Ad I'm submitting to school newspaper, need feedback asap

[jrich4rpaul]

Please respond! Ad I'm submitting to school newspaper

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b292/epiphany809/adtemp2.jpg

I'd like to get it fixed up and submitted today, so feedback/constructive criticism is needed soon.

I'll be paying to have a quarter-page ad in next month's paper at my campus.

Edit: Attempt #2 http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b292/epiphany809/adtemp23.jpg

 

[me3]

If you can do gray scale, I would lighten the horizontal lines, and lighten the star bullets. Those elements are a little distracting IMO, and make it harder to read.

Alternately you could thin out the horizontal lines, and make the star bullets smaller (by 1/2 I would say).

Very good initiative btw.

 

[foofighter20x]

What's up with the whole "never send our troops into foreign occupations" part? I thought Dr Paul voted to go into Afghanistan...

 

[hddn-agnda]

change selective service to Military Draft...

consistency at the bottom might read better as bullets, instead of a long sentence.

good job, can't wait to hear how it doe

 

[literatim]

What's up with the whole "never send our troops into foreign occupations" part? I thought Dr Paul voted to go into Afghanistan...

Not to occupy.

 

[foofighter20x]

Not to occupy.

And what exactly do you think was going to happen once we got there?

I suggest you change that line into "unjustified conflicts."

 

[literatim]

And what exactly do you think was going to happen once we got there?

I suggest you change that line into "unjustified conflicts."

Remove Taliban, leave.

The only problem is that we forgot to leave.

 

[me3]

I think a message about being able to opt out of social security might be strong to include in this transmission!

 

[foofighter20x]

Remove Taliban, leave.

The only problem is that we forgot to leave.

Uh... you may want to read it again.

It mentions neither the Taliban nor leaving once we've defeated them.

 

[jrich4rpaul]

Attempt #2:

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b292/epiphany809/adtemp23.jpg

Anything else?

 

[jrich4rpaul]

I think a message about being able to opt out of social security might be strong to include in this transmission!

I think it's too small to fit anything else in there. Besides I think the war is a more commonly known issue than social security to students at my college.

 

[me3]

Getting much better.

edit: ok, no SS then.

 

[foofighter20x]

Attempt #2:

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b292/epiphany809/adtemp23.jpg

Anything else?

If you are hurting for space, just know that good design rules don't require each bullet get it's own line...

 

[jrich4rpaul]

I also changed "dangerous foreign occupations" to "unjustified foreign occupations"

 

[chestertime]

i was unaware the military draft had been reinstated.

 

[jenius]

For a student newspaper, I think it's fantastic. The layout isn't 100% amazing, but in a student newspaper, students will read it anyway and that's what matters.

The points you choose to include are very good for a college audience.

 

[foofighter20x]

i was unaware the military draft had been reinstated.

Good point.

Suggest "Abolish the Military Draft" be replaced with "Veto all attempts for a draft."

 

[jrich4rpaul]

Good point.

Suggest "Abolish the Military Draft" be replaced with "Veto all attempts for a draft."

Or should I just put it back to "Abolish the Selective Service"?

 

[foofighter20x]

Or should I just put it back to "Abolish the Selective Service"?

Has Dr Paul stated he'd work to do so?

 

[jrich4rpaul]

Has Dr Paul stated he'd work to do so?

numerous times. says it's against personal liberty, government doesn't own us, etc