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"Best Amicus Brief Ever" Written by P.J. O'Rourke Submitted to SCOTUS (re First Amendment)
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
--Mark Twain
http://www.backwoodshome.com/blogs/ClaireWolfe/2014/03/05/oh-this-is-funny/
http://abovethelaw.com/2014/03/best-amicus-brief-ever/

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
--Mark Twain
http://www.backwoodshome.com/blogs/ClaireWolfe/2014/03/05/oh-this-is-funny/
The Cato Institute has submitted an amicus brief to the U.S. Supreme Court written by P.J. O’Rourke.
Real brief. Really hysterical. The topic: Whether a state can criminalize (get this!) lying about candidates during political campaigns.
The brief opens:
INTRODUCTION AND
SUMMARY OF ARGUMENT
“I am not a crook.”
“Read my lips: no new taxes!”
“I did not have sexual relations with that
woman.”
“Mission accomplished.”
“If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep it.”
While George Washington may have been
incapable of telling a lie, his successors have not had
the same integrity. The campaign promise (and its
subsequent violation), as well as disparaging
statements about one’s opponent (whether true,
mostly true, mostly not true, or entirely fantastic),
are cornerstones of American democracy. Indeed,
mocking and satire are as old as America, and if this
Court doesn’t believe amici, it can ask Thomas
Jefferson, “the son of a half-breed squaw, sired by a
Virginia mulatto father.” Or perhaps it should ponder, as Grover Cleveland was forced to, “Ma, ma,
where’s my pa?”
In modern times, “truthiness” — a “truth” asserted
“from the gut” or because it “feels right,” without
regard to evidence or logic 5 —is also a key part of
political discourse. It is difficult to imagine life
without it, and our political discourse is weakened by
Orwellian laws that try to prohibit it.
Just gets better from there. Even the multitude of footnotes contains funnies.
http://abovethelaw.com/2014/03/best-amicus-brief-ever/
Today we bring you an amicus brief that will make you laugh out loud — which shouldn’t be surprising, given that it’s being submitted to the U.S. Supreme Court on behalf of a leading humorist….
On Friday, the Cato Institute submitted an amicus brief on behalf of itself and one of its fellows, legendary political satirist P.J. O’Rourke, in the case of Susan B. Anthony List v. Driehaus. The case involves a First Amendment challenge to an Ohio law that makes it a crime to “disseminate a false statement concerning a candidate, either knowing the same to be false or with reckless disregard of whether it was false.”
[...]
That’s all the background you need; let’s now turn to the brief. [...]
[...][W]here would we be without the knowledge that Democrats are pinko-communist flag-burners who want to tax churches and use the money to fund abortions so they can use the fetal stem cells to create pot-smoking lesbian ATF agents who will steal all the guns and invite the UN to take over America?
Voters have to decide whether we’d be better off electing Republicans, those hateful, assault-weapon-wielding maniacs who believe that George Washington and Jesus Christ incorporated the nation after a Gettysburg reenactment and that the only thing wrong with the death penalty is that it isn’t administered quickly enough to secular-humanist professors of Chicano studies.
The full brief overflows with comic gems — see, e.g., footnotes 14 and 15 — but it also makes some important points about free speech in the political sphere, supported by rich historical research and citation to relevant precedent. You can, and should, read the brief in its entirety over here (PDF). Enjoy!