I found this on another site and thought it was clever enough to post here. We all need to take a relaxing breath every once in a while! BTW, if anyone can come up with a response from Ron Paul that'll make the whole thing complete!
Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road? (Then)
Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many chickens have to cross before you believe?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motives there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
Immanuel Kant: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A. Police Department: Give me five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (Now)
Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wants CHANGE!
John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day one! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me…..
Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on THIS side of the road before it goes after the problem on the OTHER SIDE of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taken on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road……
Anderson Cooper – CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY. You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent hard working American.
Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the "other side."
Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?
Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
Sarah Palin: The chicken crossed the road to play soccer.
Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road? (Then)
Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many chickens have to cross before you believe?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motives there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
Immanuel Kant: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A. Police Department: Give me five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (Now)
Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wants CHANGE!
John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day one! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me…..
Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on THIS side of the road before it goes after the problem on the OTHER SIDE of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taken on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.
Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road……
Anderson Cooper – CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY. You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent hard working American.
Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the "other side."
Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
Al Gore: I invented the chicken!
Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?
Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
Sarah Palin: The chicken crossed the road to play soccer.
