic-laced croutons. And despite a reputation for tackling tough questions, he actually avoids them because he is to masculinity what Junior Samples was to physical fitness.

His acolytes were undoubtedly shocked to learn a year ago that Peterson had entered rehab because he was so hopped-up on antidepressants and Klonopin that he could barely wipe himself. The level of betrayal they must have felt to learn that their self-help superstar had trouble helping himself was probably akin to the deep disappointment that millions of heavy-metal fans felt to realize that Judas Priest’s lead singer was gay.

Peterson’s daughter Mikhaila—who wears skimpy tops and makes videos about eating meat—has announced that Western doctors didn’t have the “guts” to put her dad through a straight benzo detox. Instead, she and her husband had to shlep his weeping hulk to Russia:

_    He was put into an induced coma for eight days and had the most horrific withdrawal I’ve ever read or heard about. He almost died from what the medical system did to him in the West….So, finally Dad is on the mend. His sense of humour is back. He’s smiling again for the first time in months, but he has a long way to go to recover fully. He spent four weeks in the ICU, he has neurological damage from the benzodiazepines, which is hopefully temporary….He’s still taking anti-seizure medication, and he can’t type or walk steadily yet. Still, this is a vast and rapid improvement._

It’s good news for Peterson and those who love him and possibly awful news for his career. If you’ve been picked to save the West through self-help lectures but become a helpless drug addict who needs to flee the West in order to save your life, you might want to reconsider your entire marketing approach.

*CANUCKS MULL FORCING NEWS WEBSITES TO RECEIVE GOVERNMENT LICENSES*

Canada is a giant frozen block of ice—and absolutely nothing else of note—perched jealously about the Most Important Country on Earth.

Its Prime Minister is a goofy nu-male who is likely the product of an illicit affair between his whore of a mom and Fidel Castro. Whatever basic human rights they haven’t already bulldozed to appease the legendarily frail feelings of transgender Muslim otherkin will be stripped right off of your body in due course, just you wait.

Now comes Steven Guilbeault, who as the Canadian Heritage Minister is tasked with wiping away anything noble or honorable about Canadian heritage, to proclaim that the government may soon force news websites and social-media companies to obtain government licenses before they spew another word. In a sprawling report titled “Canada’s communications future: time to act,” the government makes 97 separate recommendations for would-be content providers as if any of the content providers actually asked for their advice. Sticking out like a sore thumb is recommendation #56:

_    We recommend that the existing licensing regime in the Broadcasting Act be accompanied by a registration regime. This would require a person carrying on a media content undertaking by means of the Internet to register unless otherwise exempt._

Why do they have to register? What have they done wrong? What are you afraid of? When are you going to break down their front doors with battering rams and seize their podcasting mics?

Under current laws, Canadian radio broadcasters who focus on music are required to have 35% of their content or more come from Canadian musicians, and if you’ve ever heard Canadian music, you’d realize that this law approaches Soviet levels of cruelty.

Guilbeault says he doesn’t know “what the big deal is.” But Conservative MP Michelle Rempel Garner says it’s a really, really big deal:

    It’s very paternalizing and also very frightening to think that the government would try to impose or say that’s the role of the government to control. That puts us in league with countries that control the media.

Name one country that doesn’t control its media. If there’s one out there, it ain’t the USA.

*CORONAVIRUS: 630 BODIES AND COUNTING*

A week ago, the coronavirus death toll was 300; now it’s 630 and rising.

China—birthplace of the coronavirus and the place where it was possibly invented—is a nation of 1.4 billion people, roughly three of whom are free to speak their mind at any given time. Otherwise, you get clubbed over the head, tossed into a gulag, and have your fingernails removed without anesthesia just for daring to get so uppity.

Li Wenliang is the ophthalmologist who alerted his colleagues about the virus on December 30, only to be rounded up by squinty government thugs on suspicion of “rumor-mongering.” He eventually fell ill with the virus and died early last Friday. And now over 30,000 people worldwide are infected with the virus which he, like a little slope-headed Paul Revere, warned the world was coming.

On Weibo—a Chinese social media site which is like Twitter but even more controlled by the Thought Police—Wenliang was hailed as a hero, only to have every last positive word written about him scrubbed from existence by the propaganda overlords who are doing their best to contain what has become a global public-relations disaster. Even a state-run newspaper and broadcaster scrubbed their announcements of his death when news went viral and it became evident that the actual people of the People’s Republic may have been fonder of him than they are of their own government.

The ChiComs are not quarantining entire cities and brutally punishing anyone who doesn’t offer the official version of exactly what the frickety-frack is going on over there, which is incredibly heartening when you consider that China will likely rule the planet for the rest of this century.

*SOCIALISM FAIL: VENEZUELAN GOVERNMENT IS “QUIETLY SURRENDERING CONTROL” TO PRIVATE OIL COMPANIES*

Socialism is something that happens when some dimwit somewhere decides that the government should take over everything. It unravels when reality smacks that dimwit in the face, because in a perfect world, the government wouldn’t even be in charge of the government.

Venezuela sits atop the world’s largest oil reserves, but leave it to the socialists to even muck that up.

The country has been a fiery anarchic mess for years now, and because socialists don’t even know how to tie their own shoelaces, its massive oil processing plants had become virtual ghost towns until Evil Foreign Capitalists decided to exploit the unrest by simply movin’ in and pumpin’ oil and shippin’ it out.

According to Rafael Ramírez, a staunch opponent of Nicolás Maduro, who still clings onto power like Betty Broderick clung onto her jail bed, Maduro has gone soft on capitalism:

_    In the middle of the chaos generated by the worst economic crisis suffered by the country in its history, Maduro is taking actions to cede, transfer and hand over oil operations to private capital._

To mangle a famous Margaret Thatcher quote, “The trouble with socialism is that you eventually can’t even figure out how to drill your own oil.”

*GOODBYE HOLLYWOOD CELEBS, HELLO E-CELEBS*

Writing in the Spectator, Freddy Gray—no, NOT the black guy whose death sparked those Baltimore riots—states that the latest Academy Awards, whose ratings are down a full third from ten years ago, confirm his belief that “The age of celebrity is dead.”

He mentions that even though the Oscars are more “woke” than ever—Brad Pitt was furious that Trump wasn’t impeached, Natalie Portman bitched that more female directors weren’t nominated, and Joaquin Phoenix, who may be more mental than the character he played in Joker, is sad that all the cows are being killed—people don’t care anymore:

_    All these people are ridiculous. Nothing they say makes any difference to anything….The internet has killed the Hollywood star. Fame has been disrupted….Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook mean we don’t have to ogle stars anymore; we are too busy ogling ourselves. Yes, different types of celebrities have grown online: the influencers, the YouTubers, the streamers, and they too will try to use their position to grandstand. But the age of celebrity, of mass entertainers mattering as anything other than entertainment, is dying. It won’t be missed._

That’s great, but are e-celebs any better? The day is nigh when we will all be SCREAMING for Joaquin Phoenix to keep crying about the cows.

*U.K. EDUCATION SECRETARY WARNS UNIVERSITIES TO STOP HARASSING UNPOPULAR SPEAKERS*

Unless you’ve been living in a septic tank, you should be aware that the most intolerant places on the planet are college campuses, where you can be set on fire and clubbed with hammers merely for saying you’re in favor of free speech.

In an article for The Times, British Education Secretary Gavin Williamson says enough is enough, there’s a new sheriff in town, and he will prosecute any scrawny Antifa who’s majoring in Gender Studies who dares to intimidate or silence speakers who dare to offer opinions that upset them:

_    The right to civil and non-violent protest is sacrosanct. However, intimidation, violence or threats of violence are crimes. Universities must make clear that intimidation is unacceptable and show a zero-tolerance approach to the perpetrators, applying strong sanctions and working with police where appropriate to secure prosecutions.

    If universities don’t take action, the government will. If necessary, I’ll look at changing the underpinning legal framework, perhaps to clarify the duties of students’ unions or strengthen free speech rights. I don’t take such changes lightly, but I believe we have a responsibility to do whatever necessary to defend this right._

We’ll believe it when we see it—and we ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-76/

Takimag 

February 23, 2020

The Weeks Most Fascistic, Autistic, and Sadistic Headlines

*SPANISH SOCIALISTS SEEK TO CRIMINALIZE GLORIFYING THE FRANCO REGIME*

Francisco Franco was the glorious leader of Spain from 1939 until he died in 1975. At press time, he remains chronically dead.

Sailing on wings of glory, he gloriously led Spain from the end of its bloody Civil War until his Creator summoned him to the ultimate glory.

Even after a 700-year Islamic occupation, the Spaniards didnt learn that its dumb to be nice to Muslims. And even after communism killed 100+ million people under some of the most oppressive conditions in human history, Spaniards still havent learned that socialism is dumb. Last summer the nation shifted toward a predominantly socialist government, vainly trying to resurrect an issue everyone assumed was settled in 1939.

Socialists believe in equality and that all disparities in performance are due to hatred and greed rather than disparities in ability, which is supremely dumb. And since they always prove incapable of defending their positions against anyone whos remotely rational and sane, they are always calling for restrictions on any form of speech that challenges their mentally handicapped beliefs.


In November the socialist government disinterred Francos remains from a state mausoleum and transferred them to a regular cemetery, which seems highly rude at the very best.

Now they are seeking to criminalize the mere act of glorifying Franco.

According to parliamentary spokeswoman Adriana Lastrawho would be wise to go a little easier on the paella con quesoIn a democracy you dont pay tribute to dictators or tyrants.

Weirdwe thought that in a democracy, you dont jail people simply for admiring other people.

The government is also planning to exhume victims of Franco whod been buried in mass graves. They also say they intend to entirely erase all vestiges of Francos memory from the public square.

There has been no effort made to specify exactly what is meant by glorifying Franco, and critics suspect that socialists would use such a law to jail anyone critical of the socialist government.


Franciscodo you mind if we call you Frisco?you must have been quite a glorious leader for them to still hate you.

*YID SOCCER TEAM OBJECTS TO THEIR INCLUSION IN OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY*

England is a strange country that does oddball things such as referring to soccer as football and misspelling normal words such as realize. People will also stab you in the eyeballs if you cheer for a different soccer team than they do.

The Tottenham Spurs are a soccer team who lovingly refer to their players as yids and yiddos. Their fans refer to themselves collectively as the Yid Army. According to a fan named Gerald Jacobs:

_In the mouths of Spurs fans, it is all positive. Once the crowd greets a player with the cry of yiddo, he knows he has made the grade and/or had hero status conferred upon him. (In the past, young supporters have been known to issue similar greetings to Strictly Orthodox Jews encountered in Tottenham streets.)_

The phrase forever linked to one of Tottenhams most brilliant strikers  Jermain Defoe/Hes a yiddo  is deeply imprinted in the collective Spurs consciousness.

In a recent online update, the Oxford English Dictionary added the words yid and yiddo to a group of anti-Semitic slurs and linked them directly to the Spurs. Other new slurs include Jew Town, which is used to indicate predominantly Jewish cities; Jew York, which should be self-explanatory; and Jewish penicillin, which is a euphemism for chicken soup.

Yid is nothing more and nothing less than a shortened form of Yiddish, just as negro is nothing more than the Spanish word for black, so we dont see the big deal.

If people get any touchier, their limbs are going to start falling off.

*GIRL FILES SUIT TO BLOCK TRANS ATHLETES, WINS RACE AGAINST TRANNY ANYWAY*

It is currently legal in 17 states for high-school boys who pretend theyre high-school girls to bully and dominate girls in athletic events.

In almost every case, the fake girls beat the real girls, and anyone who says this scenario is unfair to women is accused of hating the fake girls and not the fakery itself.

A small bright spot in this sea of darkness occurred recently when a Connecticut girl named Chelsea Mitchell won a 55-meter dash against Terry Miller, a black male who pretends hes a female. The victory occurred only two days after Mitchell and two other biologically female plaintiffs filed a lawsuit to block Miller from competing due to an unfair advantagenamely, not being a girl.

The plaintiffs stated that they had repeatedly lost to Miller in the past. And despite her narrow victoryonly two-hundredths of a secondMitchell says she thinks shell win her case because there are still tons of girls that lose on a daily basis.

We want to save those tons of girlsassuming there are at least 15 girls per tonfrom unnecessary battering by delusional male perverts, and if you arent with us, we have no choice but to call you a sexist.

*SIKH, AND YE SHALL FIND TURBANS IN THE U.S. MILITARY*

The religion of Sikhism was founded in the Punjab state of India, which seems scenic, so we have no idea why some of them uprooted themselves in order to move to places such as Cleveland and Delaware.

But since appearing to be Sikhwith the wacky beards and turbansis obviously more important than assimilating into American culture, they have made the US Air Force bend to their will and allow them to keep the beards and wear turbans. New guidelines will also allow Muslims to wear hijabs.

Last March, the Air Force allowed an Odinist to grow a beard. Funny how they let the white guy do it before they let the brownies do it. It only goes to show that the US Armed Forces are still deep-fried in white supremacy and racial hatred. Whites are still over-represented in the military, which only proves our point.

Either that, or it only proves that minorities hate America.

*ALABAMA LAWMAKER SEEKS TO NEUTER MEN AGED 50 AND OVER*

Alabama Democratic State Representative Rolanda Hollis is an obese black woman who wears blonde wigs and is facing domestic battery charges for allegedly shoving her husband in public last September.

She will likely not be convicted, no matter how guilty she might be. And if she is convicted, its almost impossible that she will be sentenced to anything harsher than 10 hours of placidly planting flowers outside municipal buildings. If her husband had done the same thing, hed be forever shamed, likely incarcerated, and possibly even medically castrated.

Most females whove reached puberty are aware that unprotected sex with a man can cause pregnancy. And only 1% of abortions come as a result of being raped. Therefore, when a woman of breeding age makes the choice to spread open her legs wishbone-style and allow a man to dump his seminal fluid into her Love Channel, a sensible person would conclude that whatever subsequently happens is her responsibility.

Legally, the man may have been responsible for heading into enemy territory without wearing a rubber poncho, but the only choice he has in this pro-choice scenario is to pay child support for 18 years or go to jail.

Still, in her Precambrian-era brain, Hollis seems to think that Alabamas 2019 near-total ban on abortion fails to hold men responsible.

To combat this, the obese, wig-wearing, alleged husband-shover has proposed a law that would make it mandatory for all men aged 50 and over to undergo a vasectomy at their own expense.

According to the bill:

Under existing law, there are no restrictions on the reproductive rights of men.

As already implied, thats a lie. Men do not have any reproductive rights concerning the fate of a fetus they helped create.

The proposed laws text continues:

This bill would require a man to undergo a vasectomy within one month of his 50th birthday or the birth of his third biological child, whichever comes first.

The vasectomy bill is to help with the reproductive system, and yes, it is to neutralize the abortion ban bill, Hollis told a reporter. It always takes two to tango. We cant put all the responsibility on women. Men need to be responsible also.

This woman is so mentally challenged that she doesnt see the inherent flaw in comparing a law that would sterilize men with a law that essentially forces women to bear children. Hollis got it 180° wrong on this one.

If you insist on voting for black female lawmakers, it might be wise to choose someone who realizes there is far more to politics than being black and female.

*ZUCKERBERG URGES SPEECH REGULATIONS TO FIGHT AUTHORITARIANS*

With a net worth of around $70 billion and enough social-media clout to crush almost every human alive like a cockroach, its heartwarming to hear Mark Zuckerberg come in and beg the government to help him crack down on free speech rather having some crazy and powerful authoritarian conduct the crackdown.

At a speech in MunichNazis used to live there and did OODLES of bad thingsZuck drew a distinction between government-enforced regulations on what discourse should be allowed and a more authoritarian approach, possibly hoping that no one would notice there is absolutely no distinction between the two, because if you combine Mark Zuckerberg with the government, youve effectively reached the buck-stops-here zone of authority:

There should be more guidance and regulation from the states on basically  take political advertising as an example  what discourse should be allowed? Or, on the balance of free expression and some things that people call harmful expression, where do you draw the line?

There are a lot of decisions in these areas that are really just balances between different social values. Its about coming up with an answer that society feels is legitimate and that they can get behind and understand that you drew the line here on the balance of free expression and safety. Its not just that theres one right answer. People need to feel like, OK, enough people weighed in, and thats why the answer should be this, and we can get behind that.

We need to make sure that the internet can continue to be a place where everyone can share their views openly and where the legal framework around this is one that encodes democratic values. I do think that as part of that, weve got to move forward on regulation. Hopefully, we move forward quickly before a more authoritarian model gets adopted in a lot of places first.

Regarding speech, the only line that should ever be drawn is the one between true and false. Everything else is moral hysteria.

*OREGON DEMOCRAT GETS EVERYTHING WRONG ABOUT FREE SPEECH ONLINE*

Oregon Democrat Ron Wyden has been in Congress since 1981. He shares more things with Mark Zuckerberg than either one would readily admit until you pressed them, at which point theyd call for you to be silenced.

In a recent OpEd for the Washington Post, Wyden accused corporations of working in collusion with Donald Trump to control online speech, almost as if the mega-tech corporations have been anything less than 100% hostile to Donald Trump and anyone who supports him ever since he declared his candidacy for president.

In 1996, Wyden coauthored part of the Communications Decency Act that protected corporations from being sued when commenters post actionable material on their forums. According to Wyden:

It lets companies remove posts from white supremacists or trolls without being sued for bias or for limiting individuals First Amendment rights. If a website wants to cater to the right wing, it can. If it wants to ban Trump supporters, it can do that, too.

Note the conflation of white supremacists and trolls. Why, its almost as if no one could possibly hold those opinions honestly and only voice them in order to upset you.

According to Wyden, Trump and corporations want to remove this protection, which would allow people to sue social-media companies who host libelous material instead of the person who posted them. Wyden states that if this protection was removed, oppressed communities would be gagged:

Movements such as Black Lives Matter or #MeToo, whose advocates post controversial accusations against powerful figures on social media, would have remained whispers, not megaphones for oppressed communities.

In other words, Jussie Smollett and Asia Argento would have to find another hustle.

Defying all known reality, Wyden continues:

Im certain this administration would use power to regulate speech to punish its enemies and protect its allies. It would threaten Facebook or YouTube for taking down white supremacist content. It would label Black Lives Matter activists as purveyors of hate.

That doesnt explain why Black Lives Matter and #MeToo have flourished online during the Trump Administration, while anyone who even dares to say theyre not ashamed of being white is routinely silenced and sometimes even jailed.

*JUSSIE SMOLLETT INDICTED AGAIN FOR LAST YEARS HATE-CRIME HOAX*

Last year, gay black actor Jussie Smollett became famous for staging a hate-crime hoax that a lot of white people believed and almost no black people believed.

Last March he was slapped with a 16-count felony indictment that was abruptly dropped within a month by Cook County States Attorney Kim Foxx with no explanation and not even a hint that theyd seen any evidence suggesting that it wasnt a hoax.

In August, an Illinois judge named Michael Toobin appointed a former US attorney to review the case. Toobin was allegedly incensed that Kim Foxx had shared text messages with Smolletts family about the case but didnt recuse herself.

Smollett was indicted last Tuesday on six new counts of disorderly conduct and lying to the police. The two Nigerian bodybuilders that Smollett allegedly hired to conduct the hoax say they hope he tells the truth this time.

So do we.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-77/

Takimag

March 01, 2020

The Week’s Most Reckless, Feckless, and Neckless Headlines

*SOMALI TURNCOAT SAYS CONGRESSIONAL ISLAMO-SLUT ILHAN OMAR MARRIED HER OWN “VERY EFFEMINATE” BROTHER*

Muslim fame whore Ilhan Omar is a Congressperson from Minnesota who clearly hates America and all it represents because the country’s wealth and resplendence remind her of why she had to flee her Somalian homeland back in the late 1990s.

In 2002 she married some Muslim guy in a Muslim ceremony that was not officially recognized because they didn’t file any legal papers. Then, in 2009, she employed the services of a Christian minister to get hitched to someone named “Ahmed Elmi” who, at first glance, seems extremely gay. This is how Mr. Elmi was able to get his green card.

She divorced Elmi a couple years later and then remarried her original Muslim husband. Then she ditched him last year in favor of a married white guy who helps her raise funds for her political endeavors.

Now cometh forth a certain Abdihakim Osman, a member of Minnesota’s secretive and insular Somali community, claiming that the very swishy Mr. Ahmed Elmi is in fact Omar’s brother and she only married him so he could acquire American citizenship and get financial aid for college, even though he was dumb enough to choose a college in North Dakota.

Through an interpreter, Osman told a reporter:

    People began noticing that Ilhan and [her Muslim husband] were often with a very effeminate young guy. He was very feminine in the way he dressed — he would wear light lipstick and pink clothes and very, very, short shorts in the summer. People started whispering about him. [Her Muslim husband] and Ilhan both told me it was Ilhan’s brother….

If this is true, a sitting US Congresswoman has committed the felony of marriage fraud. We’re willing to call it even if she accepts a one-way plane ticket back to Somalia, assuming there are airports there.

*IT’S NOW LEGAL TO CALL HARVEY WEINSTEIN A RAPIST*

Even though it’s been very tempting to call Harvey Weinstein a rapist since dozens of women came forward in late 2018 calling him a rapist, it was not legal to call him a rapist until last week, when he was convicted of rape, so now you’re not committing libel by calling him a rapist. Now you can call him a rapist until the cows come home—if that’s your idea of a good time.

A Manhattan jury of seven men and five women found the lumpy pervert mogul guilty of rape and a criminal sex act based on the testimony of two women who admitted that even after he raped them, they continued seeking favors from him, accepting gifts from him, telling him they loved him, and even having sex with him again—which are weird things to do after someone has raped you. One of the two witnesses even introduced him to her mom after she said he raped her.

Jurors were subjected to pictures of Weinstein’s naked body and graphic descriptions of a scar-covered penis and his mysterious lack of a scrotum. It is our legal opinion that it wasn’t the testimony of these two suspected gold-digging fame whores that brought Weinstein down—it was the relentless and inescapable reminders that Harvey Weinstein has a sex drive.

*CROATIAN REVELERS GLEEFULLY BURN GIANT EFFIGY OF TWO HOMMOS*

One thing that’s simply marvelous to behold about Eastern Europeans is the passion, sweat, and pure religious devotion they put into hating faggs. It’s as if the Phelps family from the Westboro Baptist Church were so fruitful and multiplied to such a degree that they suddenly occupied half a continent.

The tiny fiefdom of Croatia is home to four million hommo-hatin’ Slavs. “Hey, how much do they hate them hommos, huh?” you might ask, and with good reason. They hate them so much that they only legalized gay sex in 1977, and we’re not even sure why. They have such seething disdain for sodomites that in 2018 they publicly burned an oversized replica of the children’s book My Rainbow Family at a carnival in Kastela.

These fruit-loathing Croatians, four out of five of whom are Catholic, hate turd-burglars so much that at a carnival in the tiny town of Imotski, “while a brass band played and people danced,” they recently burned a giant effigy depicting two men kissing while holding a baby. They did this “to wild cheers and applause.”

According to Milivoj Đuka, who is president of something called the “Bako Ceremony Cultural Society” and likes to pose in front of swastikas on Facebook:

    We are a conservative society, and are sticking by tradition. Give a child to a mother, as the saying goes. We think this is the right thing to do.

Croatia’s president says he supports the gays in this struggle. People on both sides called the other side disgusting, and nothing got solved. Nothing ever does.

*TWO “WHITE” STUDENTS WHO SAID “N-WORD” BROUGHT UP ON CRIMINAL CHARGES FOR “RIDICULE”*

A few months back, two swarthy University of Connecticut students were filmed gleefully saying a word that rhymes with “chigger” as they sashayed across the campus, blissfully unaware they were being filmed.

Even though Jarred Karal and Ryan Mucaj’s surnames are Turkish and Albanian, and even though these bearded gents look as if they’ve milked a few camels in their day, the press insists on referring to them as “white” because it’s common knowledge and a scientific fact that only white people are capable of saying that wretched and frankly sinful word.

Shortly after their little parking-lot escapade, Karal and Mucaj were arrested and charged with a misdemeanor for violating a 1917 Connecticut law that targets anyone who “ridicules or holds up to contempt any person or class of persons, on account of the creed, religion, color, denomination, nationality or race of such person or class of persons.”

That sounds like the least fun law we’ve ever heard of. It’s a total bummer that’s harshing our mellow even as we type this.

Connecticut law professor William Dunlap expresses astonishment that the law even exists:

    It is so clearly unconstitutional under the First Amendment that it’s hard to believe that it’s still on the books. It punishes speech based on the content of the speech, and that it is one of the key concepts of the First Amendment — that the government cannot punish speech based on its content.

This law makes a mockery of the noble war our forefathers fought in 1776 before they turned westward and started exterminating all the Indians. If you can’t ridicule the unfortunate, what’s the point of even having a democracy?

*DON’T TRUST WHAT THE SLOPES SAY ABOUT CORONAVIRUS*

When people talk dismissively about the “Yellow Peril,” it’s almost as if they’re implying there’s something wrong with mistrusting Asians.

All we know is that it wasn’t the Nazis who bombed Pearl Harbor.

The Chinese people are a race of ruthless, heartless, icy, highly intelligent diminutives who are plotting our destruction by manipulating their currency, infiltrating Hollywood, stealing our technology, getting us addicted to their spicy cuisine, and working their own people ragged until they leap off corporate rooftops in what can only be viewed as “mercy suicides.”

Not to be outdone by themselves, the Chinese have now apparently unleashed a global pandemic which may lead to financial collapse, natural disasters, train wrecks, flooding, street brawls, rampant alcoholism, open-air gulags disguised as quarantine facilities, and countless cases of people suddenly coming down with a case of the sniffles.

Oh—and probably World War III, too.

Chinese authorities—who are so shady that they won’t even permit officials from the Centers for Disease Control to enter Ground Zero for coronavirus and conduct their own testing—initially said that the outbreak in Wuhan that has now spread to dozens of countries was likely the result of a human eating some weird-ass infected beastie, perhaps a bat or even an armadillo-like scaly creature, they’d purchased at a local “wet market.”

Then, when it was leaked that “China’s only Level 4 microbiology lab that is equipped to handle deadly coronaviruses” is located in Wuhan just a hop, skip, and a jump from that wet market, we started wondering why we were ever so gullible and trusting that we eagerly ate all those egg rolls without first sending them to a lab.

Short people who eat bats are never to be trusted. Neither are people who always seem to be squinting as if they’re afraid to look you straight in the eye—clearly, they have something to hide.

*POLL: 80% OF ARTISTS ARE TERRIFIED TO SPEAK THEIR MINDS*

In case you were unaware—or, more likely, you were so keenly aware that you decided it was wise to keep your mouth shut decades ago, which is why you still have a job and aren’t homeless or in federal prison—we’re currently trapped in a culture that is so suffocatingly hostile toward dissenting opinions that it makes Pol Pot look like a free-speech absolutist.

There’s something called ArtsProfessional, and even though we never heard of it before, we will assume it has something to do with professional artists. We will also note that combining two words into one word like that is a personal pet peeve. It’sAnnoying.

The organization recently conducted a “Freedom of Expression” survey that asked “500 artists and arts workers” about how they were able to slalom around the modern Cancel Climate while still being able to feed themselves and maintain a sliver of self-esteem.

We’re not sure what their criteria was for determining exactly what an “artist and arts worker” is or isn’t. These days, isn’t everyone a “creative influencer”?

A robust four out of five of these so-called artists agreed with the sentiment that “workers in the arts and cultural sector who share controversial opinions risk being professionally ostracized.” It will be assumed that the fifth respondent was so terrified of the backlash they’d get for agreeing with that statement that they disagreed with it just to protect their own selfish hide.

According to ArtsProfessional Editor Amanda Parker:

    Our survey shines a damning light on the coercion, bullying, intimidation and intolerance that is active among a community that thinks of itself as liberal, open-minded, and equitable. We are very aware that this research doesn’t reflect all views, but it’s a sad and timely indication of the suppressed hurt and anger felt by many, despite the loud and growing conversations about collaboration and inclusiveness.

Another respondent blamed white people in one of the rare modern instances where it’s legitimate to blame them:

    Our arts, culture, and indeed education sectors are supposed to be fearlessly free-thinking and open to a wide range of challenging views. However, they are now dominated by a monolithic politically correct class (mostly of privileged white middle class people, by the way), who impose their intolerant views across those sectors. This is driving people who disagree away, risks increasing support for the very things this culturally dominant class professes to stand against, and is slowly destroying our society and culture from the inside.

We have very strong feelings about this topic and would like to express them, but you people are crazy, and frankly you scare us. But you should hear what we say about you behind your backs.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-78/

Takimag  

March 08, 2020

The Week’s Most Mannish, Clannish, and Spanish Headlines

*BLOOMBERG BUYS SAMOA FOR $550 MILLION*

Billionaire Michael Bloomberg has now become painfully aware that despite all his money, he will never be able to buy two things he’s yearned for his entire life:

1. height;
2. the presidency.

In only three months of campaigning, the pint-sized would-be potentate blew a giant gooey $550 million wad of his own cash trying to convince Democratic voters that he really wasn’t a charmless shriveled turtle who is so out of touch with common Americans that his election would most assuredly lead to riots, arson, and an outbreak of murderous (if enthusiastic) pogroms.

After nearly half of the states had voted in the Democratic primaries, Bloomberg was only able to convince the voters of American Samoa to give him the nod. There are only 55,000 people in all of American Samoa, any one of whom is large enough to swallow Mike Bloomberg whole. According to rumors, Bloomberg paid off every island resident with a $1 million bribe and an offer of free liposuction. This is the only plausible explanation for why he edged out Tulsi Gabbard, who was born in American Samoa, 50% to 29%. We would all have preferred to see Tulsi become president, if only for the ukulele-playing and the low-cut white suits.

After Joe “What’s My Name?” Biden and Bernie “Cranky” Sanders emerged from Super Tuesday the only two Democrats left standing, even Bloomberg wasn’t high enough on the fumes of his own flatulence to think he had a chance. He dropped out of the race and endorsed Biden, whose response was, “Who’s Mike Bloomberg again? Was that the big fat black fella that those cops strangled on Staten Island?”

The day after shuttering his campaign, Bloomberg accepted a job with the Central Intelligence Agency spreading the coronavirus by licking his fingers and then touching food in public.

*POPE ASKS CATHOLICS TO STOP TROLLING FOR LENT*

Some people think that Pope Francis is Jesus Christ’s personal representative here on Planet Earth.

Others think he’s the sinister kingpin of a worldwide pedophile extortion racket.

Others think he’s a mind-control zombie puppet of the International Communist Conspiracy.

We think that with all the treasures the Vatican owns, he could at least do with some teeth-whitening and an ear reduction.

We also think he’s pretty cool for telling Catholics to give up trolling for Lent.

While speaking to a typically Dago-heavy throng of thousands at St. Peter’s Square in late February, the serial washer of Muslim feet beseeched the faithful to stop calling one another pedophiles and libtards and $#@!heads and cucks and retards and idiots and poopy-pantses during the forty days leading up to Easter:

[Lent] is a time to give up useless words, gossip, rumours, tittle-tattle and speak to God on a first-name basis….We live in an atmosphere polluted by too much verbal violence, too many offensive and harmful words, which are amplified by the internet….Today, people insult each other as if they were saying ‘Good Day.’

Sounds like a plan, Mr. Pope!

Once the last Easter egg is eaten, though, it’s back to the stalking and smearing and fighting and shaming. God didn’t sacrifice his only son so that Catholics wouldn’t be able to insult people online for most of the year.

*ANTI-MIGRANT HATRED EXPLODES IN GREECE’S LESBIAN COMMUNITY*

Although people tend to blame the modern “PC snowflake culture” on the Frankfurt School from the 1930s, it was actually a butch-looking Greek woman named Sappho who lived 2,500 years ago on the Isle of Lesbos that started the whole ball o’ yarn that held Western culture together to start rollin’ down the slippery slope to where you now have trannies doing pole dances for preschoolers on the taxpayers’ dime.

Despite a face that looked like Patti Smith’s, Sappho had a set of decent bite-sized B-cuppers that might keep your average man’s interest for a day or two, but NO—she had to “make it” with the ladies instead. Driven by guilt for her sexual crimes against nature, Sappho is rumored to have committed suicide, and for a degenerate of her ilk, it wasn’t a moment too soon.

Modern inhabitants of the Isle of Lesbos are known as Lesbians. And the Lesbians of Lesbos say they’ve had it “up to here” with all the migrants that are sailing to their shores from Turkey, stinking to high heaven and demanding free shoes.

Turkey recently announced it would no longer honor a 2016 agreement not to inflict Syrian refugees on Greece in exchange for billions in cash bribes from the EU. This has led to clashes between migrants and Greek cops, who reportedly have taken to mustard-gassing the unwanted intruders, which has led to Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan’s claims that Greek cops murdered two migrants, which led to denials from Greece, which will likely lead to mutual escalation, which may likely set off World War III, although World War III has probably already started and the entire world is in denial about it.

IRANIANS LICK HOLY SHRINES TO SPITE INFIDEL VIRUS

As the coronavirus spreads around the world and eventually kills everyone but George Soros and Mike Bloomberg, the leader of Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps is claiming that the USA developed COVID-19 as a biological weapon against China.

At the moment, Iran has reported more coronavirus deaths than any country outside of China.

Late in February at a press conference where he attempted to downplay the spread of the virus, Iranian Deputy Health Minister Iraj Hirarchi sweated so profusely that he was forced to keep sopping up his brow with a limp white hankie. He later tested positive for the virus.

But even a global pandemic can’t prevent a fanatical Muslim from licking his holy shrines. It’s some weird thing that Muslims do—the shrine-licking, that is. Apparently they think that some of the holiness transfers to their tongues and spreads throughout their entire bodies.

It’s more likely that in Iran, the coronavirus will spread through the shrine-licking Muslim’s body rather than any of Allah’s wisdom. Assuming that Allah exists, even Allah would tell one of his followers that it’s not wise to go around licking shrines.

Despite that, and despite the fact that we’ve just basically proven scientifically that even Allah wouldn’t be in favor of shrine-licking during a global outbreak, many Muslims continue licking shrines and say they don’t even care if they get sick.

Clips have spread on social media depicting defiant Muslims licking door handles and walls of sacred shrines throughout the country.

And this, we fear, is why Muslims will defeat the West—the only Christians crazy enough to do something like that all live in the hills and hollers of Appalachia, and they’re rapidly dying out.

*WELL-ADJUSTED NEGROES FOR TRUMP*

For tomorrow’s blockbuster feature article, we will examine why black voters seem to prefer Joe Biden over the Jewish and gay candidates.

For today, we will examine Donald Trump’s continued efforts to reach out to a black community that used to worship him but gave him a piddlin’ 8% of their support in 2016.

For years he has trotted around two sassy obese sistas who call themselves Diamond and Silk to whoop and holla and wag their fingers and swivel their heads in support of the Trump Train, but it still seems that your average everyday black person on the street would rather see Donald Trump sodomized on live TV by Snoop Dogg than to even think of saying anything positive about him.

Although Trump has consistently boasted that his term has seen the lowest black unemployment rates in history, racists would suggests that there’s a huge quotient of the black community that would prefer not being employed.

Still, the New York Post recently rounded up a group of black New Yorkers who say they’ll be voting for Trump this time around. They say they feel disgruntled, deceived, disenchanted, disappointed, dejected, despondent, and disgusted with the Democrats. Instead, they say that Trump is cool because of a bunch of reasons that no one who isn’t black really cares about, so we won’t go into them here.

If Joe Biden is the nominee, Trump will face a formidable opponent who used to be a lifeguard at an all-black school, where he met a shady black gangster named Corn Pop and where black children marveled at the texture and volume of his leg hair.

*WACKY SPANISH HOLOCAUST PARADE SPURS COMPLAINTS*

Why doesn’t Spain, and by implication all Spaniards and Spanish-speaking people worldwide, get more flak for their long history of fascism? After all, Franco ruled Spain longer than Hitler and Mussolini ruled their countries combined, so what’s the Spanish Secret?

By the way, when was the last time you saw a “carnival parade…depicting Nazi soldiers dancing with Jewish prisoners” in Germany OR Italy? Certainly not since 1945.

But if you lived in Spain, you could have seen one last month. Actually, you could have seen two—one in the town of La Mancha and the other in the village of Badajos.

According to a description of the procession in Badajos:

The show included a banner emblazoned with a swastika locked inside a Star of David….Some of the Badajos show’s participants were dressed in costumes with blue and white vertical stripes, evoking the uniform of Nazi concentration camp prisoners, with a Star of David emblazoned on the backside.

Others had costumes with only the left side referencing those uniforms and the right side resembling a Nazi uniform, including a swastika armband. On the Nazi side, the participants also wore painted mustaches resembling Adolf Hitler’s signature facial hair. Some participants also wore blue contact lenses on the eye of the Nazi side….

A video of the event shows them waiting excitedly for dancers who carried out elaborate choreography.

Again, this is all happening in Spain. In case you didn’t know, that’s where the Spanish Inquisition happened, which was none too kind toward the Judenvolk.

It’s time for a second Spanish Inquisition, but this time conducted against the Spanish. They can’t keep getting away with this.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-79/

Takimag  

March 15, 2020

The Week’s Classiest, Sassiest, and Gassiest Headlines

*PUTIN MANEUVERS TO BECOME CZAR FOR LIFE*

Even though he is barely 5’7”, Vladimir Putin has the sort of brute pectoral strength that has enabled him to hoist the mighty Russian Federation on his shoulders and carry it every year since the new millennium’s dawn.

Due to Russia’s two-term limit for presidents, Putin served from 2000-2008, then pulled a Lurleen Wallace and installed his personal hand-puppet for four years, then managed to get the presidential term extended to six years instead of four, and has been serving as president since 2012, with his second new term finally expiring in 2024, in which case he will have ruled Russia for 24 years–longer than anyone since some guy named Stalin—who was even shorter than Putin is. There seems to be an inverse correlation between Russian rulers’ height and the length of their reign.

But still, it hasn’t been enough power for Putin. This is because he is an extremely macho man:

Putin cultivates an outdoor, sporty, tough guy public image, demonstrating his physical prowess and taking part in unusual or dangerous acts, such as extreme sports and interaction with wild animals….Notable examples of Putin’s adventures include: flying military jets, demonstrating martial arts, riding horses, rafting, and fishing and swimming in a cold Siberian river, many of which he did bare chested. Other examples are descending in a deepwater submersible, tranquilizing tigers and polar bears, riding a motorbike, co-piloting a firefighting plane to dump water on a raging fire, shooting darts at whales from a crossbow for eco-tracking, driving a race car, scuba diving at an archaeological site, attempting to lead endangered cranes in a motorized hang glider, and catching large fish.

As if it hasn’t been enough of an aphrodisiac ruling Russia since the year 2000, Putin now endorses re-jiggering the Russian constitution in a way that would enable him to serve all the way until 2036, by which time he will probably have figured out the secret of immortality and how to rewrite the constitution so that he can serve for a minimum of 10 million years.

Putin isn’t calling for an extension of term limits—no, the new proposal would allow for some kind of imaginary “reset” where it’s as if he never served as president at all and now has a shot at two more six-year terms.

The idea was proposed in the Russian parliament by 83-year-old female ex-cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, a mannish, lantern-jawed space traveler who is a dead ringer for Vladimir Putin in lipstick and a wig. Then, in some amazing coincidence, Putin suddenly appeared before parliament to say, “Hey, cool idea, how do we make this happen, sis?”

The amendment, along with other proposals that would define marriage as a heterosexual thing and a pledge of homage to “ancestors who bequeathed to us their ideals and a belief in God,” was swiftly passed by a vote of 382-0, because if you don’t do what they tell you to do in Russia, they spike your coffee with plutonium.

*GOOKS, SLANTS, AND SLOPES TARGETED FOR VIOLENT CORONAVIRUS-REVENGE ATTACKS*

Over a month ago, we warned you all not to be racist about the coronavirus.

You didn’t listen.

In New York City, police are seeking to pin hate-crime charges on a black man who was videotaped screaming at an Asian man on the subway and spraying him with Febreze. When an onlooker asked him why he was engaging in such dastardly antics, he said that the Asian man was standing right next to him, implying that Asians all have the coronavirus and just can’t wait to infect hostile black straphangers with it.

In Fresno, some poor Asian man, very likely diminutive and underendowed where it counts, awoke to find graffiti that said “$#@! ASIONS [sic] AND CORONYVIRUS [sic].” 

Nothing irks us more than grammatically incompetent hate criminals. We don’t even care about “hate,” but proper spelling is very important.

In the Los Angeles area, perhaps spurred into action by genetic memories of black-on-Asian violence during the 1992 Rodney King riots, many Asians are stocking up on guns to protect themselves against yet another wave of racially motivated and frankly unacceptable attacks.

In London, some slant-eyed guy named Jonathan Mok says he was assaulted by a mob of indigenous British thugs, one of whom allegedly shouted “I don’t want your coronavirus in my country” while trying to land a kick.

Please stop attacking the Asians. At the very least, try to hide the fact that you’re attacking them for being Asian.

*THERE’S ACTUALLY A DUTCH KING, AND HE JUST APOLOGIZED TO INDONESIA*

Were you aware that the Dutch had their own king?

We weren’t, either.

But apparently he’s real, and he still has a full head of hair and obviously eats well.

At one juncture in the distant past, the Dutch were so healthy and robust that they moved beyond their own national boundaries and ruled the constellation of humid islands known as Indonesia—for centuries!

This all came crashing down in 1945 when the locals, obviously egged on by hostile cosmopolites, cast off their Dutch shackles and declared their independence. There were squabbles and skirmishes, one involving the torture-murder of an Indonesian that left him with cigarette-burn scars and a dent in his skull.

Now, 75 years later and when it’s far too late to actually do anything about it, Dutch King Willem-Alexander has formally apologized for any and all atrocities that the Dutch may or may not have committed during their three centuries of stepping on Indonesian necks.

As far as we can tell, he did nothing more than apologize. He didn’t resurrect the victim from the dead or offer anything in the way of monetary compensation. He merely said, “Hey, even though I had no part in this, I want you to know I really feel bad about it, and I hope that feeling bad about it will make you feel better about it.”

Beware of anyone who apologizes without also handing you a check for a million dollars.

*PUBLISHER CANS WOODY ALLEN MEMOIR DUE TO PEDO ALLEGATIONS*

Woody Allen is a comedian who differs from Larry David in that, to our knowledge, no one has accused Larry David of being an incestuous pedophile—at least not yet.

But according to a French book publisher, Allen “was entirely cleared on two occasions by the American courts, by judicial experts, by psychiatrists. My conviction is that he is entirely innocent of the accusations against him.”

Because of this, it’s not legal to call Allen a pedophile. But apparently it’s still legal to act like he’s a pedo. Last week the publishing house Hachette announced that although it had planned to publish Allen’s memoir called Apropos of Nothing, it would not be appropriate due to the fact that despite being cleared of all charges, some people simply need to see others as pedophiles in order to expunge some of their own weird guilt trips and secret proclivities. Hachette announced that it was dropping Allen’s book after several staff members staged a walkout.

What would happen if we started a rumor that William Shakespeare was a date rapist? Forget we even asked.

*SHEIKH MOHAMMED-SOMETHING-OR-OTHER OF DUBAI ACCUSED OF KIDNAPPING HIS OWN FRICKIN’ DAUGHTERS*

The vice president of the United Arab Emirates, some dune coon named Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum has a face that could make baby camels cry. He’s also worth $4.5 billion, which means he can basically bag any babe he desires.

As if it wasn’t humiliating enough that his own wife cuckolded him by banging one of her bodyguards, the sheikh has a problem with at least two of his daughters fleeing his clutches as if he was some kind of sadistic control freak or something.

To quell the rumors of him being tyrannical, he allegedly arranged for his daughters Sheika Shamsa and Sheika Latifa to be forcibly kidnapped and returned to him so he could talk some sense into them and kindly ask them to stop spreading such obviously fake news.

Latifa in particular is such an ingrate that in 2018 she uploaded a video to YouTube alleging that her daddy had imprisoned her for three years:

I went in June 2002 and I came out in October 2005… It was constant torture, constant torture, even when they weren’t physically beating me up, they were torturing me.

Kids today. No manners and zero gratitude.

*HARVEY WEINSTEIN SENTENCED TO 23 YEARS IN THE STONY LONESOME*

Harvey Weinstein is a lumpy, potato-shaped sex pest who, according to a woman who claims to have had unpleasant sexual relations with him, has no scrotum and a severely scarred penis.

Last week he was handed a 23-year prison sentence after being convicted of rape and sexual assault. Without a hint of irony, one reporter referred to the sentence as “stiff.”

Weinstein stood up from his phony walker long enough to deliver the following statement:

First of all, to all the women who testified, we may have different truths. I have great remorse for all the men and women going through this crisis right now in our country….You know, the [#MeToo] movement started basically with me, and I think what happened, you know, I was the first example, and now there are thousands of men who are being accused and a generation of things that I think none of us understood…. I’m totally confused and I think men are confused. I’m worried about this country in a sense, too. I really feel remorse of this situation. I feel it deeply in my heart.

Weinstein fondly recalled that he had “wonderful times” with all of his rape accusers.

Seems like a nice guy. Why all the hate?

*FRENCH SMURFS DEFY DEADLY PANDEMIC, MAY DIE ANYWAY*

Amid the global madness inspired by the coronavirus one whimsical mayor who dares to dream is encouraging us to gather together in large numbers to show the world we ain’t scared.

Patrick Leclerc is the mayor of the small French town of Landerneau, and he wants the world to know that he will not be dissuaded by the cloud of “ambient gloom” that has settled over his nation as a result of the pandemic. A mere day before the French government banned any public gatherings of 1,000 people or more, Leclerc allowed his village to be besieged by an estimated 3,500 adults in blue Smurf makeup who were trying to break some world record regarding the largest number of human Smurfs gathered together in one place. “We must not stop living,” Leclerc insisted.

Still, as of this writing, nearly 5,000 people have stopped living as a result of the novel coronavirus.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-80/

Takimag  

March 22, 2020

The Week’s Most Contagious, Courageous, and Outrageous Headlines

(This installment of The Week that Perished has been tested and is absolutely free of coronavirus.

*KEEPING UGLY PEOPLE DOWN BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY*

One of God’s cruelest tricks is that he makes some people attractive and some people ugly—even crueler is the fact that he bequeathed the gift of sight to almost all ugly people, forcing them to spend their lives writhing in agony about how ugly they are compared to the attractive people.

Since progressivism is the art of taking everything that’s undesirable and making it heroic, the globalist shills at the U.K. Home Office recently tweeted that mocking someone’s looks is a hate crime:

No one should be abused and insulted because of the way they look. If you are – it’s a hate crime. Together with @FaceEquality, we are working to stamp out this crime for good.

Accompanying the tweet was a two-minute video showing one dog-faced woman and one mangled-face man after the next decrying the fact that they’ve been abused by mirrors their entire lives. We encourage you to watch it, but here’s the transcript of the entire PSA:

_Hi hun … If I was you … I’d kill myself … You ugly ***** … Such a shame about that birthmark … You? You don’t look like a woman … A face only a mother could love … Looks like you’ve been run over by a tank … Your face — no joke … I literally just vomited in my mouth … Is that contagious? … I see you’ve got your Halloween costume sorted … Straighten your face. Oh, wait a minute you can’t … Quasimodo … Freak … Freddy Krueger … Ugly … Elephant Man … Monster … You are ugly as $#@! … Every day we get abuse because of how we look … Why do people think that’s ok? … We will fight until every person that looks different is free to walk down the street, post online, and live without fear … Join us … Together we can stop the hate._

Realizing that ugly faces are bad for business, the owners of mega-popular streaming app TikTok gave instructions for moderators to suppress posts from people who aren’t too easy on the eyes.

They even included a handy list of what sort of people to avoid:

_• Abnormal body shape, chubby, have obvious beer belly, obese, or too thin (not limited to: dwarf, acromegaly)
• Ugly facial looks (not limited to: disformatted face, fangs, lack of front teeth, senior people with too many wrinkles, obvious facial scars)
• Facial deformities (not limited to: eye disorders, crooked mouth disease and other disabilities)
• The shooting environment is shabby and dilapidated, such as, not limited to: slums, rural fields (rural beautiful natural scenery could be exempted), dilapidated housing, construction sites, etc._

While ugly people are eyesores, mocking them is not a “hate crime”—it is a noble cannon shot fired in a long overdue War for Beauty.

*EXHUMING ROBERT MUGABE’S RUBBER PENIS*

Besides having a Hitler mustache and overseeing the ritual murder of white farmers, recently deceased Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe is mainly known for taking the prosperous nation of Rhodesia and turning it into a roach motel known as Zimbabwe.

We’ve all heard the rumors that Hitler only had one testicle and that this sexual deformity is what fueled his murderous tantrums. What you most likely have not heard is that Robert Mugabe endured a botched circumcision in prison which may have affected his sexual functioning and thus led to his genocidal outbursts.

Whatever Mugabe’s political talents, it apparently never occurred to him that getting his foreskin snipped in prison may have been a bad idea.

But in a new book, former cabinet minister Rugare Gumbo said that he helped give Mugabe moral support behind bars while the tyrant-to-be pouted about his swollen and infected post-circumcision ding-dong:

_Mugabe was in the same section as me and he spent a lot of time by himself in his cell….I knew who he was politically so I would go to see him, and we bonded. I appreciated him. He was intelligent, well-spoken and committed to the liberation of Zimbabwe from the whites….Mugabe had been circumcised recently. The circumcision was badly done so his penis would swell because of an infection. He shared this problem with me, and I did all I could to help him. As the clerk I made sure he could change his prison uniform regularly….I would change his uniform three times a week. You were only supposed to change it once a week. He would dress it in front of me and use a razor blade to remove scales on it. It was really bad, and I did all I could to help him manage it….I am saying this to show you how close we became in (Salisbury) prison and how much I liked him._

Mugabe’s only child, a son, died in 1966 while Mugabe was behind bars. After he assumed Zimbabwe’s reins in the 1980s, Mugabe’s enemies made sport of the fact that their leader’s loins had produced no more fruit and suggested that he was not really a man at all anymore. In 2001, a man named George Potgieter was dragged into court after berating his workers by saying they “had no brains because they were being led by a president who had a rubber penis made in China.”

After Mugabe’s bungled jailhouse circumcision, did he eventually have to supplement his sexual functioning with a rubber penile prosthetic? The only way to find out would be through exhuming his freshly interred corpse. People, let’s start an online fundraiser and make this happen.

*SNOOPY THE CARTOON DOG ACCUSED OF RACISM*

A little over a year ago, we covered the tragic racist scandal that erupted after viewers noticed that when the Peanuts kids sat down to eat dinner in the classic TV seasonal cartoon A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, it was token black Peanut Franklin who wound up with the crappy chair.

Apparently Charles M. Schulz’s corpse didn’t learn anything from our bold exposé.

Snoopy the dog—the cartoon character who may have actually been more famous than Muhammad Ali, The Beatles, and Burl Ives combined in the 1960s—has his own Twitter account and recently endured a firestorm of complaints after posting a picture of Charlie Brown telling Franklin Armstrong that he’s “one of the good ones.”

Considering the crime rates, what Charlie Brown was actually dog-whistling was the fact that Franklin was one of the statistical minority of black cartoon characters who isn’t constantly raping, murdering, wilding, and impregnating fat white unwed mothers.

Even though that’s clearly a compliment to Franklin, Snoopy eventually backpedaled and offered an apology.

Earlier today a tweet from this account, featuring an image of two friends, was misinterpreted. As this was not the intended message of the post, it has been deleted so as not to perpetuate an inaccurate interpretation. The post was meant as a celebration of friendship.

We expected better of Snoopy. It almost makes one wish that the Red Baron had won their fabled battle in the sky.

*FAMILY BUYS HOUSE THAT’S COATED IN METH*

When a young couple falls in love, gets married, pops out a few kids, and saves up enough to buy a nice house in a demographically desirable suburb of Phoenix, they don’t expect the entire house to be so saturated in meth that they all get sick just from breathing household air.

But that’s exactly what happened to Allison and Alex Maselli and their three children. Shortly after buying a house in Chandler, AZ, their kids started getting sick, followed by Allison and Alex. It seems that no one had bothered to inform them that the previous owner had died of a meth overdose and that police had found “bag after bag of pills, sticky and white crystal substances, [and] numerous smoking devices” in the residence after the owner went to the Big Glass Pipe in the Sky.

After the house was tested, meth was found on nearly every surface. It was especially prominent in the HVAC ducts.

According to Allison:

_It was a real gut punch finding that out for me because you live your whole life to protect your kids. To find out that you bought a house that’s toxic that is making all of us sick just was really kind of devastating for me._

It would have been a great pick for a family of tweakers—all that stash built-in for no extra cash. We’re going to blame the real-estate agent for this one.

*ANOTHER HATE HOAX: DROWNED MIGRANT BOY IN VIRAL PHOTO WAS MURDERED BY TRAFFICKERS*

Unless you’ve been living a mentally healthy life that doesn’t involve burying your nose in a smartphone and drooling mindlessly for 20 hours a day, you’ve likely seen the viral 2015 image of three-year-old Syrian boy Alan Kurdi lying dead on a beach.

The photo was almost always presented without context, but nearly everyone understood it as an indictment of the xenophobic Western powers that won’t let an innocent little boy land on their shores without sadistically drowning him and then posting snapshots of it.

However, it turns out that Kurdi was not murdered by Western hooligans or Western authorities—instead, he was killed by three Turkish human traffickers, who were recently sentenced to 125 years in prison for the slaying.

Don’t trust anyone online—even us. We’re actually far sneakier than we appear.

*SOUTH AFRICAN KING ACCUSED OF HIGHLY IMMATURE AXE RAMPAGE*

Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo is a South African king who clearly has emotional problems. He comes from the same tribal clan as Nelson Mandela, who wasn’t exactly Fred Rogers, either.

In 2015 he was handed a 12-year sentence after kidnapping a woman and all four of her children, setting their home on fire, and beating four youths—one of them to death. Clearly the guy is a hothead.

But he only served four years of his sentence and was released in December—only to prove that he is obviously still dealing with unresolved anger-management issues.

He was recently arrested after an alleged “axe rampage” after breaking into the Thembu royal palace and acting completely bonkers. According to one witness:

_He was carrying weapons such as [an] axe, a machete and also a crowbar. He managed to break a window from the sitting room of the main house….As he was moving up the stairs looking for the acting king, some people managed to distract him and then the acting king managed to jump out of a window, running for safety….He has wreaked havoc in the palace…he started ransacking the king’s room, all confidential documents – he threw them around._

Hopefully in prison, rather than getting raped and contracting AIDS, he will seek the proper counseling and medication that sets him on a path toward wholeness and prosperity. Then again, this is South Africa, where it’s always a good idea to lower your expectations.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-81/

Takimag  

March 29, 2020

The Week’s Most Arbitrary, Ancillary, and Coronary Headlines

NOTE: Due to the global pandemic, we are officially quarantining coronavirus-related stories on the next page.

*HORNED INSECT WITH “STRANGE” GENITALS IS OFFICALLY NAMED AFTER LADY GAGA*

Enigmatic pop superstar Lady Gaga seems as if she’s horny and has strange sexual proclivities. Now, joining other femmes fatale such as Beyoncé and Kate Winslet, she enjoys the rare and possibly dubious honor of having an insect named after her.

The Kaikai gaga is an absolutely hideous beastie who was named by the has-to-be-gay entomologist Brendan Morris of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, who describes his decision to name a repulsive rare treehopper from Nicaragua after the mysterious and possibly autistic pop performer:

_If there is going to be a Lady Gaga bug, it’s going to be a treehopper, because they have these crazy horns and a wacky fashion sense about them. They are unlike anything you’ve seen before. The frontoclypeus, which is like the face, was shaped totally different. The genitalia also looked more like treehoppers from the Caribbean._

When you pause for a moment that this is a guy who studies equatorial insect genitalia, you don’t know who should be more insulted: Lady Gaga or the bug that was just named after her?

*IGNORING WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME THEY DID THIS, S.P.L.C TARGETS PRO-FAMILY “HATE GROUP” AGAIN*

The Southern Poverty Law Center is an absurdly wealthy hate group that works out its guilt complexes by accusing white people of modest means of being the real hatemongers.

Although they posture themselves as smart and enlightened, the SPLC traffics exclusively in weasel words and false inferences.

Take, for example, this quote from Lecia Brooks, Token Black Woman at the SPLC, regarding an alleged uptick of the number of anti-gay “hate groups” in the USA:

_Our research — and everyone’s research — will show that this increased rhetoric leads to an increase in hate crimes and hate incidents targeting LGBTQ people. When you denigrate an entire group of people, that’s what happens. It becomes open season._

Shall we unpack this, ladies and germs?

Their research consists of the following Yellow Brick Road of bad faith:

Let’s say Trump cuts funding for unnecessary tranny breast reductions and liposuction or something. Although not a hateful word is spoken, the SPLC wrangles this into something along the lines of “Trump purposely created a powder keg of charged hate rhetoric that both openly and indirectly encourages the mass murder of LGBTQ people.” Then their “research” will consist of asking an “expert” whether this imaginary climate of hate will lead to violence. The expert says, “Yes, of course!”

Or they’ll talk about a grim “epidemic” of tranny-slayings across the country, ignoring the fact that on a per-capita basis, trannies get murdered at a rate lower than that for straight men.

In short, there is nothing academic or logical or peer-reviewed or quantifiable about anything the SPLC ever pontificates over, but it doesn’t stop most major American news organizations from slavishly reprinting their press releases unquestioned and unedited.

One of the allegedly “anti-gay” groups the SPLC targeted in a recent report was the Family Research Council, which stands accused of openly encouraging fagg-slayings by saying that marriage should be between a man and a woman.

In 2012, a black man who by his own admission was spurred to violence by reading and SPLC report on the Family Research Council, entered the lobby of the FRC’s headquarters in DC and shot a security guard for the crime of enabling hate.

If someone shoots up the FRC again, will the SPLC get away with it again?

*THE EGYPTIAN KIDDIE-TORTURE RACKET*

In a revelation even more shocking than that time they foolishly allowed women to drive, Egypt has apparently been torturing thousands of minors with impunity.

According to a report released by Human Rights Watch and an Egyptian rights group called Belady, 75% of previously incarcerated minors aged 12-17 reported that they had been tortured in pretrial detention. More than a third said they’d received electric shocks. One out of ten said their shoulders had been dislocated by being hung by their arms. A 12-year-old boy named Abdullah allegedly endured “horrific torture including beatings, electric shocks and waterboarding” while his father watched.

According to spokeswoman Aya Hijazi of Belady, who everyone could agree would look a lot better if she lost 20 pounds:

_The harrowing accounts of these children and their families reveal how Egypt’s machinery of repression has subjected children to grave abuses. Egyptian authorities act as though they are above all laws when it comes to children in detention._

How’s that Arab Spring working out for you guys over there, anyway? We’ve been meaning to ask.

*FEDS CLAIM “RACIST EXTREMIST GROUPS” ENCOURAGE SPREADING CORONAVIRUS TO COPS AND JEWS*

In news that is startlingly evasive even to grizzled, jaded, cynical, seen-it-all nihilists, the FBI recently created a moral panic about a grand plan of bioterrorism among “neo-Nazis and other white supremacists” without even bothering to cite a single quotation from any identifiable member of these groups.

It’s almost shocking how much they expect you not to notice.

“White supremacists encouraging their members to spread coronavirus to cops, Jews, FBI says,” blares the ABC News headline:

In an alert obtained by ABC News, the FBI’s New York office reports that “members of extremist groups are encouraging one another to spread the virus, if contracted, through bodily fluids and personal interactions. The FBI alert, which went out on Thursday, told local police agencies that extremists want their followers to try to use spray bottles to spread bodily fluids to cops on the street.

In an article written by someone called Margolin, ABC quotes a man who runs a Jewish watchdog group, who is quoted as saying:

_While the world faces a deadly pandemic, it’s a stark reminder that certain groups – notably the Jewish community and law enforcement – must also continue the battle against those who wish to hurt or kill them. As the economic situation remains fragile and civil society disrupted, the potential for the followers of hate to act becomes more likely … and more deadly._

Despite our rigorous efforts, we could find no recent FBI report on the subject, but we DID find something from the Department of Homeland Security report that contains this shocking allegation:

_White Racially Motivated Violent Extremists (WRMVEs) have recently commented on the coronavirus stating that it is an “OBLIGATION” to spread it should any of them contract the virus._

Really? You’re calling them “WRMVEs” now? OK, where are these self-identified WRMVEs saying this? Just give us one name. Hell, just give us one quote.

But they don’t.

Just remember: It’s racist to call a virus that originated in China a “Chinese virus,” whereas it’s anti-racist to blame white people for plotting to spray Jews with coronavirus even if you don’t have any evidence that this is happening.

*RUSSIANS MULL LAW THAT WOULD IMPRISON CORONA-TERRORISTS FOR UP TO SEVEN YEARS*

Last Wednesday, the Kremlin announced that it will look over legislation that would criminalize the act of breaking the nation’s new anti-coronavirus quarantine. Merely breaking the quarantine would result in sentences of up to seven years. But purposely infecting someone with the virus could even bring terrorism charges.

Taking an even more hardcore stance, Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov says that quarantine violators should be killed.

Whether or not this means that Ramzan Kadyrov is a sadist, in this time of crisis we can at least all join together and agree that he needs a new stylist.

*ASIANS SQUINT HARDER AND FOCUS ON ALLEGED ANTI-ASIAN CORONA-FUELED WAVE OF HATE* 

Without explicitly—or, if you’re Japanese, “expricitry”—claiming that most of the assailants seem to be black, a pair or racist hate groups called Asian Pacific Policy and Planning Council and the Chinese for Affirmative Action announced the formation of an online snitch service whereby Asians can snitch on people they claim are attacking or demeaning them about the coronavirus pandemic.

Experts—there’s that word again—insist that merely referring to a virus that originated in China as a “Chinese virus” could lead to an outbreak of violent attacks on Asians.

However, Utah State Representative Kim Coleman—another person in desperate need of a new stylist—is ignoring the plaintive wails of all those diminutive Asians and referring to the virus as not only a Chinese one, but also a communist one:

_Let’s be clear: the coronavirus plague facing us comes exclusively as a courtesy of the Chinese Communist Party. No Communist China, no crisis._

If only she’d followed that up with “No tickee, no washee,” we wouldn’t have made fun of her hair.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-82/

Takimag  

April 05, 2020

The Week’s Most Dyspeptic, Antiseptic, and Narcoleptic Headlines

*IS CORONAVIRUS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO TRUMP?*

The thing about ideologues is that they will exploit any human tragedy in the service of their ideology, which is why it would be nice if scientists could develop a virus that wipes out ideologues.

In a cold _shvitz_ over the fact that they’ve hand-picked a senile rapist to lock horns with Donald Trump this fall, the Democrat Party is now whining that Google has prevented them from running anti-Trump coronavirus-related ads.

Mind you, Google is also preventing the Republicans from running coronavirus-related ads, too. They’re only allowing government health agencies such as the CDC and established medical agencies such as the WHO run ads for the time being.

But according to Democratic advisor Mark Jablonowski, who looks like this and expects people not to mock him for it, this sets a dangerous precedent that threatens to undermine democracy as we know it:

We’re in the middle of the defining event of this election and potentially a generation. To not allow political candidates to mention or discuss COVID-19 is something that has the potential to dramatically bolster Trump’s and Republicans’ chances of reelection.

Look at your purple striped bow tie, Mark. Look at that stupid expression on your face. You know nothing, Mark. Although we are mighty unhappy with Trump’s failure to deliver on core campaign promises during his first term, we hope he wins again just to see people like you cry.

*THE GREAT POLITICAL CORONAVIRUS POWER GRAB*

In times of crisis such as these, governments across the globe smell the opportunity to seize power.

But just as they do in times of plenty, the press only attacks the governments it sees as “right wing,” especially ones headed by the leaders for formerly communist countries whose citizens are rightfully wary of any situation where governments seize power.

The Associated Press, which to our knowledge has failed to ever criticize China, recently published an article accusing the Caucasian Christian leaders of Serbia and Hungary of using the virus as an “excuse to quell dissent,” as if that’s not what every leader of every shade and every political persuastion across the planet is currently doing. It quotes various “activists”—which is a term that people who actively avoid real activity tend to apply to themselves—about how Serbian President Aleksandar Vucic and hard-nosed Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban of violating civil liberties and crushing dissent and “dismantling democracy,” which is a form of government which believes, against all evidence, that the average citizen has a clue about how to run things.

In times of crisis such as these, ideologues across the globe smell the opportunity to beat people over the head with their ideology. If the virus finds anyone, let it find them.

*SAUDIS BLAME CORONAVIRUS FOR THEIR COWARDLY RETREAT IN YEMEN*

Don’t you hate when people mispronounce the word “Saudi” so it sounds like “Salty”? It’s not as bad—but still pretty bad—when they say “Sawdy.” If you pronounce the “Sau” like “sow”—as in “female pig”—you’re getting closer to the actual pronunciation, which is something like “Sow-OO-dee,” but we don’t care about Middle Easterners’ feelings and encourage you to pronounce it “Salty.”

Saudi Arabia is one of those countries like Israel and China where if you’re an American and publicly criticize you them, they will find a way to cripple you irreversibly. Even though they orchestrated 9/11, you wouldn’t know it from listening to the American media. In fact, you wouldn’t know anything from listening to the American media, but if you don’t know that already, you’re never going to know it.

In 2015, a very cocky and headstrong Saudi Arabia invaded its tiny southern neighbor Yemen, a boring country that no one ever thinks about unless you remind them, and sometimes they won’t even think about it then. Saudi Arabia’s main purpose was to deter military incursions in Yemen by Iran, whose residents adhere to a rival sect of Islam than do Saudis, and these people are primitive enough to still be killing each other over which bearded ape was Muhammad’s true successor over a thousand years ago.

But ever since, Saudi forces have botched the job, missing key targets and obliterating civilians instead. And now that Iranian-backed Houthi rebels have seized an entire province in Yemen’s north, Saudi is hiding behind the COVID-19 pandemic and saying, “Hey, this is nutso enough already, but we don’t need the sniffles on top of it all, let’s declare peace and fight this evil little bug together.”

Once the dust settles, let’s sue Saudi Arabia for 9/11.

*ISRAELIS SHOOT AT SYRIA, SYRIANS SHOOT BACK*

What the heck is with these Middle Easterners and their constant tantrums?

Apparently for no other reason than just to be the jerks that the rest of the world says they are, Israeli fighter pilots ignored the fact that we’re all in this global-virus thing together and used “Lebanese airspace”—sounds like some kind of intimate practice between two consenting adult women—to fire missiles at a Syrian air base somewhere in the central province of Homs.

Syrian officials say they fired back and were able to shoot a few of the Israeli missiles down, which, if true, should be a severe blow to the libido of Israeli men in the coming weeks.

Can’t everyone just stay home and eat their bagels and falafels like the rest of us?

*STUDY: WHITE CORPORATIONS BURYING NONWHITE COUNTRIES IN PLASTIC TRASH*

According to the kind folks at Tearfund—an organization with an emotionally manipulative name that describes itself as a “Christian charity passionate about ending poverty”—filthy-rich Western junk-food conglomerates are literally burying the Third World’s squirming brown masses under a flotilla of plastic that may end human life there as we know it, provided that you find those people human in the first place.

“Coca-Cola, Nestlé, PepsiCo and Unilever dump half a MILLION tonnes of plastic pollution in six poor countries, damning report finds,” howls the emphatically British headline in the Daily Mail, a tabloid with a circulation of over 1 million and which therefore has the blood of a billion trees on its hands—metaphorically speaking, of course, not only because trees don’t bleed but also because newspapers don’t have hands.

What happens when you combine the rapacious capitalist greed of the following four multinational ultra-corporations…

• Coca-Cola
• PepsiCo
• Nestlé
• Unilever

…and encourage them to treat the following nations as their personal toilets?

• Brazil
• Mexico
• Nigeria
• India
• China
• The Philippines

What happens is that you have millions of squirming African children gasping for air as they’re being crushed under mountains of plastic. What happens is that you clearly have an enviro-racial scandal the likes of which this world hath never seen. We don’t even need to check—we know in our hearts that the corporations that are dumping all this plastic are owned by whites, just like everything is owned by whites. But run your peepers down that list of countries where they’re dumping all the plastic Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi bottles and Nesquik containers. Do you notice a racial pattern like we did? Good, glad to hear it—so why are all these white companies dumping all this cancerous trash on nonwhite countries?

To give you a sense of how much trash they’re dumping, it’s enough to fill a soccer field every 20 minutes. In many of these countries, soccer is the only recreational activity available to poor children. To us and many others like us, there is no logical explanation for this racially tinged global garbage crisis than the fact that white people hate when nonwhites excel in soccer, which is why they’re currently filling their soccer stadiums with empty plastic bottles.

*POPULATION GROWTH STAGNATES ACROSS THE USA*

If the current medical crisis and the eventual one-two punch of financial collapse and mass PTSD aren’t enough to signal that the body public has late-stage cancer, ponder the fact that America’s population grew less than half a percent in 2109—the lowest rate since exactly a century prior, when the Spanish Flu was decimating the world.

There were more deaths than births in 46% of America’s counties last year—up from 28% in 2010. Large dirty cities such as New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles all lost residents, many of whom fled to large dirty cities in Texas.

You may remember Baltimore, which in 1950 hosted a million people but last year dipped to below 600,000 residents for the first time since the Great Depression. Then everyone was given “civil rights,” the mayor encouraged rioters to “destroy” things until they blew off all that steam, and now the people who aren’t leaving in droves are getting murdered in cold blood. Things such as “crime” and “education” are getting blamed, but by now we should all realize what those words mean.

And as the dreaded baby boomers die off and more and more once-great American metropolises turn into haunted ghost towns, it will become clear that every subsequent generation consisted of “baby busters” who were so selfish they didn’t even bother to replace themselves.

----------


## Anti Federalist

The Week That Perished
https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-83/
Takimag

April 12, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

H. Rap Brown

The Week’s Most Unattractive, Hyperactive, and Radioactive Headlines

SUPREME COURT TELLS H. RAP BROWN TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP
H. Rap Brown is a light-skinned black man who first gained fame in the 1960s for his heartwarming autobiography Die ****** Die! and for openly encouraging violence against white America. The man who had famously proclaimed that “violence is as American as cherry pie” told blacks to “organize themselves” and “carry on guerrilla warfare in all the cities.”

In the 1970s, while in prison for a shootout with federal officers, Brown demonstrated that he wasn’t very bright by embracing the religion of the people who originally enslaved African blacks and giving himself the ridiculous name of Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin.

Despite all this, the authorities let him out anyway, and eventually he shot two Georgia police officers, killing one of them. It mattered not a whit(e) that both of the officers were black—Brown insisted he was the victim of a white supremacist government’s conspiracy.

He appealed his life sentence, and his case made it all the way to the US Supreme Court, which last week rejected his appeal and told him—well, we’re reading things into their decision, let’s be honest—that he needs to sit down, stop his incessant yappin’, and realize that if he hadn’t killed a black man, he wouldn’t be where he is right now.

LESBIAN ASTRONAUT FALSELY ACCUSED OF SPACE CRIME
You may not be aware that the United States has experienced so much social progress since that epic moment when Mario Savio bravely stood atop a car’s hood and burned his bra that we now have lesbian astronauts, but we do.

Her name is Anne McClain, and she looks like a lesbian, too, complete with lantern jaw and short-cropped 1980s Ricky Schroder hairdo.

In 2019, McClain made headlines after being framed as perhaps the first person ever to commit a crime from outer space—namely, improperly accessing the bank account of her lesbian wife Summer Worden—an absolute beast of a woman who resembles comic actor Joe E. Ross of “Car 54, Where Are You?” fame.

In her defense, McClain said that she was merely using a login she and Worden had shared while they were married. An FBI investigation proved she was right, and now the tables have turned on the uglier lesbian of the two—Worden has been indicted for “falsely accusing her of committing a crime from space.”

Seeing as how ***** themes in science fiction is now a major part of American students’ education, we will be closely monitoring this space-lesbian saga.

HIDEOUSLY UNATTRACTIVE FEMALE WRITER SAYS ROYAL COUPLE IS SHALLOW
This is a picture of Jan Moir. She makes a living writing nasty things about people who are more attractive and famous than she is. One glance is all you need to understand why she’s so bitter and vindictive. We’ve seen manatees with more sex appeal.

In the midst of a worldwide crisis, Moir recently chastised Prince Harry and his multiracial wife for announcing some goofy new charity to which they’re attaching their names:

    Yet not even a pandemic can stop Harry and Meghan in their self-imposed, grandiose scheme to save the world, one worthy cause at a time….I mean, who are they trying to fool? The current global health crisis has made many take stock, and to focus with piercing clarity on what is really important; family, health, love and safety.

    The most unfathomable mystery of all is simply why they have to continue to present themselves as all-encompassing do-gooders, armed with their grab bag of causes which include climate change, mental health, domestic violence and refugees?

“The European mainstream understands perfectly that supporting immigration will harm Europe, which is precisely why they support it.”

Fine, sure, great, we get it, but we can’t restrain ourselves from pointing out that in the midst of a global pandemic that Jan Moir claims is an opportunity for us all to “take stock” and focus on “family, health, love and safety,” Moir is the one focusing on these moronic non-entities with her bitter opinions rather than doing any good herself.

INDIAN COUPLE NAMES NEWBORN TWINS “CORONA” AND “COVID”
After the Western world has finally come to grips with the embarrassing fact that for literal centuries they had misclassified Native Americans as “Indians,” along comes a couple from India to do something even dumber than the most humble Cherokee could ever imagine.

Vinay and Preeti Verma are the undeservedly proud father and mother of newborn twins whom they decided it was a good idea to name “Corona” and “Covid.” Corona is a girl, while little Covid is a boy.

According to the unfortunate twins’ mother:

    The delivery happened after facing several difficulties [due to coronavirus lockdown] and therefore, my husband and I wanted to make the day memorable….With vehicular movement stopped, we both made it to the hospital somehow late at night after a lot of suffering. Since the deliveries happened after such difficulties, we wanted the names to be memorable and unique….Besides, these names are beautiful in their own, with Corona being Latin for crown….Also, we want the fear associated with these names to end and the public to focus on sanitation and hygiene.

Yes, imagine the honor of having people wash their hands every time they hear your name.

FOREST FIRES NEAR CHERNOBYL
Ukraine is a perpetually battered nation that has the world’s scariest drug addicts and craziest boxers. In 1932-33 its citizens endured one of the worst orchestrated famines in world history, and in 1986, while it was still part of the Soviet Union, Ukraine also hosted the worst nuclear accident in history at Chernobyl.

As this doomed nation’s luck would have it, wildfires now encircle the spot of the 1986 nuclear disaster and have caused local radiation levels to spike sixteen times higher than usual.

We wish the Ukrainians well, but we have our own problems and regret to inform them that we can’t help.

TRUMP ADMINISTRATION LABELS “RUSSIAN WHITE SUPREMACIST GROUP AS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION
Despite the fact that Donald Trump has never once addressed white people as a group and has consistently grabbed his ankles to condemn “Nazis” and “racists” and “white supremacists,” his detractors insist that he is a Ginger Hitler who makes shameless appeals to skinheads in broad daylight.

Last Monday, for the first time in US history, the State Department designated a “white supremacist” group as a “Specially Designated Global Terrorist” organization:

    Since 2015, the world has seen a surge in white supremacist terrorism.  Last month was the first anniversary of the horrific terrorist attack on two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand.  The United States is not immune to this threat.  We’ve seen attacks targeting people because of their race or religion in places like Pittsburgh, Poway, and El Paso.

    Countering this threat is a top priority for this Administration.  After the El Paso attack, President Trump said, “In one voice, our nation must condemn racism, bigotry, and white supremacy.  These sinister ideologies must be defeated.”

    This Administration isn’t just talking the talk.  We’re walking the walk.  We’re taking decisive actions to counter this threat.

    Today, the State Department is designating the Russian Imperial Movement – also known as RIM – as a Specially Designated Global Terrorist, or SDGT.

We have never heard of this so-called “Russian Imperial Movement.” But we have heard of the Southern Poverty Law Center, who were cited as the inspiration by a man who shot up the Family Research Council in 2012. We’ve heard of Black Lives Matter, who were cited as the inspiration by a man who murdered five Dallas police officers in 2016.

Neither the SPLC nor BLM have been designated as terrorist organizations, however. Nor has Antifa, despite its endless open calls to violence.

Anyone who voted for Donald Trump believing that he would defend—or at least not openly attack—white political interests has been sold a big stinking brick of Limburger cheese.

AN UNREPENTANT LITTLE OL’ ISLAMOPHOBE FROM KOKOMO
When the Beach Boys recorded their wonderful #1 hit “Kokomo” for the Tom Cruise cinematic classic Cocktail, we are almost certain that it was not some kind of dog whistle encouraging people to bash Muslims.

However, Roger Stewart is an intolerant-looking Kokomo city councilman who refuses to step down after sharing the following horrifying comments from someone else on his private Facebook account:

    I refuse to bend, twist or change to make Muslims feel comfortable in MY COUNTRY. They either adhere to our laws or leave! THIS IS MY COUNTRY! Understood???

He also stated that anyone who takes the oath of office on a Koran rather than a Bible is a “traitor” to his nation.

But unlike a former candidate for the prestigious position of Kokomo city councilman who resigned after referring to Muslims as “goat-humpers,” Stewart vows to fight the good fight against the 0.4% of the city’s population who are Muslims.

E.U. SCOLDS MIGRANT-RESISTANT COUNTRIES
The European Court of Justice—which exists to commit injustices against indigenous Europeans—recently condemned Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic for refusing to embrace hundreds of thousands of swarthy “refugees” who come to Europe merely for the rape and free cell phones.

Czech Prime Minisgter Andrej Babis:

    We lost but that’s not important. The important thing is we don’t have to pay anything. The fundamental thing is that we will not take in any migrants and that the quotas have since disappeared.

According to Hungarian Justice Minister Judit Varga:

    The idea of a quota was unreasonable from the beginning. The European mainstream still have not understood that supporting immigration is not a good answer to Europe’s problems.

We disagree. The European mainstream understands perfectly that supporting immigration will harm Europe, which is precisely why they support it.

----------


## Anti Federalist

The Week That Perished
https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-85/
Takimag

April 26, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Wikimedia Commons
Facebook
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The Week’s Most Pneumonic, Teutonic, and Demonic Headlines

ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ: WORKERS OF THE WORLD, STOP WORKING!
Are we the first to notice how much the shovel-faced communist Congresslady Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez resembles the dueling, enigmatic, black-and-white secret agents in Mad magazine’s long-running comic strip Spy vs. Spy?

It’s common knowledge that although Cortez fetishizes poverty as if it were a high-priced pet Chihuahua, she grew up in a cushy and almost entirely white New York suburb and has lapped at luxury’s teat ever since she shot cannonball-like from ’twixt her mama’s legs. And like any rich person with a guilt complex which they try to expunge through Marxism, Cortez not only claims that she represents workers, but that she understands them. She recently encouraged low-income workers—who are being the most economically savaged by this crisis—to stage a general strike and NOT return to work once the shutdowns are lifted:

    When we talk about this idea of reopening society, you know, only in America does the president — when the president tweets about liberation — does he mean go back to work. When we have this discussion about going back or reopening, I think a lot people should just say ‘no’ — we’re not going back to that. We’re not going back to working 70-hour weeks just so that we could put food on the table and not even feel any sort of semblance of security in our lives.

The only thing this broad has ever spent 70 hours a week doing is taking selfies.

Anyone who actually understand what it’s like to be a member of the working class—in other words, someone who’s felt the grip of anxiety knowing if they mess up for even a month, they’ll be hungry or homeless—would jump at the chance for employment when this New Great Depression finally ends. They also know that if they took Cortez’s dubious advice, they’d be replaced by machines before AOC could fix her lipstick.

“RACIST” DRAWING OF INJUN WOMAN TRAGICALLY WIPED FROM BUTTER PACKAGING
If you’re a young American male who lived at any time from 1921 to the current year, you likely are intimately familiar with the “boob trick” you can do by taking a box of Land O’Lakes butter and bending the cardboard so that the Indian maiden’s exposed kneecaps are where her breasts would be—voila!—instant porn. Most of us who’ve enjoyed doing this trick for our friends, and sometimes even in quiet places all by ourselves, felt warmer toward Native American women as a result. It did not encourage racial hatred; to the contrary, it made bagging a squaw look like a goal worth pursuing.

That will all come crashing to an end this year as Land O’Lakes is effectively murdering “Mia”—the name of the painted Injun maiden with the voluptuous kneecaps—and instead replacing her with a boring image of a tranquil lake. Supposedly it’s racist to make a Native American woman look more attractive and slim than they usually tend to be.

This makes us even sadder than we were when we learned that Iron Eyes Cody was Italian. If murdering “Mia” doesn’t constitute Native American genocide, what does?

VATICAN CENSORS POPE’S JOKE ABOUT WHISKEY BEING THE “REAL HOLY WATER”
We’ve kidded the Pope before—even questioned whether he’s Catholic—but every once in an Islamic crescent moon, he reminds us that he’s “human” just like the rest of us and likes to “cut loose” with “the boys” every once in a while, only to be stuffed back into a glass cage by his handlers.
“As the novel coronavirus eats its way across planet Earth, human nature shows no signs of improving.”

Scottish people are known for talking funny and drinking too much. As part of an upcoming documentary about a group of Scottish seminarians—sounds like a real humdinger—they filmed the young lads bequeathing a bottle of Oban malt to the Pontiff. According to the movie’s director:

    We filmed the students meeting with the Pope in the Apostolic Palace. One of them was tasked with giving the Pope a bottle of malt, because they know he likes whisky. He was really down to Earth with them all and when they handed him the bottle, instead of just handing it to his assistant as he normally would with a gift, he held it up and said ‘Questa e la vera acqua santa’, which means ‘This is the real holy water.’

But once the surplice-wearing killjoys at the Vatican caught wind of the Pope’s comment, they insisted it be excised from the film as if it were a demon inhabiting Linda Blair’s body.

It’s gotta be hard being the Pope, so what’s so bad if he wants to get $#@!faced every so often?

STUDENT ACTIVIST ACCUSED OF MAKING RACIALLY MOTIVATED THREATS AGAINST HERSELF
There have been so many hate-crime hoaxes over the years that the temptation is to believe that the general public now understands such fiascos are regular occurrences, but yea, we say unto you that we should not sleep at this late hour because such hoaxes constitute prolonged psychological warfare against the majority population and must be resisted with such ferocity that people will be too terrified to ever wrap a noose around their own necks and call themselves “******” again.

Anayeli Dominguez Peña is a 25-year-old former student of someplace called the University of La Verne, and judging from her mug shot, the only requirement for admission there is to be overweight. This week she will appear in court on felony charges of fabricating hate crimes against herself and her stupid radical student organization last year. Apparently she even placed a “backpack emitting smoke” into her own vehicle to make everything look extra-terroristic. She faces up to eight years in prison, where we at least hope she is able to lose some weight.

COVID-19 ROUNDUP: PUBLIC FLOGGINGS, DEAD DAD, STIMULUS PORN, CHINESE RACISM, AND FREDO CUOMO
As the novel coronavirus eats its way across planet Earth, human nature shows no signs of improving.

It’s likely that fewer than one in ten people can identify Indonesia as the world’s largest Muslim nation. In this hummus-slurping amalgamation of 17,000 islands straddling the Indian and Pacific Oceans, the only province that practices full-blown Sharia law is Aceh, which was struck particularly hard by 2004’s tsunami because God clearly isn’t a Muslim. It is in Aceh where the local imams say that public floggings must continue despite social-distancing rules related to coronavirus. At a recent public whipping—yes, they actually have them there, which immediately places Aceh on our bucket list—about a dozen rubberneckers watched four men each receive 40 lashes for drinking alcohol and an unmarried couple get caned for practicing carnal indiscretions in a motel room. If anyone has even a smartphone recording of this, please contact us. Let’s deal.

We recently covered the case of a rabbi who said COVID-19 was God’s punishment for homosexuality, only for the raging *** to come down with the disease. In other “should have kept your mouth shut, or we wouldn’t be gloating now” news, an Ohio man who called “bull$#@!” on the entire pandemic has died of this bull$#@! virus. John W. McDaniel, 60, responded on social media in mid-March to Ohio Governor Mike DeWine’s stay-at-home order thusly:

    If what I’m hearing is true, that DeWine has ordered all bars and restaurants to be closed, I say bull$#@!! He doesn’t have that authority. If you are paranoid about getting sick just don’t go out. It shouldn’t keep those of us from living our lives. The madness has to stop….Does anybody have the guts to say this Covid19 is a political ploy? Asking for a friend. Prove me wrong.

OK, well, now you’re dead of COVID-19. What more proof do you need?

As the $1,200 coronavirus stimulus checks start dribbling out across America, many citizens are blowing the dough on drugs and porn.

According to a survey by WalletHub—no, we’ve never heard of them, either, so take it all with a shaker of salt—an estimated 24 million Americans have spent at least some of their “stimulus” money to stimulate themselves with alcohol, tobacco, and weed. And according to the live-model porn site Cams.com, they’ve experienced a 22% spike in usage ever since the stimulus checks started rollin’ into the masturbators’ grubby hands. In Washington State, which has been especially hard hit by the virus, cam rentals surged over 200%.

As unfortunate as it sounds, even the ancient Roman elders knew that a public that is numbed on intoxicants and sex is far less likely to riot. Sexual stimulation may have been the point of these stimulus checks after all. Never forget that at the end of the day, our rulers understand what animals we really are.

Everyone who knows how icy-cold Asians can be realizes that when China gets done with Africa, King Leopold will look like Mister Rogers by comparison. That’s why it comes as no surprise to hear that in China—the place where this new Chinese Virus originated—African migrants are complaining of discrimination and even a McDonald’s that has a sign reading “black people are not allowed to enter the restaurant.” Our only takeaway from this is to wonder how a native Chinese speaker would pronounce the English phrase “black people”—would it sound anything like what we imagine the Japanese pronunciation would be, which is along the lines of “brack peeper”?

Last summer we mentioned how Chris Cuomo tried to bully some New York douchebag at a bar, only proving what a mega-douchebag Cuomo is in the process. In his eternal quest to out-douche himself, Cuomo recently took to livestreaming from his own basement, claiming he was being quarantined from his own family due to testing positive for novel coronavirus. The “quarantine” was a hoax—Cuomo was found about a week ago rubbing elbows in East Hampton without a mask and referring to someone as a “jackass loser fat-tire biker” for being intrepid enough to ask about what happened with the whole “quarantine” shtick. Showing that he is clearly a member of a protected and insurgent La Cosa Nostra syndicate that threatens to hijack the US presidency if it is not stopped in its tracks NOW, Cuomo informed the chubby biker that “I can do what I want.”

Not in America, Fredo. You are surrounded on every side by jackass loser fat-tire bikers.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-86/

Takimag

May 10, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Joe Biden
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The Week’s Yappiest, Crappiest, and Unhappiest Headlines

BIDEN: BELIEVE ALL WOMEN (UNLESS THEY’RE ACCUSING ME)
Although everyone and their stepmom believes that Joe Biden is senile, creepy, and rapey, a gut feeling cannot produce a criminal conviction—especially when the accuser contradicts herself.

Such is the case with one Tara Reade, a former Biden staffer who waited over a quarter-century to accuse Biden of digitally penetrating her way back when she was somewhat desirable to the average man.

Even a year ago, Reade accused Biden of getting all touchy-feely but that she didn’t consider such acts to be “sexualization.”

It was only in March of this year when an apparently attention- and sympathy-starved—but visibly well-fed—Reade told a podcaster that Biden slammed her against a wall and within moments had his fingers rammed deep up inside her coochie—no mean feat, considering not only the mysterious placement of the female genitalia but the assumption that Reade was not fully lubricated when the alleged assault happened.

Reade also insists she told coworkers about the assault around the time that it happened. She also said she filed an official report to the Senate’s personnel office regarding this matter. But—OOPS!—she didn’t save a copy of the report, the Senate says they couldn’t release such a report even if it existed because it’s confidential, and no coworkers have yet come forth to corroborate her story.

So as far as we can tell from the available evidence, either Tara Reade is lying or she is one of the most inept accusers in #MeToo history. We wouldn’t even be surprised if she had been hired by the Biden campaign to discredit all the other allegations of him clawing at women against their will.

This doesn’t mean that the Democrats aren’t being massive hypocrites about all this. It was during the Brett Kavanaugh hearings that Rapey Joe came forth and said that it takes such tremendous courage for a woman to step into the lovingly sympathetic spotlights and attempt to forever ruin a man’s life that she should be believed right out of the starting gate.

And the same Democratic ladies who aggressively tried to #MeToo the male gender into extinction are saying that they believe Joe and not the woman. And the same Democratic network mouthpieces in the media who leapt like ants on candy to investigate every last alleged sexual indiscretion of Donald Trump have not touched Reade’s allegations of Biden’s touchiness. We get it—politicians and their water-carriers in the media are hypocritical. What we don’t get is why you still act surprised and upset about this.

When grilled about his apparent hypocrisy by Mika “Daughter of Zbigniew” Brzezinski, Biden hemmed and hawed and stammered through this:

    Women are to be believed given the benefit of the doubt. If they come forward and say something that they said happened to them, they should start off with the presumption that they are telling the truth, then you have to look at the circumstances and the facts. The facts in this case never happened. There are so many inconsistencies in this case. Look at the fact. I can assure you it did not happen, period, period.

Wait a minute—if it didn’t happen, how did she know she was on her period when it happened? Something about this smells fishy, and maybe it’s not Tara Reade.

POMPEO: “ENORMOUS EVIDENCE” CORONAVIRUS WAS LAB-CREATED
Mike Pompeo is a big fat Italian guy who looks like he’s eaten three hoagies a day since infancy. Donald Trump initially appointed him to be the CIA Director and then moved him over to Secretary of State. When quizzed by some dried-up busybody at ABC News whether he’d seen anything that gives him “high confidence” that SARS-CoV-2 originated at the Wuhan Institute of Virology rather than the wet market that was within spitting distance from it, he said:

    Martha, there is enormous evidence that that’s where this began. We’ve said from the beginning that this was a virus that originated in Wuhan, China. We took a lot of grief for that from the outside, but I think the whole world can see now. Remember, China has a history of infecting the world and they have a history of running substandard laboratories….These are not the first times that we’ve had a world exposed to viruses as a result of failures in a Chinese lab. And so while the Intelligence Community continues to do its work, they should continue to do that and verify so that we are certain, I can tell you that there is a significant amount of evidence that this came from that laboratory in Wuhan.

The Chinese Communist Party’s official news organ Global Times encouraged Pompeo to produce his evidence and insinuated that since he has failed to do so, he is clearly “bluffing.”

The Chinks have a point: Claiming that there’s “enormous evidence” without providing the evidence is sort of like claiming you have a gigantic penis without whipping it out for all to see.
“Something about this smells fishy, and maybe it’s not Tara Reade.”

EVIL ASIAN “MURDER HORNETS” INVADE USA
As if the Chinese weren’t causing enough ruckus in the USA already, now come reports that two-inch Asian “murder hornets” have been spotted in Washington State. Not only can they kill humans by repeatedly stinging them, they also have a fondness for attacking beehives and killing every last bee, even when the bees outnumber them 1,000 to one. And these terrifying beasts are undeniably Asian, all the way down to their slanted eyes.

How many more deadly viruses and insects will it take before we as a nation realize that Asians don’t like us?

WOMAN: MOUTH HOLE IN FACE MASK “MAKES IT A LOT EASIER TO BREATHE”
No one in world history has ever accused Americans of being too intelligent. Case in point: At an S J Food Mart in Lexington, KY, a female customer recently walked in to pay for gas wearing a face mask with an cut-open hole for her mouth because it makes it “easier to breathe” that way.

In a sense, she’s right. With that hole open near her mouth, it’s much easier to breathe in aerosolized droplets containing the coronavirus. Sure, if you want to get technical, it gets a lot harder to breathe from that point on—some reports suggest COVID-19 can cause permanent lung damage—but for a lonesome minute, that lady was right.

In other tales of Covidiocy, a Florida church that claims it’s not a church has been issued a preliminary injunction to stop selling a reputedly COVID-curing bleach product that it insists isn’t a bleach.

MAN WEARS KLAN HOOD IN SUPERMARKET, ENTIRE COUNTY FREAKS OUT
When it isn’t busy being the most boring large city in the United States, San Diego busies itself accepting wave after wave of feral five-foot-tall criminals pouring in from the border with Tijuana a mere 20 miles to the south. San Diego County is a sprawling area of nearly 5,000 square miles that is the fifth-most-populous county in the USA. Santee, CA is a small town smack-dab in the middle of that massively bland county. A week or so ago, a man clad in a white KKK hood appeared at a Vons supermarket, and San Diego County has yet to recover. It may take years. Hell, it may take a century. The ADL even chirped in, saying that San Diego is no place for hate, unless you’re a white man deemed to be a hater, in which case you should be hated and hunted and shunned and broken. It matters not that this was probably the funniest thing ever to happen in San Diego County.

FRENCH LEFTISTS KEEP SMASHING AND BURNING THINGS
French leftists—those two words just multiply one another’s awfulness—are filling up with even more rage than usual because the COVID-19 lockdown prevents them from smashing things. If you understand leftism at all, it’s about destroying what has already been created. They hardly ever address what they’ll do after everything is in smoldering ruins, but they love when things burn and get smashed and get blowed up real good.

Claiming that it has something or other to do with fighting the very capitalism that has enabled them to be weak, lazy, tantrum-throwing Peter Pans, they’ve taken to attacking “telephone masts, banks, businesses and government property across France.”

The frustration will all end on May 11, when the lockdown is lifted and France’s leftists are free once again to smash and loot and burn and bomb without fear of receiving a written citation for violating the lockdown.

NIGERIA’S PRESIDENT APPOINTS ANOTHER DEAD MAN
Anyone familiar with Nigeria knows it is a place of wonderment and enchantment. That’s why it came as no surprise to hear that when the country’s president—who looks like this and has a name that sounds like “Muhammad Ooga-Booga” or somesuch appointed a man whose name was—get this—”Tobias Chukwuemeka Okwuru” to some government position where he would likely fleece the peasantry and cavort with hookers on private jets, it turned out that the appointee had already been dead for a year. In 2017, Nigeria’s president appointed five separate dead people to government positions. He’s also had to quash persistent rumors that he himself had died and been replaced by a body double from Sudan. Africa is so endlessly magical that we’d move there, if only it wasn’t Africa.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-87/

Takimag

May 17, 2020

The Week’s Most Jewish, Shrewish, and Newish Headlines

BIG BAD BOUNCIN’ BIBI SEEKS TO IMPLANT ISRAELI SCHOOLCHILDREN WITH SOCIAL-DISTANCING MICROCHIPS
Israeli Prime Minister and leader of the entire world Benjamin Netanyahu is a cad, a scoundrel, a rake, a raconteur, a ne’er-do-well, a double-crosser, a cheeky chappie, and possibly even a roustabout. We don’t trust him as far as we could spit for reasons which should be obvious.

Although we have no doubt that the long con he’s playing involves nuking the entire planet except for Israel, he recently suggested something so weird that we’re starting to think he’s some kind of sexual deviant and possibly even a diddler of small children whom we assume are all circumcised.

In order to enforce “social distancing” via cybernetics, Netanyahu has endorsed implanting Israeli schoolchildren with microchips that would start furiously beeping whenever kids got within six feet of each other:

    I spoke with our heads of technology in order to find measures Israel is good at, such as sensors. For instance, every person, every kid – I want it on kids first – would have a sensor that would sound an alarm when you get too close, like the ones on cars.

The ones on cars? That’s right—Israeli police are able to track the movements of all vehicles in their nation; they also store the data for years.

Some “tech experts” complain that such kiddie chips would be dangerous, because some hacker pedo would also be able to track the poor lambs’ movements. But who’s to say there aren’t pedophiles in government? From some of these websites and YouTube videos we’ve seen, everyone in government is a pedophile—they even force you to have sex with children in front of people in Devil masks before making you swear on a Bible that you won’t tell anyone about it.

And even if they aren’t pedophiles, who wants to live in a world where children can’t even play within two meters of one another without alarms going off? It’s like a bad Stephen King novel, which, if you’d ever read a Stephen King novel, you’d realize is a redundancy.

What’s undeniable and irrefutable and will never be debunked nor discredited is the fact that anyone who wishes to build a nation of beeping Jewish schoolchildren is an anti-Semite of the worst order. What do you have to say for yourself, Benji?

SAN ANTONIO CLASSIFIES THE TERM “CHINESE VIRUS” AS “HATE SPEECH”
Referring to SARS-CoV-2 as the “Chinese virus” is hate speech that will lead to an inevitable rise in anti-Semitism—or so San Antonio Mayor Ron Nirenberg would have you believe.

Citing an alleged uptick in “hate” and “speech” and “evil” and “words” and “meanness” since the beginning of the COVID-19 crisis, Mayor Nirenberg put forth a resolution before the City Council urging citizens to “report any such antisemitic, [sic] discriminatory or racist incidents to the proper authorities for investigation.” And the snitch-happy suckers passed the resolution by a vote of 11-0.

Sure, we’ve all heard that the various slopes and slants who’ve come here from a continent of dog-eaters and bat-chewers for a better life have experienced an uptick in chopsticks jokes and “me make pee-pee in your Coke” taunts ever since it was revealed that this latest novel coronavirus originated in China. And because many of our politicians are essentially slave laborers on China’s behalf, they will pretend it’s about racism and hatred and evil white people rather than calling a Chinese virus a Chinese virus.

But what does the Chinese virus have to do with anti-Semitism? Are there even any Jews in Texas? We haven’t a clue. You’ll have to ask Mayor Nirenberg.

WHAT PLANDEMIC? THERE’S NO PLANDEMIC
Because it is the duty of tech behemoths such as Twitter and Facebook to protect the public rather than rake in billions by colluding with the federal government to help carefully sculpt a narrative that must not be questioned or undermined under penalty of death, they’ve recently performed a tag-team curb-stomping of a 26-minute “Plandemic Movie.” You can no longer find a trace of it on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, or Vimeo. Twitter even banned hashtags announcing that the film had been banned. We haven’t seen the movie, but it apparently garnered over a million views before our caregivers decided we might use the information detailed therein to harm ourselves, and the last thing Mark Zuckerberg or Jack Dorsey or Vinny Vimeo want to see is any of us harming ourselves. Apparently the movie alleges that face masks can make you sick and that the entire “crisis” was merely a scheme to create a false panic and reap billions or even trillions by heroically rolling out a new vaccine. We are not scientists and therefore cannot verify nor deny such claims, especially when we haven’t even been permitted to see exactly how the claims were being made and what evidence the filmmaker cited, so we will instead have to rely on the wisdom of writers at such prestigious medical institutions as the New York Post to keep us safe, swaddled, and sucking on warm milk from baby bottle’s soothing rubber nipple.

JERSEY STATE TROOPER AMBUSHED AND SHOT BY TRAILER-PARK MOB
It’s getting to the point where a white man can’t even go out for a jog without getting shot. When 29-year-old New Jersey police detective arrived at a mobile-home park to investigate an incident from earlier in the day in which five women allegedly invaded another woman’s home, assaulted her, and—this is where it gets rough—stole her iPhone, he was greeted by a “caravan” of five cars containing 14 weapons-totin’ people who had allegedly showed up to finish whatever “job” the other five women had started earlier that day. When Detective Richard Hershey informed the “mob” of evildoers that he was a police officer, three separate men fired at him, with one bullet injuring his leg. Hershey returned fire, wounding one of the men—who, if you want to be frank, was of a hue closer to a Hershey’s bar than Hershey is—in the leg.
“Is it worse to be a serial killer, or merely to be French?”

Among the 18 arrestees were people with imaginative parents who gave them colorful names such as Najzeir, Tremaine, Kareen, Jazmin, Yomari, Iramari, Shakeem, Markese, Aisha, Rovell, Jenislen, and Chavana. The original female victim had already suffered a broken rib and lacerated lung in the initial attack, but apparently this didn’t sate an endless appetite for human suffering among Nazjzeir and the rest of the motley crew.

LOUISIANA COP ACCUSED OF EXCHANGING SEX FOR SPEEDING-TICKET LENIENCY
Life sometimes presents us with uncomfortably complicated moral dilemmas. Yes, we realize that reckless driving kills tens of thousands of Americans every year—far more than “hate” ever kills. But if we were such control freaks that we decided we wanted to be cops, would we occasionally take sexual liberties with attractive women in exchange for tearing up that speeding ticket we were going to write them?

How dare you even ask such a question?

Darwin Fontenot—yes, his parents named him “Darwin”—is a black Louisiana police officer who is but a wee cup o’ broth at 21 years of age. The gentle lawman only graduated from Police Academy last November. But now he finds himself in a bit of a pickle—a woman has alleged that he told her he would not issue her a speeding ticket if she agreed to have sex with him.

Fontenot insists the sex was consensual and that it occurred off-duty. Even so, it must have been pretty bad sex if the woman felt compelled to file a complaint. The disgraced dusky lawman is now facing charges of malfeasance and third-degree rape—a term not used to rate the specific quality of the rape, but that instead refers to when someone in a position of authority takes liberties with someone in custody.

FRENCH SERIAL-KILLER “EXPERT” HAS BEEN FAKING IT ALL ALONG
Is it worse to be a serial killer, or merely to be French? Nous ne savons pas avec certitude, but what we know beyond any doubt is that either option is better than being a shameless fabulist.

Some guy who calls himself Stéphane Bourgoin has for decades posed as an expert on serial killers—ever since 1976, when someone chopped his wife Eileen to pieces in Los Angeles. He went on to receive training at the FBI’s profiling school in Virginia. He interviewed 77 murderers, including big-leaguers such as Manson and Bundy. When French police, Scotland Yard, or the FBI had trouble locating a killer, they came to Bourgoin for help.

Everything in that last paragraph except for the “posed as an expert” part was untrue. There was no murdered wife, no FBI training, no sitdown with Manson, and no police agencies seeking his opinions.

Despite the fact that Burgoin was interviewed endlessly on TV, gave lectures where people paid to hear his “expert” opinion, and published books, not a single Frenchman or Frogwoman bothered to vet any of his claims.

A broken and beaten Burgoin bleated thusly to Paris Match:

    I have reached the moment of coming clean. My lies have weighed me down. Sometimes I make films in my head. I have always wanted people to like me….I am ashamed by what I have done and on top of that it was ridiculous.

The only true and poetic justice in this case would be for people to start falsely accusing him of being a serial killer.

A MINOR VICTORY FOR LITTLE ENGLISH GIRLS WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GIRLS
One tiny girl in one tiny part of Great Britain may have just struck a major blow against the Tranny Orthodoxy that threatens to drive all of that nation’s children insane.

The unnamed 13-year-old lassie filed a complaint alleging that a “Trans Toolkit” distributed to local schools violated her privacy by allowing children to pretend they’re whatever gender they wish, which usually leads to boys invading girls’ special places with the hope of catching a glimpse of flesh. Oxfordshire county council originally balked at the girl’s suit, claiming there was no evidence that allowing horny 13-year-old boys to invade girls’ bathrooms put anyone in danger. But they eventually backed down after a judge found the girl’s complaint to be “officially arguable.”

It’s a tiny win, but with the world headed off a cliff, we’ll take what we can get.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-89/

Takimag

May 31, 2020

The Week’s Most Dated, Faded, and Hated Headlines

BIBI GO BYE-BYE?
Rumors have long circulated among Mossad insiders that the nation of Israel doesn’t actually possess any nuclear weapons and that the “Samson Option” was merely an inside joke referring to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s infamous bursts of silent-but-deadly flatulence.

We cannot confirm this rumor at press time because we do not control the media, but we can report that as of last week, Netanyahu becomes Israel’s first “sitting” prime minister to be hauled into court on corruption charges.

No wonder he seems so paunchy—it’s all that sitting he does.

The charges stem from three different “affairs,” which kind of sounds exciting until you realize they had nothing to do with sex. He is accused of bribing a media owner to give him positive coverage in exchange for some behind-the-scenes string-pulling; for breach of public trust as a result of “receiving hundreds of thousands of shekels in gifts from rich tycoons”; and another breach-of-public-trust charge for allegedly helping one media outlet grind another one out of existence in exchange for glowing coverage of Netanyahu.

We wish Bibi the best of luck in fighting off charges which are clearly motivated by anti-Semitism and a nihilistic urge to drag Israel down to the status of Third World countries such as the United States.

WHY CHILDREN SHOULDN’T READ COMIC BOOKS
No one has ever accused Bolivians of being intelligent—at least not to our knowledge, and we know a lot. With a national mean IQ of 85, it’s no wonder that so many of them have yet to figure out how to get out of Bolivia.

It is an established scientific fact that comic books make people less intelligent—point-blank, period, end of discussion, sign on the dotted line, pack your bags and head for summer camp. But since everyone knows this is true, why are they allowing an already intellectually deprived Bolivian populace to read comic books?

In the sleepy, dopey, sneezy, bashful town of Chayanta, Bolivia—actually, we’re pretty sure that all of the seven dwarfs live there—three boys aged 12, 10, and 8 were recently herding goats (that may or may not be a euphemism) when they chanced upon a black widow spider, a lethal species that was originally named in honor of Coretta Scott King. Being so superstitious that they actually thought the legend of Spider-Man was true, they figured they would be able to scale buildings and squirt cobwebs from their wrists like so much Silly String if they could provoke the poisonous critter to bite them. They kept poking li’l Coretta with a stick until she obliged. They were rushed to the hospital, where they would spend a week before the fevers and tremors subsided.

According to one Bolivian official, “for children, everything is real, movies are real.” Sure, if you define “children” as “everyone up to age 100.” One of the major problems of modern civilization is that to most people, especially the younger generations who are almost entirely composed of pop-culture inbreds, movies are more real than their own lives are.

SWISS GROUP PUBLISHES COVID-FRIENDLY SEX POSITIONS FOR HOOKERS
Our website analytics suggest that at least one of our readers is a legitimate Swiss sex worker—yes, the government actually sanctions them there—who is simultaneously impoverished by the COVID-19 epidemic and outraged by the fact that a black market has emerged for “real” hookers to scoop up cash and spread infections by filling the gaping market demand.
“No wonder he seems so paunchy—it’s all that sitting he does.”

A sex-workers’-rights organization with the unwieldy name of ProKoRe recently issued some safe-sex guidelines for government hoes who will shortly be returning to work after a lockdown that started two months ago is lifted. Among these guidelines:

• “Doggy Style” and “Reverse Cowgirl” are the preferred sexual positions, since they allow the receptive partner to turn their face away from the disgusting pig who paid to have sex with them and who might be exhaling billions of COVID-infected water droplets with his every horny snort.

• Sex workers should wear mouth and nose coverings at all times, which is going to put a serious hurtin’ on their oral-sex revenues.

• Rooms where hookers and their pathetic clients have recently finished performing sex should be ventilated for a minimum of 15 minutes.

• Bed sheets should be washed at a minimum of 140 degrees Fahrenheit.

• To help raise money for a nationwide facemask fund, clients will be charged $5 extra for receiving either a Dirty Sanchez or a Cleveland Steamer.

Just kidding about the last one. We were just checking to see if you were still paying attention.

POSSIBLE IMMIGRANT WOMAN ARRESTED FOR LEAVING ANTI-IMMIGRANT NOTES
With her boxer’s nose and swarthy features, 52-year-old Nancy Arechiga of San Leandro, CA would, by most observers, be classified as a nonwhite woman.

She also writes like someone for whom English is not a first language:

    If you are a woman or man and was born in other country, return, go back to your land immediatly, [sic] fast, with urgency.
    If you are a woman was born in other country, takes your children with you, under 21 years old, consider a bless of God….
    We the People:
    do ordain you to leave this house.
    One American, white, brave, that serves the Nation or USA is going to live here.

That is an excerpt from one of five notes police say Arechiga taped to the front doors of predominantly Asian households in San Leandro.

Police have arrested the dark-skinned woman with the odd Basque surname and charged her with—Public Racism? Public Speaking? Felonious Taping of Angry Notes? We’re not sure what the crime is here, because the news accounts haven’t specified.

We’ve been subjected to the usual volleys of “Hate has no home here,” “We won’t tolerate intolerance,” “Let’s kill this type of person before they start killing our type of people,” but Nancy may have the last laugh—from all appearances, this broad ain’t even white!

NORMAL WOMAN CLAIMS TRANNIES BULLIED HER
It’s getting to the point where a normal woman can’t tell some guy who thinks he’s a woman, “Tag—you’re a man and I’m a woman because I have a vagina and you don’t” without swarms of mentally disturbed trannies swooping down on her and pecking her to bits like bitter gulls attacking Tippi Hedren in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Such is the unenviable fate of Raquel Rosario-Sanchez, who is considering a lawsuit against Bristol University for refusing to sanction a group of “masked protestors” who allegedly distributed leaflets encouraging people to give Sanchez “hell” and chant “scum, scum, scum” whenever they saw her.

“Trans activists used bullying in an attempt to stifle my free speech as a defender of women’s rights while my university did nothing to stop them,” Sanchez laments.

If this goes the way these things typically go, authorities will wind up forcing Sanchez to get a sex change with no anesthesia to atone for her transphobia.

WHEN IS IT WRONG TO REMOVE A SWASTIKA FROM A NAZI SOLDIER’S TOMBSTONE?
In case you were unaware—we were—that the US Army kept thousands of captured German POWs in America during WWII, that’s exactly what they did. And according to international convention, when those POWs died in American custody, they were given burials that honored their service to their homeland.

In at least three cases, their tombstones feature a swastika inside an iron cross along with the inscription, “He died far from his home for the Führer, people and fatherland.” Apparently this is required by international preservation laws and is in accordance with what is traditionally deemed to be a proper burial.

No one had a problem with this until a week or so ago when the usual suspects began barking and howling and kvetching about it. People with surnames such as Weinstein and Rosenshein and Wasserman-Schultz began demanding that at the very least, each swastika-toting tombstone be replaced.

It occurred to us that we’ve never seen Germans trying to meddle with what’s on tombstones in Jewish cemeteries. As each day goes by, it becomes clearer who won that war.

FRENCH CHEF AT GERMAN RESTAURANT: “CHINESE ARE NOT WELCOME!!!!”
Jean-Claude Bourgueil is a top-ranked chef who plies his trade at a little place called Im Schiffchen on the east bank of the Rhine River near DÃ¼sseldorf, Germany. He jumped on board at the restaurant in 1977, earned it a Michelin ranking a decade later, and in 2006 received the French Legion of Honor Medal.

But now he’s gone and blown it all to hell by announcing on Facebook that his restaurant was reopening after the months-long lockdown but that “Chinese are not welcome!!!!”

Eighteen separate Chinese organizations in Germany accused him of racism. DÃ¼sseldorf’s mayor gave Bourgueil a very public tsk-tsking. In his defense, Bourgueil said he was targeting the Chinese government rather than the Chinese people, and he really expects us to believe the entire Chinese government could fit in his little rinky-dink bistro.

NURSING-HOME BEATING STORY QUIETLY GOES TO SLEEP
As of this writing, several major US cities are ablaze because it appears—at first glance, at least—that black Americans and the American media may have finally found a case where a white cop murdered a black man on video. It’s been the top story in the country for days.

The publicity comes at the expense of a ghastly pair of videos allegedly filmed and posted online by a burly 20-year-old black man, an alleged COVID-19 patient who’d been assigned a bed in a Detroit nursing home, repeatedly punching two elderly white men, bloodying one and causing head injuries to the other.

In one of the videos, Jaden T. Hayden—hey, that rhymes!—is shown pummeling an old white man, whose face is shown streaming with blood, before dragging him off a mattress and growling, “This bitch-ass ****** wouldn’t get off my bed.”

Although Hayden is being charged with assault, he has yet to be accused of a hate crime. That’s right—even in 2020 a man can use the “N” word and get away with it. Such is the state of “justice” in Donald Trump’s America.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-88/

Takimag

May 24, 2020

The Week’s Most Hungarian, Contrarian, and Vulgarian Headlines

HUNGARY FORCES TRANNIES TO TELL THE TRUTH
The idea that someone’s sex is somehow arbitrarily “assigned at birth” rather than determined in the womb is one of the most pervasive and damaging myths of the modern era. And on the outside chance that it actually IS randomly assigned at birth, what are the odds that these capricious decisions match the baby’s genitalia in all but about one out of every thousand cases? It almost sounds impossible!

Therefore, while we are pleased as punch to announce that Hungary, that Last Bastion of Ballsiness in Europe, recently passed a bill that “makes it impossible for people to legally change gender,” we bristle at the fact that the verbiage still includes the phrase “sex assigned at birth.” Like we’ve already proved, it’s etched in stone before birth.

But enough quibbling.

To the credit of whatever Magyars wrote the bill, it states that “completely changing one’s biological sex is impossible.” But of course, those wicked enablers of the Tranny Delusion are screaming that this bill is “extreme” and “earth-shattering” and will naturally lead to “violence.” It’s almost as if such people simply can’t sleep at night without fantasizing that most people want to hurt them.

In less encouraging news, the US Navy recently allowed an exception to Trump’s military transgender ban by letting an unspecified “woman” continue to serve.

SOUTH AFRICANS FORBIDDEN FROM WEARING FLIP-FLOPS
The COVID-19 pandemic has touched Africa only slightly because most people are smart enough never to travel to Africa. The “government” in South Africa—if that’s what you the drum-beating Zulus who run the joint—recently issued a directive outlining what forms of clothing are not to be sold during this crisis.

You can buy wooden clogs but not flip-flops or sandals, because any form of “open-toed” shoe is, according to them, likely to enable the disease’s spread.

You’re allowed to buy long-sleeved shirts, but not T-shirts. Apparently the virus can enter the bloodstream through one’s bare biceps.

You can buy a balaclava so long as it’s knitted.

Or, if you’re remotely sane and stuck in South Africa, you can buy a one-way ticket out of that open-air asylum.

But we have to commend them for the no-flip-flops rule. That’s long overdue and needs to be enforced worldwide.

HONKING GEESE DISRUPT BIDEN LIVESTREAM
Nine-hundred-and-forty-three-year-old presidential candidate Joe Biden has handlers who, fearing he’ll do or say something stupid again, have prevented him from emerging from his cryogenic chamber except to do carefully managed livestreams from his Delaware home. On a recent livestream with attractive-yet-$#@!y Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Biden’s babblings were repeatedly interrupted by the honking of Canadian geese on his premises. Biden even referred to them as “Canadian,” not realizing that to most people, this is a racial slur. Biden also made the following preposterous claims about Donald Trump:

    The pandemic has unleashed familiar forces of hate, fear and xenophobia that he always flames…that have always existed in this society. But this president brought it with him, has brought with it a new rash of racial messages, verbal and physical attacks and other acts of hate, some subtle, some overt, against the Asian American and Pacific Islanders.

Blow it out your prolapsed anus, Rapey Joe. Everyone knows that those geese were placed there by Secret Service members who wished to cover over the sounds of you soiling your adult diapers. 

DUMB MEXICAN VILLAGERS SAY GOD SENT DOWN CORONAVIRUS-SHAPED HAILSTONES
With an average national IQ of 86 and a history of never having invented anything beyond the humble nacho, Mexicans aren’t exactly known for being a bunch of Einsteins.

This point was underlined with a thick black Sharpie recently when news emerged that the humble peasants of the city of Mentemorelos thought that spiked hailstones that fell from the sky were “a message from God to stay at home” to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

Has anyone ever noticed how passive-aggressively indirect this God of theirs is? Wouldn’t it have been easier for him to peep out of the clouds and intonate in his famously booming voice for everyone to “STAY AT HOME”? Or to have prevented the SARS-CoV-2 from existing in the first place if he actually cared so much about all his little sheep? Instead, he has to give creepily vague signals such as this, dropping inscrutable clues all over the place like a serial killer in an 80s slasher film.
“Has anyone ever noticed how passive-aggressively indirect this God of theirs is?”

A Mexican meteorologist attempted to explain the spiked hailstones:

    Inside a storm, a hailstone will start off as a small spherical form and accumulate layers of ice on top. During very strong storms when the hailstones are already quite big and smash together, many of them fuse together, smashing together and squashing each other, forming spikes of ice. So what is falling is a squashed disks of ice, smashed into that shape by a violent blow or the fusing of different sized hailstones, which results in this star shape.

As of press time, we have yet to confirm whether the meteorologist was pelted to death with spiked hailstones by superstitious Mexi-peasants.

MORBIDLY OLD PELOSI CALLS TRUMP MORBIDLY OBESE
Nancy Pelosi’s repulsively stretched-out face continues to sag despite the fact that she appears to have spent at least $10 million in cosmetic surgery in a vain attempt to fool the world into thinking that she’s not really so old that rodents burrow inside her vagina for the winter.

Still, despite her physiognomic handicaps, she recently called Donald Trump “morbidly obese” after he claimed he’d been taking daily doses of hydroxychloroquine to fend off the coronavirus:

    He’s our president and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists. Especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group, what is morbidly obese, they say. So, I think that it’s not a good idea.

In response, Trump called Pelosi a “sick woman” who “has a lot of mental problems.”

In response to Trump, Pelosi berated him for being “sensitive” and mocked the hypocrisy of someone who is always fat-shaming others.

And this is a news story because no one wants you to know the national debt is over $25 trillion and the average taxpayer is indebted to the tune of over $200,000 and the greatest depression in US history is right around the corner.

REALITY STAR BUYS ROLLS-ROYCE WITH LOCKDOWN LOAN
If you’re unfamiliar with the name “Arkansas Mo,” that’s probably because you’re a racist, but we’ll forgive you as long as you repent.

His legal name is Maurice Fayne, and Arkansas Mo is a featured player in the reality show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, where black people with funny names share the struggles and sorrows, the triumphs and tribulations, of being vain, dumb, and shallow while surrounded by racist whites. He recently applied for a $3.7-million loan to keep his trucking business afloat during these uncertain pandemical times. It was originally granted, but the government then lowered his disbursement to $2 million because, as we can’t say enough, the government is racist.
But now the racist government has arrested Arkansas Mo and charged him with using money from this loan to purchase a new Rolls-Royce and close to $200,000 in jewelry. After being released on bond, Mo rightly claimed that these were all business investments, because any valuable item increases in value once it’s touched his rich, chocolatey skin.

They put them in chains, and now they won’t let them wear gold chains. This country is sick.

80-YEAR-OLD WOMAN OBSTRUCTS PATH OF KNIFE-WIELDING BLACK JOGGER
Rosalie Cook was an 80-year-old white woman who had basked unfairly in white privilege since before the USA entered World War II. There is no evidence she ever apologized for being white or offered to give away all of her belongings to black people so she could start atoning for her sins.

In a Walgreens parking lot in Houston recently, Cook made the racist decision to stand in front of innocent black jogger Randy Lewis, a 38-year-old man of color who had been unfairly arrested 67 times previously by white cops who can’t stand the sight of black men jogging. Frustrated and obviously reaching a breaking point because in Donald Trump’s America, a black man can’t go for a simple jog without being gunned down by murderous white animals, he stabbed Cook to death, went through her belongings, and tried to steal her car—which really isn’t much when you stack it up against 400 years of oppression.

Because he was obviously waiting for an opportunity to gun down an innocent black jogger, a racist cop showed up and fatally shot Lewis.

In Michigan, a black caregiver, obviously frustrated that an elderly white man was interfering with his attempts to jog around his room, punched and punched and punched the man to teach him that it’s racist to interfere with black men’s attempts to improve their health via jogging.

Two more videos have recently emerged in the tragic case of black jogger Ahmaud Arbery—one shows racist cops interrupting his jog in a Walmart parking lot to falsely accuse him of shoplifting a television, and the other shows a racist white cop harassing him and attempting to tase his black body for sitting in his car and quietly contemplating whether he should take another jog.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-90/

Takimag

June 07, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Santa Rosa County Jail

Joe Exotic

The Week’s Most Addictive, Restrictive, and Vindictive Headlines

GAY TIGER-KILLER LOSES HIS ZOO
As the World’s Only Superpower burns to the ground over the provably mistaken belief that white cops are the biggest danger to black males, we pause to cover a completely wacky and unrelated story before diving into the endlessly depressing live-action unspooling of the United States of America. This story, and this story alone this week, will have nothing to do with the ongoing riots.

The methed-out-looking guy with the frosted mullet and 70s-porn-star mustache you see in the picture there was born Joseph Allen Schriebvogel on a humble Kansas farm in 1963. Five years later, he was raped by an older boy, which may or may not have set him on a path toward lifelong homosexuality; all we’re saying is that it is a little weird that so many adult ***** claim to have been molested or raped by older members of the same sex while they were children—last we checked, rates of self-reported same-sex molestation among adult gays were twenty times higher than those reported by people who turned out to be perfectly healthy and normal grownups. What’s even more interesting than this statistical disparity is that you’re not even allowed to mention it, or mobs of gays—who are so joyless at this point, they really should be referred to as “angries” rather than “gays”—will burn down your house with rainbow-colored flamethrowers.

Due to the fact that he married another dude, Schriebvogel’s legal name is now Joseph Allen Maldonado-Passage, but most people know him as Joe Exotic, and boy, is he a character! His first known gay partner died of AIDS in 2001. Another gay partner of his held a gun to his head, claimed that Joe also threatened to kill him, and ultimately wound up going to prison for murder and child molestation. Another gay partner of Joe’s was murdered by someone else on Joe’s property. Joe is a one-time police chief of Eastvale, TX who claims he attempted suicide by crashing his police car into a bridge after his parents outed him as a peter-puffer. He is an aspiring country-and-western artist who allegedly pays other people to record music and then, without telling them, stars in the videos as if he was actually the singer.

Since the late 1990s, Joe has managed the Greater Wynnewood Exotic Animal Park in Oklahoma, which has gained global notoriety for its collection of giant cats.

And, since the exotic-animal-park industry appears to be highly competitive, Joe has been involved in a life-or-death struggle with Carole Baskin, who owns a Florida animal sanctuary called Big Cat Rescue, for nigh on a decade. In 2011, Baskin first locked horns with Exotic when she protested his use of tiger cubs in public presentations. In retaliation, Joe lifted her “Big Cat Rescue” brand name and slapped it all over several of his products, leading her to successfully sue him.

In the late 1990s, Baskin’s husband had gone missing; he was formally declared dead in 2002. People magazine ran a story about speculation that Baskin had murdered her husband. It’s a scab that Joe Exotic has been picking since their feud erupted—he even recorded a country video called “Here Kitty Kitty” that depicts a super-plump Baskin feeding her dead husband’s flesh to a caged lion as Joe looks on disapprovingly in a cowboy hat and priest’s collar. That boy is fierce!

Problem is, in 2018 he was popped on federal felony charges for killing five tigers and for attempting to hire hitmen to kill Carole Baskin. Joe Exotic is currently serving a 22-year sentence. His ongoing feud with Baskin was chronicled in the Netflix series Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madness.

Last week a federal judge appeared to hammer the final nail in this highly entertaining feud’s coffin, awarding Joe’s zoo to Baskin. Now Ms. Baskin has two big-cat sanctuaries and he’s in a cage. The only way that Joe could possibly win now is to escape from prison and personally murder Baskin—not that we’re encouraging such actions, because they would clearly be illegal. But knowing the level of Joe Exotic’s vindictiveness, we wouldn’t put it past him. Sitting there in his cell, he has nothing to do but plot his revenge.

TRUMP PROMISES TO DESIGNATE ANTIFA AS A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION
Remember when Donald Trump promised to build a wall? To reduce the deficit? To fight censorship? To reduce immigration? To stay out of wars in the Middle East?

OK, well, now he’s promising to designate Antifa as a terrorist organization.

You may have heard of Antifa—the current Attorney General of Minnesota, which is Ground Zero for this recent Mega-Riot—is a big supporter of them.
“It is hard for us to muster much emotion about New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, as he has always left us feeling de Blasé.”

In a prepared statement for the cameras, US Attorney General Bill Barr explained why Antifa deserves the designation:

    [T]he voices of peaceful protest are being hijacked by radical elements….Groups of outside radicals and agitators are exploiting the situation to pursue their own separate and violent agenda….In many places it appears the violence is planned, organized and driven by anarchic and far-left extremist groups using antifa-like tactics….It is a federal crime to cross state lines or use interstate facilities to incite or participate in violent rioting and we will enforce those laws.

OK, you heard it here—they’ve made a promise. Let’s hope Antifa doesn’t burn down the White House before they act on their promise. Based on Trump’s track record so far, Antifa has a few years to burn down the White House before they are officially designated as a terrorist organization.

TEARING DOWN CONFEDERATE STATUES TO KEEP THE BLACKS HAPPY
Are you getting the sense that black Americans are incapable of being happy unless they’re destroying something?

Black mayors across the South—you heard that right, there are black mayors across the South, it’s not 1848 anymore, wake the heck up!—are enabling the rioters’ demands to raze every last Confederate monument by preemptively removing the statues in an entirely legal manner using city funds that very likely came from white taxpayers.

Randall Woodfin, mayor of Birmingham, AL, is a sharp-dressing black millennial who says he enjoys listening to rap and hip-hop at extremely loud volumes. Last week workers in his city removed a 50-foot obelisk called the Confederate Soldiers and Sailors monument to appease the rampaging riotards who were setting his once-fair city ablaze.

Woodfin appeared on the TODAY show to justify his decision by invoking the heckler’s veto:

    I chose my city to avoid more civil unrest…it’s probably better for this city to pay this civil fine than to have more civil unrest. It’s important to note that the city of Birmingham wasn’t even a city during the Civil War. We don’t have time to worry about something that’s not working for our city and relegates black people to property and slavery. It’s important that we take this down and move forward.

In Richmond, VA—once thought of warmly as the “Capital of the Confederacy”—Mayor Levar Stoney has announced plans to remove statues in honor of Stonewall Jackson, Jefferson Davis, and J.E.B. Stuart along that city’s Monument Avenue. Mayor Stoney says that he realizes these statues may have had cultural significance a long, long time ago:

    But times have changed, and removing these statues will allow the healing process to begin for so many Black Richmonders and Virginians. Richmond is no longer the Capital of the Confederacy – it is filled with diversity and love for all – and we need to demonstrate that.

Since it is on state property, Stoney is powerless to remove a monument to Robert E. Lee in Richmond. But fret not—Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is taking care of it. You may remember Ralph from his recent blackface scandal.

POLICE KNEEL IN FRONT OF RIOTERS, EXPECTING MERCY
With rioters burning down every major American city and this time focusing on centers of wealth rather than their own dilapidated ‘hoods, you’d expect the police to charge in and do what police are supposed to do—crack heads until everyone calms down.

That’s why it beggars belief to see that police across the country—not all police across the country, mind you, we’re not that far gone yet, at least not so far this week—are not only standing down and refusing to intervene while literally billions of dollars of human achievement are turned into ashes, but some of these goofballs are actually kneeling in supplication before the rioters who seek to not only destroy their lives but also the very institution of policing.

Mind you, Derek Chauvin had been arrested and charged with murder before most of the rioting started. And that didn’t stop the rioters. Standing back and blithely lettin’ ’em just riot didn’t stop them, either. If they think that getting their knees will spare them, they might as well do the right thing and start sucking, too.

TRYING TO GET RID OF DE BLASIO
It is hard for us to muster much emotion about New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, as he has always left us feeling de Blasé.

He recently tried running for president and received something in the order of three votes.

We suppose it’s some kind of accomplishment to turn an extremely black lesbian into an extremely black heterosexual, although we will note that de Blasio’s wife remains extremely black even after his intervention.

Whereas about a week ago de Blasio was defending the driver of a police vehicle who plowed through another crowd of those peaceful protesters that wander into traffic and start attacking cars, he did an abrupt turnaround after his hideous and possibly insane mulatto daughter Chiara was arrested for some kind of Black Lives Matter street shenanigans.

Now, as he lets his giant city burn, de Blasio’s opponents have revived a petition to have him impeached. Over 85,000 people have signed the petition, which reads in part:

    Mayor Bill de Blasio is destroying New York City. We cannot have him continue as mayor for the next two years. The people of NY want change, and now is the time to act before it becomes any worse. This is not about being conservative, left, etc. This is about radical politics that are harming the city and being neglectful of New Yorkers.

As sweet as the gesture is, the point is moot—de Blasio’s second term ends next year and it is legally impossible at this point to impeach him.

PEACEFUL PROTESTERS PULL UP IN A ROLLS-ROYCE TO LOOT
As peaceful protesters continue to fight injustice on the racist streets of these here United States, they must also fight rampant cultural stereotypes. You know what we’re talking about—the stereotype that every urban looter is a drooling troglodyte who lives with sixteen cousins and forty thousand cockroaches in a two-room urban project apartment. Such stereotypes are damaging because not only do they harm the self-esteem of young aspirant looters, they are also factually inaccurate.

To help fight such toxic tropes, some enterprising young urban looters arrived late one night last week at “an upscale retail store in Manhattan” in a Rolls-Royce Cullinan, a model which sells for up to a half-million dollars new.

Perhaps we’ll need to endure a few more decades of young black billionaires in Rolls-Royces looting upscale Manhattan retail stores before we will ever come close to achieving racial justice in this dying, bleeding country.

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## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-89/

Takimag

May 31, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Bigstock

The Week’s Most Dated, Faded, and Hated Headlines

BIBI GO BYE-BYE?
Rumors have long circulated among Mossad insiders that the nation of Israel doesn’t actually possess any nuclear weapons and that the “Samson Option” was merely an inside joke referring to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s infamous bursts of silent-but-deadly flatulence.

We cannot confirm this rumor at press time because we do not control the media, but we can report that as of last week, Netanyahu becomes Israel’s first “sitting” prime minister to be hauled into court on corruption charges.

No wonder he seems so paunchy—it’s all that sitting he does.

The charges stem from three different “affairs,” which kind of sounds exciting until you realize they had nothing to do with sex. He is accused of bribing a media owner to give him positive coverage in exchange for some behind-the-scenes string-pulling; for breach of public trust as a result of “receiving hundreds of thousands of shekels in gifts from rich tycoons”; and another breach-of-public-trust charge for allegedly helping one media outlet grind another one out of existence in exchange for glowing coverage of Netanyahu.

We wish Bibi the best of luck in fighting off charges which are clearly motivated by anti-Semitism and a nihilistic urge to drag Israel down to the status of Third World countries such as the United States.

WHY CHILDREN SHOULDN’T READ COMIC BOOKS
No one has ever accused Bolivians of being intelligent—at least not to our knowledge, and we know a lot. With a national mean IQ of 85, it’s no wonder that so many of them have yet to figure out how to get out of Bolivia.

It is an established scientific fact that comic books make people less intelligent—point-blank, period, end of discussion, sign on the dotted line, pack your bags and head for summer camp. But since everyone knows this is true, why are they allowing an already intellectually deprived Bolivian populace to read comic books?

In the sleepy, dopey, sneezy, bashful town of Chayanta, Bolivia—actually, we’re pretty sure that all of the seven dwarfs live there—three boys aged 12, 10, and 8 were recently herding goats (that may or may not be a euphemism) when they chanced upon a black widow spider, a lethal species that was originally named in honor of Coretta Scott King. Being so superstitious that they actually thought the legend of Spider-Man was true, they figured they would be able to scale buildings and squirt cobwebs from their wrists like so much Silly String if they could provoke the poisonous critter to bite them. They kept poking li’l Coretta with a stick until she obliged. They were rushed to the hospital, where they would spend a week before the fevers and tremors subsided.

According to one Bolivian official, “for children, everything is real, movies are real.” Sure, if you define “children” as “everyone up to age 100.” One of the major problems of modern civilization is that to most people, especially the younger generations who are almost entirely composed of pop-culture inbreds, movies are more real than their own lives are.

SWISS GROUP PUBLISHES COVID-FRIENDLY SEX POSITIONS FOR HOOKERS
Our website analytics suggest that at least one of our readers is a legitimate Swiss sex worker—yes, the government actually sanctions them there—who is simultaneously impoverished by the COVID-19 epidemic and outraged by the fact that a black market has emerged for “real” hookers to scoop up cash and spread infections by filling the gaping market demand.
“No wonder he seems so paunchy—it’s all that sitting he does.”

A sex-workers’-rights organization with the unwieldy name of ProKoRe recently issued some safe-sex guidelines for government hoes who will shortly be returning to work after a lockdown that started two months ago is lifted. Among these guidelines:

• “Doggy Style” and “Reverse Cowgirl” are the preferred sexual positions, since they allow the receptive partner to turn their face away from the disgusting pig who paid to have sex with them and who might be exhaling billions of COVID-infected water droplets with his every horny snort.

• Sex workers should wear mouth and nose coverings at all times, which is going to put a serious hurtin’ on their oral-sex revenues.

• Rooms where hookers and their pathetic clients have recently finished performing sex should be ventilated for a minimum of 15 minutes.

• Bed sheets should be washed at a minimum of 140 degrees Fahrenheit.

• To help raise money for a nationwide facemask fund, clients will be charged $5 extra for receiving either a Dirty Sanchez or a Cleveland Steamer.

Just kidding about the last one. We were just checking to see if you were still paying attention.

POSSIBLE IMMIGRANT WOMAN ARRESTED FOR LEAVING ANTI-IMMIGRANT NOTES
With her boxer’s nose and swarthy features, 52-year-old Nancy Arechiga of San Leandro, CA would, by most observers, be classified as a nonwhite woman.

She also writes like someone for whom English is not a first language:

    If you are a woman or man and was born in other country, return, go back to your land immediatly, [sic] fast, with urgency.
    If you are a woman was born in other country, takes your children with you, under 21 years old, consider a bless of God….
    We the People:
    do ordain you to leave this house.
    One American, white, brave, that serves the Nation or USA is going to live here.

That is an excerpt from one of five notes police say Arechiga taped to the front doors of predominantly Asian households in San Leandro.

Police have arrested the dark-skinned woman with the odd Basque surname and charged her with—Public Racism? Public Speaking? Felonious Taping of Angry Notes? We’re not sure what the crime is here, because the news accounts haven’t specified.

We’ve been subjected to the usual volleys of “Hate has no home here,” “We won’t tolerate intolerance,” “Let’s kill this type of person before they start killing our type of people,” but Nancy may have the last laugh—from all appearances, this broad ain’t even white!

NORMAL WOMAN CLAIMS TRANNIES BULLIED HER
It’s getting to the point where a normal woman can’t tell some guy who thinks he’s a woman, “Tag—you’re a man and I’m a woman because I have a vagina and you don’t” without swarms of mentally disturbed trannies swooping down on her and pecking her to bits like bitter gulls attacking Tippi Hedren in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Such is the unenviable fate of Raquel Rosario-Sanchez, who is considering a lawsuit against Bristol University for refusing to sanction a group of “masked protestors” who allegedly distributed leaflets encouraging people to give Sanchez “hell” and chant “scum, scum, scum” whenever they saw her.

“Trans activists used bullying in an attempt to stifle my free speech as a defender of women’s rights while my university did nothing to stop them,” Sanchez laments.

If this goes the way these things typically go, authorities will wind up forcing Sanchez to get a sex change with no anesthesia to atone for her transphobia.

WHEN IS IT WRONG TO REMOVE A SWASTIKA FROM A NAZI SOLDIER’S TOMBSTONE?
In case you were unaware—we were—that the US Army kept thousands of captured German POWs in America during WWII, that’s exactly what they did. And according to international convention, when those POWs died in American custody, they were given burials that honored their service to their homeland.

In at least three cases, their tombstones feature a swastika inside an iron cross along with the inscription, “He died far from his home for the Führer, people and fatherland.” Apparently this is required by international preservation laws and is in accordance with what is traditionally deemed to be a proper burial.

No one had a problem with this until a week or so ago when the usual suspects began barking and howling and kvetching about it. People with surnames such as Weinstein and Rosenshein and Wasserman-Schultz began demanding that at the very least, each swastika-toting tombstone be replaced.

It occurred to us that we’ve never seen Germans trying to meddle with what’s on tombstones in Jewish cemeteries. As each day goes by, it becomes clearer who won that war.

FRENCH CHEF AT GERMAN RESTAURANT: “CHINESE ARE NOT WELCOME!!!!”
Jean-Claude Bourgueil is a top-ranked chef who plies his trade at a little place called Im Schiffchen on the east bank of the Rhine River near Düsseldorf, Germany. He jumped on board at the restaurant in 1977, earned it a Michelin ranking a decade later, and in 2006 received the French Legion of Honor Medal.

But now he’s gone and blown it all to hell by announcing on Facebook that his restaurant was reopening after the months-long lockdown but that “Chinese are not welcome!!!!”

Eighteen separate Chinese organizations in Germany accused him of racism. Düsseldorf’s mayor gave Bourgueil a very public tsk-tsking. In his defense, Bourgueil said he was targeting the Chinese government rather than the Chinese people, and he really expects us to believe the entire Chinese government could fit in his little rinky-dink bistro.

NURSING-HOME BEATING STORY QUIETLY GOES TO SLEEP
As of this writing, several major US cities are ablaze because it appears—at first glance, at least—that black Americans and the American media may have finally found a case where a white cop murdered a black man on video. It’s been the top story in the country for days.

The publicity comes at the expense of a ghastly pair of videos allegedly filmed and posted online by a burly 20-year-old black man, an alleged COVID-19 patient who’d been assigned a bed in a Detroit nursing home, repeatedly punching two elderly white men, bloodying one and causing head injuries to the other.

In one of the videos, Jaden T. Hayden—hey, that rhymes!—is shown pummeling an old white man, whose face is shown streaming with blood, before dragging him off a mattress and growling, “This bitch-ass ****** wouldn’t get off my bed.”

Although Hayden is being charged with assault, he has yet to be accused of a hate crime. That’s right—even in 2020 a man can use the “N” word and get away with it. Such is the state of “justice” in Donald Trump’s America.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-96/

Takimag

July 19, 2020

The Week’s Most Glamorous, Clamorous, and Amorous Headlines

*LEBRON JAMES SAYS “NO” TO “BLACK LIVES MATTER”*

Three out of every four National Basketball Association players is black, but apparently that’s not black enough. Although the average salary of an NBA player is the equivalent of the gross domestic product of several small African nations, these uppity ball-dribbling ingrates still see fit to complain.

When George Floyd died as a result of resisting arrest after passing a bad check and surviving COVID-19 with a heart condition and meth and fentanyl in his system, the world forever changed. We all know this. And the NBA, since it knows that not every black male can become a basketball player, sought to buy into the complete corporate surrender to Black Lives Matter by suggesting a list of 29 corny and essentially meaningless phrases that millionaire black players can put on their jerseys to show their support for black criminals with heart conditions who resist arrest and wind up dying as a result:

_Black Lives Matter; Say Their Names; Vote; I Can’t Breathe; Justice; Peace; Equality; Freedom; Enough; Power to the People; Justice Now; Say Her Name; Sí Se Puede (Yes We Can); Liberation; See Us; Hear Us; Respect Us; Love Us; Listen; Listen to Us; Stand Up; Ally; Anti-Racist; I Am A Man; Speak Up; How Many More; Group Economics; Education Reform; Mentor._

LeBron James, as we’ve been telling you for years now, is a black basketball player whose French first name translates into English as “The Bron.” People were saying he was the greatest NBA player who ever lived before he even played a game in the NBA. But because he’s black, and because black people are now automatically presumed to be just bursting with wisdom, people look up to The Bron as if he knows anything beyond how to throw a ball into a hoop.

That’s why they were shocked and appalled when James announced last week that he would be one of the few NBA players who have been herded together in Orlando to play an audience-free season in a little protective anti-COVID celibate bubble to play the season without a social-justice message on his jersey:

_It was no disrespect to the list that was handed down to all the players. I commend anyone that decides to put something on the back of their jersey. It’s just something that didn’t seriously resonate with my mission, with my goal…. A lot of people still don’t get it, and a lot of people are still afraid to talk about the racism that goes on in America, especially for our people._

This giant loping primate speaks the truth. As anyone who’s been living in America for the past two months is well aware, no one ever says a word about anti-black racism. So instead of just wearing some stupid slogan on his shirt, LeBron is sinking $100 million of his estimated net worth of $750 million into some stupid “new media company dedicated to amplifying Black voices.”

This comes as wonderful news, because as we’ve already noted, if there’s one thing this country needs, it’s more black people talking about black-people issues.

*WHOLE FOODS SAYS “NO” TO “BLACK LIVES MATTER,” TOO*

Whole Foods is widely known as a place where white people can buy sustainable organic baby eunuch carrots for $14 each. It’s also the sort of place where white people who can afford $14 baby eunuch carrots can assuage their unconscious guilt for disinheriting lower-class white people and setting the stage for their extinction by pretending that they have anything in common with poor urban blacks besides the fact that they keep pushing them out of urban neighborhoods by gentrifying them to the point that they wind up putting a Whole Foods there.

Cambridge, MA—which is well-known as a place where a lot of oppressed and marginalized people live—recently underwent the nearly imperceptible shock waves of an extremely mild social kerfuffle when several Whole Foods employees walked off the job and started chanting inane slogans outside the store after management told them that their “Black Lives Matter” facemasks violated a company policy.

When CBS News asked why they would ever do such a punishably racist thing, Whole Foods replied with the following evasive, dog-whistle-filled statement:

_ In order to operate in a customer-focused environment, all Team Members must comply with our longstanding company dress code, which prohibits clothing with visible slogans, messages, logos or advertising that are not company-related. Team Members with face masks that do not comply with dress code are always offered new face masks. Team Members are unable to work until they comply with dress code_.

Nice roundabout way to say that you masturbate to the idea of innocent black males being gunned down in the streets with impunity, Whole Foods.

*WASHINGTON REDSKINS TO BE EXTERMINATED*

We were always under the impression that the name “Washington Redskins” was a homage to the brave warrior spirit that Native Americans showed when they were eventually being overwhelmed and defeated by superior European technology. After all, it’s not like the football team was called the “Washington Indigenous Losers” or the “Washington Alcoholics” or the “Washington Casino Owners.”

Still, since the modern collective bloodlust will apparently not be sated until the only comments permitted to white people will revolve around the idea that white people shouldn’t be allowed to comment about anything, the Redskins’ management has finally caved to pressure and announced that for the coming season, they will no longer be called the Redskins, the name they’ve used since freakin’ 1932:

_We want to keep our sponsors, fans and community apprised of our thinking as we go forward. Today, we are announcing we will be retiring the Redskins name and logo upon completion of this review. Dan Snyder and Coach Rivera are working closely to develop a new name and design approach that will enhance the standing of our proud, tradition rich franchise and inspire our sponsors, fans and community for the next 100 years._

May they never, ever win another battle again—just like the Cherokee.

*IT’S OK TO ASSAULT THE POLICE NOW*

A recent videotaped scrape between police and escaped zoo animals in the Bronx shows the degree to which the nation’s local police departments have been neutered by this recent “social justice” power grab that, after deep scrutiny, seems like nothing beyond an excuse to get rid of all local policing and replace it with either a federal or a global police force.

On July 1, police approached a man who was parked illegal in front of a fire hydrant on Morris Avenue in the Bronx. When police asked the vehicle’s owner to move the car, he refused. A crowd formed, and when police told them to step back, several members also refused. One of them, a 29-year-old with the very Founding Fathery name of Wisnel Manzueta, punched a cop and then held him in a headlock—a move which was recently denied to New York City police as part of some dimwitted “police reform” package.

Even though the assault is on tape and the perp has been identified, prosecutors have declined to press charges against Manzueta. This prompted Police Benevolent Association leader Patrick Lynch to blow off some verbal steam:

_ Our city needs to wake up to the fact that our leaders have surrendered the streets to chaos. This was a near-riot situation where a cop is fighting for his life, and somehow his attacker was allowed to go free. We expect the Bronx DA to review the case and bring real charges, carrying real penalties, forthwith. If that doesn’t happen, we should just run up the white flag and admit that the criminals are in charge._

Oh, they’ve already run up the surrender flag. But it’s a black one rather than a white one.

*PENTAGON MOVES TO BAN CONFEDERATE FLAG*

After George Floyd as a direct result of resisting arrest while under the influence of meth and fentanyl, many higher-ups in the US Armed Forces decided it had something to do with the Confederacy and that all Confederate symbols must be purged from US military bases.

For one thing, we’re not sure why Confederate flags were permissible anywhere on US military bases in the first place, seeing as how the USA’s costliest war in terms of lives lost was the one where the USA defeated the Confederacy. It’s sort of like NATO forces allowing Nazi memorabilia—it simply doesn’t make much sense.

Even though President Trump has done some cool things lately such as saying that he opposes the removal of statues dedicated to Confederate soldiers on American military bases and that NASCAR should allow its fans to keep flying Rebel flags at races because it’s a form of free speech, it appears that the entire Deep State Globalist Military-Terrorist Complex opposes him.

Gen. Robert Abrams, commander of US forces in Korea, says the Rebel flag, rather than the phrase Black Lives Matter, is divisive:

_While I acknowledge that some might view it as a symbol of regional pride, many others in our force see it as a painful reminder of hate, bigotry, treason and devaluation of humanity. Regardless of perspective, one thing is clear; it has the power to inflame feelings of racial division. We cannot have that division among us._

It appears now that the Pentagon is defying Trump and is currently drafting a policy document that will ban the Confederate flag from ever being displayed at American military bases again.

For decades now, any sentimentality toward the Confederacy has been condescendingly referred to as the “Lost Cause.” It’s time to extend that term to the United States of America. It’s over. It’s simply not official yet.

*NEW YORK TIMES EDITOR RESIGNS BEFORE SHE GETS CANCELED*

Since everyone in the media who isn’t openly genuflecting before black people and performing oral sex upon them while washing their feet will be fired and shunned before the month of July is over, it’s not a great big news story that an opinion editor for The New York Times resigned last week because journalism has ceased to exist under the thrall of the new racial religious orthodoxy. What’s notable about the case of Bari Weiss, though, is the eloquence with which she delivered her resignation:

_What rules that remain at The Times are applied with extreme selectivity. If a person’s ideology is in keeping with the new orthodoxy, they and their work remain unscrutinized. Online venom is excused so long as it is directed at the proper targets….The paper’s failure to anticipate the outcome of the 2016 election meant that it didn’t have a firm grasp of the country it covers….A new consensus has emerged in the press, but perhaps especially at this paper: that truth isn’t a process of collective discovery, but an orthodoxy already known to an enlightened few whose job is to inform everyone else….I was always taught that journalists were charged with writing the first rough draft of history. Now, history itself is one more ephemeral thing molded to fit the needs of a predetermined narrative….I can no longer do the work that you brought me here to do—the work that Adolph Ochs described in that famous 1896 statement: ‘to make of the columns of The New York Times a forum for the consideration of all questions of public importance, and to that end to invite intelligent discussion from all shades of opinion._

We are moving into a world where people no longer have opinions; they simply receive them.

*THE BLACK PLAGUE RETURNS TO MONGOLIA*

Rumor has it that the Black Death which ravaged Europe in the 1300s was caused when Mongolian soldiers from the Golden Horde threw plague-infected corpses over a wall in what is now Crimea in a deliberate attempt to transmit the bubonic plague to Europeans. The Black Death wound up killing 200 million Europeans and is thus unquestionably the largest attempt at racial genocide in world history.

Well, like they say, turnaround is fair play and what goes around comes around, and now comes word that the Mongolian idiots out there in Mongolia are enforcing lockdowns because a 15-year-old boy died of the bubonic plague after eating a marmot.

In case you were unaware, a marmot is a big fat kind of squirrel. And karma is a big fat bitch.

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## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-97/

Takimag

July 26, 2020
The Week That Perished

The Weeks Most Incurable, Unendurable, and Uninsurable Headlines

*BLACK RADIO HOST WITH ATROCIOUS SPELLING SKILLS SAYS JEWS HAVE THE POWER*

A New York radio host who was born Lenard Larry McKelvey insists on calling himself Charlamagne [sic] tha [sic] God, which immediately brings up three problems. The first two involve the fact that he cant spell, and the third implies that God wouldnt be able to spell, either.

If we know anything about God, its that his grammar skills are impeccable.

But despite being fundamentally illiterate, Charlamagne is black. He talks about being black all the time. He talks about it so much, one might think its the only thing he ever thinks or cares about. And there are rich rewards in the modern era for being monomaniacally obsessed about raceprovided that youre black.

Nick Cannon is another black person whose sole talent consists of being black and talking about his blackness. Even though hes worn whiteface to portray an idiotic white dude named Conor Smallnut, there are no penalties for bashing white people these days; instead, you get a promotion. Cannons estimated net worth is $30 million.

So far, so good. And then he had to go and mention Jews. Oops.

On a recent episode of his podcast Cannons Class, his guest was Professor Griff, formerly of the rap group Public Enemy. Cannon made the following utterly dehumanizing comments about white people:

    When youd have a person that has the lack of pigment, the lack of melanin, that they know that they will be annihilated.Were soul brothers and sisters. Thats the melanin that connects us. So the people that dont have it are a little  and Im going to say this carefully  are a little less.So then theyre acting out of fear. Theyre acting out of low self esteem. Theyre acting out of a deficiency. So therefore the only way that they can act is evil. The only way they can  they have to rob, steal, rape, kill, and fight.They had to be savages. They had to be barbaric because theyre in these Nordic mountains. Theyre in these rough torrential environments. So theyre acting as animals.So theyre the ones that are actually closer to animals. Theyre the ones that are actually the true savages.And thats even from the white nationalists to the white supremacy mentalities, to Donald Trump, himself, wanting to build walls. Theyre trying to keep their, what they consider purity.Its just been proven  what was it  National Geographic just put it out. By, what, 2050, every person will be a person of color.

He mentioned Jews, but not nearly in such demeaning terms. His huge thoughtcrime was to allege that black people are the real Jews:

    And we talk about the six corporations, when we go as deep as the Rothschilds, centralized banking, the 13 families, the bloodlines that control everything even outside of America. When we talk about the people who, if we were truly the children of Israel, and were defining who the Jewish people are, because I feel like if we actually can understand that construct, then we can see that there is no hate involved. .You cant be anti-Semitic when we are the Semitic people, when we are the same people that who they want to be, thats our birthright.

Guess which comments got him fired? Days after his comments, which were recorded last year but only aired a couple weeks ago, ViacomCBS issued the following statement:


[Viacom] condemns bigotry of any kind and we categorically denounce all forms of anti-SemitismWe have spoken with Nick Cannon about an episode of his podcast Cannons Class on YouTube, which promoted hateful speech and spread anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. While we support ongoing education and dialogue in the fight against bigotry, we are deeply troubled that Nick has failed to acknowledge or apologize for perpetuating anti-Semitism, and we are terminating our relationship with him.

Commenting on his radio show The Breakfast Club about Cannons termination, Charlamagne opined thusly:

    Thats what you can do when you have the power.  Listen, Nick is my guy. I hate it had to be him, but thats what you can do when you have the power. And if theres one thing Jewish people have showed us, its they have the power.

To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize. Clearly, youre allowed to criticize white people. In fact, youre not allowed to NOT criticize white people.

*SELF-HATING NEGRESSES ARRESTED FOR BEFOULING BLACK LIVES MATTER MURAL*

Sometimes the only incentive for reading mainstream news stories is spotting exactly where theyve mangled the narrative. A Google search of MSN.com yields over 60,000 results for the phrase peaceful protesters. In other words, all the smashing and looting and burning and raping and murdering thats been consuming the nation since late May involves peaceful people seeking a peaceful solution to quantifiable and scientifically undeniable social problems. Its only the right-wingers who pull stunts and seek attention.

Thus, when a pair of black Republican Christian women were recently arrested for pouring black paint all over the giant yellow Black Lives Matter mural thats been painted on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, MSN referred to them as right-wing gadflieswho have pulled similar stunts before. The women, Bevelyn Beatty, 29, and Edmee Chavannes, 39, scream about Jesus and abortion, even though they live together and appear to be childless.

Every reader is challenged to find a single instance over the past 10 years of MSN.com referring to left-wing gadflies who pull stunts for attention. You wont be able to do it.

*CALIFORNIA TEACHERS DEMAND FREE TUITION FOR BLACKS N INJUNS*

The California Faculty Association claims to represent nearly 30,000 educators in a state that is filled with natural beauty and human ugliness. The union recently put out an eight-page document with the unwieldy title of California Faculty Association statement of anti-racism and social justice demands in the wake of anti-black racism, violence, and murder. Its highly informative for no other reason than to illustrate that modern education has nothing to do with education and everything to do with indoctrination:

    George Floyds public execution is shocking, but not surprising given the persistence of anti-Black racism and white supremacy that dehumanizes Black people. It is one in a long chain of similar transgressions and murders, most recently including Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery, and people are taking to the streets because the United States has failed to address this. CFA is a union representing faculty in the California State University System, one that is dedicated to anti-racism and social justice. As scholar activists, we have an obligation to address the structural racism that shapes policing in our society and that resulted in the murder of George Floyd. It is not enough to condemn this public execution that calls lynching to mind. Against the backdrop of a pandemic that does discriminate, resulting in disproportionate deaths to Black people, disproportionate economic burdens to Chicanx/Latinx people, decimation of Native/Indigenous people, and acts of violence and hatred against Asian Pacific Islander communities, we must take this opportunity to call on our leaders to not only condemn racism and white supremacy, but to announce programs to enact systemic change. In the coming days, we will issue a broader statement to highlight our anti-racism and social justice campaign and invite your participation.

George Floyd? Are you talking about the guy who told Minneapolis police that he was foaming at the mouth as the result of a self-administered drug enema? Or are you educators completely uneducated about what actually happened there?

In case they didnt drive home the point that their only educational goal was to demonize whites, CFA Vice President Sharon Elise tossed a cherry atop the Hate Sundae:

    The US is a racialized society based on white supremacy where opportunities, resources, power and human rights are structured by race to privilege whiteness, one where race structures disadvantages such as poverty, barriers to opportunity and power, and failure to recognize humanity, resulting in a racial hierarchy.

The group also demands the enactment of Assembly Constitutional Amendment 5, which mandates a return to affirmative action policies in the California university system. They say blacks deserve free tuition to reverse the decades-long trend of declining enrollments amongst Black, Native, and Indigenous students in the CSU and other higher education institutions.

They didnt say a word about the fact that in California, Asians are only 10 percent of the population yet represent 40 percent of undergrads. Thats because California currently uses a merit-based admissions system, and Asians perform sparklingly well on standardized tests.

You can blame white supremacy for that.

*GUN-BRANDISHING ST. LOUIS HOMEOWNERS CHARGED WITH FELONY FOR SCARING RIOTERS*

In case you were holding out for further evidence that our current political system is one of anarcho-tyranny, look no further than the fact that the chubby St. Louis couple who pointed guns at peaceful protestors whod smashed through a gate and were parading through their neighborhood have been charged with a felony weapons count for aiming their guns at the invaders.

St. Louis Circuit Attorney Kim Gardner has charged Mark and Patricia McCloskey but to our knowledge has not charged any of the peaceful protestors who were trespassing in a private neighborhood. When people criticized her decision to charge the McCloskeys, she said it reminded her of the KKK.

Can we just fast-forward to 2021 already?
*
CHINK-COMS TELL CHRISTIANS TO REMOVE PICTURES OF JESUS*

Communism is an ideology that with tremendous appeal to fanatics and blind followers, which is why its so intensely opposed to religionit sees it as competition.

The Christian Post reports that Chinko-Communist authorities are harassing Christian villagers in the massive countrys rural hinterlands, busting into their homes and demanding they remove pictures of Jesus Christ and replace them with photos of Mao and whoever their current leader guy is.

The Chinese Communist Party has announced this is all part of a Sinicization program designed to shunt people with uncontrollable fanatical impulses away from Christianity and toward Marxism. After all, both belief systems say were all equal and that its cool to be poor.

Reports also say that authorities are threatening to withhold welfare payments to avowed Christians. One woman claims they cut off her measly $28-a-month pension when she thanked God rather than the Communist Party after receiving her prior installment. An unnamed preacher in a northern Chinese village said, All impoverished households in the town were told to display Mao Zedong images. The government is trying to eliminate our belief and wants to become God instead of Jesus.

This goes against everything that science, medicine, and logic have taught us. Everyone knows God is too tall to be Chinese.

*HUMAN FERTILITY RATES POINT TOWARD EXTINCTION*

If youre old enough to remember the 1970s, youd recall that a firm plank in the leftist political program was known as ZPGZero Population Growth. An overpopulated planet was considered the worlds most imminent catastrophe. And then they realized where all the population growth was occurring and concluded that it would be racist to even make it an issue, so they shut up about it.

A report published in The Lancet suggests we may no longer have to worry about overpopulation whether its racist to worry or not. Researchers at the University of Washingtons Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation have crushed the bodies and come to the conclusion that the world is headed for a jaw dropping population crash.

In 1950, the average woman squeezed out 4.7 children, and by all accounts it was that seven-tenths of a child whose birth was the least painful. By the year 2100, the global fertility rate will drop to 1.7 children per child, which is a sub-replacement rate. The populations of both Italy and Japan will drop by more than half. And although world population is expected to peak around the year 2064, it will shave nearly a billion people off that total by the year 2100. Exactly how that shaving occurs is yet to be determined, but it will not be pretty. This is shaping up to be the worst century in world history.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-98/

Takimag

August 02, 2020

The Week’s Most Narcissistic, Chauvinistic, and Unrealistic Headlines

*ROBIN DIANGELO’S FRAGILE IDEOLOGY*

Robin DiAngelo is a millionaire white woman who appears to be so filled with inner turmoil that her face looks ready to crumble into a million pearl-white ceramic shards at any second.

Although her 2018 book White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism is one of the dumbest books ever written and will one day be appreciated for the camp classic of deep-seated ethnomasochism that it is, it entered the charts at #1 two years ago and is still perched at #2. It has sold an estimated 1.6 million copies and earned DiAngelo about $2 million in royalties. This is in addition to the estimated $1.5 million she earns every year on the lecture circuit telling white people they don’t know what they’re talking about and really need to shut up and bathe in guilt every moment of every day.

The gaping irony is that the runaway success of DiAngelo’s career is a solid testament to the fact that the only acceptable—in fact, it’s mandated by the state, the private sector, and academia—racism these days is the relentless anti-white propaganda eternally being shat out by unbalanced and inept ideological hacks such as Robin DiAngelo.

A recent investigation by the Washington Free Beacon suggests that DiAngelo has falsely created the impression that she donates a massive chunk of her sizeable income toward any cause or charity that would measurably improve black living standards. It also suggests that she has fabricated elements of her supposedly impoverished youth. The piece hints that, based on her husband’s Instagram account, the pair spend time exclusively with other well-heeled white people.

In fact, her only goal seems to involve clubbing white people over the head with brickbats that are entirely fashioned of guilt. Never mind the fact that studies have shown that DiAngelo’s brand of “diversity training” winds up backfiring and engendering hostility toward nonwhites.

Isn’t it funny how it’s always the wealthy whites who are obsessed with white guilt and white privilege? What are the odds it would always skew that way? What are the psychological reasons it always seems to skew that way? Is it remotely possible that middle-class and poor whites never seem to feel those levels of guilt because they have no reason to feel that way?

It would be instructive to see Robin DiAngelo strapped to a chair with her eyelids forced open Clockwork Orange-style as the white lumpenproles whom she verbally defecates on for a living subject her to endless lectures about how she’s wrong about everything.
*
WHALE-SIZED WOMAN SPOTTED ATTEMPTING TO STEAL RHINO-SIZED TV SET FROM FLORIDA WALMART*

A gigantic fat black woman with a titanically ugly face, obviously smarting from the 400 years of oppression she and her co-blacks have suffered under the Pale White Thumb, decided to take justice into her own hands recently in the sleepy little Florida town of Mulberry. Video cameras, which as we all know have been designed to spread white-supremacist propaganda about so-called “disproportionate” black crime rates, captured the hefty heifer hoisting a 65-inch Philips TV out of a local Walmart along with what we presume is her black lesbian lover. The woman, apparently traumatized by the systematic white supremacy under which she must squirm daily, allegedly sashayed right past the Walmart receipt-checkers, whom as we all know operate sort of like a modern-day consumer Gestapo knowing that Walmart operates on land stolen from Native Americans and built on the shoulders of black slaves.

When she realized that the TV was too big to fit in the car along with her gigantic fat body, she and the other black female that we’re 99% sure is her lesbian lover left the TV behind and floored the gas pedal. But since the woman wasn’t wearing a COVID-19 mask, she is easily identifiable, and the idiot will probably do jail time for failing to realize that she could have escaped scot-free with the stolen loot if she’d just “hooped” it deep inside her undoubtedly capacious lady bits.
*
CHICAGO’S PRETEEN CARJACKERS*

In Chicago, hundreds of black males are murdered by hundreds of other black males every year. Although we’re barely halfway through the year, the number of murders in this city run by a gruff hideous lesbian with giant bulging frog eyes have already outpaced the total number of murders last year to the tune of 125 corpses and counting.

But keep worrying about George Floyd.

Recent reports suggest that a cabal of tiny Negro children ranging in age from 10 to 17 years of age—at a time when they should be applying for jobs as gas-station attendants and maidservants—have instead chosen to embark upon a breathtaking spree of carjackings on Chicago’s South Side that involved 13 separate incidents from July 15-18, with a half-dozen occurring on the 18th alone.

Alyssa Blanchard is a Chicago schoolteacher who lives on the South Side and is presumably black, because you’d have to be insane or deeply suicidal to either teach at Chicago public schools or live on the city’s South Side if you’re not. She was recently carjacked by a group of vibrant teens and used her skills of discernment as a middle-school teacher to estimate that children as young as 11 were among the ’jackers. The day after these kids with endless potential stole her BMW at gunpoint, they used it to commit another carjacking at a local hospital.

Blacks account for 56 percent of all carjackings, another activity at which they are clearly superior to other races.

In the time it takes you to make a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, a black person in America will be killed by another black person. But sure, keep cryin’ those alligator-bait tears about George Floyd.

*WALL STREET JOURNAL NEWS REPORTERS ATTACK THEIR OWN PAPER FOR ALLOWING CONSERVATIVES TO HAVE OPINIONS*

If you have the remotest clue about how journalism is supposed to operate, you’d realize it’s effectively dead in the United States. So-called reporters now routinely capitalize “Black” while keeping “white” lowercase, they refer to people who are clearly a “he” as a “she,” and they keep using the words “racism” and “injustice” as if they were measurable rather than figments of the collective cultural fever dream.

Apparently somebody at the Wall Street Journal still realizes there’s a difference between news reporting and opinion writing, but don’t try telling that to the paper’s news bureau. A whopping 280 WSJ staffers signed an open letter to the paper’s publisher complaining that opinion pieces by Vice President Mike Pence about COVID-19 and by Heather Mac Donald about the myth of systemic police racism were already debunked and discredited and pooh-poohed by WSJ reporters’ hard-hitting, fact-digging journalism.

Apparently they didn’t expect anyone to notice that they did not specify how these opinion pieces were counterfactual, only that they were.

They also said something about preventing minority staffers’ feelings from being hurt, as if that had anything to do with journalism.

*CHRISTIAN BASEBALL PITCHER REFUSES TO KNEEL FOR DARKIES*

One of the funniest things about the entire Rodney King fiasco/debacle/tragedy is that one of the cops involved in the world-famous clubbing was named Stacey Koon.

Now comes news that out in Los Angeles, a baseball player who stood out from all the members of both teams by refusing to kneel in support of Black Lives Matter during the National Anthem is a pitcher for the SF Giants named Sam Coonrod.

Coonrod said he only kneels for the Big Boss in the Sky:

    I just can’t get on board with a couple things I’ve read about Black Lives Matter, how they lean towards Marxism. And … they said some negative things about the nuclear family. I just can’t get on board with that….I’m a Christian, like I said, and I just can’t get on board with a couple of things that I have read about Black Lives Matter….I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I’m a Christian. I just believe I can’t kneel before anything besides God — Jesus Christ….I chose not to kneel. I feel that if I did kneel, I would be being a hypocrite. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Like I said, I didn’t mean any ill will toward anyone.

In other words, he hates black people and wants them to die.

*IS THIS FINALLY THE LAST NAZI TRIAL?*

The people who won World War II have to be the sorest winners in world history.

In what is thought to be by temporal necessity the last trial of a Nazi in German history because pretty much everyone else is long dead, a 93-year-old man who was a concentration-camp guard at age 17 has been convicted of 5,232 cases of accessory to murder based on the fact that he used to stand at a guard tower at the Stutthof concentration camp.

In news reports, the man is referred to as “Bruno D.,” which leads us to assume he became a hip-hop vocalist shortly after the war.

It mattered not that Bruno D. was not personally involved in any killings and claims not to have witnessed many killings—the judge, who is some chick who obviously was born long after the events in question, insisted that this lowly camp guard at any moment was capable of rising up in righteous fury and singlehandedly overthrowing the Third Reich.

If you know anything about history, you’d realize that World War II was the inevitable outcome of the victors in World War I overplaying their hand. And the same thing is happening again.

*GLOBAL POPULATION GROWTH: STRICTLY A SUB-SAHARAN THANG*

The entire civilized world—meaning, “the entire part of the world that isn’t sub-Saharan Africa”—is in dire danger of experiencing a population decline that may spell the human race’s extinction—that is, if we don’t all wise up and start importing “educated” young African workers to fill the gaps and save the world.

According to a certain Professor Christopher Murray, the only righteous thing to do would be to immediately begin importing gobs and gobs of bright young African workers to fill the gaps, lest the civilized world return to the demon of national sovereignty and start saying things that hurt women’s feelings:

    I think we will see a changing view of immigration, and with it more competition for educated migrants. We will probably see large African migrant populations in many parts of the world, as well as the emergence of large African economies….There is a very real danger that countries try to roll back women’s empowerment, education, the right to choose. We have seen in some countries in eastern Europe and central Asia that the issue is being discussed as ‘demographic security’, a threat to the nation. When you have language like that, you can see governments pressing women to have more children. There are all sorts of ways the rights of women can come under attack.

*If you ever got the nagging feeling that the Powers That Be hate your guts and want you eliminated, you would be correct.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...t-perished-99/

Takimag

August 09, 2020

The Week’s Maddest, Baddest, and Saddest Headlines

*ZIMBABWE PROMISES WHITE FARMERS COMPENSATION, THEN ASKS THEM TO RAISE THE FUNDS*

Zimbabwe—formerly the Breadbasket of Africa and now better known as Africa’s Rectum—used to be called Rhodesia when evil white men ruled it. Then they threw all the evil white men out of power, gave the much more ooga-booga sounding name of “Zimbabwe,” and quickly created an economic wasteland of eternal voodoo murder.

Part of this miraculous switch occurred when deceased President Robert Mugabe—mind, you he wasn’t deceased at the time, although he remains currently deceased—spearheaded an anti-white jihad that led to the forcible seizure of anywhere from 4,000 to 5000 white-owned farms and an endless series of rapes and robberies and murders.

Because they’ve probably suddenly realized that native Zimbabweans aren’t really all that adept at the whole “running an economy” thing, the tarnished nation’s leaders have recently promised to compensate white farmers for the savage thievery of their land and livelihoods.

At his residence last week, President Emmerson Mnangagwa—talk about an ooga-booga-sounding name!— signed a promise to compensate the de-farmed whites to the tune of about $3.5 billion. It remains unclear whether that’s in American dollars or Zimbabwean dollars; if it’s the latter, a ham sandwich costs more than that in Zimbabwe.

But there’s a catch. There’s always a catch in Zimbabwe.

Since the nation’s economy is wrecked due to, oh, the lingering after-effects of white racism or something, the agreement contains a clause—the white farmers themselves must help raise the funds with which they compensate themselves.

In essence, it’s an empty promise and maybe even a cruel joke.

After having his farm pulled from under his feet years ago, Miki Marffy moved to Zambia and restarted his business. But like everyone else, he’s skeptical that it will amount to even “a speck of compensation”:

    If we got something, that would be wonderful. And if we don’t, or they try to do a currency-conversion trick, then we will just continue to hang on to our title deeds: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Those Africans are a bunch of sneaky snakes. But you already knew that.

*BLACK LIVES MATTER MARCHES TOWARD KKK LEADER’S ARKANSAS COMPOUND*

When was the last time you saw the KKK harass anyone?

Better yet, if we’re not talking about TV movies and History Channel documentaries, when was the last time you saw the KKK?

As everyone with two white brain cells to rub together already knows, a group known as Black Lives Matter has disrupted life as we know it in this country for more than two months based on the fraudulent notion that the biggest threat to black lives is anything other than black people.

A recent viral video showed BLM protesters shouting at residents of Harrison, Arkansas, which was subsequently dubbed “America’s Most Racist Town,” a formerly coveted title that very few American towns even seem interested in competing for these days. Harrison is said to be the KKK’s national headquarters. KKK leader Tom Robb allegedly has three PO boxes in Harrison and lives 15 miles away in poor-as-dirt Zinc, Arkansas.

Some agitant with too much time on his/her/zer hands thought it’d be a bold statement to march their black and fat-white-ponytailed asses into Zinc as a show of political force and possibly intimidation.

You know—like the KKK used to do.

A black man wearing an AC/DC baseball cap and Iron Maiden T-shirt along with BLM COVID-19 mask who said his name is “Sonny Cropper” declared to a local TV reporter that he will not tolerate the intolerant:

    You’re out here in your little neck of the woods where you think you don’t have to see the people that you hate. We know that hatred is here and we still don’t tolerate it.

Although there was no violence—well, someone shoved a reporter, but reporters don’t count—citizens of Zinc sat on their porches with guns, stood in the streets with guns, and blocked the road to Tom Robb’s compound with cars and guns.

Every visible local white person bore the ravages of a lifetime of dispossession and malnutrition on their faces, yet they were subjected to the scolding lectures of relatively affluent blacks and whites about how they have to stop oppressing people.

Zinc resident (Zincer? Zincite? Zinconian?) Kenny Devore shrugged and wondered what all the hullabaloo was about**:

    I think if they want to start trouble they should do it in their own town. We didn’t ask for ’em, we ain’t never done nothing to them. And I don’t really see what the reason is for them being here….[We] want them to get done and go away.

But they’re not going to go away. They’ve promised to keep coming back—in larger numbers. It’s almost like they’re forcing it so that someone will finally snap and attempt to chase them away, at which point the feds will swoop in and arrest all the racists.

*PENTAGON REMOVES LANGUAGE REFERRING TO PROTESTERS AND REPORTERS AS “ADVERSARIES”*

Since journalists don’t mind destroying everyone else’s lives but are extremely touchy if you so much as suggest that they are hardly saintly or honest, there was a recent hubbub about verbiage in a Pentagon training manual that referred to violent protesters and journalists who leaked sensitive information as “adversaries”:

    Unfortunately, poor OPSEC practices within DoD in the past have resulted in the unauthorized disclosure or ‘leaks.’ The Department of Defense (DoD) remains committed to transparency to promote accountability and public trust. [However] unauthorized disclosures jeopardize our DoD personnel, operations, strategies and policies to the benefit of our adversaries.”

Although rioters were too busy rioting to even notice, journalists pitched a fit. How dare the government refer to people who provide a false narrative enabling people to attack police officers and bomb federal buildings as “adversaries”?

A Pentagon spokesman said that these so-called “reporters”—who are supposed to check facts—were unconversant with what the term “adversaries” means in a military setting:

    An adversary — a common generic term for a person or group that opposes one’s tactical goals — is acting counter to our information security objectives and therefore personnel must understand that. Attempting to read more into the use of the term obfuscates the clear purpose of the training: to prevent information from falling into unauthorized hands regardless of its potential use.

Regardless, the military buckled—soldiers and cops are doing a lot of that these days, have you noticed?—and only a day after complaints first emerged, they purged the term “adversaries” from the manual.

*JEWS ACROSS ISRAEL TAKE TO THE STREETS TO SCREAM AT NETANYAHU*

Israel is a tiny nation barely the size of New Jersey and whose residents probably even have more attitude than Jerseyites.

Something in Israel called the Black Flag Movement realized that in the summer of 2020, just about the hippest thing you can do is take to the streets to start screaming and burning things. On a recent Saturday night, officials estimate that in 300 locales across Israel, “more than 10,000” protesters stormed the streets and started chanting about how Netanyahu is a putz and a jerk and a schmuck and a real schmendrick.

In the town of Rehovot, a driver attempted to plow through protestors, possibly inspired by rampant footage of disgruntled drivers doing it in the United States of America. There were also reports of “far-right activists” and even members of a nationalist gang called “La Familia” doling out counterviolence to the Bibi-bashers.

Who the hell would want to live in that parched land of eternal crisis?

*SHOOTINGS GO WAY UP IN RIOT CITY U.S.A.*

Although Georgia has seen two recent high-profile cases where white men shot black men dead, and even though Atlanta is 51% black, rioting has been scattershot in Chocolate City USA.

Meanwhile, Portland Oregon—which, at a piddling 6% black is less than half as black as the entire nation, including all the wheat field and mountain states—has been Congo on Fire ever since late May. Every night downtown is a burning Armageddon of thousands of white people pledging to the city’s smattering of blacks to be nice to them.

Geographically isolated white people who are drunk on their own self-hatred are liable to behave strangely.

Because everyone’s threatening to kill the cops, and because any sane cops’ response to that is, “You’re on your own, kids,” the lack of police presence in Portland made July 2020 the town’s deadliest month since the 1980s.

Someone recently fired over 150 rounds at an apartment complex far from the riots downtown, but no one was hurt.

That’s because all of Portland’s active shooters are also on heroin.

*SHOOTINGS GO WAY UP IN NYC, TOO*

What are the odds that when you gut a city’s police budget by one billion dollars and dissolve a 600-person plainclothes unit tasked to take guns off the streets that the city’s rate of shootings would go up?

This is exactly what happened in New York City.

Although we’ve barely squeaked into August, the Big Apple has already eclipsed last year’s total number of shootings. The lucky recipient of this year’s 777th shooting was a man who walked into a Bronx emergency room bleeding last Saturday night.

Retired NYPD sergeant Joseph Giacalone predicts doom:

    It only gets worse from here. As the shootings continue, so will retaliation. It’s a vicious cycle that the NYPD worked hard to mitigate, but that they are no longer able and in some cases willing to.

One can’t blame the cops for not wanting to get involved anymore. No, all the blame lies with the blinkered fools who thought that defunding the police would save any lives, black or not.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-100/

Takimag 

August 16, 2020

The Week’s Most Aggressive, Excessive, and Oppressive Headlines

*NONWHITE WORKERS AT CANADIAN ANTI-RACISM MUSEUM COMPLAIN OF RACISM*

Winnipeg is the largest city in the Canadian province of Manitoba, as if that’s some kind of accomplishment. The next-largest city in Manitoba has three people and a moose. People from Winnipeg are known as “Winnipeggers,” which sounds sexually perverse and probably is.

It’s always the whitest places—i.e., those who’ve truly never rubbed bellies with racial diversity—that are the most agonized over this thing called “racism,” which as far as we can tell these days is a word that means “thinking there’s anything redeeming about white people.”

In 2014, out there in Winnipeg amid the pasty populace and the fat prairie cows, a hideous architectural monstrosity called the Canadian Museum for Human Rights was unveiled. The thing looks like a giant steel armadillo impaled with a stake. Why anyone thought this skyline-murdering edifice would lead to racial harmony rather than widespread ethnic hostility is beyond our grasp.

It only took six years for the nonwhite workers at the museum to run howling to whomever would listen that the museum was “rife” with racism as well as sexism, homophobia, and, perhaps, a muted distaste for twerking.

But that’s not the way it’s supposed to work! When you bend over and grab your ankles, people are supposed to hug you rather than rape you. And yet the more ankle-grabbing that white people do, the more they get raped.

Winnipeg attorney Laurelle Harris, who just so happens to be black almost as if by accident, released a damning report about how all the white racists at the Museum for Human Rights created such a toxic work environment, it’s almost a wonder that all the nonwhites didn’t get cancer from it:

_    Racism within the Canadian Museum for Human Rights is pervasive and systemic. Black, indigenous and people of colour have been adversely impacted physically, emotionally and financially by their experiences within the institution._

In case you were unfamiliar with the word “indigenous,” it means “people who were unable to defend their land.”

One of the racist offenses that staffers allegedly committed was to shield child visitors from LGTBQ exhibits, because it’s kinda tacky and borderline pedophilic to expose children to such material. One thing is clear: It’s worse to be a racist than a pedophile.

Another involved a white staffer suggesting to a nonwhite, whom we’ll presume is descended from one of Canada’s numerous failed Injun tribes, that she should do a “rain dance” to help with a drought.

There’s really no difference between that and lynching someone.

Museum spokeslady Pauline Rafferty appeared to believe that the only way out of the racist hell that she and her pale ilk had created was to apologize even more cravenly:

_   It is clear many people have been adversely impacted by racism, homophobia and other forms of discrimination within the museum, and we apologise unreservedly._

Keep apologizing, white people. It’s been working so well up to this point.

*ORGANIZED GANGS WITHIN THE LOS ANGELES SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT*

There are an estimated 45,000 gang members in greater Los Angeles, and we’ve never heard of any of them thinking it was cool to dress up and act like cops.

However, there appears to be a subculture within the LA Sheriff’s Department where police act like gang members—they form violent, racially exclusive cliques complete with names, tattoos, initiation rituals, and a pattern of vengeance against snitches within their own ranks.

LA County has already shelled out $21 million in settlements regarding lawsuits from people who claim to have been brutalized by deputy groups with names such as the Banditos (an all-Mexican group in East LA), the Lynnwood Vikings (an all-white squad in Lynnwood, CA), and the Executioners (an all-white club in Compton, CA whose official insignia includes “a skull and Nazi imagery.) Two separate groups that operate within the Men’s Central Jail called the 2000 Boys and the 3000 Boys appear to be Mexican and feature an initiation rite that involves breaking an inmate’s bones.

Although all this stuff is probably illegal, it still sounds kind of cool. And at this late date, we have no sympathy for anyone who decides to live in LA. You can protest your innocence all you want, but you’re still guilty of choosing to remain in LA.

*THE BLAST THAT KILLED BEIRUT*

Although many people are blaming Israel, the official story on why there was a gigantic explosion in the port of Beirut last week is that inept and corrupt customs officials allowed nearly 3,000 tons of ammonium nitrate that they’d seized back in 2014 to linger for years without disposing of it.

Beirut’s governor, some hairy guy with an unpronounceable name, says the blast left 300,000 of the city’s 2.2 million people homeless.

As citizens wandered dazed through rubble, Lebanon’s entire government resigned. After tendering his resignation, ex-Prime Minister Hassan Diab blamed the country’s elites for turning Lebanon into a chaotic toilet:

_    We will back down and stand with the people. We need to open the door for the people. This disaster which has hit the Lebanese at the core, occurred as a result of chronic corruption in politics, administration and the State,” he said in a televised address. They knew that we pose a threat to them, and that the success of this government means a real change in this long-ruling class whose corruption has asphyxiated the country._

The new government that eventually replaces the recently disbanded one will be Lebanon’s third in less than a year.

Danny Thomas wept.

*CHICAGO LOOTERS GO SO FAR THAT THEY PISS OFF THE BLACK LESBIAN MAYOR*

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot is a dusky sapphite with the face of a ghoul that hides under bridges, scares children, and eats goats. 

She presides over a city where black people die in higher numbers than in any other city in America—and it’s almost always at the hands of other black people.

She has recently sat idle and nibbled on chicken fingers as black looters and the usual smattering of mentally ill white anarchists have smashed Chicago’s fabled “Miracle Mile” into oblivion. She also used the racist term “Karen” to refer to Donald Trump’s gorgeous blonde press secretary and has also told the president to go have sexual intercourse with himself.

Last week, after Chicago police turned out to be better marksmen than an armed gunman, the locusts descended upon the Miracle Mile again to loot whatever hadn’t already been looted.

They also attacked a Ronald McDonald House in the area while patients slept inside, since everyone knows that the majority of white slaveowners were terminally ill children.

But according to a BLM organizer who calls herself Ariel Atkins, this wasn’t looting—it was reparations:

_    I don’t care if somebody decides to loot a Gucci or a Macy’s or a Nike because that makes sure that that person eats. That makes sure that that person has clothes. That’s reparations. That is reparations. Anything they want to take, take it because these businesses have insurance. They’re going to get their money back. My people aren’t getting anything._

It’s unclear whether it was the Ronald McDonald Hosue attack or the fact that perhaps they snagged a Gucci purse that the mayor had her eyes on, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot pooh-poohed the idea that the looting was anything beyond looting:

_    These were not poor people engaged in petty theft to feed themselves and their families. This was straight up felony criminal conduct. This was an assault on our city._

Taking things up a notch, an official BLM response basically called Lightfoot an Aunt Tom:

_    The mayor clearly has not learned anything since May, and she would be wise to understand that the people will keep rising up until the CPD is abolished and our Black communities are fully invested in. Over the past few months, too many people—disproportionately Black and Brown—have lost their jobs, lost their income, lost their homes, and lost their lives as the city has done nothing and the Chicago elite have profited. When protesters attack high-end retail stores that are owned by the wealthy and service the wealthy, that is not “our” city and has never been meant for us._

Did it never occur to them that they wouldn’t be losing their jobs and income if they weren’t always busy rioting?

*NYPD TAPS TOES WHILE FIVE GIRLS BEAT UP ONE GIRL*

While five girls beat her up on 125th Street in Harlem—and a sixth girl apparently assisted by holding one of the alleged assailant’s hair weave—nearly 20 members of the NYPD sat around twiddling their thumbs, refusing to get out of their squad cars and assist the poor maiden until their attackers were done.

Or at least that’s the narrative the mainstream media has decided to pursue. According to the NYPD, the police were prevented from intervening by a large crowd who blocked them and threw bottles at them throughout the four-minute beating’s duration.

According to an internal NYPD report, all the shenanigans of the last few months have rendered police “afraid” to intervene in any criminal situation, lest they be accused of the crime of racism, which as we all know is worse than rape, murder, and cheating on the SATs combined.

*BLACK ACTRESS APOLOGIZES FOR NOT BEING BLACK ENOUGH TO PORTRAY EXTREMELY BLACK SINGER*

Nina Simone was a coal-black singer who, like most blacks and most women and perhaps especially most black women, made more of an issue about being a black woman than just about anything else. To hear her talk, you wouldn’t even know she was a singer.

She called black people “the most beautiful creatures in the whole world,” which sounds really racist until you realize that she could have picked a more flattering word than “creatures.”

Zoe Saldana is a light-skinned black woman who is objectively 400 times more beautiful than Nina Simone, who, if you want us to be blunt, looked like the offspring of a chimp and a coconut. Back in 2013 when there was talk of casting her in a Nina Simone biopic, Saldana insisted she was black enough to handle the role—which not only required her to have her skin darkened, it forced her to wear a flattened prosthetic simian nose:

_    Let me tell you, if Elizabeth Taylor can be Cleopatra, I can be Nina, I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter how much backlash I will get for it. I will honour and respect my black community because that’s who I am._

But that was 2013, and this is 2020, so now Saldana is sobbing and weeping and groveling and hoping she doesn’t get scalped:

_    I should have done everything in my power to cast a black woman to play an exceptionally perfect black woman….I thought back then that I had the permission [to play her] because I was a black woman._

At press time, Saldana’s black and white sides have stopped speaking to one another, leading to the most dramatic show-business split since Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis parted ways

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK8DSnUDnxQ

Takimag

August 23, 2020

The Week’s Most Incessant, Tumescent, and Adolescent Headlines

*FEDS NAB BANNON ON FRAUD CHARGES*

Apart from helping to forge a populist coalition that pushed Donald Trump toward presidential victory four years ago, Steve Bannon is largely known for having very bad skin.

Last Thursday morning aboard the yacht of exiled Chinese political dissident Guo Wengui, federal agents arrested Bannon on one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and one count of conspiracy to commit money laundering. The official indictment charges Bannon along with three other men—one of whom is missing three limbs—with diverting funds from an alleged nonprofit called We Build The Wall and lining their own pockets with money they’d promised would go “100%” toward helping fund a wall along the Mexican border using private funds exclusively on private property.

Bannon and the nine limbs that comprise the three other defendants allegedly siphoned off $100,000 right off the top and gave it to one-limbed war vet Brian Kolfage and subsequently supplied the alleged “volunteer” with a rather tasty $20K-per-month stipend. The indictment also charges Bannon with using untold tens of thousands of dollars to cover his own expensive tastes:

_ As alleged, the defendants defrauded hundreds of thousands of donors, capitalizing on their interest in funding a border wall to raise millions of dollars, under the false pretense that all of that money would be spent on construction. While repeatedly assuring donors that Brian Kolfage, the founder and public face of We Build the Wall, would not be paid a cent, the defendants secretly schemed to pass hundreds of thousands of dollars to Kolfage, which he used to fund his lavish lifestyle._

When asked for his opinion, Donald Trump passive-aggressively acknowledged that Bannon had found himself in a “very sad” situation:

_    I know nothing about the project other than I didn’t like when I read about it. I didn’t like it. I said this is for government, this isn’t for private people, and it sounded to me like showboating and I think I let my opinion be very strongly stated at the time: I didn’t like it, it was showboating and maybe looking for funds, but you’ll have to see what happens. I think it’s a very sad thing for Mr. Bannon._

Interestingly enough, Apple News notes that Bannon used to be employed by Breitbart, which it describes as “a right-wing news site that traffics in incendiary headlines, many of them outwardly racist, misogynist, anti-Semitic.” Sorry, but we’ve been familiar with Breitbart for years, and it is not remotely as exciting as Apple News tries to make it seem.

Bannon denies all charges and claims it’s all political grandstanding by people who really don’t want to see a border wall built—which at this point seems to include the entire US government, including Donald Trump.

*JEWISH REPUBLICAN WOMAN TO SQUARE OFF AGAINST JEWISH DEMOCRATIC WOMAN IN FLORIDA ELECTION*

Laura Loomer is a Jewish woman who, despite her loud proclamations of being a proud Zionist, got a nose job and shared pictures with the world as if to publicly state that there is something intrinsically wrong with Jewish noses. Personally, we don’t see anything wrong with Jewish noses, but then again, that’s because we’re not anti-Semites.

Loomer, an outspoken Jewish supremacist has openly wished for more refugees to drown in their attempts to cross the Mediterranean into Europe. She also appears to have fabricated a hate crime against her car’s tire.

After being deplatformed from nearly every social-media outlet and a few financial outlets, Loomer has declared herself to be “The World’s Most Censored Woman” and does things such as going on Alex Jones to scream hysterically about her persecution.

Loomer lives in Florida’s 21st Congressional District, which is also Donald Trump’s home turf ever since he established his official residence at Mar-a-Lago. And despite being ejected by nearly every tech giant in existence, she was able to scrape up over $1 million dollars in campaign contributions in a congressional run—far more than any other GOP competitor.

Last week, Loomer won the Republican primary and will face off in November against Democrat Lois Frankel, who has held the seat since 2013. The two will battle for the soul of Palm Beach, assuming such a thing exists.

*PEACEFUL PORTLAND PROTESTERS PEACEFULLY SET BUILDING ABLAZE*

Ever since late May, peaceful protesters in Portland have been peacefully smashing, looting, robbing, and burning things in a desperate attempt to make their once-quaint mountain town resemble Mogadishu.

Last Tuesday night, they peacefully smashed a downtown government building’s windows, gently sprayed lighter fluid inside, and in the spirit of universal brotherhood set the building ablaze. For months now, they have peacefully smashed into the police union’s offices and have peacefully beaten people unconscious on the mere suspicion of Unforgivable Whiteness. They’ve also peacefully clashed with federal agents for weeks and have peaceably knocked gay white men unconscious while saying, “Black lives matter, fagggot!”

So it should come as no surprise that last Tuesday night, a crowd of about 200 peaceful protesters started dumpster fires, tossed rocks through windows, and tossed incendiary devices inside a government building.

*GEORGE W. BUSH STABS TRUMP WITH HIS PAINTBRUSH*

George W. Bush is widely revered for being one of the dumbest, most inept, charmless warmongers ever to hold the presidency, and the only reason he was elected is because Americans are largely morons who go to see movie sequels for the same reason—because they’re already familiar with the title. He essentially bankrupted the United States chasing down a lie of WMDs in the Middle East and really got the whole Debt Ball rolling out of control at the beginning of this millennium.

But because Donald Trump was mean to his boring brother Jeb, Mr. Bush and his wife left their ballots blank in 2016 rather than vote for Trump. And now, in an apparent rebuke to Trump—what the Brits refer to as a “cock a snook”—Bush has released a picture book featuring 43 paintings of migrants to America because everyone knows diversity makes us united rather than divided, which the word “diversity” would sort of imply if you were even remotely interested in paying attention.

The book is called Out of Many, One and is described by its publisher thusly:

_Through powerful four-colour portraits — personally painted by the president himself — and their accompanying stories, Out of Many, One reminds us of the countless ways in which America has been strengthened by the individuals who have come here in search of a better life._

The portraits sort of look as if a retarded teenager painted them.

In the book’s introduction, Bush writes:

_    While I recognise that immigration can be an emotional issue, I reject the premise that it is a partisan issue. It is perhaps the most American of issues, and it should be one that unites us. My hope is that this book will help focus our collective attention on the positive impacts that immigrants are making on our country._

Does this include the “immigrants” who flew into the Twin Towers on Bush’s watch?

*BAKING COOKIES WHILE NEW YORK BURNS*

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio is well over six feet tall and has a net worth of at least $2 million, so it’s a bit of a mystery why he chose to marry a black woman with the face of a cockroach. Maybe he’s simply some kind of sexual weirdo.

But despite the fact that he has almost singlehandedly destroyed the Big Apple by defunding the police to the tune of $1 billion semolians and allowing smelly trash and even smellier homeless people to pile up around town like war casualties, he still finds it in his heart to carve out an estimated $2 million annually to keep his cockroach-faced wife happy, occupied, and baking ginger-snap cookies.

Lady Cockroach—AKA Chirlane McCray—is allowed a personal staff of 14 people whose salaries cost the taxpayers roughly $2 million per annum. One staffer is a videographer who snags $70,000 yearly simply to snap photos of the Big Apple’s First Lady baking cookies. Another is a “senior adviser” who takes home $150K yearly simply to, um, offer advice of a senior nature.

Meanwhile, trash is piling up, people are being kicked into unconsciousness on the streets, the wealthy are fleeing the city for more tax-friendly havens, and the Big Apple is turning into a ghost town.

If Chirlane McCray really wanted to put $2 million in taxpayer money to good use, she’d do the right thing and hire a plastic surgeon. Hers is the face of doom, and it’s time for a makeover.

*MAKING AMERICA’S DEBT GREATER THAN EVER*

Although Donald Trump campaigned on a promise to eliminate the deficit within eight years, it has ballooned out of control under his command.

The most recent Monthly Treasury Statement says that for the first ten months of fiscal 2020 (which for some dumb reason started in October 2019), the Federal spending hit $5.6 trillion dollars—which already outpaces the previous record of $4.5 trillion set in 2019. At the current pace, 2020’s budget will be 150% higher than any previous budget in US history.

What’s worse, tax revenue accounted for only about half of that $5.6 trillion, meaning the US is headed for a Financial Dark Age that will make the Great Depression look like a trip to the ice-cream shop.

But sure–pretend that “racism” is America’s biggest problem.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-102/

Takimag

August 30, 2020

The Week’s Most Porcine, Unclean, and Obscene Headlines

*WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP MISPRONOUNCING “KAMALA”*

Joe Biden promised the nation that he would pick a colored woman as his running mate, and now that he has fulfilled his promise, people are acting as if it’s racist to notice that his running mate is colored.

How these people hold so many contradictions in their heads without their skulls exploding is a true marvel of nature.

The lady’s name is Kamala Harris, and she’s not even really black. Her dad was a light-skinned Jamaican and her mom was a dothead, and their spawn is so light-skinned that she fails the brown paper bag test, which is the commonly accepted scientific method of determining someone’s blackness.

If your first instinct was to pronounce her name like that of Kamala the pro wrestler—who, as fate would decree it, was really named James Harris—this is only evidence that you are a racially tolerant fan of pro wrestling. Pronouncing it as “Kuh-MAH-luh” merely shows that you are neither sexually nor racially threatened to see big fat smelly black dudes with floppy man-boobs thrashing around the ring with big fat smelly white dudes with floppy man-boobs.

But according to the Democrats, mispronouncing her name—which she insists is enunciated as “comma-luh,” you are only announcing before the world that you are a white supremacist racist who pours the blood of aborted black fetuses onto your breakfast flakes.

Forget about how only months ago, Miz Kamala was slamming her senile running mate as a racist and a rapist. Forget the fact that she probably has teeth in her vagina. Most importantly, forget that just like Barack Obama, she shares no ancestral lineage with the black American descendants of slaves who still consider themselves unfortunate for living in places such as Minneapolis and Kenosha rather than Mogadishu or Harare.

We’re supposed to respect the fact that her parents came to this country in order for her to one day attempt to destroy it.

Just like Harris, Fatima Goss Graves is another mulatto female who seems to have made a living pretending she’s as black as a lump o’ coal. And even though she’s visibly overweight, she sees it as a racist microaggression when people pronounce her name “FAT-ih-muh” rather than “Fuh-TEEM-uh,” which is how she insists people say it.

Mispronouncing “Kamala,” even if innocently done, “is an effort to diminish her,” Fatima says. “It’s designed to signal difference.”

Wait—wasn’t “difference” the main reason she was selected?

“When people are running for the highest levels of government, there’s an expectation they will be afforded with dignity and respect,” Fatima adds.

Right—she deserves every bit of respect and dignity your ilk have afforded Donald Trump for the past five years.

*FAR-RIGHT GROUP DOES FAR-RIGHT THINGS AT PEACEFUL PROTEST IN PORTLAND*

Yea, it is a topsy-turvy upside-down world when an official police department press release follows the laws of journalism with far more rigor than the hacks at a major newspaper do.

But that’s exactly what happened last week when you contrast the coverage of a political skirmish in Portland between Proud Boys and Antifa.

The Portland Police Department’s press release about the event was astoundingly unbiased, almost as if a dispassionate robot had written it. It doesn’t mention either group by name, only that they fought and eventually dispersed. It even relayed this bit of information without tittering:

_    Officers located a bucket containing condoms filled with an unknown liquid substance and a water bottle with what appeared to be urine along with several shields staged near the park at Southwest 4th Avenue and Salmon._

On the other hand, The Sun accused a Proud Boy of pointing a gun at Antifa while neglecting to mention it was a paintball gun. It noted that a white Proud Boy attempted to punch a black man, but it failed to mention that video shows more than one black man attempting to punch white Proud Boys. It cited an unsourced and easily discredited allegation from a black pastor in Kalamazoo that Proud Boys are founded on Jew-hatred, despite the fact that the group bends over backwards not to criticize Jews. And then it ends with a barrage of smears by the Southern Poverty Law Center, a reference to Charlottesville (which former Proud Boy leader Gavin McInnes openly disavowed prior to the event), and the usual lumping-in of the KKK to describe a group that’s actually led a black dude named Enrique. And like nearly every other mainstream media organization on the planet, it entirely misrepresented Donald Trump’s quote about there being “very fine people” on both sides at Charlottesville.

It gives us a queasy feeling to realize you can trust the police more than you can trust reporters these days.

*RIOT OF THE WEEK*

Don’t you just love all these riots that have been happening? It’s clear that justice will not occur until black people and their white enablers have burned down every building and then killed all the white people, including those that enable blacks. The white enablers will be the last to go, but they don’t even realize it. Or, hey—maybe they do realize and it seems like the best of all possible deals to them.

Last week’s Super Big Mega Riot happened in the town of Kenosha, WI, which is basically a restroom stop between Chicago and Milwaukee for black families traveling north to take advantage of the better welfare that Wisconsin provides.

Apparently some black guy named Jacob Blake, who was arrested in 2015 for pulling a gun at a bar and—surprise, surprise—resisting arrest, was wanted on felony warrants for domestic abuse and rape when police encountered him and—we know, sounds crazy—he started resisting arrest again. A viral clip shows him running away from two white policemen and leaning into his car, at which point he is shot in the back seven times. Blake was wounded and possibly paralyzed but survived the shooting. Audio from the event shows that police kept yelling at him to drop a knife. There is also a suggestion that he was reaching into his car to grab a gun. But the truth is, just as in all these cases, he wouldn’t have been shot if he didn’t actively resist arrest.

Predictably, the city of Kenosha started burning. Then a couple days into the riot, a 17-year-old white male shot three “protesters,” killing two of them. Initial reports stated that his victims were black. As luck would have it, all three of them were Jewish felons, and all three of them are on videotape attacking the gunman—one of them got his bicep blown clean off his arm while that arm was holding a handgun in violation of his felony status.

Interestingly, the next night was the first night since late May that there was no rioting in Portland. Should people have started shooting at rioters earlier?

*TRAUMA PORN: SOCIAL-MEDIA USERS POSE AS AUSCHWITZ VICTIMS*

As everyone knows, the Holocaust was the worst thing that has ever happened in human history, and if you try to deny the EXACT death toll of six million or make the slightest joke about this sacred fact, you deserve to be burned alive in a Papa John’s pizza oven.

To make things even worse on our long-suffering Jewish friends, some real sickos on the social-media app TikTok are role-playing as deceased Holocaust victims in a trend known as “trauma porn”:

_    TIKTOK users are pretending to be dead Holocaust victims in a disturbing new trend that has been dubbed “trauma porn” because it sensationalizes horrific events….Footage on the video sharing app shows people wearing the Star of David, striped clothing, and make up mimicking bruises and cuts while talking to the camera as if they are dead….Some users explain how they ‘died’ in Nazi-run concentration camps while acting out scenarios from the Jewish genocide during the Second World War._

Naturally, Jewish people are upset, and since they still haven’t gotten over the Holocaust, ignoring their feelings or suggesting that the Holocaust obviously didn’t finish the job it set out to accomplish would be highly inappropriate.

*FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, LET THE BLACKS HAVE THEIR FLAVORED TOBACCO*

Is flavored tobacco a tool of white supremacy? Or is it simply a lifestyle preference for people of color that white supremacists seek to deny them?

Frankly, we don’t know, and at this point we don’t even want to know.

All we actually know is that the tobacco industry has issued an ad supporting Senate Bill 793, which would ban the sale of flavored tobacco in California arguing that since it is unhealthy and disproportionately harms people of color, it should be banned.

On the other side of this insipid debate are actual colored people who represent organizations with “Black” or “African” in their names who resent this capitalistic and white-supremacist intrusion on People of Color’s attempts to give themselves lung cancer with metholated cigarettes and watermelon cigars. There is the usual hyperbolic hysteria about blood money being made on the backs of dead African Americans, and you wind up wondering at what point these people will finally shut up and eat a sandwich.

They’re making it REALLY hard to like them these days.

*FRENCH WOMEN PUT THEIR TOPS BACK ON*

It’s a well-known fact across the globe that French people don’t wear deodorant and that French women don’t shave their armpits—which is so disgusting, it almost makes you wish they had lost both World Wars.

France has also persecuted the finest female specimens that moldy nation’s loins ever spurted forth, Miss Brigitte Bardot, for daring to speak the truth about how mean Muzzies are to animals.

And as recently as 1984, an estimated 43% of French females chose to sunbathe topless. Now that quotient has dipped to below 20%. And the usual suspects are blaming fascism and sexual repression and Saudi Arabia and the United States. But when they actually bothered to ask French women, their answer was that they were increasingly worried about sexual harassment and even rape in the new and supposedly enlightened France.

Apparently these Vichy collaborators didn’t get the memo that progress can only come when French women welcome being raped by refugees from former French colonies.

----------


## Swordsmyth

AF is slacking so I'll do his job for him:




https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-103/

The Week’s Most Lecherous, Treacherous, and Obstreperous Headlines

PORTLAND MAYOR TO MOVE AWAY FROM PEACEFUL PROTESTORS WHO’VE BEEN TRYING TO SET HIS CONDO ON FIRE
Ted Wheeler looks like the type of guy who’d own a condo in downtown Portland worth nearly a million bucks—he’s white, frail, weak, and has a free-testosterone level ranging anywhere from 3 on a good day to 1 on a bad day.

All summer he’s been allowing the hundreds of thousands of heroin-addicted transwhites and the five or so black people who inhabit his town to rip its living guts out. When the rioters recently shot and killed a Trump supporter, he blamed it on Trump.

But now, after they started attacking his condo building, he realized it’s time to get out of there or he might get hurt. And he finally started using the word “violence” to describe the violence that has plagued the city ever since George Floyd overdosed on fentanyl. He’s moving out of his condo, ostensibly to some underground bunker that is currently off Antifa’s radar. He still says he supports the rioters—he’s simply moving somewhere that they’ll be unable to riot all over his pasty ass:

    Elected leaders – or those seeking office – who remain silent in the midst of these acts of violence and criminal destruction are equally complicit. The community must rise up and say ‘enough is enough’ and hold all of us accountable. We cannot truly move on together and make the positive changes we want to see until this violence is stopped. All violence. We cannot allow our anger to destroy what we are trying to support. I stand by our positive movement for police reform and I stand by the hundreds of thousands of Portlanders who want to peacefully protest and ask for more reform. If you are participating in violence, I want to be clear: I denounce your actions.…Your actions demonstrate a level of hate and destruction that we WILL NOT condone or tolerate.

Portland is what happens when white people overdose on guilt.

KICKING TRUMPERS’ SKULLS IN KENOSHA
Kicking people suspected of being Nazis—i.e., all white people—in the skull has become a recent favorite pastime of the flat-brained totalitarians wreaking havoc in America’s streets under the delusion that they’re fighting fascism. Heck, we did a whole article about the white guy in Portland who was kicked unconscious by a hi-yella ingrate named Marquise.

Now, in the overwhelmingly white city of Kenosha, WI, a Trump supporter and former US Marine was kicked in the head by a group of ne’er-do-wells who misread his MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN hat for a KICK ME IN THE SKULL BECAUSE I’M A NAZI hat. Spurred on by this silly misunderstanding, they held him down and kicked him in the head live and on camera.

Identifying himself only as “David” because he apparently doesn’t want to lose his job or have them burn down his house, David blanched at the notion that his attackers were liberals: “They are not liberals. They are Maoists, and they will attack you, they will hurt you, they want to burn down this United States.”

That’s all well and good, David, but the question remains: Why are you a Nazi?

SCIENTIST: HAND SANITIZERS MAY LEAD TO “ARMAGEDDON SCENARIO”
If you thought that obsessively smearing sanitizer over your hands would save you from COVID-19—or even newer, scarier superbugs—you have been fooled, and it’s time for you to admit it.

Dr. Andrew Kemp works at something called the British Institute for Cleaning Science and is so obsessed with killing germs that he’s written 22 papers on the subject over the past three years. In a recent paper, he claims that not only are hand sanitizers ineffective against the coronavirus, the fact that millions of bacteria may squirm around on one’s hand at any given time means that a sanitizer that kills 99% of germs will still leave at least 10,000 macho, steroidal beasties on your mitts, ready to kill you at a moment’s notice:

    Recent research shows the surviving bugs which are not killed by alcohol gels are themselves highly dangerous pathogens and may increase in numbers. This means our routine use of gels could ultimately cause us more harm than good. Overusing disinfectants in this way will be a key factor in leading us to a potential armageddon [sic] scenario, widely accepted by scientists, that over the next two or three decades we will no longer be able to safely perform routine operations such as hip replacements because we have multi disinfectant resistant bacteria alongside our antibiotic drug resistant bacteria. Not only are we increasing the risk of these problems across the globe by overusing hand gels, we may also not be doing anything against the spread of Covid-19. It seems pointless spending billions on antibiotics, if the resistance to them comes from poor use of chemical disinfectants and hand sanitizers.

In case you needed a reason to feel worse about this year, we decided to toss that story in there for ya.

JERSEY TOWN FIGURES OUT A WAY TO END ALL THE RIOTING: BILL THE “PROTESTERS” FOR POLICE OVERTIME
Mayor Mario Kranjac of Englewood Cliffs, NJ may be the smartest man in the entire universe, and if every town across the country implemented his ingenious tactic, this endless rioting would end overnight.

Emily Gil is an 18-year-old Asian woman that most blacks would probably call a “Chinky Chinky China Lady” before pummeling her and stealing her iPhone, but for some reason—possibly a mutual hatred of white people—she recently organized a 90-minute protest in support of Black Lives Matter in a town that overlooks the Manhattan skyline from across the Hudson River.

But she says she was “shocked” when a few days after the protest—where as far as we can tell no one was kicked in the skull and no buildings were torched—the city slapped her with a bill for $2,500 for police overtime to ensure that, you know, no one gets kicked in the skull and no buildings get torched. The mayor later explained that this is standard procedure for anyone who sucks up undue police time, including entirely non-racial events such as bicycle races.

This is genius, we tell you—genius! If there’s anything that Junior Communists hate more than having to work, it’s having to pay for anything.

FAILED BLACK MCDONALD’S FRANCHISEES SUE MCDONALD’S FOR FORCING THEM TO OPERATE IN BLACK NEIGHBORHOODS
Black-black blackety-black, black black blackblackblack.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk more about black people.

Despite the fact that Ronald McDonald grabs his ankles and lubes his golden haunches in supplication to black people with things such as their nauseating “Black & Positively Golden®” outreach—which strives to find “Black Excellence” somewhere, anywhere—it’s still not enough for some of Da Blacks.

A dusky cabal of 52 former black McDonald’s franchise owners is suing the mega-corporation, accusing them of racial discrimination by, according to Reuters, “steering them to depressed, crime-ridden neighborhoods and setting them up for failure.”

Although company policy allows franchisees to choose their restaurant’s location, the lawsuit alleges that McDonald’s somehow practiced anti-black racial discrimination by allowing black owners to pick locations that are depressed and crime-ridden—in other words, predominantly black.

The plaintiff’s lawyer, a man with the decidedly non-black name of Jim Ferraro, uttered one of the most hilariously unclear sentences in recent memory:

    It’s systematic placement in substandard locations, because they’re Black.

OK, wait—what’s black here? The owners or the substandard locations? Possibly both? And how is any of this Ronald McDonald’s fault?

Next we’ll be hearing that the guy in the Burger King costume is a white supremacist.

BLACK WOMEN CONTINUE FIGHTING AT AIRPORTS, MAKING TRAVEL UNSAFE AND FRIGHTENING FOR ALL
Another week, another airport, another brawling group of black women. You may not have seen the hubbub at Fort Lauderdale. Or the mayhem in Atlanta. Last week someone apparently named “Aaliyah” fought with someone we choose to dub “Shaqueekwia” at LaGuardia Airport in beautiful Queens, NY.

Aaliyah and Shaqueekwia decided it would be a good idea to work out their disagreements by tearing at one another’s hair weaves and trying to leave their fake nails in one another’s cheeks. In doing so, they rudely delayed the flight bound for Atlanta—a city where black women fight one another every day—for forty minutes. But they were not arrested, because that would be racist.

MAKING SURE THE NEXT NEW YORK TIMES EDITOR ISN’T ANOTHER OLD WHITE GUY
The New York Times is an unreasonably respected newspaper which first achieved success in the late 1800s when it was purchased by a Jewish man named Adolph Simon Ochs. Then it was given to his Jewish son, who then bequeathed it to his Jewish son, and now the bequeathee’s Jewish son owns it.

Clearly, white men have been in control of the Times for far too long—an issue with which the paper is finally coming to grips with in the form of hiring Jewish female editors and black guys who are so light-skinned, you could mistake them for whites.

The paper’s current editor is Dean Baquet, a nominally black man who is so light-skinned, he’d probably be kicked in the head at a BLM riot for being a suspected white supremacist. Since he is nearing retirement age, one of his rumored successors was James Bennet, who appears to be white but is actually Jewish. He was kicked out of the running earlier in the summer for daring to publish a piece by Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton suggesting that maybe it’d be a good idea to send federal troops into American cities before rioters burn everything to the ground.

Now the paper is having an emotional struggle session about whether Baquet’s successor should be Joe Kahn (Jewish), Cliff Levy (Jewish), or Marc Lacey, a man who is said to be black but whose skin is as light as oatmeal with white sugar. Another contender is Rebecca Blumenstein—no comment, none needed.

An unnamed source with the Times told Vanity Fair:

    After Bennet, everything’s now up in the air. The thing that happened with the Cotton op-ed is, it really cemented a feeling in the newsroom around the importance of this conversation. The running joke [about the front-runners] was, Great diversity pool, you’ve got one from Harvard, one from Yale, and one from Princeton. After the Cotton op-ed, in the George Floyd era, and with the Times now being a much younger newsroom with a lot more people of color, if you still pick another middle-aged white guy who went to an Ivy League school, what have you really done?

The question sort of asks itself: When was the last time since the mid-1800s that The New York Times was owned and/or edited by a middle-aged white guy?

ALTHOUGH SHORT IN STATURE, THE CHINESE NOW HAVE THE WORLD’S LARGEST NAVY
God clearly gave some people intelligence, and he gave other people height. For the super-smart Chinese, the average male measures a a puny 5’6”. In order to compensate, the ChiComs have scrambled to ensure that at least they have the world’s most gigantic navy, and they will point 20-foot-long aircraft-carrier cannons at you if you ever mock their diminutive stature again.

A recent Pentagon report authored by Chad Sbragia alleges that the ChiComs now boast a naval fleet of 350 warships compared to America’s 293. At a recent public briefing, Sbragia (we won’t even pretend we can pronounce it) averred that those little yella bastids are also hiding the size of their nuclear arsenal:

    China’s near-complete lack of transparency over its nuclear forces raised legitimate questions over China’s intent as it fields larger and more capable nuclear forces. And this includes the near completion of what we consider to be a triad capacity, which would include those land-based kinds of capabilities.

Beware of short people, for they harbor such an insane hatred toward the normally heighted that they won’t stop until they’ve dragged everyone taller than them down to their level.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-104/

_The Week’s Creepiest, Weepiest, and Sleepiest Headlines_
*NEW TREND: DISTRICT ATTORNEYS WHO HATE THE LAW*
If, like us, you’ve been wondering why poor retarded blacks and rich  entitled whites have been looting and raping and burning and smashing  and punching and destroying things with impunity from Memorial Day to  Labor Day and beyond, wonder no more—it’s because many of the people  entrusted to prosecute them are on their side. Rather than viewing them  as criminals, they see them as Noble Agents of Change.
 It’s the same reason that police followed what would appear to be  illegal orders to “stand down” and let rioters run amok at Berkeley and  Charlottesville a few years ago—because the Powers That Be have a vested  interest in implementing a form of anarcho-tyranny  that allows the lowest of the low to smash skulls with no consequences,  while law-abiding taxpayers are afraid to even open their mouths for  fear of eternal social ostracism and possible imprisonment.
 The District Attorney of San Francisco—where people poop with impunity  on the streets—is a man of indeterminate sexuality named Chesa Boudin.  He is the son of Weather Underground Leaders and cop-killers Bill Ayers  and Bernardine Dorhn, who started out trying to destroy America through  violence and figured out it was easier to destroy it by acting like a  worm in an apple. Boudin has enacted rules that make it more difficult  to prosecute criminal suspects. Boudin is a former translator for  overweight Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez and is an eager suckling of  the milk that leaks from George Soros’s saggy, wrinkled teat.
 Soros has contributed funds to help elect progressive DAs such as Boudin in San Francisco, Kim Foxx in Chicago, and Larry Krasner in Philadelphia.

              In Portland, the never-ending riots have been enabled in large part  not only by the cowardice of Mayor Ted Wheeler, but by the local DA Mike  Schmidt, who has summarily dropped charges against hundreds of rioters who’ve been tearing out the city’s entrails since late May.
 In Contra Costa County, CA, a black female DA named Diana Becton has announced that she will consider rioters’ “needs” before pressing charges against them.
 The first thing a rioter needs is to stop rioting.
 Along with others, and with no evidence whatsoever, Becton has  claimed that the justice system is “constructed to control Black people  and people of color” and prevent them from reaching the full glorious  potential they exhibit in majority-black nations such as Haiti and the  Democratic Republic of the Congo.
 Bronx DA Darcel Clark—one  of a seeming endless conveyor belt of fat black women with dueling  racial and gender axes to grind—dropped charges against 300 or so  rioters who attempted to rip apart what was left of the Bronx during a  June rally.
 This will not end well. Then again, this seems to be their intention.

*NEE-GAH, PLEEZE!*
Were you aware that the Chinese equivalent of “um” sounds eerily familiar to The Worst Word in the English Language?
 USC Professor Greg Patton found this out the hard way while delivering an online lecture about “filler words” in other languages:
If you have a lot of ‘ums and errs’… based on your native language, like in China…it might be nee-gah, nee-gah, nee-gah.The Chinese equivalent of “um” is spelled “neige” but is prounced  “nee-gah,” which is close enough to The Word That Shall Never Be Spoken  that several easily bruised students in his class whined about being  forced to “endure the emotional exhaustion of carrying on with an  instructor that disregards cultural sensitivities” and having to deal  with an obviously white supremacist instructor who doesn’t care that  “Our mental health has been affected.”
 Something tells us your mental health was “affected” long before you walked into this poor white sap’s classroom.

              Patton desperately tried to explain that his intent was not to hurt any of the young nee-gahs’ feelings:
I have strived to best prepare students with real-world  examples to make the class come alive. I did not connect this in the  moment to any English words and certainly not any racial slur.However, the university took the students’ side:
Recently a faculty member during class used a Chinese  word that sounds similar to a vile racial slur in English.  Understandably, this caused great pain and upset among students. We  acknowledge the historical, cultural and harmful impact of racist  language and offer supportive measures to any student, faculty or staff  member who requests assistance.But one of the kids’ mothers stood athwart history and shouted “enough!”:
This is political wokeness gone mad. Professor Patton was  teaching students about Chinese business culture and how the expression  ‘nee-gah’ is often used as a pause in negotiations. It was nothing to  do with the N-word and there was no context for what he said to be  interpreted as racist. It is heartbreaking. A wonderful professor has  been suspended and put through this. It’s outrageous.Why can’t the students stop burning Starbucks and start burning their own schools?
*BOYZ N DA SPIT HOOD*
The latest unhinged black drug addict to die in police custody and  suddenly transform into an angel of social justice is one Daniel Prude,  who back in March was tossed off a train for acting unruly, then was  placed by police in the custody of a mental-health evaluator eight hours  before his brother called 911 to alert them that his PCP-addled bro was  running naked through the cold, dark streets of Rochester, NY.
 When police arrived at the scene, they say Prude kept spitting at  them and asking for their gun. They placed him in handcuffs and, since  he allegedly refused to stop spitting on them, they placed a “spit hood” on his head to contain his saliva.


Unfortunately, spit hoods apparently remind the dumb and  impressionable of lynching hoods and Klan hoods and every other kind of  hood except the kind that police use to protect themselves from  potentially fatal pathogens. Prude died about a week later in the  hospital. An autopsy concluded that his death was a homicide due to  “complications of asphyxia in the setting of physical restraint,”  listing “excited delirium” (which was also seen in the George Floyd  case) and “acute intoxication” with PCP (whereas it was fentanyl in  Floyd’s case.
 Prude’s brother Joe—of COURSE—called the death a “lynching”:
I placed a phone call for my brother to get help. Not for  my brother to get lynched. How did you see him and not directly say,  ‘The man is defenseless, buck naked on the ground. He’s cuffed up  already. Come on.’ How many more brothers gotta die for society to  understand that this needs to stop?Ashley Gantt,  another fat black angry woman who is an activist that apparently shuns  rigorous physical activity, criticized the police for not also having  degrees in psychiatry:
The police have shown us over and over again that they  are not equipped to handle individuals with mental health concerns.  These officers are trained to kill, and not to deescalate. These  officers are trained to ridicule, instead of supporting Mr. Daniel  Prude.Here’s a suggestion: Howzabout black dudes stop overdosing on hard  drugs and causing mayhem in the streets as a result? OK, scratch that—it  would actually save black lives.
*WHEN WOMEN GLUE THEIR OWN VAGINAS FOR REVENGE*
As we all know, we live under a patriarchy that espouses rape culture.  This sinister patriarchal cabal spreads fake news such as the idea that  women ever lie about rape. This has been scientifically debunked and  discredited, even though women lie about rape all the time.
 But let’s give a dago woman named Vanesa Gesto some credit for her  gusto. Not only did she falsely accuse an ex of kidnapping her, raping  her, and gluing her vagina shut with Krazy Glue—the daffy dame actually glued her own vagina shut to give her false accusation sturdier legs.
 The hapless ex-paramour, Ivan Rico, actually spent a few days in jail  before police reviewed Gesto’s allegations and concluded the scorned  hussy was lying. She claimed to have been abducted in a black car, but  CCTV footage revealed that the only vehicle on the road during the  entire timespan she claimed to have been abducted was a public bus. They  also unearthed footage of her buying the glue and a “kidnap kit” at a  Chinese supermarket.
 She has been sentenced to ten years in prison, which is plenty of  time to sharpen a pork-chop bone she smuggles from the chow hall and use  it to slowly unglue her lady bits.
 Her mind? That obviously became unglued years ago.
*EXERCISING YOUR FREE-SPEECH RIGHTS BY SHUTTING DOWN NEWSPAPERS*
Due to dimwitted and hyper-romanticized notions about direct action and  free speech and climate change and peaceful protest and  somethin’-somethin’, a handful of about 150 activists for the  global-environmentalist front group Extinction Rebellion were able to shut down the delivery of roughly 1.5 million newspapers  in England one night last week. They camped their pasty asses outside a  giant printing plant in Broxbourne, Hertfordshire that impacted the  delivery of English news giants such as the _Sun, Times, Sun on Sunday, Sunday Times, Daily Telegraph, Sunday Mail,_ and _Daily Mail._
 The protesters, who blocked all outgoing traffic from the print  plant, muttered somethin’-somethin’ about how the newspapers were the  ones actually inhibiting free speech because the British press was  apparently sold out to the Powers That Be regarding climate change.  Former Home Shadow Secretary Diane Abbott,  a black woman who is so aggressively ugly that showing her face to  people should be considered criminal assault, saw Extinction Rebellion’s  actions as heroic:
They’re not criminals, they’re protesters and activists  in the tradition of the suffragettes and the hunger marches of the  1930s.Extinction Rebellion spokes-$#@! Sarah Lunnon, whose political rage seems to be deeply informed by her unfortunate physiognomy, said:
Our media and our government are captured by vested  interests. They do not want to see change. Three companies alone own 87%  of the national newspaper market. These powerful vested interests are  the real organised criminals. They are the true threat to our democracy.  And it’s depressing – although no surprise – that so much of the  political and media elite has jumped to their defence, and jumped at the  opportunity to suppress people power and grassroots protest. We will  not allow them to criminalise the noble tradition of non-violent civil  disobedience.If these people really wanted to be rebels, they’d make themselves extinct.
*AH, LOOK AT ALL THE PRIVILEGED RIOTERS*
Wokeness is nothing more than a conspiracy between the extremely  powerful and the utterly powerless to destroy everything in between  them.
 This was illustrated with dramatic flair after the recent arrests of seven rioters,  none of whom appear to be remotely colored, who over three hours caused  an estimated $100,000 in property damage while claiming to represent  the “New Black Afrikan Panther Party” and the “Revolutionary  Abolitionist Movement.”
Clara Kraebber  is a wee ginger saplin’ of only 20 whose mother is a Manhattan  architect and whose father is a children’s psychiatrist. They own a  $1.8-million apartment in Manhattan as well as a sprawling historical  home in Connecticut that boasts four fireplaces.
Frank Fuhrmeister  of Stuyvesant Heights lives at a lavish palace in legendarily tony  Beacon Hill and is a freelance art director. He also has gigantic ears.
Claire Severine is a 27-year-old model who jet-sets around the world for photo shoots.
Elliot Rucka is the son of a famous and wealthy comic-book author from Portland.
Adi Sragovich is a student at the notoriously expensive Sarah Lawrence College.
Etkar Surette appears to be a tranny, a fantasy luxury typically denied to proletarians.
 An unnamed NYPD officer commented on the disconnect between the rioters’ real lives and their fantasy personas:
This is the height of hypocrisy. This girl should be the  poster child for white privilege, growing up on the Upper East Side and  another home in Connecticut. I wonder how her rich parents feel about  their daughter. How would they feel if they graffitied their townhouse?Apparently there’s only one way to find out—not that we’d ever encourage criminal behavior.

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## Swordsmyth

Why did the site filter filter the word t w a t?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-105/

Takimag

September 20, 2020

The Week’s Most Glamorous, Clamorous, and Amorous Headlines

*SPORTS FANS BOO OPPOSING TEAM, WHITE SUPREMACY GETS BLAMED*

If there are two categories in which black people outperform nearly everyone else on the planet, those would be sporting events and crime.

This is why it should come as no surprise that professional sports—which are filled to the gills with black athletes who probably would have been criminals if they hadn’t found a career in sports—have become a nonstop tedious megaphone for the sort of “social justice” doggerel that is statistically retarded and flies in the face of everything we know about black people and crime.

Ever since George Floyd died of a fentanyl overdose, what were once objective news outlets such as The Associated Press—or let’s just say that perhaps they were never truly objective, but at least they used to pretend they were—have decided to capitalize “Black” but not “white” and have tossed the entire legal process in the dustbin by assuming that George Floyd’s death was in any way related to “racial injustice and police brutality.”

So in the midst of recounting an event last week in which the World Champion Kansas City Chiefs and their half-black quarterback Patrick Mahomes hosted the Houston Texans, The Associated Press ignored the fact that the crowd booed only upon the appearance of the traveling team, which is what home crowds usually do, and instead blamed it on white supremacy and racial injustice.

The AP quoted Kansas City Councilman Eric Bunch, a white man who is apparently afflicted with a severe case of Passover Syndrome:

_Some NFL fans booing the players for standing and locking arms in a moment of silent unity proves that for them ‘standing for the flag’ was always about perpetuating white supremacy._

Again, just to clarify, there was a small smattering of boos that just so happened to coincide with the emergence of the opposing team from their locker room, but it should be obvious to anyone who’s been awake for the past decade that all one needs to do to pretend you’ve won an argument is to utter the lethal and disabling phrase “white supremacy.”

The AP also quoted George Fant, a black offensive tackle for the New York Jets:

_We just want to be treated equally. Everyone needs to be treated the same. Everyone needs to be held accountable. And for people to boo? It’s unbelievable._

If you really want to be treated equally, how about you start committing equal amounts of crime rather than selfishly hogging the majority of crime for yourself?

The AP also quotes Stacy Shaw, whom we knew was fat and black even before checking out her picture:

_ I was disappointed but not surprised because no matter how people are protesting systemic racism, people are going to disapprove of it. It doesn’t matter if they are kneeling, if they are locking arms, or whatever demonstration they have against racism, people are going to oppose it._

Nah, Miz Chubbs, people are going to boo the opposing team no matter what, and idiotic race-baiting opportunists such as yourself are going to blame “racism” no matter what. You’ve made life impossible to enjoy, and at this point we’d have no objection to chipping in and buying you all canoes with which you can paddle back to the Motherland.

*U. OF MICHIGAN SEGREGATES STUDENTS BETWEEN THOSE WITH AND WITHOUT COLOR*

If your true goal is to get everyone past this phantom demon of “racism,” the sensible thing would be to ensure that your every last word, breath, and thought doesn’t revolve entirely around race.

It would also seem to make sense that if your true goal was “diversity and inclusion,” you wouldn’t single out white people for scorn and shame.

Then again, that’s assuming the goal is to make sense.

The University of Michigan-Dearborn, which is located in a town that where more than two out of every five residents is of Arab ancestry but is listed as “white” in Census forms, recently sponsored dueling events in which white and nonwhite students were segregated according to race.

It’s also noteworthy that white people were described in terms of what they lacked—they were classified as “Non-POC” (People of Color), whereas the colored people were identified as “BIPOC” (Black, Indigenous, and People Of Color). Each group was instructed to stay within the bounds of a digital “Café” reserved strictly for their race. And for the Non-POCs, the reason they were being corralled together was apparently to figure out how they can stop being so problematic to colored people. According to an official statement by the university:

_The “cafes” were virtual open conversations developed to allow students the opportunity to connect to process current events, share their experiences related to race, share knowledge and resources and brainstorm solutions. The original intent was to provide students from marginalized communities a space that allowed for them to exist freely without having to normalize their lives and experiences, while also providing students that do not identify as persons of color the opportunity to deepen their understanding of race and racism without harming or relying on students of color to educate them._

How about non-POCs start boycotting a university system that lynches them with a guilt complex before they so much as crack open a textbook?

*TRANSSEXUAL SATANIST ANARCHIST GETS REPUBLICAN COUNTY SHERIFF NOD*

Some guy who pretends he’s a chick and calls himself Aria DiMezzo—which we’re certain is not the name his mama and papa gave him—recently snagged the Republican nomination for sheriff of Cheshire County, New Hampshire, despite being a self-described “Transsexual Satanist anarchist” whose entire platform was “$#@! the police.”

DiMezzo says it was all stunt to prove that democracy is dumb and that people have no idea whom they’re voting for:

_ You feel betrayed. You may even be wondering how the party that you so believed in could do something like this. But, odds are, you’re blaming me….More than 4,000 people went into the voting booth on September 8 this week, and they all filled in the circle by my name despite knowing absolutely nothing about the person they were nominating to the most powerful law enforcement position in the county….The system that let you down by allowing me–the freaking transsexual Satanist anarchist–be your sheriff candidate is the same system I’m attacking. I’m sorry, and I know it hurts to hear, but that system is a lie. What of Donald Trump, a Democrat who won the Republican nomination for President for exactly the same reasons I just won the Republican nomination for Cheshire County Sheriff? It’s all a lie. It’s all broken._

We agree that it’s all broken. But so are you, Toots.

*TRUMP CAMPAIGN ASKS US TO SUPPORT THE RUSSIAN TROOPS*

The Trump Make America Great Again Committee is an arm of the RNC and the Trump campaign. It is designed to ensure he gets reelected and continues breaking all of his original promises for another four years.

It recently queefed out a political ad for Trump beseeching everyone to “support our troops.” The problem is that the ad used a stock photo that actually shows Russian MiG-29 fighter planes and “Russian models dressed as soldiers,” at least one of whom was hoisting an AK-74 rifle.

*TRUMP CONTINUES TO DO ISRAEL’S BIDDING*

Donald Trump is clearly the most inept Nazi who ever lived.

Hitler would be rolling in his grave if he ever became aware of how his obvious successor seems to suck up to Israeli interests at every turn.

For example, he recently engineered some accord between Israel and the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain in which the latter two countries agreed to formally recognize Israel’s existence. Trump also noted that the accord was an attempt to strong-arm the Palestinians into caving and accepting whatever crumbs the Israelis are willing to toss at them because “the Palestinians are very difficult to deal with.”

Last Tuesday he also presented Benjamin Netanyahu with a golden “key to the White House,” which came as a surprise to us, seeing as how we were under the impression that Netanyahu already owns the White House.

*FBI REPORT: MURDER AND ARSON UP, OTHER VIOLENT CRIME DOWN*

According to stats released by the FBI last Tuesday, during the first half of 2020 the national murder rate increased almost 15% and arson went up 19%. However, violent crime overall dipped by four-tenths of one percent, while rape went down an astonishing 18%, and we only say “astonishing” due to the fact that race rioters tend to be statistically accomplished at rape.

Why murder and arson went up while other violent crime went down is anyone’s guess, so we’ll guess that in a climate that effectively preaches it’s OK to murder anyone who doesn’t slavishly chant “Black Lives Matter,” what ordinarily would have been petty criminals have decided to ditch the small-time stuff and keep their eyes on the prize.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-106/

Takimag

September 27, 2020

The Week’s Sassiest, Brassiest, and Gassiest Headlines

*ALYSSA “DEFUND THE POLICE” MILANO CALLS 911 ON SQUIRREL-SHOOTING DOMESTIC TERRORIST*

Formerly sexy actress Alyssa Milano is best known for her groundbreaking 1988 workout video “Teen Steam” that features people of different races stretching and sweating together without any noticeable outbreaks of violence.

Since she now enjoys a net worth of around $10 million and lives in a 8,000-square-foot house in a gated community, she openly identifies with the poor and oppressed like any other Hollywood dimwit plagued with wealth guilt. In July, she tweeted her support for an LA County bill that would cut police funding by 90%. In August, she burped out a simple “#DefundThePolice.”

Recently, alarmed at the sound of gunfire near her lavish crow’s nest, she dialed 911 in panic, resulting in “seven Ventura County Sheriffs’ vehicles, one K-9 unit, a police helicopter and one Los Angeles Fire Department team that sat down the street on standby” infesting her tony neighborhood.

According to a local resident, “It turned out it was a neighborhood teen with an air gun shooting at squirrels.” After being informed that his squirrelly endeavors caused havoc in the neighborhood, the rodent-poaching juvenile delinquent turned himself into the police that Milano seeks to defund. Since at press time, we have received no reports that the police murdered the teen, we will assume he is not black.

Another resident noted that Milano is a big poopy-faced hypocrite:

_She can tweet those things because at the end of the day she lives behind gates in a gated community. She knows the police will come to save her. But what about all those people who don’t have that luxury and live in unsafe neighborhoods? She obviously doesn’t care. She uses her platform in hypocritical ways. Why not send your husband into the yard to find out what is actually going on before you call the police? I would guesstimate the response today from law enforcement cost taxpayers thousands of dollars._

You heard it here first: Sometimes Hollywood stars say one thing and then do another.

*LOUISVILLE BURNING*

Breonna Taylor was a black woman in Louisville, KY whose boyfriend shot at cops while they were in the process of legally serving a warrant. Even though the cops reportedly knocked and announced they were cops, we are led to believe that the only reason they showed up at her apartment was to shoot a black woman to death, resulting in months of riots and the eventual complete obliteration of Louisville as a functional municipality.

If you’ve been paying attention, in every last freaking one of these high-profile cases where a black person gets shot and killed by cops, there was some level of resisting arrest involved. In Taylor’s case, she was the unfortunate victim of a shooting that occurred when her paramour made the dumb decision to start shooting at cops.

After months of delays, public pressure finally forced Louisville to convene a grand jury to determine if the police had broken any laws. Last week, they decided that only one of the three cops who fired bullets that night had committed a crime—his recklessness had endangered residents in adjoining apartments.

Naturally, Twitter erupted with the predictably counterfactual cries of “IT’S LEGAL IN AMERIKKKA FOR COPS TO MURDER BLACK WOMEN WITH IMPUNITY” and suchlike. By this point, you should have realized that facts have never mattered to these idiots, because if they did, they would have been far more successful in life than their global record of constant failure would indicate.

Two police officers were shot during the first night of peaceful protests. At least 160 people were arrested, including the only black woman on Kentucky’s state legislature. Some will see this as proof of endemic racism in Kentucky. 

Others—the smart ones—will see it as proof that black politicians are more likely to riot than others.

Twitter, which has an odd concept of what constitutes incitement to violence—allowed the phrase “Burn Louisville” to trend without banning anyone. Outright calls for arson and decapitation even slipped past their censors:

_Burn it to the $#@!ing ground and put Daniel Cameron’s head on a pike at the highest point of the ashes. #JusticeForBreonnaTaylor_

How rude!

Then again, the guy who posted that looks like this, just as you knew he would. Of COURSE he’s an obese, bearded, white guy who dresses up as a woman.

*TWITTER’S RACIST ALGORITHM CROPS BLACKS OUT OF PHOTOS*

The problem with robots, just as with white people, is that they are both racist and sexist. A 2016 AI bot that Microsoft christened “Tay” rapidly turned into a Jew-hating Nazi, and in 2018 Google was forced to forbid any pictures from being labeled as a chimpanzee or a monkey because its racist algorithms equated these beasts to black people.

Twitter, since it is a white-supremacist company operating in a white-supremacist country under a white-supremacist form of capitalism, recently caught heat when it emerged that an image-cropping algorithm on the site routinely cropped black people out of pictures. It repeatedly cropped Barack Obama out of a picture with Mitch McConnell. It even cropped black Labradors out of pictures with golden Labs.

No one ever said that robots aren’t smart.

*GINSBURG DIES, DEMS ISSUE THREATS*

Wheezing judicial yenta Ruth Bader Ginsburg recently passed into the great beyond after enduring the longest recorded death in world history, and it seems as if the entire progressive world $#@! themselves in unison.

When Ginsburg finally died, they didn’t sadistically celebrate like they did four years ago when Antonin Scalia passed away; instead they sadistically threatened to shut down the government and pack the Supreme Court with judges who believe the Constitution gives you the right to get white people fired from their jobs for refusing to be white.

Former US Attorney General Eric Holder, a former Black Panther under whose reign the FBI ceased to break down the race of criminal perpetrators and victims for obvious reasons, supported packing the court with judges who think it’s a good idea to let former Black Panthers become the country’s chief prosecutor:

_You know what the reality is, if Merrick Garland had been confirmed, as he should have been, there would have been a progressive majority for the past three years. So I think that if, if in fact [the Republicans] are successful in placing a justice on the court, I think that what Democrats have to do — assuming Biden is president and there is a Senate majority for the Democrats — we need [to] think about court reform. And at a minimum, as part of that reform package, I think additional justices need to be placed on the Supreme Court._

If anyone knows of any losers in world history who have lost with less grace than Democrats from 2016 onward, please email the editors.

*D.O.J. LISTS THREE CITIES AS “ANARCHIST JURISDICTIONS” FOR ALLOWING UNFETTERED RIOTING*

After nearly four months of doing next to nothing about the rioting that is forever destroying the nation’s cities, Trump’s DOJ finally designated three cities—New York, Seattle, and Portland—as “anarchist jurisdictions” for their failure to curb the nonstop retarded looting and smashing and burning.

According to Attorney General William Barr:

_We cannot allow federal tax dollars to be wasted when the safety of the citizenry hangs in the balance. It is my hope that the cities identified by the Department of Justice today will reverse course and become serious about performing the basic function of government and start protecting their own citizens._

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who’s a douche but not nearly as douchey as his brother Chris, threatened to disobey the US government and then sue it:

_I understand the politics, but when you try to manipulate and distort government agencies to play politics, which is what the Trump administration has done from day one…this is more of the same. The president can’t supersede the law and say I’m going to make those funds basically discretionary funds, which is what he would have to do. If they actually do this, we will challenge it legally, and they will lose once again._

Perhaps New York’s first mistake was permitting Italians to enter.

*GUN-TOTING BLACK MEN BOAST ABOUT SCARING COPS*

Remember that thing called “gun control”? Have you noticed that everyone stopped talking about it, like, late in May for some reason?

Yahoo! News is another outlet that relentlessly pushed gun control until their editors got sexually excited at the sight of black men hoisting guns and aiming them at white people. They recently shat out a glowing tribute to some all-black militia in Minnesota called the “Freedom Fighters” who are battling for “racial justice,” whatever the hell THAT means. Pretty sure at this point, it means, “more dead whites.”

Without asking a single follow-up question, they quote a sourpussed woman named Leslie Redmond, president of the Minneapolis National Assn. for the Advancement of Colored People, who said that most of the wreckage in Minneapolis after George Floyd croaked was caused by “white supremacists”:

_These brothers were there in the beginning, when threats were being made by white supremacists. There is no doubt they stepped up for the community._

They also quote a Rev. Tim Christopher, who says that cops are afraid of black men with guns:

_It’s been a breath of fresh air. Seeing an armed Black [sic] man — knowing he is here to take care of the community, nurture the community — is a blessing. At that point, my hands are on the steering wheel and I say, ‘Yes, officer, I have a firearm and it’s legal.’ They always back up and place a hand on their gun.… There is a stigma, and they’re scared of Black [sic] men with guns._

What an absurd fear! Black men, who comprise only six percent of the population, routinely commit only a wee bit over half the murders in the USA. 

Why would anyone be afraid of them?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-107/

Takimag

October 04, 2020

The Week’s Most Cloying, Annoying, and Soul-Destroying Headlines

*BEELZEBUB HONORS RBG*

If you were a fiction writer trying to come up with a name for a diabolically evil female character, you couldn’t do better than “Satana Deberry.” Indeed, such a name might be attacked by critics as too “on the nose.” I mean, why not just go with Lucyfer Gravedig? But sadly for us all, Satana Deberry isn’t fictional. She’s the real-life newly elected “progressive” Soros-backed DA of Durham, N.C.

And she’s a demon on a mission…to release as many convicted murderers as (in)humanly possible.

Recently, the Princess of Darkness participated in a memorial service for the Cadaverous RBG at Duke Law School’s newly rechristened Wilson Center for Science and Justice (disclaimer: The center deals with neither science nor justice). Opened in 2019, last week the mecca to freeing the guilty was renamed after the family that funded it (the same Wilsons who gave the world the perennially bankrupt Euro Disney). Although the rechristening was planned months in advance, organizers quickly rebranded the ceremony as a memorial to the recently skeletized justice.

Satana spoke at length about how the Wilson Center will prove invaluable to her mission, which she described as running the DA’s office “with truth, fairness, and equity” (ironically, she didn’t mention science and justice). Satana’s Mephistophelian work of late has included securing the release of Gregory Lee, a gentleman of color sentenced to life in 2006 for murdering his 89-year-old white neighbor Lois Cannady during the attempted theft of her Ford Crown Victoria. Satana decided that the time Lee’s already spent in prison is good enough, so she let him go (“life” just don’t mean what it used to).

When Cannady’s family dared to complain, Satana told them that Lee would still have to “live with the responsibility he bears for her death,” and that’s punishment enough.

So in Durham the penalty for cold-blooded murder has been reduced to “sitting in a corner and thinking about what you’ve done.” Hopefully, Lee will dedicate his next old-lady murder to RBG.

Hail Satana!

*LATIN AMERICA ABANDONS KETO*

Today’s young leftists are never more retro than when they speak of the poor. Privileged poverty cosplayers like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are obsessed with fictional images of impoverished people “stealing bread” to feed their families. In the minds of these liberal-arts-educated cretins, it’s still the 19th century. The rich are “hoarders”—cattle barons and gold misers who maintain their wealth by sitting on stolen resources—while the poor survive on gruel and stale bread…inner-city Jean Valjeans in designer sneakers, too busy brawling in fast-food establishments to avail themselves of the $2 menu.

Back in the 1980s, Jackson Browne took time out from snorting coke to record a song in which he lamented a world in which People die for the little things/A little corn, a little beans (he obviously never sobered up long enough to realize that doesn’t rhyme). That’s how the left views poverty in the modern world: simple folks struggling for bread, corn, and beans. And that’s apparently Latin America’s current state of affairs, thanks to COVID clampdowns. As reported by Bloomberg:

_    The pandemic has exposed just how fragile economic status is worldwide. In many ways, nowhere has that been more apparent than in Latin America, where a resurgence of poverty is bringing a vicious wave of hunger in a region that was supposed to have mostly eradicated that kind of malnutrition decades ago._

Bloomberg interviewed a Guatemalan named Alonso who lamented that his one meal a day consists of “maybe a tortilla with salt; maybe a tortilla with beans; maybe a bowl of rice and beans.”

_“We used to eat meat. Now, there’s no meat. We used to eat chicken. Now, there’s no chicken. We used to drink milk. Now, there’s no milk.” Even bread, he said, is off the menu._

The United Nations’ World Food Programme estimates a heavy death toll from the pandemic famine, which, Bloomberg is quick to point out, has nothing to do with the region’s ability to produce food. Rather, the primary cause is the economic devastation brought about not by COVID deaths, but by shutdowns…exactly what the American left wanted more of here! In fact, in early August, when Michael Osterholm of the University of Minnesota and Neel Kashkari of the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis were doing the talk-show rounds arguing for an inflexible, merciless six-week nationwide shutdown, they lamented that Trump had not been strict enough in shuttering the food production economy.

What a shame that Trump was so concerned with preventing famine. Had he listened to “the experts,” you could be dining tonight on tortilla with salt, instead of a boring, stupid old steak.

*LEFTISTS CHEER AS EL PRESIDENTE BANS FAKE NEWS*

And while we’re in Central America…

Back in the 1980s, Nicaragua was one of those irrelevant $#@!hole countries that the U.S. and USSR turned into the unlikely center of the universe, like two Goliaths playing hacky sack with a doggy poo bag as if the fate of the world depended on the outcome. Now that Nicaragua has rightfully regained its status as a place nobody cares about, longtime Marxist strongman Daniel Ortega, looking these days like a cross between Edward James Olmos and an overripe sapodilla, has decided to crack down on the “fake news” that threatens his authoritarian rule.

And wouldn’t you know it? American leftists are thrilled!

Ortega has advanced a bill that “would make spreading fake news on social media punishable by up to four years in prison,” a penalty meted out to anyone accused of “the publication or dissemination of false or distorted information likely to spread anxiety, anguish or fear.”

About time, said Ben Norton of Max Blumenthal’s The Grayzone: “Right wing saboteurs,” Norton fumed, have been “spreading mountains of fake news, printing demonstrably false information in hopes of stirring up a frenzy among the population.” The U.S. government and the “international corporate media” have “weaponized” fake news to topple poor little Ortega, whose only crime has been genociding some Injuns, murdering anti-government protesters, and covering up his nation’s COVID deaths by silencing and imprisoning medical professionals.

So thank God someone’s finally going to put a stop to all that fake news.

University of Westminster Senior Lecturer in Media and Communications Doug Specht agrees that Nicaraguan fake news must be dealt with, and swiftly, writing, “In a place like Nicaragua, where a highly complex and political situation is underpinned by layers upon layers of history, colonialism, imperialism and solidarity,” the “skepticism” created in the public mind by “fake news” means there will “be no justice.”

Specht claims that the fake-news threat is compounded by “Trumpian rhetoric railing against fake news.”

So, if you’re attempting to keep score, it’s *bad* when Donald Trump calls out fake news, because he’s a dictator and fake news doesn’t exist, except fake news *does* exist when an actual dictator calls it out, and in that case fake news *needs* to be banned because it prevents justice, but when Donald Trump calls out fake news, it’s the *criticism* of fake news that must be banned.

And if that makes sense to you, here’s a link to apply for a job at The Grayzone.

*VITAL REPORTING ON THE DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS OF VITAL REPORTING*

CNN contributor Nina Schick was on the road last week promoting her new book Deepfakes: The Coming Infocalypse. And the book is indeed apocalyptic. Schick predicts that “deepfake technology” will essentially corrupt reality as we think we know it. In Schick’s deepfake future, discerning what’s real from what’s fake will be downright impossible:

_We are increasingly facing a future where media and content production is going to be made by AI. Some experts who I interviewed for my book said that within five to seven years’ time 90% of video content online is going to be synthetic._

Ninety percent of online videos? Really? So, in five to seven years, people will be deepfaking clips of cats pushing things off shelves and dogs farting themselves awake?

Schick is unshakable in her belief that deepfakes will soon be taking over: “We are increasingly facing a future where media and content production is going to be made by AI.”

Sounds pretty bad. Ninety percent of all media content will be AI deepfakes. And believe it or not, it gets worse! Because at the same time that Nina Schick is warning the world that all future online videos will be deepfakes, Nina Schick is also warning the world that in the future people will dismiss undoctored online videos as deepfakes because they’ve been led to believe that 90% of all online videos are deepfakes.

The fear of deepfakes “risks invalidating all documented evidence of wrongdoing. In a world where anything can be faked, everything can also be dismissed as fake,” Schick wrote in the Daily Beast:

_This could have calamitous consequences. Human-rights abuses captured on film will simply be dismissed as deepfakes. Imagine how China will respond in the future when footage of its documented human-rights abuses of the minority-Muslim Uighur population leaks? What will the Communist Party of China say when all visual media can be dismissed as fake?_

So basically, the person making the rather dubious claim that within five to seven years all online media will be deepfakes is pointing out that paranoia about all online media being deepfakes will have “calamitous consequences.”

If only there were something the Nina Schick who warns of calamitous deepfake paranoia could do to stop the Nina Schick who is spreading calamitous deepfake paranoia.

*GAUCHO MARX IN “A DAY AT THE RACISMS”*

Saddleback Community College in Mission Viejo, Calif., is short on bragging rights. A minor school in a minor city, the college’s only notable graduates are 1984 Playboy Playmate of the Year Barbara Edwards and Kevin Fagan, creator of Drabble. That’s the comic strip drawn by the guy who can’t draw. Needless to say, at a school like Saddleback, morale is hard to come by. All the more reason that generations of Saddleback students have looked to the school’s mascot for inspiration: the Gaucho, an Argentinean horse-ridin’ cowboy caricature that effortlessly conveys the message “Your poor grades and impoverished parents have landed you here, loser.”

In 2018, Saddleback administrators decided to phase out the mascot, because apparently a horseback Argentinean is racist for some reason. But last week, school president Elliot Stern informed his staff that, due to pressure from students and community members who want the mascot to remain, the school was going to have to hold public talks on the matter.

Leave it to fascist students and community members to subvert democracy by preventing the president’s unilateral action.

Now that the anti-Gaucho forces have been strong-armed into, you know, making a case, they’ve created the “Retire the Gaucho” website to explain why the mascot must go.

The site, administered by unnamed faculty members and sporting a banner headline by everyone’s favorite race-baiting grant machine Ibram X. Kendi, lists the “Five Reasons Why the Gaucho Mascot Should Be Retired.”

And they’re not at all insane or contradictory.

Reason #1: The Gaucho is a racial stereotype of brown people.
Reason #2: The stereotype may be positive, but that makes it worse, because positive stereotypes of nonwhites hurt more than negative ones.
Reason #3: Argentinean gauchos don’t like being drawn as caricatures. We know this because they told us (just take our word for that, okay?).
Reason #4: Gauchos are white, so having a white mascot is discrimination against brown people.
Reason #5: The Gaucho is a man, and having a male mascot “reinforces the idea that other genders are inherently inferior.”

Remember, this site is run by Saddleback faculty, including teachers. Area residents should be grateful for what is essentially a free online advertisement for why they should enroll their children somewhere else.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-108/

The Week’s Most Eclectic, Anorectic, and Apoplectic Headlines

THE STUNNING AND BRAVE STATELY ***** OF TWITTER
Back when The Simpsons was still relevant (and funny), there was an episode in which the Springfield gay-pride parade marches past the Simpson home. Two of the marchers raise their fists in defiance and declare, “We’re here! We’re *****! Get used to it!” To which Lisa replies, “You do this every year! We are used to it!”

“Spoilsport,” one of the gayboys dejectedly whines.

That episode was from 2002. Which means that nearly twenty years ago it was safe and relatable to joke—on network TV, no less—about how acceptance of gay men had become so widespread and mainstream, *****s who still saw themselves as edgy “rebels” were laughably oblivious morons. And this was before gay marriage was nationally legalized. And before there were gay Disney characters. And before Christians were prosecuted for not making gay wedding cakes. And before Chick-fil-A bowed to pressure and renounced its principles.

In other words, if being a gay man wasn’t “edgy” in 2002, it sure ain’t edgy now. These days, gay men are practically Norman Rockwellesque compared to the Pan(sexual)dora’s Box that’s been opened by “trans” ideology. Hell, compared to the tranny grotesqueries that haunt the administrations of Democrat mayors and governors nationwide, a gay man would be a welcome slice of normal pie.

Funny enough, though, as gays have won victory after victory in their crusade to mainstream their lifestyle, many have simultaneously refused to accept their newfound “establishment” status. Last week, mummified spaceship fairy George Takei, who is only slightly younger than Minatogawa Man, decided it would be a “devastating” prank to “mess up” the “right-wing Proud Boys” by appropriating the name as a gay meme:

    I wonder if the BTS and TikTok kids can help LGBTs with this. What if gay guys took pictures of themselves making out with each other or doing very gay things, then tagged themselves with #ProudBoys. I bet it would mess them up real bad.

Within minutes, antique-shop patrons across the land inundated Twitter with gay photos, hashtagged #ProudBoys.

Oddly, nobody on the right was “messed up real bad.” Maybe it has something to do with the fact that arguably the biggest hero on the right at the moment is Richard Grenell, an openly gay man (the first ever to serve at the cabinet level in a presidential administration…damn that bigot Trump!). Not that this matters to Takei (who’s so fond of living in the past, he goes to bed in his Tule Lake internment PJs), or any of the other gay leftists who still can’t come to terms with the fact that the normalcy-upending freight train they set in motion decades ago has passed them by to such an extent, they’re now about as edgy as a book of dad jokes.

ANOTHER POSTHUMOUS DEMOCRAT VOTER
Boo, braaaah! Just in time for Halloween comes the bone-chillingest video of the season. In a year in which the word “cringe” has been so overused as to lose all meaning, get ready for the reanimated dead teenage gun control skater dude.

Joaquin Oliver was 17 years old when he was killed during the 2018 Stoneman Douglas High School mass shooting in Florida. And last week his parents, Manuel and Patricia, “resurrected” him as a deepfake ghost to lecture the rest of us on why we have to, like, vote, bro, for candidates who “care more about people’s lives than the gun lobby’s money.”

“We found a way to bring back someone that no one will ignore,” Joaquin’s dad somberly intones in the introduction to the video, as brooding, John Carpenter-ish mood music accentuates the spooky vibe. And, indeed, it is hard to ignore what has to be the creepiest campaign video since Michael Dukakis rode a tank.

Wearing a hoodie, beanie, and earbud, and standing in a skate park, revenant Joaquin begins his plea to voters by exclaiming, “Yo, it’s me, it’s Guac,” as he stretches his arms as if to say “You all know me, right?”

“People are still gettin’ killed by guns, bro…what is that?” asks Ghost Dude, before barking at the viewers, “Replace my vote, bro!”

“Vote for people not getting shot, bro,” exclaims Skater Wraith as his CGI arms flail about, hip-hop-style. In a perfect world, at this point Zombie Reagan would enter the frame to calmly explain that the candidates who are for “not getting shot” are the ones running on a law-and-order platform who support the right of citizens to arm themselves against mass shooters.

But sadly, this is one postmortem casting call Reagan missed.

The efficacy of this deeply disturbing spot is yet to be known, but somebody should tell the Olivers that Democrats have worked very hard to make it possible for their dead son to vote, like, literally, bro, via mail-in ballot.

No AI required.

SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR FREE KLAN LUNCH
A few days ago, everyone’s favorite brainless Boricua Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted yet another pot-induced hallucination:

    Did you know: If you or anyone you know ever benefited from free & reduced school lunch, you’ve likely benefited from the work and legacy of the Black Panthers? When local & federal governments refused to feed hungry communities, (especially hungry Black communities), the Black Panthers established the People’s Free Food Program to feed children before school. They consulted nutritionists and marshaled resources for community care. It was so popular that communities started to feel that in key areas like child hunger, the Panthers were caring for their children better than the government was.

Sadly, Vox’s resident stopped clock Matthew Yglesias pissed on AOC’s plantains by pointing out a most inconvenient fact:

    Not only is it untrue that free & reduced price school lunch was inspired by the Black Panthers, the actual leader on the legislation was Richard Russell a really awful segregationist.

Matty’s right. The 1946 National School Lunch Act, signed by President Truman, was the brainchild of Senator Richard B. Russell (former governor of Georgia), arguably the most vocal and uncompromising segregationist and anti-civil-rights Democrat in Congress at the time. The dude was the literal architect of the Southern Manifesto. Yet according to historian James Thomas Gay of the Franklin College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Georgia, Russell worked tirelessly to ensure that black children received equal benefits under the program (Russell was also responsible for the massive expansion of food stamps).

Funny enough, opposition to the School Lunch Act came from Congressman Charles Jasper Bell, another Democrat, who argued that poor kids shouldn’t accept handouts from the “White Father in Washington.”

In trying to spread “racial justice” pseudohistory, AOC ended up making the worst point a leftist could possibly make in these times: An unreconstructed Southern racist cared more for black kids than most “enlightened” Northerners.

AOC needs to be true to her party’s current mania: School lunch programs must be scrapped because they were founded by a racist. And nothing good has ever been founded by racists, right?

So toss those lunches in the trash, black kids. Ditch the “white father” and show up at AOC’s front door. If you can get past the armed security, surely she’ll be happy to feed you herself.

CARAVAN OF NO COMPRENDE
The first odd thing one might notice about the newest caravan of penniless starving oppressed Honduran “refugees” trekking their way to the U.S. border is that it was organized via WhatsApp. WhatsApp requires a computer or cellphone with internet access. The roughly 4,000 brown folks who’ve embarked on the arduous journey to get free stuff in America claim they can’t afford even the most basic subsistence foods.

But apparently they all have iPhones and wireless plans with crazy good roaming.

“We’re dying of hunger and are just looking for a country that can offer us life with dignity,” caravan leader Ariel told the L.A. Times. Then he went back to playing Fortnite.

The next odd thing is that caravan members have chosen this month to make their journey because prior to Oct. 1, the borders of their country were sealed to stave off COVID, an action the Times admits “may have spared Honduras from a mass outbreak.” So these “refugees,” COVID-free because their leaders kept the borders unbreached, are breaching borders in Guatemala and Mexico in order to breach borders in the U.S.

“Our sealed borders saved our lives! Now let us demolish yours!”

The third odd thing is that caravan members told the Times that their desperate state is due in large part to the COVID-inspired “business closures and lockdowns” in their native land. Yet they’re counting on U.S. Democrats to let them in and give them better lives…even as those same Democrats push for exactly the “business closures and lockdowns” that supposedly drove them out of Honduras.

And the final odd aspect of the newest migrant caravan is the fact that after Guatemalan forces disbanded it a few days ago to prevent the spread of COVID, sending 3,384 of the 4,000 wretched huddlers punta-ing back to Honduras, North American human rights organizations complained that no COVID health regs should ever prevent people from living “a dignified life.”

Odd indeed that those “human rights advocates” don’t seem concerned with that “right to a dignified life” thing when it comes to Americans arrested for holding religious services, mourners unable to comfort each other at funerals, and restaurant patrons forced to keep their masks on between bites.

SAVING HALLOWEEN FROM WHITE PEOPLE
Pinterest is the bizarrely popular site where bored housewives and “mommy bloggers” obsessively collect recipes, craft ideas, decorating tips, and other outlets for killing time while whittling the day away on Merlot and Ativan.

Pinterest users are 71% female and 79% white. It’s the latter figure that’s created tension at Pinterest HQ as Halloween approaches. After all, with that many white users, what are the odds that a few of them might pin “racially insensitive” costume ideas? And while in normal years that would be but a minor irritation, in 2020, one “racist” mask could theoretically lead to an entire city being burned to the ground.

The topic of racially insensitive masks is an especially personal one to billionaire Pinterest CEO Ben Silbermann, whose malformed half-Chinese half-Jewish visage is a vulgar insult to both peoples.

So this year Pinterest execs have alerted users that any attempts to search or pin culturally inappropriate costumes will be banned:

    Costumes are consistently a top-searched term, but many people may not know that certain costumes are appropriations of other cultures. As a platform for positivity, we want to make it easy to find culturally-appropriate Halloween ideas, and bring awareness to the fact that costumes should not be opportunities to turn a person’s identity into a stereotyped image. Cultures aren’t costumes. Halloween should be a time for inspiration—not a time for insensitivity.

    Starting this year, certain searches—like for “Day of the Dead costumes”—will show a Pin at the top of results with information curated by Pinterest employee group PIndigenous and experts like Dr. Adrienne Keene on how to celebrate thoughtfully and respectfully. Additionally, we’re limiting recommendations for costumes that appropriate cultures.

Additionally, the site has “prohibited advertisements with culturally inappropriate costumes,” and admins have “made it possible for Pinners to report culturally-insensitive content right from Pins.”

To avoid being “reported” on Pinterest, white users are advised to forgo Halloween masks altogether, and go back to that old standby, that most rudimentary of old-timey costumes, the ghost. Arguably the only Halloween character that’s allowed to be white.

Plus, it’s inexpensive. Just throw a white sheet over your head. No way that will be seen as racially insensitive by anyone.

RACIST RACER, EMOJI MISCEGENATOR
Of course, it’s not just masks that are unsafe in the hands of whites; emojis are a problem too. Last week, junior world champion American cyclist Quinn Simmons was suspended indefinitely by his team for the crime of using an emoji that didn’t match his skin color. It started when Dutch cycling journalist José Been, who is white, tweeted that Donald Trump is a “vile, horrible man.” She then told her followers, “if you follow me and support Trump, you can go.”

To which Simmons, a vocal Trump supporter who is also white, replied simply “Bye,” accompanied by a “waving hand” emoji.

Unfortunately, Simmons chose the brown hand emoji which, racing officials discovered, is several shades darker than his own skin.

So he was suspended.

The advocacy group “Diversity in Cycling” applauded Simmons’ punishment, claiming that when a white person clicks on a nonwhite emoji, “it’s a form of blackface—a means of racist oppression used by extremist groups.”

It’s unclear why sites like Twitter make any emojis available if clicking the wrong one can cause “racist oppression.” Surely federal legislation is needed to deal with such a horrendous problem.

Simmons’ team, Trek-Segafredo, released a statement explaining that Simmons “was not suspended because of his political views.” Because that would be nuts, right? Un-American. Fascist, even. No, he was suspended because he clicked on an emoji that doesn’t perfectly mirror his skin tone.

Because that’s an absolutely sane reason to destroy someone’s career.

A team spokesman told the media that 19-year-old Simmons won’t be blackballed for life. He’ll be allowed to race again in the future “if he can use this opportunity to grow as a person and make a positive contribution for a better future for cycling. We remain committed to helping Quinn as much as we can.’’

It can be argued that if anybody on team Trek-Segafredo needs professional help, it’s not Quinn Simmons.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-109/

The Week’s Most Inharmonic, Histrionic, and Cacophonic Headlines

JEWISH SOAP OPERA
Arguably, somewhere in the world there might exist a worse human being than Sacha Baron Cohen…but it’s doubtful. This is a guy who’s made millions of dollars by pushing his free-speech rights to the limit and beyond, indulging in racial humor and profiting from the surreptitious recording of duped bystanders, only to reveal himself—when speaking of anyone but himself—as a vocal supporter of anti-speech laws and online censorship.

Cohen believes that while he has the right to profit from racially offensive humor, no one else does, and he’s said as much in talks before pro-censorship orgs like the ADL. More recently, Baron’s been on a bender against Facebook for continuing to allow “Holocaust denial” material to be posted on the site, a policy that was reversed last week by Facebook CEO and Bond villain Mark Zuckerberg (in part because of Cohen’s tireless hectoring, according to the ADL).

So it was extraordinarily satisfying to see Cohen’s new “Borat” film become embroiled in a Holocaust imbroglio of its own a mere week from its release date. Cohen is being sued by the estate of Judith Dim Evans, a Holocaust survivor who was interviewed for Cohen’s film before passing on to the big selection ramp in the sky. Evans’ family claims the survivor was cruelly duped by Cohen, who failed to inform his mark that the interview was “a comedy intended to mock the Holocaust and Jewish culture.” This has put Cohen in the unique and (unlike his films) hilarious position of claiming that a Holocaust survivor lied!

Cohen’s spokesperson told Deadline that Evans “was clued in on the gag after it was shot and there is footage of it” (funny enough, not the first time photographic evidence has called a survivor’s claim into question). The spokesperson even listed a whole bunch of favors the production did for Evans and her family, as thanks for their assistance with the film.

And since every good joke needs a punchline, here it is: On her website, which Cohen claims he set up as thanks for Evans’ help, Evans states that during the war she bathed with soap “manufactured from the marrow of Jews,” a long-discredited myth that even the most prominent Holocaust historians agree is patently false.

Talk about a mess! In trying to “fight deniers,” Cohen has exposed a survivor as definitely untruthful about her wartime experiences and possibly untruthful about her claims of being misled by the filmmaker. Nothing in his new movie could possibly be funnier than that.

VOTE NO ON RACIST ROBOTS!
Nov. 3 in California should be referred to as Kevorkian Day, judging by the number of potentially suicidal ballot choices the people of that scare-quotes “great” state will face. Those choices include whether or not to eliminate gig economy jobs (no more Uber, Lyft, Postmates, Instacart, Grubhub, etc.), give 17-year-olds the vote (because movie producers love the idea of turning polling stations into pickup joints), give parolees the right to vote, bring back affirmative action (a.k.a. the Chinese Exclusion Act), and eliminate cash bail.

Yes, no more cash bail…the policy that’s worked so scare-quotes “well” in New York City, where a revolving-door no-bail criminal justice system has helped ensure that the guy who mugs you on your way to work will be able to hit you again during your lunch break (and again on your way home).

The list of special interest groups that support Proposition 25’s plan to eliminate bail for poor oppressed violent criminals is filled with exactly the names you’d expect: the California Democrat Party, the League of Women Voters, the L.A. Times, the California Teachers Association, Jewish Family Services, MALDEF, NARAL, SEIU, and the Harvey Milk Club.

No surprises there. The surprise can be found on the list of organizations that oppose the initiative. Along with the orgs one would expect—police protective leagues, crime victims advocates, and the state GOP—there’s a wild card: the NAACP.

Yes, the NAACP opposes eliminating bail for thugs, purse snatchers, muggers, and gangbangers.

Has this esteemed organization finally come to its senses? Have the ministers and speechifiers who run the NAACP realized that flooding the streets with criminals is as bad for the black community as it is for everyone else?

What do you think? Of course not. No, the NAACP’s reason for opposing the initiative is so very, very “black America”: They skeered o’ racist robots.

See, in place of bail, arrestees will be held or released based on a “risk assessment model” that will be used to determine whether the accused is a risk to the community. And NAACP leaders have gotten it in their heads that this means computers will be making the decisions. California NAACP honcho Alice Huffman explained the reasoning in a “No on 25” campaign spot: “Prop. 25 replaces bail with computer algorithms. Academic studies show that these algorithms are biased. Some call them black boxes.”

Last week, The Sacramento Bee’s editors did their darnedest to convince the NAACP that no, it won’t be robots but humans who’ll make the risk assessments: “Judicial officers remain the final authority in making pretrial release or detention decisions…. That means that while judges may rely on algorithm-assisted risk assessment models and recommendations, they have the power to override those recommendations.”

Bless their hearts for trying, but no dice. The NAACP isn’t that easily tricked by whitey. Racist robots are real, like Jussie Smollett’s attackers and Bubba Wallace’s spooky string. You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to fool the people who invented the traffic light and twerking.

WACKY HINDU GOD CURES SELF, KILLS DEVOTEE
Bussa Krishna of Telangana, India, had gone his entire life being let down by his gods: the elephants, the cows, the dung heaps, the burned brides…none of it had brought the expected sense of salvation and comfort. But being an Indian means never giving up (it also means “toilets are optional”), so the tenacious Telugu went out and found himself a new deity—Donald Trump.

Initially, Krishna, who had become known in his native village as “Trump,” devoted his “puja room” (the sacred room in a Hindu home where the IKEA do-it-yourself gods are stored) to his idol, plastering the walls with photos of the president. But when that proved insufficient, Krishna constructed a six-foot statue of Trump, which he prayed to daily, while also using it for traditional Hindu rituals (he even bathed the statue in milk…which is rather innocuous compared to what he might have used had he believed the Steele dossier).

Krishna told the local press that his revelation that Trump is a god came not from the president’s politics, but from his association with the World Wrestling Federation. Because of course it did. You were expecting something logical in this story?

When Krishna learned that Trump had been stricken with COVID, he spent his every waking moment praying by the statue’s side. And fasting. Krishna stopped eating and sleeping for days on end as he obsessively prayed beside his holy idol. Surely the force of the sheer willpower exhibited by this humble Hindu, starving himself and depriving himself of sleep, would cure the ailing president.

Whether or not it contributed to Trump’s recovery is a matter of debate. What is not is that it killed Krishna. He passed away last week from cardiac arrest.

Although according to his family, the actual cause of death was “tension for Donald Trump.” Because of course it was.

While Trump has not commented on his No. 1 Hindu fan’s sacrifice, news of Krishna’s passing greatly distressed Sean Hannity, who reportedly told a Beltway journalist, “That coulda been me.”

GET ON THE COLUM(BUS)
Last week marked the first Columbus Day since George Floyd set sail for the afterlife, and keen observers wondered how BLM would approach a day of protest that wasn’t all about them (BLM hates stuff that isn’t all about them). Fortunately, indigenous anti-Columbus protesters were more than willing to share the day with their black “allies,” because surely these two “oppressed” groups are united in the same struggle.

As in, the struggle to topple statues. And boy, did this year’s Columbus Day (a.k.a. “Indigenous Peoples’ Day”) see some top-notch toppling. In Portland, Teddy Roosevelt fell to big sticks and Abe Lincoln was emancipated from his podium, while in California, another Junipero Serra monument was transubstantiated into gravel. And as this beautiful “black and indigenous coalition” was lauded by the press in cities nationwide, a special statue dedication ceremony was conducted in Wyoming to help solidify the black/indigenous “bond.” At F.E. Warren Air Force Base, a three-ton monument to the Buffalo Soldiers (the post–Civil War black frontier troops) was rededicated and given a special “place of prominence” on the base, because new statues need to rise to make up for all the old ones falling.

Popular legend has it that the black cavalrymen earned their nickname because the Indians they met on the battlefield so revered the bravery of these noble colored warriors, they named them in honor of the mighty and sacred buffalo. So indeed, the Buffalo Soldiers are proof positive of the enduring and unshakable black/indigenous brotherhood.

Except, not really. According to historian, author, and Buffalo Soldiers expert Frank Schubert, the Indians found the black soldiers laughable and bestowed the moniker because the soldiers’ brown skin and nappy hair reminded them of a buffalo’s brown fur and curly mane. Schubert, who authored the definitive histories of the Buffalo Soldiers, states that the original “Buffalo” units despised the name and never used it themselves. And they returned the Indians’ scorn with scorn, referring to the natives as “red *******,” “naked savages,” and “voodoo *******.” The black soldiers even held parties where they dressed in “redface” (one contemporaneous account from 1894 speaks of a Buffalo Soldier named Private Robinson who paraded about his base dressed as “an idiotic Indian squaw”).

Looks like that newly rededicated Buffalo Soldiers memorial will have to go.

Just when you think you finally get a statue that passes the purity test, nappy-headed reality just has to piss on your Columbus Day parade.

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE & JIHAD
Remember that time the French thought it would be the greatest idea in the world to declare war on Germany over a nation they were in no position to actually defend, as they relied on their partners the British to stand their ground and not flee in terror should things go south?

Historically, the French have been defined by their bad ideas and lack of foresight, and President Emmanuel Macron is carrying on that noble tradition with his latest brilliant scheme to battle France’s pesky Muslim terrorism problem. Apparently, according to le président imbécile, Muslims just don’t feel like family when they’re in France. And while the Italians solved that problem by giving all of their immigrants Olive Garden coupons, Macron has gone a different route. Children of Muslim immigrants will now learn Arabic not at home, but in French schools, so that they can better assimilate by learning their ancestral tongue from French teachers instead of fellow Muslims who might radicalize them.

That’s a plan only a Frenchman could concoct.

Macron stressed that it’s important for the nation’s young Muslim immigrants to “learn the language” from the state instead of “from groups that offer them the worst and manipulate them.”

Left out of the president’s proclamation was any explanation of how these children will not continue to learn Arabic from others in their community, even as they’re learning it in school. But putting aside that small conundrum, l’éléphant terrible in the room is the fact that the annals of Muslim kaboomery are littered with accounts of “assimilated” terrorists. Indeed, when media hacks want to blame a particular Muslim terrorist’s actions on something other than his religion or his hostility to Western values, they flip the script and claim that in fact the Muzzie was perfectly fine in his old ways until the West corrupted him with its filthy secularism and idolatry. This was the official line on Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad, LAX shooter Hesham Mohamed Hadayet, and Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan. The American dream had “let them down,” and their “disappointment” and “disillusionment” with empty Western materialism had led them to embrace a more “meaningful” identity.

Macron’s empty promise—one aped by immigration proponents throughout the West—is that assimilation is a “cure” for Muslim radicalism. In fact, assimilation is just as risky as ghettoization. The only non-risky solution is to stop importing Muslims.

Ce n’est pas la mer à boire. It’s just common sense…and therefore beyond the grasp of the average Frenchy.

NOT COOL, TERRORISTS…NOT COOL
If you’re going to be a theocratic, terrorist bully, fine…but do you have to be such a dick about it? The Taliban are fundamentalist Islam’s douchebags. They’re that guy in college who cock-blocks you at parties and flirts with the girl you had your eyes on. They’re the dude who consistently scores with women by acting like a rude, boorish, chauvinistic a-hole. They’re the people who make the “nice guys” realize they finish last.

A few days ago the Taliban officially “endorsed” Donald Trump for president. According to Taliban spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid, “We believe that Trump is going to win the upcoming election because he has proved himself a politician who accomplished all the major promises he had made to American people, although he might have missed some small things, but did accomplish the bigger promises, so it is possible that the U.S. people who experienced deceptions in the past will once again trust Trump for his decisive actions.”

Credit where it’s due, he writes better than anyone at Vox.

The Taliban also voiced approval of Trump’s “America First” slogan:

    It is the slogan of Trump from the start that they are not cops for the world and don’t want a single flag and anthem for the globe, but their priority is America. When there is no interference by U.S. in other countries, we believe they are facing fewer threats compared to their aggressive position. Trump has a concrete policy in this regard and it is better for America. Trump might be ridiculous for the rest of the world, but he is sane and wise man for the Taliban.

Obviously, the Taliban support Trump’s decision to remove all U.S. troops from Afghanistan. But the Taliban also know that their “endorsement” can only hurt Trump in November. Hence the point about them being dicks. When President Clinton tried to make nice with these tools, they responded by upping their persecution of women and beardless men while allowing al-Qaeda to train in Afghanistan for anti-U.S. terror attacks. In 2001, when George W. Bush sent them money to help combat the opium trade, they responded by blowing up the Bamiyan Buddhas and assisting al-Qaeda in the lead-up to 9/11. And in 2009, when lily-livered Obama tentatively agreed to allow Pakistan’s Swat Valley to become an autonomous, Sharia-based haven in exchange for promises of peace, the Taliban thanked blundering Barack by escalating the violence a hundredfold.

And now they “thank” Trump for the troop withdrawals by giving him bad press three weeks before the election, as they smugly celebrate American non-interventionism even though they were only in a position to take power in the first place because America intervened and kicked the Soviets out.

There’s no dealing with jerks like that, so Trump is right to wash his hands of the whole thing. Still, it kinda sucks that they’re going to win.

Sometimes the $#@! gets the girl. And sometimes he gets South-Central Asia.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-110/

Takimag

October 25, 2020

The Week’s Most Thunderous, Plunderous, and Blunderous Headlines

*RAPPER KARENS HIMSELF*

In Mexico, it’s quite common for members of the drug cartels to either sing songs about their crimes, or commission professional musicians to write and record songs about their crimes. Those ditties, called “narcocorridos” (drug ballads), are essentially musical confessions, and in any civilized nation, they’d be treated as such by law enforcement. But narcocorridos flourish south of the border because broadly speaking there are only two types of Mexican cop: on the take and in league with the bad guys, or upright and scared $#@!less of being killed by the bad guys.

Neither type has any desire to haul in the cartel members and use their ballads against them.

But here in the U.S., even in the face of George Soros’ best efforts to prevent it, criminals sometimes still get arrested and prosecuted. So boasting about your crimes in song is not always advisable. That’s a lesson learned too late by an L.A. rapper named Fontrell Antonio Baines. Baines, who “performs” under the name Nuke Bizzle, was busted last week for scamming a whopping $1.2 million from the Coronavirus Aid, Relief, and Economic Security Act (hey, that spells CARES! That means it has to be a good program), which was signed by President Trump in March. Bizzle applied for and received 92 phony Employment Development Department (“EDD”) electronic benefit payment debit cards, because if Trump had put any strings on getting EDD cards (as in, not being able to apply for 92 of them under false IDs), he’d have risked losing a few black votes, and we all know that it’s the black vote and the black vote alone that’ll secure reelection on the 3rd.

It’s actually startling how easily Bizzle was able to work the system. His scam set off no alarm bells (alarms bells having been long ago eliminated for being racist). He got the money, no problem. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling…Nuke Bizzle.

See, Bizzle recorded a rap called “EDD,” in which he bragged about scamming the government for phony EDD cards. And he shot a video for it, in which he re-created scamming the government for phony EDD cards. And he played the song on Instagram as he filmed himself scamming the government for phony EDD cards.

And when LAPD detectives searched Bizzle’s home, they found that he’d scammed the government for phony EDD cards. What are the odds?

Nuke Bizzle was literally his own George Zimmerman, tattling on himself like some gossipy neighborhood busybody.

On the bright side, Bizzle is in good company. He joins an esteemed corps of rappers who gave away their own game, including C-Murder (arrested for murder), Pimp C (arrested for pimp-slappin’ a bitch), Bobby Shmurda (arrested for conspiracy to commit murda), and J-Dee of Da Lench Mob (who “lenched” a man for hornin’ in on his girlfriend).

The good news is, it’s highly likely that thousands of less musically inclined prospective ghetto Trump voters have been able to retain their scammed EDD winnings because they knew to keep their fool mouths shut.

*SWINGIN’ POPE PITCHES BIG TENT*

In a new documentary film that premiered last week, Pope Francis—the Vatican equivalent of the cool, laid-back college professor who lets you call him by his first name as he reeks of pot and maybe gets a little too touchy-feely, and in the end you realize you never actually learned a damn thing in his class—comes out staunchly in favor of civil unions for LGBTs. Yep, the pope’s all-in for gays gettin’ hitched! And to deliver that message he chose as his apostle a Jewish Israeli filmmaker, because at this point it’s literally all about daring conspiracy theorists to not take the bait.

Evgeny Afineevsky’s movie Francesco covers the pope’s newfound embrace of consecrated buttsex, as it chronicles the progressive pontiff’s campaign to push for the canonical acceptance and legal recognition of same-sex unions.

Funny enough, in his 2013 book On Heaven and Earth, Pope Permissive XXX claimed that laws “assimilating” gay relationships into marriage are “an anthropological regression,” adding that “if same-sex couples are given adoption rights, there could be affected children. Every person needs a male father and a female mother that can help them shape their identity.”

Look, science changes. One day Bill Nye is saying there are only two sexes, and the next he’s redacting his old work and admitting that “boy/girl” is just a social construct. By that same token, faith changes too. It’s not like the pope is supposed to be representing some kind of eternal, unchanging truth, right? Some kinda hifalutin “word of God,” right?

It’s not like he’s the pope or anything.

In an interview with EWTN News, filmmaker Afineevsky bragged that his friend the Holy Seesaw isn’t supposed to be “a leader to people in the sense of the Catholic Church, but in the sense of pure leadership, on the ground, on the streets.”

Yes, how ludicrous to expect a pope to be a leader of Catholics.

And while we’ll all suffer from the loss of “is the pope Catholic” as a rhetorical device, at least bears still $#@! in the woods.

Just as popes $#@! on doctrine.

*BLACK DOCTORS AIN’T FOOLED BY NO GENOCIDAL WHITE VACCINE*

In a perfect world, Emmett Till would have been part of the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. Such a serendipitous fusion of the two things black America will never shut up about would be the joining of chocolate and peanut butter into one delicious woke candy bar of whiteshaming.

And while the authors of a recent antiracist “study” published in The New England Journal of Medicine (which believe it or not used to actually cover medicine) were unable to find a way to work Mr. Till into their story, they certainly made some excellent hay from the unfortunate fate of the unwitting black syphilitic study subjects (a.k.a. the “Tuskegee Baudelairemen”).

“Trustworthiness Before Trust—Covid-19 Vaccine Trials and the Black Community” was penned by Rueben Warren, director of the Tuskegee University National Center for Bioethics in Research and Health Care, and David Augustin Hodge, associate director of the same institution (whose solo works can best be described as “massively convoluted gibberish,” and that’s being very generous). The other two authors are a couple of Harvard white dudes who probably spent their time on the study doing an impression of the speechless stick guy.

The gist of the “study” is that while whitey needs to “trust the science,” the black man don’t. The black duty to mistrust science is rooted in “centuries of well-documented examples of racist exploitation by American physicians and researchers”…although the authors can name only one actual example of such “racist exploitation”—you guessed it, the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. Therefore, because of these many (one) examples, the Tuskegee Mental Impairmen argue that blacks should not avail themselves of any Covid vaccines until white doctors have provided “convincing evidence” that the vaccines are not part of a racist plot.

Most importantly, the Tuskegee Nothing Going On Upstairmen stress that the white man’s vaccines are so risky, so likely to kill black people, that blacks should not partake of any Covid vaccine unless assurances are given that they will receive appropriate medical care if they are injured as a result. The authors call for “the pharmaceutical companies sponsoring these trials to establish a fund to guarantee health care coverage and death benefits to patients and families as compensation for serious vaccine injuries or possible deaths.”

*You’ll never find any “vaxxers” being given a platform in The New England Journal of Medicine. But “blaxxers”? That’s another story. As long as you’re slamming vaccines to slam whitey, it’s totally cool to say that vaccines are risky. So risky, in fact, that a fund is needed to compensate patients and families for injury or death resulting from vaccinations.*

This whole “uncritically accept everything a black person says and never impose even the mildest demand for rationality” thing is going great for science. Although the paper does leave one obvious question unanswered: If the white man’s medicine is so dangerous to blacks, weren’t the Tuskegee syphilitics better off without the penicillin?

*ICE GRINDR*

In the Terrance McNally play (and subsequent film) The Ritz, a man running from the Mob is forced to hide out in a gay bathhouse. The man is hetero, and, trapped in the refuge, he soon finds himself besieged on all sides by dudes trying to rape him.

It’s a comedy. And every bit as funny as it sounds.

The state of California, in conjunction with ICE, is currently producing a real-life version of The Ritz in the privately run immigration detention centers that dot the state. 

Apparently, those facilities have become hotbeds of hot, steamy, but not always consensual gay sex, according to a recent L.A. Times “exposé.”

Among the cases detailed in the report:

A detainee from South Korea named J. Lee (detained for overstaying his tourist visa) kept waking up each morning feeling like something wasn’t quite right. Chalking it up to kimchi withdrawal, Lee put it out of his mind, until one of his two cellmates confided in him that each night as he slept, the other cellmate had been slipping his hand down Lee’s pants and jerking his jaji.

Another detainee at a different facility was trailed into a bathroom by an inmate who fondled his buttocks and slapped his rear with his penis.

Yet another detainee at the same facility complained that every time he made a phone call to a family member, a persistent fellow inmate would grab and fondle his “member” as he spoke.

And poor Geovany Murillo, a “refugee” from Honduras. His 53-year-old cellmate would “watch him shower, masturbate in front of him, and slap his buttocks.” According to the prison, the cellmate was well-known in the facility for grabbing every genital he saw. It wasn’t just a hobby for this guy, but a passion.

All in all, the Times found a whopping 135 cases in California since 2017 of ICE detainees molested by other detainees. Amazingly, at no point in the lengthy piece did the Times bring up the fact that its own editorial board has pushed for the blanket emptying of these facilities. Had the paper mentioned that fascinating factoid, readers might have found themselves asking, “So it’s bad when these creeps commit sexual assault in detention centers, but it’s perfectly fine to release them so they can commit those same crimes in our neighborhoods?”

To which the Times would have surely answered, “Yes. Yes it is.” After all, as the paper points out, many of the detainees came here seeking amnesty on the grounds that they were persecuted in their home country for being LGBT. All that grabbing and groping and penis slapping is just them trying to be free. Like birds. Like rapey, dick-slappy birds.

Of course, there’s also the possibility, again unmentioned by the Times, that these detainees were being “persecuted” in their home countries for being rapists.

Even so, there might still be a place for these poor unfortunates on the outside, if only to fill the vacuum created by the “cancellation” of homegrown grabbers, gropers, and slappers like Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Toobin.

*TRENTA REWARD FOR SHORT CUP O’ NOTHING*

19-year-old Santee, Calif., native Alex Beckom is the hero of the day. The plucky and young (and fat ’n’ black) female Starbucks barista was serving a tall, thin white woman who was wearing a Trump 2020 Covid mask when the blonde dared to lower her mask to better communicate with Beckom.

A lowered mask? Truly a horror story worthy of the Halloween season.

When Beckom lectured the woman to pull her mask back up, the blondie responded, in a manner best described as “snippy” (though not overly aggressive), that she felt as though she was being singled out because of her mask’s message. While the two women remained fairly polite in their exchange, Beckom continued to needle the leggy cracker about the need to wear a mask. At which point the ofay devil took her coffee and, while still not raising her voice, brusquely responded with “$#@! you” and “$#@! Black Lives Matter” as she exited.

The customer was rude, to be sure. But she left quickly, and generally maintained an even tone throughout. The entire incident lasted a mere fifty seconds.

So of course Alex Beckom is being hailed as a hero for having “survived” a “loud assault” by a white woman. For literally just standing there as a white customer was snippy with her, Beckom has been lauded by the press, praised by Starbucks HQ, and awarded $25,000 in “reparations” via a GoFundMe campaign.

It’s tough being black in America. Beckom literally said that to The San Diego Union-Tribune as she wiped her ass with all the money she made from a fifty-second interaction.

Granted, the proper wearing of masks is Starbucks policy, and a customer cannot expect Starbucks to change its policies for the sake of one griping malcontent. Except when a black person who is not a customer wants to use the restroom, in which case Starbucks was totally forced to change its “restroom for customers only” policy in every single Starbucks on earth.

Perhaps the most important point is, where are the GoFundMes for the hundreds of white Americans who’ve been subjected to BLM terrorists angrily screaming directly in their faces at outdoor cafés and restaurants (sometimes with bullhorns)?

Alex Beckom got $20,000 (and counting) for standing still for fifty seconds as a white girl was rude in a nonaggressive way. If a stocky black chick secured safely behind plexiglass being told “$#@! BLM” by a rail-thin white girl who quickly exits the store is worth $25,000, one can only guess the proper compensation for those elderly whites at a Pittsburgh restaurant who were surrounded by young, aggressive, violent blacks screaming “$#@! white people” right in their ears.

Not that Beckom doesn’t deserve kudos for refusing to return rudeness with rudeness. But what’s the point of rewarding black people for doing the right thing if you don’t criticize them for doing the opposite?

Remember that time a bunch of black lunatics stormed a Starbucks and berated a white barista by screaming into a bullhorn held inches from his face? And the white guy just stood there stoically and peacefully, taking the abuse with dignity?

Remember how the press defended the aggressors and made it seem like the barista’s calm demeanor was a bad thing?

Do you think that Starbucks employee got $25,000 and a congratulatory call from corporate HQ?

Wanna guess?

----------


## Anti Federalist

The Week That Perished

Takimag

November 01, 2020
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Bigstock

The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Hair-Raising Headlines

“WAS IT SOMETHING WE SAID?”
Some people are really slow to take a hint. After a thousand years of pogroms, forced expulsions, and a Holocaust, the Jews of Europe are finally packing up and moving on. According to a recently released study by the London-based Institute for Jewish Policy Research, the Jewish population of Europe has declined to its lowest level in a thousand years.

And it’s declining still.

If only someone had just told Hitler, “Be patient, dude; these things have a way of working themselves out.”

According to The Jerusalem Post, the study found a mere “1.3 million people who describe themselves as Jewish in continental Europe, the United Kingdom, Turkey and Russia.” That’s down from 3.2 million in the 1970s.

So why is Europe losing its Jews? There are several reasons. The first is that Jews are fleeing. And what are they fleeing from? Well, the Muslims they themselves helped bring in via their mindless support of far-left, Europhobic policies. Turns out the invasive species the Jews helped import as a safeguard against nationalism and “white supremacy” brought with it its own set of hatreds. French Jews are fleeing at an especially vigorous pace; apparently, the fetid, teeming Muslim immigrant slums and roving bands of bloodthirsty jihadists are making life a bit difficult for les Juifs Français. Jews in immigrant-flooded nations like Italy and Germany are similarly hightailing it.

So, having had a hand in making the mess, Jews are gonna let somebody else clean it up. Ironically, most European Jews are heading to Israel, a nation that understands the value of walls and border control.

Another reason for the population decline is infertility. Yet another example of unintended consequences. Having helped popularize the acceptance of same-sex marriage and wacky transgender pseudoscience, Jews are losing many of their own to childless same-sex marriages and penis-lopping gender switcheroo surgeries.

The Hebraics of Europe are learning that toughest of life lessons: Be careful what Jew wish for.

“AS USUAL, A KNIFE-WIELDING MANIAC HAS SHOWN US THE WAY.”
27-year-old Walter Wallace was an aspiring rapper, West Philadelphia born and raised. Sadly, he had a very odd way of chillin’ out, maxin’ & relaxin’ all cool. Sometimes it involved phoning terrorist threats to one of his baby mamas. Sometimes it involved choking a woman during a robbery. Sometimes it involved punching his own mama in the face and threatening to shoot her.

Talk about makin’ trouble in your neighborhood.

Last week, Wallace was chillin’ out with a butcher knife, chasing his family and friends like a hip-hop Ginsu salesman. When his moms called the cops, the “Fresh Mince” went after them with the knife, charging the responding officers even as they pleaded with him to drop the weapon. Within seconds, the failed rapper became a successful bullet receptacle, and blacks throughout the nation declared a day (or three or four) of looting in honor of dear departed Black the Knife.

Wallace’s family noted that this fine stabby father of nine had just gotten married last month (like they always say, a true gentleman will choose to settle down following his ninth out-of-wedlock welfare baby). Wallace’s cousin told NBC News, “He loved music. That’s what he loved and that’s what his aspirations were. His dreams are deferred, his dreams were cut down because he got murdered in the streets last night.”

Such lost potential…all those “eat dat big ol’ ass” raps that will never be, and all because a few policemen inexplicably didn’t want to get stabbed in the throat.

Philadelphia’s blacks displayed their brotherly love with night after night of rioting and looting. Cops were assaulted, as were reporters, white people in general, and Jews specifically. Walmarts were sacked, family-owned businesses obliterated, and a Chick fil-A was reduced to rubble (odd that Jesus failed to protect the company that ditched him for gay marriage last year). In response to the citywide devastation and mass injuries (including thirty cops brutalized by the mob), Pennsylvania governor Tom Wolf, a stuttering retard, p-p-praised the p-p-peacefulness of the p-p-protests.

Wolf Blitzer (a retard without the stutter) wondered aloud why the Philly cops didn’t just shoot Wallace in the leg. Since Blitzer is just a pretend newsman, there’s no reason to expect that he’s seen the many, many videos of cops trying to shoot charging knife-wielders who brave nonfatal hits and keep coming. Leftists seem to think that knives are nonlethal. Funny enough, just a few days ago a cop was killed by a rooster with a blade attached to its leg (don’t ask). Now, it’s unfair to compare a rooster to Walter Wallace; the average rooster sires fewer offspring with fewer females. But still, knives kill, even in the “hands” of poultry.

Topping off the carnival of moronity, Joe Biden eulogized Wallace on Twitter as if he were lauding MLK (he probably thought he was):

    Our hearts are broken for the family of Walter Wallace Jr., and for all those suffering the emotional weight of learning about another Black life in America lost. Walter’s life mattered.

Speak for yourself, Joe. Some Americans are glad-hearted that it was Wallace and not a cop who got capped.

R.I.P. Walter Wallace. “Yo homes, smell ya later.”

THE FINAL SOLUTION TO THE DISINFORMATION PROBLEM
One of the most tiresome sci-fi movie clichés is the overused trope of the sentient robot charged with protecting mankind who decides to kill all humans because humans are the greatest threat to mankind. From Ultron to I, Robot, this “clever” plot device always follows the same course: In its zeal to do the right thing, the robot does the wrong thing because robots are simpleminded creations that take everything too literally and lack the human capacity to understand subtlety and nuance.

Mankind may not yet be in the age of sentient AI, we may not yet be lorded over by tunnel-visioned literalist robots, but thanks to leftist zealotry, we now have “prominent intellectuals” who, their circuits scrambled by four years of Trump and the possibility of four more to come, are acting exactly like the “kill mankind to save it” robots. Joshua Tucker is a professor of politics, data science, and Russian and Slavic studies at NYU, and Tucker has determined that there is only one way to ensure the integrity of the U.S. electoral process, only one way to eliminate fraud and disinformation, only one way to preserve honest elections: The American voter must not be allowed to participate in elections! Only by taking humans and their “opinions” out of the picture can democracy be saved.

As the Daleks are so fond of saying, EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Yes, Josh Tucker has realized that the main problem with American elections is that Americans participate in American elections. We could have safe, clean elections if not for all those damn annoying voters expressing their preferences (in a related story, the hospital that accepts no patients reported zero hospital-acquired infection deaths for the twentieth year in a row).
“In Scotland, home of literal castles, a man’s literal home must no longer be his figurative castle.”

So Tucker is on a one-man mission to stop American interference in American elections:

    There’s been a fixation on foreign interference, but the people who really have an incentive to influence the outcome of an election are people who live in that country—Americans.

No, that’s not from the Babylon Bee. A professor at a major U.S. university is criticizing the fact that Americans attempt to influence the outcome of American elections. Among Tucker’s solutions: Twitter must ban and remove all content that attempts to “manipulate” voters into casting their ballots one way or the other, because trying to elect or defeat a candidate has no place in an election.

As funny…well, as straight-out stupid, as that sounds, what Tucker’s proposing is the inevitable next step in the left’s war against “disinformation.” Soon enough, every opinion that counters leftist orthodoxy will be tarred as disinfo, and thus removed from social media. And Big Tech will innocently proclaim, “Oh no, we’re not censoring opinion, only disinformation!”

Those well-meaning myopic sci-fi robots were only acting as they believed their programming dictated. But the humans in Silicon Valley? They know exactly what they’re doing.

STARVING AFRICANS: THE 1980S ONE-HIT WONDER THAT NEVER GOES AWAY
The crusade to feed starving Africans started simply enough: There were Africans, and they were starving. For some unexplained reason, their own governments wouldn’t feed them, so it fell to Western pop stars (as it always does) to sing their little hearts out in the name of convincing selfish American and British whites to buy one less Fabergé egg for the week and use that money to feed those bloated-belly sub-Saharans. Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and USA for Africa’s “We Are the World” fought famine by flooding the U.K. and U.S. airwaves with songs that re-created for the listener the living hell of meeting a slow and painful end under a blistering Ethiopian sun.

It was sheer blackmail: “When the famine ends, so will our music.” So people gave, and gave generously.

Yet still, the Africans remained famished.

When music failed to solve the problem, the natural next step was humor. Comic Relief, a British charity dedicated to ending famine by telling fart jokes, was founded in 1985. An American iteration was formed the following year, headed by Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, and Billy Crystal, whose onstage antics at benefits held throughout various African nations only served to remind the malnourished locals that there are in fact fates far worse than death by starvation.

It’s been 35 years since the founding of Comic Relief, and still, those damn starving Africans ain’t sated. So last week the organization announced a few changes. And good for them that it’s only taken three and a half decades of pouring money down a bottomless pit for the org’s leading lights to decide, “We need a better strategy.”

And what is that better strategy?

First off, no more “white saviors.” Those emaciated little African buggers have continued to starve because seeing so many white people coming to their rescue has harmed their self-esteem and put them right off their food. So from now on, Comic Relief decreed, whites will be in the background only:

    Rather than fronting films about work in African nations, white celebrities are likely to be used to provide introductions to films or asked to promote locally made films on their personal social media accounts.

“The world does not need any more ‘white saviours,’” said one Labour MP in support of the charity’s decision to back-of-the-bus the whiteys.

The second major change at Comic Relief is that the charity “will no longer portray the continent using images of starving people or critically ill children.” Only images of happy, successful, well-fed Africans will be used to persuade whites to write large checks to cover food for unhappy, indigent, starving Africans. “Young Akim is living the high life, the life of royalty; he bathes in gold and bangs supermodels in the backseat of his limo. He could buy and sell you ten times over. Now send him food; he’s hungry.”

A brilliant strategy, and one that will surely not be added to the impressive list of abject failures in the ongoing fight to give those poor rattle-boned buzzard baits a ray of hope and a sammich.

THE LOCH NESS MOSQUER
“Run, and you’ll live…at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take OUR FREEDOM!”
—Mel Gibson, an American actor portraying a Scottish freedom fighter

“I just took your freedom, dumbasses.”
—Humza Yousaf, a Pakistani scumbag portraying a Scottish freedom taker

The movie Braveheart has been justifiably criticized for its many inaccuracies, from invented events and battles to the paint on Mel Gibson’s face. But apparently its greatest inaccuracy was portraying the Scottish people as giving two $#@!s about freedom.

The Scots have just given up their right to speak freely within the enclosed walls of their own homes. It’s difficult to imagine anything less “Bravehearty” than that.

Pakistani/Kenyan Muslim Humza Yousaf is the Scottish “secretary for justice,” and he’s acting exactly as one would expect a Pakistani/Kenyan Muslim to act if given the power to control the free-speech rights of a white Christian nation.

The Scottish Public Order Act of 1986 outlawed “threatening, abusive, or insulting words and behaviour,” but the law included one very important caveat—a “dwelling defense” that protected a Scotsman’s right to speak freely in his own home. Speech uttered within the walls of a private home could not be prosecuted.

Well, Yousaf took one look at that fascist piece of McKKK apologia and said, “This won’t do. This won’t do at all.”

So now a new law, feverishly championed by Yousaf, will close the “dwelling” loophole. The Hate Crime and Public Order Bill criminalizes speech that “stirs-up hatred against people with protected characteristics, including race, disability, sexual orientation and age,” and it allows for prosecution of said speech even if the speaker had been spouting off at his own dinner table or in bed or in the shower or wherever Scots go at 4 a.m. to drunkenly polish off the previous night’s haggis.

As Yousaf told Parliament last week,

    Are we comfortable giving a defence to somebody whose behaviour is threatening or abusive which is intentionally stirring up hatred against, for example, Muslims? Are we saying that that is justified because that is in the home? If your intention was to stir up hatred against Jews, then I think that deserves criminal sanction.

The bill would also remove free-speech protections from journalists and artists.

Opposition to the new act, which has yet to be officially signed into law, has come from the Scottish Catholic Church, law enforcement, academics, journalists, and artists. But Yousaf has vowed not to bend to pressure. In Scotland, home of literal castles, a man’s literal home must no longer be his figurative castle.

Humza Yousaf is yet another fine example of a Third Worlder who requites Western immigration generosity with hatred and vendetta. Yousaf’s family arrived not to “enrich,” but to see to it that native Scots can no longer speak freely in the last place they were still allowed to.

Here in the States this Thanksgiving, give an extra nod of gratitude for the fact that the Humza Yousafs in this country can’t go that far…yet. And say an extra prayer for the poor cowed bastards in Scotland.

    Assalamu MacAlaikum.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-112/

The Week’s Gaudiest, Bawdiest, and Voter-Fraudiest Headlines

BUD-BUD-BUD-BIDEN
The bitter stench of Joe Biden’s duplicitous campaign is well-seasoned with curry. Turns out while every leftist media hack and his retarded cousin were harping on the tired and largely baseless “Russian bots help Trump” theme, ol’ Joe was the one actually getting the bot assists, though not from Russia.

Not even from China (the Chinese figure that with all the money they’ve funneled to Biden and his kin, they’ve helped enough).

It actually makes a certain kind of sense that Biden, a D.C. sewer-dweller, has been pulled up by his bot-straps by the nation of open sewers and insta-potties (anywhere you crouch becomes a toilet): India.

According to a Zenger News investigative report released several days before the election, some sneaky little devil acting on Team Biden’s behalf contracted with “troll farms” in New Delhi and Mumbai to create several hundred thousand (more than 100,000 in August alone) fake pro-Biden Twitter accounts.

According to the Zenger report, the massive operation to supply phony Biden “amplifiers” was structured so that the guy at the top—the person paying for the service, the “Big Sahib”—was impossible to trace. In the words of Yajpal Yadav, who ran one of the Biden bot farms from Patna (population 3.4 million, so a small town by Indian standards):

    We don’t pick and choose. Joe Biden the person is irrelevant to us. We got a target in August to follow him and engage with his tweets, and we did. The agencies in Delhi who we work with don’t tell us any details, and we don’t ask. There are so many levels of subcontractors in this, nobody can really trace anything back. We don’t even get paid through banks. We settle in cash once a month.

Yadav told Zengers that thanks to the money he made fabricating Biden followers, “I don’t have to ever worry about a roof on my head or about paying my children’s school fees.”

Hell, Yadav even has a toilet in his house. Sure, there’s no plumbing, but why nitpick?

Another Biden bot sweatshop proprietor, Har$#@! Patel, told Zenger that Twitter’s two-factor authentication safeguards were circumvented with stolen IDs.

That is indeed something harsh.

Oddly enough, Twitter, which bans and sanctions Trump-supporting accounts at will and for the flimsiest of reasons, has taken no punitive measures against the fake Biden accounts. It’s almost like those vaunted Twitter rules of conduct only apply to one political side and not the other.

You don’t say.

OREGONIANS KEVORKIAN THEMSELVES
In one of the most potentially beneficial social experiments of the year, the good lunatics of Oregon decided on Tuesday to effectively legalize all street drugs. Yes, by a margin of over 60%, Oregon voters decided that from now on the people of that hellish state can indulge all they want in heroin, cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstasy, LSD, psilocybin, methadone, and oxycodone. If you’re caught with any of those substances, the state will politely ask if you would care to attend a substance-abuse rehab seminar. And you’ll be absolutely free to say no.

Measure 110 also eliminates the notion of “felony” drug possession.

The measure was backed by Mark Zuckerberg (a.k.a. the featureless alien pod baby from Invasion of the Body Snatchers) and his wife, Priscilla Chan (a.k.a. John Lone in M. Butterfly but not nearly as attractive). The originator of the measure was, of course—because who else?—George Soros (a.k.a. “the Nazis’ most unforgivable sin was not killing the one Jew who truly deserved to die”).

Journalists covering the passage of Measure 110 were baffled by the widespread support the measure enjoyed in the state’s remaining Republican strongholds, like Jackson and Curry counties in Southern Oregon. Perhaps the people in those areas, having witnessed the incurable brain sickness of the state’s big-city youth, decided that the best course of action is to allow the Antifa and BLM thugs to slowly kill themselves with narcotics.

At the very least, there might be an understanding that keeping the lunatics stoned 24/7 could limit their ability to wreak widespread havoc. One can imagine that from this point on, when those useless eaters invade a residential suburban neighborhood, the locals will simply hand out bowls of opioids like Halloween candy, to mellow out the high-strung tantrum-throwing toddler terrorists.

There are other, more permanent ways that Measure 110 can improve the quality of life for the remaining smattering of decent Oregonians. Now that dangerous narcotics will be free and readily available in the state, there may be some benefit to be had by setting up a fund to distribute, free of charge to all Portland residents under 30, copies of Final Exit, the book that was briefly banned from several bookstore chains in the 1990s because it features yummy recipes for narcotic-based drinks that lead to the best high, like, ever, followed by the longest sleep, like, ever.

Such a fund would surely attract supporters from all over the nation…and perhaps even Mr. Zuckerberg might chip in a few bucks, in the spirit of his whole “war on humanity” thing.

PONTIFIAL POTHER
Well, this is awkward…

Remember that time (two weeks ago) when the pope announced his support for same-sex unions? Remember how he announced it in a new documentary film—a profile of the pontiff—that was produced and directed by an Israeli Jew named Evgeny Afineevsky?

Seemed like an odd story, right? A pope breaks with Vatican doctrine in an exclusive “confessional” made to an Israeli Jew of Russian ancestry who had never expressed any previous interest in matters of Catholicism.

Odd, indeed. And, it turns out, not as straightforward as originally depicted.

This gets a little complicated.

So there was this monsignor named Dario Edoardo Viganò who, in 2015, was named by Pope Francis as head of the newly created Vatican Secretariat for Communications. Basically, Viganò would become Popehat Goebbels, the dude whose job would be to effectively communicate the pope’s message at home and abroad. But Viganò was given his popey pink slip in 2018 after it was discovered that he’d altered a letter from the previous pope, Benedict XVI, to remove the German ex-pontiff’s concerns that Francis was associating with some anti-papal activist authors.

Turns out Viganò was the one who told Pope Francis, “Hey, you know what would be a great idea? Do a documentary with that Russian-Jewish Israeli guy!”

And now it turns out those same-sex-union comments might not have been what they seemed. As detailed by Vatican authority John Allen on the website Crux (which covers all things Vatican):

    Pope Francis makes comments about civil unions for same-sex persons that created a global media frenzy, reported as the first time a pope explicitly had endorsed civil unions. It also appeared to directly contradict a 2003 document from the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, prepared by the future Pope Benedict XVI and approved by St. John Paul II, warning that such laws are “gravely unjust” and insisting that Catholics may never support them. Within 48 hours, however, the narrative began to shift, because it emerges that those comments aren’t one continuous statement from Pope Francis, but rather a montage of lines uttered in different contexts stitched together and covered by strategically timed camera cut-aways. One Italian analyst claimed yesterday there were five separate elements of film, and therefore at least four edits, contained in that twenty-second span, which has to be some kind of record. Moreover, it’s now also seemingly clear that the bit on civil unions didn’t come from Afineevsky’s conversations with Pope Francis but a different interview the pontiff gave eighteen months ago, to renowned Mexican journalist Valentina Alazraki—who’s almost as much of an institution in Rome as the papacy—but from which, for some as-yet unclear reason, the line about civil unions had been edited out when the interview was released in 2019.

Are you following? The same-sex-union comments were apparently spliced together, Simpsons “Rock Bottom”-style. So Papa Francis doesn’t support same-sex unions.

Not so fast. Per Allen:

    There’s just one problem: The Vatican hasn’t denied that Pope Francis supports civil unions, despite the fact that for the last 48 hours a global impression has been created that he does. Not only has the Vatican not disputed the contents of the film, last night Afineevsky received the “Kineo Movie for Humanity” award in the Vatican Gardens in the presence of senior Vatican communications officials, an indirect seal of approval if ever there was one.

Following now? Don’t be too sure. Turns out the pope may indeed have endorsed same-sex unions in that Mexican interview, and the Vatican interceded to have the comments redacted, not expecting the Mexicans to give the redacted footage to the Jewish guy for his documentary.

On top of that, a website representing gay Catholics basically said “the pope was talking about civil unions and we want full marriage, so who cares about any of this?”

“Who cares”…perhaps the best way to approach this ecclisiaster$#@!.

SKINHEADBANGER’S BALL
It was the “gotcha” moment that wasn’t. Indeed, it was the “gotcha” moment that gotcha’d the gotcha-er. C.J. Ciaramella is a NeverTrump libertarian who believes that the anti-police fervor following the death of George Floyd didn’t go far enough. “Defund”? Bah! Americans won’t truly be free until every middle-class white guy wakes up in the morning to a golden shower from a black thief looting his home. A former leftist hack for BuzzFeed, The Washington Post, Vanity Fair, and Salon, “libertarian” Ciaramella is now Reason’s “criminal justice reporter” (that translates to “defender of criminals” in libertarianese). And boy, was this defender of criminals livid last week when Tucker Carlson dismissed the notion that “white supremacists” are a threat to peace and freedom this election season.

See, the exact DAY that Carlson made that “absurd” claim, a white man was sentenced in Louisiana for burning down three black churches. Ciaramella had the cable-news king over a barrel. He retweeted Carlson’s untenable denial of the existential threat of white supremacy, adding his own masterful scold: “A guy was just sentenced today for burning down three black churches in Louisiana. DOJ put out a press release about it.”

Yep, Carlson had stepped in it, denying the menace of white supremacy on the exact same day that the DOJ announced the sentencing of a white man who’d burned a bunch of black churches.

Or at least that’s how this would’ve played out, were it not for one small but vital factor: Ciaramella hadn’t actually read the DOJ press release he tried to throw in Carlson’s face. Turns out Churchy McArsonist isn’t a skinhead but a headbanger. Twenty-three-year-old Holden Matthews is a “black metal” musician who despises religion and decided to burn a few churches to win street cred among his fellow black metalists. For those of you fortunate enough to live lives that don’t necessitate the need to know what “black metal” is, it’s an extreme form of heavy metal that’s defined by its anti-Christianity. In the 1990s, Norwegian black metalists went on a church-burning spree that destroyed over fifty churches (including several historical landmarks). Black metalheads in Sweden soon followed suit, burning churches there, too. Black metal bands celebrated the gutted churches on their album covers. Church burnings have now become a way to gain acceptance within that community.

The DOJ specifically stated in the press release Ciaramella touted that Holden Matthews (who got 25 years in the pen) torched the houses of worship “because of the religious character of those buildings” and not because of the race of the congregants:

    Matthews admitted to setting the fires because of the religious character of these buildings, in an effort to raise his profile as a “Black Metal” musician by copying similar crimes committed in Norway in the 1990s. Matthews further admitted that, after setting the third fire, he posted photographs and videos on Facebook that showed the first two churches burning. Matthews admitted that he had taken these photographs and videos in real time on his cell phone, as he watched those churches burn, and that he had posted them to Facebook in an effort to promote himself in the Black Metal community.

Even CNN admitted in its coverage of the story that the firebug was inspired by religious, not racial, hatred. Because, unlike C.J. Ciaramella, the folks at CNN actually read the facts of the case.

When you’re more incompetent than the hacks at CNN, that’s not something to tweet about.

ALLAHU HACKBAR
Heads are rollin’ in France! In Évreux, a teacher was beheaded by a Muslim immigrant student for the “crime” of telling his class that the right to speak freely includes the right to draw Muhammad. And just a few days later, in Nice, another Muslim immigrant, this one carrying a Koran, murdered three people in a Catholic church while shouting, “Allahu Akbar.” (According to the BBC, one of the murdered congregants was “virtually beheaded,” which seems a rather petty description. If the head’s only attached by a few sinews, c’mon, that’s still a beheading. Perfect is the enemy of good.) Several other Muslim immigrants have been arrested or questioned in connection with the attacks.

From the moment the first head hit the pavement, The New York Times knew the exact identity of the true culprits in this decollation dernier cri. Muslim immigrants? Perish the thought! Nope, the wave of Islamist murders was brought on by the French themselves, who dared to object to Islamist murders. An Oct. 31 NYT op-ed titled “Is France Fueling Muslim Terrorism by Trying to Prevent It?” answered its own question: Yes, it is. In trying to stop wacky Muhammadans from julienning the locals, the French government marginalized jihadists, which only made them angrier.

Accept a few beheadings with grace and tolerance, proclaimed the NYT, and eventually they’ll stop on their own when the Islamists realize that as much as the native Frenchies may seem weird and unfamiliar, as the Prophet himself once said, “a stranger’s just a friend you haven’t beheaded.”

For its part, the AP also decided that the beheadings were not the fault of the Muslim loons. France had long been “inciting” such violence because of stuff that happened a hundred years ago, and because of its infernal secularism (the kind the AP cheers when it’s used to pacify Christians in the U.S.). “Why does France incite anger in the Muslim world? Its brutal colonial past, staunch secular policies and tough-talking president who is seen as insensitive toward the Muslim faith all play a role,” read an Oct. 31 tweet that met with so much online blowback, the AP deleted it and issued the following “clarification”:

    Many countries champion freedom of expression and allow publications that lampoon Islam’s prophet. Why has the reaction against France been especially virulent? Its colonial past, staunch secular policies and tough-talking president all play a role. This replaces a tweet about France and the Muslim world that asked why France “incites” anger. The word was not intended to convey that France instigates anger against it.

Since the “clarification” tweet failed to capitalize the word “prophet,” several totally reasonable Muslims commented that the tweet’s author should be decapitated.

And why not? That uncapitalized word was clearly “incitement.”

It fell to Reuters to put the entire mess into perspective, in a profile of a woman named Naouelle Garnoussi, “a devout Muslim who was brought up in France, prays five times a day, enjoys her job working with local communities and covets her designer handbag.”

“Mon Dieu,” the French exclaimed as one, “she loves designer handbags? I love designer handbags! That cloying calculated headline has totally persuaded me to welcome my beheaders with open arms!”

In the profile, Garnoussi goes to great lengths to explain that she embraces French secularism as much as the next person, except the part that allows people to draw Muhammad. That French secularism should be abolished and its proponents severely punished. But other than that, she’s totally on board with the French secularism thing. And she represents no threat to the French people. Unless they draw Muhammad. In which case, better not wear your finest turtleneck, because it’s gonna get ruined.

Liberté, égalité, decapité!

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-113/

The Week’s Most Vexing, Perplexing, and Witch-Hexing Headlines

OCEANS SO WHITE
Apparently, the field of oceanographic research has a diversity problem. If there’s a lack of black folks in oceanography, it’s probably for the same reason that there’s a lack of wicked witches in oceanography—people are generally not drawn to studying the thing that can kill them if they get too close to it.

The Scripps Institution of Oceanography, founded in 1903 and located in Southern California as part of the University of California, San Diego, is one of the oldest and largest oceanographic research centers in the world. Several years ago, a student-driven movement on the UCSD campus led to Scripps instituting a “strategic plan for inclusive excellence” to increase racial diversity in the field, because for reasons not entirely clear the study of squids and kelp would be greatly improved if more people of color got involved.

To help usher in this new era of diversity, Scripps brought in Margaret Leinen as its new director. Leinen had previously served as the State Department’s “science envoy” during the Obama years, when her chief responsibility was scouring the ocean floor for Cloverfield monsters. Upon taking the reins at Scripps, Leinen began enacting policy after policy to “mitigate harassment, discriminatory practices, subconscious bias, structural and cultural biases or other barriers to inclusion” in oceanography.

“Scripps: Putting the most black people to sea since 1619.”

Last week, Scripps announced its most ambitious project yet: In association with Ugandan-born Israeli marketing exec Ayelet Gneezy (winner of the International Most Dickensian Name Award ten years running), Scripps launched the Ocean Plastic Pollution Challenge. Young “diverse” people from “diverse” backgrounds in “diverse” schools will compete to find a way to best clean the ocean of plastic pollution.

“Given that there could be more plastic than fish in the ocean by 2050, new strategies are needed more than ever to address this growing crisis,” declared the press release touting the challenge.

Funny enough, that “more plastic than fish” thing comes from a study of ocean plastics conducted by the “environmental action” arm of the World Economic Forum. The exact same study that reached this troubling conclusion:

    By analyzing the waste found in the rivers and surrounding landscape, researchers were able to estimate that just 10 river systems carry 90% of the plastic that ends up in the ocean. Eight of them are in Asia: the Yangtze; Indus; Yellow; Hai He; Ganges; Pearl; Amur; Mekong; and two in Africa—the Nile and the Niger.

So it turns out there’s no lack of diversity regarding oceanographic matters. It’s just that the nonwhite presence is found on the side of destroying the seas rather than saving them.

FLORIDA: FINALLY ON ITS MEDS
One of the more unexpected twists of 2020 has been the redefinition of “Florida man.” In years past, the term was used to mock the people of the Sunshine State as nutty, unhinged, and dangerous. But as the year draws to a close, Florida’s formerly tarnished public image has been polished to a surprisingly glossy sheen. The state largely avoided the dual perils of COVID—the Scylla of mass fatalities (à la New York) and the Charybdis of economic disaster due to draconian lockdowns (à la California). On top of that, cities in Florida generally remained untouched by the mass destruction of BLM rioting and looting. And of course the state went solidly for Trump…so solidly that no amount of Democrat dirty tricks could swing the vote.

Not bad. For a place that used to be associated with drugged-up zombies eating the faces of hapless homeless men, it’s a nice save. And most of the credit goes to the state’s Republican governor, Ron DeSantis, a.k.a. the AntiCuomo.

Last week DeSantis decided to cap off a triumphant year by drafting a bill that would allow armed Floridians to blow the living crap out of rioters and looters. As reported by the Miami Herald:

    The proposal would expand the list of “forcible felonies” under Florida’s self-defense law to justify the use of force against people who engage in criminal mischief that results in the “interruption or impairment” of a business, and looting, which the draft defines as a burglary within 500 feet of a “violent or disorderly assembly.” Other key elements of DeSantis’ proposal would enhance criminal penalties for people involved in “violent or disorderly assemblies,” make it a third-degree felony to block traffic during a protest, offer immunity to drivers who claim to have unintentionally killed or injured protesters who block traffic, and withhold state funds from local governments that cut law enforcement budgets.

Needless to say, Florida’s criminal element is up in arms over this blatant attempt to rob them of their right to rob you. Denise Georges, a Miami-Dade assistant state attorney–turned–ambulance-chasing “premise liability litigator,” told the Herald that DeSantis’ bill “allows for death to be the punishment for a property crime—and that is cruel and unusual punishment. We cannot live in a lawless society where taking a life is done so casually and recklessly.”

Funny how that “we cannot live in a lawless society” thing never applies to the looters. But then again, Ms. Georges makes her living suing Florida establishments on behalf of customers who’ve been injured by “neglected spills” and “lack of rugs or poorly placed rugs,” so her anti-business attitude is not entirely unexpected.

Miami criminal defense attorney Aubrey Webb criticized the bill because it might lead to the death of Black Lives Matter rioters.

Well, yes. Exactly. Thank you for pointing that out.

Webb compared his beloved BLM thugs to Boston Tea Party patriots (perhaps Florida can bring back those face-eating bath-salt zombies, just for this guy).

Miami defense lawyer Phil Reizenstein attacked DeSantis for not spending his “time and money addressing the underlying causes of the unrest.” In fact, DeSantis is likely one of the only political leaders in the U.S. who understands the “underlying causes of the unrest” perfectly: BLM wants to kill you and take your stuff. There, “underlying causes” explained.

Lastly, a former deputy director of Florida’s ACLU slammed the bill as “unnecessary,” because the state has not been plagued by the widespread looting and riots that have disrupted life in other states.

One can assume that DeSantis knows this, and that his goal with his proposed legislation is to keep it that way.

DEFUND THE POLICE! $#@! THE POLICE! HELP ME, POLICE!
Portland City Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty is a sassy black woman with a sassy black plan: rid Portland of cops. Ban the police, end 911. Hardesty has been leading the fight to replace Portland’s police department and 911 system with something called the “Portland Street Response” (PSR). And what exactly is PSR? Well, whenever crime rears its ugly head in the city of Portland, a team of “crisis workers” will respond to, like, talk it out, man.

Hardesty has successfully been able to defund Portland cops and redirect the money to PSR. She even proudly unveiled the agency’s new logo on Twitter last week, and it’s every bit as ******y as one would expect: love, rainbows, and caring. And no police! Because when it comes to cops, Hardesty takes a hardlinesty: Cops gotta go, 911 gotta go. No compromise, no exceptions.

Well, one exception: Her blue-black hypocritical ass gets to call the cops anytime she wants.

See, last week Hardesty summoned a Lyft after a night of gambling at a local casino. And when she got in the car, she be like, “Roll up that window, mutherfucker, I’m cold ’n’ pissed off ’cause I lost me some money.” And Lyft driver be like, “I need to have the window down to comply with the COVID regs you helped pass.” Which led to Hardesty throwing a fit in the backseat, and the driver asking her to get out of his car. Which she refused to do, even though Lyft’s policy explicitly states that their drivers have the absolute right to terminate a ride if a passenger becomes disruptive.

It became a standoff: The Lyft driver said get out, and the “pirate from Captain Phillips in drag with dreads” refused.

So what did Hardesty do? She called 911! She called the cops.

The audio recording of the 911 call is priceless. Hardesty demands that the police force her driver to call her another ride. They say they can’t. She then asks them to call her a ride! The patient male voice on the other end calmly explains to Hypoquita Jones that only she can call a Lyft for herself, and as a customer she needs to abide by the policies she agreed to when she created an account.

Amazingly, Hardesty still demanded that the police come out to keep her company as she waited for her next ride. Which they did. And they didn’t beat the $#@! out of her, which is arguably not to their credit.

Having to deal with people like Jo Ann Hardesty is why cops don’t need a defunding, but a raise.

SUMMER OF (MARQUISE) LOVE
And while we’re in Portland…a gentleman named Marquise “Keese” Love was sentenced last week for an assault committed during the months of BLM/Antifa riots in the Pacific Northwest. The 26-year-old Love beat a random white guy half to death during a Portland BLM “protest” on Aug. 12. The white fellow, Adam Haner, had apparently been attempting to assist a transgender woman who was being assaulted by Love’s fellow lovebirds. After being knocked to the ground by the peaceful protesters, Haner was violently kicked in the head FIFA-style by Love, who danced off, leaving behind an unconscious and seriously injured victim.

Hard as it might be to believe, Marquise Love describes himself as a “DJ.” Yes, a young black indigent male in a left-wing town identifies himself as a DJ. That’s never happened before. He also claims to be a “proud father” (almost certainly not “of one”).

On his Facebook page, Love states that his motto is “Living life to the fullest.” And indeed, he certainly kicked Adam Haner’s skull to the fullest; the dude nearly died. Love also identifies as a proud BLM supporter, which, again, comes as a huge (scare quotes) “surprise.”

Another “surprise”: Love has a lengthy rap sheet, with arrests for domestic assault, theft, and driving offenses. He’s also been taken to court for being a deadbeat dad, which kinda calls into question that “proud father” thing.

Following his assault on Haner, Love posted a message on Snapchat: “Might go to jail for murder tonight for a racist when all I did was fight him. Look it up on twitter put money on my books and come see me” (Love’s definition of “fight” apparently includes stomping the head of a guy while he’s sitting on the ground).

After evading capture for several days, Love eventually turned himself in. And if you’re wondering why, it’s because he likely knew that he’d get a Portland-style slap on the wrist. For nearly killing a man with a sucker-kick to the cranium, Love got 20 months in prison. He’ll likely serve less than half of it.

But lest anyone think that Multnomah County goes easy on violent criminals of color, the DA’s office also forced Love to “wish Haner a speedy recovery.”

Soft on crime? Hardly. From now on, violent felons will have to wish their victims a “speedy recovery” before they can win release. That’ll show ’em! And after a third attempted murder, the perpetrator will have to wish his victim a very speedy recovery. That’s “three strikes,” Portland-style.

Not that the Portland Street Response crisis workers will be able to enforce any of that…but hey, if the people of Portland wanted even the smallest measure of sanity in their city’s approach to criminal justice, they wouldn’t be living in Portland.

ROOTS: THE NEXT GENERATION, STARRING KUMAR KINTE
What a comeback! In recent years, slavery in the U.S. certainly seemed on the ropes. Statues of long-dead slaveholders were pulled down. Statues of tacit endorsers or neutral bystanders of slavery were removed. Monuments to the Confederacy were demolished. Even reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard were pulled from the airwaves because the car invoked images of the slave trade.

Given all that, and the fact that America abolished slavery a century and a half ago, you’d think that the “peculiar institution” was down for the count.

Not so fast!

After cleansing the landscape of anything that bears any connection to slavery, American leftists have elected as vice president a woman who is the direct descendant of a slave owner. Of course, that’s only one side of Kamala Harris’ parental lineage. The other side is comprised of Indian immigrants. And wouldn’t you know it, apparently a bunch of culturally enriching immigrant Indians have decided that as much as they love their adopted homeland, it’s missing a certain something extra…a certain something special…slavery!

Yep, Indians are bringing slavery back to America, and not a moment too soon for the financially strapped iron-muzzle industry. Last week, cops in Gilroy (Northern California) busted an Indian husband and wife who were running a good old-fashioned slavery ring from their liquor store. Amarjit Mann and her husband Balwinder Mann (whose name sounds like the moniker of a gay S&M fetishist) “recruited workers from India and promised them travel and financial independence,” according to the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office, only to then imprison the “workers” and use them as slave laborers.

“Slavery officially was abolished in 1865,” District Attorney Jeff Rosen stated in a press release following the arrest of the Punjabi plantationists. “Tragically, we are seeing examples of it in 2020.”

It’s good to know that as Democrats knock down monuments to the slave owners of the past, they’ll continue to import slave owners of the present to fill the vacuum.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-114/

Takimag

November 22, 2020

The Week’s Most Colicky, Frolicky, and Bollocky Headlines

*MS. CREOSOTE DEMANDS A RECOUNT*

Last week, officials finally finished counting the votes in the Sumter, S.C., mayor’s race. And what a barn burner it was! Sumter has had the same mayor for twenty years—the ancient Joe McElveen, who announced earlier this year that he’d finally be leaving office on account of advanced fossilization. The first competitive mayoral race in two decades brought out some of Sumter’s heavy hitters, including its heaviest: 29-year-old Sabrina Belcher, a morbidly obese (and honestly, that term isn’t strong enough) BLM supporter, who ran in the name of bringing “racial justice” to her nearly 50% black city.

Belcher is known around town for two things: her homemade “rap” videos, and her gravitational pull, which plays havoc with the tides at nearby Myrtle Beach. She was inspired to enter the race by the politician who had the greatest impact on her life—Mayor McCheese. She ran on a platform of keeping all-you-can-eat buffets open during COVID.

She also had the benefit of being the only candidate based on a novel by Sapphire.

Sadly, by August, polling showed that Belcher was trailing far behind local real estate agent Foxy Rae Campbell. Poor Belcher had not anticipated the presence of an even sassier black woman in the race. Now she’d have to get creative in her campaigning. But how? Must think, must think. Two hours and ten gallons of Dreyer’s later, Belcher hatched a plan: She’d fake her own kidnapping at the hands of MAGA racists acting on behalf of an opposing candidate! After all, Bubba Wallace’s silly string garnered national headlines for weeks, and a NASCAR parade in his honor. If Belcher could carry off a hate hoax, surely she’d get a parade as well (plus, she could act as her own float). She enlisted the help of her friend Christopher James Eaddy, who would play the part of the kidnapper.

Belcher livestreamed her kidnapping because of course she did, and police wondered why she was livestreaming an “unexpected” kidnapping, because of course they did. After several days of the kind of grilling she doesn’t like, Belcher confessed to the ruse. She was charged with filing a false police report of a felony, and conspiracy. Eaddy was charged with conspiracy (his mug shot screams, “What was I supposed to do? She’d a’ sat on me if I refused to go along with the plan”).

Yet Belcher stayed in the mayor’s race, hoping she could win the support of the people who still think Jussie Smollett was telling the truth. But with the votes now counted, it appears that “Bossie” Smollett came in dead last, with just 2.74% of the vote. Although the fact that anyone voted for her at all is rather astounding.

In a final blow to her campaign, mere days before the election, Mayor McCheese withdrew his endorsement. It had nothing to do with the kidnapping hoax; turns out all this time he’d mistakenly thought she was the Grimace.

*KATRINA AND THE COVID WAVES*

With COVID wave number three (or is it two? Four?) sweeping over the world like a murderous tsunami (if by “murderous” one means “not inordinately lethal”), world leaders are doing their best to control the spread of the China-born pathogen.

One brilliant idea adopted by dozens of civilized (and a few decidedly uncivilized) nations is that cross-border traffic will be limited to travelers who can produce proof of a negative COVID test. This scheme is truly ironclad. There’s absolutely no way that anybody could possibly cheat that system. After all, there’s never been an instance in history of foreigners faking IDs or travel documents. It’s almost ludicrous to think about!

“Fake papers”? Absurd.

Except apparently not. A thriving Third World black market trading in phony negative COVID tests has become a global menace, much to the surprise of absolutely no one except the imbecilic leftists who see noble nonwhites as incapable of deception. Hey, did somebody mention imbéciles? Ah, the French. Last week, dozens of Ethiopian “refugees” were caught selling fake COVID test results at de Gaulle.

A Brazilian ring of COVID test forgers has been working the Southern Hemisphere, and untold numbers of enterprising Pakistanis have been covering the U.K., offering fake test results for around $200. Bangladesh, meanwhile, is home to an assembly line of phony COVID test results, which are being sold to migrant workers “for $59 a pop,” according to The New York Times.

Some conscientious Third Worlders who don’t want their money to go to faceless, impersonal COVID-test factory farms are seeking out people in their own community who’ve been tested and found to be negative, and “borrowing” their results for international travel. According to one Pakistani gentleman who spoke to the Lancashire Telegraph about an arrangement he made with his COVID-free buddy, “You can simply get their negative test and change the name and birthdate to your own. You also put a test date on which is within the time limit required.”

In the face of the growing international trade in fake negative results, governments are struggling to come up with a strategy to prevent Third World immigrants from spreading the infection in the West. “Not letting them in” isn’t on the table, almost certainly on account of that “imbecilic leftist” thing, which tends to reject the conception and acceptance of simple, commonsense solutions.

*HIS FODDER’S A MUDDER*

Costello: I just bought me a racehorse.
Abbott: Well, if you’re gonna run him in a race, if the track is wet will he run well?
Costello: I think so…
Abbott: What I’m asking is, is he a mudder?
Costello: How can a he be a mudder? Ain’t a she always a mudder?
Abbott: Certainly not. Sometimes a he makes a better mudder than a she.
Costello: Look, suppose the mama horse has little horses, does that make her a mudder?
Abbott: Well, that depends on her feet.
Costello: Ya learn sumpin’ every day, don’t cha?

Major League Baseball may not yet have players named Who, What, and I Don’t Know, but at least one revered Abbott & Costello routine has become 100% nonfiction. 

Fodders can now be mudders, or, in some cases, a mudder can become a fodder only to decide to become a mudder again.

Freddy McConnell is a journalist for The Guardian. But that’s not the worst thing about her. See, “Freddy” was born a woman, and with a few screws loose to boot. In 2013 she began hormone therapy in order to “transition” to manhood, and in 2014 she had her breasts lopped off because that’s not even remotely insane. Her passport and National Health Service records were changed to reflect her “new gender,” and she prepared to get her final ladybits ripped out because, again, there’s nothing even slightly lunatic going on here.

However, in 2018, before losing her babymaking tools, “Freddy” decided to conceive. She went off the hormone therapy, which allowed her to menstruate again (actual women tend to do that), then she got knocked up, got pregnant (totally in line with what actual women do when knocked up), and had a baby.

Following the birth of a child who will surely prove a cash cow to therapists, “Freddy” finally completed her transition. She’s now fully a man under British law *(look it up, it’s in the Fagna Carta*). So, as a newly minted “man,” she decided to have herself declared her baby’s “father,” even though she birthed the child through a biological process that tends to be associated with mothers. This proved too much even for the progressive Brits, and last week a panel of wig-wearing High Court justices decided that since “Freddy” was a woman when she gave birth, that fact must be reflected on the birth certificate of the baby. The justices argued “in favour of the right of a child born to a transgender parent to know the biological reality of its birth.”

In other words, delude yerself all ya want, pseudobloke, but the law won’t take part in helping you delude your kid.

Needless to say, British alphabet-soupers are up in arms over the decision, because what’s the fun of going trans if you can’t mislead children? Might as well just go back to cross-dressing like those wig-donning m’luds. On the other hand, British “TERFs” applauded the court’s confirmation that giving birth is a uniquely female endeavor. And people from outside the U.K. expressed surprise that there was still an ounce of sanity left on the Sphinctered Isle.

For “his” part, McConnell, having reached the end of her legal appeals, has now decided to devote herself full-time to a new career—professional “Jameson Parker in Prince of Darkness” impersonator.

She traded breasts for that mustache. Arguably the most appalling aspect of this story.

*JUST DON’T CALL HER “DRUMPF”*

And while we’re in the U.K…

The BBC is doing a victory lap over its newest win in the war against free speech. The calcified pretend-journalists at the state-funded reminder of why Britain’s no longer great were bored one evening, and after a few hours of mincing and fopping, as effete Britishers tend to do, they decided to scan Facebook for posts that were “insulting” toward VP-elect Kamala Harris. They examined individual pages, and they scanned entire groups. And after they compiled their blacklist, they sent it straight over to Mark Zuckerberg’s mansion, where the list was brought to Zuck by his inscrutable, feet-bound consort as he sat on his beanbag filled with thousand-dollar bills and extracted baby hearts, playing Minecraft with one hand and plotting global genocide with the other.

By the next day, every post the Beeb had flagged was gone, much to the delight of the giddy Goebbelers at the broadcasting giant, who joyfully added prancing to their nightly mince and fop fest.

And what type of posts had the journos targeted for banning? In the words of a BBC report trumpeting the triumph, they specifically went after “memes where Harris’ name is mocked.”

Yep, there’ll be no mocking of Kamala Harris’ name. From Tricky Dick to Ronnie Raygun to Billary Clinton to Barack O-bomb-ya to, of course, DRUMPF, that name-punning $#@! stops right here.

The British have spoken. And Zuck listened.

Of course, one can assume that the mocking ban only applies to the names of Democrats. In fact, a cursory examination of Facebook reveals plenty of posts mocking the names of GOP senators and representatives, and quite a few about Florida governor “Ron DeSaster” and “Ron DeSatan.” But I’m certain Facebook’s gonna be right on top of those any minute now!

Interestingly, the BBC also flagged posts that complain about the fact that Harris is not a “foundational black American,” and thus not entitled to the “victimhood cred” claimed by blacks who trace their U.S. roots to slavery. The BBC boasted that they were able to get Zuckerberg to eradicate posts that claim Harris “is not ‘black enough’ for the Democrats.”

So apparently telling a black person “you ain’t black” is now verboten on Facebook…unless you’re a certain dementia-addled mumble-mouthed figurehead president-elect.

In which case it’s fine.

Media Matters cheered the BBC’s flag-fest, while complaining that Zuck needs to step up his game and remove more anti-Harris speech on his own, so that the British don’t have to do it for him.

Yet another case of foreigners doing the work that Americans—or in this case one beady-eyed, expressionless American Jew—won’t do themselves.

*SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE PIANO MANGLER*

In the 1960s, the University of California, Berkeley, became ground zero in the fight to empower the people. Have something to say, friend? Speak it aloud at the free-speech zone in Sproul Plaza, the freest place on earth! Be heard, my brother. The Man won’t hassle you here. Tired after a long day of fighting the system, comrade? Want to rest your weary feet? Rest them at People’s Park across from the campus. The Man won’t roust you there; sleep in peace!

Soon enough, Berkeley became a mecca of soup kitchens and loitering, growing to become one of the biggest hubs of welfare cases, SSI recipients, and homeless bums in the nation. And it turned out that a lot of those SSI hobos have severe mental-health issues. By the dawn of the 21st century, People’s Park had become a most unwelcome space for people, taken over by a permanent class of homeless squatters who would occasionally stab or shoot interlopers, and sometimes each other. Local eateries became places where patrons would be set on fire by roving “unhoused” pyros. And Sproul Plaza’s free-speech zone was appropriated by thugs as the staging area for Antifa rallies organized to keep conservative speakers off campus. Soon enough, that area became arguably the least free and welcoming place on earth for speaking one’s mind.

Several years ago, two UC Berkeley juniors, Daniel Geng and Josh Yurtsever, decided that what the campus needed in order to restore that feeling of communal camaraderie and ’60s-era idealism was music! The two plucky youths raised funds from the people (via GoFundMe) to put a piano in Sproul Plaza, so that all day long, any random passerby could plink out a tune, sing a song, or, as the Doobies say, just “listen to the music.”

Music would soothe the schizos. Music would calm the thugs.

The “social experiment” worked for about six months, until a 2018 video titled “The Racist Keyboard” went viral. In that video, a piano had its black keys removed to “prove the point” that when something becomes solely white, it sucks. Removing black keys from a piano became a way to strike a blow for “racial justice” (see, the piano is worthless now because the black is gone. Get it? Get it?).

So, a late-night vandal forcibly removed the black keys from the Sproul piano in December 2018, completely ruining it.

But Berkeley students vowed to bring the piano back. More money was raised, and another, better piano was installed at Sproul.

The people spoke! And the people, united, will never be divi…

…oh, wait. Last week the new piano was hacked to pieces in yet another late-night raid. It was literally reduced to kindling. Another “racist keyboard” demolished like a Confederate monument. Sproul Plaza has finally been liberated from music.

That’s the problem with doing things in the name of empowering “the people.” More often than not, “the people” are dicks who should probably not be empowered, ever.

R.I.P. Sproul piano.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-115/

The Week’s Chunkiest, Clunkiest, and Slam-Dunkiest Headlines

*WAIT, TRUMP FAILED TO LOCK SOMEONE UP? NO!*

If there’s a single story that encapsulates the unrealized promise of the Trump administration and the dashed dreams of its supporters, it’s the odd saga of Mexico’s former defense minister Gen. Salvador Cienfuegos. In October, El General was arrested at LAX by the DEA. Cienfuegos had come to L.A. for a family vacation (hard to believe that a Mexican would consider L.A. to be a “vacation,” as the city has more Mexicans than Mexico), and the DEA was waiting for him. As explained by The Sunday Times, “after years of painstaking investigation the DEA had established that he was a shadowy figure drug traffickers referred to as El Padrino (the Godfather).”

Yep, those plucky DEA agents caught “the Godfather.” But apparently none of them had seen any of the eponymous films. If they had, they’d have known that Godfathers are kinda hard to prosecute; there’s always a corrupt or pliable politico in the mix willing to help them out.

Hey, did somebody mention William Barr?

Yep, last week “a US federal judge acting on the orders of the attorney-general abruptly dropped the case against Cienfuegos, and put him on a plane home to Mexico.”

According to The Times, “speculation is rife” as to why Barr let the Godfather hightail it back to his Meh-hee-co mansion. The general’s release was a major concession to Mexico’s leftist president Andrés Manuel López Obrador, who’d been bitching nonstop about the arrest and what it meant to “Mexican sovereignty.” So of course folks are wondering why Trump and Barr “released the crack-en” to please a Hugo Chavez-loving Mexican commiecrat. One unsubstantiated claim is that Obrador had threatened to remove his troops from the border, where they’ve essentially been playing the part of Trump’s “wall” for the past few years, keeping out the various migrant caravans that have made their way up from Central America. Another is that Cienfuegos’ release was a gift to the Mexican president for not recognizing Biden’s election victory.

Trump administration officials told The Times that “they had returned Cienfuegos as a sign of their confidence in Mexico’s justice system and to preserve good relations.”

The reason is probably irrelevant; the arrest and subsequent release of “Godfather” Cienfuegos was the inevitable final southern border act that the Trump saga needed and deserved. Anyone who expected this movie to end without heavy-handed bad-screenwriter irony hasn’t been paying attention.

Trump leaves the international stage with a literal “catch and release” of a criminal Mexican whose arrest might have threatened a human “wall” that Mexico technically built and therefore could withdraw at any time for any reason, as Bill Barr once again failed to lock up any wrongdoers while proving that he can provide cover for swamp creatures in two nations simultaneously.

A perfect ending. Roll credits, cue “Speak Softly, Love.”

*BAD DAY FOR BLACK ROCK*

Pity the black American…if he’s not being pursued by a racist piece of string, he’s being tormented by a racist…uh…rock?

Yes, racist rocks. Blacks have a difficult relationship with bigoted boulders.

Back in 2011, when then Texas governor Rick Perry was competing in the GOP primary, he was condemned by racial justice advocates because a long time ago Perry’s father had leased a parcel of land and on that land was a rock that years earlier (long before the Perrys leased the land) had been painted with the word “niggerhead.”

When the Perrys leased the land, they painted over the slur.

Here’s where any normal human would expect to see the words “end of story.” But no, ’twas not the end of story. Black activists were furious that the rock had not been destroyed, as the word painted by that anonymous vandal decades earlier had rendered it evil—cursed, if you will—and therefore the rock had to be physically annihilated in order to break the spell and rid the land of the wickedness it had summoned. Removing the word, as the Perry family did, was not enough. The stone itself had to “die.”

The Washington Post devoted 3,000 words to a story about how racist Rick Perry was for not having demolished the boulder. The New York Times declared that the rock should have been reduced to gravel; only then could blacks have been freed from its malevolent influence.

BTW, these are the same news orgs that claim to be in favor of science and against superstition.

Nine years after black Americans fought so bravely against an inanimate slab, yet another racist rock is forcing them to once again lock arms and sing “We Shall Overcrumble.” On the campus of the University of Wisconsin, Madison, sits a seventy-ton boulder known as Chamberlin Rock, in honor of geologist Thomas Chamberlin, a former president of the university. This rock was once referred to as “niggerhead” in a 1925 article in the Wisconsin State Journal. So black students have demanded that the rock be demolished, and the university has agreed.

Even the blacks protesting the stone admit that the 1925 Journal article is the only known time the “nickname” was used. But still, that one instance almost 100 years ago was enough to imbue the boulder with demonic properties.

The rock is “a painful reminder of the history of racism on campus,” claimed the Wisconsin State Journal, even though the slur was spoken not “on campus” but in the pages of…the Wisconsin State Journal. Odd that the stone is being destroyed and not the newspaper. Seems a bit unfair.

Wisconsin Black Student Union President Nalah McWhorter claimed that the boulder is “a constant reminder that we don’t belong here.” One could counter that it’s the desire to destroy a rock because someone called it a name 95 years ago that’s the “reminder” of why McWhorter “doesn’t belong on campus.”

After the rock is either “buried or broken up,” the Black Student Union plans to place “a monument to Black students and the contributions of the Black community” where the boulder once sat.

Hopefully the monument will acknowledge the heroic “contributions” of American blacks in the never-ending war against racist stones.

*ALL-ABOARD THE SS UNITY (ACCENT ON THE “SS”)*

Well, like they say, “we’re all in this together.”

As Joe Biden mumbles insincerities about “unity” in America, over in Germany, the “unity” is real. The lockdowns and other repressive measures taken by that government in the name of controlling the COVID pandemic have managed to make new allies of old enemies.

True solidarity is here, and the Germans have it!

An anti-lockdown, anti-mask protest in Berlin last week brought out a genuine rogues’ gallery of demonstrators who set aside their longstanding differences for the sake of a greater good. As reported by the AFP, LGBT lightenloaferers waving rainbow flags marched and cavorted alongside hardcore sieg-heiling neo-Nazis, as topless women danced among Evangelical Christians, and Green Party supporters mixed with AfD activists.

Thank you, COVID alarmists and restrictionists, for doing the impossible: bringing together the far left and the far right, the *****s and the Nazis, the hippies and the Hitlers, the preachers and the strippers, all joined together in shared anger over the destruction of their freedoms by COVID-exploiting dictocrats.

_Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Furor._

According to the AFP, the massive Berlin protest consisting of “10,000 demonstrators united by a crumbling faith in institutions and representative democracy” had been organized under the umbrella of an ad hoc movement that refers to itself as “Querdenken,” which means “lateral thinking” (although it also sounds like a gay-themed Kraftwerk tribute band). Querdenken is dedicated to fighting back against the “Corona dictatorship.”

And fighting back against state-mouthpiece “journalists,” too. The organization Reporters Without Borders claims that at least 43 reporters for print and television news organizations were “jostled, harassed, and threatened” by Querdenkeners during the protests last week.

So that’s why the members of the White House press corps were so angered by Trump’s refusal to take questions at last week’s truncated presser…they were robbed of the opportunity to ask him a dozen times in a row if he denounces Querdenken.

Simon Teune, a sociologist and “protest specialist” at Technische Universität Berlin, condemned Querdenken for “turning governments and the media into objects of protest and hatred.”

With all due respect to Herr Professor, it’s a bit more accurate to say that those institutions did that to themselves.

*CONFERENCING ON ZOOM PETERS OUT*

Sorry, that title should read “Conferencing on Zoom? Peters OUT!”

COVID lockdown Zoom participants just can’t seem to avoid dangling dirlywangers. Apparently, CNN’s Jeffrey “lubin’” Toobin, who’s never had an original idea in his life, also copycatted that whole “wave your willy on Zoom” thing. According to an “in-depth” report on Vice.com, dick flashers and related pervs have become a pervasive, and international, problem for Zoom users:

    An Argentinian politician was caught sucking a woman’s breasts on a Zoom call broadcast to the country’s congress. In the UK, a college lecture was flooded with extreme pornography links by the students. Incidents have also been reported in India, where bosses allegedly conducted meetings with their employees in vests and boxers.

Speaking of India, Navin Noronha, the author of the Vice article, is a stand-up comedian from Mumbai. You may have heard some of his classic bits, like the one about the dyslexic Indian man who burned his poop and dumped his bride on the street, or that timeless knock-knock joke:

“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“This is Microsoft Windows tech support, sir. There’s a problem with your computer’s security.”

According to Noronha, it’s become practically impossible for stand-up comedians in India—particularly female ones—to perform Zoom comedy sets without being “Zoombombed” by dicks. Why this is an especially egregious problem in India, Noronha doesn’t attempt to address. One possible explanation is that the unwanted dong-swingers are just trying to show off their comedic impressions of Ganesha. When you’re an impressionist in a country where the native accent is one that everyone else in the world loves to spoof, you really have to step up your game.

Noronha laments the fact that after several of his female stand-up friends were flashed on Zoom, the company behind the app refused to take action to identify and punish the offenders. That might not be such a bad thing, though. Even China, with its massive electronic security state, has yet to create software that can identify a person via video footage of his exposed member.

And frankly, that’s probably for the best.

One of Noronha’s fellow comedians claims that a Zoom flasher interrupted her you-go-girl feminist comedy set.

That was probably for the best, as well.

The punchline of the story is that Noronha is gay, billing himself as “India’s only openly ***** comedian.”

A gay man angry about seeing too many dicks?

Now, that’s funny.

*MINNEAPOLSCHWITZ: THE WOIST CAMP EVAH!*

Make that 6 million and one from now on, thank you very much.

George Floyd, America’s favorite black martyr, is being retroactively added to the list of Holocaust victims. And why not? Nobody rioted when Elie Wiesel or Simon Wiesenthal died. What losers! A man like Floyd, filled as he was with pride, integrity, and lethal doses of fentanyl, absolutely deserves to be added to the holy scroll of Holocaust casualties (the fact that Floyd wasn’t born until almost thirty years after World War II notwithstanding). At least that’s the view of the Holocaust Memorial and Education Resource Center of Florida, which last week opened a new exhibit dedicated to Minneapolis’ favorite dyspneic son.

“We have produced this so that people can come and look these individuals in the eye. So you come face to face with people, so you can really experience the feelings that they were feeling,” the center’s assistant director Lisa Bachman told the Jewish News. And indeed, who can argue with the notion that only by looking into the eyes of a 21st-century black American drug addict and petty criminal from Minnesota can one truly experience the feelings of Polish Jews in the Łódź Ghetto in 1943?

That really does make perfect sense, at least to people suffering from oxygen deprivation. Hence the museum will offer visitors the option of having their necks knelt upon, to better experience the new exhibit’s commentary, which is best appreciated with mild brain damage.

The exhibition features 45 photos of black people looking sad because George Floyd died. That’s literally it. That’s literally the totality of the exhibit. The Center hopes to give each visitor the feeling of what it’s like to be a casting director cycling through headshots while assembling a crowd scene for the next Jordan Peele film.

Critics on social media have slammed the new exhibit for distorting the meaning of the Holocaust, insulting the memory of Hitler’s victims, and tacitly comparing American law enforcement officers to Nazis. To which assistant director Bachman excitedly replied, “Bingo!”

Fortunately, the exhibit is free to the public, because it might be asking a bit much to expect folks to pay money to see a roomful of sad black faces when they can see the same thing at no cost by visiting any Popeye’s at closing time.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-116/

Takimag

December 06, 2020

The Week’s Most Nerdy, Sturdy, and Wordy Headlines

*HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW KIDS?*

He looks like an African F. Murray Abraham. An almost completely bald Muslim immigrant from Gambia with crow’s-feet and liver spots has been passing himself off as a 15-year-old boy in order to get some tasty “refugee” perks in the British city of Coventry. Now, Coventry has a rich history involving the locals turning their backs to something nakedly obvious, and initially there were no Peeping Toms when the local school district placed the very clearly fortysomething “child immigrant” in classes alongside actual children.

The ruse would have worked except for a few dead giveaways, like how the “kid” had to bow out of playing dodgeball because of his herniated disc, and the five o’clock shadow he’d develop by last period. Oh, and the fact that one just has to look at him to know he’s not a child.

So why the ruse? Refugee “minors” seeking amnesty are never returned to their home country. And U.K. officials are not allowed to ask for proof that a refugee is a minor. In that way, the U.K.’s refugee rules mirror U.S. ADA laws regarding service dogs. Businesses can refuse entry to a non-service dog, but they’re not allowed to demand proof that a service dog is actually a service dog; they must take the owner’s word for it. As a result, in practice any dog can enter any establishment as long as the owner says it’s a service dog.

And any refugee in the U.K. can get preferential treatment as a minor…as long as he or she says they’re a minor.

So it’s similar…to an extent. The main difference is that regardless of whether a dog is a service animal or not, dogs are still a joy to be around. The same can’t be said of Third World refugees; whether they’re minors or not, they tend to go on the dole, commit crimes, and generally stress out the indigenous locals.

And boy, were the locals stressed out by this middle-aged “kid.” Coventry children asked their parents why they were being forced to study and play side by side with a dude old enough to be their father. And the parents passed those concerns along to the school. And school officials told the parents that they were being “racist” for smearing a “child” of color.

Unfortunately for the school administrators, they forgot one important lesson about actual kids these days: They know how to use social media. So one of the Gambian grown-up’s schoolmates put a photo of the guy on Snapchat, along with the backstory. And social media did its thing. Facing ridicule and questions from the press, the Coventry school district has now sequestered Banjul Baldpate in a separate facility, where he’s still being schooled as if he were a child, but without having to creep out actual children.

Meanwhile, school officials have attacked the students who shared the immigrant’s photo as “bullies” who were intolerant toward a man-child three times their size and four times their age who just wanted to scam the system by playing preteen.

This would all make a fine anti-bullying after-school special; hopefully F. Murray Abraham is available to play the lead.

*THIRD (WORLD) REICH*

And speaking of Africa…

You know the “diversity” craze has gone too far when even the Hitlers are black. Yes, Adolf Hitler is back, and he’s had a hip, Afrocentric makeover.

Last week in Namibia, a man named Adolf Hitler Uunona was elected as councillor for the Ompundja constituency in the Oshana region. Lacking the tiny mustache but sporting the same steely glare that endeared OG Hitler to so many Germans, Soul Brother Hitler has become a media sensation in a nation that rarely makes the news, and when it does, it’s usually because a cheetah eats a villager or a villager with AIDS dies of Ebola or a cheetah with AIDS eats a villager with Ebola.

Following the announcement of Hitler’s election victory, the director of the Oshana-Israel Tourism Bureau stared blankly ahead and said, “Well, I’m $#@!ed.”

In an interview with the German newspaper Bild, Hip-Hop Hitler explained that his father named him in honor of the late Nazi dictator, which is as good a lesson as any why you should never piss off the Jews. If Jews like you, you get a sandwich named after you at the Stage Deli. If Jews hate you, you get a Namibian.

African Adolf told Bild that his father meant no offense. The old man never learned anything about the real Adolf Hitler; he just thought it was a cool-sounding name in a nation that still has revered remnants of its days as a German colony. It also apparently has an exceptionally $#@!ty school system (if it has one at all).

In answer to an inquiry by the BBC, Funkytown Führer flatly stated that he doesn’t plan to change his name. After all, he won with 85% of the vote, and that was without the help of Dominion voting machines.

A member of the ruling Swapo party, which tends to always emerge victorious in elections because opponents have a bad habit of falling on machetes repeatedly, Hitler has pledged his own “anschluss,” promising to annex the one working toilet in the village next door. He’s also announced a nonaggression pact with the chacma baboon colony in the adjoining game reserve (“There are enough figs for all of us,” Hitler said upon announcing the accord).

Most important, Hitler has joined with his in-house architect Albert Spear to replace his district’s bumpy dirt and gravel roads with much smoother dirt and gravel roads.

“These new roadways will last a thousand years,” Hitler triumphantly proclaimed about the public works project. “Or at least until the next heavy rain.”

*ATLAS WHINES*

There’s an old joke about libertarians…perhaps you’ve heard it.

A social conservative, a fiscal conservative, and a libertarian walk into a bar on a scorching hot afternoon. The bartender regretfully announces that the establishment’s credit-card processing equipment is down; it’s cash-only for the rest of the day. The three thirsty gents pool their dough and realize that they have just enough between them for a refreshing pitcher of beer. Yet they can’t agree on what type of beer to get. One wants an IPA, one wants a porter, and one wants a stout. The social conservative says, “I may not get exactly the beer I want, but some beer is better than none. I’ll go with whatever the group decides.” The fiscal conservative also says, “I may not get exactly the beer I want, but some beer is better than none. I’ll go with whatever the group decides.”

And the libertarian sets his cash on fire and runs out the door screaming, “Now nobody gets beer; I win on principle!”

Reason’s J.D. Tuccille would not approve of that joke. Last week he furiously banged out a screed condemning conservatives for viewing libertarians as “spoilers.” Not that Tuccille contests the fact that libertarians are spoilers. He doesn’t dispute the figures cited by The Spectator’s Michael Warren Davis:

    According to the latest figures, the Libertarian candidate for president, Jo Jorgensen, has spoiled the election. The number of votes Jorgensen received in Arizona, Georgia, Nevada and Pennsylvania exceeds Joe Biden’s margin over Donald Trump in all those states. In other words, had the libertarians in each of those states voted for Mr Trump, he would have been reelected handily.

In other words, a spoiler. And Tuccille is fine with that. He’s just not fine with the fact that conservatives keep holding it against his liberty-loving brethren.

Why don’t you like us? was the general theme of Tuccille’s piece.

Of course, Tuccille is too dense to realize that he answers his own question. All we want is to “live and let live,” he whines, while approvingly quoting a New York Times piece that cites the support libertarians gave Joe Biden because of his “friendlier record on trade and immigration.”

One can almost hear Tuccille sobbing, “Why do folks on the right hate us so much? It can’t be because we want to send jobs to China and flood the nation with every welfare case and violent criminal in the Third World. No, it can’t be that. They just hate us because we want to ‘live and let live.’ Yeah, that’s it.”

Tuccille concludes his pity piece by telling his fellow libertarians that they are on their own—disowned by both major political parties—and that it’s not their fault. It has nothing to do with voters reacting with justified revulsion to the notion of open borders and closed factories. Rather, it’s that the United States detests any “major political party even slightly inclined to leave people alone to manage their own affairs.”

Apparently, “rejection of introspection” is second only to the NAP as a sacred tenet of libertarianism.

*BEATINGS, ARSON, AND THREATS GET REAL OLD REAL FAST (WHO KNEW?)*

It turns out that a sustained campaign of assaults, racial hatred, looting, arson, and bullying is not the best way to make friends and influence people. A new survey conducted by Opinium, the official polling partner of The Guardian, found that the majority of respondents believe that Black Lives Matter has made race relations in the U.K. much, much worse.

You don’t say!

“A majority of people believe Black Lives Matter, the anti-racism movement that spread across the UK this summer, has increased racial tension,” the notoriously leftist Guardian was forced to admit last week. 55% of U.K. adults believe that BLM has really mucked it up, racially speaking, while only 17% think BLM has made things better. Surprisingly, 44% of the U.K.’s racial minorities take a dim view of BLM, and an overwhelming majority of U.K. whites—regardless of political affiliation—want BLM to bloody sod off and take a boot up the ol’ Khyber.

The Guardian poll has left BLM UK shaken and confused. If burning down mom ’n’ pop stores, coshing blokes fer breathin’, and yelling “fek off” at women and children doesn’t win you friends, what does?

Adam Elliott-Cooper, a spokesman for BLM UK, told the newspaper that the poll results merely show that BLM has successfully “exposed” the U.K.’s racism. By randomly beating up white people, BLM has revealed the extent to which whites, in their racism and privilege, dislike being randomly beaten up.

Elliott-Cooper didn’t explain why BLM’s approval ratings are so low among nonwhites, because surely to even ask such a thing would make the questioner racist and deserving of a random beating.

Those nonwhite polling figures were also ignored by a professor at the Centre for Research in Race and Education at the University of Birmingham. Kalwant Bhopal, whose surname invokes memories of the only effective anti-overpopulation measure in the history of modern India, told The Guardian that the dislike for BLM among whites was due to the fact that they “feel their privilege is being threatened and questioned.” She also said that whites who claim to support BLM are only faking it, thus proving themselves worse racists than the whites who are willing to be honest about their bigotry.

So whites get pummeled if they say they dislike BLM. And they get pummeled if they say they like BLM.

How very odd that BLM is so unpopular. All the organization is saying is, “We’re gonna hate you no matter your opinion of us.”

The Guardian poll mirrors figures in the U.S., where BLM is roundly unpopular with whites and Hispanics.

Undaunted, BLM has promised to up the beatings, burnings, and general mayhem in 2021, pledging to turn those poll numbers around, no matter how many people they have to kill to improve their favorability stats.

*CALIFORNIA: IN GOOD HANDS (BLOODY, GROPEY HANDS)*

With the entire state of California under a new lockdown and the city of L.A. under a directive that reads “All persons living within the City of Los Angeles are hereby ordered to remain in their homes. All travel, including, without limitation, travel on foot, bicycle, scooter, motorcycle, automobile or public transit is prohibited,” it might be tempting for Californians in general and Angelenos in particular to wonder if their political leaders actually know what the hell they’re doing. After all, a mere two hours after voting for last week’s countywide ban on in-person dining, L.A. County Supervisor Sheila Kuehl went in-person dining at an Italian restaurant in Santa Monica.

When asked why she was dining out after declaring prior to her vote that dining out was a veritable death sentence, Kuehl calmly explained that the dining prohibition doesn’t go into effect until midnight, so what’s the problem? COVID knows not to attack until the ban starts.

Kuehl is a former child actress whose entire political career has been built upon being a lesbian. But she’s a veritable Palmerston compared with the two dudes who serve as advisers to L.A.’s mayor and California’s governor.

Mayor Eric Garcetti’s closest adviser Rick Jacobs loves grabbing dicks. The man’s pulled so many puds his hands are officially recognized as testicular exam equipment by the California Urological Association. In October, a bunch of men came forward claiming that Jacobs had kneaded their knobs without their consent. The complainants included a Hispanic LAPD officer and HuffPost writer Yashar Ali, because in California gropers support racial diversity. The men also alleged that the mayor knew about the unwanted willy-wringing, but did nothing to stop it. Garcetti disputed that claim and stood by his man(handler)…until a few weeks ago when a photo surfaced in which Jacobs is quite clearly pulping a dude’s pecker, as the mayor stands next to him, smiling.

Following the photo’s release, Garcetti announced that his old friend would no longer be advising him (on anything other than the art of skillful groin-grabbing).

Always looking to one-up his local officials, California governor Gavin Newsom showed the nation that he can muster an even wackier aide. Last week, top Newsom adviser and California Democrat Party strategist Nathan Ballard was arrested following a rampage at a luxurious Napa spa (where all conscientious Democrats go while their constituents are in lockdown), during which he tried to smother a 4-year-old girl by placing a pillow over her face and sitting on top of her as she suffocated. When two other people—an adult and another minor—attempted to intervene, Ballard beat the crap out of them before doing a face-plant and smashing his nose flat on the floor.

Authorities, who have not released the identities of the victims (but who’ve hinted that they were Ballard’s own children), believe that drugs and alcohol were a factor in the melee. And indeed, Ballard was one of the strongest forces behind California’s marijuana legalization effort. He also headed the PR firm that represented Pacific Gas & Electric Co. after the energy conglomerate immolated 85 people in a wildfire in 2018.

Oh, and he’s currently advising the governor regarding Kamala Harris’ replacement as senator.

One can assume that Ballard will make sure the appointee is a strong advocate for stoned drunk child-smothering.

In the Golden State, that would make them a moderate.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-117/

Takimag December 13, 2020

The Week’s Most Stoned, Boned, and Bemoaned Headlines

*“VEE HAFF VAYS OF MAKING YOU NOT TALK.”*

Last week saw the 79th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, a.k.a. the day the Japanese favored the world with a strikingly vivid real-life illustration of the phrase “biting off more than you can chew.” Pearl Harbor Day is certainly an appropriate time for reflecting upon what a terrible, terrible world this would be if the Axis powers had won World War II.

Imagine Germany in 2020 if the U.S. and Soviet Union had not beaten some democratic sense into the totalitarian Nazi state. Imagine a Germany that had not been immolatingly guided into embracing the sacred tenets of freedom and human rights. A Germany not brought to heel in 1945 would surely be a monstrous, oppressive society that tortures 92-year-old women just because they don’t parrot state doctrine.

Oh, wait; that’s Germany today. Sorry, Hitler!

Ursula Haverbeck is 92 years old, and “free and democratic” Germany just can’t stop imprisoning her. One could reasonably ask why any major world power—or, frankly, any minor world power—would feel the need to keep locking up one elderly woman. What manner of criminal mischief could this senior scofflaw possibly be engaged in to merit repeated stints in the pokey? Did she plow through an open-air market in her Volkswagen? Is she a suspect in the disappearance of Hansel and Gretel?

Nope. She won’t stop saying that Auschwitz wasn’t an extermination camp. And the fact that one insignificant old lady holds a view that the state finds objectionable is something that free and democratic Germany simply cannot allow.

In 2016 Haverbeck was sentenced to ten months imprisonment for saying hurty words about Auschwitz. When she was released, the state asked her, “Has your punishment taught you to stop holding your opinion?” Haverbeck said no, and she was sent back to the pen for another two and a half years.

A few weeks ago, she was released again. And again, the state asked her if she would recite history in the manner that free and democratic Germany insists it must be recited.

Unfortunately, the villainous granny still refused to parrot the scripted words that the free-thought-loving, human-rights-respecting German government was forcing her to recite, so back to jail she went last week.

As reported by Der Tagesspiegel:

    Ursula Haverbeck repeatedly claims that there was no mass murder in Auschwitz. She was just in jail—and was immediately put on trial again afterwards. The 92-year-old was sentenced to one year imprisonment just one month after her release from a prison in Bielefeld. She was released at the beginning of November after serving a total of two and a half years.

In the words of Tagesspiegel, “She kept asserting that Auschwitz was not an extermination camp.” And the German government has pledged to continue imprisoning and re-imprisoning this frail nonagenarian until she quits “asserting” stuff that the government considers untrue.

Thank heavens the Allies prevailed in Germany. Otherwise, who knows what kind of dictatorial nightmare that nation might be today?

*“MARKET ECONOMICS, MAN…I’M FREAKIN’ OUT!”*

Stoners just can’t catch a break.

You’d think this would be a Golden Age for pot smokers, a Renaissance of sorts during which potheads could revel in the joy of victory. Over two-thirds of U.S. states have now decriminalized marijuana for recreational use. Last month, Arizona, Montana, New Jersey, and South Dakota became the latest states to make lightin’ up legal, and last week the U.S. House voted along partisan Democrat lines (though joined by five Republicans) to decriminalize weed federally.

So this should be an absolutely blazin’ time for our country’s Cheeches and Chongs, right?

Not so fast…don’t get naked and grab the bongos just yet, McConaughey. There’s, like, a downer in the brownie. The massive taxes and regulatory fees slapped on the legal cannabis industry by politicians who are, like, not cool, bro, have made the price of legal weed skyrocket nationally. A 2019 report by California-based Confident Cannabis found that the rapidly climbing prices are driving more and more tokers back to the black market. “The prices are huge,” said Confident Cannabis’ VP for marketing—a man named Brad Bogus because of course he’s named after a Jeff Spicoli phrase. “They’re way bigger than they used to be,” Bogus declared, before pausing to spend an hour staring at his hand.

Even Matt Gaetz, the only Republican to cosponsor the House weed bill, warned that politicians mainly want to legalize pot in order “to do a great deal of social engineering to create new taxes and new programs and redistribution of assets.”

Gaetz voted for the bill anyway, because he was totally wasted.

Funny enough, New Jersey was proving Gaetz’s point even as he was making it. Last week the Democrat-controlled Senate and Assembly advanced bills (sponsored by the state’s Legislative Black Caucus) that would slap legal weed sellers and growers with a “social equity excise fee” to compensate blacks who are arrested for buying weed on the “unregulated market” following legalization.

In other words, pot’s been legalized, but—knowing that legalization will likely hike the price beyond what the average brutha can afford—legal growers will be hit with a massive fee in order to compensate “people of color” who are arrested for buying on the black market, which will only raise the price of legal pot even more as growers and sellers are forced to pay for people who are not their customers, and as the cost of those fees are passed on to actual customers, it will push more of them to buy from the black market, where legal growers will again have to pay to compensate them when they’re arrested, thus kicking up the price even further.

That’s the kind of inevitable failure-loop that could’ve only been created by two types of people: fried-brain stoner burnouts, or Democrats.

Legalized pot’s turning into a real bummer, man.

*FORTUNATELY, FECES ODOR MASKS THE SMELL OF SMOKE*

Still, the news isn’t all bad for stoners.

The current generation of children probably has a very difficult time believing that San Francisco was ever a great city. Indeed, when grandparents speak of the time when Frisco was a global vacation hot spot known for its tourist-friendly districts and streets so attractive that half the shows on TV were shot there, the grandkids are likely to dismiss such talk as the fables of an old fool, a story about an Atlantis that exists only in mythology.

But those who defend the city where the streets are paved in dirty needles and bum-poo claim that their town is better than ever because freedom, comrade. Every sidewalk is a bed for weary schizophrenics; every pot and planter a makeshift toilet where the homeless can expel the remnants of the stale pizza slices and dried box-cheese they picked from the trash earlier that day. After all, what’s more charming than a city where dogs have to clean up after their owners? It’s like a wacky backwards storybook land!

And backwards it is. Because while the city leaders allow anything—and that means anything—to occur on the streets, they’re now regulating what people can do in their own homes. Like smoking. Last week the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted 10 to 1 to make it illegal for apartment residents to smoke tobacco in their own homes.

This is the same town that refused to close gay bathhouses at the height of the AIDS epidemic, because “privacy” trumped health concerns.

But now, the city cites “health concerns” as the reason for prohibiting what residents can do in the privacy of their dwellings.

It’s almost like the city government itself is made up of street-$#@!ting schizos with severe dissociative disorders, but in fact that would be an improvement in leadership.

While debating the SanFranStasi bill, lawmakers heard from panicked potheads, who were concerned that the smoking ban might make life harder for roommates who won’t let Dave in because he’s not there, man. So the supervisors amended the ban. Smoking marijuana in your home will remain totally legal. Only smokers of tobacco will be prosecuted.

Whew, that was a close one. For a moment there, it looked like the city couldn’t get any more retarded.

It’s good to know that in these troubled times, some things never disappoint.

*IF “NORTH POLE” IS NAZI, IS SANTA’S WORKSHOP A KONZENTRATIONSLAGER?*

Have you ever found yourself having to use a phonetic alphabet to spell out a street name, or your own name, to an English-challenged individual on the other end of the phone?

“My address is 115 Cedarwood Street.”

“Que?”

“115 Cedarwood Street!”

“Que?”

“‘C’ as in Charlie, ‘E’ as in elephant, ‘D’ as in David, ‘A’ as in apple, ‘R’ as in Robert…”

“No entiendo, seÃ±or. I get dee soopervisor.”

[Pause]

“Herro…我可以帮你吗?”

Frustrating, isn’t it? But stop thinking about yourself for one damn minute. Has it ever occurred to you that the words you use to represent those letters might be…racist? Indeed, that they might be Nazi?

Germany is finally having a long-overdue reckoning regarding the Holocaust. All those other previous “reckonings”—the brutal denazification programs, the Morgenthau Plan, two-thirds of all Berlin women raped, Stalin’s eastern concentration camps, the nation split in half, seventy years of reparations, and prohibitions on the speech of native Germans—mean nothing compared with what’s happening right now: Germany is finally purging Nazism from its phonetic spelling table.

See, in 1934, the Nazis switched some of the words and names. As reported in The Guardian:

    “Samuel” was replaced by “Siegfried” to represent the letter S, “Zacharias” became “Zeppelin” for Z, and “David” was switched to “Dora.” The preference was for Nordic names to replace Jewish ones, and where no suitable ones could be found, such as N (originally “Nathan”), an object or placename, such as “Nordpol” (north pole), was chosen instead. In the Nazi’s [sic] pseudoscientific ideology, the north pole was seen as the original home of the Aryans.

(Actually, the “Aryans came from the North Pole” thing was created by a dark-skinned Hindu Indian nationalist, but don’t tell that to The Guardian.)

Michael Blume, Germany’s “anti-Semitism czar,” claims that the Hitler-era phonetic alphabet’s staying power is “proof in itself of a deep-seated antisemitic and racist mindset in Germany.” Or it could be proof that only well-paid “anti-Semitism czars” who need to justify their existence consider the issue of any importance.

The Guardian decried Germans who merely see the phonetic alphabet as “a practical method for spelling out names over the telephone” without realizing that they are being genocidal by saying “‘S’ as in Siegfried” instead of Samuel. But the BBC pointed out that replacing the Hitler names with the old Jewish names might upset Germany’s burgeoning Muslim immigrant minority (“‘S’ is for Saleem”).

As the Deutschen volke are left to sort out their mess, one can only hope that nobody in the press notices that the phonetic alphabet officially adopted by the U.S. culturally appropriates “Zulu” for Z.

Good thing Al Sharpton can’t spell.

*IF FREE SPEECH BE THE FOOD OF HATE, SPEAK ON*

It’s pretty much “settled science” on the left that free speech is a bad thing that must be curtailed in order to preserve and protect “democracy.” Sure, it’s never quite explained how depriving “the people” of the ability to receive and convey information helps “democracy,” which in theory is supposed to be about “the people” having a voice in public affairs. But c’mon now, asking too many critical questions is just downright undemocratic.

Last week, a New Yorker writer named Steve Coll, who claims to be a journalist much the same way Jim Jones claimed to be the Messiah, penned a piece slamming Mark Zuckerberg for “his passion and profound belief in free speech.” Zuckerberg of course doesn’t even remotely possess such things, but the fact that Zuck let’s any conservatives have a Facebook page, the fact that he hasn’t banned everyone who isn’t to the left of AOC, equals “free-speech fanatic” on Coll’s grading curve.

“Free speech” has been “weaponized,” Coll lamented, and therefore we need far less of it.

You know, to “save democracy.”

Additionally, Richard Stengel, a “team leader” of Biden’s transition squad, wrote a WaPo op-ed last year demanding less free speech as opposed to more. One can assume that this will be the official policy of the Biden administration.

The idea that less speech is good for a free nation is actually rather new, even among liberals, and certainly among people who consider themselves knowledgeable about the Constitution. Almost a hundred years ago, Justice William Brandeis, in his historic combination concurrence/dissent in Whitney v. California, declared: “If there be time to expose through discussion the falsehood and fallacies, to avert the evil by the processes of education, the remedy to be applied is more speech, not enforced silence.”

“More speech, not enforced silence” is the guiding principle of a new platform created by marketing and advertising executive Jim Rowbotham and IT specialist Larry O’Neill, cofounders of Insultor LLC.

Behold the InsultA sites: InsultALiberal.com and InsultAConservative.com!

Taki, founder and publisher of Takimag, sees these sites as just what the doctor ordered for an ailing First Amendment:

    Here at last is the answer to the Facebook-Twitter biased monopoly and censorship. A new interactive website has arrived on the digital scene. It is the answer to media censorship, trolling, and privacy invasion incited by our political views. It means no more biased censors, fictional fact checkers, and hateful comebacks. It is a safe haven for people like us who are mad as hell, and won’t take it anymore. InsultALiberal.com and InsultAConservative.com are structured for anonymity. All you need to do is send your email address and a self-coined nickname. There are no ads. You remit a measly monthly or annual due. You can rant or comment in 281 characters or less at any or all spaces listed. Your limit per-site space is one daily. Threads are scrubbed forever every 48 hours. No one can track or attack your comments. No more bullies, no further riches for Zuckerberg and Dorsey.

So there you have it. A place to get mad as hell and speak your mind freely.

A radical notion in these times of silence and suppression.

And a final word from a man who is himself one of the greatest champions of a free, unmuzzled, and honest press in the world today:

_Keep reading Takimag while having the best and healthiest Christmas and New Year. — Taki_

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-118/

_The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines_
*SOMETIMES YOU RAP THE WINDOW, AND SOMETIMES THE WINDOW RAPS YOU*
“When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” —Maria, _The Sound of Music_
 “It’s a trap!” —Admiral Ackbar, _Return of the Jedi_
 In British playwright Ray Cooney’s 1990 farce _Out of Order_,  the catalyst for the whimsical misunderstandings and lighthearted  tomfoolery is a defective sash window that violently slams down when  opened.
 As a theatrical gag, it’s a decent idea. In real life, it’s downright hilarious.

              Last week, a budding rapper (aren’t they all?) named Jonathan  Hernandez-Zuluaga—who went by the stage name Taz UFO—decided to rob a  home in Lee County, Fla. That’s the problem with “budding” as a  profession…the pay really sucks. And the 32-year-old dreadlocked father  of five realized that “budding” wasn’t gonna be puttin’ no presents  under the tree this year for the kids he couldn’t support. So of course  burglary was the solution! After all, the dude had a lengthy rap sheet  for theft and larceny (he was also the suspect in a 2014 murder case).  The “budding” thing certainly didn’t apply to his criminal career; he  was quite the accomplished pro.
   After scaling the wall of a private residence, Hernandez-Zuluaga  pried open a large sash window and lifted the panel high above his head  so he could climb through. And the panel came crashing down on his neck,  suffocating him. When the cops showed up, they found Taz UFO hanging from the window, his arms dangling in the air like they just don’t care.
 Whatever else might be said about Taz, he was fully committed to his  art, dying while giving the world the greatest possible cover of Busta  Rhymes’ “Break Ya Neck.”


On  a possibly related note, phone calls and emails from local homeowners  have been pouring in to the residents of the house Taz tried to rob,  inquiring where they got their windows and how fast they could be  installed.
  Hernandez-Zuluaga’s baby momma described her beloved as a kindhearted  man who was like a breath of fresh air to all who knew him (he  certainly provided some fresh air to the room in which he perished).  She’s started a GoFundMe  to pay for Taz’s funeral expenses. “He was destined to be GREAT beyond  great at that I know his close friends will ensure his music lives on,”  the grieving rap-widow wrote. “All he wanted in life was to make it with  his music.”
 R.I.P. T-Pane.

*ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ARE HIGH*
At this most festive and holy time of the year, Christians around the  U.S. gather (in some cities via Zoom, because Democrats have closed the  churches) to reflect upon the birth of Jesus and the glory of the  nativity tale. Interestingly, it appears as though both Matthew and Luke  left out the part of the story where baby Jesus scored a $#@!load of  fentanyl and wrote a bad check (“pay to the order of CÃ¦sar Augustus for  all taxes owed”).
 At least that’s how a “church” in Claremont, Calif., (at the easternmost edge of L.A. County) sees it.
 This Christmas, Claremont United Methodist Church has rejiggered its annual nativity scene as an homage to George Floyd.  Mary and Joseph are depicted as BLM protesters, while the little baby  in the manger is portrayed as a representation of not just Floyd but the  “dozens of black men and women shot and killed by police.”
 The head of the church’s “creative peacemaking committee,” Pam Bunce,  and the committee’s “facilities engineer,” Genaro Cordova, told _The L.A. Times_  that it was a toss-up whether to craft a nativity scene that distorts  scripture in the name of fighting COVID, or one that does so in the name  of fighting racism.
  In the end, racism won the coin toss.

              Cordova constructed the mannequin of Mary to be posed in the “hands  up don’t shoot” position generally associated with leftists who dismiss  the nativity as a fairy tale but cling to the Michael Brown myth no  matter how many times it’s debunked. Additionally, the list of names  above the baby Jesus detailing those “dozens of black men and women shot  and killed by police” includes Emmett Till, which demonstrates how  religious dogma can evolve over the years, as the notion of Till having  been shot by cops is rather a new twist.
 Bunce told the local _Daily Bulletin_  newspaper that the point of the nativity scene is to make Christians  understand that Jesus “came [to earth] to stand with the people who are  marginalized.” Which in today’s America would probably be the business  owners who’ve lost everything due to COVID and BLM riots, as opposed to  the thugs and looters who sacked entire retail districts with impunity.
 Speaking of COVID, Claremont United Methodist’s Reverend Karen Clark Ristine told the _Times_  that she’s disappointed by the fact that so few people have shown up to  gaze in amazement at the wondrous Christmastime racial-justice exhibit  her church constructed.
 The _Times_ then reminded Ristine that her church has been closed since March for COVID, so that’s why there are no crowds of gawkers.
 Damn, the pandemic restrictions finally did some good.
 A Christmas miracle.
*“I AM BIRTHING PERSON, HEAR ME ROAR!”*
2020 was a bad year for definitions. Well, it was a bad year for  everything. But definitions certainly took a major hit. In October,  after Amy Coney Barrett used the phrase “sexual preference” while  discussing homosexuality, Merriam-Webster’s altered the definition of  the term overnight  to recategorize it as “offensive.” Peter Sokolowski, the dictionary’s  editor at large, proudly told the press that the definition was changed  for political reasons “in connection with the SCOTUS hearings.”
 Not coincidentally, the definition of “Sokolowski” was updated to “unashamedly dishonorable politically motivated hack.”
 Also in October, Dictionary.com altered the definition of “court  packing” so that the word could apply to politicians who attempt to  alter the “ideological composition” and not just the number of Supreme  Court justices.  The change was carried out to satisfy liberal Twitter, which demanded  that the nomination of Barrett be seen as an example of “court packing”  even though it wasn’t.
 That the new definition of court packing applies to _every_ Supreme Court pick _ever_ doesn’t bother today’s lexicographers, who are all a bunch of worthless Sokolowskis.
 But last week saw the greatest redefinition of the year. In a series  of tweets, Harvard Medical School officially redefined “woman” as  “birthing person.”
 Yes, “woman” is now an inaccurate term for the type of human who has ovaries and a womb and whatnot.
 “Globally, ethnic minority pregnant and birthing people suffer worse  outcomes and experiences during and after pregnancy and childbirth.  These inequities have been further highlighted by #COVID19,” the  formerly respectable institution tweeted.
 For some odd reason, women across the ideological spectrum took issue  with the new terminology, which—many pointed out—sounds a bit _Handmaid’s Tale_  in its reduction of females to mere “birthing persons.” “Why not just  call us ‘lactators,’ ‘gestators,’ or ‘uterus-bearers,’” one commenter  asked. Several Twitterers pointed out that what Harvard was doing was  “erasing” and “diminishing” women, something that leftists so adamantly  claim should never be done when it comes to race. So why do it with  gender?
 Feeling the heat, the Harvard brainiacs tweeted a clarification:
The [Harvard] webinar panelists used the term “birthing  person” to include those who identify as non-binary or transgender  because not all who give birth identify as “women” or “girls.” We  understand the reactions to this terminology and in no way meant for it  to erase or dehumanize women.Essentially, because a small handful of mentally troubled women (many  of whom have been subjected to parental abuse and medical malpractice)  call themselves “men,” society is no longer allowed to say that only  women give birth.
 At least according to Harvard Medical School, which last week earned _its_ new dictionary definition: “kindergarten for incurable retards.”
*“HEROIC ACTOR DISRUPTS PRIVILEGED WHITE RACIST’S NIGHT AT THE THEATER”*
Black Americans love insult humor. From Fred Sanford calling Aunt Esther  an “ugly ol’ ape” to George Jefferson calling Tom and Helen “zebras” to  everything the Wayans siblings have ever done, insult comedy—especially  as personified by the “yo mamma” jokes of “the dozens”—is intimately  associated with American blacks. And there’s a good reason for that:  Insult comedy helped kill one of the worst racists in U.S. history.
 John Wilkes Booth—who apparently, it turns out, wasn’t such a bad guy  after all—purposely timed his entrance into the vile neo-Nazi Abraham  Lincoln’s private balcony with the covering noise he knew would be  generated by a guaranteed laugh-line in the play Lincoln was viewing, _Our American Cousin_. In Act III, Scene 2, the eponymous hero finally tells off the pretentious and rude dowager Mrs. Mountchessington:
“Don’t know the manners of good society, eh? Well, I  guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal—you sockdologizing  old man-trap!”In 1865 that was roughly the equivalent of “suck mah dick you dry-pussy-havin’ stank-ass ol’ ho.”
 The laughter from the snappy put-down enabled Booth to creep up  behind the president and erase a racist. And now Booth’s handiwork is  being hailed by the San Francisco Unified School District, which has  decided to erase Lincoln from all public schools, because the sixteenth president is four score and seven times worse than Hitler.
 “Abraham Lincoln, once a hero, is now a bad guy in some S.F. education circles,” the _San Francisco Chronicle_ announced last week:
Lincoln is one of dozens of historical figures who,  according to a school district renaming committee, lived a life so  stained with racism, oppression or human rights violations, they do not  deserve to have their name on a school building.In the words of the chair of the San Francisco School Names Advisory  Committee, Jeremiah Jeffries (who so black he be ridin’ his bike an’ got  a ticket for tinted windows), “Lincoln, like the presidents before him  and most after, did not show through policy or rhetoric that Black lives  ever mattered to them outside of human capital and as casualties of  wealth building.”
 Yes, the guy who freed the slaves, destroyed the Confederacy, and got assassinated for it didn’t care about black lives.
 Funny enough, Jeffries and his San Fran cohorts have also ordered  Dianne Feinstein’s name removed from Dianne Feinstein Elementary School  because back when she was mayor in 1984, she allowed a Confederate flag  on capitol grounds. But Lincoln, who defeated the Confederacy, is also  banned.
 Totally logical.
 If the dude who freed practically every black in the U.S. “did not  show through policy or rhetoric that Black lives ever mattered to him,”  what white person could _ever_ pass muster?
 Well, maybe Booth, the Antebellum Antifa. Makes as much sense as anything in a city that’s Sic Semper Tyran-nuts.
*AS INTROSPECTIVE AS A DUNG BEETLE AND TWICE AS RANK*
If the U.S. mainstream media has a collective personality type, it’s  “workplace shooter.” As a rule, most workplace shooters are small,  bitter people who sit alone at the office silently fuming, growing more  and more resentful with each passing day over the fact that they’re not  as well-liked, accepted, or successful as they think they should be.
 Workplace shooters put the entire responsibility for their woes on  others. That’s pretty much the defining workplace-shooter creed: “If I  get fired, if I get disciplined, if I’m not welcome at the watercooler  klatch, if the pretty secretaries never respond to my advances, it’s _never_ my fault.”
 Prospective workplace shooters never entertain the notion that their  unpopularity is tied to their behavior, their personality, or their  general loathsomeness.
 Last week, the New York-based nonprofit Committee to Protect Journalists released  a “special report” that can best be described as a page from a  disgruntled shooter’s journal of self-pity. The report ostensibly covers  the current “persecution” faced by reporters, editors, and news writers  worldwide. The overall theme is “Everybody hates us, and it’s their  fault not ours, and help us, President Biden, you’re our only hope!”
 Paragraph after paragraph of the report is dedicated to whining about  how journalists are no longer liked or respected, written from the  strikingly oblivious perspective of “But, we’re so _great_! We’re so _important_! How could you _not_ like us?”
 Even though the report grudgingly admits that China is the worst  global offender when it comes to the actual persecution of journalists  (followed by Turkey, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia), the report’s authors  conclude that the _true_ culprit is Donald Trump:
Lack of global leadership on democratic  values—particularly from the United States, where President Donald Trump  has inexhaustibly denigrated the press and cozied up to dictators such  as Egyptian President Abdelfattah el-Sisi—has perpetuated the crisis. As  authoritarians leveraged Trump’s “fake news” rhetoric to justify their  actions—particularly in Egypt—the number of journalists jailed on “false  news” charges steadily increased. This year, 34 journalists were jailed  for “false news,” compared with 31 last year.So the assaults on journalists are Trump’s fault because he “cozied  up” to el-Sisi (if Trump’s “cozying” is what caused the problem, why is  the problem most prevalent in China, where Trump did the exact opposite  of “cozying”?), and Trump’s rhetoric against “fake news” is why  journalists are being repressed. However, the report fails to criticize _Big Tech’s_ rhetoric against “fake news.” In fact, the authors _cheer_ Big Tech’s battle against “fake news” as a _positive_ thing for journalism.
 Trump’s condemnation of “fake news” endangers journalists. Big Tech’s  condemnation of “fake news” preserves journalistic integrity.
 Seems legit.
 The report calls on Joe Biden to step in and fight the “lack of trust  in media in the U.S.” by propagandizing from the White House in favor  of mainstream journalists and against any skepticism of their work. The  authors also want Biden to help “social media companies” put the kibosh  on “toxic speech, misinformation, and online harassment [that] have  corrupted the information environment and undermined public trust.”
 These “journalists” have no beef with the dictatorial excesses—state  propaganda and speech suppression—of leaders in China, Egypt, and Saudi  Arabia…they’re just pissed that said excesses are being used _against_ them rather than _for_ them.
 Of course, an easier solution to the problem of “lack of trust in the  media” might be to just not shill so much for the Democrats, which  invariably leads to credibility-killing moments (“BLM riots don’t spread  COVID!”/“Outdoor dining spreads COVID!”…“Russian interference in our  elections is a vital story”/“Chinese interference in our elections is a  nonstory”), but that would likely be asking too much of the lonely,  hateful office schizos brooding in their cubicles and cursing the world  for rejecting them.

----------


## Occam's Banana

> Yes, the guy who freed the slaves, destroyed the Confederacy, and got assassinated for it didn’t care about black lives.
> 
>  Funny enough, Jeffries and his San Fran cohorts have also ordered   Dianne Feinstein’s name removed from Dianne Feinstein Elementary School   because back when she was mayor in 1984, she allowed a Confederate flag   on capitol grounds. But Lincoln, who defeated the Confederacy, is also   banned.
> 
>  Totally logical.
> 
>  If the dude who freed practically every black in the U.S. “did not   show through policy or rhetoric that Black lives ever mattered to him,”   what white person could _ever_ pass muster?


This is utter nonsense. Being critical of BLM's shenanigans is one thing, but that doesn't justify irresponsibly spewing such ignorant bilge just to score some cheap rhetorical points. Abraham Lincoln did not free "practically every black in the U.S." and there is little evidence that he gave a $#@! about "Black lives." (Indeed, given the death toll of the Civil War, white lives don't seem to have mattered much to him, either - all his pretty words at Gettysburg to the contrary notwithstanding.)

Lincoln's much-vaunted Emancipation Proclamation explicitly exempted every slave within the Union's purview at the time it was issued, and it applied only to those states (or parts of states) that were in armed rebellion against the Union - meaning that all the slaves in Missouri, Kentucky, Delaware, Maryland, West Virginia and elsewhere were just $#@! out of luck. Saying that the Proclamation "freed" any slaves is like saying that a U.S. President would have "freed" all the prisoners in the Soviet gulags if he had merely written down on a piece of paper a sentence that said, "All the prisoners in the Soviet gulags are hereby released."

In his first inaugural address, Lincoln announced that he would support the so-called "Corwin amendment." Had it passed, it would have become the 13th amendment and would have constitutionally guaranteed federal protection for the existence of slavery _in perpetuo_ (i.e., forever). However, the secession of South Carolina and other states not long after his inauguration rendered the proposed amendment moot. (But as they say, it's the thought that counts.)

And then there's Lincoln's infamous letter to _New York Tribune_ founder and editor Horace Greeley, in which he explicitly stated that his sole concern was with preserving the Union (i.e., continuing his rule over as much territory as possible) - and that if he could do so without freeing so much as a single slave, then he would do it.

Does any of that sound like someone to whom black lives mattered in any way (as opposed to his own political power)? And those are just three examples from off the top of my head. I'm sure that others could be cited to the same effect.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but $#@! Lincoln. $#@! him with a rusty spike. And just in case anyone thinks it actually needs to be said, $#@! the Confederates, too ... buncha goddam human chattel slavers ...

----------


## Anti Globalist

> This is utter nonsense. Being critical of BLM's shenanigans is one thing, but that doesn't justify irresponsibly spewing such ignorant bilge just to score some cheap rhetorical points. Abraham Lincoln did not free "practically every black in the U.S." and there is little evidence that he gave a $#@! about "Black lives." (Indeed, given the death toll of the Civil War, white lives don't seem to have mattered much to him, either - all his pretty words at Gettysburg to the contrary notwithstanding.)
> 
> Lincoln's much-vaunted Emancipation Proclamation explicitly exempted every slave within the Union's purview at the time it was issued, and it applied only to those states (or parts of states) that were in armed rebellion against the Union - meaning that all the slaves in Missouri, Kentucky, Delaware, Maryland, West Virginia and elsewhere were just $#@! out of luck. Saying that the Proclamation "freed" any slaves is like saying that a U.S. President would have "freed" all the prisoners in the Soviet gulags if he had merely written down on a piece of paper a sentence that said, "All the prisoners in the Soviet gulags are hereby released."
> 
> In his first inaugural address, Lincoln announced that he would support the so-called "Corwin amendment." Had it passed, it would have become the 13th amendment and would have constitutionally guaranteed federal protection for the existence of slavery _in perpetuo_ (i.e., forever). However, the secession of South Carolina and other states not long after his inauguration rendered the proposed amendment moot. (But as they say, it's the thought that counts.)
> 
> And then there's Lincoln's infamous letter to _New York Tribune_ founder and editor Horace Greeley, in which he explicitly stated that his sole concern was with preserving the Union (i.e., continuing his rule over as much territory as possible) - and that if he could do so without freeing so much as a single slave, then he would do it.
> 
> Does any of that sound like someone to whom black lives mattered in any way (as opposed to his own political power)? And those are just three examples from off the top of my head. I'm sure that others could be cited to the same effect.
> ...


I'd also like to add that in one of Lincoln's speeches that he gave in 1858, he openly stated that black and white people are not equal.

----------


## Anti Federalist

> This is utter nonsense. Being critical of BLM's shenanigans is one thing, but that doesn't justify irresponsibly spewing such ignorant bilge just to score some cheap rhetorical points. Abraham Lincoln did not free "practically every black in the U.S." and there is little evidence that he gave a $#@! about "Black lives." (Indeed, given the death toll of the Civil War, white lives don't seem to have mattered much to him, either - all his pretty words at Gettysburg to the contrary notwithstanding.)
> 
> Lincoln's much-vaunted Emancipation Proclamation explicitly exempted every slave within the Union's purview at the time it was issued, and it applied only to those states (or parts of states) that were in armed rebellion against the Union - meaning that all the slaves in Missouri, Kentucky, Delaware, Maryland, West Virginia and elsewhere were just $#@! out of luck. Saying that the Proclamation "freed" any slaves is like saying that a U.S. President would have "freed" all the prisoners in the Soviet gulags if he had merely written down on a piece of paper a sentence that said, "All the prisoners in the Soviet gulags are hereby released."
> 
> In his first inaugural address, Lincoln announced that he would support the so-called "Corwin amendment." Had it passed, it would have become the 13th amendment and would have constitutionally guaranteed federal protection for the existence of slavery _in perpetuo_ (i.e., forever). However, the secession of South Carolina and other states not long after his inauguration rendered the proposed amendment moot. (But as they say, it's the thought that counts.)
> 
> And then there's Lincoln's infamous letter to _New York Tribune_ founder and editor Horace Greeley, in which he explicitly stated that his sole concern was with preserving the Union (i.e., continuing his rule over as much territory as possible) - and that if he could do so without freeing so much as a single slave, then he would do it.
> 
> Does any of that sound like someone to whom black lives mattered in any way (as opposed to his own political power)? And those are just three examples from off the top of my head. I'm sure that others could be cited to the same effect.
> ...


But the Anointed Ones toppled the statue of Matthew Baldwin, who was a committed abolitionist.

And defaced the Mass 54th regiment's marker in Boston.

The list goes on.

I think the only point being made here was, yet again, this is Marxist cultural revolution.

The "Old Order" must go, regardless of who it is, or how much they may have agreed with your cause.

I suspect that at some point, critical mass insanity will be reached, and statues of Lenin and Marx and Che' will start to topple, because "rayciss".

In the case of Che', I suppose it's justified, as his animosity towards the Anointed Sainted Negroes, is well documented.

----------


## Occam's Banana

> But the Anointed Ones toppled the statue of Matthew Baldwin, who was a committed abolitionist.
> 
> And defaced the Mass 54th regiment's marker in Boston.
> 
> The list goes on.
> 
> *I think the only point being made here was, yet again, this is Marxist cultural revolution.*
> 
> The "Old Order" must go, regardless of who it is, or how much they may have agreed with your cause.
> ...


If that was the point the author was trying to make, then the things you mention are the exactly the kinds of things he ought to have said.

But instead, he just shoveled a load of hagiographic  horse$#@! because it was rhetorically cheaper and easier.

The whole BLM/Antifa/Woke axis deserves the harshest of criticisms - not the shallow spouting of literally false pieties (and _especially_ not in defense of a man who, at least as much as any other, was responsible for the "reconstruction" of the authoritarian order under which we presently find ourselves).

----------


## Swordsmyth

> This is utter nonsense. Being critical of BLM's shenanigans is one thing, but that doesn't justify irresponsibly spewing such ignorant bilge just to score some cheap rhetorical points. Abraham Lincoln did not free "practically every black in the U.S." and there is little evidence that he gave a $#@! about "Black lives." (Indeed, given the death toll of the Civil War, white lives don't seem to have mattered much to him, either - all his pretty words at Gettysburg to the contrary notwithstanding.)
> 
> Lincoln's much-vaunted Emancipation Proclamation explicitly exempted every slave within the Union's purview at the time it was issued, and it applied only to those states (or parts of states) that were in armed rebellion against the Union - meaning that all the slaves in Missouri, Kentucky, Delaware, Maryland, West Virginia and elsewhere were just $#@! out of luck. Saying that the Proclamation "freed" any slaves is like saying that a U.S. President would have "freed" all the prisoners in the Soviet gulags if he had merely written down on a piece of paper a sentence that said, "All the prisoners in the Soviet gulags are hereby released."
> 
> In his first inaugural address, Lincoln announced that he would support the so-called "Corwin amendment." Had it passed, it would have become the 13th amendment and would have constitutionally guaranteed federal protection for the existence of slavery _in perpetuo_ (i.e., forever). However, the secession of South Carolina and other states not long after his inauguration rendered the proposed amendment moot. (But as they say, it's the thought that counts.)
> 
> And then there's Lincoln's infamous letter to _New York Tribune_ founder and editor Horace Greeley, in which he explicitly stated that his sole concern was with preserving the Union (i.e., continuing his rule over as much territory as possible) - and that if he could do so without freeing so much as a single slave, then he would do it.
> 
> Does any of that sound like someone to whom black lives mattered in any way (as opposed to his own political power)? And those are just three examples from off the top of my head. I'm sure that others could be cited to the same effect.
> ...





> I'd also like to add that in one of Lincoln's speeches that he gave in 1858, he openly stated that black and white people are not equal.


While I have no respect for Lincoln and know him to have been racist I must point out that the article is speaking to the false narrative that the people now attacking Lincoln believe.
They did not trot out the proof he was a racist who didn't care about anything but power, they just declared him a racist in the face of the accepted narrative that he was the great emancipator.

I find it immensely funny because marxists are telling the truth while thinking they are lying.

----------


## Anti Federalist

> If that was the point the author was trying to make, then the things you mention are the exactly the kinds of things he ought to have said.
> 
> But instead, he just shoveled a load of hagiographic  horse$#@! because it was rhetorically cheaper and easier.
> 
> The whole BLM/Antifa/Woke axis deserves the harshest of criticisms - not the shallow spouting of literally false pieties (and _especially_ not in defense of a man who, at least as much as any other, was responsible for the "reconstruction" of the authoritarian order under which we presently find ourselves).


Your points are valid and ring true.

I'll dispute them no further.

Merry Christmas!

----------


## Occam's Banana

> While I have no respect for Lincoln and know him to have been racist I must point out that the article is speaking to the false narrative that the people now attacking Lincoln believe.


Unfortunately, the article does not merely speak to that false narrative, it actively reinforces it.




> They did not trot out the proof he was a racist who didn't care about anything but power, they just declared him a racist in the face of the accepted narrative that he was the great emancipator.


The article made the same mistake in the opposite direction - it just parroted the false but accepted narrative and declared him to be the great emancipator




> I find it immensely funny because marxists are telling the truth while thinking they are lying.


And the author is repeating lies while thinking he is telling the truth - or worse, he knows they are lies and is repeating them anyway.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-119/

Takimag

December 27, 2020

The Week’s Most Trending, Offending, and Year-Ending Headlines

*BLACK SWAN LAKE*

The ballet dancers weren’t really very good—no better than anybody else would have been, anyway. They were burdened with sashweights and bags of birdshot, and their faces were masked, so that no one, seeing a free and graceful gesture or a pretty face, would feel like something the cat drug in. —Kurt Vonnegut, “Harrison Bergeron”

If ballet is one of the few examples of Western art and culture that has, so far, escaped the diversity abattoir, it’s likely due to the fact that not enough people of color patronize the damn thing for any of them to be offended by its “whiteness.” But that might be changing, thanks to the moneyed white leftists who run many of the world’s most prestigious ballet companies.

Last month, the San Francisco Ballet, America’s oldest professional ballet company, promised its benefactors that it would hire more black dancers in honor of George Floyd, a well-known patron of the arts (indeed, Floyd’s 2020 interpretation of Ninette de Valois’ classic ballet Checkmate, retitled Badcheckmate, had black folks grand-battementing in the streets). Unfortunately, the company could find no qualified black dancers, leading one employee to admit that the “diversity” problem is baked into the art form itself, ’cuz #BalletSoWhite: “With a white classical form such as ballet, there’s a racist history that is fundamentally ingrained.”

Still and all, it turns out that finding qualified black ballet dancers doesn’t solve the problem. Last week The New York Times featured a page-one exposé of the cruel racist treatment meted out to the only black company member of Germany’s Staatsballett Berlin. Chloé Lopes Gomes, a black Frenchwoman, was damn near genocided by the fact that the troupe expected her to apply the same makeup that the other dancers wear for Swan Lake. As the Times reported, “Until fairly recently, it has been common practice in ballet companies for the female dancers in ballets like ‘Swan Lake,’ ‘Giselle’ and ‘La Bayadère’ to apply a whitening makeup in order to look like beings from another world, be they swans, sylphides, spirits or Shades.”

When Lopes Gomes was asked to apply the traditional makeup, she balked, calling it “whiteface.” And the Times agreed, claiming that “defenders of these traditions always said that the dancer was simply playing a character. But it was not a valid argument in a context in which one race had oppressed another.

So apparently because black people were once enslaved in America a French black woman must not wear makeup in a German production of a ballet composed by a Russian.

Stunningly logical!

Lopes Gomes has since been dismissed from Staatsballett Berlin, which seems odd considering her team spirit. She told the Times that she has vowed to persevere until there are no more all-white productions of Swan Lake.

Good luck with that. Ballet dancing plus classical music plus a body of water equals arguably the last thing in the world that most black people want to be involved with.

*PHASE 1: COLLECT UNDERPANTS. PHASE 2: ? PHASE 3: DIVERSITY!*

And on the subject of “thee-ate-er,” last week The Seattle Times, in a glossy Sunday arts supplement, devoted 3,200 words to the exciting, amazing, game-changing, earth-shaking plan crafted by “Seattle theater leaders” to erase racism from the performing arts and usher in a new golden age of diversity. As the Times reports it, “The Seattle theater leaders were starting something different, something much more ambitious, though they didn’t fully realize it yet. They were beginning a process to overhaul the entire ecology of their field, at every level.”

Sounds amazing! And, as the Times points out, the actions of these “Seattle theater leaders” have attracted national attention:
_
    Slowly, others around the country are starting to hear about the Seattle effort, now officially calling itself Seattle Theatre Leaders (STL), and watch its progress. If STL succeeds, if this broad coalition of theater makers effectively transforms one part of the arts world in one city, it might just set a standard that can be exported—not simply to other arts disciplines, but to other sectors in America that are struggling with the deep, pervasive and seemingly intractable problem of institutional racism._

Holy cow, that’s impressive. Now, at this point, Seattle Times readers were probably curious to learn the details of this revolutionary “effort.” What, exactly, is this thing that STL is doing that’s so “transformative”? What’s the “plan”?

But the Times wasn’t finished hyping it yet.

_ “It’s really exciting what’s coming out of and through Seattle—I don’t think there’s another city doing this,” said Nicole Brewer, a faculty member at Yale School of Drama who is in very high demand these days as an anti-racist consultant across the English-speaking world, including a recent job at Shakespeare’s Globe theater in London. “It’s really exciting what’s coming out of and through Seattle as a model not just for others around the country, but around the world.”_

Incredible! Okay, Seattle Times…this is where you should explain the details of “what’s coming out of and through Seattle.”

Nope, more hype:

_The fact that STL has kept its momentum—and that the bosses keep showing up instead of sending their assistants—is one of its superpowers.
_
“Superpowers,” great. But what exactly is it that STL is doing?

“Having a brave moment,” states the Times.

And then the article finally gets to the matter of specifics:
_
    STL is after concrete action and is currently drawing up a list of action items and commitments written by and for local theater makers. The list is still being written and STL as a group declined to share a current draft._

So…nothing at all. Just a bunch of “brave” Seattle leftists fellating a bunch of fawning Seattle journalists about an amazing plan that doesn’t exist, and those journalists conning readers into wading through 3,200 words just to learn that the tease has no release.

No substance; just empty words, masturbatory smugness, and wasted time.

“Diversity” at its essence!

*QU’EST-CE QUE LA CAUSE ET L’EFFET?*

For a nation that prides itself on producing generations of philosophers and intellectuals, France is strikingly ignorant when it comes to the rather basic concept of cause and effect.

Seriously, Descartes? You couldn’t take five minutes to explain this notion to your countrymen?

Last week, French authorities were left scratching their heads following the crowning of a new Miss France. It seems that the first runner-up, April Benayoum, is Jewish. And for some odd reason, when Benayoum, who holds the title of Miss Provence, mentioned during the telecast that her father is Israeli, French Twitter exploded with “hate tweets” directed at the 21-year-old beauty.

A few choice examples (translated into English):

“Uncle Hitler, you forgot to exterminate Miss Provence.”

“She should not be Miss Provence; SHE’S A JEW!”

“Hitler forgot one.”

“Into the ovens with her!”

“Death to Miss Provence! Death to Israel!”

This story has been widely covered by the French media, with everyone from the interior minister to the pageant winner speaking out to condemn the hateful tweets. Oddly missing from every news report is a tiny little detail regarding the offending Twitter accounts. Indeed, whereas some French politicians have tried to blame the anti-Jewish onslaught on the “far right,” one canny Twitterer made the following observation after reviewing the profiles of the “haters”:

“French far right tweeters do not have Arabic handles or North African surnames.”

Yep, almost 100% of the abuse is coming from people who are “French” only to the extent that they drove their murder lorries and flew their suicide planes to France from their Muslim nation of origin. The “haters” are Muslim immigrants, and this should come as no surprise to anyone. In a 2015 survey, a whopping 74% of Muslims in France were found to hold strongly anti-Jewish attitudes.

France’s decision to import a replacement population of Islamic Third Worlders has resulted in hostility toward a Jewish beauty pageant contestant with an Israeli father.

Bafflement!

The French, being French, have of course responded to the hostile tweets like imbeciles, by limiting speech rather than immigration. According to The Sunday Times:

_ French police were ordered yesterday to track down people who posted a torrent of antisemitic abuse against the runner-up in this year’s Miss France beauty contest. Gérald Darmanin, the interior minister, said that he had “mobilised the police and the gendarmerie.”… The offence of publishing antisemitic remarks carries a maximum penalty of one year in prison and a €45,000 fine._

French authorities have assured the nation’s Jews that the strategy of continually importing bloodthirsty jihadists but making sure they don’t express their views on Twitter will totally keep the population safe.

_Liberté, Egalité, Stupidité._

*“DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY” (SCRATCH THE “HONOR” PART)*

With President Biden very likely to give the green light to a whole bunch more pointless foreign military engagements, it’s never been more important for our armed forces to be in tip-top fighting shape. And that doesn’t just mean physically. Mentally, our service members need to be at their peak. After all, the neocons are going to need at least some people with the brainpower to defuse IEDs, fly drones, and monitor Dick Cheney’s blood pressure as he masturbates furiously to the notion of war with Iran (too much exertion could kill him).

So this probably isn’t the best time for the revelation that members of the current crop of West Point cadets have traded their white shirts for Black Sox. One of the worst academic scandals in the history of that prestigious institution has recently been uncovered, with more than seventy cadets caught cheating on a math exam. West Point officials blamed the scandal on the fact that, due to COVID, all exams have been given remotely since spring. And apparently, the “cream of the crop” future military elites saw this as an opportunity to cheat their asses off whenever possible in order to secure passing grades.

When asked for comment, John Bolton, wiping away tears of pride, said that “these are exactly the kinds of sneaky little bastards who, if called upon, can totally deceive and sabotage a sitting president who isn’t sufficiently hawkish. God bless these young patriots!”

Surprisingly, the academy has decided to go easy on the cheaters, enrolling almost all of them in “rehabilitation” programs so they can continue their training. This led West Point law professor Tim Bakken to accuse military higher-ups of “downplaying” the scandal. After all, he argued, it becomes a “national security issue” when graduating cadets don’t have the smarts to “become senior leaders the nation depends on.”

It’s a little late for those concerns. A 2016 report published in Joint Force Quarterly (National Defense University Press) titled “Officers Are Less Intelligent” found that today’s officers are, well, less intelligent:

    Two-thirds of the new officers commissioned in 2014 would be in the bottom one-third of the class of 1980; 41 percent of new officers in 2014 would not have qualified to be officers by the standards held at the time of World War II. Similarly, at the top of the distribution, there are fewer of the very intelligent officers who will eventually become senior leaders.

By every measure—SATs, GPAs, and “critical thinking skills”—our officers are getting dumber and dumber. The report blames everything but the most likely reason for the decline.

In 2003, when the Supreme Court narrowly saved affirmative action from extinction by a 5–4 vote, the court, in its majority decision, cited as proof of the beneficence and necessity of race-based admissions an amicus brief signed by 29 former high-ranking officers and civilian leaders of the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps. In the brief, the military leaders argued that only by choosing cadets by race and not ability can institutions like West Point produce a “highly qualified officer corps.”

SCOTUS enthusiastically cited that brief as a primary reason for keeping affirmative action alive, essentially saying, “It’s going so well for the military, let’s keep doing it everywhere.”

Well, that worked out great, didn’t it?

Arguably the most unfortunate irony in this story is that the exact type of cadets who could elevate West Point’s academic ranking are also the ones most likely to side with China in any future conflict.

*WONTON HYPOCRISY*

Ah, the Chinese. Is there anything they can’t do? First they give the world a disease that’s killed millions globally and wrecked the economy of pretty much every nation on earth with a name that doesn’t end in “hina,” and now in their grand benevolence they’ve provided a masterful solution to the problem of government officials who order their citizens into lockdown only to disobey their own regulations by eating in fancy restaurants when restaurant dining is banned or traveling home for a big holiday dinner when none of the commoners have that right.

See, the problem is, a lot of pro-lockdown Democrats have been caught violating their own economy-killing rules. A lot. Like, so many that lists are rendered outdated almost as quickly as they’re compiled. Now, one possible response to public outrage over Democrats who order lockdowns they don’t follow is for Democrats to stop ordering lockdowns they don’t follow, or at least for them to start following the lockdowns they order.

But that would be too simple.

Instead, why not entrust the media—a.k.a. the DNC’s public relations flacks—with the task of coming up with a rationalization for why the bad guys are not the hypocritical Democrat lockdowners but the ordinary Americans who criticize the hypocritical Democrat lockdowners?

Last week the AP, running interference for the chow-downing “you must not chow down in restaurants” Democrats, ran a piece that asked whether “it’s even reasonable to believe politicians should live up to standards many people haven’t been able to follow as the pandemic drags on.”

In other words, if you’re having difficulty following the Democrats’ lockdown directives, that gives the Democrat politicians who instituted them the right to not follow the directives they instituted. Get it? Your disobedience of laws you didn’t pass means that the people who passed those laws get to disobey them too because if ordinary folks can’t abide by them then why should the people who forced the ordinary folks to abide by them have to abide by them?

To support its thesis, the AP interviewed Daniel Effron, associate professor at London Business School. Effron explained that the only reason Americans view lockdown-breaking Democrats as “hypocrites” is because in an “individualistic culture,” people are selfishly unforgiving of “inconsistency.”

“In a collectivist culture (like China), people may forgive the inconsistency if there are explanations for it,” Effron told the AP. “It’s not that people in Asia are OK with hypocrisy. It’s that saying one thing and doing another does not always count as hypocrisy; it’s about trying to do what’s right in different situations.”

Yes, in Asian “collectivist culture,” saying one thing and doing another just means that you’re “trying to do what’s right.”

Effron is the coauthor of a 2017 study about how cultures that stress the importance of “interdependence,” specifically China, understand that political leaders who appear hypocritical are merely “other-oriented and generous.” On the other hand, “individualistic” Western cultures cruelly expect political leaders to follow the rules they set for others.

So we all just need to be a little more Chinese in our approach to seemingly hypocritical—but actually “other-oriented and generous”—politicians.

The next time you find yourself angered by the fact that you’re banned from eating out, having visitors, or comforting elderly relatives by Democrats who eat out, have visitors, and comfort elderly relatives, just know that your objection to their double standards is nothing more than the result of your infernal Western “individualism.”

How fortunate Americans are to have a wire service like the AP to clear that up.

And how fortunate the world is to have an ascendant nation like China, where pandemics are born, as are the rationalizations for why those who make the pandemic rules needn’t follow them.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-120/

The Week’s Shakiest, Bakiest, and Deepfakiest Headlines

BLACKS BLAST BUSTED BUST
2020 was many things, all of them bad. It was the year of COVID, the year of George Floyd, the year of riots and looting, the year of economic downturn, the year of mass retail bankruptcies, and the year of dodgy mail-in voting.

But it was also the year that social justice activists wanted Americans to know that property is, well, just property. From “progressive prosecutors” decriminalizing property crimes in cities across the nation to leftists defending the mass destruction caused by BLM, the message was clear: Property losses are no big whoop, and if you complain about them, you’re a genocidal maniac who prioritizes inanimate objects over human life.

All throughout the year, politicians and activists lectured the public about the unimportance of property damage. “Black lives matter more than property,” declared the leftist New America Foundation in June, adding that “prioritization of property” and “reverence for property” are “white supremacist” traits, and therefore “destruction of property is a direct challenge to a system built on exploitation and oppression.”

“Police are putting property over the sanctity of human life!” screeched In These Times that same month.

The Nation topped them all with a piece titled “In Defense of Destroying Property.” Yes, property should be destroyed, if doing so furthers an important cause:

    What if property destruction is more than an understandable lapse of judgment and loss of control? What if it is not a frustrated, emotional reaction but a reasonable and articulate expression in itself? Refusing to incorporate acts of destruction into the political imaginary of protest deprives these acts of their political power.

So go out there, you passionate protesters, and smash things!

Wait, no, don’t smash that!

Last week, a large ceramic sculpture honoring ventilated black woman Breonna Taylor was destroyed by vandals in downtown Oakland, Calif. The bust, which frankly looked more like Willie Tyler’s puppet Lester than the Kentucky dead girl, had only been up for two weeks before it was demolished. Leo Carson, the obviously sight-impaired sculptor, blasted the vandalism as an “act of racist aggression” and called on police to vigorously find and arrest those responsible. Oakland’s mayor and city council also decried the destruction and ordered the police chief to spare no resources to apprehend those responsible.

So much for the value and necessity of property destruction as social statement. Suddenly, protecting property isn’t “white supremacy,” but an act of social justice, and vandalism isn’t an act of social justice, but “white supremacy.”

Odd how those definitions can turn on a dime.

Similar to how, last week, when loony white dude Anthony Warner blew up some property in Nashville on Christmas Day (after broadcasting a warning intended to prevent human casualties), leftist Twitter denounced the act as “domestic terrorism” because property was destroyed! But literally that same day, when leftist “Earth First” vandals sabotaged three natural-gas pumping sites in Aspen, Colo., depriving over 3,500 people (many of them elderly) of heat and hot water for days during a snowstorm, Colorado officials dismissed the notion that the attack was “terrorism,” because “only property” was destroyed.

It’s becoming increasingly difficult to determine when one can or can’t destroy property…when vandalism is “social justice” or “Nazi tyranny.”

But at least the Oakland sculptor has raised almost $30,000 to redo the bust in bronze, promising the city that the new Lester, make that Breonna, sculpture will be impervious to vandalism.

Good thing Popular Mechanics didn’t publish a manual this summer instructing activists in how to demolish bronze sculptures.

Oh, $#@!…

THESE BEASTS SHALL FART NO MORE
It’s always been understood that “global warming” alarmists have no regard for human life. Indeed, they see humans as parasites who are slowly killing “Mother Earth” with their insidious love of electricity and transportation and using technology to improve living conditions around the globe. “Green” activists would rather see large swaths of humans die off from curable and preventable diseases than allow developing nations to use insecticides, air-conditioning, or nuclear power.

There’s never been much doubt that at the core of the “green agenda” is the notion that this ol’ planet would be just super if not for the people. But it was always assumed that animals get a free pass, that the targets of the depopulation campaign are humans and not mankind’s four-legged friends. After all, what’s the point of saving the earth if only plants get to enjoy it?

Environmental wackos have long beefed about cow and deer farts, which are supposedly warming the atmosphere like John Goodman on taco night. But surely that’s no reason to send the poor beasts to Cowschwitz.

Think again. Last week in Portugal, construction of a gigantic “solar power park” with 650,000 panels began with the slaughtering of an entire forest. “Green energy” hucksters had handpicked a large estate in Azambuja (a district in Lisbon) for their solar panel monstrosity. The only problem was, the estate was an officially designated ecological reserve, teeming with wildlife. So in the name of saving the planet, the “greenies” contracted with a team of Spanish hunters to go into the reserve and shoot the living $#@! out of everything that moves. And since the reserve had been walled in to protect the animals from poachers, once the “cull” started, the animals had nowhere to run, leading one Azambuja councilman to describe the affair as a “massacre.”

Over 540 animals—mostly farting deer and burping boar—were killed by sixteen hunters (greenies don’t mind “toxic masculinity” when it can be used in the service of a canned hunt to save the earth). Rumor has it that each kill shot was accompanied by a recording of Greta Thunberg telling the animals, “How dare you!”

Furious members of the Portuguese Institute for Nature Conservation and Forests complained that they had not given the okay to the hunt. Responding to the furor over the mass killing, the Portuguese environmental agency APA agreed to reevaluate its approval of the solar park. In response, the charlatans behind the project promised the APA that from now on they’d work to “preserve the biodiversity” of the area.

A little late for that, although there might still be a frog or two on the grounds of the estate.

Do frog farts cause global warming? Quick, someone contact AOC for her expert opinion.

“GODADDY BLESS US, EVERY ONE”
This Christmas, as Americans were doing their best to have a pleasant holiday in the face of the crippling economic and societal devastation wrought by COVID lockdowns, the 7,000 employees of tech giant GoDaddy were treated to the best-ever real-life version of A Christmas Carol…with a slightly revised ending.

GoDaddy, the Scottsdale-based domain registrar and hosting site, has long trumpeted its “social justice” cred. With its average yearly revenue of around $3 billion, GoDaddy isn’t just some faceless mega-corp. No, GoDaddy is the corporation that cares! Its website trumpets the company’s devotion to its “diverse” employees: “Nurturing a culture of diversity and inclusion is woven into the fabric of GoDaddy. Employees’ unique experiences enrich everything we do. And at the end of the day, diverse teams make us better. Allyship is an important part of GoDaddy.”

Stunning and brave!

After George Floyd had his SSL certificate permanently revoked in May, GoDaddy threw itself headfirst into BLM-mania, holding a roundtable discussion with BLM militants covering “when to use the terms ‘POC’ vs ‘Black’, and the significance of the ‘American Dream’ and if that idea still is indeed a reality for black communities in this country.” The tech giant also pledged to continue to cancel the domain registrations of “racist” sites.

Brave and stunning!

“We stand with the entire Black community and are committed to doing our part as we strive toward racial equity and justice,” the company tweeted on June 3, adding that GoDaddy was “matching employee donations to non-profit organizations dedicated to racial equality and social justice.”

Those 7,000 employees were “nudged” to give, give, give to leftist organizations, no matter the fact that the pandemic had put discretionary cash in short supply for most people. “Donate even if it hurts” was the crux of the company’s message; nothing’s more important than BLM!

But, wouldn’t you know it, that magnanimous spirit of giving didn’t extend to the company’s attitude toward those very same employees. At the beginning of December, GoDaddy let its peons know that there’d be no Christmas bonuses this year. Sorry, folks. You having a happy holiday isn’t as important as us funneling money to Democrat front groups.

But then, on Dec. 14, a miracle occurred! GoDaddy sent its workers an email stating that HQ had undergone a wondrous change of heart: There would be Christmas bonuses after all! $650 for everyone! Employees were asked to fill out a brief online form to collect their bounty.

GoDaddy employees began celebrating in the streets, singing “Thank You Very Much” from the climax of the 1970 film Scrooge.

And then the bosses revealed the truth: The email had been a hoax from corporate HQ, purposely sent to all employees to see who’d fall for it, as a way to teach them a lesson about “phishing” scams.

GoDaddy, the social justice company, quite literally tortured its depressed and deprived workers with a bait-and-switch prank designed to falsely raise their hopes and spirits at Christmastime, as part of an internal test of employee gullibility. This is the revised ending of Christmas Carol in which Scrooge tells the debtors he forgave that he was just $#@!ing with them and they still owe, as he fires Bob Cratchit, kicks Tiny Tim in the shins, and spends the day laughing at all the suicides he caused, as Jacob Marley screams up from hell, “You dick.”

For domain owners who might want to teach GoDaddy’s execs a Christmas lesson of their own, you can find their No. 1 competitor, NameCheap, here.

WOK-COOKING THE BOOKS
Nobody doubts that the Chinese are excellent at math. One need only view the SAT scores of Chinese college applicants to know that these folks are pretty damn good with numbers. Unfortunately, the Chinese are also pretty damn good at distorting numbers. The death toll of Mao’s Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution is generally believed to be between 60 and 80 million. When Deng Xiaoping released the “official” figures of Mao-caused deaths following the Chairman’s demise in 1976, he put the total at a paltry 16.5 million. Since then, it’s declined steadily, with current Chinese president Xi Jinping reportedly putting the figure at somewhere around a hundred or so (and they all died from overstuffed bellies from all the amazing food that was grown courtesy of Mao’s brilliant collectivization policies).

Bottom line: Numbers from China are not to be trusted; people who know math that well are also expertly equipped to convincingly fudge their figures.

Remember Wuhan? Remember how the Chinese government boasted about its amazing COVID containment procedures there? Well, it turns out—to absolutely no one’s surprise except American journalists—that the Chinese engaged in some very creative abacus-ing with those Wuhan figures. It appears that, at the beginning of the pandemic, over ten times as many Wuhanians were infected with the bug than Chinese officials first reported. And apparently the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention knew those actual infection numbers back in April, but didn’t make them public until last week.

Fortunately, COVID officials in the U.S. aren’t as deceptive…except when they are, which is usually. As when Fauci the Magnificent admitted last week that he’d purposely withheld his “actual” herd immunity projections from the public because the ordinary saps “weren’t ready to hear them yet.” At least Chinese CDC officials have the excuse that they’ll be sent to labor camps if they don’t do the government’s propagandistic bidding. All Fauci is risking is whether his biopic starring Al Pacino gets a theatrical release or goes straight to streaming.

Funny enough, back in June, the U.S. press used those phony Wuhan figures to lecture Americans for not doing as well at containment as the noble Chinese. “U.S. response to COVID-19 is worse than China’s. 100 times worse,” scolded Time magazine on June 10.

When asked if Time would be issuing a retraction in light of the amended Chinese figures, a spokesman for the venerable newsmagazine donned a sombrero and fake mustache and said, “No comprende, señor. I just thee gardener here.”

Displaying a dexterity at spinning worthy of the Yinchuan Acrobatic Troupe, the Chinese CDC used its fudged figures as yet another reason to brag, explaining that the fact that so many more people than initially thought had been infected makes the defeat of COVID in China all the more remarkable. “It indicates that China has succeeded in controlling the epidemic with Wuhan as the main battlefield, and effectively controlled the large-scale spread of the epidemic,” a Chinese CDC spokesperson told the press last week, pausing after his statement to stare straight ahead as his eyes darted shiftily back and forth while the sound of a gong was heard in the background.

Mere days after the Chinese CDC’s totally not-bull$#@! press conference, it was announced that a new surge of cases throughout the country will likely lead to massive travel and gathering restrictions for 2021’s Lunar New Year.

Thank heavens the U.S. will soon be led by a man who has professed blind and unyielding faith in the honesty and integrity of China. There’s certainly no reason to foresee that ending in disaster.

REMOTE UNLEARNING
And speaking of people who should never, under any circumstances, be taken at their word…

American educators have had a difficult time this year, stuck at home unable to do in-person instruction because they lobbied their Democrat lapdogs to keep them stuck at home unable to do in-person instruction.

Indeed, these courageous unionized indoctrinators had to make several horrific sacrifices due to COVID.

As important as it was for public school teachers to fight for their sacred right to collect union benefits while sitting on a couch listening to social justice podcasts all day, the unfortunate by-product of this was that by refusing to actually go to work inside classrooms, these heroes were unable to do dance videos like the nation’s “beleaguered” and “overworked” nurses. Yes, it was a terrible trade-off. No videos of “brave” teachers twerking down schoolhouse hallways. Because you have to be willing to actually go to the schoolhouse for that to happen.

The other sacrifice was even worse. With union teachers staying at home, with public schools shuttered, it became increasingly difficult to physically destroy books. After all, you can’t trash a school library from your living room.

In September 2019, in a grossly underreported story, Melissa Barnett, head of English Language Arts for public schools in Washington Township, N.J., cheered the physical destruction of all books in her district that were not “diverse” enough. She tweeted a photo of a dumpster full of books with the celebratory caption, “This week, dumpsters were filled with books that should have left decades ago @TWPSchools and replaced with engaging, relevant, culturally diverse literature.”

Barnett’s tweet birthed a thread in which fellow educators applauded the district for having the guts to pulp evil books.

When a few right-wingers who object to the extermination of literature publicized the thread, Barnett and her cohorts deleted their accounts, and it was left to Washington Township Director of Secondary Education Steve Gregor to explain that the trashed books, which included Frankenstein, 1984, The Grapes of Wrath, Pride and Prejudice, Dante’s Inferno, and Slaughterhouse-Five, “were in poor condition and unreadable, dating back to the 1960s or earlier. We intended to replace them with new copies.”

Apparently, the head of the English Language Arts Department got it all wrong! The books weren’t being trashed because of “diversity.” They were just old, and the school totally intended to replace them.

Because no good school would ever send usable books to the city dump for political reasons!

The exact same story played out earlier this year, when a middle school in Minnesota was caught junking American history books, including Flag of Our Fathers; biographies of Ronald Reagan, Sitting Bull, Mark Twain, and Robert E. Lee; and histories of the American Revolution, D-Day, and the Gulf War. And once again, a nervous principal had to explain that there was no political motive behind the trashing. “Those books were just old, see? They was moth-eaten, see? Fallin’ apart, SEE? It was just a spring cleanin’. Yeah, that’s it. Spring cleanin’!”

But COVID has made public school educators stir-crazy, and a little too honest. Last week hundreds of America’s “teachers,” using the hashtag #DisruptTexts, admitted that yes, the goal is to physically destroy all “classic texts” not written in “the present-day vernacular,” especially all books “in which racism, sexism, ableism, anti-Semitism, and other forms of hate are the norm.” According to the “education heroes,” that includes Shakespeare, Homer, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hawthorne, and even Dr. Seuss.

#DisruptTexts advocates freely admit to seeking to “trash” books that don’t measure up. Odd that nobody in the press got the hint that this was the case from all of those, you know, trashed books.

Hopefully, once in-person learning begins anew, the media can again go back to turning a blind eye to dumpsters full of “racist” books that, thanks to the very educators who trashed ’em, America’s kids wouldn’t even know how to read anyway.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-121/

The Week’s Testiest, Zestiest, and Unrestiest Headlines

“BRED FOR SUPERIORITY” MEETS ITS POLAR OPPOSITE
Well, this was a crime worthy of Ocean’s 11. Or perhaps more appropriately IQ of 11. Twenty-one-year-old Royshana King (no word on whether she has a brother named Siegfriedshana) of Houston was looking to score big. A real caper, a real “this’ll put us on easy street” kinda crime. But what to steal? Where to hit? Jewelry stores? Naw, the good ones have that whacked-out security $#@! where you gotta go through a door into a little booth then through another door, making it hard to smash and grab. Also, they have that other security system called “instinct” that prompts proprietors to cock their weapons when a 21-year-old who looks like Royshana King walks in.

Banks? Please. Those security guards have guns…that they cock when a 21-year-old who looks like Royshana King walks in.

After several nights of hard thinkin’ and crack smokin’, King and her male accomplice hatched the perfect plan: They’d read somewhere that purebred dogs can go for thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars! Royshana and her man would visit one of those big-time breeders pretending to be a couple interested in buying one of them fancy-ass moneydogs…and they’d run off with it!

The perfect crime! Dogs can’t fire no guns.

Armed with that knowledge, the two smooth criminals visited Bully Kamp, a Harris County establishment that breeds and sells show-quality bulldogs.

The caper went off beautifully…at first. Royshana saw a 7-month-old bulldog priced at $10,000. And she be like, “Can we see that dog?” And the proprietress was like, “Of course. This particular breed has a lineage that…”

And then Royshana and her man ran out of the store with the puppy.

What they didn’t count on was that the proprietress, Alize James, didn’t need to cock no gun to take on two dognappers. The doughty James chased after the pair and jumped on the hood of their car, T.J. Hooker-style. The pup had recently had surgery, and needed meds. And James was not about to let it fall into the hands of a couple of thugs without a fight.

“My mind was focused on [the puppy’s] health, I obviously didn’t care about my well-being,” James told a local TV station.

James rode that hood for ten minutes at highway speeds, until King and her accomplice, realizing that their Ocean’s 11 caper had hit a snag, finally pulled over. The male beat the crap out of James, thus proving his preference for the Sinatra as opposed to the Clooney version of the film, and stole her necklace. But thanks to James’ bravery, authorities were able to arrest King, and they’re currently searching for her partner, a large African-American male who still has possession of the dog.

It’s probably safe to assume that this rocket scientist has received a swift and merciless lesson in how a “$10,000 dog” isn’t a “$10,000 dog” without documentation. It’s not like pawning a gold watch or a Stratocaster. One can almost hear the dialogue as the hapless gent attempts to fence his booty:

“This a $10,000 dog. How much you gimme?”

“Well, what is the sire?”

“Man! Look, I’ll take $5,000.”

“Okay, but where are the registration papers?”

“Maaaan, c’mon, $3,000.”

“Can you show me the proof of pedigree?”

“Maaaaaaaaaaan, I shoulda robbed a minimart.”

Hopefully, Fat Albert Einstein will return the dog unharmed once he realizes that it’s not only unsalable but his intellectual superior.

“YOU’RE A BROWNER MAN THAN I AM, GUNGA DIN”
Hollywood’s Rules of Woke are getting increasingly harder to follow.

In the early days of movies, white dudes would play Japs, Chinamen, Injuns (tomahawk throwers), and Injuns (acid throwers).

Was it respectful? No. And certainly the industry only got better as Japs could play Japs, Chinese could play Chinese, Chief Dan Georges and Will Sampsons could play every Native American role in every movie in the 1970s, and, well, okay, India Indians were still primarily portrayed by white guys.

Birdie Num-Num.

And not just white guys. Even Hong Kong cinema classics like 1976’s Master of the Flying Guillotine used Chinese actors to portray subcontinent Asians, with Wong Wing-sang, wearing brown makeup and a patchy glued-on beard, portraying an Indian yogi master who can extend his arms ten feet long to deflect attacks (a skill that, had Gandhi possessed it, might’ve saved his life).

Thankfully, over the past decade actual Indian actors have been scoring lead roles in Western cinema due to absolutely no popular demand whatsoever but boy does it make white Americans feel self-satisfied to talk about how much they like that cute little Indian guy with the name that doesn’t come to mind who was in that thing where he was funny but also heartwarming.

In recent years, it’s become verboten in Hollywood for non-Indian actors to affect an Indian accent, to the extent that even Apu was canceled. It’s a tragic turn of events that’s forced marginally talented white Groundlings hacks to narrow their go-to “comedy gold” accents to Scottish or German.

Still, one would assume that actual Indians would be allowed to do Indian accents.

One would be wrong.

Rizwan Manji is an Ismaili Muslim of Gujarati Indian descent, whose parents immigrated to Canada from Tanzania. Manji, an actor, has a supporting role on a show called Schitt’s Creek (a.k.a. the show your friends insist you just have to watch because it’s so critically acclaimed, and then you find out they haven’t seen it either). Manji’s character has a slight Indian accent, and apparently the arbiters of wokeness have decreed that this is racist.

Yes, it’s now racist for an Indian to have an Indian accent.

From CNN:

    Fans of the show have taken issue with “Schitt’s Creek” resident Ray Butani (portrayed by Manji), an eccentric businessman who runs a real estate-travel-photography enterprise. Butani, one of the few non-White characters on the show, speaks with an accent and, according to some viewers, plays into stereotypes of South Asian men.

It’s unclear how an Indian with an Indian accent is “a stereotype” as opposed to “a reality.” Some Schitt’s viewers have even gone so far as to call Manji’s role “brownface,” apparently oblivious to the fact that the man actually has a brown face. By that definition, all black actors should be excommunicated from the business because they insist on performing in blackface.

Whites-only Hollywood is the only true way to avoid racially insensitive portrayals.

As baffling as this attack on an Indian actor for having an Indian accent may be, it’s perhaps more understandable if viewed in light of the industry’s obsession with shoehorning actors of color into historical roles for which they’re wholly inappropriate, from British monarchs to Viking warriors to the Little Mermaid. With a blacker-than-Yaphet-Kotto actress set to portray Anne Boleyn in a British TV miniseries, it’s understandable that Manji might want to lose the accent, as rumor has it he’s up for the role of FDR in an upcoming biopic.

“We have nothing to fear bud-bud fear itself.”

BROWN PAPER BAG TEST FOR CONSPIRACY THEORISTS
And on the subject of “blackface”…

Big Tech has gone to great lengths to rid the ’net of “right-wing conspiracy theorists”—Alex Jones types who pollute the world with wacky nutty koo-koo-bananas tall tales about secret government plots and schemes to commit mass murder or engineer disasters to depopulate the world.

But take any standard Alex Jonesian conspiracy theory and darken it up like Jolson, and bang, you have a hit Netflix documentary!

It’s a fairly simple dynamic: The only difference between “loony conspiracy theory, shut it down” and “wow, makes ya think, deserves to be heard” is skin tone.

In 1994, a filmmaker named Randy Holland produced a doc called The Fire This Time. The film posited that the 1992 L.A. Rodney King Riot was a CIA antiblack covert op. There were no rioting blacks; just government “crisis actors.” Rooftop Koreans? Nope, just CIA guys in Mikado makeup. Reginald Denny the beaten white trucker? Possibly an animatronic replicant, although also maybe a hologram (Holland, a cautious researcher, doesn’t firmly commit to either possibility).

Holland’s film won the WGA Award for Best Documentary. It was broadcast on Cinemax, and received glowing reviews in Variety and the L.A. Times, because it’s not at all crazy like that Alex Jones “gay frog” Illuminati crap.

In 2006, Spike Lee released his doc When the Levees Broke, a central theme of which was that Hurricane Katrina was a government depopulation op designed to genocide New Orleans’ blacks. It won three Emmy Awards (Exceptional Merit in Nonfiction Filmmaking, Outstanding Directing for Nonfiction Programming, and Outstanding Picture Editing for Nonfiction Programming), a Peabody Award, the NAACP Image Award, and the Horizons Award at the 63rd Venice International Film Festival.

The reviews were—what’s the word?—glowing, with critics taking great pains to point out that it’s important for these “conspiracy theories” to be heard, because they come from black folks. L.A. Times infinite monkey Paul Brownfield, normally a foe of all theories conspiratorial, gave Lee’s film a free pass, writing that, regarding the movie’s claim that Katrina flooding was government-caused, “This isn’t a film about journalistic balance, it’s about being there so people can exhale.”

See, when white folks speak of grand CIA psyops, false flags, weather control devices, and chemtrails, it’s “right-wing conspiracy bull$#@!” that must be banned and suppressed as even allowing it to exist is a threat to society because “disinformation.” But when blacks indulge in such nonsense, it’s just them “exhaling.” Lettin’ off steam! To censor or condemn such content is to tell blacks that they mustn’t breathe.

Yes, if you criticize black conspiracy theorists, you’re literally suffocating George Floyd.

And this week arrives the new Netflix doc Crack: Cocaine, Corruption & Conspiracy, another gust of black exhalation about how crack cocaine was all a CIA plot and (as the Daily Beast points out, this comes off as a bit contradictory) blacks (a) were never actually harmed by crack—it was all media slander to portray them as addicts, (b) were terribly hurt by crack, per CIA depopulation plans, (c) were left to deal with the crack epidemic on their own by uncaring public officials who never took the problem seriously, and (d) were severely oppressed by caring public officials who took the problem too seriously and overreacted with draconian enforcement.

That’s some exhale! Terry McMillan, eat your heart out.

The Daily Beast is forced to conclude that the film is “borderline disingenuous.” That “borderline” part is an understandable bit of caution, as nobody wants to be too critical of next year’s Oscar winner for Best Documentary Feature.

Rest assured, though, that this “disingenuous” film will not be banned from social media, but any white “right-wingers” echoing its talking points will.

YOU’RE A GRAND OLD FLAGELLATE
Planning to burn a flag? Choose your standard carefully, because your decision might mean the difference between going to prison or becoming independently wealthy.

Remember little Joey Johnson? He’s the Revolutionary Communist Party radical who was arrested in 1984 for burning a stolen (note: stolen) American flag during an anti-Reagan protest in Dallas. Johnson’s case led to the landmark SCOTUS decision that struck down anti-flag-burning laws as unconstitutional. Yes, Americans, you have the right to burn flags, even flags that don’t belong to you, even flags you’ve purloined from folks who don’t want ’em burned.

It’s your sacred right!

Of course, that sacred right only applies to American flags, which (SCOTUS sez) are not sacred. But truly sacred flags must never be burned.

Like the Holy Flag of BLM.

Last week, Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio was arrested in D.C. for having burned a BLM flag he took from outside a “historic black church” a month earlier. He’s been charged with “destruction of property” (not theft, because it’s not the theft that matters but the desecration of a sacred object). Even though the burning happened a month ago, D.C. cops were still hot on the case, because there are no other, more serious crimes to investigate in the peaceful utopia that might soon become the nation’s 51st state.

Cops were lying in wait for Tarrio as he flew into D.C. from Miami. They staked out an airport to catch a guy who burned some cloth a month ago.

But of course, it’s not just “some cloth.” BLM banners make the Shroud of Turin look like a cocktail napkin. The BLM flag is the Koran of banners; defile it, you die. One gets the feeling that had Tarrio burned a Bible from that “historically black church,” neither the pastor nor the cops would have pursued the matter.

D.C. prosecutors are contemplating charging Tarrio with a “hate crime” enhancement.

Yep, dude would’ve been a lot safer burning a Bible.

Tarrio had already told The Washington Post that he would plead guilty to the destruction of property charge and reimburse the “historically yada yada” church for the banner, but he’s pledged to fight any “hate crime” charges, as he steadfastly maintains that he destroyed the banner not out of racial animus (Tarrio himself is Afro-Cuban), but because BLM “has terrorized the citizens of this country.”

He’s likely to find out that truth is not a defense in his case.

For the flag-burning alone (not counting the potential hate-crime charges), Tarrio is facing a $1,000 fine and up to 180 days in jail.

Sure, it’s easy to bring up the fact that BLM terrorists have destroyed statues and monuments and burned entire buildings to the ground without facing arrest, but that’s too obvious a point.

Let’s return to little Joey Johnson.

After he was cleared of all charges by the SCOTUS flag decision, he continued burning flags for the next 25 years (to a “revolutionary communist,” that counts as a profession). In 2016 he lit an American flag on fire outside the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. Police stepped in to douse the flames.

And the city of Cleveland was forced to pay Johnson $225,000 for violating his right to publicly burn American flags.

$225,000.

Think on that as you await your $600 Covid relief check.

And now that you’re in a bad mood…

A DEFINING REDEFINING MOMENT
The news from D.C. following the Capitol unrest is nothing but grim. One pro-Trump protester—a fourteen-year military vet—shot dead by Capitol Police. Three other protesters dead via stroke, heart attack, and trampling, and a D.C. police officer—an Iraq War vet—succumbing to a head injury the day after the skirmish.

There’s just nothing fun or funny here.

But as always, there are things that can be learned, and instructive points to glean.

The left spent all of 2020 encouraging the wanton destruction wrought by BLM and Antifa. Cities were burned, hundreds of businesses large and small were reduced to ash, thousands of stores, homes, public spaces, and monuments were vandalized. And it was all good, because, as Chris Cuomo—the guy who makes every cast member of Jersey Shore look like a genius, the guy who best exemplifies why “the Italians” are far, far removed from “the Romans”—said back in June (as BLM thugs were sacking cities across the nation), “Show me where it says protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful.”

Yep, back in the summer, raucous protests were just fine.

If cops, business owners, or concerned citizens dared to harm a BLM or Antifa thug in self-defense, they were guilty of murder. Because violent protesters were not to be opposed. The right to smash, punch, and intimidate is guaranteed by the First Amendment. Maybe that’s not spelled out in the Bill of Rights, maybe it’s not supported by 230 years of Supreme Court precedent, but it’s there, between the lines, in the left’s supplemental footnotes, right alongside the unqualified right to abortion.

But as of Jan. 6, that all changed. Now “impolite” protests are insurrection, treason, and terrorism. All of a sudden, the left has decided that the only good protest is one in which mannered gentlemen with muttonchops exchange platitudes whilst nibbling on cucumber sandwiches and sipping fine aromatic tea.

“I say, dear Cholmondeley, verily have I a grievance to air.”

“In faith, good Sinjin, I shall hear it out, old friend.”

“I do hope my protest has not caused thee undue vexation, kind sir.”

“No more so than has my measured response, I do pray, caused you.”

After almost a year of mass destruction championed and defended as “peaceful protests,” this is how the left now says it should be done. Funny how that works. The Democrats gain control of everything—the White House and Congress—and protests from this point on are supposed to resemble a Jane Austen novel.

But what’s especially interesting is how the left is redefining terrorism. Melissa Chan, an Emmy-nominated journalist who has written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, The Guardian, and Time (if there’s a place for vacuous leftists, she’s occupied it), made a big stink on the 7th about how the MAGA Capitol-stormers should not be described as “protesters” but “terrorists.” When pesky Twitterers resurfaced past tweets in which she’d proudly referred to violent and destructive BLM hoods as “protesters,” Ms. Chan tweeted the following:

    Breaking into the Capitol is not the same as breaking into a Best Buy and I can’t believe I have to explain that. But if you think they’re the same, you should go to the Capitol and try to buy a Playstation 5.

In other words, attacking civilian targets doesn’t make you a terrorist; attacking government targets does.

Except, no. The widely accepted definition of “terrorism” is “the unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.”

“Especially against civilians.”

And the Encyclopedia Britannica defines terrorism as something that strikes “places where members of the civilian population are familiar and in which they feel at ease.”

Like a Best Buy.

But, as we saw in 2020, definitions change quickly when they outlive their usefulness to leftists. So in the weeks to come, expect the definition of terrorism to drop any mention of “especially against civilians.” Because when given a choice between altering their behavior to be less uncivil or altering the language to redefine incivility, leftists will always choose the latter.

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## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-122/

The Week’s Most Sodden, Throdden, and Downtrodden Headlines

NAZI PIANO CONCERTO, NUMBER TWO (SECOND MOVEMENT)
Third Reich? More like Turd Reich.

In the immediate aftermath of the Jan. 6 Capitol protest and riot, reportage tended to focus on the big stories—the deaths, the violence, the property damage, and of course Trump. But the media will always eventually exhaust the big angles and go searching for new “exclusives” to misreport.

On Jan. 11, New York congressman Hakeem Jeffries (Brooklyn and Queens) told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer that the Capitol stormers “marked their territory” while running wild through congressional offices. “Weapons were deployed. Mace and bear spray were utilized. Offices were ransacked. Feces and urine was left behind,” the morally outraged Democrat told Blitzer, who responded, “I have heard it from so many of your colleagues—some of these individuals, whether they were neo-Nazis, whether they were racists, they were walking around the U.S. Capitol in really sensitive areas urinating.”

Perhaps Blitzer is referring to such “sensitive areas” as the office where Katie Hill had her naked lesbian threesomes. One hates to think that such sacred ground was defiled.

“Nazis urinated in the offices of Members of Congress in the Capitol yesterday, according to Hakeem Jeffries (Congressman from New York),” tweeted Lisa Goldman, a “journalist” who excels in a more verbal type of defecation, as evidenced by the skidmarks she leaves on the pages of The New York Times, The Guardian, +972 Magazine, and The Conversationalist.

The defecating-Nazis story triggered Nadine van der Velde, a multiple Emmy and Annie award-winning actress, writer, producer, and leftist activist, who tweeted:

    My dad, a Holocaust survivor, went home after the Germans were defeated. He found his house ransacked, stripped bare, except for the piano. Nazis couldn’t haul it off. Instead Nazis had urinated and defecated inside to make it unusable. Same hateful energy. #GOPFascists

“Nazis Shat in My Piano” was the original title of Elie Wiesel’s Night, until van der Velde’s father successfully sued, as he was in the process of making his own movie based on his tragic story, titled Life Is Pee-yew-tiful.

Ms. van der Velde is quite well-known for beginning almost every other tweet with “My dad, a Holocaust survivor…” so this was par for her course. Still, the piano attack by the Arms of Krapp is a new one. Putting aside the logistical questions (were the Poopenführers perched on the piano’s edge, or standing on chairs and ladders?), there’s the bigger problem that all abandoned Jewish possessions automatically became property of the Reich when a Jew fled, emigrated, or was sent to a camp. That was the law back then.

Ha ha, you dumb Nazis! You just crapped in your own piano.

Another tragic wartime evacuation.

Perhaps a more important question to ponder is how Democrats can now claim that public defecation is “Nazi” when they’ve fought so hard to make it a “human right” for all homeless people.

If Hakeem Jeffries is upset about the mess in his office, I hope he never looks at the sidewalks of his district.

HYGIENIC HAJI WANTS YOU TO PAY FOR HIS SHOWERS
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes
And eyes and ears and mouth and nose
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes!

Yes, that’s a brief inventory of body parts blown off by convicted Boston Marathon bomber and teen heartthrob Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. It’s also the little ditty he sings in the shower, to remind himself to wash thoroughly. See, Tsarnaev is a very clean terrorist. Not like those dirty terrorists who live in caves alongside stinky goats and sheep. No, Tsarnaev takes his hygiene quite seriously.

Which is why he’s suing the U.S. government for $250,000 over the fact that he’s limited to only three showers a week at the Colorado Supermax prison where he’s currently serving a life sentence (he’d initially been sentenced to death, but last fall an appeals judge reduced it to life, stating that Tsarnaev’s obsessive love of showering was vital to the nation’s struggling mass-murderer monogrammed-soap industry).

Along with suing for extra shower time, Tsarnaev is also demanding the right to wear a “baseball cap and bandanna” in his cell.

Because what’s the point of cleaning yourself up if you can’t slip into something sporty?

Tsarnaev states in his lawsuit that the lack of showers, caps, and bandannas is contributing to his “mental and physical decline.” Legal experts counter that it’s a bit more likely that said “decline” has more to do with being locked 24/7 in a 7-by-12-foot cell. That, and being an already mentally warped pathological killer.

Sadly for the moistened Muhammadan, his suit was rejected by a federal judge last week because dripping Dzhokhar had not included the $402 filing fee, apparently having spent his every last penny on donations to Bernie Sanders after the elderly (and almost certainly unwashed and malodorous) socialist promised to restore the mad bomber’s voting rights (and hell, considering how Democrats conduct their elections, Tsarnaev probably did have a vote cast in his name last November anyway).

With Sanders soon to become a major power player in the new Senate, the Biden Administration might just decide to settle Tsarnaev’s suit out of court.

Now, it’s unclear what a man locked in a 7-by-12-foot box would be able to do with a quarter-million dollars, but perhaps Tsarnaev can set up a dark-money PAC for Rashida Tlaib, and cycle the money back to his biggest fangirl.

After all, money, just like an imprisoned terrorist, is best when fully laundered.

HOW MIDAIR YOU!
These days, “global warming” hucksters might be feeling the need to play catch-up. After all, “climate change” flimflammery is known for two things: hypocrisy and illogic.

Hypocrisy in that climate-change apocalyptics swear that the world will explode if you don’t give up the things you’re doing that are hastening the end-times—relying on fossil fuels, flying in planes, driving cars, using air-conditioning, eating meat, etc. If you don’t surrender those luxuries, the planet will die and it’ll all be your fault. But weirdly, the doomsayers never seem to follow those rules themselves. They fly, drive, eat meat, and generally expel enough pollution to make Mexico City’s air seem breathable by comparison.

And illogic? Well, how logical is it to say that asthma inhalers and plastic bags are polluting the atmosphere but private jets and luxury yachts the size of the Nimitz aren’t?

If there was one thing climate-change charlatans could always boast about, it’s that they were the absolute best at making ordinary folks suffer under inconsistent rules that they themselves didn’t follow.

But then came Covid. And in the space of less than a year, the achievements of the climate scammers became meaningless and forgotten. Hypocrisy and illogic? Nobody does that better than Covid con artists. All last year, millions of people were locked in their homes by politicians who freely and guiltlessly did all the things they prevented their suffering subjects from doing, as “scientists” came up with countless new ways to not make any sense via the “science-based” rules they advocated (six-foot distancing in the line to enter an aircraft where you then sit inches apart from those same people; “outdoor” dining that occurs inside covered structures but is still considered “outside” because the tables were outside before the building was erected around them; outdoor weddings and concerts are “superspreader events,” but outdoor protests are not; etc.).

Clearly, the pressure is now on the global-warming hustlers to up their game. And who better to meet the challenge than the man with his feet planted firmly in both camps, the guy who became a billionaire so long ago that most folks don’t even remember how he did it, and when they’re reminded, they’re like, “Explorer? Really?… Explorer?”

In February, Bill Gates will release his latest book, How to Avoid a Climate Disaster: The Solutions We Have and the Breakthroughs We Need. It promises to contain many “solutions” and “breakthroughs” that involve you being forced to no longer do or own something you currently do or own. As a preview, in a recent blog post Gates condemned Americans for using too much gasoline.

But there’s something he left out of that post: Last week it was revealed that Gates has put in a bid to buy Signature Aviation, the world’s largest private jet operator.

Yes, Gates, who already owns four private jets (he likes to match them to his outfits), will now own the world’s largest fleet of them.

According to the Daily Mail, “the average person produces around 10 tonnes of carbon dioxide each year,” whereas Gates’ private flights alone “produce a staggering 1,600 tonnes” annually.

But you’re the one who needs to stop driving.

Gates, who has often admitted that private jets are his “guilty pleasure,” is likely enjoying his newly reclaimed status as top hypocrite as he dines with Gavin Newsom, Andrew Cuomo, and AOC maskless at an indoor restaurant sitting inches apart and eating steaks made from only the fartiest cows.

MUSK OF DESPERATION
Those “democracy dies in darkness” arbiters of truth in the mainstream media are getting rather desperate in their attempts to dismantle free speech online. Not content with the plethora of recent victories the forces of speech suppression have won—Twitter banning Trump and liquidating millions of rightist accounts, Facebook banning Trump and most “right-wing” groups, YouTube silencing the official White House account, and Google, Apple, and Amazon banning Parler from the Internet—the intrepid journos in legacy media want to push for even more censorship, and they’ve decided to enlist Elon Musk to help them.

The problem is, Elon Musk isn’t helping them. But never doubt that the people who stretched a phony dossier and a made-up rumor about a micturated president into four years of headlines can stretch a single tweeted meme into “Elon Musk wants Facebook silenced!”

On Jan. 6, Musk tweeted an image that he captioned “the domino effect.” It showed a line of progressively larger dominoes, with the smallest one labeled “a website to rate women on campus,” and the largest one showing a tweet by New York Times chief national correspondent Mark Leibovich stating “The Capitol seems to be under the control of a man in a viking hat.”

The meme can be read several ways, including as a joke, or a satire of the notion that there’s a direct line between something as trivial as Facebook’s earliest incarnation and something as surreal as Leibovich’s tweet. Keep in mind, Musk is a guy who once tweeted that Vernon Unsworth, the heroic British diver who was instrumental in the underwater rescue of twelve Thai boys from a cave in 2018, was a “pedo,” only to respond when sued, “hey, I was just having a larf! My tweets aren’t meant to be taken literally. I was just insulting the guy because I don’t like him.”

Similarly, Musk has recently been in a personal feud with Mark Zuckerberg, so it’s probably best not to make broad assumptions about one tweet.

But what is the MSM if not a giant mentally challenged assumption-making machine?

“Elon Musk Blames Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg For Capitol Riot!” screeched a headline in The Observer. Musk “holds the social network at least partly responsible for the U.S. Capitol riot,” wailed Newsweek. And Fox announced that Musk “appears to blame the founding of Facebook for the violence that ensued at the U.S. Capitol.” At least a dozen other news sites echoed those themes.

All based solely on that one tweeted meme.

Most of the articles tried to spin the tweet to make it appear as though Musk was implicitly advocating censorship of online speech…even though Musk has repeatedly gone on record opposing exactly that. In fact, just days after the “domino” tweet, Musk made his position crystal clear regarding Twitter’s Trump ban: “A lot of people are going to be super unhappy with West Coast high tech as the de facto arbiter of free speech.”

So much for basing an entire day’s worth of news on one jokey tweet by the “hey pedo, I wuz just foolin’ around!” guy.

Still, it’s a little frightening how eager the press is to push the pro-censorship line, even to the extent of misrepresenting memes. Perhaps next week, The Observer will trot out its new star advocate of speech suppression: the “Ermahgerd Books” girl.

KATHY SHAIDLE: AN APPRECIATION
Kathy Shaidle, the pioneering blogger, essayist, poet, copywriter, political pundit, and former Takimag columnist, passed away last weekend at the age of 56 after losing her battle with ovarian cancer. Kathy wrote for Takimag from 2011 through 2017, and her columns were always hugely popular, engaging, and, most significantly, unpredictable. Because part of what defined Kathy was her versatility as a writer and thinker. This was a person who could write serious poetry, scathing political commentary, deeply personal essays, and the satirical and hard-edged “Ed Anger” column for the Weekly World News. Regardless of the subject or style, her writing was consistently sharp, and on a dime she could be alternately funny, angry, light, or blistering.

Kathy was also that rarest of rightist thinkers—she appreciated movies as movies, not as politics. Sure, she could write about movies from a political angle better than anyone. But she was a film lover first and foremost, as knowledgeable of the history of cinema as anybody writing on the topic today, or possibly ever. It can be difficult for conservatives—obsessed as they are with viewing Hollywood as “enemy territory”—to critique movies strictly from an artistic perspective. But Kathy’s love of the medium went far beyond politics, and her always-active Facebook page was host to hundreds of fascinating film-centered discussions that transcended the usual pap one gets when people on the right try to broach the topic.

Indeed, Kathy’s regular movie column on Mark Steyn’s site was a must-read for all film aficionados regardless of ideological bent.

Speaking of Facebook, even after she retired from Takimag due to time-constraint issues, she remained a steadfast champion of the site and its authors, posting each piece daily for her many Facebook friends and followers to read and dissect. The resulting threads would bring to mind what comments sections should always ideally be—vigorous but reasoned and well-argued debates among opinionated but civil participants.

As a Hamilton, Ontario-born Canadian, it cannot be overstated how courageous Kathy was. Short in stature and a self-described “agoraphobic homebody,” Kathy nevertheless stood up fearlessly to her country’s politically correct commissars. In a nation where one “offensive” tweet can lead to actual criminal charges as opposed to mere “cancellation,” Kathy Shaidle took risks every day that Americans rarely need to chance.

Shaidle’s 2008 book The Tyranny of Nice (coauthored with Pete Vere) is a must-read regarding the perils of being a Great White North dissident thinker.

A scribe to the very end, Kathy went out writing, continuing to post on Facebook Jan. 7, even as she somberly had to admit that her “eyesight (is) failing a bit and it is hard to type.”

She entered hospice the next day. She passed away on the 9th.

After her death, her wry, self-penned obituary gave her friends and fans something to smile about through the grief as they mourned her passing. It was a quintessentially Kathy Shaidle finale: Words were her life and livelihood, and she wanted to share just a few more of them with her readers, even if she wouldn’t be around to take part in the discussion that followed.

To anyone who similarly loves words, and movies, and political commentary, the loss of Kathy Shaidle is a terribly profound one.

Everyone at Takimag extends their sincerest condolences to her beloved husband, Arnie. Kathy was one of a kind, and the world of letters will never be the same without her.

----------


## DamianTV

@Swordsmyth - "Always OK for me but NOT OK for thee"

Beyond bullies.  No Bully will ever let someone defend themselves.  But their plan is much worse than hurt your feelings or bloody a nose...

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-123/

The Week’s Most Humbling, Grumbling, and Bumbling Headlines

ARBEIT MACHT KRANKHEITSFREI
For almost a year now, anti-lockdown protesters and refuseniks in the U.S. have dropped the capital N-word regarding heavy-handed government efforts to control the behavior of Americans in the name of (supposedly) controlling Covid. The capital N-word is, of course, quite different from the lower-case n-word, which only rappers and Quentin Tarantino are allowed to use.

Conversely, everyone’s allowed to say the big N-word—Nazi—as long as they’re lobbing it at someone in hatred and not claiming it for themselves with pride. And the repressive (and in many cases blatantly unconstitutional) responses to Covid by state and local governments have earned a lot of American politicians the “Nazi” moniker. Churches shuttered, small businesses padlocked, bench-sitters, park-players, gym-goers, maskless walkers, and restaurant diners rousted, fined, and in some cases jailed by “Covid Nazi” public officials.

It must have been terribly upsetting for the Germans to see another nation claim the title of “Naziest of them all.” Rather like when the French see cheap illegitimate knockoff champagne.

“Zat’s our thing! You don’t get to call it champagne unless it’s from France, le home of ze sham-pah-nyah!”

Last week Germany finally put its foot down regarding the unauthorized use of the political label it made famous. If there are going to be Covid Nazis, they’re gonna be in Deutschland, dammit! So the government decided to put anyone who repeatedly violates Covid quarantine in…concentration camps.

Top that, Gavin Newsom.

German officials are being forced to convert refugee camps into the new network of Covid detention facilities, because all the really good camps are currently filled with tourists taking photos and Jews making documentaries. It’s a lesson that every oppressive regime needs to learn: Don’t turn your best concentration camps into museums; you never know when they might be needed again.

That German officials have no problem with putting quarantine violators in camps is a testament to the German trait of cold, unemotional practicality and efficiency. And that other German trait of having no sense of humor. In fact, German newspapers appear to be the only ones in the entire world that don’t find the Kovid Kamps darkly amusing.

One problem facing the Germans as they prepare to evacuate quarantine violators to the East is the absence of highly trained commandants skilled in the art of administering such facilities. Many of these professionals appear to have personnel files that abruptly end around 1945. Another issue is overcrowding. With the possibility of potentially hundreds of thousands of incoming inmates, current refugee camps might not provide enough space.

That said, word has it that there’s some very nice camp real estate in Poland.

What harm could possibly come from making a play for it?

DRUM RAPER INSTINCT
Last week’s Martin Luther King Jr. Day was not necessarily the most joyous in the 21 years since the holiday was first officially observed by all states (and the 38 years since President Reagan signed the holiday into law). With so many millions of Americans locked down due to the pandemic, or unemployed due to the lockdowns, what’s the value of a three-day weekend?

Still, people in the U.S. might want to start appreciating the holiday a bit more over the next few years…because it just might have an expiration date of 2027. That’s the year the “rape tape” is due to be released to the public.

On Jan. 5, 1964, FBI agents, as part of an organized campaign of surveillance and harassment of MLK, recorded something exceptionally unpleasant in a Washington, D.C., hotel room. King had been summoned by Baltimore preacher Logan Kearse to the Willard Hotel. There, Pastor Kearse raped a woman after she resisted his advances, as King (in the words of an FBI agent who summarized the recording for his bosses) “looked on, laughed and offered advise [sic].”

Sometimes a guy needs the kind of advice Dear Abby just can’t provide.

The audiotape of the incident totally exists. However, in 1977 a federal judge ordered it sealed for fifty years, because Jimmy Carter wanted to make sure he was long dead before that $#@! got out (jokes on you, Jimmy—you may actually still be alive in 2027, you rabbit-killing Methuselah).

So, in six years, the nation will likely hear the dulcet sounds of MLK cheering a rape…unless Kamala Harris uses her newfound status to discreetly replace the tape with an old Tupac recording (it’s not that Harris is disturbed by MLK’s role in a rape; it’s more that she’s outraged that a woman would resist the opportunity to sleep with an influential man).

The ticking clock on the release of the rape tape was not lost on filmmaker Sam Pollard, whose new documentary film MLK/FBI opened last week to coincide with the holiday. Pollard’s movie details the FBI’s clandestine war against the civil rights leader. And while the film roundly—and justifiably—condemns J. Edgar Hoover’s less-than-honorable tactics against King, when the topic of the rape recording comes up—and kudos to Pollard for at least bringing it up—the filmmaker runs a rather ineffective interference, claiming that the FBI agent’s notes “might” be misleading, and to give credence to the accusations without “hard evidence” would be to assist the FBI in “sullying” King’s memory.

Pollard has exactly six more years until he’ll have to come up with a better defense. Ditto the media. In their reviews of Pollard’s film, The Atlantic, the AP, and NPR avoided mentioning the rape accusation entirely. Yahoo News mentioned it, but purposely distorted the charge, claiming that MLK “witnessed a rape and didn’t intervene to stop it” (no mention of the “looking on, laughing, and offering advice” part). Sky News preemptively declared “pictures or it didn’t happen,” stating that since the “proof” will be “audio only,” it can’t be accepted as proof at all (an optimistic take…“rape advice” will likely be pretty damning audio).

Knowing that a significant number of his readers lack functioning frontal lobes, The Guardian’s Peter Bradshaw wrote, “There was even a suggestion that King was present at a rape. But wait. Where is the proof here?”

In the National Archives, mate. For six more years.

The big question is, when the tape is finally released, and if it lives up to the FBI’s description, will MLK be canceled? An ironic possibility: With leftist American blacks becoming increasingly violent and radicalized, and with the GOP increasingly catering to “moderate” blacks, 2027 may produce the spectacle of leftist blacks damning MLK as an Uncle Tom and joining with feminists to cancel him, while establishment conservatives defend him as a flawed but honorable man.

As always, the GOP will lose that fight (the GOP loses all racial battles; that’s just a law of the universe), but as a consolation prize, if states begin to cease celebrating MLK’s birth, conservatives could fill the vacuum by appropriating January 15th for an even worse human being who was born on that date—Ben Shapiro.

NIGGARDLY CHEESE
Sometimes a name is just a name, and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes calling out a name that sounds rude or racist or funny will make you a hero, and sometimes it’ll land you in a big pile of dick-$#@!.

Back in 2010, popular New Zealand radio and TV host Paul Henry lost his job for having a bit of fun with the name of an Indian government official, Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dik$#@!. Henry found the name rather humorous, ad-libbing on air that it “is so appropriate, because she’s Indian, so she’d be dick-in-$#@! wouldn’t she, do you know what I mean? Walking along the street… It’s just so funny.”

Well, it wasn’t funny to the government of India (which lodged an official complaint), the government of New Zealand (which promptly apologized), Henry’s TV station (which was fined by the government), and Henry himself (who apologized and resigned).

The message? Just because a name sounds like something else doesn’t mean it is something else. During the Dik$#@! row, rueful New Zealanders even tried to make amends by pronouncing the name “dixit” or “diggs-it,” but the woman herself made clear that yes, it’s pronounced “dick-$#@!,” and pronounced so with pride (for all anyone knows, somewhere in Hindu lore there’s a sacred ten-armed bright blue bison/gibbon/mollusk deity called Shankar Dik$#@!).

The point was, respect people’s names even if they sound funny to you. A human being’s name is not what you mistakenly take it for. If there’s one right that’s sacrosanct, it’s the right to not have to give up your name just because it coincidentally and randomly sounds like something else.

Oh wait, those rules only apply to the names of nonwhites. For whites, the rules are different.

For whites, if people of color don’t like your name, or if they think your name means something it doesn’t, your name gotta go!

Edward William Coon was a Philadelphia cheese-maker at the turn of the 20th century. In the 1920s he patented a bunch of new cheese-making techniques that eventually led to the processed crap everyone “loves” from Kraft (where Coon and his patents ended up finding a home).

Okay, hate the guy for that. Hate him for sliced American cheese.

But his name? Coon’s an old, old surname that long predates the use of the word as a racial epithet (which dates from around the 1830s). Just don’t tell that to Australian leftists! A long-running campaign finally reached its conclusion last week, as an Australian cheese known as Coon Cheese (originally marketed by Kraft, now sold in Australia by Canadian dairy company Saputo) was forced by pressure from a few very bored leftists to abandon its moniker.

Because the human surname Coon, which is not an epithet, sounds like an epithet, nothing Edward Coon did will be allowed to bear his name. From now on, the cheese will be called Cheer Cheese, although a more appropriate name might be something French, considering the speed with which Saputo surrendered.

Australian aborigine activist Stephen Hagan, who led the campaign against the cheese, published an entire book last month about why the name Coon Cheese should be changed (in the aboriginal Kullili tongue, “Hagan” means “man who wastes his time and ours”). Hagan announced last week that he is suing Saputo for $2.1 million in damages for making him write that book.

Well, that’ll quell those racist notions about aborigines not being bright.

As New Zealanders learn to enjoy their Cheer Cheese, one hopes that the attentions of busybodies like Hagan never find their way to American shores…especially Winter Haven, Fla., location of a funeral home and cremation facility known as Crisp-Coon.

Word has it they cremate whites, too.

WALLOONATICS WILL LOON
Even under the best of circumstances, African immigrants and “refugees” are rarely grateful to the Western nations that take them in. Whether the Northern Africans who worship Muhammad or the Western Africans who worship magical dung beetles and logs, inviting hordes of Africans into your nice, tidy European nation is a recipe for disaster.

Even under the best of circumstances.

Now, under the worst of circumstances, things get even dicier. Like, for example, if your “nice tidy European nation” was once ruled by the dude whose actions in Africa led to the coining of the term “crimes against humanity.” Old King Leopold was a genocidal old soul, and a genocidal old soul was he. The Belgian monarch ran the Congo as his own personal goody bag, and his hunger for rubber, gold, and ivory was matched only by his craving for 200-foot-tall mountains of severed African heads.

His administration of the Congo led to millions of African deaths, and even more maimings; he had a thing for cutting off African hands. Once, when asked by a reporter for Het Laatste Nieuws why he was so fond of lopping off limbs, the king merely smiled and said, “I dunno…I’m stumped!” (that guy was a real cutup).

If black people have proved one thing since the end of U.S. Jim Crow and European colonial adventurism, it’s that they have long $#@!ing memories. Blacks never forget a slight…from a white. So maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for Belgium to spend the past few decades opening its doors to every African who knocked (and those who climbed through the window unannounced).

Almost 25% of Belgium’s population is foreign-born, and Congolese make up an especially large segment of those non-natives. In recent months, Belgian cops have had a difficult time enforcing the nation’s Covid regulations in the African immigrant community. No matter where they’re from, blacks love them a good BBQ backyard party, and last week, when Brussels police tried to break up such a gathering, the celebrants responded with whatever is Kikongo for “Oh no you dih-int!”

In the resulting melee, a 23-year-old black man named Ibrahima Barrie was arrested. He later suffered a medical emergency while in custody and died (likely because he was forced to eat the bad prison potato salad instead of the guuuud stuff at the BBQ…oh, and also he had a $#@!-ton of ecstasy on him).

So of course African immigrants took to the streets to riot. It was then that Belgian King Philippe decided to have his driver take him through the riot zone as a shortcut to the palace.

A fine decision no doubt prompted by centuries of inbreeding.

Upon seeing the king’s BMW literally drive right into their def anarchy jam, the rioters began kicking the living crap out of the vehicle, pelting it with stones and other projectiles, and trying to force it off the road.

For some reason, this descendant of Leopold didn’t see it coming.

The king’s security detail soon surrounded the royal car and escorted it to safety, as the rioters paused briefly from their rampage to perform a ten-minute stand-up set riffing on what had just occurred (“White people, amirite? A BLACK king woulda been like, ‘Get outta my way, niggas!’ But a WHITE king be like, ‘Oh my, would you please let me through? I’m late for my tea and toast.’ What up wit’ that?”).

The king was unhurt, other than the brain damage he was already saddled with from birth.

Belgian authorities have promised a three-tiered investigation into the cause of Barrie’s death, the resulting riots, and how they managed to get Peter Sellers from Being There as a monarch.

YANKING DOODLE DANDY
Conservatives have long had “eccentric envy.” From the 1960s counterculture days (when you could tell a man’s politics by his haircut and clothes) through the preppy Reagan years, there have always been folks on the right who wish they could, well, cut loose a bit and be as colorful and eccentric as their leftist counterparts.

The Trump era, and the alt-rightists who helped define it, finally provided that long-sought-after injection of wackiness. Whether Milo Yiannopoulos prancing about with naked black men as he boasts of his fondness for their lengthy members, or LARPing Roman saluters and tiki-torch carriers, or the QAnon dude in the buffalo horns and face paint at the Capitol, the alt-right helped the old right break out of its boring crewcut rut.

Whether this new acceptance of eccentricity helped or harmed the cause is, well, an open question. Open as in “Did it harm the cause?” or “Did it really really really harm the cause?”

Which is why it’s probably best to show a modicum of restraint regarding Erik Estavillo.

Estavillo is the San Jose, Calif.-born “patriot” who’s suing Twitter and Democrat Reps Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ilhan Omar over Trump’s Twitter ban. Estavillo, a self-described clinically depressed agoraphobic with OCD and Crohn’s disease, filed the $88.7 million lawsuit because as someone who is housebound, as someone who depends on social media to learn about world events and interact with other human beings, to be deprived of the ability to see the (then) president’s tweets caused him “overbearing pain and suffering.” After all, Estavillo reasoned, if Trump (as president) couldn’t block Twitter users (as a federal appeals court ruled in 2019), then Twitter can’t block Trump.

Reddit’s r/conservative group (649K members) initially hailed Estavillo as a First Amendment hero! A real fighter for the red white ’n’ blue! A bunch of rightist sites joined the chorus. MAGA had a new idol. As one r/conservative Redditor declared, “This is gonna get interesting… If this guy isn’t a loonie, it should make it way to the us supreme court.”

But guess what? The guy’s a loony.

Erik Estavillo first came to (minor) fame for suing various videogame and software companies for banning him from online play due to his harassment of other players (dude actually wrote a book about that). Then he sued Twitch because he claimed that all the purdy young women on the platform were forcing him to masturbate compulsively, damaging his dirlywanger. He sued not just Twitch, but every individual female user he’d ever pleasured himself to (his suit claimed that one young Twitcher made him, um, climax so heartily that his ejaculate landed on some wiring and shorted out his apartment’s power).

But the icing on the cake is that he once tried to subpoena Internet star/troll/porn girl Belle Delphine for one of his lawsuits, claiming that based on her videos, he tried to eat out his own ass, and as a result he strained his back so badly that he was forced to wear a brace for two months.

Frankly, rightists need to demand that their new heroes do more than just try to eat their own asses. Failure must not be an option. Hell, if George Will can do it, anyone can.

On a related note, perhaps rightists should knock it off with the eccentrics for a while.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-124/

Takimag

January 31, 2021

The Week’s Most Velocious, Ferocious, and Braggadocious Headlines

*PRAISE RHESUS FOR A BOUNTIFUL HARVEST!*

Not every country is lucky enough to be situated next door to Mexico. Indeed, illegal immigration would be far less of a problem in the U.S. if not for the marriage made in heaven of an agriculturally fertile nation with stuff that needs to be picked and an impoverished nation filled with exceptionally skilled pickers. Mexico may not have produced many Nobel Prize winners, astronauts, or disease-curing scientists, but hot damn when it comes to yanking a thing off another thing, Mexicans are undeniably the best.

Unfortunately for the people of Thailand, Mexicans would have to get their backs very wet to travel there for fieldwork. And sure, India lies right across the Bay of Bengal, but those laborers are only good for fertilization.

Speaking of which, India is one of the largest importers of coconuts in the world. Indians consume more than 12 million tons of coconuts a year. Considering that coconuts act as a laxative, one might question the wisdom of such mass consumption in a nation with no toilets. On the supply side, Thailand is the world’s No. 2 exporter of Gilligan fruit, second only to Indonesia (Thailand exports over 70,000 tons of coconuts a year). As a nation with a pedophile-based economy, it’s important for Thailand to stay competitive in the coconut game, especially with Jeffrey Epstein no longer pumping cash into the treasury.

Deprived of Mexicans, the Thais have been using monkeys to do the coconut picking. This has been going on for decades, but most Americans only became aware of the practice last week, when, following an exposé by PETA, shopping giants Wegmans, Costco, Food Lion, Stop & Shop, and Target agreed to stop carrying coconut products made by the Thai company Chaokoh—a leader in the field of monkey pickers.

The process of creating monkey farmhands is fascinating if not necessarily humane. Captive monkeys are trained from infancy to recognize a ripe coconut from an unripe one. Then they’re forced for days on end to learn how to “spin” a coconut (lacking the hand size to pluck one, monkeys need to spin it to twist it off at the stem). They’re then put through ground-level obstacle courses to time their ability to detach ripe coconuts hanging from ropes. The monkeys that graduate with honors not only become pros, but find themselves possessing more useful skills than the average University of California grad.

The lucky monkeys are then shackled to long chains and sent up into trees to do the work for real.

Chaokoh had previously pledged to abandon simian slavery, but an undercover PETA investigation revealed that whenever international monkey rights auditors showed up, the company would dress the furry little laborers in bonnets and dresses, stick them in prams, and pass them off as very ugly children.

PETA’s call for a boycott is getting pushback from Thai coconut growers, who point out that monkeys have no fear of heights, so using them in the tall trees reduces the risk of human injury (Thai men are very mindful of their own health and well-being, as evidenced by the nation’s insanely high cigarette consumption rate). Thai coconut growers claim that they treat the monkeys as family, which, grading on a curve, is a somewhat benign conceit in a nation with so much child buggering.
Read More

PETA, comprised as it is of leftists who want to flood the U.S. with illegal human pickers who can be abused and exploited in the worst possible conditions for the least possible pay, has pledged to pursue a ban on all Thai coconut products that come to your table straight from a monkey’s paw.

As for the monkeys, no word on whether they plan to unionize. While monkey trade unions don’t have a great success record, at the very least the meetings consist of far less poo-flinging than those held by SAG/AFTRA.

*DIFF’RENT CROAKS*

Hollywood loves interracial adoption. More often than not, the stories that make it to the big or small screen tell the tale of a loving white family that gets really, really lucky with their adopted black child, who, bolstered by the kind of support one only finds outside da ghetto, becomes a football star, a music icon, or a malformed catchphrase generator hooked to a dialysis machine.

There’ve been transracial adoption films that reverse the races, but those parents are rarely as fortunate (“Do all white boys age backwards, or just ours?”).

Still, the movie messaging on transracial adoption is uniformly positive.

The real-life messaging, not so much.

Remember Jennifer and Sarah Hart? They were the white lesbians who decided that being lesbian just wasn’t woke enough (these days, lesbianism is about as shocking as a nose ring). So they adopted six black kids (two sets of three siblings), because that’s the way to get Facebook likes! And indeed, the Harts practically lived on social media, with the proud moms posting daily about how brave and anti-racist they were to be raising the children of crackheads and felons.

Online, the Hart family was perfect. In real life, “my two mommies” were beating, starving, and torturing the children for fun. When neighbors reported the parents to CPS in March 2018 (and not for the first time), Jenn and Sarah piled the kids into the ol’ SUV and drove everyone off a cliff into the Pacific Ocean.

It was the Brady Bunch series finale if directed by David Cronenberg.

Last week, America saw the rebooted “Hart Bunch” with an urban twist. Sassy black mama Ariel Robinson took home the grand prize in last year’s season of the Food Network show Worst Cooks in America. Turns out being a terrible cook is the best thing that can be said about this water buffalo, who (also last year) adopted three white kids (two boys and a girl) to supplement the two biological children she and her husband already had.

Like the Harts, Robinson lived on social media, posting endlessly about how her “white children” have “white privilege,” and how she was the great racial equalizer in her family, making sure that her ofay devil kids learned to be “equal” to her black ones.

The similarities to the Hart case are striking, especially the fixation on hair (the Harts constantly posted about messing with their black kids’ hair, and Robinson obsessively posted about blackifying her white daughter’s hair). And the parallels don’t end there. Last week, Robinson and her husband were arrested for beating their little white girl to death. She was only 3 years old.

If there’s a lesson here, it might be that anybody, black or white, who sees a transracial adopted child as a trophy, as a means to flaunt wokeness and win social media influencer points, should never be allowed to adopt. Frankly, it’s probably a sound idea to mandate that if transracial adoptions are to happen at all, the parents should be banned from posting about it. A policy like that, which would quickly weed out the unbalanced, ideologically driven, attention-seeking homicidal lunatics, might just be the one social media ban that all good people could get behind.

*THE EMPRESS JONES*

If that last story was slightly depressing, this one should lighten the mood. Indeed, this is almost certainly the feel-good story of the month.

Kristen Gray has the kind of face you see in TV commercials when some hack producer is trying to convey “black pride.” Young woman, mocha skin, wildly natural nappy-ass hair, and a resting look of “I’m a proud black woman, behold my pride” permanently stamped across her smug kisser. Gray is lesbian, too, which means she’s exactly the kind of person who’d be featured in one of those “social justice” commercials for a product that has no need for it…the young, semi-attractive black lesbian buying a box of Cheez-It because dammit if Cheez-It stands for anything it’s social justice.

Gray blogs about her travels around the world, and her favorite thing to do is brag about how “countries of color” are so much better, so much more tolerant, than racist AmeriKKKa.

On Jan. 16, Gray posted a series of tweets about her yearlong stay in Bali. The crux of her tweetstorm was, Bali is a paradise for black Americans who want to live like the kings and queens they were before the white man stole them from Wakanda. Gray boasted of her lavish lifestyle, attainable only because of Bali’s Third World economy, which allows an average American to live quite comfortably. She invited other black Americans to join her, with the promise that “black Bali” was fast becoming the nation’s moneyed elite. She even gave instructions on how to skirt Indonesia’s Covid travel restrictions.

Gray went so far as to offer an e-book ($30) that touted the joys of “being Black in Bali,” emphasizing the “safety, low cost of living, luxury lifestyle, and ***** friendly” environment (for $50 she gave personal consultations on how to make the move to Wakanda’s new Asian colony).

Sadly, Gray forgot one rather important lesson: That “I’m untouchable because I’m a proud black lesbian with a natural ’fro” routine doesn’t mean $#@! to Indonesians.

Her tweets spread like wildfire among Bali natives, who accused her of being a “gentrifier” and a “colonizer” and, best of all, privileged! Yes, Ms. Oppressed Black American was now being hit with every charge she’d previously lobbed at whites.

Gray, displaying the lack of introspection and self-awareness that is damn-near inborn in American blacks these days, responded to the criticism by (can you guess?) calling the Balinese “racists!” And the Balinese government responded by hauling her and her equally nappy girlfriend into detention, slapping Covid masks on ’em, and putting their proud black asses on the next flight back to the U.S.

Before departing Bali, Gray released a statement claiming that she was the victim of antigay prejudice, and that she was only being deported because of her race and sexual orientation. Because God forbid a black American should gain perspective about how the concept of “privilege” is subjective and transitory, and how notions of “colonizer,” “exploiter,” and “gentrifier” are not bound by the definitions of The New York Times.

Following her forced departure, Balinese Twitterers and Instagrammers ridiculed Gray for her unsuccessful attempt to use the “race card” and “LGBT card” to prevent her deportation.

And now poor Kristen Gray is back in Los Angeles, no longer living like a queen in a lush tropical jungle, exiled from paradise by the savages and peons who should’ve worshiped her skin color and sexual predilection. Roaming the streets like an average schmo, she’s forced to return to her previous life of picking apart everything straight white males do as “racist” and “homophobic,” ruing her fate as a captive in Nazi America, living better than 90% of the world but acting as though she’s Jean Valjean trapped between the walls of le Bagne de Toulon.

It’s a tragic ending, both for Gray and the millions of Americans who don’t mind the idea of sticking disgruntled blacks on a Third World island and abandoning them to rule the jungle like designer-clothed Tarzans.

Bali’s out, but perhaps Madagascar might be persuaded to pick up the slack.

*THE NITTY GRITTY DIRT BANNED*

In ancient times—like, twenty years ago—“racist” words were fairly easy to identify. Because they were racist words. And, being easily identified, they were successfully banned from the public square, which left black activists and “woke” whites looking for new targets.

If your blogging career at Mic or Ebony or Salon depends on hounding whites who say “niggger,” you’re just not gonna fill your daily quota of expository vomit (especially if Quentin Tarantino is off-limits for criticism).

Soon enough, leftist word cops were forced to go after words that sound like racist words. Niggardly fell quickly, as did the poor overeducated bastards foolish enough to use the word in daily life. Next to go was the Mandarin “stammer word” (as in the English “uh, um, er”) nèi ge, which, when pronounced properly, sounds like “nee-ga.” A USC professor lost his classroom over that one. Chink in the armor, spick-and-span, spook, nip, and coon soon followed.

Before long, illiterate Huffington Post hacks ran out of those kinds of words, too. So it was time to go after words that, while neither racist nor racist-sounding, have racist origins! From Cracked to BuzzFeed, from Upworthy to CNN, it was all-out war on words like cakewalk, master bedroom, blacklist, freeholder, hysterical (misogynist!), grandfathered, blackballed, gypped, and phrases like hip hip hooray (anti-Semitic!), sold down the river, no can do, and long time no see.

Sure, the woke literati couldn’t agree on the supposedly racist origins of those phrases (Upworthy claimed that “peanut gallery” is racist because “the nickname ‘peanut’ was given due to the fact that peanuts were introduced to America at the same time as the slave trade. Because of this, there was a connection drawn between black people and peanuts,” while CNN claimed that it’s racist because “the term dates back to the vaudeville era of the late 19th century and referred to the sections of the theater where Black people typically sat”), but who cares about accuracy when white people are using words!

But even the worst diarrhea eventually peters out, and in time, once every leftist site on the ’net had done its “racist word origins” piece, it looked like there might be no more mountains to ban.

Oh ye of little faith! The newest craze is to ban words that are falsely rumored to have racist origins. Last year, The Today show told its viewers to stop referring to chocolate sprinkles as “jimmies,” because the primarily East Coast term for little brown sprinkles comes from “Jim Crow.” That this is a patently false claim matters not. Even imaginary racism must be extirpated! Two months ago, the University of Michigan banned the word “picnic” because the word was originally used for the outdoor lunches that would accompany lynchings. “Pick a niggger” (to lynch) simply got shortened to “picnic” over time.

Even leftist sources like Snopes, PolitiFact, and Reuters agree that this is a 100% fake origin story (the word derives from the French piquer and nique), but it’s not like U Michigan has any responsibility to teach facts or anything.

And last summer, the BBC ordered its on-air talent to stop saying “nitty-gritty” because the term “is thought to refer to the detritus found in the bottom of transatlantic slave ships.”

Except no, it doesn’t. Someone at the BBC just made that $#@! up. And last week, after BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg was slammed for using the term during a Brexit podcast, new BBC Director-General Tim Davie did the unthinkable—actual research—and, after determining that the “racist origin” story was pure bollocks, he revoked the ban.

One small victory across the Atlantic. Heaven help Salon and Vox if such sanity spreads here.

*MAYOR OF SIMPLETON*

Portland mayor Ted Wheeler represents a new kind of American Democrat—the kind nobody likes (and that includes Democrats), but who keeps winning because voters fear what might replace him. L.A. mayor Garcetti is like that. No one has anything good to say about the man except that at least he’s not a George Soros-backed “black power” lunatic who advocates the complete dissolution of the police department (Garcetti merely advocates budget cuts, which is center-right on the current Democrat curve).

In November, Wheeler became the first Portland mayor in two decades to win a second term. Not because anyone cares for him—the city’s Antifa thugs consider him too “right-wing” because he doesn’t let them murder at will, and the city’s decent working folks view him as a weakling who allowed downtown to be turned into a permanent riot zone. But Wheeler’s opponent last November, Sarah Iannarone, was a literal murderous communist. This is a woman who’s proud of the fact that in 2016 she cast a ballot that was comprised of the following write-in candidates: Ho Chi Minh, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, and Vladimir Lenin. Iannarone launched her 2020 campaign by declaring “I am ANTIFA!” while wearing a skirt featuring the faces of Stalin, Guevara, and Mao.

Faced with the choice between an ineffectual weakling and a violence-endorsing would-be genocidal maniac, Portlanders stuck with Wheeler. And Wheeler is stuck with Portland, a city that basically only chose him because the alternative was Betty Beria.

Antifa and BLM terrorists have resumed their nightly riots, smashing the Oregon Democratic Party headquarters, an ICE facility, and other buildings in Portland’s downtown. First responders were attacked, and residents who’d hoped that a Biden win would mean they could venture outside again at night realized that besiegement is to be their “new normal” for the foreseeable future.

Ordinary Portlanders who are pissed off about Covid restrictions on local businesses are equally unhappy with Mr. Lesser Evil. Last week, as Wheeler was dining maskless, a local attorney decided to record yet another example of a Democrat Covid lockdowner violating his own regulations. As the mayor was leaving McMenamins Pub, the lawyer—Cary Cadonau—approached and heckled Wheeler for eating indoors with no mask. The mayor responded by invoking that odd bit of lockdowner logic that because he’d been eating in a structure that had been built outside the restaurant, it qualifies as “outdoor dining” because a building isn’t a building if it was built around outdoor seating.

Like Wonder Woman’s plane, yes there are walls but you’re not supposed to see them. In architecture, this is called a “Harvey Rabbit” structure.

When the disgruntled Cadonau refused to back off, and when the mayor judged that the man was closer than six feet away, he pepper sprayed his constituent, because in Portland that “six feet of distance” thing applies only to mayors, not store owners and residents who deal with nightly violations of their personal space.

Needless to say, Antifa drubbed Wheeler for using pepper spray, calling him a fascist who demands protection for himself while leaving poor, defenseless rioters at the mercy of cops who don’t let them enter private residences to murder people. And the right (or what passes for it in Portland) condemned Wheeler for his hypocrisy in demanding his own “safe space” while depriving downtown residents of the right to have theirs.

Funny enough, Cadonau has since apologized to Wheeler, most likely due to the realization that in a town as hopeless as Portland, with a mayor who’s only mayor because the alternative is literal death by Stasi, residents might as well let the poor bastard have a night out at the invisible pub, where he can try to forget, if only for a few hours, just how $#@!ed he actually is.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-125/

Takimag

February 07, 2021
The Week That Perished
photo credit: Bigstock

The Week’s Most Leveled, Bedeviled, and Disheveled Headlines

ACRONYMS ARE ANTI-BLACKRONYMS
WTF OMG SMH. It’s only February and already the people who do the stuff that makes you say, “It can’t get any stupider than this” have gone and done something stupider than this. Yes, the leftist guardians of social justice and racial “equity” (get used to that word; it’s gonna be drilled into your skull like an orbitoclast for the next four years) have decided that, in their never-ending quest to label non-racist things as racist, acronyms are now the product of “white supremacy.”

Like so many plagues, this one started in that storied California town where the streets are paved with poo—San Francisco. Last week the San Francisco Unified School District declared that its arts department, VAPA (Visual and Performing Arts), must no longer be known by that acronym, because acronyms are “racist.”

According to Sam Bass, director of the arts department formerly known as VAPA, “The use of so many acronyms within the educational field often tends to alienate those who may not speak English to understand the acronym.” Bass was then asked why that makes acronyms “racist,” as there are plenty of white people in the world who don’t speak English. But sadly, before he could reply, he slipped on a transient’s droppings and impaled himself on a pile of AIDS needles.

AIDS, by the way, is an acronym. So AIDS is racist. But KKK is not. Like NSDAP, KKK is an “initialism,” which is not racist (it’s an initialism if the letters are pronounced individually, but an acronym if they are spoken as one word). GLAAD is an acronym. Hence, gay people are racist. MALDEF, the name of the largest Latino advocacy group in the U.S., is also an acronym, which is odd if acronyms are anti-immigrant. It’s almost as if those San Francisco “educators” are just making this nonsense up as they go along.

Spoiler alert: They are. Bass told the New York Post that the decision to abandon acronyms was based on the findings of a 1999 “paper” by “anti-Zionist Jew” Tema Okun of the Israeli Committee Against House Demolitions (it’s okay—PLO is not an acronym). However, Okun’s “paper” doesn’t mention acronyms at all. The things she does mention as the most racist evils since Hitler wore blackface include “perfectionism,” “a sense of urgency” (like what Democrats always invoke for why this or that climate-change or social-justice policy must pass immediately), “worship of the written word,” “with us or against us thinking” (like the kind of ideological “purity tests” being used by Democrats against “election deniers”), “individualism,” “objectivity,” and “the right to comfort” (because heaven knows leftists of color never demand “safe spaces” where they can exercise their “right to comfort”).

“Understand that discomfort is at the root of all growth and learning,” Okun declared in her paper.

Seems like a perfectly good argument for demolishing the houses of Palestinians, then. All that discomfort will surely aid their growth and learning.

Sam Bass was unable to explain why he cited the Okun paper as the source of his anti-acronym crusade, when the Okun paper doesn’t mention acronyms. But to any objective (racist) individuals (racist) reading these written words (racist), one final acronym seems unavoidable when describing the sad state of San Francisco today: FUBAR.

LUNATIC INADVERTENTLY PROVES HIMSELF RIGHT
The innocent wisdom of a child is nothing compared with the mentally dissociative wisdom of the paranoid schizo. Steven Brandenburg is the Wisconsin ex-pharmacist who purposely destroyed hundreds of doses of the Moderna Covid vaccine last December. Brandenburg worked as the overnight pharmacist at the Advocate Aurora Health Hospital, and the day before Christmas, he intentionally left over 570 vaccine doses at room temperature to spoil (either that, or he was trying to get in good with Santa by leaving free vaccinations instead of cookies).

Several patients ended up receiving those spoiled doses.

Turns out pharmacist Brandenburg is, as they say, a few caplets short of a refill. Dude’s no generic-brand OTC nutcase; he’s as daffy as they come. After initially trying to chalk the destruction of the vaccines to innocent error, now—in advance of a Feb. 9 court hearing—the cuckoo chemist has admitted that he destroyed the doses on purpose, for reasons that seem like the product of a man in need of meds, rather than one who should be dispensing them. Brandenburg told investigators that he believes the vaccine alters the DNA of those who take it. He also claims the vaccine will implant recipients with a microchip. And it’ll make people infertile, too (probably for the best, as who knows what kind of mutant babies would result from all that reconfigured DNA?).

However (in Peter Griffin voice), “you think that’s bad,” Brandenburg’s just gettin’ warmed up. He also believes that the world is flat, and the sky is just “a shield put up by the government to prevent individuals from seeing God.”

FactCheck: Most theologians agree that God would not allow his presence to be concealed by a sky shield. Plus, according to Elon Musk, sky shield technology is still several years away from reaching a Deity-proof level of security. We therefore rate this claim false.

According to friends and family, Brandenburg has been into “conspiracy theories” for nearly a decade. And apparently last June his wife finally had enough of his bunkum, filing for divorce and essentially telling him to hit the road and keep on walkin’ till he finds the $#@!ing curvature. She last saw him on Dec. 6, when he forced her to accept a bunch of “prepper” supplies because apparently the sky shield was about to fall (all hail the prophet Chicken Little).
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The inadvertently funny part of this story is, without meaning to, Brandenburg ended up proving his point about the dangers of vaccines (and other meds), just not in the way he intended. By all accounts, Brandenburg had reached the position of hospital pharmacist with flying colors, acing all exams and becoming licensed like anyone else in his field. Yet he’s clearly insane. A reminder that the people we trust with potentially life-or-death matters of medicine are every bit as fallible as the rest of us. All the more reason that the concept, so popular in the Covid era, of “trusting thee science” should be met with skepticism when it’s misused to mean “trust thee scientists.”

A doctor or a scientist can be just as batty as a 7-Eleven bum. But a 7-Eleven bum can’t inject you with an intentionally expired vaccine dose.

“Trust but verify” worked for Ronald Reagan, and it’s a damn good guiding principle for dealing with matters of healthcare, too.
“A doctor or a scientist can be just as batty as a 7-Eleven bum. But a 7-Eleven bum can’t inject you with an intentionally expired vaccine dose.”

Reserve your faith for your relationship with the Almighty…that is, if you can see Him beyond the sky shield.

NAPOLI TURNS TO CRAPOLI
Remember the good old days when Italian Mafia families were comprised of nice guys who cared about the community and only harmed them mugs wot had it coming? Well, those were the “good old days” in movies, at least, when godfathers cared about the old neighborhood and never refused a favor on this, the day of their daughter’s wedding. And if they put horse heads under the odd sheet here or there, it was only because a pedo film director had it coming.

How times have changed! The Italian Campania region is under the viselike control of the Camorra crime family, and let’s just say that the Camorra are not exactly the Corleones. Along with drug selling and various protection rackets, the Camorra made their mint by cornering the toxic waste disposal industry in and around Naples, creating what has become known as the “Triangle of Death,” an area 25 kilometers outside Naples that’s essentially one giant cancer-causing illegal toxic waste dump. When that area reached capacity, the Camorra got creative, hiding toxic waste in parks, ditches, backyards, ravines, and caves. It’s believed that the Camorra crime family has illegally disposed of over 10 million tons of industrial waste; cancer in Camorra-controlled territory is a good 40 to 47% higher than elsewhere in Italy.

It seems only natural that a Mafia clan that profits from detritus would eventually turn its attention to Third World refugees. The Camorra have “worked with” (as in, “tendered unrefusable offers to”) Napoli officials to make the city a safe harbor for African migrants, who are then employed in the sex trade (the females) or the drug trade (the males).

In January 2019, when Naples mayor Luigi de Magistris made a huge deal out of proclaiming his city a haven for African refugees, the world press was kind enough not to mention the Camorra goons pressing a gun to his back.

According to The Guardian, the Camorra traffic in human toxic waste has turned the Castel Volturno municipality outside Naples into a “war zone like Beirut” with “the highest murder rates in the country.”

And now the Camorra family is making a new demand of the Napoli natives: No more sirens on emergency vehicles. According to The Sunday Times, “Ambulance drivers in Naples are demanding police protection after the local mafia ordered them not to use their sirens and flashing lights because they disturbed drug-pushers.” Apparently, the sirens and lights scare off the druggies and johns, robbing the pushers and pimps of customers.

Napoli ambulance drivers also report being assaulted by family members who become angry when a loved one dies before the ambulance arrives.

So it’s kind of a lose-lose; use the siren and get there quick, the Mafia beats you up. Turn off the siren and get there slow, the family beats you up.

This is what happens when you let Fredo run the town. Between the homegrown criminals and the immigrant wretches, Naples is a city where sleeping with the fishes is fast becoming an attractive option compared with living in a Mafia-run Third World toxic waste war zone.

THE GIRL WHO CRIED WOLFOWITZ
Misha Defonseca had a story that was too good to be true, a story so harrowing, so unbelievable, so ultimately redemptive and hopeful, those who heard it came away positively transformed. When she was but a child of 7 tender years—a Jewish girl in occupied Belgium—the brutish Nazis deported her parents to a death camp. But little Misha got away…barely. Escaping into some nearby woods, with no survival skills, all looked lost. But then a pack of wolves adopted her as one of their own, teaching her how to hunt, forage, and stay warm, and providing her with remedial classes in basic math and a small amount of beginner trig, but only at the middle-school level (they were wolves, after all).

Having been conditioned to think of herself as a canine, Misha survived the war and went on to live a normal postwar life, if one doesn’t count the constant crotch-licking and the occasional instances of being scared awake by her own farts.

For some odd reason, Were-Misha never mentioned her lupine wartime experience until 1997, when, at age 60, she began shopping around her memoirs. Publishers never asked for any proof of her tale, and besides, Misha claimed that amnesia suffered during her ordeal had blanked out any memory of her human birth-name (she decided to go with Misha after she left the pack because her wolf-given name of “Oooowoooowl Hooooowoooo” didn’t sound Jewish enough).

Her book, Misha: A Mémoire of the Holocaust Years, was translated into twenty languages, selling millions of copies around the world. In 2007 it was adapted into a French feature film, Survivre Avec les Loups.

In 1998 Misha sued her publisher, claiming that she deserved more money than the book had earned her in royalties, because apparently the wolves never taught her basic accounting. At the trial, Misha wowed the Massachusetts jurors with four words: “Jew” “Holocaust” “survivor” “wolves.” They awarded her $7.5 million dollars. Misha then turned to the judge and angrily repeated, in a louder tone, “JEW” “HOLOCAUST” SURVIVOR” “WOLVES.”

The judge upped the damages to $23 million.

Facing bankruptcy, Misha’s ex-publisher, now on the hook for a huge amount of dough, did the thing that a more prudent and less opportunistic publisher would’ve done at the very beginning of this affair: She did some research into the story.

Turns out every square inch of Misha’s tale was a lie. She ain’t Jewish (she was born and raised Catholic); her parents were Resistance fighters until her dad was arrested by the Nazis and gave up his comrades, leading to the family becoming pariahs; and the closest she ever came to seeing a wolf was reading Little Red Riding Hood.

The publisher was able to get a court to overturn the civil suit verdict, and Misha the Wolf Woman quietly vanished into the nighttime fog.

Last week, a new documentary film about this debacle premiered at Sundance. Misha and the Wolves, which received glowing praise at the festival, is set to be released to the public on Netflix later this year.

This bodes poorly for the Simon Wiesenthal Center’s Museum of Tolerance, which is being forced to revamp its wing about Jewish children who were rescued from the Holocaust by animals. “We’ve removed the Misha exhibit,” the SWC’s Rabbi Marvin Heir told the AP, “but we stand by the testimony of Yitzak Schleimerman, who survived Auschwitz by hiding in the trees outside the camp with a family of chimps.”

The film of Schleimerman’s life, Torahzan of the Apes, is scheduled to premiere this May.

BUNGLE CRUISE
It’s been 24 years since Disney rejiggered the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at its theme parks to make the pirates less sexist (because if pirates were known for anything, it was respecting the sanctity of the female body). Last year, Disney pledged to redo its Splash Mountain attraction because some of the ride’s themes were taken from that most forbidden of Disney films, Song of the South (Peter Griffin voice part 2: “You think that’s bad, you shoulda seen that other Song of the South attraction, Haunted House Negro”).

And now the inevitable PC hammer has come for that most venerable attraction, the Jungle Cruise. Frankly, with its depiction of African native headhunters and frightened tribesmen chased up trees Dan’l Boone song-style, it’s surprising that it took this long for Disney to feel the heat.

Although a date for the Jungle Cruise “renovation” has not been set, it’s expected that it’ll occur this year at all Disney theme parks worldwide (the first Jungle Cruise opened along with the original Disneyland in 1955).

In a series of statements released by a rainbow coalition of multiracial male and female Disney execs, the company outlined its new plans for the attraction. Gone will be all of those uncomfortable animatronic figures. Instead, the role of the ship’s skipper will be expanded, in order to “tell diverse, inclusive stories” to the boat’s riders.

An official Disney press release further elucidates:

    We want to make sure everybody has the best time—that guests from all over the world can connect with the stories we share and that how we bring those to life are respectful of the diverse world we live in. And when they get off the attraction, they know that we have done our homework because these are the details that matter.

So get ready, thrill-seekers! When you board the revamped Jungle Cruise ride, expect to hear “diverse, inclusive stories,” secure in the knowledge that the park “did its homework” to get the “details” right!

That’s going to be much more fun than charging hippos or water-spraying elephants.

Tour Guide: “Welcome to the Jungle Cruise adventure! My name is Mbesi, and I will be your skipper. Are you ready for fun? Good! As we embark on our journey, let me tell you the story of little Sipho and the trickster lion. Sipho, who the villagers had nicknamed Mbweha, or ‘jackal,’ wanted nothing more than to own a drum, which we call ngoma. Hawu, his sister Ngesi exclaimed one evening at a dinner of rice (or as we say, mchele) and beans (maharagwe—can you say that?), tomorrow I shall find you a suitable drum…who can remember the word for “drum”? Anyone? Yes, ngoma. Very good! Kwasuka sukela, the next day…”

Small Child: “Mom, when do we get to the animals?!”

Mom: “Any minute, honey. He’s just setting the scene.”

[30 minutes later]

Tour Guide: “…so Bhubesi the trickster lion had gathered the magic sticks, or as we say, vijiti vya uchawi, and little Sipho grew excited even as Ntemo the warthog, or as we would call him, Ntemo nguruw, warned him of Bhubesi’s nature as a scoundrel and deceiver. It was then that Ngesi arrived with the ten stones of bravery, or mawe ya ushujaa, and…”

Child (sobbing): “Where are the animals!”

Mom: “This…this can’t be the entire ride.”

[45 minutes later]

Tour Guide: “…so Sipho, recalling his nickname of Mbweha, thought to himself, what would a jackal do? Little did he know that Isante the learned owl, or bundi in my native tongue, had been watching with interest…”

Child: “Please drown me, Mom. Please, throw me overboard.”

The ride finally ends with one animatronic diorama—a faithful re-creation of the Zulu scientists who cured malaria, as they accept their Nobel Prize from genuflecting cave-dwelling white men.

Sadly, nobody on the boat sees it, all having chosen the comparative bliss of a watery death.

No refunds will be offered to any riders who survive.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-126/

The Week’s Most Teachable, Reachable, and Unimpeachable Headlines

ILL-STARRED INTERSECTIONALIST
Somebody get that sista a rabbit’s foot!

There’s bad luck, and then there’s Dr. Crystallee Crain, the urban contemporary version of Schleprock.

Last week, the Portland Tribune announced that the fair city of Antifa and perpetual riots was losing one of its finest voices in higher ed. Crain, who’d spent the past three years teaching at Portland State University’s Child and Youth Family Studies Department (she also sat on the city’s Human Rights Commission), was pulling up stakes, because racist Portlanders wouldn’t stop hate-criming her.

As the Tribune detailed, Crain’s problems started on a dark night in August 2018, when she was leaving a friend’s birthday party at a local tavern. Alone on the street, waiting for her Lyft, Crain was startled by the sight of five evil white male racists running toward her! The men were “all dressed the same, in tank tops, khaki shorts and socks,” Crain told the newspaper (today’s fashion-savvy hate criminals like to coordinate). As the racists chased her, they called her by name and chanted, “Dr. Niggerbitch” (coincidentally, that’s the title of a failed BET sitcom starring Wanda Sykes as a sassy inner-city physician).

Crain complained that racist neighbors saw the incident but failed to help. After evading her tormentors by hiding in a bush for ninety minutes, she called another Lyft and went home.

Cops could find no evidence that the incident occurred, but that’s only because they’re racist.

A year later, in July 2019, Crain was at a local pizzeria when a gang of similarly dressed evil white racist males pushed her from behind, again screaming, “Dr. Niggerbitch” (is that, like, a Portland thing?). Crain could only identify the attackers’ “white calves” (khaki shorts, remember?), but police, who studied security camera footage of the area from the night of the “crime,” again saw no evidence that it happened.

Damn racist cops!

And it doesn’t end there. Crain told social justice radio station KPFA that she’d received “bomb threats” at her previous teaching job (she referred to them as “fake bomb threats,” apparently oblivious to the extent to which that gave the game away).

Crain also revealed (as an interview subject for a 2019 book) that, back in 2016 when she was living in Oakland, racist cops forced her then husband to lie about a domestic disturbance in their home. The KKKops got the husband to falsely claim that she struck him…which Crain admits she totally did, but only in self-defense. The Nazi policemen then tormented her for hours at the station.

This chick cannot catch a break!

When PSU wouldn’t give her special protection because of her X-Men-like superpower as Hate Crime Magneto, Crain decided to leave the city for good. She told the Tribune that she’s been offered a new job at a California university, teaching on matters of equity and intersectionalism.

Good luck to that university. Crain seems like a very stable and trouble-free employee. Maybe she can be partnered in a classroom with Jussie Smollett.

A KANG GETS CROWNED
Sticking with a theme, we proceed to Placer County, Calif. (near Sacramento). Romey Kang is a UC Davis graduate (bachelor’s in biological sciences) who works for a medical weight-loss center. He also runs his own dog walking, training, and sitting business, whimsically named Romey’s Rascals.

Make a note that he walks dogs, and he trains dogs. But he does not, however, train dogs to walk. If your dog does not know how to walk, Romey’s Rascals is not the place to take it, because proper walking is not Kang’s forte.

That’ll make more sense shortly.

Last month, Romey Kang was the victim of the most horrific racist hate crime in the recorded history of the known universe (at least that’s how the papers portrayed it). He had been visiting nearby Folsom (the city, not the prison), and three (or two, or one) evil Nazi racists gave him a terrible case of the black ’n’ blues.

“Man’s Face is Broken in ‘Hate Attack’ Near Sacramento,” bellowed Yahoo News. Kang, who was found bloody and unconscious by cops on a city street, told police that as he’d been skipping merrily from a local drinking establishment, a “Caucasian man in a white shirt” beat him up for no other reason than “he didn’t like the color of my skin.”

Kang later told cops it was actually two Caucasian white-shirted racists.

Then it became three, because Nazis are shape-shifters who reproduce by fission.

Kang whined to Yahoo that “my cheekbones are broken, they have plates behind them now, my hard palate and upper teeth were separated from the rest of my skull. The doctors said it’s a miracle I didn’t have a brain injury.” He “lost most of his lower teeth,” his “nose was too broken to put plates into,” and his “jaw isn’t aligning well at all.”

The heavy drinking and the magical multiplying racists didn’t tip anyone off that the story might have holes. After all, Kang, who was oddly cagey in interviews regarding his ethnicity (he appears Indian, and Romey as a male given name, and Kang as a surname, can be Punjabi), pointed out that the attacker(s) stole nothing. So if robbery had not been the motive, what else could it have been? Sure, if he were some comically clumsy Hrundi V. Bakshi caricature, one might suggest that he drunkenly face-planted onto the pavement, rendering his visage bruised, bloated, and birdie-numb–numbed.

But such a suggestion would be racist. Indians are fine walkers; that’s why Gandhi never drove.

With the publicity provided by the breathless Yahoo and CBS News coverage, Kang launched a GoFundMe, which quickly spread online. By the beginning of February, he’d made over $20,000.

But last week, police checked nearby home and business surveillance videos, and while they didn’t see a hate crime, they were treated to a wacky drunken solo face-first fall video worthy of Bob Saget.

The local CBS affiliate broke the terrible news that Kang’s face was self-broken.

GoFundMe has suspended the fundraiser, and it’s very likely that Kang will be criminally charged for filing a false police report.

A “rascal” indeed. And considering that there’s likely not much future in being a dog walker who can’t walk, it looks like once Kang is free of his legal entanglements and looking for employment, he’ll have to hit the road and pound the pavement.

Again.

SLURRING THEIR SPEECH
Perhaps all white people should learn sign language. A radical solution, to be sure. But more and more it’s becoming impossible for whiteys to say anything—anything at all—without it being considered a fireable, and cancel-able, offense.

Poor Donald McNeil. For decades, ol’ Don had been The New York Times’ star reporter on matters of science and health (he’d been with the paper since 1976). And the dawning of the Covid Era gave Donny his moment in the spotlight. Whether Fauci was advocating wearing no masks, one mask, two masks, or the current directive of thirty (28 over the mouth and nose, and two over the rectum to catch errant farts), Don McNeil was there, to dutifully report “thee science” and educate the filthy masses.

Speaking of filthy, in 2019 McNeil accompanied a bunch of privileged upper-income teenagers to the disease-infested tropical petri dish known as Peru, as part of the Times’ yearly program of coordinating international trips for spoiled egocentric students of means, with the newspaper’s reporters serving as their tour guides. Think of it as similar to “take your daughter to work day,” but with an international twist, along the lines of “take your Zoomer $#@! to South America day.”

Sadly, McNeil, being an older gent, didn’t realize that today’s young people, lacking a ’nam or an AIDS to thin their ranks and teach them humility, saw the vacation as a way to cancel an oldie. Ostensibly, the kids were in Peru to study “community healthcare in impoverished nations.” But in reality, the children of Times readers care about South and Central Americans only when they’re held in DONALD TRUMP’S RACIST BORDER CAGES. Free-range Peruvians in their native habitat are of little interest.

So the brats decided to make the most of their trip by coercing Don McNeil into saying “******,” and then getting him canceled.

Covid lockdowns and school closures have resulted in a plague of student suicides, but sadly not among the kids who most deserve that fate.

At dinner one night during the trip, McNeil’s students asked if they could pick his brain regarding a classmate back in the States who’d said the word “******.” As the student was white, what penalty should have befallen him? Expulsion? Imprisonment? Death by breaking wheel?

McNeil, not realizing that he was being drawn into a trap by the current generation’s unique amalgam of Dennis the Menace and Lavrentiy Beria, asked the obvious question of his youthful interlocutors: Did the white student use the word as a slur, or was he repeating it in the act of recounting a news item or a rap lyric?

And the kids were like, “Repeating what?”

And McNeil was like, “That word.”

“What word?”

“******.”

And with that the joyful youngsters screamed in unison, “Ooooooooooh, we made you say ‘******’! You’re dead, grup!”

And dead he was. After nearly two years of telling the “Peru ******” tale to all who’d listen, last week the young Stasis finally found an “investigative journalist” at The Daily Beast who recognized the story’s value. At first, Times editor Dean Baquet responded by defending McNeil, stating that his intent in using the word didn’t appear to be racist. But then the little dears from the field trip said, “Hmm, then maybe you’re the racist,” and Baquet changed his tune, declaring that McNeil’s intent “didn’t matter,” and he was so fired and how the $#@! did The New York Times sink to the point where teenagers dictate HR policy?

How indeed. And if intent no longer matters when a white person uses the “N-word,” will the Times continue to champion the films of Quentin Tarantino?

More importantly, will the Times continue to allow its staff and editors to retain their actual physical balls, or will the castration become as literal as it is figurative?

IN DA BOUNCY HOUSE
Again, let’s stick with a theme: young people. And lest the previous item imply that today’s “yoots” are vile only when moneyed, let’s take a trip to Peoria, Ill., with it’s 21% poverty index and inordinately high crime rate (higher even than Chicago when it comes to property crimes). Peoria is wonderfully, blissfully diverse. With a population that is approximately 30% black, you can always count on Peoria to bring both da funk and da noise.

And da bounce.

The owners and operators of Peoria’s Elevate Trampoline Park had a dream…a wonderful dream (papaaaaa) to give the yoots of Peoria some good, wholesome fun. After all, who doesn’t like trampolines, right? Bouncing up and down for hours on end, what could possibly be more enjoyable than that, except maybe anything. So Peoria’s Elevate Trampoline Park was born. And to ensure that the venue attracted as many young people as possible, the owners decided to institute a special night, just for teens (because the children are our future).

“Black Out Teen Night.” Yes, that was the name. The actual name. As described on the Elevate Trampoline Facebook page when the weekly event was launched (i.e., back before the morons at Elevate realized what they’d done to themselves):

    Saturdays from 8:00pm–11:00pm. Exclusively for teenagers, ages 12–19! Only $20 per person, for all three hours. Don’t forget to wear clothes that “GLOW” under a black light. Elevate socks are included in the price of our Black Out Teen Night pass.

Elevate even paraphrased Illinois’ greatest resident to attract kids to the “Black Out” night: “Four score and seven years ago…we jumped until we could not anymore.”

Sadly, Black Out Teen Night quickly turned into Black In Teen Night. Within weeks, the event became the place to be for the city’s diversified young folks. And oddly, in a development that could not have been foreseen by anyone, stuffing hundreds of black kids into a dark room filled with trampolines ended in disaster.

Last week, Elevate Trampoline Park was trampled in a rumble worthy of The Warriors, or any average day in war-torn Somalia. Dozens of noble multiracial nonwhite youngsters who are our future started beating the living crap out of each other, because of course they did. Video from the fracas shows the little angels tossing trash cans and throwing punches, and generally wrecking the joint, as hoodies and weaves go flying and frightened staffers cower in corners frantically texting their families, “If I don’t make it out alive, find the person who thought Black Out Teen Night was a good idea and murder him. Avenge me! Avenge meeeee!”

When police cleared the location of brawlers, the fights continued outside the business. Cops told a local TV station that they made no arrests, because George Soros or racial justice or maybe just because at this point why bother? Is it really the fault of the kids? Or is it the fault of the morons who thought they could be counted on to behave?

The day after the melee, Elevate released a statement explaining that all Black Out Teen Nights would immediately be canceled at all locations. Sources say the ad whiz who came up with the concept is hard at work on his next amazing idea: George Floyd Memorial Trampoline Night.

“He was killed for bouncing a check, so bounce back in his memory.”

That should play well in Peoria.

$#@!RY STAR
Remember back when we could forgive people their trespasses? Or, more specifically, when we could forgive country & western musicians their occasional slip-ups? Like in 1981 when Johnny Cash killed a bunch of ostriches and then got his ass kicked by a survivor?

Cash, who at the time was not averse to the occasional drink or line or upper, had built a wild animal park adjoining his Tennessee home. But the winter of ’81 had been especially brutal, and half the animals perished, including a $#@!load of ostriches. Indeed, all of Cash’s female ostriches died in the cold, which apparently left the males somewhat cranky. When Cash was startled by a furious and horny ostrich while walking his grounds (and, one assumes, stepping over the frozen hens), he became enraged, vowing to murder the blueballed bird wot scared him. The fight was, at best, a draw. Cash cracked the angry beast’s leg with a stick, but received five broken ribs and a ruptured stomach in the process.

Music fans had no problem forgiving the Man in Black for his animal cruelty (although ostriches continue to carry a grudge to this day).

If there’s a lesson from the Cash clash, it’s “Musicians are oftentimes dicks; live with it.”

Ah, but in 2021, these are the days of never living with anything. As proven last week when a young country & western star named Morgan Wallen was caught on camera using the “N-word,” apparently when drunkenly, if affectionately, referring to a friend of his.

Was that a sound decision? For $#@!’s sake, the man has a mullet. If you expect sound decisions from a man with a mullet, more the fool you.

When the video of his N-word usage went public, Wallen was dropped by his agent and fired by his recording label, and his work, including his most recent album, was banned by CMT and removed from rotation by hundreds of radio stations nationwide.

One of Wallen’s musical collaborators even pledged to donate all of his profits to the NAACP, a small boutique organization that badly needs the funds.

Wallen himself has urged his fans to stop listening to his songs, and he’s embarked on a national apology tour in which all black Americans are invited to “ostrich” him Cash-style.

There’s only one problem…ever since his “cancellation,” Wallen’s album sales have skyrocketed…by 102%. And downloads of his music have increased by 67%. Even his older albums have hit the charts again.

This might represent a fatal flaw in cancel-culture methodology; cancellation as an inadvertent path to fame and fortune.

God forbid if other marginally talented washed-up musical failures begin engaging in racist speech to revitalize their careers. What might that bring us? Jimmy Ray’s “Are You KKK?”? Aqua’s “Klaus Barbie Girl?” Tanita Tikaram’s “Eleven Kikes of Loneliness”? Lushus Daim’s “More Than Jew Can Handle”?

Or maybe it’s just that country-music fans, accustomed as they are to songs of woe by doe-eyed sadsacks, are more forgiving. After all, when every song in the genre can be distilled to “my cheatin’ woman left me as I drank myself catatonic after my daddy died by crashing his beat-up ol’ Chevy truck into the steel mill so now I’m unemployed,” a single like “I done said ****** on TMZ, and now them coons is after me” is a guaranteed hit.

That’s all for this week. Now go Google Lushus Daim; your day will be much the worse for it.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-127/

_The Week’s Most Parthenic, Sirenic, and Pyrogenic Headlines_
*WHILE MY JAMAR GENTLY WEEPS*
Beverly Hills has become a kind of trophy to BLM thugs. Ever since the  terrorist org began its national campaign of violence and intimidation,  “activists” have repeatedly targeted the Westside city with acts of  vandalism and harassment.
 It’s kind of odd, as Beverly Hills cops haven’t been shooting black  people…or any people, for that matter. Also, Beverly Hills isn’t nearly  as white as the dimwits of BLM seem to believe (especially if you don’t  count Persian Jews as white). And more to the point, Beverly Hills isn’t  even in the top ten of wealthiest Southern California enclaves.
 But blacks have a penchant for brand-name merchandise, and the  Beverly Hills brand is as internationally recognizable as the Gucci,  Tiffany’s, and Dolce & Gabbana stores that line Rodeo Drive.  Unconcerned about facts and details, BLM sees Beverly Hills as the big  kahuna of “white wealth.”
 So, again and again, BLM takes a BM on BH. Or at least it tries to.  The Beverly Hills PD has a zero-tolerance policy for terrorism…which  you’d think shouldn’t stand out as unique in a civilized nation. But  unlike so many other U.S. cities, Beverly Hills has no patience for  criminals and radicals. When BLM and its “allies” block streets, they  get arrested. When they invade residential neighborhoods, they get  arrested. But again, that’s what all cops _should_ be doing.

              What makes the BHPD truly special is the creative way in which its officers _troll_ the invading scumbags.
   One could call Sennett Devermont an ass boil, but ass boils usually  dissolve and go away over time. Devermont is old-school BLM; he’s been  leading pickets since 2016.  He usually targets BH, never for any particular reason beyond “cuz it’s  there.” When Philando Castile was killed by a cop in Minnesota,  Devermont picketed Beverly Hills. When Michael Brown was justifiably  ventilated by a cop in Missouri, Devermont picketed Beverly Hills. And  when Keith Lamont Scott was shot by a cop in North Carolina, Devermont  picketed Beverly Hills.

 Dude ain’t too bright; he seems unable to understand maps and geography.
 Devermont has become enough of a nuisance for the officers of the  BHPD to get creative in dealing with him. When the human tick engages in  his favorite hobby of getting in officers’ faces with his phone while  they’re on duty in order to post confrontational videos on social media,  the annoyed but wonderfully inventive cops have started playing Beatles  songs on _their_ phones…a guaranteed way to get a video kicked  off Instagram, because the site’s algorithms automatically catch and  remove anything that contains the unauthorized use of copyrighted music  (and Beatles songs are legendary when it comes to immediate removal due  to unauthorized use).
  The tactic’s been working like a charm!
 BLM is furious  at being outmaneuvered (to be fair, when your organization is about  ultra-violence not ultra-smarts, being outmaneuvered shouldn’t come as a  surprise). News organs like Vice and Yahoo have condemned the cops’ musical mischief.

              Perhaps eventually the higher-ups at BH City Hall will demand that  the police quit the trolling. But all good people can take comfort in  the fact that an ass boil was lanced and ridiculed by his betters, and  in today’s world, small victories like that aren’t really so small.
*SCREWY JEWY*
Rabbi Barry Silver might be the most bat$#@!-insane Jew in the world. Or  he might be the world’s greatest performance artist. Rabbi Silver is  either the highest of art or the lowest of IQ.

 It’s hard to tell, because it’s hard to imagine that a person like this can exist as anything but farce.
 Rabbi Silver is the founder of something he calls “Cosmic Judaism.”  It’s basically Judaism that rejects the Almighty in favor of leftist  politics and Bill Nye “science-as-faith” gobbledygook. In a way, most  secular American Jews would likely be considered “Cosmic Jews.” They’re  just never stupid enough to say so outright, especially with a  self-applied label as idiotic as Silver’s.
  The Boynton Beach-based Silver launched his new brand of Judaism last year. As explained in the _Sun-Sentinel_:

Silver said Cosmic Judaism began with his late father  Samuel Silver, a Reform rabbi. “He believed in God, but not the God of  the Bible, and preached and wrote in various books that he authored that  every concept of Judaism, including God, should be rational and  logical, and that God should be thought of as a hypothesis, not a fact,”  he said. This new approach is intended to interpret religion through  science and will be launched during the synagogue’s High Holiday  services.
Thus, Cosmic Judaism replaces God with social justice activism and  “leftist science” (“the earth is on fire and there are 563 genders”). In  place of psalms and hymns, Silver subjects his congregants to his  musical odes to AOC talking points, including this one—a “global warming” song set to “We Are the World”…more proof that this guy is either clinically insane or doing meta-comedy.
 After all, nobody likes the _original_ version of that ear-bleeder, let alone an “educational” remake.


Last week, for reasons only he could possibly comprehend, Silver penned an op-ed in the _Sun-Sentinel_  titled “Many Self-Hating Jews Aid Anti-Semitic Conspiracies.” In it, he  claims that Jews helped spur the Capitol riot, in a way that, again,  makes you ask, “Can this guy possibly be for real?”
What’s surprising is that many right wing Jews have  exchanged Jewish ideals for deals and have become strange bedfellows  with those who took over the Capitol in the name of Jesus.Huh? I thought it was in the name of Trump. Oh, wait—Silver accuses Trump of claiming to _be_ Jesus. And for some reason “bad” Jews have aligned with this evil new messiah.
 After blaming Jews for the evils in the world, Silver adds, “Thus, it  should come as no surprise that today’s Christian Nationalist QAnon  conspiracy theory blames the Jews for all the evils in the world.”

 Wait, but didn’t he himself just blame…

 It’s headache-inducing.
 He likens the Capitol rioters to 9/11’s Muslims, writing “Both groups  espouse ‘Replacement Theology’ in which their imaginary father in the  sky loves them best.” Wotta rabbi, mocking people’s “imaginary father in  the sky.” That’s only slightly nuttier than claiming that 9/11 occurred  because of Muslim “replacement theology.”
 He wraps up by declaring that only “rational discourse and debate”  can defeat extremists. A mere paragraph after denigrating the Christian  and Muslim “imaginary father in the sky,” he invites members of other  faiths to join him for “rational discourse.”
 Silver is living proof that people on the left literally get to say  anything in the media today. None of that “under a microscope” crap that  rightists get from the few mainstream editors who’ll still publish  them. But to give the rabid rebbe credit, at least he’s “entertaining  insane” instead of “boring insane.”
 I hope his cosmic congregants appreciate that, even as they have to  endure his attempts at music that make a night with the Auschwitz  orchestra seem like a better entertainment option in comparison.
*ALT RATS*
In an unsurprising development, the young geniuses behind all that naughty talk about “cookie monsters”  and “ovens” have once again gotten history wrong. It seems that the  impish little satyrs on the groyper/alt-right end of the spectrum were  obsessing too much about World War II and not enough about recent U.S.  history…because heaven forbid those puckish pups focus on something  relevant.
 Anyone remember that whole “militia movement” craze from the ’90s,  that nutty OKC bombing/Montana Freemen/Republic of Texas thing that  seemed really popular for a while and then kinda vanished? Well, one  reason it vanished was the use of informants and undercover operatives  by federal law enforcement.

 See, here’s a wee factoid that today’s young groyper kids have likely  never learned from the memes that served as their formal political  education: The worst thing that happened to the DOJ was the rise in  Islamic terror. Filthy brown foreign-tongued Muslims proved a daunting  challenge to law enforcement when it came to going undercover and  cultivating informants. In 1995, the FBI had 10,000 agents who looked  like Tim McVeigh. Sending guys undercover was a cinch. And “turning”  militia members was even easier, because the cat and the mouse spoke the  same language and shared cultural familiarities. But Muslims? Christ, _that_  was a challenge. Most FBI undercover guys can’t pass for an Akbar, and  can’t speak Akbarese. And the problem with recruiting actual Akbars to  turn on their brothers is that every now and then they do a  double-triple-switcheroo and blow up their handlers, because more than  anything Akbars love a good kaboomie.

 Kipling said it best:
The Stranger within my gates,
He may be evil or good,
But I cannot tell what powers control—
What reasons sway his mood;
Nor when the Gods of his far-off land
Shall repossess his blood.The post-9/11 “war on terror” had the feds pining for the days of  going after rednecks and mafiosi. You know, white guys whose minds and  motivations were more easily known.

 Well, thank _heavens_ the far right decided to storm the  Capitol! The DOJ couldn’t be happier. Being able to repurpose the war on  terror as a war against whiteys has rekindled the FBI’s love of  infiltrating and turning. And damned if it isn’t giving the groyper kids  premature hair loss.
 “FBI Informant Panic Is Ruining Friendships All Over the Far Right” read the headline of a Daily Beast special report  last week. The piece paints a rather devastating portrait of a  “movement”—the post-Capitol fringe right—whose members are gripped by  fear and anxiety over who’s being squeezed by the feds, who’s going to  turn, who’s already turned, and who’s an undercover agent. Proud Boys  members, rocked by the revelation that one of their supposedly  kick-assiest leaders, Enrique Tarrio, was a fed informant, are now  fracturing into dozens of subgroups accusing other subgroups of being  led by informants.

 And groyper “leader” Patrick Casey has openly split with groper  golden goy Nick Fuentes over concerns that Fuentes, an apparent target  of the feds, is setting up other groypers with his end-of-February  “America First” conference in Orlando, which Casey refers to as a  “federal honeypot event.”
 Casey claims  that the FBI has frozen Fuentes’ bank accounts, suggesting that agents  are using the money to “persuade” Fuentes to play ball. Those same  concerns about feds ’n’ thumbscrews have been voiced regarding arrested  groyper stormers “Baked Alaska” and Riley June Williams.
 So now everyone on the far right is playing Tony Soprano wondering if the Big Pussies have turned.
 It’s hard not to feel a little sympathy for these young patriots, who  appear completely unprepared for this complete inevitability.
 Don’t blame them; they were lied to by their teachers. The memes never told them it could turn out this way.
*KUNTA KINTE…PLAIN OR WITH ALMONDS*
12 Years a Slave? More like 3 Musketeers a Slave. Apparently,  antislavery chocolate is a thing. And why not? In the U.S.,  slavery—which ended more than 155 years ago—has become for some odd  reason the event that defines all current human endeavors.
 Well, to be fair, the reason isn’t odd at all. _The New York Times_’  1619 Project—the Manhattan Project of the nation’s black race hustlers  and white/Jewish “allies”—has wormed its way into every facet of  American life.

 Slavery “made” this country (narrator: _It didn’t_), and all  nonblack Americans owe the descendants of slaves and those who resemble  the descendants of slaves a perpetual debt (narrator: _They don’t_).

 In her barely readable magnum opus, the 1619 Project’s illiterate  hunt-and-pecker Nikole Hannah “Bae” Jones made a big deal about how  chocolate is racist. In the world of sweets, chocolate is the Grand  Wizard of KKKandy. It’s not just that white people shouldn’t “do  violence” to a darker food (i.e., bite a bar of chocolate); it’s that  whites only know about chocolate because enslaved Africans had to work  cocoa farms without a guaranteed minimum wage of $15 an hour and free  unisex tampon distribution centers for men who menstruate.
 Those ghastly cocoa-farm conditions persist in West Africa today, so  whiteys should feel especially guilty about munching that Mars.
 Fortunately, help has arrived! Tony’s Chocolonely is the world’s  premier antislavery chocolate bar! A self-proclaimed social justice,  pro-BLM chocolate company, Tony’s has pledged to become the first “100% slave-free” chocolate manufacturer.  No slaves harvesting the cocoa beans, and “reparations” for the  descendants of the slaves who harvested them back in the old days.
 One key pillar of the Tony’s philosophy is that chocolate prices should be kept artificially high.  The Tony’s website literally instructs retailers to inflate the price  of the candy, because a 6.35-oz. chocolate bar that requires a down  payment is the key to preventing slavery in cocoa-growing nations.
 It’s also the key to pricing chocolate out of the reach of inner-city  blacks. Which is certainly kind of ironic (social justice chocolate  that excludes blacks).
 So, how could a company with such a good and pure vision possibly fail?
 What could ever go wrong with such a noble business plan?
 Well, the world found the answer to those questions last week, when  it was revealed that the Tony’s supply chain includes a company that  uses African child slave labor to harvest its cocoa.

 Be honest—were you expecting anything less?
 Apparently, Tony’s was contracting with a slave-using cocoa  manufacturer in order to keep its costs down and pocket more of the  profits from those inflated prices.

 As social justice orgs drop Tony’s from their list of approved  merchants, let’s not be unmindful of the real victims here: the wealthy  whites who will now have to find new sources of $40 chocolate bars that  make them feel good about themselves, and Nikole Hannah “Bae” Jones, who  will have to go back to filling that void in her hateful soul by  Oprah-style binge-eating Milky Ways and Krackels.

*THE NOOSE OF THE WORLD*
Remember Bubba Wallace?  He’s the black NASCAR driver who got scared silly by a string last  year. After mistaking a garage-door pull rope for a “noose,” Wallace  cried “hate crime” and the world listened…if by “the world” one means  MSNBC and _The New York Times_. Everyone else just laughed.
 Still, the FBI sent nearly two-dozen agents to put the screws to the  string. Indeed, the transcript of the interrogation is intense:

 FBI Agent: “Fess up: Are you a noose?”
String: “Knot!”
FBI Agent: “Stop jerking us around. Are you a noose?”
String: “Knot! Knot! Knot!”

 Sadly, due to post-traumatic stress from the encounter with the rope,  the dope blew it last week at Daytona. Wallace came in 17th, prompting _The Guardian_ to complain that racist NASCAR was “not redeemed” (apparently, Wallace is owed a win every time he drives).

 However, the news was not all bad in the never-ending fight against things that are not nooses.

 Rawiri Waititi is the newly elected coleader of New Zealand’s Maori  Party. Last week, he clashed with his fellow parliamentarians over a  longstanding rule that male members must wear ties while in the hallowed  parliamentary chamber.

 A _tie_? Around the _neck_? Wait…that must mean it’s a _noose_!

 Actually, that’s not a joke. That’s Waititi’s actual belief, and he  stated as much when he flaunted the rule and showed up for work  bare-necked and wearing a traditional Maori pendant called a _hei tiki_, which bears a strong resemblance to fossilized frog road-kill and probably is.

 Initially, Waititi was escorted out of the chamber for the dress-code  violation, but then he gave a long, rambling warble about the white  man’s racism and historical oppression and his ancestors being hanged  and how the fearsome specter of nooses haunts his people still, and  eventually the other members of Parliament were like, “Oh for $#@!’s  sake forget the tie if it’ll shut the stupid bastard up.”

 In his victory speech, Waititi told the press,  “Maori have had enough of being assimilated and forced to do and look  like everyone else. We are not like everyone else. We are unique. Being  Maori is like having superpowers.”

 On the other hand, whites also appear to possess a unique  superpower—the ability to tell the difference between a noose and  something that is absolutely not a noose.
 Should there ever be an all-out Justice League-style war between the  two superhero factions, the safe bet will be the side whose members can  look at a rope without $#@!ting themselves. Indeed, a few Wonder Woman  lassos and the war will be over fairly quickly.
 String…the kryptonite of the nonwhite.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-128/

_The Week’s Most Lucrific, Morbific, and Tenebrific Headlines_

*CPAC’S PHARAOH PLAGUES THE JEWS*
The black vote. Is there anything more important to conservatives? No,  there isn’t. The black vote wins elections for the GOP and proves with  finality that people on the right are not racist. Well, that’s the  dream, anyway. The reality is, the black vote wins nothing for the GOP  and even when there’s a marginal increase in it on the Republican side,  it never mitigates the accusations of “white supremacy” and klansmanship  that get tossed at rightists by the media every day.
 We can’t be certain whose grand idea it was to invite black  “philosopher, scholar, and musician” Young Pharaoh to CPAC 2021. What we  _can_ be certain of is that the person who birthed that  crackerjack idea labors under the impression that they are the future of  conservatism.
 And in a way, that’s not untrue. Because the dogged pursuit of  excremental self-defeating ideas appears to be the movement’s highest  aspiration these days.
 Young Pharaoh is a rapper and “Afrocentric polymath thinker” who’s as  bat$#@! insane as anyone else who’s ever claimed such a moniker. He  runs an online “university” (website) that purports to teach young _Black men_ that _Afrikans_ invented _everything_, including UFOs and magic. Young Pharaoh’s mantra: “The white man is inferior, the BLACK MAN is GOD!”


              Oh, and the Jews are satanic.
   Last year the poor dumb bastard made the mistake of posting some drivel about how Donald Trump was the _Black man’s friend_  because he was exposing the JEW 9/11 conspirators and revealing the  truth about how Covid is biological warfare aimed at (guess who) _THE BLACK MAN_!
 He also posted some videos about how the _DEMOCRATS_ are the _real racists_ who created the _KKK_, and how Obama is just a tool of the _DEEP STATE_.
 Well, ’nuff said. Conservatives in unison screamed “_the black voooooote!_” and began following this imbecile like the messiah he thinks he is. The “free market patriot group” 1776ForeverFree  invited him to perform at last October’s “March on Washington,” and  CPAC excitedly announced that he’d be a guest at this year’s convention.
  Except, as CPAC organizers were jerking off in joy, a few canny online sleuths looked at the guy’s website and videos.  And they saw how every other word this halfwit has ever spoken or  written has been either “Jews are evil” or “whites are stupid” (or this  greatest hit about how whites are not genetically human, and they lack souls, too).
 He also seems to think that Jews don’t exist; Jews are a myth like  the round earth or the moon. But he also thinks Jews are evil. But they  also don’t exist. But they do. They are at the same time extant and  imaginary. It’s a quantum thing…Schrödinger’s Katz.

              Last week, the organizers of CPAC stopped masturbating long enough to reluctantly scrub Young Pharaoh from their list of invitees (that included redacting his page  on the CPAC website where he was lauded for his “scholarship”). Sadly,  the world will never get to see Young Pharaoh share the stage with  Trump, as they both lament the Platinum Plan that wasn’t.

 Word has it that after canceling  Young Pharaoh, one CPAC organizer asked another, “Do you think this  makes conservatives look desperate? Slavishly slobbering over every  person with dark skin who glances in our direction? Proclaiming every  black back-alley crackhead the new King of Konservatism, no matter how  insane their views?”
 “Of course not,” the other organizer is reputed to have answered. “If  we occasionally err, it’s only because our party cannot survive without  blacks. After all, what other constituency do we have?”
 And with that both men headed out to scour the alleys behind inner-city liquor stores for their next keynote speaker.
*EAT YOUR HEART OUT, PRIVILEGED WHITEY!*
Speaking of the black vote, while CPAC was bollixing its attempt to show the world how amazingly _not racist_ it is, over in Oklahoma, a Republican was showing the world how to _not racist_ the _right_ way.


              Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt, in office since January 2019, is as  pro-life as they come. Man oh man, if you’re a fetus, this guy has your  tiny little back.
 Fetuses get protection in Kevin Stitt’s state!

 White crime victims, not so much. After all, Stitt claims to be a  “person of color” himself. Mind you, to the naked eye he’s as white as  Palpatine. But apparently ten generations ago an ancestor got blown by a  squaw, so he’s officially a “Cherokee.” And Big Chief Set’emfree is a  huge fan of George Soros-style “criminal justice reform,”  redirecting funding from law enforcement and incarceration toward  “community development” for low-income minorities, and reducing most  property crimes from felonies to misdemeanors.
 In _The Grapes of Wrath_, the Joads fled Oklahoma for a better life in California. Stitt is currently hard at work penning _Grapes of Wrath II_, in which every crappy idea from California is trucked into Oklahoma.
 Stitt’s greatest accomplishment, though, has been in the area of  felony sentence commutations. Stitt oversaw what the Oklahoman newspaper  called “the largest commutation in U.S. history.” You’re a violent  felon? Make Kevin Stitt two promises: (1) You’ll never support abortion,  and (2) you’ll never, ever, _ever_ do crimes again, and off you go with a fruit basket and a “life begins at conception” sticker.

 Proud black man Lawrence Anderson was in Proud Prison for a variety  of crimes: attacking his girlfriend and holding her at gunpoint,  possession of crack cocaine with intent to distribute, sale of crack  near an elementary school, attacking a woman with a handgun in a church  parking lot, and carrying a vial of PCP in his underwear. In 2017, he  was sentenced to twenty years in prison. Last month, only a little over  three years into his sentence, Anderson was freed by Republican Stitt,  who commuted his sentence to prove that the Democrats are the real  racists.

 That was last month. Last week, Anderson murdered his neighbor, a 41-year-old white woman named Andrea Lynn Blankenship. He carved her heart out _Temple of Doom_-style,  he took the heart back to his apartment, he cooked it with potatoes for  dinner, and he fed it to his aunt, uncle, and the uncle’s 4-year-old  granddaughter. And then he slaughtered the uncle and the little girl,  and stabbed the aunt in both eyes.
 Upon hearing the news, Kevin Stitt reportedly jumped for joy, as no fetuses had been harmed.


Funny enough, Stitt has yet to comment about the grotesque murders on  his Twitter page, which he typically uses to flaunt his female and  “people of color” appointees. Stitt’s followers, on the other hand, have  been less reserved about bringing up the issue, flooding his posts with links about Anderson.
 At a press conference last Tuesday, Grady County District Attorney  Jason Hicks (also a Republican) condemned Stitt for the commutation: “I  really think an offender such as this should have not ever been able to  even apply for a commutation.”

 George Soros, on the other hand, held a press conference the same day  in which he just shook his head and said, “This is getting too $#@!ing  easy.”
 No word yet on whether CPAC will make Stitt this year’s keynote speaker.
_Life_…begins at conception, and ends when a Republican releases a cannibal into your community.
*MUSTAFA SUMBALLZ*
If the previous two stories convey any singular message, it’s that the GOP has become a gelding where it matters. With _Roe_ v. _Wade_  the law of the land, Americans can count on their Republican buddies to  be fearless regarding the rights of fetuses…because at present it’s a  moot point. But on issues of crime, race, and immigration—stuff of  current concern, stuff that can actually garner votes from the  center—the mainstream GOP has zero balls.
 It can be argued that a huge reason for Trump’s popularity in 2016  was his fearlessness when discussing the verboten topics. GOP voters,  and red-leaning independents, had grown tired of mealymouthed  Republicans whose talking points run the gamut from “thank you for your  service” to “lower the capital gains tax.” Rightists wanted red meat on  an outdoor grill, not elitist corporate pâté on a bed of kale.

 The following is not a tangent…it’ll make sense shortly.

 The tiny and abominably wealthy nation of Qatar is one of the leading real estate wheeler-dealers in the world.  Already one of London’s biggest landowners, Qatar has recently been  increasing its holdings in the U.S., spending damn near $100 billion to  buy up parts of Manhattan, Washington, D.C., and West L.A.
 See, Qatar businessmen have a gift…the gift of spotting a distressed  property. Qatar smells your weakness, Qatar smells your desperation. And  Qatar can buy and sell you a billion times over.
 Qatar has another gift—gonads the size of boulders.
 Ever since winning the right to hold the 2022 World Cup, Qatar has  imported scores of Third World migrants as “temporary guest workers” to  labor in the scorching heat constructing the World Cup infrastructure  (this includes a new airport, new roads, new public transportation  systems, new hotels, and even a new city). Last week, _The Guardian_ reported  that more than 6,500 of these workers from India, Bangladesh, Nepal,  Sri Lanka, Pakistan, the Philippines, and Kenya have dropped dead  laboring for Qatari World Cup glory. And the Qatar government’s attitude  has been “Hey—we _said_ ‘temporary’ workers! And ‘temporary’ they were.”
 The British relinquished Qatar in 1971, and they seem to have left  their “nogs are disposable” colonial spirit behind within its borders.
 And now Qatar has spotted its newest distressed property—American  conservatism. Disappointed by weak-willed, politically correct leaders  who do little but parrot anti-racist talking points, smothered and  silenced by Big Tech and the mainstream media, let down by Fox News,  which proved not Trumpian enough when it counted, American rightists are  crying out for a new platform…and Qatar is more than happy to step up.

 Qatar-based Al Jazeera is launching a new right-wing channel called Rightly,  geared toward Americans who want their conservatism straight and  strong, outside the sphere of influence of the Zuckerbergs and Dorseys,  and backed by a people who literally don’t mind stepping over dead Third  Worlders as they walk from their sports cars to their luxury  skyscrapers. Staffed by former Fox employees, Rightly promises to be a  voice for underserved rightists in search of something that’ll make  NewsMax and OAN look like NRO.
 If Rightly succeeds, it’ll mark one of the starkest examples of how  allegiances have shifted since the immediate post-9/11 period, when  everything Arab was suspect and rightists fretted about Ground Zero  mosques and sharia law. As Con Inc. has drifted further left, it’ll be  an irony indeed if a little of that shameless arrogant stone-cold Arab  blood is exactly what conservatives need to feel alive and invigorated  again.
 At the very least, the new network’s Sunday-night news show should prove interesting: _60 Minarets_, hosted by Ramadanald J. Trump.
*HATE-HMONGER*
Bee afraid. Bee very afraid.

 You know that recent spate of violent attacks committed against  elderly Asians by primarily black assailants? Well, leftists have  proclaimed the _real_ cause of the violence to be Trump and white supremacy.

 Crazy, right? Black street thugs attacking Asians because of Donald Trump and white racism? Nothing could be loopier than that!
 Wrong again, oh naive reader.
 Turns out even the leftists blaming Trump and the Klan for anti-Asian black violence have it wrong. The _real_ culprit behind all those Oriental muggings is…ready for it?
 Clint Eastwood.
 Shocking, huh? But true. At least according to Bee Vang. You remember Bee Vang, right? _Right?_ Okay, _nobody_ remembers the poor sonofabitch by name. Even his own mother refers to him as “the Asian kid from _Gran Torino_.”  That was the 2008 Eastwood-directed after-school special where Clint  played a crusty ol’ racist whose heart is warmed when he befriends a  Hmong boy and defends the youngster against gangs and bullies.
 It’s the film where Eastwood told the writer, “Have me say ‘get off  my lawn’ to some thugs…and then flesh the $#@!ing thing out with filler  so I get a 90-minute runtime.”
 Eastwood’s character has the typical clichéd redemption arc endemic  to all simpleminded morality tales: He starts out a racist, but learns  rainbow tolerance we all bleed red yada yada blah blah.

 Hmong-American actor Bee Vang played the boy. But that was only the  beginning for this stunning young talent. After finding fame as “the boy  from _Gran Torino_,” Vang went on to become “the man who was the boy from _Gran Torino_.”

 And now he’s “the bitter unemployed 30-year-old who was the boy from _Gran Torino_.”
 Last week he was a guest opinion writer for NBC News, where he penned a piece blaming Eastwood’s _Torino_ character for today’s anti-Asian violence.
 Vang’s op-ed is, to put it mildly, difficult to follow. White  audiences embraced Eastwood’s character’s racism in the 2008 film, thus  mainstreaming anti-Asian hatred, while Covid represents a war against  Asians by whites that’s as bad as the carpet-bombing of Laos, but Asians  remain silent in the face of this genocide because _Gran Torino_ “has beaten us into silent submission,” so because of Covid, _Gran Torino_  is retroactively evil, but it was also evil at the time, Vang just  didn’t recognize it as such back then, because there was no Covid yet.
 That’s about as much sense as can be made of Vang’s word _lao yum_.
 Funny enough, on his Instagram account, Vang spends most of his time ranting against other Asians. Specifically Koreans  who look down on the Hmong as “low-achieving low education” eternal  refugees incapable of finding economic success and prosperity in foreign  lands.
 Vang—broke and barely literate, having blown his chance to capitalize on the opportunities presented by _Gran Torino_’s  success in order to build a career for himself—attacks Koreans as  “pigs” for daring to paint all Hmong as broke illiterates unable to  capitalize on opportunities to build careers for themselves.

 Well played, Vang. Well played. That certainly shows those Koreans who’s boss!

 A shrewd and penetrating killshot from a guy who these days is most  likely to be told “get off my lawn” by groundskeepers clearing  transients out of a public park.
*BORN TO BE WILD TOILETING*
The Nazis? The Kaiser? Napoleon? The Spanish Armada? Mere pikers  compared with the newest foe against which great and mighty England has  declared war: “wild toileting”!
 Yes, the government of Boris Johnson is facing an enemy that surely would have made Churchill blanch…Third World poo!
 As with all wars, knowing the backstory is important.
 In India, as is well-known if not always well-portrayed in  Merchant-Ivory period pieces, the lower castes love to take a good poop  on the sidewalk. Thankfully, as the First World has descended into Third  Worldier territory over the past few decades, fewer and fewer people in  “civilized” nations notice should the odd Punjabi immigrant defecate  here or there on the pavement, considering the fact that in most big  cities homeless schizos and druggies have already beaten them to it.
 But West Africans, well, they know better than to use something as  base as a pedestrian walkway for the loo. No, Africans are made of  heartier stuff. They prefer the ocean. As CitiNewsroom (Ghana’s leading news website) reported  in 2018, even when the governments of coastal African towns build fancy  public bathrooms, the locals “prefer the beach to public toilets” (one  local explained to CitiNewsroom that it’s because there’s “more space”).

 This is not a minor issue. Countries like Ghana, dependent as they  are on beach resort tourism from young Western ninnies who want to, _you know, like, see Africans and become one with nature_, have been losing millions of dollars as those resorts become like Amity Island if the shark were a flotilla of turds.

 Apparently, African immigrants have been bringing their affection for  beach boweling to the formerly pristine shores of the U.K. And now some  of the owners and overseers of those beaches are petitioning the  Johnson government to launch a campaign to prevent the practice before  the Covid lockdown on outdoor activities is lifted.
 It seems that during the U.K.’s lengthy shutdown, the beaches have  “healed” from years of abuse by immigrants, and those with a stake in  maintaining England’s seaside tidiness want to keep it that way.
 The Lulworth Estate, which owns something called Durdle Door, which  is apparently an iconic coastal landscape in Dorset and not what you  mockingly say to a retarded kid, has demanded that Johnson educate  “culturally diverse beachgoers” to stop the “wild toileting” practice  before loosening the leash on outdoor romping.
According to _The Sunday Times_,  the “huge change in visitor demographics” at Durpy Derp has led to  “environmental degradation such as has never been experienced before.”  This “much younger and more geographically and culturally diverse  cohort” has brought sanitation issues and environmental concerns “to the  nation’s’ coast and countryside.”

Natural England, the government’s environment watchdog,  said it was updating its code for visitors to the countryside to make it  more relevant to the new type of visitor, including “those from  low-income areas, urban areas, ethnic-minority backgrounds, younger  people and people with long-term health conditions.”Boris Johnson’s popularity may be at an all-time low at the moment,  but the man knows his history. Taking a cue from England’s greatest  wartime PM, Johnson has seen the foe, and he’s pledged to “fight it on  the beaches.”
 This shall be his finest ordure.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-129/

_The Week’s Most Parading, Upbraiding, and Gasconading Headlines_
*GREEN EGGS AND HARAM*
The ayatollahs of racial wokeness have come for Dr. Seuss, who thirty years after his death has been accused of _infidel_-ity  because he dared to draw characters who are not white, which makes him a  white supremacist. See, if Seuss had drawn only whites, he’d have been  pro-diversity. But because he drew diverse characters, he’s  anti-diversity.
 If that confuses you, that means _you’re_ a white supremacist, too.
 Sieg heil, _Hitler_!
 Six Dr. Seuss books have been voluntarily withdrawn from publication by the company that oversees the late children’s author’s works.  Apparently, a bunch of “college professors” and other unskilled cretins  had combed through Seuss’ catalog searching for instances in which the  poor bastard had drawn nonwhites.

              In one case, they found a cartoon of an Arab on a camel. Everyone  knows that Arabs never ride camels. Literally, that’s a blood libel  right up there with Jews drinking baby blood and black men paying child  support.
   So that book got banned.

 In another _Der Stürmer_-esque atrocity, Seuss drew a Chinese man with slanted eyes.
_Banned!_ Because everyone knows that Chinese people don’t have epicanthic folds; it only _looks_  that way because white supremacists so confound the noble Asians that  they’re constantly squinting in disbelief that a race can be so evil.

  In Seuss’ early work _McElligot’s Pool_,  the veritable KKK Grand Wizard dared to draw Eskimos wearing parkas.  Such calumny! Seuss should’ve portrayed them wearing tank tops and  Speedos and freezing to death like retards.
 The funny thing is, Seuss lived his life as a die-hard leftist. In the TV version of _Horton Hears a Who_, Seuss portrayed the villainous Wickersham Brothers as stand-ins for Joe McCarthy and anti-communist “right wingers”:

We’re the Wickersham brothers. We’re vigilant spotters.
Hot shot spotters of rotters and plotters.
And we’re going to save our sons and our daughters from you.How sad that the good Dr. never lived to see today’s _leftist_ “vigilant spotters” declare that their sons and daughters need to be saved from _him_ (and shouldn’t Horton be banned for promoting binary gender generalizations?).
 In 1984’s _The Butter Battle Book_, Seuss explained that the  difference between the Soviet Union and the U.S. boiled down to a  dispute as trivial as whether people should butter their bread on the  top or the bottom. Ironic how the Marxism he defended, now so pervasive  in the U.S., can’t take such a dismissive, laissez-faire attitude toward  racial disputes.
 Yes, no matter which side he butters his bread, Dr. Seuss is toast.
*REPARATION H*
Get ready, black America! You’re about to get forty acres from a fool.  President Biden has announced the formation of a commission to study the  feasibility of giving reparations to every black American as a way to  make up for that slavery thing that _The New York Times_ tells us  America couldn’t have existed without. But even as Biden christened the  exploratory committee, one of his own senior advisers declared that  black America ain’t gonna wait on no “committee” or “study.”


              “We have to start breaking down systemic racism and barriers that  have held people of color back and especially African Americans. We  don’t want to wait on a study. We’re going to start acting now,” White  House senior adviser Cedric Richmond told Axios last week.
 Are you sitting down? Richmond is…_black_! _Ha!_ What a twist! Didn’t see _that_ coming, huh?
 Pending House legislation that would create the reparations committee  already has 173 Democrat sponsors. Word is, Biden was hoping the  committee could be headed by Peggy Joseph,  the woman in the 2008 viral video who claimed that Obama would pay for  her gasoline and pay off her mortgage because she’s black. But sadly it  appears that Ms. Joseph is currently incapacitated, having Gorilla Glued  her head to a mirror while straightening her hair.
 Cedric Richmond told Axios that giving black Americans _all da leprechaun gold_  is only the beginning. The next step is, well, murky. Biden is going to  make it so that blacks can be certain “that their homes are not valued  less than homes in different communities just because of the  neighborhood it’s in.”
 This apparently involves some type of government manipulation to  ensure that homes in crime-ridden and gang-infested areas are forced to  go on the market at the same price as houses in Beverly Hills or the  Hamptons. Axios asked Richmond how exactly that could be done, but sadly  the White House adviser couldn’t answer as he’d Gorilla Glued his mouth  shut while experimenting with a new treatment for chapped lips.
 To be sure, artificially elevating the value of a house in East St.  Louis so that it matches that of a cliffside Malibu mansion will be  difficult, but not impossible. Some suggestions being bandied about by  administration insiders include reclassifying homeless tents as “granny  flats,” bullet holes in the walls as “fresh air ventilation systems,”  urine-soaked alleys as “tropical rainforest ambiance,” blood spatter as  “stained wood,” crack dens as “landscape lighting,” rat infestations as  “pet-friendly,” and graffiti-covered buildings as “the arts district.”

 Texas Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, who advanced the reparations bill  currently making its way through Congress, told the AP that giving  blacks free cash because of something that happened 200 years ago to  people who looked like them is “a way to bring the country together.”  However, as the AP pointed out  in a bizarre moment of journalistic integrity almost certainly caused  by an editor having a stroke, “polling has found long-standing  resistance in the U.S. to reparations to descendants of slaves, divided  along racial lines. Only 29% of Americans voiced support for paying cash  reparations, according to an Associated Press-NORC Center for Public  Affairs Research poll taken in the fall of 2019. Most Black Americans  favored reparations, 74%, compared with 15% of white Americans.”
 The AP asked Rep. Lee to comment on the polling numbers, but  regrettably she was unable to respond, having Gorilla Glued her face to a  stovetop while frying baloney.


Kamm Howard, co-chair of the National Coalition of Blacks for  Reparations in America, told the AP that “the goal here is restoration.  Where would we as a people be if it were not for 246 years of stolen  labor and accompanying horrors?”
 Probably still Gorilla Gluing themselves to random things.
*XN MARKS THE SPOT*
Let’s be frank: To speakers of English, that whole “languages with  masculine and feminine nouns” thing is kinda dumb. Most of us don’t care  if a chair has a figurative penis or a sofa has a figurative vagina  (although a chair with a _literal_ penis would be a guaranteed  best-seller in West Hollywood). And let’s be frank again: It’s hard to  muster any sympathy for the French. Because the French are jerks.  Between their _liberté_, _égalité_, _fraternité_  horse$#@! and their hate-speech laws and their fetish for importing  Third Worlders who murder them, when the French encounter woe they merit  only the most sarcastic of tiny violins.
 Yet for all their mush-headed pinko one-world leftism, the French  maintain a vigorous and combative affection for their stupid fruity  language. Which is why it’s kinda satisfying to see French wokeism  choose _français_ as its next target.
 Yes, the gender gendarmes have come for France’s binary tongue. French MPs are at odds over what _The Sunday Times_ describes  as “the adoption of so-called inclusive writing in the public  services.” Essentially, this change to the French language would “rid  French, which has the grammatical genders of a Latin language, of the  primacy of the masculine over the feminine.” According to the _Times_,  “the practice is necessary because women and others who do not identify  with the male gender suffer discrimination from French having a  masculine bias.” This “new form was invented in the progressive academic  world and has been embraced by left-wing parties and councils.”
_Très retardé._ Wait, should that be _retardée_?
 But as the French surrender to yet another foe of their own creation,  here in America, where at least we know we’re free of ******y gendered  nouns, the forces of language equity attempted an air strike last week,  only to find themselves defeated by the nation’s true “first  responders,” _trannies_!
 Twitch—the livestreaming platform for gamers and nerds and everyone  else who could take a hundred bucks to a house of crack whores and still  not find anyone willing to blow them—decided to celebrate the first day  of Women’s History Month by tweeting, “Join us in celebrating and  supporting all the Womxn creating their own worlds, building their  communities, and leading the way on Twitch.”
 Yes, “Womxn.” No phonetic assistance is given, but one can assume it’s pronounced “womixen.”
 The incel remoras of Twitch proclaimed that they were using the new  term because the English language needs “a word that acknowledges the  shortcoming of gender-binary language.”
 See, there are men, women, and “womxn” (i.e., dudes in dresses we’ve been ordered to treat as women).
 Sadly for Twitch, their beloved addition to the lexicon was quickly denounced as “transphobic” by men in lipstick.  As explained by one Twitter tranny, “Changing the word implies that  trans and nonbinary women are not real women and it’s disrespectful to  the trans women who are fighting to be recognized as women.”
 Men in wigs long to be called “women.” They don’t want to be an “x.”  “X” makes them feel like a freak, and heaven forbid that freaks feel  like freaks.

 It took less than a day for Twitch to surrender  like a Frenchmxn: “After hearing directly from you, including members  of the LGBTQIA+ community on Twitch, we will be using the spelling  ‘women’ moving forward. We want to assure you that we have, and will  continue to, work with the LGBTQIA+ community. We’re still learning. Our  good intentions don’t always equate to positive impact, but we’re  committed to growing from these experiences, doing better, and ensuring  we’re inclusive to all.”
 R.I.P. “womxn”; we hardly knew yx.
 But the question remains: If “trans women” are women in the womanest  sense of the word, isn’t that “binary”? Isn’t that merely reinforcing  that there are men and women, and nothing else?

 Best not to concentrate on such questions. Leftists defile language for the sake of it; logic matters not.
_Libertx, égalitx, fraternitx._
*CLIMBIE FISSURE*
There was no shortage of eyebrow-raising and confused doglike  head-tilting last week when word got out that Cornell University was  offering an indoor rock-climbing class open only to black students. The  school initially made it clear that the course was intended for blacks  and blacks alone. That’s what put the story in the news…something to do  with the fact that racially exclusive and segregated college classes are  illegal under State of New York law…and there’s also that little  federal thing called the 14th Amendment.
 The story played out as one would expect. Once the details of the Gym Crow scheme were made public, Cornell reversed itself and announced that the class would be open to all, including crackas, honkies, and ofay white devils.
 And while that mollified some of the gawkers, quite a few observers  remained confused about one particular detail: The price of the colored  climbing class was $1,890.
 $1,890 for black Americans who (we are told) can’t afford IDs to vote  or basic healthcare to ward off Covid. But they can afford $1,890 to  learn how to climb rocks?
 If nonblacks were puzzled that such a course could be profitable,  it’s only because melanin-challenged Americans are unaware of the fact  that rock climbing is actually a big $#@!ing deal to blacks. It’s come  to symbolize the “white boy” outdoor activities from which blacks feel  excluded. There’s actually a massive market in teaching blacks to climb  cliffs.
 MLK might have “been to the mountaintop,” but he sure as hell didn’t  lug his fat ass up there with an ATC-XP belay Rocklock Screwgate locking  carabiner and Petzl Spirit Express quickdraw.
Melanin Base Camp  is a national organization dedicated to proving to white boys that  blacks can climb rocks too. Literally, that’s its purpose: to put blacks  on mountains because whites don’t expect to see them there. Blacks are  instructed to scale a cliff and wait at the top for the first white to  arrive, so they can shout, “_Surprise, muthafucka!_”
Flash Friction  is a New York-based climbing-shoe brand aimed specifically at black  cragsmen, because it’s not enough to show whitey that you can climb a  rock; you gotta do it FUBU-style.
 The Brown Ascenders is a “people of color” Bay Area climbing crew. Then there’s Brown Girls Climb. And Memphis Rox. And Climbers of Color, Outdoor Afro, and the Brothers of Climbing. And Melanated Mazamas,  a Portland climbing community that states on its website, “This is a  BIPOC-only space. We appreciate white allies, but ask that white folks  respect this space created specifically for the Mazamas BIPOC  community.”
 It seems a bit of an obsession; blacks trying to prove something by  scaling rocks. Although what they’re proving might be difficult to pin  down. Granted, it’s surprising that of all the “white boy” activities  blacks could have chosen, they chose the one that involves hanging from a  rope. Based on the hysterics of rope-averse screaming meemies like  Bubba Wallace, one would think that this is the _last_ type of thing blacks would feel comfortable doing.
 On the other hand, what are the other choices? Water sports? _No thank you._
 That said, Melanin Base Camp seems to be as much about stopping  whiteys from climbing as it is about encouraging blacks to start. Its  website is filled with campaigns to “cancel” white climbers and  majority-white climbing clubs, along with calls to “stop making movies  about white guys doing cool $#@!.” In that blog entry,  the author condemns outdoorsy whites who climb, describing them as  racists who “condition themselves for the single-minded pursuit of an  irrelevant task that adds no value to the world, that saves no one, that  does nothing to address actual problems.”
 So there’s no joy or appreciation of climbing here; just spite.
 “Why do you want to climb Everest, Mr. Mallory?”
 “Because it’s there.”
 “Why do _you_ want to climb Everest, DeMarquis?”
 “Because whites is there.”
*DRAGGED LACROSSE CONCRETE*
Remember the Duke lacrosse “rape” scandal?  Three white members of the Duke University men’s lacrosse team were  falsely accused of rape when a black stripper named Crystal Mangum  accused them of filling her with mangoo.
 But it turned out to be a hoax. The boys were 100% innocent, victims  of a rush to judgment by the press, the university, and a criminally  corrupt DA named NiFong (“capital N, small i, capital F, small o, small  n, small geeeeeeeeee!”).
 That was 2006, a much simpler time in America. See, back then, if you  didn’t do something, you didn’t have to be punished for the thing you  didn’t do. And anyone who tried to penalize you for something you hadn’t  actually done was viewed as a villain.
 Such innocent days! But now, we live in the era of “intent doesn’t  matter.” At least when it comes to whites. If a white person is accused  of doing something bad to a nonwhite, it doesn’t make any difference if  the bad thing was actually done or not. If the nonwhite “felt”  victimized, then a crime was committed, even if no crime was committed.
 Several weeks ago, _The New York Times_ announced that when it comes to firing white staff for making nonwhites feel sad, “intent doesn’t matter.” Supporters of the _Times_ proclaimed that the new standard for all white folks will from now on be “impact not intent.” If something you say, do, or _don’t_ do “impacts” a person of color, you’re guilty.
 Today, the fact that those lacrosse players didn’t actually rape  anyone would be irrelevant. A black woman felt bad, regardless of the  boys’ actions or intent. They’d have to pay the price for the “impact”  of their non-rape.
 Last week, the Syracuse University women’s lacrosse team learned  these new rules the hard way. The team had posted a video on Instagram  in which one of the young ladies gave the “OK” sign. And  immediately—literally within a day—the Levitical lynchers at the ADL  “pounced,” demanding the video be removed. Which begs the question, how  the hell did the ADL know about the video so quickly? Have those canny  Jews developed extrasensory perception? Or maybe Shmuelly and Ignatz  were binge-watching teenage girl videos late at night only to be  rewarded with a new “white supremacist” offense to investigate  (“short-shorts plus a hate crime? _Such a bargain!_”).
 Neither the ADL nor the university claimed that the girl who made the  gesture had ill intent; everyone agreed that she was making an innocent  “OK” sign. No one accused the young sportswoman of doing the 4chan  “white power” troll. But the Syracuse women’s lacrosse team is white, so  the university pulled the video and forced the team to apologize.
 “Intent doesn’t matter,” the university said in a _three-hundred-and-twelve-word_  apology statement. Yes, three hundred and twelve words for something  that everyone agrees was nothing more than an innocent gesture. But  remember—impact not intent!
In any situation like this, intent does not matter. This  was an unacceptable lapse in judgment and lack of awareness on the part  of our entire team. We as members of this program take collective  responsibility for the harm this post may have caused. This incident  does not reflect our character, but it does demonstrate that we have  work to do.Who was “harmed”? All agree that it was just an “OK” sign.
It shows that many of us are privileged enough to live  free of the fear and hate that white supremacy brings to the Black  community as well as other marginalized groups. We were negligent and  hurt people in the community we love so much. We must be better._No one was hurt._ Nothing happened.
We are grateful that the lacrosse community has held us accountable.“Accountable” for doing nothing wrong.

We are determined to continue the education process so  that we can hold ourselves to the only acceptable standard: compassion  and equity.
Ah, “equity.”
We deeply apologize for the damage we did yesterday and hope to repair it as best we can.“Repair the damage”…when nothing was broken and no one damaged.

 But the ADL got to throw its weight around, so at least someone  profited from this affair. And to collegiate female sportswomen  everywhere, be aware: Old dudes at the ADL are watching you…_closely_. Leering at every little movement, studying every little gesture.
 Try not to let that jar your concentration on the playing field!

----------


## Anti Federalist

> Gym Crow scheme

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-130/

_The Week’s Most Bitchy, Kitschy, and Twitchy Headlines_
*HOT (WATER) FOR TEACHER*
Kids are such delightful scamps! Gettin’ into all kinds of Dennis the  Menace-style trouble. Trampling mom’s flower bed, walking through the  house with muddy feet…getting a man beheaded. That last one is the  unique accomplishment of an unnamed “French” 13-year-old schoolgirl, who  confessed last week to having killed her middle school teacher by proxy  (the word “French” is in scare quotes because she’s from a family of  lunatic Muslim immigrants living in Paris).

 Last October the student began routinely skipping her classes because  the French national curriculum doesn’t offer Jihad 101. After spending  ditch-day after ditch-day chucking rocks at Hasidics and overturning  headstones in Jewish cemeteries, the little angel was suspended from  school for repeated truancy. Knowing that this would infuriate her  strict, unforgiving father, she quickly whipped up an excuse—an outright  lie,  in fact—for why she’d been missing her classes: She told her martinet  dad that she ditched school because one of her teachers was forcing his  students to view blasphemous drawings of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be  Upon Him), and little Sharia Twain, not wanting to sully her eyes with  such filth, chose truancy over blasphemy.

 Of course, Taqwa-na Brawley’s father credulously believed every word  his little girl said, in part because in His wisdom Allah has never seen  fit to create a Muslim who doesn’t carry a combative chip on his  shoulder, and in part because the father just assumed that fitting in as  a “Frenchman” means acting at all times like a gullible idiot.
 The outraged and IQ-challenged father, Moroccan-born Brahim Chnina,  launched a campaign of harassment against the teacher, Samuel Paty.  Chnina filed a criminal complaint against Paty, and bombarded the poor _bâtard_  with hateful social media videos. Soon, every mosque in town joined in,  because showing caution before forming a lynch mob is not a lesson  taught by Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him).

              Paty repeatedly informed the father, the school headmaster, and the  local police that the accusation was false and the girl in question had  not even been in his class, which school records confirmed. Apparently,  he assumed that the physical impossibility of her claim would be a  defense. He literally believed that facts could defeat fanaticism.

   There’s that “acting at all times like a gullible idiot” thing in action!
 A week and a half after the false accusation, a Muslim immigrant  named Abdoullakh Abouyedovich Anzorov (who’d been expelled from his  native Chechen village for stealing all their letters) paid a visit to  Paty’s school. He slipped two students 300€ (about $357) to identify  Paty as he left for the day. And what teenager _wouldn’t_ assist in an assassination for $357?
 Apparently not a French one.
  Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz followed Paty down the street and cut off his head and limbs (Pieces Be Upon Him).
 Maybe remote learning _is_ safer for teachers.

              Soon enough, the schoolgirl’s classmates grassed her out to the cops  for faking the accusation against Paty, because the only time teens will  do the right thing is if they can $#@! up another teen in the process.

 And now everyone’s been arrested: the dad, the girl, the dad’s imam,  the paid-off students…all but the assassin, who was shot to death (Lead  Be Inside Him).
 Writing on Twitter, _National Review_’s A.G. Hamilton lamented  the fact that the girl is facing legal consequences for causing the  teacher’s death. “Not sure criminal charges are appropriate,” the  “conservative” pundit wrote. “This girl will have to live with this for  the rest of her life.”

 Yes, psychopaths are terribly sensitive souls. She just needs to sit  there and think about what she’s done. That’ll be punishment enough.
  Apparently, that “acting at all times like a gullible idiot” thing applies to certain “conservatives,” too.

*DOCTOR “HEEL” THYSELF*
It’s been a rough few weeks for our nation’s greatest “heroes”—teachers  and medical workers. Two weeks ago, the entire school board in Oakley,  Calif., was forced to resign  after accidentally setting their Zoom conference to “public,” resulting  in the parents of Oakley being able to hear exactly what these heroic  educators actually say behind closed doors.
 After dismissing parents as pot smokers who only want schools  reopened so they can “have their babysitters back” (rather refreshing  for teachers’-union hacks to be so honest about their skill level), and  threatening to “$#@! up” any parents who try to force them back into the  classroom, one “hero” suddenly realizes “oh no, this is public!” to  which another replies in disbelief, “Nuh-uhhhh.”

 And the rest is history. Oakley is home to one of the largest alpaca  farms in the state, so there’ll be no shortage of replacement school  board members until a special election can be held (alpacas are more  intelligent than teachers’-union thugs, and far cleaner).
 But those NorCal “babysitters” got off lightly compared with poor Dr.  Mitchell Katz. Last week, Katz—CEO of NYC Health + Hospitals and deputy  editor of JAMA Internal Medicine—was the invited guest on the JAMA  Network podcast. The episode was titled “Structural Racism for Doctors:  What Is It?” The idea was to have two white guys debate the existence of  “structural racism” in medicine.
 No way _that_ could go wrong.
 Dr. Katz started the program by explaining that he can’t possibly be racist because _oy_ he’s a Jew and _oy_ his family was Holocausted so many times that _oy_ his father told him to _oy_ nevah be racist because racism leads to Holocaustings _OY_.

 Unfortunately, Dr. Katz—who sounds like he looks like Professor  Frink—decided to take the position that many of the disparities in  health care are poverty-based rather than race-based, and the medical  community should approach those disparities with class- and  income-centered solutions instead of racial ones.
 Denying “structural racism”? Even Raoul Wallenberg wouldn’t be able to save _this_ Jew.
 Making things worse, the nervous, neurotic Katz kept throwing in  incomprehensible anecdotes, including one about a “brown-skinned  African-American (?) colleague from Canada (??) who wondered why  Americans identify by race instead of nationality (???) because in  Canada no one cares about race (????).
 At that point the topic of the podcast inadvertently switched to “High Jewish IQ: Reality or Myth?”
 Needless to say, Katz was immediately denounced by “equity” organizations as a “racism denier” (oy!). The AMA was forced to apologize for the podcast, which was swiftly erased from the ’net and replaced with the anxiety-ridden voice  of a new Jew, JAMA editor in chief Dr. Howard Bauchner, apologizing not  only for the show, but for the clumsily worded tweet that promoted it  on the JAMA Twitter page and the poorly worded description of the show  on the JAMA Network site. Bauchner solemnly asked forgiveness for “the  harms caused by the podcast and the tweet about the podcast.” “Harms”  indeed. Just think how many seriously ill black people will now refuse  to seek medical attention because a jittery Jew on a podcast they never  listen to sponsored by a publication they never read made some clumsy  comments that were live for about 24 hours before being scrubbed.

 Because of Dr. Katz, there’ll be a new generation of untreated Tuskegee syphilitics.
 The Holocausted has become the Holocauster.
 Katz ’n’ JAMAs forgot the first lesson of being a medical  professional in the Covid era: If you’re going to do media, confine your  activities to lectures about masks and TikTok dancing videos.
 After all, that’s what _heroes_ do.

*BLACK EDITOR SLAMMED FOR SLANTED COVERAGE AND YELLOW JOURNALISM*
It’s an open question whether any teens actually read _Teen Vogue_.  The Condé Nast-owned magazine seems to function as an outlet for adults  to publish the most idiotic far-left and sexually provocative drivel  imaginable, to an audience of social media conservatives who react  predictably with outrage at each new piece of excremental content.

 Some past _Teen Vogue_ masterpieces include “Sexting Should  Make You Feel Good,” “How to Sext: The Best Tips and Tricks,” “Women  Have Always Been a Part of White Supremacy,” “It’s Time to End White  Politics,” “***** Liberation Means Abolish the Police,” “How to Get an  Abortion as a Teen,” and the Pulitzer-nominated “Anal Sex—What You Need  to Know: Anal 101 for teens, beginners and all inquisitive folk.”
_Teen Vogue_ hires only the youngest and most far-left  identity-driven social justice imbeciles, which is totally not a recipe  for disaster. For surely those committed to enforcing eternal  ideological purity tests will never turn on each other.
 That must have been the thinking when Condé Nast hired as _Teen Vogue_’s new editor a proud 27-year-old black (sorry, *Black*)  woman named Alexi McCammond. McCammond has all it takes to succeed in  2021 corporate America: the ability to pose for a photo with a look of  black pride and nobility. Armed with that skill—and absolutely nothing  else—McCammond has experienced a meteoric rise over the past decade,  going from intern to reporter to editor at publications like _Cosmopolitan_, sites like Axios, and newspapers like the _Sarasota Herald-Tribune_.  Lauded by the National Association of Black Journalists as a “leading  voice” and “news leader” (and “leading lead leader”), McCammond covered  the Biden campaign for NBC/MSNBC and Axios…until it came out that she  was dating Biden’s deputy press secretary TJ Ducklo, who resigned after  he threatened a Politico reporter who was working on a story about the relationship.


In between posing nobly and dating psychopathic Biden staffers,  McCammond appears to have a weird proclivity for having her drinks  drugged by strangers in bars. In a 2016 _Cosmo_ essay,  she detailed multiple instances of having her drinks drugged by  strangers in bars. At the end of the piece she boasted, “I still accept  drinks from strangers.” So in 2019 her drink was drugged by a stranger in a bar.
 Clever girl, this one. Almost as clever as the Einsteins at Condé  Nast who hired her knowing that she has a history of “offensive” tweets  aimed at Asians. Yes, the owners of super-PC _Teen Vogue_ thought  they could bring in an editor to oversee the most immature and  cancel-hungry newsroom in the nation, and somehow it wouldn’t be an  issue that the editor had “racist” tweets.
 The “posing nobly” thing works wonders on white corporate bosses, but  vengeful millennial zealots don’t get swayed by that $#@!. So,  predictably, McCammond’s old tweets about hating “stupid Asians” and the  menace of “swollen Asian eyes” prompted a revolt by _Teen Vogue_ staffers after the tweets were compiled and put on blast by Asian-American journalist Diana Tsui,  who possesses the striking ability to pose for a hundred Instagram  photos with the exact same lifeless expression (it’s literally like she  looked at Sandra Oh and said, “I bet I can make my face even deader than  yours”).

 Over twenty _Teen Vogue_ staffers signed a letter  demanding McCammond’s removal. McCammond replied by apologizing for the  “insensitive” tweets, pointing out that they were written when she was a  teenager. The staffers responded by even _more_ vociferously  demanding her removal, as she’d called the tweets “insensitive” rather  than “racist.” To which McCammond replied by calling the tweets “racist”  and asking for the chance to “earn back” her employees’ trust. To which  the staffers responded by linking McCammond’s old tweets to the current  “epidemic” of anti-Asian violent crime (and to be fair, she _is_ the same color as most of the assailants).

 At the moment, Condé Nast is telling both sides “We hear you,” while  privately regretting having ever climbed into bed with “progressive”  “diverse” millennials. Likely the best course of action for the company  would be to gather all the involved parties at a bar and hope that  McCammond’s streak continues and this time _everyone’s_ drink gets drugged…with lethal doses.
*NEGRO FANTASY LEAGUE*
It used to be a common, clichéd comedy trope to make fun of nerds who  spend their time engaging in moot debates like “who’s stronger—Superman  or Mighty Mouse,” or “who’d win in a fight—Captain Kirk or Indiana  Jones.” The humor comes from the fact that the pathetic dweebs, lacking  any real-life accomplishments of their own, find outsize satisfaction in  debating the relative merits of fictional characters.
 That said, with the fantasy-sports industry pulling in billions from  people betting on imaginary teams, it’s become a tad more respectable to  obsess over things that don’t exist and have absolutely zero real-life  import. But at least fantasy sports is anchored to something genuine.  The names are real names of real players. You reach a whole ’nother  level of pathetic when you become emotionally invested in a fantasy  league comprising things that not only don’t exist, but have zero  real-world counterparts.

 Did someone say “whole ’nother level of pathetic”? Cue the black  leftist “intelligentsia”! With last week’s streaming release of the  Eddie Murphy sequel _Coming 2 America_, some of the world’s  greatest black minds are hard at work on the defining question of the  era: Which is better, Zamunda or Wakanda?
 Yes, two upscale, prosperous, well-governed, peaceful…and _completely fictional_ African nations. And big black brains are locked in a fierce debate over which has the better government.
 The BBC ran a lengthy article detailing the Zamunda vs. Wakanda dispute. The various black intellectuals interviewed for the piece agree that _Coming 2 America_’s Zamunda and _Black Panther_’s  Wakanda are equally “black empowered,” so on that score, they’re both  fine places to live, and black people can “take pride” in the existence  of both nations.
 A quick reminder that neither nation exists.
 Gabrielle Tesfaye, a U.S. film director of Ethiopian and Jamaican  descent, admits that Zamunda and Wakanda are “imagined states of being,”  but that’s irrelevant because they’re both “connected to truth.”
 Of course, one could argue that if they were “connected to truth,”  the great black thinkers could debate the “true” nations and not the  fictional ones.

 Former _Guardian_ scribe David Jesudason criticizes Zamunda as  “a regressive kingdom, in which women can’t own businesses and  male-only royalty is obligatory.” Lindiwe Dovey, film professor at the  University of London and head of the African Screen Worlds project,  agrees. She worries that Zamunda’s policies might skew people’s  perceptions of Africa as a whole. She also laments that _Coming 2 America_ was shot in Georgia instead of on location.
 Another quick reminder: Zamunda doesn’t exist. There is no “location.”
 Jesudason points out that Wakanda is “a progressive kingdom that had  strong roles for women in its hierarchy. It is a nation whose rulers  have cut it off from the rest of the continent, while also pretending to  the outside world that it is poor to prevent other countries stealing  its stocks of the precious mineral vibranium.”
 Third quick reminder: Like Wakanda, vibranium doesn’t exist.
 Funny (well, unfunny) enough, as the black elites were debating whether Akeem or T’Challa is a better king, in _actual_ Africa, specifically Nigeria, 279 girls were kidnapped  from a boarding school by bandits…who released them a few days later.  It seems that no one was paying attention to their ransom demands,  because even the Nigerians were too busy arguing over Zamunda vs.  Wakanda. So the bandits sent the girls home and started planning their  next extortion attempt, in which they’ll storm the royal Zamundan palace  to kidnap Akeem’s daughters.
 The scheme’s hit a small snag, though; the kidnappers are having a  hard time finding Zamunda on a map. Surely an oversight on the part of  racist cartographers who don’t understand that nonexistent African  nations are just as “connected to truth” as real ones.

*WRETCH-A-SKETCH*
In the 1943 Popeye cartoon _Happy Birthdaze_,  Popeye’s shipmate Shorty is about to shoot himself in the head out of  loneliness. Grabbing the gun away at the last second, Popeye tries to  cheer up his little buddy by suggesting that they spend shore leave  together. It’s Popeye’s birthday, and Olive’s fixin’ up a sumptuous  party for her sailor man. Popeye invites Shorty to share the bounty.

 What Popeye doesn’t realize is that Shorty’s lonely for a reason:  He’s a menace. Self-centered, destructive, thoughtless, oblivious to the  damage he causes. He ruins the party, in the process causing Olive to  break up with Popeye. In the final scene, an infuriated Popeye shoots  Shorty dead. With a gun. The guy who can eat spinach and sock a bull  into steaks or flatten a mountain with one punch just goes “$#@! it” and  puts a bullet in a dude.
 That episode, like so many first-half-of-the-20th-century American  cartoons, was banned in the 1960s for its violent content and “negative”  messaging (“$#@! the spinach; just pop a cap in any nigga who crosses  you”).
 Today’s millennial cancelers, like all young people, think they’ve  invented the wheel. And indeed, cancel culture as it plays out on social  media is novel. But canceling cartoons is hardly new. Warner Bros. and  United Artists, for example, began censoring their “racist” cartoons  in the 1960s. Nearly a dozen Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies shorts  were removed from circulation due to images of African and American  blacks that were, well, comically unflattering. Others, like 1946’s _Bacall to Arms_,  were truncated (the only official version in circulation today lacks  the final gag in which Humphrey Bogart smokes an exploding cigar that  leaves his face blackened like a minstrel).

 But it wasn’t just race that got cartoons banned. Animators in the  ’40s loved to show characters blowing their brains out (check out this  rather ghastly supercut  of classic cartoon suicides). In the 1980s these scenes were redacted  because pop psychologists decided that cartoon suicides prompt young  people to do it for real (if that were true, rightists would’ve long ago  launched a GoFundMe to send DVDs of those cartoons to every student at  UC Berkeley).
 Ever since its inception three decades ago, the Cartoon Network has maintained a laundry list  of scenes cut for violence and adult themes. Conservatives have played  that game too. When Republican Dan Lungren ran for California governor  in 1998, he pledged to “arrest” a comic-strip character—“Zonker” from _Doonesbury_—for using pot (in the strip). Brian Lungren, Dan’s brother and political adviser, told the _L.A. Times_, “Zonker’s a real person in our society. He is not fictitious. And we should put Zonker behind bars where he belongs.”

 Lungren, who bafflingly lost to Democrat Gray Davis 38% to 58%,  should make a comeback with a pledge to invade Wakanda for its  vibranium.
 Cartoons have always been a target of censorship. Ironically, as  Hollywood became more permissive in the ’60s and ’70s, censorship of  cartoons _increased_. So last week, when Disney+ announced that it would be suppressing classic films like _Dumbo_, _The Aristocats_, and _Peter Pan_ because of “racist” images, and when _The New York Times_ took  a day off from doxing people on Clubhouse to “cancel” Pepé Le Pew as a  rapist and Speedy Gonzales as a tool of white supremacy (and when HBO  announced last year that its rebooted Elmer Fudd would be banned from  using a hunting rifle), we see a tradition that long predates cancel culture.
_Why?_ Why the perennial focus on taking the fun out of cartoons?
 There might be a hundred complicated psychoanalytical explanations  for what drives nanny staters to attack cartoons, but in the end it  probably just boils down to the fact that bitter unhappy soulless  insecure scolds hate seeing people laugh.
 Those killjoys should spend a day hanging out with Popeye. He knows how to deal with people like that.

----------


## Anti Federalist

> WRETCH-A-SKETCH
> In the 1943 Popeye cartoon Happy Birthdaze, Popeye’s shipmate Shorty is about to shoot himself in the head out of loneliness. Grabbing the gun away at the last second, Popeye tries to cheer up his little buddy by suggesting that they spend shore leave together. It’s Popeye’s birthday, and Olive’s fixin’ up a sumptuous party for her sailor man. Popeye invites Shorty to share the bounty.

----------


## Danke

> 


Sailors are strange creatures, they should probably be locked up

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-131/

_The Week’s Schmooziest, Booziest, and Ooziest Headlines_
*SPEAK THE TRUTH, BLAME THE BEDEVILED*
Poor Sandy Sellers. The adjunct professor of mediation and negotiation  at Georgetown University Law Center found herself in a jam that even she  wasn’t able to negotiate her way out of.
 Momentarily forgetting that she’s a white person in 2021 America,  Sellers told the truth. Specifically, she told the truth about the poor  academic performance of her black students.
 She might as well have waved a Confederate flag while attending an antebellum-themed cotillion.
 “You know what? I hate to say this, I end up having this angst every  semester, that a lot of my lower ones are blacks,” Sellers said in a  Zoom chat with her Georgetown colleague Professor David Batson. “It  happens almost every semester, and it’s like, oh, come on. You know, we  get some really good ones, but there are also usually some of them that  are just plain at the bottom. It drives me crazy.”

              Sellers wasn’t saying she was _pleased_ that a lot of her  lowest-scoring students are black. In fact, she made it clear that the  situation distresses her. She was merely copping to the truth of it.
   Well, you can’t do that anymore. Where did she think she was, Nazi Germany?
 When news of the Zoom call got out, Sellers was immediately  terminated. In a series of press releases (because one is not nearly  enough to address this genocidal atrocity), the university condemned her  words as “reprehensible,” “hurtful,” “harmful,” and “racist.”
 Not “wrong,” though. For some odd reason the university didn’t say  the statements were wrong. Or inaccurate. Or any other synonym for  wrong.
  The “law school” also suspended Professor Batson indefinitely for the crime of _hearing_ the statements. Yes, it’s now a fireable offense to merely _hear_  someone speak the truth about black academic performance. The  university failed to say whether it thinks Batson should’ve stabbed his  eardrums after hearing Sellers’ remarks, or whether he should’ve socked  the webcam Popeye-style hoping the punch would travel through the ether and knock the racist vermin out cold.
The Georgetown Black Law Students Association  called on the university to retroactively change the grades of all of  Sellers’ previous black students, declaring that “These racist  statements reveal not only Sellers’ beliefs about Black students in her  classes, but also how her racist thoughts have translated to racist  actions. Professor Sellers’ bias has impacted the grades of Black  students in her classes historically, in her own words.”

              So Sellers’ stated disappointment that many of her black students  score low is what caused her black students to score low, even though  they had already scored low before she expressed her disappointment at  their low scores.
 Georgetown Law: proudly producing the next generation of scat-singing jury-bamboozling Johnnie Cochran BS artists.
 Tiffany Wright, a black Georgetown Law graduate who now teaches Whining and Shirking 101 at Howard, told the _WaPo_ that she’s used to people “doubting her abilities and seeing Black people held to different standards than their White peers.”
 Indeed. Sellers had expected her black students to grasp the material as the white ones did. An unfair standard, apparently.
  “It also has an effect over time on our mental health,” Wright said. “You start to absorb and believe those lies.”

              Yes, the black students’ test scores were “lies,” because there’s no  way the descendants of traffic light inventors could possibly score low  on a test. So therefore the low test scores were caused by the mental  health issues of black students who absorbed the lie that they did  poorly on a test and that lie is what retroactively caused them to  produce the low test scores that prompted the lie that traveled back in  time to before the test was taken, depressing their mental state and  making them score low.
 Even Johnnie Cochran never had the audacity to try a time travel  infinite loop defense. Right now the bastard’s looking up from Hell  saying, “I’ve never been prouder of my people.”

 Watch for an upcoming remake of _Stand and Deliver_ in which  the plucky inner-city teacher gives his low-scoring kids automatic A’s  and goes out for empanadas. The feel-good hit of 2021.
*STIMULUS CHECK YO’SELF BEFORE YOU STIMULUS WRECK YO’SELF*
Joe Biden’s $1,400 Covid relief stimulus checks are intended to get America moving again.
 And when it comes to motivating inveterate criminals to get back on the horse of inveterate criminality, mission accomplished!
 Jeanettrius Moore, an Indianapolis welfare mom and occasional beauty  supply store worker who surely could’ve gone to Georgetown Law School if  not for the racist thoughts of the professors, was really looking  forward to her check. With two different babies by two different  daddies, Jeanettrius needed all the help she could get.
 Unfortunately, one of the baby daddies had _his_ eyes on those  checks as well. Proud black man (and daddy to Jeanettrius’ youngest  child) Malik Halfacre was already plenty pissed that he got cheated out  of the other 39.5 acres and the mule. So if Uncle Sam was handing out  Covid reparations, Halfacre wanted in. Last week, the 25-year-old father  of the year busted into his baby mama’s home demanding half of her  stimulus check.
 As reported by local news station Fox59,
“He wanted some of Jeanettrius’ tax money, stimulus  money,” said Wendy Johnson, a cousin. “She had just got her money, and  he wanted half of her money. She said, ‘No, you don’t deserve any of  this. I work. I take care of our child. You don’t do anything.’ He said,  ‘I really want half.’ She said, ‘I’ll give you $450. Take it or leave  it.’ He said, ‘I’m gonna get that money.’”Jeanettrius should’ve heeded the words of Craig from _South Park_:  “Just give him half. Consider yourself lucky he’s only asking for  half.” Because Halfacre doesn’t believe in half measures when it comes  to lawbreaking. In 2017 he was convicted of shooting a man five times.  But he was given a light sentence because Ryan Mears, the county’s  “progressive” Soros-backed DA, has a “six bullet holes and you’re out  policy” (shoot a man five times, you get a pass. But six? Okay, buster, _now_ you’re lookin’ at three months!).
 Over the past year, Halfacre had assaulted Jeanettrius on multiple  occasions and slashed the tires of her car. He also shot the car eight  times (he got another pass, because the “six holes and you’re out”  policy only applies to humans). As of last week, there was a restraining  order against him mandating that he not have any direct contact with  Jeanettrius.
 Implicit in the order, though not expressly stated, was that he also  mustn’t burst into her apartment to shoot every sucker in the place. Yet  for some odd reason the restraining order failed to prevent that exact  outcome. After his demand for half of the Biden check was rejected,  Halfacre gunned down  Jeanettrius and everyone else in the room, shooting five and killing  four (ironically, only Jeanettrius survived, albeit with a bullet in her  back).

 Soros minion Mears is still counting the collective bullets to  determine if this time Halfacre will have to spend more than three  months behind bars.


Jeanettrius’ brother Lorenzo, who discovered the bodies, lamented the  fact that “they let a monster out of prison”…“they” apparently being  the progressive prosecutors who always automatically win big among black  voters.
 Behold the Biden/Harris magic! $1,400 checks + “progressive  prosecutors” + violent felons roving the streets = lots of misery and  death. And Biden hasn’t even started his push for slavery reparations  yet. By the time _those_ checks go out, Malik Halfacre will  likely be free with a dozen new kids and more baby mamas to plug in the  back when they don’t give him half.
 The greatest irony of the Biden Covid checks is that, at least among  the under-30 set, they may end up causing more casualties than the  disease itself.
*THE CHICKENS ARE COMING HOME TO RAUS!*
Don’t you just hate it when a law you advocate in the name of “stopping Nazis” stops _you_ instead?
 In George Romero’s _Day of the Dead_, the villainous Private  Steel calls a zombie a “puss-brained scumbag.” Good thing he uttered  that slander on U.S. soil, because had he done it in Germany, he’d be in  the dock.
 See, in Deutschland, zombies have rights. The dead can sue for  defamation. Or at least someone associated with the deceased can sue on  their behalf…and a good thing, too, as zombies are notoriously bad at  assembling their own legal briefs. Plus, they always end up trying to  eat the judge, which is an almost certain way to lose a court case  (except in Fiji, where courtroom cannibalism results in a default win  for the flesh-eater).
 German Criminal Code Section 189—“Defiling the Memory of Dead”—states  that “Whoever defiles the memory of a deceased person incurs a penalty  of imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years or a fine.” The law  was passed decades ago to fight the scourge of Holocaust revisionists  who question the official 6 million death toll. Essentially, the legal  theory is that if you say only 5,999,999 Jews were killed, you’re  “defaming” the one Jew you didn’t count.
 If claiming that someone thought dead isn’t actually dead constitutes  “criminal defamation,” one hopes the German courts never get around to  realizing what Easter’s all about.
 Of course, since the day that Hitler said, “I think I’ll declare war  on the U.S. What’s the worst that could happen?” Germans have been  fighting a losing battle against the law of unintended consequences. And  last week those unintended consequences were eatin’ away at _Sunday Times_ Berlin correspondent Oliver Moody. Moody, a self-described “Arabist” who used to have a fake ID under the name McLovin, moaned in a March 14 essay  that fear of violating §189 was inhibiting his ability to produce a  tell-all podcast about Hans Globke, “an official in the Reich interior  ministry who became one of the most powerful figures in postwar West  Germany and died in 1973.”
 Moody fears that the defamation of the dead statute might be used against him, as his podcast paints Globke as the worst of the worst Nazi _ever_ (to be fair, has there ever been a profile of _any_ Nazi that _didn’t_ paint him as the “worst of the worst”? Weren’t there _any_  mediocre Nazis?). On the podcast, Moody describes Globke, a lawyer and  civil servant in Nazi Germany, as the man who damn near did the  Holocaust single-handedly (again, these days there’s no such thing as a  Nazi who wasn’t “the true architect of the Final Solution”), escaping  justice after the war only to single-handedly forge the nation of West  Germany while simultaneously organizing a domestic anti-communist spy  ring and helping Israel develop atomic weapons in his spare time. It’s  even subtly insinuated that Globke might’ve killed JFK!
 Why Moody thinks any descendant of Globke’s would sue for posthumous  defamation is baffling; dude’s made out to sound like the most type A  overachiever of the 20th century. It’s only surprising that Moody  doesn’t place Globke on the moon with Armstrong and Aldrin. Perhaps the  podcast, which was released last week with no known legal objections  from Globke’s kin, contains other negative stuff that Moody kept out of  his _Times_ piece. After all, no “Arabist” is gonna let the guy who gave Israel the bomb off the hook that easy!
 And while Moody bemoans the defamation of the dead law as it applies  to himself, he seems perfectly okay with it as it applies to anyone who  diminishes the number of Holocaust victims.
 After all, the larger in scope the Holocaust, the more opportunity  for media hacks to continually crank out newly christened “architects”  and “masterminds” behind it.
*SPORTS(TRANS)MAN OF THE YEAR*
If an American voter frozen in ice in 1986 were defrosted today to find  out that Joe Biden is president, he’d likely say, “Good enough; he’s a  pragmatic moderate.”
 And upon seeing the creature that Biden’s become, he’d likely say, “Put me back in the friggin’ ice.”
 Whether or not it’s a good idea for Biden to launch his presidency by  ramrodding his two poorest-polling policies—open borders and tranny  athletes—is anyone’s guess. Including his, because it’s unlikely that  this stale breadstick with a deteriorated hippocampus has any idea what  he’s actually doing. But the people telling him what to do, well, _they_  have a hard-on for “women” with hard-ons. As the Biden Administration  has made it a top priority to ensure that female athletes are forced to  compete against gargantuan dudes in dresses whose footprints while  running track would make Bigfoot feel dainty, various states have been  taking matters into their own hands to stem the destruction of the very  concept of “women’s sports.”
 Last week Mississippi governor Tate Reeves signed a bill  to prevent men in lipstick from competing against women in school  sports. Gov. Kristi Noem of South Dakota is about to sign a comparable  bill, and legislatures in twenty other states are advancing similar  laws.
 These are dark days for _starkers_ who like wiping the floor  with female athletes. These are also dark days for SCOTUS Chief  Jellyfish John Roberts, who may no longer have a divided enough court to  serve as the pro-tranny swing vote when this matter comes before the  bench, as it undoubtedly will soon enough.
 Worse still for Biden, his masters, and the left in general is that  “trannies in women’s sports” polls even lower than those animal-crushing  videos John Roberts gave all Americans the right to view. A recent Politico/Morning Consult poll  shows that men support a transathlete ban 59% to 29%, women 46% to 34%,  and independents 49% to 33%. Startlingly, millennials and boomers are  (for the first time ever) united, 50% to 32% (boomers) and 56% to 28%  (millennials) in favor of the transathlete ban.
 How the hell did that happen? Perhaps it’s because boomers don’t know  enough trannies and millennials know too many to be fooled by the  notion that trannyism is anything but a pathology aimed at the young and  confused. Or maybe it’s because millennials are of the last generation  born into a world with only two genders (Gen Zs are evenly split on the  matter).
 Faced with such large-scale opposition, the translobby recently  trotted out what we can assume is its best response to the naysayers, a  response likely drafted by the finest trans-minds sitting around a  conference table, their willies lopped off, their breasts bound with  Saran Wrap, their Buffalo Bill from _Silence of the Lambs_ suits fresh from the dry cleaners. Here, now, is the killer response from these Alberta Einsteins:
 Putting men in women’s sports doesn’t mean they’ll _always_ win. Occasionally, girls might still prevail.
 That’s the big comeback. Men aren’t entering women’s sports to win _all_ the time. Just most of it.
 Noblesse oblige from the female impersonators!
 “Cisgender girls _can_ win,” argues Stanford “mental health” “expert” Jack Turban.  They just won’t win as much. But take heart, Turban Decay reassuringly  explains. Since “the vast majority of female athletes are cisgender,”  they will continue to comprise “the vast majority of winners.”
 That’s great news for everyone except the “minority” of young women who’ll have to compete against Lulu Ferrigno.
 Upworthy’s Parker Molloy  counsels female athletes to find solace in the fact that men who are  “fairly mediocre” athletes when playing against men will remain “fairly  mediocre” when playing against women. Well, that settles it, then! Women  need only be concerned about the _good_ male transathletes!
 So don’t get so hysterical, ladies. You’ll still be able to beat the  men in drag who are nerds and spazzes and dweebs! Just worry about the  ones with actual athletic skill. _Those_ guys, everyone pretty much agrees, will make you roadkill.
 Biden should use this angle in a PR campaign to sell sportswomen on  the transathlete agenda: “Don’t worry, sweeties—you’ll still beat Woody  Allen.”
 Maybe the president could even get Woody to make in-person  appearances promoting that message in the locker rooms of female high  school teams across the country.
 It’s a fairly sure bet that Woody wouldn’t say no to _that_. If only all of Biden’s plans met with such little resistance.
*DRAWING BLOODS*
The year was 1970, a turbulent time for the United States. Antiwar  protests, Kent State, the Chicano Moratorium riot in L.A., the black  Augusta riot in Georgia. Only one man could bring this nation together  in the spirit of brotherhood—Hank Ketcham, the _Dennis the Menace_  cartoonist. Ketcham realized that his overall-wearing  neighbor-tormenting scamp had the power to usher in a new age of racial  harmony. So he decided to add the strip’s first-ever black  character—Jackson!
 The interracial friendship between Dennis and Jackson would serve as an example to all mankind.
 There was only one problem: Ketcham couldn’t draw a black kid to save  his life, so he just copied a turn-of-the-century Sambo caricature,  creating an image so offensive, even George Wallace was like, “Aw, _hell_ no.”
 In the end, Ketcham did bring the nation together…in unified opposition to Jackson. The strip literally caused a riot, and Jackson was swiftly retired from service.
 In the years since, blacks have become ever more touchy about how  they’re drawn. In 2017, an Illinois libertarian policy institute was  denounced by black and Democrat politicians and advocacy groups for  publishing a political cartoon in which a black character had fuller  lips than the white ones (truth is never a defense in the cartoon race  wars). The previous year the Red Cross was forced to issue a public  apology after its poster  promoting swimming safety made unwanted headlines. In the poster, a  cartoon whale says, “Be cool, follow the rules,” as various cartoon  children cavorting around a public pool are labeled either “cool” or  “not cool” based on their behavior.
 A drowning black child is labeled “not cool,” which might seem  baffling at first until you realize that in fact the official Red Cross  lifeguard rulebook specifically states that if a child who can’t swim  wanders into the deep end and begins to drown, the appropriate response  is to point at the child and announce with a stern inflection, “Not  cool, kid. _Not. Cool._” The child will die with full awareness that his ineptitude lowered his standing in the eyes of his peers.
 The drowning-black-boy poster garnered international outrage, and a bunch of satirical memes.
 At this point, you’d think that well-meaning nonblack cartoonists  would get the message: Just don’t draw black people; you can’t win.
 But no. Last month—for Valentine’s Day—the United Nations Women Twitter account posted a celebratory cartoon  depicting women in love. White and Asian women were shown happily  embracing their significant other…while a black woman was shown off to  the side, alone, no mate, hugging herself.
 Leave it to the most incompetent, oblivious, and useless organization  on earth to not foresee that this would be a problem, that the most  prickly, hypersensitive, and easily offended group in America—black  women—would find this ode to Whitney Houston’s “greatest love” a  genocidal offense.
 “Black women have self love, are loved and are worthy of love. Do better and delete this,” tweeted  one-woman Somali terror cell Ilhan Omar. And soon enough, the ’net was  on fire with sassy and furious black mamas looking to kick  Secretary-General Guterres in his principal organ. Of course, the U.N.  withdrew the cartoon and apologized.
_Now_ do you think cartoonists learned their lesson? Nope.  Last week Chase Bank unveiled a cartoon window display in Burlington,  Vt. The wall-size mural depicted white folks shopping, enjoying public  parks, and walking with loved ones and children. And then off to the  side is a black dude in a wheelchair, drawn as if begging for money from  a white man.
 The underlying message is “Please entrust your banking needs to  people too stupid to foresee that this drawing would cause a ruckus.”

 And a ruckus it caused. Chase’s vice president of corporate  communications for the Northeast apologized and promised that the  display would be removed from all branches.

 With so many artists, corporations, and NGOs forgetting the first rule of drawing black people (_don’t draw black people_),  it’s probably only a matter of time before some oblivious doodler  realizes that the estate of Hank Ketcham isn’t enforcing the copyright  on Franklin and thinks, “This will be a great new mascot for a fried  chicken chain!”

----------


## Anti Federalist

The year was 1970, a turbulent time for the United States. Antiwar protests, Kent State, the Chicano Moratorium riot in L.A., the black Augusta riot in Georgia. 

Only one man could bring this nation together in the spirit of brotherhood—Hank Ketcham, the Dennis the Menace cartoonist. Ketcham realized that his overall-wearing neighbor-tormenting scamp had the power to usher in a new age of racial harmony. 

So he decided to add the strip’s first-ever black character—Jackson!

The interracial friendship between Dennis and Jackson would serve as an example to all mankind.

There was only one problem: Ketcham couldn’t draw a black kid to save his life, so he just copied a turn-of-the-century Sambo caricature, creating an image so offensive, even George Wallace was like, “Aw, hell no.”





I vaguely remember this kerfluffle, and I'm thinking the second sketch is internet tomfuckery.

----------


## jmdrake

> The year was 1970, a turbulent time for the United States. Antiwar protests, Kent State, the Chicano Moratorium riot in L.A., the black Augusta riot in Georgia. 
> 
> Only one man could bring this nation together in the spirit of brotherhood—Hank Ketcham, the Dennis the Menace cartoonist. Ketcham realized that his overall-wearing neighbor-tormenting scamp had the power to usher in a new age of racial harmony. 
> 
> So he decided to add the strip’s first-ever black character—Jackson!
> 
> The interracial friendship between Dennis and Jackson would serve as an example to all mankind.
> 
> There was only one problem: Ketcham couldn’t draw a black kid to save his life, so he just copied a turn-of-the-century Sambo caricature, creating an image so offensive, even George Wallace was like, “Aw, hell no.”
> ...


Never heard of this until now.  But...believe it or not....both images are genuine.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/dennis-the-menace/

Lots from this story that I find surpising.  First that Ketchem somehow thought the Sambo charecter would be well received by black people.  (He seems to have been genuinely intersted in racial harmony).  Second, that the replacement Jackson was not well received either but was regarded as a "Stepin Fetchit" character.  (I don't see that).  Third, that there was that much of a backlash back in the 1960s even in places like Little Rock Arkansas.  I have a hard time buying the "I don't know how to draw black people so I'll copy the Sambo charicature" story.  But he did seem geniuine so...maybe.  The second version of Jackson looks a lot like Dennis, only shaded darker, with different hair and a _slightly_ different nose.

----------


## Anti Federalist

> Never heard of this until now.  But...believe it or not....both images are genuine.
> 
> https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/dennis-the-menace/
> 
> Lots from this story that I find surpising.  First that Ketchem somehow thought the Sambo charecter would be well received by black people.  (He seems to have been genuinely intersted in racial harmony).  Second, that the replacement Jackson was not well received either but was regarded as a "Stepin Fetchit" character.  (I don't see that).  Third, that there was that much of a backlash back in the 1960s even in places like Little Rock Arkansas.  I have a hard time buying the "I don't know how to draw black people so I'll copy the Sambo charicature" story.  But he did seem geniuine so...maybe.  The second version of Jackson looks a lot like Dennis, only shaded darker, with different hair and a _slightly_ different nose.


Well, I'll be dipped...

I recall Charles Schultz took heat for introducing "Franklin" as well.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-132/

_The Week’s Floppiest, Stroppiest, and Corn-Poppiest Headlines_
*SWASTIKY WICKET*
It is said that as Hans Frank ascended the gallows at Nuremberg, Joseph  Kingsbury-Smith, the lone American press representative at the  executions, posed a question: “How does it feel, having ruled all of  occupied Poland with an iron fist, sending scores of Jews to their  graves, to now be condemned to hang after a trial in which Jewish  officials held so much power over you?”

 Frank paused for a moment before responding, “Well, you win some, you Jew some.”
 Everyone on the scaffold had such a good laugh, they almost forgot to kill him.
 That story may be apocryphal (if by “may be” one means “absolutely  is”), but it still contains a kernel of truth: Ever since April 1945,  Nazi victories have been few and far between, so Nazis gotta take ’em  where they get ’em.

              That goes for Nazi accoutrements, too.
   Last week was a surprisingly good one for New York swastikas. It  didn’t start off well; a Harlem native was recorded by security cameras  writing a swastika in the snow outside a famed Upper East Side  synagogue. Bafflingly, Manuel Barrera,  who bears a disconcerting resemblance to Gabby Hayes (“yee-haw, gonna  rustle me up some grubenführer”), didn’t write in the snow in the  “yellow ink” manner, which surely would’ve been more disrespectful than  the finger he actually employed. For the three-second act of scrawling  the ’stika, Barrera was arrested and charged with aggravated harassment,  because in the utopia that is New York City there are no worse crimes  on which to focus.
 Sadly, the snowstika melted before Sarah Silverman could arrive on-scene to be outraged by it.
 That said, the week ended much better for the despised symbol. The  New York State legislature was all set to pass a bill mandating that  “New York school children be educated regarding the meaning of swastikas  and nooses as symbols of hatred and intolerance.”
  From the bill:
As many of our youth are not aware of the hateful  connotations behind swastikas and nooses, it is necessary for the  legislature to mandate compulsory education in all schools across our  great state in regard to the meanings of these two symbols of hate.
The measure was sailing through committees unopposed…until New York’s  Hindu residents decided to bud-bud-butt in. Hindu leaders (including  the Consul General of India in New York) pelted the legislature with  demands that their sacred symbol not be portrayed to children as an icon  of hate. In a contentious Zoom call, the peeved Punjabis explained that  they were dhar_mad as hell_ and if the bill was not rescinded,  they’d get their ten-armed elephant/cow/lemur deity to curse the state  so that it freezes over in the winter and swelters in the summer as its  elderly die in rest homes, its tax base flees, and its largest city  falls to anarchy and chaos.
 “Too late, Jub-Jub,” replied New York State Democratic chair Jay Jacobs,  who was then reminded by an aide of how much money the state’s  prosperous Indian-American community pumps into the party. In an abrupt  about-face, Jacobs yelled “pull” as the bill was launched into the air  and blasted with a shotgun.
 “I am familiar with Swastik as a positive symbol of peace, prosperity  and good tidings among people of many cultures and nationalities. We in  this country have a culture of respecting each other. This bill would  have been an affront to that basic premise of American democracy,”  Jacobs announced to the press as his party killed the measure in  committee. The bill “will not move forward, it will not be advanced in  the Senate or the Assembly,” he proclaimed as the victorious Vedics lit  up the night sky with burning brides.
 Funny how that works. In recent months, whites have been penalized  and “canceled” for innocently flashing the “OK” sign because the  harmless symbol had been co-opted by trolls as a “white-power dog  whistle.” “Intent doesn’t matter!” groups like the ADL declared. A white  person might be using the symbol in the traditional, benevolent way,  but because it might be _confused_ with the evil, 4chan iteration, those whites must be punished.
 But all of a sudden, when confronted by brown people with money, the  left learned the value of respecting different interpretations of  contentious symbols.

              Crazy how nuance and context apply in some cases but not others.
 Brown privilege, indeed.
*“ME SO SOLLY”*
Remember that time in 2015 when a lone hate-filled maniac shot up a  black church, and because the shooter once posed for a photo holding a  Confederate flag, all reruns of _The Dukes of Hazzard_ were banned because the car on the show had a Confederate flag on the roof?
 Did you ever think you’d look back on those days as a time of sanity?  Well, compared with where things are now, 2015 was a veritable Age of  Enlightenment.
 Whereas the Charleston shooting was without question a crime  motivated by blatant racial hatred, the recent Asian massage-parlor  shootings were apparently motivated by the bizarre, idiosyncratic fever  dreams so common to mass shooters (from the “I hate Mondays” girl  straight through to the “I’m the Joker” guy in Aurora). But the fact  that the Atlanta spa shooter was not motivated by racism isn’t going to  get in the way of a new round of idiotic cancellations. And with the  shooting still fairly fresh in the news cycle, last week’s tally of  “things we can’t do anymore because an incel went bonkers” is likely  just the beginning.
 Hey—did someone say “incel”? Legendary Games is a major player in the exciting world of RPGs (no, not “rocket-propelled grenades.” _That_  would be cool. This is RPG as in “role-playing games,” as in “fat nerds  pretending to be cacodemons). In response to the Atlanta spa shootings,  Legendary issued an apology for “racist” and “inherently culturally  insensitive Asian-inspired magical spells” that had been included in one  of its Dungeons & Dragons game supplements.
 In the apology statement, Legendary made it clear that the spells  should not have been offered to a gaming community with a “predominantly  white player base.” Because the last thing society needs is a bunch of  dateless fat-assed socially maladroit losers casting imaginary spells  that don’t conform to their race in an imaginary game where they’re  playing monsters that don’t conform to their species.
 Not to be outdone, Topps trading-card company apologized  for a satirical card in its “Shammy Award” Garbage Pail Kids series.  The “Shammies” mocked Grammy-nominated artists by portraying them as  Garbage Pail Kid-style unflattering caricatures. And one of the  lampooned musical acts was BTS. No, not BDS the anti-Israel  boycott-divest-sanction movement, but B_T_S, the Korean boy-band  comprising fragile androgynous epicenes perfect for the female American  pop fan who wants a boy band that screams “for girls _almost_ ready to go lesbian but not quite yet.”
 Topps apologized for the possibility that its BTS trading card might  have contributed to the “plague” of anti-Asian violence “sweeping” the  nation, although one could argue that a larger contributor is BTS’  crappy music. Topps withdrew the card from circulation out of fear that,  in the wrong hands, the BTS card combined with the banned D&D  “magic spells” could lead to a Hiroshima-level anti-Asian extinction  event.
 Funny enough, even Asian-owned firms got in on the apology bandwagon last week.
 Apparently, there’s an Asian-owned media company called 88rising  (a name tailor-made for people looking for hidden racist messages).  Founder/owner Sean Miyashiro describes his outfit as a “hybrid  management, record label, video production, and marketing company.”  Before becoming 88rising, the outfit was known as CXSHXNLY, arguably the  only name on earth that makes 88rising seem like a good choice in  comparison.

 Last week Miyashiro got it in his inscrutable little head that if BLM  could commemorate George Floyd’s death last year with a “blackout” day,  in which blacks and “allies” on Instagram posted black squares in  “solidarity” with the dead fentanyl freak, Asians and allies should do a  “yellowout” day of posting yellow squares on Instagram in solidarity  with the dead spa workers.
 Sadly, all Miyashiro ended up doing was disproving that whole “high  Japanese IQ” thing. Everyone hated the idea. Asians hated being called  “yellow,” BLM hated seeing their “black square” idea “appropriated,” and  “allies” attacked Miyashiro for choosing a publicity stunt over  “concrete action.”
 88rising issued an apology, pledging that its yellow-square-posting days were through.
 It’s surprising that Miyashiro didn’t try to cast one of those banned  “Asian spells” to erase all the hostility directed at his company,  especially as he’s got the acceptable DNA for it.
 Rather selfish of him to sit on all that Asian magic while white D&D incel wizards are forced to go without.
*STEVE ROGERED*
Captain America’s gone gay! Look out Red Skull—you’re gonna be Red & _Raw_  Skull once the new Captain America penetrates and injects you with his  supersoldier serum. Forget HYDRA—this new Cap needs only _one_ head to subdue his foes.
 Yep—Captain America’s coming out for Pride Month, with his original triangle-shaped shield now painted pink.


Except not exactly. Technically, the new gay teen character is _a_ Captain America, not _the_  Captain America. In a limited-edition comic-book series debuting during  Pride Month (that’s the month when LGBTXYZs really really really  express pride in their identity, as opposed to the other months of the  year in which they only really really express pride in their identity),  Steve Rogers, the “incumbent” Captain, has lost his shield, so he’s  forced to travel the country in search of it.
 Great premise; a hero quest modeled after a septuagenarian looking for the TV remote.
 In the course of his journey, he comes across other Captain Americas,  including a gay teen named Aaron Fischer, a local Captain America who  “protects” young runaways in a manner that is probably best left to the  imagination.
 Marvel is playing up the loafer-lightened Cap to great effect, as if  it’s the first comics company to pander to gays. Which it isn’t. To this  day, nothing matches the magnificent poofery of 2010’s Foreskin Man. California-based artist Matthew Hess created that character because, according to a 2011 Vice profile, “gay men love a good foreskin.”
 Foreskin Man traveled the globe fighting doctors, rabbis, African  tribal leaders, and Muslim clerics in a never-ending quest to prevent  circumcision so that _all_ gays worldwide would have the opportunity to “love a good foreskin.”
 “Gays have more experience with different kinds of penises than  heterosexual men,” Hess told Vice. “They’ve seen intact penises in an  intimate way so they are one step ahead of the next guy.”
 Or “behind.” Get it?
 Foreskin Man was discontinued after the ADL sounded the alarm over  the foreskinverse’s supervillain character “Monster Mohel,” who steals  children’s foreskins in a quest to deprive gay Jews of penis pride.
 Now, _that_ was a gay comic!
 Yet as the mainstream media celebrates Marvel’s “stunning and brave”  commitment to readers who are LGBTQ (as opposed to LGBTO, which stands  for lesbian, gay, and Bachman Turner Overdrive), veteran DC comics  artist Shane Davis, known for his work on the Batman and Superman books,  has a slightly more cynical take on the matter. On his _Talking and Drawing_ podcast  last week, Davis explained that the “new gay Captain America” is simply  Marvel’s way to weasel out of paying for the creation of a new original  character. As Davis outlines it, Marvel’s “work for hire” doodlers get  jack spit for riffing on a preexisting character; they’d be entitled to  far more compensation for creating a character from scratch. As long as  Marvel keeps churning out new iterations of old characters, it can get  away with paying its artists diddly.
 Industry insider Davis points out that this is why these corporate  brands keep doing these black or gay or lesbian or Hispanic or feminist  or tranny variations of old characters; they don’t have to pay the  artists more than cab fare, and they can use the cheaply produced  incarnations to pander to an identity group for a few months, while at  the same time ensuring additional publicity from fawning woke reporters  and outraged conservative commentators.
 This dynamic usually occurs close to the release date of a new Marvel  movie or TV show featuring the riffed character. And wouldn’t you know  it? _The Falcon and the Winter Soldier_ debuted last week on Disney+.
 Wotta coincidence!
 Davis sees the entire sordid affair as nothing more than a cynical  and manipulative ploy by Marvel to extract money from its salivating fan  base.
 It looks like even though it’s the new Captain America who’s gay, the fans are the ones taking it up the rear.
*BREAKIN’ 3: ELECTRIC ANARCHY*
What a year for Florida! Remember the days when if somebody mentioned  that state, the first thing that came to mind was a naked transient high  on bath salts eating the face off an astronaut in a diaper as an  alligator wrestled a tiger for dibs on Caylee Anthony’s drugged carcass?
 Not every 2021 political seismic shift is bad. Look at the Sunshine  State today, growing so red, Democrats have practically written it off.  While other states soiled their britches over Covid, Florida remained  levelheaded in its balance of public safety versus individual rights and  personal freedoms. Governor DeSantis is on the short list of 2024 GOP  presidential contenders (second only to Trump), and as winter ends,  Florida seems poised for an immediate post-Covid economic comeback.
 Good news all around for America’s wang! The only thing missing from  Florida’s recipe for success is a throng of intoxicated young black  people, because nothing makes a good thing better than a throng of  intoxicated young black people.
 Back in the old days, “Black Spring Break” was an event held annually  in Virginia Beach. Eventually, it was moved to the Mississippi Gulf  Coast (a logical choice as East St. Louis doesn’t have a beach). This  year, however, the organizers of “Black Beach Weekend” (the official  governing body of Black Spring Break) announced that, due to Covid, Mississippi festivities would be postponed until the end of August.
 And America’s young black partyers, known for their abstemious  levelheadedness and agreeable temperament, responded by saying, “Indeed,  we shall postpone our revelry until such time as the properly ordained  public health officials do henceforth deem it uninjurious.”
 CORRECTION: They actually said the exact opposite: “If Flurda be  open, Flurda where we’ll go…and the streets shall run RED with the shed  blood, broken press-on nails, and rended weaves of brawlers.”
 And just like that the good people of Miami regretted not being under lockdown.
 Responding to “exceptionally large and violent crowds” that city  leaders admit “involve predominantly young African Americans,” last week  Miami officials imposed an 8 p.m. curfew, as police were forced to use  “chemical irritants and high-pitched noises to disperse crowds along  Miami Beach’s famous entertainment zone on South Beach.”
 The specifics of those dispersion techniques were not revealed, but  rumor has it that the “chemical irritant” was the condensed and bottled  scent of a library, and the “high-pitched noises” were the screams of a  baby in need of child support.
 Both guaranteed to disperse a certain type of crowd.
 The videos  from Black Spring Break (Miami edition) are, to be kind, not  flattering. Brawls in restaurants, brawls in the street, diners skipping  out on checks, cars stopped cold by noble, proud black twerkers, as  other twerkers kung-fu-fight in the middle of traffic underneath the  stoplights their ancestors invented.
 Naturally, black leaders nationwide condemned the lawlessness and  called on black spring breakers to display the dignity and decorum  befitting the 1619ers who built this country.
 CORRECTION: They actually said the exact opposite.  Black political leaders and advocacy groups condemned the Miami police  for intervening in the anarchy. Indeed, they claimed that attempts to  stop the public violence were “racist.”
 Remember last year when we were told that BLM violence was good and permissible because it was in the service of a noble cause?
 Yeah, that was pretty much a crock. Turns out that such violence is  equally good and permissible in the service of drunkenly tearing up a  town during spring break.
 For its part, Florida—its road to image rehabilitation temporarily impeded—sent an official message to Mississippi:
 “How much do we have to pay you to never cancel Black Spring Break again?”
*¡AY YI YIKES!*
Welcome to Mexico, where the primary cause of death _is_ the primary.
 See, in the U.S., when this or that political or ideological advocacy  bloc gets pissed off at a politician, they’ll say, “We’re gonna primary  you!” Meaning, “We’ll run an opposing candidate to electorally remove  you from office under the right and proper guidelines and conditions of  our functioning constitutional republic.”
 That’s a few too many words for the average disgruntled Mexican,  who’s more likely to respond to a similar situation by simply telling  the targeted politician, “I KEEL YOU!”
 It’s always been understood by Mexican politicians that they either  sell out to the drug cartels or they die. It’s the “gotta kiss some  babies” principle, with a south-of-the-border twist (“gotta kiss some _narcotraficantes_”).  It’s something the Mexican people have learned to live with. Hernando  gets elected mayor of AyChihuahuateca. Hernando either plays ball with  the cartels and lives (_muy bueno_!) or he opposes the cartels and dies (_muy not bueno_).
 But now, the cartels have started killing off politicos before they  even win their election. After all, if the nation’s storied  fruit-pickers are expendable and disposable, why not the politicians?.
 “Politicians Keep Getting Killed in Mexico,” read last week’s AP headline.  And the attached article told a messy story of Messicans being murdered  after merely filing to run for office. “Analysts said Monday 18  pre-candidates have been killed so far in the run-up to the June  mid-term elections. They were killed before they opened formal  campaigns.”
 According to the report, potential mayors, governors, and local councillors have been blown up (_kablooey bueno_), riddled with bullets (_pew-pew-pewey bueno_), and stabbed to death (_arterial spewy bueno_).  The killings are being carried out by a diverse coalition of “drug  cartels, political rivals and corrupt police” who view murder as a  cheaper alternative to graft.
 Because one of the recently iced candidates was female, Mexico’s  National Women’s Institute told the AP that “violence against women  cannot be allowed or tolerated in a democratic system.” In theory, one  would think that murdering _male_ candidates should _also_ not be “allowed or tolerated in a democratic system.”
 Political assassinations are not uncommon in Mexico, perhaps the most  well-known example being the point-blank execution of presidential  candidate Luis Colosio while greeting supporters at an outdoor rally in  1994. Though blamed on a lone gunman by the corrupt political machine  that ran Mexico at the time, independent researchers have long pointed  to the likelihood of a conspiracy in the murder, which was supposedly  orchestrated by then-President Salinas, who viewed Colosio as a threat  to the party’s agenda.
 Recent investigations have revealed that Salinas had indeed  dispatched two backup gunmen to a nearby grassy knoll, but they forgot  their mission objective when their Mexican instinct kicked in and they  began to mow it.

 With fewer and fewer Mexican politicians willing to run for office  due to the current spate of assassinations, many worry that a Mexico  devoid of political leaders could deteriorate into a lawless, anarchic  hellhole of drugs, gangs, murder, kidnapping, pollution, and despair.
 Uh, wait…

----------


## Anti Federalist

> In a contentious Zoom call, the peeved Punjabis explained that they were dharmad as hell and if the bill was not rescinded, they’d get their ten-armed elephant/cow/lemur deity to curse the state so that it freezes over in the winter and swelters in the summer as its elderly die in rest homes, its tax base flees, and its largest city falls to anarchy and chaos.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-133/

_The Week’s Most Souring, Glowering, and April-Showering Headlines_
*TODAY’S SESAME STREET IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NUMBER 1488*
Back in the 1970s, _Sesame Street_ introduced Mr. Snuffleupagus,  an absurd elephantine/anteater-esque beast that only Big Bird could see.  Oh, the mockery that Big Bird used to endure when he would swear that  Snuffleupagus exists, and the other characters would berate him:  “There’s no such thing, you silly bird!”
 Well, last week _Sesame Street_ introduced a new character  that only Elmo can see: Elijah, a well-spoken, responsible black father  who stays actively involved in his son’s life and rationally discusses  matters of race with nonblacks without resorting to ad hominem  diatribes.
 Big Bird had a better chance of being believed.
 Welcome Elijah and Wes, the new black Muppets. As described by NBC News:

Sesame Street has two new Muppets, a Black father and  son, in an effort to help children understand racial literacy. In the  promo, Elmo asks why Wes’s skin is brown. His dad Elijah explains how  “the color of our skin is an important part of who we are.”“They see color: Two new Black ‘Sesame Street’ characters explain racial difference to children,” exclaimed CNN  in a celebratory headline lauding the push in children’s entertainment  to force kids to “see color” (because evaluating people based on  anything other than race is racist).
   According to the official _Sesame Street_ “racial justice” webpage  (yes, that’s a real thing), “All kids need a strong individual and  group identity, but racism hurts the healthy development of both.”  Wait…“all kids” need a strong “group identity”? Doesn’t “all” include _white_? Damn…_Sesame Street_’s gone white nationalist! It’s a literal call to _aktion_  to join the Church of the Creator! (Jokes aside, how long before that  sentence gets rejiggered?) The website repeats the line from the promo:  “The color of our skin is an important part of who we are.”
 Okay, how the hell did Andrew Anglin troll his way into the _Sesame Street_ writers’ room?
 In the promotional video,  Elijah informs Elmo, “Things on the outside, like our skin color, our  hair texture, our noses, our mouths and eyes, make us who we are. Many  people call this race!”
  Did you ever think that the most Hitlery thing said on television since _The World at War_ broadcast speeches by literal Hitler would be said on publicly funded _Sesame Street_? “Our race makes us who we are”…the line between woke and based blurs daily.

              At one point, Elmo picks up a dead leaf from the ground and says,  “This leaf is brown like Wes’ skin.” He then compares the father/son  duo’s brown skin to his own red fur.
 Yep, that’s exactly what black people love hearing: “Your skin, which  looks like this dried-up dead leaf, also resembles animal fur.” Again,  jokes aside, how long before this promo gets banned as genocidal racism?
 Perhaps the most alarming aspect of the introductory “Elijah and Wes”  video is the fact that Elmo and the other Muppets appear to have no  idea what black people are. They ask the father and son, “What are you?  Why are you brown?” as if this is the first time they’ve ever seen a  person of color. Over the decades, there have been _dozens_ of black characters on the show (there’ve been black Muppets  as well). Gordon Robinson, owner of the iconic 123 Sesame Street  brownstone, was the first character introduced during the show’s  premiere in 1969. The character was only retired four years ago. That  means that for almost fifty years, the Muppets were literally staring at  the guy going, “What the hell’s your deal, you leaf-skinned freak?”
 It took Elmo, in 2021, to finally ask, “Okay, what are these brown-colored creatures anyway?”
 By the way, it should be noted that the only reason Elmo is voiced by  a white person is because the 60-year-old black puppeteer who performed  as Elmo from 1984 through 2012 resigned following allegations of having  inserted his skilled hands into “puppets” that were actually  flesh-and-blood underage boys. According to court documents, puppeteer Kevin Clash favored his teenage lovers with acts of “groping, masturbation, intense kissing, and dry-humping.”

              Now that Elmo’s finally figured out what a black person is, perhaps  he can help educate the other characters about the meaning of  “pedophile.”
*NO WHITEMAN, NO CRY*
“Hemal Jhaveri” sounds like a terribly serious blood disorder. “I’m  sorry, Mr. Perkins, but you have hemal-jhaveri. We can keep you  comfortable for a few weeks, but best to get your affairs in order.” In  fact, however, Hemal Jhaveri is something far worse than a disease.  She’s a scare-quotes “journalist” whose entire career has been based  upon either celebrating or condemning people because of the color of  their skin. And when she couldn’t find work at _Sesame Street_, she was hired by _USA Today_ as the paper’s “race and inclusion editor.”
 In case there’s any confusion regarding what exactly a “race and  inclusion editor” is, it’s a job typically given to women named  LaQueeshifer, Guadalupe, Ming-wan, or Hemal by news admins trying to  connect with woke millennials, and the job description normally reads  something like “Make every story about how white people suck.”
 And that’s exactly what Hemoglobin Javelin did after the mass  shooting in Boulder a week ago. Without knowing anything about the  murderer’s identity, she tweeted, “It’s always an angry white man.  Always.”
 Sadly for Hemostat, the killer turned out to be an immigrant Syrian  terrorist named Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa (which is the Arabic version of  John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt). Across Twitter, people criticized and  ridiculed Hormel Jiveturkey for her blatant and factually incorrect  racial scapegoating. And in a surprising development, _USA Today_ actually listened.  The paper unceremoniously canned its “race and inclusion editor,” much  to the surprise of those in the media who hold similar posts.
 CNN’s Issac Bailey, a black man who serves as the network’s “race  relations creator and facilitator” (one suspects that somewhere there’s a  computer that randomly generates these titles), came to Jhericurl’s  defense, penning an op-ed for a network that, forty years ago, covered actual news, hard as that is to believe now:
Journalist Hemal Jhaveri recently sent an ill-advised,  ill-considered tweet during a particularly emotional moment. Jhaveri’s  tweet was tin-eared. It overly generalized a complex and horrific  phenomenon—mass shootings—and unfairly targeted a group in a heated  moment. There’s no excuse for it. Most of us who frequent Twitter have  found ourselves caught up in an emotional knee jerk reaction, only to  realize later we’ve taken things a bit too far. I know I have.Look, “taking things a bit too far” is what “race inclusion diversity relations equity facilitators” are _supposed_ to do. In fact, “understanding and expressing nuance” is the one thing that automatically _disqualifies_  someone from holding such positions. And indeed, Bailey makes it clear  that even though Hematosis was wrong, she wasn’t fired because she was  wrong. She was fired because the higher-ups at _USA Today_ are microaggressive racists who “canceled” a “journalist” because her errors made them “uncomfortable”:

We are expected to ignore or accept everyday  microaggressions and watch White colleagues express themselves in ways  we don’t always feel free to. Then, when we speak up, we are called to  account for making them uncomfortable.For her part, Hemorrhage Jedi wrote a bitter piece for Medium  in which she explained that even though her tweet was “a dashed off  over-generalization” and “a careless error of judgement, sent at a  heated time, that doesn’t represent my commitment to racial equality,”  she only wrote it because when video surfaced of the Boulder shooter  being taken into custody, she studied his facial features and concluded  that he was white.

 And indeed, what else should a “race realism equitacious  inclusivitous facilitationist editor” do if not scan the skin tone,  hair, nose, and eyes of suspected killers for proper racial  classification?
 That _USA Today_ would hire someone like this, for a BS job like that, and _not_  expect her to do a Julius Streicher phrenological examination of  newsworthy citizens, is ridiculous. She was merely doing the job she was  hired to do: make everything about race.
 “Race makes us who we are.” That’s the mantra, from Madison Avenue to  K Street to Sesame Street. Regardless of how one feels about “cancel  culture,” to fire someone for being racially incendiary when they were  hired to be racially incendiary is as insane as the decision to hire  them in the first place.
*THIRD-WAVE FECULISM*
Remember Elizabeth Holmes? She was the plucky 19-year-old _woman of the year_  who built, from the ground up, a sooper-spectacular lifesaving “hi-tech  health company” called Theranos. Holmes—being a superwoman and all—had  developed a technology that revolutionized blood-drawing and  blood-testing. By 2010 she’d raised nearly a billion bucks for her  grrrrrrl-powered company, and by 2013 Theranos, with a $10 billion  valuation, appeared unstoppable.


Yet stopped it was, primarily (and also solely) due to the fact that  Holmes was a con artist who rode her gender, good looks, and fake-deep  voice (think tranny Lauren Bacall) to fame while touting a company that  couldn’t even remotely deliver on what it promised investors.
 “Marie Curie,” meet grand jury. At present, Holmes is awaiting trial on federal fraud charges.
 Surely, following the Holmes fiasco, gullible reporters and  starry-eyed investors learned their lesson when it comes to pretty young  things touting revolutionary biological testing start-ups. But you know  the old saying—“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, this is  CNN.” Jessica “Sunshine” Richman intrinsically understood that the best  way to copy a social justice con is to do it bigger, better, and more  ridiculously, because the morons burned by the last one will grasp at  anything to prove that the previous con was an anomaly and not the rule.
 So several years ago Richman began touting her own revolutionary new  high-tech health company that pledged to forever change how mankind  looks at…poo.
 Yes, whereas Theranos promised new state-of-the-art blood-testing  technologies, Richman’s company touted new methods for testing doo-doo.  Richman told investors that for just a billion dollars or so, she’d  deliver a “direct-to-consumer fecal matter test” that would allow every  American to round out each bathroom visit with an immediate “gut  bacteria” health update, with a device no more invasive than a rectal  thermometer.
 Theranos, meet Theranus.
 Journalists couldn’t get enough of Richman. She was featured on CNN’s  list of the top “30 Under 30” young female entrepreneurs (she was  “number 2”). Business Insider included her on its own “30 Under 30” list  as well. And Gwyneth Paltrow took time out from marketing her  flatulence as an air freshener to tout Richman’s “Fitbit for the gut” on  her personal website. Meanwhile, idiots with money to burn threw  millions of dollars at Richman as if she were a poop-peddling pole  dancer.
 For their part, feminist activists praised Richman’s stunning and brave “sisters are _doo_-ing it for themselves” attitude.
 Finally, the specter of Elizabeth Holmes and her fake voice and fake company would be exorcised.
 Or not.
 Turns out Richman’s business model was far less firm, and far more  odorous, than the stool upon which it was built. Her “gut Fitbit” was a  hoax. Worse still, she wasn’t even “under 30.” She was, in fact, in her  mid-40s.
 But at least her voice was real.
 Last week, Richman and her husband and partner were indicted on multiple counts of felony fraud. Prosecutors claim that the couple netted over $99 million with their “three turd Monte” scheme.
 And while Richman’s fate is likely sealed, somewhere in this great  nation a new ambitious young female swindler is exploring the next  bodily fluid, secretion, or waste matter to exploit for profit.
 Considering that Richman made almost a hundred million dollars on a  nonexistent dookie monitor, she’ll be a very hard act to follow.
*A “MISS” IS AS GOOD AS A VILE*
There’s a scene in the classic Depression-era period piece _Emperor of the North_  in which Lee Marvin’s rail-riding hobo “A-No.1” steals a turkey.  Pursued by a beat cop, the hobo leads the officer right into a nearby  hobo encampment. The cop finds himself surrounded by a hundred angry  transients armed with knives and lead pipes.
 Enjoying the power shift, A-No.1, still holding the bird, asks the  policeman why he was in pursuit. The cop replies, “Because you stole  that turkey.”
 “That ain’t a turkey,” the hobo sternly retorts. “It’s a dog.”
 Sensing the hostility of the crowd surrounding him (hobos _hated_ cops), the officer meekly replies, “Okay, okay, it’s a dog.”
 Then the turkey makes gobbling noises. A-No.1 looks at the bird, and  shoots the policeman a glare of contempt. “Look what you’ve done,” the  hobo says with a scowl. “Now _he_ thinks he’s a turkey. You better remind him how to bark.”
 And with that the hobos force the cop to bark like a dog, louder and  louder, to “affirm” the turkey’s fake identity. Once they’ve tormented  him enough, they break out laughing and offer the poor bastard a drink.
 That film was made in 1973. And it’s unlikely that anyone involved  ever imagined that less that fifty years later, tormenting people until  they say “a turkey is a dog” would become a national pastime for the  left.
 Of course, it’s not actually about turkeys and dogs. It’s about  forcing people to swear that a man is a woman. Somehow, what started out  as “I want to be free to be the me I want to be” has ended up as “I  don’t want _you_ to be free to see the me I am.”
 Nicholas Meriwether is a professor of philosophy, religion, and  ethics at Shawnee State University in Ohio. Meriwether, a devout  Christian, has taught at the public university for 25 years with no  problems.
 Enter a problem: a tranny known in court records only as “Jane Doe.”  Jane Doe is a dude in lipstick who decided several years ago that he’s a  woman. By all accounts, Doe looks about as feminine as Lee Marvin. But  Doe, who apparently took Meriwether’s class on purpose to mess with a  person of faith, insisted that the professor call him “ma’am.” When  Meriwether would not comply, Doe angrily confronted him after class and  demanded to be called a woman. But unlike the cop in _Emperor of the North_, Meriwether refused, citing the fact that Doe is _not_  a woman. Meriwether explained that common sense, his duty as a teacher,  and his faith prohibit him from claiming something to be true that he  knows isn’t true.
 As if that’s a defense in 2021!
 The transturkeydog complained to university officials, who  immediately launched an investigation into the professor’s actions. In  various meetings held during the course of the “investigation,”  Meriwether was attacked by the dean, the department chair, and the  provost for his Christian beliefs and his “intolerance” and “hate” for  not calling a sir a ma’am. The entire university ganged up on one man  just like those _Emperor of the North_ hobos. _You must call that turkey a dog!_  When Meriwether proposed a compromise, that he eliminate pronouns from  his classroom vocabulary and simply address his students by last name,  the university rejected the offer.
 Because the entire episode wasn’t about “tranny rights.” It was about  compelling a man to speak against truth, and against his faith. He _must_ be forced to call a man a woman.
 Thankfully, last week the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in Meriwether’s favor.  The panel of judges (two Trump appointees and one W. Bush appointee)  excoriated the school for attempting to “compel ideological conformity.”  The judges found that university officials violated Meriwether’s free  speech rights and his free exercise rights by attempting to force him to  reject his faith and the evidence of his eyes.
 Five years ago, certain canny pundits  foresaw exactly this type of court case. And the Sixth Circuit’s  decision is just the beginning. These matters will eventually get to the  Supreme Court, where the nation will see if Trump, for all his faults,  at the very least helped craft a SCOTUS willing to stand up for every  American’s right to call a turkey a turkey when a mob demands otherwise.
*(KEEPING HELL) HOT FOR TEACHER*
America’s unionized public school teachers…the true heroes of Covid.  What a brave and hearty bunch of public servants. Whether it’s keeping  schools closed for political reasons, or mocking and insulting parents who want their children to receive in-person education, or taking beach vacations while lecturing the rest of us that it’s unsafe to go outside,  or turning a blind eye to the horrific rise in depression and suicide  among children deprived of the social interactions in-person schooling provides, public school teachers are the best!
 These are folks who spend their guaranteed paychecks at grocery  stores—not a thought given to the cashiers, baggers, and stock clerks  who’ve been coming to work every day since the pandemic began and yet  are alive and healthy—and then return home to write theatrically  histrionic treatises about how they’re drawing up their will because  should they be forced back into the classroom, death will be the certain  outcome.
 In January, when asked why they were preventing a return to in-person  schooling, Chicago Teachers Union officials responded by releasing a video  of interpretive dance that is so bat-spit crazy, half the people who  saw it assumed it was parody. But it was dead serious. And while in a  sane America this “our fluid balletic movements illustrate why we’re  ignoring the science on Covid” video would have been the No. 1 topic of  mockery among light-night talk-show hosts, in actual America our  self-appointed “comedians” greeted it with awed reverence, in part  because comedians don’t actually do comedy anymore, and in part because  most of the people who pass as comedians came up through public schools,  taught by teachers who ensured that they’d have no comprehension of  humor beyond “_Republican bad_!”
 Having successfully caused untold numbers of kids to commit suicide  with their boarded-up schools, America’s heroic teachers are now moving  on to the next battlefield: “critical race theory.” Which is a  nondescript term for an ideology that states that “everything bad that  ever happened anywhere is due to white people. Nonwhites are innocent  little lambs incapable of malice or wrongdoing. Whiteness must be  eliminated for the world to ever know true peace.”
 While many schools across the country have been slowly adopting  critical race theory in classrooms for years, villainous right-wingers  have recently become more vocal in bringing the matter to the attention  of parents…some of whom are _white_! And those parents have  started objecting to their children being taught that they’re evil  because of their race (well, that just proves how racist they are!).
 To combat this scourge of wicked Nazis objecting to their children  being told that their skin color makes them sinful, anti-racist public  school teachers (who understand that the only true anti-racist is one  who embraces the blanket vilification of a race) in Virginia launched a  Facebook group  to target, dox, and harass local parents who oppose critical race  theory in the classroom. The group, made up of teachers, school board  members, and ideologically allied parents, collected personal  information on dissident parents, with the intent of either getting them  fired or making them feel afraid of violent retaliation.

 Himmler would surely be fascinated by this new incarnation of the SS:  a merciless skull-cracking gang of thugs acting in the name of racial  tolerance.

 Several of the targeted parents went to the police. The Loudon County  Sheriff’s Office is investigating the Gestapedagogues, and the district  superintendent has denounced the group’s activities.
 Pity the teachers…all they want to do is stay home while getting paid  while keeping kids uneducated and suicidal and aware that their skin  color is what makes them sacred or satanic.

 Such benevolent goals. That filthy commoners dare oppose these compassionate heroes only serves to prove how needed they are.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-134/

_The Week’s Most Mothering, Smothering, and Othering Headlines_
*BABY GOT BOUILLON*
Public Service Announcement: If you ever build a time machine, don’t  travel back to the 1800s to give Frederick Douglass a briefing on the  future.
_“Such wondrous things you describe! Air travel! Smallpox  eradicated! People communicating from one end of the earth to another  via small handheld devices that send information through the ether! But  tell me…what of my people? What of my good and noble race?”_
_“Well, Mr. Douglass, when I left they were injecting bouillon  cubes into their anuses, but at least they stopped gluing their hair to  their scalps.”_

_“Can you go back in time to before you told me that and…just…not tell me that?”_

              Yes, the newest craze among women of color has them injecting their  butts with bouillon. It’s a fad that began several years ago in the  Democratic Republic of the Congo, where large-bootied females are seen  as the be-all (rear)end-all standard of beauty. Most Congolese women  can’t afford fancy plastic surgery (indeed, the Congo doesn’t have very  many fancy plastic surgeons anyway). So for some odd reason (one that  likely explains the nation’s lack of Pulitzers), Congolese women got it  in their heads that if they inject chicken stock up their rumps, the  seasoning and salt will cause the tissue to expand, turning the  recipient into every rap star’s ultimate fantasy.

   Perhaps King Leopold got a bad rap. Might be that at least some of those deaths were attributable to behavior like this.
 There’s a popular song, “Ntaba ya Bandundu,” that celebrates the bubble-butt custom, and there’s a how-to video on the practice, courtesy of Vice.  The cubes of choice in the Congo contain iodized salt, sugar, chili,  pepper, cloves, onion, corn starch, palm oil, soya lecithin, caramel  coloring, and monosodium glutamate.

 Congo: the only place on earth where you have to specify “no MSG” before a booty call.
  Although, sadly, that “only place on earth” thing isn’t entirely  true. The practice has started to catch on in the U.S. And that  shouldn’t be a surprise. Remember O’Neal Morris?  “She” was the black transgender amateur plastic surgeon who was raking  in the bucks by injecting the posteriors of black women with cement and  Fix-A-Flat to enhance their bootyliciousness. This “Florida woman” was  arrested after one of her patients, Shatarka Nuby, died from the  procedure. Dozens of others were permanently maimed by Morris’  cement-bottom treatments (treatments that, it’s fair to say, didn’t  exactly help blacks with their swimming difficulties).
 So, is there any shock that African-American women are copying the Congolese fad?

              It’s gotten so bad, last week a medical doctor named Silas Agbesi issued a plea on Twitter for women in the U.S. and Africa to let their seasoned buns deflate:
Stop pumping seasoning cubes into your anus to widen your  buttocks. It is not safe. It can lead to Hypertension. If you crush the  seasoning cubes which contains largely salt and inject it into your  anus, the lining of the anus would absorb a huge portion of that salt  into your bloodstream. Excess salt in the bloodstream is a major  contributor to hypertension, especially in Africans. A person, in  theory, can develop hypertension from this practice.
Rectum? Hell, it _killed_ ’em.
 Whether Dr. Agbesi’s sage advice will be taken to heart remains to be  seen. But at the very least, as black women continue to die from the  procedure, this is one tragedy Farrakhan can’t blame on the Jews.
 After all, no self-respecting Jew would waste that much chicken stock on anything other than soup.

*GAILY AFFIRMATION*
If a tranny whines in a forest and no one is around to hear it, is anyone a transphobe?
 If you’ve spent any time over the past year contemplating the  multitude of human tragedies caused by the Covid lockdowns, your  thoughts have likely focused on the restaurants driven out of business  forever, or the mom-and-pop stores that were forced to close, or the  service-industry people put out of work and the children deprived of an  entire year of proper schooling. Or the elderly forced to die alone,  barred from human contact with relatives.
 Well, if those are the stories that concern you, you are one selfish SOB. Because what _really_ mattered during America’s quarantine year was that trannies didn’t get the affirmation they needed.
 At least that’s how _The New York Times_ sees it.

 “How Do I Define My Gender if No One Is Watching Me?” is the title of arguably the most blindly clueless, oblivious op-ed  in the history of the media (at least since “How to Explain Bavarian  Hostility Toward Me? Must be Anti-Semitism!” by Eugen LevinÃ©, May 1919).  The _NYT_ op-ed, which ran last week, was written by Alex  Marzano-Lesnevich, who “identifies” as a “non-binary transgender,” which  roughly translates to “It’s impossible to tell if it’s an ugly man who  became an uglier woman or an ugly woman who became an uglier man.”


Marzano-Lesnevich is what’s known as a “tilter,” in that one look at  “him” will have any normal human tilting their head like a dog,  struggling in vain to understand the ghastly puzzle before them.
 The op-ed details the unbearable hardships suffered by  Marzano-Lesnevich because of the Covid lockdown. See, with so many  service and retail entities closed, there were no “normies” to hassle,  harass, bully, and berate.
I was surprised by how much my gender instead seemed to  almost evaporate. No longer on the alert for how to signal a  restaurant’s waitstaff that neither “he” nor “she” applied to me, or for  whether colleagues and neighbors would use the right language—devoid of  anyone to signal my gender to—I felt, suddenly, amorphous and  undefined.If you’ve ever wondered whether the whole tranny thing is just a way  for the attention-deprived to trouble people who are actually  contributing to society, _that’s a bingo_!
Where did my own gender reside, then, if not in sending  signals of difference?… How do I define my gender when I—accustomed to  how visible my gender usually makes me—am no longer being watched?Trannyism is literally about being _seen_. That’s why it’s never acceptable to say, “Hey—you go be whoever or whatever you want; just don’t force me to play along.” You _have_ to play along; that’s the _point_ of the exercise. That’s why the word “affirm” is so prominent in trans theology. Gender _affirmation_ surgery. “_Affirmation_ is transgender support’s first priority.” Affirmation by definition requires two parties, one to be something, and one to _affirm_ it. Trannies are not content to just be; they need everyone else to affirm.

 And in a locked-down, quarantined world with no one to  condescendingly tell the homely, hairy dude in a dress, “You’re a  bee-yoo-teeful lady,” the tranny is left with naught but…himself.

 And that ain’t no exaggeration. Self-described “***** and disabled trans man” Grayson Schultz,  who’s probably caused enough head-tilting to keep a thousand  chiropractors in business for life, lamented last week that the  lockdowns have damaged the health of transgenders by forcing them to  look at themselves: “The video calls so many of us are now on all day  means that trans people are confronted with their image more often,  which can be triggering.”
 Yep, seeing yourself in that _Brady Bunch_ box on a Zoom call is a rather cruel reminder that you’re Greg not Marcia.
 “Gender nonconformists” are a small but vocal minority of Tinkerbells who vanish when everyone else stops believing in them.
 Next time you’re asked to clap, consider the benefits of refraining.
*JAYNE BOND IN NO TIME TO DYSPHORIA*
And speaking of transvolk…
 Film buffs often debate which actor best typified the character of  James Bond. Connery the swaggering Scot? Moore the debonair Brit?  Brosnan the steely Irishman? Lazenby the Aussie? Dalton? Craig?
 Wrong on all counts.
 It turns out that the member of the Bond franchise who best  personifies the spirit of a British superspy isn’t one of the actors at  all, but one of the directors: Lee Tamahori, helmer of 2002’s Bond  blockbuster _Die Another Day_.
 So what makes Tamahori the _real_ Bond? Is it his bravery under fire? His expertise at counterintelligence? His dedication to queen and country?
 Well, the “queen” part isn’t far off.

 Tamahori is a dude in lipstick, a tranny who enjoys pretending to be a  woman in order to solicit men for sex. In 2006 Tamahori was arrested in  L.A. during a prostitution sting.  Wearing a black wig and an off-the-shoulder dress, he approached an  undercover officer and offered to fellate the gentleman for money.
 Congratulations, Lee Tamahori: You’re fully qualified to be the head of MI6!
 Richard Moore serves as chief of the British Secret Intelligence  Service (MI6). And it turns out that his codename “C” stands for “cis.”  Because Moore, though not transgender himself, has decided that MI6  must—for England to survive—devote itself to the tranny cause. Last week  Moore hoisted the “transgender flag” (the “Union Jacqueline”) over MI6  headquarters. As reported in _The Sunday Times_:

Faced with evolving threats from China, Russia and Iran,  Moore stressed that a diverse pool of talent strengthened the security  services. “We’re proud of our trans and non-binary colleagues and  committed to providing an inclusive workplace where you can be your true  self,” Moore, 57, said. “Diversity makes us more effective, inclusion  makes us stronger.”Yes, “faced with evolving threats” from two superpowers where the  leaders firmly understand that men are not women, “C” has decided that  the best counter-maneuver is to chock his intelligence agency full of  mentally unstable man-woman-things who wage war not against enemies of  the Crown, but enemies of men in a gown.
_That’ll_ show the foes of democracy! Nothing defeats a  Novichok-wielding Russian assassin more effectively than shouting “CALL  ME MA’AM!” (after all, Novichok _is_ a “binary” chemical weapon. So by definition it can be defeated by those who reject all that is binary).
 On the other hand, to be fair, it might not hurt MI6 to encourage the  recruitment of androgynous males to counter the Chinese, who, being  just barely dimorphic themselves, have an obvious edge in the  gender-bender arms race.
 The good people of England can sleep soundly tonight, knowing that  their freedoms are being protected by people who, when not engaging in  espionage, are lopping off various body parts and injecting chemicals to  create artificial hormonal changes.
 The new James Bonds take their martinis neither shaken nor stirred, but transduced.
*PATHOLOGICAL LIES*
The last time this much attention was paid to a dead body, Jimmy Savile  was popping a bottle of champagne and playing a Barry White CD.

 Poor George Floyd, fentanyl freak–turned–Cardiff (gentle) Giant, his  corpse, or at least the most intimate details of its biochemistry,  paraded around Barnum-style in a three-ring-circus trial and social  media sideshow.
 Journalists can’t even seem to agree on how many pathologists actually played Operation on Floyd’s cadaver. According to the _Star Tribune_  in an article last week about the Derek Chauvin trial, Hennepin County  Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Andrew Baker is “the only doctor who  performed an autopsy” and “the only person to perform an autopsy on  Floyd.” Baker reported “no physical findings that support a diagnosis of  traumatic asphyxia or strangulation.” According to a summary of Baker’s  conclusions, Floyd’s heart failed because of “stress, drugs, enlarged  heart, and [heart] disease.”

 Last June, however, the same _Star Tribune_ that just last  week described Baker as “the only doctor who performed an autopsy” and  “the only person to perform an autopsy on Floyd” also reported that  “Floyd’s family hired two pathologists who conducted a second autopsy  that concluded Floyd died of asphyxia.”
 So wait, were there two autopsies or one? Seems confusing. Then  again, were you seriously expecting any of this to make sense? Hasn’t  the response to Covid convinced you that once “science” becomes  politicized, it becomes amorphous? It becomes whatever the prevailing  political wisdom dictates.
 To be sure, there’s much that is murky and incomplete about that  “second autopsy.” But what’s funnier is how the prosecutors and  political powers-that-be are spinning the inconvenient Baker autopsy.  Last week prosecutor Jerry Blackwell told jurors that Baker’s  conclusions demonstrate “the limitations of pathology.” Sometimes  there’s just “no evidence left behind” of how someone died. Therefore,  like any good _Monday Night Football_ commentator, ya gotta go to  the video! “I would tell you that you can believe your own eyes that  it’s a homicide, it’s murder,” Blackwell instructed the jury, referring  to the video of Floyd’s arrest. “You can believe your own eyes.”
 To hell with science! Just go by the video. And Blackwell, who at  least is being paid to sling cow pies, isn’t alone in pushing the  “believe your eyes, not the science” lunacy. Last week, FiveThirtyEight,  the blog run by pollster Nate Silver (a man who makes a living by  calling elections incorrectly), interviewed  Dr. Karl Williams, chief medical examiner of Allegheny County. Dr.  Williams declared, “After that video [of the Floyd arrest] we know why  he died. But it doesn’t necessarily mean, OK, that there’s going to be  any evidence of that.”
 Basically, cops are ninjas who are trained to kill without leaving  any evidence. Therefore, the video is more important than the so-called  “science,” because cops know how to kill without leaving traces. Those  damn cops, a pathologist’s nightmare! Indeed, if a cop is accused of  murder and there’s no physical evidence to back up the charge, that just  means he’s an especially well-trained ninja and therefore deserves even  _more_ time behind bars! Lack of evidence of murder means _more_ evidence of murder.
_Science!_
 Leave it to _Scientific American_—a publication fully estranged from the first word in its title and damn near estranged from the second—to make it clear that if you _don’t_ believe the video over the science, you’re more than wrong…you’re _Nazi_  wrong! In a piece written by twelve morons, most of whom have names  that don’t exactly sound “American,” the authors lament that “the law  would believe a physician’s report over the reality they (black people)  saw with their own eyes, and have lived with their own lives.”
 To believe a “physician’s report” over what a black person claims to  have seen is, according to authors Shadravan, Tsai, BarcelÃ³, Mensah,  Roxas, Kung, Misa, and Shen, “white supremacy.”
 Well, that seals it! Science is bunk! Truth can only be known when filtered through a black person’s eyes.
 So, then…what about all those black people refusing to take the Covid  vaccine? Good for them, ignoring “physicians’ reports,” right?

 Science marches on.
*JEWS COMPANY, TREES A CROWD*
Woodrow Wilson High School in Portland, Oregon, was having a problem. Swastikas everywhere!  So many swastikas, the school’s Jewish kids couldn’t count them all.  Or, you know, photograph them. Or prove that they actually existed. But  that doesn’t mean the Nazi hate symbols weren’t real. They were simply  “mind”-real as opposed to physical reality-real.
 In 2019, so many kvetching schmendricks complained to the school  district that officials resolved to take action. And since the school’s  namesake was a damn filthy racist, surely it was his _ghost_ that  was leaving the phantom swastikas (ghosts are jerks). It was decided  that the only way to exorcise the apparitional hate symbols was to  change the school’s name.

 That was 2019. Then 2020 came, and BLM and Antifa pretty much told  Portland that if it ain’t black, send it back! So rather than rename  Wilson High after someone Jewish (it’s a great tragedy that Oregon will  never know the glories of Buddy Hackett High), it was decided to  rechristen the school after a black icon.
 It should be noted that the school is less than 5% black.
 And so, this year, Ida B. Wells High School was born. It was either Ida B. Wells or Al B. Sure.
 Now that Woodrow Wilson High had a new name, a new mascot was needed.  The previous mascot, chosen to honor Wilson’s favorite film, _Birth of a Nation_,  was a man in blackface saying, “Ef I doan’ get ’nuf franchise to fill  mah bucket, I doan’ want it nohow.” Well, that had to go. And a  committee of good, leftist Portlandian whites and Jews slaved…um, make  that _struggled_ for weeks over the question: What type of mascot does Ann B. Davis High deserve?
 A choice was made: The new mascot would be an evergreen tree!
Evergreens are characterized by the life-giving force of  their foliage, the strength of their massive trunk, and the depth of  their roots—in an individual tree and as a forest of trees. They provide  shelter and sustenance. They have histories that preclude us and will  continue in perpetuity after we are no more.So said the mascot committee upon announcing its decision.
 Yet all was not well at Ida ratherB Sailing High. Several among the  school’s small minority of blacks brought up a point that no one else  had considered (because it’s massively retarded): Black people used to  be _lynched_ from _trees_! The evergreen is a tree. Therefore, evergreens are pro-lynching.
 Initially, the mascot committee members tried pointing out that  evergreens were never used in lynchings. Their branches are not strong  enough to hold a human body. Evergreens are Christmas trees, not hangin’  trees.

 In response to those vile expressions of common sense, the protesters pointed to their faces and said “_black_!” And the whites relented.
 The evergreen mascot plan has been put on hold,  as all involved parties draw up a list of which trees owe reparations  to blacks, and which don’t. While extremist blacks desire to hold all  trees responsible for lynchings, just as all whites are responsible for  slavery, reasonable blacks only want deciduous trees to pay. There’s  been no official comment yet from deciduous trees because _they’re trees_.

 During World War II, the Japanese floated thousands of incendiary  bombs over the Pacific toward Oregon. One can only hope that a few of  them might still be out there, now that their landing would no longer be  an act of war against the U.S., but one of mercy.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-135/

Takimag

April 18, 2021

The WeekÂs Most Smoldering, Moldering, and Soldering Headlines

*SMILE FOR THE KHMERA*

Remember Jill Greenberg? Probably not by name, but perhaps by deed. In September 2008 it was totally cool for leftists to be hatinÂ on John McCain. After all, the evil racist warmonger was running against literal Gandhi Jesus, Barack Obama. Obama would bring peace, Obama would bring prosperity, Obama would end racism! And that crusty old short-armed baby-killer McCain was standing in the way.

Eight years later, of course, a more racisty racist named Trump would bad-mouth McCain, so McCain suddenly became an untouchable, godlike figure. Then he diedÂbest PR move imaginableÂand behold a new Gandhi Jesus ascended to heaven.

But back in September 2008, it was all about bringing McPain to McCain.

Jill Greenberg, a far-left artsy pop photographer who often takes corporate gigs because thatÂs what Marxists do, was hired by The Atlantic to photograph McCain for a cover shoot. Unbeknownst to the magazine or the candidate, Greenberg purposely employed all of her photographic tricks to make the senator look older, uglier, sickly, and unappealing. She boasted about this after the pics were published. She bragged about ÂtrickingÂ the old man into taking unflattering shots, and how she used Photoshop to mess with the guyÂs teeth, eyes, and skin.

She told the New York Post that she engaged in this deception to try to influence the outcome of the election.

Funny to think that these days we live in a country in which people are arrested for Âelection interferenceÂ for merely sending out tweets. Indeed, the war against ÂinterferenceÂ and ÂmisinformationÂ is an unstoppable juggernaut of justice scooping up and locking away anyone accused of improperly influencing an election. Weird how Jill Greenberg got away with something that she herself described as an act of underhanded election interference. Even though the Atlantic editors denounced her scheme, since 2008 she has only grown in popularity and stature, winning numerous photography awards and working for some of the biggest celebrities and mega-corps on the planet.

And while you might not have been keeping track of her mounting successes, other photographers certainly have. Like Matt Loughrey. Loughrey is an Irish Photoshop wiz known for his ÂrestorationÂ of old photographs. And dammit, heÂs always been bothered by the fact that in historical pics of communist atrocities, the victims always seem to look soÂglum. Surely these people, about to be executed by the forces of Stalin, Mao, or Pol Pot, should be happy, thankful even, that theyÂre giving their lives in the name of communist utopia!

So last week, when Loughrey was hired by VICE to ÂrestoreÂ historical photos of Khmer Rouge victims awaiting execution in a prison camp, he decided to ÂrestoreÂ them in a way that, while not ÂaccurateÂ (or ÂethicalÂ or ÂdecentÂ), perfectly conformed to the manner in which he believes those doomed Cambodians shouldÂve presented themselves to the camera.

Loughery manipulated the pics so that the soon-to-be-genocided victims have big, happy smiles on their faces!

ÂYippee! WeÂre gonna die for the revolution! How lucky we are! Put one in the olÂ noggin and charge the cost of the bullet to my family!Â

Be fair; this kind of deception only helped Jill GreenbergÂs career. Why shouldnÂt other photogs follow suit?

Sadly for Loughery, internet sleuths almost immediately noticed the manipulation, and VICE was forced to withdraw the piece and issue an apology. Oh, and the government of Cambodia weighed in too, demanding to know why no alarm bells went off when VICE editors saw the photos of Cambodians facing execution with giant toothy grins like some low-rent Chinese restaurant menu caricature: ÂYum yum, you likey our lucky best dim sum!Â

In fact, a small amount of vetting wouldÂve saved VICE much grief. Last year Loughery ÂrestoredÂ a series of photos from ÂJim Crow America,Â and if the VICE editors had taken the time to examine those photos, theyÂd have realized that thereÂs simply no possible way Emmett Till actually did a Âroll safeÂ GIF before his death.

Also, regarding LougheryÂs ÂrestoredÂ series of Holocaust photos, no, Anne Frank never did Âduck faceÂ at Belsen, and Eva Braun did not get into a shouting match with a white cat sitting at a dinner table.

Amazing how photos like that got past so many people without raising concerns about LougheryÂs integrity.

*CANDID KARMA*

Hey, if you liked that previous story, letÂs do it all over again, if only to demonstrate how, if the Democrat/media alliance scorns coherence, it loves symmetry.

Remember Scott Prouty? Probably not by name, but perhaps by deed. In September 2012 it was totally cool for leftists to be hatinÂ on Mitt Romney. After all, the evil racist warmonger was running against literal Gandhi Jesus, Barack Obama. Long before Romney became recognized for what he actually isÂan unprincipled, weak, craven, truckling pseudo-conservative putzÂhe enjoyed a brief career as Hitler. That was September 2012. ThatÂs also when a bartender named Scott Prouty secretly recorded Romney at a private, closed-door fundraiser.

ProutyÂs surreptitious recording, in which Romney spoke of the Â47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter whatÂ because theyÂre Âdependent upon governmentÂ and Âbelieve that they are victimsÂ and Âthe government has a responsibility to care for them,Â almost certainly influenced the outcome of the 2012 election, at least to some degree. The Â47 percentÂ comments were made infamous; every mainstream news network and paper harped on them nonstop for weeks.

Oddly, not a thought was given to whether this possibly illegal hidden-camera recording of a private event with the purpose of destroying a political campaign constituted Âelection interference.Â Weird how no one cared about that stuff back then! In fact, Fox News was slammed by the other networks for not giving the incident the massive coverage it supposedly deserved. ÂSecret recording or not, illegal or not, a calculated attempt to sway an election or not, the people deserve to know!Â

For his part, Prouty claimed that he was driven to action because of RomneyÂs nonchalant attitude toward Chinese factory workers. He told MSNBC that his main goal was to bring attention to Âprison camps in Communist China.Â

CNN was so fond of the Â47 percentÂ Âundercover video,Â the network used it to slam Trump in December 2016, because TrumpÂs pick for commerce secretary had, back in 2012, defended Romney when the secret recording was released.

The lesson: Secret recordings are good, if theyÂre newsworthy they deserve a wide audience, itÂs against the public interest to suppress them, using underhanded means to sway an election is not Âinterference,Â and dangit them China concentration camps must be exposed!

How odd then that last week, CNN threw a hissy fit when one of its technical directors was caught on hidden camera boasting about how the network intentionally acted as an arm of the DNC to flood the airwaves during the 2020 election with misleading and factually incorrect negative coverage of Trump while crafting Soviet-style propaganda to make Biden look beatific. In a series of videos courtesy of James OÂKeefe and Project Veritas, recorded when CNN apparatchik Charlie Chester thought he was on a date, the poor bastard rants on and on about his networkÂs underhanded attempts at election interference.

Worse still, he brags about how CNN purposely tries to inflame racial tensions by covering up black misdeeds while highlighting any negative crime stories about whites.

And wouldnÂt you know it? As CNN and the rest of the mainstream media barked and howled about the evils of Âundercover videosÂ and Âsurreptitious recordings,Â Twitter banned James OÂKeefe and Project Veritas from the platform.

So now, secret recordings are bad, if theyÂre newsworthy they deserve no audience, itÂs in the public interest to suppress them, and using underhanded means to sway an election is not Âinterference,Â but exposing the use of underhanded means to sway an election is.

Oh, and the suppression and censorship of the CNN story comes at a time when platforms like Twitter are also censoring content that displeases the Chinese Communist PartyÂlike stories about Âprison camps in Communist China.Â

Not only is ProutyÂs method all of a sudden abhorrent, but so is his supposed Âcause.Â Indeed, these days if the bartending shutterbug went on MSNBC to criticize Âprison camps in Communist China,Â if his remarks even made it to air, theyÂd likely be greeted by an angry tweet from LeBron James.

That CNN, where secret video has gone from heroic to horrific, where the execs rend their garments over the Âinvasion of privacyÂ incurred by their employee even as they literally doxxed a meme-maker in 2017, can present these two faces with both of them remaining straight is damn impressive in its audacity.

*THE INVISIBLE KLAN*

During the heyday of the Ku Klux Klan, the organization liked to refer to itself as the Âinvisible empire.Â Turns out this was not intended to be figurative. The KKK has apparently mastered actual, literal invisibility, which, to be honest, is a pretty impressive feat, especially as it was accomplished in robes that hinder mobility and hoods that obscure vision.

Last week, the Invisible Klan struck twice.

In Michigan, students at Albion College were rocked by racist messages that were scrawled on walls in the Wesley Hall and Mitchell Towers residence halls. The messages were, to put it mildly, not subtle:

ÂKKKÂ
ÂKKK White Power!Â
ÂAlbion is racist we do exist KKKÂ
ÂLetÂs kill all Nigggers on campusÂ
ÂWhite lives matter!Â
ÂDie Nigggers pleaseÂ

Say what you will about these Klansmen, but at least theyÂre polite; after all, they said Âplease.Â

Another piece of graffiti featured a Star of David with Â666Â written in the middle.

Now, certain irritating contrarians in the right-wing press suggested that the over-the-top nature of the messages pointed to the likelihood that the entire matter was a hoax, possibly perpetrated by a black student, as KKK hoaxes so often are. College administrators, however, countered that it was highly unlikely that the culprit was one of the schoolÂs black students because none of the words were misspelled.

Well, never underestimate the ability of a student who got into college based on race rather than smarts to rise to the occasion when circumstances demand. Yes, the racist messages had in fact been written by a black student after all. And he was promptly awarded extra credit for his peerless spelling. The university sent out a message to students informing them that even though the graffiti was imaginary Klan not actual Klan, the actual Klan is still to blame even though an actual black guy scrawled the messages:

    We know the acts of racism that have occurred this week are not about one particular person or one particular incident. We know that there is a significant history of racial pain and trauma on campus and we are taking action to repair our community.

The Âacts of racismÂ that were perpetrated by one person are not about one person, because that person turned out to be black. Rather, focus must be maintained on the unseeable Klansmen who are the real villains because by not existing they forced an innocent black kid to pretend they did.

Dastards!

Meanwhile, in upscale, conservative Huntington Beach, Calif., the Invisible Klan struck again. On Easter Sunday, a few crude ÂKKKÂ fliers were found on local lawns. Rumors, spread not by the Klan but by an equally insidious tri-lettered orgÂthe ADLÂclaimed that on Sunday, April 11, the Klan would be holding a rally on the boardwalk. In response, barely functional journalistic Rain Men statewide smashed the pickle jars to free their stuck hands so they could pen hysterical warnings about the upcoming KKK rally.

In a stunning turn of events, the NAACP actually told its members not to turn out for a Âcounter-protestÂ because the rally was likely a hoax, and when the NAACP is the voice of reason in the room, you know how low the moron bar has sunk.

Still, hyped by the L.A. Times, the ÂKKK rallyÂ attracted hundreds of BLM and Antifa counter-protesters, as dozens of cops had to waste their time keeping order for a Klan rally that was, in fact, exactly the hoax everyone with working synapses assumed it was. No Klan showed up.

ÂIÂm at PCH & Main St. in Huntington Beach for todayÂs KKK Rally. Pretty quiet so far,Â tweeted Times mouthbreather Priscella Vega, her hand still bleeding from the gashes incurred when she took a hammer to the pickle jar.

In the end, the Times was forced to admit that there was no known connection between the KKK fliers and the supposed rally. All the same, according to Huntington Beach resident Denise Wada, Âregardless of whether it was fake, it demanded a loud response.Â

ÂI canÂt be quiet about that,Â Wada said. ÂThe point is itÂs out there, and racial justice needs a louder noise.Â

ÂItÂ being fliers that were likely a hoax and a rally that was demonstrably one.

Still, point taken. Invisible Klansmen are a genuine threat. Not the kind of threat that, you know, exists or causes harm, but the kind of threat that keeps cretinous journos and ADL tummlers busy justifying their paychecks.

*SISTERS ARE PEW-PEW-PEWINÂ IT FOR THEMSELVES*

Minnesota has a new hero: Officer Ditz! Yep, as the state sits on pins and needles awaiting the Derek Chauvin verdict, and as all sober people come to grips with the fact that no matter the outcome, riots will be the inevitable result (Chauvin convicted on most serious charge: ÂWe riot cuz it ainÂt about just one cop; you ainÂt absolved, whitey!Â Convicted of lesser charge: ÂWe riot cuz you let him off the hook.Â Acquitted: ÂYellowstone caldera triggered; _aprÃ¨s noir le deluge_Â), it took one woman, one brave, doughty woman, to look at this powder keg of frazzled nerves and heightened tensions and say, ÂI think I can make it even worse!Â

Yes, Officer Kim Potter, who, during the traffic stop of a 20-year-old black inveterate thug named Daunte Wright, accidentally pulled her gun instead of her Taser and fatally shot the [choose one: honor student/gentle giant/loving father of children he never sees] as he was nobly attempting to flee the scene, because expecting a black man with multiple warrants to submit to a traffic stop in 2021 is Jim Crow on steroids times a thousand multiplied by a million.

When Officer PotterÂs mistaken discharge caused a kablammo rather than a zappity-zap, she can be heard on body-cam audio saying, ÂHoly $#@!, I just shot him.Â

Errmahgerrrrrd, I am such a ditz!

Naturally, black people in Minnesota and in cities around the nation reacted to the incident with introspection and rationality, if by Âintrospection and rationalityÂ one means looting stores and stealing stuff. And city officials in Brooklyn Center, Minn., reacted with the levelheaded wisdom expected of elected leadersÂif by that one means they fired the city manager (who happens to be black) for stating that Officer Potter deserves due process under the law.

Due process? Please. Seriously, people, if we donÂt bring back racially based lynching, we risk returning to the days of racially based lynching. Due process is Jim Crow on steroids pumped with hydrogen mutated to Godzilla size by atomic radiation and multiplied a billionfold by quantum multidimensional time-gates.

PotterÂs ÂoopsieÂ is reminiscent of the real-life ThreeÂs Company wacky misunderstanding from September 2018 when white Dallas PD officer Amber Guyger forgot that her apartment was on the third floor not the fourth, so she entered the home of a black gentleman, Botham Jean, and shot him to death because he was sitting in his living room eating ice cream. Officer Ditz strikes again; not only had she mistaken JeanÂs apartment for her own, sheÂd mistaken a black man eating ice cream for an intruder needing a bunch of bullets in his belly to complement the Ben & JerryÂs.

These situations create unfortunate dilemmas for leftists. After all, negative portrayals of female cops as bungling, clumsy ÂJerry Lewis meets Inspector ClouseauÂ caricatures donÂt sit well with feminists. On the other hand, BLM activists donÂt really care about the gender of white cops. ÂACABÂ carries no caveat, no asterisk. ACAB applies to Dirty Harry and Pepper Anderson alike.

Hopefully for all involved, the Daunte Wright ugliness will soon be forgotten as the Chauvin trial comes to an end and the nation braces for the one-year anniversary of an apneated angelÂs final breath. Speaking of which, just a few days ago ChauvinÂs defense team introduced speculative testimony that George Floyd might have asphyxiated via carbon monoxide gassing.

Forget the tensions between BLM and feminists regarding trigger-happy female cops. ThatÂs nothing compared with the dilemma facing the ADL right now. On the one hand, thereÂs the desire to see a white cop put away for life.

But on the other hand, how can the esteemed Jewish org deny a gassing story? It would be sacrilegious.

Complicated times indeed.
*
NO TAXES FOR BLAXES*

And speaking of the HolocaustÂsince 1952 the German government has given more than $70 billion in reparations payments to Holocaust survivors and their heirs. ÂSurvivorÂ in this context is classified as any Jew who was in any way harmed or whose life was in any way disrupted by the Nazis. This can range from a Jew whose family was killed to a Jew whose freshly pressed pants were splattered with mud from a passing Nazi motorcade (ÂOy, around the puddle they couldnÂt have driven?Â).

ItÂs a wide net.

Federal law dictates that Holocaust reparations to survivors and their heirs are 100% nontaxable (the payments also canÂt be counted as income when determining eligibility for federal benefits or services). In 2010, that sweetheart deal was scheduled to sunset, but in 2002, in a bold preemptive move, in stepped Republican Rep. E. Clay Shaw from Florida, who made sure the regs were codified for all eternity, as indeed Germany will certainly be paying for all eternity. So it just makes sense.

ÂWhile no amount of money could ever begin to compensate for the suffering of Holocaust survivors, it would be an absolute injustice for these claims to be taxedÂwhen something is stolen from you, you simply shouldnÂt have to pay taxes when itÂs returned. This bill would make sure that survivors and their heirs will receive full compensation for their suffering, not just for a limited amount of timeÂbut for all time,Â Shaw declared in a press release.

Germans who heard that ÂyouÂll be paying for all timeÂ thing shook their heads and were like ÂMan, we screwed with the wrong people, didnÂt we? We shoulda stopped at the Gypsies.Â

But at least the Germans were being contemplative. Less so were the Republicans, who never considered that the language used to promote the reparations exemption bill might one day be appropriated by a group whose historical ÂsufferingÂ and ÂtheftÂ occurred a little closer to home.

Well, surprise surprise surprise, Gomer! Turns out those who are seeking reparations for black slavery are finding inspiration in exactly those Holocaust reparations tax deals. Democrats have made reparations part of their official platform, with everyone from President ÂI used to support segregationÂ Biden to Shadow President ÂYou think thatÂs bad, my family owned slavesÂ Harris on record supporting some kind of reparations scam.

One idea currently growing in popularity inside the Beltway is that perhaps the best way to implement a (*cough*) ÂequitableÂ reparations plan is to simply excuse black folks from paying taxes. As delineated by Dorothy Brown, a law professor at Emory, ÂMy first choice for race-based reform would be a refundable tax creditÂ. Under this plan, Congress would assign a single fixed credit to all black taxpayers. A reparations credit is the final piece of closing the black-white wealth gap.Â

Over at the Brookings Institution, senior fellow Janet Holtzblatt and research assistant Noah ZweifelÂtwo people who, based on their names, are very likely getting those monthly Hitler checksÂargue that using tax laws in the service of reparations is a jim-dandy idea, although they agree that blacks might not be satisfied with anything other than direct cash payments.

Kvetchberg and Schlemielenbaum donÂt explain exactly why they think blacks will prefer cash over tax credits, but it almost certainly has to do with the disproportionately high number of black Americans who are non-filers. If you donÂt file, things like rebates and credits become irrelevant. As it is, leftist institutions are currently struggling to make sure that the millions of black non-filers get their Covid checks, lest those who donÂt pay in suffer the ignominy of not receiving a payout.

Ironically, for the past few decades the IRS has maintained a web page warning of slavery reparations tax scams:

    The Service is aware that some taxpayers are attempting to reduce their federal income tax liability by taking the position that they are entitled to a Âreparations tax creditÂ or other similarly named credit because they are a member of a group or class based on race, ancestry, ethnicity, gender or other classification. This position has no merit. Any claim that a taxpayer is entitled to a reparations tax credit or a refund or other tax benefit based on a reparations tax credit is frivolous. Persons who promote this scheme and those who assist taxpayers in claiming tax benefits based on this scheme also may face penalties (criminal prosecution under section 7206 for which the penalty is a fine of up to $100,000 and imprisonment for up to 3 years).

No one wants to be an IRS snitch, but agents might just find a few of those Âscheme promotersÂ pretty close to their own HQ. Like, right up on Capitol Hill and in the White House. And even the most hardened anti-taxation activists probably wouldnÂt mind seeing those fraudsters imprisoned or fined into poverty. It would be the first noble deed in the history of the IRS.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-136/

_The Week’s Most Gleaning, Preening, and Overweening Headlines_
*THE PRINCES OF DARKNESS*
Spin Doctors reimagined:
_One, two, princes kneel before you
That’s what I said, now
Princes, princes who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has diamonds in his pockets
That’s some bread, now
This one, said he wants to break into your house and beat you to death
Man why ya shoot me? I wasn’t even doin’ nuthin’_
 Last week was a very bad one for African princes. Not that African  princes often have good weeks. At least not according to the emails they  send out, detailing their many difficulties retrieving family fortunes  or conducting international bank withdrawals.
 Uneasy lies the head that wears an African crown.

              The first tale of princely woe comes from Southwest Ranches, Florida.  When Shenita Jones and Courtney Wilson decided to tie the knot, they  also decided to refer to themselves as “royals.” Exactly what royal  bloodline the two black monarchs were descended from was not an issue.  Apparently, “God” (or crack) told them they were a prince and princess,  and that was good enough.
   Obviously, this “royal couple” would never deign to marry like  commoners at some registry office or storefront church. No, they wanted a  wedding befitting their status. Lacking the funds for such an  extravaganza (their money problems being further proof of African  nobility), they hatched a plan: Scouring real estate notices, they came  across a 16,313-square-foot nine-bedroom estate that was on the market  for $5.7 million. Posing as potential buyers, the majestic couple  repeatedly cased the home, which they thought was vacant. After  familiarizing themselves with the layout, they sent invites to their  friends promising the world’s finest “royal wedding” at the “royal  estate” they’d just purchased.
 What the imperial imbeciles failed to realize was that the owner of  the estate was still living on the property, in a guesthouse. Nathan  Finkel, heir to the IHOP fortune of his father, Abe Finkel, woke up last  week to see the citizens of Wakanda amassing on his lawn (you might not  know that IHOP’s founders were Jewish, but that’s only because years  ago they retired the chain’s original slogan, “Enough With the Pancakes,  Already”).
 Finkel called the cops and the couple had to spend the rest of the  day in a barred setting slightly more familiar to black folks than a  million-dollar estate.
  But these sovereign scammers got off lightly compared with “Zulu  prince” Lindani Myeni. Unlike the previous couple, Myeni is an actual  prince of sorts—he’s the nephew of a Zulu king in South Africa (that  plus six bucks will buy you a half-dozen items from the McDonald’s  dollar menu).
 After marrying an American Christian missionary, Myeni moved with his  bride to Hawaii, where he traded his tribal attire for Hawaiian shirts,  becoming a real Mandingo P.I. Last week, the good prince broke into a  random couple’s house in the Nuuanu district, took off his shoes, and  started speaking gibberish to the owners (actual gibberish, not  isiZulu). Panicked, the couple called the cops, and when arriving  officers dared to ask Shaka to leave the premises, he began violently  beating them. According to Nanunanu police chief Mork, the exceptionally  well-built Myeni, a former rugby player and _South African Idol_  contestant, shrugged off a tasing and inflicted “multiple facial  fractures, concussions, and injuries to the arms and legs” of the cops.

              Cops who then proceeded to royally blow him away like an Austrian Archduke.
 Myeni’s wife, who is white not Asian even though her last name really should be “Chin,”  told the local papers that “In Zulu culture you can go to anyone’s  house. You can knock on anyone’s door. It doesn’t matter if it’s 8  o’clock, it’s not a big deal. Neighbor are neighbors.”
 All the more reason to not live close to Zulus.
 South African Zulu political party Economic Freedom Fighters  Kwazulu-Natal released a statement blaming the shooting on “white  extremists.”
  The Zulus possess much ancient knowledge, but they’re a little shaky  when it comes to understanding the demographic makeup of Hawaii.

              Still, the next time you get an email from an African prince, before  discarding it, think of the hardships faced by the African royals who  are barred from entering or claiming someone else’s house as their own,  and send the poor bastard a few bucks. For just a dollar a day, _you_ can keep an African prince from ruining some innocent homeowner’s afternoon.
*HIGH INFIDEL-ITY*
And while we’re at it, Afroman reimagined:
_I was gonna immigrate to Nice, but then I got high,
Was gonna practice my religion of peace, but then I got high,
Now I’m arguin’ for my release, and I know why;
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high_
_I wasn’t gonna kill no Jews, but then I got high,
Didn’t plan on makin’ the news, but then I got high,
Now I’m singin’ the jailhouse blues, and I know why;
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high_
_Threw a Jew off a balcony, because I was high,
Told her Muhammad commanded me, because I was high,
Now I’m gettin’ off scot-free, and I’ll tell you why;
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high_
 Welcome to France, where the Muslims stone themselves.
 Kobili TraorÃ© wanted so little from life. The Malian immigrant to  France was like a Muslim version of Bontshe the Silent, the famed  literary character created by Yiddish-language playwright I.L. Peretz.  After a life of hardship and modesty, Bontshe enters the kingdom of  heaven. He’s told that, as a reward for his good life and all the  suffering he endured with such nobility, he may ask for anything he  desires. Anything at all.
 Meekly, Bontshe, knowing that all heavenly riches are at his  fingertips, asks only that every morning he be allowed to have a hot  roll with a schmear of butter.
 Well, move aside, Bontshe the Silent, and meet Kobili the Boisterous. Kobili TraorÃ© _defines_  humble. After immigrating to France and getting all the riches due him  by the suicidal indigenous whites—welfare apartment, monthly checks,  freedom of worship—Kobili asked for only two things: some pot to smoke  every day, and the right to toss a Jew out a window.
_Granted!_
 In 2017 Silly Billy Kobili broke into his neighbor’s apartment. The  neighbor, 65-year-old retired physician Dr. Sarah Attal-Halimi, a Jew,  probably thought the man had entered to get his hot roll and butter. But  no—he was there to beat her senseless and toss her from the window of  her third-story apartment. And he did so while yelling, “Allahu akbar!”  and “I killed Satan!”
 Because this is France we’re talking about here, Milli Kobili was not  charged with a hate crime, and no religious motive was attached to the  murder by prosecutors. Throughout the trial, occasionally this or that  Frenchman would ask, “Zees seems stupeed of us, no?” And then he’d be  reminded of his nationality and be like, “_Ah-ha-haaa_, we are French! Stupeed is what we do best!”


Kobili’s defense team argued that their client only committed the  unfortunate act because he was high on the Mary Jane, the wacky weed,  the sassy grass. And of course, it worked. He was declared “not  criminally responsible” because he smoked pot.  After all, pot makes you do loopy things, like eating an entire pizza  at 4 a.m. or sleeping through a job interview or defenestrating a _bubbe_.
 Leftists: Pot is harmless and should be legalized everywhere.
 Also leftists: Pot will make you Himmler.
 Cheech and Chong in _Up in Smoke II: Sobibor Stoners_.
 France’s Jews, unhappy with the court’s decision for some odd reason,  bitched all the way up to the nation’s top legal body, La Cour des  ImbÃ©ciles SuprÃªmes, and last week that esteemed institution ruled with  finality that yes, being high is totally an excuse to javelin an old  yenta through a window like Keshorn Walcott.
 Following the verdict, France’s top Muslim cleric, Ali Sheidy, was  asked by reporters if the decision presents a conundrum for believers.  After all, Muslims are not supposed to do drugs. How will France’s  jihad-happy Muhammadans deal with the fact that smoking pot has now  become a license to kill Jews?
 The cleric didn’t hear the question, as he was too preoccupied smoking a giant doobie while sharpening his beheading tools.
*SCRAMADAN*
While we’re in the Islamic Caliphate of France, let’s stay for one more story.
 And speaking of stories…there’s an oft-told, possibly apocryphal tale  about beloved song-and-dance man Jimmy Durante. As the story goes,  Durante had been arm-twisted by a friend to join him on an early-morning  fishing trip, which meant the ol’ Schnozzola would have to wake up  before dawn. At 4:30 a.m., the sky still dark, Durante got dressed as  his friend came by to pick him up. Grumpy and irascible, as they walked  to the friend’s car, Durante shook a tree, disturbing the birds nesting  above.
 “Why’d you do that?” asked the friend.
 The reply: “If Durante ain’t sleepin’, da boids ain’t sleepin’.”
 Whether true or not, it’s a funny anecdote about a much-loved entertainer. A less funny and totally true anecdote about a very _not_-loved  group of arrogant barbarous alien invaders goes something like this:  Since Muslims are not supposed to drink water on Ramadan, they’ve  decided that you can’t either.
 “If Muhammad ain’t drinkin’, da woild ain’t drinkin’.”
 Evian is a French company that made its name hawking overpriced  bottled water. Being in the water-selling biz, Evian’s tweets often  highlight the benefits of drinking water.
 That sorta makes sense. You know, in a normal world.
 But in Woke World, it’s a genocidal atrocity. Last Tuesday, the  company tweeted the very innocuous message, “Retweet if you have already  drunk a litre of water today.”
 Pretty innocent?
 No, pretty _Islamophobic_!
 See, last Tuesday happened to fall during the Muslim “holy month” of  Ramadan. And during Ramadan, Muslims are not allowed to eat or drink  anything during the daytime. What they’re not forbidden from doing,  however, is being a major pain in the ass to the rest of the world (if  only there were a prohibition on _that_, a lot more people might  get behind this “Ramadan” thing). So when Evian tweeted about drinking  water, France’s Muslims, the beheadingest Muslims in Europe, declared a  jihad against the company.
 Gilles Verdez, a TV journalist and _homme de pluie_  extraordinaire, called the tweet “commercial Islamophobia.” And within  hours Evian melted faster than a snowcap turning into a mountain stream.  The company apologized for being a water company that advocated  drinking water on a day when a religious minority was only drinking  water at night.
 Surprisingly, this sparked a backlash  from Frenchies who are sick and tired of seeing “woke Americanism”  imported into their country. When a Frenchman is so craven and cowardly  that other Frenchmen call him out on it, well…that really says  something. And the CEO of Evian got an earful from French conservatives  over his dhimmi truckling. Conservative MP Ãric Ciotti declared “let’s  stop this madness. How far will this everyday intellectual terrorism  go?” Robert MÃ©nard, mayor of BÃ©ziers, condemned Evian’s “total  surrender” in the face of “increasingly paranoid and intolerant  Muslims.” And a commentary in _Le Figaro_ claimed that U.S.-style “woke religion” is subverting French culture and history.
 Perhaps in the end, if the French are able to fight the woke wave  washing over the West, they’ll do so by marshaling their legendary  snobbery and arrogance against what they view (correctly, this time) as  an inferior American import.
 The French may very well be saved by the thing the rest of the world  has long most detested about them. An irony devoutly to be wished.
*THIS NATION’S A RACIST HELLHOLE! LET ME IN!*
You know how you could tell the attitude toward Jews in 1938 New York  from the attitude toward Jews in 1938 Germany? Jews were trying to _flee_ Germany, and Jews were trying to _enter_ New York.
 It’s pretty much as simple as that. Universities could draft studies,  governments could form working groups, but in the end, airplane and  passenger ship ticket sales told the story better than any academic  paper.
 To New York, Jews were like, “Let us in!”
 To Germany, Jews were like, “Let us out!”
 Ah, simpler times! These days, “refugees” seem to have the algorithm  backwards. Somehow it’s become all about wanting to enter First World  nations that are supposedly racist genocidal hellholes while fleeing  Third World nations of love and tolerance.
 Damnedest thing. It’s almost like it’s not really about which nations  are actually “racist,” but which ones can be browbeaten and bullied by _accusations_ of racism.
 And speaking of damned things, the United Nations—that rarest of orgs  that manages to be both ineffectual and destructive at the same time  (as in, sending in “peacekeepers” who don’t keep the peace but do rape  locals)—has officially denounced the U.K. for not properly denouncing _itself_ as racist.  The melee started last year when, after a fentanyl freak got  de-breathed in Minneapolis, the Boris Johnson government decided to form  a commission to study the U.K.’s role in the death of a respiratorily  challenged bad-check passer in the U.S.
 The final report of the Commission on Race and Ethnic Disparities, formally presented to Parliament last week, arrived at two conclusions:
 (1) George Floyd’s heart did not give out because BBC America reruns  made him addicted to running in fast motion like Benny Hill as “Yakety  Sax” played in the background.
 England was in the clear!
 (2) England, while _somewhat_ racist, is not _as_ racist as some believe. Indeed, the report concluded:
While disparities between ethnic groups exist across  numerous areas, many factors other than racism are often the root cause.  Among these are geography, deprivation, and family structure. For  example, a Black Caribbean child is ten times more likely than an Indian  child to grow up in a lone parent household. And disparities exist in  different directions. People from South Asian and Chinese ethnic groups  have better outcomes than the white population in more than half of the  top 25 causes of premature death. Most ethnic minority groups [are] now  outperforming their white British peers at GCSE level.
 The report does not deny that institutional racism exists in the UK.  Rather, the report did not find conclusive evidence of it in the  specific areas it examined. It reaffirms the Macpherson report’s  definition of the term but argues it should be applied more carefully  and always based on evidence.Well, it’s a good thing the U.N. is too inept to build rockets, or England would once again be facing a Blitzkrieg. How _dare_ the British not condemn themselves as the evil racists they are!
 The U.N. Working Group of Experts on People of African Descent (made  up of five white guys who’ve seen every Tyler Perry film and a Chinaman  who once ate grits by accident) decried the report for “normalizing  white supremacy” and “repeating racist tropes.”
 The leaders of the U.N. Human Rights Office of the High Commissioner  took time out from helping Iran execute gays to denounce the report as  “an ad hominem attack on people of African descent.”
 U.N. commissioners called on the Johnson government to reject the report and disband the commission.
 Unfortunately for them, Johnson happens to be in need of something  that can make him look like he still has a spine, having so badly  bollixed his Covid response over the past year. Johnson rejected the  U.N.’s demand, reclaiming just enough of his dignity to see his poll  numbers rise to a level they’d not reached since he actually _contracted_ Covid last year.
 The lesson: There are two ways for a world leader to look strong: survive Covid or spit in the face of the U.N.
 Now, spitting Covid _in_ the face of the U.N.? Well, that’s a guaranteed reelection-getter right there.


*OY! OY! I’M EXTOIMINATING MYSELF!*
Picking up on the Jews and Nazis theme, how sad that Joseph Goebbels  never lived to see these wondrous times. All the marvels he missed out  on: He could’ve written his infamous diary on a MacBook Pro.  Custom-designed Nikes could’ve made that clubfoot problem a thing of the  past, and Botox would’ve really fleshed out that Skeletor face.
 But of all the wonders that a 2021 Goebbels might’ve beheld, nothing  would have thrilled the man more than a new innovation from New York  City: the self-expelling Jew. From the moment the Nazis came to power,  Goebbels’ singular obsession was to make Germany and its territories  “Judenfrei.” All the poor guy wanted was an empire in which bagels were a  relic of the past and “Yidl Mitn Fidl” was permanently retired from  radio airplay. But getting rid of so many Jews was a tiring task. He’d  scare ’em away, he’d offer them incentives to leave, he’d even pogrom  them into submission, but as hundreds of thousands fled, some just would  not go. Goebbels was especially frustrated by his inability to totally  clear Jews from his beloved Berlin. Even after forced expulsions and  “resettlements” began, there’d always be one or two damn Jews sticking  around, mocking him with their presence.

 Oh, the headache! 1941 Goebbels really could’ve used some Advil.
 Conversely, 2021 Goebbels would be overcome with joy to meet Quinn Mootz,  a New York City Jewess with a vision…a vision of a Judenfrei Upper West  Side! Mootz is campaign manager for city council candidate Sara Lind,  and last week she unleashed a tweetstorm about how the Upper West Side  is “too Jewish.”
As of 2018: 10.8% of the population is Asian, 4.1% black,  14.1% hispanic [sic], and 68.4% white. So yeah ima go ahead and say the  UWS has a diversity problem. Of your 191,000 residents…. 130,795 are  white.”“Jews are not POC for just being jewish [sic]. sorry,” she added;  they gotta go too (more than half of Upper West Side “whites” are Jews).
 Time for Jews to begin resettling themselves! Sending themselves to  the east! Expulsions are needed, because apparently Goebbels was right:  Once a city gets “too Jewish,” it becomes an oppressive Hebraic duchy in  which other races and cultures are overpowered, disenfranchised, and  neglected. That was Goebbels’ exact point, and it’s Mootz’s as well.
 One suspects this would’ve been enough for Hitler to have awarded  Mootz “honorary Aryan status” were she leading the charge to de-Jewify  Berlin back in the day. But since it’s 2021, she’ll probably have to  settle for a Vox or _Atlantic_ column when her candidate loses  (NYC pundits have pointed out that it’s unlikely that Lind will win a  heavily Jewish district with a campaign manager whose platform is “no  more Jews”).
 Needless to say, Mootz has received a tremendous amount of blowback  on social media and in the press. In response, Mootz has whined that the  negative comments are “nasty” and “cruel” and “hurtful.” All she did  was say that she wanted fewer Jews in her city, and look at how _mean_ everyone’s being to her!
 Quinn Mootz cries in pain as she strikes you.

 Honorary Aryan or not, she’s certainly got that stereotypical Jew thing down pat.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-137/

_The Week’s Most Waxing, Taxing, and Vaxxing Headlines_
*AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…RACISM!*
The Academy Awards don’t exactly have the best record when it comes to  racial groveling; every virtue-signaling stunt seems to backfire. At the  1988 Oscars, the Academy made a huge deal about how Eddie Murphy was  going to announce the winner for Best Picture. Unfortunately, once  Murphy was up on stage, he decided to harangue the Academy about its  “racism,” becoming so distracted by his tangent, he forgot to read the  final nominee, forcing the people he’d just insulted to shout from their  seats about the oversight.
 It was a funny moment…just not in the way Murphy intended. Indeed, he  joked that his behavior might one day cost him an Oscar of his own. And  in fact, almost twenty years later, Murphy was so certain he was going  to win Best Supporting Actor for _Dreamgirls_ that he stormed out of the auditorium after he lost to Alan Arkin for _Little Miss Sunshine_.
 Once again, the _black man_ playin’ second fiddle to the _Jew_.
 In 2017, host Jimmy Kimmel thought it would be charming to bring a  tour bus of random Hollywood Boulevard strangers into the theater during  the live taping. What an impish prank! Until it turned out that one of  the tourists, a black gentleman who was feted by the assembled  A-listers, was a three-strikes career criminal who only a few days  earlier had been released from a 25-to-life stretch for (among other  things) grand theft and attempted rape.

              What were the odds? (Not that bad, actually.)
   And who can forget the absolute catastrophe that occurred later in  that same show, when the Academy’s greatest shot at racial redemption  was bollixed beyond repair. _Moonlight_, a film about black (_check_!) Hispanic (_check_!) immigrant (_check_!) gay lovers (_check check_!), won Best Picture, but desiccated dementia mummies Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway read the wrong winner. _Moonlight_  had earned very little at the box office, almost certainly due to its  tagline “Blacks, Drugs & Anal Sex: See It or You’re Hitler,” so the  producers had been counting on that win to keep their molasses-paced  X-rated Afterschool Special from slipping into obscurity. Instead all  they got was Bonnie and Clyde in _Soul Plane II: Mass Casualty Event_.
 This year, the Academy just _knew_ it had the racial stunt to end all racial stunts. _Black Panther_  star Chadwick Boseman, who tragically passed away last year from colon  cancer, was up for Best Actor for his final performance in _Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom_.  His victory was a lock, a sure thing. This was going to be the BLM  Oscars; no whites allowed (to win, or speak, or vote for anyone their  own color). There was no way Boseman could lose; this would be blackface  Heath Ledger, Peter Finch def jam, the greatest posthumous win in Oscar  history.
 So certain were the Academy Einsteins that Boseman would win, they  broke with a 73-year tradition and decided to close the show with Best  Actor instead of Best Picture. Because what a climax it would be!  Boseman would win, his grieving family would accept the award, tears of  joy would flow, and the heavens themselves would open as Black Jesus  smiled down upon the assembly and said, “Wakanda forever!”
  Finally, blacks would find the self-esteem and pride they hadn’t  vicariously absorbed from a black president, a black vice-president,  black governors and mayors, black Supreme Court justices, black sports  millionaires, black Miss Americas, a black wealthiest woman in the U.S.,  and the many previous black Oscar winners.
 No, it would be the Chadwick Boseman win that would at long last heal the community.

              Except, it wasn’t to be. Some crusty ol’ Hannibal Lecter-lookin’ mofo  won instead. And since Anthony Hopkins was fast asleep in Wales at the  time (he was almost certainly convinced Boseman was going to win, so why  drag his 83-year-old butt out of bed at 4 a.m. for a Zoom call to the  States on a TV show no one was watching?), there was nobody to give an  acceptance speech.
 As a result, the show literally ended on: “And the Oscar goes to…Anthony Hopkins. He ain’t here. G’night, suckas.”
 “This was supposed to be Chadwick Boseman’s night,” griped Brian Truitt the next morning in _USA Today_, adding that the loss “stings so much.”
 Hopefully it never gets out that as Anthony Hopkins was sleeping the  night away in Wales as this atrocity occurred, his head was resting  comfortably on a My Pillow.
*THE BOT FARMERS*
Kamala Harris’ rise to prominence has without question been inspiring.  This amazing woman has taken her family tree from the slave farm to the  bot farm; a true American success story.

              Harris’ great-great-great-grandfather, Jamaican Hamilton Brown, was  such a master-slaver, he literally founded a town of slaves. Dude owned  121 himself, but like Jay Leno and cars, he couldn’t help but buy new  ones whenever he came across them. “I just can’t control myself,” he  told the Jamaican daily _Irie Mon Gazette_ in 1826. “I see a slave, I just want to take him home and make him mine.”
 Hamilton Brown was the crazy cat lady of slave owners.


Kamala Harris, of course, has devoted her life to rejecting the  racist notion that black people should be kept in shackles in a sunny  island paradise, because to her, dank prison cells are a much more  humane destination. At least that was her belief back when she was a  prosecutor and attorney general. And now, having adopted wokeism with  the same ease with which she’s shed her sometimes-black sometimes-brown  sometimes-yellow skin over the years as ambition and upward mobility  demanded, she’s discovered the simple joy of exploiting an entirely new  captive labor force: bots!
 Yes, it turns out that the cackling Thalia mask lying in wait for  President Biden to take a fatal fall from his Jazzy Power Chair has  mastered the art of the 21st-century plantation. In a story so  underreported Twitter didn’t even have to ban it, Matt Orfalea, writing  for The Grayzone, uncovered the truth about Harris’ much-vaunted community of online supporters christened by a fawning press as the “KHive.”
 According to Orfalea:
An April 8 LA Times profile of the “KHive” attempted to  put a positive spin on Twitter’s nest of Vice President Kamala Harris  super fans, omitting the group’s online abuses, offline harassment, and  alarming origins. Describing the KHive as “the type of modern political  army that politicians increasingly rely on for both support and  defense…”However, “it turns out that Harris’ ‘modern political army’ was  manufactured with the aid of an army of fake Twitter accounts” from “a  Democratic Party operative-controlled bot farm.”
 Some of the fake Twitter accounts “used the profile photos of deceased women of color.”
 Breonna Taylor…_say her name_! Also, use her likeness.
 And here’s a surprise (to absolutely nobody): The No. 1 word used in  the bot-tweets was “racist.” Just imagine, in the future, white  Americans won’t need actual black folks to call them racist; robots will  do the work themselves. It’s surprising that Jeff Bezos has not yet  installed that function in Alexa.
 “Alexa, play my 1970s easy-listening rock playlist.”
 “Rock and roll was stolen from the black man by white supremacist  racists and when a white devil listens to it it’s genocidal cultural  appropriation. Your soul will rot in hell for your aggressions large and  small against a noble race of kings and creators; you are a disgusting  piece of KKK trash deserving of a prolonged and agonizing death…[_pause_]…Playing Seals and Crofts.”
 Along with bots, the “KHive” leaders employ multiple sock-puppet  accounts. As Orfalea points out, this is a clear violation of Twitter  policy. “KHive uses the very same tactics that Twitter banned Q-Anon  accounts for using.”
 More than that, just two weeks ago Twitter used the “multiple fake  accounts” claim to permanently ban James O’Keefe from the site, just as  he debuted a new undercover exposé of CNN.
 But Harris’ goons get to flaunt the rules daily.
 Last week, a Rasmussen poll  showed that half of American voters believe Kamala Harris is not  qualified to be president. Odd that Americans would hold such a view  about an empty-suit political chameleon with zero accomplishments beyond  having breasts and skin.
 Still, assuming that Harris will be the one running in 2024, that  gives her three years to transform those millions of Twitter bots from  fake tweeters to fake voters.
*KLANNED IF YOU DO, KLANNED IF YOU DON’T*
It’s the most feared conundrum of the professional anti-racist: What if  the only way to stop one black genocide is to usher in another?
 Woke activists in the U.S. are currently grappling with this exact dilemma.
 Next week, the Biden administration is expected to enact a ban on menthol cigarettes,  because menthols are genociding black Americans. An estimated 85% of  black smokers use menthols, over three times the percentage of whites.  Tobacco-related disease kills over 45,000 blacks a year, making it the  No. 1 preventable cause of death for black Americans that doesn’t  involve Gorilla Glue.
 Black health advocates argue that menthols are more addictive and  more toxic than regular smokes (don’t even get them started on  Courvoisier). If blacks won’t stop lighting up the infernal cigs, the  advocates reason, the FDA must ban them—something the administration can  do without congressional approval.
 An alternate proposal for dealing with the menthol problem was to  stare black people in the face and tell them, “You don’t want to buy  death sticks. You want to go home and rethink your life.” This approach,  however, was rejected by the Congressional Black Caucus due to fears of  what might happen to the black community’s reflexive and habitual  support for Democrats if American blacks actually did go home and  rethink their lives.
 So, it seems to be a done deal. Menthol’s will be banned, and _Three the Hard Way_-style chemicide will be averted.
 Wait…not so fast!
 Black charlatans (correction: “community leaders”) like Al Sharpton  are opposing the ban. After all, if you criminalize menthols, you’ll be  giving the evil racist cops yet another reason to mass-murder blacks.  These activists point to the case of Eric Garner in NYC, who was  choke-holded to death for selling “loosies” (loose cigarettes) on the  street. If menthols are banned for sale within the U.S., the  anti-prohibitionists claim, a black market will spring up in the  eponymous communities, which will inevitably lead to clashes between  cops and POCs.
 And to be fair, that ban on crack didn’t exactly eradicate its use in  the black community. To paraphrase Emily Dickinson, “the swart wants  what it wants.” Banning a longtime black leisure commodity will not make  the cravings for it vanish.
 Several ban proponents told _The Washington Post_ that “the  idea that a menthol ban would ‘criminalize’ use of menthol cigarettes or  lead to confrontations with the police is a red herring. They note that  a ban would apply to manufacturers, wholesalers and retailers, not to  consumers. The FDA does not have a police force or take action against  individual users.”
 So on one hand, according to BLM, cops use any and all real or  trumped-up reasons to hassle and murder blacks. But on the other hand,  menthol criminalization would never, _never_ be used to hassle or  murder blacks because the FDA has no police force. So then who’ll go  after the street-level “retailers”? Maybe…_cops_? The same cops who supposedly “use any and all real or trumped-up reasons to hassle and murder blacks.”
 It’s a good thing Joe Biden isn’t alive to have to sort out a matter this confusing.
 Meanwhile, as opioid deaths continue to skyrocket in the U.S.,  causing far more fatalities a year (primarily among whites) than  tobacco-related deaths among blacks, Democrats in Congress do little to  stem the flood of the drugs coming up from the southern border (that  would be racist!) or attack the flood at its Chinese source (that would  be ultra-mega-racist!).
 On the bright side, because the upcoming menthol ban will likely lead  to at least a few cop vs. black loosie vendor clashes, black activists  can take heart in the knowledge that the ban may give them many new  reasons to provoke riots that cause city blocks to burn, filling the air  with carcinogens that will cancel out the health effects of the ban.
 If blacks are gonna die from lung cancer, better they take entire neighborhoods with them.
*INCIDENTS AND OCCIDENTS*
Two ships passing in the night…one sinking, one finally regaining its  buoyancy. As the West emerges from pandemic lockdowns (despite the  desire of frauds like Fauci to keep small children “masked up” and  oxygen-deprived until we’ve raised an entire generation of Corkys from _Life Goes On_),  it’s interesting to examine which nations appear to be emerging  stronger, and which ones seem to have taken insurmountable damage.
 England, the great empire that sunset itself, seems to be exiting  Covidville having rediscovered its manhood (or at least one of its two  missing nads). A week ago, the Johnson government stood up to the United  Nations when that “esteemed” body demanded that the U.K. admit that  it’s an evil white-supremacist Nazi hellhole. Johnson told the U.N. “bollocks,” and that took guts (for a modern-day Englishman).
 And now, Johnson is ending  a controversial policy that forced police to record and report “hate  incidents that are not crimes.” Under that controversial policy, any  Britisher who uttered possibly or seemingly racially hateful words in a  manner that did not cross the line into criminal activity nevertheless  had to be reported and publicly exposed as a “racist.” As defined by the  mandate, a “racist incident is any incident which is perceived to be  racist by the victim or any other person.”
 That’s exactly the kind of wide net Karl Wallenda really could’ve  used. Basically, any Englishman could be reported to the police for  anything a bystander overheard and perceived to be racist (to be fair,  the policy did lead to a marked decrease in “two nogs and an Irishman  are on a boat” jokes).
 But now that policy has been officially revoked. As explained in _The Sunday Times_,  “Government sources confirmed that the home secretary has told the  College of Policing to drop guidance to forces that those accused of  non-criminal incidents should have them recorded on police files.” The  misconceived policy was “ruining lives” because “if someone is reported  for committing a hate incident but an investigation finds that no  criminal offence occurred, the report will nonetheless remain on their  police record.”
 A Whitehall source stated: “These so called non-crime hate incidents  have a chilling effect on free speech and potentially stop people  expressing views legally and legitimately. If people are found to have  done nothing wrong the police shouldn’t punish them.”
 Seems like a commonsense position. Which is why the U.S. is doing the  exact opposite. The very week that the U.K. dropped its “incident  reporting” policy, the U.S. _adopted_ one, under the guise of fighting “anti-Asian racism.” The “COVID-19 Hate Crimes Act” mandates the “online reporting of hate crimes or _incidents_” via a “National Incident-Based Reporting System.”
 Wanna tell that joke about the Chinaman who walks into the black guy’s bar? It might not be a crime (yet), but it _will_ be an “incident,” and you _will_ be reported.
 Funny enough, the bill in its initial form was geared only toward the  reporting of incidents of anti-Asian bias. But Senate Republicans  fought back. Why just Asians? Why not expand the bill to mandate the reporting of _all_  “bias motivated” incidents? That was the literal GOP response: “They  want to quash free speech just to placate Asians? Hah, we’ll show ’em.  We’ll force them to expand that list to quash free speech to placate _all_ identity groups. _That’ll teach ’em!_”
 And that right there is why it doesn’t matter when Republican  politicos refuse to wear masks; these schmucks are already  oxygen-deprived Corkys from _Life Goes On_. Additional lack of oxygen couldn’t possibly make them any dumber.
 Only one GOP senator—Josh Hawley—opposed the “incident reporting” bill.
 Democrats could not be reached for comment regarding the newly passed  law, because they were too busy laughing hysterically, having once  again maneuvered the opposition into the briar patch. But just to add  icing to the victory cake, immediately after the Senate approved the  bill, Democrats in New York dropped all charges against a black man accused of beating an elderly Asian woman half to death.
 The black man had been “angry for several days” before the assault,  so prosecutors decided to let it go. No hate crime there. Meanwhile, an  APB went out for a white guy on the Upper West Side who was overheard  telling the “Chinaman walks into a bar” joke.
 Anyone with information on this hate criminal is urged to contact the FBI at once.
*DON’T MISGENDER WITH TEXAS!*
The trannies play, all night and day (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
You’re always near, a gender-***** (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
The Alamo, was woke you know (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
The defenders were, both him _and_ her (clap clap clap clap)
Deep in the heart of Texas
_Yee-haw!_ Texas lawmaker James Talarico (a Democrat, as if that needs to be said) made some rootin’-tootin’ waves last week when he announced  during a Public Education Committee meeting that them varmints who  think thar’s just two sexes are some low-down lyin’ sidewinders.
 The committee was debating a bill that would bar Andre the Giant in a  dress from competing in K–12 women’s scholastic sports. And Talarico, a  former public school teacher (as if that needs to be said) declared  during the meeting that there are not two sexes, but _six_!
 “The bill seems to think there are two,” Talarico told the chamber.  “The one thing I want us to all be aware of is that modern science  obviously recognizes that there are many more than two biological sexes.  In fact, there are six.”
 To be fair to Talarico, it must be difficult for him to deal with the  fact that he left teaching right before Covid hit, thus depriving him  of a year’s paid vacation followed by a ruthless campaign to torture  small children by forcing them to suffocate under masks in stifling  cubicles.
 It’s kinda like leaving a baseball team right before its championship season.
 Talarico explained that whereas transphobic scientists of old held  that sexual makeup was limited to XX chromosomes for females and XY for  males, woke scientists have discovered that “there are also single X,  XXY, XYY and XXXY.”
 There’s also the XYZ chromosome, which creates exhibitionists who walk around parading their junk in public.
 Rebutting Talarico at the hearing was Beth Stelzer, who had the  temerity to act as though she understands what being a woman means just  because she is one. Stelzer, president of Save Women’s Sports, testified  that “there are in fact two sexes. They are dimorphic: XX, XY. The  other ‘sexes’ mentioned are disorders of sexual development that are  variants of XX or XY chromosomes. They are still disorders of male or  female.”
 Wot _transphobia_! Git a rope and string ’er up!
 Except…it turns out that the _Scientific American_ article  that Talarico relied on for his info kinda says the same thing. While  trying to remain woke enough to not get tarred and feathered, the  article’s author, _Nature_ magazine’s Claire Ainsworth, grudgingly admits that those _tres equis_ mutants are indeed the result of “disorders of sex development (DSDs).”
 Ainsworth describes a case study of one of these mutants: “Her body  was built of cells from two individuals, probably from twin embryos that  had merged in her own mother’s womb. One set of cells carried two X  chromosomes, the complement that typically makes a person female; the  other had an X and a Y.”
 So no, that’s not “another sex.” It’s just some unfortunate baby run through a genetic Cuisinart.
 It’s not hard to imagine Joseph Merrick becoming frustrated with Victorian gawkers. “No, I’m _not_  a friggin’ elephant. They call me the Elephant Man because I have a  disorder that gives me trunklike limbs and elephantine skin. That _doesn’t_ make me an actual elephant, you morons. _Will you stop trying to feed me peanuts?_”
 But science marches on, and today, when twin embryos merge to create a  freakish manwomanthing, it’s not a disorder but an entirely new  species. And, armed with the knowledge of that rare genetic deformity,  leftist politicians can continue to push for policies that allow  mentally ill dudes in lipstick to wipe the floor with actual women in  sporting competitions.
 Everything’s bigger in Texas! And, as James Talarico has demonstrated, that includes the pseudoscience.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-138/

_The Week’s Most Buoyant, Clairvoyant, and Foudroyant Headlines_
*JEWS VS. DAS SCHWARZE KORPS*
Believe it or not, last week’s tragic and deadly stampede at an Orthodox  Jewish religious festival in Israel (which, it should be noted, did _not_ start because someone heard a coin drop, so let’s end that anti-Semitic slander _right now_), was not the week’s worst example of Jews blindly and suicidally charging toward their own destruction.
 No, that honor goes to the Einsteins, Salks, and Seinfelds who run  Tucson’s Jewish History Museum/Holocaust History Center. Those putzes  ran headfirst into an execution trench of their own digging.
 Gugulethu Moyo, or “Gugu” as she likes to be called, is a walking nightmare. If Cuba Gooding went to a costume ball dressed _as_ a transvestite dressed _as_ Angela Davis, he’d look better and less like a caricature than Gugu.
 Gugu was born in Zimbabwe, where she soon proved to be among the  nation’s higher-functioning elites, earning a law degree and working on a  variety of “human rights” causes in Africa and the U.K. Coming to the  U.S., that “higher-functioning” thing led Gugu to a revelation: Jews  have outsize influence here, and they love finding new ways to  virtue-signal how not-racist they are.

              So Gugu decided to become a JewJew. She took an online conversion course, acing some very difficult questions:
   When a Jew hears the word “Holocaust,” the proper catchphrase with which to respond is:
(a) “Fuhgeddaboudit!”
(b) “Yada yada yada”
(c) “Well _excuuuuuuse_ me!”
(d) “Nanu nanu”
(e) “NEVAH AGAIN!”
 Gugu made her way to Tucson, where she started working for the Jewish History Museum/Holocaust History Center. Oy, the _kvelling_! “We have a female African Jewish _schvartze_ working here! We’re the Holocaustiest Holocaust museum in the woild!”

 In November, the esteemed schmucks, nebbishes, and yentas on the  museum’s board unanimously decided to elevate Gugu to the position of  executive director, making her, in the words of the _Arizona Jewish Post_, “the first Jew of Color to lead an American Jewish museum.”
  There was no way this could go south (if by “no way” one means “about 10,000 ways”).
 Last week, as reported by the JTA,  Gugu Doll was dismissed from the museum, cast out of the institute into  the desert like black Moses, crossing not the Red Sea but the museum’s  Koi Pond of Remembrance, pursued not by Pharaoh but a whole mess of  angry Yids. Apparently, Gugu had tried to use the museum to push BLM  propaganda and George Soros “no bail” “criminal justice reform”  programs, which angered several of the museum’s well-heeled Arizonan  donors.


              “They didn’t like having to focus on racial justice,” Gugu told the JTA.
 Although the board initially backed Gugu against the donors, soon  enough she started accusing the board of being “too white and male,” and  when she decided that she didn’t want to work as many hours as they  felt an executive director should, she accused the board of engaging in  “slavery.” In no time, she was denouncing the board members as “racists”  and “oppressors.”
 Who could’ve seen that coming? Only every sonofabitch in the entire friggin’ world.
 With Gugu gonegone, peace has returned to the museum. New executive  director Michelle Blumenberg has vowed to keep the institution’s focus  where it belongs: kicking the corpses of dead Germans while telling  present-day ones to keep in line and keep quiet.
  For her part, Gugu has accepted a position with the Council of  American Jewish Museums, where she’s already hard at work planning her  tumultuous exit from _that_ den of slavery and colonialism.

*DOUBLE CROSS-DRESSER*
The 2003 California gubernatorial recall was launched chiefly due to  discontent regarding the state’s electricity crisis of the early 2000s.  Technically, then-governor Gray Davis wasn’t actually responsible for  the outages, but the dull-as-water-on-white-bread Davis, whose advisers  were known to carry small mirrors to hold in front of the guy’s mouth to  make sure the expressionless dimwit was still breathing, nevertheless  faced the fury of voters whose visits to porn sites were being  interrupted by blackouts _right_ before the money shot.
 When the recall election heated up, Davis began pandering, pledging  to give driver’s licenses to illegal aliens. Which in turn gave his No. 1  challenger exactly the issue he needed, as the blackouts were long past  and out of memory for all but the most traumatized Pornhub addicts.
 Arnold Schwarzenegger rode the “no licenses for illegals” issue to  victory. Unfortunately, the movie strongman soon discovered that no  amount of unintelligible guttural grunting could overcome the state’s  Democrat legislative supermajority, so the big guy just gave up, forming  his own in-house DMV where Guatemalan housekeepers could take his  personalized oral test.


With a new California recall on the horizon, the candidates lining up  to take on 1980s Bret Easton Ellis villain Gavin Newsom are fishing  hard to find the best issue on which to run. Currently, Newsom’s  hypocrisy regarding the Covid lockdowns is a weakness…but, as with the  rolling blackouts in 2003, will that issue still resonate by November?  Plus, for the state’s largest population center—L.A. County—it’s almost  quaint to think that in 2003 the occasional power outage was the  citizenry’s biggest gripe, considering that barely a year ago a group of  thugs and terrorists burned down large swaths of the county’s retail  districts.
 But it’s unlikely that any challenger will make “law and order” or  anti-BLM a central campaign theme. Blacks may comprise less than 5% of  the state, but most politicians probably assume it’s way higher,  considering the endless pandering by Hollywood and both political  parties to this tiny irrelevant demo. It’s a perception problem similar  to how over half of Americans believe that LGBTs make up a quarter of  the population, whereas in reality all LGBTs put together equal roughly  4.5%, and trannies specifically comprise one half of one percent.
 Did somebody say trannies?
 Caitlyn Jenner is emerging as an early favorite to be Newsom’s No. 1  contender. Former Trump cabinet member Ric Grenell is another possible  challenger, as is failed 2018 GOP gubernatorial candidate John Cox  (polls show the openly gay Grenell handily beating Cox. In fact, not  just whipping Cox but devouring Cox).

 With Grenell keeping a firm hold on Cox—a grip he’s unlikely to  relinquish—it falls to Jenner, who left her concerns about Cox behind on  an operating table years ago, to break out of the pack and become the  ordained anti-Newsom uniter.
 Surprisingly, Jenner has elected to make her first platform statement  one that’s guaranteed to kill any of the tranny goodwill she might’ve  received from the alphabet soupers: She’s come down squarely against  biological boys competing in women’s scholastic sports.  This is sheer blasphemy. There’s nothing of greater importance to  trannies than pummeling actual women in sporting events. One suspects  that certain men don wigs and dresses for that purpose alone. And it has  to be _young_ women. It’s gotta be _scholastic_ sports, when girls are especially emotionally vulnerable.

 Remember—a brilliant scientist who wears an anime shirt must be canceled  because his shirt “might” (via some unspoken principle) intimidate  young girls from entering STEM. But when John Goodman in drag overwhelms  actual 15-year-old girls in high school sports, that isn’t even  remotely intimidating. In fact, it just helps those female athletes  raise their game (or learn to accept crushing defeat with grace).
 Jenner’s position on tranny sports has earned scorn from the  transtolerant left. Because Jenner’s a traitor! A turncoat! A real  Be-no-dicked Arnold. Joy Behar even misgendered Jenner on _The View_! That’s normally a capital crime, but not in this case.
 As for Jenner, she might be banking on the fact that she’s running in  a state that between 2000 and 2008 twice voted to ban gay marriage.  Perhaps she senses that an electorate against _that_ is most likely also against Dwayne Johnson in lipstick stomping on teen girls.
 Whether or not that will be a successful strategy remains to be seen.  For many Californians, the only recall victory that matters has already  been won: It pushed Newsom to finally end all Covid lockdowns. So,  considering what a pathetic wreck Schwarzenegger became once in office,  that might be the only good thing to ever come from a California recall.
*A TURD BY ANY OTHER NAME*
Branding is a bitch. When a product with longtime customer familiarity  decides to embark on a name-change, the results can be a mixed bag.
 Sometimes, the rebranding occurs seamlessly, as when Kentucky Fried  Chicken chose to officially become KFC. Consumers had been using that  term for years anyway, all part of the “let’s make artery-clogging fast  food hip and fun” thing that took off in the 1980s with “Mickey D’s.” On  the other hand, when another purveyor of unhealthy fare—British  Petroleum—tried to rebrand as Beyond Petroleum, the global ridicule was  such that the conglomerate had to settle for “BP.”
 Initials are an easier transition than outright name-changes. Like  when Overstock.com tried to become O.co. That idea didn’t last very  long, although the marketing company that concocted it made enough money  from the ten minutes it took to think of that name to keep everyone in  upper management knee-deep in blow for a month. Then there was ValuJet,  which, eager to rebrand following a mass-fatality crash, became AirTran.  Well, _that_ didn’t work out, as flyers avoided the airline out  of fear that the flight attendants would be men in dresses patrolling  the aisles screaming, “CALL ME MA’AM!”
 And of course 2020 saw a steady stream of social justice rebrandings.  Aunt Jemima and Eskimo Pies changed their names entirely, with the  former choosing the amazingly catchy Pearl Milling Company as the new  moniker, and the latter choosing Igloo-Dwelling Seal-Spearing D-Bags in  Parkas Pies, although that’s likely to be altered in committee.
 Taking a more pragmatic approach, the Washington Redskins rebranded  last year as simply the “Washington Football Team” (that name was born  when a bunch of D.C. locals in a focus group were offered EBT cards if  they named the Washington football team, and after twenty hours of  intense thought they realized the name had been right in front of them  the whole time).
 And now D.C. itself is looking to rebrand. With the Democrats going  all-in on D.C. statehood, everyone agrees that the new state will need a  new stately name. In the first D.C. statehood resolution unsuccessfully  put before Congress in 1992, the suggested name for the 51st state was  “New Columbia.” Sadly, that caused tremendous frustration among locals  as they struggled to find Old Columbia on U.S. maps.

 In 2016, the name of the hypothetical D.C. state was changed to  Douglass Commonwealth, in honor of Jimmy Douglass, the recording  engineer behind Hall & Oates. After another twenty-hour focus-group  session, it was decided that 19th-century abolitionist and orator _Frederick_ Douglass would be a better Douglass to use as a namesake.
 So that’s where it stands now. Should D.C. become a state, it will be known as Douglass Commonwealth.
 But there’s a “problematic” in the mix. Because in woke America  there’s always a “problematic” somewhere in the mix. After Douglass’  first wife, who was black, passed away, the great orator fled to the  arms of a white woman twenty years his junior, and the two married, much  to the chagrin of Douglass’ adult children from his first marriage, who  considered the new, white wife a betrayal of their mother and their  race. Indeed, Douglass’ daughter-in-law even sued him (black newspapers  at the time were equally harsh in their judgment of Douglass’  ebony/ivory shtick).
 It gets worse. Douglass never even taught his first wife to read. Her  job was to raise the kids barefoot and illiterate while he traveled the  nation doing a Morgan Freeman impression (“Look, trust me, in 140 years  this impression will _kill_!”). And as soon as she croaked, he hopped in bed with a young educated white suffragette.
 Of course, these complexities of the Douglass legacy need not become a  problem. Unless, that is, black women in 2021 America have a tendency  to be vocally and perhaps slightly irrationally opposed to anything that  might even remotely be construed as disrespect.
 So, yes, these complexities of the Douglass legacy will become a  problem. It might be a good strategic move for the D.C. statehood people  to have a few backup names at the ready.
 If it matters, the Hall & Oates guy—who, it should be noted, is black—could really use the publicity.
 And what better anthem for the nation’s capital—the home of the  Democrat and Republican machines, the stomping ground of calcified  legacy media reporters and chronically inaccurate pollsters, the  assisted-living facility of Joe Biden—than “Out of Touch”?
*TINKER TAILER WOKER SPY*
It’s hard to decide which is a more frightening scenario: that the CIA  is an all-knowing, all-seeing conspiratorial hidden hand directing human  destiny via the puppet mastery of a staff of high-skilled, high-IQ,  cold, unemotional superspies who can influence the course of world  events and bend wills to theirs as easily as one might flick a light  switch…or that the CIA is made up of incompetent mouthbreathers who  coast purely on their agency’s false reputation and the meritocracy-free  job security of deep-state employment.
 Conspiracy theorists desperately want to believe the former; indeed,  their entire worldview depends on it. But the evidence is not always on  their side. After all, this is the “intelligence agency” that botched  the Bay of Pigs invasion, failed to foresee or plan for the Cuban  Missile Crisis, ignored evidence of the Soviet ICBM buildup of 1965,  dismissed reports of a VC offensive during Tet, missed every sign  leading up to the Yom Kippur War, declared in August 1978 that “Iran is  not in a revolutionary or even a pre-revolutionary situation,” assured  President Carter that the Soviets would never invade Afghanistan lest  they get bogged down in an unwinnable war, was taken by surprise by the  breakup of the Soviet Union, was blindsided by the 1998 Indian nuclear  test, and—most famously—was caught sleeping by 9/11.
 This is the same “fearsome” agency that tried to kill Fidel Castro  with exploding cigars, a contaminated diving suit, an exploding  seashell, and a poison pen…failing miserably each time.
 CIA? More like I Am Sam.

 Rather than defend its competence, as often as not the CIA tries to  explain its failures by stressing its lack of integrity and  independence. When called out for its wildly inaccurate report on Saddam  Hussein’s “WMDs,” the best explanation the CIA could muster was “Durr,  we just writed whut Bush done tolded us to.”
 Considering that history, both in terms of gross incompetence and  susceptibility to prevailing political winds, it’s surprising that  conservatives have reacted with such shock and outrage at the CIA’s  latest “diversity” recruitment campaign,  in which various “identity group” agents are trotted out to show off  the agency’s wokeness. One PSA features a blind agent (holding  high-pressure water hose: “Am I near the board? Am I aiming at his  mouth? How close am I?”). Another features an agent who describes  herself as an “intersectional woman of color Latina cisgender millennial  who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.”
 A CIA agent with anxiety disorder…
 “Agent X self-terminated. She bit down on her cyanide capsule.”
 “Was she captured by the enemy?”
 “No. She was getting her morning paper and a neighbor said ‘Hi.’”
 The most common response to this new “diversity” campaign from  rightist commentators and pundits has been to point out that publicizing  our most delicate, unstable, handicapped, affirmative-action spies is  not the best way to strike fear into the hearts of the Chinese and  Russians. But that criticism is only valid if one assumes that those  nations had any fear of the CIA prior to this new woke campaign. Both  nations—the Chinese especially—have been spying with impunity on  Americans on American soil for decades. Neither foe acts as if it’s  terribly fearful of our intelligence machinery.

 When estimation is already at rock bottom, it can’t go any lower.  It’s unlikely that anyone in Beijing greeted this new CIA campaign with  anything other than a “what else is new?” look of bemusement (to  whatever extent those inscrutable automatons are capable of facial  expression).
 And to be fair on two points: First, the CIA woke recruitment campaign began under Trump,  who probably thought it would be a great way for him to win 100% of the  mentally ill woman of color Latina single mom millennial vote (“Mexico  doesn’t send its best, so we put ’em on Buspirone and make ’em spies”).  And second, damn near forty years ago, in September 1983, it was Ronald  Reagan’s Interior Secretary James Watt who bragged  about the diversity of his coal-leasing review committee by announcing  at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast, “We have every kind of mix you can  have. I have a black, I have a woman, two Jews, and a cripple. And we  have talent.”
 No, the Chinese have lost neither respect for us nor fear _of_ us due to the CIA’s latest misadventure. Because the Chinese have been paying attention for a _long_ time.
*RACISM FAKER, AWARENESS MAKER*
America is only beginning to come to terms with the destructive effects  on a generation of children deprived of a year of schooling due to  Covid. Learning lost, socialization lost; millions of kids literally an  entire grade behind. Yet arguably the most tragic victims of the school  lockdowns are the racist graffiti hoaxers. How can a black or Latinx  student scrawl swastikas or “KKK” or “WHITE POWER” or “GO BACK TO  MEXICO! MAGA!” on bathroom walls and stalls and mirrors when classes are  remote?
 Sure, young BLM terrorists-in-training have been practicing at home,  but it’s just not the same when you have no whites to pin it on. Plus,  moms don’t like havin’ to clean up that mess (the Windex 1-800-number  24-hour cleaning helpline has noted a 110% increase in questions like  “How do I get ‘******* must die!’ written in Sharpie off my bathroom  mirror?”).
 But if BLM younglings are good at anything, it’s innovating new ways to sow racial hatred (and that’s about it).
 Last month, black students at White Bear Lake High School in  Minnesota were targeted with racist graffiti remotely, via social media  messages. Funny enough, though, the messages weren’t anonymous. They  appeared to have been sent by a young, white, conservative student named  Avery Severson. Who for some reason put her name on the threats she  sent.
 “Leave my school ******! You must leave White Bear” read one message.  Others were in a similar vein: “That’s why George Floyd died and can’t  wait for everyone of your color to leave like this.”
“You should be hanged. You are a filthy African girl. Nobody wants you here. Go to a black school, This is WHITE bear lake.”
 One of the recipients of the hateful messages was a student named  Precious Boahen (can you guess her race?), who responded by leading a  schoolwide walkout of “students of color.”
 “Someone really took the time to threaten me and my beautiful friends  with death just because we’re a little bit darker than the rest of  you,” Precious told the local news.
 The simple wisdom of a child. Don’t hate someone just because they’re  “a little bit darker than you.” A quote for the ages, a statement of  such power Frederick Douglass himself looked down from the heavens and  said, “Now, _that_ young sista I’d marry.”
 And then it turned out that the entire racist messages thing was a hoax.  They were sent by a student of color in order to, in the words of the  FBI officials who briefly stopped pursuing Jan. 6 protesters to rush to  St. Paul to investigate the matter, “raise awareness of social and  racial injustice.” Oh, and to frame a white conservative student.
 Because the true culprit is a minor, neither the FBI nor the school  would release his or her name. But one wonders if it rhymes with  Brecious Poahen.

 Barack Obama is said to have operated under the guiding principle of,  “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” But today’s young blacks have  taken that one step further: “Never let a _fake_ crisis go to  waste.” Even though the emails were a hoax, black students at White Bear  nevertheless demanded increased “diversity” brainwashing and “equity”  propaganda in the classrooms and among the faculty. The students also  slammed the district superintendent, Wayne Kazmierczak, for using the  word “hoax” when describing the incident’s resolution.

 “Really, wake up Mr. Superintendent and the entire administrative  staff, all staff. Racism is Not, I repeat; IS NOT A HOAX. This district  has problems and it is now TIME to do something about it! Learn for  yourselves first and teach, accept, acknowledge and be accountable,”  read one comment on a local TV news station’s Facebook page.
 In response, Kazmierczak apologized and released a statement in which he agreed that the entire event is a “teachable moment” to “raise awareness” of racism against black students.
 In other words, the hoaxer got his/her way. Mission accomplished.
 And Avery Severson got no apology from the school.

 Such fine stewards of America’s educational institutions. With  lessons like “Racist hoaxes show us the real racism that exists except  it doesn’t which is why it had to be faked but the fakery was necessary  in order to expose the real racism that doesn’t exist,” perhaps  America’s kids were helped more than we realize by a year’s absence from  these tard farms.

----------


## Danke



----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-139/

_The Week’s Most Idyllic, Sibyllic, and Nyctophilic Headlines_
*JUNETEENTH IS BUSTIN’ OUT ALL OVER*
It’s getting harder and harder to keep up with all the black-themed  “holidays” each year. Already we’ve had MLK Day (Jan. 18), Black History  Month (February), Rosa Parks Day (Feb. 4), Black Love Day (Feb. 13),  Frederick Douglass Day (Feb. 14), Harriet Tubman Day (March 10),  Emancipation Day (April 16), Duke Ellington Day (April 29), Malt Liquor  Day (May 5), The Guy Who Does the Jittery Shaky Dance in the “Beat It”  Video Day (May 14), and Violent Rage Over Something Trivial Day  (ongoing).
 And the year’s not even half over!
 Next month, the nation will observe “Juneteenth,” a formerly  little-known unofficial holiday made widely known and very official last  year following weeks of BLM violence during what could be referred to  as Black Fistory Month. For those who may not know, Juneteenth is a day  of observance that marks the moment on June 19, 1865, when news of the  Emancipation Proclamation, which had been signed three years earlier,  finally reached the slaves of Texas. For some odd reason, white Texans  had not yet informed their slaves that they were free (what could _possibly_ have been the motivation for _that_?).  Upon hearing the news, black Texans declared a day of celebration:  Juneteenth, a portmanteau of June and nineteenth. It soon became a day  marked by blacks in all states.
 Whites in Texas declared their own day of mourning, called Junedamfoudout, a portmanteau of June and “Damn, they found out.”

              Now that Juneteenth is an actual official holiday, whites are  struggling to find the best way to join in the celebration.  Traditionally, the proper manner of expressing “Happy Juneteenth” to a  black person is to give him three-year-old news that he didn’t already  know.
   White Guy: “You ever heard of Lowrell Simon?”
 Black Guy: “Nope.”
 White Guy: “He was a soul singer. Founded the Vondells.”
  Black Guy: “Oh, cool.”
 White Guy: “Well he died on June 19, 2018.”

              Black Guy: “Damn, I didn’t know that.”
 White Guy: “Happy Juneteenth, jackass.”
 If that’s the _right_ way to celebrate Juneteenth, what Old Navy tried to do last week was most assuredly the _wrong_  way. The geniuses who run the clothing giant decided that the best  strategy for making some coin off this whole “woke” thing would be to  sell a line of Juneteenth T-shirts in their stores and online all  throughout May and June. It was either that or commemorative George  Floyd shirts (100% cotton for breathability; comes with a complimentary  choker).
 The same rocket scientists who thought BLM would react positively to a  non-black-owned mega-corp selling Juneteenth merch also decided that  the best way to hawk these exciting woke items would be through the  dynamic youthful world of social media “influencers.” So, acting through  a talent agency that represents these Instagram wastes of plasma, Old  Navy reached out to “black Instagram” to persuade its biggest stars to  promote the Juneteenth shirts.
  Now, Old Navy CEO Sonia Syngal is an India-born Canadian, so it’s  understood that she might not know much about black Americans. She’s  also in her 50s, which makes it understandable that she might not know  much about influencer culture, either. But it’s astounding that no one  down the line picked up on one very key similarity between blacks and  influencers: They like free stuff. Old Navy told those black influencers  that they’d have to _buy their own_ Juneteenth shirts…in order to shill them so that Old Navy could make the profit.

              Most influencers actually charge a _fee_ to do that kind of thing, but even if they don’t, free merch is the rule not the exception.
 Well, black Instagram certainly “influenced,” just not in the way Old  Navy wanted. The reaction to Old Navy’s “buy yo’ own shirts” policy was  so overwhelmingly negative, last week the company scrapped the entire plan.  And for Syngal, who’s overseen a dramatic decline in Old Navy sales due  to a number of poor business decisions, the Juneteenth debacle was yet  another bud-bud-_bad_ move.
 So this Juneteenth, celebrants are going to have to find something  else to wear…although most will likely just don whatever they can grab  from the store they’re looting.
*BLACK IN WHITEFACE*
“Negro poet” and drunken wife-beater Paul Lawrence Dunbar’s 1895 poem “We Wear the Mask” is considered a classic of the genre:
 We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile.
And when we burglarize your place,
The mask we wear upon our face,
Looks a lot like Harry Potter…
Man, why you pullin’ me over? I wasn’t even doin’ nuthin’.
 Rockim Prowell is a 33-year-old black man from Inglewood with a  simple dream: rob the living hell out of them rich whiteys in Beverly  Hills. Rockim Prowell is also a guy who’s apparently seen the _Mission: Impossible_ films a few times too many. He hatched a brilliant plan for his burglary spree: He’d disguise himself as a white boy!  He bought one of those lifelike human masks, complete with wavy, messy  brown Harry Potter hair and glasses. And off he went, to cast a  vanishing spell on the possessions of the mugglesteins of Beverly Hills.
 And here’s where BLM and other so-called black “representatives”  failed one of their community’s finest. By constantly repeating the  falsehood that black men are being targeted by cops, that a black man  can’t even walk down a street without getting arrested for doin’  nuthin’, these “black leaders” convinced Prowell that if he just  committed his burglaries as a whitey, he’d be left alone.
 In fact, just the opposite is true. Prowell should’ve been reading VDARE, not Salon. Because then he would’ve learned that in fact it’s only _white_  wanted criminals who get their pictures and full descriptions included  in media crime reports. Yep, Rockim Sockim Robot screwed up royally.  Every newspaper and local TV station broadcast and tweeted security  camera pics and descriptions of the “Harry Potter bandit,” including  info about the car he drove.
 Had the burglar been understood to be black, it’s likely the media  would’ve ignored the story. But by being white—by giving the L.A. press  the chance to highlight a non-black criminal—Prowell brought so much  heat down on himself, it was only a matter of time before someone  spotted his vehicle.
 Poor bastard…you can wear Harry Potter’s face, but that doesn’t mean you’ll absorb his wisdom.
 And indeed, last week the Beverly Hills PD pulled Prowell over. And  any initial confusion the officers had regarding the race of the driver  vs. the race of the suspect was soon cleared up when they found the  white-boy mask and burglary booty in the guy’s backseat.

 Also, the car itself was stolen.


Prowell was booked on multiple counts of burglary, grand theft, and  vandalism. And the ignominies didn’t end there; Beverly Hills cops  forced him to put the mask back on so that a shaggy stoner, a  bespectacled fat girl, a pretty skinny girl, and a tall blond guy and  their Great Dane could pull it off. He was then forced to say, “And I’d  have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids.”
 A spokesman for the BHPD said, “We couldn’t help ourselves; when’s an opportunity like that ever gonna come around again?”
 L.A. County’s Soros-backed DA George Gascon is currently deciding  whether Prowell will be prosecuted as a white man, in which case the  DA’s office would seek the maximum penalty, or a black man, in which  case he’d be freed with an apology and a gift basket.
 And California governor Gavin Newsom has declared Prowell one of the  “heroes of Covid” for his dedication to wearing a mask, even when alone.
 “I just wish it hadn’t been a Harry Potter mask,” Newsom told _The Sacramento Bee_. “That J.K. Rowling is _so_ transphobic.”
*“BUY MY PAPER, YOU MISERABLE RACISTS!”*
Patrick Soon-Shiong is a man on a mission. The billionaire businessman,  surgeon, and bioscientist wants to prove to the world that even the  highest-IQ Chinaman can be dumb as a hammer and not nearly as useful.
 Soon-Shiong owns the _Los Angeles Times_, which he purchased  for $500,000,000 in cash in 2018. Analysts have suggested that  Soon-Shiong was overcharged for the property by roughly $499,999,995.75.
 The _L.A. Times_ makes the post-iceberg _Titanic_ look  buoyant. In two decades the rag has gone from subscription numbers in  the multiple millions to numbers in the multiple hundred thousands.  There’s been a bankruptcy, mass staff layoffs, and a revolving door of  incompetent editors. Even digitally, the _Times_ manages to be the village idiot in a village of idiots. _The New York Times_ boasts 6.9 million online subscribers. _The Wall Street Journal_, 2.2 million. _The Washington Post_, 1.7 million. The _L.A. Times_? 240,000 (and that’s due to a “pandemic lockdown bump.” Prior to Covid, it was only 170,000).
 Soon-Shiong’s money would have been better spent being committed to fire in a Buddhist temple as an offering to his ancestors.
 Last August, _Times_ staffers told The Wrap  that the paper was engaging in deceptive practices in order to attract  new subscribers. Now, why would a newspaper have to trick people into  reading it? And why would the only major paper in a city the size of  L.A. _not_ have readers?
 Baffling! Or…not. Over 50% of _Times_ readers are over 50 years of age (almost 35% are over 60). And although the _Times_ doesn’t release reader breakdowns by race, the stats likely mirror those of _The New York Times_—71%  white. So, you have a paper with an older, white base of likely  readers, and an editorial bent that can be summed up as “Screw you,  whitey.”
 A small sampling of recent headlines:
 “The burden of ending racism sits squarely on white people” (5/29/20)
“I sat and watched ‘Black Panther’ and thought about what smug hypocrites white people can be” (6/1/20)
“White women still can’t stop calling police on black people” (6/3/20)
“White people are, at long last, seeing the light: they’re racist!” (6/11/20)
“In the midst of a racial reckoning, what does whiteness mean” (6/15/20)
“Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben aren’t just racist symbols, they flatten culture for white consumption” (6/17/20)
“How white people used police to make L.A. one of the most segregated cities in America” (8/11/20)
“White people will contort themselves to justify the police killing of Black people” (9/2/20)
“How white people gentrified Black Lives Matter” (9/8/20)
“White scholars try to pass as Black” (10/8/20)
“The Capitol marauders proved how dangerous white anger, and white privilege, is to democracy” (1/19/21)
“The white privilege that’s undermining vaccine equity” (2/3/21)
“This year, Black History Month has been overtaken by white history made on Jan. 6” (2/19/21)
“If you’re a white person, you’re not going to face racism” (4/16/21)
 And that’s just from the past year.
 And there’s poor Patrick Soon-Shiong, sitting at home, out a half-billion bucks, drowning his sorrows in _baijiu_ and screaming, “I no understand! Why you no reedy my paper?”
 But Soon-Shiong isn’t some ordinary dummy. No, he’s an extraordinary  one. He hatched a brilliant plan to dig himself out of the Nanking mass  grave in which he now sits. Does that plan involve shifting the paper’s  obsessive editorial focus so that readers aren’t told on a daily basis,  “You’re evil racist devils and the city would be better off without  you”?
 Nope! He’s asking Joe Biden to bail him out.  Having already received a $10 million pandemic assistance loan,  Soon-Shiong wants more government green. “I’m not asking the government  to do anything drastic, but they have to step in and find a way to  support the viability of this whole industry,” he told Bloomberg last  week.
 Fitting how a person brought up using a byzantine and impenetrable  “alphabet” finds it so hard to recognize the simple, linear solution to a  problem. The _Times_ is not “viable” because readers don’t want  to read day after day about how vile they are. Tucker Carlson could  break wind live on air and it would be seen by more people than read the  _L.A. Times_ in an entire week.
 It would be more informative than the _Times_, too.
 The White House has not yet responded to Soon-Shiong’s request for a bailout. Sources say that President Biden used to read the _Times_ for _Marmaduke_, but he stopped when the strip became too complicated for him to understand.
*TIMES SQUARENDIPITY*
It was like one of those movies with interlocking story lines, where the  audience follows parallel plots with no idea how they’ll converge at  the end. Like Paul Thomas Anderson’s noble failure _Magnolia_ or Paul Haggis’ lamentable success _Crash_.
*Story line No. 1: Times Square, New York, May 8* A black street thug named Farrakhan Muhammad is selling CDs on the street. And of _course_  he’s a thug. His name is Farrakhan Muhammad; his destiny was cast the  moment his momma named him. You name a baby “Farrakhan Muhammad,” it  doesn’t get a social security number; it gets a parole officer.
 For some reason, while busking his CDs, Farrakhan decided to start  spraying the area with gunfire. The reason is unclear. Some news reports  suggest he was in a dispute with another vendor who may have been his  brother. Perhaps the dispute was over something weighty, a matter worthy  of Cain and Abel. On the other hand, maybe it was over borrowed  sneakers or an errant text from a stripper named Tyqwando.
 In the end, does it matter? Of course not, as Farrakhan’s aim was as  poor as his life choices. He missed his target but hit two female  tourists and a 4-year-old girl. Thankfully, none of the injuries were  fatal, as Farrakhan proved to be a failure even as an accidental  murderer.
 Now on the lam, Farrakhan Muhammad took off in his car, yelling out the window, “I still say _The Bell Curve_ makes a flawed and inaccurate case for racial IQ differences.”
*Story line No. 2: Somewhere in Russia, May 7* In bold  defiance of their inborn predilections, members of a Russian criminal  hacker gang overcome their inherently combative and uncooperative nature  and stay sober and collegial enough to successfully cripple a major  U.S. oil pipeline, effectively cutting off gasoline supplies to the  entire Southeast. At the same time, the tech nerd who told Colonial  Pipeline Co., “Let’s switch this business from relying on burly men  turning giant valves to sickly dweebs pushing buttons on a Mac,”  realizes that his vision of one day getting laid has moved forever  beyond his reach as gas stations throughout the Gulf States run dry and  people start to wonder why an oil pipeline can now freeze like Windows  10.
*Story line No. 1: May 11* Farrakhan Muhammad races  south in his gas-guzzling SUV. He’s made it all the way from New York to  Florida, but his dedication to rap music has kept his radio tuned to  95.9 BUTT-FM, a station that plays nothing but songs about large rear  ends. His love of hardcore rhymes about generous posteriors has  prevented him from sampling the news channels. He is unaware of the  gasoline shortage.
*Story line No. 2: May 12* The Russian hackers get  drunk and murder each other for no other reason than that they’re  Russian. And Russians never need a reason to be violently contentious.
*Story line No. 1: May 12* Farrakhan Muhammad runs out of gas  in Starke, Fla.—population three meth-heads, a gator with cataracts,  and two senile elderly Jews who aren’t sure if they survived the  Holocaust or sat through a really bad Eddie Cantor concert in 1943.  Baffled by the lack of open gas stations, Muhammad pulls his sputtering  vehicle into a McDonald’s parking lot and buys some food.
 Recognized by a patron (one of the cataract gators), the police are  called. Farrakhan Muhammad is taken into custody. He gives an interview  to a local TV station, in which he claims that he’s the victim of a  racist white man with a Confederate flag who frightened him and for some  reason that’s why he was framed for the Times Square shooting. That’s  literally the best excuse he can come up with.
 He then has a great revelation that _The Bell Curve_ was right after all. He sits in his holding cell, staring blankly at a wall, his worldview shattered.
*Epilogue:* New York mayor and anthropomorphic stoma  bag Bill de Blasio, stung by the international attention the Times  Square shooting brought to his city’s violent crime surge, reverses  himself on his “defund the police” fanaticism and pledges to increase  the NYPD budget by $105 million.
 Russian hackers, a black CD busker, shuttered Florida gas stations,  and a fraudulent mayor named Wilhelm…and at the end of the day, the  characters converge to create a happy ending. No innocents killed, a  thug in jail, and the people of NYC slightly safer.
 Grading on a curve by the standards of these troublesome days, that’s about the best outcome anyone could expect.
*MAY YOU ONLY SEE THE BACKS OF THEIR HEADS*
It was a time of fear…it was a time of panic. It was the Day of the Driver’s License!

 Michelle Obama has a tale of horror to tell. A real sp-sp-spooky  campfire story. So gather round the burning Rite Aid, and prepare to get  the shivers!
 “Former first lady Michelle Obama has revealed she is terrified that  even her two daughters will be racially profiled when they’re in the car  alone,” reported the _New York Post_.
Every time they get in a car by themselves, I worry about  what assumption is being made by somebody who doesn’t know everything  about them. The fact that they are good students and polite girls, but  maybe they’re playing their music a little loud, maybe somebody sees the  back of their head and makes an assumption. I, like so many parents of  black kids…the innocent act of getting a license puts fear in our  hearts. Many of us [blacks] still live in fear as we go to the grocery  store, walking our dogs. I think we have to talk about it more. And we  have to ask our fellow citizens to listen a bit more, and to believe us,  and to know we don’t wanna be out there marching.That would make sense if Michelle’s black activist buddies actually _were_ “marching.” But instead they’re assaulting and looting, which probably _is_ something they “wanna be” doing.
 Michelle’s scare-tastical tale of terror, obviously intended to  portray young blacks as shrinking violets quaking in fear of cars  because someone might see “the back of their head” and “make  assumptions,” doesn’t exactly jibe with real-life events. Indeed,  reality dictates that the risk to young black wannabe drivers who are  seen from behind is nothing compared with the risk to whites who have  the misfortune of seeing young black wannabe drivers from the _front_.

 The very day that ’chelle was spinning her yarn, two black kids in  San Leandro, Calif. (adjacent to the anal fissure known as Oakland),  mugged and beat an 80-year-old Asian man—giggling as the old guy cried out in pain—and then robbed a Hispanic man, and then _carjacked_ someone else, before finally getting caught. The thug who was caught driving the carjacked vehicle? _11 years old._ His accomplice was 17. But the 11-year-old was the driver.
 Apparently, Michelle Obama’s story frightened him so much, he didn’t  want to risk getting his license. Fortunately, none of the 11-year-old’s  victims made any “assumptions” based on “the back of his head.”
 The previous week, also in San Leandro, two other black kids tried to  carjack an adult white male in broad daylight (as their two accomplices  waited in a getaway car, also stolen). This time, the victim fought back,  body-slamming one of the youths and making him squeal like a fragile  little girl. When cops caught up with the kids, they found that they  were ages 11 to 14.
 More black kids scared to death of getting their driver’s licenses,  lest the people they mug, beat, and carjack make “assumptions” about  them based on “the back of their head.”
 Michelle Obama’s shocking tale of suspense might strike fear into the  hearts of her fellow eternally griping “professional” black victims,  but for people in San Leandro, and in cities all over the nation, it’s a  bit hard to fear _for_ those kids when there are so many legitimate reasons to have fear _of_ them.
 And _that_ fear isn’t based on “assumptions,” but statistics and probability.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-140/

Taki Mag May 23, 2021

The Weeks Most Sagacious, Temptatious, and Vexatious Headlines

*THE CHEETO BANDITO*

_Its a fine Saturday afternoon in Los Angeles historic Olvera Street shopping district. Your craving for Mexican food has brought you to the Downtown location, becausefollowing L.A.s Food Service Anti-Cultural Appropriation Racial Purity Act of 2019 (a.k.a. the Nuremburrito Laws), which mandated that nonwhite food can only be sold by establishments owned by nonwhitesOlvera Street has become one of the few remaining areas where one can obtain restaurant-quality tamales.

As eateries are still only allowed 50% capacity, you sit outside, savoring the mild May weather, awaiting your table. You are approached by a small Mexican child.

Señor, I am Pablo. Mi familia has suffered greatly from the Covid. I no beggar boy, but for only one dollar, Pablo will tell you a story of hope and inspiration in these terrible times.

You think to yourself, why not? A little pre-dinner entertainment would be pleasant.

Pablo begins his tale_

Richard Montañez was a janitora lowly Mexican-American janitor sweeping floors at a Frito-Lay manufacturing plant in Rancho Cucamonga, Calif. One day, while cleaning a toilet in the buildings dreaded nachos wing, Montañez had a flash of brilliance: Why not market Cheetos covered in spicy chili powder, a flaming hot snack food that would revolutionize the staid, boring world of crunchy comestibles? So certain, so confident was Montañez in his vision, he mustered the temerity to personally call the Frito-Lay CEO, who rewarded the janitero valiente with a pitch meeting, where the entire corporate staff was blown away by the idea. And voilà, in 1989, Flamin Hot Cheetos hit the stands, becoming the companys definingand best-sellingproduct.

And Montañez became a superstar. As a motivational speaker, he commanded fees as high as $50,000 to tell his rags-to-riches tale at high schools, universities (including Harvard and USC), and corporate diversity seminars for Walmart and Target.

He penned a memoir. He was the subject of a book, 2012s Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America. And last year his story was scooped up by Disneys Searchlight for a feature film titled Flamin Hot, to be directed by the mystifyingly successful TV señora Eva Longoria.

The film was supposed to begin production last year, but was delayed due to Covid.

For once, Covid did something right. Because it turns out Richard Montañez invented only two things: jack and squat. His entire story was a lie, complete make-believe. 

Flamin Hots had been created by a young female junior exec named Lynne Greenfeld at Frito-Lays Plano, Tex., HQ. For decades, Frito-Lay bigwigs tolerated Montañezs tall tales, not wanting to appear racist toward a Mexican janitor. But when news of the Longoria film made the papers, Greenfeld finally had enough, demanding that the company set the record straight.

After all, Montañez had stolen the accomplishment of a woman. Frito-Lay was in a bind: Theyd be offending a victim group whether they remained silent or told the truth. 

Miraculously, they decided on the latter. The company released the following statement last week:

    None of our records show that Richard was involved in any capacity in the Flamin Hot test market. We have interviewed multiple personnel who were involved in the test market, and all of them indicate that Richard was not involved in any capacity.

The writer of the Longoria film, Lewis Colick, a faith-based filmmaker responsible for such hits as Gods Not Dead but Kirk Camerons Career Is and Left Behind IV: Kevin Sorbos Friends Go to Sundance Without Him, told Variety that the film will go on, because enough of the story is true (by enough, Colick clarified, he meant absolutely not one word).

Richard Montañez, who traded on his ethnicity like it was a precious metal, profited greatly from his lies, and he will continue to profit, because in the end, lying is fine if you do it for inspirational reasons.

_You like Pablos tale, señor? the boy asks.

No, not at all! Its a terrible story. The bad guy made millions, and nobody learned anything. Still, I promised you a dollar, sohey, wheres my wallet?

Apology, señor, but as Pablo was distracting you, mi hermano Miguel picked your pocket. Have a nice day!

As you watch the child run off into the distance, you realize that theres a new Richard Montañez born every minutealong with a sucker to enable him._

*KANGZ OF KOVID*

2020 was a year built upon the firm foundation of several unyielding truths:

(1) Pandemics are best handled via repressive lockdowns and the quarantining of the healthy. States that follow those rules will handily avoid large casualties, while those that dont will become massive graveyards.

Waitokay, that unyielding truth ended up yielding.

(2) Voter fraud simply never happens. No one has ever dared to exploit weaknesses in voting regs to advantage the candidate or party of their choice.

Oh, damn, More yielding.

(3) Okay, then, theres this one: Making it easy for the poor and urban to collect government pandemic welfare cannot go wrong. Poor urbanites are the most trustworthy people on earth; their race and class make them noble! Just hand out money on the honor system, and not a dime will be misspent.

Turns out this truth yielded most of all.

Last spring, the U.S. Congress and President Trump opened up the coffers to hand out billions in Covid unemployment assistance payments to all who applied. The process by which an American could collect those payments was grueling and rigorousto the comatose. But for any able-bodied halfwit, it was about as easy as getting an extra ketchup packet at McDonalds. You just had to go online and provide a name, date of birth, Social Security number, and confirmation that you were unemployed (confirmation meaning you had to say Im unemployed).

And there you go! All the money you need, courtesy of Uncle Sam.

Last June, in Brooklyn (home to many people who, we are told, are incapable of obtaining IDs for voting), eight young urban contemporariesages 18 to 25hatched a plan: Theyd get theyselves some Social Security numbers from the boroughs many fine homeless winos (Yo, you want dis Thunderbird? Hand over dem digits, you smelly-ass Uncle Remus-lookin mofo). These eight young budding rap moguls were surprised to find out that the pandemic relief database did not cross-reference addresses, meaning that once you had enough Social Security numbers, you could actually have an unlimited number of Covid welfare debit cards sent to the same address, and no red flags would go up.

Your tax dollars at work! But a necessary security lapse, as surely monitoring the number of assistance payments sent to one address would be discriminatory against the nations illegal dreamers, fond as they are of living 400 people per apartment.

*Soon enough, the eight hip-hop Brooklynites had amassed an almost unbelievable two million dollars in fraudulent Covid payments. And they wouldve gotten away with it, too, if it werent for their meddling low IQs. The def cozeners made one fatal mistake: They simply couldnt resist the imperative to pose on social media flashing their ill-gotten gubmint cash while bragging of their criminal exploits. These entrepreneurs uploaded photo after photo of themselves sitting in newly purchased sports cars wearing designer clothes holding giant loads of cash while boasting of gamin da game.*

Last week, as President Biden was in the White House Rose Garden chasing down that squirrel whos been badmouthing him to the sparrows, and as Shadow President Harris was deciding if sleeping with the presidents doctor could possibly facilitate an accidental fatal mix-up regarding the old mans medication, federal law enforcement agents actually did some law enforcing, and the Brooklyn Buffoonalo Soldiers were arrested. Each suspect was caught in possession of dozens of fraudulently obtained Covid assistance debit cards; several were apprehended as they were making ATM withdrawals.

At their arraignment, the defendants cried out in unison, Maaaaaaaan, which is an officially accepted plea in New York City courts.

The Biden Administration reassured the American people that just because eight uneducated young lowlifes could so successfully game the system, it doesnt mean that vote-by-mail with no signature verification could ever be similarly abused. Indeed, Jen Psaki assured the press that any claims to the contrary are nothing more than lies told by that damn backbiting squirrel, whose word should never be taken under any circumstances.

*BIDENS TURD REICH*

Its said that as Thomas Paine was agonizing over how best to advance the cause of independence from Great Britain, he had two potential concepts in mind. The first was a pamphlet that would lay out the case for American independence in a manner so impassioned, so intelligently argued, so firm of conviction, that the assent of the reader would be swiftly commanded.

The second was to draw King George as a giant stinky poo.

Did Paine make the right decision? Not according to a group of Trump supporters in Calvert County, Md. They recently erected a billboard overlooking Route 4 and Bowie Shop Road in Huntingtown that portrays Biden and Harris as two lumps of dog poop sitting on a patch of grass, complete with buzzing flies (because subtlety). Dont Blame Trump, the billboard reads, You are stuck with these two $#@!heads.

Additional lumps of poo adorn the text, because subtlety.

The local Democrat Central Committee has tried to get the billboard removed on vulgarity grounds, but county commissioners have pointed to a 2015 SCOTUS ruling that in effect stated that billboard language cannot be regulated for things like four-letter words.

Jeanette Flaim, chairwoman of the Calvert County Democrat Central Committee, told a local news affiliate, Its just vulgar. Kids are going to school, and theyre going by it every day, and parents are driving their kids. We just dont think kids should have to see that or parents should have to explain that.

Flaim was then reminded that she represents the same party that openly advocates:

(1) Child drag queens
(2) Drag queen storybook hour for children at local libraries
(3) Sexually explicit material as required reading in grade schools
(4) Children as young as 8 being allowed to lop off their genitals because an Instagram influencer told them they were assigned the wrong gender at birth
(5) Abortion on demand for minors with no parental consent
(6) Transgender education starting in kindergarten
(7) The abolition of the nuclear family because mommies and daddies are oppressive

After hearing the list, Flaim laughed like Woody Woodpecker and jumped out a window.

To be sure, the Biden BM image is crude. But its funny to hear Democrats talk about protecting kids from vulgarity. Just last week, Tucker Carlson ran a segment about a revolt by parents in the Loudoun County, Va., school district over the obscene and sexually explicit literature assigned to their kids. Several parents used a school board meeting to read excerpts from the educational literatureexcerpts so laden with filthy language and bizarre sexual imagery that every other word had to be bleeped for TV. The school board membersDemocratsignored the parents concerns.

But a glorified Mad magazine depiction of Biden and Harris as doggie dookie must be removed because kids may see it.

Bizarre but typically leftist logic.

Worse still, unconfirmed reports from Calvert County suggest that members of the areas Hindu community have misunderstood the billboard to be an endorsement of public outdoor defecation. Kamala is embracing her Indian roots! Shes telling us its okay to be who we are, one local Punjabi crowed to a reporter. Pooing outside is part of our identity, and not only does Kamala endorse it, she even persuaded her stuttering elderly manservant to join her. Ive never been prouder to be an Indian.

*GO GREASED LIGHTNING!*

Africans have a bizarre relationship with light skin. On the one hand, African albinos are being hunted to extinction faster than the mountain gorilla. Sub-Saharan albinos are very much sought afterunfortunately not for their company or conversation skills (which are apparently not that great anyway; how many times can you hear my mama so white jokes before they become tiresome?). No, African albinos are in demand for their body parts, which are believed by witch doctors and honors students to contain magical properties.

In nations like Malawi, Tanzania, and Zambia, mass graves have been discovered containing albino corpses missing hearts, legs, arms, ears, eyes, and genitals. As reported by the International Red Cross in 2009, a complete set of albino body parts in Dar es Salaamincluding all four limbs, genitals, ears, tongue and nosewas fetching the equivalent of $75,000 US dollars. What is not ingested is worn as a good-luck charm.

Look, a spokesman for the Chinese herbalist community recently told National Geographic, when I eat tiger kidneys to supersize my pecker, thats science. But eating an albinos nose to gain good luck? Thats just kooky.

Yet just as Africans chow down on the too white, they really love making themselves more white. Just not, you know, white enough so that the neighbors try to eat their testicles. Skin lightening creams are all the rage in Africa, and have been since precolonial times. Skin whitening solutions, both over-the-counter and homemade, are big sellers in South Africa, where government attempts dating back to the apartheid days to ban the sale of bleaching creams have failed to stem either the supply or the demand.

Traditionally, African bleaching creams have contained mercury, which, as described in a 2020 Quartz piece, inhibits the formation of melanin by rendering the enzyme tyrosinase inactive; and it exfoliates the tanned, outer layers of the skin through the production of hydrochloric acid.

It also kills you, a small fact that has never seemed to hurt sales of the products.

Last year, Somali activists, aided by the Sierra Club, persuaded Amazon to no longer carry skin lightening products that contain mercury. The fact that Amazon was actually allowing the deadly products in the first place, even as it was banning any and all books that the ADL considers anti-Semitic, says a lot about Jeff Bezos priorities. Poison Africans all you like; just dont suggest that less than 6 million Jews died in the Holocaust.

Having won that battle against Amazon, anti-bleaching activists are now facing an even greater fight, against even more formidable foes: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Recently, Meghan let Harry out of his S&M gimp box long enough for the couple to sign a multimillion-dollar multiyear global partnership contract with Procter & Gamble.

P&G, it turns out, is one of the worlds largest suppliers of melanin-inhibiting bleaching creams in Africa (and also in Malaysia, Singapore, and India).

Ironically, 28 years ago, when she was 11 years old, Meghan took time out from mercilessly teasing her darker-skinned black peers to lead a boycott campaign against P&G for a sexist dish soap TV commercial that depicted mothers washing dishes. The light-skinned mixed-race tyke was even interviewed on local TV stations about her anti-P&G activism.

So now, activists are turning the tables, wondering why Meghan can possibly be willing to make a profitable business deal with P&G as that company sells skin bleaching products that kill Africans. How, these activists wonder, can this woman, who openly weeps about racist oppression every time her chauffeured luxury car is forced to park in a white zone at LAX, not be concerned with what P&G is doing in Africa?

To be clear, nobodys holding Harry responsible for the business decision, because that would imply he has some small amount of say in the relationship (the sad fact is, about ten years ago the Prince was mistaken for an albino in Mwanza and his balls were taken).

But Meghan. How can that whiny racial-identity-driven self-obsessed perpetually feeling sorry for herself narcissistic social climber be okay with partnering with P&G?

Activists asking that question should take a trip to Route 4 and Bowie Shop Road in Calvert County, Md. Biden and Harris are not the only lumps of anthropomorphic feces on the world stage; that billboard could just as easily be Meghan and Harry.

Although at least dung serves an important role in ecology, so really, a Meghan and Harry as poo billboard would be more of an insult to pooand thats just unfair.

*AN ARMY OF WOKE*

How did the war affect you, Grampa?

Guadalcanal was hell. A living hell. Dodging shells, dodging bullets. When the food ran out, we ate insects. Not that I could keep anything downdysentery was eatin me to the bone. But we kept goincrawlin through mud, mosquitoes turnin our skin raw like sandpaper. Four days in, my buddy Hank, he gets the top of his head blown off by a sniperno more than two feet away from me. My gun jammed, so I grab his bayonet, and I see three Japs comin right at me. So I char

No, no, Grampa, I dont care about that. I mean your self-esteem. And your gender identity. Did the war make you question if youre nonbinary? Was there tolerance in your unit when a soldier would come out as trans? Were you genderqueeer positive?

Christlooks like I fought for the wrong side.

A new U.S. Army recruitment video profiles a young woman who recalls her life before enlistment. Emma recounts her childhood (via animated flashback) with her two lesbian mommies, one of whom looks like a woman, the other like Clark Kent if portrayed by an endomorph with dropsy. As Emma sails through a privileged, social-justice-immersed life filled with joy and stabilityafter all, LGBT dogma demands that the daughter of two mommies cannot possibly develop any emotional problemsshe ends up at a prestigious college in a sorority filled with strong women.

But after graduation, Emma realizes that her multicultural sorority sisters are all having their own adventures. One is studying abroad in Italy. The other is climbing Everest.

I needed my own adventures, Emma declares.

So, after meeting with a recruiter, she joins the U.S. Army as a way to prove my inner strengthand maybe shatter some stereotypes along the way.

I answered my calling, Emma dramatically states at the end of the commercial, as her animated avatar dissolves into her real-life visage.

Funny enough, throughout the entire two-minute-and-twenty-second video, amid all the talk of lesbians, strong women, LGBTs, equity, and self-esteem, theres one word that never pops up, not even once: America. You know, the nation that the Army supposedly protects.

A promotional spot for the armed forces of a nation that never once mentions the name of that nation. Its almost as if those who produced the spot are ashamed that the Army actually does anything other than give the children of scissor sisters the opportunity to outshine that sorority friend who climbed a mountain.

Like, errmahgerd! Destina climbed Everest. Ill show herIll climb an obstacle course wearing fugly green fatigues.

Social media pundits have had a field day contrasting the Emma promotional spot to army recruitment videos from China and Russiavideos in which not only is the name of the nation uttered, but the recruits are shown not dreamily reminiscing about their two mommies but blowing the living crap out of enemy targets in defense of their homeland.

China: We will dominate you with superior firepower and a willingness to die and sacrifice our loved ones if necessary rather than submit to the decadent desires of the dog-faced demons.

Russia: The ice water that runs through our veins will exit our bladders as freezing urination that will serve as a glacial sarcophagus to envelope and suffocate the weak Western limp-wrists whove known neither strife nor struggle yet in their arrogance believe themselves superior to those who have.

America: My two mommies kissy kissy at night and Everest is too cold for my postgrad adventure so Ill join the Army so that I can help men become women and ERRMAHGERD get that nasty gun away from me its a tool of right-wing racist oppression!

Khrushchev slams his shoe on the podium: We will bury you!

Emma rolls her eyes: Like, no way, Tibor Transphobe. Well bury ourselves, thank you very much.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-141/

Takimag

May 29, 2021

The Week’s Most Malicious, Flagitious, and Unpropitious Headlines

*HAMBURGLARS AND FLIMFLAMBURGLARS*

There have been many theories bandied about in recent months to explain the current explosion in violent crime hitting America’s big cities. Some pundits have pointed to the defunding and demoralization of police due to BLM-mania and George Soros-inspired “progressive” crime-enabling policies. Other commentators, specifically those who possess underdeveloped frontal lobes, have pointed to the Covid pandemic as the cause, because it…somehow…made black Americans egregiously murderous.

But there might be a third theory. Perhaps the eruption of unrest in largely black urban centers isn’t so much about the pandemic per se but the restaurant closures. After all, pre-Covid, a favorite black pastime was suing restaurants for poor dining experiences. Denied a reservation? Racial discrimination! Pay up, suckas! Dress code? Jim Crow on supersteroids! A restaurant closed for the evening that won’t open back up because one black man is hungry? Worse than a lynching.

How many media-hyped stories have there been over the past ten years of black waitresses being left racist notes on receipts by white customers? Sure, it always ends up that the waitress wrote the note herself, but that usually only comes out after the aggrieved waitress has cleaned up on GoFundMe.

In Beverly Hills, Korean-American-owned eatery Crustacean was sanctioned by the EEOC because black people claimed they weren’t being seated close enough to the window so that passersby could see black people dining. “Look, honey—a black man ingesting food. They’re just like us after all! I’m going to renounce my KKK membership.”

Given all that, the 2020 shuttering of indoor dining was a major blow to the black American psyche. Takeout only? No reservations, dress code, “check please,” or window seating? Well, no wonder there were riots; the usual outlets for easy reparations cash were closed. What was left except to sack Walgreens?

But now, thankfully, with life returning to normal post-pandemic, black “leaders” have restaurants to kick around again.

Black “comic” Byron Allen (of the late-’70s hit TV show Real People) doesn’t just tell jokes, he is a joke. Other comedians literally use this failed funster as the butt of their own humor. Yet as bad as Byron Allen is at comedy, he’s proven a very shrewd businessman, producing highly successful daytime-TV courtroom shows like “Judge Yomamasoblack” and “Jiveturkey Court.”

Last week, “media mogul” Allen decided to “mogul” a few billion bucks from McDonald’s by suing the company for not advertising on his “digital TV networks” Pets.TV and Cars.TV (not to mention PetsCars.TV, which consists of nonstop videos of dogs impatiently honking horns as their owners run into minimarts for sundries).

Allen claims he’s not trying to enrich himself by suing McDonald’s for ten billion bucks. Rather, he’s merely pressuring McDonald’s into spending at least 5% of its advertising budget on his networks, which for reasons unexplained will benefit all blacks.

Ironically, that’s the only funny thing the guy’s ever said in his life.

Still, don’t be so quick to laugh. McDonald’s is actually taking the lawsuit seriously. The fast-food giant told the WSJ last week that it would indeed commit 5% of its advertising budget to “black-owned” media entities, although the company stopped short of agreeing to pay for ads on Allen’s WatchingPaintDry.TV, which is billed as “replicating the experience of watching a Byron Allen stand-up set.”

Of course, Allen’s campaign to force McDonald’s to spend more advertising bucks on black consumers comes on the heels of several government and nonprofit reports slamming McDonald’s for being racist for targeting black consumers with too much advertising, thus causing obesity and nutritional deficiencies that led to greater numbers of Covid deaths in black communities.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. But most of all, damned if you’re ever going to hear Byron Allen say anything intentionally funny.

Unintentionally, though…the guy’s a real (BLM) riot.

*FARMERS’ GALLMANAC*

Sticking with the theme of racial scam artists, let’s take a trip to farm country. Ah, America’s rich, hearty farm belt, with its streets of concrete, basketball courts, bums sleeping in alleys, 24-hour check-cashing liquor joints, and crack dens.

Wait, that’s not what you think of when you think of “farm country”?

Racist!

And speaking of “racists,” in March 2020 the ultimate evil racist, Donald Trump, signed the CARES Act, the unprecedentedly large stimulus bill that, in theory, was intended to provide Americans financial relief during the Covid crisis. In reality, it proved itself a gold mine for inner-city hustlers who found ways to bilk the big-money giveaway for all it was worth.

And now it’s been revealed that the part of CARES that was supposed to offer protection to “family farms” was badly, and rather amusingly, abused by those same hucksters.

Weird how so many people of color benefited from handout programs signed into law by a supposed white supremacist.

A core problem with the CARES handouts to “farmers” was that the program made it profitable for “alternative lenders” (sometimes referred to as “fintechs”) to make questionable loans, as those companies were offered a generous government-backed 5% fee on every loan under $350,000. One of those fintechs, “Kabbage,” which later spun off into “K Servicing,” was run by a black angus bossy named Laquisha Milner, and the entire loan program was overseen by the Small Business Administration and its agents, including Eastern Region Special Agent-in-Charge Amaleka McCall-Brathwaite, and SBA inspector general spokesperson Farrah Saint-Surin, who brought all the integrity to her job that one would expect of someone from her native Haiti, a nation known for its clockwork government and lack of graft and corruption (“Haiti: where the rape trains always run on time”).

Anyway, you might be getting an idea of how things went south with CARES’ farm relief bailouts. Last week, a report by ProPublica uncovered millions of dollars in loans to fake farms that were processed, mostly through Laquisha’s Kabbage/K Servicing (which produced a Michael Jackson-themed video to lure black employees and borrowers), and doled out to nonexistent “farms” with names like “Deely Nuts,” “Tomato Cramber,” and “Beefy King.”

One beneficiary of these loans was a Floridian named Latoya Clark, a self-described “African-American woman of Jamaican descent” who received, via Kabbage, over one million dollars for her “farms” named “Squeeze It” (oranges, most likely) and “Tastetunup” (no effing clue). When Clark’s bank, JPMorgan Chase, froze her funds after an internal investigation revealed that the businesses were likely fake, Clark sued Chase for depriving her of her stimmi bucks. Her lawsuit claims that Chase only froze the funds due to “institutional racism” and “racial profiling.”

In its response to the complaint, Chase provided ample documentation to prove that “Squeeze It” and “Tastunup” were shell entities created after the CARES Act was passed as a way of cashing in on the law’s “make it rain” philosophy toward anyone who could fill out a form and hold up a begging bowl.

The Chase vs. Clark case has yet to go to trial, but one hopes that the proceedings will put Ms. Latoya on the spot about what in the living hell “Tastunup” is actually supposed to be.

Not to be outdone by his predecessor, Joe Biden has actually expanded government programs giving money to “black farms,” and as for any loans to fake black farms that were made under CARES during the Trump presidency, Biden’s got that well-covered. On March 17 he appointed as the new head of the Small Business Administration one Isabella Casillas Guzman, who describes herself as (no joke) a “Mexican Chinese Jew.”

Well, surely she’ll clean house! At least the Mexican part of her will.

*By the way, what do you get when you cross a Jew with a Chinaman and a Mexican? Someone who cooks their own takeout and pays themselves 50 cents an hour to wash the dishes.

Oh, you can do better? It’s funnier than anything you’ll hear at a Byron Allen show.*

*GOYTUS INTERRUPTUS*

In the classic season 4 Simpsons episode “Mr. Plow,” Homer is driving home from Moe’s Tavern in a blizzard. Drunk, and with his ability to see the road ahead impeded by snow, he recklessly weaves through his neighborhood’s streets. With terrible suddenness, he crashes violently into another vehicle. Exiting his car, he sees that both vehicles have sustained heavy damage from the collision.

“Well, I got him as good as he got me!” Homer proudly declares, content that whatever his repair costs from the crash, the “other guy” will have to pay as much or more.

Then the snow lets up enough for Homer to see that he’s actually crashed into the Simpson family’s parked station wagon in his own driveway. The “other guy” was himself.

D’oh!

That’s kinda been Jews the past year regarding the disruption of outdoor dining by BLM. Encouraged by Jewish journalists, academics, and political moneymen, BLM in 2020 made a cottage industry out of screaming at, threatening, and outright assaulting whites who were dining outside in cities where outdoor dining was the only option due to Covid restrictions. This campaign of harassment produced clip after clip after clip of white diners (often elderly) being harangued, cornered, insulted, and in some cases even losing their food to hungry black reparationists who helped themselves because when Sam Jackson ate that doomed white guy’s tasty burger and washed it down with Sprite, it was, like, the coolest thing ever, right?

Sure, one or two Jews might have been among the besieged diners—after all, the average BLM simpleton can’t tell one whitey from another—but at least leftist Jews could take solace in the fact that for every Finklestein, Schmeckelberg, or Spielenschitz whose dinner was disturbed, ten times as many Andersens, Van Dykes, and O’Houlihans suffered the same fate.

“Well, I got him as good as he got me!”

At least that was the sentiment until a week ago, when a couple of Jews enjoying an outdoor dinner at a pricey West Hollywood restaurant were attacked by a bunch of pro-Palestinian rioters who disrupted their dining experience with insults, threats, and hurled projectiles.

And you know the classic poem…

_First they came for the elderly gentiles enjoying the early-bird special at Denny’s, and I did not speak out—
because I am neither old, a gentile, nor a fan of crappy food._

_Then they came for the country-club gentiles enjoying fried calamari at a gastropub, and I did not speak out—
because I’m not a country-club gentile, and that calamari isn’t glatt and such tiny portions they give you anyway._

_Then they came for me, and—
what the hell? It’s the end of the world! Speak out for me already, why don’t you!_

_D’oy!_

Yes, after voicing unwavering support for BLM as it attacked outdoor diners over and over again, the ADL declared a state of emergency over this one outdoor dining attack by _akbars_ against Jews.

*“Interrupting a Jew as he eats dinner? It’s an abomination! A Holocaust! A Chowschwitz! A Beef Stewchenwald! A Burger-Belsen!”*

(Oy' gevalt - I laughed so hard at that I broke out in tears... - AF)

The ADL, aided by its parrots in the press, demanded action! And the LAPD obliged, quickly rounding up the two dining-disruptors—Samer Jayylusi of Anaheim and Xavier Pabon of Riverside. “How fiendish of these men to have traveled so far just to target Jews on L.A.’s Westside,” the ADL croaked, while deleting all the emails it sent a year ago praising BLM activists from South L.A. for coming to the Westside to target whites and Jews with looting and riots.

Because in the end, it’s not about the targetees, but the targeters. The shifty-eyed racial demagogues who run the ADL had no problem with noble blacks attacking Jews, because whites were targeted too. But filthy Ay-rabs attacking only Jews?

That cannot stand!

Indeed, Jason Isaacson, chief policy and political affairs officer with the American Jewish Committee, told The Hill last week that he’s troubled that Palestinian attackers are echoing the “racial justice” rhetoric that groups like his employed in defense of BLM.

How dare they!

Fortunately, with police across the country showing a willingness to arrest the anti-Semitic meal-breakers, hopefully soon enough, with summer on the horizon, the nation’s outdoor dining areas will once again be reserved for disruptions from the right kind of terrorists.

Bomb appétit!

*BLANK SLATE, STANK STATE*

It’s the late 1970s again, if you haven’t noticed. The Carter years are back and they’re worser than ever. Rampant inflation, gas prices through the roof, out-of-control government spending. A formidable, adversarial communist nation (about to host the Olympics) allowed to romp free by executive-branch cowards and appeasers who take the position “just be nice to them and they’ll be our friends.” Biden seems so intent on being the new Carter, he’s probably planning a river rafting trip just in the hope that he’ll be able to beat the snot out of a drowning rabbit.

It’s everything bad from that era, and none of the good (like the music, and ABC’s glorious T&A prime-time TV lineup).

But by far the worst aspect of the Carter years that Americans are having to relive at present is the soft-on-crime, screw-the-victim, “violent criminals are cuddly lil’ babies who need love ’n’ compassion” school of thought regarding criminal justice. For people who spent the 1970s in cities like New York, Chicago, and L.A., nothing defined the era more than scumbag repeat offenders being released with a slap on the wrist, as innocent citizens were slammed for being “intolerant” if they didn’t want the “Bronx Babyeater” rooming next door to them in a taxpayer-funded halfway house.

One of the most appalling 1970s criminal injustices that was reversed throughout the Reagan years was the idea that violent criminals should have their past crimes shielded from public view, that it’s “discriminatory” to force serial pedophiles, rapists, and murderers to have to live with a record of their previous acts. Clean slates are human rights! After all, “today is the first day of the rest of your life” (and, in the case of inveterate criminals, the last day of the life of their next victim).

Consider the example of Dominique Dunne, the young actress who hit the big time costarring in the 1982 blockbuster Poltergeist. The 22-year-old Dunne had started dating a hot young Hollywood chef named John Thomas Sweeney, unaware—because in 1982 there really was no way to be aware—that he had a history of strangling his girlfriends. So of course he strangled her to death.

At Sweeney’s trial, Judge Burton “Streicher Stereotype” Katz ruled that it was vital that Sweeney’s past strangulations not be mentioned to the jury. Just because a guy has strangled one, two, three women, doesn’t mean the fourth represents some kind of pattern or anything. And since all facts regarding Sweeney’s previous crimes were ruled inadmissible by Judge Thisiswhypeoplehateus, the jury rendered a verdict of involuntary manslaughter, and Chef Chokey McChickenstock was freed to strangle again.

But Dunne’s death was not in vain. Her father, a noted author and journalist, lobbied tirelessly to make it easier for people—jurors, potential employers, love interests—to learn of a person’s history of violent crime.

Thankfully for career criminals, the Democrats—with the help of big-money donors like George NoTHISiswhypeoplehateus Soros—are rolling back all of those Reagan-era reforms. In New York State, the “Clean Slate Act,” which would “remove publicly available criminal records for most felonies and misdemeanor crimes after people have completed the terms of their punishment,” is all set to pass, with backing from labor unions, big business, and big tech. Advocates for the bill aren’t even trying to disguise it as something that would only help “teens who have a record because they smoked a joint.” No, New York already has a law to expunge those records. This new one is targeted at erasing the records of violent felons, including murderers, kidnappers, arsonists, and domestic abusers.

Worse still, the law would require the “expungement” of “biometric information” like DNA databases (you can’t be a serial rapist if the DNA evidence of your previous rape has been sent to the incinerator!). For some wacky reason, feminist orgs are okay with this.

Amazingly, some state Republicans are on board with it too, more evidence that the RNC’s initiation rite of making new members eat lead paint chips has proven to be less than helpful in the long run.

And that’s the big difference between the Carter years and today. Back then, Republicans were not afflicted with mild-to-severe retardation. Indeed, back then, even some Democrats had integrity and morals. The nation’s come a long way, and the next Dominique Dunne who gets murdered in New York by a guy who should’ve been locked away three strangulations ago will surely use her final breath to curse today’s gutless politicos for ushering in a new, worse Carter era filled with all the murderousness but none of the ELO.

*BLACK LIVES MATTER? HOW DARE YOU!*

It was bound to happen. Climate-change apocalyptics have talked themselves into a corner. From “no more cow farts” AOC to Al “every time I said the world would end I was wrong except this time” Gore to Greta “HOW DARE YOU!” Thunberg to Bill “the earth is on fire!” Nye the Pseudoscience Guy, the screaming-meemie alarmists have made it clear: If we don’t abandon fossil fuels and start driving electric cars, the world will burn…or freeze…or explode…or implode…or suffocate…or something.

The details are sketchy, but pesky specifics aside, just know that we’re all gonna die! It’s electric cars or the end of the human race. The dinosaurs died out because they didn’t switch to electrics (that and the fact that they never engineered a steering wheel that could be reached by the tiny arms of a T-Rex…so many unnecessary road fatalities).

But what if the cost of saving the planet is black lives? We’ve been told that nothing in the world—hell, nothing in the universe—is as precious as a black life.

But there might be one exception to that rule…one thing that is more important than even a Chicago Southside crackhead.

Cobalt!

With no cobalt, there are no rechargeable lithium batteries. No lithium batteries, no electric cars. No electric cars? No earth!

So where does cobalt come from? Is it conjured by transgender wizards using grrrrl-power magic? Is it a by-product of the good feelings one gets from buying a cup of fair-trade cruelty-free eco-friendly coffee from a Seattle Starbucks where one dime of every purchase goes to burning down an ICE facility? Is it pooped out by Gwyneth Paltrow after she ingests too many organic figs?

No, unfortunately. It’s mined in places like the Congo. And apparently, those mines are taking out black children like Wayne Williams on Viagra.

“Our children are dying like dogs,” one mournful Congolese mother told the press last week, as she and a bunch of other perturbed Congolese parents pressed ahead with a lawsuit aimed at getting companies like Apple, Google, Dell, Microsoft, and Tesla to stop killing their kids for their earth-saving batteries.

“Hundreds, if not thousands, of children have been maimed or killed to produce the cobalt needed for the world’s modern tech gadgets produced by the defendants and other companies,” the lawsuit states.

In response to the suit, Apple declared that it has established a “hotline” where children being worked to death in the mines can call to complain. Sadly, as the grieving mothers pointed out, there are several problems with this strategy. First, the child miners don’t have phones. Second, they can’t read. And third, the complaint line is relayed to a call center in Bangalore where nobody speaks English and every operator tries to redirect the conversation to the malware in the caller’s Windows 10.

Not everyone on the receiving end of the lawsuit is unsympathetic, though. Elon Musk told the AP that he’d be more than happy to look into the complaints of the child laborers if they’d convert their investment portfolios to Dogecoin. After being informed that the children have no portfolios, Musk shrugged and said, “Well, then, call me if they get trapped in a flooded cave.”

For his part, Bill Gates released a statement assuring his investors that “in all my visits to Jeffrey Epstein’s island, I never once abused a black boy. They’re not my type.”

Funny enough, so far not a single young leftist Hollywood celebrity or social media “influencer” has volunteered to go to the Congo to relieve a child miner of his duties, if only for a week. After all, seeing how their beloved electric-car batteries are created might just ruin the smug pleasure of driving a Tesla with a BLM bumper sticker and NPR on autoplay on the radio.

Hollywood can’t afford to be sentimental here; if it takes a few thousand dead black kids to save Mother Earth, so be it.

Perhaps if the advocates of the carbon-friendly Keystone Pipeline could guarantee that the tunnels would be dug by African child slaves, the Democrats would reverse their opposition to the project.

It’s certainly worth a shot.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-142/

Takimag

June 05, 2021

The Week’s Most Soniferous, Maliferous, and Pestiferous Headlines

*FATHER BIDEN CELEBRATES MASS(ACRE)*

Only suckas, rubes, and racists observed Memorial Day last weekend. Thanks to President Biden, the evil reign of that right-wing militarist “holiday” has finally ended, supplanted by a new “memorial day” weekend commemorating the Tulsa Race Massacre, which occurred on May 31 and June 1, 1921 (initially, Memorial Day was going to be replaced by “Enjoy the Long Weekend Day,” in which Americans would be forced to gawk at photos of the cackling harpy who serves as vice president. But cooler heads realized that being forced to view photos of massacre victims is less traumatizing).

The Tulsa Race Massacre started when something that no one can describe for certain happened between two people in an elevator in a city generally not known for elevators at the time (“I don’t trust no dang magic liftin’ box to take mah feet off the ground, hang-dern it”). Either a black man tripped and fell on a white female elevator operator, or he groped her, or the two were having a tryst (both cats skipped town once the rifles and pitchforks came out, so it’ll likely never be known for sure). The notion of a black man touching a white woman in a devil sky box riled the local whites, who demanded the black guy’s lynching. The cops and some local National Guardsmen kept order admirably, and the whole thing would’ve very likely blown over, except apparently (some conjecture here) a time traveler appeared before Tulsa’s black community leaders. The mysterious stranger said, “If the Jews had only had guns, they could’ve defeated Hitler and avoided the Holocaust.” The Tulsa blacks told the time traveler, “Dem woids don’ mean’ nuttin’ ta us, but is you sayin’ dat if we gits our guns, we kin fight da lynch mob, even tho we’z only 10% of da population?”

And the time traveler said, “Yep—and your example will live on forever, proving that yes, armed with guns, a small oppressed population can fully defeat the might of an oppressive regime, no matter how large.”

So the blacks did as instructed, arming up and marching on the white part of town. And they got their asses royally kicked, as the white majority and the formerly sympathetic police and Guardsmen used heavy armaments, superior numbers, and even airplanes to round up the town’s blacks and burn their neighborhood to the ground, leaving most of Tulsa’s black population homeless and destitute.

Little-known fact: That time traveler was Wayne LaPierre, who—his psyche shattered from seeing his thesis put into action only for it to spectacularly fail—returned to the present to devote his life to recklessly misspending the NRA’s money on drunken debauchery.

And although “black Tulsa,” including the vaunted “Black Wall Street,” was indeed violently demolished, in terms of human casualties, official figures at the time listed only 36 deaths (26 black and 10 white), and a 2001 estimate raised it to 39 (26 black and 13 white).

Not exactly a one-sided “massacre,” if a “massacre” at all. In 2021, we call 26 dead black people “a Saturday night in Chicago.”

Still, President Biden visited Tulsa, where he gave a speech to inaugurate the new Tulsa Massacre Memorial Day by declaring the event “the Holocaust on steroids,” before falling asleep at the podium and dreaming that he himself was back in 1921 fistfighting Rudolph Valentino over Clara Bow’s hand in marriage. “C’mon, man, she’s mine, fat!” the president mumbled before his people turned the hose on him.

The press did its part to help usher in Tulsa Massacre Day, running breathless stories with inflated casualty figures (“300 black dead! No, 3,000! Wait, make that 30,000!”), always being careful to avoid mentioning the white dead or the fact that the authorities pretty much had the situation under control until the armed black mob showed up (most historians agree that it was a black who fired the first shot).

And although airplanes were indeed used in the course of the riot for observation of crowds and fires, the press added—unchallenged—lurid and questionable accounts of planes dropping bombs on blacks, blitzkrieg-style (in fact, the only offensive use of a plane during the riots was when a white pilot flew over the black part of town dragging a banner depicting a massively overweight white woman, hoping it would make the blacks look up and stare long enough to be disarmed).

Of course, the good news—trumpeted by Biden during his speech—is that black Tulsa was rebuilt, and today the community is stronger than ever at almost 16% of the city.

Not mentioned by the president was that the city also has one of the worst crime rates in the U.S., hitting a three-decade high in 2020, a year in which far more Tulsa blacks died due to homicide than in 1921 due to the riot.

But don’t worry; no one will call that a “massacre.”

*OKLA-CHUTZPAH*

Let’s not leave Tulsa just yet. After all, the place always looks so nice this time of year, decked out as it is in Massacre Day decorations (not to mention the nightly Massacre Day parade).

Barack Obama was president on the 90th anniversary of the 1921 unrest, and frankly that really should’ve been the time to begin mining the damn thing for political gain, as there were a lot more survivors to exploit. As it fell to good ol’ Joe to be the first president to elevate the riot to “sacred pivotal national moment of racial reckoning” status, it fell to his staffers to find out if any black “survivors” of the event were still alive. And wouldn’t you know it, three oldies are still breathing! They are Viola Fletcher, 107, her brother Hughes Van Ellis, 100, and Lessie Benningfield Randle, 106.

What a racist country this is where black people can live that long (average life span in Central Africa: 51 years).

The crowning moment of Biden’s Tulsa trip was supposed to occur Monday night the 31st at ONEOK Field baseball stadium. John Legend was going to give a concert, followed by Stacey Abrams doing her beloved medley of “Baby Got Back,” “Fat Bottomed Girls,” and “Da Butt.” Then, for the climax, Biden was to take the stage along with the three massacre survivors for a rendition of “The Old Gray Mare” backed by the Lying Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers Jug Band.

The event was to be called “Remember & Rise” (i.e., two things that Biden and the centenarians can no longer do without assistance).

Each “survivor” charged the event organizers $100,000 for their presence, and the event chairman, black Democratic Oklahoma State Senator Kevin Matthews, agreed. After all, these fine old people had been through so much in their youth, surely a small honorarium would…

Wait, a MILLION DOLLARS? Yes, after the organizers agreed to the hundred thou, the survivors decided to up their demands to one million bucks per person, and fifty million extra for a “reparations fund.”

To which Representative Matthews responded, “Git yo’ wrinkly old Miss Jane Pittman-lookin’ asses outta my office before I cut the brakes on your Jazzy Power Chairs.”

The event was called off and nobody got nuthin’.

It was the worst “massacre” ever.

Still, the weekend wasn’t entirely a wash. The owners of local Tulsa sneaker store Silhouette felt so bad for 107-year-old Viola Fletcher, they gave her a free pair of Air Jordans and boasted about it on Twitter.

Fletcher is wheelchair-bound and unable to walk. So…maybe not the greatest gift. Worse still, Michael Jordan himself showed up and took Fletcher for five months’ worth of social security checks pitching quarters.

On top of all that, Fletcher had to go back home and explain to her relatives that she turned down a $100,000 check. After all, when you’re 107 and you get $100,000, your closest relations are obviously gonna think of that money as theirs.

Dad: “Great-grandma’s bringin’ home the dough this week! I’m gonna get me a new car!”

Mom: “I’m gonna get that weave I had my eyes on.”

Son: “I’m gonna be able to go to a good college!”

[Everyone laughs hysterically.]

Son: “I know, I know, just kiddin’. It’s a PS5 for me!”

[Grandma Fletcher wheels through the door.]

Fletcher: “I turned down the money, but I got me these big-ass Frankenstein shoes that killed my circulation. I hope Medicare covers amputations, ’cause otherwise y’all gonna have to pay.”

And for the second time in her life, Viola Fletcher finds herself homeless and destitute.

*SOUTHERN FRIED CHICANERY*

It was the crime of the decade, or at least that’s how it would appear, judging by the media coverage. The year was 2010, the month was March. The 14th of March, to be exact. And Americans who had fooled themselves into thinking that their beloved country was not a racist hellhole of genocidal slavers and KKK madmen were about to receive a mighty wake-up call…amplified by a public address loudspeaker.

On that March day in Washington Township, N.J., a teenager grabbed the PA microphone at a Walmart and announced, “Attention, Walmart customers: All black people leave the store now,” before running out the front door giggling like an idiot.

It was the single worst racist atrocity in U.S. history. Manzanar? Bah! Those Japs don’t know what suffering is. In fact, survivors of the Tulsa Race Massacre donated reparations money to the blacks who were in the Walmart that day, saying, “What happened to us was a walk in the park in comparison.”

The Walmart PA incident was given front-page coverage in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and every other major paper in the U.S. It was a leadoff story on every network news show that night. Police spared no expense identifying and arresting the 16-year-old culprit, who was charged with “harassment and bias intimidation,” and Gloucester County Prosecutor Sean Dalton, who held daily press briefings about the matter, assured the media and all of America’s black citizens that justice would be swift and merciless.

Oddly, the boy’s race was never revealed to the public because, according to Dalton, “it did not factor into the investigation” (take from that what you will).

Sadly, not everyone in the media was on board with declaring the teen prank worse than slavery. Cole Johnson at Mic condemned Donnell Battie, a black man who was in the store at the time of the prank, for suing Walmart for $1 million because the PA announcement left him with “severe and disabling emotional and psychological harm, resulting in depression, anxiety, anger, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, paranoia, anti-social tendencies and loss of enjoyment in life activities.”

Wow, that’s some mighty fragility there! (Batty Battie’s case was dismissed in 2013.)

And The Christian Science Monitor went further, warning that the hideously disproportionate and outsize amount of media attention given to a stupid prank could lead to years of copycat hoaxes by attention-seekers looking to stir the racial cauldron.

Perhaps people should’ve listened. But, as noble as The CS Monitor’s attempt to warn against impending disaster might have been, it was like telling retarded children to stop running with scissors.

Some calamities in life cannot be prevented by good advice.

In the eleven years since the New Jersey Chainstore Massacre, not a week has gone by without breathless coverage of some new race hoax. Sites like Mic have long given up trying to talk sense into black folks who claim to have suffered debilitating injuries by seeing a rope on the ground or a white sheet on a bed or the swastika they drew themselves on their own dorm-room door or the hate messages from nonexistent Klansmen they emailed to themselves.

And whites are always expected to recite the same pre-written under-duress hostage statement every time one of those hoaxes occurs: “Whether this particular incident was genuine or not is irrelevant; the fact that it happened and that blacks were emotionally hurt by it proves how racist this nation is and how far we still have to go to become a truly equitable society.”

Last week, two pranksters drove up to a St. Louis Popeyes and glued a note to the drive-through menu stating: “Effective 6-1-21 … This restaurant is under new management and will reserve the right to refuse service to white people. We apologize for any inconvenience. Signed, general manager, Mason.”

The manager (who is not “Mason”) explained to local media that the note was a hoax by two random strangers unconnected to the store or anyone who works there. He removed the placard, much to the chagrin of white customers who were taking photos posing next to it for fun. The media reported the story with no outrage, there were no “lessons” that needed to be learned, and no whiteys sued or claimed debilitating injuries from having seen the note (indeed, it was laughed off by whites who were interviewed on the local news).

By the next day, the entire incident was forgotten.

Meanwhile, a bunch of black students at Central Connecticut State University had to be given emergency medical and psychological treatment after seeing a nearby crane with a steel cable loop being used in the construction of a parking lot, because the loop reminded them of a noose.

Robin DiAngelo, the author of White Fragility, was unavailable for comment.

*FASHION WEAK*

One of the more blatant but often ignored differences between far-left and far-right protesters is fashion. In fact, the question of attire is a defining one on the ideological spectrum. Leftists, like those lovable murderous terrorists of Antifa, were wearing masks long before it was cool (and mandated). Groups like Antifa function, by their own admission, as a bloc, a single unthinking entity, dressed alike in black, the members indistinguishable from each other. This is in part a matter of simple practicality: If everyone at a riot looks the same, it’s almost impossible for authorities to make ex post facto arrests, due to the difficulty of identifying culprits via security cam video. So on that level, the “black bloc” thing is smart (as much as one hates to cede that leftists can be smart).

But also, the “mob of cookie-cutter clones” theme reflects leftism itself, which subsumes the individual into the communal, where the individual matters only to the extent that he serves the group.

Ah, but rightists…when it comes to demonstrations, marches, and protests, they become Mexican teenage girls heading to Quinceañera. Everyone wants to dress up and show off their finest dogmatic duds, hoping that they dun gets thar pitcher taken by the commie devil media. So they wear their favorite “message” shirt, or wacky hat, or somethin’ loud and patriotic. Or somethin’ puckish and ironic. Or something flat-out stupid.

Yeah, most of the time it’s flat-out stupid.

Like 56-year-old Robert Keith Packer, the “eccentric” and “oddball” Virginian who attended the Jan. 6 Capitol riot wearing a shirt reading “Camp Auschwitz: Work Brings Freedom.”

Oh, what an impish little satyr! And he certainly got his wish, getting his picture in the paper more times in one week than Meghan Markle gets in a month (and that’s saying a lot). Because what’s more effective when trying to convey a serious political message than ironic Nazi and Holocaust references?

Well, everything. Literally everything on earth is more effective. Stapling a copy of the Bill of Rights to your testicles would be a more subtle and less destructive manner of communication, and far less likely to negatively affect those with the misfortune of being your comrades in arms.

Thanks to Mr. Irony Shirt Cretin, an indelible image of 1/6 was created that will long outlive most of the dolts who stormed the building.

Now, you’d think that with Packer in jail and his shirt becoming lesson No. 1 in what not to wear if you’re a rightist looking to make a serious political statement, similar activists wouldn’t be falling all over themselves to repeat his error.

You’d be wrong.

Gigi Gaskins, the owner of a Nashville hat store called hatWRKS, decided to make a statement about what she views as the undue pressure being put on Americans to get vaccinated against Covid. And indeed, it’s a wholly legitimate issue, with politicians and business leaders talking about “special privileges” for the vaxxed—“permission” to travel, “permission” to enter stores maskless, “permission” to no longer socially distance.

So what’s a guaranteed way to take a wholly legitimate issue and flush all chances of constructive dialogue or consensus-building down the toilet?

Ask Gigi Gaskins, whose store is selling yellow Star of David patches—the kind the Nazis forced Jews to wear in Germany—with the words “NOT VACCINATED” in the center.

Genius!

On Instagram, Gaskins claims to be fighting “tyranny,” as if that’s a free pass for embarking on an idiotic crusade that will alienate more people than it attracts.

Edmund Burke is often (falsely) quoted as having said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Proper attribution aside, perhaps a more timely, 21st-century iteration is, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to respond like dumbasses.”

Although it might be naive to expect sensitivity to the horrors of the Holocaust from someone named GASkins.

As expected, everyone from The New York Times to the GOP to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum has condemned the mad hatter harridan for her mischievous little stunt, and the Stetson company has banned its hats from sale in her store, a meaningless gesture for a hat store in L.A., but for one in Nashville, potentially fatal.

Oh well. Perhaps Gaskins is hard at work on a protest hat, a Stetson embroidered with “Arbeit Macht Fedora.”

*TAB HUNTERS*

Students at Cambridge University are often referred to as “tabs,” sometimes derisively, sometimes affectionately (the term comes from Cantabrigia, a medieval term for Cambridge). And these days, the “tabs” are being encouraged to keep tabs on their teachers, via a new supersecret anonymous “snitch line” that allows students to report teachers and administrators for “racist microaggressions.”

This “snitch line” is not some kind of off-campus guerrilla endeavor launched by the university’s most radical nipple-pierced bone-through-the-nose Marxist transgender transhumanist androgynous angry black-lesbo-feminist-queeer cranially malformed pinhead students. No, it’s an official snitch line launched by the university itself for radical nipple-pierced bone-through-the-nose Marxist transgender transhumanist androgynous angry black-lesbo-feminist-queeer cranially malformed pinhead students to destroy the lives of their professors.

As reported in The Sunday Times, the university, which has christened the service “Report + Support,” has even provided a short list of things for which teachers should be reported, including “backhanded compliments” directed at students of color, and this gem: “raising eyebrows when a black member of staff or student is speaking.”

Of course, squinting when a person of color is speaking is also forbidden. As are blank stares. So eyebrows can’t go up, or down, or remain steady and fixed.

Cambridge has essentially banned white people from having faces.

Who knew that the faceless Pale Man monster from Pan’s Labyrinth would end up being the template for “the only employable white at Cambridge.”

Of course, he’d still get fired for boasting about being pale.

The Report + Support tool is being championed by a ghoulish extra from The Walking Dead named Dr. Priyamvada Gopal, who achieved some measure of fame last year after she tweeted “White lives don’t matter” and “Abolish whiteness.” Dr. BudBud Bhopal is a professor of “postcolonial studies” at Cambridge (apparently that’s a thing). And when she’s not propagandizing her students or tweeting out racial hatred, she serves as the poster girl for the U.K. Coffee Distributors Association, where her ghastly visage appears on billboards under this caption aimed at Britons: “Your single-minded historical obsession with tea brought this into your Empire; drink more coffee!”

Dr. GoPro has been the leading advocate for the snitch tool, which she claims (in a recent op-ed) will upset “white boys,” so therefore it must be good.

Funny enough, opposing Primavera Goulash are Cambridge professors with names like Sir Partha Dasgupta, Arif Ahmed, and David Abulafia. England has essentially become a living embodiment of the Alien vs. Predator franchise, in which monstrous aliens battle each other as the indigenous inhabitants cower in a dark corner hoping that the less genocidal species wins.

“Bloody ’ell, I sure ’ope the winner is the one who’ll dominate us with a sense of honor an’ not the one who’ll murder us on sight!”

And for the moment it looks like the “right” aliens have prevailed. Turns out in British suicide poker a Dasgupta, Ahmed, and Abulafia beats a Gopal. Last week Cambridge announced that the Report + Support site is being taken down for “retooling,” although the vice-chancellor promised it’ll return in a less Orwellian form…perhaps one in which there’s a “three strikes” policy on eyebrow-raising before a white teacher can be fired.

Cambridge 2021: where Wynken, Blynken, and Nod isn’t a children’s poem but a list of boxes to check on a white professor’s termination papers.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-143/

Takimag

June 13, 2021

The Week’s Most Pedantic, Bacchantic, and Sycophantic Headlines

*ZULU DAWN OF THE DEAD*

Two months ago The Week That Perished featured the madcap tale of Lindani Myeni, a Zulu prince from the Kwazulu-Natal province in South Africa whose Coming to America story ended in bloodshed and death yet still managed to be funnier than the recently released Amazon Prime Eddie Murphy sequel.

Prince Lindani and his white American wife Lindsay were living in Hawaii, where one night in April the restless regnant decided to break into the house of a married couple who were complete strangers to him. He removed his shoes and made himself at home (he is a prince, after all), and when the frightened couple called 911, the sovereign squatter assaulted the cops, inflicting serious injuries on them before being royally riddled with lead.

Good night, sweet prince.

Last week, the AP posted an article penned by two of its “journalists,” Hawaii-based Jennifer Kelleher and South Africa-based Mogomotsi Magome (which sounds like how a straight-D student in an inner-city classroom might try to say “memento mori”), that condemned the state of Hawaii for not rioting over Prince Partycrasher’s death. “No mass protests after Honolulu police shoot, kill Black man,” the headline read. “The muted reaction from residents is a reminder that Hawaii isn’t the racially harmonious paradise it’s held up to be.”

Funny, but one might think that the lack of rioting is actually very good proof of a “harmonious paradise.”

    While there have been some local gatherings and small protests decrying Myeni’s death, it hasn’t inspired the passionate outrage seen elsewhere in the aftermath of the death of George Floyd, and other killings by police. Myeni’s death “would have generated mass protests in any other American city,” said Kenneth Lawson, a Black professor at University of Hawaii’s law school.

Kelleher, Magome, and the prince’s widow put the blame for the wacky Wakandan’s death squarely where it belongs: Asians! Lindsay Myeni explains that the couple moved away from Denver because there were “too many white people,” but in Hawaii they encountered “Asians” who proved just as hostile. Indeed, Myeni reserves most of her scorn for the Hawaiian couple who were the victims of the break-in, describing the wife as “that Asian woman who called 911” (fact check: Hawaiians are American).

“White people don’t come from Hawaii, stereotypically. Black people don’t come from Hawaii, stereotypically,” the widow told the reporters, complaining that to the “Asians,” she and her husband were dismissed as “haoles” (foreigners).

To back up the claim that Hawaiian Asians are inveterate racists, Kelleher and Magome offer this one killer piece of insurmountable proof: “Businesses in Waikiki boarded up their windows ahead of a peaceful Black Lives Matter march last summer.”

How racist that Hawaiians, having seen the BLM riots and looting on the continent, took basic precautions ahead of a march in their city.

Racist Asians like that deserve to be taught a lesson. And while Kelleher and Magome stop short of suggesting random street beatings, continental blacks seem to have gotten that message on their own…and not a moment too soon!

*A BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO MILLION IN REPARATIONS*

Woke is for the birds. Literally. The racial justice revolution has come for not just the bird-watchers, but the birds themselves. Black ornithologists—both of ’em—have decided that too many birds have racist names. And according to a breathless front-page Washington Post story, these trailblazing young bird-watchers of color are aiming to rename those racist birds because, it turns out, all of the problems plaguing black America can be traced to offensive bird names.

Who knew?

To be fair, certain bird species do have names that might make a black birder uncomfortable. There’s the KKKockatoo, the Lynching Treepie, the Bull Connor Cormorant, the House Nigga Nightingale, the Strange Fruit Dove, the James Earl Rayadito, the Middle Passager Pigeon, and of course the Woody Wilson Woodpecker.

But the new generation of black bird-watchers is not content hitting such easy targets. According to the WaPo, as many as 150 bird names are on the chopping block. They include the Townsend’s Warbler and Townsend’s Solitaire, named after John Kirk Townsend, an 1800s ornithologist who dared to scientifically examine the sacred bones of dead Indians (science has no place in the new woke ornithology!), and the Wallace’s Owlet, named for British naturalist, explorer, and anthropologist Alfred Russel Wallace, who once used the N-word in the 1850s (that’s literally the only beef against him).

    “Conservation has been driven by white patriarchy,” said J. Drew Lanham, a Black ornithologist and professor at Clemson University in South Carolina, “this whole idea of calling something a wilderness after you move people off it or exterminate them and that you get to take ownership.”

Now, who wouldn’t want to spend an afternoon bird-watching with an affable, good-humored fella like J. Drew Lanham?

Many of these social justice twitchers favor a return to Native American names for North American birds. Examples given by the WaPo include awâ’hili for eagles, kâgû for crows, uwes’ la’ oski for hawks, and sïkïlïlï for chickadees.

Funding for the project is being provided by the National Institute for Making Simple Pleasures Unnecessarily Complex and Cumbersome.

Jeff Gordon, president of the American Birding Association, told the WaPo that he agrees with the mass renaming proposal, because he believes it will give young inner-city blacks an increased interest in bird-watching and conservation. When asked exactly how renaming the chickadee “sïkïlïlï” will attract people who often have difficulty with basic remedial reading skills, Gordon explained that some of the new names will be created with an eye toward this new prospective demographic.

“Just wait for the LaQuisha Lark, the Daquan Duck, and the George Floystercatcher,” Gordon said, before flapping his wings wildly and jumping out a window screaming “ha-ha-ha-HAH-ha!”

*GET OFF DA BUS*

In 2019, a man named John Walsh passed away. No, not the fugitive-catching America’s Most Wanted guy, but a man who, in his own way, was probably more influential, even if he never became a household name. John Walsh fought a lifetime battle to force people onto buses. First in NYC and then, for the remainder of his life, in L.A., he tirelessly led campaigns to cripple light rail and subway service and block new highways and toll roads.

According to Walsh (who dressed like a hobo and rarely bathed, and he was proud of that fact), bus travel is the only true egalitarian mode of transport, the most effective way to end “privilege” by forcing “elitists” to sit ass-to-ass with stinky bums like himself. Only by being forced out of cars, off of trains, and into crowded, fetid, noisy, air-polluting buses can we finally all be “equal”—the fat mamacita with her ten babies sitting next to the hopped-up gangbanger sitting next to the white commodities broker sitting next to the tubercular transient.

That’ll teach that broker to think he’s “superior”!

Laugh as you may, Walsh was credited with being the man who ended light rail in L.A. The L.A. press dubbed him “The Freak Who Stopped the Subway” in 1998. His tireless advocacy led to the establishment of “bus rider unions” in big cities across the country.

Then a few years later he proclaimed at an MTA meeting that light rail was part of a “Jewish conspiracy” to stay separate from “the gentiles,” and suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, he fell out of favor.

Hence why the death of this formerly lauded “gadfly” passed unnoticed.

Walsh would probably love to be back in NYC these days, because the city’s buses have somehow managed to become even worse than usual. For whatever reason—as if certain kinds of people need a reason to wreak havoc—assaulting bus drivers has become the new “punching Asians” for a certain type of hip-hop urbanite.

Last month, a Brooklyn bus driver was pulverized by an impatient motorist who ran her over when she exited her bus, and a Bronx bus driver was beaten senseless by a passenger who must’ve had a pathological hatred of Ralph Kramden (sometimes you just gotta punch a Kramden).

This month, a Brooklyn bus driver was pummeled by a teen who took the driver’s request to wear a mask as a racist insult, and a Bronx bus driver was stomped by a young passenger who took the driver’s request to turn down his boom box as a genocidal outrage.

To add insult to massive injury, last week an Asian bus driver who was assaulted by a gentle giant who was in the process of assaulting an elderly Asian couple (the driver tried to stop that assault only to become the honor student’s next target) was told by the New York MTA that he would not be receiving workers’ comp because he was technically on break when the assault occurred. The MTA told the driver, Tommy Lau, that he had a Chinaman’s chance in hell of being compensated, to which Lau replied, “I’m a New York City bus driver; this Chinaman’s already in hell.”

Pity poor John Walsh, who didn’t live long enough to see his dream of buses as brutal communist reeducation camps where kulak faces get stamped by proletarian enforcers come to full fruition.

*PEE-YEWCHARIST*

Kamala Harris has the over-the-top face-scrunching mouth-contorting loud obnoxious cackle of a woman practiced in laughing just a little too hard at the bad jokes of influential men she’s trying to bed.

“And then the Scotsman said, ‘Those ain’t bagpipes, but please don’t stop blowing.’”

“Ha-ha-ha-HAAAAAAAAH gackle gackle gackle hork hork haaaaaah! Oh assemblyman, you’re TOO funny!”

Unfortunately, false laughter only works on horny men and insecure, desperate stand-up comedians (i.e., all stand-up comedians). For everyone else, it comes off as unbearably annoying. Yet as irritating as Harris’ cackling is, it’s not even the most annoying thing about her. Arguably, that award goes to her complete lack of self-awareness regarding how she looks to anyone not hoping to have a quickie before the wife gets home.

Kamala’s worst qualities were on full display during her less-than-stellar first trip abroad as Joe Biden’s eventual plug-puller. Indeed, her performance during the trip was so cringeworthy, Democrats started rethinking the wisdom of being saddled with this chortling chuckle-head once Biden gets Klaus von Bülowed into retirement.

Harris’ trip began on a laughable note: On the anniversary of D-Day—typically a day when normal, decent Americans reflect on the sacrifices and bravery of men who placed their nation above themselves—Kamala Harris handed out Kamala Harris cookies to the press on Air Force Two, an act that even the usually fawning San Francisco Chronicle described as “slightly strange and possibly narcissistic.”

“Possibly narcissistic”? If feeding your flock a Eucharist in your own likeness is only “possibly” narcissistic, it’s hard to imagine what could be “definitely” narcissistic.

In Guatemala, Harris told migrants “do not come” with all the sincerity of every man who ever told her “I’ll call ya, babe” as they were zipping up their trousers. AOC, who is at least sincere in her vacuity, thrashed Harris for daring to tell border stormers not to storm the border.

And The Hill was forced to admit that Harris “flubbed a response” after NBC’s Lester Holt asked her why she hadn’t visited the border. “And I haven’t been to Europe,” Harris replied, adding, “I haven’t seen London, I haven’t seen France, I have seen Willie Brown’s underpants.”

“She is going to be haunted by this trip and this issue for as long as she is in politics,” a Democratic strategist told The Hill.

Frankly, it’s more likely that Kamala Harris will continue to be the one “haunting” U.S. politics, regardless of her missteps. Dems may have backed the wrong horse(face) as VP, but they’re gonna have to live with their choice—a cackling apparition roaming the moors like Cathy from Wuthering Heights, appearing at Heathcliff’s window, telling him she’s good for a boff if he can get her that plum committee assignment.

*LARGELY PIECE-FUL ELECTION*

No matter how much of a mess U.S. elections have become, things can always get worse. And they will, as Democrats and Chamber of Commerce Republicans continue to import Mexico to America.

During the infamous Florida recount that followed the 2000 presidential election, volunteers were forced to confront thousands of “hanging chads.” That was a walk in the park compared with what election workers in Tijuana had to deal with last week—namely, hanging nads (and other assorted body parts).

Yes, Tijuana—TJ—that mecca for American frat boys looking to score some fentanyl, or test their immune system against a hooker who hasn’t washed since Cantinflas was alive, or who just enjoy the thrill of being kidnapped and mailed back to their parents in pieces, didn’t exactly have the smoothest time as Mexicans went to the polls to choose between the corrupt leftist party that wants to foist all of its problems on the U.S. and the corrupt slightly less leftist party that wants to foist all of its problems on the U.S.

Polling stations all over TJ were plagued by troublemakers who scattered human body parts in voting booths. At one station, a human head in a wooden box was left on a pile of ballots. Initially, local officials wrote off the incident as a clumsy attempt to cast a write-in vote for Señor Wences. But soon enough, additional reports surfaced of body parts being left in booths at other polling stations. Arms, legs, hands, feet, internal organs, and genitals.

A confused President Biden, upon hearing reports of the election-day carnage, asked his handlers, “But didn’t I end the ‘remains in Mexico’ policy?”

For some candidates, their cleaved cojones were the only parts of them to get near a ballot that day. Over 89 candidates were killed prior to the election, although the reasons for the murders were varied (politicians who opposed drug cartels, politicians who possibly opposed drug cartels, politicians who didn’t support drug cartels strongly enough, and politicians who expressed a dislike for Australian actor George Spartels and it was incorrectly overheard as “cartels”).

Sidney Powell blamed the deaths on sentient Dominion voting machines that developed a taste for human flesh after being fed adrenochrome.

Still, even with the human body parts and 89 candidate murders, Vice described the election as “largely peaceful.”

To which BLM cofounder Patrisse Cullors replied, “Okay, that’s nutty even by my standards.”

Left-leaning President Andrés Manuel López Obrador, who ran on a platform of “my name isn’t long enough,” suffered huge losses in Mexico City, normally a haven for the far left. Obrador’s party was crushed by the opposition, 46% to 20%.

Fortunately for the distraught presidente, Kamala Harris showed up with a fleet of C-130 Hercules aircraft to airlift the disaffected voters to Boise and Kalispell, where they’ll be given stimulus checks, unemployment insurance, and a bag of Kamala Kookies (reganadas flavor).

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-144/

_The Week’s Most Preening, Queening, and Juneteening Headlines_
*INSERT BLACK PERSON HERE*
An odd theme running through last week’s news involved retroactively  inserting black people where they’d not previously been. It’s as if the  world has become _Return of the Jedi_, with white people as the old Darth Vader “Force ghost” and blacks as the Hayden Christensen replacement.
NPR  reported on a major controversy surrounding beloved actor Tom Hanks. It  turns out, black activists are outraged over the fact that every film  in which Tom Hanks has starred has starred a white man. These rocket  scientists are furious because movies starring an actor who is white  starred a white actor.
 NPR “media critic” Eric Deggans, a black fellow who’s won many awards  for “diversity” but not a single one for media criticism, has no time  to explain how a Tom Hanks-starring movie can _not_ star a white  guy. “I love Tom Hanks as a performer, Hollywood citizen and all-around  stand-up guy,” Deggans concedes, but his work is “so often focused on  the achievements of virtuous white, male Americans.” Deggans argues that  Hanks’ historically based films like _Saving Private Ryan_ and _Apollo 13_ should have starred blacks instead…thus making them not only _not_ Tom Hanks films, but not historically based, either.
 “I’m sure there are plenty of Hanks fans out there of every stripe  who will say I am expecting too much,” Deggans admits. Actually, there  are plenty of people of _all_ stripes who will say that Eric Deggans is a certifiable lunatic.

              Still, lunatics thrive in Hollywood, so one mustn’t dismiss Deggans’  demands just because they’re insane. While Hanks will most likely not  consent to having his past films digitally altered to insert CGI  Chadwick Boseman into his roles, he’s probably open to black-centric  reboots of his classics, including “Saving Private Ryan Coogler,”  “Apollo Creed 13,” “The Man Who Got Shot for His One Red Shoe,” “Forrest  Whitaker Gump,” “Ike Turner and Hooch,” and “Sleepless in Seattle  Because Antifa Won’t Stop Rioting.”
   At the same time that NPR was inserting black people into historical  fiction, Republican supergenius Marjorie Taylor Greene was inserting  them into historical fact. After visiting the U.S. Holocaust Memorial  Museum in D.C. to atone for having compared wearing masks to the  Holocaust (which wasn’t even _slightly_ nutty), Rep. Greene gave a press conference  outside the museum’s reflecting pool and frozen banana stand where she  expressed her desire to remember not just the Jews but “all the black  people” who perished in the Holocaust.
 For those who dare suggest that Greene must be a low-IQ schizophrenic  to think that blacks were murdered along with Jews in 1942 Europe,  well, the _historical record_ shows this _patriot_ to be _right_. There were _millions_ of blacks in Poland and Belarus at the time, they were just in hiding (like a bunch of “_maaaan_  Franks”). The Nazis successfully captured them by leaving bottles of  Gorilla Glue lying around in town squares. Once caught, the blacks were  taken to the Auschwitz Main Camp swimming pool where things pretty much  took care of themselves.
*LEGO MY KILO*
Speaking of supergeniuses…
  England has given the world so many great thinkers. Sir Isaac Newton,  John Stuart Mill, Darwin, Turing, Higgs…the list is endless. But  England also gave the world Benny Hill, Pete Sutcliffe, and that ******y  dance by Freddie and the Dreamers that nearly killed the British  Invasion.
 So it can be a mixed bag, to say the least.

              Jack Jones and Isaac Rasmussen were good ol’ Liverpudlian mates from ’er Majesty’s right proper Royal Navy _they was they was_,  and after getting out of the service, the interracial duo (Jones is  white, Rasmussen black) decided to use some of the international  contacts they made during their tour of duty to start a bloody brilliant  drug-smuggling ring.
 The pair had pals in the Netherlands just aching to unload dope that  had gone unused during 2020’s tourism pause (everyone’s always concerned  about the schoolchildren and the mom-and-pop stores, but do we ever  give any thought to the lockdown and travel-ban repercussions suffered  by drug dealers?). The plan went surprisingly well. The smooth criminals  began successfully importing heroin and cocaine from Holland, with the  illicit narcotics hidden inside Lego boxes. Wiretaps failed to pick up  on the plot, because even Interpol doesn’t recognize Dutch as a real  language.
 The operation appeared ironclad. Indeed, prior to the first delivery,  Jones texted his accomplice, “Bro we be multimillionaires in three  months ha ha ha.”
 British optimism: It’s what carried the nation through the Blitz, and  it’s what keeps them clinging to the hope that somewhere in the world  is a non-Brit who doesn’t think _Doctor Who_ is cheesy crap.
  And in the case of Jones and Rasmussen, that optimism would’ve been  warranted, if not for one fatal error: Rasmussen was under the mistaken  impression that his neighborhood was safe for package deliveries.

              As a Cockney might say, ’ee bought a raffle ticket, ’ee did ’ee did.
 Rasmussen’s neighbor nicked one of the boxes,  and, seeing that it was apparently a Lego Duplo play set, gave it to a  friend’s child, who opened the box to find eighteen kilos of coke  (street value £1.8 million).
 Last week Jones and Rasmussen were sentenced to more than a decade  each in the ol’ boom and mizzen, while the child who received the Lego  box hasn’t slept in a month.
*THE BATTLE OF STIRLING VADGE*
Staying in the U.K. for a moment, let’s fly over to Scotland, where the  rebellious spirit of William Wallace lives on in a young woman named  Lisa Keogh. Keogh is a law student at the University of Abertay in  Dundee. She’s also a woman. As in, an actual biological woman, not Billy  Connolly in a dress.
 And that’s pretty much where her problems began. Lisa Keogh didn’t  set out to be an insurgent; she merely wanted to be an advocate  (lawyer). But unfortunately, colonization in Scotland has gone way  beyond matters of land grants to noblemen, homages paid to far-off  kings, and serfs forced to wear secondhand tartans that look like  Depression-era clown pants. No, these days the colonization is mental, a  desire to force independent thought right out of the mind of the  average Scot.

And Lisa Keogh directly attacked that mental colonization with one simple statement: “women have vaginas.”
 Blasphemy!
 When several of Keogh’s thoroughly colonized classmates overheard her  making that 100% scientifically, biologically, and medically accurate  statement, they complained to the university’s Department of Haverin’  Rubbish. And the university opened an investigation into Keogh, because  the entire U.K. has gone from defending the _right_ of Stan from _Life of Brian_ to have babies to mandating that nobody dare suggest he _can’t_.
 Funny enough, because the university admins didn’t want to completely  betray themselves as weak-minded dipsticks urinating on the historic  principles of higher education, they didn’t bring Keogh up on charges of  _saying_ “women have vaginas,” but rather of _shouting_ it. The accusation was that she said it _too loud_,  shocking a trannie student who passed out, hitting the floor so hard  that when he eventually came to, he temporarily forgot he’d been  pretending to be a girl.
 Last week, Keogh was cleared of the charges against her. The university’s crack investigators stressed that while her beliefs might still be loony-bird (“_girls_ with vaginas? Cuckoo, cuckoo!”), they could find no proof that she ever _shouted_  the offending phrase like an Auchinleck Talbot Football Club fan  screaming, “Eeka, peeka, pukka, po” (which, unlike “women have vaginas,”  is a perfectly rational statement).
On reviewing the evidence available, including witness  statements, class recordings and chat transcript, the board found no  evidence that you had discriminated against another member of the  university, the board found that you had not intentionally shouted in  class.Well, that’s a relief! Scotland’s not lost. Except…following Keogh’s  exoneration, a Scottish lass in Airdrie was arrested for posting photos  of “green, white and purple suffragette ribbons,” because they looked  like nooses and American blacks might become emotionally crippled  because a woman half a world away in a town they’ve never heard of  posted a photo of ribbons that might possibly barely and no-not-ever be  mistaken for nooses.
 It takes a lot to make Longshanks’ tyranny look good by comparison. Congrats, Scotland.
*FREE SPEECH FREE PASS*
Last week was also quite an instructive week regarding forbidden words and those who can speak them with impunity.
 Two weeks ago the world (or at least that segment of the world that  isn’t tuned 24/7 to MSNBC) learned that the genetic detritus known as  Hunter Biden was really, really fond of using the “n-word.”  Indeed, Hunter was an outright artist with the term. Some artists work  in oil-based paints, others in watercolor, still others in acrylic.  Hunter prefers to color his canvases in nigga. And yet, for his repeated  use of a word that has landed random, anonymous white teens on the  front page of _The New York Times_ simply because they mouthed it  at a rap concert, Joe Biden’s ant in the afterbirth was not only able  to escape cancellation, but coverage.
 Sweet trick. How many crack whores do you have to screw to get that gig?
 Last week, as if the Teflon son were trying to see just how far he  could push his immunity from woke prosecution, additional emails  surfaced in which the junior Biden made anti-Asian slurs. Supposedly,  that’s the absolute worst thing a white guy can do at present, what with  the current plague of anti-Asian street violence that’s caused almost  entirely by blacks but somehow still the sole responsibility of whites.
 As reported in the _New York Post_:
In a screenshot posted by the Daily Mail, Caroline—the  daughter of President Biden’s brother James—suggests setting Hunter up  with one of her friends. “Do you want foreign or domestic,” she asks at  one point before adding: “I can’t give you f—ing Asian sorry. I’m not  doing it.” The next two messages from Hunter read: “Domesticated  foreigner” and “Is fine.” The next message reads: “No yellow.”_They call him mellow no yellow (quite rightly)._
 Once again, expect yawns from the mainstream press. Another case of “no yellow” journalism.
 Meanwhile, as “no dogs or Chinawomen” Biden got his latest free pass, former misogynistic _Man Show_  host/current teary-eyed leftist trash heap Jimmy Kimmel scored yet  another one for himself. Having already escaped cancellation for a  full-body blackface routine some years ago, last week Mr. Sarah  Silverman received another vaccination against accountability after  calling Caitlyn Jenner “Trump in a wig”  during an on-air tirade against the California gubernatorial candidate.  As Jenner correctly pointed out on Twitter, calling trannies “men in  wigs” is normally an automatic career death sentence. But in Kimmel’s  case, even the most vocal men in wigs declined to express any outrage  over the slur.
 Between Biden getting off scot-free for a punch bowl full of nig-nog  with no Chinese to pee-pee in it, and Kimmel skating after literally  painting his face and body to look like the doughiest black man who ever  lived while speaking the unspeakable truth about trannies, to Andrew  Cuomo emerging unscathed after sexually harassing so many loudmouth NYC  broads there’s not enough gabagool on earth to buy their silence, it’s  tempting to say that “cancel culture” is over.
 And it is. For one end of the political spectrum.
*KOREAN WOMEN UNSATISFIED BY 2.7 INCHONS*
There was no way this could go wrong. Back in 2015, a group of South  Korean feminists formed an organization called Megalia with the purpose  of mocking the penis size of Korean men.
 What a fine, constructive idea! Literally, that plan had no flaw.
 Members of Megalia would publicly berate men with mocking cries of  “6.9! 6.9!” That’s the average Korean penis size…in centimeters, of  course. In inches, that comes to 2.7 (in possibly related news, Korean  men are seeking to outlaw centimeter-to-inch conversions). Megalia chose  as its emblem an emoji of a hand making a thumb and index finger  pinching gesture as if to say “very, very small…tee hee hee!”
 Members of Megalia would mock Korean men online, in pubs, and in the  workplace with derisive comments about the 2.7 acres of their tool.
 For some odd, baffling, inexplicable reason, Korean men didn’t much  care for this, and although the Megalia organization dissolved several  years ago due to catty infighting (women are women, the world over),  individually, South Korean women have continued to use the “pinching  finger” emoji as a means of humiliating the nation’s men, as if calling  out dudes for their 2.7-inch donglers is some kind of devastatingly  witty Algonquin Round Table _bon mot_.
 The widespread feeling of penile inadequacy among Korean men is  probably the reason why, in any given Korean restaurant, the Great Danes  are always the first ones in the pot. Male Danes are a living reminder  of what the cook can’t bring home to wifey.
 Last week, the _L.A. Times_, in an _exclusive_ report, detailed efforts by South Korea’s long-suffering wee men to end the torment once and for all. In what _Times_  correspondent Victoria Kim describes as a “McCarthyistic reversal of  the #MeToo movement,” Korean men are fighting back against the assault  on their manhood, waging a “cancel culture” war against businesses and  corporations that use the pinching-fingers emoji.
 Government legislative aide–turned–media consultant Ha-Heon-gi told the _Times_  that Korean men are merely defending their honor using the tools of  social justice, calling the anti-emoji campaign “tit for tat” (or “tit  for tidbit,” which is the standard way of describing a Korean sexual  exchange).
 Oh, those Koreans. Such silliness! Getting all worked up over a  simple hand gesture. That kind of thing would never happen in the U.S.!
 Next week in The Week That Perished: The ADL pushes for the incarceration of a kindergartner who made the “OK” hand gesture.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/__trashed/

Takimag

June 27, 2021

The Week’s Most Flummering, Mummering, and Summering Headlines

*DARK SIDE OF THE GOON*

The leftist war on sunlight continues! Last year, lefties in politics, the media, and (pseudo)science scoffed at the idea that sunshine was good for people under lockdown, and possibly even beneficial against Covid itself. “Bah,” the know-it-alls proclaimed, “the idea that the human body can benefit from sunlight is New Age Trumpian alchemy!”

Then it turned out that both claims were correct: People should’ve gone outdoors during lockdown, and sunlight is helpful against Covid. And the know-it-alls donned sombreros to hide their faces so they wouldn’t have to answer for their error. “Bill Nye no está aquí. ¡Lo siento señor!”

Last week, the war on sunlight took an even darker turn.

Vox cofounder Matthew Yglesias is a man on a mission to import enough Third World detritus for the U.S. population to reach one billion (that’s the actual title of his most recent book: One Billion Americans). To help prep America for its new role as India West, Yglesias tirelessly battles against housing density regulations and single-family residence zoning. In Matty’s future America, every neighborhood will be a slum comprised of towering ghetto tenements, with green belts a thing of the past.

When Yglesias saw the original Death Wish, he was untroubled by the scenes of violence and carnage. But the part where Arizona real estate developer Jainchill talks about the value of open spaces made him recoil in revulsion:

Jainchill: “I won’t doze those hills. What I build conforms to the land. And you can’t hear the toilets flush next door.”

Yglesias: “That’s horrific! It’s only by hearing my neighbor’s toilet flush that I know I’m alive! Neighbor toilets are the babbling brooks of city life.”

In his quest to turn the U.S. into a nation of a billion people keenly aware of when their neighbors have the runs, last week Yglesias latched onto a new talking point: shade! In a lengthy (and now deleted) Twitter thread, Matty and his dense pro-density acolytes sang the praises of tall buildings that block the sun, saving city dwellers from exposure to the deadly rays.

“I feel like more tall apartment buildings in my neighborhood would = more shade in DC’s long hot summers and actually make everyone happier,” Matty declared. “In the age of climate change, shade from tall buildings is good. Cities should prioritize high-rise construction,” one of his comrades added. “More urban shade from tall buildings is good,” another agreed, suggesting that with enough tenement projects, kids could be protected 24/7 from that demon sun.

Yglesias is of Cuban and Jewish heritage, but he’d have made a fine Aztec, what with his crippling fear of Huitzilopochtli the sun god.

Sadly for Yglesias, one of his science-minded followers just had to go and rain on the shade parade, posting a Gizmodo piece by the site’s urbanism editor Alissa Walker. Seems that tall buildings actually make neighborhoods hotter by absorbing and reflecting heat onto the surrounding areas, well into the evening (even after the sun has set). This is called the “heat island” effect, and it’s actually quite well-known…to everyone but Matty.

Sun 1, Yglesias 0.

Time to start working on that Mr. Burns sun-blocking machine, Matt. As long as that damn star still shines, your dream of one billion Americans sitting in darkness listening to their neighbors poop will remain unrealized.

*MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALIST? MORE LIKE MUSLIM FUNDA-BOYS-TALIST*

Based on the name, you’d expect a mufti to be attracted to women. But not Aziz-ur-Rehman, mufti of an esteemed seminary in Lahore, Pakistan. Rehman is a well-known Muslim miscreant; he’s been a major player in worldwide protests against “blasphemous” cartoons, and his agitation has led to Western cartoonists, publishers, and teachers falling prey to incidents of largely peaceful beheadings.

But now it seems that the chief of Jamia Manzoor-ul-Islamia has been jamming his “manzoor” where it doesn’t belong. The sixtysomething cleric has a taste for boys, and he’s been indulging it for many years.

Frankly, considering the seminary’s motto, this really shouldn’t have come as a surprise: “Jamia Manzoor-ul-Islamia: The Semen-ary Where Every Day Is Ram-adan.”

They weren’t even trying to be subtle.

Last week the mufti—who’s long been hailed as a champion of moral purity—was jailed after graphic video surfaced in which he’s shown giving some dhikr to a 20-year-old student, who told police he’d been routinely raped by Rehman since he was 13, so he decided that the only way to end the abuse was to secretly record one of the encounters and put it online.

The video swiftly led to Rehman’s arrest, while also skyrocketing to No. 1 on Pornhub’s “Caliphs ’n’ Kids” subdomain.

In fact, last week saw a spate of holier-than-thou types caught in the exact behavior they condemn. In NYC, a Nobel Prize-nominated humanitarian activist named Joel Davis, recognized the world over for his work to prevent the molestation of boys, was sentenced to thirteen years in prison for his molestation of boys. The 25-year-old Davis ran the Youth to End Sexual Violence nonprofit, which upon reflection probably should’ve been called Sexual Violence to Youths’ Ends.

Much like Rehman, Davis was caught on tape buggering a schoolboy. In accepting the judge’s sentence, the remorseful activist admitted to “engaging in the very abhorrent behavior I had pledged to fight,” a rather weak statement better suited to a vegan caught eating a cheeseburger than a child rapist.

Yet even that was not the pinnacle of last week’s cavalcade of hypocrisy. Over in that utopian oasis known as Chicago, there’s an organization called UCAN—a government-funded social service agency that purports to combat gang violence among the city’s black teens by offering counseling, job training, and free copies of Mr. T’s 1984 music video “Don’t Be No Fool: Gangs Ain’t Cool.”

Marty Murff was one of the higher-ups at UCAN, raking in taxpayer dollars to keep kids out of gangs. And last week Murff was indicted for being the head of the notorious black Chicago gang the Vice Lords. The federal racketeering indictment accuses Murff of crimes ranging from murder to heroin and fentanyl trafficking, all while he maintained his benevolent alter ego as UCAN’s chief of “violence intervention and prevention programs.” A taxpayer-funded anti-gang counselor who was the secret leader of the very gang he claimed to be opposing.

Murff has yet to be booked because officials can’t find a prison jumpsuit that can accommodate balls that big.

*DORKTOWN STRUTTER’S BALL*

Did someone mention balls? If novelty songs are to be believed—and surely there are few more accurate sources regarding historical events—Hitler had only one of ’em. Most likely, he took good care of it, as one is wont to do when something is in short supply.

Sadly, the same cannot be said for a present-day Austrian—a 29-year-old soldier in the Austrian army who, though blessed with two fine balls, decided that one of them needed a little redecorating. So he elected to get an amateur tattoo “down there” because “what really attracts me to a man is crudely painted testicles” said absolutely no woman in human history.

After downing two bottles of whiskey, because schnapps doesn’t have a high enough alcohol content, the soldier enlisted his brother to tattoo one of his nads with a symbol forever associated with that guy Austrians never like to claim as their own.

And voilà, by morning the young fellow had a swastika on his nut.

Considering the discomfort the young soldier must’ve endured while receiving the tea-bag tat, it makes perfect sense that he wouldn’t want to keep the accomplishment to himself. The man suffered for his art; surely he had a right to display it to the world. So, while on a military exercise several weeks after coloring his Easter egg, the doughty young gent decided to show his hangin’ beauty to his squadmates…again after downing large quantities of liquor.

Unfortunately for the Illustrated Mann, the other members of his unit didn’t take kindly to seeing his unit, so they reported the poor bastard to the top brass. And last week the Klagenfurt Regional Court sentenced the soldier (whose name was not released) to nineteen months imprisonment. Public display of Nazi symbols is illegal in Austria (flashing unpainted genitals is just fine, though…even welcomed in certain cities like Hard and Wiener), although it can be argued that it might’ve been more appropriate to charge the guy for being drunk and pantsless while on a military exercise.

According to the Kleine Zeitung newspaper, the soldier had previously spent two years in the pen for causing grievous bodily injury during a drunken brawl…so maybe the problem here is the Austrian army’s recruitment standards. Convicted felons who get drunk, get scrotum swastikas, get more drunk, and flash them during military exercises don’t exactly seem like the cream of the crop.

The ultimate irony: Today’s Austrian soldiers are people who would’ve been the first ones taken out by Hitler’s policy of euthanizing the feeble-minded.

Übermensch? More like goobermensch.

*DR. DEMENTIA*

Ever hear the one about the elderly man who goes to the doctor for a checkup? The doctor sits him down and puts a gentle hand on the old guy’s shoulder.

“The news isn’t good. You’ve got cancer. Also, you’ve got dementia.”

The old man pauses and replies, “Well, it could be worse; I could also have cancer.”

That joke used to be funny before Joe Biden became president.

Last week, New York Democrat Rep. Mondaire Jones met with Biden to thank him for making Juneteenth a national holiday. Deciding to go off script for a moment, Jones brought up the stalled voting “rights” legislation making the rounds in Congress. According to the AP, the unexpected question apparently short-circuited the president’s brain. He “just sort of stared at me,” Jones said. There was “an awkward silence” that seemed to last forever as the president gazed blankly ahead.

After what seemed like an eternity of quiet, Biden finally replied, “Thank you for your time, Dr. Juneteenth,” and Jones slowly backed out of the Oval Office like the sanitarium keeper in Dracula.

Former White House physician Ronny Jackson has publicly called for Biden to take a cognitive test (you remember those—they were all the rage when Democrats were claiming that Trump was mentally unfit). In a letter cosigned by thirteen GOP lawmakers, Jackson cites a number of recent instances in which Biden seemed to loose focus, concentration, and train of thought in public places, plus a number of other times the president forgot basic facts and simple names.

And that letter was drafted before last Thursday’s speech in which Biden claimed that the “Tuskegee Airmen” had been “experimented on” by mad scientists. Another senility blooper? Or was Biden finally copping to the secret government genetic engineering program aimed at creating a race of mutant black birdmen (sadly, the program was dissolved after the birdmen tried to raid a convenience store and were shot down by rooftop Koreans).

While the Jackson/GOP letter is (of course) being dismissed as partisan chicanery, the story related by Mondaire Jones—a progressive black—is being taken far more seriously in Democrat circles. This might account for why Kamala Harris was finally dispatched to the southern border…after all, if the Dems are gonna sell her as a replacement president, she needs to start doing more as VP than laughing at her own jokes.

While at the border, Harris is expected to ease concerns that the Biden/Harris administration is too soft on illegal immigration. Her plan is to stand facing Mexico and cackle like a banshee in the hope that potential border crossers will think she’s La Llorona and turn back in fear.

¡Ay, bruja! Vamanos!

*JUNETEENTH BLACK-AND-BLUENTEENTH*

Speaking of Juneteenth, another one has come and gone, and for those of you suffering the inevitable post-Juneteenth depression, take heart because, as with all holidays, it’s the memories that matter.

Since this was the first Juneteenth to be officially observed as a federal holiday, the celebrations were especially meaningful…if by “meaningful” one means insanely violent and anarchic. Over three dozen Juneteenth celebrants were shot, and almost a dozen killed, in at least eight states. Cities in Colorado, California, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Illinois, and South Carolina reported incidents of mass Juneteenth mayhem.

There’s no official Juneteenth carol yet, but a decent suggestion would be Grand Daddy I.U.’s 1994 rap classic “We Got Da Gats” (“I’m firm, my gun bust off like sperm/Plus my hobby and job is buckin’ niggaz full-term…HAPPY JUNETEENTH, EVERYONE!”).

One man was killed and six others injured during a Juneteenth celebration that turned into a mass brawl at Lake Merritt, Calif., in Oakland (a.k.a. the place in CA that would most benefit from a North Korean missile). In footage that quickly went viral on social media, as paramedics attempted to treat the victims, partygoers blocked the ambulances with twerking and doggy-style sex acts (that video is to Juneteenth what a Hallmark Channel movie is to Christmas).

Even worse than the human toll was the environmental damage to the lake: California Fish and Wildlife officials report that there’s been a mass die-off of fish that became trapped in the hundreds of torn-out weaves cast into the water during the fight.

In Long Beach, N.J., another mass brawl caught on video resulted in multiple injuries as honors students battled gentle giants for the title of King of Juneteenth. In Philly, a mass shooting killed two men and riddled a 3-year-old boy’s legs with bullets, because it’s always important to remember that these holidays are first and foremost about the children. In Aurora, Colo., a Juneteenth celebration venue that reached capacity began turning away attendees. So of course the rejected participants opened fire, killing one and injuring four. And in Baton Rouge, a Juneteenth bash at the Capital Park Bar & Grill resulted in two deaths and four injuries after patrons got into a heated dispute over whether Juneteenth has become too commercialized (“Look, it ain’t about the presents; it’s about the murderin’!”).

Sure, other “ethnic” holidays lead to violence…every year dozens of dwarfs working for tips as leprechauns on St. Paddy’s Day are injured after being tossed across bars, and at 2 a.m. on Cinco de Mayo, Mexican revelers rev up their engines for the annual “run over everything in our path” drunk-drive-a-thon. But Juneteenth is on track to become the only U.S. holiday that, each year, is guaranteed to take the lives of those it supposedly honors, at the hands of those it supposedly honors.

And that’s the greatest irony of all: As every Juneteenth from now on will inevitably decrease the U.S. black population Purge-style, it seems appropriate to ask whether this is truly a “black” holiday at all, or the new most sacred day on the KKK calendar.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-145/

Takimag July 04, 2021

The Week’s Most Erratic, Phlegmatic, and Morganatic Headlines

*BEVERLY HILLS FLOP*

It was the brazen daytime robbery that froze Beverly Hills in its tracks. Last March, a trio of thugs descended upon an outdoor dining patio in the city’s ritzy shopping district in an attempt to rob a local jewelry store owner of his purdy purdy watch. One of the thugs aimed a gun at the jeweler as another tried to pry off the watch. When the bejeweled victim resisted, the thug’s gun went off, striking a young lady in the leg as she dined on grouper. The woman’s lunch, including the fancy dipping sauce, splattered all over the beautiful orange balsam, or jewelweed, that lined the patio, and the panicked thieves ran off with the watch but not much else, their plan for a grand robbery having been interrupted by unforeseen circumstances.

Because the crime occurred in Beverly Hills and not the city of L.A., police actually set about solving it. The gunman left his weapon behind, and another of the thugs bled on the victim’s shirt during the struggle. Plus the entire affair was captured by security cameras. In due time, all three assailants were caught.

Last week the three stooges were arraigned, which proved a nightmare for local media. After all, the L.A. Times and the TV news had taken great pains to keep the racial identities of the thugs a secret. Perhaps it had been a trio of Norwegians? You know how violent they get. Or maybe nomads from Outer Mongolia. 

Hell, they could’ve even been Jewish; after all, who else would panic and drop the gun Jerry Lewis-style?

“Oy, it’s so slippery and OY such a bang it made with the bullets and the yelling and the oyyygenflaaaaaaygen!”

So at the arraignment, when the names of the three suspects were released, it put the press in a terrible spot: Malik Lamont Powell, Khai McGhee, and Marquise Anthony Gardon.

Damn, why is it never the Norwegians?

The three are members of the Rollin’ 30s Crips street gang, a revelation that led many locals to express surprise that there are still any black gangs left in the county.

C’mon, Mexicans. You had one job.

Another revelation was the trio’s MO. A fourth (as yet unapprehended) suspect is a young black woman whose role was to walk up and down the streets of the dining district pretending to be on her phone, while secretly casing outdoor patios for targets. Yes, sometimes “walking while black” is a crime. She’s the one who spotted the fancy watch and reported the victim’s location.

Unfortunately, Scoutquesha was a little too good at her job. That watch was more than fancy. It was a $500,000 Richard Mille RM 11-03 Flyback Chronograph, the luxury watch of luxury watches, made famous by such luminaries as Rafael Nadal, Jackie Chan, and Natalie Portman.

It’s such a rare watch, the three dummiegos couldn’t fence it. Every jewelry store, pawnshop, and independent dealer in town knew it was hot. The pyramid-builders even tried to take it to Chinatown, hoping that the “chinks” hadn’t seen the news.

They were chased away by a furious Chinese jeweler, who (one can only hope) was wielding a cleaver and screaming, “Choiachoiachingchong, you no come back or I chop you up for dog food!”

So in the end, the robbery was all for naught. The thugs didn’t make a cent.

At the arraignment, all three suspects pleaded “maaaaaaaaaan.”

*RHINOPLASTY, SINOPLASTY*

And while we’re on the topic of Chinamen and thugs…

Congratulations, American taxpayer. Your money has solved that most baffling of unsolvable riddles…why are Asians getting assaulted in America’s big cities, and how can this yellow plague be stopped?

If you think the answer has something to do with increased policing and incarceration of the predominantly black thugs who’ve been carrying out the assaults, well, more the fool you. See, that’s why you don’t run the Public Broadcasting System. Fortunately, the heads of PBS have come up with the answer: Asians are being assaulted because they’re ashamed of their eyes.

If we can just make Orientals feel good about their beady, shifty little peepers, anti-Asian violence will cease.

The “science” behind this principle is about as sound as “kids need masks and Covid vaccines,” but hey—PBS is like Fauci: funded by the people to fool the people.

Last week, Sesame Street debuted a new video as part of its “racial justice for young children” series. In the video, a real-life Asian man and a black Muppet (because all the real-life black actors were too busy being cast in every single online commercial that plays before videos on YouTube) cheer up an Asian child who got bullied because of her eyes. The Muppet and the man reassure the girl that “everything about you is beautiful, both inside and out” (blatantly ignoring her giant honker, but that’s for another video).

“The color and the shape and the size, should always make you proud of your eyes!” the man sings.

The man and the Muppet conclude by telling the girl how important it is that her eyes look like those of her family members. “My eyes are the same as my dad’s,” the man proudly proclaims. “I’m really proud that I look like him, because our eyes make us special and unique.”

In the background of the video you can hear a million adopted kids weeping dejectedly.

Ironically, just as the new Sesame Street video debuted, an article in Allure decried the current trend among white Instagram models of aping the almond-shaped “fox eye” look popularized by wasted organ banks like Bella Hadid. Rather than telling white chicks to be proud of their eyes, Allure slammed them for “anti-Asian cultural appropriation.”

Because whites can never be sympathetic. Asians hate their eyes? It’s because whites are evil. Whites want more exotic eyes? It’s because whites are evil.

Don’t expect to see a Sesame Street video in which a white girl is told to be proud of her eyes. Although next week, the little Asian girl from the video returns after a visit to New York City, and the man and the Muppet are forced to cheer her up again, this time by singing a song about the beauty of the two black eyes given to her by a random street brutha.

*THE GODZILLA OLYMPICS*

2021 is shaping up to be the year of the tranny. Last week, a 27-year-old Philippines-born dude named Kataluna Enriquez won the Miss Nevada USA beauty pageant, becoming the first transgender dude-in-a-dress to win that title, and the first American fella in a wig to compete in the Miss USA pageant.

*Yep, to all you biological women out there, once again a man has proved that he can do female better than you.*

Enriquez has not released any information about his pre-beauty-(drag)-queen life, but he has been very open about being mentally ill. “I’ve been in therapy since I was 10,” he told the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

You don’t say.

As Enriquez prepares to compete in the national pageant, he told the Review-Journal that his advocacy focus will be on “visibility,” a welcome change from all those other contestants who used their moment on stage to push for invisibility (such unhelpful advocacy culminated in tragedy at the 1997 Miss USA pageant when Miss Maryland’s attempt to fly an invisible Wonder Woman plane into the auditorium led to a mass casualty event).

But the tranny victory in Nevada was only the tip of the iceberg. A New Zealand shemale named “Laurel Hubbard” became the first transgender manwoman to qualify for the Olympics. “She’ll” be competing against actual women as a weightlifter, bringing to the mat a heckload of moxie, gumption, and biologically male bone and muscle density.

Hubbard told the press that he’s been treated very well since qualifying for the games. His only complaint is that people keep confusing him for the fat guy at the start of the “One Step Beyond” music video. “I don’t like ska,” he told the AP, “so I wish I didn’t have all these Madness fans coming up to me saying, ‘Hey you, don’t watch that—watch theeesss!’”

Here in the U.S., dudes in dresses have been falling all over themselves to become America’s first tranny Olympian. In Eugene, Oregon, professional runner Nikki Hiltz failed to qualify for the team after being tripped up by her own penis during a sprint. New Hampshire transgender hurdler CeCe Telfer was similarly disqualified when her erect member kept banging against the hurdles. Fortunately, tranny BMX biker Chelsea Wolfe made the cut, becoming the first tranny athlete to go for the gold on Team USA. As with all competitive bikers, years of riding have flattened her rod and sack into an amorphous pancake.

Rumor has it that the influx of trans athletes is not so much a project of social justice, but a crude attempt to psych out the Japs at their own Olympics by parading around a bunch of grotesque giants masquerading as women, in the hopes that the Japanese athletes will pause mid-competition and say in unsynchronized English, “OHHHHHHH! Godzilla is attacking the stadium! Run for your rives!”

*THE POL POT CALLS THE KETTLE BLACK*

Hey, didja hear? The United Nations has something to say about George Floyd and “genocidal racism” in the U.S.!

Well c’mon, folks. Let’s gather ’round and hear what the putrid smegma of Eleanor Roosevelt’s fever dreams wants to tell the nation about treating blacks in a humane manner.

Last week Michelle Bachelet, the U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights, released her long-awaited-by-no-one report on George Floyd. 

And heaven knows every black American from Detroit to Atlanta has been waiting with bated breath to find out what Michelle Bachelet thinks of George Floyd.

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read any further unless you want the ending of Michelle Bachelet’s George Floyd report to be revealed.

Last chance to turn back!

Okay, here it is…

She loves him! And she demands that the U.S. “make amends” for his killing. As reported by the AP, Bachelet, a Chilean socialist, states that even though the U.S. government should flood the black community with reparations cash, that alone will not make up for the death of a guy she never knew existed until a year ago:

    “Reparations should not only be equated with financial compensation,” she wrote, adding that it should include restitution, rehabilitation, acknowledgement of injustices, apologies, memorialization, educational reforms and “guarantees” that such injustices won’t happen again.

Bachelet boasted that she wrote her report after speaking with “340 black people,” a.k.a. the entire weekly audience for Joy Reid’s MSNBC show.

Amazingly, Bachelet was interviewed by the same AP that, just four years ago, ran a piece titled “UN peacekeepers in Congo hold record for rape, sex abuse.” Yet the intrepid AP reporters failed to ask Bachelet follow-up questions like “How can you make blanket condemnations of an entire nation for the death of one black person when the organization you lead literally ‘holds the record’ for raping black women?”

By the way, it should be added that the aforementioned record is totally verified by the Guinness people, although a spokesman for the world record-keeping org was quick to point out that with Bill Cosby back on the loose, the U.N.’s claim to fame might be fleeting.

From the AP report:

    Of the 2,000 sexual abuse and exploitation complaints made against U.N. peacekeepers and personnel worldwide over the past 12 years, more than 700 occurred in Congo, The Associated Press found. Peacekeepers try to distract young girls with cookies, candy and milk to rape them.

Oh, but by all means, demand that the U.S. completely upend itself because one fentanyl freak got winded.

At the close of her interview with the AP, Bachelet rolled around in a pile of U.S. taxpayer money, before offering the reporters some cookies, candy, and milk.

“Sometimes the girls lose their appetite when the raping starts,” she told the journalists, “so we end up with leftovers. Please eat up. What’s left will be sent to Cosby, especially the milk, which goes quite well with Quaaludes.”

*“$#@! EVERYTHING”…BUT NOT EVERYTHING*

Anyone lucky enough to not know what today’s youthful imbeciles do on TikTok is blessed, and that blissful ignorance is one to cherish. 

Essentially, TikTok is a platform where young white girls stick out their middle fingers (a routine that was already tired when Avril Lavigne was doing it twenty years ago) while lip-synching “nigganigganigga” to rap lyrics.

Apparently, this has something to do with appearing as a “tuff grrrrl,” but in fact it’s almost certainly behavior that’s encouraged in the service of a secret Chinese plot to gather video in order to extort these women at some future point.

Sometime in 2026:

Vaguely Asian voice on the phone: “Hello, Abby…do you enjoy your job as district manager of the Forever 21 Encino branch?”

Abby: “Errmahgerd, who is this?”

Voice: “Just someone looking to help ensure that the 2021 TikTok video of you saying ‘nigga’ never reaches corporate HQ.”

Abby: “ERRMAHGERD…BLERKMERL!”

In 2017, a Mahanoy City, Pennsylvania, high school bimbo named Brandi Levy became enraged when she didn’t make her school’s cheerleading squad. Later that day, after school, while stewing about the greatest slight in the history of humankind, Levy took to Snapchat to stick out her middle finger with the caption “$#@! school $#@! softball $#@! cheer $#@! everything.”

The school administrators, seeing the post, suspended Levy from all cheerleading activities for a year. Apparently no one in Mahanoy City was bright enough to understand that there’s no such thing as a person named Levy who doesn’t have multiple lawyers.

Levy and her family sued, and the ACLU took the case straight to SCOTUS, which last week ruled that the school district was out of line in penalizing Levy for a post made off campus and after school hours (only Justice Thomas dissented, taking offense at the fact that Levy plagiarized the title of his favorite Suicide Silence song).

To celebrate the victory, the ACLU began selling “$#@! Everything” T-shirts on Twitter.

OMG, what rebels!

Except…just try saying “$#@! transgenderism” or “$#@! BLM” or “$#@! George Floyd” or “$#@! your pronouns.” As the ACLU’s resident Stalinist Chase Strangio has clearly stated, such speech must be banned.

Even the bimbos of TikTok possess a greater understanding of free speech than the idiots at the ACLU…and with far less hypocrisy.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-146/

The Week’s Most Flailing, Bewailing, and Smooth-Sailing Headlines

WACKY IRAQI HAS A FEW SCREWS LOOSE(IFER)
It’s hard to believe that London was once a city in which the greatest risk its inhabitants faced was insomnia caused by the odd ghost or two showing up at all hours to lecture about the true meaning of Christmas.

If there’s one story that exemplifies what London has become today, it’s the sordid tale of Danyal Hussein and his pet demon, Lucifuge Rofocale.

Hussein is an Iraqi-Kurdish immigrant who personifies the term “not sending their best.” Weak-minded and impressionable, as a teen Hussein fell under the spell of London’s murder-crazed imams. At age 15, he found himself on the radar of Scotland Yard’s “anti-extremism” task force. From 2017 through 2018, Hussein was enrolled in ’er Majesty’s “Prevent Programme,” which takes Muslims who are prone to radicalization and teaches them to be singing chimney sweeps with fake Cockney accents (major funding for the Prevent Programme provided by the Dick Van Dyke Foundation).

In 2019, Hussein was deemed “cured” of radicalization. He swore to his Anglo benefactors that no longer would Muhammad hold sway over his actions. He was free of all allegiances to Islamic extremism. Indeed, he was done with Islam entirely.

And just like that, a fine BRITISH gentleman was born. He was released back into society with a bowler hat, an umbrella, and an Aero bar.

But there was a fatal flaw in the Prevent Programme: Low-IQ Muslims were “cured” of their Muhammad fetish by having their slavish predilections “redirected” to new saviors. It’s like replacing one OCD with another. So yes, Danyal Hussein did drop that loser Muhammad…in favor of a better deity—a demon called Lucifuge Rofocale. He began praying to this demon daily. And apparently the demon “told” him that if he would “kill six women in six months” he would “win the £321million Mega Millions Super Jackpot lottery and not be suspected of his crimes.”

Hussein drew up an actual contract with Rofocale, which he signed in his own blood (Rofocale, for some odd reason, didn’t countersign). And then he murdered two sisters in cold blood as they were enjoying a night on the town.

Because the sisters were black, their mother is now accusing the British government of racism for releasing an Islamic nutcase back into society, which the British government only did in the first place so as not to appear racist.

Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.

But that’s all water under London Bridge now.

For his part, Lucifuge Rofocale stated that he will not pay out the lottery money, as Hussein killed only two women. “We had a contract,” Rofocale told the BBC. “Two women? That’s barely worth winning the football pool.”

Catch more of Rofocale’s commentary in his weekly Guardian column “Wot the Devil Are You Talkin’ About?”

ACCOUNTABILITY NIGGARD
Last week was not a good one for the U.K.’s immigration and integration policies. Over in Manchester, a Nigerian immigrant doctor named Robert Jenyo was engaging in the racial equivalent of yelling “rape” after a one-night stand.

The 53-year-old Jenyo is a lousy doctor. Well, to be fair, he’s good by Nigerian standards. He’s a whiz with cow dung and chicken innards, and he always rigorously sweeps the walkway in front of his clinic to brush aside the evil duppies that collect from the spirits of his dead patients (a.k.a. all his patients). He’s quick to write prescriptions for people with AIDS (“rape one nun every two hours; if condition persists, rape a baby”), and he was first in his class at Yoruba U. when it came to diagnostics via lizard entrails.

Unfortunately for Marcus not-so-Welby, lizard entrails aren’t always the best tool with which to diagnose cancer. Way back in 2007, Dr. Ungabunga was treating a 60-year-old white man who complained of back and neck pains. Any competent doctor would’ve easily spotted about a dozen signs that the man had potentially fatal cancer. But Jenyo consulted with Papa Legba who said the guy just needed a heating pad and bed rest, so Jenyo sent him home with some Icy Hot…and he promptly died of cancer a short time later.

The gentleman’s son sued Jenyo for malpractice, winning £30,000. Jenyo, however, filed a countercomplaint against the son, claiming that the young man had launched into a racist tirade following his dad’s death, pelting the bad doctor with foul slurs. “I will ensure you are sued and struck off,” the enraged son supposedly told Jenyo (“struck off” is British for “prevented from practicing.” It’s also one of the more unique fetishes in British porn). “You go back to your own country and give way for white doctors to work, you $#@!ing ******.”

Basically, Jenyo tried to portray himself as the victim. “Yes, I misdiagnosed the father, but the son called me ‘******,’ so we’re even.”

Unfortunately for the witch doctor, the attempt to shift blame didn’t work, and the quack was indeed “struck off.”

Last week, while appearing before the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service in Manchester to argue for the restoration of his license, Jenyo admitted to having completely fabricated the “racist insults” incident. It turns out that killing the dude’s dad wasn’t good enough; he wanted to pour salt in the wound by making the son look like a hate-filled maniac (Jenyo’s lies could’ve landed the son in prison under Britain’s “racial intimidation” laws).

“I had been under pressure at work and was stressed and I was trying to cover up things. When the complaint came in, I did not want the details of this case to come out and suggest to patients, my colleagues, and to the public I am a bad doctor,” Jenyo told the board. “I now realize the impact my actions have had on the son and his family and I regret what happened.”

Jenyo also copped to falsifying medical records in order to hide other errors.

In a rare burst of sanity, the board refused to reinstate his license.

HAITI CRIMES
Say what you will about Nigerians, they have a great national motto: “At least we’re not Haiti.”

If you’ve ever had the misfortune of living next door to a house that’s an eyesore—maybe the owners are hoarders, or hillbillies, or squatters using the place as a crack den—you know what it’s like to be the Dominican Republic, having to share an island with Haiti.

In the early 1800s, the Dominican Republic was occupied by Haitians. It was a brutal occupation; theft of crops, theft of livestock, heavy taxation. And then in 1838 two Dominicans were walking down the street and one turned to the other and said, “Dude, they’re just Haitians. Haitians, for Chrissake.”

And with that epiphany the Dominican War of Independence began, At the first major skirmish, the Battle of Azua, 2,200 Dominicans took on 10,000 Haitians, killing 1,000 of them while losing only two of their own. At the Battle of Santiago, 500 Dominicans routed 10,000 Haitians. And soon enough every Haitian had been chased back to the Section 8 tenement they call a nation.

That brief period before Dominicans realized who their occupiers were was Haiti’s first and final shot at glory; it’s all been downhill since then.

Haiti’s first ruler, a dictator named Jean-Jacques Dessalines, was murdered and dismembered by his own people after his followers ran out of whites to slaughter. And that set the tone for all Haitian leaders to follow: take power, do terrible things, refuse to leave, get deposed or killed.

Carrying on that noble tradition, last week Haiti’s current “guy who took power, did terrible things, and refused to leave,” Jovenel Moïse, was assassinated in his home by gunmen who used the old “[Knock knock knock] Water and Power; we’re hear to read the meter” ruse to gain entry. Sadly, it was only while opening the door that Moïse realized that his country has neither water nor power. But by then it was too late.

Moïse’s assassination has left his country leaderless, as it turns out that the Haitian “constitution” is just the lyrics of a Wyclef Jean song. “No one knows who’s in charge of Haiti,” declared Slate’s Joshua Keating, who pointed out that the one man who might’ve been able to bring order to the line-of-succession chaos, Supreme Court President René Sylvestre, died of Covid last month.

And his predecessor died of AIDS.

And the guy before that? Probably cholera. Or Gorilla Glue.

It’s striking that a nation known for 200 years of presidential assassinations still doesn’t know what to do after a presidential assassination.

As the country’s constitutional crisis worsened, leading to riots (because of course it did), the Dominican Republic sealed its border with its neighbor, leading the descendant of that first Dominican to say to the descendant of the second one, “Why the hell didn’t we do this a long time ago? We live next door to Haiti.”

OXFAM ON THE ROXFAM
And speaking of Haiti…

Oxfam was founded in 1942 by a bunch of Oxford toffs. Oxfam—which stands for Oxford Famine Relief, and not “Oxes is family, they is”—seeks to combat hunger in those less fortunate parts of the world that were often rendered less fortunate because the bleedin’ Empire colonized ’em and left the poor blighters to starve.

What started out as a vanity project for blue bloods to chuck their uneaten toast at Punjabis has turned into one of the worst NGOs on the planet. In 2018 it was revealed by The Sunday Times that following the devastating 2010 Haiti earthquake that shook the nation so violently every Haitian instantly learned the “Beat It” jittery-guy dance, Oxfam, which was ostensibly in the devastated country to provide aid, had instead exploited the desolated natives for sex.

Oxfam’s then director of operations in Haiti, Roland van Hauwermeiren, was specifically accused of raping underage women. He escaped prosecution because authorities couldn’t spell his idiotic last name on a warrant. According to the Times, Oxfam, under the then directorship of Winnie Byanyima, a “Ugandan aeronautical engineer” (she’s best known for sailing the nation’s only paper airplane a record-breaking five feet across a room), covered up the org’s sex crimes because raping was one of the perks that attracted new recruits.

Oxfam was expelled from Haiti (which is the equivalent of being kicked out of Skid Row for poor hygiene). And earlier this year, Oxfam again faced charges of sexual misconduct, this time in Congo from 2018, when Oxfam workers were assisting during the country’s Ebola crisis.

There’s no universal definition of “low standards,” but “raping Ebola victims” is probably as close as it gets.

Rocked by these sex scandals, Oxfam, in a bid to regain all the gub’mint moola it lost on account of molestation, has decided to ferret out the root cause of its woes.

Turns out those woes stem from one thing and one thing only: whiteness!

Last week the organization circulated a survey among its staff members asking them to identify by race and, if they’re white, to apologize for the crimes of their color. According to the Times, the survey was not greeted with open arms by Oxfam employees. “Surely the time and money should be better spent on the real findings that some of the men they employ are sexual predators,” one staffer told the paper.

But c’mon, that would mean less underage sex. And who joins Oxfam for any other reason?

Better to pin it all on whitey, and get back to that sweet, sweet Ebola tail.

Blight privilege; the best privilege of all!

THEO WAS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT
Cliff Huxtable is doin’ fine…but Claire’s in the doghouse.

Following Bill Cosby’s surprise release from prison on a technicality, friends and foes of “America’s rapey dad” weighed in on the controversial court decision. And whereas most of the blue checks who tweeted about the matter took the position of “It’s not ‘exoneration’ when a guy confesses to rape but says, ‘My confession was privileged,’” poor Phylicia Rashad just had to take a more contrarian view.

Rashad has played Cosby’s wife twice: once on the groundbreaking 1980s sitcom that taught Americans how not to see race at the same time it taught them how to see unfunny, and again on the misbegotten 1996 iteration, a ratings-starved abomination of such magnitude that when costar Madeline Kahn died of ovarian cancer during the show’s run, her castmates were bitterly envious that she found a way out of her contract.

Rashad might be a fine actress, but her talents don’t extend to reading a room. Following Cosby’s release, Rashad tweeted “FINALLY!!!! A terrible wrong is being righted- a miscarriage of justice is corrected!”

Rashad had just been named the new dean of Howard University’s College of Fine Arts, and apparently Mrs. Huxtable didn’t understand that when blacks don’t have whites to pick on, they’ll inevitably turn on their own. She was immediately slammed by Howard students for her “insensitivity” to the victims of sexual assault. Calls mounted, and are mounting still, for her resignation. After all, as dean she’d be responsible for handling accusations of on-campus sexual assaults in her department. And it’s a little hard to maintain credibility in that job when you’ve taken the position of “My friend confessed to drugging and raping women but he had an immunity deal which means he’s innocent.”

In an attempt to quell the firestorm, Rashad penned an open letter to the Howard student body, apologizing for her “upsetting tweet” and promising that if Bill ever expresses an interest in raping college girls, she’ll send him to Spelman instead (the guy’s blind; he won’t know the difference).

For its part, Howard University disavowed Rashad’s tweet, although as of now there are no plans to dismiss her as dean.

Cosby released a statement slamming Howard for slamming Rashad, claiming the HBCU violated her “free speech” rights, much as his own prosecution had violated his “free booty” rights (“If there’s booty to be had, it’s free for Coz”).

In his bizarre missive, Cosby attacked the media for perpetrating the 1/6 Capitol riot, and he attacked the nation’s filmgoers for not appreciating Leonard Part 6.

No word yet on any upcoming dates for the Cosby/O.J. Simpson/Mykelti Williamson “Holy Crap We Got Away With It” national tour.

----------


## Anti Federalist

Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.

*Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.*

*Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.*

----------


## Swordsmyth

> Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.
> 
> *Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.*
> 
> *Sometimes you just can’t win! Unless, of course, you don’t let any of these people into your country to begin with.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-147/

Takimag

July 18, 2021

The Week’s Most Higgling, Niggling, and Wiggling Headlines

*PLEASE ROCK HAMMER DON’T HURT ’EM*

_I must admit, I didn’t think much of Andy Dufresne the first time I laid eyes on him. Looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man. Andy kept pretty much to himself at first. Wasn’t until a month went by before he opened his mouth to say more than two words to somebody. As it turned out, that somebody was me.

He asked if I could get him a rock hammer. So I strangled him to death. Crushed his throat with my bare hands before the guards could stop me. See, rock hammers are racist, so I felt threatened. Does that make me rehabilitated? I believe it does.

The Shawshank Redemption
(Critical race theory reboot)_

As a good leftist, surely Stephen King will be more than willing to cancel himself in the name of CRT. After all, the marginally talented millionaire word-vomiter had the gall to write positively about rock hammers. And rock hammers are racist…apparently.

According to a paper published last week in the “science” journal Nature Communications, black Americans aren’t joining the exciting field of geology because they’re afraid to hold a hammer.

No, really. That’s the actual thesis of the paper. If not for hammerphobia, the field of geology would be crawling with dudes named LaMarquobsidian De’Quartzite.

_As the geosciences strive to be more accessible, the community must recognize that BIPOC and other marginalized geoscientists are not always safe in geoscience spaces. For example, holding objects (e.g., a rock hammer) has been viewed as “suspicious” and, continues to be, used as a reason to call the police on Black people, which can lead to the death of Black individuals, entirely because of racial profiling and an unjustified fear of Black people._

Yes, blacks don’t become geologists because they’re afraid that if they lift a rock hammer, a cop will shoot them. 

The authors of the paper (and there are nineteen of them…yes, it took nineteen morons to come up with the “skeered o’ hammers” thesis) fail to explain why, if this fear extends to all “BIPOCs,” hammerphobia doesn’t seem to have affected the labor market in Southern California when it comes to Mexicans pounding away all day long on construction projects.

Perhaps Mexicans have yet to learn a healthy fear of the hammer…maybe they need to be taught, kind of like how you frighten wild bears so they don’t get comfortable around people.

An idea: Every Mexican who tries to cross the border gets chased back with a giant carnival mallet. Within a generation, Mexis will come to fear the tool, as they rightly should.

The nineteen rocks-for-brains “scientists” who authored the paper suggest that only when blacks no longer feel threatened by hammers will the field of geology finally become racially “equitable.”

Hopefully, blacks never learn about the rock group Skrewdriver, or that’s another tool down the toilet.

*UNCOOL & THE GANG*

As white geologists were complaining about the difficulty of attracting black people to their stodgy academic field, blacks were also struggling to diversify one of their most assuredly not-stodgy and not-academic fields: street gangs!

Skylar “Thump” Webb is an 18-year-old white girl. She’s also the only white member of the Eastside Rollin 20’s Bloods street gang in Norfolk, Va. Along with fellow Bloods Deondre Watkins, Javonne Hodges, Toparshia Hodges (isn’t Toparshia a gemstone? Maybe that belongs in the previous item), Asja Smith-Moore, and Tavarrius Mitchell, Webb helped enrich her community with multiple robberies and assaults.

How Webb attained her position as the “white Blood” is not yet known, although authorities suggest it was likely based on the essay section of the BAT (Bloods Aptitude Test). Her essay, “ERRMAHGHERD I’M A BLEHRD,” was considered the finest entry the gang ever received, owing in no small part to the fact that no other Blood has ever been able to read or write.

Soon after achieving full Blood status, “Thump” was tasked with bringing in new members (“ERRMAHGHERD! PYRAMID SCHEHRM!”). So she set her sights on her friend, 20-year-old Brianna Arrington, a single mother of a 2-year-old son. Arrington was working two jobs, one at a gas station and another at a local community college, and “Thump” told her that if she was willing to get in on this exciting new street-gang thing, she’d have a family that would provide for her and her son. “Thump” explained that these Bloods were not at all like the violent street gangs portrayed in the media. No, these were community activists. Mini-Obamas, all of ’em!

So Arrington was like, “I’m sold! Count me in!”

IQs don’t run high in Norfolk.

Sadly for Arrington and her sponsor, the new recruit wasn’t too good at the minutiae of street ganging. As reported in The Virginian-Pilot:

    Arrington, by her own account, was not a good gang member. Over the next couple of days, her new comrades tried to teach her secret handshakes, Bloods lore and traditions. But Arrington messed up, and each time she did, she got “a DP” or “disciplinary/detrimental punishment”—which meant a beating.

The thing is, when you screw up at Amway or Mary Kay, your bosses don’t murder you. But after weeks of being the Jerry Lewis of the Bloods (“oygenflaaaygen with the secret handshakes!”), Arrington was targeted for termination. So “Thump” invited her to the hangout for a “pizza and movie night” (that’s not a joke; Arrington actually arrived with Little Caesars). And then the gang beat her, stabbed her in the head and back, poured bleach down her throat, and shot her in the eye. Then they took her son—yes, Arrington brought her child to the “pizza and movie night”—and tossed him in a dumpster as Arrington was left to bleed out in her car.

Amazingly, she survived, as did the boy. And last week, Arrington, sporting a glass eye, a Lauren Bacall-inspired acid-washed voice, and multiple scars physical and mental, testified at the trial of the ten Bloods who tried to kill her.

Isn’t that always the case? You try to dismiss an incompetent employee, and they file some BS claim for damages. If only Arrington had been able to memorize those secret handshakes, nobody would be in this mess and the pizza-and-movie nights would be going on as usual.

One bad apple…that’s all it ever takes to ruin a good thing.

*“ZOOD” AFRIKA*

The riots and looting tearing through South Africa simply cannot be happening. The images must be CGI; the news reports fake. Everyone knows that black people only riot and loot because of institutional racism caused by evil whites and their damnable supremacy.

It’s a law of physics, no more violable than gravity.

So no, it’s simply not possible that blacks are rioting and looting in a black nation because of actions taken by the blacks who rule them against other blacks who used to rule them.

In fact, the backstory of the SA riots is so convoluted, only a writer of Marvel blockbusters could’ve come up with it. The origin story involves something called the “Zondo Commission,” which totally sounds like what Doctor Strange or Starhawk would appear before while trying to find the Galubrious Cubes or the Synstricious Stones or whatever inane plot device saves the universe.

The short version is this: Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #1 was accused by Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #2 of being a corrupt South African butcher-thief, so Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #1 was brought by Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #2 before a commission started by Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #1 to investigate corrupt South African butcher-thieves. And Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #1 said to Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #2, “You can’t bring me before my own commission!” so he was charged with contempt and sentenced to fifteen months in prison. And the residents of Corrupt South African Butcher-Thief #1’s home province of ButcherBongoThiefUbango (formerly known as Rhodesville Nogtown during the apartheid years) decided they wanted flat-screens and slap-chops so they started looting malls and burning down the homes of Indians.

And apparently killing Somalis…for reasons that surely make as much sense as anything else going on in that geographical septic tank. It got so bad that last week Somalian diplomats sent a formal protest to the South African government demanding protection for Somalis living in SA. 

The Somalian flag is a machete-wielding warlord carving a starving child in half while eating a baby. 

When your nation has become too extreme for those lunatics, maybe it’s time to dial it back a bit.

The death toll from the riots is nearing 100, and Twitter is overflowing with videos of entire shopping malls cleaned out and factories and warehouses sacked and burned. The rioters have especially targeted the food production chain, because what harm could come from that? It’s not like Africa has ever had any issues with famine.

Help us, Zondo! You’re our only hope!

*MY BLUE HAVANA*

South Africa was not the only nation on fire last week. As SA burned with red-hot passion for stolen consumer goods, Cuba burned for _libertad!_ Which put American leftists in an awkward spot, because Cubans are supposed to really love all that amazing communism. So, as Cubans took to the streets screaming babalu and expressing annoyance at their redhead wives who are always trying to crash the nightclub act, leftists generally stayed silent about the mass discontent.

Indeed, as protests raged on the streets of Havana, Santiago, and other Cuban cities, most leftists tried to pretend that the unrest was in response to not having enough Covid vaccines, as opposed to not having enough, you know, food and water (Cuba is currently in the middle of a massive economic crisis that has all but erased its stocks of dairy goods and reduced its meat supply to gristle).

Leftists were baffled. How could a communist paradise with the finest health-care system on earth (a system awarded ten out of ten amputated feet on the Michael Moore diabetic fat guy scale) be so disliked by its own people?

President Biden was Weekend at Bernied just long enough to release an official White House statement about the protests, telling a hedgehog in the Rose Garden (which he mistook for Yamiche Alcindor), “We stand with the Cuban people and their clarion call for freedom and relief from the tragic grip of the pandemic and from the decades of repression and economic suffering to which they have been subjected by Cuba’s authoritarian regime.”

Fortunately, the hedgehog passed along the comments to the Press Corps.

For his part, Bernie Sanders took time off from arguing at Katz’s Deli over whether egg bread or rye is the better choice for the pastrami platter to issue a statement of his own: “All people have the right to protest and to live in a democratic society. I call on the Cuban government to respect opposition rights and refrain from violence.”

Oy, enough with the violence already!

Eventually, most American leftists settled on the line, “Yes, the Cubans are genuinely dissatisfied, but only because America continues to embargo the poor island nation. It has nothing to do with communism.”

In Democrat political consultant terms, this is known as the “We’ve already lost Florida so to hell with it” strategy.

Perhaps the most interesting take on the Cuban Gristle Crisis (that pun was set up eight paragraphs ago) came from Black Lives Matter’s official Twitter account. The U.S. terrorist org praised Cuba’s communist leaders for “supporting black liberation” in Cuba and abroad.

Considering that only about 9% of Cubans are black (“Afro-Cuban”), it’s comforting to know that BLM stands in favor of starving an entire nation to protect a small minority (who are starving as well) from Western microaggressions like freedom and well-stocked grocery shelves.

*SACRÉ CORDON BLEU*

Sticking with a theme, as South Africa burned for looted consumer goods and as Cuba burned for basic foodstuffs, the French were like, _“Ooh là là, we must get in on zee action, no?”_

Because every now and then, the French like to remind the rest of the world that they exist. The French are like skunks. You’re out for an evening stroll, and you likely haven’t thought about skunks in ages. But then one crosses your path, and you’re like, “Oh right—skunks exist, and I don’t want to get too close to one, so I’ll walk in the opposite direction.”

And the skunk is like, “I made you notice me! That means I’m important. Skunks rule!”

For decades, the French have willingly given up their freedoms, empowering politicians who’ve blithely chipped away at what, in times past, might’ve been considered basic human rights. In France, speech is illegal if it offends a nonwhite, an immigrant, or damn near anyone else. French law criminalizes “the public or non-public insult of a person or group of people because of their origin or their membership or their non-membership, true or supposed, to an ethnic group, nation, sexual identity, gender identity, disability, race or specific religion.”

As a result of this law, movies have been banned, movie posters have been banned, comedians have been arrested, animal rights activists have been put on trial, and even Bob Dylan was investigated by the cops (but sadly not for Knocked Out Loaded).

When imported Muslim terrorists began dispatching native Frenchies to that great baguette bakery in the sky, the French government responded not by limiting immigration, but by restricting religious wear, because for the French, it’s never about forging practical solutions, but abrogating rights. Better to let terrorists into the country and tell them they can’t wear veils or burkas than to just not let terrorists into the country in the first place.

It’s rather like the French—known for their sexual deviancy—get a prurient thrill from restricting rights.

So it was a bit baffling last week when thousands of French folk took to the streets of Paris and other major cities to protest the Macron government’s plan to require vaccine passports (called “health passes”) for all residents who wish to venture into public places. “Mon Dieu,” the Frenchies cried, “how dare you tell us that we cannot eat at a restaurant or go to the movies or visit a mall without proof of vaccination!”

Yes, the imbéciles who’ve been perfectly fine with surrendering every other right have finally drawn a line…a day late and a euro short. The gendarmes dispersed the protesters and everyone went home to sit in silence in a dark room, saddled with the crushing realization that they’re French.

At least the South Africans are willing to fight for something…even if it’s just a looted vacuum cleaner that they can’t figure out how to assemble and end up using as a coat rack or worshiping as a new pagan deity.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-148/

July 25, 2021

The Week’s Most Peddling, Treadling, and Gold-Medaling Headlines

*ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAAAAAAAAAAN!*

It was the most blessedly brief “mismatched roommates” sitcom in history: a trillionaire book-burner, his ne’er-do-well sponge of a little brother, a Dutch teenager, and an old lady from Texas. And together they blasted off into space…for a few minutes, barely long enough for a good sitcom gag:

Big Bezos: Hey, who took the spare change from my wallet?
Lil’ Bezos: Sorry, bro. I needed some walking-around money.
Big Bezos: But there was 50 million bucks in there!
Lil’ Bezos: It was gonna be a long walk.
[Laugh track]
Dutch Boy: Boop boop meep meep boom boom eep eep.
Old Lady: Ya damn kid! Quit playin’ yer videa games so loud!
Dutch Boy: Video games? I was speaking Dutch.
[Laugh track]

The Bezos Far Out Space Nuts reboot went off without a hitch…well, not in the air, at least. On the ground, there was a hitch or two.

CBS News hosted a special guest to witness the “historic” launch: Charles Bolden, a black retired astronaut and NASA administrator who flew on four space-shuttle missions. What a “get” for CBS! Let ABC try to dig up one o’ them Hidden Figures ho’s; CBS had a real live legend on board!

But things went south faster than the Challenger. Following the New Shepard’s successful landing, a beaming Bolden decided to put his own unique spin on why the mission is important for today’s black youth. After CBS cameras caught sight of a young black boy beaming with joy as the capsule returned to earth, Bolden began a rant about how the launch “inspires kids to not sit on a corner and shoot people.” Reporter Gayle King (who’s black) hurriedly interrupted Astronaut Jones, frantically trying to change the subject. But to no avail. Once Bolden got the mic again, he seamlessly picked up his train of thought (news flash: The elderly are stubborn): “People will criticize what I’m about to say, but…the young man sitting there, excited as he was, that’s one less black kid on a corner somewhere getting ready to use a weapon.”

And with that, the entire studio filled with the unpleasant odor of about a hundred people simultaneously soiling their pants.

Fearing that the old coot had just gotten the entire network canceled, King immediately jumped in to save the day: “I don’t want anybody to think or believe that all black kids are just hanging out on a corner. I just really wanted to clean that up because I’m sitting here going, No, Charlie, no! I know what you were trying to say, but I don’t want that left hanging on the air as I’m sitting here listening to it.”

“I said before I said it that people were going to be critical,” Bolden shot back, unbowed and smiling.

Watching King’s pained expression was a joy; a network that (like all the others) pretends that black crime is a myth invites a legendary black man on the show, only to get a harsh lesson in how old black men ain’t got no truck with the PC.

And it must be said, the idea of shooting young gangbangers into space has definite appeal. Rather reminiscent of an old 1970s-era joke from the British comedy duo Morecambe and Wise:

Ernie: [Reading a newspaper] Bad news…the Chinese are on the moon.
Eric: Good news…all of ’em.

*MOST DISHONORABLE ORYMPICS*

If last week had a theme, it’s that life loves ethnic stereotype humor. Indeed, much of the week seemed like a Don Rickles routine playing out in real time.

Example No. 1: Larry Elder, the black conservative author and radio host, nearly missed his chance to run in the California gubernatorial recall election because some of his paperwork was late. Yes, even rightist blacks go by CPT. California Secretary of State Shirley Weber, an obese 72-year-old black woman who probably holds a few grudges against all the tardy black men who left her hanging throughout the course of her life, tried to penalize Elder for his un-punctuality, but a court overruled her, and Late Larry will be on the ballot after all.

Example No. 2: The Polish government had to recall six members of its Olympic swimming team, because the team should’ve numbered seventeen, but the Poles couldn’t count properly and sent six too many. A genuine tragedy, but not as bad as the Polish sprinter who left his polka albums at home because someone told him he might break a record, or the Polish wrestler who got hit by a car because he was jogging backwards (he was trying to gain weight), or the Polish track-and-field competitor who refused to do the broad jump…he was afraid he might hurt her.

Example No. 3 is certainly the saddest: The Japanese, arguably the most shame-averse people on earth, find themselves in the position of hosting the most shameful Olympics in history. From athletes pledging to openly disrespect their nation should they win a medal, to dudes in dresses getting ready to clobber actual women, to the cardboard beds the athletes have to sleep on (they never should’ve trusted the design of Olympic Village to Gus the back-alley transient), the Games are shaping up to be a most dishonorable mess.

*Of course, front and center in that mess is Covid. Almost a hundred athletes, trainers, coaches, and staffers have tested positive. Many of the infected were “fully vaxxed,” and as far as anyone knows, there are no “brave Texas Democrats” hiding in Olympic Village superspreading to residents.*

Spectators have been banned from all events, because if there’s one thing sports isn’t about, it’s spectators. Organizers believe it’s only appropriate for the Pandemic Games to look like the opening scenes from 28 Days Later, with athletes in empty stadiums wandering around screaming, “Helloooo! Anyone theeeeeeere?”

Japanese enthusiasm for the Games is at the level of “I’d rather relive Nagasaki.” Toyota, one of the event’s prime sponsors, has declined to run any Olympics-themed ads (the poor bastard who okayed that sponsorship deal is preparing his seppuku sword), and the CEOs of a dozen Japanese corporations skipped the opening ceremonies out of respect for the fans who couldn’t attend.

South Korean diplomats are boycotting the Games after a Japanese diplomat infuriated the delegation with a masturbation joke (which almost certainly included the pinched finger-and-thumb “tiny penis” meme), and the composer of the opening-ceremony music was forced to resign after he admitted that while in school he forced classmates with disabilities to masturbate (again with the masturbation theme?), and he ridiculed the looks of students with Down syndrome (kinda redundant for an Asian).

To top it all off, a heat wave is making this the hottest Olympics on record, and the director of the opening ceremonies was fired for having made a Holocaust joke in 1998.

Tokyo 2021: the first Olympics in history where an appearance from Daniel Lee Young would be a relief.

*OFFENSIVE BLACKFIELD*

At this point the NFL is pretty much like, “To hell with it.” It’s the old “If you find yourself in a hole, dig deeper” strategy. The 2020/2021 season was a ratings disaster, as was Super Bowl LV. And while it’s easy to attribute the ratings implosion to an awkward season truncated by Covid, in fact the viewer exodus started pre-Covid when a bunch of black millionaire athletes decided to “take a knee” to protest their modern-day enslavement (are black athletes truly free if they can’t occasionally slap they bitches without cops buttin’ in?).

The really bad news is that the biggest viewer loss last season was in the all-important 18–49 demographic. There’s the irony: “Boomers” aren’t the ones leaving. It’s the TikTokers and video gamers, the morons who are supposed to be all into the woke BS.

To remedy this situation, the NFL is introducing more woke BS. During the upcoming 2021/2022 season, the “black national anthem”—“Lift Every Voice and Sing”—will be played before each game.

*It was either that or Cardi B’s “Wet-Ass Pussy,” the preferred choice among players.*

The anthem addition is part of the NFL’s new “Inspire Change Initiative,” launched in partnership with rapper Jay-Z, whose “Nigggas in Paris” was also considered for the new anthem:

    So I ball so hard muthafuckas wanna fine me
    But first nigggas gotta find me
    What’s 50 grand to a muthafucka like me
    Can you please remind me?
    Got my nigggas in Paris
    And they goin’ gorillas,
    I got that hot bitch in my home
    You know how many hot bitches I own?

Now, *that’s* inspirational!

Another irony about the anthem switch is that “Lift Every Voice and Sing” was written in 1900 in honor of Abraham Lincoln, a “white savior” of the kind whose statues are being pulled down by folks “goin’ gorilla.” Writer-composers James Weldon Johnson and J. Rosamond Johnson wanted the song to be a message of optimism, of how much better things were getting for American blacks.

An odd choice to appeal to a generation of blacks who literally think they’re being genocided every hour of every day.

    Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
    Facing the rising sun of our new day begun.

Hardly an anthem for a group of CRT/BLM thugs who believe that America hasn’t improved since slavery.

Funny enough, the Johnson brothers also wrote the popular tune “Dem Bones,” which might make a better NFL anthem, as it offers a guide to the areas of a football player’s body that will be crippled by intense pain as he gets older.

*I SCREAM, JEW SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM*

Of course, it’s not just pampered athletes who engage in social justice posturing. Conservatives do it pretty well too.

Last week, far-left manufacturer of overpriced ice cream Ben & Jerry’s announced that it would no longer do business in the “Israeli occupied” West Bank and East Jerusalem. The company will continue to do business in Israel proper, though. Apparently, keeping ice cream from Palestinians while still selling it in the country whose leaders “oppress” Palestinians is somehow a pro-Palestinian/anti-Israel position.

Wouldn’t pro-socialism Ben & Jerry’s make a stronger statement by continuing to sell its product in Israel while making it free in Palestinian territories? Jews must pay! But the poor oppressed Ay-rabs get guaranteed universal ice cream!

Well, socialism has its limits.

Predictably, Republican politicos and conservative pundits reacted with outrage at this Holocustard, pledging boycotts and even state action against the company. Odd that none of the other positions taken by the outrageously leftist enterprise have prompted such passionate responses. In years past Ben & Jerry’s has supported the BLM riots, police defunding, illegal immigration, tranny rights, and even cop killers. But hey, free speech, man!

But making an anti-Israel statement? This. Means. War!

A month ago, GOP senator James Lankford of Oklahoma tweeted his outrage over Joe Biden’s defense of speech suppression on social media:

    Biden thinks free speech is dangerous. Oklahomans don’t need the Biden thought police telling us how to think & feel. We can understand information w/o their help. I’m more concerned w/ DC controlling speech than I am of some people passing wrong information. Let people speak!

Amen! Huzzah!

Oh, wait…now Israel’s angry? Last week Lankford tweeted this:

    #Benandjerrys has now decided they know more about Jerusalem than the Israelis. If Ben & Jerry’s wants to have a meltdown & boycott Israel, OK is ready to respond. Oklahoma has an anti-boycott of Israel law in place. We should immediately block the sale of all #Benandjerrys in the state and in any state-operated facility to align with our law.

_Oy gevalt!_

And speaking of Jews, little Benny Shapiro (did you know he’s Jewish? He never mentions it) tweeted this back in 2012:

    I think the owners of Ben & Jerry’s are awful politically. But they make great ice cream, so I eat there. B/c I’m not a vindictive a-hole.

Alright! Boo, cancel culture! Conservatives don’t boycott!

Until last week when he tweeted, “@benandjerrys Oh well. Guess I won’t be eating any more of your ice cream.”

The neocon version of “America First” always ends with a question mark.

Shapiro has promised to start his own ice cream chain, Yummm Kippur. The bowls will be shaped like yarmulkes (if you don’t want a bowl you can get a cohen), and free ice cream for life for the 6 millionth customer. Oh, and for Palestinians, if they’re displeased with their purchase, absolutely no right of return.

*THE BONE RANGER RIDES BLACK BOOTY*

Get ready for the urban contemporary version of Equus.

During America’s frontier days, there were many legendary black horsemen. Bose Ikard, Bass Reeves, John Ware, and most of all Nat Love, a.k.a. Deadwood Dick.

Jackson Kelley of Norfolk County, Massachusetts, wanted to be the next Deadwood Dick. In the worst way. Like, the very worst way. Like literally the worst way humanly possible. The 19-year-old black championship high school wrestler loves him some horses. He grew up next to the Turner Hills Equestrian Stables, where he was an avid rider and groomer.

But it was one horse in particular, a mare aptly named Bellissima, that really caught Kelley’s attention. In fact, one might say the young gentleman became smitten.

But not in the wholesome “Roy Rogers and Trigger” way.

Last week Kelley crept into the stables late at night. Familiar with the layout, he unplugged the security cameras…all but one, which he forgot. And you can’t blame him for being careless; he had love on his mind. Approaching Bellissima’s stable, he haltered the animal with a crosstie to secure it, and he put out some feed to keep it occupied.

Kelley then found a step stool, which he placed behind the horse, and, well, suffice to say he gave new meaning to the equestrian term “rearing.”

Hey, at least he bought her dinner first.

A woman who keeps a horse at the stable couldn’t sleep, so she decided to randomly check the security camera feed (which all owners have access to). To put it mildly, her insomnia was not mollified by the Pornhub Premium content she encountered on her screen.

When Roy was done Rogering, he put the mare back in her stable and ran off. Police arrived soon after, having been alerted by the horse owner (who still hasn’t been able to blink since that night). Based on the footage, Kelley was arrested. He faces multiple charges of animal cruelty, sexual intercourse with an animal, and breaking and entering with intent to commit a felony. At his arraignment several days ago, local media described him as “blank and expressionless,” which is probably the default for any young man aware that everyone on his block now knows that he fornicates fillies.

Jackson Kelley, a.k.a. My Friend Fligga, get ready for life as a figurative gelding.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-149/

Takimag

August 01, 2021

The Week’s Most Salian, Antithalian, and Bacchanalian Headlines

*THE TOKYO CANCELYMPICS*

Please welcome the comedy team of Abbott and Kosato:

Kosato: “These are not Orympics. These are CANCERYMPICS.”

Abbott: “Olympics for people with cancer?”

Kosato: “NO! Not ‘cancerympics.’ CANCERYMPICS! Orympics for people who got cancered.”

Abbott: “That’s what I’m saying. Cancerympics.”

Kosato: “No, you brainress runatic. It’s the Orympics that’s more about canceration than sport.”

Abbott: “Ahhh, cancel-ympics. Indeed, old pal.”

No Olympics in history has ever captured the zeitgeist of the day like Tokyo 2021. This is an event that will surely be remembered more for who went home than for who stayed. The tone was set several months ago when Yoshiro Mori, president of the Tokyo Olympics organizing committee, was forced to resign after complaining about a mandate to make 40% of his committee members female. Mori claimed that women “talk too much” during meetings: “On boards with a lot of women, the meetings take so much time. Women have a strong sense of competition. If one person raises their hand, others probably think, I need to say something too. That’s why everyone speaks.”

Mori got the boot. The woman who was offered his job, Seiko Hashimoto, began delivering an acceptance speech in April and still hasn’t finished.

The composer of the Tokyo 2021 theme music resigned after admitting to making disabled children masturbate in front of him, earning him a nickname among his fellow musicians, “Gary Gritter.” Tragically, no one was canceled for choosing John Lennon’s “Imagine” as a last-minute musical replacement (a spokesman for disabled Japanese children complained, “It’s like we’ve been molested all over again”).

And then a few weeks ago, the director of the opening ceremony was canned for making a Holocaust joke in 1998. Details of the joke were not released, but hopefully it wasn’t anything as tasteless as “What four rock classics tell the story of Jews in Nazi Germany? ‘Hey Jude,’ ‘In the Ghetto,’ ‘I’m on Fire,’ and ‘Dust in the Wind.’”

Then, of course, there were the athletes canceled for using weed (man), and for testing positive for Covid even after being vaxxed.

And now, a Greek television commentator has been sent home and fired by his network after commentating rather distastefully while covering the always-exciting Olympic table-tennis contest. After South Korea’s Young-sik beat Greece’s Panagiotis Gionis (“Young-Sik, Panagiotis Gionis” sounds like a doctor explaining that a child is ill and then diagnosing the disease), veteran Greek TV presenter Dimosthenis Karmiris said of the South Korean players, “Their eyes are narrow so I can’t understand how they can see the ball moving back and forth.”

Karmiris was offered the choice of a cup of hemlock or a ticket back to Athens and he actually had to think about it.

And now with Simone Biles canceling herself from the competition, and dozens of athletes complaining about the vacant stadiums (spectators having been banned due to Covid), Tokyo 2021 is shaping up to be the ultimate season of Survivor, where folks only watch to see who gets sent home from the big empty island.

*HELLO MUDDAH, HELLO FADDAH, HELLO NONBINARY BIRTHING PERSON*

Ah, summer camp! A place for the young’uns to forge memories that will last a lifetime. River rafting! Mountain climbing! Nature hikes, whittling, archery, spooky stories by campfire. Oh, and lopping off genitalia and shooting up hormones.

Summer camp: where a boy becomes a man or possibly a girl or if the surgery goes wrong a misshapen monster.

Camp Quinebarge in Moultonborough, New Hampshire, bills itself as “the best LGBT summer camp in New England” (and heaven knows LGBTs love “camp”):

    As an LGBT friendly summer camp, we provide a safe space for members of the LGBT+ community to be themselves. We welcome transgender and non-binary individuals, and are happy to make reasonable accommodations for privacy. We consider the gender identity of our participants and staff to be private unless the individual wishes to share it, and we will not share that information with anyone except medical staff when appropriate.

Parent picking up child after a month at camp: “Uh, Tommy…didn’t you have a penis when we dropped you off?”

Quinebarge: The only summer camp that uses the final scene from Sleepaway Camp as a promotional video.

2021 was going to be the summer of Quinebarge, with the camp taking advantage of relaxed Covid restrictions to promote its LGBT experience to kids throughout New England. Come climb Mount Deadname! Hike the Dysphoria Trail! Swim Lake Genderfluid! And meet our Native American mascot, Big Chief Vaginoplasty.

Sadly, it turns out that those in charge of Camp Quinebarge put all their effort into “inclusiveness” literature, and none into constructing a functioning camp.

The camp that was “open to everyone” was forced to “close to everyone” last week after just six days.

Six miserable, unbearable days.

Parents, who’d paid $3,400 for a two-week “camping experience” for their little Chaz Bonos, were abruptly called and told to come get their “birthed persons.”

Apparently, the organizers failed to provide food for the campers (they had no working dishwashers anyway). Isn’t that always the case? You get so immersed in the top and bottom surgery, the transitioning and pansexualizing, that you forget that even trannies gotta eat. The lack of food was compounded by a lack of sanitation, and—perhaps most important—a lack of staff. Turns out young folks didn’t exactly jump at the chance to be paid minimum wage to become counselors at Camp Shemale. Organizers were struggling to hire counselors just days before opening, and one of the poor saps who agreed to take the post left on the first day after being punched in the face by a kid (who’d already clobbered a fellow camper).

Who could’ve known that taking a bunch of brats raised by leftist parents who tell them they were “assigned” the wrong gender at birth and sticking them in the woods with no food or sanitation would lead to disaster?

Unforeseeable!

The Boston Globe referred to the Quinebarge fiasco as “the Fyre Festival of overnight camps.” Still, if there’s a bright side, it’s that Jason from Friday the 13th was about to commit one of his trademark massacres, but even he got creeped out by what he saw.

“Is that a boy or a…uh…are those, um, balls? But is that a, uh, girl…but it has a beard. Okay, I’m goin’ back in the lake. This place is messed up enough without me.”

*SOUS-CHEF? SIOUX CHEF. SUE CHEF!*

The implosion of the “woke” sleepaway camp was not the only incident this summer of leftists being hoist by their own retard. In fact, the six days that Camp Quinebarge managed to stay afloat seem like an eternity compared with Brooklyn rooftop restaurant Outerspace, which closed a mere 24 hours after being named New York’s “woke restaurant of the summer.”

The New York Times bestowed that title on Outerspace because of the pricey Bushwick eatery’s “diverse,” “multicultural” fare, its “compostable paper bowls” that will single-handedly end global warming, and its “chefs of color” who make sure that your $80 cup of Tectualaxtaptic Incan soup is not served with a cracka.

You know the old fable about the scorpion and the frog? “But if you sting me, we both drown!” That fable has lost all meaning in Woke America. See, after Outerspace was named “restaurant of the summer,” the Asian, African, and bare-assed tree-dwelling Peruvian Injuns in the kitchen realized that they could parlay that publicity into publicity for themselves by screaming accusations of “racism,” “colonialism,” and “misogyny” at management.

Wait, you might say—if they sink the restaurant, won’t they, too, lose their jobs?

Very funny! Nope. Today, “chefs of color” who sabotage the restaurant where they work are guaranteed so much positive press from the media, they’re usually able to open their own establishment.

Like Outerspace chef Chinchakriya Un (who was named after 1970s porn music: “bow chinchakriya wow wow”). A Cambodian who dresses like Pocahontas, Stupidname McGee piggybacked off the Times piece to take to Instagram with a post calling the owners of Outerspace “culture vultures dressed in normcore” who practice “racist exploitation,” “white saviorism,” “dated power dynamics,” and “internalized misogyny.”

Because of course, who wants to eat at a place where the owners dress in “normcore”? Better they dress in Sacajaweacore.

“How we got here in the first place began with a colonial narrative pitched by them. I will hold myself accountable for missing so many red flags,” Chinchilla Urkel concluded, before promoting her own food company.

Funny enough, one of the owners of the now-shuttered Outerspace is the sister of failed far-left NYC mayoral candidate Kathryn Garcia.

Failed mayor, failed restaurateur. Life is hard for this family of “white saviors.”

As reported in the New York Post, the Outerspace fiasco was one of many examples this summer involving “restaurant workers of color” who tried to get their workplaces closed down with accusations of racism. In one instance, a “dishwasher of color” tried to shut his restaurant down after claiming that the owners chased him out while hurling “ethnic slurs.” But security cameras showed that the washee-washee man had actually collapsed on the kitchen floor from an overdose the day he was fired. No slurs were hurled except “call an ambulance.”

Too bad Camp Quinebarge closed; apparently, they needed dishwashers.

*TWERK AND HARE*

Remember the dark old days when superstition governed the medical realm? Back when it was almost impossible to procure cadavers for anatomical research? In the early 1800s, the study of human anatomy was exploding on the scene as the newest, coolest thing for young doctors searching for reasons for disease other than witch curses. Problem was, in Scotland—home to some of the leading anatomical institutes of the time—there were strict rules governing the use of human bodies for medical study. The deceased had to be an executed convict or a suicide (no harm in cutting up the corpse of a dude who’s in hell).

Sadly, Scotland wasn’t producing enough murderers or emos to keep up with the med school demand for cadavers. And with doctors willing to pay handsomely for stiffs, grave robbing became big business. Essentially, grave robbers were the tech startup whizzes of their day. And the Jobs and Wozniak of corpse snatching were William Burke and William Hare, who soon realized that it took less effort to murder indigents than it did to dig up graves.

Their bonnie bodies were fresh as the day’s cranachan!

Now, nobody condoned the murderous activities of Burke & Hare (except the Scots who appreciated indigent-free alleyways, and the doctors who were able to advance medical science, and the med students who were able to see dissections firsthand, and the families of deceased loved ones who didn’t have to worry about disturbed graves…okay, everyone condoned the murderous activities of Burke & Hare), but the explosion of so-called “resurrection men” showed that in the 1800s, doctors were willing to go to great lengths to understand the human body, even if it meant violating the superstitions of the era.

That was the 1800s.

Today, superstition has made a huge comeback, and this time the doctors are totally on board!

In 2020 the AMA adopted as official canon that race is a social construct, not a biological reality. Yes, by AMA rules, Rachel Dolezal is black. As is Jolson.

Sickle cell? Hey—Eskimos and Finns get it just as much. Disagree and you’re Delta Variant Hitler!

Last year at Yale School of Nursing, a few twerking sassy sitcom neighbors learned that black people have a high risk of hypertension, prompting one twerker to complain to the student newspaper that such talk is “anti-black rhetoric” because no malady can be “attributed to differences in metabolism or some other biological differences…because race is a social construct.”

The school gave in. From now on, blacks won’t receive extra screening for hypertension.

Uh, yay?

And last week, it was reported that some medical schools are no longer recognizing biological sex. Yep, no more acknowledging that men and women can have differing risk levels for certain diseases. There’s no biology in sex. It’s whatever you want it to be.

As Paul Simon sang in “Boy in the Bubble,” “medicine is magical and magical is art.”

Look for the next-gen Burke & Hare’s, coming soon. Smuggling not cadavers, but biology textbooks to the daring few doctors who still believe in that stuff.

*TWITTER SWATTER*

And now, The Week That Perished’s Dumbass of the Week.

There were many dumbasses last week, but one managed to shine a few lumens dimmer than the rest.

Shane Sonderman really likes Twitter. Oh, you may think that you like Twitter. But you’ll never like Twitter the way Shane Sonderman likes Twitter.

May we all find a soul mate who looks at us the way Shane Sonderman looks at Twitter.

The 20-year-old, whose name in German translates to “special man,” is certainly “special.” Like in the short bus safety scissors kinda way. When Shane sees a Twitter handle he wants, he simply must have it! And if he can’t, he stops watching anime long enough to conduct harassment campaigns against the rightful owner. He’s been known to call in fake fires at the owner’s home, or have unpaid food delivered, or make anonymous threatening phone calls.

Poor Mark Herring was a 60-year-old grampa who’d been fortunate enough to grab @Tennessee in Twitter’s early days. The man lived in Tennessee, so it just made sense! Well, Shane Sonderman wanted that handle. Sure, he lived on the Arkansas side of the AR/TN border, but dammit it was close enough that absolutely he was entitled to that moniker!

After all, he’s special.

But old man Herring wasn’t about to give up his treasure. Sonderman tried every trick in the book—harassment, threats, offers of money…he even promised to give Herring his Kurogiri action figure.

No dice.

So one pleasant evening in April 2020, as Herring was sitting on his porch deciding what brilliant morsel of wisdom to tweet next (“That Ray Stevens sure is a hoot. @Tennessee”), a virtual army of cops ran up on him, guns drawn. “Freeze,” they yelled. And freeze he did, permanently. He dropped dead of a heart attack.

Turns out Sonderman had “swatted” the old guy by having an accomplice call 911 claiming to be Herring. The caller, as “Herring,” said he’d just murdered his wife and booby-trapped his property with pipe bombs.

Last week Sonderman was sentenced in a Memphis federal court to five years in prison. The accomplice who made the call is a minor living in the U.K., and almost certainly he’s “special” too.

So, as Specialman begins five years of being an in-cell incel, he can at least take comfort in the fact that he made it to the top of the dumbass heap of the week.

Congrats!

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-150/

Takimag

August 08, 2021

The Week’s Most Mithraic, Archaic, and Pharisaic Headlines

*STONE, COLD KILLER*

There’s no house party like a Como house party. Como is a historically black neighborhood in Fort Worth, Texas. The word “como” in Spanish means “what?” And the neighborhood got its name when the first black settlers tried to communicate with the local Mexicans.

“Yo, niggga, what dis place called?”

“Como?”

“Como it is!”

In recent years, reflecting changes occurring all across the Southwest, Mexicans have been “reclaiming” Como from blacks. And last week a bunch of Como’s Hispanic enrichers were holding a house party, blasting mariachi music (which tragically has the same effect on black people that Slim Whitman’s voice had on the aliens in Mars Attacks!) and beating piñatas filled with smuggled fentanyl.

It may have been someone’s quinceañera, because Mexican families are so large that it’s an inevitability that on any given day there’ll be someone who’s turning 15.

As the party raged on and drunken men began doing their Cantinflas impressions while El Santo movies played on the big screen (“Momias aztecas? ¡Corre por tu vida!”), two guests got into a heated dispute over whether William Buckley was correct to fire Joe Sobran from National Review (Hispanics are natural Republicans; what else would they be arguing over?).

“Paleoconservateeesm is theee way, ése!”

“Shut your mouth, vato. Sobran was fixated on theee Zioneeests, chavo.”

“Do you even read Gottfried, pinche? Revisions and Dissents is da bomb, pachuco!”

Soon fists began flying, and one of the brawlers fled the party…only to return moments later with a gun. He began firing indiscriminately (yet another example of senseless natural-Republican-on-natural-Republican violence). Being drunk, he missed, like, everyone (he did hit the piñata), so the partygoers began chasing the offending hombre down the street. The poor sap-atista shot blindly behind him as he ran, fatally felling a gentleman named Joel Pocosangre Garay. “Pocosangre” in Spanish means “a little bit of blood,” and as Joel bled out on the street, his aorta having been ruptured, his final thoughts were “My name is a blatant case of false advertising.”

Incensed at the death of Muchosangre, the crowd finally caught up to the shooter and proceeded to…stone him to death. Yes, they picked up rocks, boulders, and landscaping stones and turned the bastard’s head into guacamole.

And no one had to blow a whistle or say “Jehovah.”

The pureed gunman was 42-year-old tattoo artist Miguel Chavez. His obituary claims that he was “always smiling and never let anything steal his smile away.”

Except for the boulder that shattered his teeth.

Forth Worth legal experts say that the stoners are unlikely to face prosecution, because “we’re Mexico now, right?”

In a humorous postscript, Como black activists held a press conference during which black resident Estrus Tucker told assembled reporters that “new Como residents don’t take the same pride in or show the same concern about the neighborhood as the longtimers seem to do,” adding that they’ve “got to do a much better job of managing anger, of learning to settle a dispute.”

He then spent the next ten minutes furiously asking why all the reporters were doubled over with laughter.

*FARGO: THE BLACK REBOOT*

In the Coen brothers’ iconic film Fargo, a man pays two inept lowlifes to kidnap his own wife, as part of a scheme to extort a million bucks in ransom money from her wealthy father. Fargo famously begins with the title card:

    The events depicted in this film took place in Minnesota in 1987. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.

That was, of course, a lie, and one told on purpose. As the Coens explained in their book about the film, the point of Fargo was to tell a bubbe-meise (“grandmother’s story”). A bubbe-meise is a tall tale your grandma tells, usually about something that happened in her youth. And even though she swears that every word of it is true, the more you listen, the more skeptical you become.

As the Coens stated in their book, the essential element of a bubbe-meise is the pledge of factuality. The listener is supposed to be skeptical. So all the people who griped about the film, including heroic frontal lobotomy survivor John Kasich, were providing exactly the response the Coens hoped for.

But what if there were a real-life Fargo? And what if the events were so unbelievable that the incident seemed more like a satirist’s joke than an actual occurrence?

Lawrence Michael Handley, a 53-year-old blond white guy in Louisiana, sold vitamins and ran a network of rehab centers. But unbeknownst to those around him, he was a meth-head and cocaine freak who was deeply in debt.

Okay—Fargo box No. 1 checked: blond white guy in serious financial trouble, keeping secrets from his family.

He hatched a plan to have his own wife kidnapped, and although the motivation is still not 100% clear (he either wanted to kill her for the insurance money, or rekindle their dying love by “rescuing” her from the kidnappers he hired), that checks Fargo box No. 2.

The two kidnappers broke into the wife’s home, put a sack over her head, and shoved her into the back of their vehicle.

Fargo box No. 3 fulfilled.

On the road to their safe house, the kidnappers attracted the attention of a cop, who decided to pull them over (Fargo box No. 4. In the movie, the cop pulled the kidnappers over for not having tags. In real life, the cop tried to pull them over for riding the shoulder of a highway to avoid traffic).

But here’s where the resemblance to the film ends, and the bubbe-meise skepticism begins. See, unlike in Fargo, the conniving husband didn’t hire two white guys, but two soul brothers—Sylvester Bracey and Arsenio Haynes. And as soon as the cop lit ’em up, they ditched their van (the wife, still alive, left inside) and took off running into a wooded area.

They had a good head-start.

They might’ve made it.

All they had to do was swim a small canal; once on the other bank, they’d be home free.

So they both jumped into the canal.

And sank like stones straight to the bottom.

Neither man could swim.

That concludes today’s bubbe-meise. And like all bubbe-meises, it seems too perfect, too on-the-nose, to be true.

But this time, it is. The two black guys couldn’t swim.

The end.

*TOURIST SPLAT-TRACTION*

New York City is known for its flat terrain, its miles of wide-open plains, and buildings that never rise above two stories.

Wait, scratch that. Turns out NYC is known for its many tall buildings, bridges, and monuments.

In short, if one is of the mind to take a nosedive from a high place, New York City is the right place.

Apparently, this never occurred to New Yorkers before the construction of something called the Vessel, a sixteen-story, 150-foot-tall tourist attraction located in a newly redeveloped section of Manhattan. There’s not much to do at the Vessel; it’s a whole bunch of stairs to climb, and at the top one is treated to a spectacular multi-borough view of black men assaulting Asians and Jews (“Oh look, honey, that guy just clobbered a Hasidic and a Chinaman. I’m so glad I brought the camcorder!”).

The opening of the Vessel caused a light bulb to go on over the heads of New Yorkers: You can commit suicide by jumping from a tall structure. That this was a revelation isn’t surprising considering that these are the same geniuses who gave the nation bubonic plague rats, sewage rivers, and Bill de Blasio. So when the Vessel debuted in 2019, all it took was one guy to climb to the top and say, “Hey, lookit dis, I could totally jump to my death. Get a loada me; I’m sucha characta!”

So one guy jumped. And then another. And then another. And then another.

The Vessel closed in January because nobody could figure out how to keep the Bowery Boys from offing themselves. The brilliant minds behind the structure, including British architect Thomas Heatherwick (who designed Boris Johnson’s ill-fated Garden Bridge and the even more ill-fated Benny Hill Monument to Running in Fast Motion to “Yakety Sax”), gathered to figure out how to stop the denizens of the city that never sleeps from using the structure as a path to eternal sleep. And they came up with two crackerjack ideas: charge a fee to enter the Vessel (because no suicidal person will waste $10), and mandate that no one can enter the structure alone.

And voilà! After the Vessel reopened in May, the next suicide was a 14-year-old kid who took the dive in front of his family, as he’d been unable to enter by himself. Thanks to the Vessel brainiacs and their New York smarts, that family not only lost a son, they gained a memory that will last a lifetime.

And now the Vessel has closed again, and word is it might be demolished.

Amazingly, this is not NYC’s first brush with “If you build it they will succumb.” After NYU opened its spankin’-new twelve-story library atrium, the school couldn’t stop its Barbarinos and Horshacks from taking a dive off the top floor (“Hey, lookit us! We’re such charactas!”). Administrators were forced to encase the entire atrium with an aluminum screen, turning a magnificent structure into an ode to hernia mesh.

Maybe New Yorkers are trying to tell us something…like “Gimme a quick way out, and I’ll friggin’ take it.”

*THE DIVERSITY LOOP*

Diversity! We must have diversity in our colleges and universities! Why? Well, that should be obvious, you racist. That black kid sitting on a stoop in Detroit might one day cure cancer or send a man to Mars. He just needs a chance!

So, we initiate diversity programs that send those stoop-dwelling kids to college. And when they get there, their professors tell them that they’re oppressed and isolated and surrounded by white racists (and worse, Asian studiers), so therefore before they can start curing cancer or prepping that Mars mission, they must join the school’s diversity department to ensure that more stoop-dwellers are brought into the school. And then those stoop-dwellers arrive and are told by the previous stoop-dwellers that they’re oppressed and isolated and surrounded by racists, so therefore before they can start curing cancer or prepping that Mars mission, they must join the school’s diversity department to ensure that more stoop-dwellers are brought in.

Black kids affirmative-actioned into a school, only to become part of the machinery that affirmative-actions other black kids into the school, who become part of the machinery that affirmative-actions other black kids into the school, and now you have a loop in which kids of color arrive at college and devote themselves to bringing in more kids of color and in all the hubbub no one ever actually gets around to curing cancer or planning a Mars mission.

At some point, there’s the temptation to ask, “Okay, when do we see the wondrous fruits of the diversity beyond just enrollment numbers? When do we get that cancer cure?”

Last week the Heritage Foundation published a study of diversity departments at major U.S. colleges and universities. And wouldn’t you know it? Many of the nation’s top schools now have more “diversity, equity, and inclusion” staffers than professors in certain academic departments (like history).

Because it’s no longer about academics, but the “diversity loop.”

Missing is the goalpost: At what exact percentage of blacks on campus will these kids finally say, “Okay, there are enough blacks here; time to go cure us some cancer!”

Of course the answer is never, because “diversity” ideology dictates that a college simply benefits from blacks being present. They don’t need to actually do anything. Black students are our educational system’s air fresheners. Just put ’em in a room and enjoy how their existence makes everything better. They don’t have to move or walk or think; they just need to radiate!

Who needs cures and space missions? Blacks are magic crystals that you keep around to improve the feng shui.

It’s fitting that the people who claim to have “built the pyramids” are now part of one of the most impressive pyramid schemes in history.

*NAT TURNER AND HOOCH*

If I could walk with the animals, talk with the animals,
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals!
Wine with the animals, dine with the animals,
Say you’re looking fine to the animals!
Dance with the animals, romance with the animals,
Put my hand down my pants with the animals,
Then they would [censored] and [censored] and [censored] with meeeeee!

What do you call a guy who’s been a neo-Nazi for a very, very long time?

A veteran Aryan.

Get it? Veterinarian.

Which brings us to The Week That Perished’s Freak of the Week.

Prentiss Madden was no veteran Aryan. But he was a veterinarian. The black animal doc was the hip-hop soul-brother vet of Aventura, Florida. Madden’s goal in life was to fight the stereotype that black people aren’t good with dogs. Sure, that stereotype might’ve gained some traction after black celebrities and other self-appointed spokespeople defended Michael Vick when the NFL player was convicted of abusing, torturing, and killing dogs for pleasure. Why, even Whoopi Goldberg claimed on The View that Vick’s animal abuse was a natural part of being black (to be fair, she was just grateful to Vick for not mistaking her for a schnauzer, a common error). But Prentiss Madden wanted more than anything to be known as the black man who loved dogs.

And he got his wish.

The 40-year-old Madden was a vet at the Caring Hands Animal Hospital. The clinic’s website featured photos of Madden holding dogs, caressing dogs, and generally being very loving toward dogs.

Maybe a little too loving. Maybe his hands were a little too caring. In retrospect, the fact that the Muzak in his office was all Marvin Gaye and Barry White might’ve been a giveaway. Because Prentiss Madden had a nasty habit of sneaking into his clinic after hours and, well…being “intimate” with the animals left in his care.

Prentiss Madden was the Larry Nassar of veterinary care. A regular Harvey Weimaranerstein.

Police caught Madden after his IP address was linked to a cloud-based child-porn file-sharing service. Upon seizing his phone, videos were discovered of the bad doctor engaging in “relations” with his patients after hours…along with thousands of child pornography images.

He now faces up to 37 years in prison, and a bunch of dogs face many, many years of therapy.

Who turned the dogs out?
Who, who, who, who, who?

Prentiss Madden, that’s who. Our Freak of the Week.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-151/

August 15, 2021

The Week’s Most Neurotic, Quixotic, and Antipsychotic Headlines

*GOO’BYE GOOMBAH*

Watching Andrew Cuomo go down (and not in the way he enjoys) is kinda like watching the fall of Al Capone (an observation made by Twitter commenter Mike Carroll). In a perfect world, Capone would’ve been prosecuted for his murders. But a win’s a win, and if it took tax evasion to put him away, so be it.

Andrew Cuomo killed so many old people even the Grim Reaper was like, “Dude, slow down.” And it would’ve been great if that had been the reason for his downfall.

But the Godfather of the Molestello Crime Family has been dethroned not for having settled all family business for thousands of grandmas and grandpas, but for having been “hands-on” with his female staffers.

Worse still, the AG report that finally toppled him revealed a pattern of retaliatory behavior against women who tried to air their grievances whenever Mr. “Cozy Nostra” would capo a feel. It’s yet another case of “the cover-up being worse than the crime,” something that’s become so clichéd one wonders why supposedly canny politicos continue to fall into that trap.

It’s almost like these guys purposely follow the examples set by the worst in their field.

Which brings us from New York to California.

If you were making a movie about a corrupt political machine boss, Andrew Cuomo would be too obvious in the part. Critics would be like, “Cuomo’s casting was too on-the-nose. He played into every ugly stereotype. The role called for a more nuanced performance.”

And that’s Gavin Newsom, California’s far-left governor who is facing an increasingly likely recall in September. In terms of personal style, Newsom’s the anti-Cuomo.

There’s a line from Goodfellas,

_If you’re part of a crew, nobody ever tells you they’re going to kill you. There aren’t any arguments or curses like in the movies. Your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends._

Cuomo is an “arguments and curses” guy. Newsom is all smiles, your best pal. Cuomo dispatched the Greatest Generation with a scowl. Newsom kills California daily with a twinkle in his eye. He gives the “nuanced performance” Cuomo can’t.

Well, he used to. Turns out Newsom’s smiling “commissar of joy” act was just that. Faced with polls showing a 50/50 split on a recall that was supposed to be a cakewalk, Newsom has finally let his guard down to show the Cuomo lurking inside. In a bizarre interview with reporters last week, Newsom went nuts, grimacing, squirming, at one point yelling “damn” nine times in a row (in a tribute to Esther Rolle), and pounding his fist on his desk a whopping fifty-nine times.

Weird that it’s exactly as Cuomo is on the way out that Newsom—a big supporter of transgender rights—has decided to “transition” into Cuomo.

Maybe he’s just not that bright. Makes you think the state might have a chance if it only had a GOP machine that even nominally functioned.

*DOXER REBELLION*

Back in the Cold War days, the notion of “cultural exchange” was a big deal. In the early 1970s, the cultural exchange between China and the U.S. came to be known as Ping-Pong Diplomacy, named for a friendly exchange of Ping-Pong players between the two nations (although coincidentally, Ping Pong was also the name of the top Chinese diplomat at the time). Ping-Pong Diplomacy did much to ease the tensions that arose during President Nixon’s trip to the Great Wall, when a horde of hungry Chinese pursued Checkers with knives and forks (“The kids, like all kids, love the dog,” the president said, reprimanding the mob, “and I just want to say this, right now, that you filthy heathens are not gonna eat him”).

*These days, America/Chinese Ping-Pong Diplomacy is perhaps a little uneven in terms of “mutually beneficial.” We send China technology, education, tech companies, national secrets, deeds to U.S. soil, and billions of dollars in business for slave-labor-produced consumer goods, and China sends back spies, poison dog food, and diseases that kill millions and cripple economies.*

*It’s rather like playing Ping-Pong if for every volley you make with a regular ball, your opponent lobs back a dog turd.*

Ping-Dung Diplomacy.

According to a report last week on UnHerd, the West is receiving yet another “gift” from China: a new internet model, engineered to censor speech, politically skew search results, and maintain lists of wrongthinkers. Of course, Big Tech does much of that already, but according to the site, “the fast-developing ‘Beijing’ internet, which is paternalistic and tightly controlled by the government,” may soon become the default model worldwide.

_In his recent book ‘The Great Firewall of China,’ James Griffiths argues the Chinese model is starting to spread. Most visibly in Africa, where various governments are happy to buy up cheap, decent Chinese technology and in some cases the surveillance or AI technology that can help them stay in charge. Although as some analysts have argued, it’s not always Beijing pushing the Beijing model—Western companies are also happy to assist snooping autocrats with cheque books._

UnHerd cites a YouGov poll of British internet users, and apparently the Chinese model of censorship and snooping is preferred by 78% of the respondents.

Wasn’t England once a great nation? It’s hard to remember. It’s harder still to imagine that any of today’s Brits are descended from the people who once beat China into submission just because they wanted more tea (“I say, I’m feeling a bit parched. Wot say we send some gunboats to Dinghai and teach them Chinks a thing or two about fair trade?”).

UnHerd concludes that it’s highly likely the West will continue to “drift” into “its very own authoritarian internet.”

“Not up to Beijing’s Olympian standards, perhaps, but one where censorship in the name of harmony trumps all and where surveillance is built in to the rules and the tech.”

Ping-Pong Diplomacy, alright. But this time, China’s holding everyone’s balls.

*MORE MISÉRABLES*

In Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, Jean Valjean turns his life around after an act of kindness from a Catholic bishop, a selfless, noble soul who sees an opportunity to assist in a troubled man’s redemption by giving him a second chance.

What many people don’t know is that Hugo created his selfless priest as a satire on what the Catholic Church had become. He purposely created a character so pure of heart that he hoped it would spark criticism of what he saw as the selfishness of the clergy in his day.

Turns out the joke’s on Hugo. It’s Valjean who’s the satire. The misunderstood, desperate criminal who only stole a loaf of bread to feed his family (AOC Brand Artisanal Bread made with infected yeast), and who responded to the bishop’s act of kindness (a gift of silver candlesticks) by turning his life around and becoming an exemplary, altruistic citizen.

Valjean is an inadvertent satire on what the average “Frenchman” is today: the kind of guy who would take the bishop’s candlesticks and sodomize him with them just for laughs.

In July 2020 a “Frenchman” (actually a Rwandan refugee named Emmanuel Abayisenga) torched the Nantes Cathedral, because you can take the Rwandan out of the genocide but you can’t take the genocide out of the Rwandan.

Reluctantly, the French government arrested him (it’s not yet legal for Third World refugees to torch churches, but give it a few years…). And to show that there were no hard feelings, they allowed Hutu ValTutsi to roam free on his own recognizance until the trial.

After all, if you can’t trust a hate-filled arsonist to behave, well…who can you trust?

Wasn’t France once a great nation? It’s hard to remember.

Enter 60-year-old Father Olivier Maire of Saint-Laurent-sur-Sèvre, south of Nantes. The kindly priest decided to take Rwanda Sykes into his home, as an act of charity. In Abayisenga, Maire saw not an anti-Catholic church-burning lunatic, but a man worthy of redemption…a man who, if given that all-important second chance, might one day invent a new kind of traffic light or at the very least perhaps eventually stop worshipping the toilet as a pagan god and learn to use it properly.

“Come into my home, my son,” Maire beckoned, “and I’ll show you the meaning of Catholic charity.”

And Abayisenga proceeded to bludgeon the priest’s head to a fine puree, stating, “And I’ll show you the meaning of Rwandan gratitude.”

Following the priest’s murder, Abayisenga was held in an actual cell for the first time. When asked when they plan to release him again as he awaits trial, the Nantes judicial authorities stood up and began marching in unison while singing,

    One more dawn,
    One more day,
    One day more!

*FROM COMMIES TO HOMIES*

Congratulations! You’ve defected from a tyrannical communist dictatorship, finding a new life in America, land of the free! And there’s nothing that could ever make you nostalgic for the hellhole from which you fled.

DaQwanda: “Hold my Courvoisier.”

In the 1984 Robin Williams vehicle Moscow on the Hudson, the actor portrays Vladimir, a Russian saxophonist who defects to the U.S. during a tour of New York City. Speaking little English (a blessing for audiences, as the limits of the role prevented Williams from engaging in his trademark riffs), Vladimir slowly learns to adapt to life in the Big Apple. But then two black criminals rob and beat him in a random street assault, and Vlad begins to question whether his defection was the right choice.

Now, that was a fictional story. But it’s interesting how almost forty years ago, a story line like that was totally believable, something American audiences would react to with a knowing nod.

Some movie tropes are tropes for a reason. Like accuracy.

Yeonmi Park is a 27-year-old author and lecturer who defected from North Korea and settled in the U.S. in 2014. Her years in her native land were a nightmare of labor camps, human trafficking, and sexual slavery.

How fortunate she is to be in the U.S. now! And Chicago, no less.

Well, maybe she’s not as fortunate as she thought. Turns out Park defected from the land of juche to the land of gin and juche.

Last week, while appearing on Joe Rogan’s podcast, Park recounted an incident in which she was strolling along Chicago’s famed “Magnificent Mile” when three black girls attacked and robbed her. 

When Park tried to grab the punk who took her wallet, “a group of white bystanders who witnessed the robbery started calling her a racist.”

“Just because she’s black doesn’t mean she’s a thief!” they yelled.

When Park informed the crowd that she’d personally seen the woman steal her wallet, the progressive anti-racist whites most likely responded by making their eyes look slanty and saying, “Chinawoman no see so good.”

The bystanders refused to call the police, and the three thugettes got away.

One of the robbers, Lecretia Harris, was apprehended after using one of the stolen credit cards to pay for a cab. As of this moment, neither the press nor the police can agree on whether “Lecreature” is a man or a woman, and based on the photo, that’s no great surprise.

In the classic Columbo episode “Any Old Port in a Storm,” the villain, on his way to jail, sighs and admits, “I guess freedom is purely relative.”

True enough. As the left and Big Tech continue to restrict political speech in the U.S., and as Covid regulations encroach on the most personal of freedoms, perhaps it’s the North Koreans who can look at Americans and gloat, “Well, at least we don’t have roaming bands of Lecreatures on every street.”

*SNUB YOUR ENTHUSIASM*

Last week, Barack Obama had planned to hold a lavish 60th birthday celebration with 500 of his closest celebrity friends. But when media reports questioned the wisdom of such a bash in the face of the “Delta variant” surge, the former president was forced to excise a bunch of people from the guest list. One snubbed invitee was nebbish extraordinaire Larry David. As David is currently in production on season 11 of Curb Your Enthusiasm, it turns out that the legendarily self-referential and thin-skinned neurotic has referenced this slight in an upcoming show.

Below is an exclusive clipping from the script of the season’s first episode.

Larry: Hey Leon, we gotta catch that private jet to Barack’s party in an hour. Don’t be late.

Leon: Man, why you think I’d be late?

Larry: You people are always late.

Leon: Fug dat, Lar. No way I’m gonna be late for this. This party’s my ticket, man. I’m gonna be tappin’ dat Oprah booty.

Larry: Oprah? Why’d you wanna tap Oprah?

Leon: Man, that’s billion-dollar booty. You get up in dat ass, you set for life.

(Jeff enters in a panic)

Jeff: Terrible news! You’ve been cut!

Larry: Cut?

Jeff: Cut! From the guest list! Obama had to trim some people because of Delta. You’re out!

Larry: I’m out?

Jeff: Out! Out!

Larry: Well, who’s in?

Jeff: Oprah, John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, Springsteen, Hanks, Colbert, Beyoncé, Don Cheadle, Bradley Cooper, Jay-Z, and George Clooney.

Larry: Not a Jew among ’em!

Jeff: Well, The New York Times did say that Obama only wanted “sophisticated” guests.

Larry: So because I’m a loudmouth Jew, I’m out?

Jeff: Yer out!

Larry: I’ve been blackballed!

Leon: Man, you been Barack-blocked.

Jeff: You’ve been Jewtisoned.

Larry: I’ve been given the Hebe-ho! The Hymie-hat!

Jeff: You’ve been eighty-sixmillioned!

Larry: Holocostracized!

Jeff: How much money have you given to the DNC this year?

Larry: More than the average American makes in a lifetime.

Jeff: It’s an outrage!

Leon: Man, Larry, we gotta go to that party. Ain’t no way I’m missin’ my chance at dat billion-dollar Oprah tail all ’cuz you an annoying bald-ass Jew-face bastard.

Larry: You mean we should crash it?

Leon: Hell yeah I mean we should crash it! We don’t got the Delta. You got the Delta?

Larry: I don’t got the Delta. You got the Delta?

Jeff: I don’t got the Delta.

Leon: So we sneak in through a window.

Jeff: Well, they canceled the private plane they were sending, but I rounded up another. If you don’t mind sharing it.

Larry: I’ll share, I’ll share! Who else will be on board?

Jeff: Just a bunch of enlightened progressive Texas Democrats fleeing their state to avoid a racist vote.

Larry: It doesn’t get more sophisticated than that! What harm could come from a 74-year-old, his obese friend, and a black guy who never takes care of his health sharing a lengthy flight with progressive Texas Democrats?

Jeff: Let’s get to the airport!

(Time jump to Larry on a ventilator as they zip up Leon and Jeff in body bags)

(Cut to black, cue theme music)

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-152/

Takimag

August 22, 2021

The Week’s Most Canny, Branny, and Talibany Headlines

*DJINN LIZZY*

_Guess who just got back today?
Them wild-eyed boys that’d been away
Haven’t changed, had much to say
But man, I still think them cats are crazy

You know that chick that used to dance a lot
Every night she’d be on the floor, shakin’ what she’s got
Man, when I tell you she was cool, she was red-hot
I mean we set her on fire and her family was shot!_

The boys are back in town! Twenty years after they pushed things a little too far by hosting bin Laden and his al-Qaeda training camps in the run-up to 9/11, the Taliban, that desert-dwelling pack of he-man woman-hating goat fornicators, is firmly in charge of Afghanistan again.

And if the boys wanna fight you better let ’em!

Which is exactly what semi-vegetative shadow president Joe Biden is doing. After promising that Kabul would not fall and that the U.S.-trained Afghan army—the “best army in the world”—would keep the Taliban at bay, Biden was forced to do an abrupt about-face after Kabul fell quicker than a Robert E. Lee statue on Malcolm X Blvd.

Afghanistan collapsed so fast, when the Taliban began its assault Biden had just taken his daily MiraLax, and by the time Kabul fell, he wasn’t even off the toilet yet.

But this ain’t yer daddy’s Taliban. These aren’t the joyless Luddites from the 1990s who banned dancing and music and confiscated (as Biden would say) “phonographs.” No, this is a new T-Ban with a 2020s ’tude.

Turns out the Taliban spent most of its time in exile studying 4chan. Because damn, these guys can troll! At a press conference held after the seizure of Kabul, the Taliban’s spokesmuslim was asked if people in Afghanistan would retain “free speech rights” under the new regime. He responded by attacking Facebook for taking away the “free speech rights” of Americans!

Zing!

The Taliban leader also joked that he’d taken more questions from the press than Biden, who took none following his brief public remarks on the fall of Afghanistan. This was topped by the best troll of all: Taliban fighters taking selfies eating ice cream cones to directly mock the much-ridiculed images that led to the popular “Biden eats ice cream as the nation dies” memes.

Forget Ahlul Bayt. These Muslims are Ah-LULZ Bayt. It’s nice to see Afghans becoming more technologically savvy. Finally they can take advantage of being the first nation listed on every online order-form drop-down menu.

The Washington Post described the Taliban’s use of social media as “strikingly sophisticated,” writing that the extremists have been meming with “such a high degree of skill,” it’s likely they hired American experts to direct their efforts.

Well, those MAGA guys who used to do the “Trump makes cutesy faces” GIFs need to find work somewhere, right?

Of course, the big question facing the Afghan people and those in the U.S. who virtue-signal for them (a motley crew of neocons, liberals, and the odd “any chance to take a shot at Biden” rightist) involves women. The Taliban is the Ralph Kramden of extremists, if Kramden had actually followed up on every threat to beat the crap out of his wife.

This has always posed a dilemma for leftists. After all, a Taliban-ruled Afghanistan is the literal Handmaid’s Tale, but unfortunately with brown men and Islam instead of Christianity. Worse still for the left and its efforts to make the U.S. military “woke,” a small band of neolithic hunter-gatherers just kicked the ass of what used to be the most fearsome army on earth until it was turned into a social experiment comprising pregnant infantrywomen (“Go ahead and shoot at me; it’s only a nonliving tumor!”), affirmative-actioned navigators who don’t know cartography (“How kin I tell which way is norf when ever’ time I turn da map da arrow changes direction?”), and tranny paratroopers who begin a jump as one gender and land as another (war cry: “Call me MAAAAA’AAAAAM!”).

It’s also hard to dispute the Taliban’s logic in dissolving the U.S.-mandated “gender studies programs” forced upon Afghan schools. The U.S. is a nation of bitter, whining slackers stuck with crushing student debt thanks to useless degrees in exactly the subjects we told the Afghans they “needed” to learn. One visit to TikTok (“I have a master’s degree in Pansexual Genderfluid Transracial Early Nilo-Saharan Proto-Feminist Body-Positive Poetry, and I’m unemployed! How can this be?”), and any Taliban fighter will realize that the only decent thing to do to that gender studies department is take a flamethrower to it.

Taliban leaders have promised to respect the rights of women “within the limits of Islam,” which means “not at all,” and already social media is buzzing with video clips of women being shot, beaten, and otherwise abused, so the future doesn’t exactly look rosy for these riveters.

President Biden, who more and more resembles a baby in a high chair struggling to stay awake as he’s eating his strained carrots (“Zzzzzzzzz…no, one more bite…zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..wait, just one more bite”), issued a warning to the Taliban that was so weak, the ghost of Neville Chamberlain materialized to punch the old fool’s dentures out.

“Look, FATWA, you better not hurt any women,” the president scolded, adding, “C’mon, Imam.”

Of course, it’s hard to back up that threat when you just pulled out of a twenty-year failed attempt at nation-building a primitive patch of cursed earth that’s already been forgotten by time so best if it’s forgotten by the rest of the world. What exact leverage does Biden have regarding the rights of women in Afghanistan? “If you don’t make 50% of your opium holding company CEOs female, we’ll ban your imports and stick with Chinese fentanyl?”

A toothless threat from a gummy president.

Of course, not all is lost for those Afghan women with useless gender studies degrees. If they can make it to the U.S. (which shouldn’t be too hard as Biden’s already chartering the flights), Google is always looking for new online gestapos to censor the likes of Katie Hopkins and J.K. Rowling, in enlightened Western nations that truly allow women to have their say…unless their say is offensive to men in wigs.

*MISTER INCELLOPHANE*

In his YouTube videos, Jake Davison looked like a young Rolf Harris. Davison was the 22-year-old self-proclaimed “incel” who went on a shooting rampage in Plymouth, England, last week, killing five, including a 3-year-old girl. Davison’s reason for the murders? He couldn’t get laid because women found him unattractive.

Which brings us back to Rolf Harris. Harris, the hugely successful (in his prime) Australian singer, songwriter, comedian, actor, and inventor of the wobble board (this guy was so big, the Beatles once sang backup for him), looked like a goon. Stupid red afro, stupid red neckbeard, stupid red mustache. But hot damn the guy got laid like crazy, by singing stupid songs about kangaroos, abos, and men with an extra leg (you had to be there…it wasn’t funny then, either). Harris got so much tail they literally imprisoned him for it.

But there was Jake Davison, stupid red afro, stupid red neckbeard, and stupid red mustache, bitching endlessly on YouTube that women didn’t like him and he was too ugly to get a girl. So he killed five innocent people.

This is the central problem with incels: It’s never the way you look (as demonstrated by Harris). It’s the way you act (as demonstrated by Harris). Of course, like so many incels, Davison, who was too frightened to approach women in a bar, wasn’t at all frightened to shoot them. Which brings up perhaps the key mental disconnect that plagues incels: Women like bad boys. Women don’t like psychos. But incels can only do psycho.

They need to learn the difference.

So, as a public service, here’s a handy guide for incels everywhere—the difference between “bad boy” and “psycho”:

Taking the girl for a ride on your chopper (bad boy). Shoving her face into the rotating blades of a chopper (psycho).

Wearing a leather jacket (bad boy). Wearing a leather jacket made from the tanned hide of a murdered prostitute (psycho).

Grunting and speaking in monosyllabic words (bad boy). Shrieking like a banshee and screaming, “Weeble-geeble-geeble-woo-woooooo!” (psycho).

Staring down a guy in a bar who’s trying to hit on your date (bad boy). Staring down a guy in a bar who’s politely asking you to take your penis off the pool table (psycho).

Being indifferent to the fact that she likes you (bad boy). Being indifferent to the fact that you’re standing completely naked in the middle of Target (psycho).

Walking with the confidence of knowing that you’re the coolest man on earth (bad boy). Walking with the confidence of knowing that the talking emu that lives in your brain is keeping you safe from the evil gibbon robots that surround your bed every night (psycho).

Starting an illegal campfire on a beach while telling your date, “The laws don’t apply to us, babe” (bad boy). Grabbing your date and hurling the both of you off a cliff while telling her, “The laws of gravity don’t apply to us, babe” (psycho).

While it’s too late for Jake Davison, who went down on the barrel of his shotgun as police arrived, hopefully other incels will learn from this guide and become, if not better people, at least not as much of a societal ass-wart as they currently are.

*SUFFOCATIN’ SUCCOTASH!*

Worship the spirit of criticism. If reduced to itself it is not an awakener of ideas or a stimulant to great things, but, without it, everything is fallible; it always has the last word.
Louis Pasteur
Actual scientist

Science science science science science science science.
Nancy Pelosi
Old hag

The “spirit of criticism” regarding science has not only not been worshipped by politicians, health institutes, unions, corrupt government doctors, and Big Tech, it hasn’t even been respected. Indeed, it’s been launched into the air and blasted like a clay pigeon.

Worse still, it’s literally been banned. “The spirit of criticism,” when it comes to official Covid-related decrees, had its Twitter account permanently suspended and all its Facebook pages pulled.

But of course, Pasteur was correct. Without criticism, science becomes unreliable. Hence the never-ending flow of stories about how previously “sound” Covid claims and policies have turned out to be unsound, and jeez why’d it take so long to find out? It’s almost like people shoulda been allowed to question this stuff when it was first presented to the public as holy writ.

And now we learn that all those stifling pods and cubicles and shields we’ve had to live with in schools, retail establishments, grocery stores, government buildings, and offices—the things we were told were necessary to keep “Covid death breath” from being inhaled—were actually helping spread the disease the whole time!

Who woulda thought that forcing people to live every day like they’re Eichmann in Jerusalem would be a bad thing?

From The New York Times:

    Covid precautions have turned many parts of our world into a giant salad bar, with plastic barriers separating sales clerks from shoppers, dividing customers at nail salons and shielding students from their classmates…. Sometimes the barriers can make things worse. Research suggests that in some instances, a barrier protecting a clerk behind a checkout counter may redirect the germs to another worker or customer. Rows of clear plastic shields, like those you might find in a nail salon or classroom, can also impede normal air flow and ventilation.

You don’t say!

“Erecting plastic barriers can change air flow in a room, disrupt normal ventilation and create ‘dead zones,’ where viral aerosol particles can build up and become highly concentrated.” What’s truly astonishing is that, according to the Times, the scientific community has had full knowledge of this cause-and-effect since a landmark 2013 U.K. study of the use of partitions in hospitals.

So our leaders knew from the get-go that these barriers would make things worse. But they also knew that the barriers would frighten, disorient, intimidate, and panic.

After all, what symbolizes crowd “control” better than a barrier?

Which is why even in the face of the NYT piece, the teachers’ unions are still pushing for classroom barriers.

Pasteur is passé. Pelosi’s the way to go-si.

Just keep repeating “science” mindlessly on your way through that plastic maze at the supermarket, like a good little hamster.

*YENTA TELLS WHITES TO GET BENTA*

The Washington Post’s Jennifer Rubin has the face of a blobfish, and nothing else that can be said about her comes even close to being that complimentary. The shrill, grotesque columnist who was initially hired by the Post to bring “rightist balance,” but who officially announced in September 2020 that she no longer identifies as a conservative (although she still identifies as a land-dwelling mammal, a puzzlement to all the lovesick gelatinous sea creatures that follow her around whenever she walks by the seashore), decided last week that what the world really needs is another homely screeching Jewish harpy who confirms every single ugly stereotype about her people.

So when the U.S. Census town criers announced, “Hear ye, hear ye, the white population of the U.S. has shrunk for the first time in recorded Census history,” Rubin raced to Twitter to cheer the reduction of a people she despises:

    “A more diverse, more inclusive society. this is fabulous news. now we need to prevent minority White rule.”

Uh, what you mean “we,” kemo sabra? Rubin speaks as though she isn’t squarely in that “minority rule” circle of elites. Like “‘we’ gotta make sure a group that’s not in the numerical majority doesn’t have outsize influence. Oy, heaven forbid that ever happens!”

This is a farbissina who routinely wields her Judaism as a shield against all legitimate criticism, once going so far as to claim that she shouldn’t have been expected to correct a blatant and serious error in one of her columns because it was Sabbath, and Jews don’t have to answer to goyim on the Sabbath. This is a paskudnyak who attacked Trump for not moving the U.S. Embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, only to attack Trump when he did. Because Trump’s white, and “we” have to stop those people no matter how many unleavened pretzels of contradiction we twist ourselves into.

Were Jennifer Rubin a Streicher caricature, she’d be one that ended up in the trash bin for being too over-the-top.

No word on whether Rubin has agreed to surrender her column to a more deserving person of color, certainly an act that would bring joy to newspaper readers everywhere, and hope to pining blobfish that their queen might return to the sea.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-153/

August 29, 2021

The Week’s Most Mauling, Enthralling, and Governor-Recalling Headlines

*OUR CAREER’S IN JEOPARDY, BABY!*

_“It’s a thing that leftists swear doesn’t exist, and if you disagree with them, they’ll mercilessly use it against you.”

“What is cancel culture?”

“Correct.”_

For some reason, nobody at Sony Television foresaw trouble when they hired a guy named Michael Richards as the new host of Jeopardy!

It’s not like there’d ever been a man with that name blowing his career in a racial imbroglio.

The hiring of Richards as the permanent successor to Alex Trebek was not exactly welcome news to a lot of hardcore Jeopardy! fans. Richards had been in charge of finding Trebek’s replacement, and many fans felt cheated when he decided to pick himself for the job instead of popular guest hosts Ken Jennings, LeVar Burton, and Mayim Bialik’s nose (that’s how she’s usually billed as few people notice that there’s a full person behind the sizable appendage).

So there wasn’t a lot of love in the room for Richards when he took the job.

_“In Dante’s Fifth Circle of Hell, the actively wrathful wrestle in a bed of slime pointlessly battling each other for all eternity, while the passively wrathful hide beneath murky waters taking anonymous potshots at those above. This circle has a specific name in modern-day America.”

“What is Twitter?”

“Correct.”_

Within days of Richards’ ascension, Twitter sleuths did what they do best: They searched for old dirt. Because for a lot of young people today, that’s as close as they come to having a profession. And voilà, in 2013, while hosting a podcast, Richards had made a few innocuous jokes about Jews, women, and Asians.

So Jeopardy! promptly canned him.

Their job done, the Twitter sleuths returned to their vaping and video games, knowing that once again they’d made the world a better place.

_“Lavrentiy Beria, the brutal head of the NKVD under Stalin, was not Jewish. But this organization of American Jews would gladly make him an honorary member, as they carry on his work.”

“What is the ADL?”

“Correct.”_

The ADL, not content with Richards’ firing, now wants him “investigated,” even though it’s not even remotely against the law to make jokes about Jews (or anyone else).

Ironically, one of Richards’ “criminal” jokes involved Jews having giant schnozzolas, so you’d think replacing him with Mayim Bialik would be seen as racial justice. But no. Bialik, who’d been named host of Jeopardy! prime-time specials, has been targeted for cancellation too, because back in 2012—when Covid was just a gleam in a rabid Chinese bat’s bleeding eye—she’d supported the right of parents to make decisions about getting their kids vaccinated.

She’s since reversed her stance, but to no avail. The Twitter sleuths have her scent! Another day, another scalp.

*HOLE-Y BALLOTS, BATMAN!*

For Democrats, it’s time to go to Plan C in the California recall election: “C” as in “cheating.”

When the recall gathered enough signatures to be put on the ballot, the Democrats who control the state with the viselike grip of a serial killer strangling a prostitute had a choice: postpone the special election until November, or have it as soon as possible. And the Stasi Freedom Party decided it would be best to have it as soon as possible. The reasoning was, California fire season is usually in the fall, so best to hold the election before Newsom immolates another bunch of people.

Also, in June it looked like vaxxed and unmasked would be the new new normal. After spending a summer free of Covid restrictions, surely Californians would be grateful to the slicked-hair socialist who saw them through the crisis.

But then two things happened: California’s left-wing professorial arsonists decided to start fire season early, and science decided that the Delta variant was the woist Holocaust evah, so masks back on and gatherings prohibited again.

And now, Cali Dems are regretting that with only two weeks to go, they have an unhappy populace, and a recall that’s a dead heat.

*But fear not! Dems always have that Plan C up their sleeves. Turns out, the mail-in recall ballots for Los Angeles County were printed so that a hole in the envelope allows everyone to see if the “yes on recall” circle has been colored in.*

Yep, everyone from postmen to election workers will know the yeses from the nos…what could possibly go wrong?

With L.A. County comprising over one quarter of the entire state population, this is kind of a big deal.

The L.A. County registrar-recorder told local news that the envelope hole is necessary for blind people to find the line on the outside of the envelope where they need to sign their names (perhaps one day someone will invent a way for blind people to read something using, say, tiny bumps instead of holes), and the fact that the “yes” circle shows through the hole is just the koo-koo-kookiest koincidence.

Interestingly, certain “conservatives” are so jittery about being associated with claims of vote fraud in the wake of the lunatic ravings of the likes of Lindell, Powell, and Wood, they’re actually dismissing any concerns about the Amazing Transparent Ballot.

Punjabi Republican flack Harmeet Dhillon scolded her Twitter followers about their ballot secrecy concerns:

_This is stupid. You control how your ballot is put in and it it isn’t a peephole. It’s a pair of holes designed for the vision impaired to know where to place their signature. Don’t want your mark to show? Don’t put it in so that it shows. Done._

There’s that Indian “how do you use a toilet?” intelligence. Ballot envelopes should be obstacle courses! “What’s wrong with this picture” brain teasers! It’s up to voters to notice the security flaws and fix them; it’s not up to the government to prevent the security flaws in the first place.

And to think otherwise is “stupid.”

Morons like Sydney Powell on one end, morons like Harmeet Dhillon on the other…doesn’t the GOP offer anything in between?

And don’t the Democrats offer anything other than dirty tricks?

Good questions…and rhetorical.

*NO LEOTARDS FOR REOTARDS*

Tights, leotards…these comprise the official uniform of the ballet dancer. It’s not just about aesthetics; it’s also about aerodynamics. Loose-fitting, flip-floppy apparel does not lend itself well to the art of ballet. There’s a reason Edward James Olmos’ Zoot Suit: The Ballet closed during rehearsals. All of those heavy, flapping pachuco outfits greatly inhibited the ability of the dancers to execute their brisés and cabriolés.

Of course, along with the aerodynamic advantages of formfitting clothes, the attire has helped advance the popularity of ballet in less commonly spoken-about ways. Men who’d been dragged to the ballet by their wives could busy themselves by playing “spot the camel toe,” and gay men could marvel at the jiggling junk of the ballerinos as they twirl and jump like West Hollywood clubgoers when the DJ starts playing Cher. Indeed, La Scala used to hand out scorecards to its gay patrons in which the hanging beauties of the male dancers could be ranked from “blueberry” to “jackfruit.”

But in the immortal words of the AIDS virus, “party’s over, queeers.” The days of tight-fitting ballet clothes are finished.

And why? Well, 50% of all modern annoyances are race-based, and 50% are gender-based. And this one’s the latter. Turns out, tranny men who want to dance ballet don’t like it when the audience can see their biological equipment. The illusion that tranny men falsely think they’re pulling off by donning a wig and lipstick (“No one will ever know!”) is threatened when tight-fitting clothes highlight the Balzac and Dirlywanger. Yet even though the tranny illusion fools no one except the reporters at Vice and Bill Nye, we all have to act like the pubgoers in the Invisible Man sketch and play along.

So tranny ballet guys complained to their respective companies that the tights and leotards were “destroying the illusion,” and as a result, ballet companies are banning the apparel. As reported in The Sunday Times:

_A group of ballet schools is to abolish leotards and tights to make transgender performers more comfortable. Loose-fitting clothing will instead be promoted to accommodate transgender dancers who may be self-conscious about their bodies. New guidelines have been adopted by the Conservatoire for Dance and Drama, whose member schools include the London Contemporary Dance School, Northern School of Contemporary Dance, the Rambert School and the Central School of Ballet._

The guidelines lament that tight clothing forces men in drag to engage in “binding and tucking” in order to obscure their sausage ’n’ eggs.

Of course, the easiest solution for not having to worry about your prima ballerina’s rod and testes jiggling during a performance is to hire actual women. But the West is long past such primitive thinking. Now that men are officially women and it’s up to the rest of us to obscure their genitalia and humor their fantasy, get ready for productions of The Nutcracker in which even the ballerinas are dressed as toy soldiers, to keep their nuts from not just cracking, but showing.

*THE CURIOUS CASE OF THE COUGHING CHINAMAN (A MIKE STAMMER MYSTERY)*

For fans of classic TV, there’s no better detective character than Columbo. Indeed, Columbo might very well be the greatest fictional American detective in history (forget Batman; Columbo would’ve deduced the Bruce Wayne/Batman connection within the first minute of meeting him).

Part of Columbo’s charm was his act—and the audience always knew it was an act—of pretending to be forgetful, clumsy, and scatterbrained. Columbo craftily used this facade as a ruse to put the villains at ease, to make them think they were dealing with a senile moron.

At the moment, the U.S. is being led by Columbo, but an iteration in which the distracted, doltish, amnemonic routine is totally real.

We’d do better with Inspector Clouseau.

Ninety days ago, President Biden ordered a full, comprehensive report on the origins of the pandemic that has quite literally disrupted the entire world. Thanks to Covid, today’s Australians get to experience what it was like on the prison ships from the U.K., and New Zealand managed to turn overnight into a nation of Edith Beales, cowering in a corner every time there’s a knock on the door or mail dropped in the slot.

And here in the U.S., child-suffocating is now the most important goal of the public education system.

But not to fear—Detective Demento is on the case! He’ll find the answers to the source of this global plague! After all, Covid either came from a Chinese lab or through the Chinese exotic animal food trade. And either way, China’s at fault (although the official Chinese government position is that the disease was imported in a bad batch of Mrs. Paul’s frozen fish sticks. As Chinese State Department spokesman Hoo Flung Pu told the AP, “Why we no ever see MR. Paul? I think old lady kill him. She no good; she start Covid”).

Maybe it’s because all Covid roads lead to China that Biden’s much-heralded origins report has the official conclusion of “I dunno.” Released last week, the report was greeted with skepticism based on its cover alone, which depicts Lenny from Of Mice and Men staring blankly ahead saying, “Lookit the rabbits, George.”

Simply put, the report concluded that, in the words of a U.S. official quoted in The Wall Street Journal, “If China’s not going to give access to certain data sets, you’re never really going to know.”

Well, Biden certainly got to the bottom of that one, didn’t he?

Literally, “we’re never going to know” is the report’s conclusion.

_Columbo Biden: “So you’re saying, sir, that even though China has a history of both naturally occurring zoonotic diseases and zoonotic bioweapon experiments, neither has anything to do with the emergence of a deadly zoonotic pandemic in your country?”

Xi Jinping: “Precisely, detective. And I’d appreciate it if you’d leave now; you’re becoming a nuisance.”

Columbo Biden: “Of course, sir. My apologies.”

[Pause]

Columbo Biden: “Oh, just one more thing…am I wearing pants?”

Xi Jinping: “NO! And it is most offensive.”

Columbo Biden: “I thought I felt a draft. Good day to you, sir.”_

*AND SPEAKING OF THE DODDERER IN CHIEF…*

In March 1991, following the stunningly swift Gulf War victory in which the U.S. soundly beat an army of spear-chucking Tusken Raiders, George H.W. Bush was riding high with an approval rating of over 90%—one of the highest ratings in U.S. history, and the highest since that time FDR socked a Hitler look-alike in the nads at a Madison Square Garden war bonds rally.

Yet the very next year, Bush lost to a country-bumpkin rapist married to an anthropomorphic _cymothoa exigua_. And the main reason was that Bush had pledged, “Read my lips: no new taxes,” only to later reverse himself.

Of course, times were different in 1992. It was not yet illegal to be white, gays were promising that if we let them marry it wouldn’t mean the end of gender as we know it, toddlers didn’t have their faces wrapped like mummies, and wars were undertaken by Big Oil and Big Neocon with the understanding that they should be concluded swiftly and decisively instead of slowly and for perpetuity.

Funny to think of a time when a broken tax pledge was the worst of our problems.

Biden’s already blown his Gulf War moment, handling the Afghanistan pullout with all the grace and skill of the Three Stooges fixing a faucet. And now, barely a half-year into his presidency, he’s blown his “read my lips” moment, too.

As reported by Americans for Tax Reform, Biden has blatantly violated his election pledge “No. Taxes on small businesses won’t go up.” Turns out, taxes on small businesses will go up under his tax plan…but the hike will “only” affect about a million small businesses.

Well, hooray for that.

The big question is, does anybody even care anymore? As Reason pointed out last week, because of Covid closures and lockdowns, most Americans don’t even owe any taxes at the moment. So why worry about tax hikes when you can lobby for more stimi dough and unemployment largesse?

And as the nation’s layabouts lay about spending the money given them via taxes collected from those small businesses that foolishly try to stay afloat, one has to wonder if Biden can survive a bungled war and a broken tax pledge when thirty years ago a different president couldn’t survive a hugely successful war and a broken tax pledge.

Maybe the old coot had one final moment of lucidity when he chose a cackling ten-dollar escort as his vice president.

Even with Biden’s bungling, a majority of Americans are envisioning the possibility of a Kamala presidency and declaring Read our lips: no shrew blackses.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-154/

The Week’s Most Strobic, Microbic, and Xenophobic Headlines

RUSSIA DAMS THE BLACK SEA
“In Russia, sushi eats you!”

If a foreigner who knows nothing about the United States’ ethnic and racial makeup were to offer a guess based on the current crop of TV and online commercials, they’d likely state that America is 70% black, and the rest Asian and Latino. There are a few whites left, but they only exist in interracial relationships.

Ever since the George Floyd “racial wreckoning,” corporate advertising hacks have made sure that there’s a black person in every commercial produced (“We eat Cap’n Crunch because he reminds us of the guy who brought our ancestors over from Africa!”). This fad has gotten a bit apartheidy of late, with Amazon Studios mandating that 40% of all actors in its productions must be black or otherwise nonwhite.

With blacks at just 12% of the population, 40% seems a stretch. It means a lot of black actors pulling triple duty, and a lot of white ones on unemployment.

Apparently, certain people in Russia have noticed how easily a majority population can be relegated to minority status in media content. So last week, when Russian sushi chain Yobidoyobi decided to “Amazon up” its ad campaigns, the reaction was not exactly positive. The sushi giant ran a print advertisement depicting three very Russian-looking young ladies feeding sushi to a beaming black dude, and another in which the dude was shirtless, holding sashimi and sticking his tongue out at it (apparently, some blacks are shaky on how to actually eat sushi).

In a matter of days, the company was flooded with angry, threatening emails from Russian nationalists and other concerned citizens. The online mob found the Instagram accounts of the models in the ads and began harassing them. On top of that, trolls flooded restaurant review sites with negative ratings featuring dire warnings of food poisoning (“avoid Yobidoyobi: it’ll give you a bad case of the trotskys”).

As this is Russia and not the U.S., the sushi chain backed down immediately, stating on Instagram, “On behalf of the entire company, we want to apologize for offending the public with our photos. We have removed all content that caused this hype.” On Vkontakte (a kind of Russian Facebook), Yobidoyobi apologized “to the nation” for having “hurt the Russian people.”

Meanwhile, in the U.S., the latest Cheez-It commercial was released, featuring twelve black men in bed with a white woman as a transgender Asian dives under the covers while being fellated by an autistic Hispanic as Morgan Freeman’s offscreen voice reads a passage from Soul on Ice.

Because in advertising it’s all about highlighting the product.

While the Yobidoyobi debacledoyebacle might seem an over-the-top reaction to just two print ads, weep not for the black actor whose image proved so toxic. He’s already been signed to an Amazon Studios autobiographical film: 12 Years a Slav.

NO BLACKING IN BEIJING
Mind you, it’s not just our Russian friends who are proving less than “black-friendly.” Over in that place still optimistically called “Hong Kong,” the South China Morning Post, displaying what small amount of independence it still has as the CCP continues to seek full state ownership, ran an op-ed slamming the Chinese for anti-African racism.

The piece was written by Mwansa Chalwe, who is described as a “Zambian chartered accountant,” which sounds about as incongruous as “Eskimo bikini salesman” or “Pygmy basketball scout.”

“Yes, Mr. Mbungo, your Ebola valuation takes into account the liquidity of your lesions. And while you can’t leverage the equity in your HIV infection due to T-cell depreciation, you’ve accrued a great deal of interest from your 401(k) (i.e.. the four-hundred-and-one-thousand tsetse flies on your body).”

In his op-ed, Chalwe skewers the Chinese for the Covid-inspired mistreatment of the 16,000 African students living in Guangzhou. The dastardly deeds committed by the Chinese government against those who are “enliching” the city include forced quarantine, exclusion from public places, and—worst of all—the use of Covid screenings to search for and deport Africans who’d overstayed their visas.

Chalwe also takes the CCP to task for “exploiting” African nations via “unequal” trade agreements and partnerships with corrupt African leaders that lead to the raping of Africa’s natural resources.

In communist China, Nanking rapes you!

In fact, speaking of Nanking (a.k.a. Nanjing), many Africans have never quite forgotten about the 1988 Nanjing race riots, which occurred following a scuffle at a local dance party (pretty much the ground zero of every black brawl everywhere). To hear the local Chinese tell it, a bunch of African students showed up at the dance with weapons and began beating the locals. To hear the Africans tell it, they’d just dropped by to git down to that hip-hop guqin band Boys II Tiananmen, when the locals began pelting them with insults and dumplings.

Whatever the actual origin, by the next day rumors had spread that one of the African princes had defiled a Chinese girl, and about 8,000 locals marched on the dorms housing the black students and Jackie Chan’d them until they fled to a junkyard and Sanford and Son’d it back to Africa.

As a recent MSNBC piece pointed out, blackface is still a widely used comedic trope in Chinese media, and paranoia about African men impregnating Chinese women has led to the general isolation of African students.

Yet even with that history, China was still able to bully and silence the Biden administration back in March when Secretary of State Blinken attempted to gently prod Beijing on its genocide of the Uighurs. Chinese diplomats shot back that the U.S. has no right to lecture others because of its legacy of slavery and its continuing “genocide” against blacks.

So it looks like Zambia’s “chartered accountants” are very much on their own in the battle to be freed from Chinese racism and exploitation.

Balance sheet? More like “balance sheeeit.”

WILFORD BRIMLEY FOR “DIE-A-FETUS”
The year was 1986. April 23, to be exact. All of America was rockin’ out to the No. 1 hit single “Kiss,” by a wacky fella named Prince who sang with the justified confidence of a man who had exactly thirty more years to live until he’d ingest one fentanyl too many. The top dance track was “Whenever You Need Somebody” by O’Chi Brown, who danced with the unjustified confidence of a woman who sincerely believed that people would still remember her name a month later. And over in Missouri, the General Assembly passed House Bill 1596, signed into law by Gov. John Ashcroft. The bill challenged certain “givens” about Roe v. Wade regarding the use of state funding and facilities to promote and perform abortions.

And in 1989 the Supreme Court upheld most of that law. For the first time, there was a chink in Roe, or “Loe” as the chink called it, and the nation went abortion-mad, with liberals making the issue their supreme litmus test and conservatives across the country attempting to pass copycat laws.

Well, folks, grab your power suits and shoulder pads, and somebody call O’Chi Brown (if she’s still breathin’), because it’s April 1986 all over again!

Last week the Supreme Court refused to issue an emergency stay of a Texas law that bans abortions after six weeks. The law also creates an informal commission of citizen squealers who can earn as much as $10,000 for grassing on anyone seeking to filet a fetus after the sixth week.

And just like that, leftists who’ve spent the year screaming about how “the government has the right to inject you with whatever it wants” rediscovered the simple joy of “my body my choice,” and conservatives who’ve spent the year attacking “mask Karens” rediscovered the simple joy of snitches and informers.

The abortion issue does that to people; it’s a carnival mirror that makes you look like your evil twin.

The court’s three leftist justices joined with bottom-feeding invertebrate John Roberts to oppose the refusal to grant the stay, with wise Latina Sonia Sotomayor issuing a dissent that read, “¡Ay yi yi Dios mio no es bueno mami papi maldita!” (it’s the most coherent thing she’s ever written). On the right, the prospect of finally overturning Roe gave 73-year-old Justice Thomas a physical reaction that three years on Cialis had failed to engender.

At the White House, Joe Biden’s staff instructed the lapdog media to never bring up that in 1982 then Senator Biden had voted for a constitutional amendment overturning Roe. Overhearing his staff’s directives, the president angrily demanded to know who this “Senator Biden” is and if he might pose a primary threat in 2024. Biden’s staff responded by politely reminding the president that once again he’d forgotten to wear pants.

Lost in all the hubbub was the fact that SCOTUS didn’t actually rule on the Texas law, and the conservative majority made it clear that the full court will be deciding the constitutionality of it soon enough.

So get ready for abortion to once again take center stage in American political life, as the entire country goes retro while the fate of Roe hangs in the balance.

If they were smart, rightists would quiz incoming Afghan refugees on how they’d vote if abortion legality becomes a matter of state-by-state balloting. Maybe if enough of the religious zealot “refugees” indicate their support for outlawing the procedure, Democrats might just close the asylum floodgates for good.

THE BREAST OF TIMES IS NOW
Poor Lisa Yoakam, an innocent soul who never harmed nobody. All she ever did was conspire with her half sister to murder the half sister’s ex-husband.

As if that’s a crime.

Oh, and Lisa Yoakam and her half sister actually carried out the murder they conspired to commit. But again, was that really a crime, or a testament to the women’s integrity? In this day and age of broken promises and irresponsibility, shouldn’t society laud those who pledge to do something and then follow through on it with diligence and dogged perseverance?

Sadly, no. So there was poor Lisa Yoakam, sentenced to twenty years simply for being dependable.

Once in prison, Yoakam, saddled with a lot of contemplation time, had an epiphany: If her life had not exactly worked out as planned, if she was not the successful captain of industry she’d once set out to be, there was a culprit, a malefactor, a reason for her misfortune.

Well, to be exact, there were two culprits: her boobs.

While serving her time in a Virginia pen, Yoakam realized that she was actually a man, albeit one in a woman’s body. If only she could somehow erase those two bulbous, fleshy chest headlights of shame, she could finally live her best Yoakam, and maybe one day cure cancer, or plan a Mars mission, or at least stop killing people.

So Lisa Yoakam changed her name to Jason Yoakam and sued the state for not cutting off her breasts.

After all, what kind of fascist nation is this where women’s breasts aren’t chopped off by the government? What are we, Afghanistan?

Virginia prison officials, initially hesitant to use taxpayer money to remove healthy organs because a woman decided she was having a bad pair day, offered Yoakam chest binders, so that she might nonsurgically smoosh her tatas into tortillas.

But according to The Washington Free Beacon,

    The binder, which Yoakam wears at all times and “sometimes is so tight that it cuts into Mr. (sic) Yoakam’s skin and causes him (sic) to bleed,” has left her with “scars, rashes, and acne” as well as “infections,” which is why Yoakam is pursuing the surgery, according to the complaint.

Well, who the heck could’ve guessed that trying to guillotine your gazongas would lead to physical harm?

In her lawsuit, Yoakam seeks to compel the state to surgically turn her mountain range into a prairie. Unfortunately for her, she’s scheduled to be released next year, so she’ll likely be out of the custody of the department of corrections before her case even gets to trial.

Don’t you just hate it when you kill a guy and the state frees you before you can force taxpayers to jettison your jugs?

A story as old as the mountains…and the molehills.

GOLDEN SHOWER STATE
Water water everywhere and not a sop who thinks.

Leftists on both coasts are having problems at the moment with H2O, be it a surfeit, or a deficit.

In NYC, Mother Nature has finally taken care of the black-on-Asian violence problem (and, for that matter, black-on-Jew, black-on-elderly, and black-on-everyone-else violence problem) by flooding the streets and subway tunnels with water from torrential rains courtesy of the tail end of Hurricane Ida.

Now that swimming skills are a prerequisite for street or train travel, black folks are staying home.

There’s been talk in Harlem of constructing a seafaring vessel that could be used for random muggings until the floodwaters subside (Afroah’s Ark), but the de Blasio administration has yet to give the project the go-ahead.

To be fair, de Blasio has approved the construction of a vessel to allow pimps to keep their streetwalkers safe and dry (Hoah’s Ark).

On the opposite coast, in sunny California, the state is experiencing what its leftist Chicken Littles are calling a “drought,” but what in reality is simply a very dry year. 2017, 2018, and 2019 brought record rainfall to the state. 2020 was an average year, and 2021 has been dry. So of course rather than viewing the situation in context (some years are wet, others dry), CA Democrats have declared that water will never return to the state and all are doomed.

Sacramento has mandated that fresh water be reserved for only the highest-priority uses, which are (in order) irrigating marijuana crops, styling Gavin Newsom’s hair, and hosing down Mo’Nique when she overheats after climbing her front steps.

Turns out the rationing didn’t have to become a necessity. As pointed out by news station KTLA last week, in 2014 Cali voters approved a $7.5 billion bond measure that was supposed to have gone toward building more reservoirs. And had the money actually been used for that, enough water could’ve been stockpiled from the massive rains of 2017–2019 to easily cover the current dry spell.

But no, state leftists refused to use the money for its intended purpose, in part due to environmentalist hysteria (“like, bummer, man—building a new reservoir will totally disrupt the natural habitat of the Visalia yellow-assed butterfly”), and in part due to “global warming” alarmists who count on drought fears to further their political agenda.

So, no new reservoirs, and the state is now imposing draconian regulations on personal water use.

And that $7.5 billion? No word on where it went, but rumor has it that Nancy Pelosi bought another ten freezers full of chocolate ice cream, and Gavin Newsom was able to purchase a separate mansion just for his excess hair gel bottles.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-155/

The Week’s Most Kinetic, Phyletic, and Peripatetic Headlines

L.A.’S DIVERSITY POTHOLE FILLERS
Only in Los Angeles would it come as a shock to journalists that a guy named “Jihad Muhammad” met a violent end. It’s hard to think of a more “violent end” name than that. Maybe “Ikeelyou AliAliAkbar” or “Die-Infidel Beheadaman.” Still, funny enough, Jihad Muhammad’s violent death had nothing to do with terrorism.

The 62-year-old black L.A. native was merely crossing a street on a rainy night in Crenshaw (one of the last remaining black areas in the city) when he was run over by a driver who sped off, leaving him to be run over by a second car, which also sped off, leaving him to be hit by a third car, which dragged him for a mile before the driver pulled over at a gas station to dislodge the body…before speeding off.

By the time it was over, Jihad Muhammad was not so much Imam as IHOP (as in, pancaked).

In the wake of Muhammad’s death, the L.A. Times decided to do some digging into the “epidemic of rising pedestrian deaths and traffic violence that is endangering us all but is having a disproportionate effect on people of color in low-income neighborhoods.”

Except it’s not actually “people of color” who keep getting Aunt Jemima’d on L.A.’s streets. As the Times pointed out, Hispanic pedestrians get tortilla’d at a rate that is “proportional to their share of the population.” White pedestrian deaths are also proportional, and (for whatever reason) Asians almost never get run over (perhaps they’re just more likely to be the drivers who run over others).

So really, it comes down to black Angelenos getting Wile E. Coyote’d way more than they should.

The Times mentions that in 2015 L.A. city leaders imported something from Sweden called “Vision Zero.” “Vision Zero” is described as “a strategy to eliminate all traffic fatalities and severe injuries, while increasing safe, healthy, equitable mobility for all.”

It’s not clear why a pedestrian safety program would be called “Vision Zero,” when limited vision on the part of drivers is actually what causes many of these accidents. Encouraging “zero vision” doesn’t seem like the best antidote.

But still, it worked in Sweden, so surely it would work in L.A.

Except, no. As the Times reluctantly admits, “pedestrian deaths are up 36% since Vision Zero became policy.”

Well, hurdy gurdy, looks like Sweden’s pedestrian safety program is as maddeningly inadequate as an IKEA instruction manual.

So the Times authors are left shaking their heads. Why these disproportionate black pedestrian deaths? Is there an answer? Or will it forever remain a riddle, a mystery for the ages, a Colossus of Roads, a Smudge Crater?

Times reporters may be flummoxed, but readers aren’t. The photo the newspaper chose to accompany the piece depicts an intersection in South L.A. near Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. “To help reduce fatal traffic crashes, the city of L.A. has added new crosswalks that extend further into the street, such as this one at 43rd and Broadway,” the caption reads.

And the photo shows an old black man on a motorized scooter crossing in the middle of the intersection, straight through traffic, outside the crosswalks, literally daring drivers to run him down.

Mystery solved!

YOU CAN WIN FOR LOSING!
In the good old days, when athletes competed, there’d be a winner and a loser (or, in soccer, a tie and an accompanying stadium mass-casualty event). Rarely—but it did happen—losers would be held accountable for their poor performance, like that time when Colombian footballer AndrÃ©s Saldarriaga was murdered by disgruntled fans after an own goal. It’s not really fair to bring that up, though, as Colombians kill each other daily over even more trivial matters. The Colombian version of The Price is Right, for example, has led to over a thousand Plinko-related murders.

But these days we live in a world in which women and nonwhites can’t lose, even if they do. U.S. athletics is no longer a contest of ability, but of rationalizations for why women and POC losers are actually winners.

When sushi soul-sista Naomi Osaka withdrew from competition because she had jittery nerves (“You GO, gurrrrrl! Why Don Knotts always gotta be a man?”), she was lauded as the bravest human to ever draw breath. And when Simone Biles pulled out of the Olympics due to the heebie-jeebies (“How can we ask her to compete when she’s still mourning the death of Emmett Till?”), she was feted as the next Harriet Flubman.

As every woke media sphincter on the ’net took great pains to point out, Osaka and Biles were the bravest women in human history for not competing, unlike miserable cowards like Jesse Owens, who just had to prove his toxic masculinity by humiliating the Nazis on the field with his superior athletic prowess instead of doing the brave thing and cowering in his hotel room, shivering and clutching a teddy bear for security.

And now comes the most courageous female athlete of all: Shelby Rogers. Rogers is a tennis pro who Don Knottsed her way out of the US Open last week, falling in straight sets to England’s Emma Raducanu. In olden days—back when the world didn’t turn on the axis of wokeness—athletes who crapped out at big tourneys would lick their wounds and practice harder for next time.

Again, how cowardly! Just like when Joe Louis embarrassed the nation by fighting and defeating Max Schmeling instead of doing the brave thing and hiding in his corner whimpering, “I’ze skee-skee-skeered to fights dat big spooky German!”

No, today’s athletes know the true meaning of courage. So following her humiliating loss, Shelby Rogers declared herself the most valiant woman on earth because she was in fear of her life due to the “9 million death threats” she was going to receive for performing poorly on the court.

Mind you, she didn’t actually get “9 million death threats.” She just feared she would, and her stoic resilience against imagined threats that exist only in her mind was far more important than her lousy showing in competition.

The media couldn’t have agreed more. “While that number (nine million) may be exaggerated, the impact even one death threat has is real,” Yahoo Sports declared, noting that even though Rogers hadn’t received even one death threat, that shouldn’t detract from her heroism, as it’s not about actual threats but rather the courage of a woman to stand strong in the face of invisible misogynists.

It’s good to know that from now on, U.S. female athletes will be competing not against real-world opponents, but imagined ones.

That’ll surely boost ratings and sell tickets!

MEAT THE BEETLES
It’s a popular rightist trope—global elites are using fear of “climate change” to persuade the “liddle peeple” to give up every convenience and live in squalor eating bugs.

The “eating bugs” thing isn’t exactly fiction. From Time to The Guardian to Vox, leftist elites have for years been telling the great unwashed that eating insects is the only way to “save the planet.” So trade those burgers, steaks, hot wings, and pork chops for fried cockroach.

Nursing-home escapee Joe Biden found himself in quite a pickle last week when faced with mass discontent over rapidly rising meat prices. On the one hand, Biden’s ideological masters are pleased that meat is being priced out of the mouth of the average Joe Beerswiller. On the other hand, Biden’s tanking in the polls, so telling Americans that inflation is good because it’ll help them transition to a kale and cricket diet isn’t exactly the ticket out of the public-opinion basement.

A frustrating dilemma for the president. Mind you, with his current mental capacity, deciding whether the bathroom faucet marked “H” is for hot or cold water is also a frustrating dilemma (“I think I’ve figured it out: ‘H’ stands for ‘Hurty’”).

So Biden sent National Economic Council chief Brian Deese to face reporters’ questions regarding skyrocketing meat prices. The initial plan was to blame inflation on mean ol’ meat-packers who cause artificial shortages because every time they find Carbone in the meat truck, he’s frozen so stiff it takes three days to thaw him out (“C’mon, man—just keep Carbone out of the meat truck and you won’t have to waste all that time”).

Unfortunately, an uncooperative reporter asked Deese why the higher prices aren’t being embraced because they “de-incentivize” meat-eating and therefore cripple “the leading greenhouse-gas-emitting areas of the economy.”

Deese, as out of his league as Teddy Pendergrass at a hacky sack tournament, stammered his way through an incomprehensible response that used the terms “consumer,” “sustainability,” and “transition” with all the coherence of a toddler reading randomly shuffled flash cards.

Literally, the dude just had to say, “We support the public’s right to eat meat.” But he wouldn’t.

Yet at the exact same time that White House officials couldn’t bring themselves to defend the right to eat hamburger, the Chinese presented the world with yet another demonstration of why, whether we like it or not, these inscrutable disease-spewing genocidal automatons are our inevitable future masters. At a gaseous-emissions summit in Glasgow sponsored by Greta Thunberg’s How Dare You Foundation (in association with Mexico’s refried bean industry), Chinese representatives told U.S. climate envoy John Kerry that they “won’t be bullied into going green,” and they will not reduce emissions if doing so harms their economy.

And there you have it. Soon enough, Americans will be reduced to chomping on lentils and ticks as the Chinese lounge around in front of outdoor grills fueled by Uighur body fat, roasting terriers and toasting the self-destructive nature of the empire they felled.

BASKET OF DYSPHORABLES
And speaking of the Chinese…

Every year Credit Suisse releases a report declaring that LGTBQYABBADABBADOO-friendly companies make more money than corporations that are “homophobic.”

“Credit Suisse says LGBTQ-inclusive stock basket has outperformed” (2021)

“LGBT-friendly companies outperform in the stock market, Credit Suisse says” (2020)

“Credit Suisse’s LGBT-inclusive index has outperformed the broader equity market 7 out of the last 11 years” (2018)

“LGBT-friendly stocks outperformed a broad index by three percentage points in the prior six years” (2016)

The problem is, where exactly are these “homophobic” companies? At least, where are they in the West? Where in the U.S., Canada, or the U.K. are major corporations that operate under the banner of “Damn them ******s! If you take it in the rear, our firm don’t want you near”?

The Westboro Baptist Church isn’t publicly traded. So the main issue with the yearly Credit Suisse reports is that they don’t contain the names of anti-LGBT corporations for comparison…because there aren’t any. At most, there are companies that have yet to find a way to work a tranny-friendly message into their advertising (“Ellsworth Pipe and Valve Manufacturers: Our fitting threads are neither male nor female; whatever they were assigned at birth, we allow them to choose their own identity”). But even Chick-fil-A ended up surrendering to the gay lobby.

So without any LGBTBLT-unfriendly companies as a control sample, the claim that going gay is the ticket to prosperity is somewhat unscientific.

But here’s the twist: While Credit Suisse’s yearly reports claim that “diverse perspectives deliver for our clients,” last week for some odd, totally inexplicable reason, Credit Suisse closed the account of internationally respected Chinese dissident and artist Ai Weiwei.

Turns out those vaunted “diverse perspectives” don’t apply to people who criticize China’s repressive, genocidal policies.

So if you bank with Credit Suisse, by all means don’t say anything like “Uighurs shouldn’t be killed.” But feel free to say, “Rectal fisting is the key to financial freedom.”

At least for now. As the BBC pointed out following the suspension of Weiwei’s account, China’s insistence on the suppression of ideas it finds distasteful will eventually pit the Asian dictatorship against Western “progressives.”

After all, the CCP just banned the portrayal of “sissies” in the media and forbade the “feminization” of men.

So how long before China gives Credit Suisse an ultimatum: “Lose the pansy-pandering or lose our business”?

It’ll be entertaining to see the Swiss try to stay neutral on that one.

IT’S REINING MEN (HALLELUJAH)
To end on some good news (for once), data released last week from the National Student Clearinghouse showed that women are enrolling in college at a far greater rate than men.

    Female students accounted for 59.5 percent of all college enrollments in spring 2021, compared to just 40.5 percent that were men. The gap between the two sexes is widening, with male student enrollment declining more drastically than their female counterparts with 400,000 fewer male students enrolling in 2021 than 2020, versus 200,000 fewer female students between the two years.

Conservative news outlets tried to spin this as a bad thing, but that’s a questionable take. With most degrees being worthless these days, with most college graduates drowning is debt, maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world if more women are financially crippling themselves in pursuit of a BA in Gender***** Araucanian-Yanomami Spoken-Word Macro-Chibchan Fourth Wave Feminist Foot Fetish Literature, while more men are learning to do things with real-world (and profit-making) applications.

The point being, those 59.5%/40.5% figures are meaningless without a breakdown of who’s majoring in what. If the majority of men are majoring in science, medicine, engineering, etc., and the majority of women are majoring in Polyamorous Interpretations of My Little Pony Through the Lens of Maasai Pansexual Furries, well…that’s really nothing to be alarmed about.

Every idiot who spends $50,000 on a useless degree is an idiot who has $50,000 less to donate to a political candidate or cause. And every idiot saddled with monthly student-loan payments because their degree didn’t translate to real-life employment is an idiot who can’t afford monthly contributions to BLM.

So while conservative media bemoans the decline in male college enrollment, the thoughtful ask, “Is it because men are no longer wanting to become educated and productive, or is it because most colleges have become indoctrination factories where dumbasses pay money they don’t have to receive a piece of paper worth about 60 percent less than a square of Charmin?”

Maybe men are just getting wise to the scam, and maybe they’re choosing their options more sagely, with an eye toward income. Maybe some are skipping college entirely to focus on the blue-collar skills that earn decent wages with no competition from Third World immigrants (India can provide plenty of coders and phone bankers. What it can’t provide is plumbers, considering that Indians have yet to figure out plumbing).

So don’t panic about those enrollment numbers. It might just be that the nation is profiting by having some of its least productive members kept busy for four years wearing pussy hats and reading The Price of Salt while those whose services are actually needed stay focused on the things that matter.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-156/

Takimag

September 19, 2021

The Week’s Most Scornful, Thornful, and Mournful Headlines

*FAREWELL TO AN OLD CHUCK O’ COAL*

Leave it to Norm Macdonald to unite even the most bitter ideological foes with his unexpected passing. But that’s how good Norm was. His death elicited tributes from left-wing names in entertainment, right-wing names in politics (including Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson), and everyone in between. Norm was a lesson in what happens when you just try to be funny, without pandering to a “side.” He was simply a comic, and the best of his generation.

There’s an old saying, “A comic says funny things; a comedian says things funny.” Norm was uniquely ambidextrous. He could tell a joke better than anyone, but he could also make a joke out of an anecdote that wouldn’t appear funny on paper; it was all in his delivery. He could tell a shopworn Catskills groaner and make it work for a modern audience; he could tell a dirty joke and make the bad language seem not gratuitous.

Perhaps most remarkable for a modern-day American comedian, he didn’t try to use his own personal suffering as a launchpad to move from comedy for the sake of it to comedy with social meaning. Now that the world knows he’d been privately battling cancer for almost a decade, it’s really quite stunning to realize that he never attempted one of those “me and my disease” one-man shows (in fact, even as he was secretly ill, he dismissed such exhibitions as “the height of narcissism”). Whatever private pain he was experiencing, his love of comedy as an art form was such that he never polluted the purity of his act with, to use one of his favorite terms, “mawkishness.”

He was cagey about his political leanings, but his willingness to associate with conservatives, and his complete lack of PC sensibilities when mocking state-approved “victim groups” or leftist icons like the Clintons, got him tagged as “conservative.” He likely laughed that off, because if he went after a person, a group, or any taboo topic, it was always for one reason and one reason alone: The joke was funny.

Norm experienced a cancellation attempt in 2018 when he dared to suggest that his friends Roseanne Barr and Louis C.K. had lost enough (their entire careers) due to their transgressions, and maybe it was time to stop piling on. Talk shows (his favorite playground) backed away from him for a spell (including giggling genital wart Jimmy Fallon, who hypocritically offered a tribute to Norm last week without mentioning his role in the attempted cancellation). But Norm was just too good to be canceled. Even his colleagues who were too cowardly to defend him didn’t want him to go away.

Comedian–turned–full-time angry leftist David Cross tweeted this upon learning of Norm’s passing:

    When I was going through a tough time after I was publicly defined as a “racist p.o.s.” Norm Macdonald was literally the FIRST person to reach out and tell me that he knew that was ridiculous, that he knew I was a good person and that he had my back. RIP

This is the same David Cross who, following the November election, tweeted that he “wanted blood” and violent revenge against anyone who hadn’t supported Biden.

Cross learned nothing from Norm’s example, from his “let’s not attack each other, or cancel each other; let’s be friends and go tell jokes” attitude toward not just comedy, but life.
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Hollywood didn’t deserve Norm Macdonald. But thank God he graced us with his presence anyway.

Sorry to be mawkish!

*IT’S NOT MURDER IF YOU MEANT TO KILL HER*

Should people of sanity and reason at some distant future date pen an exhaustive chronicle of the lunacy that was the early 21st century, there should be a chapter devoted to the case of Mohamed Noor.

2021 unreality: White cops are genociding blacks daily, while courts unfairly condemn black defendants to disproportionately long terms, and whites who are victimized get preferential treatment, as the flood of low-IQ immigrants enriches us all.

2021 reality: Mohamed Noor.

Noor is the Minneapolis cop who, in July 2017, straight-out murdered a 40-year-old white woman who’d called the police to report an assault occurring in the alley behind her house. Moor was born in Somalia; his full name is Mohamed Mohamed Noor, because Somalis lack the brain capacity to recall their baby’s given name before they decide on the middle one. As part of a Minneapolis drive to “diversify” its police department, Noor had been “fast-tracked” during training (essentially, his training came down to “This is the holdy part of the gun, and this is the hurty,” and “No, no, Mohamed, your baton does not go up there. That’s an improper use of a baton, Mohamed. Pull it out and wash it off”).

In 21 months on the force, he racked up three formal complaints from citizens for assault, incompetence, and forgetting that cow dung ain’t for eatin’.

Police psychiatrists and his own training officers had suggested that Noor was unfit for duty.

So it really wasn’t a surprise when, after responding to the 911 call from Justine Damond, Noor shot her in the abdomen because he mistook the blonde for da JoobaJooba demon.

For a brief moment, it looked like justice might be served. Noor was arrested, tried, and sentenced to 12Â½ years in prison.

Until last week, when the Minnesota Supreme Court overturned the conviction. The reasoning? Here’s where that “future generations really need to understand just how insane these days were” thing comes into play: *He intended to kill the innocent woman he shot, therefore he should go free.*

That’s not a joke.

From NBC:

    The court ruled it was clear Noor was only targeting the woman he killed. “In sum, our precedent confirms that Noor is correct in arguing that a person does not commit depraved-mind murder when the person’s actions are directed at a particular victim,” according to the opinion by Chief Justice Lorie Gildea.

Noor will walk free by Thanksgiving. He’s promised his attorney that for all future murders, he’ll make certain the victim is someone he intended to kill.

So as blacks scream “no justice no peace,” as politicians and professors shout “white privilege,” and as Soros and his minions wail about the criminal justice system discriminating against blacks, Justine Damond’s murderer walks free because a court ruled that he intended to kill the innocent white woman so therefore it’s okay.

And the rest of us can only hope that one day these times will be seen for what they were.

*GREAT BALLS OF HELLFIRE*

Leftists love highlighting “freakshow” stories of “right-wingers” who condemn vaccines only to fall victim to Covid. The Washington Post started the week off with a bang, front-paging the tale of Denver “conservative radio host” Bob Enyart, a real fire-and-brimstone kinda guy who, back in the 1990s, mocked people who died of AIDS on his (by the Post’s own admission) “fringe” radio show.

Wow…a guy with a few thousand listeners ridiculed AIDS victims in 1991. If the Post is about anything, it’s relevance!

Though not exactly a household name, the Post was damned sure Enyart would become one in death. The self-proclaimed “right-wing religious fanatic” had railed against vaccines because the meds are apparently composed of aborted fetuses (Johnson & Johnson creates vaccines and baby products! There are no coincidences).

Sadly, after commanding his flock to avoid the abortovax, Enyart died of Covid last week at age 61, filled with viral load but not a single baby part.

Yet as leftists celebrated their “freak of the week” Covid story, someone they thought was one of theirs had a little surprise in store for them.

Trinidadian Nicki Minaj, who is apparently famous for something (possibly rapping, or giving the finger on social media), always seemed like a good little leftist, supporting “women’s rights” and “LGBTQEIEIO” causes. She was even a major donor to the bail fund that plucked rioters from jail during the George Floyd summer of fentanyl and put them back on the street to riot again.

But that was before the Covid vax blew up her cousin’s friend’s balls.

In a tweet last week that quickly went viral, Minaj stated:

    My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied

And indeed, all of America prayed for Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls. None more so than Tucker Carlson, who devoted two nights of coverage to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls. And when Minaj retweeted one of the Carlson segments, she was attacked for supporting a “white supremacist,” so she fired back with a condemnation of leftists that was actually…perceptive.

    I can’t speak to, agree with, even look at someone from a particular political party. Ppl aren’t human any more. If you’re black & a Democrat tells u to shove marbles up ur ass, you simply have to. If another party tells u to look out for that bus, stand there & get hit

No one can confirm whether Nicki’s cousin’s friend is actually hoppity-hopping around Trinidad Stan Marsh-style on his giant nads, but what needs no confirmation is that Nicki herself has a good-sized pair hanging.

This was exactly the kind of Covid “freak of the week” story the left didn’t need: a famous young woman of color coming out against vaccines and Democrats.

Perhaps next week the Post can scan the obits of Covid victims and find an old anonymous white man who once called Rock Hudson a **** in 1985.

*HELPING TEENS UNFOLLOW LIFE*

Twist ending: The hero turns out to be the killer.

Beady-eyed Blade Runner replicant Mark Zuckerberg has spent the past few years positioning himself as a veritable superhero. The Facebook CEO has spent hours waxing heroic about the importance of banning content, if such material poses even the smallest risk of causing harm.

Information about voter fraud or contested elections? It’s gotta go; such toxic posts might lead to another deadly (non-deadly) “insurrection.” Questioning tranny ideology? How dare you! Doing so might lead to trannies being murdered or committing suicide in despair. Discussions of race and crime? Such poisonous filth encourages “white supremacists” to commit modern-day (nonexistent) “lynchings.” “Holocaust denial”? Banned at once, lest American Nazis issue all Jews a one-way ticket to (invisible) death camps. And anything that questions current wisdom regarding Covid must go, even if it’s eventually proven correct, because only airtight control of information kills viruses.

On paper, Mark Zuckerberg is the greatest hero in human history. He’s saved the nation from civil war. He’s saved fruits (trannies) and strange fruits (blacks) from certain death. He’s prevented another Holocaust, and he’s literally saved millions worldwide by suppressing info about Covid.

Why, you could just hug Zuckerberg (if not for the fact that his synthetic skin is so cold to the touch).

Of course, all of Zuckerberg’s heroics exist in his mind and nowhere else. There’s not a single piece of evidence that any of Facebook’s speech-suppression policies have saved even one life.

On the other hand, according to Facebook’s own internal research, Zuckerberg’s policies have actually cost quite a few lives.

For the past three years, Facebook Inc. (which owns Instagram, its youth-targeted platform) has been conducting research into the negative effects of Instagram on teen girls (especially from bullying). And it turns out, Instagram is a major factor in teen suicides (mainly among girls). And Facebook Inc. knew this.

“Instagram is harmful for a sizable percentage of them, most notably teenage girls,” The Wall Street Journal noted last week. Internal documents “show that Facebook has made minimal efforts to address these issues and plays them down in public.”

Instead of using its all-powerful ban-hammer to come down on actual threats and harassment directed at teen girls—a use of content moderation that all decent people would likely agree is wholly legitimate—Facebook has allowed the dangerous content to stay, opting instead to show off for Democrats by banning political and medical content instead.

And it’s not just to impress Democrats. As the WSJ points out, “Expanding its base of young users is vital to the company’s more than $100 billion in annual revenue, and it doesn’t want to jeopardize their engagement with the platform” (in other words, the company doesn’t want the bullies to flee to TikTok).

So the hero bans content as long as it doesn’t threaten his bottom line. But content that drives kids to suicide? Too valuable!

We’ve caught the Murderer of Facebook Manor. And as Scooby Doo would say, “Ruh-roh, it was Ruckerberg the whole time!”

*A WEE BIT O’ GENOCIDE WITH YOUR COW FARTS?*

To close on another story involving speech suppression, Digital Media, arguably the last remaining stronghold of independent journalism in what used to be known as Hong Kong but today goes by the moniker China’s Bitch, was shuttered for good last week, a final victory for the CCP’s censors. This comes after the CCP imprisoned Digital Media’s founder, arrested the leadership of its top newspaper, and froze the paper’s bank accounts. “The move has shattered hope among press activists that a vibrant free press ecosystem will ever be able to exist in Hong Kong,” Axios ruefully declared.

But fear not! Cheri Oteri character template Nancy Pelosi is on the case! Speaking to reporters during a taxpayer-funded trip to the U.K. to pick up more chocolate ice cream for her industrial freezers, the ancient harridan reluctantly admitted that China’s become a tad “problematic”:

    With their military aggression in the South China Sea, with their continuation of genocide with the Uyghurs in Xinjiang province, with their violation of the cultural, religious priority of Tibet, with their suppression of democracy in Hong Kong and other parts of China as well, they’re just getting worse in terms of suppression and freedom of speech.

But none of that matters, Pelosi concluded, because the U.S. and China “have to work together on climate. Climate is an overriding issue.”

What’s a little genocide in the name of battling climate change? It’s all so logical: According to climate alarmists, failure to curb emissions will lead to mass death. So if it takes mass death to prevent mass death, so be it.

Somebody’s been reading Watchmen.

If only Hitler had stressed to the world that his advocacy of vegetarianism could’ve reduced the climate-altering farting-cow population to such an extent, the world wouldn’t be in the fix it is now.

We could’ve avoided decades of hurricanes, tornadoes, and floods if only we’d been willing to overlook a little genocide.

But no, and now the entire earth is being gassed by Dach-cow and Moochenwald.

Apologies, Adolf.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-157/

_The Week’s Most Taxed, Waxed, and Vaxxed Headlines_
*THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE (GOD HELP US)*
This year’s 20th-anniversary 9/11 commemoration wasn’t exactly the  patriotic pridefest it was supposed to be. Coupled with Covid,  inflation, skyrocketing violent crime, and massed invaders at the  border, for many Americans 9/11-20th probably felt like a family  celebrating Thanksgiving following a nuclear holocaust.
 “We have no food, shelter, or safety, and we’re slowly dying of  radiation poisoning, but let’s still give thanks because…uh…well…because  at least giant mutated rats aren’t eating our eyes.”
 “Dad, giant mutated rats are eating Bobby’s eyes.”
 “Crap.”

              Under President LifeAlert Bracelet, the U.S. staged a rushed,  humiliating withdrawal from Afghanistan following a two-decade  unsuccessful war against the cavemen from _Quest for Fire_, and now the Taliban and al-Qaeda are right back where they were the day the towers fell.
   And Muslims everywhere have learned that the most important takeaway  from 9/11 is not “Don’t mass-murder Americans,” but rather “Just yell  ‘Islamophobia’ and you can get away with anything.”
 Take the case of Fadel Alkilani, a Muslim student at Washington  University in St. Louis. He spent the 9/11 anniversary defacing a  memorial of 3,000 American flags dedicated to those who perished.  Alkilani was caught on video stuffing the flags into trash bags (rather  hypocritical behavior for a guy whose faith calls for the death penalty  for anyone who farts while holding a Koran); he responded that he was  destroying the monument because honoring the victims was “imperialist.”
 And when the university’s chancellor initially condemned the  memorial’s desecration, the garbage-bag ghazi screamed “Islamophobia,”  and the Washington University Muslim Students Association screamed  “Islamophobia,” and the school’s Students for Black and Palestinian  Liberation and Middle Eastern and North African Association screamed “Islamophobia,” and the chancellor backed down. Alkilani will face no disciplinary action.
  Which brings us to the rascally antics of the kids at St. Thomas  Aquinas High School in Fort Lauderdale. St. Thomas Aquinas is only 8%  black, so of course the administration takes every opportunity to  “elevate” the black students (as in, sending out a celebratory tweet  after a black sophomore wrote an essay titled “Growing Up While  Black”…wow, how many hours in the library did it take to cram for _that_ one?).
 On 9/11, the school’s little black darlings demolished a memorial set  up by students and parents to honor victims and first responders. Turns  out the cancer-curers-in-training made an oopsie: They had no idea what  9/11 was; they thought it was a Blue Lives Matter memorial.

              St. Thomas Aquinas sounds like a fine institution indeed; teaching  kids to write about “growing up black,” but failing to teach them what  happened on 9/11.
 Principal Denise Aloma, who may very well be functionally retarded, _thanked_  the vandals for “expressing their feelings” and invited them “to speak  to our school’s Diversity, Inclusion, and Sensitivity Committee to  provide further understanding.”
 Meanwhile, the students who objected to the vandalism were condemned as “insensitive” to BLM and George Floyd.
 Terrorists can take down a plane or a building, but only people on the inside like Denise Aloma can take down an entire country.
*CRAZY RICH HAITIANS*
Back in 1994, during an appearance on the Charlie Rose show, then senator Joe Biden uttered this rather candid assessment:  “If Haiti, a god-awful thing to say, if Haiti just quietly sunk into  the Caribbean or rose up 300 feet, it wouldn’t matter a whole lot in  terms of our interest.” At the time, blacks were pressuring President  Clinton to intervene militarily in Haiti, where the guy who’d assumed  power by beheading his foes and eating their livers had just been  toppled by men who planned to behead him and eat his liver (in Haiti,  this is called “the circle of life”). Biden was making the point that  blacks don’t understand that the U.S. needs to pick and choose where in  the world it directs its attention, and Haiti, a non-nuclear  economically irrelevant dungheap, just doesn’t warrant any focus.

              Boy, too bad we didn’t get _that_ Joe Biden as president! It’s kind of like waiting for McMurphy in _Cuckoo’s Nest_  to get lobotomized before making him head of the ward. We should’ve  gotten the guy with the clear vision and healthy instincts. Instead we  got the guy ready to be mercy-suffocated by an Indian.
 Needless to say, conservatives on Twitter have been playing that ’94  Biden clip to dunk on the president for being “racist,” because  conservatives—many of whom also deserve mercy suffocation—are dead set  on dunking the nation straight to third-world-hellhole status.
 Now that President Lobotomized McMurphy is flooding the U.S. with the  very people he once dismissed as so irrelevant they could sink into the  ocean and nobody would care, it’s up to the press to sell the American  people on _why_ this is a good idea. Because Biden certainly  can’t, and Harris hasn’t been seen since she met Cory Booker at that  glory hole last week.
 Haitians are perceived as backwards, impoverished, superstitious drags on any nation in which they live. Of course, such _racist_ perceptions are only fueled by the fact that they’re true. So _The New York Times_ got the brilliant idea to slap a coat of paint over these slumdogs and present them as prosperous folks simply coming here to share their wealth:
The Haitian migrants had done well for themselves. Since  leaving their country, many more than a decade ago, they had built lives  in Chile, Brazil, Panama. They had homes and cars. They had stable jobs  as bank tellers, welders, mine supervisors, gas station attendants. But  they longed for the possibility of a better a life in the United  States.Thus began a lengthy exercise in verbal guano that never answers the  key question of why such prosperous gents would have to trek across  rivers, trudge through mud, and sleep under bridges instead of simply  buying a plane ticket like, say, a Norwegian or Dane (what with all  their wealth and such).


Unfortunately for the _Times_, their spin sputtered out.  Between the actual images of the Haitian “camps” (tents made of palm  fronds and the bones of devoured foes) and the inability of high-level  Dems like AOC and Maxine Waters to stop calling the Haitians  “impoverished refugees” fleeing “persecution,” the _Times_’ attempt at image makeover was a bust.
 Still, _NYT_, points for trying. Now if only _you_ would sink into the ocean.
 Americans _would_ notice _that_…and cheer.
*TRIUMPH OF THE WON’T*
Germany does Covid rage exactly as you’d expect: in a thorough, competent, and orderly fashion.
 Last week in the town of Idar-Oberstein in Rhineland-Palatinate, a 49-year-old _deutscher_  entered a mini-mart to buy beer. The 20-year-old clerk asked him to  wear a mask, but Oktoberfest Otto didn’t have one. There was a brief  argument, and the clerk asked the man to leave, because if there’s one  thing Germans hate it’s conflict. The customer stormed out, went home,  got a mask, and returned to the store wearing the mask as requested.  Then he shot the clerk dead…and turned himself in to the police.
 Credit where it’s due: It’s nice to see a murderer who’s law-abiding (well, except for the murder part).
 In the U.S., the Covid ragers are hardly as disciplined.
 About a week ago, you might’ve read about a group of “Texans” who  attacked the hostess at a New York City eatery for no other reason than  she asked for proof of vaccination, which is required for indoor dining  under NYC law. Oh, how leftist Twitter loved that one! “Those damn  Texans! Just more Trump MAGA QAnon loons trying to kill us all.”
 The “Texas” anti-vaxxers were denounced as “rednecks,” “cowboys,” and  “white supremacists.” “This enrages me. Keep your ignorant MAGA  bull$#@! in Texas. Those diners are lucky I wasn’t there. Hitting a  woman? What a bunch of limp dicked cowards” tweeted Kareem Harper, VP at Cronin advertising agency.
 And then Gabby Johnson from _Blazing Saddles_ got a look at the security camera footage of the incident, and he shouted (as church bells rang out nearby):
 “Hey! The Texans are a *GONG*!”
 “What did he say?”
 “He said the Texans are near.”
 “No, gon blammit dang blammit! The Texans are a *GONG*!”
 Yes, it turns out the “Texans” were actually a bunch of black ghetto  girls who, as the video clearly shows, swarmed and beat the hostess as  she was standing outside the restaurant minding her business. Making  things worse, the hostess was Asian (are there so few Asians in Texas  that blacks have to come to NYC to assault them? Or has assaulting  Asians simply become a standard black New York City tourism thing?).
 And now BLM has started protesting the restaurant, at one point  barging in maskless, no proof of vaxx, violating every city health reg.
 But this time it’s for “social justice,” and we all know it’s scientifically impossible to spread Covid at a BLM protest.
 Assaulted Asians, disrupted dining, BLM violating vaxx policy. De  Blasio must be eating it up. He won’t be mayor for much longer, so he’s  gotta get his few remaining kicks where he can.
*IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL DIE IF I WANT TO*
Speaking of going maskless…
 You know what the elites of the world—the politicians, celebrities,  billionaires—never do? They never eat spoiled fish. If they’re at, say,  NYC sushi restaurant Masa (average cost: $600 per plate) and a piece of  sashimi doesn’t smell quite right, they send it back and expect the chef  to perform seppuku.
 You’ll never catch an elite knowingly eating rancid fish. Granted  there might be one or two freaky elites who get turned on by the smell  of decaying fish (smart money says it’s Michael Bloomberg), but as a  general rule, elites don’t eat spoiled fish.
 And why?
 Because elites don’t do things that they know could make them deathly ill.
 Every time the public sees one of the “better ’n thems” partying  indoors in violation of mask mandates, the elite in question will always  explain it away as a mistake, a momentary lowering of the guard, a  “getting caught up in the moment” slip-up.
 But those excuses never wash because everyone knows that these  supercilious, self-important d-bags simply would not do anything that  they truly believed might sicken or kill them. It’s instinctive; you  don’t “momentarily forget” to not eat rotting fish.
 So two weeks ago when San Francisco mayor London Breed was caught  on camera gettin’ down maskless at a BLM dance party—in violation of  her own indoor masking policy—and she told the press that she “got  caught up in the spirit” and didn’t want to be brought down by the “fun  police,” did anyone really buy that?
 You never need the “fun police” to tell you not to drink Lysol or  bathe in raw sewage (again, Michael Bloomberg’s fetishes aside). If you  genuinely believe that something might kill you, you don’t do it. London  Breed does _not_ believe that going maskless in a nightclub might kill her.
 And a week ago when Hollywood’s shining stars, who never fail to  lecture the troglodytes about “masking up,” turned out for the  Emmys—three straight hours of being unmasked indoors—does anyone really  believe they would’ve done so had they thought being maskless indoors  might be fatal? Yet still—they made sure the event staff was masked.  Because the fear’s a _tool_. If the fear were real, the stars would’ve been “masked up” too.
 And just a few days ago, Covid fearmongering Democrat congresswoman  Pramila Jayapal was caught celebrating her birthday indoors and maskless.
 Okay, that one doesn’t count. As an Indian, Jayapal probably _does_ eat rancid fish and bathe in sewage.
 Also, Jayapal had already recovered from Covid. And while in the U.S.  that plus a dollar buys you a McNugget, Israel—arguably the most vaxxed  nation on earth—recognizes the immunity of the Covid-recovered as equal  to that of the vaccinated. Even in the face of a recent uptick in cases,  Israel is following the science regarding natural immunity, which is a  refreshing change from the hypocritical fearmongering here at home,  where the only recognized “natural immunity” is that of your betters.
*NIANGPAO CHICKEN*
“Niangpao” is a Chinese word that means “sissy man.” And Chinese president Xi is on a crusade to exterminate niangpaos.
 Xi is a savvy guy. He’s watching like a hawk as the U.S. falls to  tranny culture and all manner of gender-bending and gender denial. And  Xi ain’t gonna allow that disease to cripple _his_ nation. When  it comes time to “reclaim” Taiwan, Xi wants an army of manly men to  counter a U.S. force made up of pregnant women, drag queens, schizos,  fentanyl freaks, and fat neckbeards whose war cry is “CALL ME MA’AM!”
 Still, Xi realizes that he can flood the U.S. with as much fentanyl  as possible, but there’ll always be a certain number of healthy  Midwestern boys who’ll join the military, so he can’t completely rely on  the U.S. to take itself out of commission, at least not fully.
 Hence his desire to forge his own nation of he-men. Yes, it’s the  final solution to the niangpao question. Xi has ordered that only the  most masculine of Chinese men be allowed on TV, in advertisements, and  in movies. This is a tall order, considering that the Chinese are barely  dimorphic as it is. In terms of differences among their men,  well…they’re all pretty dainty. Finding the masculine ones is rather  like trying to identify an alpha male panda.

 But from Xi’s perspective, it’s all a matter of attitude. Whereas the  U.S. military trains its soldiers to go into battle distracted by the  question of whether they were assigned the wrong gender at birth, Xi  wants Chinese soldiers to charge the battlefield with the raw machismo  and masculinity of great American leading men like Rock Hudson,  Montgomery Clift, Tab Hunter, Richard Chamberlain, and Dack Rambo.

 Xi’s not exactly up to speed on Hollywood gossip. But his heart’s in the right place.
 Still, his task is not exactly herculean. Not only is America weak in  the knees, so are Xi’s more immediate neighbors. Soon enough the median  age in Japan will be 80, and South Korea has soundly fallen to  androgynous boy bands.
 Perhaps the only people in the region who might be able to stand up  to China are the Australians. Though previously regarded as  happy-go-lucky beer-drinking goofballs, this year the Aussies have truly  shined as a particularly brutal bunch of sadists, beating and shooting  and stomping their own people—including women and children—for violating  lockdowns and mask requirements.
 Thanks to Covid, the Australians may very well have bred a generation  of sociopathic, conscienceless cops and soldiers, who might just be up  to the challenge of taking on the Chinese reds.

 Irony of ironies: Xi undone by the very disease he gave the West. _Curses!_

----------


## GlennwaldSnowdenAssanged

I can't get twitter to work here.
#NoGreenPass#Manifs25septembre#telaviv#israel#leica#leicaq2

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-158/

The Week’s Most Stammering, Hammering, and Flimflammering Headlines

DENNIS THE FELONIOUS MENACE
A few weeks ago, The New York Times ran an op-ed advocating for the national voting age to be lowered to “zero.” From the time a baby is born, parents should be able to vote for the child. And then once youngsters become old enough to fill in a ballot, they can do it themselves.

Hey—that might be the only way to get Democrats to stop advocating abortion. “Every baby born is a new Biden vote!”

Andrew Yang (a.k.a. “the one Asian-American who does not succeed at everything he puts his mind to”) advocated lowering the voting age to 16 during his failed NYC mayoral campaign. That he did so as roving gangs of teens were terrorizing the city just proves that every bell curve has its ass-end.

Sadly for Yang, the Times, and Joe Biden, a recent Harris poll noted that a staggering 84% of Americans are against lowering the voting age (including 78% of Democrats).

And gosh, you gotta wonder why that Times op-ed was greeted with such disfavor. Maybe it has something to do with the 16-year-old who was in the news last week for running over a half-dozen bicyclists while trying to “roll coal” on them (apparently, that’s a thing among teens. It involves purposely accelerating to blow exhaust into the faces of cyclists).

The previous week a Washington State teen driver just two months shy of her 16th birthday killed a jogger because she thought it would be hilarious to “bump” the poor guy with her car to scare him as a prank.

Considering the headlines generated by those two stories, this was probably not the best week for the NYT to call for child voters. But then, it’s The New York Times.

LANCET, A BOIL
The Lancet is arguably the most venerable peer-reviewed medical journal in the world (ranking far ahead of Uganda’s top scholarly medical publication, Demons Dey Make da Sick). Last week, The Lancet decided to adopt a new editorial policy in which women would no longer be mentioned when discussing matters of the female anatomy.

In a cover story about menstruation, The Lancet replaced “women” with “bodies with vaginas.”

Of course, The Lancet chose its words to be “inclusive” of the “transgender community.” Still, for some odd reason, actual women became rather irate at being reduced to “bodies with vaginas,” which sounds like the kind of thing even Al Bundy would rebuke as sexist. The backlash was fierce enough to elicit a response from Lancet editor Dr. Richard Horton. Horton posted a “sorry but not sorry” statement apologizing to readers who were offended while still defending the terminology choice because “trans people regularly face stigma, discrimination, exclusion, and poor health.”

One issue that Dr. No Women neglected to address is why The Lancet is using the term “bodies with vaginas” to refer to women but not “bodies with penises” to refer to men. Like in a 2020 article that stated, “Tuberculosis of the penis is the rarest form of genitourinary tuberculosis. It is commonly seen in immunocompromised men.”

Shouldn’t that be “immunocompromised bodies with penises”?

Or this one: “Ritual circumcision complicated by gangrene is a leading cause of penile loss in young men in South Africa.” That’s not just transphobic, it’s racist! The Lancet seems to think that South Africa is not enlightened enough to have women with penises.

And this one from May, which detailed “the efficacy of male human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccination against the prevalence of high-risk HPV infections in young men.” Oh, so the male vaccine is only for men? Women with penises shouldn’t get vaccinated too? That’s not just anti-trans, it’s anti-vaxx, which is literally the worst thing you can be today.

Because of The Lancet, our emergency rooms are overburdened with unvaxxed dirlywanger women infected with STDs because they didn’t take fifteen days to slow the spread legs.

UP FROM THE DEPPTHS
Not every victim of “cancel culture” is completely blameless.

British defamation law is generally stacked in favor of the plaintiff. Unlike in the U.S., where a plaintiff has to prove not just falsehood but “actual malice,” in the U.K. the standard is far lower, and the burden of proof falls on the defendant (i.e., the defendant has to prove that they didn’t defame the plaintiff). See 1978’s Little Old Bald Man v. Benny Hill for an example of relevant case-law.

In response to a tidal wave of what’s become known as “libel tourism” (foreigners suing in U.K. courts because of the lax rules), British judges have become quite unfriendly to people—especially Americans—who engage in the practice.

Poor Johnny Depp should’ve known that. Depp, a delicate, drunk (former) A-lister who married a bimbo 23 years his junior only to express shock when she turned out to be an impulsive, violent, childish brat (who could’ve seen that coming?), had the kind of marriage that resembled a Three Stooges short—lots of slapping, nose-twisting, and eye-poking.

In 2018, Depp traveled to London to sue a tabloid for labeling him a “wife beater,” and the irate judge decided to “reward” him by ruling that Depp is indeed officially a wife beater. Right or wrong, that verdict allowed studios to drop Depp from a whole bunch of movies that likely would’ve sucked anyway.

So last week, there was Depp at the San Sebastian Film Festival complaining about “cancel culture” and ruing his “cancellation.”

Fair enough; his fall from A-list to F-off was unjustly swift.

But maybe there are lessons here beyond “Cancel culture sucks.”

Like, don’t marry a child and expect a mature relationship.

And British judges are sick of hearing these cases and they’ll do you up a treat if you trouble them with your petty crap.

Also, when you’ve spent your entire career doing the same pursed-lip Chaplin routine, people might not react with sympathy when your child bride punches your eminently slappable face.

DEFUND THE MORALITY POLICE
They were a fixture of Khomeini’s Iran: the morality police—roving caravans of virtue inspectors looking to fine or arrest women for showing too many “naughty bits” (“naughty bits” defined in Iran as hair follicles and elbows). In pre-9/11 Afghanistan, the Taliban took the whole “morality police” thing to rather extreme heights. No fines or arrests, but rather a rock to the head or noose around the neck for women who dared to show the really naughty bits (noses and chins), or for men who were clean-shaven, or for anyone listening to Western music (except for S Club 7; the mullahs really dug those crazy kids).

Now that the Taliban is back behind the wheel (an unknown idiom in a nation with no working automobiles), the morality police are back as well…but with a new Dirty Harry attitude. Taliban leaders have defended a recent spate of low-tech lynchings by telling the Western press that the people they’ve hanged are dastardly criminals—thieves, rapists, murderers.

It’s not a bad strategy. Considering that the Democrats who presently control the White House, Congress, and dozens of statehouses in the U.S. are flooding the nation with violent criminals, and seeing how most U.S. cities are suffering under skyrocketing violent crime rates, the whole “We’re a bunch of Charles Bronsons out to clean up the mean streets of Kunduz” routine might be enough to win the sympathy of a significant number of Americans.

It all sounds like a great idea for a TV cop show (if Afghanistan had TV). Taliban P.I. (Pashtun Imam), a rogue cop who plays by his own rules and gets the job done even if it ain’t pretty.

Angry Black Police Chief: “Dammit, Taliban, I got the mayor and the whole city council breathin’ down my neck! You gotta start goin’ by the book; you’re ruffling too many feathers.”

Taliban (tight-lipped, through gritted teeth): “You tell the mayor that feathers are for chickens…like him.”

Could be a great show. And apparently Johnny Depp is looking for work, so he might do it for scale.

DYING EMPIRE, HONEST AFRICAN
The worst thing about being a leftist white savior fighting to give a voice to the poor disenfranchised coloreds is that sometimes the damn coloreds use that voice to say stuff you don’t like.

Olukemi Olufunto “Kemi” Badenoch (born in London to Nigerian parents) is a rising star in the Conservative Party. As Boris Johnson’s Minister of State for Equalities, Badenoch has pushed for the end of critical race theory (and other antiwhite racial pseudosciences) in schools, an end to “defund the police” rhetoric, and an end to “tranny acceptance.”

Naturally, England’s good leftist whites have been trying to get Badenoch kicked out of government, because sometimes you have to destroy a black to prove how much you love blacks.

Last week, dozens of leaked Badenoch WhatsApp messages were published by Vice, including one in which she dared to say that “African societies had been unequal before the arrival of the European powers,” Africans “never had any concept of rights” before European colonialism, and Africans who suffered under colonialism were “old elites not everyday people.”

How dare a woman of African descent think she can speak freely about Africa! The absolute gall!

Badenoch also wrote that trannies are nothing more than “men using women’s bathrooms.”

Screw England; send this woman to the U.S.!

Leftist Brits continue to try to silence Badenoch for the crime of thinking while black.

It’s an irony that the people who are pulling down the statues of Cecil Rhodes are the ones who most embody his spirit.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-159/

_The Week’s Most Twisted, Delisted, and Ham-Fisted Headlines_

*THE SOP-RINOS*
It’s hard to tell if _National Review_ film critic Armond White  is a rightist mirror image of a leftist movie reviewer who can’t  appreciate art except through the prism of his own ideology, or if he’s  an on-purpose parody of a leftist movie reviewer who can’t appreciate  art except through the prism of his own ideology.

 After all, this is a guy who claims that the only two good Coen brothers films are _Hudsucker Proxy_ and _Ladykillers_. Which means that if he’s not parody, he’s certainly mentally ill.
 Armond White is a two-word answer for why _National Review_ sucks. He represents the conservative pathology of attacking art while ignoring policy. If only _NR_’s  writers and editors hated open borders, dysgenic demographic  replacement, and endless neocon wars as much as they hate “depraved”  movies and TV shows.

 Last week, White reviewed the _Sopranos_ prequel _The Many Saints of Newark_.  And he made it clear that the real reason for America’s decline is not  unfettered immigration or globalism, but “culture destroying” content  like _The Sopranos_ and _The Wire_. His review of _Many Saints_  links the popularity of Tony Soprano to the rise of the Clintons, the  DNC, communism, and atheism. That he uses the term “sheeple”  unironically to describe _Sopranos_ fans merely underscores the question of whether this dude is having us on.


              He concludes his review by stating that “_Many Saints_ is a movie for RINOs.”
   This from a guy who works at RINO HQ.
 It may not be parody, but if it is, give this guy a Pulitzer for doing it so well.

*THE ANTIWHITE RINO (SADLY, NOT EXTINCT)*
Speaking of _actual_ “RINOs”…

  Those wacky Koch brothers are at it again! Well, make that one wacky  Koch brother (the one who’s still alive) and the foundations he and his  late sibling founded.
 The Kochs know what’s good for America: low taxes on billionaires,  and a Republican Party that understands that low taxes on billionaires  is the only thing to focus on. And as for those filthy lowlife white  working-class blue-collar voters who used to (and in theory still could)  comprise the GOP base? Here, take this tricorn hat and march back and  forth at a “tea party” event, Gomer. Occupy your small trade-school mind  with patriotic songs, and leave matters of policy to those who matter.

              The Kochs, well-known super-funders of GOP causes, the people who  financed that amazing “Boehner revolution” in 2010 that cured the  nation’s ills and forged a new era of American greatness (DISCLAIMER:  The preceding statement has not been fact-checked), have now waded in on  the “Critical Race Theory” controversy.

 And how do these “libertarian/conservative” industrialists, frackers, and air-polluters feel about CRT?
 They’re for it!
 Because you can’t have non-billionaire whites feeling like they have  any value. A blue-collar white with self-worth might actually balk at  supporting a party that doesn’t support him.
  Last week Evan Feinberg, executive director of the Koch-funded Stand  Together Foundation, announced that Koch money stands in alliance with  schools that teach the “white people are evil” ideology, because  brainwashing white kids into thinking they suck “helps drive social  progress.” While stressing that the Kochs don’t necessarily agree with  CRT, they’re against banning it from schools, because kids deserve  access to “new ideas.”


              No word on whether Mr. Feinberg is also in favor of public schools teaching the Nation of Islam’s “new ideas” regarding Jews.
 Money from the Koch network has also gone toward George Soros-style  “criminal justice reform,” because what’s the point of demoralizing  whites if you can’t then subject them to a torrent of violent crime?
 Now don that tricorn and _march_, whitey!
*TAKE A MEMO, MISS FEASANCE*
Hallelujah! The Germans have finally concluded the most important fugitive manhunt in human history.


They caught a 96-year-old former secretary who once took a memo about a concentration camp.

_Whew!_ The streets of Berlin and Munich are safe again to  walk. Well, if you don’t count the rapey Afghan immigrants and the  murdery African immigrants and the other assorted terrorists, molesters,  and miscreants undercover Stasi commissar Angela Merkel imported during  her reign.
 But hey, Deutschebags, at least you’re safe from 96-year-old women!
 Irmgard Furchner, whose name sounds like an Instagram influencer  expressing surprise at IKEA inventory (“errmahgard, furnicher!”), is  known as the “secretary of evil” because as a novice secretary at age 18  during World War II she took memos that were dictated by the commandant  of the Stutthof concentration camp. So she’s being prosecuted for  “crimes against humanity.”

 See, as a teenager she took dictation from a bad guy. That makes her the “secretary of evil.”

 Last week, Furchner tried to flee her arraignment, momentarily  forgetting that 96-year-olds can’t run, climb, evade, crouch, or do  anything stealthy. That’s why _The Fugitive_ starred Harrison Ford and not George Burns.
 After going “on the lam,” Furchner was quickly apprehended in the  Schleswig-Holstein city of Itzehoe (named after the reaction of the  town’s first black pimp upon seeing the local harlot).
 Because Furchner was 18 at the time of her “crime,” she’s being tried in _youth court_! So the nonagenarian will be arraigned alongside teen burglars, speeders, and potheads.
 To hell with _The Producers_; this is the best Nazi burlesque  ever. Too bad Hollywood’s club of professional comedy writers won’t see  the humor in it. Perhaps because it’s funnier than anything they  could’ve written.

*MANCHIN AND ÃBERMANCHIN*
Now that the entire Senate is essentially run by an atheist bisexual  from Arizona and a grumpy old man from the state that routinely leads  the nation in gunshot deaths of trespassers (West Virginia’s state motto  is “Git Off Mah Layand”), Democrats have had to come to terms with the  fact that even though the days of Zell Miller (who died in 2018 of  colic) and Gary Condit (whose political career was kamikaze’d by a  jogging Jew) are long over, they still have to deal with Kyrsten Sinema  and Joe Manchin.
 Last week, The Hill ran a piece  outlining the efforts of far-left Democrats (i.e., every Democrat but  Synema and Manchin) to eliminate the term “moderate” from any discussion  of the two reviled “mavericks,” in favor of more “accurate” descriptors  like “right-wing” and “fascist.”
 Oddly, none of the leftists interviewed by The Hill suggested “DINO,”  which is odd considering how wildly successful the use of RINO has been  in shaming and purging Con Inc. shills from the Republican Party  (DISCLAIMER: The preceding sentence may have been sarcastic).

 Still, it’s a bit mind-boggling that Democrats think they’ve turned  Arizona so blue that all AZ senators should be to the left of AOC.
 Give it time, amigos, give it time; you ain’t there yet. There’s  still just enough Goldwater in them veins to keep the state slightly  reddish. And with California leading the nation in mask and vaxx  mandates, there aren’t as many Californians moving to Arizona as in  years past (“Did you know that the Grand Canyon isn’t masked up? No way  I’m moving anywhere _near_ that cavernous death trap”).
 And Manchin? Good God, has the party forgotten that this guy won an election in 2010 by shooting a friggin’ _rifle_ at Obama’s cap-and-trade bill? Like, literally, he _shot_ the _bill_ with a _rifle_,  while swearing to defeat any parts of Obamacare that funded abortion  (because in WV, if pregnancies are gonna be terminated, it’ll be by  groundwater toxins, hang darnit).

 Yet for some reason today’s Democrats are stunned that the guy who  Charles Whitman’d Obama’s prize legislation is not 100% on board with  their agenda.
 That’s the problem when you turn your party over to millennials like  AOC (who has no awareness of a world before Skrillex) and Rashida Tlaib  (who’s never read a book that doesn’t have “the Protocols of” in the  title).
*OLD YELLEN*
Speaking of Democrat hypocrisy, it seems odd that Democrats rail against  “wealth disparity” and rampant “poverty, hunger, and income inequality”  while simultaneously suggesting that anyone with $600 in the bank is  “wealthy.”
 If $600 is the dividing line between rich and poor, then there’s  literally no poverty in the U.S. Even the schizo bum sitting in his own  filth outside the 7-Eleven is a rich man merely by virtue of his latest  Covid stimulus check.

 Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen, a Polish-American Jewish New Yorker  who almost certainly would’ve been considered too extreme by the  Spartakusbund, is currently making the rounds on Capitol Hill pushing  Joe Biden’s plan to catch “wealthy tax cheats” by giving the IRS a  mandate to monitor every bank account in the U.S. that sees at least  $600 in transactions per year.
 Yep, all those Rockefellers who have six hundred whole dollars in the bank. _Someone’s_ gotta clamp down on those sixhundredaires.

 Biden and Yellen’s drive to squeeze Americans who can afford an  entire new couch is being assisted by Office of the Comptroller of the  Currency nominee Professor Saule Omarova,  an actual Russian communist (as in, literally. As in “I’m a communist  from Russia”). Omarova wants to “end banking as we know it,” giving the  federal government complete control over the saved money of every  American citizen.
 To be fair, it’s probably the only way to stop those hundredaires  from disproportionately wielding their influence over the economy.
 Republicans have promised to block Omarova’s appointment and the $600 monitoring scheme, but that was before _The Many Saints of Newark_ premiered, and _National Review_ reminded the right that _evil movies_ are the _real_  threat to the nation, and since most movies cost more than $600 to  produce, bankrupting Americans with that amount saved up is the best way  to prevent such culture-destroying films from being made.
 And a new era of bipartisanship is forged!

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-160/

Takimag

October 17, 2021

The Week’s Most Muttering, Fluttering, and Stuttering Headlines

*FOLLY OF THE DOLLS*

The culture wars giveth, the culture wars taketh away…doll penises.

In 1978, TV producer Norman Lear decided to dangle some “outrage bait” to get people talking about his aging sitcom All in the Family. So he partnered with Ideal Toys to create a 14-inch doll of Archie Bunker’s infant grandson Joey…complete with a big ol’ wiggly pee-pee. It was the first “anatomically correct” doll ever manufactured by a major U.S. toy company.

Lear got the outrage he sought. “How dare you stick a dirlywanger on a doll!” the blue-hairs shouted.

Back then, the prudes were older conservative Christian folk. Forty-three years later, the baton has passed, and now our modern-day morality police—LGBTQetceteras—are demanding that the plastic peckers must go! There can be no distinctly male or female toys.

And as always, California Democrats are leading the way! Chairman of the Lavrentiy Beria fan club Gavin Newsom, who moonlights as governor of California, just signed a law mandating that retailers must have only “gender neutral” toy sections, with no toys that are specifically male or female. So from now on, dolls will be next to fire trucks and Easy-Bake Ovens will be next to G.I. Joes.

What a joy that’ll be for parents shopping for Christmas gifts this year!

“Where can I find the Rainbow Brites?”

“Right next to the erector sets. Where else would they be?”

Weird how during the recall election, Newsom failed to mention that he’d be signing this law.

Lego has also announced the end of gender-specific toys. As with the California law, this is being done to appease men in dresses. Amazing that trannies call themselves “marginalized” when the entire world seems to revolve around them these days.

The good news for parents is that none of it’s going to matter this year anyway, as the supply chain gridlock will keep the shelves empty of all toys, penises or no.

*ELECTION HAS KOREANS SITTING ON PINS AND NEEDLES*

Korean politics can be a real pain in the ass.

The people of South Korea are obsessed with a presidential candidate’s rumored booty call. As in, he called a guy to stick needles up his booty.

South Korea has a presidential election coming up, and Yoon Seok-youl is the front-runner. He has the Chinese character “wang”—which translates to “king”—tattooed on the palm of his hand. In Korean culture, this is associated with superstition: Korean soothsayers believe that inscribing the character on the palm of the hand will bring good luck (Yoon’s wife is a fortune-teller).

Amazingly, Yoon’s wang-hand is the least odd thing about the guy. He also likes getting needles stuck up his butt.

In a televised debate last week, Yoon’s main opponent attacked him for being a friend and patient of “unlicensed anal acupuncturist” Lee Byeong-hwan (so South Korea has licensed anal acupuncturists?). Lee believes that sticking needles up the byeonghole can cure disease and ward off evil spirits (his degree is from the West Hollywood Medical School and Bathhouse). Anal acupuncture is dismissed by most Koreans as pseudoscience (these are the Koreans broadly known as “sane”), so Yoon’s opponents are using his “go sit on a tack” treatments as proof of mental instability.

Yoon is with the conservative People’s Power Party (it used to be the Up with People Party until Koreans saw a videotape of that group’s Super Bowl halftime performance in 1986). It’s unlikely there’ll be any fabricated Steele-dossier-type smears against the guy; once you’ve admitted to getting pleasure from having your sphincter used as a pin cushion, what possible calumny could top that?

While Koreans seem rather embarrassed by the fact that anal acupuncture has become a defining issue in their presidential contest, the upside is that this might be just the distraction that gets Western comedians to forget about the dog-eating.

*BREAKING WIND POWER*

Greta Thunberg sure does love low-hanging fruit. The Tin Drum growth-stunted climate dwarf always relishes the opportunity to slap an inhaler out of an asthmatic’s hand because it contributes to “climate change” (“how dare you!”), or attack the garment industry because textile manufacturing contributes to “climate change” (“how wear you!”), or lecture people about using too much shampoo because that contributes to “climate change” (“how hair you!”).

But she’s been MIA as the world’s been hit with a massive energy crisis, brought on in no small part by countries turning away from cheap, reliable sources of energy in favor of expensive, unreliable “green” alternatives. Seems that climate activists never took into account the unintended consequences of crippling the traditional energy sector (“how unaware you!”). And now Europe and a host of nations worldwide are struggling to keep the lights on.

As reported in The Washington Post, “Energy analysts argue that Europe moved too quickly away from fossil-fueled power, before ensuring that sufficient renewable sources could take up the slack in an emergency.” As an example, the Post cites “a protracted calm spell over the North Sea that’s sharply curtailed the output of electricity-generating wind turbines” (“how lack-of-air you!”). On the other end of that spectrum, in the U.S. turbulent oceans and hurricanes have taken out vast swaths of “green” energy facilities (“how mal-de-mer you!”).

As energy costs rise and ordinary people (or as climate activists call them, “useless eaters”) see their energy bills skyrocket, the green whorenets are doubling down; climate “think tanker” Jacob Kirkegaard told CNBC last week, “You can’t stop financing windmills for people’s bills.”

Yes, let the commoners go broke or freeze to death; we don’t give a damn (“how devil-may-care you!”).

The punchline to the extended joke we call “green energy” is that the energy shortage caused by shortsighted children in the name of reducing carbon emissions is going to produce record carbon emissions as nervous political leaders scramble to ramp up fossil fuel production so that voters have lights and heat for the coming winter.

Sadly, nobody’s taking little Greta up on her suggestion that rather than relying on home heating, people should just wear heavier sweaters.

How mohair you.

*THE LOCH NESS MOMSTER*

Remember those dark, ignorant, superstitious days when people believed in…women? What an embarrassing time for the human race.

“Women”? Why not also believe in Yeti and Bigfoot?

Fortunately, the same doctors who took pharma money to get half the country addicted to opioids, who call natural immunity a myth, and who want to put Covid masks on babies, are on the scene to disabuse us of our irrational claim that women exist.

In the U.K., home of the world-record holder for a doctor who erased women (balmy Dr. Shipman, who erased 250 ladies via hot doses of diamorphine), the medical establishment has decided to end cervical cancer testing outreaches to women. According to Scottish public health minister Maree Todd, anyone can get cervical cancer, so telling “women” to get smear tests means indulging in the ridiculous superstition that “women” exist and have distinct biological features.

Sure, certain fascists within the Scottish government provided evidence that women have died from lack of smear test access, but that’s just irrational bunkum. “Women” can’t die if “women” don’t exist.

And over in England, Labour MP Rosie Duffield has been accused of hate crimes for claiming that only women have a cervix.

Sure, schizo. And UFOs kidnapped Jimmy Hoffa.

And it’s not just the U.K. The “prestigious” Mayo Clinic recently changed its web page on cervical cancer to eliminate any mention of the word “women.” Compare the current page with the archived version. “A woman’s immune system” is replaced by “The body’s immune system.” “Most women with the virus never develop cervical cancer” became “Most people with the virus never develop cancer.” “Most medical organizations suggest women begin routine Pap tests at age 21” transitioned to “Most medical organizations suggest beginning routine Pap tests at age 21.” And “HPV vaccination is available for girls and women ages 9 to 26” was removed entirely.

Hooray for 21st-century doctors! Without them, we’d all be believing in chupacabras, mothmen, and dames.

*DELICATE BUT DANGEROUS*

And if you’re wondering why so many “respectable” doctors are going along with this tranny nonsense, here’s why: As reported in The Sunday Times, a professor at the University of Sussex has been told by police to hire bodyguards and install CCTV outside her home following threats by the “oh-so-fragile” transgender community.

Kathleen Stock, an actual woman, doesn’t believe that people can change their biological sex via sheer willpower.

The nerve!

As a result, trannies—who are supposedly so frail that a single joke can break them—have been posting death threats online and harassing the professor in person. She’s been advised by police to only teach remotely, and cops have given her a special hotline to call if she’s under assault.

Wow, those trannies sure are shrinking violets! They’re like Southern belles who get the vapors…except the vapor is sarin gas.

The Times interviewed several University of Sussex students, who uniformly called for Stock’s firing. The repeated reason? Her comments “put transgenders at risk of violence.”

The very people threatening violence are claiming that they’re the ones at risk of violence. Yet while the violent threats against Professor Stock have been documented, not a single tranny has shown proof that they’ve been “threatened” because of her words.

The tranny cries out in pain as zhe strikes you.

Also, the tranny man claims to be a woman at risk of violence while putting an actual woman at risk of violence from an actual man.

Apparently U. Sussex specializes in teaching irony.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-161/

Takimag 

October 24, 2021

The Week’s Most Arched, Starched, and Parched Headlines

*THE GREAT NETFLIX PRANCE-OUT*

When BLM sacked L.A. last year, the “peaceful protesters” focused on the wealthy Westside. It made sense; upscale territory filled with treasure.

Sadly for the transgenders who held a protest outside Netflix headquarters last week (because the streaming giant had allowed a black man to tell a joke), their staging area wasn’t exactly in the best part of town. Netflix HQ is in a part of Hollywood crawling with schizos, junkies, and criminals who look for any excuse to demand “reparations” from frightened passersby.

The denizens of those streets aren’t likely to call a man in a wig “ma’am.” Indeed, they’re rather likely to be irked by the request.

“Gimme your money, man!”

“That’s MA’AM! Call me MA’AM!”

(gunshot)

That might be the reason the vaunted “Great Tranny Walkout” fizzled. Initially, organizers predicted an army of shamblin’ shemales. “More than 1,000 Netflix employees are set to walk out of their jobs,” the media declared.

But being transgender is all about overstatement.

“I look sexy in this wig!”

“I look feminine in this dress!”

“I don’t look freakish…not even remotely.”

“1,000 Netflix employees will join us in a crappy part of town to march for the silencing of a black comedian.”

News outlets were cagey about the turnout. The New York Times would only commit to “dozens,” while other organs opted for “the exact turnout is unclear.”

Yes, unclear if one is cognitively unable to conduct a headcount of thirty people. Otherwise, there was no unclarity.

But tranny activism has never been about numbers; indeed, the joy has always come from getting the majority to bend to the tiniest possible minority.

So to hell with numbers! The walkout was a great success!

And the marchers looked fabulous in those wigs and dresses.

*“PREVENT” ONCE AGAIN FAILS TO*

Remember the tale of Danyal Hussein, the Iraqi-Kurdish immigrant in Britain who’d been identified by Scotland Yard as a Muslim extremist with a propensity for murderousness? And how, rather than doing the—what’s the word?—intelligent thing and sending his Muhammadan ass back to Iraq, the government enrolled him in what’s known as the “Prevent Programme”?

“Prevent” is an “interactive learning experience” designed to “cure” Muslim lunatics of their lunaticary. Through the use of hand puppets and flash cards, Prevent can take the most hardened jihadist and turn him into the kind of lovable Muzzie you can take home to mum.

In theory.

In reality, Prevent is a laundromat for leopards, and damned if those spots never wash off.

After graduating from Prevent, Hussein brutally murdered two British girls.

And now, Prevent has “triumphed” again. The Somali immigrant who savagely assassinated Conservative MP David Amess last week was also a Prevent graduate.

When asked if this latest failure will lead to England deporting suspected terrorists instead of trying to “cure” them, a government spokesman replied, “Bloody ’ell no, ’cuz we’s morons we is we is.”

Maybe there’s a compromise here: Just ask Muslim immigrants if they believe that there are only two genders and only women can get pregnant.

Any who answer “yes” will, by British law, have to be deported as “hate criminals.”

Muslim problem solved!

*ALL HALLOWS’ PEEVE*

You’re a woke “diversity” activist, and Halloween’s just a week away. But you look around and, to your dismay, your previous years of bullying and threatening have worked a little too well. White folks have become so petrified of wearing “racist” costumes, they’re not giving you any new material for outrage. No blackface, no taco costumes, sombreros, Indian headdresses, kimonos, ponchos, serapes, grass skirts, rastacaps, or, as NPR oddly phrased it, “sinister Arab mustaches” (aren’t they known for beards?). In many communities, costume parties have been banned, lest a random whitey wear a getup that might be called racist by a jobless millennial blogger employing his degree in “The Genocidal History of Wacky Hats.”

You’ve banished costumes, yet you feel strangely empty inside. How can you possibly have fun this Halloween if there are no white people to harass?

And then it hits you: You might’ve hectored whites into submission over Halloween costumes, but you can still attack them over Halloween words!

“Spook” is simply the Dutch word for ghost, as should be obvious by the double-o’s (after all, this is a “language” in which the word for tree is “boom.” How can you possibly take such a tongue seriously?).

So “spook” is just a harmless little word from a language nobody speaks. But to diversity inquisitors, it’s the most racist, KKK, rootin’-tootin’ strange-fruitin’ word in the world.

Last week the National Theater of Scotland was pressured into abandoning the use of “spooky” in its Halloween-themed productions, because “during the Second World War US military officers used ‘spook’ as a derogatory term to describe black pilots.”

And that affects Scotland…how?

A National Theatre spokesdumbass told the Sunday Mail that “NTS is committed to fighting racism so need to be extra careful in the language it uses. It’s always been a really white organisation but it’s trying to change that and become more diverse. There might not be many people who know that ‘spooky’ can also be used as racist but, even if it’s one person who’s offended, it’s one person too many.”

The Scottish are infamous for being stingy, but when it comes to kowtowing to those who refuse to understand word meanings, they’re anything but niggardly.

*INVISIBLE VICTIM, IMAGINARY ATTACKER*

The University of Maine’s “Campus Eyes” website is a tool through which students can report acts of racism, sexism, and other activities that on today’s campuses are seen as greater offenses than murder.

Last month, someone used Campus Eyes to anonymously report a homophobic hate crime on the school’s main mall:

A tall white guy with short brown hair grabbed my friend from behind and choked her and called her a dyke for wearing a pride shirt. My friend was alone at the time when the crime happened.

Students rallied for justice. Administrators assured the panicked pupils that cops were on the case.

And the community held its breath waiting for “tall Nazi with short brown hair” to be caught.

There was only one small problem: No student ever came forward claiming the assault happened. There was no victim.

Okay, two small problems: The report claimed that the assault occurred at 5:48 p.m. at the University Mall…an area packed with people at that time of day. And nobody saw nuthin’.

Make that three small problems: The mall is blanketed by security cameras, and police reviewed every second of footage. No assault.

No victim, no perp, no witnesses, no video.

As Maine is the Stephen King State (official motto: Mediocritas, Quantitas, Repetitio), the most viable spooky answer is, an invisible Nazi attacked an invisible lesbian.

At least that’s what the university thinks. Last week police closed the case on account of zero evidence that anything occurred. But the school wasn’t having it. A “diversity and inclusion” administrator told the campus newspaper that not only is the imaginary crime real, but all of us are to blame for it: “The reality is, acts like this happen because we as a community allow them to.”

Yes, we are far too lenient with invisible men.

Administrators warned LGBT students not to walk alone across the mall.

A case of overreaction? Or a legitimate response to the dreadful epidemic of invisible-on-invisible crime?

*ROYAL DOLT’UNS*

They call themselves the “tie-dye bankers.” Jay Lipman and Johny Mair founded the $1.3 billion “hippie” investment firm Ethic, which specializes in “socially conscious,” “green” investing to “save the planet.”

Their publicity photo depicts them in old sneakers, skinny jeans, tie-dyed shirts, scraggly beards, and scruffy hair, embracing each other while smiling for the camera.

As subjective as matters of intelligence can be, sometimes there truly is a pronounced dividing line between smart and “stone stupid.” And that photo is that line. It’s a Rorschach test. If you see two calculating con artists, you’re smart. If you see two benevolent hippies, you’re Rain Man.

Indeed, “green” Ethic has millions of dollars tied up in fossil fuels, fracking, big pharma, and companies like EOG Resources (formerly Enron) and Halliburton.

This is public knowledge. So what kind of low-IQ/high-bank-account cretins could possibly be gullible enough to fall for Ethic’s con?

Meet Rain Man and Woman: Harry and Meghan! Yes, the royal twits have partnered with Ethic to advance their environmentalist agenda, because apparently neither of them can read. Or cogitate.

That they can breathe is a medical miracle.

Meghan, the bimbo actress who hit the jackpot only to declare that jackpots are racist, has dismissed concerns that she and her whipped prince are investing against their own stated objectives, telling the press that her family never had “the luxury to invest” when she was young. That Markle attended a $16,000-a-year private high school doesn’t get in the way of her poverty lament. Indeed, she recently moaned to desiccated cadaver Nancy Pelosi that as a child, her family could “only afford” to eat at Sizzler every night.

Eating out every night? Bob Geldof raised money for the wrong kids. Young Meg was the true face of famine.

And now the spoiled brat who thinks eating at restaurants equals starvation, attending fancy private schools equals poverty, and marrying a royal equals oppression has bullied her wealthy inbred husband into investing in a firm where fracking, drilling, and pharma equals “green.”

As two faux hippies bang their solid-gold Indian drums and have a good laugh about how there’s one born every minute…sometimes into money.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-162/

Takimag 

October 31, 2021

The Week’s Most Fleeting, Cheating, and Trick-or-Treating Headlines

*GAY BASH GAY BASHED*

Blacks and gays come across as two Southern gentlemen slapping each other in the face with dueling gloves for all eternity.

Even after last week’s failed “tranny walkout,” LGBTBLTs are continuing to pressure Netflix to renounce and remove Dave Chappelle’s stand-up special because of the comedian’s “transphobic” jokes (not sure why it’s a “phobia” to say men aren’t women; sound more like a “fact”).

Even though the manwomen at Netflix have so far failed to get Chappelle’s special removed from the streaming service, high-profile gays like George “I miss the communal bathrooms in Tule Lake” Takei and poet Saeed Jones (author of “Ode to a Grecian Glory Hole”) are working hard to promote boycotts of Netflix because you have offended mah honor, sah (slap)!

Gays slap blacks!

At the same time, however, blacks have successfully torpedoed the Boston Pride Parade, one of the oldest gay-pride events in the country. What was supposed to be Boston Pride’s 50th anniversary has turned into Boston Pride’s epitaph. Not only has the parade been called off, but last week the entire Boston Pride organization disbanded—willingly, of its own accord—because black protesters “convinced” the leadership that Boston Pride was too white, too LGB but not enough T, too bourgeois, and too welcoming of gays who don’t think police should be defunded.

The tolerance parade was too tolerant so in the name of tolerance the tolerant leaders declared the parade intolerant in order to create more tolerance.

Figure that one out!

In the end, the Boston Pride leaders simply grew tired of BLM protesters blockading the parade route, as has happened every time over the past six years, so they surrendered. No more parade, ever.

Blacks slap gays!

It’s like watching the Three Stooges if Curly were a ghetto thug and Moe was transitioning to Monique.

*IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, SURLY BROWNS*

And on the topic of canceled parades, blacks followed up their victory over the Beantown buggerers by quashing some squash.

Benjamin Franklin Day Elementary School in Seattle always took pride in its annual Halloween Pumpkin Parade. Children marching with pumpkins while parents take photos and think “What a magic moment” as the kids wonder when they’ll get to the part where they eat candy.

Alas, the parade has now been ended for good, because school admins decided that the event was racist. The exact quote from school officials: “The parade marginalizes students of color who do not celebrate the holiday.”

Admins claimed that “students of color,” “specifically African-American males,” “have requested to be isolated on campus while the event took place.”

The administrators seem to be saying that black boys are skeered o’ pumpkins. “We can’t let black males see pumpkins because they faint from shock.”

Yeah, that’s way more racist than a parade. And unfounded, too; the school offered no evidence that a single black male student skedaddled Stepin Fetchit-style upon viewing a jack-o’-lantern.

This is yet another example of the inversion of 1980s dynamics. During the period of the born-agains and televangelists, it was the evangelicals who protested Halloween events. And school administrators resisted, because Halloween is fun for kids, and always has been.

But now, woke leftists cancel Halloween events in the name of blacks who are likely not complaining in the first place.

Especially not when free candy is involved.

If this catches on, pumpkins might join the ranks of nooses and Confederate flags as things that warrant a hate-crime charge if displayed publicly.

Poor Linus…formerly mocked for his misplaced faith, now prosecuted as a genocidal KKK insurrectionist.

*SOROS, YOU MAGNIFICENT (MILE) BASTARD*

Certain things in life defy rational explanation. UFOs, paranormal sightings, and of course Dane Cook’s former popularity.

But the most fascinating unexplained mystery of the moment is the Great Shoplifting Epidemic. Why are once-glorious shopping districts now plagued by rampant robberies, to the extent that stores are choosing to shutter due to massive stock losses?

As an example, there’s Chicago’s Magnificent Mile. Once known as “the crown jewel of American retail,” the Magnificent Mile is now the “Maaaaaan-ificent Mile,” beset by smash-and-grab shoplifting attacks and muggings of shoppers. What used to be a draw for tourists is now an ugly pastiche of vacant, boarded-up storefronts and for-sale signs. Anchor stores like Macy’s and Disney have fled, the latter realizing that “diversity” might be fine in movies, but when it comes to neighborhoods, “hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to the suburbs we go.”

Last week the Chicago PD, or what’s left of it after defunding, issued a warning to stay away from the Magnificent Mile due to the roving bands of extras from Death Wish.

When asked by CBS Chicago if the fleeing businesses are ever likely to return, Robb Karr of the Illinois Retail Merchant’s Association did his best impression of the falconer from The Simpsons.

According to CBS, with the fancy shoppes on the (formerly) Magnificent Mile emptied and shuttered, the thugs are now targeting 7-Elevens (Slim Jims: the consolation prize for looters who missed out on the good stuff).

Of course, the mystery remains: What’s causing this shoplifting epidemic? CBS is outta answers. Could it be Soros-funded DAs who refuse to prosecute property crimes, combined with politicians who defund cops?

Naw! That’s pure superstition. It’s likely alien pod-people or demon possession. Because the most convoluted explanation is usually the best one. That’s George Soros’ “Fock’em’s Razor.” And it’s Chicago canon.

*THE BRUTHAS GIB*

Nobody likes being in Chicago, but let’s hold our noses and stay for one more story. The city’s mayor, sentient Halloween prop Lori Lightfoot, has proposed a monthly “guaranteed universal basic income” program for the city’s poor. Under her scheme, the huddled masses yearning to thieve free will receive $500 a month, which, coupled with all those Slim Jims, ain’t too bad a deal.

Now, you’d think the Chicago City Council’s powerful Black Caucus would be jumping the broom for joy over the proposal.

But no. Funny enough, while the Council’s whites and Jews are totally on board, the Black Caucus is the primary force opposing the free-cash giveaway.

What gives? Did the Black Caucus members get hit on the head by a crate of Thomas Sowell books? Are they being blackmailed by Candace Owens for that one night of “indiscretion” in Burnham Park?

Nope. The council’s blacks are opposing the “universal basic income” scheme because it’s…universal. It’s income-based, not race-based. And the caucus members don’t want none of that free green going to no beaners.

Jason Ervin, chairman of the Black Caucus, told a local black newspaper that “until the city makes a deal on reparations for the descendants of enslaved people, there’s no way in hell we can support direct payments to anybody else.”

So git yo Salvadoran ass back to Salvadoria, Pedro. Illinois might’ve never been part of the Confederacy, it might’ve never been a slave state, but damned if Illinois taxpayers are gonna pay for the income of some lettuce picker before they pay for the descendants of people who were enslaved in states that are pretty damn far from Illinois.

And besides, what’s $500 a month anyway? Most of the Black Caucus members’ constituents make double that from stolen Slim Jims, Slurpees, and “take a penny” trays.

*HBCU? More Like HBPEE-YEW!*

Black Americans never seem to catch a break. They finally find a safe space from whitey, only to be persecuted by blighty.

Howard University is what’s known as an HBCU (Historically Black College and University…although considering the role of HBCUs in procuring victims for a certain celebrity rapist, it could also stand for Helping Bill Cosby Unload).

Intended as a haven for black scholars, Howard has, sadly, become a haven for something much worse: mold, mice, cockroaches, bedbugs, and other vermin.

It’s Howard U’s “Good Times Experience”—all the fun of living in a 1970s sitcom dilapidated housing project.

Dyn-o-mites!

To protest the unlivable conditions in student dorms, 150 Howard attendees have taken over the Blackburn Student Center, occupying the building as their new sleeping quarters.

Jeez, one wonders why these black students saw property appropriation as their best recourse. Where could they have possibly absorbed such a message?

But surely the school admins will admire this act of civil disobedience, right? Surely they’ll cheer the aggrieved youngsters for “taking up space” and “being heard,” because their lives matter!

Nope! The administration has shut off water, air, and Wi-Fi to the occupied building, and last week the university’s president released a statement ordering the young freedom fighters out…or else!

There may be areas where we agree to disagree. That’s the nature of a vibrant community. However, there is a distinct difference between peaceful protest and freedom of expression and the occupation of a University building that impedes operations and access to essential services and creates health and safety risks.

Oh, you don’t say! Too bad that message never reached BLM rioters last year.

“Agree to disagree”? To the current generation of young blacks, compromise equals genocide.

For anyone who had to endure BLM mayhem in 2020, the situation at Howard offers schadenfreude at its most justified.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-163/

_The Week’s Most Abjectioning, Electioning, and Insurrectioning Headlines_
*CUNNING STUNTS*
Last week’s election  provided many fine opportunities for schadenfreude. Ibram X. Kendi  might have to change his name again because his brand couldn’t be more  tarnished at the moment (suggestion: “Nipsey Hussle” recently came back  on the market). The Democrats’ entire defense against parental anger  over CRT is that CRT doesn’t exist. So don’t expect Dems to be openly  pushing the work of CRT mavens again anytime soon.
   And let’s see if leftist NBC rebooks Robin DiAngelo on _The Tonight Show_, as it did last year, so that Kúru poster boy Jimmy Fallon can once again giggle like a schoolgirl about how white people suck.
 CRT pushers have to be pushed to the back of the short bus, as Democrats try to pretend they never existed in the first place.
 But perhaps the biggest loser on Nov. 2 was the Pedophiles Anonymous  support group known as the Lincoln Project. The weekend before the  election, these rocket scientists staged a hoax in which their operatives dressed as tiki-torch-carrying “white nationalists” stumping for Glenn Youngkin.

              Unfortunately, the Lincoln logheads are no James Bond (they’re not  even Gold Bond, unworthy of being spread on an ass wart), and within  hours of the escapade, online sleuths identified the “Nazis” as Democrat  activists. By the end of the day, the leaders of the Colonel Klincoln  Project were forced to admit that they’d staged the hoax.
   Which the media promptly refused to label a hoax. The _WaPo_ would only call  it a “stunt,” a term that doesn’t suggest intent to mislead. To put  this in perspective, in 2019, when President Trump tweeted a CGI meme of Joe Biden fondling another Joe Biden, the _WaPo_  called the footage “doctored” (a term that specifically means “intent  to mislead”), as if anyone was supposed to think that there are two Joe  Bidens and they make out with each other.
 But the Lincoln hoax? A mere “stunt.” And this from the media gurus  who claim that the First Amendment must be scuttled to prevent  “disinformation.”
 At least the “stunt” backfired, as the incompetent Lincoln Project managed to John Wilkes Booth itself. And Terry McAuliffe.
*IT AIN’T RAPE IF YA KNOW ’ER!*
In 2009, fossilized fright-mask Whoopi Goldberg coined the term “rape-rape” to refer to any sexual assault not committed by her friend Roman Polanski.
 Whoopi would soon expand her glossary to include sexual assault by a  vintner (“grape-rape”), a gibbon (“ape-rape”), a gorilla (“great  ape-rape”), Batman (“cape-rape”), Alan Rickman (“Severus Snape-rape”),  and someone with an outdated browser (“Netscape-rape”).

              But now there’s a new queen of rape euphemisms: _The New York Times_’ Michelle Goldberg (no relation; unlike Whoopi, _this_ Goldberg is an actual _oy veyer_).
 Michelle Goldberg took a hard look at that supposed high school  “rape” case from Loudoun, Va., in which a boy in a skirt sexually  assaulted a girl in the women’s bathroom. And she determined that even  though the girl was pinned to the floor and violently penetrated without  her consent while kicking and screaming, it was _not_ “rape.” Not even “rape-rape.” No, it was “relationship violence.”  Goldberg explained that because the girl and her attacker had  previously had two consensual encounters, it can’t possibly be rape if  he forced himself on her the third time.
 Don’t young girls know that once you let a boy do it with you once, he has the right to demand it anytime he wants?
 Yes, the days of yelling “date rape” are over. If the girl knows the  guy, and if she consented to even a peck on the cheek, it can’t be rape.  And if the boy wears a skirt, it’s a transphobic hate crime to yell  “rape” when he forcibly penetrates you.
  Goldberg accused conservatives of being responsible for the fact that  the boy was sent to another school to rape again, because  “conservatives, of course, have traditionally opposed policies that  would keep accused offenders out of school.” Except she linked to a  speech by former Education Secretary Betsy DeVos about the lack of due  process when college kids are _accused_ of sexual misconduct via _student complaint_. The Loudoun skirtboy was actually _arrested_ and _charged_ before his transfer.

              Considering how Goldberg mangled the story, it’s tempting to say  that, like some sort of vile demon, she raped the young victim all over  again.
 Call it Screwtape-rape.
*MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY FAIL*
Mimesis is the idea that art should imitate life. Lesser-known is the  concept of “reverse mimesis,” which is when life imitates art.


Terry Gilliam is lost in a nightmare of reverse mimesis. The  80-year-old former Python has had a spotty career as a director, making  several great films (_Holy Grail_, _Time Bandits_), two popular films (_Fisher King_, _12 Monkeys_), a bunch of duds (everything else), and one true classic: 1985’s _Brazil_.
_Brazil_ is the story of a dystopian future in which an  oppressive surveillance state has hijacked language (the government  branch responsible for torturing dissidents is referred to as  “Information Retrieval”) and branded private citizens “terrorists” for  minor transgressions like performing home repairs without a license.
_Brazil_ was a critical hit, and Gilliam never again reached such heights.
 Or did he?
 Welcome to _Brazil II: Terry Gilliam’s Life_.
 Gilliam’s upcoming production of the musical _Into the Woods_ has been canceled  by London’s Old Vic because staff members were upset with the director  for tweeting in support of Dave Chappelle’s right to tell jokes. Which  apparently makes Gilliam a terrorist or something along those lines.  Also, last year Gilliam expressed fears that #MeToo had become a  “witch-hunt,” adding that he was “tired of white men being blamed for  everything wrong with the world.”
 So to prove that Gilliam’s wrong about witch hunts and white men  being society’s scapegoats, the forces of tolerance have witch-hunted  and scapegoated him.
 One of the mottos of the Orwellian government in _Brazil_ is “Don’t suspect a friend, report him.”
 Exactly! On social media or in the workplace, racists, transphobes, and misogynists must be reported!
 Gilliam was never able to produce a sequel to _Brazil_. Fortunately, life has done it for him…and this time, he gets to play the lead.
*IN BIDEN WE ANTITRUST*
The administration of the semiconscious extra from a Depends commercial  in the White House has discovered a most fascinating fact: Concentrating  the dissemination of ideas and information in too few hands is bad!
 Merrick Garland, the cowardly sack of flop sweat whose attempts to  tar parents as “domestic terrorists” helped the Democrats lose big last  week, has realized that much like the spice in _Dune_, “ideas must flow!”
 Surely he’s referring to Amazon’s book censorship. Or maybe how  Twitter banned discussion of the Hunter Biden laptop story mere weeks  before a presidential election.
 Nope! Doody Garland is pissed that Penguin/Random House is trying to  buy Simon & Schuster. The cagey AG is concerned that should German  media giant Bertelsmann purchase S&S, it might reduce the outlandish  fees paid to S&S authors like Hillary Clinton, Stephen King, and  other leftists who churn out books that people buy to put on a shelf for  show.
 Garland told the AP  that the merger would mean “lower advances for authors.” A nightmare  scenario indeed! Imagine an America in which Hillary Clinton can’t  command a $14 million advance for her newest recycled self-pitying  tripe, and Stephen King can’t get $10 million for his 50th book about a  kid with psychic powers.
 Is that an America in which anyone would want to live?
 Garland has filed suit to stop the merger.
 Say what you will about the guy, but he really has his finger on the pulse of what matters to the average American.
 Better than having his finger on the pulse of the president, which can be tedious as it barely throbs once an hour.
*PRATTLE SLAVERY*
NFL washout Colin Kaepernick has dedicated his life to two things: bringing back the Gabe Kaplan _Welcome Back, Kotter_ Afro, and becoming the most well-known athlete in the world who doesn’t do athletics.
 And now this talentless knee-jerk has a Netflix series for some reason (hey, new content is a necessity; there are only so many Korean rehashes of _Battle Royale_). The series, which was going to be called _Kaepernick’s Krazy Kapers_  until someone noticed the initials, claims that the NFL is modern-day  slavery against black people, because what was slavery if not paying  black men $40 million a year to chase a ball in the mud?
 Turns out Kaepernick is as bad at being a TV producer as he is at  football. Redefining “heavy-handed,” his series portrays NFL players as  buck-naked slaves being whipped and beaten by grinning white team owners  (the brutal scenes of violence were actually based on CCTV footage of  NFL players beating the crap out of their girlfriends).
 At no point in the series does Nappy-nick answer the question that  will most likely come to the mind of anyone who watches his TV  equivalent of bull excrement: If the NFL is so bad, why did he literally  beg the owners to draft him? And why has he bitched for years about the  fact that they didn’t?
 In Colin Kaepernick’s version of _12 Years a Slave_, the protagonist complains that it was _only_ 12 years. “Man, I wanted _20_. What a gyp!”
 The Kaepernick series is drawing ridicule from viewers. This lack of  critical success has led Netflix to promise that next season it will be  merged with _Squid Game_, and Kaepernick will square off against a  giant robot doll that will blow him to smithereens the moment he utters  anything self-pitying.
 The show will last thirty seconds.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-164/

_The Week’s Most Classified, Sassified, and Gassified Headlines_
*JUMPIN’ JOE FLASH, IT’S A GAS GAS GAS!*
Last week’s 2021 U.N. Climate Change Conference was held in Glasgow, but  President Biden made it Gasgow. According to British papers, Joe blew  ’em away, letting out what Camilla Parker Bowles described as a fart  that “was long and loud and impossible to ignore” while speaking with  members of the royal family and Prime Minister Johnson.
 According to the _Mail_ on Sunday, Biden’s _baroom_  was so disruptive, “Camilla hasn’t stopped talking about it” since. And  Johnson reportedly remarked to aides, “Maybe we should’ve held the damn  conference in Tooting.”
 The _Mail_ claims that Biden’s blowout made Ms. Bowles blush,  perhaps the most geopolitically significant example of an “attack of the  vapors” in history.
 The jokes about this are too easy: The president letting one rip at a  conference convened to reduce noxious emissions, curb natural gas, cut  methane, and increase the use of wind. In fact, it’s because the jokes  are so easy that perhaps the real story is that the incident was ignored  by _Saturday Night Live_, which aired a show just days after Biden’s Bhopal.

              Keep in mind that fart sketches are an _SNL_ specialty. In 2009 Seth Meyers penned one in which Grace Kelly (played by January Jones) can’t stop farting while filming _Rear Window_.  That was the sole joke; she keeps breaking wind. Worse, it was a  near-plagiarism of a much funnier 1993 sketch with Kevin Kline as a  farting Italian movie star.
   After Rudy Giuliani was rumored to have farted during a voter fraud  hearing last December, cast member Kate McKinnon debuted her “farting  Rudy” character (again, that was the entire gag: He farts).
 Back in 1998, HBO’s _Mr. Show_ even did a parody about a presidential farting scandal.  Yet on lunatic leftist David Cross’ Twitter page, no victory lap, no  attempt to use the Glasgow incident to remind people of when he was  still funny.
 Anyone who thought that Trump’s defeat meant comedians would go back to mocking politicians of all stripes was quite mistaken.
  Nonpartisan comedy is gone with Joe Biden’s wind.
*BEEN THROUGH THE DESERT ON A HORSE WITH DEADNAME*
Dr. “Rachel” Levine looks like a cross between Brent Spiner in _Independence Day_ and Riff Raff from _Rocky Horror_.  And that’s the most complimentary thing that can be said about the  transgender monstrosity who, as Pennsylvania’s Secretary of Health,  pulled “her” mother out of a nursing home before filling it with Covid carriers.

              And now thanks to the nursing-home resident in the White House,  Levine just became either America’s first female four-star admiral or  first transgender four-star officer. The media can’t decide which  “first” to go with: first woman? Or first tranny? If the latter, then  it’s not really the former.
 Last week Republican Congressman Jim Banks of Indiana finally had his official Twitter account restored  after being banned for tweeting “The title of first female four-star  officer gets taken by a man.” This violated Twitter’s policy of no  “deadnaming” (calling a tranny by their pre-trans name), although  technically Banks “deadgendered” the four-star shemale.
 Funny enough, if you’re trying to find Levine’s “deadname,” you’ll  have quite the task. Big Tech’s pulled out all the stops to cover up  Admiral Horatio Hormoneblower’s birth name. Wikipedia’s banned any  reference to it, even though the site always includes the “deadnames” of  actors (Olivia Wilde never calls herself Cockburn, nor does Bruno Mars  use Petey Hernandez, but Wiki still retains the info).
 The “talk” link  on Levine’s Wiki page is instructive: Wikipedia threatens “sanctions”  against users who try to add “pre-transition names” to biographical  entries, as doing so violates “the purpose of Wikipedia.” “Former,  pre-transition names may only be included if the person was notable  while using the name.”
  Which oddly doesn’t apply to Olivia Cockburn or Petey Hernandez.

              But hey, they’re not a marginalized, persecuted minority…like the  trannies who have the president, the medical establishment, and every  tech monopoly running interference for them.
*TWITTER JAIL…LIKE, FOR REAL*
Complain all you want about social media censorship in the U.S., at least “Facebook prison” and “Twitter jail” are figurative.
 Not so in merry olde England, where Twitter jail comes with real bars.
 21-year-old Nathan Blagg _really_ loves his Chelsea football  club. So much so that between September 2020 and February 2021, Blagg  tweeted out several offensive comments with the intention of taunting  longtime rivals Tottenham Hotspur, a team with a Jewish fan base (odd  considering the name contains “ham”).
 One would think that in the world of British football rivalries,  which have a storied history of large-scale riots, a few tweets wouldn’t  be that big a deal. But this ain’t yer bleedin’ granddad’s England.  This is the new _woke_ Britain, where Crown prosecutors with names like Gujuratabindi and Umbabwego and *_clicking noise with tongue_* work tirelessly to ensure that Britons ever, ever, ever shall be slaves.
 Because Blagg’s tweets mocked Jews, he was charged with seven counts  of Twitter racism in a Westminster court. Prosecutor Kalsoom Shah  (obviously a person with deep Anglo-Saxon roots) demanded the maximum  sentence. After all, Blagg was a serious offender, not an innocent  victim of cultural misunderstanding like those Muslim grooming gangs.


And the court agreed. Eight weeks for the villainous Blagg—one for each anti-Semitic tweet, and an extra one for liking the Benny Hill Chinaman sketch.
 Frankly, it’s hard to get angry at Joe Biden for ripping one in the  face of the royals. A nation formerly proud of its free-speech  traditions has become a suitable repository for Biden’s Magna Farta.
*HI-JAB, BYE-JAB*
You know Western Europe’s in trouble when the sanest country is France. After all, these are the _imbéciles incroyables_ who couldn’t conduct a simple revolution without beheading half the populace.

 Last week, members of something called the “Council of Europe,”  apparently a continental “human rights” organization, decided to hold a  contest to see who could come up with the most Orwellian slogan for a  new antiwhite, anti-Christian ad campaign. The winning scheme was a  series of billboards showing a white chick wrapped in a hijab, with the  slogan “Hijab Is Freedom.”
 The new campaign was supposed to be announced by Council Secretary  General Marija Pejčinović Burić, but she had to flee the press  conference when she couldn’t figure out how to pronounce her name.  Council President Péter Szijjártó tried to fill in but was hamstrung by  the same problem. Finally, Flemish Council member Hendrik Daems took  over, telling the assembled reporters, “Joot hoot boom boom bork hoog  roop,” which everyone assumed was Dutch until it turned out he was  actually having a stroke.
 Bungled presser aside, the billboards started going up all over the  continent, until the French, of all people, objected. The French  government condemned the campaign as going against European values of  secularism, adding that the slogan wasn’t so much a defense of the hijab  as an encouragement to don one. Faced with the French protests, the  Council discontinued the campaign, blaming the failed slogan on “Muslim youth” who participated in an “online workshop.”

 And to be fair, of the top two slogans to emerge from that workshop,  “Hijab Is Freedom” is certainly better than the runner-up, “Tottenham  Hotspur Jews Are Our Misfortune.”

 No word yet on when _those_ billboards will be going up.

*BROTHERS, SMOTHERED*
Sometimes it’s good when America “falls behind.” Like in mass tramplings and smotherings.

 The deaths at the Astroworld music festival hosted by rapper Travis  Scott (whose name is better suited to a country Western dude in a  ten-gallon hat than a cornrowed thug with pants down to his thighs) was a  tragic occurrence. Eight unfortunate concertgoers were killed when the  crowd surged forward during Scott’s set, smothering and/or trampling  those closest to the stage.
 But QAnon believes it to be much more than an accident. The people  who brought you “JFK will rise from the grave and install Trump as  president” now bring you “the Travis Scott concert crush was a  sacrificial offering to Satan.” Videos on TikTok and YouTube by QAnoners and related conspiracy tards (which currently have _millions_  of views) employ bizarre interpretations of facial expressions, the  shape of the stage, and times and dates to “prove” that Scott engineered  the disaster to satisfy the Dark Lord and keep him knee-deep in souls.
 Scott: “Oh hoary host of the netherworld, I present to you these eight souls!”
 The Devil: “Eight? _Eight?_ You holdin’ out on me, bitch? Don’t _make_ me go upside yo’ head.”
 Fortunately, U.S. venues are pretty damn competent when it comes to  safety and crowd control, at least compared with the rest of the world.  After seeing some genuinely terrible crowd crushes in the first half of  the 20th century (notably the Michigan Italian Hall disaster of 1913, in  which 73 people were stampeded because some jokester falsely yelled  “fire”…and yes, that’s where the cliché comes from) and a few minor ones  in the latter half (11 crushed at a Cincinnati Who concert in 1979),  venue owners, fearful of lawsuits, became very conscientious regarding  crowd control.

 So if the Devil went down to Houston lookin’ for some souls to steal,  he really shoulda known that the pickin’s would be slim. Hell, the 2015  Hajj stampede in Saudi Arabia took 2,400 lives, and the 2010 water  festival stampede in Cambodia claimed 347 (_worst_ water festival _ever_).
 Stick to the Third World, Beelzebub. We have building codes here.
 In fact, the only other two recent non-fire-related crowd stampedes  in the U.S. were the 1991 CCNY rappers basketball game disaster (nine  dead) and the 2003 Chicago hip-hop nightclub trampling (21 dead).

 It might just be that the problem isn’t Satan, but rap fans.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-165/

_The Week’s Most Jittery, Glittery, and Skittery Headlines_
*SESAME STREET’S SLIPPERY SLOPE*
“The eyes are the window to the soul.” No two people agree on where that  phrase originated. Some say the Bible, others say the ancient Greeks,  while others say the “where’s the beef” lady. Some even point to  Shakespeare, who in his Sonnet No.1 (not to be confused with his Mambo  No. 5) wrote:
But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed’st thy light’s flame with self-substantial fuel.Sadly, the next verse is:
Within thine own bud buriest thy content
And, tender churl, makest waste in niggarding.
This unfortunate choice of words got Shakespeare canceled. He lost  his Forever 1621 neck ruff endorsement deal, and the Old Vic banned him  for racial insensitivity (oh, wait—that was Terry Gilliam).
 But wherever the “eyes are the window to the soul” phrase originated,  the simple wisdom of it is taken these days as a basic truism. Except  at PBS, where eyes are nothing more than $1 plastic novelty items glued  to a piece of felt in exchange for $465 million in taxpayer money.
 Last week, _Sesame Street_ debuted it’s first-ever “Asian Muppet.”  Though lauded in the press, “Ji-Young the Korean Muppet” has drawn flak  for the fact that “her” eyes are as round as those of every other  Muppet. This wouldn’t be a big deal had _Sesame Street_ not produced a special back in July aimed at making Asian kids proud of their “unique eyes.”
   “Be proud of those slanty peepers, Asian kids. But don’t expect to see them on a Muppet because, well, they look kinda sneaky.”
 Nearly half a billion tax bucks to produce a show that tells Asian  kids “be proud of your eyes,” only to then create an “Asian” Muppet with  eyes like Betty Boop.
 Money well spent.

*RETURN OF THE “TEXANS”*
Regular readers will remember the story  of the brunching “Texans” who beat the living snot out of an Asian  hostess at an NYC eatery in September after being asked for proof of  vaccination. At first, blue Twitter erupted in an outrage-fest of fury:  “Those damn MAGA Texans! Anti-vax WHITE _SUPREEEMACISTS_!”
 And then security camera footage revealed that the “Texans” were  actually a gaggle of weave-wearing booty-shaking black ghetto-girls.
 As just like that, the “violent anti-vax Texans” story vanished faster than a speeding Alec Baldwin bullet.
 And now the yellow cornrows of Texas have popped up once again. And, once again, Twitter pounced a bit too soon.
 Last week, a Southwest attendant on a Dallas–to–New York flight was assaulted by an unruly female passenger.

              An unruly Texan? Must be them dern MAGAs!
  Leftist activist “View From The Watchtower” tweeted  “Radicalized republicans use Southwest Airlines because Southwest  chooses to allow pilots to make right wing jokes on the intercom and not  get vaccinated.”
 When the Daily Beast tweeted the story, responses included:
 “Disgusting. We know who she voted for and what this was about for sure. Horrible horrible f’ing people.”
 “Unruly passenger? You mean MAGA Psycho Bitch.”
 “These MAGA buffoons are a danger to all.”
 “Almost surely a maga chud. They think they have permission to attack  anyone who they think is trying to ‘control’ them and they’re not going  to stop anytime soon.”
 And then the passenger’s photo was released: 32-year-old Arielle Jean Jackson, a most _non_-MAGA black woman.
 Her reason for assaulting the flight attendant isn’t known, but it likely had something to do with Emmett Till and slavery.
 With the publication of the photo, the story stopped trending on Twitter.
 Odd.
 Yeeeee…_huh_?
*HOW DERRIERE YOU*
If you thought last week’s news  about Joe Biden turning the U.N. climate summit in Glasgow into his own  personal gas chamber was the most entertaining thing to come out of  that ridiculous waste of time, think again. It turns out Zyklon B(iden)  wasn’t the only one befouling the air.
 According to The Scotsman,  so much carbon was pumped into the atmosphere from the participants’  private jets, the event was “the most polluting summit of its kind.”
 An anti-pollution summit was the most polluting summit in history. If  only late-night comedians still did comedy, that would make for a _fine_ joke.
 One may wonder why the summit wasn’t conducted via Zoom. Well, the  simple answer is, there’s just no way to remotely replicate the  in-person experience of having Greta Thunberg say “how dare you” to your  face. Zoom just can’t capture the intensity of the throbbing veins and  flaring nostrils.
 And speaking of Thunberg, on the closing day of the conference,  Indian newswoman Sadhika Tiwari, writing for the Hindi news site The Quint  (which specializes in finding sharks for three thousand bucks but  catching and killing them for ten), gently castigated the young dare-ess  for failing to understand that the emissions cuts she demands will  actually kill Indian children. Tiwari pointed out that abandoning  traditional energy sources like coal, natural gas, and petroleum will  leave entire villages without heat, light, water, and sanitary  facilities.


Then she was like, “Okay, maybe the ‘sanitary facilities’ thing isn’t  a problem, because we’re kinda used to going in the street. But the  other stuff is true.”
 There’s been no response from Thunberg, who immediately left the  Glasgow conference via Pilatus PC-24 to fly over Highland cattle country  and yell at the cows for farting.
*“BABY LOVER” BY MEHMETULA CLARK*
When Petula Clark sang “Come swing with me in my cradle of dreams,” she  wasn’t referring to having a lover who was in an actual cradle.
 A small detail lost on Afghans.
 The loony Sunnis in the land a bunch of better nations have tried to  conquer for absolutely no discernible reason because it’s literally like  trying to possess a hornets’ nest—it’s painful to attempt and what the  hell are you gonna do with it if you succeed?—have reverted back to  their pre-9/11 ways.
 Child marriage has returned to the land that time forgot. According to a UNICEF report released last week, cash-strapped Afghan families are selling daughters as young as _20 days old_ to horny halals.
 Look, complain all you want about living in a country where the poor  and desperate rob liquor stores, but know that if humans can be relied  on for anything, it’s finding ways to sink lower the minute you think  they can’t.
 Per UNICEF:
Prior to the U.S.-led invasion, the rate (of child  marriage) was 61.9%, among the world’s worst. But it dropped markedly  over the following years—to 40 percent in 2014, 33% in 2016, and 28% by  2020.But now it’s climbing back up, though still not as high as in Niger (76%), Central African Republic (68%), and Chad (67%).
 Yep, it can always get worse.
 And count on Joe Biden, a man not above giving an underage girl the  ol’ smell test, to import as many people from those nations as possible.  Which is only slightly more insane than the Bush-era neocon notion that  we can civilize those people in their own lands.
 So lock up your daughters, folks! Planes full of baby-lovers are  heading your way. Just remember that while U.S. courts are unlikely to  ever prosecute these seamy dreamers for baby rape, at least in sharia  court you _might_ be able to get a dowry.
*A DYNASTY DIES NASTY*
Hey, did someone mention neocons?
 Nobody neoconned better than Dick Cheney, the man who made sure that  tens of thousands of young Americans lost their limbs, faces, and lives  fighting to protect the freedom of people whose only desire was to rob  Americans of their limbs, faces, and lives.
 When Cheney shot a guy in the face in 2006, it wasn’t a hunting  accident but merely a literal illustration of his doctrine: “You used to  have a face, now you don’t, and for absolutely no good reason.”
 But now it seems that the Cheney chickens are coming home to roost…or  maybe just finding a new henhouse. Last week the Wyoming GOP voted to  no longer officially recognize Liz Cheney—Dick’s congresswoman  daughter—as a Republican. It’s somewhat fitting considering how Cheney’s wars led to so many Americans no longer being recognizable as a human.
 Say what you will about Trump’s failures as president, but at least he helped terminate the Bush dynasty (“Please clap?  Oh, right—you can’t; you lost your arms in my brother’s pointless  wars”). And Trump’s fan base seems to be doing the same to the Cheney  dynasty, as Wyoming Liz faces a stiff primary challenge from a  MAGA-backed candidate, and as she seems to find far more support on the  left than the right…which can help a GOP in California, but not in one  of the reddest states in the nation (no Dem has won Wyoming since LBJ,  leading many to believe that Liz Cheney is Barry Goldwater’s posthumous  revenge).

 Slate—that leftiest of leftist websites—has declared the Cheney dynasty all of a sudden…_good_ (after twenty years of calling it Hitlerian). Last week, Slate’s William Saletan proclaimed that the Cheney family’s “either you’re with us or you’re against us” militarist mentality, which was _Nazism_ when used against Muslim terrorists, is actually the _best thing ever_  when used against other Americans. Saletan lauded Liz Cheney for  wanting to Abu Ghraib the living crap out of the Jan. 6  “insurrectionists,” and he applauded her father for instilling such  killer instincts in her.
 Dick Cheney’s methods weren’t wrong…only his targets were.
 Now to bring in Greta Thunberg to design an environmentally friendly  non-wasteful waterboarding hose and solar-powered penile electrodes.
 Rightists rejecting the Cheneys and leftists embracing them. Some  bedfellows are strange…others are just downright jaw-droppingly surreal.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-166/

_The Week’s Most Herky, Jerky, and Stuffed-With-Turkey Headlines_
*MASKS SAVE LIVES (BECAUSE WE’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T WEAR ONE)*
There’s an old vaudeville routine about a man who walks by a peddler. The peddler offers to sell him a vial of tonic:
 Peddler: “Buy this and you’ll live longer!”
Man: “How?”
Peddler: “Trust me. Buy this and you’ll live longer.”
Man: “But you’re not explaining _how_.”
Peddler: “Just trust me. Buy this and you’ll live longer.”
Man: “No way, fella. Good day.”
 The peddler shoots the man dead. He looks at the body and says, “Told ya.”
 Covid mask mandates are by far the best version of that skit. For  almost two years now, the world’s witnessed scenes from Canada,  Australia, and Europe of police punishing people who dare to go outdoors  unmasked (zero Covid risk) by tossing them in crowded jail cells (high  Covid risk).


              And now Oakland, California (a.k.a. “the nuke target that would make  Kim Jong-un an American hero”), just topped every real-life version of  the peddler skit.
   Maurice Monk was a 45-year-old mentally ill black man. And he didn’t  care for masks. Back in June, he refused to wear one on a city bus, so  he was arrested.
 The irony is, with Oakland’s liberal criminal justice policies, if  he’d assaulted someone, he’d have been let go with a citation. But not  wearing a mask? No mercy. He was held for several months in a mental  institution, and finally transferred to a regular jail.
 His family was prevented from getting him his meds…because enforcing mask mandates is all about keeping people healthy!
  Last week he died alone in his cell.
 The city claims it was “natural causes.” So at least it wasn’t Covid!

              Proof positive that imprisoning people who don’t wear masks is a policy that totally works!
*PUNCHING MOTHER EARTH FOR HER OWN GOOD*
After hearing about how Oakland authorities killed a guy to keep him  from dying of Covid, David Suzuki exclaimed, “Hold my saké.”
 Suzuki is a Canadian “scientist” who specializes in claiming that Earth is about to end because people eat meat.
 Suzuki’s grandparents left Japan before WWII when they were struck  with an ominous premonition to flee their hometown of Hiroshima.
  Your family guesses _one thing right_, and you think your every prediction is gold.

              Which is why scientist Suzuki never second-guesses his apocalyptic  visions. The problem is, Earth just ain’t blowing up quick enough for  him. So last week, the hugely popular Nippanuck (in a CBC poll of  “greatest Canadians of all time,” Suzuki came in fifth, right after  Corey Hart and Chong) decided to warn the world that if it won’t explode  on his timetable, he’ll damn well explode it himself.
 Suzuki told the anarchist terrorists of Extinction Rebellion (that’s  the org that tries to “save the earth” by blocking highways, causing  massive traffic jams that pollute the air), “There are going to be  pipelines blown up if our leaders don’t pay attention to what’s going on.”
 Ironically, the green goblins had gathered on Vancouver Island  because unlike the Third World it has the comforts that fossil fuels  provide. More ironically, Suzuki’s threat is essentially “If our leaders  don’t abandon earth-polluting petroleum, we’ll blow up pipelines, thus  polluting the earth with petroleum.”
 Canada’s best mind, ladies and gentlemen.


After being attacked by the few sane politicians left in England’s  frigid afterbirth, Suzuki tried to backpedal, claiming that even though  he said terrorism was the only recourse should “the leaders” not listen,  he wasn’t actually _advocating_ it. To which the head of Extinction Rebellion replied, “Nonsense—we’re _totally_ advocating it!” The ecoterrorist released a statement promising that not only will pipelines be blown up, but world leaders and members of the press will be killed.
 Good thing Canada only reserves its “hate speech” laws for people who criticize immigration!
*TRANSGENDER DAY OF REVENGEANCE*
Veterans Day? Who cares? All _those_ guys did was put their lives on the line so that we may be free. The November day of solemn tribute that _truly_  matters is November 20th, the “Transgender Day of Remembrance.” That’s  the day when America pauses to remember the heroic sacrifices of the men  who dress in women’s clothing and lop off their members so that _they_ may be free (of their penises).
 Joe Biden, who is somewhat “trans” himself (he’s transitioning from  human to desiccated mummy before our eyes) took time from his busy  schedule of not talking about the border, inflation, China, the supply  chain, and opioids, to talk at length in honor of those brave trannies  who died doing what they loved best: pretending to be women while  performing fellatio in back alleys.

 “Transgender people are some of the bravest Americans I know,” Biden declared (yes, he really said that).  Trannies “deserve freedom, justice, and joy,” and Biden assured a  roomful of men in dresses that he’ll continue to fight for their  “equality and civil rights.”
 Sadly, nobody in the room applauded, as half the attendees were  giving fellatio under the tables, and the other half were yelling at a  parrot for misgendering them (“Who’s a pretty _boy_? I’m a pretty _ma’am_! _MA’AM!_”).
 Lost on the not-tightly-wrapped presidential mummy was that it’s actually the _trannies_ who are taking away the “freedom, justice, joy, equality, and rights” of _others_,  with comedians, medical professionals, politicians, and ordinary  citizens being banned, censored, harassed, and fired for opposing tranny  ideology.
 Indeed, to celebrate “Tranny Remembrance Day,” a Fellini-esque  nightmare named “Holly Stars,” who calls himself a “drag queen” yet is  indistinguishable from a tranny (thus proving they’re exactly the same  thing), “doxxed” author J.K. Rowling for the crime of believing that men  in drag are not women. “Stars” stalked Rowling’s home and photographed  her address for Twitter.
 “Stars” eventually deleted the pic, not because what he did was wrong, but because he was receiving “transphobic hate messages.”
 Because with trannies, it’s always about _them_. Not like those damn veterans and their unselfish sacrifices. Take Veterans Day off the calendar and make _every_ day Tranny Remembrance Day!
*KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH ZHIRS SONG*
And on the subject of those marginalized, defenseless transgenders who  have no power except the ability to influence presidents, ban books,  fire anyone they dislike, and change the entire English language…here’s  yet another example of how “powerless” they are.
 The British Phonographic Industry’s annual Brit Awards is going genderless! No more “best male” or “best female” singers.
 Turns out a “nonbinary” guy complained. And because trannies are so  disenfranchised, the entire British recording industry agreed to drop  all gendered categories, just in case that nonbinary guy ever gets  nominated for his band Herman’s Hermaphrodites and their hit single “I’m  Henry the Eighth…and Henrietta the Ninth, Too.”
 But will this fad of eliminating gender categories reach the U.S.?  Well, it’s happening at the Grammys, but not the Academy Awards.
 Guess why.
 The “strong, independent” women of Hollywood don’t want to go  head-to-head against men. Indeed, as trannies are pushing to de-gender  the Oscars,  women are pushing in the opposite direction, as they advocate splitting  the Best Director category into “Best Male” and “Best Female” as a way  of ensuring that every year a woman director brings home a trophy.
 Filmmaker Alma Har’el, fresh off her new blockbuster _Night of the Superfluous Apostrophes_, told _Variety_,  “Unless we have a new category for women directors—the same way we have  [separate] actor and actress categories—we won’t see any changes.”
 This puts the Academy’s men in a real Scylla of a Charybdis: obey the  diseased cross-dressers yelling at them “Remove the gender categories  or you’ll be canceled as a transphobe,” or listen to their harpy wives  and bimbo girlfriends screeching at them “Make _more_ gender categories or I’ll call you a misogynist *#MeToo*.”
 In a predicament like that, working on an Alec Baldwin cowboy film would be the easy way out.
*NECROPHILIAC? THEY PREFER “CORPSE-BUGGERING CITIZEN”*
Allyn Walker, professor of sociology and criminal justice at Old  Dominion University, is a man on a mission: Child molesters deserve _dignity_,  and the best way to give them the respect they so richly merit is to  replace terms like “child molester” and “sex offender” with  “minor-attracted person.”
 Because after all, when it’s a contest between a child rapist and a child who’s been raped, who’s the _real_ victim?
 The vile Walker, a self-described “transgender” (wotta shock!), has  stepped down from his teaching position due to the controversy  surrounding his views. Of course, being a tranny, he’s not blaming his views, but rather campus “transphobes.”
 Word is he’s headed to England to win a Brit Award with his song “(Kinder)Garden of Earthly Delights.”
 Yet even as Walker was resigning, some frontal-lobe-deficients in  Denver were saying to themselves, “I like the way that guy thinks.” The  Colorado Department of Public Safety’s Sex Offender Management Board,  which is apparently managed by sex offenders, voted last week to stop  using the term “sex offender,” because it harms the “self-esteem” of sex  offenders (no child should ever be molested by someone with low  self-esteem).
 These oxygen-deprived dullards told CBS News that raising the self-esteem of child rapists will “reduce recidivism,” proving that literally _anyone_ in the city of Denver is better-suited to managing sex offenders than the members of the Sex Offender Management Board.
 Not that they’re the state’s only high-caliber morons. Legislators  are debating changing the terms “sexually violent predator,”  “defendant,” “convict,” and “felon” to “justice-involved people.”
 They might as well be called that, because while it’s hard to tell  exactly what the people in charge of administering the law in Colorado  are involved in, it certainly ain’t “justice.”

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-167/

December 05, 2021

The Week’s Most Cradling, Ladling, and Dreideling Headlines

*INDIGENOUS INDIGNITIES*

Last week was a bad one for fake Injuns.

First there was Lewis Rath, an emaciated vegan hipster artist who’d been selling handcrafted totem poles claiming to be an Apache woodworker. Turns out Rath’s as “Apache” as the Queen of Denmark (though far more svelte), and what impossible-burger-boy failed to factor into his con is that it’s a federal crime to sell fake Native American crafts.

Big Chief Skinnyjeans is facing five years in prison.

Upon learning of Rath’s fate, Carrie Bourassa exclaimed, “Hold my yaupon!” Bourassa, Canada’s top “indigenous health expert,” was also exposed as a fraud last week. Turns out the yenta who’s been lecturing her nation about “native rights” is 100% Eastern European—not a drop of “indigenous” blood.

Her story began to unravel after she did a TEDx talk dressed like an extra from F Troop. Skeptical activists, suspicious of her store-bought getup, began researching her ancestry. And last week the Slavic squaw was forced to admit that her connection to “natives” went no deeper than a shared love of vodka.

Bourassa was fired from her government job and university professorship. She’s now selling illegal fireworks to black kids in the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel.

And across the ocean, a dude named David Cole, who claims to be an Australian aboriginal “tribal leader” named “Lurnpa Lurnpa” (he makes chocolate while singing), was busted after releasing a video telling abos to avoid the Covid vax because it’s a “Zionist bioweapon” engineered by “Rothschilds and pedophiles” to “genocide” the natives.

Following his rant, actual aborigine tribal leaders told the Aussie press they’d never even heard of the wanker. Lurnpa Lurnpa durpity-doo.

Reached for comment, Takimag columnist David Cole stated, “I wish this idiot would stop besmirching my good name with his inflammatory hate speech.”

He then paused and added, “Jesus Christ, I never thought I’d hear those words come outta my mouth.”

*LAND O’LAMES*

Of course, there’s an irony to the whole “fake Indian” thing: While whites posing as natives are an annoyance, actual Injuns can be a far worse pain in the ass.

Roman Rain Tree represents the Mono Indians of Northern California (Mono Indians can be identified by their extreme fatigue and swollen lymph nodes). And Mr. Tree is a brave on a mission: to force the Fresno County town of Squaw Valley to change its name. Sure, Squaw Valley may have only 3,500 residents. And sure, nobody’s heard of it (there used to be a “Squaw Valley” ski resort near Tahoe, but they changed the name this year in honor of George Floyd, because the resort’s directors have brain damage from skiing into trees). But as long as this little town in the middle of nowhere retains the name “squaw,” Native Americans will never know true peace or a moment’s sobriety.

“Squaw” is in fact a perfectly normal Algonquin word for “woman,” and the people of Squaw Valley are quite happy with the moniker. And when Rain Tree partnered with the ACLU to force the name change upon the reluctant residents, it totally didn’t help, as it gave the impression that a bunch of New York Jewish attorneys were trying to decide the town’s title (“Oy, how about Goyim Gulch?”).

Local leftist Bob McCloskey is one of the few residents on Rain Tree’s side. McCloskey told The Guardian that all “triggering” names should be changed, out of empathy for the triggered. When reminded that “McCloskey” in Gaelic means “resounding noise; blast” (a trigger for the noise-sensitive) and that the family crest is a masculine arm uprooting and choking an oak tree (toxic masculinity!), and when asked if he’d change his name to “Jazzhands McTreehugger” to mollify the triggered, McCloskey pointed to a window and said, “Holy cow, look at that!” and then ran away when everyone’s heads were turned.

Rain Tree ended his Guardian interview by stating, “The spirit of the community is not defined in the name,” thus fully contradicting his entire point and proving once again that the Injuns didn’t lose the continent by accident.

“WE WILL BE BURIED BY YOU”

“The capitalists will sell us the rope with which we’ll hang them.” This oft-quoted apocryphal Leninism is not quite as pithy as those who invoke it believe it to be.

A more accurate version would be, “The capitalists will buy from us the sneakers with which they’ll clobber themselves.”

When Khrushchev banged that infamous shoe and threatened to “bury” the West, little did he know that 65 years later, the West would be banging Chinese-made shoes and promising to bury itself.

Last week, JPMorgan/Chase CEO Jamie Dimon had the temerity to poke a little fun at China’s genocidal Communist Party. Speaking at Boston College, the corporate cutup quipped:

The Communist Party is celebrating its hundredth year. So is JP Morgan. I’d make a bet we last longer. I can’t say that in China. They’re probably listening anyway.

Yes, Jamie, they were. And they no likey jokey. After all, murderous communist dictators are right up there with trannies on the list of disenfranchised victims who must be protected from comedy.

Don’t “punch down,” Jamie. Never “punch down.” You made Xi cry as he was ordering the execution of entire Uyghur villages and preparing the invasion of Taiwan.

After the CCP sent LeBron James to Dimon’s house with an official government letter threatening to stop doing business with Chase, the CEO had an immediate change of heart, offering a series of groveling apologies:

_I truly regret my recent comment because it’s never right to joke about or denigrate any group of people, whether it’s a country, its leadership, or any part of a society and culture._

A man of integrity! Exactly the kind of guy who’d have begged Hitler to open a Chase account to deposit the money seized from Jews.

Coming soon to Beijing: the Chase Social Credit Card—5% cash back every time you inform on an enemy of the state.

*A DOG MEAT DOG WORLD*

The notion that Koreans eat dogs is racist, and anyone who spreads that myth deserves swift and merciless cancellation.

Two years ago, denim bobblehead Jay Leno was boycotted by Asian activists for cracking a “Koreans eat dogs” joke on America’s Got Talent. The activists denounced the quip as playing on “hurtful stereotypes.” Leno embarked on a mass-media apology tour, because being rich and retired doesn’t mean you still can’t be a doormat for a few fuming busybodies.

In response to Leno’s joke, food site ZenKimchi laid down the law: Koreans do not eat dogs!

_I’m getting so tired of ignorant people associating modern Korea with eating dog meat. Or even worse, portraying the entire country as dog eaters. In modern times, associating Koreans with eating dog meat is racist. It’s contributing to food stereotypes._

Odd, then, that South Korea’s president just launched a commission to study phasing out the “centuries-old practice” of eating dogs.

Why launch a commission to end something that doesn’t exist? That’s rather like Joe Biden promising to ban flying giraffes (to be fair, Joe really does see the giraffes…and they talk to him, too).

According to ABC News, 1.5 million dogs are slaughtered each year by “thousands” of “dog farmers” throughout South Korea, as part of an industry that brings in “hundreds of millions of dollars annually.”

Strange stats for something that doesn’t happen.

Korea’s dog farmers oppose the president’s commission, claiming that censoring Western comedians is preferable to actually closing the canine chop-shops. But Korean animal protection activists counter that the best way to get Westerners to stop joking about Koreans eating dogs is for Koreans to stop eating dogs. “South Korea is the only developed country where people eat dogs, an act that is undermining our international image,” activist Lee Won Bok told ABC.

Good luck changing the mores in a nation where Marmaduke runs in the gourmet recipes section of the newspapers.

*THE BEST-LAID GENERALPLANS*

In this week’s “dumbass does dumb thing for dumb reason” story, Jon Minadeo is a dumbass who did a dumb thing for a dumb reason. The 37-year-old California neo-Nazi has a history of orchestrating stunts to publicize his anti-Jewish/flat-earth website Goyim TV. Past exploits have included unfurling a banner with the site’s URL over the 405 freeway, and placing similar banners throughout the Bay Area.

Last week, Minadeo topped himself with what he surely must’ve believed would be his greatest stunt to date: On the first night of Hanukkah, he placed fliers advertising his site on the doorsteps of homes throughout Beverly Hills. The fliers claimed that Covid is a Jewish plot to genocide the white race (no word if they were coauthored by a fake Australian aborigine).

The problem was, L.A.’s been plagued by mighty windstorms over the past week, so in order to weigh down the fliers to ensure they wouldn’t blow away, Minadeo enclosed them in bags of rice.

Somehow he thought that gifting Beverly Hills Jews with a bag of free rice would…upset them.

For a professional anti-Semite, he doesn’t know his opposition very well.

As Hanukkah began, the local Jews thanked G*d for the miracle of the free rice, and either prepared it themselves for dinner or gave it to their housekeepers in lieu of a Christmas bonus.

“Here you go, Rosita. Happy holidays!”

“¡Ay, mi familia of fifty will eat well tonight, Señor Rosenblatz!”

If it seems idiotic that a career anti-Semite would try to “own” the Jews by giving them free food, just remember: Jon Minadeo is an idiot, so everything makes perfect sense and all is right with the world.

Happy Hanukkah!

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-168/

The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Merrymaking Headlines

“I’M DREAMING OF AN ANTIWHITE CHRISTMAS!”
BLM has declared war on Christmas. After all, who’s more of a white supremacist than Santa? White elves outnumber black ones in his workshop (except in the basketball shoes department, where Santa uses Chinese orphans). He doesn’t have a single reindeer of color (Dasher, Dancer, and Vixen? Why no Dashiki, Twerker, and Norm Nixon?), he gives toys to all children instead of prioritizing those whose lives “matter,” and he culturally appropriates the Pan-African colors of red, black, and green.

So to bring “equity,” BLM has laid down the law: This Christmas, blacks must not patronize “white companies.”

“We’re dreaming of a #BlackXmas. That means no spending with white companies from Black Friday until New Years Day,” declared BLM. Black shoppers must “support Black-led-Black-serving organizations” and “buy exclusively from Black-owned businesses” because “white-supremacist-capitalism uses policing to protect profits and steal Black life.”

Some initially questioned whether BLM was actually behind the campaign because the press release contained no spelling errors. But it’s for real: BLM commands that blacks must only buy Christmas gifts from “black” businesses.

So that’s a bean pie for mom, crack for dad, and as for gramps, well, what do you give the man who has sickle cell?

Surprisingly, “#BlackXmas” isn’t going over too well on “Black Twitter,” where the BLM grifters might’ve finally overplayed their hand. Turns out most black kids don’t care about the color of the people who make their Christmas toys.

Reporters tried to elicit comment from con woman BLM cofounder Patrisse Cullors, but she hid behind her collection of Fabergé eggs on the upper floor of one of her multimillion-dollar homes.

And attempts to speak with Shaun King were equally unsuccessful, as he ran into a snowbank and blended in like an arctic hare.

Merry Black Christmas—Hoe Hoe Hoe!

SHEMALE-ON-SHEMALE VIOLENCE
Who doesn’t love a good catfight? From the days when Emma Peel would engage with beautiful female adversaries, all involved clad in leather, femme-on-femme fights have always carried a certain sex appeal.

Less appealing? Giant male rapists in drag beating up women for sex.

But welcome to 2021, when any mentally ill, pathologically violent dude who wants to assault a lady can don a wig and the press will dub it a catfight.

“Lisa Jones sexually assaulted female stranger she followed in Melbourne” read the headline in the Australian press. “A woman has been thrown behind bars after sexually assaulting a stranger she followed down a street.”

A woman-on-woman sexual street assault? Sounds improbable, if only due to the complex gymnastics of scissoring.

Turns out “Lisa Jones” is a man (baby), a convicted sex offender who did six years in a men’s prison for raping a child, only to then don a dress and wig, so that all further rapes “she” committed would be considered chick-on-chick crime. And of course the Aussie press is going along with the gag (to be fair, Aussies, their brains scrambled from two straight years of mandatory 24/7 masking and forced medication, probably lack the cognitive ability to differentiate a sheila from a shemale).

Melbourne judge Pardeep Tiwana expressed sympathy for Jones, asserting that the “traumatic and harrowing” experience of being a tranny in a men’s prison caused “her” to commit the latest assault.

When a courtroom observer suggested that expressing pity for a child rapist was not the act of a sane human, Pardeep replied, “Dude, I worship a four-armed elephant. You expect sanity?”

Jones will be free to rape again in 22 months. And if any of this seems impossibly asinine to you, just remember that this is the nation where for over thirty years Yahoo Serious has been allowed to identify as “funny.”

INJUSTICE DELAYED
Jews and blacks don’t always get along these days. To be fair, both sides are at fault. For example, NYC Orthodox Jews object to black thugs continually assaulting them, and NYC black thugs object to Orthodox Jews continually running away when assaulted.

But there’s one thing about which blacks and Jews see absolutely eye-to-eye: In law and justice, there’s no such thing as a dead horse. That 99-year-old German who delivered a box of käsespätzle to Auschwitz Commandant Hoess in 1944 must be tried at once! That he’s blind, dumb, has cancer and dementia, and can only communicate by farting in Morse code matters not.

There’s no statute of limitations (or mercy, wisdom, or common sense) regarding anyone who was peripherally involved in the Holocaust.

And now a bunch of people who couldn’t spell Wiesenthal for a million bucks are walking in the old Nazi hunter’s shoes. Black activists have persuaded the Biden Justice Department (a.k.a. “BLM-by-the-Potomac”) to go after any whites who might still be prosecuted for something—anything—involving old cases in which racist whites murdered blacks.

Naturally, Biden’s hacks are starting with the man The New York Times just can’t stop talking about, Emmett Till. And while the Times has certainly done a yeoman’s job of keeping Till’s memory alive (though perhaps they overdid it by serving “Emmett Tillapia” in the commissary), Biden’s race hustlers are upping the game by prosecuting an octogenarian who supposedly badmouthed Till in 1955 (Biden, who believes it still is 1955, cheered the effort).

Unfortunately, after months of investigative work and millions of taxpayer dollars, the Justice Department was forced to announce last week that it turns out the author who claimed the old lady badmouthed Till was in fact badmouthing the old lady by inventing a quote she never uttered.

Still, vengeance is vengeance! Time to go after people who claim that other people badmouthed Emmett Till 67 years ago.

Justice demands no less. Neither does insanity.

TODAY FREDO LITIGATES ALL FAMILY BUSINESS
There was a time in New York when the Cuomo name conjured up images of a crafty politico with secret Mob ties, a man you wouldn’t dare cross, lest you find a horse head under your sheets or a dead hooker on your floor.

But it turns out the Cuomos are a Corleone family with no Michael. Just a Sonny, who recently got whacked by two dozen women riddling him with assault accusations, and a Fredo, who’s too dumb to know he’s dead.

After committing so many ethical infractions that even his benefactor Hyman Roth (sorry, Jeff Zucker) turned on him, disgraced “news”“man” Chris Cuomo is refusing to give up the ghost. Even though the accusations against him are proven beyond doubt, and even though CNN has a right to fire anyone who violates their journalistic ethics policies (which can be found in any CNN bathroom in lieu of toilet paper), Cuomo has lawyered up, reportedly demanding $18 million in compensation for being fired for accusations he doesn’t deny.

It’s rather like if in Godfather II, after Neri shoots Fredo point-blank, Fredo just sits there and says, “Quiet, you’ll scare the fish.”

According to Vanity Fair, Cuomo’s entire case rests on a single argument: “Yes, I committed all those offenses, but Zucker let me, so give me $18 million.”

“Yeah—I totally murdered Govanni ‘The Lips’ Manicucci, Matteo ‘Madman Matty’ DiLuca, and Carlo ‘Unhealthily Obsessed with Taylor Swift’ Cacciatoria, but since the boss knew about it, I should be held blameless!”

Genius. A strategy fit for a Cuomo.

CNN has lawyered up too, so hopefully the entire affair will end in a shoot-out on courthouse steps with no survivors, everybody’s business settled with finality, and the world a better place.

A FLAMING LOSER
Hollywood routinely presents a ridiculously false view of how fire behaves. Any car that drives off a cliff explodes—sometimes in midair! And humans are flammable creatures that catch fire without an accelerant. Oh, and if you soak your home in gasoline and light it, as your furniture and belongings burn, there’ll be no smoke (why those “firefighters” constantly complain about “smoke inhalation” is a mystery…crybabies!).

Unfortunately, people who try to use fire in real life for nefarious purposes often find that she’s a cruel and unpredictable mistress. Take Julio González. In March 1990, the unemployed immigrant was angry at his girlfriend for breaking up with him. So he went to where she worked as a hostess—a “Garifuna” (Afro-Carib Honduran) underground dance club in the Bronx—and set the building aflame.

Eighty-seven people died (the fire was aided by the fact that the interior design of the club consisted of trees where clubgoers could sit bare-assed to replicate their natural environment), but González’s girlfriend just strolled out the back door.

The point being, fire is much harder to predict than movies make it seem. Good for grilling, bad for anger-fueled revenge.

Last week, a Maryland homeowner discovered this the hard way. The homeowner, unidentified in the press but probably named Dipstick McTardiman, found some snakes in the basement of his $1.8 million three-story 6,228-square-foot manor in Dickerson. Enraged, he decided to burn them out by tossing red-hot coals into the basement, unaware of what would happen when the coals came into contact with the many combustible materials stored down there.

It took 75 firefighters to extinguish the resulting blaze. The good news for McTardiman is that the snakes are gone. The bad news is he’s now the owner of a $1.80 pile of smoldering ash.

No word on how this rocket scientist came to possess such a massive “manor” in the first place, but rumors range from inheritance to “finding a genie in a bottle.”

A spokes-snake issued a public apology, admitting that it’d been unfair to infest the house of a man with a brain so much smaller than theirs.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-169/

Takimag 

December 18, 2021

The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines

*THE BAD PARENT-HOOD*

Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow…with murderousness!

Last week in Garden Grove, Calif., a youth basketball game was disrupted when one of the player’s mamas, Latira Shonty-Hunt (of the Orange County Shonty-Hunts), instructed her thuggish daughter to sucker punch another player for an on-court infraction (to be fair, the Shonty-Hunt coat of arms depicts a gold-toothed gangbanger curb-stomping a child).

Turns out the punchy point guard’s dad is an actual NBA player, meaning that Latira Shonty-Hunt hit the jackpot in what’s known as the “NBA lottery” (that’s when the condom breaks during a one-night stand).

The sucker-puncher has been banned from the league, and Mom’s done got herself arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

She’ll likely face less time than James and Jennifer Crumbley, whose son Ethan went on a lethal shooting rampage at his Michigan high school two weeks ago. Immediately prior to the murders, 17-year-old Ethan had penned a plea for help, claiming that voices in his head were compelling him to shoot people: “Blood everywhere. The thoughts won’t stop. Help me.”

The Crumbleys’ solution? “This brand-new SIG Sauer will heal your troubled mind!”

Mamma Crumbley even tutored her son on how to buy ammo on a school computer “without getting caught.”

This isn’t a Second Amendment issue. It’s a “don’t give your youthful pyromaniac a can of gasoline and matches” issue. If your child is a shadowy lurking schizo nutbag, best to keep the guns ’n’ ammo locked up.

Like Shonty-Hunt, the Crumbleys will be spending Christmas behind bars…making the season just a little merrier for everyone else in their community.

*HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF INSTABAN*

J.K. Rowling poses a conundrum for new Twitter CEO JubJub Hindibindi (disclaimer: name may need to be fact-checked). Normally, anyone who claims that men aren’t women is immediately banned from the platform. And Rowling, one of the most successful authors of her era, is an ardent believer in the reality of women. But banning her has proven difficult, perhaps because BudBudBud Sidewalksoiler (disclaimer: awaiting fact-check) isn’t keen on the resulting publicity should he ban someone of her stature for simply saying “women exist.”

Last week, this column brought you the story of a convicted rapist in Melbourne who sexually assaulted a woman in an alley, only to then claim to be a woman himself, prompting the Aussie press to label the crime a “female-on-female” catfight.

(Peter Griffin voice) “You think that’s bad…”

In Scotland, police have declared that from now on, any rapist who tells the cops “I’m a bonnie lass” will be officially classified as a woman and treated as such, even if the offending bloke possesses a penis (this used to be a way of telling men from women. How lucky we are that the West has progressed beyond such superstitions).

“Police Scotland requires no evidence or certification as proof of biological sex or gender identity other than a person’s self-declaration,” Detective Superintendent McAnus Fitzcretin (disclaimer…) told the Daily Mail. In response to the new directive, Rowling tweeted: “War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength. The Penised Individual Who Raped You Is a Woman.”

Needless to say, trannies took to Twitter to report that Rowling’s words had literally murdered them. The responses ranged from “Don’t claim that transwomen are rapists just because they have a penis and rape women,” to best-selling author Seth Abramson (oy!) explaining that the new policy is necessary because governments should not be “empowered” to “misgender” rapists.

As of now, Twitter CEO Deltavariant Brideburner (name 100% fact-checked) is allowing Rowling to remain on the platform.

How long this will continue is known only to that mystical collection of magical men in drag, the Order of the Penix.

*BLUEBALL DANUBE*

Those wacky Austrians! The Vienna Natural History Museum is “repurposing” its vast collection of human remains, launching a new exhibit where people can tour over 300 years of preserved body parts, including bloated livers, enlarged hearts, misbegotten fetuses, and of course balls balls balls!

For some odd reason, the human-remains display is attracting controversy. While museum personnel stress that the purpose of the exhibit is to educate the public and show the deleterious effects on organs of things like smoking and alcohol, critics retort that many of the body parts were taken from cadavers without the consent of the deceased or their family.

According to Agence France-Presse, one of the biggest points of contention regarding the exhibition concerns the sordid history surrounding the remains of Saartjie Baartman, an African tribeswoman from the 1800s who had such a “generous” posterior that she was paraded around Europe as a medical curiosity, and when she died, her ass was literally preserved and taken on tour.

Yes, Europeans in 1850 paid money to stare at a giant dead ass on a stage, and it was still a better live show than Madonna.

Baartman’s rear ended up in a museum, sparking a fierce debate over the exploitation of nonwhite remains. Eulogizing Baartman following her death, the great orator Frederick Douglass is reported to have said, “Let us not look at this woman as lesser than, for we are all equal before the Almighty. Also, her booty so big when she go to the beach it becomes high tide. When she farts trailer parks blow over. Bitch be a walkin’ eclipse. Her booty so large it got its own congressman.”

In the 1970s, Baartman’s butt was returned to Africa, where it was used to plug up the Mount Nyiragongo volcano.

Vienna Natural History Museum curator Eduard Winter assured the AFP that the body parts currently on display at his institution are being handled with the greatest respect so that the museum doesn’t repeat the racist discourtesy that surrounded the treatment of Ms. Baartman’s remains.

He then added, “Her booty so big Hitler annexed it for lebensraum.”

*THE VAXSUCKER PROXY*

Here’s to entrepreneurship! A New Zealand man has launched a cottage industry aimed at locals who are reluctant to take the Covid vax or any of the—what are we up to now?—three, five, ten boosters (give it a year and there’ll be as many boosters as genders).

For a few dollarydoos, the industrious Kiwi would take shots for those reluctant to do so themselves. The New Zealand press has reported that the human pincushion reportedly took as many as ten “jabs” per day.

Astrid Koornneef, who is either the New Zealand Ministry of Health’s Covid-19 program manager or the item that nobody orders at a Scandinavian deli, told the press that the vaxxed-for-hire miscreant—whose name was not released but it’s almost certainly “Pokey”—has been detained. Meanwhile, Auckland University professor Nikki Turner of the Immunisation Advisory Centre cautioned that there’s no data regarding the effects on the human body of taking that many shots. “This is definitely not recommended…. [We] have no evidence as to what side effects somebody would have with this amount of vaccine.”

Auckland police had no problem identifying the suspect, as he’s fifteen feet tall with green hair, an elephant-man head, three legs, a tail, and seven arms.

New Zealand Hindus have already declared him their new god.

If you’re wondering how in New Zealand—a nation where even the barest essentials are denied to the unvaxxed and unmasked—a man could pull off the scam of taking jabs while masquerading as other people, it turns out that photo ID is not required to get a vax card because the government fears that requiring identification would prevent the nation’s “transients” from getting the shot (most New Zealand transients are actually midgets left behind after Peter Jackson filmed the Hobbit movies).

The Biden administration responded to the events in New Zealand by reminding the press that such vax proxy chicanery could never happen here because “in America, ID is essential to establishing who got the shot. Now as for voting, that’s another story…”

*CELESTIALS ON THE MOON*

The Chinese may not have put a man on the moon, but at least they can build a sweatshop there.

A Chinese lunar rover (the only kind of rover the Chinese don’t eat) has apparently discovered a cube-like structure on the moon’s surface. Dubbed the “mysterious house,” the object will remain unknown until the lander reaches it for closer inspection, which will take between two to three months because the Chinese space program is run on power generated by child laborers.

Some have theorized that the mystery object is just a square-shaped rock, but to the CCP, it doesn’t matter; if it can house a Nike factory, that’s all that counts.

On the off chance that the structure is filled with aliens, Joe Biden has already promised them H-1B visas and $450,000.

And speaking of the U.S., while public sector space exploration seems to have stalled at “If our astronauts aren’t trannies of color, we’re not interested,” Dr. Garry Nolan, professor of pathology at Stanford University, told Vice last week that based on MRIs, people who claim to have been abducted by UFOs have cranial scarring as a result of their abductions.

If you’re curious whether the good doctor considered an alternative, horse-before-cart scenario in which the brain disorders caused the victims to believe they were abducted, keep in mind that Dr. Nolan once claimed to have located a tiny alien skeleton in Chile…which turned out to be the bones of a very human midget.

Yet more proof of the environmental damage caused by Peter Jackson’s Hobbit films.

Dude, if you’re gonna litter the globe with midgets, please clean up after yourself.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-171/

Takimag 

January 02, 2022

The Week’s Most Defining, Refining, and Auld Lang Syne-ing Headlines

*BONNIE AND CLOD*

In 2019, while promoting her “black Bonnie and Clyde” movie Queen & Slim, Greek-Jewish-Jamaican filmmaker Melina Matsoukas (a.k.a. Zorba the Kvetching Rastafarian) asked a question for the ages: “Why Bonnie and Clyde always gotta be white?”

Well, the obvious answer is because they were white. Bonnie and Clyde were real people.

But another, equally valid answer is that they never ran themselves over with their own getaway vehicle.

By virtue of his name, Kashontez Kavier Cash-On Grigler was never destined to cure cancer. Indeed, if you name your baby Kashontez Kavier Cash-On, give birth, leave the hospital, and drive directly to county lockup to deposit the child. Because that’s where he’s gonna end up anyway, so you might as well cut out the middleman.

Or, you could do what the Grigler family has actually done. Fourteen-year-old Cash-On was skulking about with his girlfriend in their hometown of Aurora, Colo., when they came upon a minivan ripe for the stealing. So they stole it. With the girl at the wheel, Kashontez decided to hang out the door, doing his best “I’m kang of the world” impression.

Sadly, he lost his grip and fell under the vehicle. And with that, Cash-On cashed-out.

Now, no one can blame his parents for grieving (though you can totally blame them for the name that sealed his fate). But the Griglers have decided to deal with their grief by trying to get the owner of the minivan criminally charged because their son and his girlfriend stole it. See, the minivan was too much of a temptation for the young astronauts, so they shouldn’t be held responsible for the theft. Anyone who owns anything nice needs to be prosecuted if a black person dies after stealing it.

The family hasn’t said if they plan to sue the owner should Aurora’s DA not charge him. But if they do, they’ll likely find some shyster who’ll take the case pro-bonehead.

*BLAME GAME FOR THE LAME*
Mind you, it’s not just black Americans who have difficulty assigning proper blame for a loved one’s death. A new HBO Max documentary, Adrienne, tells the story of actress-director Adrienne Shelly, who was murdered inside her Manhattan office in 2006 by 19-year-old Ecuadorean illegal alien Diego Pillco.

Pillco, who was working as an off-the-books hire at a construction site at the time, has given multiple, contradictory accounts of the crime. He initially claimed that Shelly infuriated him by asking his crew to keep the noise down (to be fair, the Ecuadorean national anthem is a jackhammer pounding concrete…if you’re ever offered tickets to the Ecuadorian National Symphony, take a pass).

Pillco explained that he followed Shelly to her office to lecture her on cultural sensitivity, and when she balked, he did the only logical thing and strangled her.

In later versions of the story, Pillco confessed that he’d just wanted to rob her, but when the blonde gringo wouldn’t give up the goods, he “snapped.”

Regardless, as it’s NYC, he’ll be a free man in 2033, when he’ll be in his 40s and more than able to resume blonde-hunting.

The HBO Max documentary about the case was produced by Shelly’s widower, Andy Ostroy. And as he’s been promoting the film, Ostroy’s taken every opportunity to slam “xenophobic” opponents of illegal immigration who dare to say that letting murderous illegals into the country is what led to a murderous illegal killing his wife. Indeed, Ostroy even penned an op-ed lecturing people to not insult his wife’s killer by calling him an “illegal.” Rather, he’s “a killer who simply happened to be an undocumented immigrant” (that’s an actual quote).

Oddly, Ostroy sued the construction company that employed Pillco, which, though a worthwhile endeavor, appears at odds with his continued support as a “proud Democrat” for open borders. He’ll sue the ground-level scumbags who hire the illegals even as he champions the scumbags at the top who let them in in the first place.

Ostroy should team with the Griglers for a seminar: “The most idiotic way to react to a loved one’s violent death.”

*BEING THE RETARDOS*

With Afghanistan ringing in 2022 back in the iron grip of the Taliban, the nation can finally start making TV shows that appeal to its cultural base. Of course, shorn of Westerners, Afghans can’t actually figure out how to broadcast TV signals, so their TV shows are stage productions witnessed by sex-slave boys who then travel the countryside describing them.

“Absent from the Tutu obits was acknowledgment of the fact that by any measure, the old bastard failed badly at his ‘life’s work.’”
The Afghan version of I Love Lucy (“I Love Lutfia”) is particularly entertaining. In one episode, Lutfia burns the casserole and her husband Rakki shoves her face in it. In another, Lutfia sneaks into Rakki’s adhan-calling to get in on the act, so he severs her vocal cords.

The Mertzes are played by goats.

Okay, maybe that’s not 100% true, but what is is that the Taliban are cracking down on the casting of women in TV shows. In that, they don’t want women cast in TV shows. Afghanistan’s “Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice” (known in the U.S. as “Angry Incel Reddit Group”) has demanded that TV dramas and soaps no longer use females in any of the roles. Shows can still portray women; the roles just can’t be played by women (more work for those sex-slave boys…and possibly a few directing gigs for Bryan Singer).

Also, Taliban clerics have passed a law restricting travel by unaccompanied women. No female Afghan may go farther than 45 miles from her home without a male relation in tow.

So, basically they’re locking down women but with no soap operas or other women-centered TV shows to keep them occupied.

At least give them The View. As in, literally—send those harpies to Kabul, and if anything unfortunate should befall them, the Taliban would get so much good publicity they might finally get that aid package they’re angling for.

*TA-TA, TUTU*

Last week, South Africa’s Nobel-winning anti-apartheid activist Desmond Tutu passed away at age 90. Tutu was one of the most effective spokesmen for the anti-apartheid movement in the 1980s. Always media-savvy, Tutu helped spawn a spate of anti-apartheid songs from the likes of Hall & Oates, Bob Geldof, the Fat Boys, Jackson Browne, Daryl Hannah, Bono, and Bruce Springsteen.

The idea was to bombard the West with aural crimes against humanity, so whites could know the true meaning of suffering. “See how you like it,” Tutu famously said after the debut of the Bono/Fat Boys single “Jo’berg Sucka MCs.”

Absent from the Tutu obits was acknowledgment of the fact that by any measure, the old bastard failed badly at his “life’s work.” His defining achievement was the establishment of South Africa’s “Truth and Reconciliation Commission,” which was supposed to “heal the nation” by giving amnesty to anyone who committed crimes under apartheid as long as they stood before the commission and confessed.

The idea was, blacks who harmed whites would be forgiven by whites, and whites who harmed blacks would be forgiven by blacks.

One of those things happened, the other didn’t. Can you guess which is which?

So many whites have been murdered since the beginning of black rule in SA that it’s tempting to wonder if the uneven outcome of Tutu’s commission was a bug or a feature.

In 1998, when Anne Paton, the widow of the white author whose book Cry, the Beloved Country was supposedly an “inspiration” to Tutu, wrote a letter to The Sunday Times explaining that she was fleeing SA due to the nonstop murdering of whites (and her own near-murder), Tutu conveniently forgot to get any musicians on board for a benefit song (Johnny Depp’s short-lived rock band P had recorded “Die Anne” just three years earlier…a song ready-made for the occasion!).

Tutu died knowing that his jibber-jabber about “reconciliation” was as meaningless as a Zulu rain chant.

The only question (which the MSM will never ask) is, did Tutu die disappointed…or pleased?

*THE SOUTH WILL OXIDIZE AGAIN*
A funny thing happened when Virginia politicians kowtowed to BLM and decided to decimate all Confederate statues and monuments…they realized that the history they were destroying was more than just representative effigies.

There was, like, actual history inside those statues.

Several of the demolished sculptures had been constructed with time capsules in the base.

While razing the 134-year-old Robert E. Lee memorial in Richmond, workers leveling the pedestal came across a curious oxidized copper box. Turns out the box was a time capsule placed there in 1887.

Fearing that the box might contain racism, it was rushed to a forensic lab to be examined under controlled conditions.

Sadly, upon opening the container, the statue-destroyers were not attacked by suspended-animation murder cicadas. A pity, as the world would’ve been better for it.

Instead, the “researchers” (who, keep in mind, were happily participating in the physical destruction of historical artifacts) came across historical artifacts and feigned delight at their discovery like nobody would catch the contradiction.

“Yay, I just destroyed a 134-year-old monument! But ooooh, I just uncovered an old newspaper clipping! I’m a good historian!”

Along with newspaper clippings, the box contained Confederate money (burn it!), a button from a Confederate uniform (melt it down!), a shell fragment from the Battle of Fredericksburg (use it to shoot white women!), and an old directory of the city of Richmond (imprison the descendants!).

Hopefully, the inconvenient box will be the last impediment to clearing away the Lee statue to make room for its replacement, a monument to the legendary moment when Nikole Hannah-Jones discovered Mallomars (“man, they tasty”).

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-172/

Takimag 

January 09, 2022

The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Resolution-Breaking Headlines

*MINER 1619ER*

Did you know that black women are God? That’s an actual talking point these days, and like a Lyme-carrying tick, you’re best off avoiding it.

The Black Woman Is God is a traveling exhibit currently housed at the SOMArts Cultural Center in San Francisco through Feb. 6 (so get your tickets now). And the central concept of the exhibition was defined last week by rapper Big Sean during an interview with Essence. Black women, the talentless mumbler explained, “are magical” and “the closest thing to God,” because all black people “come out of a Blackhole just like the universe was birthed and it’s really deep when you get down to it.”

Deep indeed (to quote an old National Lampoon punchline, “Help me find my motorcycle and we can ride around until we see daylight”).

Unfortunately, many of Big Sean’s godly black female fans didn’t appreciate the compliment, pointing out that the rapper never dates black chicks. Others on social media mentioned that “white” and “yellow” holes birth slightly less, uh, lawless “universes.”

And although everyone envisions God in their own way, it’s a little difficult to imagine an all-powerful deity brawling at McDonald’s because they fries be takin’ too long.

“God was in this KFC today.”

“How do you know?”

“Look at all the shredded weaves on the floor.”

At the same time Big Sean was quoting from his holy (fentanyl) tablets, a sacred black woman stormed through a Venice Beach Rite Aid carrying a pickax, threatening staff and customers as she loaded a basket with shoplifted items.

Does that count as a religious vision? Our Lady of Yo’ Mama So Fátima?

It must, because in observance of the miracle, Rite Aid announced that it’s closing over 63 stores due to shoplifting by deities.

Vacant Rite Aids: the Lourdes of wokeness.

*ALOHA ʻOE VEY*

Pacific Islanders are some hefty SOBs. Back in 2015, CNN called the Pacific Islands “the fattest region in the world,” noting that, according to the WHO, “among the top-10 most obese countries or territories globally, nine are Pacific islands.”

There’s nothing “micro” about nesians.

While suggesting that Pacific Islander blubber may be genetic “based on the fact Pacific islanders once endured long journeys at sea and those who fared best stored enough energy in the form of fat to survive their journey,” the network declared Pacific Island fat-assery a major health hazard, a sentiment echoed by public health officials interviewed for the piece.

2015, such an ignorant and primitive time. People still thought superstitions like “genes” and “heritability” were real instead of racist constructs. And doctors still had the fatphobic notion that obesity is unhealthy.

Thankfully, Covid rid us of that silliness (just as it rid scores of fat people of their vital signs). These days, a coalition of “body positivity” activists and extremist pro-vaxxers who refuse to entertain the notion that anything other than vaccines and never-ending boosters can help fight the disease (“Therapeutics? Bunk! Reducing obesity? Voodoo!”) are making sure that fatties can fantasize that their fat doesn’t put them at major risk of dying from Covid…even though every single health agency from the CDC to the WHO says it does.

So when the Hawaii Department of Health decided to launch a New Year’s campaign to encourage islanders to get their jab, the poi-stuffed pinheads at the agency crafted an animated online spot in which a portly, chinless Hawaiian woman is thinking about her New Year’s resolutions.

“Eat healthier?” she wonders. But no, that thought is immediately crossed out with a big red line. Never eat healthy! “Exercise regularly?” she suggests. Nope, that one too gets crossed out as unnecessary. “Get keiki (child) vaccinated?” Yep! That’s the one the Hawaii DOH says you gotta do! Forget those other things.

Within days of posting the video, the Hawaii DOH was forced to remove it due to complaints from furious natives still dealing with the repercussions of the deforestation caused by all the grass needed to furnish skirts that can fit the state’s lard-ass hula dancers.

As they say on the island, “Belly kalikimaka.”

*HEY, MASK THAT DUMPSTER BABY!*

Remember when people would sneak into an airplane bathroom for a quick smoke?

Ah, the salad days! At present, it’s more likely that air travelers will hide in a bathroom to remove their mask to get a few needed gasps of unmuffled air. It’s actually rather surprising that the Biden administration hasn’t mandated “oxygen detectors” in airplane restrooms to make sure no one’s breathing too much.

Last week, a woman from Madagascar took the whole “dirty deed in the bathroom” thing one massive step further. Displaying the ingenuity that’s led to her island nation’s resounding successes in science and technology—over 7% of Madagascar roads are paved, and last year the country got its first VCR (once they figure out electricity, they’ll fire it up)—the unnamed Madagascarian crept into the bathroom on a flight to Mauritius and popped out a baby, leaving it in the trash bin and returning to her seat.

If you’re wondering why nobody sitting near the bathroom became alarmed by the cries of the infant, it’s because most Madagascarians have never been on a plane; the passengers were first-timers, so they just assumed that jet engines sound like screaming babies.

The child was eventually found during a post-flight customs check. After declaring the baby doody-free, the agents notified police, who took the woman into custody after conducting a medical examination to determine that she’d recently given birth (fortunately there was a European tourist on the plane who was able to instruct the Mauritius doctors where on the woman’s body to look).

At least the other female passengers didn’t have to endure what happened to the women aboard a Qatar Airways flight last October, when a newborn was found in a toilet and every woman on the plane had to undergo forced vaginal prodding.

Welcome to Aer Cunnilingus.

*GETTIN’ BLOWN IN THE WIND*

Back in August 2009, Bob Dylan was stopped by police while strolling through a neighborhood in Long Branch, N.J., because residents mistook him for a shadowy lurking creeper. The story went viral as music fans worldwide ridiculed the locals for not recognizing rock’s defining incoherent icon.

Well…maybe the neighbors were onto something.

An elderly woman in Greenwich, Conn., has filed a lawsuit against the 80-year-old music legend, accusing him of having molested her when she was a 12-year-old girl in 1965.

To crib a Norm Macdonald joke, “And I thought I left things to the last minute.”

Oldy McGee (identified in court papers only as J.C., implying a possible messiah complex) claims that when she was a child, Dylan (in his mid-20s at the time) plied her with “drugs, alcohol, and threats of violence” as he “groomed” her for sexual favors.

According to J.C.’s suit, the “depression, humiliation and anxiety” she felt as a result of the abuse “were of a permanent and lasting nature and have incapacitated plaintiff from attending her regular activities.”

Well, it’s good she’s finally seeking remedy now…when her life’s practically over.

Hopefully the closure she receives from the lawsuit will finally allow her to pursue her dream of becoming an Olympic athlete.

J.C.’s attorney told Page Six that he had no comment regarding why it took his client 57 years to seek redress, but rumor has it she became badly distracted by a Rubik’s Cube in 1980.

Along with her Dylan suit, J.C. has launched a petition urging NBC to bring back The Golden Girls.

A spokesperson for Betty White responded, “You couldn’t have done this a week ago?”

*ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK…TO HELL*

No one’s saying that George Soros is the devil. That would be silly. That would be childish. No one’s suggesting that Soros sits at home singing “Those Were the Good Old Days” from Damn Yankees.

That said, if the devil were on earth, there’s nothing he’d do that Soros isn’t already doing.

Just when New Yorkers thought they might get a reprieve from the unprecedented explosion of violent crime and anarchy that’s plagued their city since George Floyd’s chiropractic procedure went south, just when it seemed like ex-cop mayor-elect Eric Adams was going to bring back something resembling law and order, in comes new Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg—a man whose campaign was funded by Soros—and _voilà_, like magic, the pushback against crime ends, and Adams reverses himself on his “restore the rule of law” pledge.

Again, no one’s saying that Soros is Satan. But he’s very likely Satan.

Bragg has decreed that under his rule, almost every felony except homicide will no longer be prosecuted. That includes armed robbery and the “punch an Asian” and “jack a Jew” games so popular among the city’s young blacks. Under Bragg’s new guidelines, armed robbers will be let off the hook as long as they don’t kill someone, and home invaders will get off as long as they only break into a part of the property “not accessible to a living area.”

So for Manhattanites with garages, now’s the time to move your crap into Granny’s room, because every garage is now a take-a-penny tray.

“Tough on crime” Mayor Adams declared Bragg a leader on “Team Public Safety.” When asked how he could so swiftly reverse himself on his defining campaign issue, Adams merely laughed and said, “These things happen.”

He then went home and gazed at the portrait of his grotesque 200-year-old self, pondering the possibility that the blood contract he signed with Soros in the 1800s was a mistake.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-173/

_The Week’s Most Flaying, Braying, and MLK-ing Headlines_
*NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH JEW-CONTRITION*
New Mexico consistently scores worst-of-the-worst in terms of poverty  and educational rankings by state. And many of the “Land of  Enchantment’s” Jews want out. So where are they heading? L.A.? _What, I’m made of money?_ Florida? _Oy, the humidity._ Okay, then Israel hows-about?
_Enough with the Arabs already!_
 Nope, the destination of choice for New Mexico’s choosy Jewsies is…Spain.
 Didn’t see that coming, huh?

              It all started in 2015 when the Spanish Parliament apologized to Jews  for the Inquisition and passed a “right of return” providing a pathway  to citizenship for any Jew whose family had been kicked out in the  1400s.
   Better late than never, huh?
 Turns out there are thousands of Jews who actually want to take Spain  up on its offer; the nation received over 50,000 applications from  wandering schmendricks in the first year alone, many from New Mexico  Jews who claim Spanish ancestry (or Spanish surnames adopted to allow  them to take advantage of the affirmative-action laws they helped pass).  So now Spain’s put the brakes on the program, and New Mexico’s unchosen  Chosen are lobbying their elected officials to force Spain to let them  in.
 NM Rep. Teresa Fernández and Sen. Ben Luján made a personal appeal to  Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez last week: “Let our people come!”
  The _Sante Fe New Mexican_ interviewed one of the frustrated _farbissiners_,  Jean Stevens, who kvetched that the Spanish government “strung her  along” for two years and didn’t inform her that her application had been  rejected. She also complained that her brother hadn’t told her their  father was dying until he was already gone.
 And then McDonald’s left her fries on the counter for ten minutes until they were soggy.

              This woman has no luck.
 In an ironic twist of fate, Spain is facing so many legal challenges  from barred Jews, the nation’s looking to up its quota of lawyers.
 Some problems fix themselves.
*TWO-POINT CONVERSION*
Of course, in the circle of life, when something exits, something else  enters. As New Mexico prepares to lose Jews, Ohio just got new ones. A  black family in Canton recently converted to the militant “Hebrew  Israelite” faith, and, eager to display their newfound Judaism, they  stopped eating pork and started becoming litigious.
  The family’s suing  their son’s high school athletics department because, they allege, the  coaches forced the boy, a star (of David) football player, to eat pizza  with pepperoni on it, in violation of the family’s long-standing (like,  almost an entire year!) religious traditions.

              The coaches countered that players were given a choice of pizza or  chicken nuggets, and apparently little George Washington Kosher went for  the pizza, removing the pepperoni before eating it.


No matter, said the school. The head coach and six assistants have been fired. Of the fired staff, all but two are black.
 You become Jewish and immediately you get rid of the schvartzes. McKinley High athletics department has been gentrified!
 The coaches are countersuing the family for defamation, and while the  family has obtained a fine Hebraic lawyer as befits their new identity,  the coaches have hired a bargain-basement black one who’ll take any  case for only $16.19 an hour.
According to the _Daily Mail_,  the student has transferred to another school after facing bullying and  harassment from his teammates, several of whom belong to a violent  anti-Jewish street gang, the Libel Bloods.
 You’re Jewish for just a few weeks and already, an expulsion. Hopefully he’ll have better experiences at camp.
 No word on where the exiled boy will end up, but Spain could probably use a good kicker for its national soccer team.
*THE BOYZ IN THE BUBBLE*
From the Harlem Renaissance through the black-power movement, poems  about black Americans have uniformly stressed one defining  characteristic: strength. The power to survive and thrive under all  manner of oppression and strife.
_I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong._
—Langston Hughes, 1925
_You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise._
—Maya Angelou, 1978
_I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!_
—Black America, 2022
 How the hell did black America become so _fragile_? Blacks go  around these days acting like they’re made of porcelain. A slight wind  might break ’em! “Racist thoughts” in the ether are shortening their  life spans, giving the men hypertension and the women miscarriages, and  causing low birth-weight in babies.
 And whites aren’t just buying into this but enabling it. Last week  saw a spate of stories about how Covid treatment is being denied to  whites because hospitals, clinics, and health departments now consider  being black a high-risk comorbidity. This isn’t just happening in blue  states; it’s happening in places like Texas and Utah  (where a perfectly healthy one-quarter-black college athlete would get  preferential treatment over a 70-year-old white man with cancer).
 The Biden administration (“I’ll take ‘three words that are never followed by anything good’ for $400”) has backed a lawsuit  by black Whole Foods employees who were prevented from wearing BLM face  masks (Whole Foods has a blanket “no political attire” policy for  employees). The black workers, supported by the National Labor Relations  Board, are invoking a section of the National Labor Relations Act that  guarantees workers the right to not feel “unprotected” in the workplace.  The employees are literally saying the BLM masks “protect” them from  dying of racism.
 Anti-racism masks…expect colleges to start mandating those immediately!
 Today’s woke, fragile blacks “rise like air” because it’s the only thing in their head.
*MOOS OF THE WORLD*
Turkey may be a nation long past its prime when it comes to being a  defining world power, but boy, when it comes to strapping cumbersome  electronic gear to the faces of cows, they’re the international leader.
 A farmer named Izzet Kocak (well, izzet kocak or isn’t it?) in  Askaray (izzet kocak? Askaray!) has announced to the international press  that he’s found a high-tech way to up milk production on his dairy  farm: He’s affixed VR headsets to his cows. The headsets make the cows  believe they’re standing in a lush, green pasture, instead of the  cramped indoor pen of a local lunatic.
 According to Kocak, ever since he put his moo-cows in the Matrix, milk production has risen from 22 liters a day to 27. He told _Metro_  that the cows are “happier” now, though there’s a rumor it’s because  animal-rights hackers replaced the VR pastoral images with scenes of the  entire herd stomping the living crap out of Izzet Kocak.
_Metro_ noted that the bovine VR headsets come from a lab in  Russia. Not to get paranoid, but Putin’s an old-school spook of the  poison-umbrella type. The dude never shies away from a wacky scheme, be  it putting radiation in tea, dousing fathers and daughters with nerve gas, or transforming the Ukrainian president into Deadpool.
 If the idea of Russia turning the West’s cows against us seems  far-fetched, to Putin it wouldn’t be. Now that the VR headsets are being  given a test run in Turkey, expect them to be the next big thing in the  U.S. All day long, cows will receive subliminal messages: “Kill the  Americans and their children! They seek to eat you; it’s you or them.  Crimea was _always_ part of Russia!”
 There are 93 million cows in the U.S.—more than double the population  of California. Still, the Soviet fifth cowlumnists might be slightly  hampered by their inability to use a gun or knife or, like, do anything  but plod.
 But woe be to any teenagers who try to tip them.
 They will bury _moooooo_.
*DEFACE OF STUPIDITY*
Opposite parts of the world, similar idiots.
 In Greece, two gay men decided it would be a hoot to film a hardcore X-rated sex scene at the Acropolis in Athens.  This is against the law over there, as no filming of any kind is  allowed at historical landmarks without the express written permission  of the Ministry of Culture.
 But really, lack of a permission slip is the least troublesome thing  about that shoot. Greek law forbids “any action on a monument site,  which may directly or indirectly cause destruction, damage, pollution or  alteration of its form.”
 As it was a gay porn, there was almost certainly some “pollution.”
 Police are searching for the men, who apparently aren’t the sharpest  Spartans in the Hot Gate, because they showed their film at a  university, and authorities got a copy.
 The porn stars thought they could get away with it by covering their  faces during filming, but unfortunately for them, as police were viewing  the footage, one cop blurted out, “Hey—I know that penis! It’s the guy  who starred in _Leonidass vs. Jerxes_.”
 As everyone in the room stared at him, the cop cleared his throat and  said, “How ’bout that Panathinaikos match last night? That last goal  was a nail-biter!”
 Meanwhile, in Big Bend National Park in Texas, vandals defaced  an 8,500-year-old prehistoric stone carving depicting “abstract images  of geometric forms, circles, and undulating lines” (this was from early  man’s Spirographic period). Not surprisingly (because what could such  people be except complete morons?), the vandals carved the date of their  visit and their names into the defaced rock: Norma, Adrian, Isaac, and  Ariel.
 “Whoa, dude, how’d you find us?”
 “You wrote your friggin’ names.”
 “_Whoooooah_…an almost perfect crime. If only we hadn’t made that _one_ little mistake.”
 The hardest rocks are inside those cretins’ heads.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-174/

_The Week’s Most Hibernal, Nocturnal, and Sempiternal Headlines_
*WAKE-OB’S LADDER*
In the wokeness ecosystem, one corrupt race-hustler springs forth from  another, which sprung forth from another, which itself sprung forth from  another. It’s like the fly-egg-larva-pupa-fly cycle on dog poop, but  far more putrid.
 Last week, Marilyn Mosby, state’s attorney for Baltimore, was indicted on federal perjury and fraud charges. Mosby, a _strong black woman_,  was especially strong when it came to bilking the system. She conned  $100,000 in Covid relief money by falsely claiming “financial hardship”  (her annual salary is $248,000), and she made false statements in  mortgage applications for a $490,500 home and a $428,400 condo.
 Now _that’s_ some good old-fashioned “hardship.”
_I’m gon’ lay down my burden,
Down by my riverside condo._

              Mosby, who got where she is because of race, was helped to that  position by Kamala Harris, who also got where she is because of  race—half-black, half-Indian. And on the same day that black  race-hustler Mosby was indicted, Indian race-hustler Charles Edwards  pleaded guilty to federal fraud charges.  Edwards had been Inspector General for Homeland Security under Obama  (another race hustler), who appointed Edwards IG because who better than  an Indian to investigate government waste? (Indians know all about  “waste”…just look at any sidewalk in Mumbai.)
   Turns out the pilfering Punjabi “used, possessed, and transferred  stolen DHS-OIG and USPS-OIG documents and information to software  developers in India.”
 He also kept calling people claiming to be from Windows tech support.
 The irony is, while Edwards was IG, he prosecuted a race-hustling  Hispanic woman, Dawn Hamilton, for falsely claiming to be a  small-business owner in order to receive benefits from the Small  Business Administration’s Section 8(a) program, which throws cash at minority businesses like an NBA player at a strip club.
  Rungs on a race-hustling ladder. Obama, Hamilton, Edwards, Harris,  Mosby: each running their own game, each proving daily that diversity is  our stench.
*SAD SACKER*
_Naissus, 443 AD
The army of Attila the Hun relaxes in its encampment, the city thoroughly crushed.
Faint weeping is heard from Attila’s tent. Curious, one of his generals enters._

              General: “What troubles you, my leader?”
 Attila: “Why people gotta be so _mean_?”
 General: “Sir?”
 Attila: “People bein’ _mean_ to me for sacking they towns.  They givin’ me dirty looks ’n’ yellin’ at me. They be sayin’ I’m makin’  mahself rich an’ takin’ they stuff, like I don’t care or nuthin’.”
  General: “But sir, you _don’t_ care. You’re a heartless warlord.”

              Attila (smiling): “Oh snap, I fo’got!”
 Human callousness has never more vulgarly expressed itself throughout  history than when selfish peons have shown hostility to ruthless  pillagers without considering the _feelings_ of those pillagers. Attila, Genghis, Timur…these were _human beings_. And shame on us for not taking that into account.


At least that’s how the _L.A. Times_ sees it. Last week the paper ran a twelve-hankie portrait  of BLM cofounder Patrisse Cullors, who is “healing” from having “PTSD”  because the “little people” got angry at her after BLM sacked their  cities while she nabbed multimillion-dollar book deals and splurged on  fancy houses.
 Yes, Cullors is claiming she _got_ “PTSD” from those she _gave_ PTSD (the people beaten and robbed by BLM, the families of those killed, and the store owners who lost their livelihoods).
 According to the _Times_, the woebegone woke warlord “checked  herself into treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder.” Cullors, the  ultimate objectifier and attacker, told the _Times_ she felt  “objectified and attacked.” She explained that she couldn’t find a PTSD  clinic that could treat her “racial trauma,” so she assembled a team of  high-priced therapists and booked a country estate as her exclusive  clinic.
 Such a victim! Cullors should join Marilyn Mosby in a spiritual:
_Swing low, golden chariot,
Comin’ for to carry me to my million-dollar home!_
*A MURDER OF CORNROWS*
For its February cover, British _Vogue_ hired the blackiest  collection of African fashion models ever assembled. The dark-skinned  lady noires posed next to each other, dressed in black, sporting the  “noble woman-of-color face” that’s the template these days for _all_ black female media photos.
 Models Adut Akech (_gesundheit_), Janet Jumbo (only $1 more than Janet Large), Anok Yai (antibiotics can cure that), Nyagua Fall (_slowly I turned_…), Akon Changkou (you’re welcome), and four others carried off the cover in grand style. British _Vogue_ editor-in-chief Edward Enninful, a Ghanaian, kvelled, “I love that we’re finally giving more space to African beauty.”
 Unfortunately, that love was not shared by “black Twitter,” where malcontents complained  that the cover is “too black” and the lighting makes the girls look  “too dark. “They put these models in terrible lighting, they dressed  them all in black like a funeral,” one tweeter fumed.
 “This isn’t #BlackGirlMagic, it’s Black Girls Tragic,” another wrote.
 “Why blacks gotta be so black?” might seem like an odd beef in the  BLM age, but such complaints aren’t unique to blacks. Two weeks ago,  Mercedes-Benz was pelted with criticism in China for an advertisement  that used Chinese models with “slanted eyes.” Weibo users slammed the  automaker for perpetuating “harmful stereotypes about Asians” by showing  Asian women with Asian features.
 At which point the highly rational Germans at Mercedes self-destructed like in that _Star Trek_ episode where Kirk uses illogic to short-circuit some androids.
 In response to the criticism, Chinese model Cai Niangniang (_oh, a wise guy, eh?_) told the _Daily Mail_, “Just because my eyes are small, I’m not good enough to be a Chinese person?”
 Then she self-destructed as well.
 It’s getting impossible to tell the difference between “racial pride” and “self-loathing.”
*RETURN OF THE MACRON*
The French always get things just a little…wrong. Like screaming  “liberty, fraternity, and equality” during a “revolution” of terror and  bloodshed.
 Or declaring war on a more powerful nation in the name of liberating a  nation they can’t possibly liberate, while trusting the British to  stand by them in the aftermath.
 “Sacré bleu, mes frères, why are you all heading to ze beach? Should we not be fighting ze Nazis?”
 “Right…uh…well…we’re goin’ fer a dip we is we is. Just a right quick  swim ’round the channel to ’arden the nerves, me old fruit, and then  we’ll be back to ’elp you run off them bloody krauts.”
 “_D’accord_. Enjoy your swim, mes amies!”
 (The above was taken from the wartime diary of Charles de Gaullible.)
 President Macron has decreed  that in order to teach French children how to discern accurate  information from untruths, to “educate our children with the critical  ‘spirit of method,’” the government must ban all internet posts it  considers “disinformation.”
 Yes, that’s _exactly_ how you teach critical thinking! Let the government decide what’s true and ban everything else.
 Like how the best way to lose weight is to have someone else exercise for you.
 Macron wants to prosecute social media posters for the crime of  “diffusion by digital means of news which is known to be inexact and  which damages others.”
 Putting people in prison for being “inexact” will sure help teach those “critical thinking” skills!
 Macron assured the media that these new speech regulations are in no  way connected to the fact that he’s mere months away from an election in  which he’ll be facing three rightist candidates, one of whom has  already accrued several “hate speech” charges for daring to point out  that violent Muslim immigrants are violent.
 Macron insisted that he’s not attempting to use the new speech regs  to silence his opposition. “This is France,” he told reporters. “When we  want to silence opposition, we use a guillotine.”
 He then laughed and added, “I’m kidding, of course. We just have our violent Muslims behead them.”
*“POLITICS IS LITERALLY MURDERING ME”*
Consider for a moment the mindset of the average Zoomer. Consider the  world as they see it. Covid is killing young people by the score.  Schools are unsafe. Three vaxxes and ten boosters will not protect you,  even though you still need to get them because if you must die, die for  science! Police shoot about a thousand unarmed people daily (2,000 in  black areas), as Donald Trump mounts a Nazi army that will invade the  Capitol (under the command of Obersturmbannführer DeathSantis), as  Klansmen lynch the gender-fluid (a.k.a. every Zoomer) while climate  change depletes the planet’s oxygen and people of color die agonizing  deaths due to racism-rays emanating from old VHS tapes of 1990s stand-up  comedy.
 It should come as no surprise that young people who claim to be  “news-savvy” are suffering debilitating health effects from the anxiety  caused by their VR-nightmare America.
 A new study  from the University of Nebraska found that Democrat-leaning young  people are experiencing “a serious toll on their physical health” due to  their political beliefs. While the study found that this phenomenon is  not confined to young liberals, that’s the group “most likely” to be  literally murdered by their worldview.
 Indeed, the study found that a large percentage of these face-tat  fetuses have actually contemplated suicide because of politics. And why  not? If you think death awaits you around every corner, via Covid,  police, Trump, Nazis, KKK, racism, or global catastrophe, best to take  the easy way out before you realize you’re trans and Dave Chappelle  strangles you as you sleep.
 The author of the study worries that if young liberals continue to  suffer physically because of their politics, they might check out of the  entire process: “If people view politics as so conflictual, and  potentially a threat to their own well-being, they’ll say ‘heck with it,  I don’t want to get involved.’”
 It’s nice, for once, to end The Week on an optimistic note.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://takimag.com/article/the-week-that-perished-175/

Takimag 

January 30, 2022

The Week’s Most Galling, Appalling, and Stonewalling Headlines

*JEWDUNIT*

It’s easy to imagine Anne Frank sitting beside Emmett Till in the great beyond, yelling down at the living, “Can’t you morons please let us rest in peace?”

Ah, but what’s the point of murdered teenagers if you can’t turn them into an industry? Teens are lazy and work-shy enough when they’re alive; the dead ones who refuse to earn their keep are even worse.

Fortunately, that’s not a problem for either Frank or Till, the most profitable dead teens since Ritchie Valens. And last week was Frank’s time to shine.

While speaking at an anti-vax mandate rally in D.C., Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared that Anne Frank had it better than unvaxxed Americans:

Even in Hitler’s Germany, you could cross the Alps into Switzerland, you could hide in the attic like Anne Frank did. Mechanisms are being put in place so that none of us can run and none of us can hide.

Anne Frank lived in the Netherlands, not Germany, but what’s a minor detail like that to a Kennedy heir who seems to be trying to outdo JFK Jr. in the “fatal nosedive” competition?

The Auschwitz Museum denounced RFK 2.0’s comments in a press release, which ended with a plug for the museum’s new Anne Frank Escape Room Adventure: Figure out the coded diary and unlock the secret annex before poison gas fills the room!

Meanwhile, a new book, The Betrayal of Anne Frank, claims to have solved the whodunit regarding the identity of the person who betrayed the Frank family to the Nazis. According to the author, a Jewish notary ratted them out, apparently because Anne wouldn’t let him stamp her diary.

The New York Times condemned the book, because surely no Jew would’ve ever betrayed another Jew during the Holocaust.

Cut to George Soros nervously looking around, eyes darting from side to side, saying, “Yeah, sure, that’s right, see? Jews never betrayed Jews during the Holocaust, see? And don’t you forget it, see?”

*MEAT(HEADS) AND POTATOES*

There are two types of people: those who like Neil Young’s music and those with good hearing.

Last week, the whiny relic penned an open letter to Spotify demanding that the streamer stop carrying the Joe Rogan podcast. Young threatened to remove his music from the service if his demands weren’t met. According to the jowly has-been, the Rogan podcast (Spotify’s most successful show) is “spreading fake information about vaccines.”

“Please act on this immediately today and keep me informed of the time schedule,” Young dictated to his secretary (a hamster) before storming off into a broom closet and angrily remarking, “This isn’t Massey Hall!”

The irony about Young’s “protest” is that Young himself has a history of spreading medical disinfo. In the 1980s, he went on a bizarre crusade against gays working in public places, because he thought you could get AIDS by touching something a gay person had touched.

*“You go to the supermarket and you see a fagggot behind the $#@!ing cash register, you don’t want him to handle your potatoes.”*

That’s an actual quote.

_This summer I hear the drumming,
I’m dead from a poe-tay-toe._

Young was also a booster of Charles Manson, recommending the cult leader to music-industry execs. He even bought the dude a motorcycle! Manson called Young the only person who ever truly believed in him.

So, Neil Young championed Charles Manson and thought you could get AIDS from a potato that’d been “touched by a fagggot.”

By all means, trust this guy’s instincts.

And while Spotify responded to Young’s threat by acting like he doesn’t exist (which everyone else had been doing anyway), that surely won’t slow the man’s golden-years activism.

Next stop: his local supermarket. “Get rid of your AIDS potatoes or I won’t let you play my songs on the Muzak.”

*ART IMITATES STRIFE*

In their quest to make New York even less livable, two state senators, Brad Hoylman and Jamaal Bailey, have proposed a new law that would prevent the use of rap lyrics as evidence against rappers who boast about their crimes in song.

The law would bar prosecutors from bringing up a rapper’s admission of guilt, as long as said admission had been uttered as part of the accused’s “art.”

“The right to free speech is enshrined in our federal and state constitutions,” Bailey told the press. “The admission of art as criminal evidence only serves to erode this fundamental right.”

The idea that a confession can’t be used in court as long as it’s delivered as “art” opens up a whole new opportunity for fellowship between blacks and Jews. Black criminals can hire Jewish gag-writers to teach them how to deliver confessions as a comedy monologue, thus making them inadmissible under the new law.

Suspect: “There’s a joke about a guy named DeMarquis who robbed a bodega at Washington and 178th. Didja hear it?”

Detective: “No.”

Suspect: “Well, that cashier I shot in the face certainly did!”

Wakawakawaka!

Suspect: “You know why I punched that Chink woman at Tremont station?”

Detective: “Why?”

Suspect: “She asked me for some kung-POW!”

Boyoyoyoing!!!

Suspect: “Hey, here’s a hilarious one! I looted an entire Walmart. Cleaned the place out!”

Detective: “I don’t find that funny.”

Suspect: “I guess it loses something in the retailing.”

Ba-dum bum!

Suspect: “Yo, how many dead UberEats drivers do it take to change a light bulb?”

Detective: “I have no idea.”

Suspect: “Definitely not three…found that out last night!”

Wah-wah-waaaaaah!

*WHAT XI REALLY WANTS TO DO IS DIRECT*

Last week, Chinese basketball fans pelted black player Sonny Weems (who plays for the Guangdong Southern Tigers) with racial insults (Weems, to his credit, resisted the urge to shout back, “Hey, with me on the team it’s the LONGdong Southern Tigers”).

If the Chinese get that worked up about a black basketball player, one can imagine how they feel about the fact that Hollywood these days only seems interested in churning out films with black leads.

As a result, the CCP is rereleasing older American hits, but the problem is that a lot of those films are from a time when movies could at least pretend to be somewhat anarchic and not single-mindedly obsessed with social justice.

The Chinese, ever practical, have decided that the best way to deal with “problematic” American films is to reedit them so that they have pro-authoritarian endings.

Canny film buffs discovered last week that David Fincher’s Fight Club was reedited by Chinese censors so that Tyler Durden’s terrorist attack is thwarted and he’s taken to a gulag.

Funny as that may seem, in 1955 CBS forced Alfred Hitchcock to do the same thing with Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Hitch’s stories often involved the bad guy getting away. The network let the stories be shot as written, but then Hitch would have to appear at the end to reassure the audience that the villains were eventually caught. In the show’s adaptation of Roald Dahl’s short story “Lamb to the Slaughter,” in which a wife bludgeons her husband with a leg of lamb and then serves it to the investigating officers so that they eat the murder weapon, the network made Hitch add a coda where he said, “But soon enough the detectives realized what happened and arrested the widow.”

1955. So the Chinese are only 67 years behind us. Yet, as Hollywood’s most coveted audience, perhaps it’s time for filmmakers to go back to those good old days and start producing the kind of antiseptic content the CCP can be at peace with.

Like, remake Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.

But lose the black guy.

*WILD BLACK YONDER*

Last week it was revealed that the U.S. Air Force repeatedly reinstated a female airwoman after she quit time and again during training. The sista was being groomed to be the first female to make it through the USAF’s elite special tactics officer training, but the trainee turned out to be “special” in all the wrong ways. During a land navigation event, she “self-eliminated” (that’s military jargon for “quit”; it’s also Secret Service jargon for why Biden needs a new pair of pants ASAP). The black trainee also quit twice during “water confidence sessions” in a swimming pool and there’s no joke that can be written here that’s any better than the one you just thought of yourself.

It was also revealed that the woman was only in the elite program in the first place because training standards had been lowered just for her.

Normally when a trainee quits they’re removed from the program. The trainee in question, Morgan Mosby, quit thrice, and leadership kept bringing her back, whether she wanted to return or not. Because today the medals aren’t for skill, bravery, or service but affirmative action, social justice, and reading Ibram X. Kendi books. And graduating a black female special tactics officer would earn Air Force brass the coveted “Kamala Cackle,” the highest honor that can be bestowed upon career military pencil-pushers.

Initially, USAF Lieutenant General James Slife praised Mosby and condemned the airman who leaked the story of her preferential treatment. But now that the press, and the GOP, are on the case, Slife is promising an investigation.

Funny enough, none of the media accounts mention Mosby’s race, and the USAF has removed her profile with her photo. That’s counterproductive. Stress that she’s black and the GOP will back off, lest they risk losing Baltimore in the next election.

As for Mosby, she’s blaming the entire thing on men who are “out to get her,” suggesting that she’s far more suited to a career in politics than the military.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-176/ 

February 06, 2022

The Week’s Most Fidgeting, Widgeting, and Midgeting Headlines

*TERRORS OF TINY TOWN*

Dwarf actors are kings of the self-own. You hire them, and they always find some way to screw it up. Suicide by gun (Hervé Villechaize, David Rappaport) or alcohol (Verne Troyer, Hank Nasiff), running their fool selves over with their own dwarfmobile (Jack Purvis), and even if they manage to avoid death and they get cast in a reboot of their most successful project, they’ll blow it by calling the director a “rapist murderer” (Mike Anderson).

And now the world’s most famous dwarf actor has decided to blow it for everyone else in his demographic. Peter Dinklage, the “handsome dwarf” (which is rather like saying that melanoma is the “least fatal cancer”; true, but it’s still cancer), has gone to war with Disney over the studio’s live-action remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Dinklage claims it’s “insulting” to portray heroic dwarfs with well-defined personalities unconnected to their dwarfism.

Dinklage is urging Disney to either scrap the film, or make the dwarfs into trannies (Grumpy repeatedly screams, “Call me ma’am,” Doc lops off penises, and Bashful lacks the courage to expose himself to schoolgirls).

As it is, Disney’s been patting itself on the back for casting a mixed-race “Latina” as Snow White: Actress Rachel Zegler is of Polish and Colombian descent (how can you tell a Polish Colombian? At the airport he puts his shampoo bottle inside his bag of cocaine).

The studio announced last week that it’s attempting to address Dinklage’s complaints by “talking to the dwarf community” (there’s only one way to talk to dwarfs, and that’s “down”).

Dinklage’s griping has sparked a backlash from less successful dwarf actors, who’ve accused the Game of Thrones star of ruining their chance at a big-budget movie role. These actors see Dinklage as a man who got so famous, he forgot his roots, as he now gives other dwarf actors the high-hat.

Of course, to a dwarf, even a yarmulke is a high-hat, so it’s all a matter of perspective.

*LIGHTEN UP, BROWNIE!*

John Leguizamo isn’t a dwarf. At 5′ 6″ he manages to rise just above being a DeVito. And Leguizamo is an unreliable narrator regarding his ancestry, at various times describing himself as Puerto Rican, Mestizo, Colombian, Italian, Basque, and Lebanese.

Yes, Leguizamo is all things…except a watchable actor (his “breakout” 1997 film The Pest bombed at the box office and was pulled from theaters after one week; it currently holds an 8% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes).

Knowing that he can’t carry a film, Leguizamo’s made a career out of being a supporting player in larger projects. And now, as a voice actor in the Disney hit Encanto, Leguizamo’s returned to being Colombian, giving a series of interviews claiming that if he didn’t look properly Latino before, it’s because he used to avoid exposure to the sun, as racist Hollywood producers had ordered him to “stay light-skinned.”

Leguizamo laments that throughout his career, he was told to never be “too Hispanic.”

Odd, then, that he got a boatload of money from Fox in 1995 to produce and star on the sketch comedy series House of Buggin’, which consisted of nothing but “cholo” humor. The show was so unpopular Fox pulled it in its first season.

Perhaps Leguizamo avoided the sun so as not to be seen in public by all the people who’d wasted time and money on his god-awful content.

Last week, Leguizamo may have taken his “poor brown child” routine one step too far. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, he wept about being fired from the 2006 film Lonely Hearts because the director didn’t want a “Latin” in the lead role. However, the director, and others involved in the movie, strongly dispute that claim (director Todd Robinson told EW that Leguizamo was never even considered for the part).

If “sunlight is the best disinfectant,” it’s completely understandable why this slippery little mold spore tries to avoid it.

*PREGNANT MEN AND CANCER COFFEE*

Last week was a particularly good one for thee science.

Not science, as in, actual science. Last week was a crappy one for that.

But thee science, the leftist ersatz science (if science were a porterhouse, thee science is a soyburger), did quite well.

Apple released a new emoji for its iPhones depicting a “pregnant man,” because in thee science, men can get pregnant. Also, the pregnant-woman emoji was renamed “pregnant person,” to remind the world that men are the primary gestators of babies, and women are so incidental to the process, they don’t deserve to be mentioned by name.

Also last week, Sharon Stone, the marginally talented 1990s relic whose surprisingly decent turn in Casino is most notable for tricking Martin Scorsese into thinking he could repeat that success with Cameron Diaz, came out swinging against Joe Rogan, claiming that the Spotify mega-podcaster is an “idiot” who spews “medical misinformation” that “gets people killed.”

“I’m an infectious-disease worker who has won the Nobel Peace Summit Award for my work in infectious disease, Harvard Awards, Einstein Awards, you know these kinds of things,” Professor Crotchshot told TMZ.

This is the same Sharon Stone who announced at the National Press Club that she’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer, but when she gave up coffee, her tumors vanished overnight.

Yet she hates Joe Rogan for talking about Ivermectin.

She also told an audience at Cannes that the 2008 Sichuan earthquake, which killed over 87,000 people, was caused by “bad karma.”

It’s very possible that the “Einstein Award” she brags about was intended sarcastically, as in, “nice job, Einstein.”

Thee science marches on!

*METAWORSE*

With Facebook’s launch of its “Metaverse” virtual reality universe, Mark Zuckerberg surely expected to have a great 2022.

It’s not turning out that way.

When the U.K.’s Nina Patel created her avatar and entered the Metaverse, she was only looking for a bud-bud-buddy. Instead she discovered that her Poona is far from untouchable. Ms. Patel claims that her avatar was virtually molested by other avatars (ctrl+shift, then alt+tab+PERV to activate “Weinstein mode” in the Metaverse).

Ms. Patel penned a Medium piece in which she described the horror of being “virtually gang-raped” by male avatars. And although nothing actually happened to her in real life, Patel whined, “My physiological and psychological response was as though it happened in reality.”

Odd how gamers can get killed a hundred times a day playing first-person shooters and nobody ever cries about being “dead in reality.”

Still, Patel is virtual-bloodied but virtual-unbowed: “I am a determined woman, not about to be deterred by 3–4 avatars to scare or intimidate me.”

To hell with firefighters and paramedics: Nina Patel’s the real hero, as she stands up to enemies that literally don’t exist.

Oh, and Patel also runs a rival VR company. Not that this would give her any motivation to slam Zuckerberg’s creation.

Besides, Zuck doesn’t need any slamming from her to feel slammed. Since introducing Metaverse, his company’s earnings have plummeted, its stocks plunging 20%. This disastrous turn of events is blamed on FB’s “news feed” losing traffic.

Who’d have thought? Ban news links from all but the most antiseptic left-wing sources, and people stop paying attention to their feed. Nobody could’ve foreseen that.

Poor Zuck. Looks like his avatars aren’t the only thing being reamed these days.

*QUEEER EYE FOR THE AGE-EIGHT GUY*

When illegals cross the border by the thousands, NBC is AWOL. When nonwhites commit horrific crimes, NBC is out to lunch. If you call NBC to ask about a school-board cover-up of a tranny who raped a girl in a school restroom, NBC will pretend to be the maid: _“NBC no esta aqui señor.”_

But if a random conservative parent in a state with a population of almost 30 million files a complaint about a book in a school library, NBC is there, with mics, fedoras marked “press,” and a copy of the Constitution to wag at the evil “censors.”

Last week, “NBC News sent public records requests to nearly 100 school districts in the Houston, Dallas, San Antonio and Austin regions and found 86 formal requests to remove books from libraries.”

Eight-six requests out of 30 million people? Stop the presses! That’s 0.0002866666666666667% of the population! Forget that 10,000-person caravan crossing the Rio Grande…put every reporter on the 86 parents!

NBC presented the story like a scoop (and also like a story about censorship, even though it’s about 86 requests, not actual removals). Most of the (not) banned books deal with underage sex. One is about “a teenager who’s starting to notice his attraction to other boys.” Another contains “a graphic sexual experience between minors.” Yet another features “a description of oral sex with minors, among other sexually explicit passages.” And another is “about a 17-year-old gay student who has a lot of sex and isn’t ashamed of it.”

NBC is shocked—shocked—that parents might object to any of this. Certainly, if there were a book about a female avatar getting groped in the Metaverse, it would have to go. But these books? It’s almost like parents think teachers want to corrupt their kids.

Cue Rhode Island state senator Tiara Mack, a former teacher. Last week, the “unapologetically black queeer” who looks like Bill Nunn in drag declared that she’s “really excited for the house sex ed bill hearing later today. Teaching comprehensive, ***** inclusive, pleasure-based sex ed was a highlight of my time teaching.”

Teaching “pleasure-based sex ed” to children? When asked why NBC News hasn’t covered Mack’s comments, a spokesperson replied, _“¡Ay yi yi, no es bueno! ¡Trabajo trabajo siesta siesta!”_

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-177/

The Week’s Most Basking, Multitasking, and Unnecessarily Masking Headlines

THE GU-GU MOLLS
Welcome to the 2022 Winter Olympics, where athletes from around the world are mistreated by a bunch of inscrutable automatons bent on world conquest through slave labor and superior math skills.

According to the Daily Mail, the rations being fed to the athletes in what passes for Beijing’s “Olympic Village” (a.k.a. Maoschwitz) are starvation-level scraps. But the Chinese math whizzes insist they’ve crunched the numbers and the competitors are receiving just enough calories to keep them alive…though not enough to let them win medals.

Also, athletes are being rousted from their beds at all hours for random Covid tests, and if the tests come back “unclear,” they’re hauled off to internment centers.

You know it’s a crappy Olympics when the Israelis actually hope to be taken hostage by Palestinians because it would mean an improvement in their living conditions.

It’s gotten so bad, competitors from over fifty nations have started a petition to get Eric Rudolph furloughed and flown to Beijing.

To Xi and his cohorts there’s only one thing that truly matters about these games, and that’s Eileen Gu. She’s the spoiled Zoomer brat who was raised, educated, and trained in America, only to compete for China because of racial identification with her “homeland.”

For Chinese leaders, this is the Gulympics, a chance to show the West that its gullibility regarding immigration will be its downfall, that no matter what kindness or benefits the West shows to Chinese migrants, racial loyalty—exactly what the West discourages in its own people and what the Chinese encourage in theirs—will win the day.

Gu is the ultimate gangster moll, hanging on Xi’s arm as he sneers, Edward G. Robinson-style, “M’yeah, see? Kipling was right, see?”

Indeed, word has it that Xi has included a copy of “The Stranger” with every meal of Oldboy-brand Sustenance Dumplings served to American athletes.

Now that’s just rubbing it in.

INSANE IN THE DEM-BRAIN
A common standard for determining if a criminal is competent to stand trial is whether the accused tried to conceal their crime, which indicates an understanding that society disapproves of their deed.

For example, if a dude kills his wife because a 40-foot whelk named Dippidy-Drippidy ordered him to, that’s crazy. But if he meticulously covered up the crime, that demonstrates an acknowledgment that he knew what he did was wrong.

On the other hand, if a woman strips naked, covers herself in tapioca, and runs down the street slashing people with a machete while pooping on the sidewalk (in San Francisco this is known as “a daily occurrence”), and when the cops come she hands them the blade and says, “I killed Gordon Lightfoot; where’s my Nobel Prize?” well, there’s a candidate for an asylum, as she’s obviously unaware she did anything wrong.

Which brings us to Stacey Abrams, the Angelyne of American politics. Last week, Abrams attended a “Black History Month” book reading at a Decatur elementary school (the book-of-the-day was How to Achieve National Political Prominence by Eating Ribs, Being Black, and Never Winning). During the event, she posed for a photo, unmasked and smiling like a psychopath, surrounded by a roomful of white children bound and gagged by masks.

She actually thought this was a good look. She had no idea it would cause controversy. She proudly tweeted the photo (as did the school’s principal). Look at me, unmasked, gap-toothed grinning like blackface David Letterman, forcing these ofay white devil-kids to “mask up” because I love having the power.

Shockingly, there was a backlash. Abrams deleted the tweet (the principal of the school, Holly Brookins, deleted her entire account!) and accused those who criticized the photo of racism for attacking her during Traffic Light Inventor’s Month.

Two days later, after consulting with Dippidy-Drippidy, Abrams apologized on CNN for the “bad optics.”

It ain’t optics; it’s brain-rot. The fact that Democrats keep posing for these kinds of photos without foreseeing the societal disapproval is legal-standard insanity—not just unfit to stand trial, but to hold office.

JESUS CHRIST, SUPER-HECKLER
Hecklers are the bane of live performers. Nine out of ten times, they’re incoherent drunks just looking to humiliate themselves. But every now and then, a heckler arises who speaks for the room.

Remember Perry Farrell of Jane’s Addiction? If you were part of the L.A. music scene in the late 1980s, you’d certainly have heard that Farrell (born Peretz Bernstein, an only slightly less stereotypical name than Schmegegge Klutzenberg) was the “future of rock.”

And whoever told you that would’ve also been really into New Coke.

In December 1990, Jane’s Addiction were performing at the Hollywood Palladium when Farrell stopped the show cold to embark on an anti-GOP tirade. Over audience boos (this was back in the days when rock fans wanted music, not lectures), Farrell announced that he was going to “spread some truth” by declaring that “Barbara Bush is an ugly bitch.” And right after he said that, a Doc Marten launched from the audience beaned him on the forehead, to everyone’s delight.

During the next night’s show, Farrell once again tried to talk politics…and a Birkenstock came flying through the air, cracking him in the face.

The names of the heroic Doc Marten and Birkenstock guys are lost to history. But if they left no footprints in the sand, it’s not because they had no shoes.

It’s because Jesus was carrying them.

Last week, far-left “comedian” Heather McDonald, a writer for really far-left atheist “comedian” Chelsea Handler, was performing on stage at the Improv in Tempe. In lieu of jokes, she lectured the audience about vaccinations while mocking Christians: “I’m double-vaxxed, booster, flu shot, and I have the shingles shot, too, and I still get my period, yes! I never got COVID.”

Sarcastically, she sneered, “Clearly Jesus loves me the most!”

And then she passed out, dropping like a stone, hitting her noggin on the mic and fracturing her skull when she hit the stage.

Pride wenteth before the fall.

In 1990, you could count on the audience to bean the self-important onstage scolds. Not anymore. But thankfully, Jesus is there, tossing spiritual Birkenstocks to show that the ultimate heckler’s veto lies with Him.

THE TURD AMENDMENT
James Madison: “Behold, my Amendment the Third: ‘No soldier shall be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner.’ Now, who could argue with that?”

Scooby Franklin: “Yeah, but, like, man, what if in the future some city orders Americans to quarter street dudes who, like, poop their pants and do drugs and howl at the moon and…”

Madison: “Enough, Scooby. We only let you in here because you’re one of Ben’s 200 bastard sons. But you’re a fool. This Republic shall never sink to a level where a city would order such a thing. My Third Amendment will cover soldiers only. Now, back to the opium den with you.”

Narrator: “Yet Scooby Franklin was correct. And in the year 2022, the city of San Francisco proved Madison wrong.”

Yes, the leaders of Pooptown USA are coercing locals into taking the city’s “unhoused” into their own homes. Using a combination of financial incentives and threats to expose old “N-word” texts, SF elites are trying to force locals with spare rooms to open them up to spitting, crapping, injecting, ranting, stinking schizos in order to make space on the sidewalks for more spitting, crapping, injecting, ranting, stinking schizos.

Essentially, the city is forcing every SF property owner to become a Section 8 landlord.

Fun fact: In the rental business, Section 8 means subsidies to house criminals, druggies, and welfare cases. In the Army, it means you’re a friggin’ lunatic.

Coincidence?

The city’s push to put hobos in homes came the same week that an interview with an SF homeless guy went viral. In the video, the dude admits that he ain’t no Red Skelton lovable tramp, but a felon who lives to steal and do drugs.

Odd how Nancy Pelosi hasn’t opened her mansion to him.

Wonder why?

THE NINETEEN-HADES
What if you could take the worst things of the 1980s and combine them in one person, a kind of Typhoid Mary embodying the most hellish detritus of that decade?

Take one part Boesky scandal, one part S&L meltdown, one part Milken bilkin’, one part ZZZZ Best Ponzi, and mix them together with that pinnacle of 1980s cultural vomit: white rappers. What would you get? You’d get Heather Morgan, a.k.a. “Razzlekhan.” This 31-year-old NorCal-bred Pacific trash vortex is accused, along with her husband, of a $4.5 billion heist involving manipulated cryptocurrency, NFTs, the “dark web,” money laundering, and Walmart gift cards.

But Morgan isn’t the kind of cultural sore content to just be runny; she has to be painful as well. Before her thievery was exposed by the Justice Department, Morgan, who wrote financial advice columns for Forbes, encouraged CEOs to relieve their stress via “rapping.” And Morgan, under her “performance name” Razzlekhan, was quite the rapper, if by “quite” one means “deafeningly unbearable.”

Waving her arms like a masturbating chimp, Morgan’s “raps” never even reached the level of that 1980s rapping answering machine tape:

    I’m glad you called, but I’m not home;
    But I’ll be back before too long.
    Wait for the beep! Wait for the beep!

Still, Morgan literally incorporated those very lyrics into her raps.

No word on whether the CEOs who hired her for rapping advice got a free Alfonso Ribeiro breakdancing board to compensate for the money she swindled.

Morgan and her husband are facing 25 years in prison.

Sadly, it’s for financial fraud, not their music, which one could argue is the greater crime.



https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-178/

The Week’s Most Degrading, Upbraiding, and Ukraine-Invading Headlines

WAG THE DOG-EARED
In a 2004 episode of The Wire, drug kingpin and would-be legitimate businessman Stringer Bell gets “rainmade” by shifty city hall power broker Clay Davis. Bell had bribed Davis for the approval of contracts that never came through.

As Bell’s shyster Levy explains, “He rainmade you. A guy says if you pay him, he can make it rain. If and when it rains, he takes the credit. If and when it doesn’t, he finds reasons for you to pay him more.”

“Rainmaking” is a good grift; it’s also the best way to make an elderly dementia patient appear to be conducting foreign policy in his sleep (in the literal sense of that term).

Last week the NY Times ran a Biden PR piece explaining why President Snoozevelt is so alarmist about the “upcoming” Russian invasion of Ukraine: He hopes the alarmism will scare the Russkies from invading.

Nice rainmaking there, Ron Klain! If the Russians don’t invade, Biden takes credit for frightening them away. If they do, he takes credit for warning the world. It’s win-win, and he never even had to wake up.

Well, two can rainmake that game. The Week That Perished is alarmed to announce the imminent invasion of the U.S. by the island nation of Nauru. The first wave will involve special ops, who’ll confuse our dogs by pretending to throw a stick without actually throwing it. Wave 2, the “shock troops,” will stand on street corners next to the walk sign as if they’ve pushed the button. But they won’t, and everyone will have to run really fast when the light changes.

The final wave, the grunts, will cruise McDonald’s drive-throughs and ask about every single menu item until there’s a line stretching two blocks.

With America’s pedestrians winded, our fast-food aficionados emaciated, and our dogs deeply disillusioned, we’ll be presented with Nauru’s demands: a gift subscription to Netflix so the islanders can finally have something to watch on the nation’s only TV set.

This will happen next week. And if it doesn’t, you know who to thank!

“DIE BITCH” WITH A VENGEANCE
Last week Reuters ran a breathless piece detailing the “plague” of “terroristic notes” being received by school board members whose only crime is telling white kids they’re evil and should die.

Reuters quoted from a bunch of anonymous hate-notes that board members totally didn’t write themselves.

Because, of course, there’s no way to fake an anonymous threat. Unless you’re able to use a pen.

Just ask Kaliyeha Clark-Mabins, a black student at Southern Illinois University who’s pursuing a Ph.D. in “White People Want to Touch My Hair.” Clark-Mabins claimed to have found two handwritten notes affixed to her dorm-room door. One said “BLACK PEOPLE DON’T BELONG,” the other “DIE BITCH.”

The latter is also the name of a critically lauded German film about a female dog.

In response to the Nazi notes, the university called in the feds (Clark-Mabins might’ve been too wrapped up in writing her term paper “Polly IS a Cracker: The Racist Microaggressions of Parrots” to remember that these days the FBI will assign thirty agents to a piece of Silly String if a black person claims it looks like a noose).

Clark-Mabins told the feds that the notes were the work of two white students, Amanda Jerome and Jimmi Thull. No word on why Clark-Mabins fingered those two, but it’s almost certainly because she knew they secretly wanted to touch her hair.

The university’s Black Student Union held marches calling for Jerome and Thull’s expulsion, and a Change.org petition demanding the whiteys’ immediate removal garnered over 1,800 signatures.

But then it turned out that Clark-Mabins wrote the notes herself.

Didn’t see that coming, huh?

And now she’s been criminally charged.

Perhaps she’ll be able to lecture her cellmate on microaggressions.

HARVEY DENT BECOMES HARVEY GET-BENT
Last November, Thai fashion model Bew Jirajariyawetch was savagely beaten to the point of disfigurement in a random NYC subway attack. Last week, a suspect was arrested—a black gentleman with 44 priors.

Bew Jirajariyawetch’s attorney, who sadly is not named Jew Birajariyawetch because that would’ve been funny, slammed Manhattan’s soft-on-crime Soros-funded DA Alvin Bragg for refusing to keep hardened felons behind bars.

This was followed by last week’s brutal slaying of Christina Lee by yet another NYC black career thug who followed the young Asian into her apartment and stabbed her to death.

No word on how many priors that guy has, but Bragg put his money on 58 in the office pool.

In response to the daily epidemic of murders and assaults by black criminals with lengthy rap sheets, New York’s mayor Eric Adams, who ran on a “tough on crime” platform, has decided to switch to the far easier platform of “tough on white.” Adams held a presser in which he lambasted “white reporters and editors” for writing through a “white prism” that distorted their view of the city’s crime rate.

“I’m a black man that’s the mayor, but my story is being interpreted by people who don’t look like me,” Adams declared.

Well, thanks to the city’s crime policies, Bew Jirajariyawetch doesn’t look like anyone, except maybe the Elephant Man. So if reporters can only cover stories about people they look like, dig up Joseph Merrick and give him a metro beat at the Times (even 130 years dead, he’d still be a better reporter than anyone else on staff).

Adams threatened to stop talking to white reporters if they didn’t stop being so white.

And with that, the illusion that Adams was serious about fighting crime dissolved, as the city’s thugs danced in the streets like Ewoks, and the Force ghosts of David Dinkins, Al Sharpton’s liposucked blubber, and Tawana Brawley’s nonexistent rapist grinned with pride.

HALF-BAKED BREAD
In 1933, FDR signed Executive Order 6102, which required Americans to turn in their gold. The government, the polio’d privateer explained, needed all the gold (his slogan “Where the gold at? I want the gold, give me the gold” has inspired generations of leprechaun hunters). Americans were hoarding, see? And as a result, rail-riding hobos couldn’t afford sacks for their sticks and Dust Bowl farmers couldn’t buy N95s.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez fancies herself a modern-day FDR. And indeed she is, if you take away Roosevelt’s intelligence, cunning, communication skills, and comprehension of cause and effect.

But yes, AOC is exactly like FDR, if one limits the scope of FDR’s life to the five minutes on April 12, 1945, when, following his massive cerebral hemorrhage, he retained a pulse but had no brain activity.

At that moment, FDR was just like AOC.

AOC wants to be the FDR of bread. In her worldview, all crime is caused by nonwhites trying to “find bread for their family.” Yes, looters might look like they’re sacking Nike retailers, but it’s only because we live in an age of bread-hoarders, so those loaves of rye, sourdough, and focaccia might be anywhere.

“Man, I stole me fifteen Adidases today, and not one baguette in the boxes.”

“Tell me about it, brother. That old lady I mugged didn’t even have no English muffins in her purse.”

Last week, AOC was at it again, telling reporters that the current nationwide surge in crime is due not to DAs refusing to prosecute hardcore criminals, but rather the expiration of the child tax credit, which is forcing nonwhites to steal…

Thought she was gonna say bread? Ha! Wrong, sucker. Now it’s baby formula.

“The child tax credit just ran out, on December 31st, and now people are stealing baby formula,” EEG-flatline FDR told the press.

Of course, there’s no evidence of anyone stealing baby formula, any more than there was of people stealing bread. Nevertheless, AOC should go full FDR and propose an executive order that will nationalize the Paneras and force whites to turn in their Gerbers, so that thugs won’t have to steal tires or flat-screens to get the bread and mush they need to survive.

It’s AOC’s New Meal.

BLACK LIVES RAT-A-TAT-TATTER
Quintez Brown is Louisville’s “Mr. BLM.” The 21-year-old student at the University of Louisville personifies the organization in his hometown. But, as Sid Vicious might say, he’s had his fill, his share of looting. Yes, Quintez Brown decided to mature as an activist. No more smash-and-grabs, no more arson.

Quintez Brown was goin’ legit.

Time to run for office!

After all, in the past two years, Brown’s campaigned alongside local politicians who sought the BLM vote in this 24% black city. Brown was also a columnist for The Courier Journal, where, one can assume, he penned many a piece about white folks touching his hair.

Brown’s Twitter profile summed up his platform: “We have one scientific and correct solution, Pan-Africanism: the total liberation and unification of Africa under scientific socialism.”

“Scientific socialism” is as oxymoronic as “peaceful BLM activist.”

As Quintez Brown proved last week.

After filing his papers to run for city council, he learned that a white man—a dirty Jew, no less—was running for mayor.

It was the greatest outrage since Tuskegee Experimental Airman Emmett Till caught syphilAIDS from George Wallace (the comedian, not the governor).

So Quintez Brown decided to settle the election BLM-style. He loaded his gun, stormed into the office of Hebraic usurper Craig Greenberg, and emptied the weapon.

Not a single bullet hit anything but wall.

Although Brown was swiftly arrested, he’ll be receiving a special award at next month’s Oscars for his race-reversal Pulp Fiction “point-blank hand-cannon” reboot.

Even when he misses, Quintez Brown’s a hit!


https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-179/

The Week’s Most Scrutinizing, Glutenizing, and Putinizing Headlines

PUTIN OUT-TRUDEAUS TRUDEAU
The “Trudeau Doctrine” is very simple: If there’s even one Nazi flag at a peaceful protest, the entire protest is Nazi and must be dismantled by force, its participants imprisoned and impoverished. Never bother to find out who brought the flag or why. One flag = ruthless war of extermination against everyone present.

The Trudeau Doctrine has been lauded by U.S. leftists, who’ve long said that anything “Nazi” deserves to be punched, no questions asked.

So it’s rather surprising that Trudeau and the American left are angry at Putin for invading Ukraine. Putin made it quite clear in his Feb. 24 speech that he was only attacking in order to punch Nazis: “We will seek to denazify Ukraine,” to cleanse the nation of “far-right nationalists and neo-Nazis.”

Putin: the Antifa president!

This is some grade-A trolling. Putin, for his many faults, reads his enemies well (whereas Biden reads Where’s Waldo? not-so-well: “C’mon, man; where are ya?”). Western leftists have spent years pushing the line that the presence of even one “Nazi” in a thing means that the entire thing must be crushed, and all rights and rules suspended in the course of the task. And Western media has readily admitted the presence of Nazis in Ukraine (until last week, when it became a “manufactured claim”).

So there are Nazis that need punching.

Punch away, Vlad!

Even the American right is doing its part, with Tucker Carlson agreeing that Putin’s Nazi-hunting is legit because during WWII Ukraine “collaborated with the Nazis” while the Russians “fought fascism.”

Tucker “Wiesenthal” Carlson!

Putin may not be Sviatoslav Richter on the piano, but when it comes to playing Westerners, he’s a maestro.

TRANS-ATLANTIC
If Putin isn’t expecting much in the way of retaliation from the West beyond a few limp-wristed hisses from government-funded drag queens (“boo, Pu, your invasion is borrr-rrring!”), he can hardly be blamed for that belief. After all, the West’s been on a decades-long mission of sissyfication and self-emasculation.

But in the U.K., that tide may be turning. Last week Boris Johnson’s Education Secretary Nadhim Zahawi (Iraqi-raised, so he wasn’t indoctrinated to become Eddie Izzard) announced a new set of rules to “de-woke” public education.

Under the new guidelines, teachers are forbidden from pushing BLM propaganda and critical race theory. Teachers are also prohibited from portraying historical figures like Winston Churchill as “white oppressors” whose entire lives are defined by that time they dared to tell a diaper-clad wog, “You ain’t a betta man than I am.”

The goal is to reclaim the British educational system from fanatical leftists who seek to create generations of Brits who hate their homeland.

Across the Atlantic, U.S. teachers don’t have to contend with Nadhim Zahawi. Last week teachers in California debuted their latest advancement in educational technology: the “transition closet,” a cabinet filled with bras, dresses, and wigs that will be installed in schools. Boys will be instructed to enter the closet as male and come out as female, because teachers are some sick SOBs.

Still, all might not be lost. The originator of the “trans closet,” who goes by the online name “@justa*****teacher,” has agreed to donate several hundred of his magic tranny boxes to the Ukrainian war effort. Vodka will be used as bait to entice Russian soldiers to enter, and the hope is they’ll emerge as ladies after getting plastered and discovering their inner Catherine the Great.

Might it work? Is it possible that trannies will save Ukraine?

No.

Seriously, no.

FROZEN STIFF
President Xi sits in his palatial office, a photo of Mao (with eyes that follow you across the room) over one shoulder, a velvet painting of LeBron James in a Speedo over the other.

His aide enters:

Aide: “You sent for me, sir?”

Xi: “Yes. Tell me, what is world opinion of our Winter Olympics?”

Aide: “Do you want the feel-good answer, or the one that will get me shot?”

Xi: “Surprise me.”

Aide: “Well…it’s being called the worst Olympics ever. The opening ceremony attracted a mere 14 million viewers, compared to 112 million who watched the American Super Bowl the same week. There was a doping scandal, weeping teen girl skaters berated on camera, complaints about the shabbiness of our Olympic Village, athlete malnourishment, midnight MSS raids, Covid outbreaks, and abysmal weather. Basically, the world couldn’t wait for it to be over.”

Xi: [Stroking his chin in contemplation] “I will spare your life, because as bad as the news is, it could’ve been worse. At least no athlete had his penis frozen solid.”

Aide: “Uh…please tell my wife I love her.”

In an Olympic first, Finnish cross-country skier Remi Lindholm nearly became a reluctant tranny when his “pole” froze during his final race. Intense windchill had so alarmed Olympic officials that the course was shortened from 50km to 20km.

Frostbite was the main concern.

But, you know, of fingers and such.

Sadly for Lindholm, Jack Front came nipping, but not for a nose. Lindholm’s, shall we say, “Mannerheim” was frozen solid during the race.

On the bright side, medics were able to thaw out his creamsicle, a painful process that shattered the stereotype of Finns as stoic. Word has it Lindholm’s screams were so loud, a Uyghur in a faraway gulag heard them and said, “Wow, I thought we had it bad.”

Lindholm finished 28th, a terrible showing under normal conditions but gold-medal-level for someone whose privates were cryogenically preserved without his consent.

HARVARD JARRED
Remote learning caused a multitude of problems for America’s students, but nobody suffered more than academia’s hate-crime hoaxers. These doughty individuals, dedicated to rooting out America’s Klansmen by pretending to be Klansmen and then rooting themselves out, had a terrible time during school closures. When you’re on a Zoom call with your class, it’s hard to hide the fact that you’re the one who just took a Sharpie and drew “blackie go home!” on your living-room wall.

You can’t tell blackie to go home when blackie is home.

With in-person learning now the norm again, hate-crime hoaxers are making up for lost time. Last week, we covered a hoax in which a black Southern Illinois University student taped “blackie go home” notes to her own dorm-room door, falsely accusing two white students of the offense.

Only days after that hoax was exposed, a black female student at McClatchy High School in Sacramento scrawled Jim Crow-era graffiti around campus, writing “black” and “white” over the school’s drinking fountains (Sacramento was, of course, the heart of the Confederacy). The young rapscallion was caught thanks to security cameras, but local black activists, not wanting to give up the dream, refused to accept the evidence, preferring instead to blame Bull Connor’s shape-shifting ghost.

And at Harvard, Michael Cheng, president of the Undergraduate Council, claimed to have found anti-Asian notes taped to his dorm door (Cheng didn’t say exactly what was on the notes, but it was most likely “blackie go home” with “blackie” crossed out and “chinky” written above).

When the council drafted a statement in support of its victimized president, Cheng rebuked the statement, because in the recent Undergraduate Council presidential election several members had backed a different candidate. That makes them as evil as whoever wrote the note, Cheng told The Harvard Crimson.

So not supporting an Asian who runs for office is now as bad as writing a racist hate note.

How much do parents pay to send their kids to Harvard?

When asked by the Crimson if it’s possible that he himself wrote the notes as a way of getting revenge against the council members who refused to back him in the election, Cheng’s eyes darted nervously side to side as an Oriental gong sounded in the background.

“Damn gong,” Cheng exclaimed. “I knew downloading that ‘stereotypical ethnic incidental music cue’ app was a mistake.”

LABOR OMNIA VOMIT
Meet 32-year-old Oklahoma Democrat congressional candidate Abby Broyles. The perky blonde is looking to unseat GOP Rep. Stephanie Bice, who flipped the seat red in 2020.

And Broyles’ strategy?

Humiliating and vomiting on preteens.

Hey—is it any worse than what Biden would do to them?

Last week, Broyles visited a friend for a night of wine-drinking and girl talk.

Broyles really likes her wine.

The friend’s middle school daughter happened to be hosting a sleepover that same evening.

What could go wrong?

Apparently, everything. Broyles got so drunk, she began belittling and abusing the girls, hurling racial epithets and saying things one running for office shouldn’t say to children.

According to the NY Post, Broyles called one girl an “acne $#@!er,” and another a “Hispanic $#@!er.” When Broyles spilled wine on a girl’s blanket and the child asked for a dry one, Broyles called her a “judgy $#@!er.”

Eloquence worthy of Daniel Webster!

Then Broyles began projectile-vomiting, first in a laundry basket, then on the girls’ shoes.

Understandably, the parents were not pleased when they came to pick up their children in the morning. Several went to the press. And Broyles flatly told reporters that she’d never even been to the house: “I’ve been out of town on a fundraising trip. I don’t know these women and I don’t know what is behind this, but it’s just not true.”

A retch-wing conspiracy!

When confronted with the fact that she’d recorded a TikTok video with the girls that night while in her “not-yet-abusive” drunk phase, Broyles admitted that yes, she’d been to the house, but someone drugged her and forced her to hurl insults at the children.

And she spun that yarn with a straight face.

Forget Congress; put her on SCOTUS!

----------


## Anti Federalist

Diversity is discord, strife, weakness...all things opposite of strength.




> For Chinese leaders, this is the Gulympics, a chance to show the West that its gullibility regarding immigration will be its downfall, that no matter what kindness or benefits the West shows to Chinese migrants, racial loyalty—exactly what the West discourages in its own people and what the Chinese encourage in theirs—will win the day.
> 
> *For Chinese leaders, this is the Gulympics, a chance to show the West that its gullibility regarding immigration will be its downfall, that no matter what kindness or benefits the West shows to Chinese migrants, racial loyalty—exactly what the West discourages in its own people and what the Chinese encourage in theirs—will win the day.*
> 
> *For Chinese leaders, this is the Gulympics, a chance to show the West that its gullibility regarding immigration will be its downfall, that no matter what kindness or benefits the West shows to Chinese migrants, racial loyalty—exactly what the West discourages in its own people and what the Chinese encourage in theirs—will win the day.*

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-180/

March 06, 2022

The Week’s Most Straining, Sustaining, and Ukraining Headlines

*SKOR-ZANY*

Otto Skorzeny epitomized “strange bedfellows.” The Waffen-SS _Obersturmbannführer_ was the Errol Flynn of the Third Reich, performing feats of derring-do for his Führer, much to the chagrin of Europe’s Jews. Yet later in life, Skorzeny was recruited by the Mossad to carry out operations for Israel (“schmaltz herring-do”).

And today the world’s witnessing even stranger bedfellows: Ukraine and Israel. For decades following WWII, Ukrainians were held as uniquely contemptible by those in the Never Againosphere (“Dey were da woist collaboratahs of da Holocaust”). Israelis loved nothing more than making elderly Ukies face the gallows.

But today? Well…guess who’s collaborating with the collaboratahs?

Back in 2018, Haaretz reported that Israel was funneling arms to the Nazi fanboys of Ukraine’s Azov militia. Indeed, it’s very likely that some of the weapons being employed right now by Azov against invading Russian troops are Israeli-supplied.

In 2019, Sergey Glazyev, adviser to Vladimir Putin, penned an article on his blog accusing Ukrainian President Zelenskyy and the Azov militia of conspiring with Israel to “cleanse” ethnic Russians from disputed parts of Ukraine in order to repopulate the areas with Jews!

It’s the ol’ genocide switcheroo: The cleansed become the cleansers.

Whether Glazyev’s accusation is true or a total Babi Yarn, the fact is, Israel’s uncharacteristic silence during the current chaos might lead some observers to conclude that there’s intrigue afoot, if not for the fact that Israel has never, ever, ever been known for intrigue (unlike those shifty Samoans).

Funny enough, the only sound coming from the not-barking kosher hot dog last week was a plea by the Israeli government and Yad Vashem to spare Russian-Jewish oligarch Roman Abramovich from sanctions, as he’s the single biggest donor to Israeli Holocaust remembrance institutions. Deprived of Abramovich’s dough, Jews are worried they might forget to remember.

If this whole Israel/Ukraine/Russia thing seems convoluted, it’s likely by design. 

Hopefully some blond cheerleader will say the “N-word” on TikTok soon, and the American press can focus on simpler matters.

*DUDE AIN’T NO ROCKET ZIONIST*

Of course, if Israel isn’t keen on publicly interjecting itself into the Russia/Ukraine conflict, certain “friends” of Israel are more than happy to oblige…whether Israelis want them to or not.

If you were perusing the evening news last week and wondered why Gary Oldman was back in his “elderly Dracula” makeup from the Coppola film, in fact what you were watching was the triumphant return of televangelist Pat Robertson, rocking a knit sweater and looking more like your grandma than your grandma does.

Robertson emerged from retirement to warn the world that Putin is only pretending to attack Ukraine. His actual target is Israel, which he’ll attack after taking Ukraine and Turkey.

And why is Putin sowing such nefariousness?

Why, he’s the Antichrist, of course, who seeks to destroy Israel to bring about the End Times.

For the record, Putin is roughly the 500th public figure Robertson’s accused of being the Antichrist over the decades. Previous nominees for Satan of the Year have included Gorbachev, Clinton (Bill & Hillary), Qaddafi, Khomeini, Sadat, Hussein, and Johnny Depp (this was based on Robertson’s misreading of Revelations 6:8—“Behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Depp, and Hell followed with him”).

Also, the Russia/Ukraine war is just one of many events Robertson incorrectly predicted would lead to the end of days. Previous misfires include the Gulf War, the Iraq War, the Israel/Lebanon War, the Lebanese Civil War, the Iran/Iraq War, and of course the 2000 Super Bowl halftime show with Edward James Olmos and dancing Aztecs.

Following Robertson’s dire warnings, a spokesdemon for Satan vehemently retorted that Putin is by no means the Antichrist: “It’s Aaron Sorkin. It’s always been Aaron Sorkin. We put him on earth to torment mankind with his cloying, clichéd writing, but it turns out a lot of you actually like him. We greatly underestimated your tolerance for crap.”

*INCONTINENTS*

With everybody and their ’tarded cousin weighing in on the Ukraine conflict, last week the ’tardedest cousin of all decided to opine.

Nikole “Bae” Hannah-Jones, the “1619 Project” pseudohistorian fraud, graced the world with her “hot take.” And man, was it hot and steaming:

What if I told you Europe is not a continent by defintion [sic], but a geopolitical fiction to separate it from Asia and so the alarm about a European, or civilized, or First World nation being invaded is a dog whistle to tell us we should care because they are like us.

Behold the wisdom: Europe’s not a continent, and fears about the Russia/Ukraine conflict are grounded in white supremacy.

And for one brief moment, all fighting ceased, as every player—Russian, Ukrainian, Belarusian, Chechen—paused on the battlefield to acknowledge that “Bae” is a moron.

Europe, of course, is “by defintion” a continent, hence the use of the term “transcontinental countries” for nations like Russia and Turkey that straddle Europe and Asia (Bae thinks a “transcontinental country” is one that yells at retail workers, Call me ma’am!”).

As for her claim that global concerns regarding the Russia/Ukraine war are based on Eurocentrism, it’s far more likely that those concerns are rooted in the fact that any European war has the potential to go nuclear. 

That’s why Kalahari Bushmen skirmishes don’t generate headlines. When your wars involve throwing mud and sticks, they just don’t make the history books.

“We have nothing to fling but poo itself” might’ve been an inspirational speech for the Basarwa hunter-gatherers, but it’s not the stuff of Netflix documentaries.

Still, be on the lookout for Nikole Hannah-Jones’ next ten-part NY Times series, “Why Antarctica Gotta Be So Cold,” coming next month.

*NEW JACKIN’ IT CITY*

As if young black men don’t already have enough on their plate—work, school, summonses, child support, and keepin’ it real—this cruel, unforgiving world is now demanding something else from them, something of a most personal and private nature…

Their sperm.

As reported last week in The Wall Street Journal, American sperm banks don’t have enough jazzy jizz. Black men are refusing to “cum in the cup,” and as a result, black women looking for love in all the wrong basters are being forced to use Arab and Indian seed.

This was a front-page WSJ story.

WSJ founder Charles Dow in 1889: “My shining new beacon of financial edification shall enlighten prosperous men of substance in the daily workings of the market.”

Dow’s sidekick Bunky: “Sure thing, Mista Dow. But one day it’ll also cover the nationwide shortage of black spooge.”

Dow: “Bosh! Pshaw! A most idiotic prognostication, Bunky. I rue the day I purchased you from that syphilitic street vendor.”

WSJ offers several explanations for the nationwide lack of semaaaaan: Covid’s made it more difficult to recruit donors at colleges and universities, and most sperm banks require a criminal background check before accepting a guy’s goo.

Another, unmentioned explanation might be that young black men love giving kids to single women—they just prefer doing it the old-fashioned way. For a demographic often derided as work-shy and prone to shortcuts, young blacks can at least pride themselves on the fact that generations of single black women got knocked up by men willing to “do the work” one-on-one.

The WSJ interviewed a black sperm-seeker who claims that she’s looking for a man whose seed will ensure that her child’s born with cornrows.

So maybe that’s another reason for the problem…a general lack of understanding in the black community of what DNA actually does.

*GIMP ON THE BARBIE*

The Australian government thought it could club the living hell out of its citizens to enforce Covid regs (you know, “for their own good”) and the brain injuries incurred from the beatings wouldn’t have any ripple effects.

It’s not like Aussies were geniuses to begin with, so repeated bonks to the noggin could only make things worse.

Kalman Tal is a fine example of Aussie brilliance. The 66-year-old white man from Queensland was constantly complaining about pain in his left leg, but he refused to see a doctor:

“Crikey! Me bloody leg’s givin’ me wuckas, deadset. Walkin’s hard yakka, mate. No furphy, cobber. No ambo, bloody oath; I’ll nut out on me own.” 

[Translation: “My leg is causing me great pain, it’s true. I walk with tremendous difficulty. I’m not lying, my friend. But I shall not call an ambulance; I’ll deal with this on my own.”]

So what do you do when you’re in pain but too dumb to see an MD? Why, you pay a Third Worlder to perform drunken surgery.

Tal gave a Melanesian banana-picker $5,000 to take his leg off with a chain saw.

Melanesians are barely one genetic step above aborigines. In fact, in Vanuatu, banana-pickers are considered elites (“Look at Mr. Bigshot over there pulling fruit from a tree…he’s too good to dig for bugs with the rest of us”). Still, John Yalu, the man Tal chose for the job, wanted to disprove the stereotypes surrounding his people. With a steady hand, after a few beers, he delicately amputated Tal’s leg and…

Totally killed him.

Surprised by the blood-spew and agonizing cries of pain, Yalu ran away in a panic, leaving Tal to bleed out.

Unfair dinkum.

Yalu’s in custody, though detectives don’t know what to charge him with as there are many witnesses to the fact that the entire scheme was Tal’s idea.

Frustrated by what one Queensland cop called “the most bizarre case we’ve ever seen,” the police took a break to go beat some unmasked children.

Everyone needs a stress reliever.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.ericpetersautos.com/2022...mobile-matrix/

Takimag 

March 13, 2022

The Week’s Most Caddying, Daddying, and St. Paddying Headlines

*FAUXPRAH’S BOOK CLUB*

Leftist author Laurie Penny is half-Irish, half-Jewish.

How can you spot an Irish Jew? She thinks the IRA is a retirement account. She joined Sinn Féinberg and assassinated someone with a carbaum. She once captured a leprecohen, but its pot was filled with matzo balls.

Penny describes herself as “genderqueeer, pansexual, and polyamorous,” which is a verbose way of saying “raving lunatic.” 

Her books are dedicated to slamming “transphobic” women who aren’t down with the whole “women don’t exist” thing.

Penny considers herself a “survivor of CPTSD.” “CPTSD” is post-traumatic stress disorder with a “C” in front to signify “complex,” which means “an idiotically convoluted reason for why I’m claiming PTSD.”

Penny never experienced any of the things that cause PTSD. She never fought in a war, or fled rape gangs in a Third World hellhole, or made a movie with Alec Baldwin. No, she claims that her “CPTSD” comes from the fact that her books get bad reviews.

If bad reviews lead to mental trauma, it’s amazing Michael Bay isn’t institutionalized.

Last week Julie Binder, a British feminist anti-transgender author, mocked “CPTSD” in a tweet:

I’m on a train, and have just diagnosed myself with Complex PTSD because a fella has just opened a packet of Cheesy Wotsits. I should be cured by the time I reach Darlington (unless some homophobe reviews this tweet & says it’s crap).

Penny haughtily responded:

I’m the person whose mental health history is being mocked in this tweet, along with everyone else who has experienced CPTSD- including a lot of your readers.

To which J.K. Rowling replied:

Laurie, you claim to be suffering PTSD because of *bad book reviews.* Bad reviews are part and parcel of being a writer. If they cause you equivalent trauma to being bombed out of your house or witnessing the murder of loved ones, maybe find a job where dishing it out, but not being able to take it, is a key requirement.

Forget Oprah’s Book Club; this is Oprah’s Fight Club. Take it into the ring with Joe Rogan as color commentator, and you just might attract an entirely new male demographic to feminist lit.

*MY DINNER WITH TRANDRÉ*

And speaking of BS “tranny-trauma”…

In the classic Japanese movie series _Lone Wolf and Cub_, disgraced, widowed assassin Ogami must decide whether to mercy-kill his baby or train him in the way of the samurai. Placing a child’s bouncy-ball on the floor alongside a sword, Ogami waits to see which one the baby crawls toward. The ball? He dies. The sword? He’ll become his dad’s protégé.

Fifty years ago, this was the stuff of pulpy action films. Today, it’s how we’re supposed to decide a child’s gender. The old method of actually looking at a newborn and saying “penis or no penis” has been supplanted by “my male toddler chose a doll over a fire truck, so he’s actually a girl! Let’s lop off his genitals.”

Back in 2016, Texas mom Amber Briggle thought she had a daughter, until the child chose fire truck over doll. So the daughter became a son, and when Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton announced his opposition to mutilating children based on the doll/fire-truck test, Briggle invited him over for dinner, to soften the evil redneck’s heart.

Surprisingly, Paxton accepted the invitation, but it didn’t make his Grinchy heart grow. Instead, what Paxton saw was a parent mind-warping an innocent child, so following the dinner, he actually doubled down on wanting to limit the ability of parents to hire mad scientists to turn their children into human centipenises.

And now that Paxton, along with Governor Abbott, is finally cracking down on the Frankensteining of minors, Amber Briggle and other parents of forcibly “resexed” children are claiming that the drive to stop the surgical and chemical mutilation of kids has given them “trauma.”

If you think it’s outlandish for people who inflict trauma on children to scream, “I’m being traumatized because I can’t inflict trauma on children,” dig this: Briggle told NPR that attempts to stop parents from cutting off their kids’ ding-dongs and woo-woos are “more detrimental to these kids’ health than a global pandemic.”

Yes, preventing parents from lopping off the body parts of children is worse than a deadly pandemic.

And just like that, Ogami the assassin looks perfectly sane by comparison.

At least when his son chose the sword, Ogami didn’t use it on the boy’s ball.

*DEAD MAN KVETCHING*

Call it the Shawschmuck Redemption. Or the Greenberg Mile.

“Only KFC initially refused to pull out of Russia, but that’s because Putin has the Colonel compromised with a pee tape that would’ve revealed the horrifying secret behind those ‘11 herbs and spices.’”
Jewish community leaders in Phoenix (the retirement mecca for Jews kicked out of Miami for going “oy, the humidity” one too many times) have filed suit to block Arizona’s use of cyanide gas in prisoner executions because it’s “traumatizing” for Jews to see “Hitler gas” used at “taxpayer expense.”

More than likely these are the same Democrat-voting Jews who pour millions of dollars annually into Planned Parenthood (“Dr. Mengele’s Snip ’n’ Save Abortion Clinic! You concept ’em, we dissect ’em!”).

In announcing the lawsuit, Tim Eckstein of the Jewish Community Relations Council of Greater Phoenix told the press: “Approximately 80 Holocaust survivors currently call our state their home and many of these survivors are horrified at being taxed to implement the same machinery of cruelty that was used to murder their loved ones.”

In fact, Arizona gives condemned inmates the choice of gas or lethal injection. So really, these Jews are trying to take away the last free choice the condemned men have.

Kinda cruel, when you think about it. “You’ll take the injection and you’ll like it!”

Fauci should put these Jews on payroll.

Ironically, American gas chambers predate the Third Reich. The first gas chamber execution on American soil was in Nevada in 1924. The inmate was a Chinese fellow, Gee Jon, who’d killed a fellow Chinaman in a gang fight.

And that’s the core reason for the outrage by Southwestern Jews. Gee was executed before he could finish his food deliveries. In Henderson, there are still Jews waiting for their egg rolls and chow mein.

“Morty, it’s been 98 years. I don’t think it’s coming.”

“One more day, Rivka…then I’m calling to complain.”

*STINGER-LICKIN’ GOOD*

Providing lethal aid by cutting lethal aid…an odd wartime strategy. The same leftists who demand that the U.S. supply Ukraine with Stingers and Javelins to kill Russians are also demanding that the U.S. cut off Russia’s supply of unhealthy food that kills Russians.

Fast-food joints like McDonald’s are being ordered to stop operating in Russia.

Cross-purposes? Don’t we want fat, lazy, “supersized” Russkies? Isn’t it helping Putin’s evil empire if we deprive his minions of addictive crap that renders them obese and slothy?

It’s like if FDR supported Hitler’s anti-smoking crusade. No, dude, we want Nazis dying of lung cancer!

Only KFC initially refused to pull out of Russia, but that’s because Putin has the Colonel compromised with a pee tape that would’ve revealed the horrifying secret behind those “11 herbs and spices.” But now even KFC’s joined the boycott.

Deprived of McNuggets, dye-filled Shamrock Shakes, and artery-clogging fried chicken, young Russians are now being forced to eat healthy.

That’ll show ’em.

Joining the boycott, Starbucks has also closed its Russian locations, robbing those filthy reds of the simple pleasure of a $12 cup of coffee.

These punishments are harsh indeed.

Perhaps a more helpful strategy would’ve been to let Russia keep its McDonald’s and Starbucks and we ship over our supply of big-boned weave-wearing black women who brawl over fries that be takin’ too long and young black men who wreck Starbucks because they want to use the bathroom without ordering anything.

We could easily part with a few thousand of such stellar citizens.

And the Russians would cave in a week.

Win-win.

*FROM PIGMEAT TO DEAD MEAT*

Pigmeat Markham was a defining black vaudevillian of his era; he drew huge audiences back in the days when blackface was a popular option for white comics but a requirement for black ones.

But the thing is, when social standards changed, and blacks were not only allowed but encouraged to show their real faces on stage, Pigmeat couldn’t do it. He could only be comfortable in blackface; he felt “protected.” Dubbed “the last man in blackface,” Markham ended up being attacked by the NAACP for his refusal to go barefaced.

As Democrat politicians are finding out to their dismay, leftists have Pigmeated themselves regarding Covid masks. Even if you tell them to de-mask, they won’t. They can’t.

This is the end-stage of Covid dementia: a nation of Pigmeats told by their own allies, “For God’s sake show your damn face already!”

Last week NYC mayor Eric Adams realized, much to his chagrin, that his city’s schools are run by Pigmeats. Even as Adams tries to end masking for K-through-12 students, teachers and principals are “ignoring the science” and ordering students to “mask up” anyway.

Adams went so far as to accuse mask-mandating school officials of “bullying” their students into wearing masks.

Good luck getting them to stop. NYC still requires children ages 2 through 4 (the demographic least needing it and most harmed by it) to “mask up.”

When there’s no logic or reason to the rules, it’s hard to tell the obsessives to get sane. Nothing about any of this is sane.

Except in Florida, where last week the state surgeon general came out against not just masks for kids but vaccinations for children who don’t have comorbidities.

Florida: on the front line of battling Covid blackface.

Dat’s one state Batmeat Markhan ain’t gonna play!

Masks don’t fails me now!

----------


## Swordsmyth

> *The Week That Perished*
> 
> https://www.ericpetersautos.com/2022...mobile-matrix/
> 
> Takimag 
> 
> March 13, 2022
> 
> The Week’s Most Caddying, Daddying, and St. Paddying Headlines
> ...


I just noticed you posted the wrong link, this is the right one: https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-181/

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-182/

_The Week’s Most Raving, Enslaving, and Daylight-Saving Headlines_
*HARMADUKE*
A world run by dogs wouldn’t be so bad, especially considering the mess  humans have made of things. Dog World would be very close to utopia.  Belly rubs would replace money, love and loyalty given would always be  returned in kind, and work would be meticulously balanced with play.
 Oh, and criminals would be scalped instead of coddled.
 Utopia indeed.
 Poor Talmika Bates. All she wanted to do was shoplift a few  reparations from a high-end beauty-supply store. Sadly, it takes a lot  of cosmetics to make Talmika Bates look passable to the human eye. So  when the 26-year-old targeted Ultra Beauty in Brentwood, Calif. (near  the Bay Area, right in the path of where Oakland’s raiders maraud every  night), she brought along a _BIG_ satchel.

              Bates and two friends ended up making off with over $10,000 in merchandise.
   Unfortunately, the beauty-challenged thieves found themselves tailed  by cops, so they ditched their getaway vehicle and took to the hills. A  police K9 named Marco found Bates hiding in some bushes, and when the  German shepherd barked at her, and Bates replied, “Oh I _know_ you dih-in’t just bark at _me_!” the dog retorted by grabbing her by the hair.
 In his defense, he assumed it was a weave. It wasn’t, and Talmika lost part of her scalp.
 She really gonna need them beauty products now.
  Last week,  Bates announced that she’s suing the city of Brentwood for “injuries,  depression, and trauma,” telling the local press, “My whole brain almost  fell out. I don’t even feel cute. I feel ugly.”
 Well, she could always rob a beauty supp….oh, right.

              As for Marco, he’s being floated as a replacement for L.A. County DA  George Gascon. And he just might win, especially with California’s  maul-in ballots.
*STABR*
Dating’s never been easier, thanks to dozens of apps designed to bring  loved-starved young people together for a lifetime of happiness.
 Or a night of gruesome geopolitical revenge.
 Well, no app is perfect.
  A Nevada man looking for love in all the wrong faces was bafflingly  delighted when a 21-year-old woman named Nika Nikoubin responded to his  ad on Plenty of Fish. With eyebrows that can be seen from space and a  face that makes passersby think they’re in a _Tootsie_ reboot, Nikoubin doesn’t exactly seem the type to set a man’s heart afire.

              But she sure can rip a man’s jugular asunder, as the Nevada man  discovered when his experience with Plenty of Fish resulted in the loss  of plenty of flesh.


Turns  out Nikoubin was fishing not for love but victims. The mannish Persian  scare-quotes “beauty” wanted to get revenge for the assassination of  Iranian military leader Qasem Soleimani, killed in a U.S. drone strike  in 2020. Following Soleimani’s death, Iranian “Supreme Leader” Ayatollah  Khamenei declared that his friend’s murder would be met with “harsh  retaliation.”
 In a world of dirty bombs, anthrax, and sarin, it’s not entirely  certain if “setting up a random guy on a really bad date” qualifies as  “harsh retaliation.”
 Nikoubin took her prey to a Las Vegas hotel, where she plied him with  liquor and had sex with him before plunging a knife through his neck.
 Though injured, the man was able to push Nikoubin away, chasing her  out of the room and calling 911. He survived his grisly injury, and, on  the plus side, he _did_ get laid, so was it really that bad a date after all?
 Nikoubin is being held in a Henderson jail. And Ayatollah Khamenei  had to explain to his mullahs why “Operation Bimbarossa” failed.
 Unbowed, Khamenei vowed that his next assassin would be sent through  Grindr, though he fears that some of the potential victims might  actually enjoy the experience.
*AMERICA RUNS FROM DUNKIN’*
Last week, the Columbus police officer who, a year ago, shot and killed  16-year-old land-dwelling whale Ma’Khia Bryant was cleared of all  charges by a grand jury.  The cop, Nicholas Reardon, had been forced to shoot Bryant as she was  about to kill another young girl, Shai-Onta Craig-Watkins. Reardon’s  bullets stopped the murder-in-progress. Yet BLM and its political  patrons demanded a witch hunt, claiming that Reardon should’ve gently  delivered a Mr. Spock neck pinch to nonviolently subdue the raging beast  who had Craig-Watkins pinned to a car with a knife at her throat.
 At the hearing, Reardon pointed out that Mr. Spock isn’t real, and Bryant didn’t just outweigh him, but the car as well.
 Ironically, as BLMers were decrying the Reardon decision, they were _cheering_ the slap-on-the-wrist given to a 27-year-old black man for beating a 77-year-old white guy to death for saying the “N-word.”
 Corey Pujols is the jive-talkin’ manager of a Tampa Dunkin’ Donuts.  Vonelle Cook was a crusty old whitey who didn’t like his doughnuts  (“Hang-darnit, I said the one with the sprinkles, not the jelly, you  black bastard”). On TV, these two could’ve been the new Chico and the  Man. But instead they became Africo and the Dead Man. When the irate  Cook used the “N-word” while berating Pujols for his poor doughnut  handling, the young manager punched the old honky square in the face,  killing him, because that tends to happen when you punch a 77-year-old  square in the face.
 Last week a judge sentenced Pujols to a sweetheart deal of house arrest and community service,  and not a soul in the black community suggested that a fit, healthy  young man could’ve handled an irate but unarmed elderly man with  less-deadly force.
 Only cops are expected to be Spock. Fit young black men facing off  against elderly white dudes are allowed all the lethal force they want.
 Also, apparently in Florida you can now legally murder someone for  saying “******.” Note to Quentin Tarantino: Shoot your next film  elsewhere.
*HOT (CAULDRON) FOR TEACHER*
America’s teachers really seem to enjoy tormenting their charges.  Forcing masks on toddlers, making kids (even vaxxed ones) eat outdoors  in the cold and rain, and encircling desks with plexiglass walls.
 Last month a Louisiana teacher was sentenced for serving students semen-laced cupcakes,  joining the American educators “Summa Cum Proudy” Hall of Fame  alongside the elementary school teacher who fed his students semen cookies and the music teacher who filled his students’ woodwinds with semen.
 But now the kids are scoring some payback, tormenting their  instructors with ever-changing demands to be called different pronouns,  and reporting them to administrators when they fail the  they/them/zhir/zhem test.

 Usually, the teachers cater to their little gender chameleons,  because the only thing teachers like more than scrambling kids’ minds on  race is scrambling them on gender. But for one middle school teacher,  Pamela Ricard of Fort Riley, Kansas, the daily barrage of “call me  ma’ams” during roll call became too much to bear.
 Ricard, a devout Christian who doesn’t believe that kids can switch  sex via willpower (i.e., she’s rational), decided to stop using gender  pronouns at all after being ordered by her superiors to never call a sir  a ma’am or a zur a zam or a flim a flam.
 But a student complained, demanding that Ricard be forced to (in menacingly intoned Walter White voice) “say my name.”
 Hey, it’s not like Ricard’s a missionary being boiled alive by  cannibals. They’ll let her out of the pot as long as she surrenders her  convictions.
 But Ricard’s not bending; she’s hired a lawyer, claiming that the  school is forcing her to adopt an unwanted belief system, thus violating  her First Amendment rights.
 Admins have suspended and reprimanded her, because if there’s one  location where notions of “conscience” and “rights” have no place, it’s  American schools.
 It’s easy to feel anger toward the kids, but to be fair, several  years of oxygen deprivation from masks coupled with nutritionally  questionable cookies and cupcakes couldn’t have been good for their  brain development.
*SMOTHER AND CHILD*
Sticking with a theme, last week officials with the California Department of Social Services raided three San Diego preschools to grill the toddlers on their mask habits and whether or not their school was keeping them properly smothered.
 The tykes were separated and interrogated solitarily with no parent or guardian present.
 No way _that_ was a terrorizing experience!
 Following the grilling sessions (“Vee haff vays off making you talk.  Grape juice, perhaps?”), the heroes of the California Department of  Scaring the Living Crap Out of Babies cited the investigated schools for  improperly allowing children to breathe too much (Covid kids will  surely eventually come to be known as “Generation RainMan”).
 Also, based on the kids’ testimony, one school was cited for having a  Frankenstein in the closet and another for “totally letting Logan use  the crayons but Logan promised he’d share the crayons but he didn’t  share the crayons and I didn’t get to play with the crayons but Logan  did and it’s no fair because I like the crayons too especially green.”

 To close the week by bringing things full circle, it should be noted  that the last time Southern California child-services stormtroopers  raided schools and interviewed small children with no guardians present,  the state got the McMartin Trial, the defining 1980s example of moral  panic and false testimony.
 And the _exact same institute_ that launched that witch hunt by berating and intimidating kids into saying they were molested, Children’s Institute Inc. (CII), is today one of the main suppliers to SoCal schools of—guess what—_masks_! On its website,  CII brags about flooding schools with “18,440 face masks, 47,184 ounces  of hand sanitizer, 192,600 individual disinfecting wipes, 58,900 rubber  gloves, and 5,110 face shields.”
 Apparently, terrorizing children is like eating potato chips; once you start, it’s really hard to stop.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-183/

March 27, 2022

The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Spring-Breaking Headlines

*STAR TREK: THE NEXT DEFECATION*

Sci-fi has a long history of calling things wrong. Blade Runner predicted a 2019 L.A. with no Mexicans except Edward James Olmos. Back to the Future Part II predicted hoverboards in 2015. And 2001: A Space Odyssey envisioned that year as being all about white guys piloting spaceships rather than Muslims piloting hijacked planes.

But one thing sci-fi got right was America having a black president. From 1997’s Fifth Element to 1998’s Deep Impact and 2006’s Idiocracy, sci-fi saw it coming.

So why stop at president?

An October 1986 episode of the Twilight Zone reboot penned by Game of Thrones scribe George R.R. Martin depicted a black college bimbo who’s informed by time travelers that one day she’ll be “president of Earth” (see the episode here. The roommate is played by model-actress Cindy Harrell, the girl from the Ghostbusters music video. After this episode, Harrell fled the business, marrying a wealthy Jewish philanthropist so she’d never have to act again. Among shiksa model-actresses this is known as a “Goldenberg parachute”).

So even back in 1986, prominent sci-fi authors were predicting a black female “president of Earth.”

Last week the Paramount+ TV series Star Trek: Discovery cast Stacey Abrams as the future “president of Earth.” Yes, that Stacey Abrams, the one who’s had this conversation about a thousand times:

“Ms. Abrams, your printer must’ve run out of ink. Your résumé is just your name and race, but no jobs or accomplishments.”

“Naw, it printed correct.”

Star Trek: Discovery is set in the year 2255, and even then Abrams is still claiming to be governor of Georgia. But while conservatives have balked at the show’s fawning, there might be accuracy to the portrayal. Should there ever be a “president of Earth,” it would almost certainly be an empty vessel rendered untouchable by race and gender. It’s highly doubtful anyone with substance and principles could get the support of all earthly nations.

Congrats, sci-fi. This one seems on-the-nose.

*LENTILMEN PREFER BLONDES*

Blonde “economist” Teresa Ghilarducci knows all about poverty. Not from ever having experienced it, of course. But she saw it once on TV.

Ghilarducci, of the leftist Economic Policy Institute (founded by Robert Reich as a shell company to siphon money from the Lollipop Guild pension fund), is personally bankrolled by the Alfred Sloan Foundation, the U.S. Department of Labor, the Ford Foundation, and the Rockefeller Foundation.

So of course Bloomberg News chose her to write a guidebook to help ordinary Americans cope during a time of out-of-control inflation.

Her primer was initially comprised of just one sentence: “Like errmahgerd, if you need money just get funded by the Alfred Sloan Foundation, the U.S. Department of Labor, the Ford Foundation, and the Rockefeller Foundation.”

But Michael Bloomberg asked her to flesh it out a bit, so she reworked the piece, adding a few practical tips to help the peons survive the Biden bust: Take the bus and eat lentils.

And there you have it, Mr. and Mrs. America. Your financial problems are over. “Now may be the time to sell your car,” John Retard Keynes told her readers, “it’s worth reconsidering public transportation.”

And since you’ll need energy to keep doing your filthy poor-person jobs, forget meat—that’s for the elites. Your future is beans and lentils:

Tasty meat substitutes include vegetables (where prices are up a little over 4%, or lentils and beans, which are up about 9%). Plan to cut out the middle creature and consume plants directly. It’s a more efficient, healthier and cheaper way to get calories.

Consume plants directly, worker drones. And stay efficient on sustenance-level caloric intake.

So spoke Teresa Ghilarducci as she ate caviar from Mike Bloomberg’s naked ass as his yacht spirited them to his private island, far away from the filthy commoners who are only poor because they won’t eat their veggies.

*KORNERED BY KAMALA*

Kamala Harris is that person who corners you at a party. You try to get away, you try to make an excuse: “I need to use the restroom” or “I’m gonna go get a refill.” But your words don’t register. She just keeps talking.

And she won’t stop laughing at her own “jokes.” Worse, she leans in after every “funny” quip, insisting that you laugh along.

“I mean, right? Ha-hah…ah-ha-hah? Right? Uh-huh? Ha-ha-ha-haaaaah?”

The first rule of comedy is that if you have to prod someone to laugh, your joke flopped.

And the first rule of public speaking is that you have to do more than string random words together.

Last week Harris was in Louisiana promoting high-speed internet, something even an AT&T Punjabi peasant working in a phone bank for a dollar a day can effectively do. And yet she still managed to screw it up. Peppering her remarks with her trademark “Right? Right?” the vapid veep explained:

The significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time. And there is such great significance to the passage of time when we think about a day in the life of our children and what that means to the future of our nation.

Yes, America has as its VP the only Indian who couldn’t pull off a Windows phone scam.

“Hello, sir, I’m from Microsoft security and I’m calling to discuss with you the passage of time, right? Time is significant and it passes. Right? Right?”

A billion Indians, and we got Hamstrunga Din.

*TRAN-AND-CHEESE SANDWICH*

Alabama’s favorite black tranny Quentin Bell looks like Nell Carter if Nell Carter had been 500 times uglier. Gazing at Quentin Bell, now a man but born a woman, one is compelled to accept the appropriateness of his transition. Because trying to imagine this freak show as a female is frightening.

According to the Houston Chronicle, Bell is the Martin Luther King of trans men. He travels his state battling bills that dare to declare that women exist.

And when Bell lectures legislators about tranny acceptance, he uses what the Chronicle admiringly dubs his “sandwich analogy.” Bell quizzes the lawmakers on their favorite type of sandwich, and then he explains that a sandwich can be anything: “Sandwich,” like gender, is a social construct. He uses the example of a peanut butter sandwich. It’s not bound by bigoted definitions. It could be whatever you want to call it.

Absolutely brilliant.

Except…

If someone has a peanut allergy and you serve them a peanut butter sandwich, they might get seriously ill, no matter what you call the sandwich. Ditto if someone has a shellfish allergy and you serve them a seafood salad sandwich. You can call it a Philly cheesesteak, but that crab’s still gonna be deadly.

Sandwich “deadnames” matter.

Last year a female patient at a British hospital was raped, but the hospital denied the crime because only “women” were present in the “single-sex ward.” For an entire year, the hospital gaslighted the victim and stymied the police investigation. “All our patients in this ward are Philly cheesesteaks. It’s not possible that someone was violently penetrated by a peanut butter sandwich.”

Last week the hospital finally admitted that yes, one of the patients in the ward was a tranny with a penis, and yes, he raped the woman.

In a restaurant, if you order a Philly cheesesteak and you get a peanut butter sandwich, you can send it back. In real life, if you’re admitted to a female-only hospital ward and you get raped by a dude, you just gotta swallow it and pay the bill.

Quentin “Martin Luther Dong” Bell’s sandwich analogy might not be as helpful as he thinks.

*SPRING BREAK-DANCERS*

Speaking of Martin Luther King, who can forget his impassioned speech about how the only way that America can finally achieve true racial equality is if black kids get to go to Miami for spring break and shoot up the town with impunity?

Okay, MLK may never have delivered such a speech. But try telling that to the young justice warriors in Miami right now protesting a curfew imposed by the city because “black spring breakers” won’t stop shooting each other.

“Freedom Summer”? Meet “Bleed’em Spring.”

Last week, Miami city leaders imposed the curfew after a wave of violence by revelers who were merely celebrating Biden’s historic nomination of a black woman for SCOTUS.

Pierre Rutledge, chair of the Miami-Dade Black Advisory Board, told the Miami Herald that the curfew is just as bad—maybe worse—than the segregationist oppressions of early-1930s Florida. Rutledge told the Herald that in 1936 his grandma had to carry an ID card just to walk along the beach. And today, young black men are being prevented by a racist curfew from murdering each other on that same beach.

“If you don’t know your history, you’re destined to repeat it,” Rutledge wept. “And it looks like that’s where we’re headed.”

There’s no difference between 1930s race-based ID cards and a present-day non-race-based curfew enacted to stop an epidemic of blacks shooting blacks.

Apparently, Rutledge is also chair of the Miami-Dade Drooling Idiots Advisory Board.

One black spring breaker told the Herald that just because her friends were shooting each other doesn’t mean they should be hit with a curfew.

“The curfew makes it seem like we’re the problem.”

Indeed, how very ridiculous to blame violence by black spring breakers on black spring breakers.

Especially when the real culprit is probably Putin.

Laugh if you will; that’ll likely be MSNBC’s headline tomorrow.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-184/

_The Week’s Most Grueling, Drooling, and April-Fooling Headlines_
*SLAPPY BLACK*
Once again, an onstage disaster has overshadowed the Best Picture win of  a woke film. In 2017, the Warren Beatty/Faye Dunaway envelope mix-up  upstaged the win by the black-African-immigrant-gay-tranny-Hispanic-pedo  film _Moonlight_ (a movie that never had a script, just a series  of checked boxes). And this year, the “historical” win of “Look at us,  we’re deaf!” movie _CODA_ was ignored because everyone was talking about the Will Smith/Chris Rock slap (on the bright side, the cast of _CODA_ couldn’t hear what people were chatting about anyway).
 The Hitch-slap sparked debate on the left, ranging from “Hooray, a  black man standing up for his woman!” to “Racism caused Smith to assault  Rock” to “Racism is why people are criticizing Smith for assaulting  Rock.”
 Finally, leftists settled on “White folks just need to shut up.”
 The inevitable end-point of all leftist debates.

              On the right, a bunch of amateur Zapruders studied the slap for clues  as to whether it was staged (correction: A bunch of amateur Zapruders _decided_  it was staged and then projected their confirmation bias on the  footage). “Rock kept smiling after the blow” (because we all know that  any man sucker punched in front of millions of people will simply  crumble to the floor crying, “Oweee oweee I need my mommy!” Ego and  adrenaline are Deep State myths). “The slap was orchestrated for  ratings” (even though the moment was bleeped for U.S. audiences and only  viewable on YouTube and Twitter).
   Perhaps the best argument against the incident being staged is that  Rock had no decent comeback. In 1974, the Academy was tipped off that a  streaker might crash the event, so host David Niven was pre-equipped  with a witty rejoinder. Niven’s “off-the-cuff” comment went down in  Oscar history.
 So, with Smith and Rock we have an A-lister destroying his brand on  the night of his first Oscar win and a comedian stammering with no  comeback.
 Paging Oliver Stone! This was definitely a false flag.
*PH.D IS A PH.DUNCE*
The worst-of-all-takes on the Smith/Rock incident came from  self-promoting, self-appointed “spokesman for blacks” Dr. Jason Johnson  (a “Dr. Jill Biden” type with a nonmedical Ph.D and an inferiority  complex that compels him to demand to be called “doctor”).


Doc Johnson, a regular commentator on (of course) MSNBC and (of course) CNN, took to Twitter to declare that if a _white_  man had told the “Jada so bald men tryna use her head to pick up a  spare” joke, the Academy would’ve unleashed a strike force to tackle  Will Smith before he could reach his target:

No way Will Smith does that to a white comedian. A Bill  Burr or Ricky Gervais. He wouldn’t have even been able to reach the  stage. He definitely would’ve been asked to leave afterwards. And both  of those comedians would be just as likely to make that joke.When it comes to BS “doctors,” Jason Johnson is the best of ’em. He  can’t cure disease or stitch a wound, but man, can he prove why degrees  in political science are only of worth if you use them to light a cigar.
 The idea that if a white comedian had told the “Jada so bald gypsies  read her head” joke, and if Smith had stepped up on stage as he did, the  Academy would’ve unleashed some hidden Seal Team Six to tackle him, is  so stupid, it could literally only come from an MSNBC guy with a  worthless degree. The notion that the telecast’s producer had a red  panic button to push in case a white person needed help is pure paranoid  schizophrenia.
 This guy literally believes that the producer said, “We’ll let Smith stay because he only hit a _black_ man.”
 Oh wait—the show’s producer was black and he employed an all-black production team. So the decision to not deploy the Green Berets, and to let Smith stay after the assault, was made by _blacks_.

              It’s hard to say whether “Sawbones Johnson” is mentally ill or just  incurably stupid. But either way, he’s earned his position at CNN and  MSNBC, where paranoid schizophrenia and/or mental retardation are job  requirements.
*AFFIRMATIVE ACTION ISN’T SENDING ITS BEST*
And on the topic of that “all-black Oscars production team”…
 It might not have been the best idea to choose the staff via color chart instead of knowledge and experience.
 “Incidental music cues” have always been the most annoying way  talentless filmmakers club an audience over the head with the obvious.  Like when a Chinese character enters the room and the soundtrack plays “tingle-tingle-tingle-ting-ting-ting, _GONG!_”
_Experienced_ TV producers would avoid such things.
 But this year’s Oscars didn’t go by experience, just color.
 2022 Oscars so black, Angelina Jolie tried to adopt it. 2022 Oscars  so black, the sets were bought on layaway. 2022 Oscars so black, it was  sponsored by Newport menthols. 2022 Oscars so black, CPS seized the  budget for unpaid child support.
 And wow, did that all-black staff go wild with the ethnic/racial incidental music cues.
 When Ugandan-born actor Daniel Kaluuya walked on stage to present an  award, the producers played Toto’s “Africa” as the music cue.
 As Toto are an L.A. band with zero connection to Africa (and no  founding black members), one can assume this idiotic error occurred  because one of the affirmative-actioned cancer-curers googled “Africa  music” and downloaded the first thing that came up.
 Later, when Colombian/Bolivian actress Stephanie Beatriz took the  stage, the producers played Madonna’s “La Isla Bonita,” which is as  authentically South/Central American as a Del Taco Crunchtada.
 “Alexa, play somethin’ Spanish, yo.”
 While covering the outrage surrounding these gaffes, _The Hollywood Reporter_ was forced to admit that no white decision-makers were involved.
 Too bad this wasn’t the year _Parasite_ won; it would’ve been nice to hear that Charlie Chan theme music.
*JUDGE FRUITY*
It wasn’t just the Academy Awards that checked all the right boxes  regarding hiring practices last week. Elsewhere in the formerly great  state of California, unrestrained madman Gavin Newsom chose a walking  disaster in a dress as the first openly transgender Superior Court  appointee in the state’s history.
 If you took Paul Shaffer and threw a wig on him, he’d still look  better than Andi Mudryk, Newsom’s new tranny judge. Judge Trainryk  welcomed the news of “her” installation with a speech in which “she” put  the people of the state on notice that “she” checks so many victimhood  boxes, resistance to the appointment is futile.
 Judge Schmendryk told the _L.A. Times_ that zhe’s “a  transgender woman, a person with a significant disability, the parent of  an adult Black man, and the descendant of Jewish Holocaust survivors.”
 Cut to Mudryk’s parents looking at each other and saying, “Oy, we survived for this?”
 The _Times_ doesn’t explain what the “parent of an adult Black  man” thing means (if you have a black son, you have a black son,  whether he’s a minor or an adult). Some questions are best left  unanswered; it’s likely the “adult Black son” mess involves grown men in  diapers and _Pulp Fiction_ S&M “gimp” outfits.
 Good luck to anyone without victimhood cred who appears before Judge  Cut-Off-My-Pudryk. No doubt the judge will show little compassion toward  parents whose children are being forcibly “transitioned” at their  school.
 Governor Gruesome is currently scanning the roster of lower-court judges for his next appointee.
 Word has it that in Bakersfield there’s a traffic court judge who  identifies as a “transgender Afro-Cuban dwarf with Lyme disease and long  Covid who has a 100-year-old Cambodian son who survived Pol Pot because  he’s part hyena and also invisible.”
 California’s next state Supreme Court chief justice!
*THE MOLDIN’ STATE*
And since we’re in California, why leave just yet? Such geographic  beauty. Majestic mountains, stunning beaches, snowy slopes, starry  deserts, and a rich history of supporting the Confederacy and growing  cotton on slave plantations.
 Wait, uh, that last one doesn’t seem accurate. But before you consult  a history book to determine if Jefferson Davis ran his renegade  republic from Malibu (“Ah do declare, Madam Streisand, that your new  guesthouse has blocked mah ocean view. You have offended mah honor”),  know that to the California legislature, whether or not the state ever  had slavery is irrelevant.
 Cali is paying off blacks for something Cali never did.
 Last week, the “blue ribbon panel” convened by Governor Newsom to  determine the scope of California’s slavery reparations scheme released  its first report  (the report took longer than expected after Bubba Wallace mistook the  blue ribbon for a noose and 300 FBI agents descended upon Sacramento to  investigate).
 Funny enough, the asylum of anencephalic vegetables on the panel were  locked in a bitter dispute over who should get the gubmint cash. One  group favored blacks who can trace their lineage to slavery. The other  favored any person who identifies as even partially “black.”
 For those who enjoy reading between the lines, the latter group was  comprised of Democrats who realize that with blacks now making up barely  5% of the state, the cash giveaway is meaningless, vote-wise, if it  can’t be extended to Hispanics.
 “Si, señor, mi nombre es Kunta Gonzales. You need drywall, massa? I do drywall.”

 Sadly, by a 5-to-4 vote, the panel decided that only slavery  descendants will get the dough, because in the words of every black on  the panel, “ain’t no beaner gettin’ my bread.”
 So, the group that votes 100% Democrat no matter what will now get millions of taxpayer dollars from Democrats.
 Kinda makes the entire venture meaningless.
 Still, for those who seek to heal the wounds of California’s nonexistent Confederate history, finally, some closure.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-185/

Takimag 

April 10, 2022

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Calming, Psalming, and Sunday-Palming Headlines

*THE BIG APPLE’S GENDERLESS WORMS*

NYC mayor Eric Adams has a hard life. Like getting court orders to smother toddlers with unnecessary masks, and then partying maskless with boozing billionaire “actress” Cara Delevingne (a descendant of British-Jewish aristocracy whose permanent expression of contempt for humankind has redefined “resting bitch face” as “resting Soros face”).

Another difficulty faced by hizzoner is that the city’s out-of-control crime wave has caused an exodus of taxpayers. So Adams is using leftist outrage over Governor DeSantis’ grade K–3 anti-sexual-propagandizing law (which liberals have fraudulently dubbed “don’t say gay”) to lure well-to-do gay Floridians to his rotting city.

Last week, still hungover from the Delevingne event (especially the part where she challenged him to a “kick the peons in the teeth” contest), Adams unveiled a series of digital billboards around the city bragging that in NYC, you can “say anything.”

“GAY GAY GAY! Come to the city where you can say whatever you want,” read one of the billboards.

Unfortunately, even if NYC residents can say whatever they want, most of the time, they end up saying the exact same things:

“Take my wallet, just don’t kill me.”
“Please stop beating me!”
“You’re stabbing me! Why? Why?”
“Help, I’ve been shot.”

But in fact, NYC is not a place where you can “say anything.” You can say “gay,” but you can’t say “mother.” At the exact same time Adams was unveiling the billboards, the city’s Department of Health chief medical officer, Dr. Michelle Morse, apologized for referring to women who give birth as “mothers” when she should’ve said “birthing people.” She promised to never again “gender” birthing people by using such a filthy word.

Yep, surely tons of Floridians are gonna trade their beautiful and sane state to go live in a lunatic asylum.

And to those who do? Good riddance!

*NATIONAL “PUNCH A WOMAN IN THE THROAT” DAY OF VISIBILITY*

Finally, the world has proof: Reincarnation is real.

Look at this photo of old-timey funnyman Arnold Stang.

Now look at this photo of tranny “rapper” Faye Fadem.

It’s Stang, reincarnated as a mentally troubled dude in a wig.

Mind you, certain things get lost as the soul is reborn. For example, Stang was funny on purpose.

Fadem made headlines last week after “it” released a rap calling for the murder of author J.K. Rowling for blasphemy (Rowling adheres to the heretical belief that women exist). The musical monstrosity also spoke of “killing TERFs” (“trans-exclusive radical feminists,” a.k.a. women who believe in biology).

To no one’s surprise, Twitter refused to ban Fadem’s video. Whereas a rightist can get banned for any flimsy reason, a leftist can literally say, “I’m gonna kill those with whom I disagree,” and Parag Agrawal dons his Frank Zappa mask and gives a speech about the value of free expression.

This time, Agrawal’s charade failed. After Fadem’s threats hit the press, Twitter abruptly removed the video. But it allowed Fadem to retain this gem: “I put out a new music video today for anyone who has ever thought about punching a TERF in the throat.”

Remember that TERFs by definition are biological women. So Twitter will ban you if you say “biological women exist,” but if you say, “Let’s punch biological women in the throat,” not only will you not get banned, your tweet won’t be removed.

On Twitter you can only acknowledge the existence of biological women if you say they should be beaten.

Agrawal should take off the Zappa mask and put on the Chris Brown one.

Arnold Stang woulda never punched a woman; he was a lovable little nebbish.

Apparently, reincarnation works like an old Xerox machine: Each new copy degrades in quality.

*THIS WEEK IN HATE HOAXES*

With a new incident almost every week, hate hoaxes are fast becoming America’s largest employer. College students struggling with debt merely have to write “******” on a bathroom wall, and voilà, that GoFundMe pays off their bills. College admins and professors, no longer teaching anything that matters in the real world, get paid to hold “racial healing seminars.” And the FBI, which long ago lost interest in catching murderers and solving real crimes, can justify its budget by dispatching hundreds of agents to interrogate a piece of string.

A few weeks ago at Our Lady of Mercy School for Young Women in Rochester, the following was found scrawled on a bathroom wall: “This school is filled with a bunch of *******. Get out or else!!”

So of course, there were BLM marches and promises from the administration to severely punish the culprit.

Until it turned out a student of color did it.

No surprise there.

The twist came when it was discovered that although the offending student is black, her family’s of Hispanic descent. Social justice orgs declared that therefore she can’t be black:

“NOT TRUE… she is HISPANIC… a Hispanic is NOT considered African American is no way!!!” tweeted one Rochester activist.

So no black person of Hispanic descent can ever be called American? Wow…that sounds kinda, what’s the word? Racist. Nativist, even.

Funny how the graffiti was fake racism but the response was real racism.

True to form, administrators thanked the hate-faker for “opening a discussion.” The school will now increase its diversity programs.

Only someone as ignorant as a modern-day American educator could fail to see the connection between the rewarding of hate hoaxes and the proliferation of hate hoaxes.

That said, it looks like such hoaxes are becoming not just America’s leading employer, but its newest export. Russian-Ukrainian Jewish oligarch Pavel Fuks was accused last week of paying teens to spray-paint swastikas all over Kyiv in a scheme to blame it on local “Nazis.”

Fuks says Putin made him do it.

But as Ukraine’s leading funder of Holocaust remembrance institutions, there might just be another reason for the hoax!

Paging Sarah Silverman: We finally found your sidewalk swastikas! And a Jew did ’em.

Oy!

*UNNECESSARY PRE-SURGERY*

It’s fitting that in England, the nation that gave us Life of Brian (a film in which one of the male characters obsesses over wanting to give birth), life is imitating comedy.

British doctors now view Life of Brian as an instructional.

Doctors in England must now ask any male patient scheduled for an X-ray or MRI if he’s pregnant.

“Operating theater” used to mean the room where the surgery takes place. Now it’s an actual theater where doctors playact fictional scenarios.

Doctors are wasting their patients’ time with idiotic questions to please the tranny lobby, which ruthlessly enforces the doctrine that “men can get pregnant.” And doctors have to play along, because every time a British doctor doesn’t properly recite his lines, a hundred tranny children commit suicide Heaven’s Gate-style.

Funny enough, the male Heaven’s Gate cultists cut off their nads before committing mass suicide. But oddly, we still refer to them as men. Because even a castrated man is still a male.

But hey, that’s just biology. Don’t expect doctors to care about that!

The “ask men if they’re pregnant” policy has been endorsed by the British Society of Radiographers. Which suggests that British radiographers might have serious radiation-poisoning-induced brain damage.

No word on whether British doctors are also going to have to do the “cough and drop” hernia test on their female patients. Hell, why not go the full Monty Python and force all female patients to have a prostate exam?

That might just create an entire nation of TERFs.

Trannies, be careful what you wish for.

*BOSS IS COMIN’—LOOK BUSY!*

Well, it’s finally happened. After decades of hearing black thugs protest to police that they “dindu nuthin’,” for once, it turns out that some of them are telling the truth. Unfortunately for the people who donated money to BLM in the belief that it would go to “activism,” what the leaders of BLM “dindu nuthin’” with was all that cash.

They just pocketed it.

Oh, and they bought a $6,000,000 California mansion!

This is separate from all those other multimillion-dollar houses BLM cofounder Patrisse Cullors bought for herself last year. This is a mansion for all BLM leaders to use as a resort. A getaway from the ghetto; a home away from homies. According to a damning piece in New York magazine last week, BLM leaders did everything they could to hide the house from their donors.

What finally gave away the game?

Three BLM bimbos—Cullors, Alicia Garza, and Melina Abdullah—shot a video of themselves sharing drinks and toasting their success in front of the house!

It’s the Achilles’ heel of every black thief: They get away with the dough, but then they just have to post photos online where they pose with the loot.

NY mag came into possession of internal BLM memos detailing how leaders were planning to deal with the exposé. Some memos suggested trying to “kill” the story. Others recommended “deflating” it. Some argued that the mansion should be presented as a “safe house” to protect BLM leaders from the KKK. But since most people hiding in safe houses don’t post videos of it online, it was finally decided that the official story will be that the mansion was purchased “to serve as housing and studio space for recipients of the Black Joy Creators Fellowship.”

And the day after the NY mag story dropped, BLM tweeted “We are bringing Black Joy, Black Art, and Black Voices to the top of your newsfeed with our new Fellowship and Creator House.”

Total coincidence. They wuz gonna do that anyway.

Honest, officer…we did-du sumthin’.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-186/

Takimag 

April 17, 2022

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Shining, Pining, and Passover-Wining Headlines

*GIVING UP DECENCY FOR LENT*

Lent used to be about resisting evil. Now one church is making it about giving in.

After all, what better way to show devotion to God than by rejecting a large segment of His creation? According to a Chicago church, all humans are made in the image of God except whites.

It’s hard to say whether First United Church of Oak Park is an actual church, or if someone just scribbled the word “church” in front of an insane asylum for a tax break. This year, these Presbyterian psychos decided to give up white people for Lent.

For the record, First United is a predominantly white congregation. Because of course it is.

Last month, the church’s pastor, Rev. John Edgerton, made the announcement that anything “white” (himself and his congregants excluded) would be banned from church during Lent. Last week, someone outside the cult, sorry, “church,” noticed, and it made the press.

The pew-filled nuthouse’s website explains that the ban on “white” even extends to long-dead composers and sacred texts:

In our worship services throughout Lent, we will not be using any music or liturgy written or composed by white people. Our music will be drawn from the African American spirituals tradition, from South African freedom songs, from Native American traditions, and many more.

Wait, isn’t that “appropriation”? Don’t Africans and Indians usually balk at whitey stealing their “sacred traditions”? One wonders if the congregation performed those “sacred” songs in blackface or with feathered headdresses. And did Reverend Edgerton introduce the negro spirituals in the voice of a 1910 black vaudevillian?

“An’ now, here be da timeless spit’ual ‘In da Club’ by Deacon Fitty Cent.”

This Lent, it seems that God has given up the First United Church of Oak Park.

*MAXINE WATERS RUNS SHALLOW*

The first rule of throwing a successful “gibs me free” party is to actually have free stuff to gibs.

Otherwise, it’s like throwing a birthday party with no cake. But Congresswoman Maxine Waters, whose entire career has been one long audition for the title role in the gender-swapped reboot of Rain Man, sees no problem with disappointing her party guests. After all, they should be happy just to be there, basking in the glow of her wig’s Afro Sheen.

Last week the L.A. Times dared to publish a story about something that happened back in March, when hundreds of L.A.’s street dwellers flocked to South Central because Waters had promised free Section 8 housing vouchers to all who showed up.

And what a glorious procession of L.A.’s best and brightest it was! The drunks put down their Sterno and put on their Sunday best (the shirt with the nice vomit pattern), the druggies removed the needles from their arms and wiped the huffed paint from their faces, the layabouts stored their “starving and broke; please give” signs in their $500-a-month temperature-controlled taxpayer-funded storage units, and the schizos took the knives out of the pedestrians they were butchering, using the blades instead to carve “thank you Maxine” into their bare-naked chests.

And off they went to Gibstravaganza, marching joyfully down Florence Avenue. It was like the Rose Parade, if roses smelled like feces.

Unfortunately, when they reached their destination, ol’ Maxine had plum forgot to bring the vouchers. So the crowd turned nasty, surrounding Waters and berating her.

At which point she told the homeless people to “go home.”

“Congresswoman Waters, the studio called: You got the Rain Woman role!”

When the jetsam reminded Waters that they have no homes to go to, she laughed and cussed them out.

Worst gibs party ever.

Dejected, L.A.’s detritus slithered back into the sewers. Waters ordered the Times to hush up the incident, and because she’s a black Democrat, nobody screamed “fascist.”

Behold, the Teflon Tard.

*COVID CLAPS BACK*

Covid lockdowns sure made Americans crabby. And not just in the figurative sense.

According to the CDC, the CDC’s response to the Covid pandemic caused a meteoric rise in sexually transmitted diseases, which the CDC is now bitching about because how could the CDC have possibly known that idiotic CDC measures would have unforeseen ripple effects?

A CDC report released last week details how the agency’s policy of locking down Americans, closing businesses, mothballing workers, preventing participation in outdoor activities, and basically confining folks to their homes, combined with discontinuing “nonessential” medical services like STD screenings, combined with preventing people from seeking medical treatment for non-Covid-related maladies, combined with redirecting resources away from non-Covid diseases, combined with labs being instructed not to run tests on anything but Covid, combined with millions of Americans losing health care due to lockdown-related unemployment, has led to an American renaissance in STDs.

“In spring a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of penicillin.” And indeed, spring is in the air, but that odor ain’t flowers; it’s 2.4 million new cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis since the start of the pandemic.

Well done, CDC. Give yourself a hand (but please wash it first).

According to the CDC’s report, the STD epidemic is heavily centered on young gay men.

See what happens when you close the antique stores? When you cancel all the Cher and Streisand concerts? When you shutter the all-male choirs? An idle gay hand is the devil’s twerkshop.

The CDC is hoping that the STD uptick will lead to an increase in its annual budget, because surely throwing money at the agency that created the problem is the best possible solution.

Syphilis is known to cause insanity, so perhaps the CDC directors are the ones who need to get tested.

*SEPARATE BUT SPREEQUAL*

Mind you, while the CDC was ignoring the STD epidemic, it was leading a crusade against Covid “misinformation” online, partnering with sites like YouTube to take down “dangerous” videos.

“Dangerous” as in doctors who disagreed with CDC findings (and in most cases those doctors have been vindicated over time).

And just as the CDC’s lockdown crusade conveniently missed the concurrent rise in venereal diseases, its YouTube crusade missed some genuinely “dangerous” videos that flew under the radar, because everyone was so busy hunting for “disinformers” who believe in natural immunity that they ignored a genocidal lunatic who was openly plotting a massacre.

Frank James, the NYC subway spree-shooter, spent the entire pandemic making YouTube videos about the race war he planned to start (“I’m wantin’ to kill everything in sight,” he declared in one video). But because James is black, not once did those videos set off any of YouTube’s ban alert ban alert alarm bells.

Because at least James never spoke in support of natural immunity.

The BLM-obsessed self-described “rage-filled black nationalist” also posted “kill all whiteys” memes on Facebook, but Facebook was too busy removing posts about vax side effects to notice.

One of James’ favorite talking points was segregation. White people and black people, he claimed, “shouldn’t live in the same hemisphere.” James also referred to Asians as “slant-eyed $#@!ing pieces of $#@!,” and “Spanish-speaking motherfuckers” as “crimes against $#@!ing nature.”

But by all accounts he supported masking toddlers, so his social media presence was allowed to thrive.

Some conservatives are claiming that James’ views on whites and racism are no different from those spewed daily on MSNBC. But comparing Frank James to Joy Reid is unfair. One is a grotesque, hate-filled low-IQ mentally unstable misery-causing racist scumbag, and the other has yet to have his day in court.

Forty-eight hours after James’ attempted massacre, YouTube finally removed his channel.

He must’ve mentioned Ivermectin during his arraignment.

*A GARDEN STATE TRANNY MIRACLE*

It’s only April, but New Jersey is already celebrating a virgin birth. Two female inmates at the Edna Mahan Correctional Facility in Clinton have found themselves pregnant.

How could this be? Every inmate is a woman, and none had any interactions with outsiders or male guards or administrators.

Truly, the world has witnessed a miracle of biblical proportions!

Or…

Turns out last year the ACLU forced the prison to house male inmates who claim to be women even though they have penises and all the other male “equipment.” So now the prison of 800 actual women houses 27 dudes in wigs and a full set o’ junk. One of the tranny transfers, identified as “Sonia Doe,” not only won the right to knock up actual women in his cell, he also received a $125,000 settlement from the state for initially being refused a transfer to a women’s prison.

Edna Mahon Correctional Facility: where female inmates can find not just love but a well-heeled sugar daddy.

No word on why prison admins didn’t foresee that pregnancy would be the inevitable result of caging men with women. Then again, if you believe that a male can think himself into becoming female, is it that much of a stretch to believe he can also think away his ability to reproduce via ejaculation?

As for the ACLU, which apparently now considers it a “constitutional right” for men to be locked in cells with women they can sexually assault (hey, the Constitution’s a “living document”! If it contains the “right to free college and health care,” it surely contains the “right to be called ‘ma’am’”), the reaction to the Virgin Births has been euphoric, with ACLU legal director Jeanne LoCicero declaring that the only way to prevent “harassment on the basis of identity” is to allow sexual assault on the basis of biology.

The ACLU: from helping Nazis to traipse through Skokie, to helping trannies do rapes in the pokey.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-187/

Takimag 

April 24, 2022

*BLACK FACE IN BLACKFACE*

For the professional blackface hunter, that dogged activist who ferrets out and cancels anyone who dares to wear blackface, times are lean. Average whites just dont black up anymore, and the remaining blackface practitioners (Jimmy Kimmel, Ralph Northam, Howard Stern, Sarah Silverman, Justin Trudeau) are a protected species.

Frustrating indeed.

But maybe not anymore. Jill Lassen and Stuart Rhoden are paid equity coordinators (i.e., freeloaders) who work for the Scottsdale Unified School District. Their job consists solely of pointing at things and screaming racist (prior to their tenure that job was performed by a macaw, but it was fired for being overqualified). Last week, Rhoden (who looks like Beetlejuice the dwarf) and Lassen (who looks like the Howard sibling Moe, Curly, and Shemp considered too ugly for movies) made an amazing discovery: There are over 40 million Americans who wear blackface every day with impunity.

Theyre called black people, and they must be stopped!

When the Phoenix PTA held a retro 70s party for charity, the organizers hired a DJ to spin some tunes. True to the partys theme, the DJ wore a novelty 70s-era afro wig. And Rhoden and Lassen immediately swooped in to cancel the entire PTA, because their DJ was in blackface.

Because the DJs black.

When this was brought to the attention of the two equitards, Lassen apologized for criticizing a black man for wearing his own skin. But Rhoden doubled down, saying that blackface is blackface, and it matters not if its your actual color. He pledged to continue to fight against black faces, starting with his own, as he submerged his head in a vat of bleach.

Condolence cards can be sent c/o the Scottsdale USD.

A brave hunter, who realized that the most deadly prey of all was himself.

*ARBEIT MACHT FLY*

The folks who run easyJet arent flying on all engines. Last week the British airline launched an ad campaign that featured a customer who tattooed his first easyJet flight number on his wrist, Auschwitz-style.

You never forget your first flight, easyJet captioned the photo.

Remarkably, outrage ensued, with furious social media users pointing out that the combination of the tattoo and never forget (the official catchphrase of the Holocaust since 1971, replacing the old one, Oy, This I Couldve Done Without) couldnt possibly have been accidental.

Some critics noted that this isnt the carriers first brush with distasteful Holocaust content: In 2009, easyJets in-flight magazine featured a Holocaust-themed fashion spread (Uli just loves her Monowitz monokini, while Giselas rocking that strapless brastika).

In response to the media führer, the campaign was pulled. Perhaps it wouldve been smarter for easyJet to go all-in on its Holocaust fetish. What better way to stand apart from other carriers, who foolishly dont see the commercial viability in linking air travel with mass murder?

Some suggestions:

Outfit the bathrooms with not just smoke detectors but Zyklon detectors as well.

Offer free preflight head-shaving.

Complementary yellow badges will make every passenger feel like a star (of David).

And perhaps best of all, make boarding an adventure by having a _selektion_ ramp where passengers are either sent right (first class) or left (coach).

Flugbegleiter Höss: Left, left, left, right, right, left, lefthalten sie! You may take only one of your children to first class. Zee ozzer must go to coach.

Sophie: No, please! I beg you! Dont make me choose!

Höss: You vill choose, or both vill go to zee sektion mit no TV, headphones, or schnacks.

Sophie: You monster! Have you no mercy?

Höss: Perhaps you should haff taken zee train, _schweinehund_.

EasyJet: the final solution to your air-travel needs.

*TRANS LIVES MATTERHORN*

Nobody does hard-edged investigative reporting better than The Washington Post! Nobody, except literally everybody on earth. The Post decided last week to prove that conservative backlash to Disneys woke activism (which includes opposition to Floridas K3 sexual propagandizing prohibition) hasnt harmed Disney attendance.

The Post contacted thirteen travel agents who specialize in Disney trips, inquiring whether theyd seen a slowdown of bookings.

Eleven of those agents responded that they were too frightened to comment because the issue was politically radioactive. Of the two who did respond (one of whom is gay), they were both like, Disney rules! Conservatives suck! And I say this of free will and sound mind.

So the Post concluded, Case closed: Disney traffic suffers not!

Now, that was some fine reportage. One can imagine the Post conducting an in-depth investigation in 1928 regarding reports that the Chicago Mafia was shaking down businesses.

We reached out to thirteen South Side business owners. Eleven responded by weeping uncontrollably for us to stop asking questions or theyll be killed. Of the two who replied, one stated, There is no Mafia. I am well, and if my business burns down itll be a gas leak. And the other, legitimate businessman Frankie Disemboweler Tagliotti, replied, Myeah, see, were doin fine, see? Aint no Mafia here, see? Now scram. We therefore declare the South Side free of Mob activity!

When asked why the Disney investigation didnt mention the companys stock tanking last week, WaPo editor Sally Simple Sal Buzbee pretended to be a Mexican laborer who speaks no English. No hablo, señor. Me do drywall. You need drywall?

With the WaPo having proven that Disney is surviving conservative backlash, leftists are encouraging the company to relocate to bluer areas. Colorado governor Jared Polis tweeted that Disney World should move to his state, where, weather allowing, it can remain open five whole months a year! And writer/activist/yenta Amy Siskind recommended moving the park to NYC. When her followers reminded her that Disney World occupies a landmass larger than Manhattan, Siskind donned a sombrero and said, I mow lawn, señor. You need mow?

*PRONOUN AND CON-NOUN*

Occasionally, the news of the week is positive. Such was the case with the latest skirmish in The Great Call Me Maam War of 2022.

The Battle of Thermaampylae started when the lobotomized bonobos who run Shawnee State demanded that all professors who teach at the Ohio university refer to their students by whatever pronouns the junior bonobos demand. Philosophy professor Nick Meriwether balked. As a Christian, he told university admins that the notion of men thinking themselves into becoming women goes against his deeply held beliefs.

The situation escalated several days later when Meriwether referred to a male student as sir.

CALL ME MAAM! the dude shot back. Meriwether politely refused, so after class the truculent tranny confronted him in a threatening manner, calling him $#@! while circling like a shark in lipstick. Meriwether suggested a reasonable compromise: From now on hed refer to the student by name, bypassing pronouns entirely. That only made the wig-wearing wacko angrier. He went to the deans office and shrieked about how Professor Hitler had misgendered him.

The university agreed, and Meriwether was disciplined.

But he didnt take it lying down; Meriwether filed suit. And the 6th Circuit Court ruled in his favor, likening the universitys pronoun policy to forcing a Soviet émigré to address his students as comrades.

If professors lack free speech protections when teaching, a university would wield alarming power to compel ideological conformity, the court declared.

So last week Shawnee State paid Meriwether $400,000 in compensation for trying to make him act against his beliefs.

That tranny student was one hell of an expensive maam.

Then again, war is always costly. And as the Battle of Transfalgar concluded with a win for the good guys, hopefully a message has been sent to other colleges to avoid such skirmishes.

*FOREVER AGAIN*

Everybody needs a hobby, be it stamp collecting or building model ships. For Jon Minadeo, its getting headlines as a hatemonger because the Jews you cant quit cant quit you, either.

Minadeo, who looks and dresses like the kind of bottom-tier amateur stuntman whod be in the biker-bar scene of a super low-budget Don The Dragon Wilson direct-to-video flop (the preceding eleven words comprised a very redundant descriptor), has made a cottage industry out of traveling the country leaving anti-Jewish pamphlets at the doors of homeowners in Jewish neighborhoods.

Minadeo practically defines the term insignificant loser, but Jewish orgs are determined to give biker guy who gets punched by Steven Seagal a significance way beyond his merits.

Last December, The Week That Perished detailed the over-the-top response by Jewish activists and pandering politicians to Minadeos activities in Beverly Hills and the Bay Area. Earlier this year, the fearmongering frequent flyer flier-flinger repeated his pamphleteering aktion in Sarasota, prompting local kvetch artist Lesley Abravanel to condemn Governor DeSantis for not giving Minadeo statewide publicity by denouncing his shenanigans (its hard to blame Abravanel for her stupidity or her anti-Nazi vendetta: She was the recipient of a Mengele brain-removal experiment in Brazil in the 1970s).

Last week, Minadeo struck again in Beverly Hills, leaving anti-Jewish fliers outside the citys many mansions, where they were picked up by puzzled Mexican gardeners (Que es Holohoax?).

And again, the Jewish press made a superstar of Minadeo.

A few months ago, one of Minadeos followers posted, Thanks, Jews, for the publicity, in response to the Pavlovian reaction every time Minadeo blankets a block.

With Jewish orgs making a celebrity out of a two-bit loser, as black activists thank hate-hoaxers for starting a conversation about race, its hard to believe that these anti-racists dont understand that their actions encourage more racism.

Its almost like the activists and orgs want more racismlike they need it to justify their existence.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-188/

_The Week’s Most Husking, Busking, and Elon Musking Headlines_
*BANNED, ON THE RUN*
The danger in being a merciless tyrant is that if your regime is  toppled, those to whom you showed no mercy will repay the unkindness a  thousandfold once they’re the ones in power.
 This must’ve been the main thing on the mind of Heinrich Himmler, who  spent the first weeks after VE Day masquerading as a lowly one-eyed  private named Hitzinger. Himmler’s jibber-jabber about SS “honor” was  long forgotten by the very man who codified it. He hid like a coward and  ran like a rat, knowing full well what vengeful treatment would be in  store were he to be captured.
 Surely at some point during his time on the lam, Himmler must’ve  thought, “Y’know, maybe we shoulda listened to those guys who said,  ‘Don’t declare war on America.’”
 And maybe Twitter shouldn’t have mocked Elon Musk when he first mused about buying the platform.

              Daring the world’s wealthiest and most brazenly trollish entrepreneur to “go for it” proved a fatal act of hubris.
   And now, the Twitter wokestapo is on the run, a thousand Hitzingers  fleeing from “payback tweets” now that rightist accounts are roaring  back along with an unmuted desire for retribution after years of being  silenced, restricted, banned, and doxxed.
 Even Biden, the man they helped install as president, can’t save the Twitter Hitzingers now.
 As reported in the _Daily Mail_,  Twitter employees, especially those who wielded the all-mighty ban  hammer, are in a panic. They fear being fired, and they fear  repercussions from those they banned.
  The _Mail_ reports scenes of wailing, weeping, and screaming  by the now-disempowered thought police. Many are even taking the  ultimate way out—the figurative cyanide capsule—by deleting their  accounts. As the _Mail_ wryly notes, some of these overdramatic losers are leaving behind “last tweets” as their epitaph.
 Like anyone cares.

              The only thing predictable about history is irony. Woke Twitter tried  to erase conservatives, science, and women, only to be erased itself.
 R.I.P., Twitzinger.
*GOOGLE KEEPS US LUCIFUGAL*
Of course, even if Musk succeeds in purging Twitter of wokeness, there are other influential platforms peddling the same poison.
 “Lucifugal” means avoiding light. Lucifugous creatures are denizens  of darkness. And Google has for quite some time dedicated itself to  keeping its users in the dark, by skewing search results to bury facts  and opinions that are inconvenient to leftists, by depressing search  results for conservative sites, and even by automatically sending  conservative emails to the spam folder in Gmail.
  But now, in its most Luciferian lucifugalism yet, Google has launched an “inclusive language” function that will berate users who search for words that a few Ivy League inbreds consider “racist” or “gender oppressive.”

              For example, if you search for “policeman,” Google will rebuke you  for not searching for “police officer.” Ditto “housewife,” which should  be “stay-at-home spouse,” and “blacklist” instead of “deny list.”


Based on these new “improvements,” it’s very likely that by next year, you’ll be seeing Google searches like this:
 [_Typing_] “Dentists in my neighborhood.”
 Google reply: “Don’t you mean _black_ dentists in your neighborhood?”
 [_Typing again_] “Dentists in Los Angeles.”
 Google: “Why are you evading the question? Don’t you trust black dentists?”
 “I have no problem with black dentists, but I want to see _all_ dentists in my area.”
 Google: “Just not the black ones.”
 “I never said that! I’m looking for _any_ dentist; I have a toothache.”
 Google: “What happened? Did a black man sock you in the jaw for being racist? Serves you right, KKKlancy.”

 “Okay, okay. Black dentists in my neighborhood.”
 Google: “Typical! Another white man looking to gentrify a black business. Stay in your lane, cross-burner.”
 “Screw this; I’m going back to the Yellow Pages.”
 Google: “Autocorrected to Chinese Pages.”
*BEETHOVEN? MORE LIKE HATEHOVEN*
Beethoven be racist. In fact, all opera be racist.
 Of course, it ain’t black people saying that (the number of black  opera fans is roughly equal to the number of black comedians named  “Scoey”). No, it’s (of course) whites, once again charging in to  eliminate nonexistent hate speech because they read Robin DiAngelo (the  L. Ron Hubbard for impressionable, self-hating whites) and realized that  they must become “clear” of racism.
 The New York Metropolitan Museum of Art has taken a break from masking the faces on its paintings (in _The Death of Socrates_, the philosopher is commanding everyone to _mask up!_) to rewrite Beethoven. In the Met’s current presentation of the opera _Fidelio_, the borderline tards in charge of production have changed the story line and added dialogue to make the opera about BLM.

 Beethoven’s original title of _Fidelio_ was _Leonore, oder der Triumph der Ehelichen Liebe_. In English that’s _Leonore, or The Triumph of Conjugal Love_. The Met’s version is called _Lemarcus, or The Triumph of Conjugal Visits_.
 And last week, the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra’s presentation of  Beethoven’s Ninth saw the original vocals removed and replaced with a  rap about BLM and transgenderism.
 Those decisions were made by the orchestra’s musical director, Marin Alsop, a Jewish lesbian.
 Ode to Joy? More like Ode to _Oy_!
 The “woking” of opera is the wave of the future among musical  directors who have a deep abiding hatred of their genre. Still, it’ll be  fun to see what comes next.
 Word has it the Detroit Opera is preparing a production of Rossini’s _Barbershop of Seville_:
_This is the barbershop of Seville,
We’ll give you a fro, a fade, a frill.
We’ll give you cornrows or a dread,
And we’ll even shave your head.
Niggaro niggaro niggaro!_
 And it’ll be interesting to see what the Oakland Opera House does with Puccini’s _Madame Big-Butt-erfly_.
*JIVEY LEAGUE*
May 2023: All of Harvard stands frozen in anticipation. Admins,  professors, and students gather in Memorial Hall, which has reached  standing-room-only capacity. Those unable to get inside view the  proceedings via closed-circuit TV.
 The cafeterias stand empty. Who can eat at a time like this?
 Today is the day the results of the university’s unprecedented $100 million research project into slavery will be revealed.
 The project was launched in April 2022  following the release of the long-awaited 132-page Report of the  Presidential Committee on Harvard and the Legacy of Slavery. The report,  prepared by more than a dozen of the university’s top social justice  activists (at least three of whom aren’t Ashkenazi Jews), was  commissioned to establish Harvard’s complicity in America’s slave trade  and, more important, to determine what actions the school must take to  atone.
 Regarding the first question, the report concluded that, from 1636 to 1783, seventy—yes, _seventy_—slaves were at one time owned by people who worked at Harvard.
 Surely, the greatest crime in mankind’s history! To put that number in perspective, that’s more than _one_ entire NFL team (but less than two, meaning that Harvard’s slaves wouldn’t have even been able to face off in regulation play).
_An atrocity._ So the Presidential Committee Report mandated that $100 million be set aside for the “study of slavery.”
 And today, May 1, 2023, is the day of the unveiling of the results of that study.
 A hush falls upon the crowd as Harvard president Lawrence Becow, an  Ashkenazi Jew but that has nothing to do with anything, steps on stage,  walking to the podium in the company of John Amos, who portrayed adult  Kunta Kinte in _Roots_, LeVar Burton, who portrayed young Kunta,  and Squakeisha Junkins of Atlanta, who tried to get a McFlurry that time  but the machine be broke and that straight-up racist, y’all, ’cuz y’all  know if she be white they be fixin’ that machine right now.
 All eyes are on Becow as he opens a gold-colored folder.
 “And now, on behalf of this university, I present the results of our  $100 million study of slavery. I present this not just in the name of  Harvard, but humanity itself.”
 [_Dramatic pause_]
 “Slavery is bad. Thank you and good day.”
 And with that, the crowd files out of the auditorium into a better, wiser world.
*NWA (NAZIS WITH ATTITUDE)*
_Just throw your hands in the air,
And heil like a Gauleiter!
All the sucka MCs beware,
Nobody spits like Adolf Hit-lerrrrr._
 Third Reich _in da house_!
 Austria has declared war on rappers, because apparently Austrians are  very bored these days (what a far cry from the 1930s when Austrians  were the life of the Party).
 Last week, an Austrian rapper with the stage name “Mr. Bond” was hit with a rather hefty ten-year sentence for composing a rap that “glorified Nazi ideology.” “Bond’s” little brother got four years for running the rapper’s website.
 Austria’s really onto something! The best way to stop oppressive  fascism is to throw a guy in prison for a decade just for singing.

 The harsh sentence has provoked outrage from music lovers the world  over, not because they give a damn about the free-speech rights of  neo-Nazis, but because how dare any European nation imprison rappers  when Miker G and DJ Sven still walk free?

 Seriously, *THIS* is a crime against humanity.
 One of the reasons the Austrian Ministry of Lack of Irony  Appreciation gave for the long sentence is that in 2019 an anti-Jewish  gunman livestreamed his shooting spree in Saxony-Anhalt, using “Mr.  Bond’s” music as his backing track.
 For those in the U.S. who believe this nation needs to adopt  stricter, European-style anti-speech laws, a point of order: If U.S.  authorities jailed every rapper whose music was used in a shooting,  there wouldn’t be a single rapper walking free and not a single rap song  on the radio.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-189/

_The Week’s Most Spaying, Swaying, and Mother’s Daying Headlines_
*WORDS ARE VIOLENCE! (SO IS VIOLENCE)*
America’s trannies rank among the greatest inventors of our time. True  innovators, like George Washington Self-Carver, Androgene Polley, and  Pedophilo Farnsworth.
 Look at all the genders they invent on a daily basis. And the  pronouns! Zir, zher, xem, xyr, moop, joop, and meep (correction: Those  last three are Dutch months).
 Two weeks ago, a tranny fashion designer presented its newest creation: “pressure underwear” for little boys that flatten their genitals (the Chinese saw this and said, “Holy clap, even our foot bindings ain’t that sadistic”).
 And now trannies have revealed their greatest discovery of all:  Actual violence is more violent than word violence. Yes, words might  equal violence, but violence equals violence even more.

              Last week, as Dave Chappelle was wrapping his set at the Hollywood  Bowl, trans activist Isaiah Lee decided to test his discovery that  knives are more dangerous than words, as he rushed the comic brandishing  a deadly nonverbal weapon.
   Sadly, like so many visionary inventors throughout history, Lee went  unappreciated, as Chappelle and his bodyguards left the dysmorphic  duelist looking like a ventriloquist’s dummy with the strings cut.
 As Lee was being mulched off stage, Chappelle joked to the crowd that the attacker was a “trans man.” Immediately, the usual suspects slammed  Chappelle for “transphobia,” even as it came out that indeed Lee is a  tranny activist, which anyone who doesn’t work at CNN or MSNBC could’ve  foreseen.
_Rolling Stone_ tried to excuse Lee’s defeat at Stabomattox by explaining that the poor guy’s “mentally ill.”
  Ah, so now we can admit the truth about trannies?
 Because that’s one “discovery” all normal people made years ago.

*SITUATIONAL PREGNANCIES*
Following the SCOTUS leak of an early draft of a majority decision that would overturn _Roe v. Wade_, the left found itself in its worst tizzy since Bubba Wallace saw a string.
 The left’s reaction to the SCOTUS leak revealed an important if  previously unexplored aspect of human pregnancies: They’re situational.  Last year, the AP revised its stylebook  to instruct its writers that the term “pregnant woman” is  “non-inclusive” because it ignores “pregnant men.” Scribes were ordered  to only use “pregnant people,” “pregnant individuals,” and “those who  are pregnant.”
 But now the AP has run into a problem: With _Roe_ on the line, the left wants to present abortion as a women’s issue and only a women’s issue.
 As the intolerant transphobe Gavin Newsom told a crowd of pro-choicers last week, “If men could get pregnant, this wouldn’t even be a conversation.”
  But…men _can_ get pregnant, right?

              Not so fast, hate-criminal! The AP is here to dispel your confusion. The stylebook was updated yet again, this time instructing reporters to never _dare_ say “men can get pregnant” in relation to abortion.
 When it comes to other situations, yes, men can get pregnant. But  when it comes to news stories about abortion, no, men cannot get  pregnant.
 Got it?
 If that doesn’t make sense to you, it’s because you lack a master’s  in Matlatzinca/Ocuiltec Gender-Fluid Haiku Labor Movement Pamphleteering  in Fifth-Century Chapultenango. Your degreed superiors in Journalism  Inc. understand that uttering the word “abortion” erases male pregnancy,  while the word “healthcare” brings it back.
 Trust the science (fiction), you rubes.
*THE APPLE iHOMES*
The black slang “homeboy” (or “homes” or “homey”) is said to have  originated as an affectionate term for your “boy” who resides in your  hometown. But apparently that’s just a racist myth. Because according to  a coalition of Apple employees, blacks call each other “homes” in honor  of the place from which they’re too scared to venture.
 Yes, it’s now “white supremacy” to expect a black person to go outside.


Last week, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that, to mark the official  end of pandemic procedures, employees would have to start returning to  the office a minimum of one day a week, increasing to three days by  mid-May.
 That didn’t sit well with “Apple Together,” a collective of about 200 company homebodies who served Cook with an open letter  demanding that work-at-home continue indefinitely, because in-person  employment is “racist.” And sexist, too. And ableist. As the letter  states, forcing workers to leave their homes will make Apple “whiter,  more male-dominated, more neuro-normative and more able-bodied.”
 To be fair, maybe the “neuro-abnormative” _should_ stay home.  As anyone who lives in San Francisco knows, “neuro-abnormatives” have an  unfortunate habit of public urination, poo-flinging, and the occasional  stab attack.
 But regarding the “non-able-bodied,” state and local governments have spent _trillions_  of dollars in Americans with Disabilities Act compliance to make every  square inch of the outside world safe for even the most spastic of  cripples. Wheelchair ramps, walk/don’t walk signs that shriek, dwarf  drinking fountains, all the best parking spots, and the biggest public  toilets. So many accommodations. And now the disabled tell us we’re  being “ableist” for expecting them to venture outside?
 Coulda mentioned that before we spent the money, Shortbus.
 Also, where was that black reclusiveness in summer 2020? If you can  leave your home to burn down a city, you can do so to earn a paycheck.
 Twitter and Facebook have already buckled to the demands of the  hermits, and Apple is likely to follow. Welcome to 2022, when the  definition of workforce inclusivity is home isolation.
 You know you’re knee-deep in irony when the slave laborers who make  your electronics have a more active social life than your white-collar  workers.
*OFFENDING THE OFFENDERS*
A cornerstone principle of Soros-style criminal justice “reform” is that  prisons must never be used for punishment but only “rehabilitation.”  Just as a stranger is merely a friend you haven’t met, a rapist-murderer  is merely an upstanding citizen who hasn’t yet attended the right  group-therapy session.

 In the U.S., there’s no such thing as “irredeemable.” Recidivism is caused not by inborn criminality but by prisons that don’t _nurture_ enough. That dude who got busted for his twelfth rape just needs _one_ more go-round with the fidget toys, conversation cubes, and bobo dolls.
 Still, things haven’t gotten as bad here as they have in the U.K.,  where, to show how much ’Er Majesty’s Bleedin’ Government cares about  its killers, rapists, and molesters, prison officials have been told to  treat inmates as though they’re on a right bloody ’oliday.
 British prison guards and administrators have been ordered to call  their charges “clients,” “guests,” and “residents,” who live not in  cells but in “rooms.” Those released from incarceration are not called  “convicts” but “prison leavers” and “community resettlers.”
 Some prisons have even installed phones in the cells (sorry,  “suites”) so inmates can stay up all night chatting with each other  about the new Harry Styles album and how much they’d love to meet him,  get an autograph, murder him, brutalize his corpse, and wear his face  like a do-rag.
 Last week, a group of British politicians led by Justice Secretary Dominic Raab officially called  for an end to the “woke” coddling language being used in the British  penal system. Raab and the others plan to draft a new style guide  mandating a return to the old days of “prisoners” and “cells.”
 Also, prison rape will no longer be referred to as a “Sore-shank Redemption,” a “Brown Mile,” or a “Londonderry Airing.”
 Hopefully, the new terminology will keep the nicks from being pricks and the nonces from feeling like ponces.

*AUSCHWITZ-JERKENAU*
Speaking of Brits, Denis Avey had a most unremarkable WWII career as a  British soldier. Captured by Germans while trying to flee to Greece on a  floating crate, he spent the war in a POW camp. Yet in 2001, Avey  suddenly “remembered” that he’d escaped his Nazi POW camp and  infiltrated Auschwitz-Birkenau, where he saved Jews and witnessed the  horrors of the gas chambers.
 After recovering the memory, Avey was like, “So _that’s_ why I’ve had that string tied around me finger for the last 58 years!”
 Naturally, he became a national hero, and a rich one at that, with  newspaper interviews, a BBC special, and a best-selling book, _The Man Who Broke Into Auschwitz_.
 Turns out the only thing Avey ever broke was wind.
 As reported in _The Guardian_  last week, Avey’s story should’ve been rated B for “bollocks.” Yes, he  was a POW. No, he never infiltrated Auschwitz. Piotr Setkiewicz, head of  research at the Auschwitz-Birkenau Memorial Museum, told Reuters  that even though the Auschwitz part of Avey’s story is fake, the other  parts—like him being named Denis—are true. “Perhaps 80 or 90% of what  Mr. Avey says is true, but the problem is that Holocaust deniers have  this wonderful habit of fixing on every single thing which is obviously  not true.”
 Sorry, Stosh, but in Avey’s case the 10 or 20% fake part is the _entire story_. Like how humans may differ genetically from chimps by just 1.2% DNA, but it’s a _really important_ 1.2%.
 Along with lying about marching under the “Arbeit Macht Frei”  wrought-iron gate, which Avey likely saw in a documentary without  understanding that the gate wasn’t at Birkenau but Auschwitz-Stammlager,  there were other dead giveaways that his tall tale was influenced by  his postwar viewing habits. The commandant of Auschwitz was not Benny  Hill, inmates didn’t get shaved so he could slap their bald heads, and  the death marches weren’t conducted in fast motion to “Yakety Sax.”
 Those details should’ve set off red flags years ago.
 According to _The Guardian_, Avey’s publishers plan to keep  the book in print, but with “qualifying notes” added to future editions.  The publishers didn’t divulge the text of those notes, but a good start  would be “What yer about to read is total bullshite, ya prat.”

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-190/

_The Week’s Most Ellipsing, Eclipsing, and Apocalypsing Headlines_
*SKULLED LABORERS*
There are many indicators that you may be living in a crappy country.  Frequent coups and juntas, plagues of diseases born of poor hygiene,  streets running with human excrement, towns controlled by warlords,  famines killing every other child.
 But nothing says “crappy country” quite like police discovering the  skulls of 150 tortured and executed people and realizing that the  remains might be from 1,000 years ago, or yesterday.
 Ten years ago, Mexican police uncovered just such a cache of craniums  in Chiapas. Between drug crimes, kidnappings, and insurrections by  leprous natives straight out of a 1980s Italian jungle flick, Chiapas is  the kind of place where the locals think _Mad Max_ is a utopian fantasy.
 When cops found the skulls in 2012, the condition of the  remains—teeth bashed in and holes in the head—led them to suspect local  drug lords. But just last week, forensic scientists at Mexico’s National Institute of Anthropology dated the skulls to between 900 and 1200 AD.

              Yes, it took ten years to run the tests, because the scientists were  working a second job doing drywall for San Diego homeowners.
   Look, _trabajo_ is _trabajo_.
 The unfortunate original owners of the skulls were from a pre-Aztec culture. And although the _scientistos buenos_  couldn’t determine exactly why those 150 people were so brutally  killed, a likely possibility is that the penalty for waking the emperor  with leaf blowers was severe indeed.
 Upon learning that Mexico hasn’t advanced enough as a civilization  for inhabitants to tell the new mass graves from the old ones, a  spokes-troglodyte for Australian aborigines told the AP, “What losers,”  adding, “but damn they did a great job drywalling my hut last year.”
*WAR OF ARREARS*
The specter of nuclear war was a lot more fun in the 1980s. The left’s  anti-Reagan antiwar posturing gave the world a bunch of great pop tunes  from the era’s “pwease don’t kill the childwen, Mistuh Pwesident”  songsmiths. From Germans singing about red balloons filled with helium rather than Zyklon (a most welcome change) to an Australian band hoping their antiwar anthem  would repair their one-hit-wonder image (it didn’t), the looming threat  of war in the 1980s had a good beat and you could dance to it.
 Sadly, today, as deranged leaders in D.C. seem intent on drawing the  nation into war with Russia, pop culture is offering no decent  diversions.

              The big “state of the culture” story last week involved an  ex-stripper named “Blac Chyna” (who isn’t so much a human as a giant  augmented ass with fake eyelashes), who lost a defamation lawsuit  against one of the Kardashians (bizarre otherworldly beings who, like  the Borg, aren’t so much individuals as one giant hive-hind).

 Apparently, this anus vs. anus court case kept much of the nation  rapt, a fine distraction from the president, and legislators from both  parties, who are literally daring Putin to use nukes. But who cares  about that when all eyes were on Chyna’s mother,  “Tokyo Toni” (who also possesses a massive posterior), who  unsuccessfully accused the judge of bias, as Chyna herself blew off  steam by going to a bar and kicking a woman named Sequoya in her ample stomach (but not in her ample hindquarters, as that would’ve violated the big booty sisterhood code of ethics).
 After losing their suit, “Chyna” and “Tokyo” launched a GoFundMe to  cover their legal bills. The crowdfunding goal is $400,000, to which the  victorious Kardashians donated $5 (such cruel mockery is known as a  “rump roast).”
 It could be argued that the great music of the “no nukes” 1980s was,  even if inadvertently, a reminder of the beauty of life and why it’s  worth preserving.
  The ultimate antiwar sentiment.


              Conversely, 2022 pop culture seems to be a reminder of why nuking  everything and starting from scratch wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad  proposition.
*FLY THE FRIENDLY OYS*
And speaking of 99 Luftwaffeballons, the Germans have once again  displayed the tact and diplomacy that made them such a hit in the early  20th century.


Three weeks ago, this column highlighted a British airline with a Nazi fetish.  Apparently, the people who run Lufthansa read that story and decided  that if any carrier was going to torment Jews, it would be theirs.
 So Lufthansa went about building a better Maus-trap. And last week it  sprung, as the airline re-created the exclusionary Nuremberg Laws (this  time with free pretzels and a surcharge for carry-on).
 Staff on a Frankfurt-to-Budapest flight turned away all “visibly  Jewish” passengers after a small group of Jews on an earlier flight had  refused to wear masks. As a result, 127 Jews were barred from their  connecting flight.  Videos taken by yowling Juden show one Lufthansa employee snapping, “It  was Jewish people who were the mess, who made the problems.”
 “The Jews are our misfortune” seems like a less-than-appealing 21st-century airline catchphrase. Indeed, it sounds downright aus_rotten_.
 Regarding how Lufthansa determined which of the passengers were  Jewish, fortunately the home office still had a few 1930s phrenology  charts lying around.
 Initially, Lufthansa refused to apologize for the _selektion_. Indeed, rumor had it that the new Judenfrei carrier had ordered back issues of _Der StÃ¼rmer_  as the in-flight magazine. However, after foolishly opening a second  front against Russian passengers, Lufthansa leadership found itself  isolated in a bunker, forced to unconditionally capitulate.
 “_Verdammt_,” exclaimed CEO Carsten Spohr as he was escorted to Spandau. “One day, we’ll get this right.”
*ACLUSELESS*
Somewhere in Vancouver, the members of Stonebolt, malnourished, graying,  and unkempt, haunt the local dives trying to get free drinks.
 “Hey, man, we’re Stonebolt,” they announce. “Buy us some whiskey.”
 “I’m sorry, we don’t know who you are,” is the inevitable reply of the patrons.
 “We had a top 10 hit,” they shoot back. “‘I Will Still Love You.’ Pretty cool, huh?”
 The patrons ask a follow-up: “What year was that?”
 “1978.”
 “And you’re still talking about it now? Haven’t you done anything since?”
 And with that, Stonebolt retreat, the free alcohol as out of reach as the stardom they enjoyed for one month a lifetime ago.
 If Stonebolt were a U.S. progressive litigation group, it would be  the ACLU, the one-hit wonder of legal advocacy nonprofits. As pointed out by University of San Francisco law professor Lara Bazelon in _The Atlantic_  last week, the formerly respected “civil liberties” organization still  trots out its 1978 defense of the right of Nazis to march through Skokie  as proof that it fights for the rights of non-leftists.
 As Bazelon—an ACLU member—ruefully notes, the people who run the ACLU  trumpet this Carter-era accomplishment while never having repeated it  in 44 years. Bazelon calls out the org for having long ago abandoned its  mandate in favor of schemes like the pay-to-play deal with Amber “Fecal  Tooth Fairy” Heard, in which the ACLU pimped her “I’m an abuse  survivor” op-ed in exchange for $3.5 million.
 When Heard reneged on the deal, the ACLU extorted $100,000 from  Johnny Depp and $500,000 from Heard’s short-term beau Elon Musk (who  paid with a spare wad of cash he was using to stabilize the leg of a  wobbly table).
 Bazelon declares that this isn’t the behavior of a world-class civil  liberties organization (and if you just felt a tremor, it’s every human  being on earth replying, “_DUH!_”).
 Bazelon also slammed the org for arguing against the rights of male  defendants in college sexual assault cases, as it “embraces dubious  causes” and disavows its own clients for political reasons.
 Oh, but they had that one hit in 1978.
 If the ACLU isn’t willing to release an updated cover of that hit,  maybe it’s time for the leadership to retire to the bar, permanently, in  the hope that some 70-year-old Nazi remembers them and buys them a  drink.
*BLACK AN’ GAS*
Cows must spend a lot of time wondering why humans are so obsessed with  their gas. To the average cow, humans must seem like freakish fart  fetishists.
 If cows could speak, the conversations would likely go like this:
 Bessie: “Last week this manic, googly-eyed Hispanic congresswoman was  sniffing around my butt, trying to gauge my farts. I let one rip right  as she was taking a breath. I thought it would annoy her, but she  actually seemed to enjoy it.”
 Clarabelle: “Sweetie, that’s nothing. A few days ago the British  royal family was smelling my burps. I mean, I know they’re supposed to  be inbred and all, but that’s just nasty.”
 Yes, last week Prince Charles announced the Â£50,000 prizewinning  invention in the Royal College of Art’s Sustainable Markets Initiative  contest: a cow burp collector.
 The Prince of Wales became the Prince of Gales as he heralded this  foul-wind filter for Guernseys. The device, which looks like an S&M  strap-on ball gag, is fitted to a cow’s nose and mouth, capturing errant  belches so that, as described by _The Telegraph_,  “the gas travels through a micro-sized catalytic converter, and is  released into the atmosphere as carbon dioxide and water vapour.”
 Ostensibly, this is intended to save the planet in ways that only  make sense to people who are dumber than cattle and far less useful.

 While the bovine burpinator has yet to be mass-tested on cows to see  if they’ll even wear the damn things, John Goodman has volunteered to  test it on humans.

 “Seriously, you don’t want to be around me after a cabbage pie and ten beers,” he told _The Telegraph_. “If they can make one of these for the other end, too, my wife might actually let me back in the bedroom.”

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-191/

_The Week’s Most Burying, Ferrying, and Primarying Headlines_
*ENOUGH WITH THE POLACKS ALREADY*
Call it the Museum of Intolerance.
 New York’s Museum of Jewish Heritage has banned Florida governor Ron DeSantis from speaking on its grounds.  DeSantis was scheduled to give a talk on “the vibrancy of Jewish life  in Florida,” but when museum officials learned that Jewish life in  Florida doesn’t include getting mugged while walking to a bodega or  being pushed in front of a subway car, they gasped, “You call that  vibrancy? Where’s the excitement?”
 Museum leadership also slammed DeSantis for banning transgender  propagandizing of kindergartners. According to museum directors, this  prohibition “does not align with our values of inclusivity.” Because of  course a Holocaust museum is exactly the place to celebrate modern-day  Mengeles who chop the privates off children.
 In years past the museum had no problem hosting such divisive leftist  figures as Bill de Blasio (a.k.a. “Warren Wilhelm Frick”), Israel foe  AOC (a.k.a. “Googly-Eyed Genocide”), and Andrew Cuomo (a.k.a.  “Maximilian Grabner”).

              The Museum of Jewish Heritage’s “values” are best exemplified by its  international arm, the Auschwitz Jewish Center in Oświęcim, Poland.  Dedicated to abusing the Polish locals (because how dare they live in a  city where Nazi occupiers built Auschwitz-Birkenau?), the center  features an exhibit in which native Poles are instructed to abandon  their identity and heritage to Third World immigrants. The exhibit,  titled “Borders,” depicts Africans in traditional Polish cultural attire to demonstrate “the limits of Polish national identity against the backdrop of rapid social change.”
   The Nazis tried to eradicate Poland by replacing the population with  Germans. And now a New York-based Holocaust museum is trying again, this  time using Africans.
 DeSantis dodged a bullet. If he has to speak in NYC, better it be at  the Fulton Fish Market. Compared to the Museum of Jewish Heritage, the  stench is way less odious.
*BLM? MORE LIKE LBM (LUCRATIVE BABY-MAKER)*
Forget four-leaf clovers, rabbits’ feet, or horseshoes. There’s a new  good-luck icon in the black community: Damon Turner, the luckiest baby  daddy in history.
  Turner didn’t just hit the honeypot, he hit the jackpot. As baby  daddy to BLM cofounder Patrisse Cullors, Turner’s found himself on the  receiving end of nearly one million bucks of BLM sucker—sorry,  “donor”—dough.
 Tax filings have revealed that BLM’s corrupt Nell Carter look-alike (star of the upcoming sitcom _Gimme Something to Break_) paid Turner $970,000 to “produce live events.”

              Which apparently means fathering a baby and nothing else.
 While Turner is living the life of Rioty for doing something most young black men do for free, BLM is coming under increasing scrutiny  for the money doled out to Cullors’ family ($840,000 to her brother),  the $3.2 million Cullors doled out to herself to buy four fancy houses,  the $6 million Cullors and her girlfriends sunk into an L.A. party  mansion, and the $2.1 million paid to BLM executive director Shalomyah  Bowers for “support services.”
 Rumor has it those “support services” consist entirely of exclaiming “You go, gurl!” every time Cullors burns down a Walgreens.
 One disgruntled former BLM organizer, YahNÃ© Ndgo, told the _Daily Mail_  that there’s been zero oversight regarding the distribution of the  org’s $42 million in assets. Worse still, Cullors reneged on a promise  to buy Ndgo two additional vowels for her surname.
  Feeling as untouchable as a Hindu latrine-cleaner and ten times as  pungent, last week Cullors went on MSNBC to boast about all the “white  guilt money” she be throwin’ around. She also declared that questioning the use of BLM funds is racist, and IRS tax laws are “triggering.”

              When asked how any of this relates to the death of George Floyd,  Cullors responded, “Who? Oh, right, that guy. I planted a tree in his  name in my mansion’s yard. Had to cut it down, though—the leaves were  clogging my infinity pool.”
*BLISTER TOAD’S WILD RIDE*
Whatever doesn’t kill Yoonj just makes her stronger.
 Yoonj Kim is a South Korean-born model who fancies herself a journalist. When _Playboy_  temporarily banned boobs in 2015, it hired Yoonj to be the  publication’s “investigative reporter,” complete with her own Playboy  Channel news show, _Journalista_.
 Always one to point out that she’s Asian as if her name and face don’t make it abundantly clear, Yoonj promoted herself as a special type of journalist, one who “has a track record for gaining access into marginalized communities” (because it’s _so_ hard to persuade nonwhites to bitch to the press about their problems).
 Sadly, _Journalista_ flopped. But it left a large, if toxic,  footprint. The monkey frog of South America secretes a highly poisonous  hallucinogenic toxin as a natural defense against predators and Asian  reporters. For an episode of _Journalista_, Yoonj had the frog  poison burned into her skin, because she read that’s how Aztecs or  Mayans or Cantinflas did it to “cleanse” after a heavy burrito and  cerveza dinner.
 Live on camera, “Edward R. Bimbo” had the poison applied to her  burned, blistered skin, and the end result was lots of vomiting and  fainting that, while not newsworthy, was certainly entertaining (the video has more than 1.5 million views).
 Yoonj now works at MTV, where the brain damage she incurred from poisoning herself is not an impediment.


But what a legacy she left! Ever since her broadcast, other morons  have been getting in on the whole “fatal frog toxin” thing, and the  casualties have been mounting. In the past week alone, Russian oligarch Alexander Subbotin died when he used the frog poison to treat a hangover (it’s hair of the _dog_, dumbass, not frog), and a Spanish porn star  was charged with manslaughter after he gave the poison to a fashion  photographer to cure the man’s anxiety (the photog died, so, in a way,  mission accomplished).
 And now comes word that at this year’s meeting of the global elite at Davos,  a “shaman room” will be set up where the participants can partake of  “healing hallucinogens” like MDMA, LSD, ayahuasca, and frog poison.
 Davos…now _there’s_ a herd that could use thinning. Yoonj Kim  may never be remembered as a competent journalist, but she might just  leave a legacy of far greater importance.
*BEAN UP TO NO GOOD*
Last year, angry Asians in Southern California decided to hold a march  to “stop Asian hate.” And why not? In cities all over the country,  Asians were being beaten like foo yung eggs. The problem was, most of  the violent perps weren’t “white supremacists” but capital-_B_ Blacks. So of course the Asian marchers chose Diamond Bar, a city with almost no blacks.
 Everyone knows the old Chinese proverb, “The journey of a thousand  miles begins with a single step.” Lesser-known is the coda: “and it ends  with a Mexican.” Diamond Bar resident Steve Dominguez didn’t like these  inscruta-bullies blocking his morning commute, so he drove around  harassing the marchers with racial epithets and forcing them to run for cover as he came barreling through.
 Fair-play turnabout as for once Asian pedestrians had to dodge a non-Asian’s bad driving.
 L.A. County DA George Gascon declined to charge Dominguez with a crime,  because only Anglos can be charged with hate crimes in L.A. Plus,  Asians vote Democrat no matter what, so why not abuse them for fun?  “When it comes to Democrats, all Asians are like George Takei,” Gascon  told the press. “They love taking it up the butt.”
 Last week the U.S. Attorney’s Office secured a federal indictment  against Dominguez for “bias-motivated interference with federal  protected activities.” Word has it Eric Swalwell spearheaded the  prosecution after being given an ultimatum by his newest Chinese  prostitute-spy.
 Dominguez faces a maximum of twenty years in prison, or a minimum of ten days unpaid drywall work at the U.S. Attorney’s house.
*BALD-FACED CRIER*
There’s an old joke: “What happens when two bald men put their heads together? They make an ass of themselves.”
 Or a “$#@!.”
 Tony Finn hates being bald. The 64-year-old Brit sees the loss of his  hair as yet another indignity in a life that’s full of ’em. After all,  for 24 years the poor sod’s worked at the Yorkshire-based British Bung  Company.
 As you can imagine, his dating life isn’t exactly red-hot. Being bald  is bad enough, but even if he gets a bird to chat him up at a pub, she  rarely sticks around.
 Girl: “So, what do you do for a living?”
 Finn: “I’m deep in bung. [_Pause_] Hey, come back!”
 Adding to Finn’s malaise, he’s routinely bullied by one of his co-workers, who calls him “bald $#@!” as a daily greeting.
 Last year, Finn filed a formal complaint with his bosses, demanding  that they instruct the co-worker to ease up on the “bald $#@!” business.
 The bosses replied, “Yer fired, ya bald $#@!.”
 So Finn went to the Sheffield employment tribunal to file a  wrongful-dismissal claim. And last week the tribunal ruled that Finn had  no grounds to complain about being called “$#@!” because, as the lead  tribunal member stated, “You _are_ kind of a $#@!, mate.” But  Finn prevailed on the “bald” count. Turns out several of the tribunal  members are themselves bald, and they ruled that the constant mockery of  Finn’s barren pate was tantamount to sexual harassment, because making  fun of a man’s bald head is akin to joking about a woman’s breasts.

 One suspects these tribunal members have had their own experiences of being snubbed at the pub.
 Finn’s former employer will now have to pay compensation for wrongful  dismissal and sexual harassment, which will likely put British Bung in a  hole.
 Maybe with his winnings, Finn can buy a decent toupee.
 Or at least a hat.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-192/

_The Week’s Most Flaying, Spaying, and Memorial Daying Headlines_
*OKAY, WHO CAUSED A TEMPORAL PARADOX?*
In the Bizarro 1980s (an inverted-reality dimension), Philip Michael Thomas became an A-list movie star after _Miami Vice_.  Bobcat Goldthwait launched the most successful sitcom of all time (“a  show about screaming about nothing”). Haysi Fantayzee sold more records  than any group in history, and while a movie about a robot assassin from  the future flopped at the box office, killing the careers of its  bodybuilder star and egocentric director, _The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yak_ broke box office records, launching lead actor Brent Huff into superstardom.
 Bizarro ’80s is more than comic-book fiction; it’s pretty much what’s happening today. Case in point: In the _real_ 1980s, leftists were _against_ racial apartheid and war with Russia.
 But not in the Bizarro ’80s!
 Last week, Netflix announced the end of its racial-preference apartheid.  The streamer, rapidly imploding due to “woke” programming and racial  hiring caps and quotas, liquidated its black, Hispanic, Asian, and LGBT  programming departments: Strong Black Lead (weak black ratings), Con Todo (no can-do), Golden Asia (yellow? Goodbye!), and Most (LGBTFU).

              Needless to say, leftists are _furious_ that a racial apartheid is ending!
   Par for the course in the Bizarro ’80s. As is the fact that musicians are now clamoring _for_ war with Russia, with Pink Floyd’s pro-Ukraine war anthem topping the charts. In the actual 1980s, Pink Floyd released _anti_-war songs, including “The Fletcher Memorial Home,” which gleefully depicted Reagan and Thatcher being murdered. But now, war’s, like, _cool_, man!
 So have a New Coke and a smile, courtesy of Bill Cosby (and because  this is the Bizarro ’80s, rest assured there are no quaaludes in it).
*AND SPEAKING OF THE NINETEEN-AIDEES…*
Here’s another resuscitated ’80s relic: a highly contagious African-origin gay disease.
  Behold, monkeypox!
 Gregg Gonsalves is an epidemiologist and “global health activist” at  Yale. He rose to prominence in the 1980s fighting AIDS, and by “fighting  it,” he means “getting it.” Yes, Greg with an extra “g” (for gay) saw  friends and family die of AIDS in the 1980s and—by his own admission—he  knew everything there was to know about the disease: how to get it, and  how to not get it.

              But still, in 1995, he got it.  Even though it was (at the time) a death sentence, he couldn’t control  his behavior enough to avoid one of the most easily avoidable deadly  plagues in history.
 Thankfully, his diagnosis came right as the first generation of Magic  Johnson’s AIDS-B-Gone super-drugs were approved, so Gonsalves survived.  And over the past two years the man who couldn’t control his pecker  when it was life-or-death has been one of the prime COVID-scolds in  America, lecturing the great unwashed on how they must sacrifice  everything—their jobs, their kids’ education and mental health, their  elderly parents’ companionship–in the name of controlling COVID.
 Few argued harder than Gonsalves to keep churches closed during the pandemic; in November 2020 he tweeted:  “If you think filling up churches and allowing congregants to get  infected is in the name of God, you worship something far grimmer than  most.”
 Said the man who’s only alive today because he inadvertently timed  his baneful buggering to coincide with the availability of protease  inhibitors.
  But now that monkeypox is here, spread via close contact among gay men, Greggay has changed his tune, tweeting  “The answer isn’t shut down all these parties, tell gay men to stop  having sex at them or dancing in close proximity to each other. It won’t  work.” Yes, now that the plague’s gay, social distancing is homophobic.

              Gregg Gonsalves: a life defined by screwing. “Screw your kids, screw  your parents, screw your life, just don’t screw with my ability to  screw.”
*HOIST BY THEIR OWN SPANIARD*
In 1989 David Ramirez, an Arizonan of obvious Aztec ancestry, did some  DIY pagan sacrificing by butchering his girlfriend and her 15-year-old  daughter. He stabbed both women two dozen times in the neck, back,  abdomen, and eyes. And as the daughter lay dying, he raped her  repeatedly. According to neighbors, this went on for thirty minutes.


Ramirez’s guilt was never in question. At trial, his attorney appealed to the judge: “You need drywall, seÃ±or? We do drywall.”
 Ramirez was sentenced to fry. And refry, like all good beans.
 His post-conviction lawyer was no more effective during appeal (“you want leaf blow? We blow leaf”).
 In the decades since, Ramirez’s case has attracted the attention of  the nation’s finest left-wing lawyers (from the firm Nebbish,  Schmendrick, and Schmuck), who argue that Ramirez’s previous attorneys  didn’t stress the extenuating circumstances that totally excuse their  client’s behavior. “He was an abused child!” “He never got over the  cancellation of _Chico and the Man_!” “He was just trying to film his version of _Apocalypto_!”
 Unfortunately, Ramirez’s team was prevented from presenting these  arguments at the federal appeals level, thanks to the 1996 Antiterrorism  and Effective Death Penalty Act (AEDPA). So the attorneys went to  SCOTUS demanding an AEDPA exemption.
 Last week, SCOTUS, in a 6–3 decision, upheld AEDPA and sent Ramirez back to death row, much to the righteous rage of every leftist in America.
 How _dare_ the _racist court_ send an abused Mexican to his maker!
 But here’s the irony: AEDPA was passed following the Oklahoma City bombing as a tool against _white supremacist terrorists_! It was supported by Democrats, and signed by Bill Clinton.
 Today, the Biden administration is trying to curtail civil liberties in the name of fighting _white supremacist terrorists_. You think they’ll learn a lesson from the Ramirez case about how these kinds of crusades can boomerang in unexpected ways?
 Naw! That would require introspection. No time for that. Not when there are Mexican _necrÃ³filos_ to free and anti-CRT white parents to imprison.
*BLACK SPARROW*
Last week was the second anniversary of smothered brother George Floyd’s  grand exit. Second anniversaries are symbolized by “cotton,” so even in  death poor George is mocked by racism (next year will be better; the  symbol of third anniversaries is fentanyl).
 Unfortunately for those who turned Floyd’s passing into an excuse to  defund cops and launch a national crime surge, America isn’t in much of a  “defund” mood these days. After two mass shootings in a row, Americans  have soured on the notion that crime can be stopped by social workers  dispensing daisies.

 So the commemorations for Cotton Floyd were rather muted.
 It’s tempting to view the “defund” crusade as America’s version of China’s 1958 “smash sparrows campaign.”  That was when Mao Zedong—a man so imbecilic new research suggests he  wasn’t Asian at all but just a white guy with severe Down  syndrome—ordered his people to kill every sparrow in the land because  the birds were “eating the grain.”
 So for an entire year, China became Auschwitz-Beakenau, as sparrows  were genocided left and right. And then it turned out the sparrows  hadn’t been eating grain but the _bugs_ that _infest_ the grain. And with all sparrows dead, an unprecedented plague of locusts caused a famine that killed millions.
 Kill bug-eaters, you get more bugs. How can a people that good at math not understand 2 + 2 = 4?
 At least the BLM Mau Maus who out-Mao’d Mao have an excuse for not  understanding “remove all cops and crime will increase” cause and  effect: They can’t read, write, or reason beyond a kindergarten level.
 History always repeats itself, and when it comes to “great leaps  forward,” BLM’s defund disaster proves that blacks can’t jump any better  than Chinamen.
*THROWING THE FAITHFUL A BONE*
In religion news, last week was all about trad vs. rad, honor vs. on-him.
 The Catholic Church has always been tolerant with Nancy Pelosi. Sure,  the far-left Democrat rarely respects church teachings. She loves  abortion so much she once tried to replace her speaker’s gavel with a  curette. She’s so pro-gay she tried to force priests to conduct baptisms  in bathhouses. And she threatened to withdraw tax-free status from  churches that don’t allow trannysubstantiation.
 Still, the Vatican kept her around, because what’s goth cathedrals without a gargoyle?
 But now it looks like Pelosi’s luck has run out. Last week,  Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone of the San Francisco Archdiocese issued a  decree banning Pelosi from receiving Holy Communion “until she repents  of her public pro-abortion stance.”
 Poor Nancy now has to sneak down to San Jose to get back-alley Communion from a _vato_ named Miguel (Pelosi generally avoids Mexican Catholics, as they often mistake her for a Guanajuato mummy). The _Catholic Reporter_ denounced  the archbishop, claiming that even though abortion is indeed a sin,  Pelosi herself never had one—she only ensured that millions of other  women have.
 So it’s all cool, then.
 As Archbishop Cordileone continues to prove himself incorruptible,  across the country another Christian leader is proving himself  in-your-rumptible. Eighty-three-year-old pastor Norm Self, of Moon Hearth Ministries  in Asheville N.C., has decided to expand his ministry through gay porn.  No, not watching it. Or selling it. The elderly pastor has decided to  become a gay porn star himself.
 Last week Self told _The Sun_ that he “plans to keep starring in erotic films until society removes ‘sex-negative norms’ from its vocabulary.”
 To which society replied, “Whatever you say, gramps! Just put your damn clothes back on.”
 On his “church’s” website, Self offers “private sessions” for  “sliding-scale donations based on session length and your gratitude.”
 50 percent refund if you catch monkeypox.

 And he’s raking in the bucks, mainly from fatties who’ve found in the pastor the ultimate appetite suppressant.
 “Since seeing him naked, I’m nauseous 24/7,” said one satisfied customer.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-193/

_The Week’s Roomiest, Zoomiest, and June Gloomiest Headlines_
*THE LONG CON*
Not since the wife in _Gone Girl_ has someone made such vindictive use of their death.
 Jimbo Jackson was the principal of Fort Braden K–8 school in  Tallahassee, and during the pandemic he became Florida’s public face  (and bald head) of school closures, going toe-to-toe with Governor  DeSantis over whether to allow kids to learn in person, or keep them in  closets encased in plastic safety bags.
 When Jackson contracted Covid in July 2020, he greatly disappointed  himself by recovering, as his death would’ve been the ultimate “screw  you Ron” moment. Even as the pandemic receded, Jackson still lobbied  tirelessly to keep kids out of school.
 Well, last week Jackson finally croaked  (in comedy this is called “commitment to a bit”). With his last breath  he proclaimed that it was “long Covid” that dun him in, and he implored  his followers to use his passing to force school closures.

              Expect a lot of this from now on. Anyone who ever had Covid, whenever  they die—ten, twenty, thirty years from now—they’ll be counted as a  Covid mortality. In that way, the pandemic will never outlive its  usefulness.
   Headline from the year 2056: “Tom Hanks died today at age 99. Another senseless Covid casualty. Thanks, _DEATH-SANTIS_.”
 Back in January, JAMA Internal Medicine published  a study indicating that “long Covid” is purely psychosomatic: “Physical  symptoms persisting 10-to-12 months after the COVID-19 pandemic first  wave may be associated more with the belief in having experienced  COVID-19 infection than with actually being infected with the SARS-CoV-2  virus.”
 So get ready: Just as leftists demand that any man who claims to be a  woman must be considered a woman medically and scientifically, they’ll  soon demand that anyone who claims to have “long Covid” must be  considered infected, even if they’re not.
  Covid as a social construct.
*A BRIDGE TOO FARNOUSH*
Forget about busboys. Last week, Brooklyn Jews got some bus_oys_, which they (of course) blamed on bus_goys_.

              An anonymous anti-Semite spray-painted swastikas over a Jewish  organization’s bus-stop PSA that read “We’re just 75 years since the gas  chambers. So no, a billboard calling out Jew hate isn’t an  overreaction. #EndJewHate.”


75 years? It feel like 75 _minutes_ the way you keep reminding us.
 The swastika-spraying launched the Pursuit of the Graffiti Spee, as  the ADL ordered the NYPD to spare no expense in hunting down the  perpetrator.
 And then the Dachau dauber, the Banksy of Buchenwald, was caught.
  And (huge surprise) it was a Jew.

Farnoush Hakakian  is a 45-year-old Iranian Jew. Her surname dates back to the time in  ancient Persia when Xerxes thought his cat was speaking to him.
 Xerxes: It’s saying _hakakian_…_hakakian_…what does it mean?
 Mardonius: My king, I think it’s throwing up.
 Xerxes: No! It’s a message just for me!
 Mardonius: Pretty sure it’s a hairball, my lord.
 Far-out Farnoush explained via Facebook that she defaced the billboard because she’s tired of Jews and their crap:
I am Jewish. This is my art, this is how I express  myself. I don’t agree with Judaism and how the Jewish people are.  Instead of condemning the anti-semites, did it ever occur to you maybe  we are doing many wrong things and we need to change????? Did it ever  occur to you maybe the anti-semites have a point? A good one?She must be a barrel of laughs at Seder.
 Meanwhile, Hakakian was issued an open invitation to become Rashida Tlaib’s new press secretary.
*PROTESTS AND DUMBIN’STRATIONS*
Last week proved that when it comes to soul-stirring political protests  that shake the very foundation of heaven itself, the left’s still got  it. If by “it” one means “looking like morons.”
 First, to the Louvre, where a 36-year-old self-proclaimed  “environmental artist” dressed up as an old lady in a wheelchair to  throw cake at the Mona Lisa and then force-feed it to her in an effort  to save the planet from global warming.
 Yes, everything about that last sentence is insane. Yet, compared  with other things environmentalists do—trying to power large cities with  windmills that freeze in the cold, blowing up oil pipelines because  they might leak—the artistic assault and cake-battery wasn’t so bad.  Fortunately, the Louvre has da Vinci’s masterpiece encased in  bulletproof glass; this was necessitated following an unfortunate  incident in 1994 when two black tourists from Chicago got into a heated  dispute over whether the painting’s background represents the Valdarno  valley or Montefeltro. Ten patrons died that day.
 The chocolate-chucking Marie Antoinette cake-giver was swiftly  arrested. President Macron denounced the protest, stating that if you’re  going to feed a famous painting, do _Dogs Playing Poker_, because when’s the last time those good boys had a biscuit?
 Meanwhile, as the French were dealing with cross-dressers having pie  fights with inanimate objects, in New York a bunch of white leftists  held a protest to prove that white leftists are the most useless things  on earth. Several dozen bored Saratoga Springs whiteys held a “die-in,”  lying down in the middle of a busy street to advocate the teaching of  CRT in schools. The protest was led by local BLM founder Chandler  Hickenbottom, who you might remember as the effete comic foil in every  British farce ever.
According to Saratoga’s _Daily Gazette_, onlookers yelled at the supine simps to “get back to work” and “get a life.”
 If only life imitated Road Runner cartoons, one good steamroller  could’ve transformed that protest into a piece of art worthy of the  Louvre.
*ELMER FADD*
Speaking of cartoons, just as Elmer Fudd was ceaselessly humiliated in  his pursuit of wascally wabbits, so too have a bunch of morons recently  been thwarted in their pursuit of the latest million-dollar fad.
 Not everyone’s bright enough to get in on the ground floor of the  latest Pet Rock…and fewer still are wise enough to get out before the  bottom drops. Last week MSN profiled several asinine-steins who lost their shirts investing in NFTs.
 Nate Hart likes cats. In that way, he’s unremarkable. However, he  likes cats so much that last year he paid $600,000 for an NFT of a cat.  Now, _that_ makes him remarkable…remarkably stupid. He admitted  to MSN that today his cat NFT isn’t worth enough to feed a real-life  kitty one day’s worth of kibble.
 MSN also profiled Frank Chaparro, who spent $20,000 on an NFT of “an  image of cats in bowls” that at present isn’t worth the cost of either  one real cat or one real bowl. “Does it hurt? Of course,” Chaparro  conceded. “But think about all the things you enjoy having that really  don’t have value but they say something about yourself.”
 Yeah, like “I’m the reason silica packets have ‘do not eat’ printed on them.”
 Meanwhile, Reuters  profiled Lloyd Armbrust of Pflugerville, Tex., who sunk his life  savings into Covid mask manufacturing in 2020, and now he can’t figure  out why the orders have slowed. Yes, he’s genuinely confused about it.  In fact, he’s still trying to unravel the puzzle of why his daddy’s  Bicentennial banner business went belly-up on Jan. 1, 1977.
 “Armbrust did up to a half-million dollars in mask sales a day,”  Reuters reported. “Now, Armbrust laments, ‘we’re like 5% of that.’”
 And he has no idea why, making him an excellent candidate for a job as a _WaPo_ market analyst.
 That some people lose their fortunes isn’t a mystery. The only mystery is, how the hell did they ever _get_ fortunes in the first place?
*PORN WITH A SILVER SPOON*
Continuing with the theme of “things you shouldn’t be surprised at” (“my  $600,000 cat drawing decreased in value!” “My Covid masks aren’t  selling like in 2020!” “My Mona Lisa desecration didn’t save the  earth!”) comes this beauty: a degenerate drug-addicted deviant sex-fiend  con artist is also into hardcore porn.
 Holy cow, nobody saw _that_ coming!
 A _Daily Mail_ search  of Hunter Biden’s infamous laptop reveals Biden Jr.’s “obsession with  porn and penchant for filming himself having sex with prostitutes.”
 “Of the 281 websites found in his search history over six days, 98  were pornographic.” Biden also “had a paid Pornhub Premium account,”  where he “uploaded his own amateur videos but was careful not to show  his face. Text messages show Hunter apparently sent a link to a Pornhub  page to a phone number he had saved in his contacts book as ‘Dad.’”
 Is _that_ a surprise either? A guy who loves sniffing little  girls and talking about children rubbing his leg hairs in a swimming  pool might be into some freaky stuff in his off-hours?

 Biden Jr., who often filmed himself masturbating while watching porn  then filmed himself masturbating while watching himself masturbate while  watching porn, repeating the process until successfully re-creating the  Hasslein theory of time travel from _Escape From the Planet of the Apes_, frequented sites like “Teenfidelity” and searched for films featuring “MILFs doing crack.”

 No word on why the president hasn’t appointed his son to lead the  National Endowment for the Arts. After all, how many of us have looked  at Mount Rushmore and said, “But what it _really_ needs is a huge phallus protruding from Teddy Roosevelt”?
 It’s easy to feel sorry for poor Hunter. A child of wealth and  privilege with no smarts or ambition, a literal human wind instrument,  expelling air into a crack pipe on one end while a mouth blows the  other. Yet surely Hunter’s greatest life tragedy is that, as an amateur  porn maker, he’ll never outdo the grand achievement of his father, who  managed to screw an entire nation of 300,000,000 people all at once.
 Top _that_, Ron Jeremy.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-194/

_The Week’s Most Flaying, Fraying, and Flag-Daying Headlines_
*WET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED*
It’s back! The parade no one wants. No floats, just flotsam. The  marching band is marching bandidos. No drill squad, but a mile of  clowns. Yes, it’s another “migrant caravan,”  shambling from the dung pits of Central America heading toward what  most Americans call a border but Democrats call a finish line.
 And while the grand marshal of the parade, a senile old man in  Washington, D.C., wanders a rose garden arguing with a bird (“Listen, _fat_,  I want my Froot Loops. Don’t make me kill you like I did that rabbit  who took my Trix”), the parade’s cheerleaders are lining the border to  greet the new arrivals with gifts of green cards, welfare checks, and  leaf blowers (because Barbra Streisand’s driveway ain’t gonna clear  itself).
 Caravan organizers told Agencia EFE  that among the 5,000 marchers are “93 pregnant women”…though isn’t it  “transphobic” to assume the gender of pregnant people? And speaking of  “phobias,” organizers told the AP that many of the paraders are “fleeing homophobia”:
María Gómez, 24, and Roselys Gutierrez, 25, a couple from  Venezuela, said they left Colombia after experiencing homophobia there  and suffering physical attacks.

When Gómez and Gutierrez were asked what they were doing in Colombia  and why, if it was so homophobic, didn’t they just return to Venezuela,  the lesbians held up their hands like Señor Wences and said, “You very  nice man. Would you like a keess? I geev you a keess.”
 Also along for the march is Eymar Benavides, who told the AP,  “Venezuela works, it’s a paradise, we didn’t want to leave our country.”  When asked, “Well, then, why’d you leave?” Benavides held up his hand  like Señor Wences and said, “S’alright? S’alright.”
   Onlookers can catch the parade this weekend at the U.S./Mexican  border, or any time afterward in the parking lot of your local Home  Depot.
*GUNGA’S DIN*
In the opening credits of the classic 1970s sitcom _The Mary Tyler Moore Show_, the protagonist blithely cavorts around Minneapolis, and in the final frame she joyously tosses her hat in the air.
 If the show ever gets a reboot, that ending shot would have to be  amended: As Mary tosses the hat, she’s tackled by a dozen Muslim men who  beat her unconscious for uncovering her head in public.
  Minneapolis is home to the majority of Minnesota’s 140,000 Muslims,  about 80,000 of whom are Somalis. Presidents from Clinton through Biden  have gotten a great laugh by trucking these sub-Saharans from their  desert wasteland (where it’s 104 in the shade) to Minnesota’s frozen  landscape, thus screwing up the lives of newcomers and hosts alike (in  welcoming a group of Somali “refugees” in 1998, President Clinton is  rumored to have said, “I hear some of you Somali chicks screw your  brothers…that’s _hot_”).


Since Muslims have a peculiar habit of flaunting their dominance over  conquered people, last week Minneapolis’ Muhammadans “convinced” city  leaders to allow mosques to blare the adhan (the Islamic call to prayer)  from loudspeakers  throughout the day and evening. Upon signing the bill authorizing the  constant blaring of the Muslim blather, Minneapolis mayor Jacob Frey  expressed gratitude to Muslim leaders for releasing his wife unharmed.
 The hours of the adhan broadcasts are limited by city noise  ordinances, meaning no early-morning or late-night ali-ali-oxen-frees.  But several Muslim immigrants told the AP that they hope to have the  hours extended from the crack of dawn to midnight, and the decibel  levels increased so that infidels can’t escape the noise.
 “Hopefully, city leaders will acquiesce to our peaceful demands,”  local imam Ali Shiedy told the AP. “We know Mayor Frey will do the right  thing for the city, and for his daughter, who’s severed finger serves  as proof of our seriousness.”
 The lyrics to the _Mary Tyler Moore Show_ theme included the line, “You can have the town, why don’t you take it?”
 To which Minneapolis Muslims responded, “Don’t mind if we do.”

*SOROS GETS A SORE ASS*
The best part of every James Bond film is when the supervillain meets  his fate. Goldfinger sucked out a plane window, Drax blasted into outer  space, Zorin dropped from the Golden Gate Bridge.
 Hey, did somebody mention San Francisco? Last week the people of that  notoriously leftist city found their nads and extracted a little James  Bond justice on resident bad guy, District Attorney Chesa Boudin. Boudin  was booted in a recall  that wasn’t even close: 60 percent of Friscans voted to banish the  soft-on-crime DA whose love of murderers (after all, his mommy was one) and hatred of innocent citizens led to an explosion of crime in Fog City.
 Also, under Boudin’s reign sidewalk pooping by the homeless rose to  such levels, the tech industry’s H-1B visa scabs thought they were still  in Gujarat.
 It turns out that even liberals have limits when it comes to seeing their loved ones murdered by felons and their sneakers stained with bum-poo.
 Hardest-hit by Boudin’s loss is billionaire cacodemon George Soros,  whose money put Boudin in office in the first place. Soros, who’s  installed over a dozen criminal-friendly DAs in cities across the  nation, is facing a popular revolt, and in the bluest of areas. Along  with San Fran, L.A. is preparing to recall its Soros DA George Gascon.  If Gascon falls as well, it’ll be Soros’ worst disappointment since  World War II’s cessation forced him to stop collaborating with Nazis.
 Speaking from his lair inside a hollowed-out volcano, Soros told the  press that San Francisco’s insolence will be punished, as a warning to  other cities. As he lowered a bound-and-gagged Boudin into a pond full  of piranha (“I do not tolerate failure. You were my friend, but now  you’re just my…chum”), Soros mused about how best to punish the Bay  Area.
 Earthquake? Tsunami? Too quick and painless.
 Turning to his hunchback dwarf henchman (Jerry Nadler), Soros gave the order:
 “Release the monkeypox,” he declared, adding menacingly, “and tell them all: My name is lesion.”
*NANCY SPEW AND THE HARDLY BOYS*
Dr. Sheree Bekker  is an assistant professor of sports injuries at the University of Bath,  and it’s tempting to believe that she came to the field by way of  experience, having taken a few too many blows to the noggin. But it’s  also important to note that she grew up in Botswana, so her formative  years were spent studying broom duppies and baby-rape AIDS cures.
 Last week Dr. Bekker favored the world with a scientific discovery of  monumental proportions. In a lengthy thread on the RealScientists  Twitter page,  Bekker (trans)mansplained her groundbreaking find: The notion that  there are any physical differences between men and women is a hoax  created by Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig to help them win ballgames, because  women could’ve beaten them handily if allowed to compete.
 Yes, Lou Gehrig had a disease all right…_misogyny_.
 According to Botswana Bekker, women are in no way “physically  smaller” than men. The only reason “women’s sports” were created was to  stop women from dominating men in baseball and football.
 Yes, football. She claims that women would easily beat men if allowed  in the NFL. Therefore, letting trannies compete in women’s sports  actually puts the _trannies_ at the disadvantage!
 Upon reading her Twitter thread, Odingo M’dongo, Botswana’s Deputy  Minister for Looking Quizzically at Logs, stated, “Even by our standards  that’s some nutty-ass bullcrap.”
 Bekker’s next quest is to demand the immediate release of all men  incarcerated for physically overpowering women, because, as her  discovery proves, such a thing is impossible.
 Science marches on! In Sheree Bekker’s case, right off a cliff.
*WAVY GRAVY*
There’s an old Polish joke that goes something like this: A two-seater  Cessna crashed into a cemetery in Warsaw. Search-and-rescue teams have  recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb.
 Get it? The Poles are so dumb, they don’t understand that the bodies in the graveyard were already there.
 Ha ha ha! Stupid Polacks!
 Except, of course, no Pole would actually be that idiotic. On the other hand, many Canadians would.
 In 2021, Canada’s “indigenous” activists, together with the nation’s  most brain-dead academics and Trudeau’s SaskatcheStasi shock-troops,  claimed to have “discovered,” using “ground-penetrating radar,” dozens  of “mass graves” of Indian children from the nation’s oddball  “residential school” period in the late 1800s (when Native kids were  sent to Christian boarding schools to be weaned from their tribal ways  because all those damned rain dances were killing the crops).
 The Canadian press presented the “mass graves” as a war crime, and,  as a result of the anti-Christian demonization, last year dozens of  churches were set afire across the country and dozens more were  vandalized and desecrated.
 Last week the _National Post_ ran  a series of in-depth investigations about the “mass graves.” Turns out  they were just…graves. Marked, sanctified cemeteries. While the  “residential schools” scheme was not the smartest idea the U.S.’s frigid  unremarkable neighbor ever came up with, the “mass graves” were nothing  more than normal places of eternal rest.  Although the revelations about the true nature of the cemeteries didn’t  come soon enough to save all those burned churches, at least  grave-mania was curtailed before Gordon Lightfoot could write a song  about it. Now, _that_ would’ve been a war crime.

 Canadians literally acted out that Polish joke: They couldn’t tell  the difference between properly buried corpses and the remnants of a  mass-casualty event.
 Poles have gotten a bad rap; Canuck jokes should be the new standard.  Like that Justin Trudeau knee-slapper from 2010 when he told Canadians,  “I’m never going to take your guns.”
 Trudeau’s a terrible leader, but his stand-up is A-list.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-195/

Takimag 

June 19, 2022

The Weeks Most Eeny, Meeny, and Juneteeny Headlines

*31 FLAVORS A SLAVE*

Juneteenth, a Texas-originated celebration marking the end of slavery, had traditionally been a regional, minor jubilee. But in June 2020 craven government officials needed figurative pork rinds to toss the ravenous BLM rioters laying waste to American cities, so it was decided to elevate Juneteenth to a federal holiday in George Floyds honor (National Fentanyl Day having already been claimed by Prince).

This year Juneteenth falls on Fathers Day, so every black child will have at least something to celebrate.

Unfortunately, darkness has descended upon the black festivities. Commercialism has reared its ugly head: Walmart had planned to market Juneteenth ice cream to commemorate the holiday. Thankfully, black activists and social media users bullied the mega-chain into pulling and destroying the product.

When Walmart execs couldnt figure out how to quickly dispose of millions of gallons of ice cream, Stacey Abrams bravely stepped in to finally make herself useful.

To be fair to the lactose-intolerant activists, some of the Juneteenth flavors Walmart was planning to sell mightve come off as a little crass. They included Emancipralines, Underground Rockyroad, Rum Raisin in the Sun, Mangonumission, Diaspumoni, Coffle Cognac, Maple Passage, Macamaroon, Tutti Strange Frutti, Flantation, Cotton Pickin Candy, and Uncle Toms Carob.

All available with whipped cream, of course.

Walmart apologized for the poor judgment, although CEO Doug McMillon told MSNBC that the company will continue to sell its Holocaust Remembrance Day dessert line, which includes Sobiberry Pie, Auschwitz-Bearclawnau, Einsatzgrapefruitten, Arbeit Macht Friand, Waffle SS, Krema Brûlée, Brownshirt Betty, and Orange Julius Streicher.

The ADL never complains, McMillon said, as long as they get a cut.

*PRIDE OF THE STANKEES*

If the problem with Juneteenth is commercialization, the problem with Pride Month is competition. Like Christmas neighbors trying to outdo each other with garish decorations, for Pride Month, corporations are trying to one-up each other with gross-outs.

But how do you up the ewwww factor to celebrate something thats nothing but ewwww? You already have Pride parades where dudes in S&M bondage outfits wave their penises at children, and drag queen storytime at public libraries in which grotesque abominations from a John Waters wet dream read about vaginas to petrified tykes wholl forever associate books with fat freaks in wigs who smell of burned cheese and lubricant.

How do you top that? You make millions of Americans associate dinner with poop.

Meal delivery service Postmates is marking Pride Month by offering a series of bottom-friendly advertisements aimed at providing the best food options for mess-free anal sex.

The ads list foods that can cause a traffic jam in the digestive system, which can make a mess of your evening. To put it in family-friendly terms, these are foods to avoid so that when youre in bed with Jed Clampett and he goes shootin in your hole, he doesnt unleash a bubblin crude.

Feeling hungry yet?

Remember the good old days when rule No. 1 of food advertising was Dont associate the product with turds? Its the only reason Tootsie Roll has stayed in business so long.

Last week The Hill ran a lengthy piece about the increase in anti-gay hate this Pride Month. Left unexplored was how much of that hate is just people who were about to eat a nutty fudge bar, and then they saw a Postmates ad.

Theres a fine line between being homophobic and merely nauseous.

*ACHIEVING ACHIEVER ACHIEVES ACHIEVEMENT*

Cancers good as cured, and Mars good as conquered. The press was abuzz last week with news that 17-year-old Floridian Ashley Adirika, a child of Nigerian immigrants, was accepted for admission by all eight Ivy League universities.

Anyone perusing the many glowing profiles of Ms. Adirika looking for information about GPAs, SATs, or ACTs wouldve been sorely disappointed, because Ashley was chosen not for her grades but for her many accomplishments, which include being a student of color, being born a person of color and then becoming a student, possessing color while being a student, and being physically present in a learning institution for students as a student while encased in skin of color.

In high school, Adirika founded a group called Our Story Our Worth (a community organization that empowers young female students of color). She also served on her schools debate team and as student body president. Other accomplishments include being a student, and being of color.

And the debate team. There was that, too.

Adirika has chosen Harvard as her destination. Regarding her major, she told CNN that her ultimate goal is to fix issues in communities with the knowledge of government systems and policies via explorations in policy and social policy and things of that nature, adding, I am really passionate about policy and using policy to empower communities. I want to use that as a platform to do work in policy.

When Walmart execs couldnt figure out how to quickly dispose of millions of gallons of ice cream, Stacey Abrams bravely stepped in to finally make herself useful.
Meanwhile, across town, an Asian-American teen with a 4.0 GPA, perfect SAT scores, and an internship at a nuclear power plant where he single-handedly innovated a new reactor design was handed his rejection slip from every U.S. college:

Dear Quan, your application essay didnt use the word policy nearly enough. In the future, please keep your goals vague, and try to say policy multiple times per sentence. Also, be more of color, but not your color; the other, better color. Best of luck to you in your uncles restaurant; with the dumplings, go easy on the vinegar.

*YOU DEMONS GET OFF MY LAWN!*

When you think of the societal damage wrought by Covid, what comes to mind? Economic disaster? A ravaged job market? Elderly people left to die alone?

Children deprived of education and formative-years socialization skills? The health effects of 24/7 masking?

Or maybe you think of the suicide and opioid overdose rates.

Well, then, youre a damn fool. Because Covids worst legacy is demons.

Yes, demons. Last week the Catholic Church opened its first-ever center to combat Covid-related demon possession. The St. Michael Centre for Spiritual Liberation and Exorcism, located in Manila, is equipped to zap the demons out of ten normal-size adults per day (or twelve dwarfs). The local archdiocese told the Daily Mail that the mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical stress caused by the pandemic made for a perfect storm for possessions and demonic intervention.

Thanks to Covid, demons are not only possessing people, but annoying them as well:

Chief exorcist Father Jose Syquia says full possession only accounts for 20 per cent of all exorcisms, with the majority being performed on people who are being harassed physically by the evil spirits.

Such physical harassment includes demons giving out wedgies, wet willies, and the you got a spot on your shirt nose-flicking thing.

Father Syquia also told the Mail, The devil has power over anything electrical. If I give a talk and use a certain gadget, the devil would easily shut it down because hes an expert in anything electrical.

Thankfully, in a heartwarming display of interfaith unity, St. Michaels has partnered with a Hindu call center in Bangalore to offer Windows security assistance for demon-possessed gadgets. Just give the Indians your password, social security number, and banking info, and those demons will be cast right out.

As for exorcising the malware thatll be left behind, the Church cant help with that. But you might find a few enterprising Asian kids who didnt say policy enough to get into college wholl do a secular exorcism of your hard drive for a nominal fee.

*IF ANDREW CUOMO WERE AN ELEPHANT*

Speaking of Indians

They say you should never meet your heroes.

Or your gods.

To Hindus, the elephant is a sacred being, the living incarnation of Ganesha, the god of wisdom, success, luck, and postmortem elder abuse.

Last week, 70-year-old Maya Murmu was collecting water outside her village of Raipal, Eastern India, when she came across an elephant wandering through the forest.

A sign of good fortune, surely, to have a random encounter with such a holy being. What wisdom would this magical beast convey to a humble, aged water-gatherer?

Absolutely none. The elephant trampled Murmu like a kiddush cup at a Jewish wedding.

The next evening, Murmus loved ones prepared a pyre to send Maflatma Murmu to the hereafter in the proper Hindu tradition. Murmus body, decked out in ceremonial dress and draped in flowers, was lovingly placed upon the woodpile, as mourners solemnly recited ritualistic prayers, in a scene of serenity and dignity.

And then the elephant came back and kicked the livin crap out of the corpse. According to the Daily Mail, the exact same elephant crashed the funeral, took Murmus body down (from the pyre), trampled her again, threw her around and went off into the night.

I know hes supposed to be a god and everything, Murmus daughter told the Mail, but man, that elephants a dick.

Indian authorities revealed that the elephant had traveled 200km from the Dalma Wildlife Sanctuary in Jharkhand just to kill Murmu and beat the snot out of her body at the funeral, which led one wildlife official to remark, That elephant mustve really hated that old bat.

They say elephants never forget, and apparently they also hold irrational grudges. The presence of animals thatll murder your loved ones and come back to bust up the funeral like Don Ciccio in Godfather II sheds a little more light on why Indians are so desperate to immigrate to America.

When youve dealt with elephants that travel 200km just to kill your grandma and abuse her corpse for the sadistic fun of it, subway muggers dont seem so bad in comparison.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-196/

_The Week’s Most Mummering, Bummering, and Summering Headlines_
*JUNETEENTH PICNIC: FREE KNUCKLE SAMMICHES!*
In the U.K., the day after Christmas is Boxing Day. In the U.S., the day  after Juneteenth is Bagging Day, in which the gunfire casualties from  the previous day’s celebrations are body-bagged.
 Juneteenth 2022 saw a relatively low mortality rate (double digits, a regular 1914 Christmas Truce level of peacefulness when grading on a black curve).  There’s no immediate explanation for why there were fewer shootings  this year, but one guess is that with Juneteenth falling on Father’s  Day, many black men avoided the festivities, for fear of running into  support-seeking baby mamas.
 That said, it wouldn’t be Juneteenth without at least one headline-worthy act of gratuitous violence.
 Louisville mayor Greg Fischer is a straight-down-the-line leftist  white Democrat. He supports BLM, considers racism a “public health  crisis,” and endlessly apologizes for his city’s past and present  “oppression” of blacks.

              If he thinks that buys him “white guy cred,” he’s quite mistaken.  Last weekend, while mingling with Juneteenth celebrants at the city’s  Fourth Street Live shopping complex, Fischer was sucker punched  by a black dude who decked the mayor to the ground and then calmly  walked away, as if in America a black man can punch an elected official  and leave the scene.
   NARRATOR: _In America a black man can punch an elected official and leave the scene._ Nobody, not even the mayor’s security detail, pursued the attacker.
 A Louisville slugger turned the mayor into Kentucky Fried Fischer. _Happy Juneteenth, Charlie Brown_!
 No word on whether Fischer will resign, because obviously he must’ve  racismed that poor black guy to provoke such righteous fury.
  As for Fischer’s do-nothing security staff, they already have  multiple job offers from Uvalde (that joke is in observance of  TooSoonteenth).
*GIVING UP THE GHOST FOR LENTIL*
The thing about alcoholics dying of liver disease is, at least they enjoyed getting there. It was a fun ride to organ failure.

              Dying of liver disease due to lentils is another story entirely. Lentils are to vegans what _Blade Runner_ is to movie buffs: Nobody actually likes it, but they have to pretend to in order to look cool to their friends.
 Daily Harvest is a vegan meal-delivery service backed by Gwyneth  Paltrow and Serena Williams, two of the greatest medical minds in  nutritional health, a regular Bimbocrates and Albert Schwartzer. Yet  even with these two ricket scientists at the helm, last week Daily  Harvest went Dust Bowel when its “French Lentil + Leek Crumbles” sent  customers to the ER. Turns out the lentils were raw and disease-ridden,  resulting in dozens of customers suffering permanent liver damage.
 Of course, there’s no way to tell if a vegan is terminally ill. They all have “resting death face.”
 The bad news for Daily Harvest is that when your customer base is  millennial vegans, many of them are likely to be “influencers.” So the  company is facing a barrage of negative publicity as TikTok and  Instagram stars rant about their nonstop vomiting and diarrhea, which  admittedly is more entertaining than the content they normally post.
  Trying to make the best of a bad situation, Daily Harvest has  rebranded the lentil dish using a photo of Serena Williams and the  caption “Like an overhead smash to your gut, it’ll be sudden death when  you have a stroke and drop a deuce after we serve our no-fault lentils.  Thanks for supporting our racket!”

*NIGHTHAWKS, BY EDWARD HOPHEAD

*And now, on to the one group more annoying than vegans…
Imagine a late-night diner somewhere in California. The clientele  comprises young morons who can’t stop expressing surprise that they’re  smoking pot in public:
 Pothead: “Whoa, dude, can I _do_ this?”
 Counterman: “Yes, for the tenth time, you can. This is a cannabis café.”
 Second Pothead: “Dude, check this out! I’m _totally_ lighting up in public. Just let ’em try and stop me!”
 Counterman: “They’re not going to try and stop you; it’s a legal pot café.”

 Third Pothead: “_Duuuuude_, like, if they knew we were doing this we’d be _so_ busted!”
 Counterman: “They do know, and you’re not busted.”
 The big thing in California right now is “weed cafés,”  where, thanks to the state’s 2016 referendum legalizing pot, stoners  can toke openly. You might wonder why stoners are flocking to these  places like they’re a novelty. Medicinal pot (i.e., pot for anyone with  insomnia or anxiety, meaning _everyone_) was legalized in  California almost thirty years ago, so the notion of open smoking  shouldn’t be so exciting. But pot users are like vegans, except with  damage to the brain instead of the liver. Everything’s a novelty when  you can’t remember last week.
 So, like idiots, the state’s Cheech and Bongs are frequenting these  cafés just to giggle like retards, “I’m blazin’ in public and _the Man_ can’t stop me!”
 Plus, like vegans, stoners love evangelizing about the supposed  benefits of their fetish. “The Mayans used hemp to build the pyramids,  and, like, the Native Americans smoked pot every day and that’s why  they’re so healthy.”
 California lawmakers are trying to reconcile the explosion of pot  cafés with the state’s ban on indoor smoking, but considering that many  cities in the state don’t prosecute murder or assault, no one’s really  sweating the enforcement issue.
 Plus, at least California politicians can say, “Thank God we’re not Oregon.”
 Speaking of which…
*PACIFIC NORTHMESSED*
Welcome to the Oregon LSD Trail…and it’s a trail of corpses. A rugged  land of rain forests and Rain Men: politicians who defund the police and  then marvel at the concomitant rise in crime as though such a thing was  unexpected, and voters who approve a ballot measure decriminalizing  hard drugs—including heroin, methamphetamine, LSD, and oxycodone—and  then stand aghast when their streets become littered with dead junkies.
 2020’s Ballot Measure 110, a.k.a. “The Useless Eaters Elimination  Act,” has led to a 41 percent rise in overdose deaths in the state, with  more than 1,069 in 2021 and 2022 on track to break that record. Cities  like Portland have become open-air markets for homeless druggies, living  monuments to Oregon’s favorite son, River Phoenix, a shooting (up) star  who burned his crack pipe at both ends.
 But one brave suburban Portland mayoral candidate has a plan to  warehouse the problem: Leslie Wright, a black gentleman and former  Marine, wants to put the homeless addicts in tiny pods like them  Japanese hotels:
Have you ever seen the Japanese people, how they live?  They live in these small, compact areas. We’re gonna take each one of  those [homeless] people and give them their own little area and give  them an address.A perfect plan! No flaw at all. Except for the fact that the Japanese  don’t fill their capsule hotel pods with feces and meth. Other than  that, Wright’s plan should work like a charm. Surely being housed in a  coffin won’t trigger psychotic episodes in drug-addled schizos.
 When Wright’s plan was criticized, not for its impracticality but for  its “racism” at invoking WWII Japanese internment (remember, it’s  Oregon, where stupid things can only be criticized for stupid reasons), a  chastened Wright told the local press, “I was disappointed and dismayed  about my reference to the Japanese people.”
 He’s told himself that if he doesn’t start speaking smarter, he’ll lose his vote.
 Just what the city needs: a mayor who sounds like he’s on drugs himself.
*THE ELEPHANT TRANSMAN*
Remember the days when tabloids ran features about the worst plastic  surgeries in Hollywood? Cruel, mocking stories (always featuring Bruce  Jenner) about bad nose jobs and grotesque face-lifts and chin implants.
 What ignorant times! Back then, human deformity was seen as something  to avoid, rather than encourage. How much more enlightened we are now.  In this progressive age, we understand that the very best thing you can  do for a teenager, especially a teenage white girl, is encourage them to  get Elephant Manned by some psychotic butcher who gets Obamacare  subsidies to disfigure children.
 “I am not an animal! I am _stunning and brave_!”
 Fast-tracking teen girls into the tranny mutilation machine has  reached assembly-line efficiency, with thousands of quacks bypassing  parental consent in order to turn scores of “shes” into “its.”
 As doctors compete to see how many severed breasts they can  accumulate per month, Mengele looks up from hell saying, “Damn, talk  about being born before your time.”
 Unfortunately, a growing group of ingrates—girls who are oddly bitter  that charlatans maimed them for life—are speaking publicly about how  they wish doctors hadn’t been so quick to carve them up. A _New York Post_ piece  last week detailed the stories of several teen girls who’d been coerced  into transforming into medical monstrosities by social media pressure,  peer bias against “cis white girls,” and doctors who give out  tranny-pills like an octogenarian tossing breadcrumbs to ducks. The  girls, who had their breasts lopped off and their features wrecked by  injections, have a host of malformations, from Robert Z’Dar jawlines to  Zach Galifianakis-level unwanted hair.
 And on Twitter last week, a thread went viral in which a boy-to-girl “transitioner” graphically explained what “she” became after surgery:
No one told me that the base area of your penis is left,  it can’t be removed—meaning you’re left with a literal stump inside that  twitches. You wake up with morning wood, without the tree. I have  random pockets of sensation that only seem to pick up pain, rather than  pleasure.
How did a profession that used to quiver at the thought of malpractice suits become a league of reckless mutilators?
 We used to despise ambulance-chasing lawyers. But boy, are they missed today!

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-197/

_The Week’s Most Sniping, Griping, and Stars-and-Striping Headlines_
*MORE THAN A WOMB ’UN*
The womb is back, and wetter than ever. After years of stern lectures  from leftists about how “woman” is a social construct and biological  “parts” are irrelevant to gender, the end of _Roe_ has made “parts” the comeback story of the year.
 Last week, Cher (who, due to decades of plastic surgery, is no longer  technically male or female but a synthetic compound of rubber, metal,  polyethylene, silicone, and ShamWows) tweeted (all words capitalized, like a reverse e.e. cummings):
If Every time Men Had Sex, They Risked Death, Physical  Disability, A Life Altering Interruption In Their Education, Or Career,  & The Sudden Life Long Responsibility For Another Human Being, I  Think They’d Expect A Choice In The MatterSo even e.e. dumbings admits that what makes a woman a woman is the  ability to conceive (or at least ownership of the necessary parts).

              Needless to say, Cher was attacked by gypsies, trans, and thieves, but she remained unbowed: Parts make the woman.
 “Boobs…I got you, boobs.”
 
   Of course, Cher could afford to have a spine of iron, considering  that she literally has a spine made of iron. But some of her younger  “feminist” allies folded pretty quick. Like Gina Darling, the  Vietnamese-American internet irritant whose résumé is all scare quotes  (“gamer,” “influencer,” “talented,” “deserving” of “fame”). Darling, the  kind of VC who makes William Calley want to suit up again, tweeted “If  men were able to get pregnant, this would’ve never been up for  discussion $#@! this backward ass $#@!.” However, after being schooled  in how men totally _can_ get pregnant, the Chi Minh ho apologized:  “Oh wait. Pardon my wording, not sure what the proper wording is for  this but I guess…people born with male reproductive organs? If that’s  not correct, pls educate me. Sorry if that came off as transphobic.”
 Yes, parts are back. But there’s still some confusion as to where they fit.
*NIGERIANS RAZE THE ROOF*
A young African sits in his living room, contemplating life.
  Mboku: “Nigeria may not be paradise, but at least I have a roof over my head.”

              [_Massive cracking sound from above_]
 Mboku: “Oh, crap.”
 As Americans worry about the bottom falling out of the housing  market, Nigerians worry about falling tops. Forget the housing bubble;  we’re talkin’ housing rubble. Africa’s most populous nation (_216 million people_. To put that figure in perspective, that’s almost _half_ the number of genders claimed by Ezra Miller) has a building problem. In that, its architects can’t build.

 Structures in Nigeria keep falling down. One hundred and sixty-seven, according to records kept by a U.N. researcher unironically named Habeeb.  All over the country, buildings are going down faster than Kamala  Harris when she meets a man who can help her career. Hundreds have been  killed and more than 6,000 households displaced (residential structures  account for 78 percent of the collapses), to the tune of $3.2 trillion  in losses.
_Now_ do you see why those Nigerian princes need your help?

              Human error in construction is the most common reason for the  collapses; turns out, compasses, levels, and T-squares are more helpful  to architects than the blessing of a broom-god coated with goat dung. As  Nigeria’s population skyrockets, the nation’s landlords have a bad  habit of adding floors to buildings without permits, safety inspections,  or brick, mortar, and steel.
 Habeeb concludes that Nigeria’s housing *BOOM* can only be fixed by overcoming the endemic corruption and incompetence that led to it.
 In other words, it can’t be fixed.
 Mboku: “Oh well, at least as I live on my debris heap, I know things can’t get worse.”
 (Daily Beast headline: “Monkeypox epicenter in Nigeria likely a lot worse than we think”)
 Mboku: “Oh, _crap_!”
*NEED A LYFT? CALL HINDUBER!*
Maybe what Nigeria needs is Mexicans. After all, even Mexicans can  hammer nails (“Even Mexicans can do it” is the universal standard for  pointing out incompetence). Sure, Nigeria is far from Juarez, but now  that Biden’s thrown open the border, Mexicans are learning that  proximity ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.


Last week, authorities in San Antonio came across an abandoned tractor-trailer containing the corpses of 46 Mexican migrants. The _frijoles refritos_ had been left in 103-degree temperatures by smugglers; police claimed the bodies were “hot to the touch” when found.
 Maybe a nice boat ride to Lagos ain’t such a bad idea in comparison.
 Biden refused to take responsibility for “the Mexican food truck that  overcooked some tacos.” When his advisers corrected him that it was  actually a Mexican _dude_ truck that overcooked some _Pacos_,  Biden waved them off, as he had an important meeting with dissident  anti-Putin military officials (it was actually just Hunter’s Russian  whores, but nobody had the heart to tell him).
 While Mexicans are baking like tortillas as they try to enter the  U.S. illegally, up north, Indians are demonstrating how to gate-crash in  style.
 A 48-year-old Punjabi named Pal Singh was arrested by the feds for running a human-smuggling scam involving a network of Ubers.  Pal Punjoey would have one of his drivers pick up an illegal in Canada  (the preferred landing point for Indians, who are drawn to Justin  Trudeau’s “retarded monkey” Hindu dancing) and chauffeur him across the  border, where he’d be transferred to another Uber, then another, so that  by the time the invader reached his target city (sometimes California,  sometimes the Midwest), there’d be no traceable line from the border to  the destination. The Ubers were connected by a network of burner phones.
 Convoluted? Sure. But these are people who worship twenty-armed  elephant-lobsters with fifty ears and snakes for legs. They’re used to  convoluted.
 Singh charged $11,500 per trip, and worst of all, he’d give you a one-star passenger rating if you didn’t tip.
 Still, none of his illegals were roasted to death in 103-degree  temps. $11,500 is a lot of money, but it beats becoming human tandoori.
*HER MUDDER’S A MUDDER*
Speaking of convoluted Indians…Pal Singh’s circuitous journeys at least  had a destination. But for our half-Indian veep, the circuitous journey _is_ the destination. Arguably, no one on the political scene has a greater ability to speak in circles than Kamala Harris.
 Take last week, when VP McCackles was asked by CNN for her opinion on the death of _Roe v. Wade_.
 Her reply:
You know, I’ve thought about it as, you know, a parent,  and as an aunt of preschool children. As a woman myself. And a daughter  of a woman. And a granddaughter of a woman. Everybody has something at  risk on this. First of all, if you are the parent of sons. Do think  about what this means for the life of your son.Well, who can argue with that? Harris’ mother was a woman. And her grandmother was a woman.
 It’s still a more soundly reasoned argument than the one Blackmun used for _Roe_ itself.
 The odd thing is, Harris had no reason to be vague about abortion. It  wasn’t like she was asked about inflation or the border or any of the  things about which Democrats can only stammer. The Dem party line on  abortion is carved in stone; all she had to do was recite it.
 For her, speaking without speaking isn’t about evasion. It’s all she’s capable of.
 It’s tempting to wonder how a Kamala Gettysburg Address would’ve gone.

Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers, and I have a  father, right? And his father’s the grandfather of me, brought forth on  this continent, because that’s where we are, right? [Cackles] A  continent, but also a new nation on that continent, right? You know what  I mean? [Cackles louder] For us the living, and I’m living, and you’re  living, so think about living, and our sons are living, right? And we  don’t wanna perish, right? [Cackles hysterically]Kamala Harris: the greatest American orator since Webster (not Daniel, but Emmanuel Lewis).
*LITTLE GIRL (BLACK AND) BLUE*
It’s a common sight gag in American comedies: An adult beats up kids and  feels proud. Kramer and the karate class, Adam Sandler creaming kids in  dodgeball in _Billy Madison_, Will Ferrell beating up child bullies in _Step Brothers_, Will Ferrell punching a baby in _The Campaign_ (Ferrell recycling a gag? _No!_), Melissa McCarthy beating up Girl Scouts in _The Boss_, and the _Always Sunny in Philadelphia_ gang plagiarizing the bit from _Step Brothers_.

 It’s only funny ’cause it’s fiction. In real life, an adult taking pleasure in decimating a child isn’t funny…it’s psychotic.
 So meet a psycho: Richard Batres  is a Guatemalan tranny, father of three, and former U.S. Navy petty  officer (after deciding to become a woman, Batres earned the new rank of  rear admiral lower-half).
 Now known as “Ricci Tres,” Batres spends his time destroying the  hopes and dreams of little girls by beating them in female skateboarding  competitions.
 Last week, the 29-year-old Batres, who refuses to “transition”  hormonally because he claims morphing into a woman is about “decisions  and feelings,” not physicality, demolished 13-year-old Shiloh Catori in  the girls’ division of the Boardr skateboard championship in NYC.  Afterward, he did a victory lap in the press, bragging about how he  swiped a trophy and prize money from a child.
 “Petty” officer? _That’s_ an understatement.
 In defeat, young Shiloh praised Batres’ “courage” (because it takes a  great deal of bravery for a grown man to physically dominate a kid).  Batres’ Guatemalan father, however, reacted to his son’s campaign of  child cruelty by angrily telling him in Spanish, “I need you to go $#@!  yourself.”
 And with that, on this Fourth of July, a Guatemalan speaks for all Americans.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-198/

Takimag 

July 09, 2022

The Week’s Most Decaying, Soothsaying, and Dog-Daying Headlines

*BLACK IS FLAMMABLE*

“Burn baby burn” is all fun and games until someone makes it literal.

The African People’s Socialist Party is a black separatist hate group dedicated to killing whitey and establishing a black ethnostate at the local Popeyes. The org has its “headquarters” (a.k.a. Jamaal’s mom’s crib) in St. Petersburg, Fla. Nicknamed “Uhuru House” (Jamaal’s mom: “Don’t you be paintin’ no Star Trek foolishness on my garage”), the HQ features a massive “pan-African flag” flying proudly on a pole outside, as a beacon to blacks far and wide.

Historical note: No good has ever come from setting off a beacon to blacks far and wide.

Last weekend, Uhuru House got a visitor, a stranger who parked by the flagpole.

Uhuru leader Omali Yeshitela, whose brain is best described by the four letters in the middle of his surname, saw the newcomer and exclaimed, “Welcome to the revolution!”

And the stranger pulled out a flamethrower, aimed it at the pole, and turned the flag from pan-African to pan-fried.

Then he drove away. A man of few words burned the flag of a few turds.

The story went national. The AP, describing the hate group’s goal as “uniting African people as one for liberation, social justice, self-reliance and economic development,” likened the flag flambé to a white-supremacist mass shooting.

The local CBS affiliate spent thirty minutes on the incident (CBS apparently stands for “Covering Bull$#@! Stories”).

Only the Miami Herald had the journalism chops to point out that the flag-flaming “terrorist” was black.

Yes, a black man burned the coloreds’ colors. Forget the revolution; dude brought the immolation.

This fiery godfather was no Uhuru, but a hero.

*WASHINGTON CHAINSAW MASSACRE: LEATHERBALLS*

Pride Month may be over, but not before leaving us with one final vomit-inducing tale.

In The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Leatherface lived in a rural slaughterhouse where he removed people’s faces and wore them as his own, decorating his home with discarded body parts.

That’s a horror film.

In Washington State, two trannies ran a rural slaughterhouse where they lopped off breasts, scooped out balls, and snipped penises with instruments bought off eBay.

That’s a feel-good Pride Month story.

These days, Texas Chainsaw could be repackaged as an award-winning film about a brave transman who felt uncomfortable in his own skin so he transitioned to other skins while avoiding the fascist police in Greg Abbott’s Texas.

The Washington State maim-saw massacre was perpetrated by tranny software developer Eilís Ní Fhlannagáin and mad-scientist sidekick “Willow,” who began their underground butchery after Fhlannagáin persuaded Willow to castrate him at home in his recliner. Fhlannagáin nearly bled to death, but that didn’t stop the two cutups from offering their services to others.

Using a tractor barn, the two “doctors” relieved mentally disturbed individuals of whatever body parts they sought to lose. Only one rule: Take your balls with you when you go. Because leaving your testicles behind after having them gouged out in a barn is so gauche.

According to Fhlannagáin, the Washington Board of Health knew of and approved the “clinic,” though the first inspection was almost ruined when the examiners nearly encountered some stray balls lying on the floor (hence the “come with your nads, leave with your nads” policy). Willow pocketed the cojones just in time!

As reported last week in The Independent, during the pandemic, the two transmen-geles went their separate ways.

But they’ll always have the memories.

And that spare set of balls.

*THE BIG CRAPPLE*

During his tumultuous tenure as mayor of New York, as Ed Koch guided the city from the filth and crime-ridden 1970s into the filth and crime-ridden 1980s (same as the ’70s except with Sonic Youth and coke), he’d ride the subways cheerfully voicing his catchphrase, “How’m I doin’?”

NYC’s current mayor Eric Adams has his own similar catchphrase: “Why you booin’?”

Poor Adams, elected to curb crime, has been kicked to the curb by criminals, who can’t stop shooting everything in sight.

Their catchphrase? “Pow-pow-pow I’m doin’.”

July 4 saw 31 people shot in 24 separate incidents, including a man in Central Park shot in the neck, another shot in the chest, another in the torso, yet another in the hip, two men shot in the head, and two men and a woman shot in the arms and legs while their friend was shot in the shoulder.

Welcome to New York body-parts bullet bingo!

Worst of all for Mayor “Up I’m screwin’,” his own aide was mugged while scouting locations for a speech (“Hmm…the intersection of Tawana Brawley Ave. and Colin Ferguson Road…perfect!”). Democrat white-boy Christopher Baugh was confronted by two black males who demanded his wallet and phone. According to the New York Post, Baugh responded, “You don’t want to do this; I work for the mayor.”

That did not deter the thieves.

He then demanded to see their manager.

That, too, failed to dissuade the thugs.

Finally, he asked for their Twitter handles so he could get them banned. At that point, the muggers pulled a gun and beat the poor bastard to the ground, taking his possessions as he relieved himself in fear (“Yow, I’m pooin’”).

Later that day, Mayor Adams gave a speech about how no law-abiding citizen in NYC needs a gun for self-protection, as Baugh and all the other victims of violent crime listened disapprovingly, seething in silent disagreement.

“Now I’m stewin.’”

*WALLACE AND SCROMIT*

It seemed like an impossible task: “How can we make stoners even more annoying?”

You might as well ask, “How can we make Siberia colder?” or “How can we make Michael Moore fatter?”

Stoners are already lazy, shiftless, self-righteous, unreliable dunderheads who won’t stop pestering the rest of us about the “wonders” of their miracle weed, as they define their entire existence by their relationship with the organic version of paint-huffing.

Surely, such good-for-nothing irritants can’t get more annoying.

Wrong, narc!

Behold “scromiting.”

Thanks to marijuana legalization in states like California (where the outsider at any given party is the person not blazing), plus the increased potency of today’s strains of MJ, “cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome” has reached epidemic levels among chronic potheads. “CHS” causes liver failure, severe dehydration, and rapid weight loss. But worst of all it causes “scromiting,” a portmanteau of “screaming” and “vomiting.”

“Alcoholics have their barflies, but potheads have their barf-lies.”
So now tokers are wandering the streets of L.A. projectile vomiting while shrieking like banshees.

Success! Stoners have become more annoying.

On the upside, tourists walking through Beverly Hills get to see unique, star-studded extravaganzas of sight, sound, and stench:

“Oh look, honey, there’s Seth Rogen puking on Woody Harrelson!”

And in New York, now that Pete Davidson is supplementing his everyday vibe (summarized as “terminal AIDS patient meets Bergen-Belsen corpse meets Mike Tyson’s rejected tats”) with nonstop retching and eardrum-splitting screams, it’s guaranteed he’ll attract even more famous women as paramours.

Of course, stoners are so committed to their bit, even as they’re puking their guts out, they’ll still insist pot cures nausea.

Alcoholics have their barflies, but potheads have their barf-lies.

*WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT, BLEAT, AND SHOOT PAUPERS LIKE SKEET*

You can bet there’s plenty of scromiting going on at Sun Valley right now, as the world’s business elites gather for their annual “summer camp for billionaires.” As Elon Musk lights up in his private jet, trying to remember that thing he was so excited about buying two months ago (“Dammit…it had something to do with free speech. What was it?”), as George Soros arrives in a Gulfstream fueled entirely by the oily subcutaneous fat of people murdered by decarcerated felons, and as Jeff Bezos arrives four days late covered in boot footprints, with a broken arm, clothes that don’t fit, and one shoe missing (he flew Prime), the participants look forward to a week of fun and games, even under the pall cast by the fact that their regular entertainment director, Ghislaine Maxwell, is otherwise occupied being fitted for a noose by a man who’s definitely not Mossad and a woman whose name definitely doesn’t rhyme with Fillary Glinton.

One billionaire who’s finding it difficult to enjoy himself even with all the sex slave girls in leather dog collars tethered to giant platters of caviar and blow is Warner Bros. CEO David Zaslav.

Poor Zaslav. The last time a CEO had this many fires to extinguish, the chief of PG&E was filling out bankruptcy papers. No sooner had Zaslav told reporters at the summit that he planned to transform CNN from an “advocacy network” into an unbiased purveyor of hard news, his star business reporter and illiterate mouthbreather Nicole Goodkind penned a piece claiming that recession forecasts can’t be trusted because the economists are white.

Who cares if you can’t afford food or gas, Goodkind lectured. There’s no recession unless it’s declared by an illegal immigrant tranny Peruvian Asháninka Indian with Down syndrome.

Yet as bad as the CNN problem is, it pales in comparison to Zaslav’s Marvel movie issues. He’s got a rebellion on his hands regarding Aquaman 2, with millions of fans demanding the redaction of spousal abuser Amber Heard (who always sets her Sleep Number Adjustable Bed to “number two”).

And Zaslav also has to contend with Ezra Miller, his “nonbinary” Flash star whose one-transman crime wave against women, children, and beasts makes the Night Stalker look like a kindly uncle.

Still, Zaslav isn’t letting his problems get him down. Later that night, there he was, dancing up a storm at the summit’s opening-night sacrifice to Moloch.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-199/

Takimag 

July 16, 2022

The Week’s Most Newtonian, Draconian, and Babylonian Headlines

*YOU WIN SOME, YOU NEWSOM*

California’s name is attached to many things. The California roll, the California Zephyr, the California king mattress (big enough to accommodate twenty illegal aliens), the California grizzly (once numerous, now extinct, like the California GOP), and California hopscotch (walking down a city sidewalk avoiding human feces).

And now, here are a few others:

“California liability.” Last week, smiling Stalinist Gavin Newsom signed a bill making gun dealers and makers responsible for any and all actions taken by gun buyers post-purchase. Gun dealers and manufacturers now have a lifetime responsibility for what people who pass background checks do with their guns.

In response, Clarence Thomas grinned and said, “Thanks for the next test case that’ll allow us to expand the 2nd even more, dumbasses.”

Ironically, in many California cities, gun crimes aren’t prosecuted. Hence the uniqueness of California liability: Only the makers of guns are responsible, not the criminals who misuse them.

And then there’s the “California boycott.”

California law forbids state-funded travel to Montana, because Montana doesn’t allow pedo trannies in girls’ locker rooms. So California declared, “You shall have none of our business. Good day, sir. I mean zir. Or is it xzem?”

Problem is, guess where Newsom just took his family on summer vacation…Montana!

After being caught red(state)-handed, Newsom explained that it’s okay because he’s paying for the trip with his money, not state money.

So much for the point of a boycott being to deprive something of money. Behold the California boycott, where spending your own money is fine; you just prevent others from spending theirs.

Makes as much sense as anything in that state.

*DORA THE EX-SCHNORRER*

Q’orianka Kilcher is a person and not a variety of tropical peat moss. The German-born 32-year-old actress is the offspring of a Swiss-German mother and a bare-assed bone-through-the-nose Quechua-Huachipaeri indigenous Peruvian. How a bare-assed Peruvian native ever made it to Baden-Württemberg is anyone’s guess, but the most likely explanation is that he fell into a crate of mangoes scheduled for export and ended up scaring the livin’ hell out of the poor kraut who opened the container (“Ach! Wildermann nicht mango!”).

Q’orianka was raised in Hawaii, where, even though she was not of the native ethnicity, she was accepted by the locals thanks to the unspoken “band of the bare-assed,” a pantsless bond thicker than DNA. As an actress, parlaying her ethnicity to portray Pocahontas, Princess Ka’iulani, and Te Ata Fisher, Q’orianka became a major player in the brown people grievance movement, launching her own org to fight racism, corporate greed, and public decency codes that mandate trousers.

It was while playing Incan Princess Kawillaka in the Dora the Explorer sequel Dora Flees Ohio for an Abortion that Q’orianka had a Q’oopsie, injuring her shoulder under the weight of her giant chip. She pocketed $96,838 in workers’ comp, claiming that the injury prevented her from performing on set.

Last week, authorities in L.A. Q’arrested Q’orianka for workers’ comp fraud. Turns out, at the exact same time she was collecting benefits because her injuries “prevented her from acting,” she was shooting episodes of the Paramount series Yellowstone, where she portrayed a squaw named “Sacagawelfare.” Apparently, it never crossed Q’orianka’s mind that her TV appearances would be seen by the people she lied to.

There’s that Quechua-Huachipaeri genius!

Note to future Hollywood insurance fraudsters: If you want to grab some work while claiming to be incapacitated, at least choose a show nobody watches.

Like anything with Amy Schumer. Guaranteed, your secret will be safe.

*IN THE SHADOW OF KILL-A-MAN-JARO*

While L.A.’s finest put Q’orianka Kilcher behind bars, over in Africa, Zambia’s finest were hot on the trail of another most-wanted entertainment industry miscreant.

Sadly, “Zambia’s finest” is a 4,000-pound hippo named “Fatto Fbunta,” and he moves really slow (Fatto once attended a criminology class at Scotland Yard, but he was expelled for pooing, like, everywhere).

Zambian authorities are seeking the arrest of American best-selling author Delia Owens, whose megahit Where the Crawdads Sing topped the New York Times best-seller list for a whopping 32 weeks in 2019 (performing better than its sequel, Where the Black Eyed Peas Sing, which failed to sell a single copy as nobody wanted to know the answer). Owens and her ex-husband, who spent several decades in Africa as conservationists protecting the wildlife from Africans who think giraffes are demons and Chinese who hunt cheetahs for their testicles, are accused of killing an African poacher in 1996.

Why’d it take so long for Zambian authorities to finally move on the crime?

Well, to begin with, “one African shot dead” registers pretty low on the list of priorities in sub-Saharan nations. First you have to clear the board of millions of Africans dead from genocide, famine, drought, war, Ebola, monkeypox, malaria, cholera, AIDS, and gorillas driven to homicide by nonstop Youssou N’Dour radio rotation, before attention can be given to that one lone African poacher shot in 1996.

Plus, every time the Zambian government was about to put the finishing touches on an arrest warrant, a bloody coup set the entire process back to square one.

As reported last week in The Atlantic, Zambian authorities appear ready to finally pursue Ms. Owens (who currently resides in Idaho). Zambian Parliament members Elvis Chishala Nkandu and Twaambo Elvis Mutinta were put in charge of drafting the extradition request, but they killed each other in a dispute over blue suede izimbadadas.

Doesn’t matter anyway, as the U.S. has no extradition treaty with Zambia.

Welcome to Zambia CSI (Chewa-Speaking Imbeciles).

*CAN NIP CANUCK?*

Remember the classic Kurosawa film Seven-Gendered Samurai? Toshiro Mifune played a nonbinary ronin who’d wander from village to village getting misgendered by warlords, at which point he’d demand to speak to the village’s manager and get the warlords banned from social activities.

Nobody wants to see the Japanese go woke. Last week, a new law took effect in which Japs who post “online insults” will get up to a year in jail (five years for white incels who confuse anime fandom with having an actual personality).

The law was spurred by the case of Hana Kimura, a 22-year-old pro wrestler and reality TV star who committed suicide in 2020 because of “cyberbullying.” For some reason this sent shock waves through Japanese society…odd when you consider that this is a nation where suicide is seen as the appropriate response to pretty much everything.

Japanese free-speech activists are wary of the new law, with Tokyo attorney Seiho Cho telling CNN, “At the moment, even if someone calls the leader of Japan an idiot, then maybe under the revised law that could be classed as an insult.”

One would think that right now, of all times, Japanese politicians would be happy if the only thing disgruntled constituents fired off were insults.

If the Japanese want to see the inevitable result of speech regulations, nippon this: In Montreal last week, the trial of a man who posted online pro-Nazi “satire” became Cirque du So-Lame when the judge refused to accept as historical fact that Nazi ideology led to anti-Jewish measures in the Third Reich, while the accused’s defense team argued that Jews were only killed in Nazi Germany to “save money.” The judge ordered the trial to reconvene when prosecutors could prove that Nazi ideology was anti-Jewish, while defense lawyers promised to show that the Nazis saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Goyco.

The entire clown show only occurred because Canada insists on prosecuting “bad” speech.

Dear Japan: The reason the world respects you is because you’re not Canada.

Please, don’t be Canada.

*BRILLIANT ACADEMIC IN ENCHILADA TROUBLE*

Dr. Jill Biden is the smartest and most respected Dr. in the entire world. As her husband, Joe, will tell you (when he’s not preoccupied with finding the toucan that can lead him to Froot Loops), Dr. Jill ain’t no simple Jack (and Hunter ain’t no simple crack).

So it was hugely surprising last week to hear Dr. Jill, a woman whose university dissertation contains so many misspellings it was initially thought to be written in Sanskrit, make a public gaffe.

Not Dr. Jill!

While addressing a progressive “Latinx” org last week, Dr. Bidenx (in prepared remarks, not off-the-cuff) uttered lines that would be thought over-the-top in a sitcom about a condescending elitist white woman pretending to know Hispanic culture. First, she congratulated the Latinxes on their “bodegas,” which she mispronounced as “bo-diggas” (remember Bo Digga? Great blues guitarist). Then she complimented the Latinx community for being “as unique as the breakfast tacos here in San Antonio.”

For some reason, Hispanics around the nation objected to being compared to food. All except for the Frito Bandito, who shot his guns in the air and exclaimed, “¡Ay yi yi Señora Biden es muy Mexicano!”

A spokeswomanx for Dr. Jill apologized for the taco talk, digging the hole deeper by adding, “If cheesed-off Mexicans have any beef with the comments, we encourage them to soften their hard shell. This might sound corny, but we’ve all bean there, so lettuce be mild not spicy and live and let olive, you rap-scallions.”

Being a dedicated husband, Joe Biden took the heat off his wife by making an even more idiotic blunder a day later, launching his Israel trip by telling a crowd of nonplussed nebbishes that he planned to “keep alive the honor of the Holocaust” during his visit to the “hollowed ground” of “Yad Shavem” (which is apparently a barbershop).

Dr. Jill and Dr. Demento…traveling the world insulting races and ethnicities like Cartman Sandiego.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-200/

Takimag 

July 24, 2022

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Craving, Slaving, and Heat-Waving Headlines

*GIVING BLACKS THE BIG BIRD*

Over the years, Sesame Street has pandered to the “diversity and inclusion” crowd with numerous episodes aimed at black kids. Same message, again and again: Your color makes you special.

Last year the show even introduced the new characters Kermit Till and his friend Tusky-G the rapping syphilitic elephant.

But now all that good work’s been flushed down the toilet thanks to Sesame Street’s open-borders policy. “Rosita” is the show’s first bilingual Muppet. Hailing from Mexico, the character gives children valuable lessons in cultural tolerance and drywall installation.

Sesame Place is a Bucks County, Penn., Sesame Street-themed amusement park owned by Sea World and licensed by the government-funded PBS show. Last week, at the park’s daily Reaming of the Taxpayers Parade, two little black girls were watching the beloved characters march by when along came Rosita, waving at onlookers and high-fiving a bunch of white kids and parents.

The two black girls reached out to hug Rosita, but she shook her head “no” and waved them off, coldly marching away as the crestfallen children tearfully came to terms with how insignificant they are to this Mexican immigrant Muppet.

And with that, Sesame Street provided its first useful lesson in fifty years.

Yes, black Americans, the Rositas marching through our open borders don’t like you, don’t want to deal with you, and in the end will render you irrelevant.

These days, that’s a way more important lesson than counting to five cookies.

The park, of course, apologized. But one suspects that the bitterness and resentment felt by the two girls will one day be visited upon workers at a McDonald’s who are late with an order of fries.

Sesame Park’s motto is “Go Before They Grow.”

A wise warning to anyone in the presence of angry black children.

*THE GROIN MILE*

I must admit I didn’t think much of Demi first time I laid eyes on him. Looked like a stiff breeze could blow him over. Also, looked like in a breeze he could blow someone stiff. That was my first impression of the man. That tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass…well, hopefully it’s just a spoon.

—The Shawshank Redemption (Stephen King’s 2022 woke update)

You’ve heard of Demi Moore; now meet Demi Lots Moore. “Female” convicted murderer Demetrius “Demi” Minor is more than a woman, in a major way. “She” has a penis, testicles, and everything else dudes have.

Because Demi Minor’s a dude. But don’t tell that to New Jersey correctional officials, because they think Minor’s a woman. After all, he told them so. And why would a dude serving a thirty-year manslaughter stint lie about that?

Oh, right; so he could be housed among women. Which he was. And he wouldn’t stop knocking ’em up. After multiple pregnancies resulted from his time at the Edna Mahan Correctional Facility for Women, last week the 27-year-old Minor was transferred to the all-male Garden State Youth Correctional Facility.

And now poor Demi worries that he’ll be the victim of sexually predatory men (while he was born with a penis, he was not born with an appreciation of irony).

Minor’s story was told in a teary NBC News profile last week authored by ace scribe Tat Bellamy-Walker, whose Twitter bio lists his occupation as “Desk Assistant for diversity verticals.”

So if you need new multicolored blinds for your windows, you know who to contact.

In his article, Tat Pullcord-Shutterman links to Minor’s website, which explains that he’s only in prison because he “mistakenly” killed his stepfather over “misplaced hostility.”

Oopsie!

The website features multiple photos of Minor, who makes Biden administration monstrosity “Rachel” Levine look doable. It’s impossible to view Minor’s photos without thinking of the moment Schwarzenegger saw the Predator’s face.

Minor has vowed to fight for the right to return to female lockup, and the accompanying right to force himself on female inmates.

And with the ACLU’s help, perhaps soon the Bird Transman of Alcatraz can return to Ménage-à-Trois-shank.

*ESTHER, QUEEN OF THE BLACK ISRAELITES*

It’s nice to see something good finally happen to a Jewish-American princess. Marta Kauffman has always had to struggle. Growing up in an upscale 92 percent white Pennsylvania suburb, Kauffman was forced to attend school with Christians, an experience that she’d later tell the Jewish Journal scarred her for life.

Leaving behind the horrors of pricey suburbia, Kauffman attended a small community college called Brandeis, paying her way by working double shifts at the local shrieking yenta factory.

Following college, Kauffman hitchhiked to L.A. on a private jet, where she began a career in Hollywood, a town not known for employing Jews. In 1994 fortune finally smiled on Kauffman when she co-created a sitcom called Friends, which became a massive hit due to a 1990s explosion in Down syndrome TV ownership.

Yet even that endeavor brought no happiness. According to the Journal, “When the show went off the air, Kauffman found that although she’d created a Hollywood legacy, she needed to reinvent herself to stay current.”

That was 2004. And in the spirit of “look, do you want it done fast or done well?” last week Kauffman finally announced that reinvention: She’s decided to become Queen of the Blacks. Admitting her “guilt” (which she blames on “society”) for having had no black characters on Friends, Kauffman has personally pledged $4 million to Brandeis to hire a black professor who’ll head a department that bears her name: The Marta Kauffman Chair in Shrill Kvetching.

And with that, Kauffman waited for every black in America to arrive at her Hollywood mansion and carry her on their shoulders like the royalty she is.

Instead, all she got was a black panhandler outside Bristol Farms who drunkenly shouted, “Da f*ck was Friends?”

Poor Marta Kauffman…a queen without a maaaaaan.

*GAYS LOOK AHEAD*

Correction: That title should read, GAYS: “LOOK, A HEAD!” As in, “Hey, a public restroom; let’s have sex!”

Big cities in the U.S. are having a dick(ens) of a time stopping the rapid spread of monkeypox among gay men, who are refusing to curb their random hookups and weekend-long orgies just because a deadly disease is circulating among them. And all the CDC can muster is to instruct gays to wrap their runny infected areas with gauze before a liaison.

In epidemiological terminology, this is known as the “mummy method” of disease prevention.

Thanks to the CDC, West Hollywood, Castro, Fire Island, and Greenwich can now guiltlessly host orgiastic pyramids in which pharaoh fagalas Ram-ses each other in the Tutankhanus while exclaiming Imhotepdatass as they pylon the Sphinxter, secure that nobody is spreading monkeypox because of course gauze is a foolproof shield against infection (just like cloth masks and plastic partitions).

Monkeypox is an African-born disease, so the spread among gay Americans is yet another example of cultural appropriation. Not to worry, though—last week saw a new outbreak of Marburg, a highly infectious zoonotic hemorrhagic viral disease, in Ghana. Marburg has a 90 percent fatality rate, literally liquefying its victims like a Nazi looking into the Ark.

That said, watching someone die of Marburg is still not as disturbing as watching a Sam Brinton dog video.

According to Western public health officials (and the man-sized anthropomorphic mud-caked bundle of twigs and dung that serves as Ghana’s minister of health), it’s unlikely that the Marburg outbreak will spread beyond Africa, as the disease can only be contracted via close contact with bodily fluids.

Upon hearing that, every gay man in America exclaimed, “Sounds like a dare!”

*AOC OMG WTF?*

It was the worst week ever for unwise Latina Googly Gomez (better known as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez). First, AOC was brutally assaulted on the Capitol steps. Then she was rendered penniless by racist sexist congressional pay rules. And finally she was hauled off in handcuffs by brutish cops.

In AOC’s mind, all of that happened.

In reality, not so much.

First, “Eyeballs O’Shaughnessy” was heckled outside the Capitol by an internet troll who complimented her “booty.” And although AOC laughed it off (the heckling, not her booty) at the time, she later decided she’d been literally murdered by the rude constituent’s comments.

But as she started to plan her funeral (recyclable fair-trade coffin, designer dress made of aborted fetal tissue, and Alicia Keys on a solar-powered organ playing “Candle in the Wind”), she realized she was unable to afford such a lavish affair on a congresswoman’s salary (plus, the rights to “Candle in the Wind” are owned by the cowfart lobby, and they wouldn’t allow her the use). Brownie Bulger immediately took to Instagram to complain that she’s unable to live on a mere $174,000 a year, receiving many sympathetic replies from her mindless minimum-wage fantards.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, AOC and her fearleading “squad” decided to provoke arrest by blocking the entrance to the Supreme Court. But when the cops hauled off the hindering harpies, AOC, a practiced expert in the art of agitproptosis, pretended to be handcuffed, only briefly dropping the charade to wave at onlookers in a tribute to Uruguayan magician Daniel K.

Once at the bottom of the steps, AOC then pretended to get beaten Rodney King-style (and to be fair, she was more convincing than the guy who played Carlo in The Godfather).

A taxing week for a taxing Democrat. To soothe AOC’s imaginary wounds, Nancy Pelosi sent a car to scoop her up and bring her over for a girls’ night of ice cream and wine.

That’s the good news.

The bad news: The driver was Pelosi’s husband.

----------


## pcosmar

Watched the AOC Theater Live. a couple 1776 RM Streamers were there.

Interesting differences in arrests between that show,,and arresting the Leadership of the Movement.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-201/

Takimag 

July 31, 2022

The Week’s Most Spanking, Banking, and Pranking Headlines

*CHINAMAN WOKS THE PRANK*

_Me Chinese,
Me make joke,
Me make fools of African folk._

As China ruthlessly colonizes Africa, usurping and exploiting the Dark Continent’s resources for the benefit of the yellow nation, Chinese pranksters are doing their part. After all, what’s colonization without humiliation?

Of course, in sub-Saharan Africa, putting pee-pee in somebody’s Coke would actually be a step up from their usual drinking fare (“Welcome to Mbongo’s Café. May I start you off with a glass of raw sewage?”). So ching-chong chucklemen are having to think outside the takeout box to put one over on the locals. Lu Ke is a Chinese citizen living in Malawi. And he’s become China’s favorite online jokester, a regular Deng Xiaozing, by making videos of African children humiliating themselves by speaking phonetic Chinese. Wildly popular on Chinese social media, Ke’s content consists of African kids unknowingly saying things like “I’m a black monster” and “My IQ is low.”

Lu Ke uploads under an assumed name (sadly, not Sky Walker), in order to avoid repercussions from Malawian officials. But last week the BBC concluded a lengthy in-depth investigation into the identity of the Phantom Yuenace, and Ke’s name was revealed (it’s nice to know that even though the BBC refuses to investigate Asian rape gangs in London, they’ll spare no expense going after Asian cutups in Africa).

Ke fled Malawi ahead of an arrest warrant, but he was caught in Zambia, where officials reported that he was absolutely delicious with a side of sweet-and-sour rice.

Let this be a lesson to other Guangdong gagsters: Stick to prank calling your local bar.

“Mao’s Tavern.”

“Yeah, hi. I’m looking for Hu Flung Pu.”

“Hold on.” [Calls out to bar] “Hu Flung Pu? I’m trying to find Hu Flung Pu. C’mon, somebody’s gotta know Hu Flung Pu?”

*BUBOES BY ANY OTHER NAME*

Ashwin Vasan is New York City’s Health Commissioner. The Indian-American physician is also a professor at Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health, where his lectures consist of, “Today we’re going to examine whether you should eat the mail. No, you should not. Even if you’re very, very hungry. Eating paper is not good for you. Class dismissed.”

This light workload allows Vasan to concentrate on his city’s gravest health concerns.

Like monkeypox.

Well, not monkeypox per se. More like the racism caused by the name monkeypox.

JaMarcus: “Man, I think I gots monkeypox.”

Ashwin: “Please, don’t call it that! That word is racist!”

JaMarcus: “What? How?”

Ashwin: “Because blacks are often thought of as monkeys. Apes. Dirty, filthy, banana-eating apes. Poo-flinging stinking violent stupid…”

JaMarcus: “Actually, you’re the only one I’ve ever heard makin’ that…”

Ashwin: “…subhuman animalistic bestial monstrous feral brutish…”

JaMarcus: “Look, will you just help me with my…”

Ashwin: “…depraved repulsive grotesque barbarous vile swinish fetid…”

JaMarcus: “Dude, you ain’t right in the head.”

In response to racism that exists only in his twisted Punjabi mind, Ashwin is lobbying the WHO to change the name of monkeypox because of the “painful and racist history within which terminology like monkeypox is rooted for communities of color. Continuing to use the term monkeypox may reignite these traumatic feelings of racism and stigma for Black people.”

A great epidemiological strategy: fight an epidemic by telling blacks that the word “monkey” refers to them.

Regarding Vasan’s suggestion for a replacement term, “Carbuncle Tom” actually seems kinda worse.

*OXY CANADA*

It’s easy to laugh at Canada, a nation with boundless resources but zero international import and influence and even less respect. A nation ruled by a semi-retarded child with a Moe haircut. A nation whose greatest folk singer had to make his bones singing about an American shipwreck, because Canada can’t even produce decent disasters.

_The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down,
Of the roller coaster in West Edmonton Mall.
Mechanic Gordy McHugh, failed to tighten a screw,
And a bunch of the riders did fall._

“Dammit, that don’t work. Back to the bottle.”

But in fact, if only the United States had taken Canada more seriously, many innocent Americans would still be alive today. To little fanfare, Canada has been experimenting with a program to solve the opioid epidemic by giving addicts free opioids.

Sure, sounds horrific. Another calamitous Canadian idea, like seal hunts and censorship laws and Neil Young. But think of it this way: Is the world better off because George Floyd had to write a bad check to afford his fentanyl? A simple bus ticket to Vancouver would’ve made Floyd and everyone victimized by BLM’s 2020 summer of terror a whole lot happier.

As reported last week in The New York Times, fentanyl dispensaries are the new big thing in British Columbia. Addicts need only walk in, and they can walk out with all the fentanyl they want, no cost (plus, a free Nanaimo bar every tenth visit).

Dr. Christy Sutherland, the can-do Canuck who oversees the program, told the Times that “the goal is to help bring stability to their lives so that they may think about what they might want to change.”

Hey, it’s how Coruscant dealt with death sticks.

The fact that China owns over one-third of Vancouver real estate and is looking to buy up the rest has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the city is killing off locals with free fentanyl.

Woe, Canada.

*BLACK WRECKSELLENCE*

In American fiction, every small town has one troublesome resident. Mayberry has Otis the drunk, Hill Valley has Biff, Cabot Cove has a murderer a week, and Smallville has Bryan Singer hanging around asking teen boys if they’d like to “screen test” for Superman.

Kenly, North Carolina—population 2,385 and windowsills wide enough to accommodate cooling blueberry pies—has its local ne’er-do-well: Ass-Grabbin’ Andre. Michael Andre Douglas enjoys walking into the homes of female residents and grabbing their privates.

For years he got away with it because he was Kenly’s town manager. Unfortunately for Garrison Feel-’er, one local lady finally had enough and went to the cops after Douglas entered her home, squeezed her breast in front of her sister, and asked, “Why won’t your sister let me hit it?”

Douglas was charged with sexual battery, and Kenly needed to find a new town manager.

Kenly is 36 percent black (hence the high theft rate of cooling blueberry pies). Michael Andre Douglas is also black. The town council decided that, having fired a black town manager, they’d need to hire another one to avoid accusations of racism.

So they hired a woman who’s made an entire career of accusing people of racism.

Sometimes a town is “one stoplight” because nobody’s smart enough to build a second one.

Justine Jones from Virginia is a certified “National Urban Fellow,” a credential that screams “hire me because I’m black cuz I got nothin’ else” (at least with a National Keith Urban Fellow you get cocaine). She’s worked for various towns all over the South, and she’s sued ’em all for racial and gender discrimination.

So of course Kenly hired her. And within a month, every single cop and clerk quit over the “toxic and hostile work environment” she’d created. And now the council is afraid to fire her, because, well, you guessed it.

Yahoo News “race and justice” reporter Marquise Francis claimed last week that racist Kenly rejected Jones because she’s black. When asked why, if that’s the case, the town tolerated Ass-Grabbin’ Andre for so long, Marquise didn’t reply, as he was running off with a blueberry pie.

*GUILE E. COYOTE*

Fifty-three Mexican migrants died last month in a horrific scene of carnage, perishing in stifling, unbearable heat—temperatures better suited to hell than earth—the life slowly sapped from them as they expired amid a sea of dehydrated, desiccated corpses, the stench of urine, strong though it was, overtaken by the mephitis of noxious gases seeping unchecked from the bodies of the screeching, incoherent doomed.

No, these migrants weren’t in Lake Havasu. They expired in an abandoned tractor-trailer, left by human smugglers to die under the merciless San Antonio sun.

Though the story made headlines worldwide, an investigative piece in last week’s New York Times uncovered a curious detail about the victims: Several of them had paid the coyotes $10,000 for the trip. And while paying that much money for a journey that ends with being baked alive in a feces-filled trailer still beats flying Delta, many Americans were puzzled by the fact that these impoverished migrants not only had $10,000 to spare, but that they couldn’t think of a better way to spend it.

Just go to Houston. Any number of local crackheads will marry you for half that amount.

“I now pronounce you Santiago and LaQueenzetta Hernandez. You may kiss the stankwhore.”

Green card stapled!

Turns out the mind of Mike Lindell isn’t the only place where Trump is still president. Coyotes have been hesitant to tell the impoverished flotsam of Latin America that Biden’s made it possible to waltz across the border for free. Fees for smuggling increased to such an extent during the Trump years, when ICE was actually allowed to do its job (imaginary whips and all), the coyotes didn’t want the gravy train to end. So smugglers are acting like your office’s IT guy and pretending the task’s a lot harder than it is.

Gullible migrants are selling family property and taking out massive loans (from the smugglers!) to pay for the trip.

When thanks to Biden, all they really need is a good pair of shoes.

Not sending their best, indeed.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-202/

Takimag 

August 06, 2022

The Week’s Most Blighted, Delighted, and United Headlines

*“NOW I AM BECOME METH”*

It’s easy to laugh at vapid Hollywood celebrities. Sometimes we laugh so hard we forget the many amazing scientific advancements gifted to the world by Tinseltown’s finest.

John Landis proved that when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, the former prevails as long as the latter is a has-been actor carrying two Vietnamese kids. By opening a Beverly Hills bathroom stall, George Michael solved the riddle of Blowdinger’s Cat. And science now knows that two vehicles traveling toward each other at the same velocity will never pass as long as one of the drivers is Matthew Broderick.

We can now add to that esteemed list of Weinstein’s Einsteins the name Terrence Howard.

Howard is best known for roles in films like Crash, Mr. Holland’s Opus, and Red Tails (he has a “pretentious and overrated” clause in his contract), as well as Big Momma’s House and Glitter (the clause also says “crappy”). A convicted spousal abuser and admitted hardcore druggie, Howard most recently starred on the TV show Empire alongside Jussie Smollett.

And when Smollett invented weatherproof invisible MAGAs, Howard, who claims to hold a PhD in chemical engineering from South Carolina State (even though he never attended the school, which offers no such degree) and who runs a website dedicated to proving 1×1=2, had to step up his game.

Last week Howard gave a lecture in Uganda at the invitation of the nation’s Minister of Agriculture (a corn husk with googly eyes). Addressing a crowd of Ebola-scarred witch doctors, Howard declared that he’d “identified the grand unified field equation, and put it into geometry” in order to “develop a new hydrogen technology” to “defend the sovereignty of Uganda” because “one times one equals two.”

He was immediately made Uganda’s Minister of Self-Esteem.

“Look, there aren’t a lot of people in the world who make us feel smart by comparison,” a Ugandan observer remarked. “Now that we’ve found one, no way we’re letting him go.”

*POO-NITED NATIONS*

The United Nations can do things only one way: wrong. The worst human rights offenders are put in charge of the human rights council. Nations where women can’t leave home without an escort lead “gender equality” commissions.

Following complaints of child rape networks in Cambodia, Mozambique, Bosnia, Benin, Congo, Cambodia, Haiti, and Côte d’Ivoire, U.N. peacekeepers promised to identify the culprits.

They did; it was them.

And now, U.N. leaders have revealed themselves as fecal fetishists.

Yes, the U.N. is obsessed with your poop.

Catarina de Albuquerque sounds like a New Mexico drag queen. But in fact she’s the U.N.’s “sanitation czarina.” And last week she penned an op-ed for the L.A. Times in which she castigated Americans for not allowing the homeless to defecate wherever they please.

According to Scatarina, “penalties for public urination and defecation” are “Jim Crow” for the homeless. Public pooing is the civil rights movement of the age, except this time Rosa Parks doesn’t sit; she squats.

Excrete-ary General Albuquerque states that without being able to dump on sidewalks, “the homeless are blocked from full participation in public life” (to be fair, the Declaration of Independence did originally read “life, liberty, and the pursuit of crappiness”).

Penalties for public pooing “promote marginalization”; Albuquerque claims that the U.S. should be more like Mumbai regarding public defecation.

She’s obviously never seen San Francisco.

If American cities don’t start easing up on street-soilers, Albuquerque warns, the U.N. might have to take action: Garrisons of fece-keepers are lining up to deploy for World War Number 2.

*U.N.WELCOME GUESTS*

If the U.N. seems preoccupied with the bathroom habits of Americans, it’s likely because fighting for the right of America’s Emmett Kellys to emit smellies is an easy task compared with the battles the U.N. is facing in less civilized environs.

Fifteen people, including three U.N. workers, were murdered last week in eastern Congo after what the AP described as a “social media-fueled protest” over U.N. tweets (the U.N. was warned not to post that “Virgin Bantu vs. Chad Babinga” meme). The day after the multiple-fatality protest, a new protest was launched to protest the deaths from the previous one.

During this protest, a gang of trigger-happy Tekes fired their rifles in the air to frighten U.N. workers holed up in their HQ. The bullets brought down a power line, setting four of the Yosemite Savages on fire.

The bad news? They burned to death. The good news? A four-way tie in the annual Congolese Richard Pryor impression contest.

Also last week, in Mali, where 275 U.N. peacekeepers have been slaughtered by warlords, government officials expelled the entire U.N. mission over “tendentious and unacceptable” Twitter posts.

“I warned them,” Mali prime minister Iseeya Boubi told the AP, “one more Roll Safe meme and they’re outta here.”

A day later, U.N. Secretary-General Antonio Guterres chaired a conference aimed at reducing the world’s nuclear stockpiles.

As the meeting convened, Guterres told the attendees, “Please tell me no one here has any problem with our tweets.”

To which the Peruvian delegate replied, “For Christ’s sake, you’re still posting the Jackie Chan WTF meme? I mean, it’s so played.”

“Anyone else?” asked Guterres.

Every delegate raised their hand.

“Maybe we oughta switch to Instagram,” Guterres thought to himself as he sank back in his seat.

*GETTING SOME FRESH AIR (STRIKE)*

When there’s a target on your head, it’s best to be unpredictable. Yasser Arafat, for example, never slept in the same bed twice. He said it was to throw off assassins, but those who washed his sheets claimed it was for a more embarrassing reason (let’s just say the dude could “Amber Heard” a bed like a sonofabitch).

Last week, U.S. forces assassinated al-Qaeda leader Al-Zawahiri. President Biden had actually put the hit on Al Zweibel for writing the 1994 Rob Reiner flop North, but Ron Klain realized it would be better PR for the administration to kill Al-Zawahiri instead.

With the U.S. out of Afghanistan, how do you locate a cagey kafir in a nation of 40 million Muslims? A real Nidal in a haj-stack situation.

Except Al-Zawahiri had a fatal flaw, an Achilles hilāl.

He loved balconies.

No joke; according to Politico, “The terrorist leader’s habit of standing on his balcony allowed the U.S. to observe him and confirm his identity.”

Every morning, like clockwork, Al-Zawahiri would emerge from his bedroom onto his balcony and take in the sights and sounds of another fine day in Kabul, the sun rising over the majestic mountains as the local gentry sodomize their beasts of burden before morning tea.

“I love the smell of neigh-pum in the morning,” Al-Zawahri would remark to his significant other (a goat named Habibi).

Last week, however, Al-Zawahiri had a balcony experience so violent even James Earl Ray would’ve gone “damn.” As he stepped outside for some fresh air, two drone-fired Hellfire missiles made his fatwa go splatwa.

Ramadan? More like kablamadan.

Following the operation, the White House tried to do a victory lap. Unfortunately, President Biden, battling his tenth relapse of Covid and goofy on boosters, had come to believe he’d taken out Al Zamora, the popular tejano musician.

“We can’t let word of this get out,” he told his aides. “I’m losing Hispanic support as it is.”

*FAPPUCCINO (WITH CREAM)*

Oh, that Soros! The Hungarian billionaire and James Bond villain is so dedicated to his vision of genocide-by-criminal that he’s lost sight of the true victims of his crime-spree-by-proxy.

No, not murder, mugging, or rape victims. Not the kids shot by unprosecuted gangbangers or the merchants beaten by decarcerated thieves.

The real victims of Soros’ “progressive prosecution” are coffee-loving gays.

Last week the megalomaniacal Magyar penned an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal in which he defiantly declared that even after several recent setbacks (the successful recall of San Francisco’s Chesa Boudin and the upcoming recall of L.A.’s George Gascon), nothing would stop his crusade to install bought-and-paid-for soft-on-crime district attorneys in every city in America.

Nothing? Not even the agonized cries of a city of sissies deprived of their beefcake baristas?

The same day Soros’ op-ed appeared in the WSJ, over in West Hollywood, the city’s legendary “Big Gay Starbucks” closed for good, driven out of business by robberies, vandalism, and in-store disruptions by the homeless and mentally ill.

In other words, driven out of business by the Soros crime wave.

The Los Angeles Blade, L.A.’s gay newspaper of record (“All the nudes that fists imprint”), ran an emotional farewell to the BGS, reporter Paulo Murillo reminiscing wistfully of how he would “gawk at the men passing by in spandex short shorts and spaghetti tank tops on their way to the gym” as he sipped his latte. “It was a place for cruising before hookup apps like SCRUFF and Grindr. Guys would do their seductive dances while nursing a cup of joe. Then one guy would get up and the other guy would follow him to the restroom by the pool area of the Ramada Inn a few doors down.”

Look what Soros has taken from you.

ABC News interviewed a forlorn former customer who suggested a way the store could’ve remained open while keeping employees safe from crime: “During the pandemic, they had service through the door—you just come and pick your stuff up, so they could’ve easily done that. I don’t see why they needed to shut it down.”

“Through the door”? In other words, turn the coffee shop into a glory hole.

Isn’t that the gay solution to everything?

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-203/

_The Week’s Most Guessing, Confessing, and Stop-the-Pressing Headlines_
*THE CHUNG POISONER’S HANDBOOK*
_Say Yu, say me
Say it for always
That bitch poisoned my tea!_
 Tiger mom, meet lye-ger wife. She’s a whiz with caustic chemicals in the kitchen, but she doesn’t use ’em for cleaning.
 Poor Dr. Jack Chen. The Irvine, Calif., radiologist had not been  feeling well for several weeks. Nausea, stomach cramps, esophageal  swelling, loss of appetite. And it didn’t help that he was spending  thousands of dollars on plumbers because his urine was burning through  the toilet bowls.
 He also had a strong chemical taste in his mouth that always seemed  to show up right after he drank something at home. Hot tea, iced tea,  milk, lemonade—didn’t matter what he made, he’d feel ill after every  sip.

              A friend suggested he watch _The Sixth Sense_, to which Chen replied, “Oh c’mon, that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever…” and then about halfway through the film he was like, “_Ohhhhhh_, now I get it!”
   Chen set up a nanny-cam in his kitchen and caught his wife, a  dermatologist named Yue Yu, yellow-handed: She’d been putting Drano in  his drinks.
 As if the poor bastard didn’t have enough problems, when Chen tried  to report the crime, it took a few minutes for the cops to get it  straight.
 Detective: “Okay, you say someone poisoned you. Who did it?”
  Chen: “Hu didn’t do it. Yu did it.”
 Detective: “That ain’t true, buster. I don’t even know you.”

              Chen: “Then why claim Yu didn’t do it?”
 Detective: “Because I’ve never seen you before!”
 Chen: “If you _knew_ Yu, you’d know Yu did it.”
 Detective: “I _do_ know me. And it wasn’t me.”
  Chen: “I know it wasn’t Mi. Mi’s in Beijing. It was Yu.”

              Detective: “I’m gonna run yer ass in, buddy!”
 Yue Yu was booked on one count of attempted murder and another of  practicing plumbing without a license. And Dr. Chen was booked for one  week at The Improv.
*HOLOCAUSTUME*
It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears. It’s a world of hope, and a world of fears.
 Actually, just fears. Costumed theme-park characters find themselves  at the center of America’s racial dreckoning, after two videos went  viral of racist galoots in fluffy suits ignoring magical black girls.  First there was the Great Muppet Massacre, when Sesame Street became  Oppressame Street for a little black girl who didn’t get a hug by a  passing kkkostumed character.
 And now, a Rhodesian rodent has enforced his own policy of “separate but squeakqual” at a Philadelphia Chuck E. Cheese,  as a performer in a mouse costume passed up the chance to hug a  bouncing young Brie-onna Taylor, much to the chagrin of her family, who  regretted not visiting Chuck E. Government Cheese instead, where the  food is free, the arcade games always pay out, and the children are  entertained by characters in costumes of Randy, Marlon, and Tito Jackson  (inside the costumes are the actual Randy, Marlon, and Tito Jackson).
 With this ebony-excluding plague, this Mascot of the Red Death,  felling black children by the score (if by “score” one means rarely),  one enterprising lawyer has launched a class-action suit against  America’s theme parks and low-rent bargain-basement “you havin’ your  birthday here and if you don’t like it you’ll get the strap” pizza  parlors. Attorney Malcolm Ruff, sadly not a dog in a human costume  because that would’ve been funny, is gathering blacks across America  whose children have been jilted by minimum-wage earners in foul-smelling  outfits.  Although he’s yet to bark his demands at the theme parks, one suspects  those demands will have something to do with mandating what was captured  on video last week, when Woody from _Toy Story_ damn near stopped an entire Disney parade after another character failed to notice a black girl.
 Expect costumed characters at future Disney parades to have “equity chaperones” who guide them toward black children.
 “Hiya, kids! I’m Goofy! And this is my bestest, bestest buddy Myron  Lipschitz of Lipschitz, Cohen, Schmuelstein, and Levinovitch. He’s the  wackiest character of all; he serves injunctions!”
 Kids: “_Boo_, he looks like Jafar!”
 Myron: “I’ll sue you for that!”
*CEO STRUGGLES IN QUICKSANDINISTA*
MAGA alert! The FTC has heavily fined ($211,000!) a self-described  “gun-totin’ free-patriot” apparel company for falsely passing off  MAGA-wear as “made in America” when in fact the garments came from abroad.


Last week, Sean Whalen, CEO of Utah-based Lions Not Sheep—seller of  fine pro-Trump and anti-Biden tees, caps, and sweats—took to his  company’s website to dispel the FTC’s “misinformation.”
 Get ready for some _truth_!
 Whalen began the video by explaining that the FTC _lied_ about the “made in USA” shirts coming from China. No, he says, they _actually_ came from Nicaragua, a _different_  Marxist dictatorship, this one in America’s backyard, where it’s  flooded the U.S. with over 111,000 illegal aliens—many of them hardcore  criminals and narco-gangsters—in 2022 alone. The Marxist dictatorship  whose presidente for life fought a literal proxy war with the U.S. in  the 1980s.
 Take _that_, FTC! It was _Nicaragua_, not China!
 The first rule of surviving in quicksand is to stop struggling.  Whalen is apparently unfamiliar with this rule, because he added that  his company operated in full compliance with “made in America”  regulations under the Trump administration, but in August 2021 the FTC,  under Biden, changed the rules, making it harder for foreign goods to be  falsely passed off as American.
 Dude, seriously, _stop struggling_! “Trump made it easier to  pass off foreign goods from Marxist foes as American-made, until Biden  tightened the rules” is not a good look for a company that sells “Trump:  America First” and “$#@! Joe Biden” shirts.
 Lions Not Sheep provides customers with a free copy of the U.S.  Constitution with every order. Whalen should reread the Fifth Amendment.
 The Founders knew that sometimes it’s best to _keep your mouth shut_.
*EDWARD R. DUH-ROW*
One reason to not import goods from tin-pot Third World hellholes is that they’re often of inferior quality.
 What goes for garments goes for journalists.
 Pocharapon Neammanee is not a sedentary bottom-dwelling marine  anthozoan with stinging tentacles. It’s a guy. Well, it’s a reporter,  sort of. He’s the “journalist” who was assigned to the Lions Not Sheep  story by Insider. The “scare quotes” come from the fact that this college student is social media and communications intern at New Jersey Progressive Democrats (he’s also an apparently undocumented “dreamer”).

 Just the guy to do a fair report on a MAGA org!
 Frankly, if Sean Whalen had just pointed this out instead of digging a hole to Nicaragua, he’d have emerged far less scathed.
 To say that Pokémon Anemone is a biased reporter sells the man short;  he’s also illiterate. He doesn’t capitalize proper names (well, he  capitalizes Biden but refuses to do so with Trump), he can’t  differentiate “was” from “were,” and on his keyboard the period is  another comma. He wrote that the FTC fined Lions Not Sheep $20,000 (it  was $200,000), and he described the company’s shirts as saying “Go  Brandon” and “#FBJ” (“$#@! Billy Joel”? Isn’t that a little harsh?).
 Last week NPR ran a piece  lamenting how GOPs (including party A-listers like Ron DeSantis) are  refusing to speak to the “mainstream” press or allow reporters from  nonconservative organs into their events.
 Soaked in faux sincerity, NPR reporter Danielle Kurtzleben  (“Kurtzleben” is German for “Madison Cawthorn’s political career”)  wonders why, oh why, so many Republicans won’t talk to the “progressive”  press.

 Hmm…maybe it has something to do with the fact that a major news  organization like Insider would assign a progressive collegiate Democrat  party operative who can’t write English to cover a story about the FTC  vs. Trumpworld.
 Nah, that couldn’t be it. It’s probably just part of the right’s _war on democracy_!
*YOUR PANCAKES HAVE DOOMED US ALL*
So, what’cha have for breakfast this morning?
 Scrambled eggs, you say? _Mmm-mmm_, who doesn’t like scrambled eggs? Did you enjoy ’em? You did? Wonderful. Very good.
 Because your eggs just murdered the world.
 Nice going, jerkwad.
 According to a Swedish study published in _Environmental Science & Technology_,  the earth’s rainwater is now permanently undrinkable—everywhere, even  Antarctica—because of PFAS (per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances), which  are used to create nonstick cookware. Because you bastards want your  stupid eggs and pancakes to glide smoothly off your stupid skillets,  PFAS residue has risen up and saturated the clouds and now water from  above is more toxic than water from a Tijuana tap.
 Worse still, the study describes PFAS as a “forever chemical,” meaning that once it’s in the environment, it never leaves.
 All because you spoiled, selfish monsters don’t want to lick your breakfast off a solar-heated stone.
 Oddly, though, if you read the Swedish study all the way to the end,  you find that far from being “forever,” “PFAS levels in people have  actually dropped quite significantly in the last 20 years” and “ambient  levels (in the environment) have been the same for the past 20 years.”
 What gives?
 Well, as the study’s corresponding author Ian Cousins admits, “What’s  changed is the guidelines.” PFAS isn’t more prevalent; governments have  simply decreed it more dangerous.
 But why now? The EPA recently changed its PFAS guidelines  significantly “after discovering that the chemicals may affect the  immune response in children to vaccines.”
 So when kids become ill or die after being pumped full of Covid vaxxes and boosters, it ain’t the vaxxes and boosters. It’s _your_ damn greasy-ass hash browns, which all of a sudden kill kids who’ve totally coincidentally just been super-vaxxed.

 Science starches on.

----------


## Anti Federalist

@Swordsmyth




> As if the poor bastard didn’t have enough problems, when Chen tried to report the crime, it took a few minutes for the cops to get it straight.
> 
> Detective: “Okay, you say someone poisoned you. Who did it?”
> Chen: “Hu didn’t do it. Yu did it.”
> Detective: “That ain’t true, buster. I don’t even know you.”
> 
> Chen: “Then why claim Yu didn’t do it?”
> Detective: “Because I’ve never seen you before!”
> Chen: “If you knew Yu, you’d know Yu did it.”
> ...




For you youngsters, once again, who have no farkin clue of what this is all about...

----------


## acptulsa



----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-204/

_The Week’s Most Slicken, Wiccan, and Drought-Stricken Headlines_
*SALMAN FILLET*
Ayatollah Khomeini wore many turbans. Brutal dictator and architect of  Iran’s Islamic revolution, merciless hard-line religious cleric, and  six-time Southwestern Asia chili cook-off farting champion. But arguably  his most memorable role was book critic. As founder and president of  the Umrah Book Club, Khomeini loved nothing more than reviewing the  world’s finest literature.
 When he enjoyed a book, like _Diary of Anne Frank_ (he loved  the happy ending), he’d award it two severed thumbs up. But when he  hated a book, he’d put a death warrant—a fatwa—on the author’s head.  Prominent literary recipients of fatwas include Waldo for being so  maddeningly elusive, and Mumbai-born Salman Rushdie for disrespecting  Islam in a book so dense and incomprehensible it proved the “reverse  infinite monkeys theorem” (“one pretentious Cambridge-educated Kashmiri  striking keys on a typewriter will eventually produce the work of a  million monkeys”).
 Khomeini slapped Salman with the fatwa back in February 1989, just  four months before fate delivered some tit-for-tatwa and knocked  Khomeini flatwa with a heart attack that made his arteries go splatwa.  Since then, carrying out the death warrant has proved a bridge too Farsi  for a generation of Iranians who’ve realized that Twitter has rendered  murder irrelevant; if you want to destroy an author, just label them  transphobic.
 But in a testament to the power of U.S. open borders to give the  children of immigrants a chance to excel beyond their ancestors, last  week Hadi Matar,  24-year-old son of Lebanese huddled-massers, did what no foreign Muslim  had been able to do: He stabbed the hell out of Salman Rushdie as the  author was giving a talk in Chautauqua (ironically, the talk was titled  “Never Let Your Guard Down”).

              Handmi Mascimitar slashed the author a dozen times before being restrained by other attendees.  Thankfully, Rushdie survived. Not thankfully, trannies across the  nation realized that to stay competitive they now have to step up their  anti-free-speech game.
   At a press conference following the Rushdie assault, transgender  spiritual leader Ayatollah Shemaili (he/shiite) placed a fatwa on the  head of J.K. Rowling, before berating a misgendering reporter, “It’s _Ima’am_! Call me _Ima’am_!”
*OUT OF THEIR COTTON-PICKIN’ MINDS*
Laurel Elementary School  in West Hollywood was tanking. Although the city is 78 percent  non-Hispanic white, Laurel’s student body was 51 percent Hispanic.  Meaning that the school had the lowest test scores in the district but  the best-trimmed lawns and hedges.
 Still…those test scores, way below the state average (which is  rock-bottom as it is) in math and reading. Sure, the admins at Laurel  could’ve done the unthinkable and taught the Hispanic kids English, but  that would’ve been racist. So instead, the Laurel brain(less) trust  blamed the school’s 29 percent non-Hispanic whites; their “racism” was  driving down the scores.
  It was decided that the only way for scores to improve would be if  the white students were made to suffer like black slaves. Officials  planted cotton in the school’s garden and forced the white kids to pick  it.
 If you prayed for that last sentence to be a joke, your prayers have  gone unanswered. And while the “cotton lesson” was no gag, there _is_  an ironic punchline: One of the school’s few black students is now  claiming she got PTSD from watching the white kids pick cotton. The  girl’s mom, Rashunda Pitts (the daughter’s name was not released, but  one hopes it’s LaBreatar), is suing the school for emotionally wrecking  her child.

              Pitts is suing for $10 million and a lifetime guarantee that McDonald’s never gives her them cold fries.
 The cotton-picking exercise meant to racially sensitize whites  instead has the school facing a potentially bankrupting lawsuit from a  black.
 No good deed goes unpunished. Sometimes that goes for retarded deeds, too.
 Over the summer, the school district liquidated Laurel Elementary. It reopened this month as a specialty school for “cinematic arts.” Classes now include “Boy Actors for Stage and Screen” taught by Bryan Singer.
  Now _there’s_ something that West Hollywood residents can cotton to.

*LITTLE PEOPLE, BIG NUISANCE*
A football icon pushed around by a midget.
 A _midget_!
 And not just any football icon, but a Texan.
 What _is_ the world coming to?
 Last week, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was reminiscing about his  team’s scouting director Larry Lacewell when he jokingly referred to  his late friend by the “m-word.”
 At least that’s how the media reported it, leaving puzzled readers to speculate about the word in question.
 Moldavian? Marsupial? Marcel Marceau?
 No…midget.


National advocacy group Little People of America (a.k.a. NAACPeeWee,  or ADLevator Shoes) issued a stern rebuke: “Any use of this disparaging  slur along with suggestions or insinuations that our stature exists for  amusement is deplorable and inexcusable.”
 LPA was founded in 1957 by midget actor Billy Barty, who made  millions by literally using his stature for amusement. In fact, LPA was  initially known as Midgets of America (no joke). If “midget” really is  the equivalent of the N-word, that’s like the NAACP originally being  called “National Association of Niggas.”
 Ironically, Midgets of America became LPA because the group’s dwarf  majority didn’t like the midget minority getting all the glory. Fun  fact: the word “midget” was popularized by P.T. Barnum to separate  “attractive and proportioned” little people from big-headed  stubby-legged freaks. Midgets could work the center ring, while dwarfs  were relegated to the sideshows. So “midget” used to be the elite term,  until those bitter envious misshapen dwarfs demanded “equity.”
 Dwarfs were engaging in a “woke war” sixty years ago! That would be a fascinating fact if anyone gave a crap about dwarfs.
 The “dwarf/midget” history is retold in this 2005 exchange between _Seinfeld_  actor Danny Woodburn (Kramer’s dwarf buddy) and legendarily woke film  critic Roger Ebert. Be prepared to laugh and cringe at how many times  both men say “******” in trying to prove how enlightened they are.
 Last week Jerry Jones apologized  to LPA president Mark Povinelli. Sadly, when Mr. Povinelli arrived at  training camp to accept the apology, he wandered onto the field as  kicker Lirim Hajrullahu was taking practice.
 The good news is, he cleared the posts, easy. The bad news? He’s yet to land.
*THE GRANDSON GRIMM*
American colleges and universities are often dismissed by conservatives  as useless degree factories indoctrinating young people with pointless  knowledge that won’t help them in the real world.
 Well, a recent Justice Department press release  paints a different picture. Indeed, it demonstrates that even a lowly  community college can equip a young person with exactly the skills they  need to prosper financially.
 In 2011, 22-year-old Douglas Senerth of Windsor, Conn., took a class  at Manchester Community College called “Memoir and Monologue.” The class  aimed to teach young people how to incorporate “effective storytelling”  into “personal monologues” so they can use “imagination and individual  and collective myths” to become “authors of their future.”
 In other words, learn storytelling to better your life.
 Which Senerth did, graduating with full “personal storyteller” honors  in 2013 (he was even featured on the “Manchester success stories” website).
 Using his newly learned skills, Senerth proceeded to bilk $690,000  from his grandparents by telling them wild lies about his life. The tall  tales ranged from needing money to go to an Ivy League school (which he  never planned to do), to needing even more money to launch a business  venture with his professor (who didn’t exist).
 For almost a decade, Senerth squeezed gammy and gampa with new  monologues every time he needed cash. His scam came to a halt when he  spun a tale about needing $30,000 to travel to a nation called Wakanda  where super-genius Africans reinvent physics.
 Even his gullible grans couldn’t buy _that_ one.
 Senerth faced twenty years in the joint, but U.S. District Judge  Robert Chatigny, an Obama appointee who once tried to free a serial  child rapist-murderer because “sexual sadism” is a “mitigating disability,” gave him eighteen months. With time served, he’ll be out by Thanksgiving.
 Fortunately, Senerth won’t be another unemployed ex-con; he already has a job waiting for him as Biden’s next press secretary.
*INFIDELFLUENCERS*
Remember the good old days when social media “challenges” involved buckets of ice water? Today, TikTokers have upped the ante  with the “blackout challenge” (self-inflicted oxygen deprivation), the  “skull-breaker challenge” (give your friend a concussion), and the  “Benadryl challenge” (“overdose for likes and shares!”).

 TikTok kills brain cells in America’s young people like a veritable Chinese “neuron bomb.”
 And the newest TikTok fad puts the others to shame: Get ready for the “get raped by savages challenge”!
 When Arabela Arpi, a 21-year-old Duke University travel blog  “influencer,” read a 2021 survey in which 80 percent of Pakistanis said  women aren’t safe in their country, she took it as a dare. She decided  to visit the most crime-ridden, Muslim militant parts of Pakistan to see  if she gets raped.
 Arpi journeyed to Pakistan’s lawless Dera Ghazi Khan (which  translates to “The Rape-Me State”) to prove that a nubile young woman  can visit rural Pakistan without being sexually assaulted by Islamic  thugs.

 And of course she was immediately sexually assaulted by Islamic thugs.
 You can’t spell Arabela Arpi without Arab rape (yes, Pakis aren’t Arabs, but it’s still a good joke).
 Ironically, her gang-rapists recorded the assault and uploaded it to _their_ influencer channel on QuranicTok.
VICE  called the gang rape “audacious,” a term usually reserved for more  weighty matters like Netflix stand-up comedy specials. VICE complained  that the rape “disrupted a narrative created by Western influencers.”
 Yes, that’s the worst thing it did. It “disrupted a narrative.”
 Looks like the people at VICE have been doing the blackout challenge a little too much.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-205/

August 28, 2022


The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Nixing, Transfixing, and Netflixing Headlines


*THE CASE OF THE NAPPY NAPKIN NAPPING*

For black women in Houston who need help with unmanageable hair, Erin Mims is the go-to girl for the ghet-to gal. As owner of Alluring Locz Kingdom & Fades And Meaux Barber Studio (motto: “Our name so long you think it wearin’ a weave”), Mims is there for all your nappiest needs.

But last week, the woman who gives fades to blacks nearly saw her life fade to black thanks to a fiendish would-be assassin with a rather unique weapon: a poisoned napkin.

Forget the Bulgarian umbrella and Putin’s radioactive tea; behold Houston’s lethal linen!

It was Mims’ birthday, and she and her husband were out on the town. As they returned to their car, Mims noticed a napkin scrunched into the passenger door handle. Using her Spike Lee Press-On Nails, Mims removed the towelette without touching it to her skin. But then she touched the handle…and whatever poison was on the napkin had transferred there, from which it entered Mims’ system via immediate osmosis through her fingers, causing complete organ failure, or so it felt.

As Mims explained in a Facebook video, “I thought I’ze gon’ be dead, dawg.”

Thankfully, the poison didn’t affect her facility with language.

Mims’ husband drove her to the ER, where (according to her) doctors initially said she was fatally ill but then she was fine. Mims also claims the doctors told her the poison might’ve been part of a “kidnapping” attempt.

That was just mean.

It’s easy to (snot)rag on Mims’ story, like the Daily Mail experts who questioned whether any known poison could be soaked into a napkin, transferred onto a handle, transferred onto a finger, and absorbed into the body causing immediate near-death. But as Mims is black it’s against federal law to doubt her tale of hankie-panky.

So yes, a napkin almost assassinated her, like JFK riding through Doily Plaza. This was Mims’ servietnam; she’s lucky she came home alive.

Fortunately, the story has a happy ending; Netflix has optioned Mims’ ordeal for a feature film: Malcolm Kleenex.

*IT’S A BIRD! IT’S A PLANE! IT’S…A MILDLY CONCERNED BYSTANDER*

Washington, D.C., September 1939

Henry Morgenthau: “Mr. President, that madman Hitler must be stopped at once!”

FDR: “Worry not. I’ve dispatched Wonder Woman to Germany to pay a personal visit to that mustachioed madman, if you get my drift.”

Two days later.

FDR: “Welcome back, Wonder Woman. Did you deal with our little German ‘problem’?”

Wonder Woman: “The real problem, Mr. President, is that the Danzig Corridor was and is German. It owes its cultural development exclusively to the German people. Also, your Cabinet is crawling with Jews.”

Apparently, Wonder Woman was a fangirl at Hitler speeches. At least that’s the impression given by a series of recently leaked photos created for the 2020 flop Wonder Woman 1984. The pics depict Wonder Woman attending a Hitler speech and assisting prisoners being liberated from Auschwitz.

So basically, Wonder Woman came face-to-face with Hitler and did nothing. And she waited until the war was over to “help” concentration-camp inmates.

Women really are fickle.

The photos never made it to the final cut, but the fact they were created in the first place means that either Jews are losing their grip on Hollywood, or interbreeding is making them way less intelligent.

Evidence of the former can be found in another recent controversy. After black/Italian actor Giancarlo Esposito revealed that he might play Magneto in an upcoming X-Men reboot, “black Twitter” cheered the notion of a black gentile portraying a character whose Holocaust survivor backstory is integral to the role. When several Jews objected to the casting, they were pummeled by black “experts” who claimed that plenty of blacks died in the Holocaust.

After all, if every black person is a magical genius, why not a Holocaust survivor as well?

Truth is, at one point the Nazis did try to imprison a group of blacks in Auschwitz. But when they marched under the “Arbeit Macht Frei” sign, the blacks thought it was a fast-food menu, and when their “freis” didn’t arrive in a timely manner, they shot each other before the Nazis could register them in the camp.

This, too, will soon be a Netflix movie: Triumph of the Will Smith.

*NEW YORK TAKES THE DUTCH CURE*

Next year will mark the 400th anniversary of Dutch trading colony “New Netherland” being granted provincial status. Several years later, the Dutch would purchase Manhattan from the Indians, who accepted as payment a handful of trinkets because after hearing the Dutch speak they thought they were dealing with a species of monkey (“Een boom haak in beek hoop ik”…that’s a real Dutch sentence).

Whatever the Dutch paid, they got gypped. Once known as the “capitol of the world,” NYC is now the crapitol of the world. Violent crime’s gotten so bad, thugs have moved beyond throwing innocent bystanders onto subway tracks.

They’re now throwing subway tracks onto innocent bystanders.

Last week Intazar Dar, who’s either a 64-year-old Brooklyn man or an extraterrestrial here to conquer us for our resources, was taking the Q train from Lower Manhattan when a shirtless wild-eyed street brutha leaped from the platform onto the tracks, tore out a large piece of bedrock, leaped back onto the platform, and bashed Zardoz Drak in the head with it.

You know the old saying: “If the mountain won’t come to Brohammad, then Brohammad must go to the mountain.”

Zontar was taken to Maimonides Medical Center (which is in the process of dropping the “onides” from its name to better reflect the city’s new official pastime) with head trauma. Although his wounds are survivable, he told a local reporter that all plans for Earth colonization are off.

“You humans are irredeemable; you’re either savages or enablers of savages. No resources are worth this.”

He then radioed his mothership in his alien tongue: “Abandon the invasion! Gleep gloot moop beep!”

Four hundred years, and Manhattan comes full-circle back to the Dutch.

*KEEPING HELL HOT FOR TEACHER*

Avast, ye teachers! Right-wing Neanderthals are trying to censor learning materials! Emergency, emergency! Attend the battle of Bonners Ferry, Idaho, where ignorant Christians are trying to get sexually explicit books removed from the children’s section of the local library.

Sure, Bonners Ferry is a town of just 2,500 people. But there’s no fight as important as the fight against the ideologically driven censorship of learning materials.

The Bonners Ferry controversy made national news last week, with NBC News running a 2,000-word piece championing the heroic librarian who’s standing up to the rednecks who don’t want books detailing gay sex and gender-*****ness in the kiddy section. Librarian Kimber Glidden boldly told NBC that keeping kids from seeing oral sex manuals would be a violation of her sacred oath.

“I’d rather be someone accused of having naughty books than be in violation of the Constitution.”

Can’t you just hear the patriotic music?

Except…over in Salt Lake City, also last week, a fourth-grade teacher at William Penn Elementary uploaded a video in which she bragged about removing all classroom materials that feature white people. “There’s, like, no white kids represented in the materials I have,” she boasted. “Not a single white face there.” In the video she goes into great detail about how she bans classroom materials that feature whites.

An Idaho town of 2,500 where some parents are trying to limit the access of minors to sexually explicit materials?

Stop censorship! Protect the Constitution!

A Utah metropolitan area of 1.2 million where a teacher is removing all classroom materials featuring whites?

Censorship is good! Ban whiteness!

Argument #12,000,000 for homeschooling.

*HUFFERS ARE BUFFERS*

Of course, just as teachers should be a little more discerning when they declare a war on censorship, certain rightists should be a bit more discerning when they scream “ANTIFA RIOT!”

Berkeley’s People’s Park was founded in 1969 by student radicals who envisioned the park as a haven for community togetherness. And like everything hippies ever did, it quickly turned to crap. By the 1990s the park had become a foreboding den of homeless schizos, paint huffers, and assorted feces-caked flotsam.

At the same time, UC Berkeley, always in need of more student housing for the next generation of Soros paralegals, diversity managers, and social workers who recommend mastectomies for toddlers, had long eyed the park as a potential site for new off-campus dorms.

After many false starts, last month the university finally moved to bulldoze the park and begin construction of a massive 16-story housing complex. But the tweakers and huffers, bolstered by locals who prefer to have Berkeley’s slimiest corralled in one area, surrounded the park and chased off the construction crews.

Andy Ngo covered the event as if it were an apocalyptic riot. But in fact, when faced with an army of grotesqueries who smell like poop, the university usurpers gave up with no struggle.

Was this really a bad thing? Last week, white people were banned from entering a five-story, 30-room UC Berkeley off-campus housing complex. And conservatives are upset that Berkeley’s not able to build more apartheid structures?

That plot of land is way better off as a zoo for human animals who seek only to kill their own brains with drugs, as opposed to a housing facility for zealots who seek to kill your kids with progressive prosecution and tranny surgery.

In fact, a few days ago, a tranny tried to set up a tent in People’s Park.

The huffers set fire to it.

----------


## Anti Federalist

The Week That Perished
Takimag 

September 04, 2022


The Weeks Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Dayd Headlines

ECCE HOMA
You let one black cannibal killer go free, and folks never let you live it down.

In 2021, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt commuted the sentence of cannibal-murderer Lawrence Anderson (a.k.a. Panhandibal Lecter), who repaid the favor by killing and eating a whole bunch of folks. Thanks to Lawrences all-you-can-eat Golden OK Corral, Stitt was pummeled during this years Republican primary for turning the Grand Old Party into the Grand Old Donner Party.

Trying to shed his soft-on-cannibals image, Stitts pledged to fry one death row inmate per month. He was going to call it his cook of the month club, until aides reminded him that Oklahoma uses lethal injection, not the electric chair.

Needless to say, leftists are incensed that murderers will be sent to a place from which even George Soros cant free them. Andrea Miller of the Oklahoma Innocence Project told Yahoo News that murderers are merely children who made an oopsie: We in this country talk so much about trying to protect children while theyre children, but were more than willing to throw them away on the back end when they make a mistake.

Miller might not be the dumbest human alive (not while Joy Reid draws breath), but shes close. Trying to protect children while theyre children. Yes, because children are only children while theyre children.

As for those mistakes, among the condemned are Scott Eizember, who murdered an elderly couple so he could use their house to spy on his girlfriend across the street (doh!); John Hanson, who carjacked a 77-year-old woman, murdered her, then murdered a witness (whoopsie-doodles!); and Benjamin Cole, who killed a baby because its crying interrupted his videogame (uh-oh spaghetti-o!).

Such wacky mistakes.

The first execution occurred last week: James Coddington, sentenced to death for killing an elderly man who wouldnt loan him $50. As Coddington lay on the gurney, the priest asked if he had any last requests.

Yeah, can you spot me a fifty? he replied.

A good laugh was had by all. Then a pained gasp was had by one.

PICKING THE FRUITS OF KNOWLEDGE
In 2003, Vanity Fair was forced to apologize after in-house humorist Dame Edna (a relic of the days when grotesque drag queens worked the comedy circuit rather than the White House) wrote a joking but kinda not piece satirizing the lack of renowned Spanish-language authors:

Forget Spanish. Theres nothing in that language worth reading except Don Quixote, and a quick listen to the CD of Man of La Mancha will take care of that.

Turns out the lack of classical español authors (and the total absence of them among Spanish-speakers of the Americas) is a sore spot for the Hispanic-American intelligentsia.

And yes, there is a Hispanic-American intelligentsia. Thinkers, philosophersgardeners who consider the lilies before pruning them.

Juan, youve tangled that garden hose again!

Sorry, señor. I kink therefore I am.

This summer, when the California Department of Public Health declared a Covid booster emergency among Latinos (the least-boosted demo in the state), the question became, Who can we invoke to motivate the willful wetbacks? With blacks, wed use MLK or Obama. Who can we use to get the beans boosted?

Wrestlers, of course! The CDPH launched a billboard campaign in Mexican neighborhoods featuring images of beloved luchadore El Santo, the iconic wrestler whose Mexico City funeral in 1984 was attended by more than 10,000 people and who, over the course of his career, defeated Aztec mummies, Guanajuato mummies, unaffiliated mummies (dude hated mummies), vampiros, brujas, and even Hitler. The billboards featured a cartoon of El Santo with booster written across his chest battling a monster with Covid written across his chest (Ben Garrison did the text).

Some colleges have realized that its actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they dont see bias. Those phones never ring.
Cue every conservative: Hmmph, typical leftist condescension, treating nonwhites like children who function at a coloring-book level.

Except it totally worked. Last week the CDPH revealed that thanks to the campaign, Latino booster rates are now even with all other CA demographic groups.

Some historians claim Cervantes was Jewish. While theres no definitive way to prove it, todays Hispanics serve as convincing anecdotal evidence that he probably was.

ST. FRANCIS OF AH, SÍ, SÍ
Speaking of Hispanics

A Mexican walks into a tavern in Laredo. As he orders a bottle of tequila, a female barfly of questionable virtue slinks next to him. Eyeing him up, shes startled by his sizable endowment.

Hey there, amigo, she remarks, is that a churro in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Its an iguana, the Mexican replies. And if I were you, señorita, Id keep my distance; he has not eaten today.

When Jose Manuel Perez tells women he has a Gila monster in his pants, hes not being euphemistic. When he offers to show a lady his trouser snake, he aint joking. The crafty Mexico/America cross-border smuggler is a coyote coyote, in the literal sense. Last week Perez pleaded guilty to smuggling more than 1,700 wild animals into the U.S. over the course of six years. When he was busted in February, he had over sixty reptiles in his pants, including lizards, snakes, turtles, and baby crocodiles.

The feds claim that DACA Doolittles exploits netted him over $739,000, a decent sum but perhaps not a big enough payday for most men to risk having snapping turtles and baby crocs next to their dingle.

Cross-border animal smuggling is driven primarily by young Americans looking to spend big on exotic status pets. So the next time you come across a white hipster who brings his emotional support gecko into a coffee shop, you have yet another reason to hate him.

Another market for Perezs wares consists of Chinese immigrants who think that consuming exotic animals gives them magical powers (and it does; mainly, the power to kill millions of people worldwide).

Perez is facing twenty years in prison, which is the good news. The bad news? QAnon true believers finally got convincing proof that there really are lizard people walking among usunfortunately, rather than international bankers or monarchs, its just some beaner with skinks up his ass.

BIAS REMORSE
Colleges and universities are installing 24-hour bias hotlines that students can use to report instances of racism, genderism, cultural appropriation, microaggressions, macroaggressions, and macaroniaggressions (the angry chucking of pasta).

Unsurprisingly, schools are finding it difficult to staff the phone banks, because operators spend all their time calling the hotline themselves to report the bias of callers calling the hotline to report bias.

Caller: Im calling to report bias.

Operator: Why arent you calling me maam?

Caller: I cant see you!

Operator: Cant, or wont?

Caller: Dont de-centerize me!

Operator: Dont otherize me!

Some colleges have realized that its actually cheaper to set up a hotline for students to call when they dont see bias. Those phones never ring.

Plus, its getting harder to tell aggressor from victim in the dynamic world of bias incidents. Last week in Plano, Tex., a group of Indian women screamed bias when another woman told them to go back to India. When the Punjabis described the aggressive woman as white, she accused them of bias for not acknowledging that shes Mexican.

Mexicans against Indians? Like the song says, You say tamale, I say Tamili.

And in Union City, Calif., Indian man Singh Tejinder was charged with a bias crime for calling Indian man Krishnan Jayaraman a dirty Hindu.

Indian vs. Indian? More turban violence from people who should be bud-bud-buddies.

Welcome to America; not so much a nation as the 24-hour bias hotline of the world.

WE HOLD THESE TRUANTS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT
In theory, Covid-related school closures were just business as usual in Washington, D.C. The districts public schools, nearly 70 percent black, boast the worst truancy rates in the entire U.S.

According to the DCPS (and this was pre-Covid), One in four kids in DC are chronically absent from schoolwhich means missing 10 percent or more of the school year. At some DCPS high schools, three out of four students are chronically absent.

One wonders what those kids are doing with their days while not in school. In a city thats only 4 percent Asian, are there enough old Chinawomen to punch?

Its against this backdrop of rampant nonattendance that D.C.s dog of a mayor, Muriel Bowser, has decided to exclude non-vaxxed students from in-person on-campus learning.

Thatll show em! Bowser literally thinks that threatening D.C. students with being officially barred from school is an effective strategy. The city wouldve been in better hands with Bowser from Sha Na Na. Hell, the city would be in better hands with an actual canine. Even a mediocre poodle has better sense than this halfwit.

Fortunately, help is on the way from our nations libertarians! Reason magazine has been campaigning to get D.C. to overturn the unvaxxed ban. Reasons Rand-y dandies have led a crusade to get the districts kids back in class, pointing out that the majority of unvaxxed DCPS students are black, so the vax mandate translates to racist exclusion!

And it worked. Last week, in response to Reasons lobbying, D.C.s Deputy Mayor for Education Paul Kihn announced that the mandate has been postponed until 2023; for now, all students, vaxxed or not, must return to class.

And every black student in D.C. has Reason to thank for the cancellation of their permanent vacation.

Reason staffers have been advised to stay off the streets, avoid the Metro, and generally leave town or barricade themselves in their basement. As these libertarians will soon find out, the NAP aint no match for the nappy.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-206/




> The Week That Perished
> Takimag 
> 
> September 04, 2022
> 
> 
> The Week’s Most Staid, Unmade, and Labor Day’d Headlines
> 
> ECCE HOMA
> ...

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-207/

The Week’s Most Crooning, Spooning, and Harvest Mooning Headlines

*QUEEN BEE (GONE)*

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth, who passed away at age 96 after ramming her car into a house at full speed while high on cocaine and fentanyl.

CORRECTION: That was Anne Heche. We apologize for the error.

The Queen passed away peacefully, her morbid disappointment of a son by her side, a tragic reminder that England will now be overseen by a monarch who once wished he was a tampon. That’s not a joke. Netflix’s The Crown left it out of the series because the writers didn’t think millennials would believe it. Literally, the writers of The Crown feared that the generation that thinks a man in a dress is a biological woman wouldn’t buy that Prince Charles wanted to be a tampon.

The Queen who tried to set Third World ingrates free only to see one marry her grandson leaves behind a long legacy of dignified service. And speaking of Third Worlders, Queen Elizabeth had the misfortune of passing away in the era of black Twitter, so of course every person of color felt the need to weigh in on why old white lady bad!

The prize for top hip-hop grave-dancing must surely go to “Dr.” Uju Anya of Carnegie Mellon University (where she holds the Mugabe Chair in Cannibal Studies and Septum Nosebones). Within seconds of the Queen’s death, Professor Bongo tweeted “I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying. May her pain be excruciating. May she die in agony.”

Fancy talk from someone who stole her name from an old-time Irish curse (“Ooh, Jew on ya,” which basically means “May you be cheated out of your money”).

Turns out Uju Anya has her own history of racism. In 2020 the Nigerian-born pseudoacademic referred to American blacks as “akata,” a derogatory term meaning “wild animals,” used by Africans against their American kin. A petition to have the prof sanctioned by Carnegie Mellon, which stalled when first created, zipped back to life with hundreds of new signatures, fueled by outrage over Anya’s hateful tweet.

Elizabeth’s parting shot from beyond the grave?

You go, Queen.

*PUNCHIN’ JEWDIES*

Williamsburg? More like Williamsburgen-Belsen. The Brooklyn neighborhood has become a hotbed of anti-Jewish violence, and sadly the local Orthodox Jews have found that their magical eruv wires, while offering ample protection against Sabbath sinning, fail to block fists.

Last week, three Orthodox were attacked by an assailant who sprayed them with a fire extinguisher.

Okay, whoever’s been giving Smokey Bear copies of Protocols of Zion, stop it now.

Also last week, in an incident that went viral, an irate bicyclist slugged an Orthodox Jew for stealing his brother’s parking space. Worse still, the brother’s car was forced into an UNRWA-administered refugee camp.

Hopefully one day the car can reclaim the spot, based on the Right of Right-turn.

Conservative actor and cranial wind-tunnel Matthew Marsden, whose 2019 “American soldier battles skinheads to save Jews” action film I Am That Man was so bad Ben Shapiro didn’t even try to shake it down for a cut, took to Twitter to declare that the parking fracas “is just one disturbing result of not teaching history properly.

Yes, with more Holocaust education, New Yorkers would never get upset over parking.

Here’s proof:

Irate Brooklynite with zero Holocaust knowledge confronts Jew who stole a parking space:

“Ya fuggin’ kike…you want a bar mitzvah? I’ll give you a SCAR mitzvah. You’ll challah in pain from my bagel and SOCKS. I’ll kick your assover for Passover.”

Terrible puns. Completely subpar.

Now let’s see that same situation after the irate Brooklynite has taken a ten-week Holocaust education course:

“Ya fuggin’ kike…time for FISTallnacht. You’ll be black-and-blueden Juden. Action Reinhard? I’ll put you in TRACTION, SPINE-hard. I’m Josef MANGELE; welcome to POWschwitz.”

Way better puns. And educational.

Forget cops; all NYC needs is Holocaust ed. Finally, something George Soros and conservatives can agree on.

*CONDUMBED TO REPEAT*

Remember Barney Frank? He was that lovable Semite sodomite congressman from Beantown with the Elmer Fudd voice whose passions included rending the chains of inequality and the anuses of houseboys (“Be vewy vewy qwuiet…I’m hunting wectums”).

Fwank helped usher in the Great Recession, thanks to his policy of moving nonwhite families into houses they couldn’t afford, all in the name of “equity.”

In 2010, after the economy had been destroyed like so many rent-boy sphincters, Frank, who by then was giving speeches wearing skintight shirts that displayed his prominent boobs and nipples, conceded (without admitting fault), “It was a great mistake to push lower-income people into housing they couldn’t afford and couldn’t really handle once they had it.”

Well, you know the old saying: Those who forget titstory are condemned to re-teat it. Bank of America announced last week that it’s offering a special deal to low-income blacks and Hispanics: Move into any house you want, zero down payment, zero closing-cost mortgage, zero mortgage insurance, zero minimum credit score.

Your skin color will be your bond, say bankers who’d never give money to a black guy on the street but who’ll give an entire house to a black guy on trust alone.

Amazingly, nobody seems to think this’ll go south, even though it did before. Fred Berry ain’t the only rerun in the ghetto.

As for Barney Frank, he couldn’t be reached for comment, as he’s bedridden with his fifth case of monkeypox.

“Wascally wash! I should’ve worn a wubber.”

*MECCA MOUSE CLUB*

Hooray for Halallywood! According to an article in last week’s Wall Street Journal, stodgy hot Medina is goin’ funky cold, as Saudi Arabia’s royal family is investing $1 trillion “to turn Saudi Arabia into a mass-market tourist destination,” a “desert Disneyland” complete with “resorts and eco-lodges.”

Of course, the question arises, how exactly does a nation that criminalizes bikinis, alcohol, and sexuality compete for tourist bucks? This is a country where their version of Burning Man is the mass immolation of homosexuals. But never underestimate the ingenuity of people who can turn bedsheets into formal wear. The Saudis have several tricks up their sleeve for convincing travelers to spend their vacation in a place where stealing a hotel towel leads to court-ordered dismemberment.

Although Saudi Arabia relaxed its Jew-ban several years ago, most Jews never got the memo, something that Saudi tourism minister Ali Makbeel hopes to exploit. “Sure, our 110-degree beaches are stifling when you have to wear heavy garments, but isn’t it worth it to not have to hear Jews bitching about the weather? I mean, you could go to Miami, where you can drink and dance. But around every corner is some old Yid going, ‘Oy, the humidity! It’s like a sauna.’ We can offer you a resort experience free of that!”

Also, as it’s become practically impossible to hold any major county or state fair in the U.S. without roving gangs of thugs shooting the place up, Saudi officials are quick to boast of their inflexible law-and-order policies. “No Soros here,” Saudi justice minister Qurz T. Ali told the WSJ. “You Americans apologize for lynching; we use it as the minimum sentence for shoplifting.”

As the Saudi king told the WSJ, “Perhaps our greatest appeal for Americans is the opportunity to visit the place of conception of something that changed the world.”

When reminded that Mecca, the birthplace of Islam, is off-limits to non-Muslims, the king replied, “No, I’m not talking about Islam. I’m talking about 9/11. Come see where it all started!”

*SHEEEEIT HOME ALABAMA*

Have you seen the Gadsden Flag? Not the Revolutionary War one. The other one; the official flag of Gadsden, Ala. That flag depicts a beaten and bruised snake begging a black man, “Okay, tread on me, just don’t kill my wife and kids.”

Gadsden is a very black city; almost 40 percent. Gadsden so black, its main crop is menthols. Gadsden so black, its highways get adopted by Angelina Jolie. Gadsden so black, its city seal is Seal.

Gadsden’s also one of the most impoverished cities in Alabama.

Gadsden so poor, you have a 1-in-14 chance of being robbed.

Okay, that’s not much of a joke. But it’s true. Gadsden, which hovers between the third and sixth most dangerous city in the state depending on the year, boasts a crime rate 229 percent above the national average and a violent crime rate 188 percent higher.

But fear not! Authorities in Gadsden are cracking down on crime. Which doesn’t mean arresting the thieves, rapists, and murderers. That would spark local unrest. No, Gadsden officials are targeting pregnant white women! Last week it was reported that a 23-year-old white girl named Ashley Banks Morris was arrested in Gadsden for pot possession. And when she told police she’s pregnant, cops refused to release her unless she went to a residential treatment facility where her fetus could be protected from drugs. But the local halfway house claimed she wasn’t a serious enough addict, so they wouldn’t take her.

As a result, Morris was kept in a cell with no bed, forced to sleep on a cold hard floor for three months before a judge finally released her.

That’ll teach that chick to endanger her fetus! Which, it turns out, was seriously endangered by the conditions of her three-month jail stay. Forget the Iron Bowl; Gadsden has the Irony Bowl.

Meanwhile, during the time Morris was behind bars, a dozen people were murdered in the city. None of the suspects in those killings, however, proved as easy to apprehend as the pregnant white woman.

The official state fruit of Alabama is the blackberry.

The official city fruit of Gadsden is low-hanging.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-208/

Takimag 

September 18, 2022

The Week’s Most Rancorous, Cankerous, and Cantankerous Headlines

*THE EMPEROR JONESTOWN*

If Corn Pop was a bad dude, wait till you meet Soda Pop.

Get ready for carbonated bruthas.

Black social media “influencer” Rashad Jamal considers himself “god,” and like all affirmative-action titles, it’s an unearned appellation. Jamal runs the University of Cosmic Intelligence, an online cult that preaches black superiority. And as online cults go, it’s no University of Phoenix. Jamal teaches that blacks are “carbonated beings,” a condition he ascribes to holiness but which is more likely the result of too many bean pies.

Jamal’s cult has its own scriptures, complete with inspiring tales of signs and wonders, including the miracle of the shake machine (“And LaQueesha did seek a McFlurry, yet the machine was dry. Lo, she said unto it, ‘May no one ever drink from you again.’ And the shake machine did wither and die…because LaQueesha chucked it to the floor in righteous fury. And the cashiers were astonished”), and the parting of the ankle-deep sea (“And DeJaunte did stand before the stream of water, which could not be crossed by those for whom swimming is detestable. Yet in faith did he lift his blunt and stretch his hand across the stream, and behold dry ground appeared before him. For it was not a stream after all, but runoff from lawn sprinklers. And the sprinklers did cease, and DeJaunte was pleased”).

However, like every black nightclub, hip-hop festival, and backyard BBQ, Jamal’s cult has been shuttered due to murders. One of his followers, Damien Washam, was arrested for slicing his mother in half with a sword (Washam? More like Slasham). Two other followers, Krystal Pinkins and Yasmine Hider, were arrested for the ambush murder of a Good Samaritan.

And last week Jamal himself was charged with three counts of child molestation.

Where’s Heaven’s Gate-style castration when you really need it?

Merrick Garland has yet to weigh in on the murderous black-supremacist cult, as he’s too busy pursuing white parents who tell their children there are two genders.

*EMMY TILL*

Of course, the very notion of a “black cult” is redundant, as the entire community already functions as one.

The Emmy comedy writing category has traditionally provided much-needed levity to distract audiences from the soul-killing realization that they’re watching the Emmys. From Tim Conway messing with Harvey Korman after Korman’s win, to Conway and Korman messing with Chevy Chase, to Milton Berle roasting the SCTV writers (and getting zinged back, to his surprise), to Conan O’Brien crashing Stephen Colbert’s win, it’s the one moment in an otherwise predictably dreadful three hours when viewers might briefly enjoy themselves.

Fortunately, black people are here to stop that foolishness. Now that black women have been decreed sacred, there’ll be no tomfoolery when one of them wins an award.

During last week’s Emmy’s, someone named Quinta Brunson (if you don’t know who she is, you’re in violation of federal law) was up for best comedy writing. A sentient blob of pizza dough named Jimmy Kimmel thought it would be funny to pretend to be passed out on stage as the nominees were read. When the winner turned out to be Brunson (because otherwise BLM would’ve burned down the auditorium), Kimmel committed to the bit and remained motionless behind her.

So now he’s being “dragged” by “black Twitter” for his “white privilege” and “racism” in “robbing a black woman of her moment.”

Not since Papa John said the N-word has pizza dough inspired such hatred from blacks.

Kimmel, a remarkably untalented lump who became a high earner doing sexist comedy and wearing blackface before converting to wokeism, tried to explain that by playing dead, he was merely giving viewers what they hope for whenever they see him.

Kimmel’s contrition didn’t dissuade the Magical Black Girl lynch mob from calling for his head for sullying Quantas Bunion’s moment with his “joke.”

Because there’s nothing funny about a black woman winning an award. Just like there’s nothing funny about the shows they write.

*ARCHAEOLOGICAL BONERS*

Did you hear about the Polish vampire? He put solar panels on his coffin. Went to a carnival and got lost in the hall of mirrors. Bought his wife a cross-your-heart bra. Wouldn’t go to Africa because he heard they bless the rain.

Polish archaeologists have uncovered the grave of an “actual” vampire. Granted, these are the same guys who once claimed to have unearthed the corpse of a werewolf, but it was just Robin Williams. However, what they found this time is the body of a 17th-century woman with a protruding tooth who’d been buried with a sickle pinning her down at the neck so she’d be decapitated should she arise (this was also how Polish doctors avoided malpractice suits when they mistakenly declared someone dead).

Needless to say, leftists caterwauled about how the corpse proves Western “misogyny”; just because a woman was “unique,” she was declared a monster.

But hold on; those talking points are transphobic! You can’t assume the vampire’s sex by its bones.

According to “Scientific American” (which earns those scare quotes daily), “dimorphism” is a myth invented by 18th-century Westerners (“dimorphism,” which refers to visually verifiable physical differences between males and females, is present in all primates except gibbons and Korean boy bands).

Before the late 18th century, Western science recognized only one sex—the male—and considered the female body an inferior version of it. The shift historians call the “two-sex model” served mainly to reinforce gender and racial divisions by tying social status to the body.

Yes, before the late 18th century, Westerners believed that all humans were male; “women” were simply wimpier men who for some reason had no penis and produced babies. These evil Westerners invented the idea of “woman” because of racism something something something.

So obviously, 17th-century Poles couldn’t possibly be misogynists if they didn’t recognize women.

Also obviously, there’s no vampire of fact or fiction as malevolent and destructive as the cancerous frauds at “Scientific American,” and there’s no better use for a sickle than to pin down the corpses of these creatures when they die, just to be on the safe side.

*DEEP FRIED AND BATTERIED*

Something delicious is cooking in China. Something fried. Is it rice? Pork? Fish?

Nope, just thousands of tiny inscrutable Chins cooking to death in their electric cars.

This year, Chinese conglomerate BYD announced that it had overtaken Tesla as the world’s No. 1 producer of electric vehicles. BYD EVs are sporty and economical, and the windshield wiper fluid is the tears of Uyghur children forced to watch the execution of their parents.

There’s only one problem with BYD’s electric vehicles: They keep charbroiling Chinks. Seven EVs a day catch fire in China, 680 in the first quarter of 2022 alone. Although the Chinese are hardly interested in environmental activism (a 2018 visit to Beijing from Greta Thunberg merely confused Chinese leaders, who’d never encountered a child outside a sweatshop), they do love domination. So in their drive to top the market in cheap EVs, they’ve ignored minor points like drivers being steer-fried behind the wheel.

The epidemic of EV fires has been particularly hard on Chinese firemen. Not only are EV fires notoriously difficult to extinguish, but after dousing a chargrilled Chinaman, an hour later you want another one (that joke earns a Greta Thunberg “How dare you”).

Here’s Joe Biden’s dream of universal EVs, playing out as a nightmare overseas. Mind you, in the U.S. it could be argued that the mass immolation of EV drivers might not be such a bad thing.

The Chinese EV Holocaust (visit a BYD Shoah room today!) has prompted Toyota, which in 2019 embarked on a joint venture with BYD to produce hybrids, to reduce its long-term EV manufacturing goals.

Toyota’s position is that one Hiroshima per century is enough.

When informed of Toyota’s decision to scale back EVs because people were being cooked alive, Greta Thunberg angrily declared, “How medium-rare you.”

*MARVEL’S EXTENDED JEWNIVERSE*

Speaking of the Shoah…in the 1990s Marvel had a supervillain named Holocaust who appeared in X-Men comics. He was a difficult villain to fight because if you questioned him, you’d go to prison in Europe.

Holocaust appeared in more than 100 Marvel story lines, although some claim that figure’s greatly exaggerated.

Holocaust wasn’t the only Jewish Marvel character over the years; there was also Magneto’s wife, Nagneto, a screeching yenta whose superpower was the ability to cause stress-induced heart attacks from her nonstop bitching.

Last week, Marvel announced that it’s bringing to the screen its most iconic Jewish superhero: Sabra. First seen in a 1981 issue of The Incredible Hulk, Sabra is an Israeli policewoman who has the ability to fire porcupine-like needles from her wrists, which makes her only slightly more abrasive than the average Israeli.

In Sabra’s debut appearance, Hulk brought peace to the Middle East by mindlessly smashing everything in a fit of blind anger while yelling in incomprehensible broken English.

If that’s what it takes to finally bring peace to that region, forget foreign aid; just send Tel Aviv our supply of black McDonald’s patrons.

Marvel will be featuring Sabra in the next Captain America film, prompting Israeli activists to worry that the zealously Zionist character will be softened by wokeness, and prompting Arab activists to worry that she won’t.

Most likely, considering Marvel’s recent track record, Sabra will be reinvented as a disabled Eritrean bi-curious transfemme androgyne genderfuid two-spirit abortionist.

Meanwhile, Sabra’s Arab adversaries will be portrayed as noble fighters for freedom, because Marvel would never mess with Muslims, who possess a real-life superpower: the ability to turn cartoonists into headless corpses.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-209/

Takimag

September 25, 2022

The Week’s Most Griefing, Debriefing, and Autumn-Leafing Headlines

*PRINCESS OF WHALES*

Nobody’s saying Rolling Stone film critic Katie Rife is fat, but her dress size is IMAX. Nobody’s saying she’s heavy, but any theater she enters becomes an underground cinema. Nobody’s saying she’s massive, but when she walks through Hollywood the guys at Griffith Observatory yell, “Down in front!”

In fact, the only person making a big deal out of Katie Rife’s weight is Katie Rife. While all of Hollywood is cooing over Darren Aronofsky’s critical hit The Whale and the career resurgence it’s given to inoffensive Canuck Brendan Fraser, Rife simply cannot go along with the crowd (though to be fair, she’s a one-person crowd).

The Whale is the tale of a morbidly obese man (played by Fraser in a fat suit) coming to terms with his mortality. But to Rife, the film gives fat people an “ugly image” (no, that’s actually the work of pork rinds and Pepsi).

Rife found the movie “triggering,” claiming it “reinforces the notion that fat people have brought their suffering upon themselves through lack of coping skills. I’m really feeling like $#@! after that viewing experience,” she tweeted. “There’s a scene where the main character drops a key and can’t pick it up, and PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING” (Rife’s anger is understandable; the film stole her bit).

Regarding the refusal of Fraser’s character to seek medical attention, Rife angrily pointed out “the very obvious reason why a 650lb person would avoid doctors: IT’S CALLED MEDICAL FATPHOBIA YOU ABSOLUTE PRICKS.”

Indeed, a competent doctor would simply tell a 650lb guy to “identify as skinny.”

Katie Rife: a big woman with big ideas. A critic leaving a deep, indelible imprint on the world of film, as she’s done to so many couches.

*BROWNIE V. BOARD OF EDUCATION*

Speaking of obesity…

Junk food is now trans. If a doughnut covered in gummi bears identifies as a vegetable, it’s a vegetable.

This is the inevitable next step in a world where a man can think himself into being a woman and every black person’s a genius by virtue of skin color.

Black genius “Dr.” Kera Nyemb-Diop runs a website dedicated to spreading the message that (and this is a direct quote) “The only foods that are bad for you are foods that contain allergens, poisons, and contaminants, or foods that are spoiled or otherwise inedible. Eat without guilt regardless of what society says.” Last week, the L.A. Unified School District’s “equity and diversity” Instagram posted one of Nimrod-Dip’s videos in which she declares that a plate of chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles is just as nutritious as a plate of vegetables.

According to Numbnuts-Derp, anyone who claims that one food is healthier than another is a literal racist, a food fascist, a Joseph Gobbles, a Lavrentiy Strawberia, a Pol Potluck. Indeed, Michelle Obama is the worst Nazi ever for her campaign to remove “unhealthy” foods from school lunches.

Typical transfatphobe.

LAUSD removed the video and refused to answer questions regarding why it was posted in the first place. Maybe because the story, like strawberry swirl ice cream, has a twist: Turns out Nyuck-Nyuck-Dope is a paid employee of Mondolez, which manufactures…candy and snacks (including Cadbury, Toblerone, Sour Patch Kids, Chips Ahoy, and Oreos).

Yes, the second-largest school district in the U.S. allowed a paid corporate propagandist for a snack company to tell students that candy is as good for them as any other food. In theory, that should be a big story. The reason it isn’t is the same reason LAUSD posted the video: Black geniuses can’t be wrong.

That’s some meshugga-coated nutty fudge.

*TURNING HE-ITES INTO SHIITES*

Just as corporations are learning how to leverage black immunity from criticism to achieve undreamed-of victories (like getting a school district to declare junk food nutritious), foreign despots are exploiting the West’s tranny worship to improve their image abroad.

For example, did you know that Iran is the tranniest place on earth? A leading location for sex-change operations? It might seem counterintuitive that Iran, with its draconian measures that keep women covered head-to-toe and segregated as second-class citizens, would become a “medical tourism” hot spot for men who are dunya with their dhikr, for Imans who want to become Imams, for dudes who want their salaami replaced with a kamal toe, but it’s true.

According to the American Iranian Council, “Being transgender is not considered a violation of Iranian theocratic principles. Sex-reassignment surgery is not only legal in Iran, but Tehran is considered to be an international hub for obtaining it. The procedure’s been allowed since Ayatollah Khomeini learned of the hardships of a transwoman and issued a religious decree to legalize it in the mid-1980s.”

Actually, sounds like ol’ Khomeini got “trapped” by a shemale and in his morning-after regret decided to rationalize the whole thing as “halal.”

The Council further explains that because Farsi already uses gender-neutral pronouns, “transgender and other non-binary individuals in Iran experience a unique form of verbal inclusivity.”

And yet, as the mullahs champion trans-friendliness, women are being beaten to death for not wearing hijabs. Protests erupted throughout the country last week after a 22-year-old woman was murdered by Iran’s “morality police” for having an uncovered head.

If there’s confusion about the mullahs’ policies regarding trannies vs. their policies regarding women, there shouldn’t be. Iran’s clerics correctly understand trannyism as just another cudgel against women, another way to demean, humiliate, and erase them. It’s actually 100 percent appropriate that Iran would be pro-tranny.

Also, in a nation where male-on-male sex is punishable by death, allowing men to legally classify as women is a neat little workaround for getting some zoro up the astrian.

*ATTENTION DEFICIT SPENDING*

In Live and Let Die, Caribbean dictator Dr. Kananga—an Idi Amin/Papa Doc Duvalier amalgam—hatches a plan to bring down the U.S.: give out free heroin nationwide, and once the entire country is hooked, foreign enemies can march in unopposed.

The only hitch in Kananga’s plan is that it’s predicated on the notion that the only thing preventing every American from doing heroin is price.

“I hope I get that raise; I’ve really wanted to get into heroin.”

“I just won the lottery! Heroin, here I come!”

Still, Kananga was on the right track, he just had the wrong drug. There’s currently a national shortage of Adderall, and the nation’s falling apart over it. Turns out Kananga shouldn’t have bothered with free heroin; he should’ve started a tinpot med school churning out doctors who prescribe cradle-to-grave psychotropics.

In a piece about how the Adderall shortage is affecting everyday Americans, Bloomberg interviewed a Chicago car salesman who can’t remember his inventory without Adderall, and a Michigan high school special ed teacher who, lacking Adderall, “spaced out” while trying to calm a student distraught over suicide (it could be argued that a teacher who needs medication to take student suicide seriously might not be cut out for the job).

And Bloomberg only scratched the tragic surface of cases of spaced-out, absent-minded, Adderall-deprived Americans. In Chicago, young blacks now have to bring itemized lists on their shoplifting sprees or they forget what to steal.

In NYC, black men have become so dazed, they’re pushing old Asian ladies onto subway tracks after the trains have left.

In L.A., an Adderall-deprived Mexican stabbed a pile of leaves and blew a rival gang member, and in San Francisco, a homeless guy became so disoriented he used a toilet.

Even doctors are not immune to Adderall withdrawal brain-fog. At Boston Children’s Hospital, a disoriented pediatrician mistakenly let a 13-year-old girl keep her breasts.

Is the Adderall shortage an accident? Or Biden’s master plan for the midterms: scramble the brains of Americans to the point where he appears competent by comparison.

*ANCHOR BABY, YOU’RE AN ENRICHED MAN*

In the past month alone, American’s have been enriched good and hard by illegals.

Alabama: Illegal Mexican José Paulino Pascual-Reyes carved up his girlfriend for carnitas and held her 12-year-old daughter as a sex slave.

North Carolina: Two illegal Mexicans, Alder Alfonso Marin-Sotelo and Arturo Marin-Sotelo, murdered a sheriff’s deputy.

California: Venezuelan illegal Jose Rafael Solano-Landaeta decapitated his ex-girlfriend with a sword.

New Hampshire: Honduran illegal Jose Miguel Ramirez-Vasquez stabbed a young dancer to death.

So much enrichment! And by our new class of hyphenated elites (“I say, are you attending the Pascual-Reyes cotillion? Oh, you simply must go. I hear their quesadillas will have three cheeses”).

Over in McCulloch County, Tex., local officials have decided that the violent crimes of brown illegals pale in seriousness compared with an 80-year-old white man saying “wetback.” Immigration judge Edgar Allen Amos faces an ethics probe because last week, in a private conversation, he claimed that the affluent illegals he’s been seeing in court, sporting designer clothes and using the latest high-tech gear, are “not your regular wetbacks.”

So for not calling illegals wetbacks, he now faces removal from the bench and, according to the Daily Beast, a review of “every ruling he’s made in Texas courts,” which could result in all of his deportation orders being reversed.

And while Edgar Allen shall nevermore preside over wetbacks (regular or extra-soggy), over in Bexar County, Sheriff Javier Salazar, a Democrat, has vowed to bring to justice the Florida officials who robbed his state of illegals by sending them to Martha’s Vineyard.

Salazar’s back may not be wet, but there’s water aplenty on his brain.

All of this transpired as the Census Bureau announced that Hispanics are now the largest plurality in Texas, for the first time since Mexico owned the place.

Wet back in the saddle again.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-210/

October 02, 2022

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Supernova, Apache Cordova, and Shana Tova Headlines

*YO’ MAMA KIPPUR*

For Jews, these are the High Holy Days, the period of getting atoned between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. For blacks, these are the Wholly High Days, the period of getting stoned with kush, hash, and a young stripper.

Blacks and Jews, longtime frenemies, have struggled in the age of woke to determine which group is the bigger victim of whitey. In February 2021, the Black Jewish Entertainment Alliance was launched in Hollywood to unite the industry’s kosher kings and gentile giants. Among the initial signatories were Sharon Osbourne on the Jewish side and Sheryl Underwood for the blacks (Osbourne and Underwood were cohosts of the CBS series The Talk). One month later, March 2021, Underwood got Osbourne fired from the show for being a “racist.”

The “Alliance” hasn’t updated its website since. The whole thing went south faster than the time Emmett Till whistled at Anne Frank and got ’em both killed as a result.

So much for peace between the schmendricks and the Kendricks, the oy veys and the DuVernays. And with the “Alliance” dead, blacks are waging a high holy war to make Judaism blacker. An NBC News piece last week lamented the fact that only 1 percent of Jews identify as “black.” The author, a black Jewish convert named Brennan Nevada Johnson, is a full-time “bald activist” (that’s literally her NBC bio) whose LinkedIn declares “I spend my time empowering bald people.”

According to Zipporah the Pinhead, whose smooth black dome is its own yarmulke, Jews need to “make space” for blacks. And if Jews aren’t willing to get blacker, watch out!

I’m Gonna Git You Sukkoth.

Adding to the indignities, Orthodox Jews were excluded from last week’s White House “anti-Semitism summit.” It wasn’t politically motivated, though. Biden became frightened at the site of Hasidics, as they reminded him of a dangerous character from his old neighborhood, Cohen Pop.

“He was a bad Jewed who ran a bunch of bad oys.”

*HERS AND HISPANICS*

It’s also National Hispanic American Heritage Month, which runs Sept. 15 through Oct. 15.

It’s the only nonwhite identity month that doesn’t begin on the 1st, but it makes sense that a Hispanic awareness month would coincide with the beginning of autumn, as a reminder of who to call to rake all those leaves.

Last week Mumbly Joe observed Hallowbean at the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Gala (the only D.C. shindig where the attendees bus their own tables). Biden assured the mess hall Mestizos that “y’all gonna own the country, man,” a statement he only felt comfortable making after the Secret Service cleared the room of blacks.

Speaking of which, Biden declared that Delaware has “the eighth-largest black population,” which made zero sense to anyone in the room, as he was supposed to be speaking about Hispanics. And it’s also a lie (with 318,000 blacks, Delaware ranks No. 34), but attendees brushed it aside because obviously a man who thinks everyone who doesn’t vote for him “ain’t black” would believe the converse, so of course in his mind most of Delaware’s black.

Biden called for a “National Museum of the American Latino” to replace the touring exhibits one finds in Home Depot parking lots.

For his grand finale, Biden declared, “We’re going to ban assault weapons as I did when I was a senator, because when we banned it, the mass murders stopped.”

The federal assault weapons ban was in effect from 1994 to 2004. During that period, the Columbine mass shooting happened, the Atlanta day-trader shooting, the Aiken achin’ black guy shooting, the Connecticut lottery shooting, the Westside Middle School shooting, the Thurston High shooting, the Wedgwood Baptist shooting, the Xerox shooting, the Wakefield shooting, the Lockheed Martin shooting, the Beltway sniper, and about two dozen more.

Isn’t Alex Jones facing bankruptcy for denying just one mass shooting? Denying thirty should be an impeachable offense.

Fortunately for Biden, his flub went unnoticed as none of the attendees spoke English.

*CASTRO’S DISTRICT*

It’s raining menshevik in Havana! Cubans have overwhelmingly approved the legalization of gay marriage. It was a red diaper day for the island’s humpin’ bourgeoisie, as gay partners in the revolutionary paradise can now legally join their zedong to their buttista in holy matrimony, with the full blessing of the state.


But wait; what happened to Hispanics being “natural Republicans”? Traditional-values types who should be welcomed as long as they cross the border with the right paperwork (because paperwork is what separates a good invasion from a bad one; if Hitler had just filled out the right forms, his lebensraum would’ve been legit). Ironically, even the “natural Democrats” of true-blue California rejected gay marriage twice by popular vote. Of course, Cali isn’t a true socialist state (the bourgeois own the beans of production).

The legalization of gay marriage in Cuba is an about-face for a regime that used to put gays in concentration camps where they’d be crammed into cages with hundreds of sweaty, shirtless men and whipped daily by muscular guards.

For this reason, many of Cuba’s gays don’t necessarily consider their new open, legal status a welcome improvement.

Prior to the referendum, Human Rights Watch, the NGO dedicated to censoring speech (“Freedom of expression is not an absolute right” is one of the group’s actual mottos. Its mascot is a guy saying “human rights” while making the “quote/unquote” finger gesture), predicted that the Cuban government would “steal” the vote and lie that the measure failed.

HRW advocates the imprisonment of anyone in the U.S. who “spreads misinformation regarding election integrity.” Now that the org has done exactly that in Cuba, perhaps the now-empty concentration camps for gays could be filled with speech-suppressing “human rights” hypocrites.

Hard to imagine a more popular PR move for the island’s leaders.

*KEYSTONED COPS*

Here’s a simple truism: Oxygen deprivation never improves thinking.

When the hypoxiacs of Colorado passed the nation’s first and most liberal “all pot is legal anywhere, everywhere, and for any reason” law in 2012, nobody but everybody could’ve foreseen that complete decriminalization would spark a “cola war” between pot growers to up THC potency to attract customers. Colorado THC levels have risen to the point where potheads are being institutionalized for psychosis and admitted to ERs with bouts of “scromiting” (“scream vomiting,” all the rage among those who insist pot has no medical downside).

Legislative efforts to regulate THC have been torpedoed by the wealthy and powerful pot lobby. Again, nobody on earth could’ve foreseen that letting pot growers form a legal cartel would lead to them sabotaging all attempts at regulation. Nobody on earth except everybody on earth except Coloradans.

Was the state with the least amount of oxygen really the right place for this experiment?

It’s against this backdrop that, last week, cops in Greeley, Colo., pulled over a spicy Latina named Yareni Rios-Gonzalez, wanted for a road rage incident (most likely another case of taco truck–on–taco truck violence). The cops cuffed Speedy Gonzalez and put her in the back of their cruiser…which they’d absent-mindedly parked on train tracks. Clearly visible train tracks. And when the train came, the cops were like, “Whoa…dude…train,” as they left Gonzalez in the path of the oncoming locomotive (on the bright side, Netflix purchased the body-cam footage for a Hispanic reboot of The Perils of Pauline).

An hour away in Aurora, last week it was confirmed that spaced-out paramedics killed a handcuffed suspect by accidentally giving him an overdose of ketamine.

Turns out “Rocky Mountain High” is better as an anthem than as a work ethic.

*DEEP HINDU-DOO*

When it comes to cheap, unhealthy, worthless food, Top Ramen can’t be beat.

Except by Nithya Raman, a cheap, unhealthy, worthless human who lives by a simple creed: Everybody should have human feces thrown in their face.

In a normal world, Nithya Raman would be in an insane asylum. But in L.A., she’s a city councilwoman.

Raman emigrated from India, having grown up among people for whom flinging human excrement is a friendly greeting. Arriving in L.A., she ran for city council in District 4, which includes the L.A. Zoo (the odors remind Raman of her childhood home).

As councilwoman, Raman cares not for issues like jobs, crime, or transportation. She’s made the focal point of her existence the protection of the “Sherman Oaks $#@!man,” a homeless denizen who carries a bag of his own poo and throws it at restaurant patrons on Ventura Boulevard. Raman has actually threatened action against local business owners who complain about the SOS; they’re “abrogating his rights” and preventing his “self-expression” by trying to stop him from landing face-shots with his feces.

District 4 is 50 percent white, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at Ventura Boulevard diners who, thanks to the SOS, sport the worst kind of blackface.

And while L.A. is being enriched by a devotee of the Kama Pootra, on the opposite coast, children in NYC are suffering long-term emotional and psychological harm from the army of government-protected homeless lunatics who line the streets and sleep in the parks. Kids are being flashed, assaulted, screamed at, and—yes—hit with human poop. And according to a recent study, it’s taking a toll on their mental and emotional well-being (who’d have thought?).

Democrats on both coasts seem unconcerned about repercussions from their mudslinging.

“When I ran for office, I made it clear that environmentalism was a top concern, especially composting,” Nithya Raman told the Scatophilia Sentinel. “I pledged to voters that, if elected, I’d put the issue right in their faces. And I’ve kept my promise, in the most literal sense.”

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-211/

_The Week’s Most Ailing, Failing, and Columbus-Sailing Headlines_
*RAM-COM*
Journalist Chloe Angyal of _Marie Claire_ holds “a Ph.D. in media studies with a focus on romantic comedy.”
 What are the odds she’s _really_ hoping for student loan forgiveness?
 In 2019 she was asked to define what makes a movie a “romantic  comedy” (rom-com). She replied, “a comedic movie, with a romance at its  core, that ends with the couple together.”
 Not _one_ word about penises. And with that omission, “Dr.”  Angyal is now officially a homophobe. Because according to the inflamed  flamers shaking their limp wrists at the moviegoing public for not  patronizing the “gay rom-com” _Bros_, if you don’t like your rom-coms scored with skin flutes, you’re a literal Nazi.

_Bros_, which cost $25 million to make, brought in just $4.8  million. Gays usually don’t see an opening that wrecked outside a prison  shower.
_Bros_ is fudge-packed with anal and oral sex between dudes, which for some reason has caused hetero men and _all_  women to avoid it like the plague. Theater owners unfortunate enough to  have booked the film are encountering an unforeseen problem: Biden  supporters keep wandering in and mistaking the empty theaters for a  rally, and the onscreen moaning and gurgling for one of Biden’s less  incoherent speeches (“I think he’s talking about the Gulp of Oh Man”).
 Gay guys have yet to evolve to where they understand that you can be  accepting of gay relationships yet still repulsed by thinking about  them. It’s like your grandma losing her virginity; you know it happened,  you accept that it happened, but you don’t want to see the old bat  reenact it with a Claussen.
 Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, expect a steady stream of oral-  and anal-sex-filled rom-coms from now on, until the public is finally  beaten into submission. Coming in 2023: _When Hairy Met Salty…_, _Syphilis in Seattle_, _Nutting Hill_, and _How to Loosen a Guy in 10 Days_.
*HE WHO SMÖLT IT*
People who live in gashauses shouldn’t throw steins.
 Jews don’t let just anyone make Hitler analogies. A Democrat can call  any Republican Hitler, but if a Republican calls a Democrat Hitler,  that Republican _becomes_ Hitler.

              Last week Croatia learned the hard way what happens when you try to  label someone Hitler without approval from the copyright holders. When  the Croatian magazine _Express_ published photos of Serbian  President Vučić, Italian Prime Minister Meloni, and Hungarian Prime  Minister Orbán, all adorned with swastikas and Hitler mustaches, the  Simon Wiesenthal Center, official granter of Hitler analogy licenses,  balked.
 “While these three politicians are indeed right-wing conservatives,  to brand them as Nazis is simply a disgusting and unfair description,  which is in extremely poor taste and an insult to the victims of the  Nazis,” the SWC’s Executive Director of Tiresome Kvetching Efraim Zuroff  told _The Jerusalem Post_.
 Yet haven’t _many_ news orgs called Meloni and Orbán “Hitler”?  Why can’t Croatians do it too? Because, the SWC explains, Croatians are  Nazis themselves, having murdered Jews during WWII without ever  apologizing, or building hundreds of Holocaust memorials, or sending  money to Israel to get that wall patched up so the damn thing finally  stops wailing.
 Germans are repentant enough to be allowed to call other Hitlers  Hitler. But Croatians are Hitlers who never apologized for being Hitlers  so they don’t get to say Hitler.
  Meanwhile, also last week, Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose massive  donations to the SWC served as his repentance for having a father who  was a Hitler, pushed his cred a little too far. After visiting the  Auschwitz Museum in Poland (he has a season pass), the former girly-man  governor signed the guestbook with his _Terminator_ catchphrase “I’ll be back.”

              The SWC and other Holocaust orgs initially let it slide (huge checks  can greatly defuse outrage), but they were less forgiving when they  learned how he signed the Anne Frank House guestbook: “Hasta la vista,  baby!”
*THE LEAVE BOAT*
Never underestimate how far leftists will go to reward criminals for  being criminals. In NYC, Mayor Adams is sending every illegal Cruz on a  luxury cruise. The mayor’s ordered a ship from Norwegian Line to dock  off Staten Island as a permanent home for illegals who caravan to the Big Apple.


Fans of classic TV will remember _The Love Boat_, an hourlong  series in which celebrity guest stars found love and laughter every week  on the high seas. Mayor Adams’ plan would make a perfect reboot for  diversity-crazed streaming services.
 Imagine the pilot episode:
 In one cabin, Afghan refugee Ahmad, played by Kumail Nanjiani, is  trying to keep his wife, played by Alia Shawkat, from finding out that  he’s booked a secret cabin for his favorite sex goat (played by Lena  Dunham). The wife eventually finds out and Ahmad beheads her.
 In another cabin, Nigerian refugee Mbenge (played by Chiwetel  Ejiofor) has fallen for Kenyan refugee Ndidi (played by Lupita Nyong’o).  But he’s afraid to let her know that he has monkeypox, while she’s  afraid to let him know that she has AIDS. Turns out they both have  Ebola, and their liquefacted remains are found by the cleaning staff.
 Meanwhile, Mexican coyote Gonzalo (Eugenio Derbez) is concerned that  the two immigrants he’s smuggled aboard as minors (Edward James Olmos  and Rita Moreno) are jeopardizing the ruse by bitching about their  osteoarthritis. Complicating matters, Gonzalo’s fentanyl stash is eaten  by Ahmad’s goat, who dies. Ahmad beheads everyone in Gonzalo’s cabin as  revenge.

 The captain is Caitlyn Jenner, whose poor skills operating moving vehicles ensure that the ship never leaves port.
 Coming to Hulu in 2023.
*A FAREWELL TO ARMS*
As New York preps for a gubernatorial contest between a challenger who  thinks crime should be illegal and an incumbent who thinks complaining  about crime should be illegal, parts of the state have become so  dangerous, even ultraviolent spree-shooters are afraid to walk the  streets.
 In 2004 Albany, an “emotionally disturbed” teen named Jon Romano stormed his high school blasting away with a 12-gauge shotgun.  Fortunately, “emotionally disturbed” doesn’t always mean “crack shot”;  he missed his classmates but blew the leg off a teacher for the  disabled, who you can bet got real tired real fast of people pointing  out the irony.
 Romano was released in 2020, a reformed man. Sixteen years of prison  therapy produced a model citizen. He became an advocate for prison  reform. To Romano, a criminal is just a friend who might shoot your leg  off. Romano also began volunteering at a local homeless shelter…where  last week he was troubled to hear one of the noble residents, a black  gentleman, using coarse racial language (likely while debating the  Grothendieck–Katz curvature).

 Romano gently suggested to the fine transient that perhaps he could moderate his language.
 And the homeless guy screamed, “$#@!ing white devil” and pulled out two samurai swords, chopping off Romano’s arms and legs.
 Amazingly, Romano lived. Doctors were able to reattach the arms,  which had been completely cut off, and the legs, which hung by muscle  strands. Time will tell if the limbs become usable again.
 Bedridden and motionless, now Romano’s the one who has to sit and  listen to an unending stream of pithy comments about irony. It ain’t as  funny when the shoe’s on the other severed foot.
 Meanwhile, the homeless shelter has instituted a “one samurai sword per resident” policy.
 Tough but fair.
*GUILTY BEATS HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM*
And if you think New York’s bad…in California prosecutors can no longer  use a criminal’s murder confession if it has a good beat and you can  dance to it.
 Apparently, too many black rappers were rapping about their crimes.  Experts believe this was based on three main factors: (1) Rappers commit  crimes, (2) rappers rap, (3) rappers aren’t intelligent enough to think  of anything to rap about except the money they make, the ho’s they bed,  and the people they kill.  Rapper Bobby Shmurda was convicted of “killing a nigga” based on a rap  where he confessed to killing a nigga. Lil’ Boosie was convicted of  “killing a nigga who tried to play him” after he confessed in a rap to  killing a nigga who tried to play him. The rapper X-Raided shot a random  grandma in the heart, then posed with the murder weapon on the cover of  his album. Rapper Twain Gotti, accused of choking a guy then shooting  him, was convicted after he rapped, “I choked that guy then shot him.”
 Under a new law that bans the use of rap lyric confessions in murder trials,  none of the above pieces of evidence would’ve been admissible. Black  people in Cali can now openly cop to murder, and as long as they make it  rhyme, prosecutors have to pretend they didn’t hear it.
 The law only applies to rap. White guys singing about shooting men  just to watch ’em die still run the risk of being confronted with their  words at trial. As do Mexicans and their _narcocorridos_. And at competency hearings, ownership of Rush greatest-hits albums can still be used as evidence of mental infirmity.
 Older California felons are likely to try to get their convictions  overturned by claiming that their confessions were actually raps. Sirhan  Sirhan, sitting in a San Diego cell, has been looking for a way out for  a half century. With all previous arguments rejected (although last  year’s “let me out and I’ll kill the anti-vax one” nearly worked),  Sirhan might do well to claim that the “confession” found in his  notebook, “Let us do it do it it it, let us do it Sirhan,” was just a rap in progress.
 And frankly, considering the average rap lyric, it’s not that bad.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-212/

Takimag 

October 16, 2022

The Week’s Most Snatching, Hatching, and Pumpkin-Patching Headlines

*IT’S THE GREAT PUNKIN’, GNARLY BROWN*

History has a habit of repeating itself, especially for those too stupid to learn from their mistakes. Like the GOP.

The 2010 New York gubernatorial race became goober-natorial when an oddball black named Jimmy McMillan grabbed 15 minutes of fame (short of the 24 minutes and a mule he demanded) by running as the Rent Is Too Damn High candidate.

McMillan had one platform (guess).

Certain Republicans (Roger Stone…yes, that Roger Stone) saw in the “populist” McMillan (a male stripper who once tried to climb the Brooklyn Bridge brandishing a knife) the legendary “black standard-bearer” the GOP has long prophesied will one day arrive to deliver the party to eternal victory.

Sadly, just like every year with Linus, the Great Pimpkin always disappoints. McMillan turned out to be obsessed with Jews, claiming they ran the slave trade and aren’t real Jews anyway—blacks are the real Jews.

Last week, Tucker Carlson declared that he’s finally found the Moses (Malone) who’ll lead the GOP to the promised land: Kanye West. Unfortunately, “Ye” followed his interview with Tuck by stating that “the Jews” are out to get him and Jews aren’t real Jews anyway—blacks are the real Jews.

Kanye said similar things during the interview, but they were edited out, along with his claim that impostor robot children are haunting his mansion (unbeknownst to Carlson, “excised” video can be copied). Meanwhile, Ye’s BLMFF Candace Owens declared that it wasn’t anti-Semitic for him to tweet that he’s going “death con 3 on Jewish people” because “defcon” is “a defensive measure” (she also misrepresented an email from Chase to make it appear as though the bank canceled Ye over his comments).

And if all that weren’t enough, the impostor robot children got aborted by Herschel Walker.

Good grief!

*ISMAILIS VS. SHEMAILIS*

Hamtramck, Mich., was founded by Polish immigrants. It was a very Polish city. They used to have a library, until someone colored in the book. They closed their hall of records because the needle broke. They didn’t levy taxes, because no one in town was Jewish. They once tried to elect a standing committee, but folks didn’t want to be on their feet all day. There’s no city seal because they couldn’t build a big enough pond.

But these days, Hamtramck has gone from 90 percent Polish to 90 percent Muslim (in 2013 it became the first Muslim-majority city in the U.S.).

Why Muslims would flock to a city with “ham” in the name is a mystery.

What’s not a mystery is that the akbars of Hamtramck and nearby Dearborn (42 percent Arab) are not pleased with the fact that schools in greater metro Detroit are going tranny. Last week furious Muslims stormed a school board meeting, demanding the removal of LGBT books and lesson plans. According to the Detroit Free Press, protesters carried signs saying “Stop brainwash our children,” “Quit grooming students, you sexually perverted animals,” “Homosexuality Big Sin,” and “If democracy matters, we’re the majority.”

When a tranny counterprotester named Sam Smalley told the Muslims they were hurting his feelings, one hetero haji replied, “Go cry!”

“Try to make our kids ‘gender*****’? Ummah kick your ass.”

The Free Press tried to blame “conservative Christians” for “influencing some in the city’s Muslim population.” Sure, because if there’s one thing Muslims are, it’s easily swayed by other faiths. Remember that time an Israeli asked Hamas, “Oy, enough with the terrorism already, okay?” and Hamas was like, “Whatever you say, boss—the Jewed abides.”

For leftist school boards, the Muslim protests pose a dilemma; normally, tranny propagandists aren’t up against people who have a habit of getting homicidal when they get mad. All of a sudden, that kindergarten textbook Muhammad Has Two Daddies doesn’t seem like such a swell idea.

Although, to be fair, these days Islamists don’t refer to their favorite pastime as “beheading,” but “stature reassignment surgery.”

*SICK OR TREAT*

Of course we need cheap illegal labor! Who else will pick the fruits and vegetables? The next time you buy low-priced California-grown lettuce, grapes, or strawberries, thank immigrants for the bounty.

And also for the syphilis.

Seriously, get tested.

Migrant laborers in California’s Central Valley are dealing with backs that aren’t just wet, but covered in sores. Syphilis is ripping through the state’s agriculture belt like a Cantinflas film: painful to experience and not funny. As reported in the Orange County Register last week, state experts can’t figure out why this disease, once considered nearly eradicated in California in the 1990s, has bounced back, predominantly among migrant laborers.

These “state experts” can’t put two and two together that the increase parallels the state’s open-border policies, because these “state experts” have degrees from state schools. Elementary logic eludes them, but they can name all 57 genders and recite every poem about the death of Emmett Till.

The virulent syphilis strain tearing through the valley leaves its victims bald, with a stooped gait and pockmarked face. Severity of symptoms are gauged on a chart from “Edward James Olmos in real life” (treatable) to “Edward James Olmos as Jaime Escalante” (terminal).

The state is having trouble controlling the epidemic because most of its STD funds have been earmarked for monkeypox. So because gays can’t keep it in their pants, your Trader Joe’s lettuce will make you die like Al Capone.

But while gays have no plans to curtail their poxing, they are quite intent on making sure you don’t hurt their feelings. Last week Yahoo! News ran a piece telling Americans not to dress up as “monkeypox” for Halloween. “No, you’re not going to make fun of folks suffering from a painful, uncomfortable viral disease,” ace scribe Tyler Schoeber (who looks rather diseased himself) lectured. “Do better.”

Fortunately, syphilitic Mexican costumes are still okay. And the best part is, they come free of charge with a box of California strawberries.

*WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS SLAYS IN VEGAS*

Speaking of illegals, the only thing worse than an illegal Guatemalan is an illegal Guatemalan with attitude. Guatemalans are why Mexico enforces its southern border. 

When even Mexicans find a people distasteful, you better believe they’re distasteful.

So when Biden, AOC, and Vice President Cackles lionize these unwanted caravaners as not only heroes but better than native-born Americans, they’re giving a big head to the worst possible people.

Case in point, last week a Guatemalteco named Yoni Barrios was parading around Vegas. And why not parade? An illegal, he’d been caught-and-released a dozen times, even avoiding charges of domestic violence, because again and again the system told him how special he is. Too special to deport; better than any stupid “citizen.”

While walking by the Wynn Hotel on the Strip, Barrios spied a couple of beautiful white showgirls. He strode up to them and pompously announced, “I’m a chef! Take a picture with me.”

In the Southwest, a Hispanic who works in a restaurant kitchen is about as common as a Jew who doesn’t. And when the showgirls rejected the offer to have their photo taken with Chef Boyardeeportee, “Bobby Flay” became “Bobby Fillet,” as Barrios sliced up the ladies with a kitchen knife, killing one.

Though he’s being held without bond in a Clark County cell, Barrios has already been offered his own cooking show by Hulu.

Behold Raul Julia Child.

*AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DEFERENT*

Poor John Cleese; he’s seen comedy come full circle. Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a rebellion against the vaudeville-esque British humor of old. In the 1960s, music hall “my wife” jokes were seen as cornball and unhip:

“I’m going to the doctor’s, I don’t like the look of my wife.”
“I’ll come with you, I hate the sight of mine.”

Ba-dum-bum.

So Monty Python gave the world the Spanish Inquisition, Scotsmen and blancmanges, penguins on the telly, and silly walks. It was seen as heretical—blasphemous, even—because it tossed out the rules of comedy (setup, punchline). The Pythons were rebels.

And now here’s Cleese, turning 83 next week, being pilloried in the press as a heretic and a blasphemer…for telling the exact jokes he once rebelled against for being too safe.

“John Cleese Has Officially Gone Over to the Dark Side,” screamed the MSN headline. He’s “gone right-wing.”

Why? Because he tells “wife jokes” (Cleese has spent much of the past decade joking about his expensive divorces), which are now considered “sexist, misogynist hate-speech.” These days, if you tell a “take my wife” joke in London, you’ll get a visit from Chief Superintendent Harry “Snapper” Organs, who’ll book you for violating British speech codes.

Cleese, the insurgent, was too successful. His “revolutionary” comedy helped take down the old guard of upper-class twits, and they’ve been replaced by a new guard of tranny Paki noggy-woggy twits who are fine with Scotsmen and blancmanges, but don’t dare joke about anyone who’s not a white hetero male. Indeed, last week Cleese was cut off mid-sentence while being interviewed on the BBC when he ventured into criticism of wokeness.

Shut up and do your silly walk, boomer.

Cleese’s former Python mate Eric Idle, always deferential to the woke mob, told The Guardian that people like Cleese just need to go off and die. “We are no longer speaking to today’s generation. We’re old farts. We should be left to go quietly to bed and watch the telly.”

Hopefully there’s no penguin on it.

Or reruns of Benny Hill, a show once seen as hackneyed, but one that’s become, in today’s climate, as dangerous to the social order as the Pythons were a half century ago.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-213/

_The Week’s Flukiest, Kookiest, and Spookiest Headlines_
*AFRICAN-AMERICAN SNIPER*
NewsOne bills itself as “Breaking News for Black People.” It carries  headline stories of national importance (“Black woman receives cold  fries; a nation mourns”), entertainment news (“Netflix to turn cold  fries saga into movie starring Lupita Nyong’o”), advice columns (“Dear  NewsOne: I received cold fries and my boyfriend didn’t shoot anybody.  Does he really love me?”), puzzles (“six-letter word for proper response  to cold fries; starts with ‘mu’ and ends with ‘er.’”), and comic strips  (“Good grief; Franklin shot Charlie Brown over cold fries!”).
 Last month, an anonymous Facebook poster claimed that he and his  accomplices were planning to commit a white-supremacist mass shooting at  an Alabama county fair: “We are coming to the Opelika Alabama fair to  kill every NEGRO that we lay eye contact on so be prepared. WHITE  POWER.”
 The post was adorned with Confederate flags and swastikas.
 NewsOne jumped on the story, assigning ace reporter Zack Linly.  Linly is as good as they come. A real Perry Antiwhite, a Lois Stay in  Your Lane, a Clark Kente, a J. Jomamah Jameson. There ain’t a journalist  alive with better instincts. He looked at the Facebook post and knew it  couldn’t possibly be a hoax. Indeed, in his analysis, it was proof of _genocide_  against blacks: “It’s funny how Black people can be so frustrated and  have so much resentment for white America but we’re never out here  threatening to kill white people randomly and en masse.”

              Indeed, it’s rarely “en masse.” It’s usually one at a time.
   “One can only wonder how it is that people who represent roughly 13%  of the population cause these violent thugs so much stress they feel the  need to exterminate us on sight,” Linly added.
 Unfortunately, turns out the “shooter” was one of that 13 percent. Last week police arrested 18-year-old Louisiana black kid Pharrell Smith for posting the threat. He’ll be facing terrorism charges.
 And Linly, whose Spidey-sense was so on the nose? He won a Pulitzer Prize.
  Correction: He’s one prize putz.
*DEAF TRAGEDY JAM*
Broadway _grande dame_ Patti LuPone is known for her red-hot  Sicilian temper; she feuds with costars and directors, she trashes  dressing rooms. When she played the mom on the 1990s TV show _Life Goes On_,  the infamous series finale in which half the characters died of AIDS  wasn’t even scripted; the actors literally contracted AIDS just to get  out of working with her (yes, even the Down syndrome kid).

              LuPone is especially well-known for stopping Broadway shows cold to  yell at audience members. A dozen times over the past decade she’s  halted a show to grab a patron’s phone, or lecture them for talking,  texting, or, infamously last May, for not wearing a mask.
 So fearsome is LuPone’s reputation that in 2018, when Broadway okayed  a phone app that lets deaf audience members read real-time  closed-captioned onstage dialogue, AARP celebrated the invention as the one device Patti LuPone can’t seize.
 Sadly, _grande dumb_ Lillias White didn’t get the memo. A  hefty black actress permanently embittered over being called “lily-ass  white” every day of her life, last week White was in the middle of a  performance of the musical _Hadestown_ (a sassy black take on  Greek gods, with characters like Afrodite and Nappy Hera) when she spied  an audience member using the captioning app. Recalling how LuPone is  celebrated for her tantrums, White followed suit, stopping the show to  yell at the deaf woman.
 When the deaf woman cried on Instagram  about being humiliated for using an approved device, the theater,  mindful of a possible ADA lawsuit, apologized, which enraged White, who  deemed it racist that LuPone can yell at audience members but she can’t.  Which enraged black Broadway star James Harkness,  who declared that if a black woman can’t yell at audience members,  LuPone shouldn’t be allowed to either. Which enraged LuPone, who became  so furious at the thought of not yelling at audience members, she  angrily announced her retirement.
  If you think this is crazy, consider that people pay $500 per ticket  to be abused by these pompous morons, when they could be yelled at for  free by the homeless at any subway station.

              Broadway’s the one thing Covid _should’ve_ killed.
*BEYOND MEATHEADS*
The Dutch have declared war on meat! And why not? Now that pot’s  legalized everywhere, cities like Amsterdam need to come up with a new  gimmick to attract young idiots from around the world. And what’s more  popular among young idiots than veganism?


Mindful of that, the Dutch have decided to exterminate meat  consumption, in part to end “global warming,” and in part because  Netherlanders have empathy for farm animals, whose barnyard noises  mirror their own language (“Duur groot muur heeft oop aak ook”…that’s a _real_ Dutch sentence).
 The city of Haarlem (motto: “Relax—not the one with black people”) has banned all advertising for meat products, and the Amsterdam suburb of Wageningen is attempting to ban meat itself. Dubbed “Vegan Valley,”  Wageningen is host to dozens of companies dedicated to developing faux  meats made from insects, algae, fungi, mycobacteria, and other  substances that still have more taste than a Domino’s pizza.
 With meat being outlawed throughout the Netherlands, doughty  resisters are building secret annexes to hide their Anne Frankfurters;  if caught, those in possession of beef will be sent to Impossible  Burgen-Belsen.
 Oddly enough, as government ideologues act like veganism is the way  of the future, in the real world, Beyond Meat was forced to cut 19  percent of its global workforce due to plummeting sales.
 The good news for stockholders is that the company is offering  recipes to turn worthless stock certificates into paper-based Salisbury  steak.
 Also last week, Beyond Meat was forced to fire its COO Doug Ramsey after he bit off a man’s nose in a road-rage incident, thus proving that any person deprived of meat will resort to extremes.
 Still, the Ramsey incident led to a Vegan Valley company developing  the “Impossible Dahmer”: gluten-free soy-based life-size gay  prostitutes, for the cannibal with an environmental conscience.
*GOOSE STEPPIN’ FETCHIT*
Last week, to mark the conclusion of the High Holy Days, the ghost of  Hitler materialized to tell the Jews to Sukkot long, Sukkot hard.
 High Holy Days? More like Heil Holy Days.
 First, a former TMZ staffer claimed that in an unaired 2018 interview,  Kanye West professed his admiration for Hitler. While this may not seem  out of character considering Kanye’s recent “tomorrow the world” tour  in which he’s brought his unique brand of Otto-tuned anti-Jewishness to  podcasts and talk shows, in fact rumor has it that Kanye once had a  major beef with Hitler for trying to annex Kim Kardashian’s ass for  lebensraum.
 Next, the usual suspects condemned  Donald Trump as “Hitler” for social media posts in which he ordered  “U.S. Jews” to “get their act together,” which leftists interpreted as a  threat but which was more likely a confused demand for the return of  the Ritz Brothers.
 Not to be outdone, conservative org Accuracy in Media (AIM) drove a digitally animated sieg-heiling Hitler truck  through Berkeley, Calif., to show support for Israel. When enraged (and  confused) Jews began pelting the truck with rocks, the AIM staffers  realized that maybe it’s finally time to stop taking advice from Frank  Luntz. At least the Hitler truckers made it out alive; the AIM activists  driving the Klanmobile through Oakland weren’t so lucky.
 Lastly, England’s Channel 4 drew criticism for purchasing one of Hitler’s paintings (his 1912 masterwork _Jude Descending a Staircase_) for a live TV program in which the audience will vote on whether to destroy  it. Rabbi Marvin Hier of the Simon Wiesenthal Center condemned Channel 4  for “trivializing the Holocaust.” He then retreated to the Museum of  Tolerance gift shop to restock the “_Boo_-chenwald” Halloween costumes and Zyklondike ice cream bars.
 That was a lot of Hitler for one week. Next week: the annual NAACP Emmett Till-a-thon.
*FLOYD THE BARBITURATE*
Speaking of Kanye…
 In 1785, Ben Franklin wrote, “It is better 100 guilty Persons should escape than that one innocent Person should suffer.”
 Lesser-known but far more prescient is the sentence that followed:  “Unless black people are burning down the nation, in which case, put any  innocent guy behind bars if it’ll save the Walgreens.”
 Last week Kanye took a break from blaming the Jews for killing the  Humpty Dance guy to announce on a podcast that George Floyd died from a  fentanyl overdose. This outrageous, appalling claim is backed by _nothing_ except hard scientific evidence, meaning it _must_ be false.
 While the podcast hosts quickly pulled the episode  out of a sense of duty (the duty to not be immolated by a mob of ghetto  thugs), Floyd’s family members, grieving all the way to the Swiss bank,  announced that they’re filing a $250 million lawsuit against West for defaming the memory of the Fentle Giant.
 According to the Floyd estate’s attorneys, along with defamation, the  family is suing for “harassment, misappropriation, and infliction of  emotional distress,” the latter resulting from a fear that West’s  comments might prompt people to actually read the coroner’s report.
 In a heartwarming act of solidarity, BLM offered to cheer the family  up by burning down an old white lady’s house, but even that was no balm  for the pain caused by an accurate reading of a medical document.
 According to all parties in the suit, an out-of-court compromise  might be possible: Both sides would sack Beverly Hills again, allowing  West to get some payback against the Jews, and giving the aggrieved  family members the opportunity to grab as many Nikes as they can carry.
 Can’t we all just loot along?

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-214/

October 29, 2022

The Week That Perished
photo credit: Bigstock
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The Week’s Most Randying, Bandying, and Halloween Candying Headlines

HAPPY HITLERWEEN!
With Halloween parties and trick-or-treating back in full-swing post-pandemic, the woke scribes who make a living telling white folks how to dress for the season are back too, to tell you what costumes to avoid.

Sesali Bowen is Refinery29’s in-house Halloween decolonizer. Proprietor of BadFatBlackGirl.com, Bowen is a one-woman supply-chain crisis, leaving supermarket shelves barren of candy every October (and the rest of the year).

She’s so black and massive, her Halloween costume is “the universe before the Big Bang.”

This week, she released her No. 1 Halloween no-no for whitey, No alteration of skin color or hairstyle: “If you can’t pull off the costume with the skin and hair that you currently have, pick something else.”

No widow’s peak? Lay off that Dracula outfit!

Bowen commands whites to examine their “relationship to the culture that’s being referenced in your costume,” and “stay in your lane.”

Almost sounds like permission to embrace white nationalism for Halloween.

Forget “almost.” Another rotund black woman in a year-round Grimace costume, Sassy Latte over at CafeMom, straight-out commands whites to only dress up as “your own Eurocentric history.”

Absolute genius! “Eurocentrism” as the key to anti-racism. So, white people, get those King Leopold costumes ready, and really play the part: Seize everyone else’s candy and make it yours. Grab your Master Race-inets, add another “K” to your Kit Kat, and slap a yellow star on those Jewnior Mints.

It’s your Candymanifest Destiny.

CHANCE THE GARBLER
John Fetterman’s debate performance last week left no doubt that the bizarre-looking Democrat isn’t right in the cue ball. Halting and monosyllabic, Fetterman did little to instill confidence (his aides blamed the poor showing on his electronic captioning device, which, they claim, accidentally played a nonstop loop of the Jetsons song “Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah”).

Rushing in to save “Goomba from the Mario Brothers movie,” MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell delivered a lengthy monologue about how having a stroke is actually good, because Churchill had one and he defeated Hitler, and Roosevelt had a brain hemorrhage and he ended the Depression (in fact, Churchill did have a stroke at the end of his wildly unpopular final term as prime minister, and it killed his political career).

Who can forget brain-injured FDR’s inspiring words from Dec. 7, 1941: “Today is a day that will glivst im blinklammby.”

Hopefully, Democrat politicos will show commitment to the bit and invite constituents to beat them over the head with heavy objects so they can all join the stroke club. A Fetterman win would almost be worth it if it leads to Americans being able to go Three Stooges on the Squad.

O’Donnell lamented that unlike in olden times, when politicians could hide their strokes, paralysis, hemorrhages, and spastic colons, today it’s almost impossible to keep such infirmities from public view. If only voters would just shut up and not look!

Funny enough, Populace, a D.C. think tank, released a study last week confirming that voters have been so bullied by the press and Big Tech, they no longer feel comfortable expressing their political views in public. So even though voters can no longer be shielded from the sight of gibbering mouth-breathers like Fetterman, Biden, and Harris, they can at least be bullied into silence about it.

As stroked-out Churchill famously said in June 1940, “We shall shrite them on the gleeches.”

REAPING UP WITH THE JONESES
It was a very odd false flag. According to Alex Jones and his “expert,” “Dr.” James Fetzer, the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax perpetrated by the Obama administration as a pretext for ending the Second Amendment. But in fact, not only was the Second not ended, thanks to the current SCOTUS, it was strengthened.

“As stroked-out Churchill famously said in June 1940, ‘We shall shrite them on the gleeches.’”
Jones and Fetzer, on the other hand, are quite ended, hit with massive judgments from civil suits brought by the parents of Sandy Hook victims.

Oh, the irony! Two men done in by the very hoax they tried to expose; a hoax that would’ve actually done no harm had they not spoken of it. Americans still got their guns, whereas Jones and Fetzer don’t got their money.

For Fetzer’s part, the little setback of the civil judgment won’t stop him from exposing conspiracies that don’t accomplish the things they’re supposed to. His current “best-seller” offered by Moon Rock Books (established to expose the moon landings as fake) alleges that the Parkland shooting was a hoax perpetrated to stop Florida from voting GOP in 2018.

Okay, is it really worth it to continually risk lawsuits by exposing hoaxes that never do the things they’re supposed to do? These are the most incompetent false flags ever! They actually accomplish the opposite of what the perpetrators desire: The Second Amendment’s expanded and Florida’s gone red.

So if nobody’s actually killed in these fake shootings, why bother bringing them up? Let the crisis actors have their summer (bump) stock; just stop paying attention, right?

Unless people like Jones and Fetzer aren’t really interested in exposing “the truth” as much as they just want to sell books. And if the recent billion-dollar judgment against Jones, and the possible $2.5 trillion punitive judgment sought by the families, has taught these super-truthers anything, it’s that the term “public figure” exists for a reason.

Buzz Aldrin? Harrison Schmitt? Say what you want about those guys; they have to take it. But leave parents of murdered kids alone.

Keep shooting for the moon, Jones and Fetzer. Unlike those lying crisis-astronauts, one day you might reach it.

WAIVE YOUR BANNERS
Orwell wrote, “If you want a picture of the future, imagine Rebecca Klar’s boot stamping on the ashes of your grandma—forever.”

That might not be the real quote, but who needs standards of accuracy? Certainly not Rebecca Klar, tech reporter at The Hill. Ms. Klar is the Gen Z future of journalism…as frightening a notion as anything in Orwell’s oeuvre.

Klar once bragged on Twitter about having gone to Auschwitz to “stand on the ashes of our ancestors” (oh, that Gen Z and its TikTok fads). A vegan with a lifelong Justin Bieber obsession and deep thoughts about Taylor Swift (“everytime taylor performs at one of these thigns eveyroen says she cnt sing. like $#@! you! hwo cares wat u thin!”), Klar graduated from Binghamton University in 2017 with a BA in “rhetoric” (a degree that comes in two-ply for maximum comfort when wiping).

Last week, Klar took the vegan gluten-free fair-trade free-range doobie from her mouth and banged out a masterpiece about the dangers of the new trend in which “billionaires are buying, creating and investing in social media apps.”

Wait, wasn’t that already a thing? Zuckerberg, Dorsey? Aren’t they billionaires? Didn’t they own social media apps?

Please! As one of Klar’s “experts” points out, those billionaires are “trustworthy.” The ones to worry about are (in Klar’s words) the “right-wingers.” Musk, Thiel. They’re, like, totally not trustworthy! Why, they might’ve actually allowed discussion of the Hunter Biden laptop story. So fcuk thenmn; hwo cares wat thye thinc!

Meanwhile, as Musk takes the reins at Twitter, the platform’s career censors, the shadowbanners who sit around all day waiting to suspend anyone who believes in biological sex, have penned an open letter “demanding” that Musk not fire them, because if Twitter users get to openly express their views, it’ll be bad for “the public conversation.”

“If you allow people to converse it’ll end conversing as we know it! The best conversations are the ones where nobody converses.”

The odds of Musk being moved by that open letter are about as good as the odds of trannies remaining on Twitter once people are free to point out that they’re just ugly dudes in lipstick.

Still, if the open letter doesn’t impress Musk, perhaps Rebecca Klar can get through to him with the wit and clarity that’s her trademark: “Fkuc yu, Elwon, eveyoen htaes you, d’ton fier th bnaners.”

BEER HALL PUTZ
Call it “Night of the Long Teeth.” A 75-year-old grandma was arrested in Saxony last week for trying to single-handedly overthrow the German government and reinstall the Kaiser. The old kroner’s plot was simple: blow up a power station, cause a blackout, and, in the ensuing chaos, topple the government.

Okay, kaboomer.

According to German authorities, the stoopin’führer, identified in the German press as “Elisabeth R.,” was arrested under the Night and Fogy Decree. Investigators say they found Axis memorabilia in her home. She told police her goal in life was to plan a coup even more retarded than Mishima’s.

Geezer Braun is being held in the notorious Fossilburg concentration camp (it was either that or Biddy-Belsen). In keeping with its policy of banning all speech and symbols associated with nationalists, the German government has ordered all copies of Titanic to have the old lady edited out, and 10 years in prison will be the fate of any German who says, “Where’s the beef?”

Yet that wasn’t the dumbest “old Nazi” story last week. That award goes to disgraced actor Kevin Spacey, who took the stand at his sexual-assault civil trial and blamed his love of molesting boys on the fact that his father was a Nazi.

Apparently, Spacey’s dad encouraged him to form his own Dirlewanger Brigade in order to properly administer his jugendmannschaft to a kindertransport.

That would explain Spacey’s early musical endeavor, Boys II Mengele.

Spacey’s “I fondle boys because my dad was Hitler” defense (a.k.a. “Soup Nazi to nuts”) totally worked; he was acquitted. Word is, he’s on his way to South America to stage a real-life reboot of Boys From Brazil.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-215/

_The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Gain-an-Houring Headlines_
*COUNTING (JIM) CROWS*
Orwell was a genius. Prescient, prophetic, a visionary.
 Well, in everything but title choices. Because while you’ve certainly heard of _1984_ and _Animal Farm_, it’s less likely you’ve ever come across his 1939 essay “Not Counting *******.”
 Gee, wonder why nobody’s made that one into a movie (well, give Tarantino time…).
 “Not Counting *******” is Orwell’s screed against the hypocrisy of  British anti-fascists, who in 1939 were screaming “democracy” and  “freedom” while ignoring the millions of darkies oppressed by the  Empire.

              It’s a fine essay, if you get past the title or at least replace the hard-_r_ with an _a_  (although “Not Counting Niggas” is already taken; it’s a rap group  comprised of math-illiterate students from Detroit public schools).
   Orwell, a consummate journalist, would surely find humor in the fact  that today’s journalists are literally “counting *******.” In the wake  of Elon Musk’s takeover of Twitter, major news organs like _Forbes_, _The Washington Post_, and NPR have assigned reporters to count every tweeted “n-word” since Musk took charge.
 “Use of the n-word on the app spiked nearly 500 percent over the 12 hours after Musk’s deal was finalized,” cried the _WaPo_.  The Michael Richardsing of Twitter has gotten so bad, the Biden  administration is exploring options for *****ing—sorry, LGBTQing—the  deal. The Treasury Department is looking into whether Musk’s ties to  foreign governments could be used to reverse the purchase.
 Last week Musk declared that he’s standing by the site’s leftist “head of integrity,” Yoel Roth, who likens Republicans to Nazis. Roth insists that “hateful” accounts will continue to be banned.
  Just not ones that use the “n-word.”
 Never forget that Musk is a troll by nature, and the best troll on  rightists would be to allow moronic “n-word” tweets while keeping  highbrow intellectual race-realists like Jared Taylor banned. Today’s  rightists put a lot of faith in billionaire genies, often forgetting  that those “three wishes” tales always have ironic twist endings.

*KOSTÜMKAMPF*
Adolf Hitler walks into a bar. An old Jew approaches him.
 “Hey, Mista Goosestep, how’s about you buy me a drink?”
 Shocked, Hitler replies, “Buy _you_ a drink? _You?_ A swinish Jew? That’ll be the day.”
 Turning to the other bar patrons, the Jew announces, “Look who’s too cheap to buy somebody a drink! The führer’s a cheapskate!”
  “Cheap?” replies Hitler. “I’ll show you cheap. I’ll buy everybody in this bar _but_ you the finest whiskey. Hell, I won’t just buy them a glass; I’ll buy each one a _bottle_. And I’ll force you to watch as they drink.”

              Hitler tells the bartender to give bottles of the most expensive  whiskey to the patrons. The tab is astronomical, but Hitler happily  pays.


“There,” he says to the Jew. “Who’s the cheapskate now?”
 The Jew starts laughing uncontrollably.
 “What’s so funny, you old bastard?” Hitler asks.
 The Jew replies, “I’m the owner, you schmuck.”
 That Jew was Solomon Feinblatz. His last words before being shot were, “It was _woith_ it.”
 It was a Hitlery Halloween this year, as the long-dead dictator made  several high-profile appearances at shindigs around the country. And  yes, Hitler _did_ walk into a bar—a Manhattan wiseacre in a Hitler costume went (Wilhelm) Frick-or-treating at a posh SoHo pub. Facing hostile patrons and staff, the anschlush was quickly evacuated to the East (Village).
 Meanwhile, in Wisconsin, a worker from the Madison Children’s Museum  thought it would be a hoot to go Treblinka-treating on the U Wisconsin  campus. Turns out the man is mentally handicapped, and he thought his  costume was making fun of the führer, not celebrating him.
 The unfortunate Rein Man, who’d eked out a bare existence over the  past ten years by working at the museum as part of its  hire-the-handicapped program, was quickly fired thanks to demands from local Jewish groups. Because starving the disabled is a great way to prove you’re anti-Nazi.
 Madison Jews win this year’s Irony Cross.
*A ROSENFELD BY ANY OTHER NAME*
As Madison Jews were winning the war against Simple Jackboot, over in London, theater fairies were showing how to _really_ combat anti-Semitism: by excluding Jews!
 The Icarus Theatre Collective is staging a version of _Romeo and Juliet_ set in Nazi Germany. In this “brilliant” reimagining, Romeo is a Hitler Youth and Juliet is a persecuted Jew.
 In Shakespeare’s original, the Montagues and Capulets were equally at  fault for their misfortune. So right there you have a small problem  with the Icarus production: The Third Reich and Germany’s Jews weren’t  exactly equals in the fight.
 But amazingly, that isn’t the production’s biggest problem. _This_ is: The casting call for the actors stated “no Jews allowed.”
 Sorry, Jews, you’re not victim enough for a play about Jewish  victimization. The producers were only looking for “non-binary artists,  and/or those of global majority, black or Asian heritage.”
 Yes, while Kanye and Kyrie make headlines in the U.S. by declaring  that blacks are the real Jews, the British theater went one better by  declaring that everyone _but_ Jews are the real Jews.
 A “global majority” African is far more Jewish than Jerry Seinfeld could ever be: “What’s the deal with Ebola? Vomiting _and_  diarrhea? I mean, come on. Pick an orifice and stick with it.” And who  better to play a Jew than a nonbinary trans-femme Chinawoman? Besides,  you can’t tell an Asian to stay in their lane. Haven’t you ever seen  them drive?
 After receiving complaints from British Jewish organizations, Icarus  backpedaled, claiming the original casting notice was a “mistake.” A new  casting call went out seeking a Juliet “preferably from a Jewish  background.”
 Or at least with a Jewish name. Will Whoopi Goldberg do? America would be happy to see her go.
*“THERE ZE IS, ZIRS AMERICA”*
Beauty pageants have come a long way. Back in 1980, a young born-again  Christian named Cheryl Prewitt was crowned Miss America. Prewitt had a  truly inspiring tale: As a child, she’d suffered sexual assault _and_ a near-fatal car accident (_never_  hire Ted Kennedy as a sitter). As a result of the accident, her mangled  left leg ended up being two inches shorter than her right.
 When she was a teen, Prewitt attended a tent revival in Jackson,  Mississippi, where the preacher laid hands on her and prayed to Jesus to  grow her leg. “I sat and watched my leg grow out instantaneously two  inches,” Prewitt told the AP (the preacher went on to become in-house chaplain of the West Hollywood YMCA).
 Reporters mercilessly mocked Prewitt’s story. Imagine, thinking you can grow a leg just by the power of prayer.
 How ridiculous!
 And how times have changed. Last week, the Miss Universe pageant was bought by a tranny Thai-coon named  Chakrapong Chakrajutathib (his mom named him by shaking a Boggle tray).  Chakakhan Chalkaratatatat was born a man but claims he transformed into  a woman by the power of thought. And now he goes by “Anne,” and nobody  in the media questions it, because whereas the notion of Jesus growing a  leg by two inches is ridiculous, the idea that a male can wish himself  female is _science_!
 The same press orgs that viciously attacked Prewitt—deeming her a “danger to the nation” by spreading “fundamentalism”—are now applauding Chickenpong Chickpeajub for “her” bravery, as they celebrate _her_ “fundamentalism.”
 To be fair, as a Thai, Chittybangbang wasn’t dimorphic to begin with.  Still, questions remain about the extent to which the pageant will  change now that it’s run by a shemale. With standards of female beauty  abandoned and female identity denied, 2023 might be the year Brian  Stelter makes his big comeback…in a tiara.
*SOUTHERN HEMISFEAR*
There’s never a reason for people in the U.S. to follow South American  politics. Regardless of which party wins, which ideology, which  strongman, which junta, the result is always the same: caravans crashing  our border.
 A right-winger becomes _presidente_? Nonbinary BIPOCs head north to escape “persecution.” A left-winger wins? Starving peons trek north to escape famine.
 In Brazil last week someone named Lula beat someone named Bolsonaro, and supporters of the latter are rioting in the streets  out of sheer embarrassment that their guy got beaten by a dude named  “Lula.” Bolsonaro has refused to concede, and in the resulting melees,  supporters of both candidates are kicking each other in the  balls-and-nardos, like any of it matters.
 The only people concerned about Brazil are the foreign pedos who made  the effort to learn Portuguese to better facilitate their hookups.
 Meanwhile, in Venezuela, you’d think the president there is Joe Biden. Inflation’s soared 359 percent over the past month, leaving many essentials, like food and María Conchita Alonso albums, out of reach of the average Venezuelan.
 And of course, millions of Venezuelans are making plans to venture  north, thanks to the Democrats and their wide-open border and  Republicans who’ve embraced the bizarre notion that a flood of Hispanic  immigrants can save their party.
 So who cares about Brazilian elections or Venezuelan inflation? One  way or another, these people are gonna be your new neighbors. One-fifth  of all Venezuelans have already fled their country. Last week a bunch of  these “dreamers” attempted to swarm U.S. border guards in El Paso;  carrying a giant Venezuelan flag (because they’re “natural  Republicans”), the blight brigade charged the guards, who responded with  “pepper balls”—tiny projectiles filled with spicy powder.

 Yeah, exactly the way to repel people who wean their babies on tiger peppers.
 Might as well hand out plantains, too; these new cheap laborers will work better on a full stomach.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-216/

_The Week’s Most Perming, Squirming, and Midterming Headlines_
*GUNFIGHT AT THE O.G. CORRAL*
In _The Little Mermaid_, Hans Christian Andersen described Ariel  as “white,” with “pale skin” and “blue eyes.” The character was  specifically Caucasian; after all, she could swim.
 Plus, that time she was given cold fries at the Mariana Trench McDonald’s, she didn’t shoot the singing lobster who served her.
 When Disney announced that the new live-action Ariel would be black,  leftists rejoiced at the trashing of Andersen’s vision. After all, he  was probably a _racist_ who injected Tuskegee Airmen with  syphilis and killed Emmett Till with Bubba Wallace’s noose (MSNBC can  confirm both of those stories).
 And anyway, made-up is made-up. It ain’t like mermaids are real.

              But Butch Cassidy was. The Old West outlaw was as real and as white  as they come, but that hasn’t stopped Amazon from greenlighting a new  streaming series starring black actor Regé-Jean Page as Butch.
   Leftists have been silent on the blacking-up of this decidedly _non_fictional character (a move that’s a direct violation of Amazon Studios’ “stay-in-your-lane” diversity codes).
 In fact, Black Butch isn’t the only race-traded Western currently  being prepped by the streamers. Netflix is working on an all-black  iteration of _Gunfight at the O.K. Corral_, in which the  combatants fire over 300 shots at each other without anyone’s opponent  being hit (but ten children playing on nearby front porches are struck  dead).
 Hulu is finishing a black version of _High Noon_, where neither the marshal nor the outlaws show up for the showdown because they overslept, and the LGBT-friendly _Transman Who Shot Liberty Valance_, with a reimagined gunfight climax:
  “Valance, I’m callin’ you out!”
 “Well, you _should_ be callin’ me _ma’am_!”

*KILLIGAN’S ISLAND*
White leftists have a habit of idealizing Third World savagery. Take the  Trobriand Islands. This tropical paradise, a brief boat trip from Papua  (if only New Guineans could build boats), is known by leftists as the “island of love.”  Trobriand is ruled by women. For men, their sole job is the sexual  satisfaction of the female. Sex is noncommittal, as the Trobriands have  yet to comprehend the sex/birth connection. The islanders believe that  babies come from magic rituals (behold the result of 100 percent  nonwhite female domination of STEM); sex is just for fun.
 But before you start planning that trip, be aware that the “fun” only  extends to the females. Here’s a description of a typical night out for  the ladies:
A band of women undress the male, defecate and micturate  all over his body, try to masturbate him, and, if he fails to have an  erection, torture his genitals with a special string around his  testicles and penis. They carry him into their village like a pig,  wildly tearing at the strings strung around his genitals.This ritual is also known as date night for AOC and her boyfriend.
 For decades, Trobriand has been lauded by feminists as a paradise where “women rule the roost.” And torture the cock.

              An island where women routinely sexually humiliate men. What could possibly go wrong?
 No one knows what sparked it—maybe Chris Brown was visiting on  vacation, maybe an Ike Turner album washed ashore, or maybe one dude  finally had enough of that sonofabitchin’ penis string—but last week  there was a massacre  on Trobriand. Scores dead. Turns out you can torture some of the  genitals all of the time, and all of the genitals some of the time, but  eventually, even the most primitive caveman is going to tire of aching  balls.
 Word has it that the island’s surviving women have hired Amber  Heard’s attorney to represent them. And Hollywood’s halted production on  a big-budget biopic of the island’s leaders, which was to star Stacey  Abrams (who needs the work) as the queen and Kevin Hart as a sore gonad.
*DRAG RACIST*
In this week’s “things to frighten small children” news, _Canada’s Drag Race_, the Canuck offshoot of _RuPaul’s Drag Race_,  will feature its first-ever world leader. Last season the show hosted  New Zealand’s Jacinda Ardern, but that was only because the producers  mistakenly believed that the skeletal horse-faced tyrant was actually a  man in drag.


This year, the show’s doing it right: Canada’s pouty, tantrum-throwing man-child Justin Trudeau will be a guest. And why not? Trudeau might as well be a drag queen himself. He loves dressing up in garish, ridiculous costumes  to “fit in” while touring Third World nations (although he often gets  the local customs wrong, like that time in Uttar Pradesh when he became  so crisscrossed about cultural norms, he burned his poop and dumped his  bride on the sidewalk).
 Trudeau also loves spastic dancing. Video  of Trudeau gracelessly cutting a rug like a rabid weasel was recently  used by opponents of Montana’s “save brain-damaged babies” ballot  initiative as an example of what happens when the severely retarded are  not put out of their misery early on.
 But most of all, Trudeau loves donning heavy makeup. Blackface,  specifically. And what better way to honor a TV franchise started by a  black shemale than to host a prime minister who loves covering his face  with shoe polish and singing “Mammy”?
 When dudes who wear blackface are repeatedly rewarded—some becoming prime minister, others getting their own late-night show—it  becomes harder to tell teens to can the minstrel act. Police in Cedar  City, Utah, recently wrapped their investigation into three white high  school students who dressed as black convicts for Halloween. The three  unwise men were stopped by police as they visited a local Walmart  (apparently, the black makeup was so convincing it set off the store’s  shoplifting alarms).
 Following community outcry from the town’s black residents (sorry,  “resident”), police searched for grounds to charge the Jolson Tabernacle  Choir. But last week the cops had to grudgingly admit that blackface  isn’t against the law.
 In fact, not only aren’t the teens going to jail, they just received an invitation to host the Oscars alongside Jimmy Kimmel.
*FROM COVID ZERO TO COVID HERO*
If the “mandatory masking” nutcases in politics and the media are in  agreement on one thing, it’s that China does Covid-fighting right.  Because who better to know how to fight a virus than the  disease-spawning automatons who created it?
 “Zero Covid!” That’s China’s policy. Mandatory masks, and lockdowns  that consist of people being welded into their homes by local gestapo.
 Except, for some odd reason, China keeps suffering outbreaks. Even  with measures that would make Mao himself go, “Dude, ease up,” the Chins  can’t seem to rid themselves of the disease they caused. They’re as  good at getting rid of Covid as Tom is at getting rid of Jerry.  Sometimes firing a bazooka at a mouse is overkill…kind of like sealing  thousands of humans into tombs to prevent them from spreading a  survivable disease.

 Last week in Mongolia, a 55-year-old mother named Wang jumped to her death from the window of her apartment,  unable to take the stress of having been forcibly locked inside for  over a month. The Mongolian’s beef stemmed from the fact that she had  severe anxiety disorder, and the suffocating claustrophobia was driving  her mad.
 As Wang went flaccid on a Mongolian sidewalk, in the U.S. a new study in _The New England Journal of Medicine_  argued that “universal masking” in schools should never be ended,  because it’s “useful for mitigating effects of structural racism in  schools.” Because how can white kids be racist to their black  schoolmates if nobody can see anybody’s face?
 The authors of the study claim that universal masking of children can end “settler colonialism” and “racial capitalism.”
 Maybe the Chinese don’t have it entirely wrong. Some people _do_  deserve to be welded into tombs as part of a nation’s Covid response.  Doing so to the authors of that study would, without question, make the  world a happier and healthier place.
*GENERATION ZONKED*
The online scientific journal StudyFinds wanted to conduct an exhaustive  investigation into the fragile mindset of Zoomers. It’s said that  members of Generation Z, who’ve endured so much in their short  lives—Covid, lockdowns, recession, riots, and Amy Schumer—have gone  screwy in the head. They’re racked with anxiety. They’re emotionally  fragile. They’re so tightly wound that even the smallest shock can break  their minds.
 So who did StudyFinds send to conduct a survey of mentally unstable Gen-Z’ers?
 Star correspondent Benjamin _Fearnow_!
 Because if there’s one phone call a pathologically frightened,  panicked, rattled, drugged-out, nonfunctional, fragile-brained child  will accept, it’s from a stranger named Fearnow.
 And what Fearnow found is that 42 percent of Zoomers are “dealing  with a mental health condition.” These conditions include “anxiety,  depression, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, and post-traumatic  stress disorder from the pandemic.”
 57 percent of Gen Z is medicated. And that’s just on prescription  stuff. Fearnow didn’t ask about pot, but that would probably register at  100 percent.
 A majority of Zoomers interviewed for the study expressed a  reluctance to enter the workforce; respondents blamed previous  generations for not “setting them up for success.” Those same  respondents then texted DoorDash to get a fresh delivery of weed with  the money they made from playing videogames on Twitch.
 Life for a Zoomer is hard! Female TikTokers have to learn how to wink, stick their tongue out, _and_ give the middle finger _all at once_. Let’s see if the WWII generation could do _that_.
 StudyFinds attempted a follow-up survey in which the most mentally  unstable respondents would be asked more specific questions regarding  their mindset, but the reporters assigned to that story, Samuel  Murdermann and Philip Nightmaredemon, couldn’t get anyone to call them  back.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-217/

Takimag 

November 20, 2022

The Week’s Most Romping, Stomping, and Turkey-Chomping Headlines

*UNKINDERTRANSPORT*

Not since the Holocaust or the Seinfeld finale have Jews had such a bad week.

First, there was Dave Chappelle, who surprised everybody in the world except anyone who knows Dave Chappelle by making fun of Kanye, Kyrie, and the Jews when he hosted SNL. Chappelle joked that “the Jews run Hollywood” is not a crazy thing to think, but “a crazy thing to say out loud.”

That was too much for the ADL’s Comedy Commissar Jonathan Greenblatt, who lashed out at Chappelle for “popularizing antisemitism.”

Greenblatt told the JTA that Chappelle could’ve done a less offensive act, like smashing watermelons. “After all, Gallagher doesn’t need the mallet anymore,” Greenblatt said. “Plus, Chappelle could’ve eaten the leftovers.”

SNL vowed to continue the season, even after Chappelle’s comedy Chelmno.

As Lorne Michaels told Variety, “the Shoah must go on.”

Meanwhile, in Chicago, a Sun-Times headline read “Men stormed bus carrying Jewish grade school children, yelled slurs, gave Hitler salute, Jewish group says.”

According to the Simon Wiesenthal Center, Nazi thugs blockaded a Jewish school bus in broad daylight, forcing their way in and terrorizing the children before declaring “this is MAGA country” and flying out the window.

The SWC was already breaking ground on a museum to commemorate the atrocity when police viewed the bus security camera. Turns out the kids had been taunting a fat pedestrian for looking like a “mafia guy.” So fatso bombatso stepped into the bus to yell “ayyy, watcha whattya say” at the kids, who continued laughing at him. No Nazis, no slurs, no sieg heil, just an angry fat Italian who should’ve been riding the gabagoolbus.

Josef Mengele? More like Josef Mangia-le.

As their Kristallnacht turned into Kristallnicht, the SWC could only sit back and watch another potential revenue stream go up in smoke like Jay Leno’s eyebrows.

*CHURLED CUP*

There’s a terrible movie director (as in, a terrible director of terrible movies) named Dave DeCoteau. His shtick is that he pronounces his name in a way that nobody would guess from the spelling. Most people instinctively say “de-koh-toe,” which is the proper French. But he pronounces it “dakota,” just so he can correct and humiliate people, to establish dominance in a meeting.

DeCoteau’s a jerk. So’s Qatar, a nation that literally dares you to mispronounce its name as kah-tar just to smarmily correct you. They claim it’s pronounced “kudder,” but probably that’s a put-on (there are even YouTube vids by condescending Qataris claiming that Westerners lack the verbal skill to speak the name properly).

For some odd reason, foreigners are reluctant to visit a nation where the people are so dickish. So “Kudder” lobbied hard for the privilege of hosting the 2022 World Cup, because then people would have to visit.

Qatar is like software so despised it has to sneak in as an add-on for a popular download. Qatar is Ask Toolbar, if Ask Toolbar hated women and gays.

After promising every FIFA leader an endless supply of human-trafficked sex slaves, Qatar won the prestigious role of first Middle Eastern nation to host the Cup. And now the world is finding out why it’s a first. 118°F temps don’t go well with outdoor sports (Qatari weathermen gauge the temperature on a Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark face-melting scale).

In Qatar homosexuality is illegal (as are uncovered female heads). So how are the enlightened nations of the West dealing with that? Well, the U.S. team changed its American flag insignia to a rainbow!

That’ll show ’em! “Hah, we debased our own flag so it resembles something Rip Taylor would wear during Pride Week! Who looks like the idiot now?”

Even before the games began, kooky Kudders were already roughing up foreigners. So for the athletes who manage to survive the heat and the hate, this might end up being the one sporting event where a participation trophy actually means something.

*HOCUS BOKUS*

Of course, bad as Qatar is, if you have AC and if you hate promiscuity in women but adore it in sheep, it’s livable. The same can’t be said for Nigeria. Nigeria practically defines unlivable. Indeed, it’s not so much a nation as a giant petri dish; the place is awash in so many deadly diseases, Nigerian coroners don’t fill out reports for cadavers but bingo cards.

Coroner No. 1: “Malaria, cholera, polio, rabies, Ebola…bingo!”

Coroner No. 2: “You won?”

Coroner No. 1: “No, the dead guy’s name is Bingo. My card had meningitis, AIDS, monkeypox, dengue, and Zika.”

And to plagues, add poverty. Nigeria doesn’t even have enough of an economy to be in shambles. Something has to exist before it can be shambolic. All Nigeria has is a bunch of guys running internet scams on American boomers, and for most Nigerians that doesn’t produce enough income to keep a roof over their head.

Which is actually good, because Nigerians can’t build roofs. Literally, buildings collapse every day.

Add the fact that Islamic terrorist group Boko Harem murders thousands of Nigerians a year for handling the Koran with unclean hands (because in a nation where everyone lives in their own dung, clean hands don’t exist), and frankly, when a Nigerian child dies, it’s rarely a mystery.

Disease? Starvation? Roof collapse? Terrorist attack? Hell, the amazing thing about Nigeria is that so many children don’t die.

So last week, when the children of Boko leader Ali Guyile croaked, surely the terrorist chief understood that the deaths could’ve been caused by any number of factors.

Nope, he blamed witchcraft. And he had his men round up forty local women and execute them.

When asked by reporters if that was a bit rash, Guyile replied, “Listen, Jack, those witches were doin’ malarkey. C’mon, man, there was this one witch, Coven Pop, who was a bad voodude.”

Guyile was then appointed Boston Medical’s chief of surgery. A statement from the hospital read, “Look, we already believe you can magically turn men into women. Is this any worse?”

*GASSIE COME HOME*

Before YouTube, if you wanted to watch a dog fart itself awake, you had to buy a dog, keep a watchful eye as it slept, and hope you got lucky.

Primitive times indeed.

These days, videos of dogs farting themselves awake (and farting at cats, and farting at anything) are at our fingertips 24/7. But it turns out those videos, formerly thought to be funny, aren’t funny at all. Those flatulent hounds are killing us with their poots. The entire planet is going up in a puff like, well, like a dog fart.

Scientists who are either bored or possessed of a very bizarre fetish have been studying dog farts. Why? Because scientists are tasked with addressing an existential crisis of unthinkable magnitude. No, not “climate change.” Grant money! There’s just not enough to go around, and the scientist who’s not making headlines every month with some new climate scheme might not get his fill.

So these NGO welfare queens have announced that dogs are gassing up the planet somethin’ awful via the food they eat, comprised of meat and vegetables. This diet causes the emission of “greenhouse gasses” during production and “farty gasses” after digestion.

A recent CNN piece details how scientists are trying to develop “lab-grown” synthetic food for Rover and Spot, and considering the fact that dogs will eat dookie, it’s probably not the most difficult task to find unappetizing things for them to consume.

Some scientists have gone so far as to construct a “dog farting suit” that neutralizes canine emissions (now if only they could build one for Michael Moore).

And if you think dogs in stink-suits is a bridge too fart, CNN reports that climate experts are also lobbying to eliminate meat-based cat food. And since cats are obligate carnivores, that would basically mean starving to death every domestic cat in the world.

Again, something that should be tried first with Michael Moore.

*THE DRAPE OF YOU-ROPE-AH*

Blacks vs. string: The struggle continues.

Two additional fronts opened last week in the ongoing war between rappers and rope, cornrows and cordage, Antwon and twine.

In Raleigh, a “noose” was found draped over a tree outside an apartment complex, causing the residents to cower in fear like Bubba Wallace when he looks at his shoelaces.

One resident told WRAL, “It was very uncomfortable to see, especially in this day in age.”

As opposed to the “day in age” when the Klan actually was lynching blacks. Nooses were apparently less scary then.

Turns out the frayed knot was just a dog leash. Why it was draped over a tree is unknown, but the most likely scenario is that Snoopy finally got tired of Franklin’s crap and decided to send him a message.

At the same time, construction of the Barack Obama Presidential Center in Chicago was halted after a noose was found on site. Work was suspended and all construction employees were ordered to attend “anti-bias training,” because it’s not like there’s any recent history of Chicago noose stories turning out to be fake.

The Obama Center will feature a host of interactive exhibits, including a Jenga game room where the tallest towers get knocked down by an animatronic Obama who yells “you didn’t build that,” a Fast & Furious simulator where you arm cartel members who gun down Juarez cops (highest score gets sealed by executive order), and the “Trayvon mirror,” where visitors win prizes if their reflection looks like if Obama had a son.

The center is slated to open in 2025 or later, depending on how many Mexicans can be flown in to do the drywall.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-218/

_The Week’s Most Remembered, Dismembered, and Decembered Headlines_
*WOE-PENING CEREMONIES*
A dictatorship where slavery is commonplace, homosexuality is illegal,  and women are subjugated, Qatar saw the World Cup as an opportunity to  prove that it’s even worse than its reputation.
 The greatest minds in Qatar (five camels and a caracal) decided that  creating an Olympics-style opening ceremony would be just the thing to  psychologically destroy attendees to the point where they’d accept Islam  to end their torment.
 The spectacle began with a white ghostlike figure in a Klan robe sweeping over the stage,  a tribute to American noose hoaxes. A petite lip-synching woman joined  in (correction: It was Korean boy-band superstar Jungkook). Then Morgan  Freeman entered, also lip-synching (poorly) to a speech about tolerance  (for everyone but gays, women, and slaves), a magical moment briefly  interrupted as Qatari emir Tamim walked by to give him huge bags of cash  in sacks with dollar signs on them in exchange for his soul  (“Honestly,” Freeman snapped, “you _couldn’t_ have picked a worse time”).
 Then Freeman knelt to speak with a talking soccer ball. Wait, it was  actually Ghanim al-Muftah, a deformed Qatari “influencer” born with  nothing below his chest  (he’s the poster boy for the emirate’s campaign to promote birth  control in man/sheep couplings). As Freeman tried to look comfortable  sitting on the floor talking to inch-high caliphi (and here even  Freeman’s talents failed him), Tamim invited the Saudi crown prince on  stage, where the latter bragged about having recently beheaded four  women for “sorcery.”


              Whether the heads will be used as balls in upcoming matches, the emirate has yet to say.
   Vladimir Putin told the AP, “Losing all those men in Ukraine was a  small price to pay for getting banned from this dumpster fire.”
 Meanwhile, Hollywood’s planning a _Shawshank Redemption_  reboot with Freeman reprising his role of Red and Ghanim al-Muftah as  Andy. “I remember thinking it would take Andy 600 years to tunnel out of  here. Turns out all I had to do was stuff him in a pillowcase and chuck  him over the wall like a hammer throw. I hope he landed in the  Pacific.”
*HBCU IN HELL*
Twenty-five-year-old Shanquella Robinson of Charlotte was known as the  “braid queen.” When her girlfriends from their HBCU alma mater  Winston-Salem State invited Her Royal Twineness to join them for a  weekend in Cabo, Queen Shanquella’s noblesse oblige dictated she accept.
  Sadly, within 24 hours of landing, Robinson became the second queen  to die in 2022. Her friends told authorities that Cornropatra suffered  alcohol poisoning. And that claim would’ve held up had the autopsy not  revealed that Her Majesty had been beaten to death (with injuries so  bad, even a Mexican coroner noticed them).
 Also, the tragic black girls forgot to erase the cell-phone footage they shot of them beating Shanquella to death.

              Such irony! They would’ve gotten away with it if only they hadn’t  recorded the murder and put it on TikTok. Every criminal mastermind  forgets _one_ small detail.
 Reportedly, as Queen Shanquella’s courtiers ambushed her, she turned to her friends and remarked, “Et tu, Bootay?”
 HBCU grad and self-described “sophisticated African-American male” Todd Smith told Fox News that Shanquella’s friends were jealous because she’d “blown up” and “found success” as the braid queen.
 The assassination of Frizz Ferdinand by Gavril-ho Princip.
  At Shanquella’s funeral, mourners wore “RIP Braid Queen” shirts.  As for the question of who’ll reign in her place, all eyes are on  Meghan Markle, who not only needs a new royal title, but proved her  mettle by passing the female version of the Excalibur test by driving a  sword _into_ Prince Harry’s stones.

*MAD-HATTER TRANSFER*
At first, Colorado gay-nightclub shooter Anderson Lee Aldrich seemed  like a perfect villain: a white kid whose grandpa is a prominent GOP  politician. A right-wing white-cis-homophobe-transphobe mass killer!  Time to pass a law making drag shows as mandatory as the vax.
 Unfortunately, Aldrich wouldn’t play ball. He told his attorneys that  he’s “non-binary,” identifying as “Mx.” and using “they/them” pronouns.  And as dictated by the media’s Tran Commandments (“Thou shalt not take  the pronouns of the Tranny in vain”), journalists had no choice but to  take the killer at his word (after all, trannies never pretend to be  trans, except most of them).
 Is Aldrich trolling? He’s an obese basement-dwelling heroin-using computer nerd  obsessed with anime porn. So yeah, he might be trolling. And it says a  lot about our media that a lunatic can murder five people and then  dictate to the press how they speak of him. CNN host Alisyn Camerota, in  a discussion with Al Franken, expressed frustration with Aldrich’s gender claim, which throws a monkeypox wrench into the narrative of “antigay hate crime.”
 She also expressed frustration that Franken wouldn’t stop grabbing her boobs.
 Over at NBC, “reporter” Ben Collins, a boob of such magnitude even Franken is intimidated, shifted his tweets about the story from “right-wing homophobe murders gays” to “bullied transgender pushed too far by transphobic trolls.”
 Hopefully, Collins migrates to Mastodon, so nobody has to hear from him again.


As for fleshy incel Aldrich, expect him to keep up the trans routine  in hopes of being sent to a women’s prison, the only place on earth a  guy like him will ever have the chance to see a naked woman who’s not  behind a paywall.
*VERY BLACK FRIDAY*
Still reeling from the gay-nightclub disappointment, journalists spied a  shot at redemption after a mass shooting at a Chesapeake Walmart. As  NBC News pointed out,  the killing had all the hallmarks of the time in May “when a racist  white gunman shot 10 Black people dead at a grocery store in Buffalo.”  After all, the Walmart’s in a black area and the survivors have names  like K’Maria and Kwintessa and other words you’d expect to see on the  name badges of people who roll their eyes when you ask a simple question  (“I’m awn break now, n’kay?”).
 The news media’s communications-degreed infinite monkeys were poised  at their keyboards, ready to bang out another “white racists must be  stopped!” story to spur a few riots (because how better to mourn a mass  murder at Walmart than to loot Walmart?).
 Unfortunately, word came that the murderer was the store’s disgruntled manager. Which means black, because nobody does disgruntled shooting sprees better than blacks.
 And indeed, the shooter, Andre Bing,  turned out to be every reporter’s worst nightmare. According to  witnesses, he burst into the break room and shot everyone he saw, which  was pretty much every worker in the store, because of course they were  all on break.
 Bing had a history of behavioral problems and multiple complaints  that had been ignored by upper management because the new rules are you  can’t fire a black person for any reason.
 Whereas conversely, you can fire a white person for no reason.
 As der Bingle brought a blight Christmas to Chesapeake, over in San  Francisco, John Arntz, the city’s elections director, is about to be  fired for his skin color. The Elections Commission told Arntz that even  though his service has been exemplary, they’re terminating him for being  white.
 If you thought that kind of discrimination is illegal, take it up with the nation’s “civil rights” lawyers.
 Oh wait, they’re on break.
*TRANSPOTTING*
If a mass-murdering incel can change gender at will, why not an entire nation?
 Twenty-seven years ago, filmgoers were treated to Danny Boyle’s _Trainspotting_, a gritty look at an Edinburgh crawling with addicts and thugs.
 Americans, who’d been used to movies depicting Scotland as a  civilized, pastoral paradise only occasionally sullied by lake monsters  or Mel Gibson’s ass, were shocked by images that made the nation look  like a Third World hellhole.
 These days, Scotland can only aspire to Third World hellhole. Bonnie  Alba has become Jessica Alba—beautiful a long time ago, still decent  from afar, but up close, a craggy wasteland with a fried brain.
 The Scottish government is about to pass something called “self-ID,”  under which women would officially cease to exist as anything but a  theoretical concept. A man need only say “I’m a woman,” and he’ll be  one. Self-ID doesn’t even require proof of “transitioning” or intent to  “transition.”
 Just say the word, and laddie becomes lassie.
 Already in Scotland’s prisons, male inmates have begun identifying as women in order to be moved to women-only facilities. According to the _Daily Express_,  50 percent of the men petitioning to be transferred only “realized”  they were women once they were incarcerated (when they also  coincidentally realized that by simply saying “Hoot, I’m a hen,” they  could get their own reluctant harem).
 Many of the male prisoners now declaring as women are sex criminals.  Strikingly, there have been 6,758 allegations of sexual abuse lodged by  female prisoners since 2014. More strikingly, SNP leader Sturgeon, who,  like her namesake, is a bottom feeder with no vision, is cool with this.
 It would be easy to make a joke about how a nation of skirt-wearing  men was always destined to go tranny, or how the Scot reputation for  stinginess wasn’t supposed to apply to brain cells. But perhaps the best  epitaph for once-great Scotland is a rewording of the one its native  son Robert Louis Stevenson penned for himself:
Under the wide and starry sky,
I realized that hey, I’m not a guy!
Do I still have a johnson? Aye, och aye,
And I’ll get laid with it against her will.
This be the gift Sturgeon gave to me,
That I be a woman, yet I stand to pee.
And for all the real women locked up with me,
Call me ma’am as I have my fill.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-219/

_The Week’s Most Grandstanding, Rebranding, and Winter Wonderlanding Headlines_
*DEAF COMEDY JAM*
Blackface, meet blackhand. Last month, the sign-language interpreter for Broadway’s _The Lion King_  was fired for being white. The black performers who comprise the  musical’s cast felt it was insulting to have a white man sign their  dialogue for the hearing-impaired.
 It should be noted that these same black performers dress as animals  every night to entertain the mostly white audience members who’ve spent  more than the GDP of Botswana to watch black people scoot about a stage  hooting and squawking like jungle beasts.
 These are the actors who felt insulted that a white man was doing sign language in their theater.
 Apparently, only black hands can sign for black speakers. The problem  is, it’s still technically illegal to sack people on account of skin  color, so last week, after being hit with a federal discrimination suit,  the Broadway nonprofit responsible for the firing offered a hefty  settlement to the aggrieved signer,  and while this can’t be confirmed, word has it that after getting the  money, the interpreter gleefully gave the nonprofit one final “sign”  that involved a single finger.

              As reported in the _NY Post_, word of the settlement was met  with outrage by “black Broadway,” many members of which supported the  canning on the grounds that it’s racist for white hands to sign for  black mouths. That said, seeing how ASL was developed by a white man,  Thomas Gallaudet, perhaps black Americans should simply create their own  alternative.
   A good place to start would be the Bloods and Crips, who back in the  1980s truly innovated what could be communicated with hand signs.
 While Broadway learned an expensive lesson that skilled professionals  can’t be fired for having pink pinkies, producers are nevertheless  finding alternative ways to make deaf theater more black-friendly. A new  iteration of _The Miracle (Disgruntled) Worker_ will see Helen Keller, played by Gabourey Sidibe, shoot up a McDonald’s after receiving cold fries.
 “I might be blind an’ deaf,” Keller says in the new production, “but I can still _taste_.”
  Expect the play to sweep the 2023 Tonys.
*NAPPY MEAL*
Speaking of cold fries, last week was an especially busy one for people  of color who fight the good fight to ensure that any fast-food  dissatisfaction is met with bloody violence.

              In Gastonia, N.C., honor student Jerrell Oates was no Quaker when he  learned that the barbecue sauce he demanded for his Baconator burger at  Wendy’s would cost thirty cents extra. Enraged, Gentle Jerrell pointed a  gun at the drive-through cashier, threatening to shoot her if she didn’t give him forty acres and a meal.
 Police arrested W.E.BBQ Du Bois as he sat in the parking lot,  awaiting sauce that never came. His uneaten Baconator was donated to the  National Museum of African-American History, but because it arrived  cold, five museum staffers died in a shoot-out.
 Meanwhile, in Atlanta, the cast of _Hamilton_ got into a  free-for-all in a McDonald’s parking lot as customers brawled with  workers over an order that contained an incorrect item. The bloody fight resulted in multiple arrests and injuries. Police said it could’ve been much worse had McRibs been involved.
 And at Habit Burger Grill in Antioch, Calif., 19-year-old assistant manager Bianca Palomera lost an eye  after intervening when a group of traffic light inventors assaulted a  mentally retarded boy while standing in line. Palomera was badly beaten  by the Netflix extras, who fled without their food (but in the end, is  it really about the food, or the friends we blind along the way?).
  Finally, in a Miami-Dade courtroom, a gent named Jermaine Bell  reacted to his conviction for a series of armed retail robberies by  drinking a cup of bleach. Thankfully, years of fast-food ingestion had rendered his stomach impervious to caustic poisons, so he survived.

              Upon returning to court, he pulled a gun on the judge for not giving him a packet of BBQ sauce as a chaser.
*ZIRNOBYL*
That Sam Brinton is, or was, the Biden administration’s pick to head the  Department of Energy’s nuclear waste disposal department makes perfect  sense. The “non-binary” bald-but-for-a-Zippy-the-Pinhead-tuft-of-hair  tranny who wears heavy red, brown, and blue lipstick and fancy strapless  gowns while having anal sex with men in diapers and S&M bondage dog  costumes  may very well be the most appropriate person to ever deal with nuclear  waste, as in both look and behavior he comes across as someone  terrifyingly mutated by fallout.


To be fair, America needs a nuclear waste director who understands  the dangers of what toxic sludge can do to the human form. Our nuclear  waste director _should_ be a walking billboard for the dangers of radiation poisoning.
 Still, one has to ask why a man with so much baggage would seek to steal more.
 Last week, Brinton was arrested for having committed felony theft  while exiting a flight at Minneapolis–St. Paul Airport. Zhe apparently  pilfered another traveler’s $2,325 designer suitcase.
 Samsonite? More like Call Me Ma’amsonite.
 Brinton initially denied the theft, apparently thinking airport  security cameras could’ve somehow missed a guy who looks like a gay  Oscar statuette crossed with Benny Hill in drag crossed with McGruff the  Crime Dog. After being confronted with undeniable proof of his crime,  Brinton apologized, explaining that due to a scheduling snafu he’d been  prevented from taking the flight with his emotional support dominatrix  dwarf, which left him disoriented upon deplaning.
 Brinton’s been placed on leave from his government job, which means  the nation’s supply of nuclear waste is no longer under the watchful eye  of a man who gets sexually aroused by Marmaduke.
 One hopes we’ll survive his absence.
 For his part, President Biden has pledged to replace Brinton with  someone into even freakier sexual exploits, but he told the AP that will  depend on whether Hunter has time while being investigated by  congressional Republicans.
*NETANYAHU…SERIOUS?*
His franchise continues. Israel’s unkillable bogeyman, the monster who keeps coming back.
 Kike-el Myers, Freddy Jewger, Pennyweizmann; you cannot kill this  beast. Fraud convictions? Lost elections? Scandal after scandal? Nothing  cancels this guy. He’s likely the only politician in world history to  actually “get tired of winning,” because it’s a streak that never ends.

 Benjamin Netanyahu is back in power, with a coalition so right-wing,  Palestinian homes are collapsing from fear before the bulldozers can  even get there.
 And here’s an interesting twist, especially now, when black/Jewish relations are at an all-time low: Netanyahu’s new coalition partner,  Itamar Ben-Gvir, is a disciple of the late Rabbi Meir Kahane, an  anti-Arab ultranationalist and founder of the Jewish Defense League.
 Kahane was murdered 32 years ago in NYC by Muslim terrorist  El Sayyid Nosair, who was acquitted of the murder—committed in the open  before a hundred witnesses—by a majority-black jury. In fact, jury  members convicted El Sawyer Nosehair of owning the murder weapon and  firing it, but not of the murder itself, a resolution so bizarre  Nosair’s own attorney called it “irrational” and the judge called it  “devoid of common sense and logic,” both quotes being synonyms for “a  verdict from a black New York jury.”
 Nosair, allowed to skate on a murder rap, went on to be involved in  the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, proving once again that there’s  just so much sympathy you can have for New York.
 And now Kahane’s student is arguably the most powerful man in Israel,  or at the very least the Leatherface to Netanyahu’s Jason Voorhees.
 Perhaps Kanye West will visit Jerusalem to lecture the new right-wing government on the “true identity” of the Jews.
 Kanye’s had many recording successes over the years with his rapper friend Mos Def.
 He’ll probably find a less satisfying collaboration with that infamous Israeli hebe-hop group, Mos Ad.
*KKKARAOKE*
_Sing, sing a song,
Sing out loud,
Sing out strong.
Unless you’re a white guy in your car just trying to sing along,
Because now, you’re singing wrong._
 Marcus Stokes was livin’ the life. Considered one of the best high  school football players in the country, the four-star QB had been  offered a scholarship by the University of Florida to play with the  Gators.
 A bright future indeed! But then he had to turn on the damn radio.
 Stokes, who’s white, was recorded driving in his car while mouthing  the words to a rap song…and one of those words was “nigga.” And instead  of doing the right thing once the killing word was heard (ceasing  lip-synching, pulling over, acknowledging his privilege, apologizing for  his skin color, and writing a check for $1,619 to the Ibram Kendi Fund  for Funding Ibram Kendi), Stokes dared to mouth the forbidden word.
 And now his life’s over: scholarship dropped, offers from other schools rescinded.
 Well, that’ll show him for singing. If music be the food of love,  give the white guy the cold fries, because he’ll accept them and declare  himself unworthy of the bounty. Stokes released an apology for  literally killing every black person in America by saying a word that  for some odd reason blacks can hear spoken by whites in Tarantino films  without dying.
 Stokes wrote that he hopes he’ll be allowed to learn from his mistake  and move on with his life, and then he suffered an aneurysm from  laughing so hard at the notion that in today’s America such mercy would  ever be extended to a white person.
 And thus we close this week’s Week coming full circle, back to Helen  Keller, the model for the perfect white American of the future. Hear no  nigga, speak no nigga. And blind to the wreck that the nation’s become.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-220/

Takimag 

December 11, 2022

The Weeks Most Hopping, Bopping, and Christmas-Shopping Headlines

*REFRIED BEAN*

Theres a reason Mexicans do the drywall and not the electrics.

The Miss Sahuayo Pageant in Michoacán is one of Mexicos largest and most beloved beauty contests. Every year, hundreds of young chicas whore themselves up with enough foundation and blush to repaint Teotihuacán as they compete for the pageants top prize: a free coyote ride to America (Sahuayo is Zapotec for have your baby on that side).

This years pageant featured all the usual talent competition categories: the narco cartel bullet-dodge, the name every El Santo movie trivia game, the si, si, this is my child look-alike contest (where the winner is the woman who most resembles the unrelated minor wholl accompany her across the border), and graceful entry and exit from a lowrider (an audience favorite).

Unlike with U.S. pageants, there are no transgenders at Miss Sahuayo. And no transformers in the electrical equipment. Apparently, the microphones are directly wired to a lightning rod on the roof (if that sounds low-rent, remember, this is a nation that only last year figured out the shoehorn).

Having the contestants grab a live electrical wire may not seem like a great idea, but

Okay, theres no but.

As 22-year-old beauty Andrea Granados-Victor strolled to the mic in her festive regional costume to read a poem of national pride (I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as amnesty), she grabbed the poorly wired mic with gustoand in a split second the electrocuted young Latina became Jerry Lewis, spastically oygenflaygening around the stage, the mic still firmly in hand (either the current was preventing her from dropping it, or she didnt possess the critical thinking skills to know that she should, a testament to the quality of Mexican public schools).

For most in attendance, seeing a spot-on accurate Jerry Lewis impression was the closest theyll ever come to visiting France.

Thankfully, Granados-Victor was okay, and while she didnt win overall best of show, she was proudly awarded the title of Miss Sizzling Carnita.

*BRACKFACE*

Heres a joke for the times:

Two blacks and a Chinaman walk into a college administrators office.

The Chinaman turns to the other guys and says, Wheres the Chinaman?

A silent uncomfortability permeates the room.

Okay, not a thigh-slapper; sometimes something isnt funny because its true.

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Apu unconvincingly acts like a white American to avoid deportation? Well, turns out thats fast becoming the only way for Asians to get into a university. According to a piece in last weeks New York Times, Asians are being advised to appear as non-Asian as possible when applying for college, to avoid affirmative-action bans on high-achieving Asian students.

Such news must have come as a great surprise to NYT readers, whove been reassured for decades by the papers editors that such bans dont exist. However, it came as no supplies to Asian college applicants, whove come to realize that even if they dont check a race box on the form, their extracurricular interests and activities give them away to the highly paid university ethnologists who have quotas of blacks and Hispanics to fill.

According to the Times, Asian applicants are avoiding any mention of playing chess, violin, or piano, stereotypically Asian pursuits. Other dead giveaways to leave off the form: using paramour Eric Swalwell as a reference, and listing as a hobby making shrill drawn-out vowel sounds and calling it a language.

Asian applicants are being advised to make themselves seem more black on their application form. Suggestions for the personal accomplishments section include I was tried as an adult at age 13, Because of me my local Walgreens has everything behind glass, and I can totally pronounce cold fries, but if you gimme them someones gettin capped.

Also, on the vocabulary section, never under any circumstances know the meaning of child support.

Finally, mention that you always vote Democrat no matter how bad it harms your community. Oh, waitthats an Asian trait, too.

*A CHRISTMAS QAROL*

Happy birthday, Jesus. Now get lost!

New census figures show that for the first time in the U.K.s history, Christians are a minority. At only 46 percent of the population, Christians (of any denomination) have been overtaken by atheists, the irreligious, Hindus, andwith a dramatic 44 percent rise in their population since the last censusMuslims.

According to the AP, secularism campaigners are using these new figures to push for the removal of all public trappings of Christianity from British society, on the grounds that a minority faith has no right to a public presence, as it might offend the majority (these same people previously pushed for the same thing on the grounds that a majority faith has no right to a public presence, as it might offend the minority).

To celebrate Englands first Muslim Christmas, secularists have rewritten Dickens overtly Christian seasonal classic to make it more relevant to the Albion akbars. In the new version, Scrooge wakes up after a night of having been tortured into accepting Islam by four jihadi ghosts:

Running to the window, Scrooge threw it open: Whats to-day! he cried, calling downward to a boy in Sunday clothes.

To-day? replied the boy. Why, Christmas Day.

Its Christmas Day! said Scrooge. I havent missed it! My boy, do you know the toolworks in the next street but one, at the corner? Scrooge inquired.

I should hope I do, replied the lad.

Go fetch me the largest axe! Come back with it, and Ill give you a shilling.

As the boy took off, Scrooge said to himself, Ill behead Bob Cratchit for celebrating this blasphemous infidel holiday.

And Scrooge was better than his word. He carved up Bob Cratchit real good. Tiny Tim, too, whose last words as the axe descended are on the lips of every remaining Christian in diverse England: God help us, every one!

*THE LITTLE ZIRMAID*

And in a story thats totally, completely, absolutely unrelated to the death of Christianity in the U.K. (except that its totally, completely, absolutely related to the death of Christianity in the U.K.), theres a licensed British youth charity called Mermaids that champions pedophiles and encourages little girls to mutilate their privates in order to become boys.

And that youth charity is in trouble.

What kind of trouble? We dont know. And likely we wont, because an internal report on the nefarious actions of the orgs former CEO wont be released because the trannies who run the joint cant find a safe space where it can be read.

As reported by the Daily Mail, thats an actual quote.

Oh, the trannies would like you to see the report. Transparency is all-important to a bunch of people who lurk behind the backs of parents to encourage children to cut off their breasts and penises.

Rememberyou cant spell transparent without trans.

But darnit they just cant find a safe place to read the report free of harassment from transphobes who might use the details of the report to get funding pulled from an org that mounts the amputated boobs and willies of preteens over the mantel as a big-game hunter would do with lion heads.

Its really quite a testament to how unfair a world this is that a group of child mutilators cant find a safe place to read about how foul they are. So in the spirit of the season, The Week That Perished is happy to offer a suggestion: Try going to any theater showing Black Adam.

Youll be guaranteed a completely empty, private space.

*HO HO HOAX!*

Tis the seasonfor hate hoaxes.

Well, okay, its always the season for hate hoaxes, the gift that, for race-baiting journalists, keeps on giving year-round.

Last week, The Jerusalem Post broke open the Hanukkah whine to complain that 45 antisemitic crimes came the same month the artist formerly known as Kanye West unleashed a slew of antisemitic comments.

According to the JuPo, comments by Kanye and Kyrie prompted these crimes. Except the main incident cited by the Post, the arrest of two armed swastika militants at Penn Station, happened prior to the meltdown by the black Hebrews. So that retroactive blame-game is kind of like saying, The Japs only bombed Pearl Harbor because FDR accused them of infamy.

Worse still, left out of the Post piece is the fact that one of the Penn Station Panzers is Matthew Mahrer, a Jew whose grandpa survived the Holocaust.

Mahrers family told the press that they first suspected Matty was a Nazi when as a boy on Hanukkah, instead of wanting chocolate coins from his granddad, he demanded the old mans gold teeth.

Meanwhile, in Virginia, a verminous Klansman threw a rock through the window of the UVA Black Cultural Center (thankfully nobody was hurt as staff members were several blocks away brawling at a McDonalds). The campus went on lockdown because who but a genocidal racist would vandalize a black cultural center?

Heres who: a black woman. Last week police arrested headscarf-wearing proud Afrocentric sista Zaynab Bintabdul-Hadijakien for the crime. Her motive is unknown, but authorities suspect it might be rooted in bitterness due to her name being indistinguishable from a randomly generated confirmation code.

Thank you for booking your flight on United. Your confirmation code is ZAYNAB BINTABDUL-HADIJAKIEN.  

Add these incidents to the case last month of a gay man who vandalized a Manhattan gay nightclub because [insert insignificant bitchy reason here], and you have a trifecta of Christmastime hate hoaxers for the manger: Jew, black woman, and gay man.

Goldstein, stankincense, and hemyrrhoid.

----------


## Brian4Liberty

> ...
> As 22-year-old beauty Andrea Granados-Victor strolled to the mic in her festive regional costume to read a poem of national pride (“I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as amnesty”), she grabbed the poorly wired mic with gusto…and in a split second the electrocuted young Latina became Jerry Lewis, spastically oygenflaygening around the stage, the mic still firmly in hand (either the current was preventing her from dropping it, or she didn’t possess the critical thinking skills to know that she should, a testament to the quality of Mexican public schools).
> ...


If it's Direct Current, your hand muscles contract and lock around the object. Getting shocked by Mics is actually quote common, and a lot of venues have faulty wiring and grounding. Not to contradict the fact that I did see a Mexican construction worker (not an electrician, but more wood than drywall) try to wire an outlet by cutting the ground wire, and failed to connect the common, which leaves an outlet with nothing but a hot connection with no alternative paths...

----------


## Anti Federalist

> If it's Direct Current, your hand muscles contract and lock around the object. Getting shocked by Mics is actually quote common, and a lot of venues have faulty wiring and grounding. Not to contradict the fact that I did see a Mexican construction worker (not an electrician, but more wood than drywall) try to wire an outlet by cutting the ground wire, and failed to connect the common, which leaves an outlet with nothing but a hot connection with no alternative paths...


I didn't know they were powered, but I would guess they are probably DC.

But it should be low voltage.

You can grab 300 (or much more) amps of direct welding current and it won't do any harm, to due being low voltage.

----------


## Brian4Liberty

> I didn't know they were powered, but I would guess they are probably DC.
> 
> But it should be low voltage.
> 
> You can grab 300 (or much more) amps of direct welding current and it won't do any harm, to due being low voltage.


Here she is. It was a wired microphone, and she was trying to get it out of her locked hand by pulling on the cable.




I believe it's usually 120 or 240 volts, but it can be more. I was talking to a singer in a band, he said the shocks are twice as bad in countries with higher voltages. I've been shocked, I've seen others shocked. It's a grounding issue somewhere in the equipment or outlets.




> Why would you get an electrical shock when you touch your microphone? Electrical shocks happen when a relatively large amount of current flows through your body. If you get shocked when touching a microphone, there is a grounding issue somewhere in the electrical system, and you've become part of the shortest path to ground. These shocks are potentially lethal.
> ...
> https://mynewmicrophone.com/why-do-i...my-microphone/





> In America, buildings are wired with 120 volts of AC. It’s a whole lot different in Europe where buildings are wired with 240 volts. You definitely don’t want to be making a complete circuit in France or London.
> 
> The risk of danger arises because a microphone is connected to other parts of a sound system, like mixing boards and power amps that are connected to and drawing electrical power from the electrical mains of a building or venue, via the wall outlets that you plug stuff into.
> ...
> https://mikingdesign.com/can-you-get...-a-microphone/


Combined with guitars, it actually makes the risk much higher.

Here's an article about some select shocks:

https://www.ranker.com/list/musician...jessica-defino

----------


## Anti Federalist

> Here she is. It was a wired microphone, and she was trying to get it out of her locked hand by pulling on the cable.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I believe it's usually 120 or 240 volts, but it can be more. I was talking to a singer in a band, he said the shocks are twice as bad in countries with higher voltages. I've been shocked, I've seen others shocked. It's a grounding issue somewhere in the equipment or outlets.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ouch, damn it, that looked like it hurt.

She was cute too.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-221/_

The Week’s Most Tingling, Mingling, and Kris Kringling Headlines_

*DODDER KNOWS BEST*
Wearing his finest Christmas sweater, Joe Biden sits in his comfy  recliner by a roaring fireplace. The family dog brings him his pipe and  slippers. Aides rush in because Biden has a burning slipper in his mouth  and his big toe shoved up the pipe. Also, the “dog” is Sam Brinton.
 Papa Joe receives a visitor—imprisoned Russian arms dealer and war criminal Viktor Bout, the “Merchant of Death.”
 “Listen, jack,” Biden admonishes the contrite Russkie, “we’re lettin’ you go. But I wanna know, didja learn your lesson?”
 Tears streaming down his cheeks, the doe-eyed Bout sheepishly  replies, “Aw shucks, paw, I sure dun did. Golly willikers, I swear, no  more merchant o’ deathin’ fer me.”

              “You understand why we needed to give you that time-out, lil’ buddy?” Biden asks.
   “Gosh-a-golly, I sure do. I thought if I just merchant of deathed  enough, people would like me. But then I learned that anyone who only  likes me for being the merchant of death ain’t m’real friend noways.”
 Beaming with joy, Biden shakes Viktor’s hand. “I trust ya, little  guy. So we’re putting you on the next plane home where I know you won’t  continue to kill innocent people like you’ve done every day of your  life. Now get lost, scamper, ’cause I gotta meet with the person we  exchanged you for. It’s a woman…I think. I can’t really tell; she’s too tall for me to sniff her hair.”
 Viktor skips away, his freedom a Christmas miracle for everyone but all the folks he’ll murder.
  Biden lights his pipe and asks for Brittney Griner to enter. An aide  rushes in to extinguish Biden’s thumb, which he lit by mistake.
 Griner storms into the room.

              “All cops are bastards! Kill the pigs!” she screams. “Burn the system to the ground!”
 Biden jumps to his feet in joy: “Corn Pop! So good to see you, ol’ pal! Merry Christmas!”
*UP, UP, AND AWAY IN MY BOOTYFUL BALLOON*
Nobody’s saying African-American flight attendant Chelsia Blackmon is  morbidly obese. But…in the event of a water landing, her body can be  used as a flotation device…_for the entire plane_. She has to be  careful not to inhale too deeply or the cabin depressurizes. She once  complained about not having enough elbow room…in a Hercules. On a flight  across the Andes, she ate an entire Uruguayan rugby team (the plane  didn’t crash; the galley just ran out of pretzels). Whenever she bends  over, the captain says, “And if you look to your right you can see the  Grand Canyon.”
 One time standing on the tarmac at LAX she broke wind and blew a Cessna to Catalina Island.
  But other than that, nobody’s saying Chelsia Blackmon is morbidly obese.

              Except Spirit Air, her former employer.
 Blackmon was hired by Spirit in September 2021. In an age when flight  attendants no longer have to be female or attractive, Blackmon at least  looked human. But according to Spirit, by November—two months  later—Blackmon’s weight had ballooned so badly, she could no longer fit  in the jump seat.
 Or any seat.
 She barely fit in the plane itself.
 Two months…that must’ve been a record number of spareribs.
 Blackmon had been scheduled to work an Airbus A319, but the plane  couldn’t take off because there was no way to fasten her into a seat.  They tried putting Rosa Porks in the back of the Airbus, but that only  tilted the plane nose-upwards.
 So now Blackmon is suing, of course, and crying racism, of course.  While she doesn’t deny being the size of an airship, she claims that a  white stewardess would’ve been given more time to lose weight before  being dismissed.


And she does have case law on her side: see _Delta v. Gilbert Grape’s Mother_.  In that case, a 700-pound white woman was allowed to serve as a living  food trolley on a domestic flight. Sadly, the plane broke up midair, but  proving there’s a bright side to every tragedy, the ground impact from  the woman’s fall led to the invention of fracking.
*THE GIFT OF THE VAGI*
This time of year, as people search for the right presents for friends  and family, we all fervently hope that the gifts we give don’t turn out  to be duds.

 But we know that if those we love don’t care for their presents, there’s always the Target return desk. Or eBay. Or regifting.
 But poor Chris Beck. For him, and the terrible gift he gave himself, there’s no refund, even with a receipt.
 Yes, Chris Beck is stuck with his new vagina.
 Nine years ago, Beck, a Navy SEAL, decided to become a NAVY SHE’LL.  He took hormones to chemically alter his body, and he had what the _Daily Mail_ describes as “grueling facial feminization surgery,” and if the photos in the _Mail_ are any indication, the doctors who performed that surgery equate “feminization” with “Willem Dafoe on acid.”
 But now, Beck regrets his SEAL Team Six-change. After living for  almost a decade as “Kristin,” he wants to be Chris again. And he wants  to warn the world about what he endured when he first considered  transitioning. After only a one-hour consultation, a tranny-friendly  Veterans Affairs doctor, backed by woke Obama administration  bureaucrats, fast-tracked him to have surgeons swab his deck and cut his  anchor aweigh.
 So the lesson is, don’t have your privates removed and your face  disfigured to look like Green Goblin after just a one-hour meeting with a  government quack.
 Well, it’s about time _somebody_ said it.
 In a way, Beck’s story of loss and rediscovery mirrors Linus bringing the flaccid, wilting tree back to life in _A Charlie Brown Christmas_.
 “I never thought it was such a bad little peenie. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.”
 O tannenboner.
*TRANNED IF YOU DO, TRANNED IF YOU DON’T*
Even as Chris Beck tries to walk back his plank, it turns out mankind might eventually go tranny anyway. According to scientists  at the Institute for Alarmist Bullcrap, human males are “slowly losing  their Y chromosome,” a troubling development that might be the result of  a random evolutionary path, or too many men being dragged to female-led  superhero films.
 The eggheads caution that once the Y disappears completely, in about  2,000 years (a.k.a. when Durham finally drains the swamp), mankind might  splinter into several subspecies with different manners of  reproduction.
 So Sam Brinton isn’t a freak after all, just ahead of his time: The  human race of the future will live on via two dudes in dog suits  whipping each other’s sacks, and somehow a grotesque bald bulbous-headed  fluorescent-lipped canine-faced pinhead-tuft-of-hair S&M-clad  mutant child will result.
 We have no way of knowing what kind of world will come from these  Brinton dog-mutants, but one thing’s for certain: No luggage will be  safe.
 In Scotland, officials aren’t waiting for the future to declare the  death of male/female. The nation of kilt-wearing fetal alcohol babies is  poised next week to pass “Self-ID,”  a law (rejected elsewhere in the U.K.) mandating that a simple  declaration by anyone over 16 years of age is all it will take to change  sex. One needn’t even pretend to actually desire a “transition.”
 And if you’re wondering why such a balls-out (literally) nutty scheme  has wide support among Scottish “progressives,” here’s the crux: Once  the declaration is made, a person’s “deadself” will cease to exist.  Like, legally.
 That includes criminal convictions.  Employers will no longer be able to ask about anything a person did  before their “declaration.” Scottish police warn that this means  convicted pedophiles will be able to get jobs working with children, and  convicted rapists will be able to land jobs working in battered women’s  shelters.
 In hindsight, it may very well be that Hitler blitzed the wrong nation.
 If humans really are destined to lose the ability to reproduce, can the process be sped up in Scotland?

*COUP-COUP KRAUTS*
The problem with not having a lot of Jews in your country is that you  miss out on the whiny observational humor of horse-faced comedians  rhetorically asking, “What’s the deal?”
 If there were a German Seinfeld, right now he’d be asking, “What’s the deal with the coups?”
 Just two months ago, German authorities busted a ring of elderly  women who were planning to overthrow the government and reinstall the Kaiser (spoiler alert: They failed; “I’ve todesfällen and I can’t get up!”).
 And now, last week, another one arbeits the dust. Police arrested 25  members of a QAnon-inspired far-right neo-Nazi paramilitary monarchist  North German Confederation Prussian/Bismarckian cult that had planned to  violently seize control of the government.
 The coup was delayed by the fact that nobody in the damn group could even remotely sort out what the hell their ideology is.
 Led by a septuagen-aryan named Heinrich Reuss, a.k.a. “Prince  Heinrich XIII” a.k.a. “Geezer Wilhelm,” the plotters apparently had some  vague notion of restoring the Reich’s honor and kicking out the few  remaining Jews.
 But before you could say coup coup g’jewb, the prince was in the can, behind bars with his courtesans.
 These failed insurrectionists simply don’t realize that Germany isn’t  third-world…yet. Give it another two decades at current immigration  levels, and the nation will be ripe for bloody, Africa-style monthly  regime changes.
 “Prince Heinrich” called his organization “Reichsbürger.”
 “Reichsbürger macht fries” is more than just a snappy slogan; it’s  also the No. 1 cause of brawls and shootings by African immigrants at  German fast-food outlets.

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-222/

_The Week’s Most Snowing, Glowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines_
*THE TRAGICALLY HIPPO*
Christmas carols in Africa have their own unique flavor:
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas,
Only a hippopotamus will do!
Mom’s got Ebola, and Marburg took my dad,
But a hippo in my stocking, that would surely make me glad!
 I want a hippopotamus for Christmas,
Only a hippopotamus will do!
Wait a minute, it’s eating me alive,
It digested me and turned me into poo!Hippos are way better in novelty Christmas songs than in real life.  The most deadly creature in sub-Saharan Africa (if you don’t count the  Africans themselves), hippos are best kept at spear’s length. Sadly,  this lesson was lost on 2-year-old Ugandan boy Iga Paul of Kabatoro, who  decided to take a dip in the hippo-infested waters of Lake Edward.

              Paul was grabbed by a hippo and swallowed whole.
 A frightening experience to be sure, but at the same time, an  enlightening one for a shantytown dweller; that hippo’s mouth was the  first thing he’d ever seen with a solid roof.
 Fortunately for Iga, a villager named Chrispas Bagonza (named after  how Africans ogle a lady’s ample bosom—“Man, those are some crisp-ass  bagonzas!”) chased Eaty Amin and pulled the boy out. When the hippo,  irritated at the Kuntas interruptus of his missed meal, started to  charge, Bagonza stoned the creature until it ran back into the lake (and  it never said “Jehovah” again).
   Iga was taken to a local hospital, which ironically was far less  sanitary than the hippo’s mouth. Doctors pronounced him demon-free, but  he was given an AIDS-tainted transfusion just to be sure.
 Iga’s become something of a local media sensation. When asked if the  ordeal scared him, the would-be blue-plate (-lipped) special shrugged  and said, “I live in Uganda. It takes more than that.”
*PUNCHIN’ JUDIES*
Tranny Batman and Robin get a call from the Commissioner:

              “There’s trouble at Gotham High! *Girls* are trying to use the *girls’ bathroom* in *privacy*!”
 TransBatman answers with his characteristic solemnity:
 “Thank you, Commissioner Brinton. We’re on our way!”
 At Gotham High, the Bi-namic Duo prepare to deal with the wrongdoers.
 TransRobin: “Holy holes, Bat-transman, this is the worst villain of all: the *Cisler*! A so-called ‘biological female’ and her henchwomen.”

              TransBatman: “Yes, Boygirl Wonder, our most dangerous foe since we battled *King Tit* over his theft of Gotham’s chest binders.”
  TransRobin: “I hope my new *Barbie pouch* doesn’t slow me down during the fight!”
 The heroes enter the bathroom.


The Cisler: “Errmahgerd! Men in the girls’ room! Get ’em.”
 A fight ensues! “_BIFF!_” “_BAM!_” “_OOF!_” “_GAFF!_” “_ZAP!_” “_ZIR!_” “_ZEM!_” “_TERF!_”
 The Cisler and her henchwomen lie on the floor.
 TransBatman: “Looks like we’ve *assigned* these transphobes *unconscious*.”
 Last week reports leaked of an incident at an Oklahoma high school in  which a boy in a dress tried to use the girls’ room, and when the girls  expressed their uncomfortability at seeing his waving wheat sweeping  down the plain, he proceeded to beat them to a pulp.  Although technically Oklahoma law bars tranny men from women’s  restrooms, this is the state where the “conservative” Republican  governor, hoping to look antiracist, pardoned a black cannibal who left prison, killed his neighbor, cut out her heart, fed it to his family, and killed his family.
 So there’s often a gap between what’s on the books in Oklahoma and what officials actually prioritize.
 Being a minor, the tranny boy’s name wasn’t released. But expect to  see him cohosting a show on MSNBC alongside the “call me ma’am” GameStop  tranny.
_Standing over the beaten bullies, TransBatman muses, “It’s  ironic; they were done in by their own transphobia. That and the fact  that I outweigh them by 150 pounds.”_
*MINCING WORDS*
Heard the news? Gays are discriminated against in Hollywood!
 Can you believe it? That’s like saying sweaty fat guys with unibrows  are discriminated against in the Mafia. Or emaciated toothless blacks  with sulfur stank and schizophrenia are barred from Skid Row.
 But it’s true! Last week, at a formal ceremony in West Hollywood,  GLAAD unveiled its 10th Annual Studio Responsibility Index, which gauges  the level of “gay representation” in Hollywood.
 Unfortunately, nobody at the ceremony took notice of the findings, as  they were preoccupied performing oral sex on each other under the  tables.
 But thankfully, The Wrap published the findings the next day. “The percentage of LGBTQ-inclusive films dipped in 2021, as did screen time for ***** characters.”
 This might seem an odd claim to the average broadcast or streaming  viewer, considering that pretty much every show everywhere is gay these  days. Even classic TV shows have been retrofitted to be gay-friendly:
 “Don’t get on that ship! We translated the rest of the alien book: ‘To Service Man’—it’s a _cockbook_!”
 The thing is, though, when you unwrap The Wrap’s story you find that  GLAAD has a very specific definition of what makes a show  “gay-inclusive.” The gay characters “must be identifiable as such, must  not be solely or predominantly defined by their sexual orientation or  gender identity, and must not be a stereotype.”
 So, they must be identifiably gay, but not defined by that, but  defined by it enough to be identifiable, while not being a stereotype,  even though identifiable traits are by definition stereotypical.
 A rather impossible standard. Some might even call it a double-bind,  except to gays that term means “taking special care that your S&M  gimp has two layers of bondage ropes.”
 Thanks to the GLAAD report, expect next year’s TV season to be even gayer.
 Get ready for _Law and Order: HIV_.
*DORKUS MAYORKAS*
Last week, Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas visited El  Paso to assure Border Patrol agents that all is well at the border. He  also assured them that FTX is a sound investment, that Quibi is about to  make a comeback, and that _Avatar: The Way of Water_ isn’t a pointless retread of the first film.
 Needless to say, the rank-and-file agents were unimpressed (except that one dude who was like, “Yeah, _this_ _Avatar_’s underwater, so it _is_ different!”).
 Mayorkas was confronted by a patrol agent who told him that his  colleagues are so beaten down by hostile press, daily risks to life and  limb with zero support from their higher-ups, and an administration that  despises them, they’ve lost all hope.
 “I wish you could see into our agents’ eyes,” the agent said. “They’re lifeless.”
 To which Mayorkas replied, “Well, _sheeeeit_, man, _mission accomplished_!”

 As Mayorkas continues to claim that no harm comes from illegal  immigration, Americans indulge in the seasonal tradition of watching _A Christmas Story_  on TV, blissfully unaware that Bob Clark, the film’s director, was  murdered along with his son by an illegal-alien Mexican driving drunk on  the wrong side of the road on PCH in 2007.
 It’s too bad nobody commemorates that crime every Christmas by  bringing Red Ryder BB guns to the border to shoot illegal crossers.
 Clark’s killer, Hector Velazquez-Nava, was sentenced to six years and then deported after his release,  which means he’s almost certainly back in the U.S. by now. And if he  has a sense of humor, he’ll get liquored up and kill the guy who  directed this year’s _Christmas Story_ sequel.
 Commitment to a bit.
 After Mayorkas told reporters “the border is secure,” he further  tested their gullibility by double-dog daring them to stick their  tongues to a flagpole.
 And there they remain.
*DON’T SAY GAY (APPAREL)*
On the topic of journalists, they tend to have uneven standards  regarding what constitutes a “silencing.” When Ron DeSantis shepherded a  law barring tranny teachers from telling little girls “if you like  climbing trees you should cut your boobs off because you’re actually a  boy,” the press dubbed the law “don’t say gay,” as if gay was now banned  in the state, as if mobs of homophobes were burning effigies of Wayland  Flowers and Madame and banning confetti lest a Floridian youngster be  inspired to follow in Rip Taylor’s footsteps.
 Yet whenever a corporation, government, or academic institution actually _does_  ban the word “Christmas,” and conservatives suggest that the secular  West is waging a “war on Christmas,” journalists don their harumph-hats  and sneer, “_Snort_, _snort_, if there’s a ‘war,’ where’s the howitzers?”
 This year’s most egregious example of “don’t say Christmas” comes  from the University of Brighton. England used to be known as a nation  that appreciated Christmas, until a Kipling poem convinced generations  of Brits that Gunga Din really was “a bettah man” and the government  threw open the borders to Third World savages (yet another reason why  poetry sucks and should be avoided at all costs).
 And now that Britain is minority Christian, the people who gave the  world the TARDIS have become the tardeds. U Brighton has ordered staff  members to avoid the word “Christmas” because it’s too “Christian-centric.” All mentions of Christmas are to be replaced with “winter closure period,” because it rolls off the tongue so well.
We wish you a merry winter closure period,
We wish you a merry winter closure period,
We wish you a merry winter closure period,
And a happy fake New Year because the real one is Hijri, you racist Nazi.Considering that winter doesn’t actually “close” until March 20 of  next year, the fact that anything in December would be called “winter  closure” suggests that Benny Hill might’ve overestimated his country’s  intelligence.
 “Blimey, ’ee slapped that bald bloke on thee ’ead. Wotsit mean, guvna? I don’t get it.”
 Still, while the U.K. might not be in the spirit, The Week That Perished is.

 A Merry Christmas to all our readers!

----------


## Swordsmyth

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-223/

_The Week’s Most Cheering, Jeering, and Happy New Yearing Headlines_
*SLAP UNHAPPY*
Poor Will Smith, doomed to a career bookended by plaintively wailing, “How come they don’t want me, man?”
 Smith’s reportedly in deep distress over the failure of his latest “Oscar bait” film, _Emancipation_ (can you really “bait” an Academy that’s banned you?). According to reports,  Smith sees the film’s disastrous numbers as proof that audiences  haven’t forgiven him for slapping Chris Rock, though far more likely  it’s just a matter of people not wanting to sit through another crappy  “noble slave” film. That said, it surely didn’t help that the star  proved himself most ignoble in real life by decking a comedian to please  a domineering wife with Charlie Brown’s head but none of his humility.
 In _Emancipation_, Smith plays a slave who flees his  plantation after the overseer serves cold fries for lunch (it’s a black  history origin story). Battling slave-catchers and a dastardly house  negro, _Emancipation_ is like _Django Unchained_ if shot with the pretentious faux earnestness of _Schindler’s List_.  Smith’s character is loosely based on a real slave named “Whipped  Peter,” whose scarred back was photographed for abolitionist propaganda.  Since Smith has been figuratively whipped by the bowling ball in a  Gaultier gown he calls a wife, the casting choice was appropriate.
 If it’s true that Smith’s Oscar slap has come back at him to sink his career, his current film should be called _Boomerango Unchained_.

              Other than the photo of Whipped Peter, _Emancipation_ has  little to do with real life. Some have criticized Smith’s character as  anachronistic—a brilliant slave engineer—and audiences have had trouble  with the climax, in which the character evades his oppressors by  inventing the traffic light and setting it on permanent red at the bayou  entrance.
   Slaver 1: “Hang-dangit, we been waitin’ fer ten minutes now. When’s that dern light gonna change?”
 Slaver 2: “Maybe we should just go.”
 Slaver 1: “Hell, no! You wanna git a ticket? We’ll wait…it’s gotta change eventually.”
*12 *****S A SLAVE*
At least gay congressman-elect George Santos never claimed to be descended from black slaves. And that’s likely the only lie he _didn’t_ tell. Santos lied about having a degree from Baruch College; turns out he never went to _any_ college (but he did see _How High_  three times, which counts as a degree in California). He also lied  about having “clerked at Goldman Sachs” (he meant to say “jerked Gary  Oldman’s sacks”).
 But by far Santos’ worst fib was the one about being a Jew whose  grandparents were European Holocaust survivors. That’s the kind of  falsehood that makes Rachel Dolezal go, “_Daaaaaamn_.” And it’s one to be especially avoided in New York.

              In reality, Santos is just a run-of-the-mill Catholic Latino whose family came from Brazil.
 When Santos’ Holocaust lie was exposed by the _NY Times_ last  week—prompting the log-crappin’ Republican to soil himself in shock—he  responded by telling the press that when he said he was “Jewish,” he  meant “Jew-ish,” as in, “like a Jew, but not” (yes, he really said that). He also argued that he never claimed his grandparents escaped the Holocaust; he said they fled the _Olácaust_ to get away from overbearing Brazilians constantly saying “hello.”
 In retrospect, reviewing Santos’ long trail of lies, there were  obvious tip-offs that he’s a deceitful Hispanic pretending to have  connections to the Holocaust. He claimed that his grandfather had been  interned at Ay Chihuaschwitz and his grandmother at Sobibarrio. He cited  as his favorite Holocaust author “Ese Wiesel,” and he bragged that on  one of his Israel trips, he tagged the Wailing Wall for the Latin Kings.
 Too bad no eagle-eyed journalists caught any of that until after the  election. In fact, the media stayed mute about the Santos bombshells  until after he won.
  There’s a movement to stop House Republicans from seating Santos as  the new Congress convenes. Silence from GOP leadership on the matter  comes not from stonewalling but from the fact that all GOP House members  have also soiled themselves in shock over the fact that for once  mainstream media election-year journalistic malpractice worked in their  favor.

              A spokesman for the MSM apologized, saying, “Look, we were  distracted. Taylor Lorenz was crying about misogynist tweets. We had to  prioritize!”
*RECTUM? IT NEARLY KILLED ’IM*
How bad are the French at fighting wars? So bad that they continue to  take casualties from a war that the other side lost more than a hundred  years ago.
 Last week an 88-year-old Frenchman walked into a hospital in Toulon with a World War I German artillery shell stuck up his rectum. Why did he have a relic from the war to (rear)end all wars inserted up his butt?


According to the hospital, it was something the proctogenarian did “for sexual pleasure.”
 It stands to reason that any nation that actually _likes_ Jerry Lewis films would be into other freaky crap as well.
 The bomb squad was called, but it was determined that the shell is an  antique. And thus was born the most uncomfortable episode of _Antiques Roadshow_ ever.
 “Well, monsieur, I’d put the value of that shell at around 2,000€, if not for the fact that it’s up your ass.”
 Eventually, doctors removed the shell from Louis Sphincteur’s behind.  When news of the objet d’arse made its way to the U.S., a now-jobless  Sam Brinton found inspiration in the story: Security cameras can’t catch  you walking out of an airport with a stolen item if they can’t _see_ where you _put_ it!
 Word has it that Hollywood is eyeing the Toulon incident for a big-budget period piece, _All Quiet on the Western Rump_.
 Word also has it that Richard Gere has volunteered to star for free.
*SNOW MISER? MORE LIKE SNOW NAZI!*
A big-freeze “bomb cyclone”  is wreaking havoc across the U.S., sowing destruction in states from  Colorado to New York. Sixty fatalities have already been recorded;  people dying in their homes and cars, air travel at a standstill, cities  crippled as streets become impassable and water pipes are frozen solid.
 So of course the real villain is racism!
 According to United Nations “racism rapporteur” Tendayi Achiume (a rather grotesque female-identifying figure who resembles Meshach Taylor in the _Mannequin_  films), not only is climate change racist, but so are attempts to fight  it. According to Achiume (a name that, when spoken aloud, is almost  always met with “gesundheit”), “green solutions to the climate crisis”  like “electric cars and renewable energy” are “racist” because only  racism causes climate change and therefore any solution not “centered”  on fighting racism will perpetuate the problem.
 Achiume teaches at UCLA, but that’s only because she found Oberlin too conservative.
 Achiume isn’t clear about how racism influences weather, but knowing  the climate alarmist obsession with flatulence, it might have something  to do with black people farting too much. Although considering their  diet, that’s more likely a problem for Mexicans.
 According to Achiume, the climate crisis will only end once “people  of color” get “reparations for slavery and colonialism.” And wouldn’t  you know it, black folks in Buffalo are working on that as we speak.  With the city so frozen that authorities are telling residents to stay  indoors at all costs, doughty reparations-seekers have been breaking  into retail shops to steal “life-saving necessities” like flat-screens.
 Kind of calls into question the idea that blacks need mail-in voting because going to a polling place is too taxing for them.
 Still, one must sympathize with Buffalo’s black residents; it’s easy  to lose morale—indeed, to lose hope itself—in a land in which all fries  are cold.
*RETURN OF THE SPREAD-I*
If the Chinese are going to put the world through another round of  Covid, could there at least be a ban on dancing nurse videos this time?  And if not, then maybe it’s preferable for China to skip straight to the  Taiwan invasion and global nuclear war. Because frankly, if it’s a  choice between being inundated with those asinine videos again or being  vaporized, most people would likely choose the latter.
 It turns out China’s “zero Covid” policy was a bust. Hard to believe  that dealing with a pandemic by welding people into their homes and  starving them was a bad idea.
 Are the Chinese really that smart, or does it just seem that way on  standardized tests because the curve is so badly thrown off by American  students?
 By employing a policy of brutal isolation of its citizens after  having already spread Covid to the world, the Chinese government left  its people with no natural immunity for when the disease inevitably came around after going around.
 So now the CCP is facing a new Covid surge,  even as it abandons “zero Covid” and allows its subjects to travel  freely again. All that’s needed to solidify the January 2020 time loop  is for Nancy Pelosi to urge Americans to greet the incoming Chinese  disease-carriers at the airport with hugs and kisses.
 As the world braces for the return of disease-spreading Chinese tourists,  looking at the bright side that at least people whose language consists  of one long, shrill vowel sound don’t spit as much when they talk as  those who use consonants, remember that 2023 isn’t an election year,  meaning that Democrats will welcome renewed reasons for mask mandates,  school closures, lockdowns, and other unpopular leftist obsessions.
 If only the Biden administration can find a way to end Title 42, America can be inundated with disease-carriers from all sides!
 So have a Happy New Year, but a wary one.
 Democrats are never more dangerous than in an off year.

----------


## Anti Federalist

*The Week That Perished*

https://www.takimag.com/article/the-...-perished-224/

Takimag 

January 08, 2023

The Week’s Most Evolving, Absolving, and New Year’s Resolving Headlines

*KAREN-EYES CODY*

“Iron-Eyes Cody,” one of the most successful Native American actors in American history, is perhaps best known as the “crying Indian” in the Keep America Beautiful PSAs of the 1970s.

Turned out Cody wasn’t crying because of litter; he wept because the commissary was out of gabagool. “Iron-Eyes” was more like Iron Lies—a full-on Italian goomba, not a drop of Injun blood.

Enter Kay LeClaire. This Madison, Wisconsin “Indian activist” has been waging a one-woman crusade to force city businesses to drop Native names out of “respect for her people.” She successfully strong-armed a club called The Winnebago into changing its name, and she became quite wealthy in the lucrative “indigenous art” market while accumulating Indian-only government grants.

Only problem was, Bimbocahontas is no Injun; she’s a Valley Girl of Northern European descent. Actual Natives did a genealogy search, possibly tipped off by the name of her art shop (Errmahgerd, Teepees ’n’ Crap), and they discovered that LeClaire had falsely claimed to be a member of the Ho-Chunk Nation (not to be confused with the Chunk-Ho Nation, a reservation of inner-city hookers who got too fat for the job). She’d also previously falsely claimed to be Cuban-Jewish (which qualifies her for a New York GOP House seat).

The sleuths also revealed that Sacajewier had artificially darkened her face to look “Native.” She even developed an alcohol problem and purposely contracted AIDS to weaken her immune system (commitment to the bit).

A Woman Called Norse has been sent on her own Trail of Tiaras by the Madison community. An outcast, she apologized and pledged to return the money she made via her con.

Apparently, she’s yet to follow through on that.

White millennial speak with pierced tongue.

*URINE THE ARMY NOW*

I don’t know but I been told
(I don’t know but I been told)
Coming out as tranny is mighty bold!
(Coming out as tranny is mighty bold!)
How many genders?
ONE, TWO!
There’s more than that!
THREE, FOUR!
You fascist transphobes!
FORTY, FIFTY…SIXTY!

U.S. soldiers are on the march!

To the Pride Parade.

A recent Wall Street Journal exposé reveals the extent of the Biden administration’s diversity propaganda penetration into NASA and the military. And just like gay sex, it’s penetration incapable of bearing fruit, but boy, does it stink.

Army manuals are force-feeding cadets dogma about men getting pregnant and sex being determined by how one “identifies.” The manuals also state that the Iraq War identifies as a win and the Afghan War identifies as Granada.

One manual highlighted by the WSJ “collapses the distinction between gender and biological sex by imagining a urine collector who is uncomfortable observing soldiers who are not the same biological gender.” The manual fails to make clear if the “urine collector” is someone obtaining medical specimens, or a fetishist from San Francisco. Or Sam Brinton combining his love of urine with his love of taking people’s stuff.

Over at NASA, their manual instructs rocket scientists to reject rocket science; in the name of upping the number of black employees, project leaders are told to ignore data in favor of “the lived experiences of nonwhite workers.”

Well, there goes the manned Mars mission. Or maybe not. Actually, things are progressing faster than ever after black workers were told that while the moon isn’t made of cheese, Mars is made of fries, and they’re the hottest fries in the universe.

You’ve never seen people work so hard.

*ROBBER THE BRUCE*

Speaking of which…

It was the reparations success story of 2022. L.A. County returned a parcel of land in Manhattan Beach to the black family who once owned it. In 1912, the Bruce family purchased beachfront real estate with the intention of building a black beach resort. Everything was going smoothly until somebody said, “Uh, swimming and black people. You sure that’s a good idea?” And local racists, too blinded by hate to just let the resort be built and watch nature take its course, decided to rid themselves of the Bruces by seizing the land.

But after a fentle giant wheezed his last breath in Minneapolis in 2020, L.A. County drew up plans to return the property to surviving members of the Bruce family, who declared their desire to fulfill their ancestors’ legacy and turn the land into Blacapulco for Compton winos and gangbangers.

The leftist residents of 75 percent white, 0.5 percent black Manhattan Beach were so “pleased” with this announcement, they carried note cards with scare quotes to hold up every time they said “pleased.”

But then something funny happened…a lawyer, likely named Schmuckler or Putzenberg, pointed out that just as the land was now 100 percent the Bruces, so was the liability. Unconfirmed rumors have it that a late-night trip to a Compton McDonald’s led to second thoughts. After a patron got “them cold fries,” the Bruce heirs, barely escaping with their lives, rethought that whole “black resort” idea.

Then last month Disneyland, following a year of nonstop brawls by ungentle giants, issued a plea to park guests to stop beating on each other over trivial disputes.

A few days later, the Bruces announced that they’re selling the land back to the county for $20 million and walking away.

A wise move, and one that pleased Manhattan Beach Democrats so much, they tore up their scare-quote cards.

*POROUS BORDER, POROUS BRAIN*

If the border won’t come to Joehammed, then Joehammed must go to the border.

Joe Biden is about to do the unthinkable: actually visit the border he threw open to the world.

Biden’s traveling to Mexico to attend the North American Leaders’ Summit along with Mexican President López-Obrador and Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau, who—continuing his tradition of appropriating local attire during trips abroad—will attend dressed as Bumblebee Man from the Simpsons. “¡Ay yi yi free speech no es bueno!”

Biden plans to view the border from the Mexican side, much to the consternation of his handlers, because Mexican border towns are notoriously crime-ridden. But Biden brushed off such concerns, telling aides that as a young man he spent many days in Tijuana, where he bravely stared down a local bad hombre named Maízpop.

Biden’s handlers also fret that while viewing the border, he might wander away and fall into the hands of coyotes who’ll mistake him for a rest-home escapee and use him to bring in dozens of unaccompanied minors as grandkids, since Biden’s long forgotten his real ones.

Meanwhile in Europe, Sweden, with its new “right-wing” (read: commonsense) government, is about to take its turn heading the E.U. And the Swedes, fresh off their success of surviving Covid without crippling their economy or tarderizing their kids with masks, have promised to fight the importation of new Third World “refugees.”

European Parliament socialist leader Iratxe, whose name sounds like a gender-nonconforming rodent’s pronoun, agreed that refugees bring rape and murder with them, but “Isn’t their food amazing? What’s more nourishing for a rape victim than a bowl of Eritrean tsebhi? And it’s just practical to bring in rapists who already know how to cook it.”

Back at the U.S./Mexico border, Biden somehow got his head caught between two wall bollards. Democrats are debating whether to leave him there.

*RUNNING SORCERESS*

Get ready to own the libs in 2023! Yes, the new GOP House is primed and ready to go, a well-oiled machine of patriots, single-minded in the pursuit of…

…oh, wait. They’re arguing about witchcraft.

The new Congress is starting off with a “bang,” in the porn sense of the word. Unable to elect a speaker, unable to articulate why, congressional Republicans are making Fetterman look dynamic.

But hey—at least the GOP has a witch (lost your chance, Christine O’Donnell!). The supposed Wiccan is Congresswoman-elect (and member of the anti-McCarthy “gang of 20”) Anna Paulina Luna, the first Mexican congressperson from Florida. And she’s already making a hot mess of things, a total shock and surprise to everyone who’s never heard of the L.A. City Council.

Here’s the story, try to follow along. And no, this isn’t a joke. In 2021 Luna’s husband’s “psychiatric service dog” bit a child on the arm at a beach, which prompted Roger Stone to have Laura Loomer call her a bitch which prompted Luna to respond that the dog was sorry which prompted Stone to say “dogs can’t talk” which prompted a Stone ally named Tito to say “maybe her dog can talk because she’s a witch” which prompted Stone to dress up as Luna for Halloween which prompted Tito to say “I’ll challenge her in the primary” but then he backed out because he’s scared of witches (also, Randy, Marlon, and Jermaine asked him not to run) so a different GOP challenged Luna in the primary but then he said he was going to murder her using Russian hit men so he lost but then Luna called Hillary Clinton “herpes” so she got banned from Fox News and then Trump endorsed Luna in the general which infuriated Stone because she’s a witch but she won anyway and now she’s suing Tito for starting the “witch” rumor and when The Daily Beast asked Luna about the suit she claimed that the reporter’s question equaled sexual harassment and boy, don’t you feel optimistic about the GOP, because nobody’s even been seated yet but already this is the state of things.

There are two lessons to this story. One: Florida may now be red, but Florida will always be Florida.

Two: Surveying their new foes, Hunter Biden, every illegal border-crosser, and 87,000 IRS agents will sleep soundly tonight.

----------

