Watnted: Political Humor

[wowabunga]

Wanted: Political Humor for recruiting this Spring and Summer...


Hillary and Bill, Obama, Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry
and John McCain were on a boat. The boat sank.
Who was saved??????? ??

America....!!!!!



Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., said he would provide a $3000 tax credit for people to buy health insurance, as a way to expand coverage to more Americans.

He said that this way Americans would be able to afford a cup of coffee in the hospital gift shop.



Finding McCain humor/jokes was not an easy task... anyone out there have any ? I'll be spending all week handing out fliers at several flea markets and have always found that humor is a great ice breaker. Folks it's Spring and all over our neighborhoods there are festivals and gatherings... ripe for recruitment.

I did find a quote from McCain and just figured it would be good motivation to motivate us....
"Every campaign I've ever been in in my life, I've out-campaigned all my opponents. And I'm confident that I will." - John McCain
.

 

[Revolution9]

McCain walks into a national security meeting with a 55 gallon barrel of sweet Iraqi crude strapped to his butt. One of the ubiquitous obsequious bootlickers asks him "Sir, why do you have that 55 gallon barrel of Iraqi sweet crude strapped to your ass?" McCain replied "It's a patch..I am trying to quit."

Randy

 

[wowabunga]

Good one on the oil barrel. Not much McCain stuff out here other than the "age" angle....


A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

 

[acptulsa]

It ain't exactly what you asked for, but it does serve to show that the more things change the more they stay the same.

http://www.ronpaulforums.com/showthread.php?t=130543

 

[wowabunga]

Yep that's a great icecreaker quote...

"Coolidge is the first president to figure out that what Americans want is to be let alone" --Will Rogers 1924



My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?"

My husband quickly answered, "Election day."



A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."


.

 

[acptulsa]

My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?"

My husband quickly answered, "Election day."



A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"

He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."


.

No wonder you married him.

 

[Aratus]

Revolution 9... was there a meeting and did this REALLY happen?
If so, it looks like the "W" debrieffed him and excluded the other three
active newly energized candidates? If big oil just put its BIG branding iron
on the buttocks of our senator from Arizona, how did they manage to do this
without setting off ALL THAT SWEET HIGH GRADE IRAQI CRUDE!!!????!!!! YOWiE!

 

[freedom-maniac]

I adapted this joke from an old one about Nixon:

One day McCain decided to disproove those detractors who thought his age was going to effect his health. He wanted to proove them all wrong by taking a swim along the Atlantic, while he was campaigning along the East Coast. With a low-paid illegal immigrant campaign staffer of his filiming the event, McCain jumped in and went for a swim.

After a few minutes, McCain realized that his detractors were right, and began to sink. He called out for help, but his camera man just kept answering, "Que?"

Three teenage surfers happened to be walking along the beach at the time and saw a man drowning in the water. They swam out and saved him. As they dragged the man onto the beach, he said, "Thankyou for saving me boys. I'm John McCain, and I'll use my influence to get you into what ever you want,"

The first surfer thought for a bit, and said, "I want to go to West Point,"
"Done," McCain promised.
The second said, "I want to get into Annapolis,".
"You got it," McCain said.
The last surfer thought for a little longer and said, "I want to be buried in Arlington Cemetary,".
McCain was confused and asked why.
"Because, when my dad finds out who I saved, he'll kill me!"

 

[freedom-maniac]

I adapted this joke from one about Ford:

One day a man from New York was traveling through the West. He stopped at a roadside bar and grill and ordered a drink. He was watching a sports game on the bar's T.V., when coverage was interupted for a speech by McCain.

"Man, that McCain is a horse's @$$," he said.
Suddenly he got angry looks from all around.
"I'm sorry," the man said, "I didn't know this was McCain Country,"
"No," the bartender answered, "This is horse country."

 

[ronpaulhawaii]

Could play the Letterman angle:

"He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything...He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox...He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors."... He looks like a guy at a restaurant that says I'm leaving 10%, that's good enough... John McCain, looks like the guy that goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house."
Letterman jabs at Old Man McCain

 

[arKangel]

 

[acptulsa]

OUTstanding!

 

[wowabunga]

"I'm sorry," the man said, "I didn't know this was McCain Country,"
"No," the bartender answered, "This is horse country."

Old joke.... BUT ALWAYS MAKES ME LAUGH

Thanks for all the contributions, I'll be spreading good cheer all weekend with these...

.

 

[ThomasJ]

Economic Stimulas

Have a cartoon showing a bent over person that you can't see the face of.... put a label "Americans" on it.

Show bush behind that person with one hand up in the air waving.

Show a bench behind him a jar on it. Label on jar says "economic stimulus package"


Have a caption on the right side near bush saying " Well at least he used some lube"

 

[tod evans]

After Chelsea Clinton returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time.

Chelsea replies she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love.

Hillary then asks, "You didn't have sex, did you?"

Chelsea replies, "Not according to Dad."

 

[freedom-maniac]

Recently, McCain had a meeting with New York Governor Spitzer. Spitzer was telling him about all the great prostitutes he's met, and decides to drive McCain down to a brothel to show him a good time.

"Pick out anyone you want Mac...it's on me," Spitzer says.
McCain soon motions for one of the prostitutes to come forward.
As she approches, McCain realizes in horror that it is really a man dressed as a woman.

McCain gaspes, "Oh my...Guiliani, is that you?"