Uncle Emanuel Watkins
Banned
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2008
- Messages
- 4,597
Once again it is that time of year again when we true Americans gather together for 5 minutes to celebrate our American heritage. If one is just visiting with a pedigree that isn't American but would like to join in, then please feel free to fetch oneself a fresh glass of water to drink along with a jar of peanut butter and a package of saltine crackers to make sandwiches.
Yes, I know about peanut butter being invented by George Washington Carver and that his pedigree was African. While the eating of peanut butter and crackers has become a tradition, the eating of corned dogs next year is a possibility.
When celebrating my heritage as a true American, I generally spend the first minute contemplating my mongrel culture while spreading peanut butter onto the crackers. Unlike other people with predigree cultures in the United States, like Jews or Mexicans with duel citizenships, my culture is an unsightly blend of French Poodle, German Shepherd, Jew, Native American and Greek ancestries.
Not much happens in the next 3 minutes of my celebrating because it generally involves chewing up the peanut butter and crackers sandwiches before washing it all down with the fresh glass of water.
The final minute of my cultural celebration involves belching while sitting back with a full stomach. It is during this time that I observe that Jesus Christ was a white man. After this bit of recollection, I'm empowered during the next year to once again work hard and behave myself as Jesus might.
Yes, I know about peanut butter being invented by George Washington Carver and that his pedigree was African. While the eating of peanut butter and crackers has become a tradition, the eating of corned dogs next year is a possibility.
When celebrating my heritage as a true American, I generally spend the first minute contemplating my mongrel culture while spreading peanut butter onto the crackers. Unlike other people with predigree cultures in the United States, like Jews or Mexicans with duel citizenships, my culture is an unsightly blend of French Poodle, German Shepherd, Jew, Native American and Greek ancestries.
Not much happens in the next 3 minutes of my celebrating because it generally involves chewing up the peanut butter and crackers sandwiches before washing it all down with the fresh glass of water.
The final minute of my cultural celebration involves belching while sitting back with a full stomach. It is during this time that I observe that Jesus Christ was a white man. After this bit of recollection, I'm empowered during the next year to once again work hard and behave myself as Jesus might.
